It's all Wine About It, who thought it was going to be positive? Also aren't we all here because we want to have a wine with our girlfriends and bitch about shit?
ADVICE FROM A GIRLS’ GIRL: I have never had a straight, male friend in my life, but I make female friends very easily so I feel qualified lol. Compliments are key in female communication - they’re almost used as a secondary greeting. You meet up with a friend and you compliment their outfit or bag or hair or whatever, and it’s not to objectify each other, but rather to take notice of their effort and set the tone for the conversation - friendly, low-judgement, light. Ofc the tone can change depending on topic of circumstance, but it’s like a mini-bonding moment that you recognize each other at the beginning of your interaction. Conversely, you have to accept the compliment in return, or at least not reject it entirely. Some women do playfully reject a compliment in a “fishing” type way, but it’s all about tone. If you reject it and bring down the tone, it’s a signal to the other woman that you’re not interested in bonding - it can be intimidating, and a wall is put up. It’s fine to be self-deprecating as long as you leave space for other women to lift you back up. That’s why the compliments online can get kind of out of hand - we all just want to build each other up, and we want our friends to build us up in return. It’s definitely a bit of a performance, but it’s not insincere. You don’t have to be bubbly to do this either. I wouldn’t describe myself as overly positive or bubbly, in fact I think I’m quite dry too, but I can turn it on to lift up my friends. And the only way to get good at this “compliment communication” is to just do it. Any little thing you notice that’s nice, just say it. Maybe it’s awkward at first, but if you work at it, it’ll become easier. I think lots of recovering “pick-me girls” struggle with this bc it’s a learned social behavior from adolescence that you missed out on. So don’t be too hard on yourself 💗 You’re both interesting, funny people that I’m sure can make friends easily once you get past that initial bond. Anyway, hope that helped. I feel like an anthropologist studying women and reporting my findings lmao
I think people forget that accepting compliments can still be done in a dry or funny way too! For example I'm TERRIBLE at doing hair, I tried to put in some effort and someone noticed and said it was cute and I responded "thanks! it took me 2 fucking hours for a couple twists and I hate it but I tried" and they laughed. I still appreciated the compliment and recognized it with an excited thank you, and then told them how it pissed me off which is realistic and shows my personality 🤣
i think of doing this all the time, cause i see so many pretty girls, i just notice around too much, but as always antisocialness just comes in and i end up not saying stuff, cause its also like what if i sound weird/like i pervert idk, but i always love when random ass girls compliment my hair or earrings, so its a work in progress to build up courage.
As a dude who grew up playing Halo, it sounds like her group of guy friends were just genuinely excited to have another person to play video games with, its cool you're still friends with at least one of them
When QT said "I wish I could be that girl in the bathroom that's like you look fkn fine" I felt that. Everything you said about female friendships is so relatable to me it's crazy.
Interestingly, as a guy who has struggled with self-image for a long time, I have a mirror-image situation to QT and Maya. Maybe my sexual orientation as a gay person affected my social upbringing in some way, but talking to girls and reflecting their mannerisms just come really naturally to me, whereas I cannot say out loud the stuff that a guy might say, no matter how much I can think it in my head or envy the ability to act that way.
@@boxbird5723idk what there is of guy behaviour to envy lol. Like im straight but in the last years been to a lib. arts uni where there’s largely women, and lived in a house with 9 other women, and man its been one of the more stress-relieving environments. Toxic masculinity is so normalised and i fucking hate competition or constant inferiority-complex or insecurities lashed-out-as-masculine-anger sort of shit. I think its cuz my dad is typical of the toxic masculinity, he’s been incredibly insecure his whole life and taken it out on his family cuz he failed in achievements and has mommy/daddy issues and needs a superiority complex so makes my mom act the house-wife even if she’s the breadwinner. I don’t wanna minimise what you were saying but idk there’s few i envy about the sort of societal-norm of masculinity except that you have to abide by it to not get harassed and bullied. Like i’ve act perfectly straight but guys feel like they need to prove themselves on anything and everything cuz testosterone
this is legit a therapy podcast and i fuck with it. i actually dont have any female friends so getting to hear females talk about relationship with guys and seeing that maya and blair having completely different experiances is eye opening. you can kinda see why maya initial react to the dake situation in the last podcast was "oh of course he wants to do that, of course hes a guy and he want to sexualize me." because maya thought it was the default experiance for women. i just want to say thank you!!! you guys are really smart and emotionally aware. being able to dive into these topics with no notes and feed off each others ideas is how we live in a better world. thank you again.
I do think Maya should be careful with the statement "I've worked with autistic kids since 2009" because it SO common for women with autism (that don't have high support needs) to not get diagnosed until adulthood. So even if you work with or interact with a lot of autistic children, you might not recognise autism in adult women because they just don't get the same diagnosis at a young age. As an recently diagnosed ADHD girlie I've been more sensitive to the fact that our neurodiversities often get missed out because we don't present with the same symptoms as (often) male children. And IF QT is autistic, of course she wouldn't present the same as an autistic child because she's an adult woman and has had more life experience to manage her symptoms or mask them.
I'm also a recently diagnosed adult ADHD girlie, and I agree. I think a lot of what QT talks about lean towards neurodivergence. Her talking about how mayo gives her the heebie-jeebies reminded me of how I've always HATED the feeling of velvet. Even thinking about it makes me feel gross, and if I touch it I get goose bumps and feel nauseous. No reason, no trauma associated with velvet, just sensory sensitivity.
I find it interesting how they’re talking about not being like other women but they found each other, you gotta find women similar to you to build strong connections with.
The panties thing is definitely sexual harassment lol, imagine some man doing that to you now. As a girl watching this pod, I love these talks. It reminds me of talks you have with your female friends after you are grown up realizing all the fucked up shit you went through and never registered as not normal lmao (gr**ming, SA, sexism...). Is sad but we have all been there and is really reassuring to hear other girls' stories.
People are valid in feeling like the pod is depressing, but I hope they understand where that perspective comes from. Hearing them talk candidly about past situations and trauma from a female perspective is very cathartic for many, and I hope they don't stop just bc of a small group of people
Regarding the autism spectrum: I am an autistic woman and (god I don’t mean this parasocially) I’ve wondered for a long time if QT is autistic. It’s common for women to be diagnosed with 10 bajillion things (ocd, bipolar, borderline, add, adhd) and then come to find out all their symptoms were just signs of being on the autism spectrum, but because the diagnostics are so biased towards five year old boys, women, especially adult women, are diagnosed much less and also much differently. A lot of what QT talks about being awkward and just social situations from her childhood I relate too, and in hindsight were signs that I was autistic. QT, if you’re wondering if you’re on the spectrum, my totally-professional-RUclips-comment-rando-opinion is that you should get it checked out by a psych or someone who deals in diagnosing those things. It can be expensive though so be aware of that.
Just stopping by to say I've googled it before because QT is so similar to me. I hope this feels validating to hear if you read this QT, because genuinely I think you are wonderful and smart and funny and you deserve to know and love yourself fully ❤
Yup yup to all of this! Like you, I don't feel comfortable claiming QT and Maya have a *specific* disorder, but a little "ding!" noise goes off in my head whenever one of them says something extremely neuro-divergent lmao. "People always think I'm being rude when they meet me cause I'm so dry" Ding! "I have trouble not just saying what I'm thinking" Ding! "I feel fake when I take part in social rituals that other people seem to have no problem with" Ding ding ding!
@Scott Crowther I think addressing what QT said is okay but Maya hasn't opened the door to that conversation. Respectfully, it might feel invasive to have specific things pointed out, sometimes people aren't ready.
QT: Samantha had a freaking horse. You don't have a freaking horse. Maya: Yeah.. QT: You had a horse. Maya: Yes, I had a horse. QT: Bitch! This is why I love this podcast. 😂
Whenever I feel bad about not being bubbly and effervescent I remind myself that all those murder shows start with someone who "lights up a room" and I instantly feel better lmao
I am a woman on the spectrum and in the most kind, relatable, and genuine way, I do get spectrum vibes. Actually the average age of women being diagnosed is like 20 because women are taught to be more social and suppress stuff
Just wanted to say as a guy your pod has helped me understand and connect and be more chill with female peers better in my own life. Keep doing what you’re doing!
Same, like I have friends few and far apart....and seeing just two friends hanging out is nice to see. And it teaches people like me (someone who doesn't touch grass) what friendship can look like. I'm probably super cringe for that but yeah...
as a bi girl, i get feeling weird matching that energy of “stfu you are so hot” because growing up i was always extra respectful because i didn’t want to be “weird.” for instance in locker rooms i was always looking at girls’ hairlines so my eyesight would be as far away from their bodies as possible. so for me to feel comfortable giving that energy was hard because i was scared to seem like i was hitting on them or something? idk
I feel that too, I get so worried that my comment will be perceived as genuinely sexual that I have a hard time hyping my friends up like they hype me up.
I feel a similar way towards my straight guy friends as a bi guy funnily enough. Oftentimes conversations with a bunch of guys gets to a point where everyone is jokingly hitting on each other (mostly bc men cannot give an earnest compliment to save their fucking life) and I'm worried that if I do it it won't be considered a joke. Interesting how we both have similar worries but they present themselves in different situations.
As a potentially bi/gay person, same!! oddly i feel more comfortable complimenting girls (respectfully ofcourse) because they know i mean it in a genuine way with guys, im sure they like and appreciate the compliments too, especially since i live in a region where guys are not complimented much and complimenting each other can really improve our self-esteem, but a part of me feels weird for doing it, even when i know im not doing it in a sexual way at all
yeahh i understand what you mean. as a pan girl who often does that “stfu you are so hot” type energy to everyone, and i emphasize EVERYONE, i also feel kind of weird doing it. i once accidentally led on a lesbian and i still feel so bad about it
I feel one of the most intimidating things as well, is that girls are usually in groups and when you try to reach out to new girls they involve you with the whole group which can be completely overwhelming
i relate soooooo hard to qt when she said she wasn't prepped for life, it's so unfair and doing everything yourself is so exhausting . also i had to ask my older coworker how to get health insurance and I felt dumb but she was very nice about it. queen
I'm normally a lurker, but right before QT brought up feeling like she might be on the autism spectrum, I was very close to commenting something like, "hear me out... we might be autistic giriles." I originally decided against it, buuuut since it was brought up... it might be very enlightening and maybe even comforting to look into autism in women. It's very VERY common for girls/women not to get diagnosed because we're socialized VERY well aka we're good at masking. Just a thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, I think QT is my go-to streamer/content creator because I find her very relatable and thats not very common for me. Anywaaay, super glad wine about it is back!
A rating system, but every time its different (cause even tho its "Wine about it" the wine is secondary): 5/7 Coots 1/12 Glasses 6/8 Positivity-Tuesdays.
Jesus, QT is speaking everything I think silently. I'm a guy and I relate soooo much to what she is saying. I wish I could make guy friends and just chill like you see groups of guys do. I get so jealous of people who are approachable because I am the antithesis of approachable
As a self-proclaimed girl’s girl, this is such an interesting and foreign conversation to me. And I’m not even remotely girly. I don’t really get it, but I am starting to understand. I wish I could be a part of it to give an alternate perspective. I have never had a single straight male friend who didn’t want to have sex with me and/or date me, which is precisely why I have never had a true male friend. I just.. love women. So much lmao
literally started throwing my hands in the air and jumping up and down at QT’s take on approaching people in friendships when something’s bothering you or shit talking when you’re upset. i have never felt so seen
Women are just so much more emotionally mature in my experience, so forming deep relationships is so much more rewarding. Totally true it’s EASIER to get in with dudes, but when you like REALLY need them, it’s hard to get deeper.
The part where Maya talks about how hard it is to find friends without an institution and how it's ok really hit the spot. We really need institutions for aldults that isn't just Church. Imagine a local Wine About It meetup.
this podcast being by self-proclaimed dry girlies for other dry girlies is therapeutic. love u babes Edit: wrote that at the beginning of the ep. I have now finished the ep. I relate so much to wanting a group of girl friends but feeling out of place among everyone?? I’ve always figured it’s because I’ve been really emotionally repressed in a lot of ways and I think I relate to guys more since societally they are too, maybe? Idk. I just really appreciate you guys talking about these issues because I relate to both of you guys and your experiences. This is not talked about often I feel like, or if it is, it’s so obviously based in misogyny. This was a cool ep!! Thanks y’all :,)
when they were talking abt extra emily i was reminded about the phrase “are you someone that takes energy in conversations or gives it?” and i think that encompasses the convo very well
Yeah, by defult I just listen, and people like me for that. That's a good starting point for a friendship because I'm making them feel heard. BUT when they are done talking, I still have nothing to say, or very little to say, and that's how I loose friends, I'm a frickin' NPC. WITH ONE EXCEPTION!! There was this one friend where I was the one that gave energy into the conversation and my friend listened to me and both of us had balanced conversations that lasted for hours. But that friendship ended...I'm not sure why (1) my social anxiety part of my brain says its because I shared too much deep stuff and scared her away. (2) But it's probably because she's like 8 years older than me, she graduated college and started a family and covid happened, and she has a whole career; MEANWIHLE I'm still in college living at my childhood home and still having to ask my parents to go outside!
@@raecelestra I can sort of relate to you. I like to listen in conversations too and share when I feel like it, but with every person it's different. With some people I'm not interested in them or the conversation (or they talk too much lol) I just continue listening. With others, I am genuinely interested in the conversation and they are interested in what I have to say too so it's more like 50/50. But I think with most people I like to listen more than talk, that's just how I am! Also In groups especially, I felt socially anxious to share something personal because I was afraid of being judged but then I just started blurting things out without really thinking and that kind of helped lol. Also conversations are 2 ways, sometimes the other person isn't reciprocating.
@@shibaqwerty yeah being afraid of being judged holds a lot of people back. But I guess the way to get around that is to be okay with all those negative feelings and move on. If people stick around that's a plus but if people are there for a little bit then fade away, then...they do, just accept it and move on... It feels like throwing glitter at a wall with glue on it, and whatever sticks, sticks and whatever doesn't, don't get down about it :) it's just hard to go out and throw glitter haha but the more you throw the more it will stick
(28 M) Struggling with mental health issues myself and hearing QT talk about her anxiety and how she doesn't know where to start cuz she doesn't wanna feel dumb is so relatable to me it's scary. Last podcast hearing Maya talk about how her therapist said going from grief to anger is part of the process is very enlightening. So yall's story, yall's podcast is helping some of us and is appreciated. Started therapy yesterday, so I'm taking steps to heal. I didn't watch or hear yalls podcast before my mental breakdown about a week ago, and this podcast just came back and has helped me so much recently, so thank you.
I cant describe how relatable the topics with regard to friendships were. You guys broke it down so accurately, even with new insight I hadn't considered before, and looking at the rest of the comments a lot of people have had similar experiences. It genuinely affects many people's (specifically women's) lives and its comforting to see it be discussed like this.
(this is a message to, hopefully, make u smile) u got this dude! I bet ur probably a rlly easy person to get on with, u definitely have a nice smile and laugh and I bet you brighten the room just because ur presence is so comforting.. *showers u in joy and warmth* lol I hope u find bright, funny, interesting little things everyday - an internet stranger :)
Hearing you guys talk about female friendships is soooooo validating, I've always struggled with understanding that shit and it's nice to know im not alone lmao
i have heard qt talk about a lot of things that are symptoms of autism, being neurodivergent as well (adhd) and having friends on the spectrum, i get the feeling she is on it as well. also, having people on your family on it makes you more likely be as well. so yeah, i don’t think she’s super wrong in thinking that and i would get evaluated if i were her, because knowing you have autism can be super helpful in therapy, for looking at symptoms with different lenses, and therefore being better suited to deal with them. edit: ALSO!!! girls are WAY harder to diagnose, they are generally better at masking edit 2: found out i’m autistic too lmao, was NOT expecting that
i remember at a party in college i felt SO cool bc we all got together to drink wine but no one brought a bottle opener… i opened it with a lighter and a knife i think? it was a genuine everybody clapped moment, truly peaked at that exact moment in time, it’s all been downhill from there
ok but fr i resonate w maya bc i’ve had such a hard time making female friends but an easy time with making guy friends but i think reflecting on it it does come down to knowing guys end up liking you so they will pursue a friendship more bc they want something out of it but women will be friends just to be friends so it requires more reaching out which i’m awful at (i’m that person that reaches out after 6months and expects things to pick right back up) (but maybe it’s because that’s how easy it is with guys.. bc they have that ulterior motive?) just thoughts and also with the girl compliment brain i literally tried to do this with a friend the other day and the other girl with us said “wow that sounded sarcastic lol” like… man i’m so bad at being a girl’s girl and it’s so embarrassing to even say that
@@kayladavidson2518 that’s so wild to me because most of my closest friendships have been girls but maybe it’s due to the fact that I usually make friends one on one and then i’ll introduce them to one another
I love this "podcast" so much. It's the only thing keeping me sane, and knowing I'm not the only person going through some serious stuff IRL. When you guys took a break, I think I re-watched every single one of your episodes at least 10x each episode.
Wine about it is incredible. You two get so deep into airing out embarrassing shit, being vulnerable and its just therapeutic like this is so good and so refreshing thank you
Autistic person here, LEGIT I THOUGHT QT WAS AUTISTIC AND WHEN YOU MENTIONED THE SAUCES. Autism is usually misdiagnosed and misunderstood in women CONSTANTLY and i would not be shocked at all if you were, especially hearing all your stories about how different you felt from other woman and liking how straight forward men are and how straightforward and blunt you are.
Yeah, Maya saying she didn’t have other autistic traits after they’d just been talking about not understanding indirect communication was kinda funny in a way. Plus QT has a somewhat flat affect in all her content. I think a lot of twitch and RUclips creators are neurodivergent in some way. Usually ADHD, autism, or both. Often just drawn to that sort of field. I’m not saying QT is autistic, but as an autistic woman I’d not be surprised if she was. Especially if she’s got that family history too since it’s somewhat genetic.
I, as an autistic woman, have learned women use more indirect communication to maintain plausible deniability (and thus avoid being perceived as rude or mean). So if someone asks you how you think they look in a top, rather than saying someone looks bad you’d say what you think would look “even better”. You’ve not said it looks bad, so maintained plausible deniability, but you also basically said it looks bad by redirecting to something better. I started typing this before QT started talking about how she thinks she’s autistic and Maya disagreed because she doesn’t have other symptoms. They’ve literally been talking about their issues with social skills and preference for direct/blunt communication. Then QT mentions her family has a lot of autistic people (autism is often genetic). And you guys keep complaining about the hyperbolic support from other women feeling unnatural to you. QT also has a somewhat flat affect, at least in her content. I’m not saying QT is autistic, and she could still lack enough traits to qualify for formal diagnosis, but QT definitely has more autistic traits than just food sensitivity. She’s also got dyslexia and experience with other conditions commonly comorbid in autistic girls. I agree with advice about inviting people to things. If nobody is inviting you to things sometimes you need to be proactive. It makes me anxious, but you have to make social risks to form relationships. I also learned to be more proactive in actual conversations. I used to be so focused on saying the appropriate responses that I’d not be more proactive in progressing the conversation or expressing curiosity.
New ep, so excited to watch. Love to listen to their anecdotes, especially as a woman watching twitch, it's sad to see the ongoing treatment of female streamers compared to male streamers. But I'm glad I found qt and mayo
hearing qt's and maya's side of the "female vs male friendships" thing is really weird to me. cause i've alwayss been a girls girl. all my friends from ever since kindergarden have been women, i've never had a guy bestfriend.. so its so weird to me to see women saying that its hard for them to have deep emotional bonds with other women. guess thats what wine about is about!!! wine about it saves lives ^_^
As a girl who has a massive majority of girlfriends, it’s mostly finding someone that has the same wavelength as you. Every person has different aspects of their personality- one friend of mine is a worried person and always wonders if people like her and she has anxiety and what not. In that aspect we relate and talk directly about how much we like being in each others company while being worried that the other doesn’t like us. Another friend of mine is very confident and outgoing, yet introverted and nerdy. They have a lot of hobbies and references I don’t understand, but I come with an open mind of learning their hobbies and them learning some of mine. Some I’ve met at work, some at school, some on dating apps that just ended up as friendships, some at activities I signed up for and some while taking the same walk in the street. I believe that a lot of people especially woman are looking for friendship, you just have to be active, understand the person in front of you and act accordingly (I won’t force my introverted friend to go hang out in bars or clubs, I won’t make dark humour jokes with my sensitive friend etc)- it’s being sensitive and acting in according to the person in front of you, only a select group of people you’ll feel truly you, and that okay as well, but you have to find those people. It won’t happen right away, and sometimes it’s nice to have friends only in certain situations. Tldr: be considerate and active, get bitc- ahem, friends.
I'm a guy and it's INSANE how relatable I feel to QT when it comes to friendships. This topic made me realize, I'm the QT Canderilla of my 'friends' group. I'm always the one to come up with plans or "events" yet when they plan something themselves I'm always the one left out. I think QT and Maya say it's not their friends' fault to be respectful and because they're probably co-workers, but I wish they realize that it is their friends fault. I don't know the full picture obviously but it's definitely not QT's fault that she's always left out when we all know how she brings people together and put together the best events. You shouldn't be a dancing monkey in order for your friends to like you, and if they do, their not your friends. Edit: as I'm writing this I hear QT saying she started a book club and my jaw hit the floor cause I'm literally in the process of starting my own club LMFAO!
As someone who's autistic and has a lot of autistic friends, I kinda agree with QT that she's most likely on the spectrum. Not even just the sauce thing, which I have that issue too, but watching her for a while there's some very clear autistic traits
yo I had a very similar experience to Maya when I first started being friends with guys. I was like "oh wow, we're such good friends" and then at some point they'd drop the bomb. It made me super hesitant making friends with guys, and made me a lot more distant in those friendships.
As a late diagnosed autistic woman, I have thought that both of you are probably undiagnosed autistic people after I watched enough of your content to see the signs. Y'all probably aren't going to see this, but it's been driving me mad because I think it's so important to understand yourself and know if you're autistic because a lot of things start making SO MUCH more sense and I wished I could somehow tell you guys to at least check it out for yourselves and see if it helps you. Also, the ENTIRE conversation about why you don't get along with girls as much screams missing social cues, prefering literal and direct communication, and the thing with not being able to be "bubbley" makes sense because at least from your content, you both have flatter affects which is all VERY COMMON in autistic people. Brooke and Blaire's food issues defiintely sounds like sensory issues with food, which is very common as well. In the last Wine About It QT also described becoming "obsessed" with certain things and just deep diving and learning everything about it (Playboy Mansion books) which is very stereotypical special interest/hyper focus, which is also a symptom of autism, and because you're a girl that has more "stereotypical" girl interests, that was likely missed because doctors are absolutely biased towards boys and boy interests because that's where most of the research is. Hypochondria is more common in autistic people because we can be hyper aware of our own bodies and very subtle changes. Also the thing with struggling with too much information at once (taxes and health insurance) is very common for autistic people because we tend to "bottom-up" process, or focus on details first before we can feel like we have an overall understanding (neurotypical people tend to do top-down processing), and both of those systems are designed to be confusing and overwhelming as is. Especially if you have anyone in your family that's already diagnosed, PLEASE pursue a diagnosis if you think there's a chance. I recommend looking for the work of autistic advocates that talk about their own experiences because Psychology is a mess with it's "outsider" perspective of autism making it very hard for autistic people to relate to the ways it's described in medicine. There's more I could say, but I've already written an essay. It helped me so much to have that understanding of myself and it's helped me take care of myself so much better. ALSO, the streamer community is neurodiverse AF, between all the ADHD and other things, and neurodiverse people tend to just get along better with each other.
this episode made me cry and not because its depressing (i don't find it depressing) i just resonate with alot of what you guys said about why you can't find girl friends, i am confrontational but i can't be unless they start first, a friend once asked me once about her insta pic if it was bad and told her yes the angle is weird and she got mad and told me why i didn't told her sooner and to her it looked good and that made feel so horrible, i suck with complements, i find it hard to tell my friends that her new earings looks good on her or that color suits them or their make looks great that day, all i could say you're looking really cute today, i've gotten better over the years but i still suck at them and still feel weird saying them
"I wish I was more bubbly" -Maya I think it's very common for people to dislike something about themselves that other people really like. It's absolutely okay to want to change yourself in some way, but don't get so focused on the negative that you forget that people love you the way you are.
sensory issues are a HUGE trait of autism and as someone dating an autistic person, who also suspects I am, I have thought QT might have autism. Also QT not dressing up is relatable. the depression is real, I wish too but I hope you know you make us mentally ill girls feel less alone and less shitty
this episode is so insane to me HAHA. maybe this is a cultural difference (UK) but a bunch of my friends are super dry and blunt like qt and maya are, and a lot of the stuff that their girl "friends" seem to get upset with them about is mainly treated like banter for my friend group. the idea that you have to act different to be better friends with a girl is just insane and almost gender discrimination hahaha. i suppose you just have to get lucky with this but im sure qt and maya can do it cus they're both great people
omg yes, I actually love girls with the energy that maya and qt have, definitely a cultural thing (UK too). There's beauty in both kinds of personalities
I wonder if it's a cultural thing as well that in America people have this front on a facade they feel they need to put on, and in the UK people are more direct/honest.
omgggg same! i also couldn't understand what they are talking about and i agree with you that acting different with different genders is strange i'm from eastern europe though, not uk and also umm... just find people who are similar to you? like i'm not really 'feminine' and i also feel like i don't fit in with many groups of girls, but i also wouldn't fit in with many guys, so it's not a gender issue, just look for people with shared interests and personality traits
Man I needed to hear this! It’s nice hearing that other women feel the same way I do. Whenever I see other women they always look flawless and put together and are good at makeup and putting outfits together and I have never ever felt that way about myself. And not even because I was trying to fit in with the guys, just no one ever taught me but other women seem to do these things so effortlessly. Love the podcast so much ❤ thank you both so much
I can't get into most podcasts I've tried, but I keep reflexively clicking on the new wine about it ep, so I think you've got me hooked. Also thanks for giving me the vocab to articulate how I've felt my entire life regarding female friendships. Even going to an all girls primary school and despising the majority of the guys at my high school, I never was able to make strong lasting female friendships.
I get qt so much because the ' people not telling you when something you did bothered them' thing genuinely hurts me so much. I have abandonment issues and get way too attached to friends. so when I get dropped for something I don't even know about it hurts. Thank you for sharing because I feel so seen and it made me realize why I'm scared of being close friends with women. I can quickly develop a very deep friendship with anyone, but especially women, but after all my negative experiences I'm just scared. I love this podcast so much and I think talking about the negatives is good sometimes. It helps me feel more human to see other people online. Also dealing with life being shitty not just perfect and fun. Love y'all so much 💕💕💕💕
omg we are the same 50:32 this girl I was friends with would say such things a lot and ily and stuff and I could just never say any of it I wish I could but it feels internally disgusting
Regarding the harrassment situation Maya brought up - asking what color her underwear is and talking with her other friends about it is sexual harrassment. Forcably pulling her clothing away to look at her body is assault.
This episode inspired me to start journaling again. Because my childhood trauma came knocking, I also had a guys only group of friends that weren’t into me but girls were mean. Once in high school, someone asked my closest guy friend if he was gonna ask me out to prom and he said “hell no!!” This took place while I was standing right there with them. I legit paused to grab my journal. The most relatable episode yet.
mayas situation with male friends is so so common, QT is suprisingly lucky to have genuine male friends coz most men would fuck a plant if they were horny enough, being around a girl no matte appearance they always 'develop feelings', its such a common issue that most girls feel like its impossible to truly have male friends and its a constant betrayal over and over and over again, its the reason for ' the friendzone' and the idea that women cant have male friends coz they all secretly want her, kinda based in reality coz men cant see women as people only objects of desire. Its actually very surprising to me that QT has not experienced this but i also think its possible she has but she is oblivious and just took it as normal or a joke or something since a lot of young girl are convinced to feel this way about it and i felt like that for a while too. i feel llike its almost a right of passage to have one super big friendship breakup with a girl thats traumatic and messy, and super common to have those messy friendships in general, i think with QT tho she kinda made the decision to not be friends with women at all because of these friendships coz of the generalisation that ' all female friendships are messy/dramatic etc' and i do lowkey think its coz of internalised misogyny and conditioning to think friendships between women are some catty gossipy stereotype when really like its just a few women that are immature and mean. i think girls girls acknowledge that these stereotypes and misogyny contribute towards their issues and have learned that women arent these one dimensional catty characters, and most are in the same cycle of betrayal and being pitted against each other by men and the patriarcby, i think thats the first step to being a girls girl, i feel QT is pretty influenced by this stuff which is why she gravitates towards men and finds it hard to make friendship with women, But i do think she has a pretty good understanding of this stuff, its just she tends to be in friendships with women who arent girls girls which prevents her from being a girls girl, i think thats shes just lacking other girls girls around her to really help subside a little bit of the overgeneralisations and give her a little more trust in other women.Also think maya is super right about why she gravitates towards men, and feeling women have no reason to like her at all if they arent romantically/sexually attracted to her, a lot of women are conditiond to thinking their only worth to other ppl is being attractive and from the little ive seen of her this seems to be a common theme in her troubles. Im a trans man so i have grown up with these same experiences and im pretty into feminist theory and stuff, i feel like i have some okay insight on this kinda thing and i honestly love to discuss the social and individual effects of the patriarchy in ways like this coz i think it often gets brushed over and ignore for the bigger issues but i think that its all connecte and just fixing the systematic issues will not fix the deeply rooted socialisation which is the root of the issues imo. i love this podcast (the few episodes ive seen) as it really gets me thinking bout this subject that im passionate about. I really relate to being confrontational, socially anxious, bad at expressing love/feelings, and come off intimidating for no reason, it sucks so much but its definitely possible to make women friends while being like this. i feel like it all just about understanding others a bit more intimately. if someone somehow read this whole rant you must be super dedicated my god.
It's very relatable that QT's experience with guy friends is how I've always experienced having guy friends, BUT I haven't had issues becoming friends with girls. It's actually fairly easy to become friends with them from my experience 😅
QT if you relate to autism-whether or not you have it-you can still implement autism-specific/adjacent therapies in your life to see if they help you personally. there's no harm in trying new things to regulate your emotions/help you sleep/navigate relationships/etc. i definitely think you should look into how autism presents in women/young girls specifically if you're questioning it for real-there is some gender overlap, but girls are better at "hiding" for whatever reason. also, autism in adults, especially adult women, presents differently and there is some evidence that autism runs in the family, so even if you're wrong, you're not being far-fetched
This is one of my favourite wine about it episodes ever. I literally watch this podcast and wish I had close female friendships like them ever time. To hear their struggles is my goddamn representation and makes me feel like I'm not a wildly lost cause just cause making friends is as hard as it is. Also all that girly talk that Maya was talking about struggling with is 100% just practice that they hadn't gotten the chance to develop slowly with only male friendships. Maybe they didn't answer the viewers question but I can guarantee this still helped :)))
1:13:18 this is the exact same way i make friends at college, also asking questions about them, people love to talk about themselves😭 find common interests
As an autistic person with a lot of the same life experiences, I empathize so deeply with these 2 women. I absolutely recommend looking into getting an evaluation! Worst case scenario you just find out you don't have X, Y, or Z, and that's still valuable information. Best case scenario, you discover some explanations for why your experience is the way it is. I only just got evaluated this month and I'm in my late 20s. I wish so much that I could have had this information when I was a kid or a teenager. Still, it's never too late for self-discovery. A lot of people say labels aren't important and only put you in boxes, but a diagnosis like this is truly life changing for the better. I'm able to understand myself much more now, and I can make changes in my life around that new understanding to really improve my quality of life.
Watching this after already seeing it on patreon, this is a real high point of my weeks now. Love hearing you two go back and forth on all these things. Also just wanna say as to the "depressing" comments, it's honestly so refreshing that you two can talk so openly and honestly about good and bad things that happen in your life. It's genuinely helped me be a bit more open and honest with some of my friends which is something I struggled to do before listening to these episodes. Keep it up ladies I wish you all the success.
about qt mentioning that she thinks she could be autistic, as someone who probably definitely has it (i think if you know you know, it's kinda obvious once you think about it) and is being assessed for a diagnosis soon, i lowkey recognise some traits in her (not to sound parasocial lmao) it actually made me so happy when she said that bc usually people shut down the possibility of having it bc of stigma or internalised ableism (hasan after he took an online asd test.... i recognise traits in him too lmao, i have also only just recently began to actually accept it in myself too) or just dont talk about it at all if they have it. i think it'd be good for qt to get assessed, and i'd love to hear more about her experiences !!! if she's comfortable talking more about it of course ! irl, neurodivergent people are drawn to other nd people/they just get along so much easier and quicker (sometimes without knowing, if they aren't diagnosed etc) and i think for me it crosses over into which streamers i'm most drawn to watching too, like with qt it's just a very cozy vibe, like she gets it, and i can relate to a lot of what she talks about too with mental health stuff. anyway i hope this isn't taken the wrong way 😭 i just had to write this before i kept watching and forgot, let me go finish it now 😭 💓💓
I’m so pumped that you guys did this topic because I’ve recently realized that I don’t have any female friends that I don’t resent. I was super envious when I watched you guys. That being said I really love the perspective you guys gave this episode. It’s so relatable!
As a girl's girl I think the root of female friendships is a certain shared vulnerability. The only time I've struggled connecting with other women is if they are really closed off and don't seem to reciprocate the vulnerability I try to share. --I don't mean like spilling your guts out to each other immediately, but being able to be authentic or weird or silly or whatever way shows a certain level of comfortability around each other? I don't know if I'm making sense, but I think maybe compliments are a gate-way into that. I also only have sisters, and my mom was a definite matriarch so maybe I just feel more comfortable around women as well.. And Maya, I also share the experience of close guy friends eventually admitting having feelings for me. It sort of pushed me away from making guy friends because I also started feeling like that's the only reason they would be my friend in the first place.
My new favorite thing is hearing "audio listeners" and then watching what is actually happening.
Audio listeners, she has a mallet!
Good bit
true
It's a hilarious recurring bit I love it, QT also does it on fear& sometimes too.
What do you mean? It’s being described perfectly.
maya pulling out the cork was iconic
frrr ✨✨✨
I was so anxious up until that moment
Real ones cried fr fr
very positive too, loved how happy they both were that it came out so nicely 😊
I was getting flashbacks to Aria spending hours trying to use a curling iron to open a wine bottle, surprised that Maya got it out so quick
I like that the podcast isn’t always so positive it feels more real !
Facts
Agreed and it opens up more serious topics that are important to talk about
It's all Wine About It, who thought it was going to be positive?
Also aren't we all here because we want to have a wine with our girlfriends and bitch about shit?
This. Nobody is positive all the time and we all have problems. It's more relatable this way.
ADVICE FROM A GIRLS’ GIRL: I have never had a straight, male friend in my life, but I make female friends very easily so I feel qualified lol. Compliments are key in female communication - they’re almost used as a secondary greeting. You meet up with a friend and you compliment their outfit or bag or hair or whatever, and it’s not to objectify each other, but rather to take notice of their effort and set the tone for the conversation - friendly, low-judgement, light. Ofc the tone can change depending on topic of circumstance, but it’s like a mini-bonding moment that you recognize each other at the beginning of your interaction. Conversely, you have to accept the compliment in return, or at least not reject it entirely. Some women do playfully reject a compliment in a “fishing” type way, but it’s all about tone. If you reject it and bring down the tone, it’s a signal to the other woman that you’re not interested in bonding - it can be intimidating, and a wall is put up. It’s fine to be self-deprecating as long as you leave space for other women to lift you back up. That’s why the compliments online can get kind of out of hand - we all just want to build each other up, and we want our friends to build us up in return. It’s definitely a bit of a performance, but it’s not insincere. You don’t have to be bubbly to do this either. I wouldn’t describe myself as overly positive or bubbly, in fact I think I’m quite dry too, but I can turn it on to lift up my friends. And the only way to get good at this “compliment communication” is to just do it. Any little thing you notice that’s nice, just say it. Maybe it’s awkward at first, but if you work at it, it’ll become easier. I think lots of recovering “pick-me girls” struggle with this bc it’s a learned social behavior from adolescence that you missed out on. So don’t be too hard on yourself 💗 You’re both interesting, funny people that I’m sure can make friends easily once you get past that initial bond. Anyway, hope that helped. I feel like an anthropologist studying women and reporting my findings lmao
Maybe it's also the fact that you're expressing that I see you, like they see the effort etc, so they feel appreciated.
I think people forget that accepting compliments can still be done in a dry or funny way too! For example I'm TERRIBLE at doing hair, I tried to put in some effort and someone noticed and said it was cute and I responded "thanks! it took me 2 fucking hours for a couple twists and I hate it but I tried" and they laughed. I still appreciated the compliment and recognized it with an excited thank you, and then told them how it pissed me off which is realistic and shows my personality 🤣
i think of doing this all the time, cause i see so many pretty girls, i just notice around too much, but as always antisocialness just comes in and i end up not saying stuff, cause its also like what if i sound weird/like i pervert idk, but i always love when random ass girls compliment my hair or earrings, so its a work in progress to build up courage.
This is actually so helpful for me! I’m going to make a conscious effort to start doing this no matter how uncomfortable it makes me lol
I’m an autistic girlie and this is mind blowing to me. Thanks for the in-depth explanation
As a dude who grew up playing Halo, it sounds like her group of guy friends were just genuinely excited to have another person to play video games with, its cool you're still friends with at least one of them
When QT said "I wish I could be that girl in the bathroom that's like you look fkn fine" I felt that. Everything you said about female friendships is so relatable to me it's crazy.
Same :/
Interestingly, as a guy who has struggled with self-image for a long time, I have a mirror-image situation to QT and Maya. Maybe my sexual orientation as a gay person affected my social upbringing in some way, but talking to girls and reflecting their mannerisms just come really naturally to me, whereas I cannot say out loud the stuff that a guy might say, no matter how much I can think it in my head or envy the ability to act that way.
@@boxbird5723idk what there is of guy behaviour to envy lol. Like im straight but in the last years been to a lib. arts uni where there’s largely women, and lived in a house with 9 other women, and man its been one of the more stress-relieving environments. Toxic masculinity is so normalised and i fucking hate competition or constant inferiority-complex or insecurities lashed-out-as-masculine-anger sort of shit. I think its cuz my dad is typical of the toxic masculinity, he’s been incredibly insecure his whole life and taken it out on his family cuz he failed in achievements and has mommy/daddy issues and needs a superiority complex so makes my mom act the house-wife even if she’s the breadwinner. I don’t wanna minimise what you were saying but idk there’s few i envy about the sort of societal-norm of masculinity except that you have to abide by it to not get harassed and bullied. Like i’ve act perfectly straight but guys feel like they need to prove themselves on anything and everything cuz testosterone
this is legit a therapy podcast and i fuck with it. i actually dont have any female friends so getting to hear females talk about relationship with guys and seeing that maya and blair having completely different experiances is eye opening. you can kinda see why maya initial react to the dake situation in the last podcast was "oh of course he wants to do that, of course hes a guy and he want to sexualize me." because maya thought it was the default experiance for women. i just want to say thank you!!! you guys are really smart and emotionally aware. being able to dive into these topics with no notes and feed off each others ideas is how we live in a better world. thank you again.
QT's ability to bring Maya's mind to a screaming halt is S tier.
This episode is just a therapy session haha
I do think Maya should be careful with the statement "I've worked with autistic kids since 2009" because it SO common for women with autism (that don't have high support needs) to not get diagnosed until adulthood. So even if you work with or interact with a lot of autistic children, you might not recognise autism in adult women because they just don't get the same diagnosis at a young age. As an recently diagnosed ADHD girlie I've been more sensitive to the fact that our neurodiversities often get missed out because we don't present with the same symptoms as (often) male children. And IF QT is autistic, of course she wouldn't present the same as an autistic child because she's an adult woman and has had more life experience to manage her symptoms or mask them.
I'm also a recently diagnosed adult ADHD girlie, and I agree. I think a lot of what QT talks about lean towards neurodivergence. Her talking about how mayo gives her the heebie-jeebies reminded me of how I've always HATED the feeling of velvet. Even thinking about it makes me feel gross, and if I touch it I get goose bumps and feel nauseous. No reason, no trauma associated with velvet, just sensory sensitivity.
QT and Maya talking about how hard it is to make friends as a young adult has literally made me feel so validated ❤
I feel the same way. No one tells you how lonely it can be as adult, at least in my experience.
agreeeed
I’ll be y’all’s friend. I’m josh, nice to meet you!
fr making friends as an adult suckssss
QT saying through work mostly is real af, there's little to no other way to meet similar situation/age people otherwise post school days.
I find it interesting how they’re talking about not being like other women but they found each other, you gotta find women similar to you to build strong connections with.
The panties thing is definitely sexual harassment lol, imagine some man doing that to you now. As a girl watching this pod, I love these talks. It reminds me of talks you have with your female friends after you are grown up realizing all the fucked up shit you went through and never registered as not normal lmao (gr**ming, SA, sexism...). Is sad but we have all been there and is really reassuring to hear other girls' stories.
People are valid in feeling like the pod is depressing, but I hope they understand where that perspective comes from. Hearing them talk candidly about past situations and trauma from a female perspective is very cathartic for many, and I hope they don't stop just bc of a small group of people
yes this, hearing and having these discussions is so important and feels freeing to those who’ve never had anyone to talk to about this stuff
Regarding the autism spectrum:
I am an autistic woman and (god I don’t mean this parasocially) I’ve wondered for a long time if QT is autistic. It’s common for women to be diagnosed with 10 bajillion things (ocd, bipolar, borderline, add, adhd) and then come to find out all their symptoms were just signs of being on the autism spectrum, but because the diagnostics are so biased towards five year old boys, women, especially adult women, are diagnosed much less and also much differently.
A lot of what QT talks about being awkward and just social situations from her childhood I relate too, and in hindsight were signs that I was autistic. QT, if you’re wondering if you’re on the spectrum, my totally-professional-RUclips-comment-rando-opinion is that you should get it checked out by a psych or someone who deals in diagnosing those things. It can be expensive though so be aware of that.
Just stopping by to say I've googled it before because QT is so similar to me. I hope this feels validating to hear if you read this QT, because genuinely I think you are wonderful and smart and funny and you deserve to know and love yourself fully ❤
Came looking for this comment ♡
Yup yup to all of this! Like you, I don't feel comfortable claiming QT and Maya have a *specific* disorder, but a little "ding!" noise goes off in my head whenever one of them says something extremely neuro-divergent lmao.
"People always think I'm being rude when they meet me cause I'm so dry" Ding!
"I have trouble not just saying what I'm thinking" Ding!
"I feel fake when I take part in social rituals that other people seem to have no problem with" Ding ding ding!
I was wondering the exact same thing! It sounds like souch adhd and autism !
@Scott Crowther I think addressing what QT said is okay but Maya hasn't opened the door to that conversation. Respectfully, it might feel invasive to have specific things pointed out, sometimes people aren't ready.
QT: Samantha had a freaking horse. You don't have a freaking horse.
Maya: Yeah..
QT: You had a horse.
Maya: Yes, I had a horse.
QT: Bitch!
This is why I love this podcast.
😂
"Bro maybe i'm lucky or ugly idk which one" what an amazing quote 🤣
Whenever I feel bad about not being bubbly and effervescent I remind myself that all those murder shows start with someone who "lights up a room" and I instantly feel better lmao
My best advice for not getting murdered:
1. Don't be a free spirit
2. Don't ever under any circumstances light up a room.
@@demayrest858 what if I can't see when I enter a room
@@ev3635I'd rather be a murderer than be somebody that gets murdered, ya smell me
@@fettuccine723 I'd rather like to be neither of those
@@93runninggiraffes Right obviously Jesus fucking Christ that's ugh
Maya, you can totally gas up your girl friends. The way you spoke about how pretty Quarter Jade was during girl's trip was so nice.
qt telling ders he cant complain on positivity tuesday is hilarious😂
I am a woman on the spectrum and in the most kind, relatable, and genuine way, I do get spectrum vibes. Actually the average age of women being diagnosed is like 20 because women are taught to be more social and suppress stuff
Just wanted to say as a guy your pod has helped me understand and connect and be more chill with female peers better in my own life. Keep doing what you’re doing!
Same, like I have friends few and far apart....and seeing just two friends hanging out is nice to see. And it teaches people like me (someone who doesn't touch grass) what friendship can look like. I'm probably super cringe for that but yeah...
@@raecelestra hey, ain't nothing wrong with being human :)
Getting these weekly episodes really makes me realize how much i missed Wine About It!
same!
Life was so hollow without it 😢
I really hope qt gets health insurance that's actually really important and can be helpful for a hypochondriac even if insurance is annoying
Maya: doesn’t own a wine opener but has a rubber mallet on hand
For the groundhogs
@@christianmindgames 😂
You don’t have a rubber mallet on hand?
as a bi girl, i get feeling weird matching that energy of “stfu you are so hot” because growing up i was always extra respectful because i didn’t want to be “weird.” for instance in locker rooms i was always looking at girls’ hairlines so my eyesight would be as far away from their bodies as possible.
so for me to feel comfortable giving that energy was hard because i was scared to seem like i was hitting on them or something? idk
I feel that too, I get so worried that my comment will be perceived as genuinely sexual that I have a hard time hyping my friends up like they hype me up.
I feel a similar way towards my straight guy friends as a bi guy funnily enough. Oftentimes conversations with a bunch of guys gets to a point where everyone is jokingly hitting on each other (mostly bc men cannot give an earnest compliment to save their fucking life) and I'm worried that if I do it it won't be considered a joke. Interesting how we both have similar worries but they present themselves in different situations.
As a potentially bi/gay person, same!! oddly i feel more comfortable complimenting girls (respectfully ofcourse) because they know i mean it in a genuine way
with guys, im sure they like and appreciate the compliments too, especially since i live in a region where guys are not complimented much and complimenting each other can really improve our self-esteem, but a part of me feels weird for doing it, even when i know im not doing it in a sexual way at all
This is what I thought it was going with her reasoning/cause. But I was probably just projecting 💀
yeahh i understand what you mean. as a pan girl who often does that “stfu you are so hot” type energy to everyone, and i emphasize EVERYONE, i also feel kind of weird doing it. i once accidentally led on a lesbian and i still feel so bad about it
idk why people think this podcast is depressing. everything they say rings so true, they're like my inner thoughts.
I feel one of the most intimidating things as well, is that girls are usually in groups and when you try to reach out to new girls they involve you with the whole group which can be completely overwhelming
The level of genuine hype I felt when Maya got that cork out
i relate soooooo hard to qt when she said she wasn't prepped for life, it's so unfair and doing everything yourself is so exhausting . also i had to ask my older coworker how to get health insurance and I felt dumb but she was very nice about it. queen
Maya needs a Swiss Army Knife that has a corkscrew on it.
I'm normally a lurker, but right before QT brought up feeling like she might be on the autism spectrum, I was very close to commenting something like, "hear me out... we might be autistic giriles." I originally decided against it, buuuut since it was brought up... it might be very enlightening and maybe even comforting to look into autism in women. It's very VERY common for girls/women not to get diagnosed because we're socialized VERY well aka we're good at masking. Just a thought ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Also, I think QT is my go-to streamer/content creator because I find her very relatable and thats not very common for me.
Anywaaay, super glad wine about it is back!
You should have a ratings system for rating the wines, like 4 glasses out of 5 or something like that
Or like 3 dogs out of 4 🐕
A rating system, but every time its different (cause even tho its "Wine about it" the wine is secondary):
5/7 Coots
1/12 Glasses
6/8 Positivity-Tuesdays.
This podcast is so far from being about the whine
@@rmmgroot8526 It's very much about whine. Not really about wine though.
@@TheMomno 3 ders out of 4😼
Jesus, QT is speaking everything I think silently. I'm a guy and I relate soooo much to what she is saying. I wish I could make guy friends and just chill like you see groups of guys do. I get so jealous of people who are approachable because I am the antithesis of approachable
Agreed
As a self-proclaimed girl’s girl, this is such an interesting and foreign conversation to me. And I’m not even remotely girly. I don’t really get it, but I am starting to understand. I wish I could be a part of it to give an alternate perspective.
I have never had a single straight male friend who didn’t want to have sex with me and/or date me, which is precisely why I have never had a true male friend. I just.. love women. So much lmao
literally started throwing my hands in the air and jumping up and down at QT’s take on approaching people in friendships when something’s bothering you or shit talking when you’re upset. i have never felt so seen
every week maya’s desktop setup for the podcast looks better and better. she nailed the aesthetic, its amazing
Women are just so much more emotionally mature in my experience, so forming deep relationships is so much more rewarding. Totally true it’s EASIER to get in with dudes, but when you like REALLY need them, it’s hard to get deeper.
The part where Maya talks about how hard it is to find friends without an institution and how it's ok really hit the spot. We really need institutions for aldults that isn't just Church. Imagine a local Wine About It meetup.
This might just be my favorite episode of the podcast yet, I loved this so much and it means a lot to me to listen to them talk about these things
this podcast being by self-proclaimed dry girlies for other dry girlies is therapeutic. love u babes
Edit: wrote that at the beginning of the ep. I have now finished the ep. I relate so much to wanting a group of girl friends but feeling out of place among everyone?? I’ve always figured it’s because I’ve been really emotionally repressed in a lot of ways and I think I relate to guys more since societally they are too, maybe? Idk. I just really appreciate you guys talking about these issues because I relate to both of you guys and your experiences. This is not talked about often I feel like, or if it is, it’s so obviously based in misogyny. This was a cool ep!! Thanks y’all :,)
when they were talking abt extra emily i was reminded about the phrase “are you someone that takes energy in conversations or gives it?” and i think that encompasses the convo very well
Yeah, by defult I just listen, and people like me for that. That's a good starting point for a friendship because I'm making them feel heard. BUT when they are done talking, I still have nothing to say, or very little to say, and that's how I loose friends, I'm a frickin' NPC.
WITH ONE EXCEPTION!! There was this one friend where I was the one that gave energy into the conversation and my friend listened to me and both of us had balanced conversations that lasted for hours. But that friendship ended...I'm not sure why (1) my social anxiety part of my brain says its because I shared too much deep stuff and scared her away. (2) But it's probably because she's like 8 years older than me, she graduated college and started a family and covid happened, and she has a whole career; MEANWIHLE I'm still in college living at my childhood home and still having to ask my parents to go outside!
@@raecelestra I can sort of relate to you. I like to listen in conversations too and share when I feel like it, but with every person it's different. With some people I'm not interested in them or the conversation (or they talk too much lol) I just continue listening. With others, I am genuinely interested in the conversation and they are interested in what I have to say too so it's more like 50/50. But I think with most people I like to listen more than talk, that's just how I am! Also In groups especially, I felt socially anxious to share something personal because I was afraid of being judged but then I just started blurting things out without really thinking and that kind of helped lol. Also conversations are 2 ways, sometimes the other person isn't reciprocating.
@@shibaqwerty yeah being afraid of being judged holds a lot of people back. But I guess the way to get around that is to be okay with all those negative feelings and move on. If people stick around that's a plus but if people are there for a little bit then fade away, then...they do, just accept it and move on...
It feels like throwing glitter at a wall with glue on it, and whatever sticks, sticks and whatever doesn't, don't get down about it :) it's just hard to go out and throw glitter haha but the more you throw the more it will stick
(28 M) Struggling with mental health issues myself and hearing QT talk about her anxiety and how she doesn't know where to start cuz she doesn't wanna feel dumb is so relatable to me it's scary. Last podcast hearing Maya talk about how her therapist said going from grief to anger is part of the process is very enlightening. So yall's story, yall's podcast is helping some of us and is appreciated. Started therapy yesterday, so I'm taking steps to heal. I didn't watch or hear yalls podcast before my mental breakdown about a week ago, and this podcast just came back and has helped me so much recently, so thank you.
I cant describe how relatable the topics with regard to friendships were. You guys broke it down so accurately, even with new insight I hadn't considered before, and looking at the rest of the comments a lot of people have had similar experiences. It genuinely affects many people's (specifically women's) lives and its comforting to see it be discussed like this.
Love the way Maya opened that wine
My week has been really shitty but this is helping me get through it, small things like this and fear& are a godsend atm
(this is a message to, hopefully, make u smile)
u got this dude! I bet ur probably a rlly easy person to get on with, u definitely have a nice smile and laugh and I bet you brighten the room just because ur presence is so comforting..
*showers u in joy and warmth* lol
I hope u find bright, funny, interesting little things everyday
- an internet stranger :)
@@Ruby-gr7vj ❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much, this is a wonderful comment
Hearing you guys talk about female friendships is soooooo validating, I've always struggled with understanding that shit and it's nice to know im not alone lmao
As an autistic person I relate to QT's bluntnes alot
dude i got into wine about it when it was on break, i was so happy to find out it was coming back, getting it every week has been such a treat
i have heard qt talk about a lot of things that are symptoms of autism, being neurodivergent as well (adhd) and having friends on the spectrum, i get the feeling she is on it as well. also, having people on your family on it makes you more likely be as well. so yeah, i don’t think she’s super wrong in thinking that and i would get evaluated if i were her, because knowing you have autism can be super helpful in therapy, for looking at symptoms with different lenses, and therefore being better suited to deal with them.
edit: ALSO!!! girls are WAY harder to diagnose, they are generally better at masking
edit 2: found out i’m autistic too lmao, was NOT expecting that
came here to say this!!
i remember at a party in college i felt SO cool bc we all got together to drink wine but no one brought a bottle opener… i opened it with a lighter and a knife i think? it was a genuine everybody clapped moment, truly peaked at that exact moment in time, it’s all been downhill from there
ok but fr i resonate w maya bc i’ve had such a hard time making female friends but an easy time with making guy friends but i think reflecting on it it does come down to knowing guys end up liking you so they will pursue a friendship more bc they want something out of it but women will be friends just to be friends so it requires more reaching out which i’m awful at (i’m that person that reaches out after 6months and expects things to pick right back up) (but maybe it’s because that’s how easy it is with guys.. bc they have that ulterior motive?) just thoughts and also with the girl compliment brain i literally tried to do this with a friend the other day and the other girl with us said “wow that sounded sarcastic lol” like… man i’m so bad at being a girl’s girl and it’s so embarrassing to even say that
@@kayladavidson2518 that’s so wild to me because most of my closest friendships have been girls but maybe it’s due to the fact that I usually make friends one on one and then i’ll introduce them to one another
I love this "podcast" so much. It's the only thing keeping me sane, and knowing I'm not the only person going through some serious stuff IRL. When you guys took a break, I think I re-watched every single one of your episodes at least 10x each episode.
Ok the sheer excitement and amazement from QT when Maya started twisting it out. This is positivity.
Wine about it is incredible. You two get so deep into airing out embarrassing shit, being vulnerable and its just therapeutic like this is so good and so refreshing thank you
This is one of my favorite podcasts. They're so chill but also hilarious at the same time
I would unironically love to see Qt and/or Maya on The Yard.
Autistic person here, LEGIT I THOUGHT QT WAS AUTISTIC AND WHEN YOU MENTIONED THE SAUCES. Autism is usually misdiagnosed and misunderstood in women CONSTANTLY and i would not be shocked at all if you were, especially hearing all your stories about how different you felt from other woman and liking how straight forward men are and how straightforward and blunt you are.
Yeah, Maya saying she didn’t have other autistic traits after they’d just been talking about not understanding indirect communication was kinda funny in a way. Plus QT has a somewhat flat affect in all her content. I think a lot of twitch and RUclips creators are neurodivergent in some way. Usually ADHD, autism, or both. Often just drawn to that sort of field. I’m not saying QT is autistic, but as an autistic woman I’d not be surprised if she was. Especially if she’s got that family history too since it’s somewhat genetic.
I, as an autistic woman, have learned women use more indirect communication to maintain plausible deniability (and thus avoid being perceived as rude or mean). So if someone asks you how you think they look in a top, rather than saying someone looks bad you’d say what you think would look “even better”. You’ve not said it looks bad, so maintained plausible deniability, but you also basically said it looks bad by redirecting to something better.
I started typing this before QT started talking about how she thinks she’s autistic and Maya disagreed because she doesn’t have other symptoms. They’ve literally been talking about their issues with social skills and preference for direct/blunt communication. Then QT mentions her family has a lot of autistic people (autism is often genetic). And you guys keep complaining about the hyperbolic support from other women feeling unnatural to you. QT also has a somewhat flat affect, at least in her content. I’m not saying QT is autistic, and she could still lack enough traits to qualify for formal diagnosis, but QT definitely has more autistic traits than just food sensitivity. She’s also got dyslexia and experience with other conditions commonly comorbid in autistic girls.
I agree with advice about inviting people to things. If nobody is inviting you to things sometimes you need to be proactive. It makes me anxious, but you have to make social risks to form relationships. I also learned to be more proactive in actual conversations. I used to be so focused on saying the appropriate responses that I’d not be more proactive in progressing the conversation or expressing curiosity.
New ep, so excited to watch. Love to listen to their anecdotes, especially as a woman watching twitch, it's sad to see the ongoing treatment of female streamers compared to male streamers. But I'm glad I found qt and mayo
hearing qt's and maya's side of the "female vs male friendships" thing is really weird to me. cause i've alwayss been a girls girl. all my friends from ever since kindergarden have been women, i've never had a guy bestfriend.. so its so weird to me to see women saying that its hard for them to have deep emotional bonds with other women. guess thats what wine about is about!!! wine about it saves lives ^_^
but im also gay so maybe men just hate me because of that
@@percanroot lol
As a girl who has a massive majority of girlfriends, it’s mostly finding someone that has the same wavelength as you.
Every person has different aspects of their personality- one friend of mine is a worried person and always wonders if people like her and she has anxiety and what not. In that aspect we relate and talk directly about how much we like being in each others company while being worried that the other doesn’t like us.
Another friend of mine is very confident and outgoing, yet introverted and nerdy. They have a lot of hobbies and references I don’t understand, but I come with an open mind of learning their hobbies and them learning some of mine.
Some I’ve met at work, some at school, some on dating apps that just ended up as friendships, some at activities I signed up for and some while taking the same walk in the street.
I believe that a lot of people especially woman are looking for friendship, you just have to be active, understand the person in front of you and act accordingly (I won’t force my introverted friend to go hang out in bars or clubs, I won’t make dark humour jokes with my sensitive friend etc)- it’s being sensitive and acting in according to the person in front of you, only a select group of people you’ll feel truly you, and that okay as well, but you have to find those people. It won’t happen right away, and sometimes it’s nice to have friends only in certain situations.
Tldr: be considerate and active, get bitc- ahem, friends.
I'm a guy and it's INSANE how relatable I feel to QT when it comes to friendships. This topic made me realize, I'm the QT Canderilla of my 'friends' group. I'm always the one to come up with plans or "events" yet when they plan something themselves I'm always the one left out. I think QT and Maya say it's not their friends' fault to be respectful and because they're probably co-workers, but I wish they realize that it is their friends fault. I don't know the full picture obviously but it's definitely not QT's fault that she's always left out when we all know how she brings people together and put together the best events. You shouldn't be a dancing monkey in order for your friends to like you, and if they do, their not your friends.
Edit: as I'm writing this I hear QT saying she started a book club and my jaw hit the floor cause I'm literally in the process of starting my own club LMFAO!
As someone who's autistic and has a lot of autistic friends, I kinda agree with QT that she's most likely on the spectrum. Not even just the sauce thing, which I have that issue too, but watching her for a while there's some very clear autistic traits
yo I had a very similar experience to Maya when I first started being friends with guys. I was like "oh wow, we're such good friends" and then at some point they'd drop the bomb. It made me super hesitant making friends with guys, and made me a lot more distant in those friendships.
As a late diagnosed autistic woman, I have thought that both of you are probably undiagnosed autistic people after I watched enough of your content to see the signs. Y'all probably aren't going to see this, but it's been driving me mad because I think it's so important to understand yourself and know if you're autistic because a lot of things start making SO MUCH more sense and I wished I could somehow tell you guys to at least check it out for yourselves and see if it helps you.
Also, the ENTIRE conversation about why you don't get along with girls as much screams missing social cues, prefering literal and direct communication, and the thing with not being able to be "bubbley" makes sense because at least from your content, you both have flatter affects which is all VERY COMMON in autistic people. Brooke and Blaire's food issues defiintely sounds like sensory issues with food, which is very common as well. In the last Wine About It QT also described becoming "obsessed" with certain things and just deep diving and learning everything about it (Playboy Mansion books) which is very stereotypical special interest/hyper focus, which is also a symptom of autism, and because you're a girl that has more "stereotypical" girl interests, that was likely missed because doctors are absolutely biased towards boys and boy interests because that's where most of the research is. Hypochondria is more common in autistic people because we can be hyper aware of our own bodies and very subtle changes. Also the thing with struggling with too much information at once (taxes and health insurance) is very common for autistic people because we tend to "bottom-up" process, or focus on details first before we can feel like we have an overall understanding (neurotypical people tend to do top-down processing), and both of those systems are designed to be confusing and overwhelming as is.
Especially if you have anyone in your family that's already diagnosed, PLEASE pursue a diagnosis if you think there's a chance. I recommend looking for the work of autistic advocates that talk about their own experiences because Psychology is a mess with it's "outsider" perspective of autism making it very hard for autistic people to relate to the ways it's described in medicine. There's more I could say, but I've already written an essay. It helped me so much to have that understanding of myself and it's helped me take care of myself so much better.
ALSO, the streamer community is neurodiverse AF, between all the ADHD and other things, and neurodiverse people tend to just get along better with each other.
"Maybe I'm just lucky or ugly"😭😭 i love qt
this episode is relatable, love how genuine this episode was :)))
yeah its genuine, not depressing :)
this episode made me cry and not because its depressing (i don't find it depressing) i just resonate with alot of what you guys said about why you can't find girl friends, i am confrontational but i can't be unless they start first, a friend once asked me once about her insta pic if it was bad and told her yes the angle is weird and she got mad and told me why i didn't told her sooner and to her it looked good and that made feel so horrible, i suck with complements, i find it hard to tell my friends that her new earings looks good on her or that color suits them or their make looks great that day, all i could say you're looking really cute today, i've gotten better over the years but i still suck at them and still feel weird saying them
Maya you’re def not a narcissist by the way. Every gal friend in my circle all have the same experience as you regarding to guy friends
"I wish I was more bubbly" -Maya
I think it's very common for people to dislike something about themselves that other people really like. It's absolutely okay to want to change yourself in some way, but don't get so focused on the negative that you forget that people love you the way you are.
just made my day so much better
sensory issues are a HUGE trait of autism and as someone dating an autistic person, who also suspects I am, I have thought QT might have autism.
Also QT not dressing up is relatable. the depression is real, I wish too but I hope you know you make us mentally ill girls feel less alone and less shitty
this episode is so insane to me HAHA. maybe this is a cultural difference (UK) but a bunch of my friends are super dry and blunt like qt and maya are, and a lot of the stuff that their girl "friends" seem to get upset with them about is mainly treated like banter for my friend group. the idea that you have to act different to be better friends with a girl is just insane and almost gender discrimination hahaha. i suppose you just have to get lucky with this but im sure qt and maya can do it cus they're both great people
omg yes, I actually love girls with the energy that maya and qt have, definitely a cultural thing (UK too). There's beauty in both kinds of personalities
I wonder if it's a cultural thing as well that in America people have this front on a facade they feel they need to put on, and in the UK people are more direct/honest.
QT and Maya are just huns in America
omgggg same! i also couldn't understand what they are talking about and i agree with you that acting different with different genders is strange
i'm from eastern europe though, not uk
and also umm... just find people who are similar to you? like i'm not really 'feminine' and i also feel like i don't fit in with many groups of girls, but i also wouldn't fit in with many guys, so it's not a gender issue, just look for people with shared interests and personality traits
(Boosting cause relatable as fellow brit) !!
Man I needed to hear this! It’s nice hearing that other women feel the same way I do. Whenever I see other women they always look flawless and put together and are good at makeup and putting outfits together and I have never ever felt that way about myself. And not even because I was trying to fit in with the guys, just no one ever taught me but other women seem to do these things so effortlessly. Love the podcast so much ❤ thank you both so much
I can't get into most podcasts I've tried, but I keep reflexively clicking on the new wine about it ep, so I think you've got me hooked. Also thanks for giving me the vocab to articulate how I've felt my entire life regarding female friendships. Even going to an all girls primary school and despising the majority of the guys at my high school, I never was able to make strong lasting female friendships.
I get qt so much because the ' people not telling you when something you did bothered them' thing genuinely hurts me so much. I have abandonment issues and get way too attached to friends. so when I get dropped for something I don't even know about it hurts. Thank you for sharing because I feel so seen and it made me realize why I'm scared of being close friends with women. I can quickly develop a very deep friendship with anyone, but especially women, but after all my negative experiences I'm just scared. I love this podcast so much and I think talking about the negatives is good sometimes. It helps me feel more human to see other people online. Also dealing with life being shitty not just perfect and fun. Love y'all so much 💕💕💕💕
For the record, all the 'negative conversations' help me feel less alone in my own struggles and I'm sure a lot of your fans feel that way.
omg we are the same 50:32 this girl I was friends with would say such things a lot and ily and stuff and I could just never say any of it I wish I could but it feels internally disgusting
Regarding the harrassment situation Maya brought up - asking what color her underwear is and talking with her other friends about it is sexual harrassment. Forcably pulling her clothing away to look at her body is assault.
This episode inspired me to start journaling again. Because my childhood trauma came knocking, I also had a guys only group of friends that weren’t into me but girls were mean. Once in high school, someone asked my closest guy friend if he was gonna ask me out to prom and he said “hell no!!” This took place while I was standing right there with them.
I legit paused to grab my journal. The most relatable episode yet.
Not depressing enough! More sad anecdotes please!
That wine opening sequence was super intense, happy it worked out
"maybe i'm just lucky or ugly, i don't know which one"
I also cannot do certain foods because of texture, I always love to hear other people having the same struggles as me, extremely comforting
mayas situation with male friends is so so common, QT is suprisingly lucky to have genuine male friends coz most men would fuck a plant if they were horny enough, being around a girl no matte appearance they always 'develop feelings', its such a common issue that most girls feel like its impossible to truly have male friends and its a constant betrayal over and over and over again, its the reason for ' the friendzone' and the idea that women cant have male friends coz they all secretly want her, kinda based in reality coz men cant see women as people only objects of desire. Its actually very surprising to me that QT has not experienced this but i also think its possible she has but she is oblivious and just took it as normal or a joke or something since a lot of young girl are convinced to feel this way about it and i felt like that for a while too. i feel llike its almost a right of passage to have one super big friendship breakup with a girl thats traumatic and messy, and super common to have those messy friendships in general, i think with QT tho she kinda made the decision to not be friends with women at all because of these friendships coz of the generalisation that ' all female friendships are messy/dramatic etc' and i do lowkey think its coz of internalised misogyny and conditioning to think friendships between women are some catty gossipy stereotype when really like its just a few women that are immature and mean. i think girls girls acknowledge that these stereotypes and misogyny contribute towards their issues and have learned that women arent these one dimensional catty characters, and most are in the same cycle of betrayal and being pitted against each other by men and the patriarcby, i think thats the first step to being a girls girl, i feel QT is pretty influenced by this stuff which is why she gravitates towards men and finds it hard to make friendship with women, But i do think she has a pretty good understanding of this stuff, its just she tends to be in friendships with women who arent girls girls which prevents her from being a girls girl, i think thats shes just lacking other girls girls around her to really help subside a little bit of the overgeneralisations and give her a little more trust in other women.Also think maya is super right about why she gravitates towards men, and feeling women have no reason to like her at all if they arent romantically/sexually attracted to her, a lot of women are conditiond to thinking their only worth to other ppl is being attractive and from the little ive seen of her this seems to be a common theme in her troubles. Im a trans man so i have grown up with these same experiences and im pretty into feminist theory and stuff, i feel like i have some okay insight on this kinda thing and i honestly love to discuss the social and individual effects of the patriarchy in ways like this coz i think it often gets brushed over and ignore for the bigger issues but i think that its all connecte and just fixing the systematic issues will not fix the deeply rooted socialisation which is the root of the issues imo. i love this podcast (the few episodes ive seen) as it really gets me thinking bout this subject that im passionate about. I really relate to being confrontational, socially anxious, bad at expressing love/feelings, and come off intimidating for no reason, it sucks so much but its definitely possible to make women friends while being like this. i feel like it all just about understanding others a bit more intimately. if someone somehow read this whole rant you must be super dedicated my god.
brian david gilberts video about the health insurance terminology is amazing and explains so many of the different random words
It's very relatable that QT's experience with guy friends is how I've always experienced having guy friends, BUT I haven't had issues becoming friends with girls. It's actually fairly easy to become friends with them from my experience 😅
i just wanna say that i love the vibe of the show. y'all just are open about your emotions and we desperately need more of that not less
watching maya open that wine bottle is the most impressive thing ive ever seen
QT if you relate to autism-whether or not you have it-you can still implement autism-specific/adjacent therapies in your life to see if they help you personally. there's no harm in trying new things to regulate your emotions/help you sleep/navigate relationships/etc.
i definitely think you should look into how autism presents in women/young girls specifically if you're questioning it for real-there is some gender overlap, but girls are better at "hiding" for whatever reason.
also, autism in adults, especially adult women, presents differently and there is some evidence that autism runs in the family, so even if you're wrong, you're not being far-fetched
Someone for the love of all that is good in the world help QT get health insurance.
This is one of my favourite wine about it episodes ever. I literally watch this podcast and wish I had close female friendships like them ever time. To hear their struggles is my goddamn representation and makes me feel like I'm not a wildly lost cause just cause making friends is as hard as it is. Also all that girly talk that Maya was talking about struggling with is 100% just practice that they hadn't gotten the chance to develop slowly with only male friendships. Maybe they didn't answer the viewers question but I can guarantee this still helped :)))
my favorite part was watching mayas journey to open her wine and then QT using her electronic thingy
1:13:18 this is the exact same way i make friends at college, also asking questions about them, people love to talk about themselves😭 find common interests
As an autistic person with a lot of the same life experiences, I empathize so deeply with these 2 women. I absolutely recommend looking into getting an evaluation! Worst case scenario you just find out you don't have X, Y, or Z, and that's still valuable information. Best case scenario, you discover some explanations for why your experience is the way it is. I only just got evaluated this month and I'm in my late 20s. I wish so much that I could have had this information when I was a kid or a teenager. Still, it's never too late for self-discovery. A lot of people say labels aren't important and only put you in boxes, but a diagnosis like this is truly life changing for the better. I'm able to understand myself much more now, and I can make changes in my life around that new understanding to really improve my quality of life.
Watching this after already seeing it on patreon, this is a real high point of my weeks now. Love hearing you two go back and forth on all these things. Also just wanna say as to the "depressing" comments, it's honestly so refreshing that you two can talk so openly and honestly about good and bad things that happen in your life. It's genuinely helped me be a bit more open and honest with some of my friends which is something I struggled to do before listening to these episodes.
Keep it up ladies I wish you all the success.
about qt mentioning that she thinks she could be autistic, as someone who probably definitely has it (i think if you know you know, it's kinda obvious once you think about it) and is being assessed for a diagnosis soon, i lowkey recognise some traits in her (not to sound parasocial lmao) it actually made me so happy when she said that bc usually people shut down the possibility of having it bc of stigma or internalised ableism (hasan after he took an online asd test.... i recognise traits in him too lmao, i have also only just recently began to actually accept it in myself too) or just dont talk about it at all if they have it. i think it'd be good for qt to get assessed, and i'd love to hear more about her experiences !!! if she's comfortable talking more about it of course !
irl, neurodivergent people are drawn to other nd people/they just get along so much easier and quicker (sometimes without knowing, if they aren't diagnosed etc) and i think for me it crosses over into which streamers i'm most drawn to watching too, like with qt it's just a very cozy vibe, like she gets it, and i can relate to a lot of what she talks about too with mental health stuff. anyway i hope this isn't taken the wrong way 😭 i just had to write this before i kept watching and forgot, let me go finish it now 😭 💓💓
I’m so pumped that you guys did this topic because I’ve recently realized that I don’t have any female friends that I don’t resent. I was super envious when I watched you guys. That being said I really love the perspective you guys gave this episode. It’s so relatable!
QT being very body dysmorphic in the first 2 minutes is soooo me omg
As a girl's girl I think the root of female friendships is a certain shared vulnerability. The only time I've struggled connecting with other women is if they are really closed off and don't seem to reciprocate the vulnerability I try to share. --I don't mean like spilling your guts out to each other immediately, but being able to be authentic or weird or silly or whatever way shows a certain level of comfortability around each other? I don't know if I'm making sense, but I think maybe compliments are a gate-way into that. I also only have sisters, and my mom was a definite matriarch so maybe I just feel more comfortable around women as well..
And Maya, I also share the experience of close guy friends eventually admitting having feelings for me. It sort of pushed me away from making guy friends because I also started feeling like that's the only reason they would be my friend in the first place.
Maya, help QT get health insurance!