Caregiver Training: Sexually Inappropriate Behaviors | UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Program
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- Опубликовано: 11 фев 2018
- The UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver.
To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care, please visit www.uclahealth.org/dementia/c... 
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Using a male caregiver for a male patient is the best solution.
We have a male resident that is like that and we strictly make sure he is male only
@Rick Nash wtf man
@Rick Nash lmao
@@josephhernandez1885 what if patient is gay or bisexual?
@@nov3019892008 if gay we have to assure him we are there to help him. If he doesn't comply, then we do change of fave with female. As a bisexual, just assurance to help him
Don't use terms like "sweetie" or "honey"! Call them by their name.
Lol I know. Wth is she thinking
Exactly! It's called common sense!
he actually said that though
Madison Garland 100%!
Just say "I am your carer"
That is truly disturbing. To all caregivers going through this: keep your chin up, stay strong, don't tolerate that.
You realize that their are neurons are dying, right? This isn’t as simple as what an evil bastard. This man is sick. As someone actually in the nursing profession, please be quiet. This is what we sign up for, and we would much rather your sympathy by supporting us for healthcare change ( having more staff, having better facilities, putting more research into dementia care all requires money) rather than your bullshit words of affirmation.
Why am I watching this at 3am
318 lol
2.16
10 pm uk here 😂
me too man, 1 year later
12:24 am
Calling a sexually inappropriate man " hunny" and "sweety" might remind him if his wife or somthing. Shouldent say these names
If you didn’t notice they played the video twice, the first section was to show what not to do. Don’t worry u aren’t the only one
Do NOT call the patient “Honey” or “Sweetie,” the video let’s us know this is an example of what NOT to do. So, I’m not adding anything to the discussion by reiterating this, yet I keep seeing it in the comments....I think folks may not have understood, or they didn’t watch the entire video before commenting.
that would remind an old man of his wife
Um you are all aware that this is acting right? This is a hypothetical situation. Some of you are talking as if this is a real situation that was videotaped. Unless you take care of someone with dementia you have no idea how difficult it can be. My grandmother does not recognize people’s emotions and is relentlessly aggressive if she doesn’t get what she wants. We break emotionally all the time. We have had to change the locks on our bedroom doors because she figured out how to pick the locks. If she couldn’t get in she lashes out and yesterday turned on my bathroom sink, plugged the drain and walked away leaving six inches of water flooding my bathroom and causing ceiling damage. We had to buy refrigerators for our rooms to keep our food in because she can’t remember she has already eaten and would open every yogurt, drink, can, bag, you name it and eat $250 of groceries in the middle of the night. We are hostages in our own fucking home. I’m just saying you can do all the right things as far as not triggering them and making them upset or act inappropriate, but you are dealing with an eroding mind and they are not always going to respond correctly according to your supposedly correct wording.
Debby Airhart I am the sole caregiver for my father and my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you and your family are seriously struggling and like your loved one would SERIOUSLY benefit from a memory care facility. I know it’s one of the hardest things, but it absolutely sounds like your loved one needs the 24/7 surveillance that a facility can provide. Medicaid is the only way I could do this too. Please comment back if you need support ❤️
Also, you and your family are the utmost respectable humans for doing all of that. It sounds like you all are truly selfless and immensely thoughtful. She is so lucky to have you. ❤️
You sound resentful.. I get it.. maybe granny should live somewhere else.. or put locks on everything...
Well said Sydney
I work in memory support and I am so sorry for your ordeal
It’s tough to not taking it personally, we know that the thought processes that control impulse are negatively impacted by dementia or Alzheimer’s. Even speaking firmly and authoritatively can trigger a response, such as anger or violence. But contact your employer immediately if you have one, because regardless the reason, no one should have to deal with sexual Harassment.
Another option, if a male caregiver isn't available, is to bring in an older "female sergeant" type of woman who looks as if she can defend herself if necessary.
What? Why would that help? A person with dementia doesn't think and reason like someone with a healthy mind does. If they're going to be sexually inappropriate, they're going to be sexually inappropriate - it doesn't matter who the person looks like. You're applying logic to a case where there is none.
@@nekilof-2363 Not knowing if you have had experience in dealing with one or more people having dementia, I'll mention a saying that goes, "if you've seen one case of dementia--you've seen one case!" I'll grant that some individuals would be incapable of comprehending, but others would still be capable, depending upon the kind and stage of dementia. I suspect a big, tough "Brunhilde" type could get her point across quite clearly in many if not most cases!
@@nekilof-2363 as someone whos got experience, younger aides do get the worst of it. And they do stop acting up like that once you get an older aide in the room. Of course this isnt in all cases, but most of the time
I’ve had a dementia patient call me a beautiful looking girl and ‘Mr Evans’ in the space of an hour. Some can understand who they’re talking to, some really cannot
You are assuming that the caregiver's "looks" makes a difference! It's like any other type of sexual harassment...takes no logic at all. I take care of my brother...he isn't this bad but it has been a concern to me. Makes no difference whatsoever WHO the caregiver is!
I would always sing “ what a friend we have in Jesus” when I had to change my father n law. I felt it kept his mind of God and not what was going on. I know it helped me get thru it
It surely helped him,also.
I think they definitely love music. I know a lady who tells me lots of wild stories & they always turn out for the worst but I once I told her (when I first met her), " I think everyone likes lean on me. It's a good song." & She somehow always manages to throw that songs name in all her adventurous stories. She's fluent in abstract
My grandma man, if she did this stuff, I'd cry instantly. She shows so many signs of dementia
........
:( I'm sorry
My uncle has the same disease
Just remember that she is still your grandma. Call her "grandma" very often in conversations and it is a fact of life that many people do get dementia but, that does not mean that Grandma's life is over. It means her life will become different. Inside her heart you are always her grandbaby. Even when she cant remember your name. You may end up needing to find different ways to have fun with her as the illness progresses. Sometimes it becomes the physical things that come to mean more. Hand holding, batting around a balloon, hugs, eating together. Grandma can still have fun! She can still laugh and still enjoy her favorite foods. It is a hard journey but when the time comes, you meet grandma at her mental state and spend time together that way. Yes you will cry and yes grandma will too. Im sure she took care of you. Now is going to be your turn to visit her, care for her and love her even when she might seem unlovable. She will always be your grandma and she will always lovd you. Dementia takes away sooooo much, but not love.
Is your gma flirting with the nurses
This is very natural, just as the two educators said. When inappropriate behavior begins, walk away, just like she did in the first scenario. Being firm and redirecting as well as not encouraging the person is a very good idea. I was glad to receive this information today.
Walking away from inappropriate behavior will only set you behind in very busy schedule. It also demonstrates how weak you are. Better learn how to understand the situation and behave with appropriate authority right away.
@@clairedionne559 I think using terms such as "weak" in reference to sexually inappropriate behaviour is very unempathetic and shows a lack of understanding on your part. You're not strong for calling others weak.
@@fabplays6559 Here we go; CASE STUDY: I am the one who questioned you for a career interview in order for you to obtain this new exciting job in patient/client/resident care. (Just as the endless Case Study format you had to face when you had to write your exams... this format was for a very specific reason, and was not meant to trap you just for fun. It was meant for you to be able to learn to ALWAYS think AHEAD of time to maintain your preparedness for ALL KINDS of scenarios BEFORE you entered your patient's room (cognitive challenges or not)... so you could be able to act as a PROFESSIONAL ANY and EVERYTIME you entered your patients's room and be able to act, thinking ONLY about your patient's care AT ALL TIMES, no matter what his/her behavior is. We, as responsible STRONG professional, wanted you to learn to keep on making your brain work and be alert BEFORE you present yourself in front of your patient, client, resident etc. When you can maintain this professional stance, you are STRONG. When you dont' see the importance of it, it is time to reassess your professional goals and approach as you are EXPECTED to remain professional AT ALL TIMES in front of the person you care for. Otherwise, you are dealing with YOURSELF, instead of dealing WITH YOUR PATIENT. EMPATHY should be towards your patient at all times... and be able to respond APPROPRIATELY towards him and his condition... at any moment you are at work. One should strive at being STRONG, never MEDIUM which is equivalent to WEAK in this unique instance. Your patient with serious cognitive degenerescence do need you IN his room (PREPARED), not OUTSIDE his room unable to react to the delicate situation appropriately. THIS IS STRENGHT...and this is where I will measure STRENGHT. Taking enpathetic care of cognitive challenged patients is quite a heroic career to be recognized AT ALL TIMES. It takes an unbelieve amount of preparedness and soul. Thank you for caring in this particuliar situation.
@@clairedionne559 I don’t disagree with anything you said, and it has no relevance to my comment directed at you. It is not weak to remove yourself from a situation, especially if you are uncertain how to respond or if you are unsure of your own safety. As much as it is noble you’re perfectly fine risking being sexually assaulted by a confused patient with dementia, some of us are taught to always prioritise our own safety over patient care. Just as you do not run in and try to give CPR to someone holding a live wire, we’re taught to remove ourselves from a situation if a patient’s behaviour is a risk to us and communicate the incident to a senior to arrange for someone else to provide them with care and a plan made for the future.
Honey and sweetie are NOT things you address a dementia patient by. You are the caregiver.
The first part is clearly "the wrong response", and the second part was the "correct response" (aka. the "recommended response"). You'll notice they made sure to call him "Mr. Brown" the second time. Please watch the full video.
Your Opinion.
3:47
Yup, YOU are the caregiver and the patient is NOT your "sweetie" or your "honey".
You can if they are well-behaved and trust you, but everyone is different
Nobody deserves to be a victim of sexual abuse, harassment, or rape. Defending one’s self from these activities is a human right.
Just walk away and sign the resignation paper!
Yeah, just give him another hot female caregiver. Genius.
Suh Cars right lol..
Suh Cars XD yeah the best idea
There just teasing him
3 caregivers quit due to sexually inappropriate behavior, and the 4th is also female. If that was my elderly father and this happened, the 2nd caregiver I hire would be male. I wouldn’t hire a woman to care for an old man knowing that she could get uncomfortable on the job
Maybe Susan, the woman they mentioned isn't hot. Even if she is, that's still no excuse for talking that way.
2:53 always a smart move to change the subject. You can catch them off guard and they will snap out of it.
Just maybe he needs a male caregiver. Only makes since doesn't it? We have already addressed this in our living wills. We still want to keep our dignity.
what if the patients are gay?
@@theshuriken did you even watch the video? Because if you did you'd have an answer :)
the shuriken get somebody who they are not sexual attracted to.
Gay patient = Women
Straight patient = Man
Not that hard to figure out lol I didn’t think someone really needed it to be explained to them...
MJD wanna know something crazy? I’m bi and this scenario didn’t even occur to me LMFAOOO I’m stumped.
The family members should arrange one day a month visit by prostitute call girl so that the poor dementia man can satisfy his sex needs
First quit calling him honey and sweetie! Give him his pjs and keep your distance.
They show that in the video..
I remember when I was in fourth grade and we had made blankets at school to give the patients at the nursing home. I went over to one man who was doing a horse jigsaw puzzle at a table. I handed him the blanket I made wrapped up in gift paper and the Christmas card I made. He was confused about the gift and tried to hand it back to me, and I had to explain that it was a gift. I then gave him the card that said “Merry Christmas” and he said “Marry Christine? My mom’s name is Christine.”. He then grabbed my face , looked at me, and said “Give me a kiss.” I was rather confused and shocked, and pulled my face away. It was an odd event, so I thought I might share it here.
I think the name just reminded him of his mom and he suddenly felt his mom's name and you had some connection. Sad you were a child and it scared you but God bless you for your card.
awee he just felt a connection
My grandpa was like this to me and very inappropriate with me. Because of this, I didn’t really feel sad when he died.
“You know you want to...” 😂
Savage
MrAyyMann lmaoo nonce
This reminds of a scene in beyond two souls where jody meets this man in an alley asked her for a favor for a couple of dollas and when she rejected he said "wdym no, YOUR GONNA TAKE IT AND YOUR GONNA LIKE IT"
@@NienNienNien lolol
@@stanleyfelicien4571 lolol
As awful as it seems, I’m preparing myself for my granny’s eventual spiral into dementia. She already gets frustrated and forgets things, doesn’t listen to reason sometimes. I’m afraid for her, but I want to handle it the best way possible.
I'm a caregiver for a 79 yr old Man with dementia. I always call him by his first name Lou. He was always a gentleman working with him for several months untill one day out of nowhere he said "I want to F*** You" I was in totally shock and walk out of the room. After it sunk in what he said I went back in and told him with a low firm voice "what you said made me feel very uncomfortable and that will never happen" I'm here to care for you and that's it!. After that he's been well behaved.
Janice Cross
Smack him
My question is 79yr man able to get erection??
Janice Cross : I just learnt that even a 95 yr old man still wants sex. Men will never change, I guess! DISGUSTING!
@@cynthiaarons9373 how is that disgusting? He's still a man with sexual urges regardless of how old. They may be going about it the wrong way but simply having a sexual desire at an old age is completely normal.
Cynthia Arons idk what’s gross about anybody’s sexual desire, male OR female. This is a neurodegenerative disease that destroys your ability for logical thought. It’s terrible that medical assistants need to deal with this type of behavior, but blaming the patient, in the case of this disease, isn’t the right way to go.
Oh, he doesnt have alzheimers. He's just hanging around for free food and nurses lol
King Kamehameha 😂
Got that right! This guy here doesn't have no dementia he's wanting everything for free and he's doing a good job getting it and no dementia I find in him!
It’s an actor of course he’s prob a normal person and going off script lol just to give everyone an idea
I’m gonna fake Alzheimer’s to do this.
@@fidelski2019 yea lmao the guy prob normal and he’s jus doing this to show everyone how to act
I had a patient who was known for this type of behavior. He had to be assigned a male attendant because of prior issues. Unfortunately when the usual aide was on vacation, or out sick, females often had to fill in. Clothing didn’t change his behavior, nor did size or appearance. Apparently his only criteria was that you be female and have a pulse. It wasn’t clothing as we all wore uniforms. I would never used his first name. As soon as he propositioned me I told him very firmly I would call the supervising nurse for his case. I also told this person if he wanted his meals that day he must stop immediately or I would leave. Apparently breakfast and lunch were more important to the patient.
Threatening to deny a client basic necessities like food is definitely not some thing I’ve ever implemented, or thought of doing, but given the situation, and given the fact your safety was threatened, I can understand why you felt the need to do that. I’m glad it was effective and kept you safe.
Sorry, but threatening witholding food or other essential needs to be met is NOT a solution. This is actually PATIENT ABUSE. One has absolutely NOTHING to do with the other! We are dealing with an ilness in a REAL HUMAN BEING here! There is ABSOLUTELY NO ROOM FOR PUNISHMENT! Learn to be firm and no-nonsensence with your voice and demeanor, but certainly do NOT threaten to withold food! This is monstruous!
This comment makes you look absolutely abusive. You do not threaten to gold basic necessities because you're mad at their behavior, seriously, shame on you. I hope you don't work around vulnerable people anymore or have learned better
That's not okay. Just remove yourself from the situation if it's too much for you, you don't become a Power tripping bitch.
"How many times does 67 go into 25?"
"I don't know Mr Rupert."
"Well meet me after checkers and we can find out."
🤣
When they are in that mood try to always stay out of arms reach, they WILL get handsy. Something you can do is leave their vicinity and come back to try again when they are in a different mood,for some this won't take long. A strong firm voice is a must as well.
Thanks RUclips … this is exactly what I was hoping would be in my recommendations!
This is such a helpful series.
In my experience you need to think fast and talk faster when in situations like this, a lot of experts can suggest a lot of techniques but the reality of dementia behavior is the fact that it's not scheduled, it is sporadic and in my department there are only 2 males. One in the morning and one who works mostly overnight. Who else can I call..lol
Good advice and still important not to shame them because it’s normal too for them to have these feelings it’s just not always appropriate
Correction: this behavior is actually NEVER appropriate and the caregiver must learn how to react according to the situation, as this will happen from time to time with some types of dementias.
So much for his other caregivers who have had enough of house sitting in senior living that behavior is like the definition of being greedy.
With dementia, sexually inappropriate behaviour actually has nothing to with sex. It has to do with touch. Redirection is a key point. First off you should not be addressing a client with sweetie, hunny, darling etc. A great person to look up is Teepa snow. She has great guidance on this subject and many other issues with this disease.
This whole paragraph is in your opinion, NOT truth
Teepa Snow is amazing! Sexual behavior can be a result of so many other problems the patient is experiencing and redirecting has gotten me out of a lot of icky situations
Nice education as for care giver provided avoiding sexual harassment
Im working as a volunteer at an assisted living center and was just talking to one of the older men with dementia. It was all going normal until he reached over and touched my boob. The owner walked in nearly a second after it happened and I was so panicked. Well now I'm here watching these videos
This is Embarrassing to pay someone that cooks and clean an elderly person home, as well as wash them cleaning shit changing diapers. To have them drive home to home for $10.00 in some states, that not enough money to fix your car, at lease in NYC they went on strike and got more money and better benefits.
One particular agency I worked for actually had a policy where in order to be employed by that agency you had to agree to always take assignments up to 60 minutes from your home address. I once had a client that was 57 minutes away from my home address, and I wasn’t even near my home, or remotely on that side of town, when the supervisor called me and said somebody called in sick and I had to fill in for them two counties away. Needless to say, they did not Cover mileage expenses and I eventually had to quit because the long distance to the clients cost me so much money that I ran out of gas and could not get to work.
Remain calm and redirect behaviour. Change the subject. Firmly tell the person to stop the inappropriate behaviour as it is upsetting you. Redirect the person to their room for some private time. Don't shame them. Remain at a safe distance. Adjust your body position as this might be a trigger.
Aye been in this situation. As the doc says: use distraction, keep good boundaries and body positioning. Call them Mr brown etc. Be firm. Redirecting them.
thank you
I use cold water when I need to wash the private areas. It helps.
I work in the kitchen of an assisted living home. We have a resident who is constantly sexually inappropriate with other residents (and sometimes me). We can't get rid of him because his family pays on time, even if we're not equipped to monitor him at 3 AM when he wanders the halls and tries to enter other apartments. He's already stalked one woman to the point of her running outside the building in her pajamas and having a hysterical meltdown. What can I do to ensure the other residents' safety?
Always tell the nurse or use the chain of command. They will tell the social worker, he can either get put on medication to lower his testosterone and won’t be active all the time or might have to do further methods to help him from being sexually inappropriate
Thorazine
@@awesomemom533 when I was assigned to a mental hospital, there was a male patient to repeatedly sexually harassed other patients. Always female patients. I don’t know what medication they gave him, but he barely left his room for the next two days because he was sleeping so much. After those two days, he was transferred to the more secure ward of the hospital for the acute and dangerous patients.
@@awesomemom533 they might have given him Thorazine, I’m not sure but it certainly kept the females on that ward safe until he could be transferred.
@@susanoverbay8119 This is the appropriate approach with such a patient if he cannot calm down with simpler means. Other patient's safety is mandatory!
That is the exact way to handle this situation- Redirection is the Key
They cant help it. I've been called beautiful but luckily nothing like this.
Natalia True, some can’t help it. But this does not apply to all patients. When I was an intern, a patient tried to kiss the PT but we knew it was because of his TBI. But other times, I have had clients that make comments and many did not have cognitive impairments so they knew full well what they were doing and did not care. One other client did have a TBI but anytime he did something and we called him out on it, he would immediately blame the TBI. He knew full well what he was doing but thought he could get away with it. So this doesn’t apply to all situations.
@@cindygutierrez2382 knowing what I presently know, if he had enough cognitive ability to be blaming his inappropriate behavior on his traumatic brain injury, one would think he would have enough presence of mind not to be inappropriate in the first place. However, I did have a client wants that had dementia. She got very upset and yelled at me and grabbed my arm. About 10 minutes later she had calm down and told me she was sorry and she didn’t know what had gotten into her butt she couldn’t help it. I told her I completely understood and I for gave her. After that point, her disease progressed to where I don’t think she would be able to come to her senses after those episodes. I know she could not help it.
Best thing a woman can say in a situation like this is, unless i'm in the Will, you need to chill.
😂I mean it IS catchy😂
Unfortunately this can not always be a choice
Have to work with who is available
Have seen 1 to 1 patients in hospitals that become violent either a female health care giver
Patient is male
Male 1 to 1 works better
Not always available
Why dont you just give him a Male caregiver duhhhhh
He might bat for both teams
It kinda depends on who's available, in being a care giver.
For example, the original caregiver could be unavailable at the moment. Then a substitute caregiver has to fill in for the caregiver.
There are more female caregivers than male care givers. This is just something I noticed when working at different rehabilitation facilities like Rancho Los Amigos and Casa Colina. Most of the nurses, techs, aides, and therapists were female but most of the patients were male. I, as a female rehabilitation aide, only have 1 female client as opposed to the other 20 male clients I have.
Male caregivers I'd imagine aren't always available. There are not enough of them from what I've seen aswell. It's important for males and females to work in roles like this if they have the heart and skills for it. 😊
Caregivers need to be paid minimum 20$
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY agree with you! Just because it doesn’t require a college degree does not mean it’s unskilled or not hazardous! Not saying it’s the most dangerous profession AT ALL but it’s not for everyone!
Many of the strenuous jobs in this world are paid in pennies compared to those at the top
More than that. At least 25
Everyone has human rights because no one is perfect.
I seen so many videos where a family member goes to give a patient a kiss on the lips and the patient looks scared and Dodges away because they don't know what a kiss is and they might think it's something totally different
because with dementia they are unaware of the person or think they are trying to hurt them
I believe I have the beginnings of dementia. Sometimes I hallucinate and the person that is standing there is now a completely different person so I can see how this might freak some people out
Calling an older person you're caring for sweetie and honey is wrong.. it's not allowed where I'm from.
Very disturbing. My sisters behavior is embarrassing to me, to many men and others in public. Interrupting her is often difficult as she finds her behavior hilarious or simply is not aware of the impression she is making. I am firm and do not care about her resistance in public. I tell her no flirting! It is more than embarrassing; it can be dangerous in coed situations for women. Like a coed spa! I don’t shame in general but I will if I have to choose between that and her safety or equally important, her dignity as a mature woman. Sadly, I have had to limit my outings with her as some men respond inappropriately as well. I choose safe, wholesome spaces and am not above warning her about the last time. Don’t remember? Guess what? This happened and we won’t do that again. You’d be surprised who finds this sort of thing entertaining or welcomes it. I know my sister is lonely and misses male companionship, but her disinhibitions ( love that word!) are harmful to herself and others. Fortunately, she has friends and loving family who visit to allow her other ways to express her affection and need for affection. Sseek a balance but do not be intimidated. Accepting your own sexual nature is helpful I find. If you are inhibited you stand less of a chance dealing with the disinhibited. And cut out the cutesy words. Play it straight no chaser. Good luck.
You'd need to be careful not to set them up for things by saying things like; Do you need a hand, is there anything i could do for you, would you like me to help you change. You'd need to be really careful.
Would saying that you're a family member who's here to assist them help too? Just wondering
Being an aide we get them type of patients the best thing to do is if there is no male aid to help then u should at least bring an 1 or twi aids with you at all times..some of them men are strong don't chance it going In by yourself especially if it's a new patient or resident
He reminds me of Jimmie Kimmel
Anthony Keegan I agree!
This Caregiver here is so cute here!
kinda helped ne i feel empowered to conquer this
the best way is to hire male care giver if it doesnt stop, as female younger than patient will always be attractive to him.
I I've in Johannesburg l really want to study where can l go for registration
I’ve gotten this before with a dementia client. It can be annoying
My son was taken off medication....guess the doctor did not realize he would go into a schizo episode. I am his caregiver. He is 41 and a virgin...and has started saying sexually explicit things to me....even pulling his pants down. He has never acted this way before and I have been his caregiver since his strokes four years ago. He knows I am his Mom....
Susan DeStefano I am so sorry to hear this. I couldn’t imagine how difficult that must be for you... :(
Put him away.
I totally agree with the girl in the red dress
DIMENSIONS OF LIFE
That’s my perv dad without dementia
What the fuck
ALL COMMENTS/VIDEOS are regarding caring for ONE parent with dementia. I'm the ONLY CAREGIVER (& I AM 100% DISABLED!) who has cared for TWO PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS for 6+ YEARS! I have NO children, NO siblings, NOTHING, it has just been ME! My parents are in Stage 7 now, but have DIFFERENT symptoms, DIFFERENT health issues, DIFFERENT Sundowners probs, & on & on & on. The 1st 2-3 yrs (again me 100% disabled! And all they have had! Tho' there were others who did NOTHING!), I worked 90+ hours a wk, eating maybe 2 REAL meals/week, driving n2 my driveway & falling asleep immediately til my husband came out to get me, being so exhausted I'd fall asleep in the morning @ the drop of a pin, spilling my coffee all over my lap! There were nights I BARELY made it home-I was SO exhausted! AGAIN, I'M 100% DISABLED! There was a 6 month period I almost, or did, get n2 car wrecks from sheer exhaustion! No one in my husband's LARGE family undestood, nor TRIED to understand(!), nor helped in ANY way! Tho' I (we) have helped ALL of them in EVERY WAY, 10 adult grandkids, 3 50+ "adult children", & great-grandkids. Gave cars, pd 4 private schools, bought furniture for, sent $ to each month while they bought new cars & we (living without ANY, debt, driving used but nice cars pd w/cash, paying our mortgage off early, & ALWAYS, EVERY MONTH GIVING TO TRULY NEEDY PEOPLE!). We did without wants, buying ONLY needs, while all drove new, fanc.y cars, or had Nike shoe collections, yet they all had zero savings, til we finally woke up & said "NO MORE!"). But NO ONE EVER SPEAKS ABOUT A SOLE CHILD, USUALLY A DAUGHTER, CARING FOR TWO ELDERLY PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS! I've listened to & read all books, looked online, & found NOTHING! NO HELP FOR US CAREGIVERS OF 2!! I am in the last stage, Stage 7 w/my parents, BOTH parents-who both have VERY different problems, symptoms, issues, Sundowners, & on & on! I am 100% disabled & have lost ALL my health, joy, ability to do ANYTHING that brought me joy, since this hit me (like planting flowers, playing the piano, helping with our personal business, cleaning our home & we haven't had a vacation in 12 yrs - as b4 my parents we cared for another elderly family member who was a piece if cake & peacefully died @ home taking a nap, she had ALL her cognition til the end! But I have been utterly ALONE caring for my parents! Both w/different dementias! Today was HORRIFIC! But there is ZERO HELP FOR THOSE OF US DOING THIS! IT WAS 1 OF 10, NOW PROBABLY MORE! YET NO1 OFFERS HELP TO US?! I'm close to suicide as this is BEYOND the WORST of caring for just one! YET NO BOOKS, NO VIDEOS, NO HELP! Why! WHY!? I have chronic pain, Fybromyalgia, C-PTSD, Severe DEPRESSION, ADD, & MORE! Yet STILL, ALWAYS, ALONE, I've done EVERYTHING FOR MY PARENTS! And let my health go! I feel like I've been living in HELL for 6 years STRAIGHT & no one helps or cares! I know the stress causes my chance of dementia to go up (multiply THAT by 2!!), & I swear that I WILL NOT go down the road I've watched BOTH OF MY PARENTS go down!! Why, why, does no1 help those of use caring for 2 w/dementia? Do you not care, or see the DEVASTATION it does to ENTIRE FAMILIES, but ESP
NEEDED!🥺😥 I had a father who sexually abused me say VERY inappropriate things to me-for years!
I would suggest you stop caring for your parents if it is too much for you to handle especially since you yourself have serious medical issues that require you to focus on your own needs. Let them go. It is sad but life can be a choice between bad situation an and bad situation b and there is no good solution available to a person so we have to pick the least bad situation.
"you know you want to , come on"
She’s literally calling him honey and sweetie…..he’s probably confused as hell. He needs a male caregiver.
Her calling him them was just an example in the video. if u listen to the bit in the bathroom it says about avoiding calling them names like 'honey' or 'sweetie' and refer to them as there names etc.
a dementia resident never treated me like this before when i visited my nany
i went to the main room 1off them pulled me out off a chair I didn't like it
He was a wicked man in his young days ,so hard for the care giver
Sorry but men in general say sexual inappropriate things all the time but really this is normal and a good caregiver can redirect them
He needs a male caregiver.
And don't call him "sweetie" or anything else except his name.
My grandmother has alzimers she is disoriented lost she doesn't remember anyone from her family. She only remember her mom and dad she also is unable to do any of her work by self... Since two months she is shouting or speaking aloud as tho someone is hurting her badly she had no physical problems... Why can this be and how can it be treated
Please need help
In my experience, people with Alzheimer’s disease tend to experience life in reverse. The further the disease progresses, the younger and younger the age they are experiencing becomes. Perhaps she is experiencing the age at which she had some type of traumatic event. I had a client who behaved a similar way around bedtime, she would Express that she saw a large man in her bedroom and she acted like he was going to hurt her. I told her to wait in the other room with the door shut until I told her it was safe. I then pretended to give that man a piece of my mind and escort him out the door and told him not to come back, I then locked the door in such a way that it made an extra loud noise so she could hear that I latched and lock the door. Then I helped her to her bed and in the middle of the night she would wake up screaming saying someone was on top of her. I seriously believe she was re-experiencing a traumatic event as if it was happening presently. It just took time for her to revert back to an even earlier age for her to no longer have those experiences.
1:02 breaks my heart. 💔😲 COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR from the caregiver. I just applied for a job. The interview also included a 64 question test. Including about behavior what to do/not to do in situations.
Ummm, they were showing what to do and what not to do...even the man with the dementia was acting..sigh
Yeah!, is that too much to ask?(sorry that was inapropriate)
Well, what would you like her to do?? Sometimes your words and actions will make no difference when it comes to sexual assault. When a strong resident corners you and grabs your boobs violently, you have to run and get out of that situation and report the incident. Smiling politely and saying " oh Mr Brown, this is not appropriate " or asking about their family won't help you. Also, carers are only human, training won't prepare you for everything that you'll face.
Dude how could it break your heart that's what most caregivers do
We are all going be old and giving caregivers/law enforcement a hard time eventually.
Newsflash: Sexual harassment and violence is possible from men of every age.
And the speaker is blaming it on the caregiver 🤔
Some things never change.
that’s our victim blaming society for ya
Please never become a caregiver for those with dementia. Their understanding of what is appropriate and what is not appropriate is often diminished or completely gone. Their intention more often than not is not to harass or be violent they just simply do not understand how to deal with sexual feelings. Shaming is not okay in these situations. It’s hard not to take it personally but that’s what a caregiver has to do.
@@doodlebop878 Spoken like a dude.
@@tmm6884 I’m a woman who works at a nursing home. You are a woman who lacks empathy. We are the same gender but with completely different morals.
Maybe though he is suffering from Schizophrenia... Is he diagnosed properly.. Don't let him alone.. Or some other longtime illness.. May be severe depression caused by some mishappenning..
at my gram's nursing home there was this man (resident) who would tell all the female workers " You're good lookin'! " lol
I would of just ran out the room.. mm mm, this so creepy Bc what if u go against ah man who is really strong.. ur out of luck😭.
Not really... I mean he is an old man and is probably weak
Noura Attia yeah maybe this particular man is weak, but not all clients/patients are. Some are pretty strong.
@@nouraattia452 you would be surprise what kind of strength a psychotic episode can grant to a 92 pound, hundred year old woman for example. I have seen things and experienced things. 😳
That's why you have a second person in with you, safety for you and them. Just because they are older doesn't mean they are weak as kittens. Always be on your toes and never leave your back facing them
Ok but 4th? After that many times you would think the best solution would be to give him a male caregiver so he doesn’t be inappropriate
I understand that’s ideal, but unfortunately not a lot of men seem to be attracted to this field of work. In five years of being a caregiver, I only recall three of my coworkers being male, the rest being women. Male Caregivers come in handy in situations like this, as well as in situations where heavy lifting is required when a client often times needs to be turned in their bed or needs significant assistance in transferring from bed to wheelchair etc. I know it’s politically incorrect to say that women on average have a more difficult time lifting significant weight without injury, but when you think about the fact that most men naturally produce testosterone at higher levels than most women, and that testosterone is responsible for producing muscle tissue, it kind of makes sense. I wish there were more male Caregivers.
happens all the time to caregivers nurses doctors
It really urks me when people, ESPECIALLY professionals use wrong terminology. Babies wear diapers, adults wear briefs!
They're adult diapers. Go to any store and ask for briefs and they'll take you to the mens underwear section. They're either adult diapers or disposable underwear, briefs are more of a nickname
Tomato, tuhmahtow...
Okay but they are diapers, adult diapers if you want to be more specific. The purpose of diapers is to absorb and contain urine or feces until it can be replaced and disposed of
This could happen the other way as well, with a female patient and a male caregiver.
Differently agree have a male to male female to female that is the answer
Guy here doesn't have no dementia at all just wants to pretend to have dementia so he can try to pick a date with this good looking nurse here!
hes an actor for the example video dude
let go !
What happens when he pulls a knife out? What can you do?
Malik Number 12 they are trained to restrain patients as many lash out. They also have an alarm to call other members of staff if they’re in danger. My mum works with people like this
I have only ever had experience with clients using parts of their own body to try to hurt me, (fists, open hands, feet, knees, teeth) but if a client pulled a weapon, such as a knife on me, my first instinct would be to grab my phone if I didn’t have it in my pocket, go to the bathroom and lock the door and immediately call my supervisor and ask them what protocol was in the situation. If I couldn’t get a hold of my supervisor, I would call my clients power of attorney (in most cases we had their number) and let them know of the situation since they had legal right to know their relative medical information and ask them what to do 🤷🏻♀️
Zap him he will stop
And some managers don't care about this. Their own is about money 😠
You know you want to
Sweetie honey whats next ? Baby??
same things happen to my son.. he is 30.. but he is Schiziophrenic .. no dementia.. he needs a wife.. but who is going to marry a person like him.. i ve trying to teach him how to behave for 3 years now..
MsYogaGrrrl thank you my friend.. you are saving the life of Jeffrey my son and mine... I will look for a good doctor.. and I will keep loving him as he deserve it.. my regards to you
MsYogaGrrrl happened to me. He pretended to be normal and his entire family hid his schizo. Then we got married and they withdrew and I saw his illness for the first time.....they’ve been no help since. I tried to take him to doctors and care to maintain his health but his family keeps telling him nothing is wrong with him and of course he believes them. When we had our first child I had to make the difficult choice to leave...he thought the child was going to be a “monster” and was taking “actions” to “cleanse” him. Since then all family friends say his family knew he was “off” from his was younger. I had no clue, he acted so normal and well adjusted for the entirety of our courtship. Strange
@@CranBerryJa sorry that happened to you. Many mentally ill ppl can and will "hold it together" just long enough to get what they want/need. My mother is the same way. She is 56 and has avoided mental help because she acts "normal" in public, held down a job etc because she wants people to believe she isnt mentally ill but she tortured me with her delusions and hallucinations. Mental illness is strange, it's weird how some can turn it on or off and some can't. It's best to just stay away, people like my mother and your husband rarely get help.
@@tttai8993 Thanks for sharing. I've drawn strength from your comment. I am so sorry that happened to you as well. I completely agree with you. I still pray for him, but from a distance.
Also digested as to how to treat sexul urges by a patient especially a female caregiver taking care of a male patient to calm down n keep a bit distance to persuade the patient to discontinue n if persistence sexual moves .the caregiver should adopt firm caution as not interested and happy with the conduct.and also in the alternative and appropriately prefer a male caregiver for a male .rather than a female who may cause the victim to enhance sexual urges by mere touching etc etc
In this situation it is better to give him a male care taker... Because sometimes it can be dangerous...
Its the honey and sweetie for me pfff. Not sure if it would top if you don't use those words but i wouldn't say them to someone you know cant see the difference between social acceptable and unacceptable behavior.
Many seniors find it inappropriate for a opposite sex caregiver to assist them with getting dressed, bathing, etc. So I know we're all supposed to pretend men and women are the same these days or something but that's asking a lot from people who most likely spend much of their time, in a different time than the one we're currently in. Same sex caregivers is the way to go.
I am a woman is a caregiver to women and I still have to deal with sexually inappropriate behavior.
I agree. Would reduce situations in which disabled women and elderly women are abused by male caregivers.
Tell him, “we already had sex now get to bed”.
You don't accept a job like this in a private home where there is nobody to have your back and an inappropriate potentially dangerous man.
I agree, women ought never accept caregiver job for a man in a situation in which she will be alone in a room with the man.
A big burly male caregiver is the most logical solution.
What happens when none are a available around that district.
Quit is what I would do
Quitting isn’t always an option. Especially if you’re the caregiver for a loved one. A lot of people are “called” into this line of work so they probably just want viable solutions for the problem at hand.
No i dont?