I was born, raised and educated in Germany. I had my first girlfriend of a different ethnicity than me when I was about 17 years old. She was a gorgeous girl from Ivory Coast. That was no problem in my school, in my neighborhood and general surroundings... NOBODY CARED, no big deal. I live in NYC for 26 years now. I had two marriages, my first was to a Jamaican woman, when I came first here. She is to this day one of my best friends and family ever. My second wife was BY PURE CHANCE also black (African American, with 1/4 Cherokee). In between my marriages, and after my last one, I have dated any girl that was cool from any ethnic background, Russian, Bulgarian, Italian (redhead), Irish, Korean, blond Euro type women, etc. HOWEVER, so many of my American friends, somehow, focus on the two marriages to black women POC, and even make statements such as "Udor ONLY likes black women", which is really dumbfounding to me, as they somehow disregards the myriads (that sounds slutty, but I am using hyperbole for effect) Caucasian (white people in the US are called "Caucasians") and other ethnic girls. It is so extremely weird that the focus of Americans is so much on my relationship with "black girls" and that's almost the most important thing to them. But, I think that this is a direct result of the inherent racist culture, and/or heritage in the US, that..., especially a "black/white" relationship, which used to be a certain taboo within this society for hundreds of years. So, this is "more exciting" for so many Americans than a "plain vanilla" relationship. People just should stay the hell out of my bedroom, unless being invited... :D
udor nyc I find American people to be very obsessed with race too it’s weird, especially as America is supposed to be such a diverse country. I wonder if it’s because for such a long period of time even after slavery ended they still had segregation. Which wasn’t that long ago.
Haha, same here, girl from Ghana. I cannot understand that the skin tone should be an issue in the US. besides that - as we all know - Hayley is beautiful
Leave NYC. They are planning something very big, very ugly in NYC. Who is "they" ? The same group of people who profited politically and financially from 9/11. No, not Alibaba and the 40thieves they told you to be the terrorist who carried it out... no, no, not them.
Am I the only one who thinks she looks soooo much like Alicia Keys? I am hooked on your videos hahahah , I can't stop watching them (mainly because I am moving to Germany in a month ) . Keep it up !
My husband is from Germany, we have been together for 26 years! The only time people have made comment or inquired about our relationship was here in america. Never an issue in Germany.
My husband and I are an attraction wherever we go. Specially with our two kids. Everyone here want to touch there hair and stuff... I feel like it’s a big thing here in Germany but not in a negative way. My husband and I are a thousand times over this f*** race thing.
lets put it in rude, but short words: hispanic girfriend? black girlfriend? white girlfriend? asian girlfriend? who cares! they´re all pink in the middle...
I know it has nothing to do with it that much but who agrees with the fact that SOME people around the world think that Germans who stare at them only do that because they have dark hair/skin or anything. But it‘s not true since we stare at everyone😅 I do too but I‘m tolerant and definitely for equality sooo to people who think ittt... it‘s often wrong and I say often because it‘s not always obviously 🙃
Dear Hayley, I"m watching your Videos quite frequently for a while now. I'm an old guy from northern Germany and you taught me a few things about my country. This time, i was actually shocked. First, because "interracial" to me is no concern at all when two people are in love. Second: I never even realized you identify yourself as a "person of colour" until now! Your skin is a little darker than mine and you have brown eyes, but it never came to my mind to put you in a racial box in any way. I might be extremely blind in that matter, and i know race is an issue for some people in germany, too. But i think in Germany it's possible to totally ignore the topic of race and I guess in the US it's close to impossible. Yes, interracial couples draw some attention to them, but in the more civilized parts of Germany: only because they look pretty together. And that's about it.
I am German as well, and I've seen videos before where Hayley refers to herself (sorry for the third person, Hayley, don't mean to exclude you from the conversation) as person of color, but every time I am taken aback because I forget that it is a thing in the US to divide people by skin tone. I think, however, that some Germans sadly do make differences when it comes to dating, but instead of skin color it is more about religion and nationality. For some people (such as AfD or some CSU people) there are nationalities which a more well liked than others.
Hayley, you have made quite a remarkable journey, not only from a location point of view, but from a view of mindset (and that is a difficult one). With your experiences and international exposure, you should talk and present more about the differences (and reasons) between the US and, e.g., Germany. Times and perceptions in Germany have definitely changed, especially with younger people. When you look into history (not only German one), changing minds can take quite a few generations. Germany had its fair share of re-education (of the mind) and some people still have not got it (and are reinforced in their minds due to recent events). I was given the opportunity to work with people of all different colours of the skin all over the globe, and now I am living in Lake Worth,FL. My kids have been adopted in the Philippines and are making their way (one is married to a girl of Mexican-Italian descent). Again, use your opportunities to present differences of mind and national characteristics to improve a better understanding between young people.
I actually hate referring to myself as anything other than "hayley" because I am just a girl with skin that likes to soak up some sun rays.... Now I know that due to the situation of the current world (USA mostly) that I will most likely in a lot of ways be referred to as "colored" "mixed" "black" "Person of color".... I do not necessarily think it's a horrible thing... It gives people an understanding of my background if I say "person of color" BUT usually when these words are thrown around its not meant in the same context as I want it to be. The problem is that with the current USA influence on Germany (music, radio, tv, news etc etc) I see more racism in Germany. Do I think it's 100% the USA's problem NO but I do think that when certain music is played, tv shows are watched and words are read in the news paper... It gives German people a different look on things (sometimes good and sometimes bad). I personally hate referring to race.... I always think there are so many other descriptions of someone other than race BUT for a large amount of people that isnt the case... Now some people are very curious... I was also curious at a young age if people would be the same in Germany as the USA so I do not want to say that the girls that ask me these questions are dumb... They are naive and curious like I once was... The only thing I can hope for is that they receive the same reality check I did.
Its impossible to ignore the topic of race in the U.S. because everywhere you go, you have to check a box. My husband is Indian, making my son half indian... we all have a similar skin colour. But I am white and our son isn't (despite the fact that we are the same colour). While race isn't important to us, it is important to other people... in the U.S. and in India. We get a lot of questions in both places. But in the U.S., someone threw a McDonalds soda at my husband when we were riding bikes together. My son was on the bike at the time. My husband doesn't care about rude comments so much, but acts of violence are a concern...
Hayley Alexis I really dislike the term "POC". To me, it sounds a bit like the abbreviation for an illness, e.g. "Do you have AIDS?" - "No, I have POC." Perhaps that's also because "POC" reminds me of "Pocken", which is German for "smallpox". Furthermore, the expression "people of colour" kind of implies that I am translucent. However, I am not the female Kevin Bacon.
Not an issue. I am saying that as a German guy living in the UK with his Zimbabwean wife. In the end there are only two kinds of folk: People and Arseholes. Either can come from anywhere, have any or no religion or any ethnic background but sadly the latter far outnumber the former.
The one thing that came as a shock to me as a German was the realization that you lot make better sausages! Boerewors is to die for but my whole world view of us Germans as the undisputed world leaders in sausages, bread and beer was destroyed in one bite! It took a while to recover from that.... :)
"Interracial" marriage was illegal in several US states until 1967 (in a majority until 1948), forbidden by law. Even if you change the law it doesn't change the culture.
@@Cahluvca Yes, especially recently where we saw the White policeman who attacked George Floyd, a black man, suffocating him to death when the White policeman kneed his throat to the ground. This led to the Black Lives Matter protest. There is also anti-Chinese sentiments given to all people who are thought to be Chinese (such as Japanese, Koreans, Southeast Asians and Inuits) in the streets of USA, where they are accosted and told to "go back to China" due to the COVID-19 pandemic just because COVID-19 began in Wuhan, China and that former President Donald Trump called it the "Chinese Virus".
I find it sooo harrddd! My bf is german and im Asian and the stigma around it is driving me crazy!! Never experienced it yet in Germany but when we had a vacation in the US, it’s like by default they think im just after my bf’s money! Like really??? i even have more money than my bf!! I think! 😬😄 Btw, asians are also the same in being brown. They like to be lighter because it means you are more privileged and being darker means you have to work outside under the sun.
Which part of Asia? But you are totally right, while the "golddigger" clichè very much exists in Central Europe, it's not directed towards Asians but Eastern Europeans.
Alias Anybody hi! Originally from Ph. But i grew up in the US and is now in Germany. ohh really even the eastern european also get that. I thought only asian. I have a japanese friend who is dating an english and she said she is experiencing the same. Which is really sad.
EyelashLady No, I meant that it would be the Eastern European girlfriend people would suspect to be with a guy just for his money. Which is wrong in 95% of all cases btw.
My first kiss with a girl took placed in Germany (West Germany). I was in the U.S. Army and was stationed in Baumholder between 1983 - 1985. At that time, the dating culture was all about not being alone. Most German girls during that time would seek military guys because they got tired of being alone every Friday & Saturday night. They knew all the bars and clubs where military guys would go to. Like most women around the world, German women are no different, they are very selective when choosing a mate. Luckily, a few of them choose me and accepted me as an American. They see that I'm black but they always refer to me as an American. Let me give a quick shout-out to "Hildegard Schneider". Thanks for that Kiss and so much more.
Awesome story. My first kiss was also in 80's in Munich, but in a biergarten. I had just turned 17 and he was a guy who had just finished his mandatory military duty. Though i didnt seek him out. I think he called me over to his table and i was getting tipsy bc wasnt used to a mass of beer.🍺 thankfully my host sister came back for me,& i was more careful after that. Was nice guy though. We penpaled for a few months, but i think only bc we both were embarrassed 😂
I would REALLY love to hear what you think the differences in the general moral compasses of Germany and the USA are! What you mentioned at the very end of the video.
I'm American & my husband is Indian... we live in India at the moment. We don't see ourselves in terms of race or nationality.... we are just a normal couple.
Nicole north or south Indian? Haha just kidding I know about this bullshit comparison that is going on amongst some Indians. A good friend of mine is from Indian.
Having a black girlfriend / white boyfriend couple is probably more accepted than the other way round. Because the "outsiders are stealing our Women". That was the mindset of some conservatives back in my youth. And yes there are not as many black ore brown people here in germany. Than you for this video, and thanks for sharing some very personal thoughts. Very educational. :)
In some (though rare) Hollywood movies I have noticed the combination of white male and black female couple. But I cannot remember any Hollywood movie with a black male and a white female couple at all! Do you know any Hollywood movie with a black male and white female couple!? I fear that it does not exist. I hope you guys prove me that I am wrong.
@@jean-baptisteperrier7566 the only two I actually could think of are Save the Last Dance & Honey. Not sure but the dance movie theme could definetly jave something to with it.
Oh and as for a show: Marvel's Cloak & Dagger and I am glad they somehow switched the character's backround from the comics, instead of the typical good girl/bad boy trope.
One of the biggest differences I felt when i was dating someone from america was the use of "I love you" and everything it comes with. She used to say it so quickly and so often it made me uncomfortable. Just because when you say it in Germany it basically means that you are in a relationship. Ich liebe dich is not said lightly and when you say it you usually ackwnoldge the other person as your significant other or something very close to that. While for her it did not mean that at all. Not only that I felt that "going out" with someone or "dating" someone to actually being "in a relationship" is such a much longer process in the USA than in Germany. I was not aware of that at all until I was in the situation. And it did not make any sense to me. Why say all these things and share all these emotions when it doesn't really mean anything and we are still only "seeing each other" or only "dating". It was a contradiction for my German brain. When a German person says certain things to me I expect them to be genuine and take them as an indication for our relationship moving forward. While for her I came across cold and not loving because I was holding back all these things and didn't say "I love you" back because to me it was really not appropriate to say something so early. Long story short it did not work out just because the different perceptions about "openess" and certain dos or don'ts in relationships. I guess she was used to having everything you get in a relationship without actually committing to one. And to me that is something that "unlocks" at the point of a relationship and there is a clear distinction in "code" and behavior between a relationship and just dating.
Chaqq Uila Americans and some African countries too love everything you never know when it’s actually the real deal.I actually like it the German way. I love you are three little strong words and should only be said when you really mean it.
Not only in relationships. I grew up in Austria and moved to the US with 35 and had a hard time to adjust to the expectations of how to act in social situations, especially at work. There's a lot of "how are you?", superficial small talk and friendliness among people who don't really care, even dislike each other, but it's expected. I was called rude and antisocial because with my Austrian mindset I am totally focused on work tasks and not interested in gossiping and smiling or asking people about their kids when I don't really want to know.
My constructive criticism is to ignore the weirdos, don't give them a shout out, just quietly go about blocking them... Love your stuff. Keep on keepin' on.
Tbh my boyfriend who is from Gambia and I (a german-polish girl) experience difficult situations regarding our relationship quite often here in Germany. We've been in a relationship for 2 years and live in Frankfurt am Main. We had people screeming at us and asking if we don't feel ashamed to be together. On the other hand we are told quite often that we are going to have very cute "caramel" babies. He's been living here since he was a kid and experienced racism on a whole new level since we've been together. And so did I. So basically I just wanted to mention that although it is kind of normal to date out of your race in Germany, sometimes it can be quite hard too.
Oh yes I know it's hard... Don't get me wrong I have heard a few stories BUT I like to think that the dumb 3% of the German population that think this way don't spoil the bunch. No matter where you go in the world people will always look for a way to divide eachother. Skin color, religion, political party, neighborhood, car brands they drive... Some things are very trivial like the brand of car you drive and some are as major as skin color or if someone is a vegan or not.... I do hope that you guys have experienced more positive than negative in Germany.
wow, ich kann mir gar nicht vorstellen, dass dir sowas in Frankfurt passiert ist :/ Mein Freund und Ich(er deutscher, ich persisch) leben in der nähe von Frankfurt und haben nichts wirklich negatives erlebt :/
Romina EP: Ich fürchte, das liegt an Kombination von dunkler Haut und Mann. Das ist für deutsche Rassisten anscheinend wesentlich schlimmer. Ihr werdet in eurer Kombination anders wahrgenommen. "Angst vorm schwarzen Mann", "Rassenschande", der ganze Dreck kommt da hoch. Die Medien und unsere Politiker (jeder Richtung) tun ihren Teil dazu. Aber ja, Frankfurt a.M. hat mich auch überrascht, ist in meiner Wahrnehmung die offenste und toleranteste Stadt in Deutschland. 150+ Nationen leben da und dafür klappt es echt gut, dachte ich.
Ji Zah :That's sad. I fear, the media did a good job to scare people about dark skinned man (which i assume at hearing Gambia). I'm with you, be assured that not everyone thinks that way. Stay strong and love each other, no matter what. L.O.V.E. is the answer and the answer is Love, like an old song says.
Wow, ich bin grade echt total überrascht. Mein Freund und ich (er aus Nigeria und ich aus Deutschland) werden zwar oft blöd angeschaut und (was ich auch als negativ empfinde) der Kommentar mit den "gemischten" Babys kommt auch oft. Aber es wurde zum Glück noch nichts hinterher gerufen. Es kommen eher so "gut gemeinte" rassistische Kommentare aus dem näheren Umfeld.
It’s so funny you mentioned the thing about german people marrying people from different countries...I never really thought about it intensely, but I grew up with so many intercultural relationships 😅🙈 my godmother is French and married to a german, my uncle is married to a Mexican woman, my other uncle to a Brazilian woman and my aunt is married to a Spanish guy 😅 well...plain potatoes are boring after all ^^
@@Србомбоница86 what are your thoughts on individuality? Should one just take traditions that are passed down to him even if he doesn't believe in them?
@@hannahachhammer5881 sure ,you can ,I think it's a great adventure ,but very risky to me .My family is Serbian and during yugo wars the highest number of killed people were in mixed ethnical territories ,mixing scares me ,it's not necessary in my area of the world and creates lots of trouble but perhaps those issues in your country are better :)
@@theoschoendube well if you don't believe in them ,than it's of no use to you, nor society ,I think cohesive society can afford a couple of outcasts ,but not millions of them,that's when troubles start
I really enjoy the wise and open-minded way you approach the topics, considering different points of view and acknowledging that some people might disagree. Regarding this video, I think it's much easier for europeans to date/ marry people from other countries because we're not so "continentally" isolated. Due to the Schengen agreement of open borders, it's very easy for us to travel (car/ airplane) and to be in a different country relatively quickly. I am Portuguese and will move to Germany in September to live with my German boyfriend. I am a brunette and also a little tanned, but from my latin heritage, so your video was very interesting. I think I take the nationality/ culture (not really race) issue much more seriously than my boyfriend, but I think it's because I will be the one moving to a foreign country. Thank you and keep up the good vlogging! :*
That is my problem with talking about this because I feel the same way but there are a bunch of USA women who watch my videos who want to know about it.... and don't know how to talk about it.
Hayley Alexis When someone tells me stories about interracial relationships, I instinctively wonder about why on earth I should ever want to date an animal or an alien from outer space. Because all other races of hominids but the homo sapiens have gone extinct. I mean despite the race of racist assholes of course...
16:10 "When I witnessed so many things that USA people would not think to be racist but if I said these things in Germany it would be" now that's an interesting video idea
You are right: compared to other european countries there are not that many dark(er) skinned people in Germany. When you look at France, Netherlands or England they have a long (and big) history of colonies in Africa, India and South America (and America had that slavery bs going on). The biggest part of the "dark(er) skinned" population of Germany would be from Turkey I guess. The most "black" people I saw so far were students who stayed here after graduation
Especially if you are in a smaller town. I for myself have never really talked to a black person, not because I'm racist but because there are nearly no blacks around in our hometown.
To answer the question, do German men like brown/black girls? YESS! ;) The thought that people of color even thinking / worrying about things like that before they come to Germany actually makes me sad. This whole concept of white superiority from the US is something i strongly dislike and is weird to most Germans/Central Europeans in my opinion.
and that means that black people in the US get treated just as well as white people and get the same chances/jobs? carry on with your name calling, maybe you should ask some black people in the US how they feel and don't think of third world countries first thing when thinking about black people for a start. x
I'm not judging the US, i've been there plenty of times and there's loads of things that i love, including most of the pleasant people but you missed the point. Did you even listen to what Hayley said in the video or listened to what other people ''of color'' think about the situation or were you too busy getting offended by my comment which wasn't even meant to bash the US?
Al Kamil I’m a little surprised you have these views. Looking at your profile image and your surname- I would say you would be considered “brown” maybe South Asian or Middle Eastern decent. Meaning the US standards considers you a minority and groups you in with the Blacks and Affirmative Action is equally is extended to you as well. So we should say you didn’t earn your job or way of life. You need a mirror because you are black. Which you should be honored because the blacks are the reason all “minorities” have civil rights in the US.
Marcus Reindl before Hitler and after Hitler Germany was a very accepting place of artists, and musicians including a lot of people of color. Germans are pretty cool , I met some.
The international thing is very common in Europe. My sister married a Englishman as my cousin. A other cousin married a german girl. My first boyfriend was German as a Dutch woman.
My only problem with international relationships is that the resulting names give me headaches - because when you combine names and naming traditions from all over the world, you can easily end up with something that looks like it was produced by a cat sitting on a keyboard. Imagine hearing name like "Mairghread Abiha de Calderón Wojciech-Dousmanis". Could you write that down?
Hi Hayley! Love hearing your thoughts on how different the US and EU mentality is!! Please could you do a video on cultural appropriation on subjects like hair, braids etc? Would love to hear your thoughts on that! I'm from the UK and it's quite common here that we just can't comprehend how intensely some folks in the US feel about this. I'm racially mixed too and still can't comprehend this! :O
Oh that "white" people aren't allowed to wear braids? heheh I should make a video about this. It would be interesting. In Germany, it's very common for people of different skin colors to wear braids
Yes! Same here in the UK, a hairstyle is just a hairstyle. However it seems to have become an obsession that some people feel their race owns it and can't be touched by "white" people due to history. The past is the past, let people wear what they LIKE to wear
I have to laugh because the same people that yell "cultural appropriation" (in the USA) are the same people eating at a Mexican restaurant. It makes me ponder... Because if we were to go back for every hairstyle and every clothing choice in the world.... every single person would be appropriating something or someone.... It just makes no sense. I do witness it firsthand when people get mad at X color skinned person for wearing breads.... yet will be the same person to dress up for Halloween in a dirndl.... strange
Talking about dishes: The EU has something weird the US don't have. It's the habit of legally protecting certain food as "original". So you aren't allowed to call your Bavarian style sausages made in Poland "Bavarian" for example. It's basically brand protection with the implication that the original is of higher value. Why am I bringing this up in a discussion about appropriation? Because there is sometimes the case that two historically connected regions had the same name and recipe for the same stuff and one of the two wanted to protect it and make it illegal for the other group to use that term (implication: part of our culture, you stole it!). The whole topic can be a berserk button for a whole country.
yeah it has to do with how black people were treated back in the day in the US as well. To me as a German it's difficult to understand as well, like some music and style is only meant for black people to do and have. I'm a white guy and i love R&B and Hip Hop and so do many other Germans/ white Europeans but when you're a white artist you are only allowed to do '''white'' music because otherwise it's cultural appropriation even though you grew up on it and maybe like to dress a certain style as well? That to me is so weird and just causes segregation which we don't need at all.
My ex boyfriend is German (from Bonn) he is white. Race was never an issue in our relationship. We didn't care about that. The fact that I'm South African and he was from Germany so the mix of different cultures sometimes didn't work but not because of race. His family embrace me and so did his friends. Thanks for yet another awesome video.
I love your blouse, mein Schokobonbon. Okay, that's it for the positive part. The rest of this comment is just negative, hurtful, degrading and racist criticism.
Just stoping by in comment section and asking when something will be posted on the second channel 👀 I‘m really rooting for that channel 😂❤️ BTW I need more of longer Videos like that one in my life !!!
Hayley Alexis I can’t wait for all the tutorials, get ready with me’s, fun talks and maybe vlogs when u are back in GE. I already have such an awesome image of the channel in my mind A LOT OF EXCITEMENT 😅😂🎉❤️
Nik American Man might be attractive but I understand Hayley comes from Florida and Florida Man is a whole different thing altogether! Just google 'florida man meme' and you'll understand.
I have heard storys about the Florida guy/girl. Wait a sec ! America is a big place, right ! Do you have to date Florida guy/girl if you are from from Florida ? Go to a different state/Coast and find your Love... Btw: Me personally would never ever date an american women with the Exception of women like Hayley, Tory (Ilikebigsbugs) etc because I know them a little bit, they are germanized already and love my country.
Uh..das ist ein komplexes Thema. Ich bin mir sicher das es jede Menge tolle Menschen aus aller Welt gibt und ich konnte bereits einige selbst treffen (Afrikaner aus England, weiße Amerikaner aus Michigan (Schüleraustausch usw.)). Aus diesem Grund würde ich niemals sagen das Ausländer generell schlecht oder schlechter sind (wie auch immer man schlechter definiert), aber eins steht ebenfalls fest: Viele Ausländer haben ein niedrigeres Bildungsniveau (im Durchschnitt) ! Bildungsniveau berücksichtigt nicht nur die schulische Bildung sondern auch andere Faktoren/Mindsets die uns (Zentraleuropa) selbstverständlich erscheinen und oftmals auch Sinn machen z.b die Notwendigkeit guter Gesundheitsversorgung, die Notwendigkeit eines Sozialen Netzes das von der Regierung bereitgestellt wird, wie Demokratie in einem Staat funktioniert usw. Diese Unterschied im Verständnis der Welt (Erkenntnis) halten mich auch davon ab eine Frau aus der bildungsfernen Schicht zu daten, ich habe vor Jahren meine Erfahrungen damit gemacht (sowohl privat als auch beruflich)und bin damit wirklich durch (katastrophale Ex die fast ungewollt von mir schwanger geworden wäre). Die Videos z.b von "my world is getting dumber" spiegeln sich nicht die amerikanische Realität in ihrer Gänze dar, aber was mir Sorgen macht die Tatsache das diese Leute in den Videos unglaublich ungebildet und ignorant sind! und wenn das nur eine kleine Minderheit repräsentiert (aka Spitze des Eisbergs)wie sieht dann der Eisberg unterhalb der Wasseroberfläche aus. In Deutschland wird es übrigens ebenfalls schlimmer und schlimmer ! Ich möchte an dieser Stelle nichts schönreden. Es sind keine generellen Abneigungen oder gar Fremdenfeindlichkeit sondern eigene Erfahrungen sowie Klischees (in denen sich oftmals zumindest etwas Wahrheit finden lässt)die mich ein bisschen vorsichtiger agieren lassen.
Thank you Hayley for your points on interracial relationships. To be honest my girlfriend is brown and from Brazil and worried about racism in Germany. As I am white I don't know much about that so it was a relief to see your viewpoints and on the other side I live in Berlin and there it shouldn't be a problem at all. Thank you very much!
Just to tell you: In Austria (the eastern and southern parts) are a lot of people with the same tone of color of the skin like yours - but none of them would identify themself as "brown" or "dark color". And yes, the got it from working alot outside or had it since birth, but none of them wouldn't see themself anything other then "normal". ...and I think in Germany and Austria nobody really see the skine tone as a problem! I think some religious topics are more a problem to some (sadly) And it is a shame that this topic isn't dieing at all!
Germany does not have that long history of racism like the US, starting with masters and slaves, white superiority and until today strong differences between the black and white community. When we see black people, we do not associate what a white american does, as our black people come from Africa, are GIs (which are always strange, black or white) or are germans since generations (very rare). They are exotic, like other foreigners too, but we do not have that american trauma which is such a huge thing there still today.
brtbrt brl To Be honest Germany 🇩🇪 people don’t look at color like they do in the USA. Germany is more open to mix marriage. My girlfriend is white and she is from Germany 🇩🇪. They were more open to it than back in the USA. They are some place in the stages that are open more like Utah Orgeon
I love you videos that explain your views and the current climate in Germany. My mom is German and my Dad is black and they met when he was stationed there with the Army in the 60's. I am the product of that "mixed" relationship. As a kid we were referred to as "Mischling", by our german side and told we were "black" by the other. Same as you...couldn't pick a box to check off on forms but I feel that I am free in many ways by this...to define myself as I see fit. I always hung out with (and dated) all kinds of people of many and varied races (I'm from NYC) based not on my (or their) color, but on my interests and temperament. I eventually married a red head from the Bronx and we have 2 beautiful kids that are in their 20's now. My girl is dark (more like me) and my boy looks "white", as they say. They are both dating people of mixed backgrounds. Thank you so much for all of these videos. I long for the perspective of others with similar backgrounds of what Germany is today and hope to visit my mother's side of the family one day (in Essen)
Hayley, this is such an intelligent and informative video! Thank you for having the courage to tell your story online and be a role model for women of colour! (I never comment on videos I watch but I felt like I needed to tell you how much I appreciate your work.)
Your story is funny but that kind of funny that I would have taken it to my grave instead of telling anyone one of my most embarassing moments. Kudos to you for being so strong. There it is out I envy you.
i really liked the point you made with intercultural relationships, because in the end this is what it comes down to. i mean by now 30% of the younger generation living in germany have a background of migration, be it russian, polish, turkish or whatever. so in an intercultural relationship this is a very important topic
I agree with you wholeheartedly on this topic ❤️ In Germany it is more intercultural / international dating. And I like it, simply for the reason of bringing people together and understanding different cultures. Peace 🕊
to overcome the cultural differences is exactly the point, the racial differences are just a matter of taste. Some like white, some like black, some like asian, that's only a matter of taste. What I figured personally is that after a very short while you don't even notice the race of your partner/friend anymore. I remember one day a friend showed me pictures of her family and I was really confused for a second that one of her parents is black before I realized oh yes she is black so her parents must be too... How do you see your friend? As a white dude or just as your friend? I guess when you have an argument he is just "that german guy" and when you are in love it is your boyfriend but he is never really a Caucasian. Race does not matter.
Totally agree! My friend and I talked about trying new hair products together and we weren't sure how we would look like afterwards. So I said: At least we will look funny together. And she said: People won't even see it if I do. I totally forgot she wears a hijab 🙆♀️👧👧
This is a really wonderful video and thank you so much for sharing some really important perspectives that I think everyone should know about. You're absolutely right when you say that IR relationships are heavily romanticized in the American media, which really doesn't help matters much as it just serves to give alot of people an unclear view about what that might actually be like. Relying on that kind of thing as a guideline on how it would be to date outside of your race is like relying on romance novels as to how to secure a relationship with someone. Also I have to say this and I figure it's going to ruffle some feathers, and you actually did touch upon this as well, but I've noticed time and time again that alot of people just automatically assume that all IR couples are super woke and/or incredibly progressive , with the worst assumption being that if you're a white person in a relationship with a non-white person than you are somehow incapable of being racist. That is just not true and you should never assume that you can tell exactly everything about a person simply by who they choose to date. Then there's the bizarre fetishization when it comes to the idea of having mixed race children to the point where people talk about them as being like some kind of highly desired accessory rather than a person. People really need to view these issues with alot more insight than jusy 'OMG mixed race babies are soooooo cuuuuuuute!'. Once again great video Hayley !
It's also a lot more of a tendency, in Germany (and in Europe in general), for everyone to learn several languages, thus enabling them to _communicate_ with people in the next country, and it's the norm in Europe to keep travel costs low enough and travel means abundant enough to _encourage_ travel. These are key ways that set Europe apart from the US. So of _course_ it follows that geographic diversity is the norm, in Europe, much more than in the US.
I’m happy to have found your channel. I’m in a long term interracial relationship with a German born and raised man. I’m not American. I do struggle to understand the colour challenges black/mixed raced Americans discuss and I’m not light skinned as you are. I don’t quite get it. My German partner is very impressed with your German accent, in fact he says your German accent is better than his own children, who are German born but not raised in Germany. You’ve inspired me to work harder to learn German.
This was such a nice video. I agree ever since I came to germany I am stopping to think about race so much. I do notice that sometimes in my boyfriends hometown people look because we are a mixed couple, but other than that I feel it is normal. And like you said I started viewing our relationship as more an intercultural relationship, as I feel both of our culture(africa vs german, and czech vs german) makes the most difference, rather than our skin colour. It is really nice to see that it was your experience too...ps. the comment about the schokobonbon made me laugh so much.. those cheezy lines are killing me everytime haha. Anyway, I wish you a good day. And thanks for the sweet video :)
I cant totally agree! Born nd Living in Munich nd Dark Skin, im from senegal. I faced all the racism u faced in the US. MY CHILDHOOD wasnt easy i heard the n-word many times without knowing at some Point what it means. There are Germans who likes different cultures but they are being judged! People Watch u if u are a Dark skin Girl with a white men. Especially After this Refugee Problem 2015. Its a comon racism in here! Try to go to the villages in Bavaria itz disgusting how People treat u...nd it also depends on ur Colour like if u Light Skin or Dark Skin...africans got the same issue like Light Skin is better...People ask me Everyday Why do i speak German so fine with no Accent at work? Im Working in Media Market nd itz very frustraiting...my husband is from the Caribbean i was always attracked to Blacks but got nothing against white people. My sister is married to a German nd haf to face very harsh racism based on her Marriage with a white man. Her husband also got to face the racism nd he gets shoked every Time...for sentences in the u Bahn / subways like Stop Making nigga babys with this girl... itz redicioulus...sry my english is not that well Jus Wanted to get this off my chest ...nd Yes i heard it very often too like i want brown babys nd the blablabla...i m pregnant with my First Child nd already Scared what my baby hav to Deal with in the Future...Not all are racists but there is a comon racism..or a Bug intolerance😏
"and until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes there is something wrong in this word. I do live in an "interracial relationship", but never see it that way. It's the intercultural aspects that matter.
Hayley, You nailed it!!! It is about intercultural relationships! And what could be more interesting?! (And if we remind our peers about our unconscious biases in a polite way we can all be part of getting the world a better place. Thanks again!) I am impressed how well (good?) you verbalize it.
First up: I find it really kind of disturbing that there is still the word "race" in play... There is only one race, and that is "human". Having said that: Considering that - as you said - there are so many more black (and Hispanic aso) people in the US one would think, that inter-ethnical relationships were a lot more common and normal there, like international relationships are in Europe, which is naturally more likely because more nations (not nationalities, since you have those over there as well, I guess even more) are closer together by, let's say "layout". ;) Yes, I am considering slavery and such, but it's not like all countries in Europe have always been getting along like loving siblings. :D So it's actually kind of weird, if you think about it, right? Huh. Cool, how I never stop discovering new aspects of a aready known thing. Thanks for triggering it. :)
# cadeeja I agree. It always annoys me that they say from a diffrent race when it's just a different ethnicitie. We are all from the same race. We are all humans.
It's funny to think that in the US a white woman dating a black man is considered cool. True, among young people race is not an issue in Germany anymore, but for the older generations it still is. I am German and have been married to my Nigerian husband for 18 years and I can tell you, romanticizing this relationship is the last thing people do here. More than a few times I had to set straight that I am actually still with the father of my kids because people seeing me with a mixed child automatically assume it is over. Even in public offices I have been asked if the father pays for his kids and why I don't apply for child support. I had to apologize that I actually still live with the man. Being with a coloured man somehow pushes you into the "slut" section. Funny enough, men dating black women seem to face less prejudice.
Hello Hayley. I have been married to an African-born woman since 1998. We both have German citizenship and we have two children. We never had any problems in Germany. OK . the staring disturbs. But my wife looks very good. Sometimes I ask "do you want a photo of my wife?" and then they look away. But when I worked in Canada and USA for six months, I was surprised. When I showed a picture of my family to People i got to knew and they Asked me "Are you married to a black woman? We thought to a German woman". When I said that my wife is German, they didn't understand it. Later I saw a gun cabinet with the Sticker "White Proud" at one of my friends. Then I knew that I was better looking for other friends. But we also had a lot of nice and funny experiences.
I met a lady in my university course (she was around 40 and from Germany) and she was getting divorced at the time... So she packed up her stuff... Left Germany..and decided to go to school in south west Florida and I really applaud her for that!! I remember she started dating someone who might have been from Jamaica...or the Bahamas... I do not recall but I do recall him being brown and BEAUTIFUL...A drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, kind, and sweet man. She had never dated a "black" person in Germany because she was married to her husband for 20+ year. but when she got to Florida (where there are so many more brown people) she realized she had a preference (beautiful brown men). She started dating this Caribbean man and she lived in a very "rich" neighborhood on the beach in South West Florida.... She asked the guy to come over and walk on the beach with her.... While they were walking on the beach...An older couple basically tried to tell her to be calm, that they were calling the cops, telling her she would be alright, etc etc. She thought she did something wrong but the old couple said while calling the cops "A black man is trying to assault and kidnap this white woman in our neighborhood".... She tried to tell the older couple that this "black man" was her boyfriend and that they should leave her alone... They said that they knew she was being kidnapped and that she should not worry the cops were coming and basically stopped the guy and her from walking away and screaming/causing a scene. They could not accept the fact that this blonde hair blue eyed beautiful "rich" German woman could possibly choose to be with a "black" man. Basically the cops came and nothing happened to the older couple and the lady was left with a horrible impression of the American justice system and a bad taste of racism.... I will never forget that story and it is sooooo sad :(
I like your perspective! I have dated men from a few different races and it wasn't odd or anything like that. My brother is married to a woman who has fair skin and no one really cares. I think it only becomes an issue when people make it one. To me what matters most is how compatible you are and whether or not you find them attractive regardless of the color of their skin. I am part German but I have never dated a German man and would love to. I find German men to be attractive. Funny story: My best friend from childhood is German and her family loves me. Her younger brother would always tell me "you have such nice skin" and I was so confused about what that meant but later learned that he has a thing for women of color lol. I love seeing the contrast in couples it's a nice break from the norm I guess.
B T You do notice that we aren't divided into differenr races right? We all are from the race homo sapiens sapiens (the human). We all are the same race and share the same identical genetical gene pool. Just one race, which is divided into different ethnicities.
Jasmin absolutely! There is only the human race. Unfortunately there are people in this world who don’t see it that way thus bringing me to my point that it’s not a problem unless someone makes it one. Though for me, I don’t think it should ever be a problem.
Peter Connell I’m very well aware of the laws and I know the history behind America. This is definitely not a new phenomenon but thank you for your input
Hayley, as a US citizen, you are trained to think this way. I remember, filling out US forms, you often need to check if you are black, white, hispanic, native american, etc. When I was thinking on starting business togeather with a black guyin the US, he 'naturally' suggested to work with a black attorney for filing the documents. I got the impression trusted him because he also was black. I received job applications in the US where german hertiage was seriously mentioned as qualification. Here in Germany, we are not familiar with the need of self-declaring to which race we belong to and I am glad about this. I like your conclusion on problems with your boyfriend originating from being grown up in a different culture and you working on this. I wish all the best for you.
To be perfectly honest, when it comes to dating I, as a German female, really don't think about categories such as "race" or characteristics like skin color. I never have. Actually, other than in history class, it doesn't pop up in my everday life, at all. The first person I ever dated was of Turkish and Pakistani descent; another had Egyptian parents. I hadn't realized what a big deal relationships like that could be until I saw your videos. I'm sorry but to me, a mindset of judgemental and stereotyped thinking is outdated and misplaced.
Hey Hayley ☺️ I'm from Germany and I think racism is still a problem, but it's not that bad. My boyfriend has brown skin and he told me a long time ago (before he got to know my family) that he thought they might have a little problem with his skin color.But in my circle it's not even worth talking about skin color.Nobody is interested in which skin color your bf or friend has. It might sound weird, but I couldn't imagine dating a white guy anymore(except of the fact that I won't break up). I just think men of color are way more attractive 🤷🏽♀️ It's just because of personal appearance.
White women like you should be erased from our gene pool so please dont ever mate with a white men and have white children ... because they would have your broken genes
I love your video. Germany was a cultural shock to me as well when I was stationed there from 1991-1993. There's a lot of cultural differences between the US and Germany (even how some Germans view Americans in general), but I digress. Germany will always be close to my heart for that reason. It was a wonderful growing experience culturally. However, my experience as a military brat turned soldier is a bit different than yours in that international relationships are very common, especially in the Military community (perhaps more so there than any other facet of American Culture.) It's not uncommon to find Soldiers (Airmen, Sailors, Marines etc.) married to men and women from Korea, Japan, Germany, even the Philippines and Taiwan. Honestly, it's also the community where you likely to find "interracial" couples (as we call them here in America (which in of itself is absurd as a title, anyway...)). Speaking from experience, my first ex-wife was Latino ( and 100% American through and through as she was from El Paso Texas, and former soldier :)). So, it didn't seem odd or quirky to be dating her because having lived in a Military community I had been exposed to that kind of diversity, even though it did create some sort of friction for her and I outside of our relationship because of how other people looked at the relationship and from people who were not exposed to that level of diversity as a child. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I saw it. So, I guess my point is while it may not seem that there are international marriages and relationships being prevalent they are here, and more frequent than most people realize. Anyway, I'm glad you made this video. It needs to be seen. Thank you. Thank you.
Wolfgang Hampe High five, Wolfgang. I am from Japan my darling wife, whom I love and respect so much, is from Kenya too. She speaks my language fluently, and I speak both Swahili and her native language which I find fascinating. Skin color was the least of our concerns-- the greatest challenge we sorted out during our courtship was food, morals,respect, and religion. I like that she respects and loves me.
that was really helpful. i started using youtube to improve my English skills for my upcoming vacations, and somehow this subject came up so often... (certainly the algorithm didn't help). but i understand the difference in mindset better now. Thanks Hayley!
Hey gorgeous! Can you please make a video about “cultural relationship problems”?! I’m German, dating an American and we love each other and fit perfect together, of course. BUT as you mentioned at the end of your video, we mostly “fight” about morals, cultural things, language barriers etc. For example my typical German cold ass, realistic, straight forward and honest attitude featuring his American flowery, there are “no problems”,always super optimistic attitude. 😜🙈😂 At the end of the day we manage everything great and love each other more and more every day, it just needs a lot more communication, empathy and patience, than I was used to. Soooo.... long story short, I would love to hear about your experiences and how you deal with it. Deuces ✌🏻😋 Btw I LOOOOVE your Chanel!!!! ❤️
Hayley Alexis - the next time someone calls you 'chocolate-something', you could just kindly remind them that the chocolate is one of the best things about Germany and leave them dumbfounded. Maybe it works. Also, I just don't get the obsession some people seem to have with evaluating the tone of your skin. When I first saw one of your videos, my first response to your looks wasn't "black" or "white"... but "maybe I should go on vacation in a sunny place like Italy or Mallorca".
HAHAHAHAH I am making everyone self conscious about their own skin color. Aspen sent me a video of two of my videos filmed months apart from each other and she was like... "What is this magic, how can your skin be so many different colors"
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that it's okay to call her a "schokobonbon", I was trying to make fun of people who call her that and fully agree with you that it's offensive to reduce a person to one superficial physical aspect. I'm sorry if I didn't make that more clear. I wouldn't say that it's part of an "American mindset", though - there are plenty of Americans who are completely oblivious to this kind of thing. It's more a matter of belonging to a demographic that has or is being subjected to some kind of discrimination. It's not just black people - Jews, Sinti, Roma, gays, religious minorities or various migrant communities around the globe all developed survival strategies to help them recognize this kind of danger.
Hayley, you are very right,“ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!“ As a side note, if you hadn’t told us that you are biracial, I would never have come to that idea. You are a beautiful woman no matter your background and any man would be lucky to be with you.
I'm in an interracial and intercultural relationship with a Nigerian man. I'm German, a redhead and very white. The only people making a big deal out of it are Americans lol Whenever I mention it online, I get questions like "Oh do your parents know? What did they say? Did your dad disown you?" and stuff like that. Here in Germany, we get the occasional racist joke or insult but in general people don't really give a sh*t. And our families have always been very supportive.
Watching this video I flinched a couple of times, especially when I heard about people deliberately going for interracial relationships, to me this seems as pathological as insisting on only dating within your own ethnic group. Whenever ideology or politics play into it I get disgusted this is not what modern thinking should be.
I’m from Hawaii, and doing the au pair thing in Berlin (and really loving it!), and I’ve been here for about 2 months now. Even in this city of 3.5 million people I can somehow go days without seeing black people, and on days that I do it’s usually less than 10, haha. There are not many of us here; it’s for sure a white city. I haven’t had any issues with race either, and also get the comments about being “schoko” , blah blah. Generally, most places I don’t think skin tone matters; beauty really transcends race. Both of my parents are African American, for reference. I’ve always gotten comments that I look Ethiopian/mixed, but I am not either. Anyway, in regards to your videos, in my experience so far German men love black women. I am getting a lot of attention from them. The men here seem quite shy...I’ve been approached shockingly for date propositions, but mostly the men just stare, and they are not shy about it. The cat calling at times too, which also surprises me because I guess coming here I was expecting more it to be more reserved. Overall it is a cool city, and black women are amazing; we wouldn’t really have issues dating anywhere in the world.
Wonder if people also go to, I dunno, Japan, and then go...Wow, there are really not many non-Japanese people here...really mostly Asian..who'd have thought..
Fantaghiro touché. I’m not complaining, though. Just making the observation because many people said that Berlin is diverse, which it is in many ways, but not racially. No surprises, just observations.
Indeed, there are many types of diversity. "Racial" diversity is just one. Americans only seem to acknowledge diversity when it comes in different skin colours. And often times non-Europeans can just not see it - they can't tell if someone is German or from Bosnia or Russia. But we can ;) Berlin IS diverse. Why would anyone compare Berlin to an American city of all things? America is a typical immigration country in a completely different part of the world, with a completely different history. And Americans only account for less than 5 % of the world's population so...not a very representative place in general. Anyway, like...it makes sense that most minorities are people from other European countries (and there are probably more than you can tell).
I am black in Berlin and German people stare at everyone. I don't make it a big deal. And yea i have been catcalled too by turkish/arabic men, they honk their horns or yell out of their car in German. However, German men here have never approached, hit on me, or catcalled me here.
Don’t be too hard on yourself...you didn’t have ill intentions...you were trying to pay a compliment! People should be able to differentiate and not get so offended...btw, I’m Chinese and I still get ignorant comments such as “do u eat cats?...” and I really just shrug it off. And my husband is blond gray-eyed pure Dutch. Love you! 😻
Thanks for the video! I really enjoyed it. I've been following you for a while and have enjoyed the comparison videos you have made so far. This was the first one that really spoke to me though. And no, not because im in an interracial relationship. I actually moved to Germany a couple of years ago and im fully integrated in this society by now but i still keep comparing the cultural differences of my country and Germany. Its interesting to hear about Germany from a fellow expats point of view and also i like to hear about the American culture a lot. The second reason is probably why im subscribed to you. I have a couple of American friends and i am intrigued by the culture so its interesting to hear your take of the whole deal. I just liked that you took the concept of your normal videos (differences between DE and USA) and dug deeper this time, not talking about obvious superficial differences like AC or recycling or the different produce (btw,nothing wrong with that it just... more obvious). I liked that you talked about the mentality and deep rooted social aspects of living in the two countries. I hope youll keep this up an will talk about meaningful and interesting cultural differences that not many people talk about. Or... about everyday experiences here(DE) and there (US) - like, idk Holidays, health system, taxes, finding/keeping a job, and job etiquette, stereotypes, etc. etc. And it would be cool if you'd try to keep it 50/50, as in, talking about both the countries and not only focus on the german experience. I guess your main demographics is americans who want to live or live in germany so you tend to sort of give advice to people who are moving here, which is totally fine. but i guess there are some germans or people who live in germany but also want to know about USA and see your unique point of view as an american. Anyway, thank you for the video. Was a good watch.
TheCableBug Nice ideas for upcoming videos! I would also like to see Hayley's take on those topics. I am not so sure if you guessed the demographics on her YT Channel right... I am pretty sure the vast majority of subscribers and ppl watching her videos are German and ppl from surrounding German speaking countries; maybe 70-80%. I hope viewer numbers from all around the world and especially the US are going up much more in the future. Just because she is such an amazing ambassador for lots (not all :D) things German.
The Race topic is a tabu topic here. And one thing ,a lot of german guys who are interessted in dating Black woman, have a fetish. I don't know if it's the same in America... Liebe Grüße :)
Gosh... And I always thought you were just tanned. 😂 I lived a lie!!! Anyway, you're incredibly beautiful ❤️ and I think you're such a fun and nice person that I haven't even paid attention to the fact that you might be of "a different race". I only saw the beautiful and funny Hayley who always manages to make my day better with her amazing videos ❤️❤️ and I think most people think the same.
I couldn’t agree more. My mom is Indian and my Dad is a mix of Black and White and people have always gotten so many comments on my curly hair/ me being mixed to the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. Having mixed kids/ interracial relationships is such a fetish, I would say even more so in South Florida (I’m from Broward). I especially notice a lot of black guys will only date girls who are not fully black or black at all and now I’m noticing black women starting to move towards that too especially because how the men treat them.
Hayley Alexis, what you describe about Germany is very similar to Norway. I think we also mainly thing about it as being in a relation with somebody from a different culture more than we think about it being different "races". There is no word in Norwegian called "interracial relationship." I had been with my asian-american wife for a long time before I learned that word. I think it crops up for us a lot too how focused on color/race American culture is. I see when my asian-american mother in law speak about me eating lots of boiled potatoes as eating "white people food." To me it isn't "white people food," it is just Norwegian food. I don't associate potatoes with being white. I associate it with being Norwegian. Italians don't seem to eat much potatoes and they are white. My speculation is that in the US one has conflated race and culture. Because black-america happens to have a different culture from white America, American's get the idea that skin color determined culture and behavior. While this difference in culture is mainly a product of long term racism and segregation. In Europe in contrast there has been so few immigrants often that they adopt the culture of their native country. Hence for a lot of black or brown Germans, Norwegians or whatever there is no difference between their culture and the "white culture." They speak, act and prefer the same kind of things. Like in America you can usually hear from the voice if somebody is black, while you usually can't in most of Europe.
There are two problems with black guys in Germany: 1) Many of them come from traditional/patriarchal countries, so they have very traditional family values, not fitting for some modern women. 2) Many of them have very traditional family values, which means a lot of them are already married with children at 20+! Me: Russian, living in Germany, dated a Brit, now dating a Spanish guy. I find it very exciting to have an opportunity to learn about a different culture and share yours in a relationship. Also, I don't really know that many Russian guys here, even if I wanted to choose one of them.
I am glad you said You said "many of them" and not all there is always exceptions. All of the males in ym Family tree who grew up in Germany are passed 30 and single but I don't think they would be interested in a woman with such preconceived notions. It would probably be exhausting to prove themselves to someone with your mindset.
I moved from Austria (very comparable to Germany) to the US as adult and learnt with 35 years that there are black and white people, I heard the word "interracial" for the first time and that the word "race" is used for people at all since Hitler. As long as I was in Europe, I never differentiated people by skin color, which is literally the most superficial categorization possible. In the US I fell in love with a Jamaican man, and neither of us defined each other as black or white. We had different cultural backgrounds, and that certainly is important, because culture influences values, attitudes, habits etc. That caused conflict and tension, however the biggest problem were people from the outside (his family and friends) who did not accept me as "white" woman because I could cause him problems, bring him to jail. This obsession with skin tone is so destructive and self-destructive, and it has so much impact on daily life. At work, if you address a performance issue with an employee, the race card is played. One time, I posted a quote on my FB "not my circus, not my monkeys", and a union delegate showed it to my (mostly black) team saying I call black people monkeys. I have no idea how he came to this interpretation, but he went even to HR claiming I am racist. It was absolutely ridiculous but this a big thing here in the US instead of focusing on more substantial issues. So I am not surprised to hear that there are people who choose partners because of skin tone.
I grew up on the East coast and I remember interracial relationships being taboo. When I moved to the Midwest, I thought there was more acceptance of interracial relationships. Now, 20+ years later, I'm not sure if there is a difference between the East coast and the Midwest anymore. I believe there is much more or a difference with the South vs the rest of the country. Now, we also have the problem of Trump normalizing racism all over the country, so the bigots are coming out of the woodwork.
Beth McNamee Its no difference all over America because that's what the country is built on. On top of fabricated history that is taught. Just have to live your life and try to be around positive respectful people.
Honestly the only reason I disagree is because I live in a bubble in California and I think the majority people here are mixed, or at least in Culver City, we have the 4th most diverse school district in the nation so many foreign exchange students and people of mixed race live and go to these schools which makes interracial/international relationships are kinda normalized here, but I now other parts of the US could be very different because of lack of diversity or the history off the state
Hi Hayley, perhaps a little late, but I just entered your vlogs - and yes I subscribed and put the bell on :) I’m from the Netherlands (the country next door) and overhere inter racial relations are not a topic whatshowever. Since we use to have colonies (yes, Ik know that’s a very black page in our history and I apologize even if I didn’t have anything to do with it, but as a country we were very much part of having colonies and being slave traders) there are quite a lot of Dutch citizens with differend skin tones originating from our former colonies Surinam, the Dutch Antilles and Indonesia. Since they were all part of the Dutch Kingdom, they were able to travel more or less freely to the mother country. Therefore we are nowadays used to having all kinds of skin tones amongst our citizens. Nowadays we also have a lot of immigrants from all over the world. It just all makes our country so much more diverse and beautiful. So, since we are used to this, inter racial relations are certainly not rare and fully accepted and not an issue. We are all equal and I love my country for it. If I were of different skin tone and from America, I would immigrate to Europe in a heart beat. Even if I were of white skin tone it would certainly make me thinking to immigrate to Europe. Not all is of course bad in The USA, but there’s a lot of room for improvement in comparison with Western Europe. No offense meant ;) It is still your native country :) God bless America!
Hayley, in the USA geography has a lot to do with the number of interracial relationships you will see. I grew up in South Carolina and even there it depended on where you were. I attended an "all white" school before the mandate of integration. Any type of "race mixing" was taboo. But I heard the teachers whisper of a town where just about everyone was "mixed" and it went back even to the days when it was strictly illegal. They did not approve and an older one insisted that it was NOT TRUE. The people in power were doing it and there was no one there to stop them. In the eighties, one of my cousins married a woman from there and the wedding was a true eye opener for me. The bride's side of the church was a true rainbow and they all looked alike.... I live in Ohio now and visited an area where many of the people were brown to very bright. Some with natural blonde hair and many with blue eyes. They did not call themselves "mixed" as they looked like their parents, grand parents and great-grand parents!
Vernon Berry There is more than one area mixed town in Ohio, some say they are mixed with Native American, Black and white.But many classify as Black not mixed.
on the birth certificate it says Black /or colored, and we all know that colored means "Black" in America. There are large pockets of mixed people living in the mountains of many Southern States who claim to be Native Americans, and in many cases its clear they are mixed with Black and White, and a little Native American DNA. The government does not Federally recognize these people as Native Americans, because many have no Native Language nor evidence of peace treaties with the Government. Even today if a Black and white marry and have a child, the US Census will classify the child as Black because of the Black parent. And it doesn't have to be that combination, it can also be Black parent and Asian Parent, the child will be classified as Black by the US Census. I did a paper in my marketing class regarding the US Census and that's when I got a eye full. These people can say they are mixed if they choose too, because they will never be classified as white with the B/W combination. The Government made sure of that, not Black People.
Rae Neumann First of all, thank you for the explanation. Second: it sounds horrible! It's hard to understand for someone who isn't used to think in "race categorys", that people are divided into races in birth certificates and in everyday life 😣 I'll try to explain my point of view of the issue. Please take under consideration, I don't speak English very well. German has a shameful history when it comes to the issue of race or different races. We all know this. But we have learned from our past, so alone the word 'race' isn't something you use very often. Not in your own head and certainly not when speaking publicly. The part about one's head doesn't apply to EVERYONE, but I'd like to think it does to many. So considering the past history of the US it's not understandable and quite frankly shameful, that the country/people /government didn't learn from the past as well. It may be. the difference between our thinking and perception of the world has something to do with European thinking in national categories. Like, someone is from Japan, he's Asian. But I can't imagine someone would say 'this person has different race'. We like to think the country you come from, shape you, not your skin color. So if I would meet you and you would do something that's strange to me, I would think 'well, she's from the US, they different that way'. Side note: Except in English I've never heard somebody use the world 'brown' to describe a person. It sounds terrible 😖 It's frustrating that I'm not able to express my thoughts and feelings in a more eloquently way😌 I hope you'll be able to understand what I was trying to say. Greetings from Germany 🤗
HI Hayley, Love your Videos! Considering amounts of brown people in germany. You are comparing bayern and south florida. Munich doesnt have a lot of them. If you compare Frankfurt, Berlin with the Midwest you would think germany has more. Depends where you live in germany. Keep up the awsome videos!
I just went and thought about how many of my friends are in interracial or cross-borders/heritages relationships and...almost all of them? I never really thought about that omg ahah. But I feel like it's less black and white and more non-'german' - 'german'. Like dating between different cultures and religions especially when it comes to turkish, italian, albanian etc. Dating outside your race shouldn't be such a big thing though :( What does it matter hfsdhvsxa Human is human :'D I mean, the culture thing might get interesting ahah I really like seeing your point of view about Germany I think I binged all your videos in like a day :'D
I was born, raised and educated in Germany. I had my first girlfriend of a different ethnicity than me when I was about 17 years old. She was a gorgeous girl from Ivory Coast. That was no problem in my school, in my neighborhood and general surroundings... NOBODY CARED, no big deal.
I live in NYC for 26 years now. I had two marriages, my first was to a Jamaican woman, when I came first here. She is to this day one of my best friends and family ever. My second wife was BY PURE CHANCE also black (African American, with 1/4 Cherokee).
In between my marriages, and after my last one, I have dated any girl that was cool from any ethnic background, Russian, Bulgarian, Italian (redhead), Irish, Korean, blond Euro type women, etc.
HOWEVER, so many of my American friends, somehow, focus on the two marriages to black women POC, and even make statements such as "Udor ONLY likes black women", which is really dumbfounding to me, as they somehow disregards the myriads (that sounds slutty, but I am using hyperbole for effect) Caucasian (white people in the US are called "Caucasians") and other ethnic girls.
It is so extremely weird that the focus of Americans is so much on my relationship with "black girls" and that's almost the most important thing to them.
But, I think that this is a direct result of the inherent racist culture, and/or heritage in the US, that..., especially a "black/white" relationship, which used to be a certain taboo within this society for hundreds of years. So, this is "more exciting" for so many Americans than a "plain vanilla" relationship.
People just should stay the hell out of my bedroom, unless being invited... :D
There is no such thing as "poc" that is nothing but a neo racist racial Marxist construct
udor nyc I find American people to be very obsessed with race too it’s weird, especially as America is supposed to be such a diverse country. I wonder if it’s because for such a long period of time even after slavery ended they still had segregation. Which wasn’t that long ago.
Haha, same here, girl from Ghana. I cannot understand that the skin tone should be an issue in the US. besides that - as we all know - Hayley is beautiful
Americans obsessed with race
Leave NYC. They are planning something very big, very ugly in NYC. Who is "they" ? The same group of people who profited politically and financially from 9/11. No, not Alibaba and the 40thieves they told you to be the terrorist who carried it out... no, no, not them.
Am I the only one who thinks she looks soooo much like Alicia Keys? I am hooked on your videos hahahah , I can't stop watching them (mainly because I am moving to Germany in a month ) . Keep it up !
Alicia Martinez Omg that's true!!! I never noticed 😫
Nope!
First thing I noticed. She looks like Alicia Keys
Now i cant unsee it
My husband is from Germany, we have been together for 26 years! The only time people have made comment or inquired about our relationship was here in america. Never an issue in Germany.
Normal in Germany..People are people and peoples business is not important..
My husband and I are an attraction wherever we go. Specially with our two kids. Everyone here want to touch there hair and stuff... I feel like it’s a big thing here in Germany but not in a negative way. My husband and I are a thousand times over this f*** race thing.
lets put it in rude, but short words: hispanic girfriend? black girlfriend? white girlfriend? asian girlfriend? who cares! they´re all pink in the middle...
I shouldn't laugh but LOL
Hahaha^^ naughty but true! I like naughty!^^
BRO.
And sweet in the middle
@@eddiajadalu3459 SITTENPOLIZEI! - Send for the Vice Squad!
I know it has nothing to do with it that much but who agrees with the fact that SOME people around the world think that Germans who stare at them only do that because they have dark hair/skin or anything. But it‘s not true since we stare at everyone😅 I do too but I‘m tolerant and definitely for equality sooo to people who think ittt... it‘s often wrong and I say often because it‘s not always obviously 🙃
😂😂😂 the german stare doesn’t bother me anymore 🤷🏽♀️ im so used to it.
Hayley Alexis Yeah same😂 but if I watch videos about for example Americans who only travelled there, I still hear it a lot😅
So you've adopted the German stare, right? Admit it! ADMIT IT!!! 👀👁😂😂😂
Staring but not talking to an American makes, I dare say, most of us very uncomfortable.
Yeah I mean it is a culture shock but I am so used to it now.
There is some inside and some outside brown here in Germany...
People have to match. Most issues are more cultural then skin colour.
AGREE!!
I am wondering if in the US being brown politically wise is also a thing? I mean saying brown to mean a Neonazi.
but it could also be understood as if they are full of shit, which is also very true.
brown because one is hyperactive.
Peter Connell
You disagree with me and then point out the same what I say. Confusing.
Dear Hayley, I"m watching your Videos quite frequently for a while now. I'm an old guy from northern Germany and you taught me a few things about my country.
This time, i was actually shocked. First, because "interracial" to me is no concern at all when two people are in love.
Second: I never even realized you identify yourself as a "person of colour" until now! Your skin is a little darker than mine and you have brown eyes, but it never came to my mind to put you in a racial box in any way.
I might be extremely blind in that matter, and i know race is an issue for some people in germany, too. But i think in Germany it's possible to totally ignore the topic of race and I guess in the US it's close to impossible.
Yes, interracial couples draw some attention to them, but in the more civilized parts of Germany: only because they look pretty together. And that's about it.
I am German as well, and I've seen videos before where Hayley refers to herself (sorry for the third person, Hayley, don't mean to exclude you from the conversation) as person of color, but every time I am taken aback because I forget that it is a thing in the US to divide people by skin tone. I think, however, that some Germans sadly do make differences when it comes to dating, but instead of skin color it is more about religion and nationality. For some people (such as AfD or some CSU people) there are nationalities which a more well liked than others.
Hayley, you have made quite a remarkable journey, not only from a location point of view, but from a view of mindset (and that is a difficult one). With your experiences and international exposure, you should talk and present more about the differences (and reasons) between the US and, e.g., Germany. Times and perceptions in Germany have definitely changed, especially with younger people. When you look into history (not only German one), changing minds can take quite a few generations. Germany had its fair share of re-education (of the mind) and some people still have not got it (and are reinforced in their minds due to recent events).
I was given the opportunity to work with people of all different colours of the skin all over the globe, and now I am living in Lake Worth,FL. My kids have been adopted in the Philippines and are making their way (one is married to a girl of Mexican-Italian descent).
Again, use your opportunities to present differences of mind and national characteristics to improve a better understanding between young people.
I actually hate referring to myself as anything other than "hayley" because I am just a girl with skin that likes to soak up some sun rays.... Now I know that due to the situation of the current world (USA mostly) that I will most likely in a lot of ways be referred to as "colored" "mixed" "black" "Person of color".... I do not necessarily think it's a horrible thing... It gives people an understanding of my background if I say "person of color" BUT usually when these words are thrown around its not meant in the same context as I want it to be.
The problem is that with the current USA influence on Germany (music, radio, tv, news etc etc) I see more racism in Germany. Do I think it's 100% the USA's problem NO but I do think that when certain music is played, tv shows are watched and words are read in the news paper... It gives German people a different look on things (sometimes good and sometimes bad). I personally hate referring to race.... I always think there are so many other descriptions of someone other than race BUT for a large amount of people that isnt the case...
Now some people are very curious... I was also curious at a young age if people would be the same in Germany as the USA so I do not want to say that the girls that ask me these questions are dumb... They are naive and curious like I once was... The only thing I can hope for is that they receive the same reality check I did.
Its impossible to ignore the topic of race in the U.S. because everywhere you go, you have to check a box. My husband is Indian, making my son half indian... we all have a similar skin colour. But I am white and our son isn't (despite the fact that we are the same colour). While race isn't important to us, it is important to other people... in the U.S. and in India. We get a lot of questions in both places. But in the U.S., someone threw a McDonalds soda at my husband when we were riding bikes together. My son was on the bike at the time. My husband doesn't care about rude comments so much, but acts of violence are a concern...
Hayley Alexis I really dislike the term "POC". To me, it sounds a bit like the abbreviation for an illness, e.g. "Do you have AIDS?" - "No, I have POC." Perhaps that's also because "POC" reminds me of "Pocken", which is German for "smallpox". Furthermore, the expression "people of colour" kind of implies that I am translucent. However, I am not the female Kevin Bacon.
Not an issue.
I am saying that as a German guy living in the UK with his Zimbabwean wife.
In the end there are only two kinds of folk: People and Arseholes.
Either can come from anywhere, have any or no religion or any ethnic background but sadly the latter far outnumber the former.
The one thing that came as a shock to me as a German was the realization that you lot make better sausages!
Boerewors is to die for but my whole world view of us Germans as the undisputed world leaders in sausages, bread and beer was destroyed in one bite!
It took a while to recover from that....
:)
Gustav Meyrink
Wel a lot of Boers came from the Dutch and Germans.
Bless you two am from Zimbabwe as well live in Dubai lots of greeting and hugs from your wife.
It's funny that you have 88 likes right now.
"Interracial" marriage was illegal in several US states until 1967 (in a majority until 1948), forbidden by law. Even if you change the law it doesn't change the culture.
True history is rarely told! Decades of ignorant laws and ways but folks are surprised it is passed on.
@@Cahluvca Yes, especially recently where we saw the White policeman who attacked George Floyd, a black man, suffocating him to death when the White policeman kneed his throat to the ground. This led to the Black Lives Matter protest. There is also anti-Chinese sentiments given to all people who are thought to be Chinese (such as Japanese, Koreans, Southeast Asians and Inuits) in the streets of USA, where they are accosted and told to "go back to China" due to the COVID-19 pandemic just because COVID-19 began in Wuhan, China and that former President Donald Trump called it the "Chinese Virus".
@@omaronnyoutube please, no need to put your agenda out there...
@@omaronnyoutube Rip George floyed the drug dealer
Am i the only person, who thinks "interracial" is a terrible word ?
Its often used in Porn. To show "black" man having sex with "whie or asian" woman
i know that, but my point was something else.
The thing that bothers me is that people of different skincolors are associated with different races.
I think the term "intercultural" as Haley mentioned in the video, is the better one.
Yeah, referring to humans of different skin colour as another race is the very definition and foundation of racism.
Faultier hmm is it though?
I find it sooo harrddd! My bf is german and im Asian and the stigma around it is driving me crazy!! Never experienced it yet in Germany but when we had a vacation in the US, it’s like by default they think im just after my bf’s money! Like really??? i even have more money than my bf!! I think! 😬😄
Btw, asians are also the same in being brown. They like to be lighter because it means you are more privileged and being darker means you have to work outside under the sun.
Which part of Asia?
But you are totally right, while the "golddigger" clichè very much exists in Central Europe, it's not directed towards Asians but Eastern Europeans.
Alias Anybody hi! Originally from Ph. But i grew up in the US and is now in Germany. ohh really even the eastern european also get that. I thought only asian. I have a japanese friend who is dating an english and she said she is experiencing the same. Which is really sad.
EyelashLady
No, I meant that it would be the Eastern European girlfriend people would suspect to be with a guy just for his money. Which is wrong in 95% of all cases btw.
My first kiss with a girl took placed in Germany (West Germany). I was in the U.S. Army and was stationed in Baumholder between 1983 - 1985. At that time, the dating culture was all about not being alone. Most German girls during that time would seek military guys because they got tired of being alone every Friday & Saturday night. They knew all the bars and clubs where military guys would go to. Like most women around the world, German women are no different, they are very selective when choosing a mate. Luckily, a few of them choose me and accepted me as an American. They see that I'm black but they always refer to me as an American. Let me give a quick shout-out to "Hildegard Schneider". Thanks for that Kiss and so much more.
Your comment was a nice read. Thanks!
@@bemakie You're welcome!
Awesome story.
My first kiss was also in 80's in Munich, but in a biergarten. I had just turned 17 and he was a guy who had just finished his mandatory military duty. Though i didnt seek him out. I think he called me over to his table and i was getting tipsy bc wasnt used to a mass of beer.🍺 thankfully my host sister came back for me,& i was more careful after that. Was nice guy though. We penpaled for a few months, but i think only bc we both were embarrassed 😂
I would REALLY love to hear what you think the differences in the general moral compasses of Germany and the USA are! What you mentioned at the very end of the video.
Ohhhh there are a bunch 😂 maybe I’ll make a video about it with Mike so we can argue about it 😂😂😂
I'll sum it up in one sentence, Germans morals are led by their conscience, Americans are led by their evangelical christianity.
I'm American & my husband is Indian... we live in India at the moment. We don't see ourselves in terms of race or nationality.... we are just a normal couple.
Nicole north or south Indian? Haha just kidding I know about this bullshit comparison that is going on amongst some Indians. A good friend of mine is from Indian.
fjellyo32 South❤
Nicole ^^
Please stop saying dumb stuff like this, it makes you look even worse😂
Having a black girlfriend / white boyfriend couple is probably more accepted than the other way round. Because the "outsiders are stealing our Women". That was the mindset of some conservatives back in my youth.
And yes there are not as many black ore brown people here in germany.
Than you for this video, and thanks for sharing some very personal thoughts. Very educational. :)
Unfortunately this is what I hear a lot of times.
In some (though rare) Hollywood movies I have noticed the combination of white male and black female couple. But I cannot remember any Hollywood movie with a black male and a white female couple at all! Do you know any Hollywood movie with a black male and white female couple!? I fear that it does not exist. I hope you guys prove me that I am wrong.
@@jean-baptisteperrier7566 the only two I actually could think of are Save the Last Dance & Honey. Not sure but the dance movie theme could definetly jave something to with it.
Oh and as for a show: Marvel's Cloak & Dagger and I am glad they somehow switched the character's backround from the comics, instead of the typical good girl/bad boy trope.
@@jean-baptisteperrier7566 maybe not in Hollywood movies but in REALITY there are more black men- white women relationship in the USA
One of the biggest differences I felt when i was dating someone from america was the use of "I love you" and everything it comes with. She used to say it so quickly and so often it made me uncomfortable. Just because when you say it in Germany it basically means that you are in a relationship. Ich liebe dich is not said lightly and when you say it you usually ackwnoldge the other person as your significant other or something very close to that.
While for her it did not mean that at all. Not only that I felt that "going out" with someone or "dating" someone to actually being "in a relationship" is such a much longer process in the USA than in Germany. I was not aware of that at all until I was in the situation. And it did not make any sense to me. Why say all these things and share all these emotions when it doesn't really mean anything and we are still only "seeing each other" or only "dating". It was a contradiction for my German brain. When a German person says certain things to me I expect them to be genuine and take them as an indication for our relationship moving forward.
While for her I came across cold and not loving because I was holding back all these things and didn't say "I love you" back because to me it was really not appropriate to say something so early.
Long story short it did not work out just because the different perceptions about "openess" and certain dos or don'ts in relationships. I guess she was used to having everything you get in a relationship without actually committing to one. And to me that is something that "unlocks" at the point of a relationship and there is a clear distinction in "code" and behavior between a relationship and just dating.
Chaqq Uila Americans and some African countries too love everything you never know when it’s actually the real deal.I actually like it the German way. I love you are three little strong words and should only be said when you really mean it.
Not only in relationships. I grew up in Austria and moved to the US with 35 and had a hard time to adjust to the expectations of how to act in social situations, especially at work. There's a lot of "how are you?", superficial small talk and friendliness among people who don't really care, even dislike each other, but it's expected. I was called rude and antisocial because with my Austrian mindset I am totally focused on work tasks and not interested in gossiping and smiling or asking people about their kids when I don't really want to know.
"I love you " means the same in the US as it does to you. It just depends on the person saying it.
My constructive criticism is to ignore the weirdos, don't give them a shout out, just quietly go about blocking them... Love your stuff. Keep on keepin' on.
Tbh my boyfriend who is from Gambia and I (a german-polish girl) experience difficult situations regarding our relationship quite often here in Germany. We've been in a relationship for 2 years and live in Frankfurt am Main. We had people screeming at us and asking if we don't feel ashamed to be together. On the other hand we are told quite often that we are going to have very cute "caramel" babies. He's been living here since he was a kid and experienced racism on a whole new level since we've been together. And so did I.
So basically I just wanted to mention that although it is kind of normal to date out of your race in Germany, sometimes it can be quite hard too.
Oh yes I know it's hard... Don't get me wrong I have heard a few stories BUT I like to think that the dumb 3% of the German population that think this way don't spoil the bunch. No matter where you go in the world people will always look for a way to divide eachother. Skin color, religion, political party, neighborhood, car brands they drive... Some things are very trivial like the brand of car you drive and some are as major as skin color or if someone is a vegan or not.... I do hope that you guys have experienced more positive than negative in Germany.
wow, ich kann mir gar nicht vorstellen, dass dir sowas in Frankfurt passiert ist :/ Mein Freund und Ich(er deutscher, ich persisch) leben in der nähe von Frankfurt und haben nichts wirklich negatives erlebt :/
Romina EP: Ich fürchte, das liegt an Kombination von dunkler Haut und Mann. Das ist für deutsche Rassisten anscheinend wesentlich schlimmer. Ihr werdet in eurer Kombination anders wahrgenommen. "Angst vorm schwarzen Mann", "Rassenschande", der ganze Dreck kommt da hoch. Die Medien und unsere Politiker (jeder Richtung) tun ihren Teil dazu.
Aber ja, Frankfurt a.M. hat mich auch überrascht, ist in meiner Wahrnehmung die offenste und toleranteste Stadt in Deutschland. 150+ Nationen leben da und dafür klappt es echt gut, dachte ich.
Ji Zah :That's sad. I fear, the media did a good job to scare people about dark skinned man (which i assume at hearing Gambia). I'm with you, be assured that not everyone thinks that way. Stay strong and love each other, no matter what. L.O.V.E. is the answer and the answer is Love, like an old song says.
Wow, ich bin grade echt total überrascht. Mein Freund und ich (er aus Nigeria und ich aus Deutschland) werden zwar oft blöd angeschaut und (was ich auch als negativ empfinde) der Kommentar mit den "gemischten" Babys kommt auch oft. Aber es wurde zum Glück noch nichts hinterher gerufen. Es kommen eher so "gut gemeinte" rassistische Kommentare aus dem näheren Umfeld.
It’s so funny you mentioned the thing about german people marrying people from different countries...I never really thought about it intensely, but I grew up with so many intercultural relationships 😅🙈 my godmother is French and married to a german, my uncle is married to a Mexican woman, my other uncle to a Brazilian woman and my aunt is married to a Spanish guy 😅 well...plain potatoes are boring after all ^^
Nika's Words where are you from??
@@Србомбоница86 what are your thoughts on individuality?
Should one just take traditions that are passed down to him even if he doesn't believe in them?
@@Србомбоница86 You can raise them in different cultures at the same time, with a lot of traditions and languages
@@hannahachhammer5881 sure ,you can ,I think it's a great adventure ,but very risky to me .My family is Serbian and during yugo wars the highest number of killed people were in mixed ethnical territories ,mixing scares me ,it's not necessary in my area of the world and creates lots of trouble but perhaps those issues in your country are better :)
@@theoschoendube well if you don't believe in them ,than it's of no use to you, nor society ,I think cohesive society can afford a couple of outcasts ,but not millions of them,that's when troubles start
I really enjoy the wise and open-minded way you approach the topics, considering different points of view and acknowledging that some people might disagree. Regarding this video, I think it's much easier for europeans to date/ marry people from other countries because we're not so "continentally" isolated. Due to the Schengen agreement of open borders, it's very easy for us to travel (car/ airplane) and to be in a different country relatively quickly. I am Portuguese and will move to Germany in September to live with my German boyfriend. I am a brunette and also a little tanned, but from my latin heritage, so your video was very interesting. I think I take the nationality/ culture (not really race) issue much more seriously than my boyfriend, but I think it's because I will be the one moving to a foreign country. Thank you and keep up the good vlogging! :*
"Interracial" relationships are not possible because we are all from the "race" human 😊 ... It's sad that this is such a big thing in the US.
That is my problem with talking about this because I feel the same way but there are a bunch of USA women who watch my videos who want to know about it.... and don't know how to talk about it.
Hayley Alexis Yes, it's good that you show to the world: It shouldn't be normal that race plays a role. By the way thank you for the like 😂!
Always liking the nice comments :p I am breaking down stereotypes one person at a time.
Hayley Alexis When someone tells me stories about interracial relationships, I instinctively wonder about why on earth I should ever want to date an animal or an alien from outer space. Because all other races of hominids but the homo sapiens have gone extinct. I mean despite the race of racist assholes of course...
Race has many different definitions among the scientific sujets.
16:10 "When I witnessed so many things that USA people would not think to be racist but if I said these things in Germany it would be" now that's an interesting video idea
You are right: compared to other european countries there are not that many dark(er) skinned people in Germany. When you look at France, Netherlands or England they have a long (and big) history of colonies in Africa, India and South America (and America had that slavery bs going on). The biggest part of the "dark(er) skinned" population of Germany would be from Turkey I guess. The most "black" people I saw so far were students who stayed here after graduation
Especially if you are in a smaller town. I for myself have never really talked to a black person, not because I'm racist but because there are nearly no blacks around in our hometown.
In Hamburg and the Frankfurt Area are the most blacks in Germany I feel like^^.
Oton4shi: Or former US soldiers who stayed here after their last deployment.
To answer the question, do German men like brown/black girls? YESS! ;) The thought that people of color even thinking / worrying about things like that before they come to Germany actually makes me sad. This whole concept of white superiority from the US is something i strongly dislike and is weird to most Germans/Central Europeans in my opinion.
Marcus Reindl
I like and appreciate your mindset. You are raised right and your heart is in the right place. Cheers.
and that means that black people in the US get treated just as well as white people and get the same chances/jobs? carry on with your name calling, maybe you should ask some black people in the US how they feel and don't think of third world countries first thing when thinking about black people for a start. x
I'm not judging the US, i've been there plenty of times and there's loads of things that i love, including most of the pleasant people but you missed the point. Did you even listen to what Hayley said in the video or listened to what other people ''of color'' think about the situation or were you too busy getting offended by my comment which wasn't even meant to bash the US?
Al Kamil I’m a little surprised you have these views. Looking at your profile image and your surname- I would say you would be considered “brown” maybe South Asian or Middle Eastern decent. Meaning the US standards considers you a minority and groups you in with the Blacks and Affirmative Action is equally is extended to you as well. So we should say you didn’t earn your job or way of life. You need a mirror because you are black. Which you should be honored because the blacks are the reason all “minorities” have civil rights in the US.
Marcus Reindl before Hitler and after Hitler Germany was a very accepting place of artists, and musicians including a lot of people of color. Germans are pretty cool , I met some.
The international thing is very common in Europe. My sister married a Englishman as my cousin. A other cousin married a german girl. My first boyfriend was German as a Dutch woman.
See.... so I’m not talking that much bullsh*t 😂😂😂
My only problem with international relationships is that the resulting names give me headaches - because when you combine names and naming traditions from all over the world, you can easily end up with something that looks like it was produced by a cat sitting on a keyboard.
Imagine hearing name like "Mairghread Abiha de Calderón Wojciech-Dousmanis". Could you write that down?
If I knew someone like that she would be called Mari... and I would not attempt to speak/write her name
Dutch is German.
no Deutsch is German, Dutch is from the Netherlands.
Hi Hayley! Love hearing your thoughts on how different the US and EU mentality is!! Please could you do a video on cultural appropriation on subjects like hair, braids etc? Would love to hear your thoughts on that! I'm from the UK and it's quite common here that we just can't comprehend how intensely some folks in the US feel about this. I'm racially mixed too and still can't comprehend this! :O
Oh that "white" people aren't allowed to wear braids? heheh I should make a video about this. It would be interesting. In Germany, it's very common for people of different skin colors to wear braids
Yes! Same here in the UK, a hairstyle is just a hairstyle. However it seems to have become an obsession that some people feel their race owns it and can't be touched by "white" people due to history. The past is the past, let people wear what they LIKE to wear
I have to laugh because the same people that yell "cultural appropriation" (in the USA) are the same people eating at a Mexican restaurant.
It makes me ponder... Because if we were to go back for every hairstyle and every clothing choice in the world.... every single person would be appropriating something or someone.... It just makes no sense. I do witness it firsthand when people get mad at X color skinned person for wearing breads.... yet will be the same person to dress up for Halloween in a dirndl.... strange
Talking about dishes: The EU has something weird the US don't have. It's the habit of legally protecting certain food as "original". So you aren't allowed to call your Bavarian style sausages made in Poland "Bavarian" for example. It's basically brand protection with the implication that the original is of higher value. Why am I bringing this up in a discussion about appropriation? Because there is sometimes the case that two historically connected regions had the same name and recipe for the same stuff and one of the two wanted to protect it and make it illegal for the other group to use that term (implication: part of our culture, you stole it!). The whole topic can be a berserk button for a whole country.
yeah it has to do with how black people were treated back in the day in the US as well. To me as a German it's difficult to understand as well, like some music and style is only meant for black people to do and have. I'm a white guy and i love R&B and Hip Hop and so do many other Germans/ white Europeans but when you're a white artist you are only allowed to do '''white'' music because otherwise it's cultural appropriation even though you grew up on it and maybe like to dress a certain style as well? That to me is so weird and just causes segregation which we don't need at all.
My ex boyfriend is German (from Bonn) he is white.
Race was never an issue in our relationship. We didn't care about that.
The fact that I'm South African and he was from Germany so the mix of different cultures sometimes didn't work but not because of race.
His family embrace me and so did his friends.
Thanks for yet another awesome video.
I love your blouse, mein Schokobonbon.
Okay, that's it for the positive part. The rest of this comment is just negative, hurtful, degrading and racist criticism.
Thiesi Schokolade schmeckt gut. Milchschokolade...
Wie zweideutig sind diese Aussagen jetzt?
:P
Just stoping by in comment section and asking when something will be posted on the second channel 👀
I‘m really rooting for that channel 😂❤️
BTW I need more of longer Videos like that one in my life !!!
Girlllllll 😫 I already told Mike when I am back in Germany I am doing a makeup tutorial on that channel because.... it’s STRUGGLING
I thought I would vlog but my family and friends are scared of the internet 😂
Hayley Alexis I can’t wait for all the tutorials, get ready with me’s, fun talks and maybe vlogs when u are back in GE. I already have such an awesome image of the channel in my mind A LOT OF EXCITEMENT 😅😂🎉❤️
To break it down: Your female viewership saw Mike and instantly thought: "How can I get one of these - tell me!!!" :-P
Mike should be flattered.
American man might be attractive too. (atleast some guys, a few, a very few ?!)
He might be BUT I would never tell him that girls find him to be attractive 😂😂😂😂
Nik American Man might be attractive but I understand Hayley comes from Florida and Florida Man is a whole different thing altogether!
Just google 'florida man meme' and you'll understand.
I have heard storys about the Florida guy/girl.
Wait a sec ! America is a big place, right ! Do you have to date Florida guy/girl if you are from from Florida ? Go to a different state/Coast and find your Love...
Btw: Me personally would never ever date an american women with the Exception of women like Hayley, Tory (Ilikebigsbugs) etc because I know them a little bit, they are germanized already and love my country.
Uh..das ist ein komplexes Thema. Ich bin mir sicher das es jede Menge tolle Menschen aus aller Welt gibt und ich konnte bereits einige selbst treffen (Afrikaner aus England, weiße Amerikaner aus Michigan (Schüleraustausch usw.)).
Aus diesem Grund würde ich niemals sagen das Ausländer generell schlecht oder schlechter sind (wie auch immer man schlechter definiert), aber eins steht ebenfalls fest: Viele Ausländer haben ein niedrigeres Bildungsniveau (im Durchschnitt) ! Bildungsniveau berücksichtigt nicht nur die schulische Bildung sondern auch andere Faktoren/Mindsets die uns (Zentraleuropa) selbstverständlich erscheinen und oftmals auch Sinn machen z.b die Notwendigkeit guter Gesundheitsversorgung, die Notwendigkeit eines Sozialen Netzes das von der Regierung bereitgestellt wird, wie Demokratie in einem Staat funktioniert usw.
Diese Unterschied im Verständnis der Welt (Erkenntnis) halten mich auch davon ab eine Frau aus der bildungsfernen Schicht zu daten, ich habe vor Jahren meine Erfahrungen damit gemacht (sowohl privat als auch beruflich)und bin damit wirklich durch (katastrophale Ex die fast ungewollt von mir schwanger geworden wäre).
Die Videos z.b von "my world is getting dumber" spiegeln sich nicht die amerikanische Realität in ihrer Gänze dar, aber was mir Sorgen macht die Tatsache das diese Leute in den Videos unglaublich ungebildet und ignorant sind! und wenn das nur eine kleine Minderheit repräsentiert (aka Spitze des Eisbergs)wie sieht dann der Eisberg unterhalb der Wasseroberfläche aus. In Deutschland wird es übrigens ebenfalls schlimmer und schlimmer ! Ich möchte an dieser Stelle nichts schönreden.
Es sind keine generellen Abneigungen oder gar Fremdenfeindlichkeit sondern eigene Erfahrungen sowie Klischees (in denen sich oftmals zumindest etwas Wahrheit finden lässt)die mich ein bisschen vorsichtiger agieren lassen.
Thank you Hayley for your points on interracial relationships. To be honest my girlfriend is brown and from Brazil and worried about racism in Germany. As I am white I don't know much about that so it was a relief to see your viewpoints and on the other side I live in Berlin and there it shouldn't be a problem at all.
Thank you very much!
"Ach nee..Schatzi, ich bin doch nackig" 😂😂
Heheheh 😈
Just to tell you: In Austria (the eastern and southern parts) are a lot of people with the same tone of color of the skin like yours - but none of them would identify themself as "brown" or "dark color". And yes, the got it from working alot outside or had it since birth, but none of them wouldn't see themself anything other then "normal".
...and I think in Germany and Austria nobody really see the skine tone as a problem! I think some religious topics are more a problem to some (sadly)
And it is a shame that this topic isn't dieing at all!
Good talk about different views on a still sensitive topic.
Thank you!
Thanks for listening :D
Germany does not have that long history of racism like the US, starting with masters and slaves, white superiority and until today strong differences between the black and white community. When we see black people, we do not associate what a white american does, as our black people come from Africa, are GIs (which are always strange, black or white) or are germans since generations (very rare). They are exotic, like other foreigners too, but we do not have that american trauma which is such a huge thing there still today.
even in the 19th centuary people knew it was wrong to discriminate. de.wikisource.org/wiki/Der_Struwwelpeter/Die_Geschichte_von_den_schwarzen_Buben
The moral of the story: if ur a person of Color and attractive u should move to Germany, cuz there aren't so many competitions
brtbrt brl To Be honest Germany 🇩🇪 people don’t look at color like they do in the USA. Germany is more open to mix marriage. My girlfriend is white and she is from Germany 🇩🇪. They were more open to it than back in the USA. They are some place in the stages that are open more like Utah Orgeon
I love you videos that explain your views and the current climate in Germany. My mom is German and my Dad is black and they met when he was stationed there with the Army in the 60's. I am the product of that "mixed" relationship. As a kid we were referred to as "Mischling", by our german side and told we were "black" by the other. Same as you...couldn't pick a box to check off on forms but I feel that I am free in many ways by this...to define myself as I see fit. I always hung out with (and dated) all kinds of people of many and varied races (I'm from NYC) based not on my (or their) color, but on my interests and temperament. I eventually married a red head from the Bronx and we have 2 beautiful kids that are in their 20's now. My girl is dark (more like me) and my boy looks "white", as they say. They are both dating people of mixed backgrounds.
Thank you so much for all of these videos. I long for the perspective of others with similar backgrounds of what Germany is today and hope to visit my mother's side of the family one day (in Essen)
Coll. essen. i come from there
Hayley, this is such an intelligent and informative video! Thank you for having the courage to tell your story online and be a role model for women of colour! (I never comment on videos I watch but I felt like I needed to tell you how much I appreciate your work.)
Your story is funny but that kind of funny that I would have taken it to my grave instead of telling anyone one of my most embarassing moments. Kudos to you for being so strong. There it is out I envy you.
I am usually very open BUT I have a very embarrassing story that I don't know if I will tell but I am debating to make a video about it or not.
I'm American and my husband is German, I am Blessed! True Love! I hope the BEST for you Hayley!
i really liked the point you made with intercultural relationships, because in the end this is what it comes down to. i mean by now 30% of the younger generation living in germany have a background of migration, be it russian, polish, turkish or whatever. so in an intercultural relationship this is a very important topic
I agree with you wholeheartedly on this topic ❤️ In Germany it is more intercultural / international dating.
And I like it, simply for the reason of bringing people together and understanding different cultures.
Peace 🕊
to overcome the cultural differences is exactly the point, the racial differences are just a matter of taste. Some like white, some like black, some like asian, that's only a matter of taste. What I figured personally is that after a very short while you don't even notice the race of your partner/friend anymore. I remember one day a friend showed me pictures of her family and I was really confused for a second that one of her parents is black before I realized oh yes she is black so her parents must be too... How do you see your friend? As a white dude or just as your friend? I guess when you have an argument he is just "that german guy" and when you are in love it is your boyfriend but he is never really a Caucasian. Race does not matter.
Totally agree! My friend and I talked about trying new hair products together and we weren't sure how we would look like afterwards. So I said: At least we will look funny together. And she said: People won't even see it if I do. I totally forgot she wears a hijab 🙆♀️👧👧
I like Long vídeos. We get to know you more. You are awesome. Keep the long videos coming
I will start uploading 20 minute videos once a month... Just so I can talk a little more with people... I enjoy reading peoples comments...
Hayley, your Denglish version of "ausmisten" really made me laugh.
I first didn't get it when listening to Hayley, but then the penny dropped: Denglish! Cannot say I have heard "mist them out" from anyone else.
This is a really wonderful video and thank you so much for sharing some really important perspectives that I think everyone should know about. You're absolutely right when you say that IR relationships are heavily romanticized in the American media, which really doesn't help matters much as it just serves to give alot of people an unclear view about what that might actually be like. Relying on that kind of thing as a guideline on how it would be to date outside of your race is like relying on romance novels as to how to secure a relationship with someone.
Also I have to say this and I figure it's going to ruffle some feathers, and you actually did touch upon this as well, but I've noticed time and time again that alot of people just automatically assume that all IR couples are super woke and/or incredibly progressive , with the worst assumption being that if you're a white person in a relationship with a non-white person than you are somehow incapable of being racist. That is just not true and you should never assume that you can tell exactly everything about a person simply by who they choose to date.
Then there's the bizarre fetishization when it comes to the idea of having mixed race children to the point where people talk about them as being like some kind of highly desired accessory rather than a person. People really need to view these issues with alot more insight than jusy 'OMG mixed race babies are soooooo cuuuuuuute!'.
Once again great video Hayley !
It's also a lot more of a tendency, in Germany (and in Europe in general), for everyone to learn several languages, thus enabling them to _communicate_ with people in the next country, and it's the norm in Europe to keep travel costs low enough and travel means abundant enough to _encourage_ travel. These are key ways that set Europe apart from the US. So of _course_ it follows that geographic diversity is the norm, in Europe, much more than in the US.
I’m happy to have found your channel. I’m in a long term interracial relationship with a German born and raised man. I’m not American. I do struggle to understand the colour challenges black/mixed raced Americans discuss and I’m not light skinned as you are. I don’t quite get it. My German partner is very impressed with your German accent, in fact he says your German accent is better than his own children, who are German born but not raised in Germany. You’ve inspired me to work harder to learn German.
Who cares about colors. Itˋs hard enough to find a perfect match.
OMG, I'm so proud of you Hayley, thanks a bunch for this video!!
I live in Germany and i haven't seen a sister this fine in a long time. Wow. Pretty smile.
LOL THANK YOU!
This was such a nice video. I agree ever since I came to germany I am stopping to think about race so much. I do notice that sometimes in my boyfriends hometown people look because we are a mixed couple, but other than that I feel it is normal. And like you said I started viewing our relationship as more an intercultural relationship, as I feel both of our culture(africa vs german, and czech vs german) makes the most difference, rather than our skin colour. It is really nice to see that it was your experience too...ps. the comment about the schokobonbon made me laugh so much.. those cheezy lines are killing me everytime haha. Anyway, I wish you a good day. And thanks for the sweet video :)
I cant totally agree! Born nd Living in Munich nd Dark Skin, im from senegal. I faced all the racism u faced in the US. MY CHILDHOOD wasnt easy i heard the n-word many times without knowing at some Point what it means. There are Germans who likes different cultures but they are being judged! People Watch u if u are a Dark skin Girl with a white men. Especially After this Refugee Problem 2015. Its a comon racism in here! Try to go to the villages in Bavaria itz disgusting how People treat u...nd it also depends on ur Colour like if u Light Skin or Dark Skin...africans got the same issue like Light Skin is better...People ask me Everyday Why do i speak German so fine with no Accent at work? Im Working in Media Market nd itz very frustraiting...my husband is from the Caribbean i was always attracked to Blacks but got nothing against white people. My sister is married to a German nd haf to face very harsh racism based on her Marriage with a white man. Her husband also got to face the racism nd he gets shoked every Time...for sentences in the u Bahn / subways like Stop Making nigga babys with this girl... itz redicioulus...sry my english is not that well Jus Wanted to get this off my chest ...nd Yes i heard it very often too like i want brown babys nd the blablabla...i m pregnant with my First Child nd already Scared what my baby hav to Deal with in the Future...Not all are racists but there is a comon racism..or a Bug intolerance😏
"and until the color of a man's skin is of no more significance than the color of his eyes there is something wrong in this word. I do live in an "interracial relationship", but never see it that way. It's the intercultural aspects that matter.
What a load of vacuous waffle. Btw, what about the large numbers of Turks and Arabs in Germany, and how often do they intermarry with ethnic Germans?
here for shirtless mike tbh :)
LMAO poor Mike did not know he would be exposed like that
"the interracial elephant in the room" xD
Hayley, You nailed it!!!
It is about intercultural relationships! And what could be more interesting?! (And if we remind our peers about our unconscious biases in a polite way we can all be part of getting the world a better place. Thanks again!)
I am impressed how well (good?) you verbalize it.
First up: I find it really kind of disturbing that there is still the word "race" in play... There is only one race, and that is "human". Having said that: Considering that - as you said - there are so many more black (and Hispanic aso) people in the US one would think, that inter-ethnical relationships were a lot more common and normal there, like international relationships are in Europe, which is naturally more likely because more nations (not nationalities, since you have those over there as well, I guess even more) are closer together by, let's say "layout". ;) Yes, I am considering slavery and such, but it's not like all countries in Europe have always been getting along like loving siblings. :D So it's actually kind of weird, if you think about it, right? Huh. Cool, how I never stop discovering new aspects of a aready known thing. Thanks for triggering it. :)
# cadeeja actually I had the same thought, one would think that "interracial" couples are a common thing.
In the states
# cadeeja I agree. It always annoys me that they say from a diffrent race when it's just a different ethnicitie. We are all from the same race. We are all humans.
It's funny to think that in the US a white woman dating a black man is considered cool. True, among young people race is not an issue in Germany anymore, but for the older generations it still is.
I am German and have been married to my Nigerian husband for 18 years and I can tell you, romanticizing this relationship is the last thing people do here. More than a few times I had to set straight that I am actually still with the father of my kids because people seeing me with a mixed child automatically assume it is over. Even in public offices I have been asked if the father pays for his kids and why I don't apply for child support. I had to apologize that I actually still live with the man.
Being with a coloured man somehow pushes you into the "slut" section. Funny enough, men dating black women seem to face less prejudice.
Hello Hayley. I have been married to an African-born woman since 1998. We both have German citizenship and we have two children. We never had any problems in Germany. OK . the staring disturbs. But my wife looks very good. Sometimes I ask "do you want a photo of my wife?" and then they look away.
But when I worked in Canada and USA for six months, I was surprised. When I showed a picture of my family to People i got to knew and they Asked me "Are you married to a black woman? We thought to a German woman". When I said that my wife is German, they didn't understand it. Later I saw a gun cabinet with the Sticker "White Proud" at one of my friends. Then I knew that I was better looking for other friends. But we also had a lot of nice and funny experiences.
I met a lady in my university course (she was around 40 and from Germany) and she was getting divorced at the time... So she packed up her stuff... Left Germany..and decided to go to school in south west Florida and I really applaud her for that!! I remember she started dating someone who might have been from Jamaica...or the Bahamas... I do not recall but I do recall him being brown and BEAUTIFUL...A drop dead gorgeous, intelligent, kind, and sweet man. She had never dated a "black" person in Germany because she was married to her husband for 20+ year. but when she got to Florida (where there are so many more brown people) she realized she had a preference (beautiful brown men). She started dating this Caribbean man and she lived in a very "rich" neighborhood on the beach in South West Florida....
She asked the guy to come over and walk on the beach with her.... While they were walking on the beach...An older couple basically tried to tell her to be calm, that they were calling the cops, telling her she would be alright, etc etc. She thought she did something wrong but the old couple said while calling the cops "A black man is trying to assault and kidnap this white woman in our neighborhood"....
She tried to tell the older couple that this "black man" was her boyfriend and that they should leave her alone... They said that they knew she was being kidnapped and that she should not worry the cops were coming and basically stopped the guy and her from walking away and screaming/causing a scene. They could not accept the fact that this blonde hair blue eyed beautiful "rich" German woman could possibly choose to be with a "black" man. Basically the cops came and nothing happened to the older couple and the lady was left with a horrible impression of the American justice system and a bad taste of racism.... I will never forget that story and it is sooooo sad :(
@@HayleyAlexis wow this is horrible..
Hayley, you are so right. We make such a big deal about this in the United States . I love Canadians, Swedes, Italians, Arabic guys, etc.
I like your perspective! I have dated men from a few different races and it wasn't odd or anything like that. My brother is married to a woman who has fair skin and no one really cares. I think it only becomes an issue when people make it one. To me what matters most is how compatible you are and whether or not you find them attractive regardless of the color of their skin. I am part German but I have never dated a German man and would love to. I find German men to be attractive. Funny story: My best friend from childhood is German and her family loves me. Her younger brother would always tell me "you have such nice skin" and I was so confused about what that meant but later learned that he has a thing for women of color lol. I love seeing the contrast in couples it's a nice break from the norm I guess.
B T You do notice that we aren't divided into differenr races right? We all are from the race homo sapiens sapiens (the human). We all are the same race and share the same identical genetical gene pool. Just one race, which is divided into different ethnicities.
Jasmin absolutely! There is only the human race. Unfortunately there are people in this world who don’t see it that way thus bringing me to my point that it’s not a problem unless someone makes it one. Though for me, I don’t think it should ever be a problem.
Peter Connell Lol I don’t think you understand the meaning behind my words
Peter Connell I’m very well aware of the laws and I know the history behind America. This is definitely not a new phenomenon but thank you for your input
Love is a feeling not a color, I wish everyone would get this. Thank you for your wonderful video, fantastic insight.
Belinda Thomas, of course, I just don't understand why people don't get it
Love your videos! Keep on sharing and best of luck!!
Thank you for watching them
Hayley, as a US citizen, you are trained to think this way. I remember, filling out US forms, you often need to check if you are black, white, hispanic, native american, etc. When I was thinking on starting business togeather with a black guyin the US, he 'naturally' suggested to work with a black attorney for filing the documents. I got the impression trusted him because he also was black. I received job applications in the US where german hertiage was seriously mentioned as qualification. Here in Germany, we are not familiar with the need of self-declaring to which race we belong to and I am glad about this. I like your conclusion on problems with your boyfriend originating from being grown up in a different culture and you working on this. I wish all the best for you.
To be perfectly honest, when it comes to dating I, as a German female, really don't think about categories such as "race" or characteristics like skin color. I never have. Actually, other than in history class, it doesn't pop up in my everday life, at all.
The first person I ever dated was of Turkish and Pakistani descent; another had Egyptian parents. I hadn't realized what a big deal relationships like that could be until I saw your videos.
I'm sorry but to me, a mindset of judgemental and stereotyped thinking is outdated and misplaced.
Am always happy to hear you speak out? You are a very good Teacher/ Educator!
Hey Hayley ☺️ I'm from Germany and I think racism is still a problem, but it's not that bad. My boyfriend has brown skin and he told me a long time ago (before he got to know my family) that he thought they might have a little problem with his skin color.But in my circle it's not even worth talking about skin color.Nobody is interested in which skin color your bf or friend has. It might sound weird, but I couldn't imagine dating a white guy anymore(except of the fact that I won't break up). I just think men of color are way more attractive 🤷🏽♀️
It's just because of personal appearance.
Ad min ok I will😂
White women like you should be erased from our gene pool so please dont ever mate with a white men and have white children ... because they would have your broken genes
I love your video. Germany was a cultural shock to me as well when I was stationed there from 1991-1993. There's a lot of cultural differences between the US and Germany (even how some Germans view Americans in general), but I digress. Germany will always be close to my heart for that reason. It was a wonderful growing experience culturally.
However, my experience as a military brat turned soldier is a bit different than yours in that international relationships are very common, especially in the Military community (perhaps more so there than any other facet of American Culture.) It's not uncommon to find Soldiers (Airmen, Sailors, Marines etc.) married to men and women from Korea, Japan, Germany, even the Philippines and Taiwan. Honestly, it's also the community where you likely to find "interracial" couples (as we call them here in America (which in of itself is absurd as a title, anyway...)).
Speaking from experience, my first ex-wife was Latino ( and 100% American through and through as she was from El Paso Texas, and former soldier :)). So, it didn't seem odd or quirky to be dating her because having lived in a Military community I had been exposed to that kind of diversity, even though it did create some sort of friction for her and I outside of our relationship because of how other people looked at the relationship and from people who were not exposed to that level of diversity as a child. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's how I saw it. So, I guess my point is while it may not seem that there are international marriages and relationships being prevalent they are here, and more frequent than most people realize.
Anyway, I'm glad you made this video. It needs to be seen. Thank you. Thank you.
sooo funny! I am going to marry a dark skinned woman in two weeks. I am curious what we will experience. I am german, btw :-)
Glückwünsche von mir. Möge es für ewig halten.
I think you’ll be ok ❤️❤️ I’m sending lots of wedding joy and bliss your way!! 🙆🏽♀️🎊
All the best to you both. I'm married with a kenyan woman for 38 years now. So it can work :-)
Wolfgang Hampe super! Das macht Mut. Aber ich bin sicher es wird großartig
Wolfgang Hampe
High five, Wolfgang. I am from Japan my darling wife, whom I love and respect so much, is from Kenya too. She speaks my language fluently, and I speak both Swahili and her native language which I find fascinating. Skin color was the least of our concerns-- the greatest challenge we sorted out during our courtship was food, morals,respect, and religion. I like that she respects and loves me.
that was really helpful.
i started using youtube to improve my English skills for my upcoming vacations, and somehow this subject came up so often... (certainly the algorithm didn't help).
but i understand the difference in mindset better now.
Thanks Hayley!
You are seriously the cutest couple, I can't 😂
Hey gorgeous!
Can you please make a video about “cultural relationship problems”?! I’m German, dating an American and we love each other and fit perfect together, of course. BUT as you mentioned at the end of your video, we mostly “fight” about morals, cultural things, language barriers etc. For example my typical German cold ass, realistic, straight forward and honest attitude featuring his American flowery, there are “no problems”,always super optimistic attitude. 😜🙈😂
At the end of the day we manage everything great and love each other more and more every day, it just needs a lot more communication, empathy and patience, than I was used to.
Soooo.... long story short, I would love to hear about your experiences and how you deal with it. Deuces ✌🏻😋
Btw I LOOOOVE your Chanel!!!! ❤️
Well, as you know, there aren't many things that are better than German Schokobonbons.
Heheheh 😂
Hayley Alexis - the next time someone calls you 'chocolate-something', you could just kindly remind them that the chocolate is one of the best things about Germany and leave them dumbfounded. Maybe it works.
Also, I just don't get the obsession some people seem to have with evaluating the tone of your skin. When I first saw one of your videos, my first response to your looks wasn't "black" or "white"... but "maybe I should go on vacation in a sunny place like Italy or Mallorca".
HAHAHAHAH I am making everyone self conscious about their own skin color. Aspen sent me a video of two of my videos filmed months apart from each other and she was like... "What is this magic, how can your skin be so many different colors"
Oh, I wasn't suggesting that it's okay to call her a "schokobonbon", I was trying to make fun of people who call her that and fully agree with you that it's offensive to reduce a person to one superficial physical aspect.
I'm sorry if I didn't make that more clear.
I wouldn't say that it's part of an "American mindset", though - there are plenty of Americans who are completely oblivious to this kind of thing.
It's more a matter of belonging to a demographic that has or is being subjected to some kind of discrimination. It's not just black people - Jews, Sinti, Roma, gays, religious minorities or various migrant communities around the globe all developed survival strategies to help them recognize this kind of danger.
Hayley, you are very right,“ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder!“ As a side note, if you hadn’t told us that you are biracial, I would never have come to that idea. You are a beautiful woman no matter your background and any man would be lucky to be with you.
Don't forget about me, Hayley! US-German relationship IN the US here!
I was honestly thinking about you and I did talk about the US German relationships but deleted it out of my video :D
I'm in an interracial and intercultural relationship with a Nigerian man. I'm German, a redhead and very white. The only people making a big deal out of it are Americans lol
Whenever I mention it online, I get questions like "Oh do your parents know? What did they say? Did your dad disown you?" and stuff like that.
Here in Germany, we get the occasional racist joke or insult but in general people don't really give a sh*t. And our families have always been very supportive.
HAYLEY, THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BECAUSE I THOUGHT MIKE WAS A LIGHT SKINNED BLACK DUDE 🤭🤣
A lot of people think he is black which is funny to me... but no...Just a regular marshmallow :p
You and Mike are soooo freaking CUTE!! Your love is REAL!
Watching this video I flinched a couple of times, especially when I heard about people deliberately going for interracial relationships, to me this seems as pathological as insisting on only dating within your own ethnic group. Whenever ideology or politics play into it I get disgusted this is not what modern thinking should be.
16:56 “my schokobonbon” omg I can’t 😂😂 just discovered your channel and I already love it
I’m from Hawaii, and doing the au pair thing in Berlin (and really loving it!), and I’ve been here for about 2 months now. Even in this city of 3.5 million people I can somehow go days without seeing black people, and on days that I do it’s usually less than 10, haha. There are not many of us here; it’s for sure a white city. I haven’t had any issues with race either, and also get the comments about being “schoko” , blah blah.
Generally, most places I don’t think skin tone matters; beauty really transcends race. Both of my parents are African American, for reference. I’ve always gotten comments that I look Ethiopian/mixed, but I am not either. Anyway, in regards to your videos, in my experience so far German men love black women. I am getting a lot of attention from them. The men here seem quite shy...I’ve been approached shockingly for date propositions, but mostly the men just stare, and they are not shy about it. The cat calling at times too, which also surprises me because I guess coming here I was expecting more it to be more reserved. Overall it is a cool city, and black women are amazing; we wouldn’t really have issues dating anywhere in the world.
Wonder if people also go to, I dunno, Japan, and then go...Wow, there are really not many non-Japanese people here...really mostly Asian..who'd have thought..
Fantaghiro touché. I’m not complaining, though. Just making the observation because many people said that Berlin is diverse, which it is in many ways, but not racially. No surprises, just observations.
Indeed, there are many types of diversity. "Racial" diversity is just one. Americans only seem to acknowledge diversity when it comes in different skin colours. And often times non-Europeans can just not see it - they can't tell if someone is German or from Bosnia or Russia. But we can ;) Berlin IS diverse. Why would anyone compare Berlin to an American city of all things? America is a typical immigration country in a completely different part of the world, with a completely different history. And Americans only account for less than 5 % of the world's population so...not a very representative place in general. Anyway, like...it makes sense that most minorities are people from other European countries (and there are probably more than you can tell).
In Frankfurt you would find much more than 10 per day crossing your way ;)
I am black in Berlin and German people stare at everyone. I don't make it a big deal. And yea i have been catcalled too by turkish/arabic men, they honk their horns or yell out of their car in German. However, German men here have never approached, hit on me, or catcalled me here.
Don’t be too hard on yourself...you didn’t have ill intentions...you were trying to pay a compliment! People should be able to differentiate and not get so offended...btw, I’m Chinese and I still get ignorant comments such as “do u eat cats?...” and I really just shrug it off. And my husband is blond gray-eyed pure Dutch. Love you! 😻
Its nice to know that people all over the world just want to be *happy* :)
Thanks for the video! I really enjoyed it. I've been following you for a while and have enjoyed the comparison videos you have made so far. This was the first one that really spoke to me though. And no, not because im in an interracial relationship. I actually moved to Germany a couple of years ago and im fully integrated in this society by now but i still keep comparing the cultural differences of my country and Germany. Its interesting to hear about Germany from a fellow expats point of view and also i like to hear about the American culture a lot. The second reason is probably why im subscribed to you. I have a couple of American friends and i am intrigued by the culture so its interesting to hear your take of the whole deal. I just liked that you took the concept of your normal videos (differences between DE and USA) and dug deeper this time, not talking about obvious superficial differences like AC or recycling or the different produce (btw,nothing wrong with that it just... more obvious). I liked that you talked about the mentality and deep rooted social aspects of living in the two countries.
I hope youll keep this up an will talk about meaningful and interesting cultural differences that not many people talk about. Or... about everyday experiences here(DE) and there (US) - like, idk Holidays, health system, taxes, finding/keeping a job, and job etiquette, stereotypes, etc. etc. And it would be cool if you'd try to keep it 50/50, as in, talking about both the countries and not only focus on the german experience. I guess your main demographics is americans who want to live or live in germany so you tend to sort of give advice to people who are moving here, which is totally fine. but i guess there are some germans or people who live in germany but also want to know about USA and see your unique point of view as an american.
Anyway, thank you for the video. Was a good watch.
TheCableBug Nice ideas for upcoming videos! I would also like to see Hayley's take on those topics.
I am not so sure if you guessed the demographics on her YT Channel right... I am pretty sure the vast majority of subscribers and ppl watching her videos are German and ppl from surrounding German speaking countries; maybe 70-80%. I hope viewer numbers from all around the world and especially the US are going up much more in the future. Just because she is such an amazing ambassador for lots (not all :D) things German.
The Race topic is a tabu topic here. And one thing ,a lot of german guys who are interessted in dating Black woman, have a fetish. I don't know if it's the same in America...
Liebe Grüße :)
Gosh... And I always thought you were just tanned. 😂 I lived a lie!!! Anyway, you're incredibly beautiful ❤️ and I think you're such a fun and nice person that I haven't even paid attention to the fact that you might be of "a different race". I only saw the beautiful and funny Hayley who always manages to make my day better with her amazing videos ❤️❤️ and I think most people think the same.
I couldn’t agree more. My mom is Indian and my Dad is a mix of Black and White and people have always gotten so many comments on my curly hair/ me being mixed to the point where it makes me feel uncomfortable. Having mixed kids/ interracial relationships is such a fetish, I would say even more so in South Florida (I’m from Broward). I especially notice a lot of black guys will only date girls who are not fully black or black at all and now I’m noticing black women starting to move towards that too especially because how the men treat them.
Yasmine Ameena diluting of race
Hayley Alexis, what you describe about Germany is very similar to Norway. I think we also mainly thing about it as being in a relation with somebody from a different culture more than we think about it being different "races". There is no word in Norwegian called "interracial relationship." I had been with my asian-american wife for a long time before I learned that word. I think it crops up for us a lot too how focused on color/race American culture is. I see when my asian-american mother in law speak about me eating lots of boiled potatoes as eating "white people food." To me it isn't "white people food," it is just Norwegian food. I don't associate potatoes with being white. I associate it with being Norwegian. Italians don't seem to eat much potatoes and they are white.
My speculation is that in the US one has conflated race and culture. Because black-america happens to have a different culture from white America, American's get the idea that skin color determined culture and behavior. While this difference in culture is mainly a product of long term racism and segregation. In Europe in contrast there has been so few immigrants often that they adopt the culture of their native country. Hence for a lot of black or brown Germans, Norwegians or whatever there is no difference between their culture and the "white culture." They speak, act and prefer the same kind of things. Like in America you can usually hear from the voice if somebody is black, while you usually can't in most of Europe.
There are two problems with black guys in Germany: 1) Many of them come from traditional/patriarchal countries, so they have very traditional family values, not fitting for some modern women. 2) Many of them have very traditional family values, which means a lot of them are already married with children at 20+!
Me: Russian, living in Germany, dated a Brit, now dating a Spanish guy. I find it very exciting to have an opportunity to learn about a different culture and share yours in a relationship. Also, I don't really know that many Russian guys here, even if I wanted to choose one of them.
I am glad you said You said "many of them" and not all there is always exceptions. All of the males in ym Family tree who grew up in Germany are passed 30 and single but I don't think they would be interested in a woman with such preconceived notions. It would probably be exhausting to prove themselves to someone with your mindset.
I moved from Austria (very comparable to Germany) to the US as adult and learnt with 35 years that there are black and white people, I heard the word "interracial" for the first time and that the word "race" is used for people at all since Hitler. As long as I was in Europe, I never differentiated people by skin color, which is literally the most superficial categorization possible. In the US I fell in love with a Jamaican man, and neither of us defined each other as black or white. We had different cultural backgrounds, and that certainly is important, because culture influences values, attitudes, habits etc. That caused conflict and tension, however the biggest problem were people from the outside (his family and friends) who did not accept me as "white" woman because I could cause him problems, bring him to jail. This obsession with skin tone is so destructive and self-destructive, and it has so much impact on daily life. At work, if you address a performance issue with an employee, the race card is played. One time, I posted a quote on my FB "not my circus, not my monkeys", and a union delegate showed it to my (mostly black) team saying I call black people monkeys. I have no idea how he came to this interpretation, but he went even to HR claiming I am racist. It was absolutely ridiculous but this a big thing here in the US instead of focusing on more substantial issues. So I am not surprised to hear that there are people who choose partners because of skin tone.
I grew up on the East coast and I remember interracial relationships being taboo. When I moved to the Midwest, I thought there was more acceptance of interracial relationships. Now, 20+ years later, I'm not sure if there is a difference between the East coast and the Midwest anymore. I believe there is much more or a difference with the South vs the rest of the country. Now, we also have the problem of Trump normalizing racism all over the country, so the bigots are coming out of the woodwork.
Beth McNamee Its no difference all over America because that's what the country is built on. On top of fabricated history that is taught. Just have to live your life and try to be around positive respectful people.
We have all have said stupid things in our life and later cringe. Love your videos. You are so real and so refreshing!
Honestly the only reason I disagree is because I live in a bubble in California and I think the majority people here are mixed, or at least in Culver City, we have the 4th most diverse school district in the nation so many foreign exchange students and people of mixed race live and go to these schools which makes interracial/international relationships are kinda normalized here, but I now other parts of the US could be very different because of lack of diversity or the history off the state
Hi Hayley, perhaps a little late, but I just entered your vlogs - and yes I subscribed and put the bell on :) I’m from the Netherlands (the country next door) and overhere inter racial relations are not a topic whatshowever. Since we use to have colonies (yes, Ik know that’s a very black page in our history and I apologize even if I didn’t have anything to do with it, but as a country we were very much part of having colonies and being slave traders) there are quite a lot of Dutch citizens with differend skin tones originating from our former colonies Surinam, the Dutch Antilles and Indonesia. Since they were all part of the Dutch Kingdom, they were able to travel more or less freely to the mother country. Therefore we are nowadays used to having all kinds of skin tones amongst our citizens. Nowadays we also have a lot of immigrants from all over the world. It just all makes our country so much more diverse and beautiful. So, since we are used to this, inter racial relations are certainly not rare and fully accepted and not an issue. We are all equal and I love my country for it. If I were of different skin tone and from America, I would immigrate to Europe in a heart beat. Even if I were of white skin tone it would certainly make me thinking to immigrate to Europe. Not all is of course bad in The USA, but there’s a lot of room for improvement in comparison with Western Europe. No offense meant ;) It is still your native country :) God bless America!
Hayley, in the USA geography has a lot to do with the number of interracial relationships you will see. I grew up in South Carolina and even there it depended on where you were. I attended an "all white" school before the mandate of integration. Any type of "race mixing" was taboo. But I heard the teachers whisper of a town where just about everyone was "mixed" and it went back even to the days when it was strictly illegal. They did not approve and an older one insisted that it was NOT TRUE. The people in power were doing it and there was no one there to stop them. In the eighties, one of my cousins married a woman from there and the wedding was a true eye opener for me. The bride's side of the church was a true rainbow and they all looked alike.... I live in Ohio now and visited an area where many of the people were brown to very bright. Some with natural blonde hair and many with blue eyes. They did not call themselves "mixed" as they looked like their parents, grand parents and great-grand parents!
Vernon Berry There is more than one area mixed town in Ohio, some say they are mixed with Native American, Black and white.But many classify as Black not mixed.
Rae Neumann what do you mean by "classified"?
on the birth certificate it says Black /or colored, and we all know that colored means "Black" in America. There are large pockets of mixed people living in the mountains of many Southern States who claim to be Native Americans, and in many cases its clear they are mixed with Black and White, and a little Native American DNA. The government does not Federally recognize these people as Native Americans, because many have no Native Language nor evidence of peace treaties with the Government. Even today if a Black and white marry and have a child, the US Census will classify the child as Black because of the Black parent. And it doesn't have to be that combination, it can also be Black parent and Asian Parent, the child will be classified as Black by the US Census. I did a paper in my marketing class regarding the US Census and that's when I got a eye full. These people can say they are mixed if they choose too, because they will never be classified as white with the B/W combination. The Government made sure of that, not Black People.
Rae Neumann First of all, thank you for the explanation. Second: it sounds horrible! It's hard to understand for someone who isn't used to think in "race categorys", that people are divided into races in birth certificates and in everyday life 😣 I'll try to explain my point of view of the issue. Please take under consideration, I don't speak English very well.
German has a shameful history when it comes to the issue of race or different races. We all know this. But we have learned from our past, so alone the word 'race' isn't something you use very often. Not in your own head and certainly not when speaking publicly. The part about one's head doesn't apply to EVERYONE, but I'd like to think it does to many. So considering the past history of the US it's not understandable and quite frankly shameful, that the country/people /government didn't learn from the past as well.
It may be. the difference between our thinking and perception of the world has something to do with European thinking in national categories. Like, someone is from Japan, he's Asian. But I can't imagine someone would say 'this person has different race'. We like to think the country you come from, shape you, not your skin color. So if I would meet you and you would do something that's strange to me, I would think 'well, she's from the US, they different that way'.
Side note: Except in English I've never heard somebody use the world 'brown' to describe a person. It sounds terrible 😖
It's frustrating that I'm not able to express my thoughts and feelings in a more eloquently way😌 I hope you'll be able to understand what I was trying to say. Greetings from Germany 🤗
inspiron 64 Thank you for sharing your thoughts regarding this topic. You did very well.🙂
HI Hayley,
Love your Videos!
Considering amounts of brown people in germany.
You are comparing bayern and south florida.
Munich doesnt have a lot of them.
If you compare Frankfurt, Berlin with the Midwest you would think germany has more.
Depends where you live in germany.
Keep up the awsome videos!
Yay! A new video to watch 😊
Hiiiii 👋
Hayley Alexis Hiiii, you replied to my comment again, I'm sooo happy, by the way thx for replying to my comments😊
I try my best Sabrina to reply... I am always lurking on the internet
I just went and thought about how many of my friends are in interracial or cross-borders/heritages relationships and...almost all of them? I never really thought about that omg ahah. But I feel like it's less black and white and more non-'german' - 'german'. Like dating between different cultures and religions especially when it comes to turkish, italian, albanian etc.
Dating outside your race shouldn't be such a big thing though :( What does it matter hfsdhvsxa Human is human :'D I mean, the culture thing might get interesting ahah
I really like seeing your point of view about Germany I think I binged all your videos in like a day :'D