I love the comment "OP tell your son to leave his midlife crisis at home" LMAO!! Yeah she should feel "uncomfortable" facing the woman who's marriage she helped destroy so good on OP for shutting the two AH's down!! I mean what's next don't invite the grandkids also if they don't like her?? Or if he knocks her up it'll be don't invite the ex and the kids cause that will take the attention away from her shiny new baby...... Ex has been a part of OP's life/family for probably longer than his new side piece has been alive, so she can deal with it or stay home!!
Maybe they should stop inviting both the son or his fiancé. He is the one who is uncomfortable being around the woman he discarded for someone shiny and new, but he is using her as his excuse for why his first family should be rejected by his parents. He deserves to learn that he is dead to his entire family.
@@joimumu But wait it's not "their fault" that they: - Fell in love - It just happened - The married person was being "neglected at home" - Married person told the AH that they were already leaving the wife/husband and the relationship had been dead for years etc. I'm with you have no sympathy for either of them; just find it funny the amount of BS reasons they give to both justify and gain sympathy for being AH's
@@Miltz69 I will never understand why people always want to defend the woman and always say “sHe DoEsNt OwE yOu AnYtHiNg”. No she doesn’t but she should have respect for a relationship and shows she doesn’t even respect herself
@@Miltz69 Also as that one comment pointed out that people defending her infantilize women in general. How old do you have to be to know the general knowledge to not get together with people unless you know they're fully divorced/separated? 40? Also, considering she's uncomfortable 🙄, she knew full well what she was getting into and was OK with it.
OP has the long game in mind. They know that if their son cheated once on his wife and is now engaged to his mistress that an opening is available in his life. OP already has a good relationship with the woman who has primary custody of their grandchildren and realizes that jeopardizing that for his current fiancee/AP would be shortsighted and foolish.
She's also the reason he hardly sees his kids. The commenter who said he should be happy to have the extra time is missing the Reason for Mrs. X has 90% custody! Honeymoon & No Pre Made Family! He Is Starting Over (just didn't expect mom to Not play the game)
Story 2: "I raised you better than that." "Yes you did. You raised me to have a spine against assholes who make demand and yo stand up against misogynistic views. Too bad you didn't raise my sister the same.
Yeah, OP's mom in this story is disgusting. Like why would she have to "obey" this jerk. Also, in what world is he incapable of doing for himself. I wonder if the mom is the reason the sister won't leave this jerk.
Idk why the mom wouldn’t just do it herself like does she know that he wanted op to be the one to do it? Ugh can’t believe he lives with them and thinks he’s like the man of the house making such demands. I say if op ever makes him a meal she gives him a kids meal with a toy because he’s so childish and immature. Don’t understand how the parents are ok with this guy being a ass to their kid and while living under their roof. I can’t believe he had op’s mom doing his laundry, making him plates and such like man hope the sister wakes up
Daughter Packs Dad's Lunch- Ok, you're a young woman and you need to learn how to negotiate with your elders. BIL demands you do something, you reply 'I'm not your wife, so you must pay for my Lunch Services. $10 should cover your lunch. I have college to pay for, so my work cannot be free.' 'You do your dad's lunch!" 'My dad has paid for my entire life, so I like to honor him for that.' Mom steps in and tells you to pack the lunch. 'Mom, You taught me how to cook, and I'm grateful for that. If you think he is incapable of packing his own lunch, then you should teach him how to do it. You have great teaching skills, and I"m proof of that.' Then you leave the room. It's a shame that public schools don't offer personal communication and negotiation skills classes.
@@michaelplunkett8059 Ehhh.... mothers of previous generations trained their girls to be like the Mother, doing all things for men, even if they don't appreciate it. Their communication skills were always from subserviance, and sacrificing for others. None of the mothers in my life could offer any kind of negotiation like this. I had to learn that on my own. You learn this kind of thing from a father, but the fathers in my history were hands off on the rearing of children. They did occassionals fun things with the kids, but not much day to day. What did you learn from your family's parents, grandparents, etc. Thank you, for the kind words.
Mom can be pleased that her other daughter practices what she was trained for, to know 'her place', which is that women should wait on the men in their family.
@@gillianbergh7002 Then why the devil is SHE not packing her husband his lunch? Your logic is flawed. This man is an insecure manipulative narcssist. I can assure you: his teasing and bullying his younger SIL, ie OP, was Flirting. That is why OP is creeped out by him, but she is too young to fully understand why. How convenient would that be for him? Having two sisters as his wife and mistress. I'm not one to condemn other cultures and their practices, such as a woman's subservience. That is NOT how Christianity treats marriage. Yes, the wife should submit to her husband's authority over the family; but too many forget the second half of that scripture: Husband's love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. HUSBANDS ARE SUPPOSED TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR THEIR WIVES, AS WIVES ARE SUPPOSED TO SUBMIT TO THE HUSBAND'S AUTHORITY. Men should give everything to the Wife, and in return, the Wife should agree to his decisions for the family. It is subtle, but that is equality within a marriage. At this day and age, neither of those are being followed.
Story 1. I was the child of divorced parents whose Dads new wife made the same ultimatum. As a result my mum, myself and sister were always invited to family events and had close ties with dads family, my Grandad also stopped visiting his son and new family after he was asked to not mention us.
I would be furious if I found out my partner had not just a wife but also kids, also does the fiancee realize that if he cheated with her on the wife that he might do the same with her.
@@velvety2006Might? You are too kind. Add his other actions to the cheating, I think it's sure enough that he will chest again that it should be included in his wedding vows. Add a little realism to the dreamed up life the couple have convinced themselves they will have. Neither one have enough character to ride out a speed bump.
Sounds like your dad actually appreciates you. I love how he so clearly understands the difference between you choosing to make him a lunch and someone telling you to make the lunches.
I help my husband with his lunches but he is also a bodybuilder so he has a certain diet. I will cook his fish or chicken or whatever but the combination of things and how much is what he does. But he still thanks me for helping
@@DemonAngel heh exactly the same, I batch cook huge loads of chicken and rice! He portions it out and I'm still thanked for everything. Heck I'm thanked for simply pouring him a coffee from a pot I made for myself! He makes sure our boys always thank me and help out too.
OP needs to tell mother that his wife can pack his lunch, or she can. Tell mother, you point blank detest the man so don't tempt you to spit in his lunch. Don't ever try to enforce you to ever wait on that idiot or he'll be wearing it. So if your actions embarrass her, then she needs to not put you in a situation where you will continue to embarrass her.
@@velvety2006 My mom and i(male 27) always make my dad's, hers, my brothers(18s lunch& 11s after school snack), and finally my lunch together at the end of the day. If anyone complains about their lunch, be it food, size, taste, anything, their next lunch is just Tupperware filled with coins, and we don't count the change. My brother's exgf once tried asking where her lunch was when she moved in, we did the same thing, and told her to ask her bf not us
Nta. The ex is the mother of your grandchildren. It is not your son's house. So he has no say. Also lmfao the new woman that he cheated on his wife and the cause of a family splitting up feels uncomfortable being around her partner's ex. That is hilarious. Maybe she should have thought of that before screwing a married guy.
So living in mom’s house means that they aren’t independent and is humiliating, BUT living off your money isn’t? Nta give them the independence they deserve!
OP needs to start asking family for money. Maybe tell them she made poor financial decisions. Every time Sister and BiL post about some stupid thing they wasted money on, OP should post "OMG, I did too! Great minds think alike!" Then when they contact her to gift the losers money she needs to cut them off, "OMG, perfect timing! I was thinking about calling you to see if you had any money to help me pay for my rent, car payment, dental bill etc..." Maybe they'll quit asking her for money, or at least quit calling. 😂😂😂
Story 2: OP should pack the BIL lunch. Imagine the look on his face after OP says sorry and he's right and his lunch is in his car, He gets to the office and sits down with a smug grin and opens his lunch to find a fruit roll up and a single apple slice with a bite taken out of it. Priceless.
I'd go one better than a fruit roll-up and an apple slice. I'd get one of those food playsets for kids and give him some toy foods. It I were feeling a little extra, I'd also get a cute kid lunchbox to put them in (probably Barbie or Peppa Pig or Frozen themed - something girly, just to piss off the misogynist), just to really drive home that if he's going to act like a kid, he'll get treated like one.
@@fionaeckert4556 I was thinking more that only kids get to expect other people to prepare their food for them, but this works, too. Even better, perhaps, because I can't imagine the misogynist being too pleased with being called a princess.
"Fell in love." Yeah right, it is spelled L U S T not love. But on this one, never give an ultimatum about your fiancé's children's mother to the fiancé's family, you will always lose. They will always side with the children. Even if they hate the ex. Story # 2: The one thing about this one, is that OP's friend, a male, beat OP over the head with how stupid that gift was. But anyone who comes to AITA, after that probably will NOT ever understand the YTA comments.
'What about me?' What about you? You have two hands, BIL, and I'm pretty specific on who I spend my extremely finite time on. You demand it, I laugh at you. Full stop.
So Ivy and Tom want a "loan"? And just how will they pay it back if they're always complaining about lack of money, while simultaneously spending with both hands? Nope. NOPE.
The Ivy & Tom story: No "loan!" There is no way you would ever see that money ever again. Instead, offer to pay for them to consult with a financial planner. They are spending money that they can't afford on things that they don't need, but if the advice to stop doing that, and to live within their means comes from you, they will explode at you for trying to tell them how to live their lives, instead of your just being their ATM, as they want you to. If they refuse the offer of guidance from a professional financial planner, then tell them that you won't be their ATM anymore. Tell any other family members who try to bully you into continuing to be their banker, that if they feel that strongly about it, then they can be Ivy & Tom's new family ATM, as you have permanently retired from that position.
My older brother "forgot" to pick up a dog, twice, and I raised them and kept them. A better life for them, too. Anyway, I always prayed he would never have a kid because I didn't want a baby "forgotten" with me. He never did, thank the Lord.
You know how it is. You're walking along, minding your own. When suddenly you slip and fall, balls deep into delightful woman who is just as embarrassed as you. You try to get up but you slip and fall in again and again. Don't you just hate when that happens.
Second story: So according to OP’s mother when she rudely declared she raised OP better, she meant as a ‘slave’ or at least a doormat to be walked all over and taken advantage of? You need to have a LONG talk with your mother and her outdated ancient thinking.
Nope, that gives him an actual thing that he can use against her. She did it perfectly, including showing her dad respect in such a way that insures he will show it back. The preamble were she talked BIL down did nothing for the story though. That's called poisoning the well and is usually indicative of a weak case. Of course Reddit would have less to hop onto their high horses over so maybe that was it's purpose.
There's a simple solution being overlooked here. Just drop a few hints during the family dinner that any inheritance or family wealth will skip the son and go straight to the grandchildren. Have a feeling that the "love" his 23 year old bimbo has for him will dry up fairly quickly.
@@crazyweirdgirl115 well done indeed. Do you search the internet looking to correct other people's minor errors? Or are you unable to look for context?
Story 2: tell your mom that dad raised me, not her. Tell your sister and mother to make his lunches or he can be a adult, not a whiny toddler and pack his own lunch. Nta
I love the anniversary story - I would definitely want to receive the practical gift over a necklace 😂 But you need to understand each other’s feelings on gift giving; my bf tends to buy me expensive things that I just don’t want or need because he likes to spend money on me, but it makes me uncomfortable. We talked, and this year I wrote a list for my birthday so he could pick one or two things I would like. I got a steamer, pizza stone and a small luggage case, things I will use over and over and appreciate every time. Perfect! But I totally get that some people would far prefer some pretty jewellery. Talk about it with your loved ones!
I’m sorry those people are crazy her girlfriend legit was talking about the blender and the necklace. They act as if the girlfriend never mentioned wanting the blender.
They're going to look back on this year's down the road and laugh at the silliness. Op can still get her GF the necklace. But I'm pretty sure the GF is going to come around and appreciate the blender after a while.
One of the first gifts I got my wife of 17 years was a hand mixer. She was overjoyed because she wanted a specific one and I got it. OPs gf said she wanted an immersion blender and OMG OP remembered that she wanted it and got her one. Gifts that are thoughtful will always trump spur of the moment oh shiny in the long run. My wife uses that mixer all the time and fondly remembers that the man I her life got her something she wanted and mentioned in passing. Peeps who complain about gifts that aren't flashy are just materialistic imho.
Ehh I think the disappointment is warranted, the Gf made it so easy for op since they explicitly asked for something romantic and even have an example of jewelry. So it wasn’t very considerate of op to disregard her wishes and give her something that she wanted to give her (aka something practical)
I'm not sure if this is as bad as the Dyson vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I'm afraid she thinks it will get to that point one day. She said she wanted an Emulsion blender! And she actually listened! Let me tell you darling, that is something else your partner actually listens to you!
Ugh, my ex husband got me a vacuum for valentine's day. Did I really about wanting it? Yes. Did I want it for valentine's day, though... Some people just can't be helped 😂
Story 1: Why do peoples think threatening their parents with anything resulting in less time with their grandchildren can go well? It never go well when the parents are perfectly justified, and it will go even worse when the grandparent´s not in the fault at all.
Anniversary gifts...😭🤣🤣🤣 Geez! I have been married 33 years. Yes, I always appreciated the thought of jewelry as a gift to show appreciation, affection and perhaps romance. No, I don't expect it. I have collected quite a bit of jewelry over the years, and truthfully, I barely wear it as I am a SAHM. My husband doesn't expect a beauty queen at this point, although he appreciated me modeling when I was in my late 20's, after the kids were born. He brings home much stuff that isn't necessarily needed, and stuff I use everyday. I will always appreciate the set of T-Fal pots and pans he got for an anniversary gift. It shows me he pays attention to my comments everyday. I needed a new set! Everytime I use them, I remember his thoughtfulness in making sure I knew he hears me. That sort of consideration is really tearfully appreciated. That said, he still gets me jewelry occassionally, and I still love him for it. I do not require it. If i ask for something, he tries to get it. In this instance i would have gotten both for the spouse. 1 says I heard what you asked for, and the other says I hear you everyday.
OP2: 'Mom, I need to be clear - I make lunch for my dad because I love him. My brother-in-law is a piece of trash and I wouldn't make lunch for the raccoon that lives in the bin bags so why would I pack it for him?'
Story 1: what that son and his new boo need to realize is, once you’ve had kids with someone, if you want those kids in your life, you are hen tied to your ex for the rest of your life, they aren’t going to magically disappear. If it bugs his mistress that much, she needs to leave.
And what OP needs to realise is that she's completely clueless regarding the martial problems her son and daughter in law might have been having. I'm so sick of seeing dumb C U Next Tuesdays, that will never understand the pressures of being a man and no doubt think that being a man is so easy mode write off everything as a mid life crisis. Because the way I understand this is that he doesn't want the ex there because he's sick mommy dearest trying to force a reconciliation. Which obvious bugs the new partner, there's been a divorce and there is no suggestion of cheating - so you can't call her his mistress.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 He cheated on his ex which regardless of any problems in the marriage is not acceptable or right. Cheating IS cheating and there is NO excuse for it period. He nor his homewrecker ( because that's what she is ) get to demand that the ex who's the mother of his children and a part of the family for 20 years be removed from family events to make him or his homewrecking mistress comfortable. There is nothing but your own imagination to say that OP is trying to force a reconciliation between him and the ex as they expressed no such desire but there is plenty to say that he and his mistress are trying to gain her acceptance in the family by removing the reminder of their bad behavior by demanding the ex be excluded. No matter how he or his homewrecker feel it's OP's grandchildren who come first, so tough luck to the cheating son and his homewrecker because OP is rightfully putting their relationship with his children above them.
@@cisio64123 - This was background noise for me, so I missed the cheating part. However Son and DIL are divorced, and Fiancée is... well... the Fiancée. OP continues to be the problem here, because it still sounds like she's trying to force a reconciliation between Son and DIL. If that is just my perception... Fine. But if OP genuinely favours DIL over her son, then she needs to cut him off completely. Otherwise she's just being a spiteful b1tch and that's that not a good look on anybody, no matter what their reasoning is.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 Apparently you also missed the fact that the DIL has most of the custody of the children thus cutting her out also cuts off most of the OP's time with the children. You ARE projecting things in here that aren't applicable to the story. It's OP favoring the grandchildren not the ex and the son and his homewrecker need to get their heads out of their behinds or they will be excluded from the families events...by their own choice. You don't give ultimatums like that and then cry when the other person choses other than you want.
Yeah, but the thing is is it is unfortunately common for the new woman to want to drive the old wife and kids away. They want him all to themselves and their "new family" and unfortunately it happens exactly like they want all too often.
A few years ago my gf said she wanted a new can opener so I bought her one for Christmas. When I mentioned it to the teller in passing the look she gave me was a weird blend of disbelief, disgust and fear for my life. The gf did get more than the can opener.
My rule of thumb is don't give a gift that has to do with the kitchen to any woman. Period. The only exception is when I specifically ask "What do you want for ________?" and they then answere with something. But if they just mentioned wanting something in passing, then that's something you buy as a "just because" gift, not tied to any special day.
I’m sorry, if my partner bought ANYTHING I would have been thrilled! Been married 40 years, and he tells me if I want something, if we can afford it, buy it. He doesn’t buy presents. That’s my job. 🤷🏻♀️.
My husband and I do the same thing. It’s called being practical. 42 years together. My birthday is next month and just minutes ago I said “I found what I want for my birthday”. I’ll order it. Have it delivered. Then I’ll thank him. Lol He does buy beautiful sentimental cards for me though.❤️❤️
@@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat yes, she said something romantic like jewelry or something else. Romantic gifts are different for everyone. I think it was cute that op remembered that her girlfriend wanted the blender and since cooking was something her gf loved to do, op bought her something she already requested that would help with her hobby. I understand she also said “oh look, I want this” when it came to the necklace, but she also said she wanted a couple other things. Also the gf got op whiskey, I know many who don’t see that as romantic or something special for an anniversary, that’s a basic birthday gift to me and my friends/family. Again. It’s different to everyone and the blender is something the op thought the gf would love because it was again, something she request as well and believed would help with gf’s hobby
why is stupid brother In law living in their house? tell him to grow up and get out. he isn't an adult if he has to live with them and neither is her sister
Ivy and Tom. Ok, if they’ve posted you on Facebook as unhelpful & stingy, then they opened that door. Post all the things they waste money on. Post all the money you’ve ’lent’ them. Post all the things you do, I’m minding the dog again, I’m getting groceries for them, i’m minding the kids, whatever. Make a list. Post it. Let all the family who seem to think its your responsibility to financially support the irresponsible see with their own eyes how much you do for them. Then put your foot down. You are no longer the families bank. Don’t just complain about it, do something.
First story: if I was OP I'll tell my son that his new girlfriend is not invited to any family events happening at my house and he is lucky I didn't disown him for what he did to his wife and children
I do enjoy the new music but you may want to dial it down a few notches so that your voice comes through more clearly. Great narration as always, I quite enjoy your videos and voice!
I agree, the music does have a nice soft jazzy feel to it, but it does compete with the narration. So it should be turned down a notch or so. Can't tell you how many times I've watched a documentary where the music drowns out the narration so bad that I would have to turn on close captions in order to follow along.
Story 1 hey cheater it’s called consequences when you cheat on your family, and then wanna who controls who comes to family events. NO!! You get to have your face rubbed in it just like your children and wife.
She didn't mention the necklace until AFTER the fact. But she DID mention she needed a blender. She out and out said she needed a blender. If it was said she said she wanted the necklace BEFORE the annerversy, I didn't hear/forgot when/if it was mentioned.
Appreciate the new music Also hi XO Story 1: it’s hilarious how OP’s son thinks that his own family will side with his cheating ass over the innocent ex.
Lunch story... Tell mom just because her and sis feel great about feeding BIL mysogynistic ego by waiting on him hand and foot, you dont need to. You arent his wife or his momma. Hes a grown ass man who can pack his lunch himself and mom should be ashamed of HERSELF.
Okay, blender story. OP is getting crap because she did not get girlfriend a "romantic" gift. Girlfriend flat out states that anniversaries need romantic/sentimental gifts. So, what is so romantic/sentimental about a bottle of booze that OP was not able to justify shelling out for herself? Girlfriend shelled out big bucks for the booze OP wanted, so that is romantic, but getting her a kitchen appliance that she also wanted is not?
My husband gets me practical gifts I won't get for myself all the time. A consumable gift like liquor is more romantic than a practical gift that will be used frequently? Maybe, but I would remember it was a gift every time I used it. I can understand the GF/wife being upset, but "or something" leaves a lot of wobble room.
Because it was something specific OP wanted. She actually bought something OP *WANTED* not just going off script about something they *think* their partner might like as a gift.
The lesbian couple anniversary gift story, I had to admit made me laugh. My better half doesn’t do what most others call romantic, in fact she says I’m the romantic one in the relationship, I’m male! 🤣 Her sister on the other hand always her husband what want for anniversaries, birthday and Christmas and he might say a video game or a new football shirt or a new power tool, and yet she always ends up getting him a piece of clothing, or an item she thinks he will like even it costs more as what he asked for wasn’t romantic especially, anniversary. My BIL is always told by people that my SIL thought about it but honestly did she? He’ll wear the epice of clothing once to first dinner or the item, will be on his desk at home for a month and then get put away. I do see both sides, OP in the story you can argue at least thought about the gift!
Question: do your ILs add “or something” in their requests? Cos that’s what this gf did! Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman: either say EXACTLY what you want or don’t whine about it when your SO (shockingly) turns out to not be a mind-reader 😤😤😤
@@LadyLeomon a necklace 'or something' isn't an emulsion blender. They aren't even in the same section of the run of the mill department store - may as well have gotten a new set of windshield wipers instead and still stood there gap mouthed when the disappointment came. You're reaching so hard to make this work that I'm getting nervous you're going to tear something. Sincerely, someone who *asked for* a 'convection oven or something' and got that, an emulsion blender, and a microwave. See how this works?
My late husband had no clue how to choose gifts. I resorted to either buying my own gifts or giving him detailed instructions as to what where and how to get what I wanted. One year there was a game show in TV that had a duck as a mascot and they started selling plushies of it and that is all I really wanted. Told him where it was sold and what to ask for. Got that and he also bought my an inexpensive pair of earrings as a bit of a tease. Then I want a bracelet, those thin chain ones that you wore with your watch. I saw it at a jewelry store in the city where I work, but I knew he would not travel into the city just for that. Luckily it was part of a chain of jewelry stores. So I went in and as the assistant if she could give me the information that would make it possible for my husband to buy the right item at a different branch. She wrote the code and stuff down. I literally took him to the mall, get him the note, pointed him to the store and said, "show the note to the assistant and buy what they give you." Other than that, I just bought something I liked and would show it to him and say "this is what you are giving me for my birthday or Christmas or whatever the occasion would be.
@@pansprayers the girlfriend had been dropping hints at wanting an emulsion blender as well. She’s complained about not having one and to make homemade tomato sauce would be so much easier if she had one.
@@pansprayers Hints are stupid. Say what you want bluntly so there will be no confusion. This advice applies to romance as much as it does gift-giving.
@@babyfaceweeb8937 do what most parents have to and have different schedules so someone is home with the kid, get daycare. A nanny is a luxury and it gets cut from the budget when you can no longer afford it. It’s time to look at neighborhood kids and local daycare or after school care option.
Ok, blender story: you might need to flat out ask a woman what they expect as a gift, and refuse to play games with the answer, if she tries to play mind games with it, decide if you're willing to live with that. Some women only want jewelry, and consider you cheap if you get anything cutesy or handmade. Find that out about your partner and decide if you can live with it. Appliances are risky for two reasons, be absolutely sure they're on board with it because, 1) you're getting her equipment like she's the maid, 2) you should be buying stuff for your house regardless, slapping a bow on something you are required to get is cheap. My mother really wanted new appliances for gifts, because it was hard for my parents to afford them, and she was tired of things breaking. My mom got an exercise bike for Christmas because it was what she wanted. She got a vacuum cleaner for her birthday one year. She got a KitchenAid stand mixer. My mom has no desire for jewelry, or fancy clothes, she wants better appliances, she gets to pick it out, and it makes her happy. Personally, there's very few clothing gifts I'll be thrilled about; I'll always be polite and thankful for the thought, but it's like getting no gift at all. But I'll accept a new appliance or gadget just fine.
I am so confused by all the YTA comments for the blender story. It is a gift that she said she wished she had in a previous discussion. Not a sudden oh this makes sense kinda gift. Practical and wanted. Yes she could have gotten the necklace as well or after but I don't think you are obligated to get gifts until you get the right one.
I'm with you thinking it's a good gift based on the fact that she wanted an emulsion blender. However, IMO the problem came when her wife literally told her she wanted the jewelry, and she got her something else that was definitely practical and the opposite of the more romantic gift she made clear she wanted.
It also revealed the gf's internalized comp-het. Only Jewelry is romantic? If I got something I always talked about having I'd be excited as hell and this one visibly didn't like it because it didn't "count" as romantic to her.
@@psyolytesaille But she literally said she wanted jewelry, and how do you know she didn't say she also always wanted jewelry as well? Plus practical isn't always romantic, and it's definitely not romantic to make your partner not feel heard (literally ignoring a direct request to an question Op asked).
Adding more because I was thinking about it. To me, her wanting her spouse to hear her that she wants jewelry is no more selfish than me wanting my husband to hear me that I don't want flowers or jewelry and I prefer practical gifts. When he gives me typical "girl gifts" it just makes me angry and friends try to tell me how wonderful he is being. The best gift is what they want to receive, not what you think they should want!
Last story: I guess the OP and the commenters are more evolved and forgiving than I am. If I came to a friend with proof and she in turn accused me, that would be the end of that friendship. Sorry.
I had a friend who believed before her wedding that he'd cheated on her, and still went through with the marriage. I noped out of our friendship a few months later because of all the drama she was putting on herself (was talking about going off her bipolar meds to have a baby), and maybe 2 years later she messaged me and a bunch of other Facebook friends a sob story about her and hubby splitting up, and a huge custody battle over their infant daughter, and he's trying to tell everyone she's crazy, and she needed character witnesses, and I couldn't be happier to NOT be in the middle of that hot mess.
@@FearMyLadyBits I can never figure out why people think they can change the other person in the relationship to suit them and that it will then work out. Why not just believe they are who they show you they are ? Then if they change themselves and it fits what you're looking for, all the better. Or hey, here is a novel idea, find someone that is already what you're looking for, lol.
The blender story people seem really overly harsh for no real reason. The OP didn't maliciously not get her the cheap vanity item she has expressed some interest in to hurt her but did the good partner thing of listening to other things they want or need as well and got something that their partner had expressed wanting and needing that also likely cost a pretty penny to get. It's a learning experience for sure now knowing that their partner rather have vanity items for anniversaries over other things they want but to say they were an AH over getting one thing they said they wanted over another just seems vapid as eff here.
@@liwiathan My husband bought us a Kitchen Aid for our first Anniversary/Christmas present (one month apart, and expensive, but on sale), with some of the accessories, and bought more accessories as the years passed. Kitchen equipment is always acceptable in our house. Maybe OP should have picked up on the fact that her GF wanted something more romantic, but many men are rather clueless in that department. edit: typos.
She didn't demand. She was asked, and ignored. If you're going to ask a person what they want as a gift, don't then ignore them and get them something else.
@@jeannemclaughlin7978 SHE ASKED FOR IT IN A PREVIOUS CONVERSATION! Stop acting as op just pulled this out of nowhere, and it’s the thought that counts. Op remembered something she asked for some time ago and got it for her that’s should show the girlfriend that op listens to her and remembers what she likes.
@@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107 She had also expressed that she wanted the blender. Oh the horror she was gotten something she wanted but oh no it's not jewelry so the thoughtful gift now means nothing!
Giving the Loan. It's not a loan; it'll never get paid back. Could you stand the howl the the relatives would raise if you asked them to sign a promissory note? And, they're crying poverty but still hav a nanny? If, they early need some sort of wake-up call. When put comes to shove and they are about to lose whatever and family comes crying to you, ask them what *they* are giving. Write down their answers and throw them back at them later.
Oh my goodness! Thank you for adding music! I listen to these videos while I'm cleaning and running errands and it helps me block out outside noise. It helps tremendously with my ADHD.😊
Our family is full of people who divorced. Some don't go to family get together but most just peacefully co exist and then part ways like mature humans. Come on people, you're 45, not 5
Story 3: I love to cook, and the blender is a nice gift. I think it's sweet that she remembered her gf talking about it. That might just be me, but I give a NTA.
Household appliances aren’t proper gifts, especially after the wife had already said she wanted a romantic gift like jewelry. It’s almost like OP went out of their way to be as unromantic as possible
I agree with you. I thought the blender was a sweet gift, and the fact she remembered that her girlfriend wanted one was sweet as well. Yes, she could have also bought the necklace. It might have been better if she did. I don't know how much a blender like that costs, so it could have been as expensive as the bottle of alcohol.
Irresponsible Shopping Addicted Parents/siblings. Give that couple a copy of Dave Ramsey's book[s]. Tell your mother to: Put Them Up or Shut Up. That is HER daughter and her responsibility. Go, NO CONTACT for at least one year. You might even consider moving, and adding a second phone that you use every day, and drop your current phone to a tiny calls and texts only plan; just to keep tabs on the family. You need to document what they are saying to your phone, but you never return those communications.
5 years isnt "barely adult." Like... what the fuck? And the "barely able to drink legal." Okay. Well. She has been able to drive for nearly a decade so shes old enough to know what shes doing.
Story 1. According to American federal tax laws, In-Laws are never ex In-Laws. They are still family even after the divorce. The couple is divorcing. Not the family
Story 2: “Mom if BIL needs his lunch made then you or sister can make it” all you need to say. NTA OP but your BIL and mother are sexist AF. Glad your Dad is in your corner
First story; NTA. The children need to come first, NOT the pair that betrayed the entire family. Seriously does he actually hate his children? He's sure acting like it.
Story 3: as someone said in the video, the "loan" will be made into a gift by everyone else in the family. If she does it, they sign a full contract giving OP control of their finances.
I am someone who loves cooking, like the Girlfriend in the Blender story. And you know what? I would LOVE Getting a Kitchen Gadget that would make things easier in the kitchen for me as that would mean the one who got it for me actually considered what I like to do and put actual fucking thought into a gift. Granted, I am a guy, but still a thoughtful gift to me seems like the best kind of gift.
For my last birthday my husband made me my favorite recipe of homemade ice cream. I have diabetes, so it was adjusted to be something I can enjoy guilt free. Little things like this are part of the way he shows he loves me, and keep me loving him. I see nothing wrong with OP's gift, it's something I would like to have, myself if I didn't already have one. The question I have is did she actually give him a written list or just hint around for several days as to what she wants? My husband is rather dense and doesn't take hints most of the time, he needs me to outright tell him, and even then he will forget about half of it. Some of the men in my family are the same way. If you want a "nice" gift, make sure you tell them directly what you want ahead of time. Did she do this and he missed it? Edit:. by the end of the video I forgot they were lesbians. Doesn't change my opinion, good communication in both directions is necessary in all relationships.
@@sherylcascadden4988 she mentioned wanting a blender months before. Yet for this specific anniversary she said "a necklace or something else romantic". Though the blender was a thoughtful gift it's not really what I would call romantic. And it's definitely not the necklace she had pointed out to op as something she would like for the anniversary.
Okay, but you're missing the biggest part. Her wife specifically asked for a necklace or something romantic for thier anniversary. Op literally asked what she wanted and then completely ignored it. Yes she might have wanted the blender eventually, but that's not what she asked for now.
@@fionaeckert4556 There was no mention of the necklace until the gift giving. If she knows how op is the best thing to due if she wanted something like jewelry is to have a wishlist. I'm sorry but Reddit and some of the comments are judging to much because other people would forget anniversaries or what their spouse would like. At least op remember something that she would like and hasn't bought herself yet. Besides it funny that no says that the wife gift is real any better.
Good vid as always! In my opinion, the piano piece in the background is a tad discordant with your cadence and a little too loud in comparison to your voice
Agreed. The piano is nice...but maybe the specific song isn't quite the right choice. I'd love to hear more options as sometimes that background music can really set an amazing tone
My brother also left his wife and started a new family at a ridiculous age of 60. I say that not because 60 is necessarily old, but he most likely won't be around for his new children's HS graduation. If you will be too old for their future milestones, then why are you having more children? They need you during those trying years and you'll be gone. Awfully convenient to start a family knowing you won't have to take care of them for much longer (he is very unhealthy with a neurological disorder that came out after he married new younger wife). But my sister and I are very close to my former SIL. She has been our sister since we were in our mid teens. She is the mother of our two nephews now in early 30's. We have no intention of turning our backs on her. We NEVER mention my brother or his new family around her. She don't wanna hear it. I respect that. Its insulting to have both at same family function. WTF!!!?? To have to look at this smug new wife that took your life away. NO way!. I treat new SIL courteously because I mind my manners. I would not have a relationship with her at all (although she is very nice) if it weren't for my two new niece and nephew that are somehow attached to their uncle (me). So I treat them as nicely as possible. I'm too old to even have a nephew/niece at their age. They wear me out so I hesitate to visit. I end up both babysitting and cooking when I visit my father that lives near them. This is not how you expect things to turn out and its just because of someone having a wandering willy.
3rd story NTA, she said she didn't care what she got and only SUGGESTED the necklace, not said she'd really like it, so of course the OP got something she realized her partner had said she really wanted before
My family has the same attitude problem, they'll say, "look at this," or, "that be nice," and not, "I want this, get it for me," I don't take hints well, and then when I try to pick up on them, they get angry, then scream and holler that they didn't actually want the thing
THE OTER WOMAN is NOT TO BLAME - THE HUSBAND IS TO BLAME ONLY THE HUSBAND CHEATYED Stop blaming other4s for the shitty husband's lack of morals and control
Lol first story NTA, why is the mistress the one with the issue? The ex is the one who was cheated on. And why would OP choose some little homewrecker over grandchildren?
Story 1 - OP NTA - Son and the homewrecker massive entitled AHs. OP since when do your son thought that he have the right to dictate what you do in YOUR own home? Just because he couldn't keep it in his pants doesn't mean that you have to throw away the 20+ years of relationship that you have with your ex-daughter-in-law. If the homewrecker, I mean if your son's new partner doesn't feel comfortable she is more than welcome to stay home. Your relationship with your son's ex and her children should be more important at this point. Your midlife crisis son also has the right to stay home with his homewrecker, I mean partner if the presence of his ex bothers him so much. OP, your house, your rules. Also, tell your son that the next time he used the term "you are NOT allowed" on you, he better run because that is extremely entitled and disrespectful towards you in YOUR own home. Also, remind your moron of a son that he divorce his wife but his wife didn't divorce his family. There is a big difference and he needs to get that in his head if he wants to have some semblance of a relationship with his children. By the way OP, your son didn't "fall in love" with his new "fiance", what he really meant to say is that he "FELL IN LUST" with his new fiance. He is in for a rude awakening when the new sidepiece sees another guy younger than him and leave him. Remind your stupid son that a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater and that sooner or later he is going to get a taste of his own medicine. Story 2 - OP NTA - BIL and mother massive AHs. OP if your BIL wants his lunch packed he can ask your sister, you know, HIS WIFE. You are neither his wife nor his servant. As for your mother, she better shut the hell up and stop supporting your BIL up if she doesn't want your father to pack her bags for siding with a misogynist AH like your sister's husband or she can pack BIL's lunch herself. Your father rocks! He seems like a good man. You should also let your father know that as soon as he left your "mommy dearest" kept spewing her BS on you for not doing crap for your BIL. Story 3 - OP YTA - You asked her what she wanted and instead of buying her what SHE wanted you went ahead and bought her something "better and practical" that YOU thought she wanted. WTF is wrong with you? There is a big difference between buying something that you think the person would like vs something they TOLD you they want. You better start LISTENING to your SO because it seems that what she said to you went on deaf ears. Yeah... YTA! Maybe your SO will buy a big enough chain and wear the blender around her neck!🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️ Story 4 - OP NTA - Sister, Husband, and rest of the family massive irresponsible and entitled AHs. OP do not "lend" them the money because let's face it, you will NEVER get it back. As for those relatives harassing you tell them that you will pass the message along that they are more than happy to give Sis and BIL the money that they so desperately need and watch how fast they shut the hell up. Amazing how easy it is for people to make plans with other people's money. OP, not your circus, not your monkeys. Let them deal with the mess that they created. They can sell that expensive sports car and get themselves a more affordable car and use that money to resolve their financial issues or better yet... they both can get a second job. Story 5 - OP NTA - BFF's husband disgusting AH. OP you did the right thing. If your so-called friend chooses to believe her crappy husband and be a doormat for this man then that is on her. You tried to warn her about her creepy husband and she practically accused YOU of instigating and/or provoking this reaction from him. That is not okay. OP she is the one that is going to be needing friends in the near future when she finds out for herself that "dear hubby" has been cheating on her. Just sit back and enjoy the ride because I bet you anything that you will be the first person that she will call when her crappy marriage explodes in her face.
My favorite narrated channel. Please don't ruin it with background music! So many have that noise completing with the story. A good voice and great narrating skills are enough!
Story 3: OP did the same thing that the girlfriend did - she bought something that she remembered her girlfriend wanted but couldn't/wouldn't buy for herself. Sure, OP *could* have gotten the necklace after the fact, but you know what her girlfriend could have also done? Stopped her friend from ribbing OP with the kitchen jokes. GF likes cooking and wanted that blender, why is she letting her friend rag on OP? Even if it is a joke, it clearly makes OP upset or doubt herself despite that OP was trying her best to be thoughtful. GF doesn't have to be over the moon when she wanted something else, but not specifically saying what you want for a gift means you run the risk of not receiving what you really want. If she wanted OP to get the necklace, she could and should have told OP to get that specific necklace.
But she did: she said specifically that she wanted something romantic like jewelry, and pointed out a specific necklace. It takes someone incredibly dense to overlook the *specific instructions* they were given and then get all butthurt that their gift was received poorly.
Not to mention she said anniversaries are suppose to be about romantic gifts. Yet she got op alcohol. Yes I know it was expensive but still alcohol isn't really romantic.
@@ShadowSorcerer First, OP never specified that she wanted something romantic. It sounds like she never specified what she wanted at all, so her girlfriend got her something she thought she’d like. The girlfriend, however, *did* specify exactly what she wanted, and even provided an example. It seems like the gf is the romantic in the relationship, and OP is the practical one. And that’s fine-the gf knew OP is a bit clueless about gifts, so she provided instructions. Clearly, she underestimated just how clueless her beloved was! And secondly, alcohol can be *very* romantic: a bottle of champagne and some strawberries is a hella romantic gift! Even a bottle of fine Scotch beats the hell out of a blender!
@@JosieJOK really? You think alcohol is romantic? Sounds like you have a drinking problem and I’m saying this after being sober for 7 years after nearly drinking myself to death for 24 years
@@JosieJOK wine and champagne MIGHT be romantic in a romantic setting like dinner but not as a gift. Also I'm pretty sure it was whiskey that was given so not romantic.
Story 1: I'm glad OP is sticking up for her former DIL and wants to have her and the kids in their life, but what is this weird going on about that she isn't to blame for her husband cheating on her?! She'd never ever be at fault for being cheated on.
I think they're comparing her to other marriages where the wife is a pretty awful person, so no one is surprised or wags their finger too hard when the husband cheats.
Oh, freeloading Ivy/Tom... I'd pick apart every word they say in person and online about being "independent", etc. "Money problems"? Stop buying Disney passes, eating out, and going on vacations all over Hell's Creation. *Then* you'll have more money. Also, a loan? Sure, sign the "exotic car" over to me and I'll keep it in my possession and drive it around until the 8kbux is paid off by XYZ date. And if not, it becomes mine free and clear immediately after. Unfair? Then the rest of fAmiLy can pay me back on their behalf if everyone's all broken up about it.
My husband and I eat well on food stamps. Friends of ours getting twice as much in food stamps complain constantly about how it won't cover their favored heat and eat meals while bragging about how often they use their year pass to Disneyland. They just aren't willing to put in the effort to cook for themselves. They don't understand why no one has sympathy for their problems.
@@sherylcascadden4988 Yep. Just went shopping today, and I kinda live'n'die by the sales flyer. Stocked up on broccoli, tomatoes, onions, cans of tomato paste, detergents, stuff that "keeps", as well as fresh goodies that can go fast. Loooove stir-fry broccoli with everything from chinese style to lemon-butter, so I eat *very* well. Garlic mashies, chili, baked ziti, i mean, like, the list of *GOOD* food that's easy to make is almost endless. But then again, I know people who are splurging on obscene data plans and eat out most days and take ubers everywhere, then piss'n'moan they can't make their rent when it's due. It's about priorities. My gf and I put aside cash for necessities like bills *FIRST* and then something towards savings and finally *LAST* is "fun money". No stress.
Story 1: NTA. OP son is a PoS. He doesnt was his ex around because his mistress is uncomforatble??? To hell with her feelings. Besides, it sounds like the ex is more family to OP that is own son, which is understandable concidering the type of person he is.
If they continue to go after you on line, answer their post: You own luxury cars, then spell out every high end expensive thing they’ve purchased & do. Then: You want to be independent yet you keep coming to me with your hand out even after I’ve given you $_____ over the years. Add what you said about your mom’s home. Finish with, I’m helping you be truly independent by not enabling your foolish spending habits.
Anniversary Story: I laughed my head off at this story. OP fell into the typical trap most SO's (male or female) fall into. NEVER EVER buy appliances for anniversary gifts. EVER. You can get that on the side. It is better to go with something romantic/sentimental or something your SO (male/female) actually says "This would be a great gift to get for our anniversary coming up". Why ignore such a wonderfully timed HINT. Also it shows you actually are listening to your SO and will probably gain you many brownie points with your SO.
I've had people ask me what I want for my birthday., I respond with something practical, and they get me jewelry instead for some reason. So annoying. Just LISTEN to people.
I was also the child of divorced parents (dad cheated) who remarried (he married his affair). There was lots of anger and bitterness. My parents lived several hours apart and obviously did not attend holiday or birthday functions for the “other side of the family” (I’d get two birthday parties-one with mom and one with dad), they did come together for big events that involved me, like high school graduation, etc. It meant a lot to me to have MY WHOLE FAMILY at those functions, and I am still very grateful to all members of my family for making the effort to be welcoming and gracious. OP is doing the right thing for the kids. ETA, as much as I’d understand rationalizing leaving my stepmom out of these occasions, I’m really glad they didn’t. However it happened, she was part of my family too, and I’m glad I wasn’t caught in the middle of all the anger.
I love the comment "OP tell your son to leave his midlife crisis at home" LMAO!!
Yeah she should feel "uncomfortable" facing the woman who's marriage she helped destroy so good on OP for shutting the two AH's down!! I mean what's next don't invite the grandkids also if they don't like her?? Or if he knocks her up it'll be don't invite the ex and the kids cause that will take the attention away from her shiny new baby......
Ex has been a part of OP's life/family for probably longer than his new side piece has been alive, so she can deal with it or stay home!!
Maybe they should stop inviting both the son or his fiancé. He is the one who is uncomfortable being around the woman he discarded for someone shiny and new, but he is using her as his excuse for why his first family should be rejected by his parents. He deserves to learn that he is dead to his entire family.
I have no sympathy for cheaters nor people that sleep with married people
@@joimumu But wait it's not "their fault" that they:
- Fell in love
- It just happened
- The married person was being "neglected at home"
- Married person told the AH that they were already leaving the wife/husband and the relationship had been dead for years etc.
I'm with you have no sympathy for either of them; just find it funny the amount of BS reasons they give to both justify and gain sympathy for being AH's
@@Miltz69 I will never understand why people always want to defend the woman and always say “sHe DoEsNt OwE yOu AnYtHiNg”. No she doesn’t but she should have respect for a relationship and shows she doesn’t even respect herself
@@Miltz69 Also as that one comment pointed out that people defending her infantilize women in general. How old do you have to be to know the general knowledge to not get together with people unless you know they're fully divorced/separated? 40? Also, considering she's uncomfortable 🙄, she knew full well what she was getting into and was OK with it.
Oh no the mistress of the guy having a midlife crisis is uncomfortable with the ex wife coming around with the grandchildren.
Whatever will we do.
Let us throw her a pity party. We'll send out invitations to everyone who cares. Ooops! Just saved stamps. No one cares.
OP has the long game in mind. They know that if their son cheated once on his wife and is now engaged to his mistress that an opening is available in his life. OP already has a good relationship with the woman who has primary custody of their grandchildren and realizes that jeopardizing that for his current fiancee/AP would be shortsighted and foolish.
She's also the reason he hardly sees his kids.
The commenter who said he should be happy to have the extra time is missing the Reason for Mrs. X has 90% custody! Honeymoon & No Pre Made Family! He Is Starting Over (just didn't expect mom to Not play the game)
Mom's are the gatekeeper to the grandchildren usually, your son is taking a big gamble asking you to choose, especially since he cheated.
We must cover ourselves with mourning ashes and wail to the moon at the unfairness of it all. Snicker.
Story 2: "I raised you better than that."
"Yes you did. You raised me to have a spine against assholes who make demand and yo stand up against misogynistic views. Too bad you didn't raise my sister the same.
might as well start to cut off mommy dearest and the trashy couple like now...
👍
I think mom is trying to stay on BIL's good side so he doesn't ban his wife and future kids from visiting, the pig.
Yeah, OP's mom in this story is disgusting. Like why would she have to "obey" this jerk. Also, in what world is he incapable of doing for himself. I wonder if the mom is the reason the sister won't leave this jerk.
Idk why the mom wouldn’t just do it herself like does she know that he wanted op to be the one to do it? Ugh can’t believe he lives with them and thinks he’s like the man of the house making such demands.
I say if op ever makes him a meal she gives him a kids meal with a toy because he’s so childish and immature. Don’t understand how the parents are ok with this guy being a ass to their kid and while living under their roof. I can’t believe he had op’s mom doing his laundry, making him plates and such like man hope the sister wakes up
Daughter Packs Dad's Lunch- Ok, you're a young woman and you need to learn how to negotiate with your elders. BIL demands you do something, you reply 'I'm not your wife, so you must pay for my Lunch Services. $10 should cover your lunch. I have college to pay for, so my work cannot be free.' 'You do your dad's lunch!" 'My dad has paid for my entire life, so I like to honor him for that.' Mom steps in and tells you to pack the lunch. 'Mom, You taught me how to cook, and I'm grateful for that. If you think he is incapable of packing his own lunch, then you should teach him how to do it. You have great teaching skills, and I"m proof of that.' Then you leave the room.
It's a shame that public schools don't offer personal communication and negotiation skills classes.
@@michaelplunkett8059 Ehhh.... mothers of previous generations trained their girls to be like the Mother, doing all things for men, even if they don't appreciate it. Their communication skills were always from subserviance, and sacrificing for others.
None of the mothers in my life could offer any kind of negotiation like this. I had to learn that on my own.
You learn this kind of thing from a father, but the fathers in my history were hands off on the rearing of children. They did occassionals fun things with the kids, but not much day to day.
What did you learn from your family's parents, grandparents, etc.
Thank you, for the kind words.
Mom can be pleased that her other daughter practices what she was trained for, to know 'her place', which is that women should wait on the men in their family.
@@gillianbergh7002 Then why the devil is SHE not packing her husband his lunch? Your logic is flawed.
This man is an insecure manipulative narcssist. I can assure you: his teasing and bullying his younger SIL, ie OP, was Flirting. That is why OP is creeped out by him, but she is too young to fully understand why. How convenient would that be for him? Having two sisters as his wife and mistress.
I'm not one to condemn other cultures and their practices, such as a woman's subservience. That is NOT how Christianity treats marriage. Yes, the wife should submit to her husband's authority over the family; but too many forget the second half of that scripture: Husband's love your wife as Christ loved the church
and gave himself for it. HUSBANDS ARE SUPPOSED TO SACRIFICE EVERYTHING FOR THEIR WIVES, AS WIVES ARE SUPPOSED TO SUBMIT TO THE HUSBAND'S AUTHORITY. Men should give everything to the Wife, and in return, the Wife should agree to his decisions for the family. It is subtle, but that is equality within a marriage.
At this day and age, neither of those are being followed.
Story 1. I was the child of divorced parents whose Dads new wife made the same ultimatum. As a result my mum, myself and sister were always invited to family events and had close ties with dads family, my Grandad also stopped visiting his son and new family after he was asked to not mention us.
Sound like a quick way for your dad to lose his WHOLE family.
I would be furious if I found out my partner had not just a wife but also kids, also does the fiancee realize that if he cheated with her on the wife that he might do the same with her.
If I were OP, son would be disowned at the spot.
@@velvety2006 ha ha he will no doubt knock THEN when the novelty of having a young wife wears off will cheat and yet again.
@@velvety2006Might? You are too kind. Add his other actions to the cheating, I think it's sure enough that he will chest again that it should be included in his wedding vows. Add a little realism to the dreamed up life the couple have convinced themselves they will have. Neither one have enough character to ride out a speed bump.
Sounds like your dad actually appreciates you. I love how he so clearly understands the difference between you choosing to make him a lunch and someone telling you to make the lunches.
I help my husband with his lunches but he is also a bodybuilder so he has a certain diet. I will cook his fish or chicken or whatever but the combination of things and how much is what he does. But he still thanks me for helping
if mommy find it's so important that he also has a packed lunch she can pack him one
@@DemonAngel heh exactly the same, I batch cook huge loads of chicken and rice! He portions it out and I'm still thanked for everything. Heck I'm thanked for simply pouring him a coffee from a pot I made for myself! He makes sure our boys always thank me and help out too.
OP needs to tell mother that his wife can pack his lunch, or she can. Tell mother, you point blank detest the man so don't tempt you to spit in his lunch. Don't ever try to enforce you to ever wait on that idiot or he'll be wearing it. So if your actions embarrass her, then she needs to not put you in a situation where you will continue to embarrass her.
@@velvety2006 My mom and i(male 27) always make my dad's, hers, my brothers(18s lunch& 11s after school snack), and finally my lunch together at the end of the day. If anyone complains about their lunch, be it food, size, taste, anything, their next lunch is just Tupperware filled with coins, and we don't count the change. My brother's exgf once tried asking where her lunch was when she moved in, we did the same thing, and told her to ask her bf not us
Nta. The ex is the mother of your grandchildren. It is not your son's house. So he has no say. Also lmfao the new woman that he cheated on his wife and the cause of a family splitting up feels uncomfortable being around her partner's ex. That is hilarious. Maybe she should have thought of that before screwing a married guy.
So living in mom’s house means that they aren’t independent and is humiliating, BUT living off your money isn’t? Nta give them the independence they deserve!
They are hypocrites for saying that.
OP needs to start asking family for money. Maybe tell them she made poor financial decisions. Every time Sister and BiL post about some stupid thing they wasted money on, OP should post "OMG, I did too! Great minds think alike!" Then when they contact her to gift the losers money she needs to cut them off, "OMG, perfect timing! I was thinking about calling you to see if you had any money to help me pay for my rent, car payment, dental bill etc..." Maybe they'll quit asking her for money, or at least quit calling. 😂😂😂
Story 2: OP should pack the BIL lunch. Imagine the look on his face after OP says sorry and he's right and his lunch is in his car, He gets to the office and sits down with a smug grin and opens his lunch to find a fruit roll up and a single apple slice with a bite taken out of it. Priceless.
"Say please. Say thank you. Put $100 per week in my college fund. Treat me like a human being, not a slave."
I'd go one better than a fruit roll-up and an apple slice. I'd get one of those food playsets for kids and give him some toy foods. It I were feeling a little extra, I'd also get a cute kid lunchbox to put them in (probably Barbie or Peppa Pig or Frozen themed - something girly, just to piss off the misogynist), just to really drive home that if he's going to act like a kid, he'll get treated like one.
@@caityjayde96 you mean "if he acts like a spoiled princess" he'll get a matching lunchbox.
@@fionaeckert4556 I was thinking more that only kids get to expect other people to prepare their food for them, but this works, too. Even better, perhaps, because I can't imagine the misogynist being too pleased with being called a princess.
I was thinking just a Tupperware of diced onions. 😁
Story 1: Refreshing to not see the innocent parties ( EX DIL and grandkids) punished instead of the guilty parties.
"Fell in love." Yeah right, it is spelled L U S T not love. But on this one, never give an ultimatum about your fiancé's children's mother to the fiancé's family, you will always lose. They will always side with the children. Even if they hate the ex.
Story # 2: The one thing about this one, is that OP's friend, a male, beat OP over the head with how stupid that gift was. But anyone who comes to AITA, after that probably will NOT ever understand the YTA comments.
You don't love someone by destroying the relationships around them.
Agree and I wish people would stop using the word love so much because they don’t know the meaning of it
'What about me?' What about you? You have two hands, BIL, and I'm pretty specific on who I spend my extremely finite time on. You demand it, I laugh at you. Full stop.
"Why don't you ask your wife instead of me?"
So Ivy and Tom want a "loan"? And just how will they pay it back if they're always complaining about lack of money, while simultaneously spending with both hands? Nope. NOPE.
These people’s mental gymnastics are incredible. I wouldn’t give them another penny.
Are they offering anything as collateral? I'm certain that money is going down a black hole.
also, interesting that everyone wants op to gift them money but there is no mention of them gifting/offering them money, babysitting clothing etc.
Op's family is full of hypocrites
my mom called people like Ivy and Tom that they have champagne taste but a kool-aid pocket book. It doesn't work.
I’d uninvite the son and his whatever, if she’s uncomfortable.. either they suck it up or stay away..
Tom & Ivy need to pay their own way! Your family, the grumblers, can help them out!
The Ivy & Tom story: No "loan!" There is no way you would ever see that money ever again. Instead, offer to pay for them to consult with a financial planner. They are spending money that they can't afford on things that they don't need, but if the advice to stop doing that, and to live within their means comes from you, they will explode at you for trying to tell them how to live their lives, instead of your just being their ATM, as they want you to. If they refuse the offer of guidance from a professional financial planner, then tell them that you won't be their ATM anymore. Tell any other family members who try to bully you into continuing to be their banker, that if they feel that strongly about it, then they can be Ivy & Tom's new family ATM, as you have permanently retired from that position.
My older brother "forgot" to pick up a dog, twice, and I raised them and kept them. A better life for them, too. Anyway, I always prayed he would never have a kid because I didn't want a baby "forgotten" with me. He never did, thank the Lord.
Story 1: It's the old "it just happened" excuse. "I have no control over my behavior; things just seem to happen to me".
You know how it is. You're walking along, minding your own. When suddenly you slip and fall, balls deep into delightful woman who is just as embarrassed as you. You try to get up but you slip and fall in again and again. Don't you just hate when that happens.
Second story: So according to OP’s mother when she rudely declared she raised OP better, she meant as a ‘slave’ or at least a doormat to be walked all over and taken advantage of? You need to have a LONG talk with your mother and her outdated ancient thinking.
The story about packing a lunch. I would pack it, but it be the worst lunch ever. And let the fun begin
She should have packet the lunch with actual garbage
Nope, that gives him an actual thing that he can use against her. She did it perfectly, including showing her dad respect in such a way that insures he will show it back. The preamble were she talked BIL down did nothing for the story though. That's called poisoning the well and is usually indicative of a weak case. Of course Reddit would have less to hop onto their high horses over so maybe that was it's purpose.
I would pack him a slice of bread and dirt
There's a simple solution being overlooked here. Just drop a few hints during the family dinner that any inheritance or family wealth will skip the son and go straight to the grandchildren. Have a feeling that the "love" his 23 year old bimbo has for him will dry up fairly quickly.
Just give him a few more years and he’ll be prowling around a college campus looking for mistress #2
Right. Use money to blackmail. Nice.
@@davidnash8208 the midlife crisis on legs certainly isn’t with the cheating scum for his winning personality
@@davidnash8208 that’s not what blackmail means…
@@crazyweirdgirl115 well done indeed. Do you search the internet looking to correct other people's minor errors? Or are you unable to look for context?
Story 2: tell your mom that dad raised me, not her. Tell your sister and mother to make his lunches or he can be a adult, not a whiny toddler and pack his own lunch. Nta
I love the anniversary story - I would definitely want to receive the practical gift over a necklace 😂 But you need to understand each other’s feelings on gift giving; my bf tends to buy me expensive things that I just don’t want or need because he likes to spend money on me, but it makes me uncomfortable. We talked, and this year I wrote a list for my birthday so he could pick one or two things I would like. I got a steamer, pizza stone and a small luggage case, things I will use over and over and appreciate every time. Perfect! But I totally get that some people would far prefer some pretty jewellery. Talk about it with your loved ones!
I’m sorry those people are crazy her girlfriend legit was talking about the blender and the necklace. They act as if the girlfriend never mentioned wanting the blender.
They're going to look back on this year's down the road and laugh at the silliness. Op can still get her GF the necklace. But I'm pretty sure the GF is going to come around and appreciate the blender after a while.
One of the first gifts I got my wife of 17 years was a hand mixer. She was overjoyed because she wanted a specific one and I got it. OPs gf said she wanted an immersion blender and OMG OP remembered that she wanted it and got her one. Gifts that are thoughtful will always trump spur of the moment oh shiny in the long run. My wife uses that mixer all the time and fondly remembers that the man I her life got her something she wanted and mentioned in passing. Peeps who complain about gifts that aren't flashy are just materialistic imho.
Ehh I think the disappointment is warranted, the Gf made it so easy for op since they explicitly asked for something romantic and even have an example of jewelry. So it wasn’t very considerate of op to disregard her wishes and give her something that she wanted to give her (aka something practical)
I'm not sure if this is as bad as the Dyson vacuum cleaner for Christmas. I'm afraid she thinks it will get to that point one day. She said she wanted an Emulsion blender! And she actually listened! Let me tell you darling, that is something else your partner actually listens to you!
Of course the irresponible couple had twins.
Ugh, my ex husband got me a vacuum for valentine's day.
Did I really about wanting it? Yes. Did I want it for valentine's day, though...
Some people just can't be helped 😂
People can be simple at least you know your husband listens to you.
Some people actually want one. If you say you want one, and don't say anything else... You reap what you sow.
Story 1: Why do peoples think threatening their parents with anything resulting in less time with their grandchildren can go well? It never go well when the parents are perfectly justified, and it will go even worse when the grandparent´s not in the fault at all.
Maybe the divorce did not go well so it's logical you don't want your ex visiting your parents no matter who was at fault it's irrelevant.
Anniversary gifts...😭🤣🤣🤣
Geez! I have been married 33 years. Yes, I always appreciated the thought of jewelry as a gift to show appreciation, affection and perhaps romance.
No, I don't expect it. I have collected quite a bit of jewelry over the years, and truthfully, I barely wear it as I am a SAHM.
My husband doesn't expect a beauty queen at this point, although he appreciated me modeling when I was in my late 20's, after the kids were born.
He brings home much stuff that isn't necessarily needed, and stuff I use everyday. I will always appreciate the set of T-Fal pots and pans he got for an anniversary gift. It shows me he pays attention to my comments everyday. I needed a new set! Everytime I use them, I remember his thoughtfulness in making sure I knew he hears me.
That sort of consideration is really tearfully appreciated.
That said, he still gets me jewelry occassionally, and I still love him for it. I do not require it. If i ask for something, he tries to get it.
In this instance i would have gotten both for the spouse. 1 says I heard what you asked for, and the other says I hear you everyday.
You pack a lunch for people you care about…
The first story made me laugh because of the son’s audacity. He can leave ass piece at home.
OP2: 'Mom, I need to be clear - I make lunch for my dad because I love him. My brother-in-law is a piece of trash and I wouldn't make lunch for the raccoon that lives in the bin bags so why would I pack it for him?'
I feel like I should be allowed to steal the part about - the raccoon who lives in the bin - cuz you did put it on the internet. I love it 🤣
Story 1: what that son and his new boo need to realize is, once you’ve had kids with someone, if you want those kids in your life, you are hen tied to your ex for the rest of your life, they aren’t going to magically disappear. If it bugs his mistress that much, she needs to leave.
And what OP needs to realise is that she's completely clueless regarding the martial problems her son and daughter in law might have been having. I'm so sick of seeing dumb C U Next Tuesdays, that will never understand the pressures of being a man and no doubt think that being a man is so easy mode write off everything as a mid life crisis.
Because the way I understand this is that he doesn't want the ex there because he's sick mommy dearest trying to force a reconciliation. Which obvious bugs the new partner, there's been a divorce and there is no suggestion of cheating - so you can't call her his mistress.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 He cheated on his ex which regardless of any problems in the marriage is not acceptable or right. Cheating IS cheating and there is NO excuse for it period. He nor his homewrecker ( because that's what she is ) get to demand that the ex who's the mother of his children and a part of the family for 20 years be removed from family events to make him or his homewrecking mistress comfortable. There is nothing but your own imagination to say that OP is trying to force a reconciliation between him and the ex as they expressed no such desire but there is plenty to say that he and his mistress are trying to gain her acceptance in the family by removing the reminder of their bad behavior by demanding the ex be excluded. No matter how he or his homewrecker feel it's OP's grandchildren who come first, so tough luck to the cheating son and his homewrecker because OP is rightfully putting their relationship with his children above them.
@@cisio64123 - This was background noise for me, so I missed the cheating part. However Son and DIL are divorced, and Fiancée is... well... the Fiancée.
OP continues to be the problem here, because it still sounds like she's trying to force a reconciliation between Son and DIL.
If that is just my perception... Fine.
But if OP genuinely favours DIL over her son, then she needs to cut him off completely. Otherwise she's just being a spiteful b1tch and that's that not a good look on anybody, no matter what their reasoning is.
@@goawayleavemealone2880 Apparently you also missed the fact that the DIL has most of the custody of the children thus cutting her out also cuts off most of the OP's time with the children. You ARE projecting things in here that aren't applicable to the story. It's OP favoring the grandchildren not the ex and the son and his homewrecker need to get their heads out of their behinds or they will be excluded from the families events...by their own choice. You don't give ultimatums like that and then cry when the other person choses other than you want.
Yeah, but the thing is is it is unfortunately common for the new woman to want to drive the old wife and kids away. They want him all to themselves and their "new family" and unfortunately it happens exactly like they want all too often.
A few years ago my gf said she wanted a new can opener so I bought her one for Christmas. When I mentioned it to the teller in passing the look she gave me was a weird blend of disbelief, disgust and fear for my life. The gf did get more than the can opener.
saying "this is the traditional 'gag gift' that comes before the real gift" might have smoothed things over with the cashier.
Maybe.
It is a weird gift, she was probably more concerned with how your wife would react.
My rule of thumb is don't give a gift that has to do with the kitchen to any woman. Period.
The only exception is when I specifically ask "What do you want for ________?" and they then answere with something. But if they just mentioned wanting something in passing, then that's something you buy as a "just because" gift, not tied to any special day.
@@sleepinghermit7778 congratulations sir you have cracked the code.
I’m sorry, if my partner bought ANYTHING I would have been thrilled! Been married 40 years, and he tells me if I want something, if we can afford it, buy it. He doesn’t buy presents. That’s my job. 🤷🏻♀️.
My husband and I do the same thing. It’s called being practical. 42 years together.
My birthday is next month and just minutes ago I said “I found what I want for my birthday”. I’ll order it. Have it delivered.
Then I’ll thank him. Lol
He does buy beautiful sentimental cards for me though.❤️❤️
But her gf asked for a necklace. She wanted something cute and romantic, not practical.
@@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat but she also said weeks ago that she wanted one of the blenders as well.
@@TheWishy3 And she also said she wanted jewelry for their anniversary.
@@Ma5jay5dontxdoxthat yes, she said something romantic like jewelry or something else. Romantic gifts are different for everyone. I think it was cute that op remembered that her girlfriend wanted the blender and since cooking was something her gf loved to do, op bought her something she already requested that would help with her hobby. I understand she also said “oh look, I want this” when it came to the necklace, but she also said she wanted a couple other things. Also the gf got op whiskey, I know many who don’t see that as romantic or something special for an anniversary, that’s a basic birthday gift to me and my friends/family. Again. It’s different to everyone and the blender is something the op thought the gf would love because it was again, something she request as well and believed would help with gf’s hobby
Story 1 - Telling his mother who she is and is not "allowed" to invite to family evens she's hosting?? Who does this A-Hold think he is???
why is stupid brother In law living in their house? tell him to grow up and get out. he isn't an adult if he has to live with them and neither is her sister
I would have told BIL I’m not your mother, aren’t you an adult.
My brother's were divorced but we always included the ex, he can suck it up, kids need to keep this connection
Ivy and Tom. Ok, if they’ve posted you on Facebook as unhelpful & stingy, then they opened that door. Post all the things they waste money on. Post all the money you’ve ’lent’ them. Post all the things you do, I’m minding the dog again, I’m getting groceries for them, i’m minding the kids, whatever. Make a list. Post it. Let all the family who seem to think its your responsibility to financially support the irresponsible see with their own eyes how much you do for them. Then put your foot down. You are no longer the families bank. Don’t just complain about it, do something.
First story: if I was OP I'll tell my son that his new girlfriend is not invited to any family events happening at my house and he is lucky I didn't disown him for what he did to his wife and children
Hi everyone! Please leave me your comments on new background music! The band worked so hard to accompany the voice actor. What do you think? :)
I do enjoy the new music but you may want to dial it down a few notches so that your voice comes through more clearly. Great narration as always, I quite enjoy your videos and voice!
I agree, the music does have a nice soft jazzy feel to it, but it does compete with the narration. So it should be turned down a notch or so. Can't tell you how many times I've watched a documentary where the music drowns out the narration so bad that I would have to turn on close captions in order to follow along.
Tbh I use your videos to help calm me down... I know I've fell asleep cause of how calming your voice is plus I like the addition to piano
Please get rid of the music it's agitating
It could start slow... and then the Doom music kicks in! 🤡💀🤡💀🤡
Il never understand how the partner of a Cheater can get mad at the other women and place all thr balme on them but not the spouse who cheated!???
Story 1 hey cheater it’s called consequences when you cheat on your family, and then wanna who controls who comes to family events. NO!! You get to have your face rubbed in it just like your children and wife.
She didn't mention the necklace until AFTER the fact. But she DID mention she needed a blender. She out and out said she needed a blender. If it was said she said she wanted the necklace BEFORE the annerversy, I didn't hear/forgot when/if it was mentioned.
Appreciate the new music
Also hi XO
Story 1: it’s hilarious how OP’s son thinks that his own family will side with his cheating ass over the innocent ex.
Lunch story... Tell mom just because her and sis feel great about feeding BIL mysogynistic ego by waiting on him hand and foot, you dont need to. You arent his wife or his momma. Hes a grown ass man who can pack his lunch himself and mom should be ashamed of HERSELF.
Okay, blender story. OP is getting crap because she did not get girlfriend a "romantic" gift. Girlfriend flat out states that anniversaries need romantic/sentimental gifts. So, what is so romantic/sentimental about a bottle of booze that OP was not able to justify shelling out for herself? Girlfriend shelled out big bucks for the booze OP wanted, so that is romantic, but getting her a kitchen appliance that she also wanted is not?
Thank you! People are so entitled.
My husband gets me practical gifts I won't get for myself all the time. A consumable gift like liquor is more romantic than a practical gift that will be used frequently? Maybe, but I would remember it was a gift every time I used it.
I can understand the GF/wife being upset, but "or something" leaves a lot of wobble room.
Because it was something specific OP wanted. She actually bought something OP *WANTED* not just going off script about something they *think* their partner might like as a gift.
The lesbian couple anniversary gift story, I had to admit made me laugh. My better half doesn’t do what most others call romantic, in fact she says I’m the romantic one in the relationship, I’m male! 🤣 Her sister on the other hand always her husband what want for anniversaries, birthday and Christmas and he might say a video game or a new football shirt or a new power tool, and yet she always ends up getting him a piece of clothing, or an item she thinks he will like even it costs more as what he asked for wasn’t romantic especially, anniversary. My BIL is always told by people that my SIL thought about it but honestly did she? He’ll wear the epice of clothing once to first dinner or the item, will be on his desk at home for a month and then get put away. I do see both sides, OP in the story you can argue at least thought about the gift!
Question: do your ILs add “or something” in their requests? Cos that’s what this gf did! Doesn’t matter if you’re a man or woman: either say EXACTLY what you want or don’t whine about it when your SO (shockingly) turns out to not be a mind-reader 😤😤😤
@@LadyLeomon a necklace 'or something' isn't an emulsion blender. They aren't even in the same section of the run of the mill department store - may as well have gotten a new set of windshield wipers instead and still stood there gap mouthed when the disappointment came. You're reaching so hard to make this work that I'm getting nervous you're going to tear something. Sincerely, someone who *asked for* a 'convection oven or something' and got that, an emulsion blender, and a microwave. See how this works?
My late husband had no clue how to choose gifts. I resorted to either buying my own gifts or giving him detailed instructions as to what where and how to get what I wanted. One year there was a game show in TV that had a duck as a mascot and they started selling plushies of it and that is all I really wanted. Told him where it was sold and what to ask for. Got that and he also bought my an inexpensive pair of earrings as a bit of a tease.
Then I want a bracelet, those thin chain ones that you wore with your watch. I saw it at a jewelry store in the city where I work, but I knew he would not travel into the city just for that. Luckily it was part of a chain of jewelry stores. So I went in and as the assistant if she could give me the information that would make it possible for my husband to buy the right item at a different branch. She wrote the code and stuff down. I literally took him to the mall, get him the note, pointed him to the store and said, "show the note to the assistant and buy what they give you." Other than that, I just bought something I liked and would show it to him and say "this is what you are giving me for my birthday or Christmas or whatever the occasion would be.
@@pansprayers the girlfriend had been dropping hints at wanting an emulsion blender as well. She’s complained about not having one and to make homemade tomato sauce would be so much easier if she had one.
@@pansprayers Hints are stupid. Say what you want bluntly so there will be no confusion. This advice applies to romance as much as it does gift-giving.
Your daughter-in-law does sound better than your son no offense
If they are about to lose their home yet still have the nanny on pay roll? Hell no. They need to prioritize their finances. Op can’t loan them that.
Ifthey both work and can't take care of their children full time, who's gonna watch them?
@@babyfaceweeb8937 do what most parents have to and have different schedules so someone is home with the kid, get daycare. A nanny is a luxury and it gets cut from the budget when you can no longer afford it. It’s time to look at neighborhood kids and local daycare or after school care option.
Ok, blender story: you might need to flat out ask a woman what they expect as a gift, and refuse to play games with the answer, if she tries to play mind games with it, decide if you're willing to live with that. Some women only want jewelry, and consider you cheap if you get anything cutesy or handmade. Find that out about your partner and decide if you can live with it. Appliances are risky for two reasons, be absolutely sure they're on board with it because, 1) you're getting her equipment like she's the maid, 2) you should be buying stuff for your house regardless, slapping a bow on something you are required to get is cheap. My mother really wanted new appliances for gifts, because it was hard for my parents to afford them, and she was tired of things breaking. My mom got an exercise bike for Christmas because it was what she wanted. She got a vacuum cleaner for her birthday one year. She got a KitchenAid stand mixer. My mom has no desire for jewelry, or fancy clothes, she wants better appliances, she gets to pick it out, and it makes her happy. Personally, there's very few clothing gifts I'll be thrilled about; I'll always be polite and thankful for the thought, but it's like getting no gift at all. But I'll accept a new appliance or gadget just fine.
I am so confused by all the YTA comments for the blender story. It is a gift that she said she wished she had in a previous discussion. Not a sudden oh this makes sense kinda gift. Practical and wanted. Yes she could have gotten the necklace as well or after but I don't think you are obligated to get gifts until you get the right one.
I'm with you thinking it's a good gift based on the fact that she wanted an emulsion blender. However, IMO the problem came when her wife literally told her she wanted the jewelry, and she got her something else that was definitely practical and the opposite of the more romantic gift she made clear she wanted.
It also revealed the gf's internalized comp-het. Only Jewelry is romantic? If I got something I always talked about having I'd be excited as hell and this one visibly didn't like it because it didn't "count" as romantic to her.
What was clear was that her wife literally ignored her when she told her what she wanted. She didn't feel heard.
@@psyolytesaille But she literally said she wanted jewelry, and how do you know she didn't say she also always wanted jewelry as well? Plus practical isn't always romantic, and it's definitely not romantic to make your partner not feel heard (literally ignoring a direct request to an question Op asked).
Adding more because I was thinking about it. To me, her wanting her spouse to hear her that she wants jewelry is no more selfish than me wanting my husband to hear me that I don't want flowers or jewelry and I prefer practical gifts. When he gives me typical "girl gifts" it just makes me angry and friends try to tell me how wonderful he is being. The best gift is what they want to receive, not what you think they should want!
Last story: I guess the OP and the commenters are more evolved and forgiving than I am. If I came to a friend with proof and she in turn accused me, that would be the end of that friendship. Sorry.
I had a friend who believed before her wedding that he'd cheated on her, and still went through with the marriage. I noped out of our friendship a few months later because of all the drama she was putting on herself (was talking about going off her bipolar meds to have a baby), and maybe 2 years later she messaged me and a bunch of other Facebook friends a sob story about her and hubby splitting up, and a huge custody battle over their infant daughter, and he's trying to tell everyone she's crazy, and she needed character witnesses, and I couldn't be happier to NOT be in the middle of that hot mess.
This is why I don't get involved or tell gf if they married a hoe. They probably already know and want to keep their head in the sand.
@@FearMyLadyBits I can never figure out why people think they can change the other person in the relationship to suit them and that it will then work out. Why not just believe they are who they show you they are ? Then if they change themselves and it fits what you're looking for, all the better. Or hey, here is a novel idea, find someone that is already what you're looking for, lol.
Tell your family that you aren't a bank and it's not your job to bail them out. It's time they grew up. And tell your mom she can give them money
Loan them $8000? Loans are paid back. OP wont get a penny back.
If OP wants to help, pay for them to see a financial adviser.
The blender story people seem really overly harsh for no real reason. The OP didn't maliciously not get her the cheap vanity item she has expressed some interest in to hurt her but did the good partner thing of listening to other things they want or need as well and got something that their partner had expressed wanting and needing that also likely cost a pretty penny to get.
It's a learning experience for sure now knowing that their partner rather have vanity items for anniversaries over other things they want but to say they were an AH over getting one thing they said they wanted over another just seems vapid as eff here.
Exactly!
Guarantee that blender will last her longer and get more use.
@@GrandCorsair my mom has her original KitchenAid stand mixer from 50 years ago
@@liwiathan My husband bought us a Kitchen Aid for our first Anniversary/Christmas present (one month apart, and expensive, but on sale), with some of the accessories, and bought more accessories as the years passed. Kitchen equipment is always acceptable in our house.
Maybe OP should have picked up on the fact that her GF wanted something more romantic, but many men are rather clueless in that department.
edit: typos.
@@sherylcascadden4988 I thought they were both women
It is funny how family wants sister and bil to be 'independent' but don't see that OP funding their lifestyle is the very definition of dependence.
I love how reddit tells us that a gift is what I demand. SMH That is not a gift.
She didn't demand. She was asked, and ignored. If you're going to ask a person what they want as a gift, don't then ignore them and get them something else.
@@jeannemclaughlin7978 SHE ASKED FOR IT IN A PREVIOUS CONVERSATION! Stop acting as op just pulled this out of nowhere, and it’s the thought that counts. Op remembered something she asked for some time ago and got it for her that’s should show the girlfriend that op listens to her and remembers what she likes.
@@bkjay20 she also ASKED FOR A NECKLACE.
@@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107 so what’s the problem she got her what she wanted! The girlfriend is just acting entitled!
@@j.a.y.j.a.y.1107 She had also expressed that she wanted the blender. Oh the horror she was gotten something she wanted but oh no it's not jewelry so the thoughtful gift now means nothing!
story 1: if son's current wife wants to exclude the children on family functions...cut them off...
So the sons new girl toy is uncomfortable around the ex wife ?
Giving the Loan. It's not a loan; it'll never get paid back.
Could you stand the howl the the relatives would raise if you asked them to sign a promissory note?
And, they're crying poverty but still hav a nanny? If, they early need some sort of wake-up call. When put comes to shove and they are about to lose whatever and family comes crying to you, ask them what *they* are giving. Write down their answers and throw them back at them later.
I love subtle shaming language, like "barely adult" to someone who has been an adult for 5 years.
Oh my goodness! Thank you for adding music! I listen to these videos while I'm cleaning and running errands and it helps me block out outside noise. It helps tremendously with my ADHD.😊
You are so welcome! I'm so happy people are liking it! Voice alone is good but I also was missing a bit of jazz in the background.
Our family is full of people who divorced. Some don't go to family get together but most just peacefully co exist and then part ways like mature humans. Come on people, you're 45, not 5
Story 3: I love to cook, and the blender is a nice gift. I think it's sweet that she remembered her gf talking about it. That might just be me, but I give a NTA.
Household appliances aren’t proper gifts, especially after the wife had already said she wanted a romantic gift like jewelry. It’s almost like OP went out of their way to be as unromantic as possible
@@stirlingarcher7972 It's not a common thing to have one, stfu
@@stirlingarcher7972 So it’s not a gift because op’s girlfriend didn’t want it, but needed it? That’s an entitled mindset to have.
I agree with you. I thought the blender was a sweet gift, and the fact she remembered that her girlfriend wanted one was sweet as well. Yes, she could have also bought the necklace. It might have been better if she did. I don't know how much a blender like that costs, so it could have been as expensive as the bottle of alcohol.
@@lyndatuttle a good blender like that could cost at least $200
Irresponsible Shopping Addicted Parents/siblings. Give that couple a copy of Dave Ramsey's book[s]. Tell your mother to: Put Them Up or Shut Up. That is HER daughter and her responsibility. Go, NO CONTACT for at least one year. You might even consider moving, and adding a second phone that you use every day, and drop your current phone to a tiny calls and texts only plan; just to keep tabs on the family. You need to document what they are saying to your phone, but you never return those communications.
5 years isnt "barely adult." Like... what the fuck? And the "barely able to drink legal." Okay. Well. She has been able to drive for nearly a decade so shes old enough to know what shes doing.
How are Ivy and Tom independent when they go to others for money?
Story 1.
According to American federal tax laws, In-Laws are never ex In-Laws. They are still family even after the divorce. The couple is divorcing. Not the family
Story 2: “Mom if BIL needs his lunch made then you or sister can make it” all you need to say.
NTA OP but your BIL and mother are sexist AF. Glad your Dad is in your corner
First story; NTA. The children need to come first, NOT the pair that betrayed the entire family. Seriously does he actually hate his children? He's sure acting like it.
I can't even imagine one of my sisters asking me for money. They hold their own.
I find family asking for money wierd.
No they need to live within there means. They can't rehome the children. Don't give them a dime!
Story 3: as someone said in the video, the "loan" will be made into a gift by everyone else in the family. If she does it, they sign a full contract giving OP control of their finances.
I am someone who loves cooking, like the Girlfriend in the Blender story. And you know what? I would LOVE Getting a Kitchen Gadget that would make things easier in the kitchen for me as that would mean the one who got it for me actually considered what I like to do and put actual fucking thought into a gift. Granted, I am a guy, but still a thoughtful gift to me seems like the best kind of gift.
For my last birthday my husband made me my favorite recipe of homemade ice cream. I have diabetes, so it was adjusted to be something I can enjoy guilt free.
Little things like this are part of the way he shows he loves me, and keep me loving him.
I see nothing wrong with OP's gift, it's something I would like to have, myself if I didn't already have one. The question I have is did she actually give him a written list or just hint around for several days as to what she wants? My husband is rather dense and doesn't take hints most of the time, he needs me to outright tell him, and even then he will forget about half of it. Some of the men in my family are the same way. If you want a "nice" gift, make sure you tell them directly what you want ahead of time. Did she do this and he missed it?
Edit:. by the end of the video I forgot they were lesbians.
Doesn't change my opinion, good communication in both directions is necessary in all relationships.
@@sherylcascadden4988 Their was no list. She just suggested something romantic like jewelry. Also saying something romantic/sentinel.
@@sherylcascadden4988 she mentioned wanting a blender months before. Yet for this specific anniversary she said "a necklace or something else romantic".
Though the blender was a thoughtful gift it's not really what I would call romantic. And it's definitely not the necklace she had pointed out to op as something she would like for the anniversary.
Okay, but you're missing the biggest part. Her wife specifically asked for a necklace or something romantic for thier anniversary. Op literally asked what she wanted and then completely ignored it. Yes she might have wanted the blender eventually, but that's not what she asked for now.
@@fionaeckert4556 There was no mention of the necklace until the gift giving. If she knows how op is the best thing to due if she wanted something like jewelry is to have a wishlist. I'm sorry but Reddit and some of the comments are judging to much because other people would forget anniversaries or what their spouse would like. At least op remember something that she would like and hasn't bought herself yet. Besides it funny that no says that the wife gift is real any better.
Story three. I’m the same way, I buy things I need.
Good vid as always! In my opinion, the piano piece in the background is a tad discordant with your cadence and a little too loud in comparison to your voice
Noted! I'm testing it tonight and change if needed tomorrow :)
Agree to music and voice.
Agreed. The piano is nice...but maybe the specific song isn't quite the right choice. I'd love to hear more options as sometimes that background music can really set an amazing tone
My brother also left his wife and started a new family at a ridiculous age of 60. I say that not because 60 is necessarily old, but he most likely won't be around for his new children's HS graduation. If you will be too old for their future milestones, then why are you having more children? They need you during those trying years and you'll be gone. Awfully convenient to start a family knowing you won't have to take care of them for much longer (he is very unhealthy with a neurological disorder that came out after he married new younger wife). But my sister and I are very close to my former SIL. She has been our sister since we were in our mid teens. She is the mother of our two nephews now in early 30's. We have no intention of turning our backs on her. We NEVER mention my brother or his new family around her. She don't wanna hear it. I respect that. Its insulting to have both at same family function. WTF!!!?? To have to look at this smug new wife that took your life away. NO way!. I treat new SIL courteously because I mind my manners. I would not have a relationship with her at all (although she is very nice) if it weren't for my two new niece and nephew that are somehow attached to their uncle (me). So I treat them as nicely as possible. I'm too old to even have a nephew/niece at their age. They wear me out so I hesitate to visit. I end up both babysitting and cooking when I visit my father that lives near them. This is not how you expect things to turn out and its just because of someone having a wandering willy.
Story 2: if any tried this bs at our house both my parents would kick them out.
I listen to these videos and then listen to them again at night to fall asleep. The narrators voice is very soothing to me.
Don't give Ivy and Tom a loan, as I doubt will be repaid! NTA!
Of cou rose fiance is uncomfortable around son's ex, he cheated on ex with her! NTA!
I would have been happy with the blender…..much more useful.
True I would also perfer the blender
Lol... insults all men, then pulls a man logic gift. The irony is delish
@@chrismccloskey2502 It's not a "man's logic" gift, it's a good fucking gift
WTF, romantic and sentimental gifts and she gives you a bottle of Whiskey, what’s romantic or sentimental about that?
3rd story NTA, she said she didn't care what she got and only SUGGESTED the necklace, not said she'd really like it, so of course the OP got something she realized her partner had said she really wanted before
My family has the same attitude problem, they'll say, "look at this," or, "that be nice," and not, "I want this, get it for me," I don't take hints well, and then when I try to pick up on them, they get angry, then scream and holler that they didn't actually want the thing
THE OTER WOMAN is NOT TO BLAME - THE HUSBAND IS TO BLAME ONLY THE HUSBAND CHEATYED Stop blaming other4s for the shitty husband's lack of morals and control
Lol first story NTA, why is the mistress the one with the issue? The ex is the one who was cheated on.
And why would OP choose some little homewrecker over grandchildren?
Story 1 - OP NTA - Son and the homewrecker massive entitled AHs. OP since when do your son thought that he have the right to dictate what you do in YOUR own home? Just because he couldn't keep it in his pants doesn't mean that you have to throw away the 20+ years of relationship that you have with your ex-daughter-in-law. If the homewrecker, I mean if your son's new partner doesn't feel comfortable she is more than welcome to stay home. Your relationship with your son's ex and her children should be more important at this point. Your midlife crisis son also has the right to stay home with his homewrecker, I mean partner if the presence of his ex bothers him so much. OP, your house, your rules. Also, tell your son that the next time he used the term "you are NOT allowed" on you, he better run because that is extremely entitled and disrespectful towards you in YOUR own home. Also, remind your moron of a son that he divorce his wife but his wife didn't divorce his family. There is a big difference and he needs to get that in his head if he wants to have some semblance of a relationship with his children. By the way OP, your son didn't "fall in love" with his new "fiance", what he really meant to say is that he "FELL IN LUST" with his new fiance. He is in for a rude awakening when the new sidepiece sees another guy younger than him and leave him. Remind your stupid son that a cheater is ALWAYS a cheater and that sooner or later he is going to get a taste of his own medicine.
Story 2 - OP NTA - BIL and mother massive AHs. OP if your BIL wants his lunch packed he can ask your sister, you know, HIS WIFE. You are neither his wife nor his servant. As for your mother, she better shut the hell up and stop supporting your BIL up if she doesn't want your father to pack her bags for siding with a misogynist AH like your sister's husband or she can pack BIL's lunch herself. Your father rocks! He seems like a good man. You should also let your father know that as soon as he left your "mommy dearest" kept spewing her BS on you for not doing crap for your BIL.
Story 3 - OP YTA - You asked her what she wanted and instead of buying her what SHE wanted you went ahead and bought her something "better and practical" that YOU thought she wanted. WTF is wrong with you? There is a big difference between buying something that you think the person would like vs something they TOLD you they want. You better start LISTENING to your SO because it seems that what she said to you went on deaf ears. Yeah... YTA! Maybe your SO will buy a big enough chain and wear the blender around her neck!🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
Story 4 - OP NTA - Sister, Husband, and rest of the family massive irresponsible and entitled AHs. OP do not "lend" them the money because let's face it, you will NEVER get it back. As for those relatives harassing you tell them that you will pass the message along that they are more than happy to give Sis and BIL the money that they so desperately need and watch how fast they shut the hell up. Amazing how easy it is for people to make plans with other people's money. OP, not your circus, not your monkeys. Let them deal with the mess that they created. They can sell that expensive sports car and get themselves a more affordable car and use that money to resolve their financial issues or better yet... they both can get a second job.
Story 5 - OP NTA - BFF's husband disgusting AH. OP you did the right thing. If your so-called friend chooses to believe her crappy husband and be a doormat for this man then that is on her. You tried to warn her about her creepy husband and she practically accused YOU of instigating and/or provoking this reaction from him. That is not okay. OP she is the one that is going to be needing friends in the near future when she finds out for herself that "dear hubby" has been cheating on her. Just sit back and enjoy the ride because I bet you anything that you will be the first person that she will call when her crappy marriage explodes in her face.
My favorite narrated channel. Please don't ruin it with background music! So many have that noise completing with the story. A good voice and great narrating skills are enough!
I agree wholeheartedly!
I agree. I love music but it drove me crazy 😜
Story 3: OP did the same thing that the girlfriend did - she bought something that she remembered her girlfriend wanted but couldn't/wouldn't buy for herself. Sure, OP *could* have gotten the necklace after the fact, but you know what her girlfriend could have also done? Stopped her friend from ribbing OP with the kitchen jokes. GF likes cooking and wanted that blender, why is she letting her friend rag on OP? Even if it is a joke, it clearly makes OP upset or doubt herself despite that OP was trying her best to be thoughtful. GF doesn't have to be over the moon when she wanted something else, but not specifically saying what you want for a gift means you run the risk of not receiving what you really want. If she wanted OP to get the necklace, she could and should have told OP to get that specific necklace.
But she did: she said specifically that she wanted something romantic like jewelry, and pointed out a specific necklace. It takes someone incredibly dense to overlook the *specific instructions* they were given and then get all butthurt that their gift was received poorly.
Not to mention she said anniversaries are suppose to be about romantic gifts. Yet she got op alcohol. Yes I know it was expensive but still alcohol isn't really romantic.
@@ShadowSorcerer First, OP never specified that she wanted something romantic. It sounds like she never specified what she wanted at all, so her girlfriend got her something she thought she’d like. The girlfriend, however, *did* specify exactly what she wanted, and even provided an example. It seems like the gf is the romantic in the relationship, and OP is the practical one. And that’s fine-the gf knew OP is a bit clueless about gifts, so she provided instructions. Clearly, she underestimated just how clueless her beloved was!
And secondly, alcohol can be *very* romantic: a bottle of champagne and some strawberries is a hella romantic gift! Even a bottle of fine Scotch beats the hell out of a blender!
@@JosieJOK really? You think alcohol is romantic? Sounds like you have a drinking problem and I’m saying this after being sober for 7 years after nearly drinking myself to death for 24 years
@@JosieJOK wine and champagne MIGHT be romantic in a romantic setting like dinner but not as a gift. Also I'm pretty sure it was whiskey that was given so not romantic.
Story 1: I'm glad OP is sticking up for her former DIL and wants to have her and the kids in their life, but what is this weird going on about that she isn't to blame for her husband cheating on her?! She'd never ever be at fault for being cheated on.
I think they're comparing her to other marriages where the wife is a pretty awful person, so no one is surprised or wags their finger too hard when the husband cheats.
OP probably got a few troll DMs being like ‘your DIL was clearly an evil witch and deserved to be cheated on’
Oh, freeloading Ivy/Tom... I'd pick apart every word they say in person and online about being "independent", etc. "Money problems"? Stop buying Disney passes, eating out, and going on vacations all over Hell's Creation. *Then* you'll have more money. Also, a loan? Sure, sign the "exotic car" over to me and I'll keep it in my possession and drive it around until the 8kbux is paid off by XYZ date. And if not, it becomes mine free and clear immediately after. Unfair? Then the rest of fAmiLy can pay me back on their behalf if everyone's all broken up about it.
My husband and I eat well on food stamps. Friends of ours getting twice as much in food stamps complain constantly about how it won't cover their favored heat and eat meals while bragging about how often they use their year pass to Disneyland.
They just aren't willing to put in the effort to cook for themselves. They don't understand why no one has sympathy for their problems.
@@sherylcascadden4988 Yep. Just went shopping today, and I kinda live'n'die by the sales flyer. Stocked up on broccoli, tomatoes, onions, cans of tomato paste, detergents, stuff that "keeps", as well as fresh goodies that can go fast. Loooove stir-fry broccoli with everything from chinese style to lemon-butter, so I eat *very* well. Garlic mashies, chili, baked ziti, i mean, like, the list of *GOOD* food that's easy to make is almost endless.
But then again, I know people who are splurging on obscene data plans and eat out most days and take ubers everywhere, then piss'n'moan they can't make their rent when it's due.
It's about priorities. My gf and I put aside cash for necessities like bills *FIRST* and then something towards savings and finally *LAST* is "fun money". No stress.
Story1: NTA you are not acting out of anger you are acting out of loyalty to a good mother and daughter in law.
So how romantic is whiskey? Please.
Story 1: NTA. OP son is a PoS.
He doesnt was his ex around because his mistress is uncomforatble??? To hell with her feelings. Besides, it sounds like the ex is more family to OP that is own son, which is understandable concidering the type of person he is.
Story 5: The wife is in clear denial
Nti. He could have kept his pants on but that ship sailed! LOL 😂
If they continue to go after you on line, answer their post: You own luxury cars, then spell out every high end expensive thing they’ve purchased & do. Then: You want to be independent yet you keep coming to me with your hand out even after I’ve given you $_____ over the years. Add what you said about your mom’s home. Finish with, I’m helping you be truly independent by not enabling your foolish spending habits.
Anniversary Story: I laughed my head off at this story. OP fell into the typical trap most SO's (male or female) fall into. NEVER EVER buy appliances for anniversary gifts. EVER. You can get that on the side. It is better to go with something romantic/sentimental or something your SO (male/female) actually says "This would be a great gift to get for our anniversary coming up". Why ignore such a wonderfully timed HINT. Also it shows you actually are listening to your SO and will probably gain you many brownie points with your SO.
I've had people ask me what I want for my birthday., I respond with something practical, and they get me jewelry instead for some reason. So annoying. Just LISTEN to people.
I was also the child of divorced parents (dad cheated) who remarried (he married his affair). There was lots of anger and bitterness. My parents lived several hours apart and obviously did not attend holiday or birthday functions for the “other side of the family” (I’d get two birthday parties-one with mom and one with dad), they did come together for big events that involved me, like high school graduation, etc. It meant a lot to me to have MY WHOLE FAMILY at those functions, and I am still very grateful to all members of my family for making the effort to be welcoming and gracious. OP is doing the right thing for the kids.
ETA, as much as I’d understand rationalizing leaving my stepmom out of these occasions, I’m really glad they didn’t. However it happened, she was part of my family too, and I’m glad I wasn’t caught in the middle of all the anger.