I've reached a point where I don't (usually) tell people what I am or who I'm attracted to. I just live day by day being the hot mess that I am and if somebody notices something I'm just like congrats but I'm not a riddle and my sexuality is not the answer.
I know this sounds stupid but i always thought i had to act a certain way since i’m bisexual but like.. i realized i really don’t? I can just be me a girl, just a normal girl living her everyday life, it thought i HAD to come out to people but i literally didn’t, i didn’t have to tell anyone my pronouns or sexuality because i never really cared, and i never really thought it mattered.
I feel like we also expect everyone to just magically know exactly who they are and what they like and forget there're people who are still trying to figure themselves out and find their identity and that can take A LOT of time, so we should be more patient and understanding with them. We've been in that place, they are still trying to get to a better one
Thats the thing though, how long is it going to take till you find yourself? 40? 50 years? Some people need to really ask themselves who they are so they’re not living their life all confused n shit.
@@ogmeow The thing is somebody else's sexuality and identity is none of your damn business and if they take 50 years to figure themselves out that's their "problem" and it's on them to deal with that. Nobody owes you anything, nobody owes you their label, there's no time limit to come out or realize who you are. It's a sexuality and a gender identity, not a college entrance exam
i don’t know why some people act like they aren’t still finding themselves, a lot of people wanna figure out who they are as a person so they go through these types of things to get a better understanding but sometimes they really can’t understand it, so i definitely agree with you.
i think what some people forget, when it’s an essential part of the discussion, is that pansexual, polisexual, etc ARE bisexual orientations. they are part of the bisexual umbrella. the attempt with these categories is to specify how that bisexuality works (why is that a thing? dk. it is, and it kinda makes sense). but if u forget that, then they lack actual meaning.
THIS OMG I BROUGHT IT UP.like i want to explain this to people who find no logic in the orientations.like its PART of being bi if u feel like the label is for you.some people would refer themselves as pan and not bi (even though it can be under the category) bc of confusion,or comfort.some may identify as both (not saying both are exactly the same as some say) .its like saying im trans (bc im not the gender i was born) ,and genderfluid (my gender changes a lot).two terms which can go hand in hand because of the umbrella terminology.
Pretty much everyone is on the sliding scale of bisexuality from "straight" to "gay"; even the most stalwart that think they're perched on the very edge likely have their exceptions. To biologically procreate, gender matters. Can't be denied, that's how the human body works. But to connect with other humans? Find a partner? Have fun? Seek something deeper than surface-level, exciting, reproduction-based dopamine rewards? Doesn't matter at all.
Half Indian born in the west here, thanks for mentioning India and the hijra community. I’m always rolling my eyes when westerners say third gender is a «new age» thing when it’s literally mentioned in 4000 year old texts from hinduism, the oldest religion in the world. Like it’s just ignorant, period, and those who think it’s a «new trend» are actually objectively wrong. I love you and your channel, you are intelligent and we share parts of the same perspective. I did volunteer work for a queer organization for years and it was very focused on labels and expansive language, which actually seemed to confuse some people. On the other hand, it could also be helpful in the personal journey of finding out who you are, especially younger people. I went from being a lesbian, to being bi, to being straight, to being a lesbian again and then bi again AND THEN pansexual and now I just say “I’m queer” cause that seems to include everyone 👀 Anyway, great video, I actually love the way you presented this! And to anyone reading this: I will always have your back no matter what you identify as or who you love, never be afraid of being who you are ❤️
As a westerner myself, it does get really irritating. Especially considering how in the U.S, there were other genders as well within Native American cultures, two souls, along with what I’ve seen (minimally) online about Hindu gods having multiple genders, being genderless, and or presenting in both “masculine” and “feminine” ways! Though to be honest, I know why those specific westerners say that. They want to hold more power over GNC, gender queer, and or trans folks, and saying that anything other than the gender binary is a “new concept” is part of how they try to minimize and dehumanize gender queer people, as if gender and sexuality fluidity hasn’t existed since the dawn of humanity lol.
Ever since primary school I always felt like I didn't fit in with the other girls, neither did I fit in with the boys. I grew up believing that I may be a trans boy, but then high school happened and I started feeling more feminine. I hate genders more than anything, I don't like the fact that I am a woman, but neither would I like it if I were born a man. The thing I appreciate with my native language (kurdish) is that the language doesn't use pronouns like she/he, we only use they/them when referring to a person. Of course we have gendered words like woman, man, girl and boy, but that's about it. I hate labels and being labeled more than anything, I wish people saw you as the person you are, not just your orientation or pronouns. Why do people care so much if someone is a man or a woman or anything in between? Can't we all just live life without caring about that. I used to correct people when they would use the "incorrect" pronouns on me because I had lived all my life raised and treated like a girl, now I just ignore them and let them use whatever pronouns on me. Thank you, Olive, for sharing your thoughts with us today. Your ideology is very similar to mine, and I appreciate it that you talked about this despite it possibly being controversial ❤
i am half kurd / half turkish. i live in turkey but i don't know kurdish. turkish is like that too, the language only uses they/them and it makes things much much easier. i love the fact that it is like that in kurdish too.
i respect the fact that you managed to talk about a topic this tricky and dangerous while being this blunt and it made perfect sense all the way through, absolute banger
the bit about invalidating is so goddamn true. I HATE it when people say "you are valid!" like yeah no shit thanks, I didn't need you to confirm that. I don't need your approval for my truth.
man i had the exact opposite. born female but even as a teenager i had people thinking i was a boy. cut all my hair off at 16. I still don't even know where the hell my gender sits but honestly to me I'm ok with not being sure one way or the other. i think that gender may not be a definitive concept and that its much more of a spectrum. Unfortunately as humans we seek patterns and labels to cope with the uncertainty that is the human condition and a lot of that is tied to gender and gender expression. It's like we feel as though it's one of the few things we have "control" over. idk
Yes, great point about control! I feel humans latch onto labels as a way of grounding themselves. Like “the universe is so expansive and scary, but at least I know these things.”
@@akatastrophe definitely. we have to cope with the knowledge that we're all going to die and that we're hairless apes with superiority complexes so consigning everything about ourselves to arbitrary categories is like a comfort thing. I wouldn't say gender is entirely arbitrary as a concept but I think it's a lot less concrete than people act
i definitely know how you feel, i had a boycut in my early teenage years after i got sick, and in school people would confuse me for a boy a lot. at the time it stressed me out a lot because i was already getting ostracised for my race, plus that was the time where right wing rabbit hole was really prevalent on the internet and i was spiralling directly into it. i leaned ten times heavier into it because of the whole anti-victimhood thing they believe in. it was like reinforcing my denial that i was getting bullied bc of my peers' racism and (potential) transphobia. when i got to a happier place i realized i basically experienced the fragility of the concept that is gender. i guess it made me realize that everyone's mental definitions of the gender binary are different. if there were some people who had no trouble grasping that i was a girl, but others who assumed i was a trans man or masc lesbian. that experience played a huge part in me currently being less of a believer in gender and pronouns.
i agree with you on gender anarchy. however its inconsistent to argue that sexuality is a functioning system that we as queer people can fit into when gender isnt. theyre linked, if one is broken the other one is too. also it says that sexuality is a purely biological matter and not a social one
Gender is just something that I feel like if we weren't so focused on finding the right label just wouldn't exist and everyone wouldn't actually have a gender and would instead focus on representing their true self rather than what the ''gender'' they want to be is preceived as. Idk. Gender is hard and some people might actually feel safe having a label since confinement and structure migh validate them. There's too many people with too many opinions, everything is everywhere and everything actually means nothing except to the people it means shit to 😭😭
Normal society isn't obsessed with gender at all, it's when the obvious known male and female gender/sex have a new random addition out of nowhere, with a person attached to the concept that's super fighty and agressive, that things just stop making sense for a second. No one talked about male and female, the only conversation was accidentally thinking an older lady is a man or visa versa, and you'd say sorry because women are seen as pretty, and men are seen as men anatomied, both groups obviously being offended if you got their gender wrong. If I see the most obvious male bone structured, male face, and male voice man on the street dressed in womens clothing... I'm going to think 🚨male alert🚨male alert🚨male alert 🚨! I'm not thinking "wow that lady". If you actually were the person that TRULY couldn't live as a man or woman and switched genders, then I understand. But the groups today are so much more escaping their past, and come off as mentally ill in literally everyway and warning flag you can imagine. I prefer men who wear clothing far more feminine with long hair, earrings, makeup, and pants/lower gown/what have you than I prefer the buzzcut disgusting no gender but obviously a man, with rainbow hair, insane personality, completely bashed by medicine use for their non professionally prescribed issues, and fashion that makes homeless folks 2 outfits look like an elegant outdoor ensemble. It screams confusion, and the overnagging voice of someone who talks like their parents in cadence....and NOTHING else, zero intelligence level, and messed up. Very condescending usually too which is just..oh so effortlessly charming for making people want to accept you, or it, or whatever invasion group you pretend to belong to (people who are like this, you is used for the audience and those who aren't that shouldn't feel called out by the patriarchy of common sense). I can go on and on about how exactly right I am about this gender fad and how it has nothing to do with todays acceptance "finally letting people present as themselves". Yah I'm sure in 2004, the school girl after the news reads that we will accept everything, decided to switch her gender to nonbinary, and dress like a homeless barbie goth with a acid hint of 70s fake fashion. It's the culmination of today with the zero fashion trends we have going on, where everythings a complete free-for-all. Oh to be in society 15 odd years earlier when we still dressed in casual normal outfits, and trusted stores across the country like macys, jc Penney, and mall fashion around to give us perfect normal outfits to fit normal people. These people are trying to tear away the norms that they call oppressive, because they can't believe that the thing they made up yesterday isn't recognized as a real thing, just like when I expect the text book hierarchy to put "fartbutt" in the dictionary because I want it to be so. Begging, crying losers who have lost everything their younger selves had, all because of how bad middle schools have become over the years, the safe special age of all children where they can be easily manipulated and became severly depressed, also their growing up/rebellious years. It's always middle school that the phases appear in children, they bicker with their parenrs and shut themselves out. Nowadays it's worse than ever, so so much worse. Society is extremely accepting, these people just want 100% acceptance of all racism, sexism, and homophobia..but their fight is so out of place because THEY NEVER STOP SHOUTING...live your life, you made your message, yoy can't live your life 24/7 as the angry chronically online activist who blames everyone around them for their issues when it's always been them making more outrageous choices they FORGET were meant to be rebellious and started treating like themselves. Uhg.
16:55 holy shit you just put into words what I've been thinking for years. If everyone thought like that there would be so much less internal drama in the lgbt community, like with the he/him lesbians and shit like that 💀
great ideas in this vid! you made me think more about why being invalidated in any sense (for me, parents who actively ignore/do not accept my truth) is such a visceral experience is not because of my personal truth being destroyed, but because the relationship suffers. human relationships include agreeing on some shared understanding of the world, and actions that splinter that shared understanding (especially if it's a personal truth) are pretty damaging to a relationship.
I remember coming out to my mom and being so angry that’s she wouldn’t correct herself with my pronouns. But growing up and being who I am now I realize a lot of the reason of why I would go out of my way and get so upset is because I didn’t feel seen. Once i became confident in myself and really figured myself out (gender fluid) I literally did not give a fuck if people misgendered me. Like not everyone knows me and people usually assume off first glance. I had to realize like grrl stop taking shit so personal and don’t give your energy to the wrong people. If you keep getting offended and throwing tantrums you’re going to be fighting all your life and it’s not worth the energy. So to all of you spread love and ignore hate. Some people just don’t know and those who do and try to taunt you on purpose just want a reaction out of you, don’t give them the chance to hold power over you. xox💋
Yes having confidence and embracing who you are is very important and essential to life imo. I feel like that’s the thing with wanting to feel validated by others like you don’t need other people to tell you that you matter or your identity is valid, because by your simple existence you’re fine just the way you are!
Definitely agree with gender anarchy, like I don’t think we need to fix the system, we should never have had this system ever. Like if I had made a language I wouldn’t have based everything off of gender, like it seems so outdated to me, it’s archaic to think like “we should decide if this word if feminine or masculine, because that matters” Gender as a societal construct right now is a two dimensional field, either left or right, but I feel like “gender” is three dimensional. I might sound crazy so I’m sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I don’t really think English has the correct vocabulary for gender dissection. I would have based it on personality, or something that’s more you than just what you are, like a chosen name or something much more personal than just A or B or maybe even C now. When I think about myself I imagine myself as a celestial body, not a sum of my parts, but something more personally me, a much much deeper pure signature energy.
this is a quite refreshing take tbh , i'm a tad tired of everyone saying the same thing this community feels like and echo chambre at this point , as a not so traditionally masculine gay man i fully agree we dont need gender at all as a concept what we need is for people to be free of the shackles of Heteronormativity
"minimal language is expansive language done effectively" summarizes really well the point you were making with this video. this is def food for thought, i'm gonna look more into what gender anarchy is and how i can live it effectively!
I hope you don’t lose any subscribers!! I totally agree with you, especially toward the end. We need to not let other people own our validity. Our validity is not dependent on people understanding us or respecting us or not. And I also don’t agree with all the label drama (Coming from someone who was very “there are only two genders” in 2018 despite being a very GNC female but now wants to divest from gender myself lol)
@@eightdaffodils well that wouldnt make sense lol since theyve always posted non asmr content. they also never say that in any of their vids. it was obviously because they were worried ppl wouldnt agree with them politically
The "the current framework was never designed to include us" thing was really well put and enlightening to me. I think I realized that, but never quite knew how to put it to words. The bureaucracy in gender discussion always got on my nerves a bit, but I never felt like I had a place to complain about it bc I'm a cis girlie. Also: "We can't say what it means to be a man because it's not real". Like, damn. That sums it up so perfectly. Anyway, I love your channel and your style + vibe and I just think you're amazing and so intelligent and this is basically 26 minutes of you vocalizing thoughts I've had for years
@@EC-yw5hgI think they mean it in the sense that no one perfectly fits gender roles because they are so ridiculous and extreme. No one can be a perfect, macho man because we all break the mold in some way, wether it’s enjoying the color pink or being an emotional person.
I feel like labels and pronouns should be like favorite colors. Like you can pick whatever you want. You can have multiple favs you can have none at all. Cause I can’t really explain what a color is or go into that much detail as to why I like it. And the same can be said with my gender and pronouns. I consider myself a trans guy, I like he/him. But if you ask me to define what a man is or how I know I’m a man. Like girl I don’t know lmao I just like it. Also what you said about being invalidated cause maybe it’s not valid (not from like being bullied just like someone is passing saying something with no malice) I mean I kind of get that. Cause nowadays whenever someone tries to insult me by misgendering me I do not care. Or if it’s accidental I just correct them cause it’s no big deal. But at the same time before I came out I felt so awful being called a girl and everything. So I think it can also be if you feel like you’re not being listened to or you’re too scared to put yourself out there yet.
Olive, so excited that you made this! Gender is super complicated like you say but its also fascinating to me. I dont use the label of non binary or fluid but i feel like i can be hyperfeminime one minute and boyish and rugged the next. I grew up a tomboy but i think I was scared to be a girl and become a woman bc the women around me said how hard it was to be one. I love having these convos with no pressure to identify. You're amazing keep speaking your mind❤
i agree with you so much!! I grew up the only girl in my family and femininity was always so painful for me because everyone was telling me that being a woman sucked. I also just felt more boyish and masculine. Now that I'm older I've found joy in my femininity but it still doesn't feel like that's all I am.
@@sopitaa783Yeah same a lot of women have this experience because our taught role is to be submissive to men and a lot of femininity is just humiliation rituals. This does not mean that we are not women though, and it does not mean that a feminine woman is any closer to womanhood than a masculine or androgynous one. Most women don’t fit into that trope of “femininity” because we are multifaceted. Still women, though.
Why do you make gender sound so oppressive. also wearing makeup and a female like look does not change gender, gender isn't an outfit or a personality or self expression, gender is the look of your sex. The way we set up gender isn't flawed because...who in 2024 women in "1950" loved their fashion, it's what made them, men don't have to enjoy all that because their role is different in life than women, it is mens greatest sacrifice to give women the luxury of pretty accessories and beautiful dynamic clothing. (1948 or 1958 or 1953) It's a lovely thing, because men ARE the "bread winners" in 1900, they would have the high paid job while the wife would either be at the house or at her own occupation as well, usually one that's nicer and pays a little less because it requires less. It's not sexist, that was what men were so used to because men went to war, men were architects at the same time too, but there's nothing wrong with being more manly. That is the idea of a tomboy girl, or a feminine man sometimes drag queen style or like how are friend here is. Doesn't mean you have to change your sexual existence over it or GOD FORBID the name thing...UHGG, OH LOOK, I GO BY SKYLER NOW BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I DON'T BELIEVE IN GENDER, I STILL BOX IT IN TO THE FEMALE AND MAKE CATEGORY IF I'M ERIN OR AARON. ridiculous frankly how counter intuitive some people can be.
I feel like pansexual and bisexual thing is just like adding and being more specific with how you experience life; like how you could use: "I feel euphoric" instead of "I feel happy" just to add more insight into your identity like how you would with the afor mentioned example
Yea for me. I identify as pansexual despite having low sexual necessity ?? Panromantic would be more accurate and to me, pan means I have NO gender preference AT ALL. But like you mentioned, the bisexual/pansexual line is blurry because they’re made out of the same marker
omg don't stop doing videos like this is so refreshing to see queer people differing from the general discourse. And I also feel like you hold back a lot, idk, but of course is scary getting cancelled and shit
I came here from the gay retail video and I saw the thumbnail and didn’t know what to expect. Gotta say I’m pleasantly surprised and it’s so refreshing to hear someone who has a similar take on gender as me. I usually refer to myself as nonbinary, however the way you described abolishing gender as a concept is something I think is so desperately needed and perfectly encapsulated how I feel about my own gender. Or basically lack thereof of gender. I don’t want to be a man or a women or even anything in between , just a human that exists. The day that becomes the norm of society isn’t something I see coming anytime soon unfortunately so many people are still so attached to “gender” which imo has always existed as way to spilt people into groups to help control and divide us. The reality is we are all human and that’s it, everything else about gender is fabricated to benefit and maintain a status quo. But knowing there’s people out there calling for abolition of it entirely feels so freeing to me.
A lot more people agree with your take on this than you think, so don't worry. As a trans person, I've been saying very much of the same sentiments for yeeaars!
In all honesty I am someone who never really understood the concept of there being more than 2 genders. However, your video is so eloquently spoken it gave me great insight into the topic! I love that you included some history from other cultures having more than two genders. It’s insightful! Olive you slayed yet again. 💗💗
I understand and support gender abolitionism, but I’m also too strongly identified with womanhood (especially politically) to ever let that go (hence the she/they pronouns). I personally identify as bi and not pan because gender presentation plays a role in my attraction, but I understand that not everyone interprets those labels that way. Those close to me know my attraction is actually way more complicated than that (e.g. also on the ace spectrum), and I like having the language to discuss it with them, but I get that so many labels can seem exhausting. Most of the queer people I know don’t actually get uppity about being misgendered, mislabeled, and etc., unless someone’s intentionally being rude about it. I think it’s conservatives pushing culture war bullshit to distract from issues of oppression that unite us (e.g. lack of effective social services and labor exploitation) that are actually making it a big deal (including people who profit off making fun of “wokeness” like Blair White), but that’s just me🤷🏻♀️
Also, as someone from Hawai’i who was just reading about hijras in “A Burning” by Megha Majumdar, I wanted to applaud you for discussing how colonialism has contributed to the marginalization of mahus and hijras.
Omg every point in this video ate so hard. I have so many queer friends who have just given up trying to label themselves because labels are inherently against what they feel. Really appreciate this video 🩷🩷🩷🩷
I'm a non-binary person, assigned female at birth, I love expressing myself as "feminine" but also act and like things that are labeled as "masculine". Sometimes I just like to say I'm an experience, I'm also very spiritual so I see things that way. At the end of the day, it's a different experience for everyone.
You’re a woman who doesn’t fit into strict behavioral expectations and _that’s okay._ Concluding that your lack of fitting into expectations of femininity makes you _not_ a woman is just furthering the BS association between femininity and womanhood.
i don't comment on many videos, but i seriously have to do it on this one lol i'd like to thank you for this video! i genuinely agree with every single point and you helped me put some of my thoughts in a more organised pattern (especially with in the first half). i'm also 19 and i've always felt genderfluid but found the proper label for it when i was around 12. at first i was actively participating in queer discourse, but the past few years i just started finding it pointless; because, as you said: it's not about the labels we use, it's about our feelings. i feel like many (especially very young) queer people feel so heated over their labels because they have this need to belong somewhere in a world where it feels like no one understands you, hence the protectiveness over their identities. i wish more of them would understand that we aren't shaped by the very limited language we made up (as you said: it was designed excluding us) but by who we are. we are to complex to be put in boxes like that and while, yes, they can help us feel more seen and make it easier to explain what we think or feel - they can also be too limiting if taken too seriously. i would like to thank you for making this video once again and i'm sorry if this comment is chaotic bc english isn't my first language and it's 4am and i have a horrible migraine 😢 (but this vid kinda helped soothe it haha)
I feel like with the “valid thing” I think that what you’re saying kinda makes sense (but I know people are going to have some clap backs). For a while I kept telling people “I go by they/he and only they/he not she” like I emphasized it so much to the point that I got annoyed. I always wanted people to make sure they knew I hated “she”, but deep down I think I was more adamant about people using “she” not because I actually hated it but because I cared more about how I was perceived. Like “do they think I am a girl? But I am gender-fluid I am not a cis girl? If they only use she they must think I am just some woman and not queer”. But now I don’t really care I just go by any pronouns because it doesn’t matter to me how people perceive me. I enjoy girlie things and I enjoy being a girl but I also enjoy experimenting and not conforming to gender or even defying the gender roles and boxes we have now. Like what does it mean to be a woman or a man?
So real. You're literally so pretty and smart. More people should watch your vlogs fr. On the pansexual and bisexual and polysexual thing, I say let people use whichever one they feel fits them best. It doesn't really matter, but poly is multiple different sex & gender (not all) attraction, pan is all gender/sex attraction(they don't care), bi is both/two genders sometimes including more sexes or genders, female and male attraction only, male and intersex attraction only, female and intersex attraction only, etc... Bisexual can be a combination, pansexual can eat the whole menu, polysexual can be a combo PLUS another combo (many, not all the food.) Idk if I explained well, they are similar, but different, however that does go back to what you were saying about the language part of identities and stuff. Pan, bi, poly. ALL are saying at LEAST attracted to TWO genders/sexes. Some people need language, some don't. It's okay. My personal opinion, but also I truly believe we need to focus on being better people and stop killing each other over petty things. People don't have clean water in a lot of places it's shameful how we let each other starve to death and die of very preventable things. It's not right.
I honestly feel what youre putting down, my dad who is trans has the same kind of mindset and it makes a lot more sense as I continue to grow. Especially as someone who doesn't resonate with labels and using expansive language so i appricate this video
I’m trans I id as a man now (mostly to save myself a headache when talking to others) but I’m not someone who has the “oh I’ve always known” story. Sometimes I reference like “back when I was a girl” or whatever and (sometimes) people jump down my throat, trying to be accepting, with “but you were never a girl, you’ve always been a man!” And I appreciate the sentiment, but I used to act like a girl, look like a girl, feel feminine, etc. and that informs the man I am today. I still have that woman inside me and I don’t really feel comfortable expressing her but she’s there. There’s simultaneously so much nuance and also it’s all so stupid, you know what I mean? I say that lightheartedly 💖 great video Also just a quick side note: I have no desire to be a woman I really love being a man and have no desire to “go back” or whatever, I just try to honor all sides of myself
i literally cannot explain my gender to anybody because they just don’t get it. I’m a man who’s a woman and the woman is also a man. like im transgender. What way you ask? Yes❤
DUDE YES and literally it's only other trans ppl who ever get it. like im a girl who's a man who's a boy who's a woman. like yeah im a man who's a woman and a woman who's a man why are we confused
Once the haircut looks amazing. Two I really appreciate you taking your time to discuss such a sensitive topic. Your take on everything is very close to what I’m thinking so it makes me feel seen and heard. It’s not the first video you make that I truly resonate with. I really want to thank you for that. It makes me feel like I’m not alone.
an important addition to this conversation is the people that take "invalidating" to extremes such as lawmakers limiting trans healthcare & queer rights. those instances where hateful language becomes action do have serious implications on your quality of life/ability to live your truth.
This discussion is exactly what I realised from a young age, gender really doesn’t make sense, it’s just a bunch of rules and names that humans used to try and make sense of the world, and declare who they are as a part of a group. Those who resonate with this and want to label themselves, fine, but I always sort of thought gender as a hobby. I see Masculinity as a hobby that some practise, like piano or football, or collecting stamps. Same thing for femininity, androgyny, labels, expression etc etc. Gender to me is nothing. ‘Gender is a social construct’ is an overused statement but also a true one. It’s truly something that is put onto us by society from birth, like putting your gender on a survey, etc. And someone like myself that thinks about the topic a lot, conforms to stereotypes and accepts my ‘gender’ outwardly to avoid conflict, even though I am not bothered and I could not care less about the idea of gender, but it does affect how some see you due to the general stereotypes. I have no doubt that I embrace my features with the gender I had at birth due to the upbringing by people who also have had the same one as me, gendered, because of a long history of it just BEING that way because of society. It just always has been and it’s all i’ve ever known so my brain is programmed that way to like feminine things. Who you are biologically affects your attributes, body parts, hormones, but it raises the question of ‘do you embrace those features?’ and practise and enhance what society deems as your ‘feminine or masculine’ traits (and if you are intersex having to make a choice due to the pressures of society).
Thank you for this honest conversation Olive!! I'm so glad I found you. I did not expect to find such a great and rare discussion just from listening to ASMR. I'm a slightly older nonbinary person, I'm 31 and have IDed as nonbinary since maybe 2010ish. The discussion on these topics has expanded over the years but I think people who aren't nonbinary will never truly understand how to have them, especially Westerners. I'd honestly encourage you to continue discussing things like this when you're in the mood to, you made some really, really good points. 💗
This video was soooo fucking well put, so cohesive and satisfying to hear. it literally needs to be mandated that 13-17 year olds are forced to watch it
You are so intelligent like oh my lord! 😭 Wild that this is such a radical thing to believe even among many queer ppl bc it doesn’t bend to reformist principles. I completely agree w/ your take on the end goal being a complete abolition of the notion of “gender” & instead considering all the factors which play into its validity! this conversation about gender reminds me of when a cousin of mine was being transphobic as hell towards a trans woman they saw on tv & when i pressed her on it she didn’t have anything but recycled gender jargon to parrot. it rlly reminded me of the fact that oppression is about power. terfs & the like lack systemic power bc they are women, but they utilize the power they have as white/cisgender women in general in order to wield it against those “beneath” them according to the system™️. It’s why you can have ppl who are of a minority group yet uphold policies/ideologies which directly attack their own group. my cousin being transphobic despite the fact that the country she lives in has begun making significant strides towards lgbtq equality (far better than that of the US), is a fascinating case for this. she has experienced the throws of “womanhood” & is currently living through it & so one would assume she would want to champion an end to that narrow framework of life but no. they feel like the power they hold given the stake placed on gender is slipping, & if it falls they would have to get with the times & risk being on equal playing field w/ those who they were happy stomping upon 2 weeks ago. so instead they choose cowardice & hate!
That's exactly how I see it, everything you said and I'm so happy to finally found someone who thinks the same way. You are 19? That's impressive, you are amazing! Please keep up with these conversations! You have something to say and with your intelligence and awesome charm, people will listen 💜
The problem that people think by stereotypes. Well, I'm a girl but I never thought that I have to do some stuffs (wear pink, look pretty, cook, clean, dress myself "girly") and not to do others (have a fights with boys, play football, etc). Just do, wear, look and act as you like. It doesn't depend from gender, skin color or something else. No need to hate genders. Just live your life, people. No hate, just love ( yourself firstly)
thank you for articulating exactly what i feel. lately i’ve been resenting that collective obsession with semantics and wish i could just exist without feeling like i need to perform or represent something i honestly dont GAF about. the labels never felt like they were for me but just a way to get other people to not misinterpret me, whatever that meant lol. i feel like language is yet another way we’ve been colonized so we are thinking so much about how we are being interpreted by others instead of exploring ourselves. thankfully i have moved past the need to “figure myself out” in that way bc i realized i am someone who can only be explained by how i actually move and act in the world. its mysterious and idk whats going on most of the time and i like it that way.
i like the points that you put across and i understand where they were coming from but they did feel a little too philosophical at some points. ofc i totally understand where you’re coming from really. there is a thing though, the point of feeling invalidated because of pronouns is usually used as a huge ammunition to target queer people when i have personally seen queer people not giving a single shit about others using wrong pronouns for them. i, myself, don’t care if someone uses the wrong pronouns for me. but i do feel that sharing them doesn’t hurt anyone and makes the environment respectful for people who can get the concept. i fully agree with being true to yourself and not thinking about how others label you (i, myself do that) but again, the point did feel a little too philosophical and can be used by non-accepting people to shirk off accountability and i do believe in cultivating a more inviting space for everyone so labels do sometimes help to at least start a conversation about something. being unlabelled is not wrong at all though. also psychologically, modifying pre-existing schemas (concepts or ideas) is usually easier for humans to grasp rather than making a whole different schema for them to learn so i think that’s why it’s discussed that way. and it is a spectrum and not categorical so considering gender as a spectrum really considers every single person and doesn’t categorise them. i liked your points though, i like having these conversations. you can always talk about these things more or anything else really. i really enjoyed it
This is solid. Reminds me of things Dr. Demartini talks about in terms of the environment reflecting things that we need to figure out ourselves. These types of talks are important. These are the talks that will ultimately resolve things. You did good. Yes 100%. Don't give someone else the power to invalidate you. If they are, there's something else to resolve internally.
I love that you are coming from this from an anarchist point of view, you have been able to put into words some of how I feel about the topic, but could never describe myself. Very interesting perspective!
I saw the thumbnail and was so worried 😭😭 I go by non-binary and I completely agree with you. I feel like my gender is very fluid as well but I’ve hated being under some label and for a long time Non-Binary just felt like a third gender that’s part of a binary lol I just go by it because I don’t like feeling forced to explain myself and I’ve let myself take it as like a “who asked” and knowing that I’m not just a third gender and I’m just not under gender
This was a cool take! There are some intersecting identities that have been disrespected and invalided for centuries to the point of generational harm (i.e being a black or a woman, or both) but I definitely understand what you were conveying ;) fabulous
This video kinda reminds me of the movie Nimona, Nimona is just Nimona, I’m just me. Why do you need gender when you know you’re just you? Those are my thoughts… this video was so well thought out thank you for all this insight! This video came at the perfect time.
I believe that gender is a social construct, because without gender they couldn't control us! Be who you want to be, and if being you is labeled as masculine, feminine, or somewhere in between, who cares what society says?! Just be you, even if it changes often! ❤
Recently just came out as nonbinary. And i am struggling. I have had dysphoria FOR YEARS. it all makes SO much sense??!! Do you get dysphoria? How do you deal with it? You are fucking gorgeous btw!! I love your aesthetic. And you collabing with 6arelyhuman is fucking iconic. You are an ICON!! I genuinely knew i always had issues with my gender and i want to change myself... i really do. I just have a horrific mormon family. And a non welcome environment i live in. I feel so safe here. Thank you for making me feel like i have a safe space to be queer. ♡ ily.
You look gorgeous olive! This video really made me think. I’m a young Christian teenage girl ( that felt really awkward to type 😅) and I’ve been struggling with the idea of lgbtq+ but this was really insightful. I will definitely be sharing this video with others :)
I think this is an important conversation to be had for sure and it’s definitely on the more theoretical/philosophical side of the gender conversation than it is on the practical, but one thing I’ve never been accused of is over practicality lol. I think broadly it is the way we should be moving, away from language and towards people because I’m tired of my transness speaking for me before I open my mouth. Like I’m a person first, girl second, trans third, and that isn’t to say that I’m not proud of that, I very much am, but come at me with the nuance of a human not with the sharpness of a definition or the succinctness of a label yknow? These labels were forged to help describe REAL people not to become extra boxes to shrink ourselves into. I do present as a girl and it’s where my transition goals align and where I like to fall socially within this framework but I started out as like gender fluid/non binary (and still have some fluidity within my presentation tho it’s mostly very hyper femme, I just didn’t like using the enby language for myself) I am absolutely down to smash this whole construct. Gender abolition/gender anarchy is going to be the future of feminism, lgbtq rights activism, anti imperialism and decolonization etc broadly. It is perhaps the defining characteristic of the 4th wave of feminism? My girlhood and my womanhood are things I fought long and hard for but women have had a tough time and there are very much some nasty non aspirational aspects of that that I’ve had to deal with as a woman. The only issue is finding practical ways to dismantle the whole system without toppling it on our heads and so we need to do so carefully. In theory though I’m right with you. Love your makeup btw
Exactly what I've been thinking for years!! You are so well spoken and it's a pleasure to listen. please don't feel discouraged to make more videos like this on your channel. Love u❤️
I think the core issue behind not just this topic but many other controvercies, is that people take things way too seriously than they should. We are on a floating rock- eat, sleep, shit, have fun idk.. Its never that deep. I agree with everything you say, its refreshing to see sb younger than me with that mindset 💜
I love your hair. I feel like I've had that cut in the past, and it fit me so well. I'll have to remember to my hair like that when I'm done with the under cut shave thing.
This is my most favorite RUclips video I've ever seen PS I am on T and have a lot of unrelated medical issues.... when they go over my current meds every Drs visit they are so puzzled when we get to the hormones bc I am head to toe femme lmao
I think that a lot of the time the power of invalidation can feel and be so strong and have so much power because people can be so against us for what is really no reason. As I have aged and had the ability to be more comfortable with myself and heal the dysphoria I feel without as much influence from others (as in I will be getting my boobs cut off and I'm on testosterone) the labels and the pronouns have become less important. Pronouns and labels I feel are really important right now and often when someone/or something is in the early years/infancy of it or when there is so much push back against it. It's like when you're a kid and you turn into an "adult" and now have permission to say curse words, or like how in the United States drinking alcohol is illegal for kids and not only that but the culture around alcohol is very like this secret you have to hide. Once you first can actually do it and have access too it, you kind of go overboard at first because it feels like you're finally able to have autonomy, it feels like you're finally free to discover. If you look at other countries where kids are growing up allowed to have a sip of wine at dinner and are raised in environments with a more neutral view and healthier boundaries with alcohol, though many of them drink more, they have less alcoholics and negative relationships with alcohol. I see the way things are currently with gender here similar to that, people are new to it and they are receiving a lot of oppression and push back, labels and pronouns become an important act of defiance and taking one's autonomy. I hope that as everything continues and people become more comfortable and if we focus on the real world practicality, (which i definitely agree that people are trying to go about it practically, I just think it falls flat and isn't actually practical, a lot of the label discussions I see are focused online). I definitely taking a gender anarchy approach would help move everything forward in some ways, like you say. I still have my weird somewhat-specific label that describes how I experience my gender, but I don't need to tell everyone that. It's ok if maybe that label is just for me or maybe a way I can relate to others but not everyone needs to know it.
As far as what you are saying about sexuality, I completely understand what you're saying. But I also think maybe people overthink and under-think sexuality a bit sometimes. When we are talking about sex, people are usually focused on one or two sex characteristics, the genital area and the chest area (mostly the genital area, what is seen on the outside). The thing is the label intersex covers more than just genitals, which is why I think sexuality is both over and under-thought. Intersex is an all-inclusive term that includes things that are hormonal. I think if we were more realistic about what sex means and includes, most people would be bisexual, because of how vast intersexuality is alone (sex is bimodal, and is more fluid on it's own than a lot of people think). The problem is that's where a lot of people get caught up on the label of being strictly gay or strictly straight, to the point where a lot of people are minimized to ultimately one or two sex characteristics. I think that's partially why a lot of labels that are emerging in sexual and romantic identities are about how people present themselves. Which is a whole other problem in and of itself. Some examples of these labels like finsexual, gynesexuality, etc. Being attracted to femininity vs masculinity etc, because the very definitions of feminine and masculine are dependent on gender roles. Some people might feel like their body hair is feminine, though, some might feel like them wearing lipstick is masculine. Maybe part of the problem is the societal need and obsession with labels.
Wow, you've said so many things I agree with, I love you bruh. I don't feel like a girl or a boy. If anyone were to ask me, I'd probably use gender fluid too. I'm female but I've rejected that for so long. I also went through a phase where I thought I was trans. But whenever I tried dressing "masculine" I just felt even worse because It was so obvious all that I was lacking. I don't look androgynous so I felt pathic, trying to achieve something I could never recreate. Even if I could, "man" isn't an accurate descriptor either. I've settled with "I'm me". Now, only if people ask I tell them I go by they/them but I don't try to look any kind of way other than myself. From the outside, I probably look like a cis woman and this used to bother me. But I've realized as long as I like how I look, that's all that matters. Whether I wear a skirt or pants, makeup or no makeup, it's all me either way so it doesn't really matter. I know who and what I am, whether anyone else knows is secondary.
I literally found myself nodding along to EVERYTHING you said in this video and then I noticed the Hatsune Miku poster in the background and it all made sense edit: plus the shot at the people who think blaire's transphobic was kinda funny 💀
i love this channel because it´s pure gold. i love thet talks, the vibe, the aesthetic, and i´m totally here for it. i love these talks AND I TOTALLY GET YOU, ´cause i´ve been there too. olive you been such an inspiration to me in all terms
The NUMBER OF TIMES you had to justify yourself and say "I'm not saying that XYZ" and walk on eggshelfs constantly throughout the video truly proves your whole point lol. Everybody's "gotta wear white gloves" attitude/approach to this conversation speaks for itself.
I’m 21F and I have an hourglass body and a “cute” face. I’ve always been told by everyone to wear tight clothes to accentuate my figure and wear makeup to enhance my features. Basically told to be a beautiful young woman. But I hate spending my morning doing makeup, and I feel so uncomfortable wearing tight clothing. Sometimes I want to wear nothing on my face and dress in baggy clothes or even be masculine presenting but not be considered anything other than a cute little lady. I am totally okay with being labeled a female, but I wish our society didn’t put so many expectations on presenting yourself as feminine to be considered beautiful.
you are so smart. you summed up everything i felt about this topic for years!! people are SO not ready for this conversation but it must be had 💯 that part
Absolutely love this. Most people I know are figuring out these exact thoughts. I used to identify as non-binary from 2014 to 2019-ish. Now I've come back to identifying as 'biologically female' and I don't give the concept of gender much thought anymore. I use any and all pronouns, but I usually don't announce this and just let people assume. Sometimes I use neutral pronouns for everyone, because that is the ideal world I'd like to live in. Sometimes I revert back to guessing peoples pronouns, because it all really doesn't matter. I think some basics we could all use is: 1. Don't obsess over gender 2. Use the name and pronouns someone wants you to use 3. Don't get mad over language Very simple, very feasible.
No, cause I feel like this is such a valid point and something that has been needing to be said for a long time. It's something that I feel comes with age where it's like, once you reach adult hood you learn to care less about people who aren't for or benefit you, and it's something that needs to be applied to something like gender. We need to love and respect everyone enough to be ok with each other and be accepting and open to learning about each other without needing everything to be perfect. It's more so about respect than it is about the garnish that is the language of it all. Thank you for your insight and I'm wishing you all the success, light, and love! 💜
“Sometimes we get really upset when somebody invalidates something in us , because the thing that they’re invalidating, is, in fact, invalid” 👏👏👏 Louder for the people in the back!!
Hi Olive, im so glad to find someone who i relate to so much, we’re around the same age and i really do believe in what youve said. I think to be your true self is most important to yourself. And as someone who is non label and feels gender fluid but afraid to admit it so it really builds more confidence to where hopefully i can be who i want to be. Thank you for making videos like these because it really opens up new ideas for me to think about :D
You're so iconic. You remember me to "Sailorfag", he is a non binary RUclips creator who makes content in spanish, and he is as cool as you. Anyway, love from the bottom of my hearyt, queen. ❤
i personally really love labels and reframing gender, thats what works for me. i also think language has some power, no matter what we do about it. i continue to use a million little tiny microlabels because they make me feel better, because they validate me. BUT not everyone should live that way and not everyone should have to live that way! if colonizers didnt force gender upon us, we would never have to consider our labels, we would just be us. i feel though, because of how society is today, gender and labels are just the language we have, and we co-opted gender to essentially mark how were "different" from one another. maybe one day we can live in a world where labels are unnecessary, but with how things are now, i just cant see your vision coming to fruition, which really sucks because *i see your vision!!* if i could just be "me" with no question, in a society where everyone is just themselves (without trying to be hyper-individualistic like we are now) i wouldnt have gender dysphoria. i would just be me, no assumptions, no disrespect, (hopefully) no oppression. either that or we could create our own language? but that seems counter-intuitive and would fall into the same issues of co-opting language, even if its different words because of the new language having equivalents, basically. much to think about. thank you for talking about this regardless!
I completly understand what you're saying and have a similar experience, but I think the point both me and Olive try to make when we talk about labels and validation is that: your labels don't validate you, you're already valid, your labels may make you _feel_ validated I don't think my labels validate me, I think they just look cute on me
I've never comment but I love your asmrs (anyway sry english isn't my first language so), as a cis woman, it isn't very rilevant maybe but anyway; I've never understood these things, I mean I know at the end even if I understand or not things are like this, but now I have a more open view and I had no clue about a lot of cultural things that you explained. Really interesting and istructive.
"sometimes we get really upset when somebody invalidates something in us because the thing that they're invalidating is in fact invalid." YUP. from personal experience, i have defended an identity with my entire life that i eventually grew out of. i know many people who are so sure of themselves and their identity to the point where being misgendered does not bother them at all.
I haven't even finished the video OMG I vibe SO HARD with what you're talking about. Identity Anarchy!! That's really why I personally only use the "label" queer and I view it as both an identity and a philosophy. Because it's not *about* making people who have never experienced a disconnect to their expected identity understand our experience. It's about changing the world so that acceptance isn't contingent on understanding. Instead of going the route of treating labels as diagnosis and trying to prove to people that it's something unchangeable, I'm a huge proponent of labels being mainly used as a tool to find a community and articulating your own experience rather than Societally Accepted Box *2: Electric Boogaloo* (Now with girlkissing!). I think anyone who feels like the boxes society wants to put them in don't fit have a place in the queer community-- my job is to make them feel whole and accepted without a box instead of offering them a slightly different shaped box to force themselves into.
16:11 PLEASEE, SAY IT SO LOUDDD. 😭 No cause please, I feel like this needs to be addressed so badly. Sex is not the same as gender, Sex is just your biological anatomy.
I've reached a point where I don't (usually) tell people what I am or who I'm attracted to. I just live day by day being the hot mess that I am and if somebody notices something I'm just like congrats but I'm not a riddle and my sexuality is not the answer.
OH MY GODDD MAMA YESSSSSSSS NEW PERSPECTIVE UNLOCKED ILY THANK YOU
@@hamster7645 I wasn't expecting to help anyone lol, I just shared my perspective but I'm glad you find it helpful
I don’t tell ppl either, and when I do, I just say that I’m queer and that’s all I know for sure
I know this sounds stupid but i always thought i had to act a certain way since i’m bisexual but like.. i realized i really don’t? I can just be me a girl, just a normal girl living her everyday life, it thought i HAD to come out to people but i literally didn’t, i didn’t have to tell anyone my pronouns or sexuality because i never really cared, and i never really thought it mattered.
Barsssss i think i might need to quote ‘i’m not a riddle and my sexuality is not the answer’
I feel like we also expect everyone to just magically know exactly who they are and what they like and forget there're people who are still trying to figure themselves out and find their identity and that can take A LOT of time, so we should be more patient and understanding with them. We've been in that place, they are still trying to get to a better one
Thats the thing though, how long is it going to take till you find yourself? 40? 50 years? Some people need to really ask themselves who they are so they’re not living their life all confused n shit.
@@ogmeow The thing is somebody else's sexuality and identity is none of your damn business and if they take 50 years to figure themselves out that's their "problem" and it's on them to deal with that. Nobody owes you anything, nobody owes you their label, there's no time limit to come out or realize who you are. It's a sexuality and a gender identity, not a college entrance exam
Honestly we’re always finding ourselves just at times more than others
I love you
i don’t know why some people act like they aren’t still finding themselves, a lot of people wanna figure out who they are as a person so they go through these types of things to get a better understanding but sometimes they really can’t understand it, so i definitely agree with you.
i think what some people forget, when it’s an essential part of the discussion, is that pansexual, polisexual, etc ARE bisexual orientations. they are part of the bisexual umbrella. the attempt with these categories is to specify how that bisexuality works (why is that a thing? dk. it is, and it kinda makes sense). but if u forget that, then they lack actual meaning.
THIS OMG I BROUGHT IT UP.like i want to explain this to people who find no logic in the orientations.like its PART of being bi if u feel like the label is for you.some people would refer themselves as pan and not bi (even though it can be under the category) bc of confusion,or comfort.some may identify as both (not saying both are exactly the same as some say) .its like saying im trans (bc im not the gender i was born) ,and genderfluid (my gender changes a lot).two terms which can go hand in hand because of the umbrella terminology.
Pretty much everyone is on the sliding scale of bisexuality from "straight" to "gay"; even the most stalwart that think they're perched on the very edge likely have their exceptions.
To biologically procreate, gender matters. Can't be denied, that's how the human body works.
But to connect with other humans? Find a partner? Have fun? Seek something deeper than surface-level, exciting, reproduction-based dopamine rewards? Doesn't matter at all.
Half Indian born in the west here, thanks for mentioning India and the hijra community. I’m always rolling my eyes when westerners say third gender is a «new age» thing when it’s literally mentioned in 4000 year old texts from hinduism, the oldest religion in the world. Like it’s just ignorant, period, and those who think it’s a «new trend» are actually objectively wrong. I love you and your channel, you are intelligent and we share parts of the same perspective. I did volunteer work for a queer organization for years and it was very focused on labels and expansive language, which actually seemed to confuse some people. On the other hand, it could also be helpful in the personal journey of finding out who you are, especially younger people. I went from being a lesbian, to being bi, to being straight, to being a lesbian again and then bi again AND THEN pansexual and now I just say “I’m queer” cause that seems to include everyone 👀 Anyway, great video, I actually love the way you presented this! And to anyone reading this: I will always have your back no matter what you identify as or who you love, never be afraid of being who you are ❤️
❤
As a westerner myself, it does get really irritating. Especially considering how in the U.S, there were other genders as well within Native American cultures, two souls, along with what I’ve seen (minimally) online about Hindu gods having multiple genders, being genderless, and or presenting in both “masculine” and “feminine” ways!
Though to be honest, I know why those specific westerners say that. They want to hold more power over GNC, gender queer, and or trans folks, and saying that anything other than the gender binary is a “new concept” is part of how they try to minimize and dehumanize gender queer people, as if gender and sexuality fluidity hasn’t existed since the dawn of humanity lol.
Ever since primary school I always felt like I didn't fit in with the other girls, neither did I fit in with the boys. I grew up believing that I may be a trans boy, but then high school happened and I started feeling more feminine. I hate genders more than anything, I don't like the fact that I am a woman, but neither would I like it if I were born a man. The thing I appreciate with my native language (kurdish) is that the language doesn't use pronouns like she/he, we only use they/them when referring to a person. Of course we have gendered words like woman, man, girl and boy, but that's about it. I hate labels and being labeled more than anything, I wish people saw you as the person you are, not just your orientation or pronouns. Why do people care so much if someone is a man or a woman or anything in between? Can't we all just live life without caring about that. I used to correct people when they would use the "incorrect" pronouns on me because I had lived all my life raised and treated like a girl, now I just ignore them and let them use whatever pronouns on me. Thank you, Olive, for sharing your thoughts with us today. Your ideology is very similar to mine, and I appreciate it that you talked about this despite it possibly being controversial ❤
i am half kurd / half turkish. i live in turkey but i don't know kurdish. turkish is like that too, the language only uses they/them and it makes things much much easier. i love the fact that it is like that in kurdish too.
i respect the fact that you managed to talk about a topic this tricky and dangerous while being this blunt and it made perfect sense all the way through, absolute banger
the bit about invalidating is so goddamn true. I HATE it when people say "you are valid!" like yeah no shit thanks, I didn't need you to confirm that. I don't need your approval for my truth.
man i had the exact opposite. born female but even as a teenager i had people thinking i was a boy. cut all my hair off at 16. I still don't even know where the hell my gender sits but honestly to me I'm ok with not being sure one way or the other. i think that gender may not be a definitive concept and that its much more of a spectrum. Unfortunately as humans we seek patterns and labels to cope with the uncertainty that is the human condition and a lot of that is tied to gender and gender expression. It's like we feel as though it's one of the few things we have "control" over. idk
Yes, great point about control! I feel humans latch onto labels as a way of grounding themselves. Like “the universe is so expansive and scary, but at least I know these things.”
@@akatastrophe definitely. we have to cope with the knowledge that we're all going to die and that we're hairless apes with superiority complexes so consigning everything about ourselves to arbitrary categories is like a comfort thing. I wouldn't say gender is entirely arbitrary as a concept but I think it's a lot less concrete than people act
i definitely know how you feel, i had a boycut in my early teenage years after i got sick, and in school people would confuse me for a boy a lot. at the time it stressed me out a lot because i was already getting ostracised for my race, plus that was the time where right wing rabbit hole was really prevalent on the internet and i was spiralling directly into it. i leaned ten times heavier into it because of the whole anti-victimhood thing they believe in. it was like reinforcing my denial that i was getting bullied bc of my peers' racism and (potential) transphobia. when i got to a happier place i realized i basically experienced the fragility of the concept that is gender. i guess it made me realize that everyone's mental definitions of the gender binary are different. if there were some people who had no trouble grasping that i was a girl, but others who assumed i was a trans man or masc lesbian. that experience played a huge part in me currently being less of a believer in gender and pronouns.
I mean idk what’s so terrible about just being a masculine or androgynous woman lol
@@abimon76 definitely. it's a sliding scale which I happen to find myself on the more feminine side. I'm ok with whatever people assign me to
i agree with you on gender anarchy. however its inconsistent to argue that sexuality is a functioning system that we as queer people can fit into when gender isnt. theyre linked, if one is broken the other one is too. also it says that sexuality is a purely biological matter and not a social one
Gender is just something that I feel like if we weren't so focused on finding the right label just wouldn't exist and everyone wouldn't actually have a gender and would instead focus on representing their true self rather than what the ''gender'' they want to be is preceived as.
Idk. Gender is hard and some people might actually feel safe having a label since confinement and structure migh validate them. There's too many people with too many opinions, everything is everywhere and everything actually means nothing except to the people it means shit to 😭😭
Ate.
You’ll be a lot happier coming to terms with your “gender” = your sex-and that your sex _doesn’t mean you have to act, dress, or think a certain way._
@@EC-yw5hg
Mm I disagree.
Normal society isn't obsessed with gender at all, it's when the obvious known male and female gender/sex have a new random addition out of nowhere, with a person attached to the concept that's super fighty and agressive, that things just stop making sense for a second.
No one talked about male and female, the only conversation was accidentally thinking an older lady is a man or visa versa, and you'd say sorry because women are seen as pretty, and men are seen as men anatomied, both groups obviously being offended if you got their gender wrong. If I see the most obvious male bone structured, male face, and male voice man on the street dressed in womens clothing... I'm going to think 🚨male alert🚨male alert🚨male alert 🚨! I'm not thinking "wow that lady".
If you actually were the person that TRULY couldn't live as a man or woman and switched genders, then I understand. But the groups today are so much more escaping their past, and come off as mentally ill in literally everyway and warning flag you can imagine. I prefer men who wear clothing far more feminine with long hair, earrings, makeup, and pants/lower gown/what have you than I prefer the buzzcut disgusting no gender but obviously a man, with rainbow hair, insane personality, completely bashed by medicine use for their non professionally prescribed issues, and fashion that makes homeless folks 2 outfits look like an elegant outdoor ensemble. It screams confusion, and the overnagging voice of someone who talks like their parents in cadence....and NOTHING else, zero intelligence level, and messed up. Very condescending usually too which is just..oh so effortlessly charming for making people want to accept you, or it, or whatever invasion group you pretend to belong to (people who are like this, you is used for the audience and those who aren't that shouldn't feel called out by the patriarchy of common sense). I can go on and on about how exactly right I am about this gender fad and how it has nothing to do with todays acceptance "finally letting people present as themselves". Yah I'm sure in 2004, the school girl after the news reads that we will accept everything, decided to switch her gender to nonbinary, and dress like a homeless barbie goth with a acid hint of 70s fake fashion. It's the culmination of today with the zero fashion trends we have going on, where everythings a complete free-for-all. Oh to be in society 15 odd years earlier when we still dressed in casual normal outfits, and trusted stores across the country like macys, jc Penney, and mall fashion around to give us perfect normal outfits to fit normal people. These people are trying to tear away the norms that they call oppressive, because they can't believe that the thing they made up yesterday isn't recognized as a real thing, just like when I expect the text book hierarchy to put "fartbutt" in the dictionary because I want it to be so.
Begging, crying losers who have lost everything their younger selves had, all because of how bad middle schools have become over the years, the safe special age of all children where they can be easily manipulated and became severly depressed, also their growing up/rebellious years. It's always middle school that the phases appear in children, they bicker with their parenrs and shut themselves out. Nowadays it's worse than ever, so so much worse. Society is extremely accepting, these people just want 100% acceptance of all racism, sexism, and homophobia..but their fight is so out of place because THEY NEVER STOP SHOUTING...live your life, you made your message, yoy can't live your life 24/7 as the angry chronically online activist who blames everyone around them for their issues when it's always been them making more outrageous choices they FORGET were meant to be rebellious and started treating like themselves. Uhg.
@@EC-yw5hgthat makes no sense
16:55 holy shit you just put into words what I've been thinking for years. If everyone thought like that there would be so much less internal drama in the lgbt community, like with the he/him lesbians and shit like that 💀
great ideas in this vid! you made me think more about why being invalidated in any sense (for me, parents who actively ignore/do not accept my truth) is such a visceral experience is not because of my personal truth being destroyed, but because the relationship suffers. human relationships include agreeing on some shared understanding of the world, and actions that splinter that shared understanding (especially if it's a personal truth) are pretty damaging to a relationship.
I remember coming out to my mom and being so angry that’s she wouldn’t correct herself with my pronouns. But growing up and being who I am now I realize a lot of the reason of why I would go out of my way and get so upset is because I didn’t feel seen. Once i became confident in myself and really figured myself out (gender fluid) I literally did not give a fuck if people misgendered me. Like not everyone knows me and people usually assume off first glance. I had to realize like grrl stop taking shit so personal and don’t give your energy to the wrong people. If you keep getting offended and throwing tantrums you’re going to be fighting all your life and it’s not worth the energy. So to all of you spread love and ignore hate. Some people just don’t know and those who do and try to taunt you on purpose just want a reaction out of you, don’t give them the chance to hold power over you. xox💋
Yes having confidence and embracing who you are is very important and essential to life imo. I feel like that’s the thing with wanting to feel validated by others like you don’t need other people to tell you that you matter or your identity is valid, because by your simple existence you’re fine just the way you are!
Definitely agree with gender anarchy, like I don’t think we need to fix the system, we should never have had this system ever. Like if I had made a language I wouldn’t have based everything off of gender, like it seems so outdated to me, it’s archaic to think like “we should decide if this word if feminine or masculine, because that matters” Gender as a societal construct right now is a two dimensional field, either left or right, but I feel like “gender” is three dimensional. I might sound crazy so I’m sorry if this doesn’t really make sense, I don’t really think English has the correct vocabulary for gender dissection. I would have based it on personality, or something that’s more you than just what you are, like a chosen name or something much more personal than just A or B or maybe even C now. When I think about myself I imagine myself as a celestial body, not a sum of my parts, but something more personally me, a much much deeper pure signature energy.
you perfectly articulated the way i have felt for years. thank you
this is a quite refreshing take tbh , i'm a tad tired of everyone saying the same thing this community feels like and echo chambre at this point , as a not so traditionally masculine gay man i fully agree we dont need gender at all as a concept what we need is for people to be free of the shackles of Heteronormativity
"minimal language is expansive language done effectively" summarizes really well the point you were making with this video. this is def food for thought, i'm gonna look more into what gender anarchy is and how i can live it effectively!
I hope you don’t lose any subscribers!! I totally agree with you, especially toward the end. We need to not let other people own our validity. Our validity is not dependent on people understanding us or respecting us or not. And I also don’t agree with all the label drama
(Coming from someone who was very “there are only two genders” in 2018 despite being a very GNC female but now wants to divest from gender myself lol)
why would they lose followers?
@@gallantmaxxing There might be people who only followed because of ASMR content
@@eightdaffodils well that wouldnt make sense lol since theyve always posted non asmr content. they also never say that in any of their vids. it was obviously because they were worried ppl wouldnt agree with them politically
The "the current framework was never designed to include us" thing was really well put and enlightening to me. I think I realized that, but never quite knew how to put it to words. The bureaucracy in gender discussion always got on my nerves a bit, but I never felt like I had a place to complain about it bc I'm a cis girlie.
Also: "We can't say what it means to be a man because it's not real". Like, damn. That sums it up so perfectly.
Anyway, I love your channel and your style + vibe and I just think you're amazing and so intelligent and this is basically 26 minutes of you vocalizing thoughts I've had for years
What… yes, we can. Being a man is literally just being a male human. It has nothing to do with your personality or how you dress
@@EC-yw5hgI think they mean it in the sense that no one perfectly fits gender roles because they are so ridiculous and extreme. No one can be a perfect, macho man because we all break the mold in some way, wether it’s enjoying the color pink or being an emotional person.
I feel like labels and pronouns should be like favorite colors. Like you can pick whatever you want. You can have multiple favs you can have none at all. Cause I can’t really explain what a color is or go into that much detail as to why I like it. And the same can be said with my gender and pronouns. I consider myself a trans guy, I like he/him. But if you ask me to define what a man is or how I know I’m a man. Like girl I don’t know lmao I just like it. Also what you said about being invalidated cause maybe it’s not valid (not from like being bullied just like someone is passing saying something with no malice) I mean I kind of get that. Cause nowadays whenever someone tries to insult me by misgendering me I do not care. Or if it’s accidental I just correct them cause it’s no big deal. But at the same time before I came out I felt so awful being called a girl and everything. So I think it can also be if you feel like you’re not being listened to or you’re too scared to put yourself out there yet.
omg yes, that's literally the analogy I use for gender as well. I always explain it like color, I feel like it's a great analogy
When you said your age I gagged. You're already so powerful and not even at your final form yet...the world isn't ready.
Olive, so excited that you made this! Gender is super complicated like you say but its also fascinating to me. I dont use the label of non binary or fluid but i feel like i can be hyperfeminime one minute and boyish and rugged the next. I grew up a tomboy but i think I was scared to be a girl and become a woman bc the women around me said how hard it was to be one. I love having these convos with no pressure to identify. You're amazing keep speaking your mind❤
i agree with you so much!! I grew up the only girl in my family and femininity was always so painful for me because everyone was telling me that being a woman sucked. I also just felt more boyish and masculine. Now that I'm older I've found joy in my femininity but it still doesn't feel like that's all I am.
@@sopitaa783Yeah same a lot of women have this experience because our taught role is to be submissive to men and a lot of femininity is just humiliation rituals. This does not mean that we are not women though, and it does not mean that a feminine woman is any closer to womanhood than a masculine or androgynous one. Most women don’t fit into that trope of “femininity” because we are multifaceted. Still women, though.
i feel u so hard, i hate labeling myself as something and these kinda things just happen lol
The england shade omg 😂😭 But yes, I think “gender” is a social construct only and people can't accept that
8:50 I also feel like you’re the president 🫡
Olive for president 2024‼️‼️
i do too. (hate gender)
you put a lot of my thoughts into words..
“gender” wasn’t made for me.
i’m me, that’s it.
Why do you make gender sound so oppressive. also wearing makeup and a female like look does not change gender, gender isn't an outfit or a personality or self expression, gender is the look of your sex. The way we set up gender isn't flawed because...who in 2024 women in "1950" loved their fashion, it's what made them, men don't have to enjoy all that because their role is different in life than women, it is mens greatest sacrifice to give women the luxury of pretty accessories and beautiful dynamic clothing. (1948 or 1958 or 1953) It's a lovely thing, because men ARE the "bread winners" in 1900, they would have the high paid job while the wife would either be at the house or at her own occupation as well, usually one that's nicer and pays a little less because it requires less. It's not sexist, that was what men were so used to because men went to war, men were architects at the same time too, but there's nothing wrong with being more manly. That is the idea of a tomboy girl, or a feminine man sometimes drag queen style or like how are friend here is. Doesn't mean you have to change your sexual existence over it or GOD FORBID the name thing...UHGG, OH LOOK, I GO BY SKYLER NOW BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH I DON'T BELIEVE IN GENDER, I STILL BOX IT IN TO THE FEMALE AND MAKE CATEGORY IF I'M ERIN OR AARON. ridiculous frankly how counter intuitive some people can be.
@@WitchKing-Of-Angmarshut up
I feel like pansexual and bisexual thing is just like adding and being more specific with how you experience life; like how you could use: "I feel euphoric" instead of "I feel happy" just to add more insight into your identity like how you would with the afor mentioned example
This is an interesting point!! Never thought abt it like that
Yea for me. I identify as pansexual despite having low sexual necessity ?? Panromantic would be more accurate and to me, pan means I have NO gender preference AT ALL. But like you mentioned, the bisexual/pansexual line is blurry because they’re made out of the same marker
omg don't stop doing videos like this is so refreshing to see queer people differing from the general discourse. And I also feel like you hold back a lot, idk, but of course is scary getting cancelled and shit
I came here from the gay retail video and I saw the thumbnail and didn’t know what to expect. Gotta say I’m pleasantly surprised and it’s so refreshing to hear someone who has a similar take on gender as me. I usually refer to myself as nonbinary, however the way you described abolishing gender as a concept is something I think is so desperately needed and perfectly encapsulated how I feel about my own gender. Or basically lack thereof of gender. I don’t want to be a man or a women or even anything in between , just a human that exists. The day that becomes the norm of society isn’t something I see coming anytime soon unfortunately so many people are still so attached to “gender” which imo has always existed as way to spilt people into groups to help control and divide us. The reality is we are all human and that’s it, everything else about gender is fabricated to benefit and maintain a status quo. But knowing there’s people out there calling for abolition of it entirely feels so freeing to me.
5:19
“Like f-ckin’ England, pos place.”
As an English person, I wholeheartedly agree
This is so real, I’m just a little guy. I just exist
Fr fr
accurate.
A lot more people agree with your take on this than you think, so don't worry.
As a trans person, I've been saying very much of the same sentiments for yeeaars!
In all honesty I am someone who never really understood the concept of there being more than 2 genders. However, your video is so eloquently spoken it gave me great insight into the topic! I love that you included some history from other cultures having more than two genders. It’s insightful! Olive you slayed yet again. 💗💗
I understand and support gender abolitionism, but I’m also too strongly identified with womanhood (especially politically) to ever let that go (hence the she/they pronouns). I personally identify as bi and not pan because gender presentation plays a role in my attraction, but I understand that not everyone interprets those labels that way. Those close to me know my attraction is actually way more complicated than that (e.g. also on the ace spectrum), and I like having the language to discuss it with them, but I get that so many labels can seem exhausting. Most of the queer people I know don’t actually get uppity about being misgendered, mislabeled, and etc., unless someone’s intentionally being rude about it. I think it’s conservatives pushing culture war bullshit to distract from issues of oppression that unite us (e.g. lack of effective social services and labor exploitation) that are actually making it a big deal (including people who profit off making fun of “wokeness” like Blair White), but that’s just me🤷🏻♀️
Also, as someone from Hawai’i who was just reading about hijras in “A Burning” by Megha Majumdar, I wanted to applaud you for discussing how colonialism has contributed to the marginalization of mahus and hijras.
"what is it with men and wood" I had to pause and laugh till tears fell down my face
Same 😂
Omg every point in this video ate so hard. I have so many queer friends who have just given up trying to label themselves because labels are inherently against what they feel. Really appreciate this video 🩷🩷🩷🩷
I'm a non-binary person, assigned female at birth, I love expressing myself as "feminine" but also act and like things that are labeled as "masculine". Sometimes I just like to say I'm an experience, I'm also very spiritual so I see things that way. At the end of the day, it's a different experience for everyone.
im similar but in the opposite way where i present masculine but i act and like things that are feminine lol.
You’re a woman who doesn’t fit into strict behavioral expectations and _that’s okay._ Concluding that your lack of fitting into expectations of femininity makes you _not_ a woman is just furthering the BS association between femininity and womanhood.
i don't comment on many videos, but i seriously have to do it on this one lol
i'd like to thank you for this video! i genuinely agree with every single point and you helped me put some of my thoughts in a more organised pattern (especially with in the first half). i'm also 19 and i've always felt genderfluid but found the proper label for it when i was around 12. at first i was actively participating in queer discourse, but the past few years i just started finding it pointless; because, as you said: it's not about the labels we use, it's about our feelings.
i feel like many (especially very young) queer people feel so heated over their labels because they have this need to belong somewhere in a world where it feels like no one understands you, hence the protectiveness over their identities. i wish more of them would understand that we aren't shaped by the very limited language we made up (as you said: it was designed excluding us) but by who we are. we are to complex to be put in boxes like that and while, yes, they can help us feel more seen and make it easier to explain what we think or feel - they can also be too limiting if taken too seriously.
i would like to thank you for making this video once again and i'm sorry if this comment is chaotic bc english isn't my first language and it's 4am and i have a horrible migraine 😢 (but this vid kinda helped soothe it haha)
I feel like with the “valid thing” I think that what you’re saying kinda makes sense (but I know people are going to have some clap backs). For a while I kept telling people “I go by they/he and only they/he not she” like I emphasized it so much to the point that I got annoyed. I always wanted people to make sure they knew I hated “she”, but deep down I think I was more adamant about people using “she” not because I actually hated it but because I cared more about how I was perceived. Like “do they think I am a girl? But I am gender-fluid I am not a cis girl? If they only use she they must think I am just some woman and not queer”. But now I don’t really care I just go by any pronouns because it doesn’t matter to me how people perceive me. I enjoy girlie things and I enjoy being a girl but I also enjoy experimenting and not conforming to gender or even defying the gender roles and boxes we have now. Like what does it mean to be a woman or a man?
needless to say that part really spoke to me!
So real. You're literally so pretty and smart. More people should watch your vlogs fr.
On the pansexual and bisexual and polysexual thing, I say let people use whichever one they feel fits them best. It doesn't really matter, but poly is multiple different sex & gender (not all) attraction, pan is all gender/sex attraction(they don't care), bi is both/two genders sometimes including more sexes or genders, female and male attraction only, male and intersex attraction only, female and intersex attraction only, etc... Bisexual can be a combination, pansexual can eat the whole menu, polysexual can be a combo PLUS another combo (many, not all the food.) Idk if I explained well, they are similar, but different, however that does go back to what you were saying about the language part of identities and stuff.
Pan, bi, poly. ALL are saying at LEAST attracted to TWO genders/sexes. Some people need language, some don't. It's okay. My personal opinion, but also I truly believe we need to focus on being better people and stop killing each other over petty things. People don't have clean water in a lot of places it's shameful how we let each other starve to death and die of very preventable things. It's not right.
I honestly feel what youre putting down, my dad who is trans has the same kind of mindset and it makes a lot more sense as I continue to grow. Especially as someone who doesn't resonate with labels and using expansive language so i appricate this video
Please do more of these type of videos....I love the ASMR too, but this is also great! Thank you🥰
I’m trans I id as a man now (mostly to save myself a headache when talking to others) but I’m not someone who has the “oh I’ve always known” story. Sometimes I reference like “back when I was a girl” or whatever and (sometimes) people jump down my throat, trying to be accepting, with “but you were never a girl, you’ve always been a man!” And I appreciate the sentiment, but I used to act like a girl, look like a girl, feel feminine, etc. and that informs the man I am today. I still have that woman inside me and I don’t really feel comfortable expressing her but she’s there. There’s simultaneously so much nuance and also it’s all so stupid, you know what I mean? I say that lightheartedly 💖 great video
Also just a quick side note: I have no desire to be a woman I really love being a man and have no desire to “go back” or whatever, I just try to honor all sides of myself
i literally cannot explain my gender to anybody because they just don’t get it. I’m a man who’s a woman and the woman is also a man. like im transgender. What way you ask? Yes❤
No I feel the same way. I’m like if a girl was a boy.
DUDE YES and literally it's only other trans ppl who ever get it. like im a girl who's a man who's a boy who's a woman. like yeah im a man who's a woman and a woman who's a man why are we confused
Once the haircut looks amazing.
Two I really appreciate you taking your time to discuss such a sensitive topic. Your take on everything is very close to what I’m thinking so it makes me feel seen and heard. It’s not the first video you make that I truly resonate with. I really want to thank you for that. It makes me feel like I’m not alone.
your more radical videos like these should get more views, what's you're saying is so important omg also you look so good
an important addition to this conversation is the people that take "invalidating" to extremes such as lawmakers limiting trans healthcare & queer rights. those instances where hateful language becomes action do have serious implications on your quality of life/ability to live your truth.
This discussion is exactly what I realised from a young age, gender really doesn’t make sense, it’s just a bunch of rules and names that humans used to try and make sense of the world, and declare who they are as a part of a group.
Those who resonate with this and want to label themselves, fine, but I always sort of thought gender as a hobby.
I see Masculinity as a hobby that some practise, like piano or football, or collecting stamps. Same thing for femininity, androgyny, labels, expression etc etc.
Gender to me is nothing. ‘Gender is a social construct’ is an overused statement but also a true one.
It’s truly something that is put onto us by society from birth, like putting your gender on a survey, etc. And someone like myself that thinks about the topic a lot, conforms to stereotypes and accepts my ‘gender’ outwardly to avoid conflict, even though I am not bothered and I could not care less about the idea of gender, but it does affect how some see you due to the general stereotypes. I have no doubt that I embrace my features with the gender I had at birth due to the upbringing by people who also have had the same one as me, gendered, because of a long history of it just BEING that way because of society. It just always has been and it’s all i’ve ever known so my brain is programmed that way to like feminine things.
Who you are biologically affects your attributes, body parts, hormones, but it raises the question of ‘do you embrace those features?’ and practise and enhance what society deems as your ‘feminine or masculine’ traits (and if you are intersex having to make a choice due to the pressures of society).
i loooove that you’re letting us witness your journey into gender anarchism so fierce 💅💋
Thank you for this honest conversation Olive!! I'm so glad I found you. I did not expect to find such a great and rare discussion just from listening to ASMR. I'm a slightly older nonbinary person, I'm 31 and have IDed as nonbinary since maybe 2010ish. The discussion on these topics has expanded over the years but I think people who aren't nonbinary will never truly understand how to have them, especially Westerners. I'd honestly encourage you to continue discussing things like this when you're in the mood to, you made some really, really good points. 💗
This video was soooo fucking well put, so cohesive and satisfying to hear. it literally needs to be mandated that 13-17 year olds are forced to watch it
You are so intelligent like oh my lord! 😭 Wild that this is such a radical thing to believe even among many queer ppl bc it doesn’t bend to reformist principles. I completely agree w/ your take on the end goal being a complete abolition of the notion of “gender” & instead considering all the factors which play into its validity!
this conversation about gender reminds me of when a cousin of mine was being transphobic as hell towards a trans woman they saw on tv & when i pressed her on it she didn’t have anything but recycled gender jargon to parrot. it rlly reminded me of the fact that oppression is about power. terfs & the like lack systemic power bc they are women, but they utilize the power they have as white/cisgender women in general in order to wield it against those “beneath” them according to the system™️. It’s why you can have ppl who are of a minority group yet uphold policies/ideologies which directly attack their own group.
my cousin being transphobic despite the fact that the country she lives in has begun making significant strides towards lgbtq equality (far better than that of the US), is a fascinating case for this. she has experienced the throws of “womanhood” & is currently living through it & so one would assume she would want to champion an end to that narrow framework of life but no. they feel like the power they hold given the stake placed on gender is slipping, & if it falls they would have to get with the times & risk being on equal playing field w/ those who they were happy stomping upon 2 weeks ago. so instead they choose cowardice & hate!
Gender? I hardly know her!
That's exactly how I see it, everything you said and I'm so happy to finally found someone who thinks the same way.
You are 19? That's impressive, you are amazing!
Please keep up with these conversations! You have something to say and with your intelligence and awesome charm, people will listen 💜
The problem that people think by stereotypes. Well, I'm a girl but I never thought that I have to do some stuffs (wear pink, look pretty, cook, clean, dress myself "girly") and not to do others (have a fights with boys, play football, etc). Just do, wear, look and act as you like. It doesn't depend from gender, skin color or something else. No need to hate genders. Just live your life, people. No hate, just love ( yourself firstly)
thank you for articulating exactly what i feel. lately i’ve been resenting that collective obsession with semantics and wish i could just exist without feeling like i need to perform or represent something i honestly dont GAF about. the labels never felt like they were for me but just a way to get other people to not misinterpret me, whatever that meant lol. i feel like language is yet another way we’ve been colonized so we are thinking so much about how we are being interpreted by others instead of exploring ourselves. thankfully i have moved past the need to “figure myself out” in that way bc i realized i am someone who can only be explained by how i actually move and act in the world. its mysterious and idk whats going on most of the time and i like it that way.
Girl…you’ve got the London accent down so good!!! Have you spent a summer in London living with the locals??? The lingo and banter 😂
i like the points that you put across and i understand where they were coming from but they did feel a little too philosophical at some points. ofc i totally understand where you’re coming from really. there is a thing though, the point of feeling invalidated because of pronouns is usually used as a huge ammunition to target queer people when i have personally seen queer people not giving a single shit about others using wrong pronouns for them. i, myself, don’t care if someone uses the wrong pronouns for me. but i do feel that sharing them doesn’t hurt anyone and makes the environment respectful for people who can get the concept.
i fully agree with being true to yourself and not thinking about how others label you (i, myself do that) but again, the point did feel a little too philosophical and can be used by non-accepting people to shirk off accountability and i do believe in cultivating a more inviting space for everyone so labels do sometimes help to at least start a conversation about something. being unlabelled is not wrong at all though.
also psychologically, modifying pre-existing schemas (concepts or ideas) is usually easier for humans to grasp rather than making a whole different schema for them to learn so i think that’s why it’s discussed that way. and it is a spectrum and not categorical so considering gender as a spectrum really considers every single person and doesn’t categorise them.
i liked your points though, i like having these conversations. you can always talk about these things more or anything else really. i really enjoyed it
Its so crazy to find someone who has such similar thoughts as i do on this topic! It really is such a complex topic tho lol
This is solid. Reminds me of things Dr. Demartini talks about in terms of the environment reflecting things that we need to figure out ourselves.
These types of talks are important. These are the talks that will ultimately resolve things. You did good.
Yes 100%. Don't give someone else the power to invalidate you. If they are, there's something else to resolve internally.
I love that you are coming from this from an anarchist point of view, you have been able to put into words some of how I feel about the topic, but could never describe myself. Very interesting perspective!
i just had a vision of you in a scene/emo fit and now i NEED TO SEE U DO IT
I saw the thumbnail and was so worried 😭😭 I go by non-binary and I completely agree with you. I feel like my gender is very fluid as well but I’ve hated being under some label and for a long time Non-Binary just felt like a third gender that’s part of a binary lol I just go by it because I don’t like feeling forced to explain myself and I’ve let myself take it as like a “who asked” and knowing that I’m not just a third gender and I’m just not under gender
I love hearing everyone’s thoughts on the subject! Thanks for sharing ❤❤❤
This was a cool take! There are some intersecting identities that have been disrespected and invalided for centuries to the point of generational harm (i.e being a black or a woman, or both) but I definitely understand what you were conveying ;) fabulous
The way articulate topics is so satisfying and so easy to keep up with. Go ahead and drop a podcast babez xo
no bc u literally put EXACTLY how i feel into words
Love your take on this! Yes, the labels gots ta go! And u r 19!?! Wow! An important voice for our future evolution. I felt like I was in class! Xoxo
This video kinda reminds me of the movie Nimona, Nimona is just Nimona, I’m just me. Why do you need gender when you know you’re just you? Those are my thoughts… this video was so well thought out thank you for all this insight! This video came at the perfect time.
@9:15 "I'm sorry if I'm too smart for you" LMAO LOVE IT
I believe that gender is a social construct, because without gender they couldn't control us! Be who you want to be, and if being you is labeled as masculine, feminine, or somewhere in between, who cares what society says?! Just be you, even if it changes often! ❤
I love how u get to the point
Recently just came out as nonbinary. And i am struggling. I have had dysphoria FOR YEARS. it all makes SO much sense??!!
Do you get dysphoria? How do you deal with it?
You are fucking gorgeous btw!!
I love your aesthetic.
And you collabing with 6arelyhuman is fucking iconic.
You are an ICON!!
I genuinely knew i always had issues with my gender and i want to change myself... i really do. I just have a horrific mormon family. And a non welcome environment i live in.
I feel so safe here.
Thank you for making me feel like i have a safe space to be queer. ♡ ily.
You look gorgeous olive! This video really made me think. I’m a young Christian teenage girl ( that felt really awkward to type 😅) and I’ve been struggling with the idea of lgbtq+ but this was really insightful. I will definitely be sharing this video with others :)
how do i send this video directly into every person's brains
I think this is an important conversation to be had for sure and it’s definitely on the more theoretical/philosophical side of the gender conversation than it is on the practical, but one thing I’ve never been accused of is over practicality lol. I think broadly it is the way we should be moving, away from language and towards people because I’m tired of my transness speaking for me before I open my mouth. Like I’m a person first, girl second, trans third, and that isn’t to say that I’m not proud of that, I very much am, but come at me with the nuance of a human not with the sharpness of a definition or the succinctness of a label yknow? These labels were forged to help describe REAL people not to become extra boxes to shrink ourselves into. I do present as a girl and it’s where my transition goals align and where I like to fall socially within this framework but I started out as like gender fluid/non binary (and still have some fluidity within my presentation tho it’s mostly very hyper femme, I just didn’t like using the enby language for myself) I am absolutely down to smash this whole construct. Gender abolition/gender anarchy is going to be the future of feminism, lgbtq rights activism, anti imperialism and decolonization etc broadly. It is perhaps the defining characteristic of the 4th wave of feminism? My girlhood and my womanhood are things I fought long and hard for but women have had a tough time and there are very much some nasty non aspirational aspects of that that I’ve had to deal with as a woman. The only issue is finding practical ways to dismantle the whole system without toppling it on our heads and so we need to do so carefully. In theory though I’m right with you. Love your makeup btw
Exactly what I've been thinking for years!! You are so well spoken and it's a pleasure to listen. please don't feel discouraged to make more videos like this on your channel. Love u❤️
I think the core issue behind not just this topic but many other controvercies, is that people take things way too seriously than they should. We are on a floating rock- eat, sleep, shit, have fun idk.. Its never that deep. I agree with everything you say, its refreshing to see sb younger than me with that mindset 💜
do whatever you want forever should be the standard mindset on earth
@@lav-kitty yep, as long as youre not hurting anyone
I love your hair. I feel like I've had that cut in the past, and it fit me so well. I'll have to remember to my hair like that when I'm done with the under cut shave thing.
This is my most favorite RUclips video I've ever seen
PS I am on T and have a lot of unrelated medical issues.... when they go over my current meds every Drs visit they are so puzzled when we get to the hormones bc I am head to toe femme lmao
I think that a lot of the time the power of invalidation can feel and be so strong and have so much power because people can be so against us for what is really no reason.
As I have aged and had the ability to be more comfortable with myself and heal the dysphoria I feel without as much influence from others (as in I will be getting my boobs cut off and I'm on testosterone) the labels and the pronouns have become less important.
Pronouns and labels I feel are really important right now and often when someone/or something is in the early years/infancy of it or when there is so much push back against it. It's like when you're a kid and you turn into an "adult" and now have permission to say curse words, or like how in the United States drinking alcohol is illegal for kids and not only that but the culture around alcohol is very like this secret you have to hide. Once you first can actually do it and have access too it, you kind of go overboard at first because it feels like you're finally able to have autonomy, it feels like you're finally free to discover.
If you look at other countries where kids are growing up allowed to have a sip of wine at dinner and are raised in environments with a more neutral view and healthier boundaries with alcohol, though many of them drink more, they have less alcoholics and negative relationships with alcohol.
I see the way things are currently with gender here similar to that, people are new to it and they are receiving a lot of oppression and push back, labels and pronouns become an important act of defiance and taking one's autonomy.
I hope that as everything continues and people become more comfortable and if we focus on the real world practicality, (which i definitely agree that people are trying to go about it practically, I just think it falls flat and isn't actually practical, a lot of the label discussions I see are focused online). I definitely taking a gender anarchy approach would help move everything forward in some ways, like you say.
I still have my weird somewhat-specific label that describes how I experience my gender, but I don't need to tell everyone that. It's ok if maybe that label is just for me or maybe a way I can relate to others but not everyone needs to know it.
As far as what you are saying about sexuality, I completely understand what you're saying. But I also think maybe people overthink and under-think sexuality a bit sometimes. When we are talking about sex, people are usually focused on one or two sex characteristics, the genital area and the chest area (mostly the genital area, what is seen on the outside). The thing is the label intersex covers more than just genitals, which is why I think sexuality is both over and under-thought. Intersex is an all-inclusive term that includes things that are hormonal.
I think if we were more realistic about what sex means and includes, most people would be bisexual, because of how vast intersexuality is alone (sex is bimodal, and is more fluid on it's own than a lot of people think).
The problem is that's where a lot of people get caught up on the label of being strictly gay or strictly straight, to the point where a lot of people are minimized to ultimately one or two sex characteristics.
I think that's partially why a lot of labels that are emerging in sexual and romantic identities are about how people present themselves. Which is a whole other problem in and of itself. Some examples of these labels like finsexual, gynesexuality, etc. Being attracted to femininity vs masculinity etc, because the very definitions of feminine and masculine are dependent on gender roles. Some people might feel like their body hair is feminine, though, some might feel like them wearing lipstick is masculine.
Maybe part of the problem is the societal need and obsession with labels.
Wow, you've said so many things I agree with, I love you bruh. I don't feel like a girl or a boy. If anyone were to ask me, I'd probably use gender fluid too. I'm female but I've rejected that for so long. I also went through a phase where I thought I was trans. But whenever I tried dressing "masculine" I just felt even worse because It was so obvious all that I was lacking. I don't look androgynous so I felt pathic, trying to achieve something I could never recreate. Even if I could, "man" isn't an accurate descriptor either. I've settled with "I'm me". Now, only if people ask I tell them I go by they/them but I don't try to look any kind of way other than myself. From the outside, I probably look like a cis woman and this used to bother me. But I've realized as long as I like how I look, that's all that matters. Whether I wear a skirt or pants, makeup or no makeup, it's all me either way so it doesn't really matter. I know who and what I am, whether anyone else knows is secondary.
I literally found myself nodding along to EVERYTHING you said in this video and then I noticed the Hatsune Miku poster in the background and it all made sense
edit: plus the shot at the people who think blaire's transphobic was kinda funny 💀
i love this channel because it´s pure gold. i love thet talks, the vibe, the aesthetic, and i´m totally here for it. i love these talks AND I TOTALLY GET YOU, ´cause i´ve been there too. olive you been such an inspiration to me in all terms
TL;DR > The master's tools will never dismantle the master's house
woah
Love to you. Love Audre Lorde.
You're one of my favorite ASMRtists, but I can listen to you talk about this for hours ❤
The NUMBER OF TIMES you had to justify yourself and say "I'm not saying that XYZ" and walk on eggshelfs constantly throughout the video truly proves your whole point lol. Everybody's "gotta wear white gloves" attitude/approach to this conversation speaks for itself.
I’m 21F and I have an hourglass body and a “cute” face. I’ve always been told by everyone to wear tight clothes to accentuate my figure and wear makeup to enhance my features. Basically told to be a beautiful young woman. But I hate spending my morning doing makeup, and I feel so uncomfortable wearing tight clothing. Sometimes I want to wear nothing on my face and dress in baggy clothes or even be masculine presenting but not be considered anything other than a cute little lady. I am totally okay with being labeled a female, but I wish our society didn’t put so many expectations on presenting yourself as feminine to be considered beautiful.
I'm only 40 seconds in, but I had to pause to tell you your whole look in this video is so pretty 😭It makes me want to wear lipgloss and pastel pink 💖
you are so smart. you summed up everything i felt about this topic for years!! people are SO not ready for this conversation but it must be had 💯 that part
god this is such a good conversation to have, i agree with you 100%
Absolutely love this. Most people I know are figuring out these exact thoughts.
I used to identify as non-binary from 2014 to 2019-ish. Now I've come back to identifying as 'biologically female' and I don't give the concept of gender much thought anymore. I use any and all pronouns, but I usually don't announce this and just let people assume. Sometimes I use neutral pronouns for everyone, because that is the ideal world I'd like to live in. Sometimes I revert back to guessing peoples pronouns, because it all really doesn't matter.
I think some basics we could all use is:
1. Don't obsess over gender
2. Use the name and pronouns someone wants you to use
3. Don't get mad over language
Very simple, very feasible.
No, cause I feel like this is such a valid point and something that has been needing to be said for a long time. It's something that I feel comes with age where it's like, once you reach adult hood you learn to care less about people who aren't for or benefit you, and it's something that needs to be applied to something like gender. We need to love and respect everyone enough to be ok with each other and be accepting and open to learning about each other without needing everything to be perfect. It's more so about respect than it is about the garnish that is the language of it all. Thank you for your insight and I'm wishing you all the success, light, and love! 💜
“Sometimes we get really upset when somebody invalidates something in us , because the thing that they’re invalidating, is, in fact, invalid” 👏👏👏 Louder for the people in the back!!
Hi Olive, im so glad to find someone who i relate to so much, we’re around the same age and i really do believe in what youve said. I think to be your true self is most important to yourself. And as someone who is non label and feels gender fluid but afraid to admit it so it really builds more confidence to where hopefully i can be who i want to be. Thank you for making videos like these because it really opens up new ideas for me to think about :D
You're so iconic. You remember me to "Sailorfag", he is a non binary RUclips creator who makes content in spanish, and he is as cool as you.
Anyway, love from the bottom of my hearyt, queen. ❤
i personally really love labels and reframing gender, thats what works for me. i also think language has some power, no matter what we do about it. i continue to use a million little tiny microlabels because they make me feel better, because they validate me. BUT not everyone should live that way and not everyone should have to live that way! if colonizers didnt force gender upon us, we would never have to consider our labels, we would just be us. i feel though, because of how society is today, gender and labels are just the language we have, and we co-opted gender to essentially mark how were "different" from one another. maybe one day we can live in a world where labels are unnecessary, but with how things are now, i just cant see your vision coming to fruition, which really sucks because *i see your vision!!* if i could just be "me" with no question, in a society where everyone is just themselves (without trying to be hyper-individualistic like we are now) i wouldnt have gender dysphoria. i would just be me, no assumptions, no disrespect, (hopefully) no oppression. either that or we could create our own language? but that seems counter-intuitive and would fall into the same issues of co-opting language, even if its different words because of the new language having equivalents, basically. much to think about.
thank you for talking about this regardless!
I completly understand what you're saying and have a similar experience, but I think the point both me and Olive try to make when we talk about labels and validation is that:
your labels don't validate you, you're already valid, your labels may make you _feel_ validated
I don't think my labels validate me, I think they just look cute on me
I've never comment but I love your asmrs (anyway sry english isn't my first language so), as a cis woman, it isn't very rilevant maybe but anyway; I've never understood these things, I mean I know at the end even if I understand or not things are like this, but now I have a more open view and I had no clue about a lot of cultural things that you explained. Really interesting and istructive.
"sometimes we get really upset when somebody invalidates something in us because the thing that they're invalidating is in fact invalid." YUP. from personal experience, i have defended an identity with my entire life that i eventually grew out of. i know many people who are so sure of themselves and their identity to the point where being misgendered does not bother them at all.
I haven't even finished the video OMG I vibe SO HARD with what you're talking about. Identity Anarchy!! That's really why I personally only use the "label" queer and I view it as both an identity and a philosophy. Because it's not *about* making people who have never experienced a disconnect to their expected identity understand our experience. It's about changing the world so that acceptance isn't contingent on understanding. Instead of going the route of treating labels as diagnosis and trying to prove to people that it's something unchangeable, I'm a huge proponent of labels being mainly used as a tool to find a community and articulating your own experience rather than Societally Accepted Box *2: Electric Boogaloo* (Now with girlkissing!). I think anyone who feels like the boxes society wants to put them in don't fit have a place in the queer community-- my job is to make them feel whole and accepted without a box instead of offering them a slightly different shaped box to force themselves into.
16:11 PLEASEE, SAY IT SO LOUDDD. 😭 No cause please, I feel like this needs to be addressed so badly. Sex is not the same as gender, Sex is just your biological anatomy.