The holidays are upon us, my friends! For many, this is a wonderful time of year when folks get to spend precious time with loved ones. For others, it's a landmine of conflict and despair. This episode is for those in the latter category. Today I'll be talking about holiday safety planning -- a must when dealing with toxic family dynamics. Here are five concrete and actionable tips to stay sane this holiday season. Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California. Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others. See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations. Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
My mother is a narcissist and has consistently marred my Christmases for 23 years, continuing to disrupt everything in my life even now. What can I do?
@@user-lv4ov5rp6d imo..it depends on the relationship you have with your mum outside of this core issue. Do you hate her, dislike her, like her or love her. The answer should determine your approach. My mums the same. Its been 45yrs. Im 45 yrs old🤷🏾. Because of the toxicity she injects into everyones lives, everyone being if a different nature in character and personality, i can see the different ways family members have dealt with their personal relationship with her. My younger brother will always be there for her. Mum will always contact him first for everything. Used to be me. My older brother always verbally abuses her. Shes aware of their dynamics and caters to him. Not scared of him but doesn't want to upset him. My older sister will spend time with her for both personal gain and harmony. They always argue. Me, im always straight to the point. Gun in holster. She'll be nice at the start and always will say something to get a reaction out of me, so it has to be deep enough to hit a nerve. But it never works. Im the only one in my family who says "I love you" to all of them. Ive lived the hardest life out of us siblings. "When life sucks, i just pull my dick out." - MrTrollbaby
The only thing worse than living with your parents in your 30's is also having to share the same space with siblings too. Especially when you have different views on things. It is like purgatory. No escape. Just hide in your room LOL
How about surviving a toxic family you are being raised by? (including extended family) Theres not really anywhere you can run off to and your completely dependent on them making you subject to their whims
This is my last holiday. I'm not doing it again I'm done. This year was traumatizing for me now every time I'll fear it'll happen again a fight. They fought on vacation many years ago. I'm done! Great tips. I wish I had my own car when altercation happened I wanted to leave immediately and couldn't
This one is hard for me. My family doesn't take interest in anything that i'm interested in so when we are together i just don't talk much since i'm even less interested in small talk that you'll forget 5 minutes later. Last time i was discussing something with my nephew and my sister came to sit down with us and immediately demand a change in subject which bothered me quite a bit. I'm a highly disagreeable person and trying to moderate me is not something i react well although i did this time; i responded YES! Let's change the subject and walk away .
Sage advice from a man who has heard more than his fair share of Holiday Season horror stories with loved ones. But what do you do when there is no escape, and the nightmare lives within the same walls of a marriage undergoing unmistakable death rattles. Oh yes, four years ago that thankfully fades marginally with each passing year I was trapped like a male Black Widow Spider. I was unable to outrun a soon to be ex's insatiable need to devour my face. Nothing, including beautiful clothes purchased for my soon to be ex, not beautiful gifts, nor true equanimity, or pliability could ameliorate her lethal desire to eat my face, before moving on to a 3rd desert. Yes, I survived two failed suicide attempts by the skin of my teeth, and have risen anew, thankfully, but what a final Holiday Season it was. Doctor, the best part was seeing the female Black Widow Spider from a good distance last April, weighing in at 240 pounds, after tipping the scales at 105 on our weeding day so long ago. I laughed under my breath as I absconded to the media section in the Walmart while I awaited her blighted visage moving beyond the boundaries of a possible encounter. I can laugh now four years after a Holiday Season in the land of the dead, Tartarus, a hellhole where Hecate, Hermes and Charon await the deceased. Now as for you Sir, you are an incredible doctor, and story teller, and wise beyond your years. Now for God sakes man, follow your own sage advice this Holiday Season. Yikes!
Finances make this all so much more complicated. I am financially dependent on my abusers and only recently moving into adulthood. Finding it hard to escape. I wouldn’t be able to go to college without them and I’m pursuing a career that is not known for being lucrative, but it’s because I love it.
My tips are to find something about the holidays you can enjoy, even if it’s just a peppermint mocha or the extra candle you buy yourself to light, or a song you enjoy.
There are situations in which even the city where your family lives is toxic and extremely poor in events at the same time, especially for those who have acquired a different lifestyle over time. A deadly combo. I don't know in other parts of the world but in my geographical area it is common to take even 12-14 days of vacation in the summer and at Christmas and perhaps with the compromise of working remotely for 50% of the time. Honestly nothing really works as one would like. Up to the age of 30 it can be fine but after that when the ties with that place are slowly running out you absolutely need to have a plan B and even a plan C if necessary.
My family is a mess. there is a court case between 2 female family members and they both plan to attend this family gathering. Let's see how this goes. (sighs)
I must admit no drinking Christmas day .Be onest sounds unrealistic for someone like me who enjoys a drink.Yes I don't have to spend Christmas eve and day to a bunch of narcissistic people.That could be the solution.
The holidays are upon us, my friends! For many, this is a wonderful time of year when folks get to spend precious time with loved ones. For others, it's a landmine of conflict and despair. This episode is for those in the latter category. Today I'll be talking about holiday safety planning -- a must when dealing with toxic family dynamics. Here are five concrete and actionable tips to stay sane this holiday season.
Orion is a licensed psychologist in the state of California.
Podcast available of Spotify, Instagram, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts and others.
See the "About" tab for more information on donations and consultations.
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Helpful... Thank you
The "black sheep" is often just the one who sees through the rest of the family's BS
Me :-)
My mother is a narcissist and has consistently marred my Christmases for 23 years, continuing to disrupt everything in my life even now. What can I do?
@@user-lv4ov5rp6d imo..it depends on the relationship you have with your mum outside of this core issue. Do you hate her, dislike her, like her or love her. The answer should determine your approach. My mums the same. Its been 45yrs. Im 45 yrs old🤷🏾. Because of the toxicity she injects into everyones lives, everyone being if a different nature in character and personality, i can see the different ways family members have dealt with their personal relationship with her.
My younger brother will always be there for her. Mum will always contact him first for everything. Used to be me.
My older brother always verbally abuses her. Shes aware of their dynamics and caters to him. Not scared of him but doesn't want to upset him.
My older sister will spend time with her for both personal gain and harmony. They always argue.
Me, im always straight to the point. Gun in holster. She'll be nice at the start and always will say something to get a reaction out of me, so it has to be deep enough to hit a nerve. But it never works.
Im the only one in my family who says "I love you" to all of them. Ive lived the hardest life out of us siblings.
"When life sucks, i just pull my dick out."
- MrTrollbaby
"... this can be expensive - but so are therapy sessions." Nice one! :D
"They might not understand, but how often do they understand you anyway?" 💯
The only thing worse than living with your parents in your 30's is also having to share the same space with siblings too. Especially when you have different views on things. It is like purgatory. No escape. Just hide in your room LOL
This post is just what I needed. Thanks!
How about surviving a toxic family you are being raised by? (including extended family) Theres not really anywhere you can run off to and your completely dependent on them making you subject to their whims
Sit in the corner and read your Bible. That will piss then off but what can they say? Stop reading that Bible! 😂
The most toxic of my family was a few of my aunts, uncles, and a couple of cousins. They were the definition of "a rotten apple ruins the bunch".
You are smart, love it!!
This is my last holiday. I'm not doing it again I'm done. This year was traumatizing for me now every time I'll fear it'll happen again a fight. They fought on vacation many years ago. I'm done! Great tips. I wish I had my own car when altercation happened I wanted to leave immediately and couldn't
This one is hard for me. My family doesn't take interest in anything that i'm interested in so when we are together i just don't talk much since i'm even less interested in small talk that you'll forget 5 minutes later. Last time i was discussing something with my nephew and my sister came to sit down with us and immediately demand a change in subject which bothered me quite a bit. I'm a highly disagreeable person and trying to moderate me is not something i react well although i did this time; i responded YES! Let's change the subject and walk away .
Thanks Dr. Orion for this video I really appreciate it. As always, you are not bullshitting your followers. Your integrity is impressive.
Sage advice from a man who has heard more than his fair share of Holiday Season horror stories with loved ones. But what do you do when there is no escape, and the nightmare lives within the same walls of a marriage undergoing unmistakable death rattles. Oh yes, four years ago that thankfully fades marginally with each passing year I was trapped like a male Black Widow Spider. I was unable to outrun a soon to be ex's insatiable need to devour my face. Nothing, including beautiful clothes purchased for my soon to be ex, not beautiful gifts, nor true equanimity, or pliability could ameliorate her lethal desire to eat my face, before moving on to a 3rd desert. Yes, I survived two failed suicide attempts by the skin of my teeth, and have risen anew, thankfully, but what a final Holiday Season it was. Doctor, the best part was seeing the female Black Widow Spider from a good distance last April, weighing in at 240 pounds, after tipping the scales at 105 on our weeding day so long ago. I laughed under my breath as I absconded to the media section in the Walmart while I awaited her blighted visage moving beyond the boundaries of a possible encounter. I can laugh now four years after a Holiday Season in the land of the dead, Tartarus, a hellhole where Hecate, Hermes and Charon await the deceased. Now as for you Sir, you are an incredible doctor, and story teller, and wise beyond your years. Now for God sakes man, follow your own sage advice this Holiday Season. Yikes!
GREAT video. This video was eerie. I felt like you read my mind.
I would love to see more content about family
Finances make this all so much more complicated. I am financially dependent on my abusers and only recently moving into adulthood. Finding it hard to escape. I wouldn’t be able to go to college without them and I’m pursuing a career that is not known for being lucrative, but it’s because I love it.
My tips are to find something about the holidays you can enjoy, even if it’s just a peppermint mocha or the extra candle you buy yourself to light, or a song you enjoy.
Words to live by.
Thanks for the tips, very very important. Also "no ones ever pround that they drink too much" Are you sure about that one :D
There are situations in which even the city where your family lives is toxic and extremely poor in events at the same time, especially for those who have acquired a different lifestyle over time. A deadly combo. I don't know in other parts of the world but in my geographical area it is common to take even 12-14 days of vacation in the summer and at Christmas and perhaps with the compromise of working remotely for 50% of the time. Honestly nothing really works as one would like. Up to the age of 30 it can be fine but after that when the ties with that place are slowly running out you absolutely need to have a plan B and even a plan C if necessary.
My momi is dieng...all she wants is her kids home for Xmas. I must swallow my pride and go.
it's a kind of hell for me
I am a criminal defense attorney. Every year the prosecutors office records a murder or two around thanksgivings by family. His advice is sage..
My family is a mess. there is a court case between 2 female family members and they both plan to attend this family gathering. Let's see how this goes. (sighs)
I must admit no drinking Christmas day .Be onest sounds unrealistic for someone like me who enjoys a drink.Yes I don't have to spend Christmas eve and day to a bunch of narcissistic people.That could be the solution.
Dr. Taraban, just curious as what your opinion is in regards to complex ptsd and narcissistic abuse.
Would love to hear about feminist single mothers and the damage they do to their sons.
I can't find any help on this at all. It's really frustrating.
Thanks Taliban.
Can't stand it anymore..my sister doesn;t STFU...chat chat chat...and she gets high and yapps to fkn death and don't listen