Thank you, Anna. I’m 56 years old and for the FIRST, first time in my life YOU, a stranger to me, have validated me. You have validated me. I feel relief, sadness, empowerment, hope, understanding, compassion and more words that I can’t even think of now. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.
I also am 56! And I also have struggled with underearning my entire life- and still do. I am ready to earn what I need to earn to THRIVE- at the moment, I don't earn enough to even survive so each month is a struggle to just pay bills and I have credit card debt too since I had to live on those for a time. Thanks for all you do Anna and Thanks to PollyJo too- because sometimes I feel like I am "too old" to heal!
Reading your beautiful, well written reply to this video, expressed my feelings and internal battle and thoughts absolutely perfectly. OMG, there are others out there who feel these feelings too, who have gained strength, right this very moment, after watching this video. I, too, have this sudden burst of hope that I could possibly turn things around in my life, building a better existence for myself & my boys. I've NEVER, EVER, EVER found ANYONE out there who's talked to this detailed level about this topic. I've always felt alone, unable to understand WHY I have such fear of failure and why I always underestimate, under-earn and think im not worthy of great things, but everyone else is. I've taken jobs where, subconsciously, I can perform under my potential and make little, but I feel safe. The safety is directly related to my fear of failure. I'm so fearful of having too many "overwhelming/stressful" responsibilities in any higher paying position, that I could potentially fail at, that I downplay myself and never challenge myself and never step into the unknown, in order to earn better. So rarely validated in my life, always questioned & challenged about any of the choices and decisions I've made, told I've made mistakes and made to feel badly, has absolutely stunted and scarred me. I'm 55 now, and here I am ... living & navigating as a wounded, invalidated and dumbed down little girl. That IS about to change. Thank you Anna, from the bottom of my heart.
At 45, I spent all my money to became a massage therapist. I found I was really good at it in school, so I decided to make enough to just do that. At 73, I’m still full time but take a week’s vacation every 5 weeks with two interns. I’m out of debt and live alone. It was tough in the beginning. I lived in a tiny apartment and got rid of 70% of my stuff, but focus really helped. I just never wanted to work FOR anyone ever again, so I took the responsibility to sacrifice to get where I am. I never thought when I was 45 that I could be this successful. Trusting in myself really helped. All of Anna’s advice is amazing! All the stuff that I learned, I learned the hard way. She’s a great guide and she truly knows what she’s talking about. Good luck.
I understand your comment on such a deep level. The irony is not lost that your handle is "Worthy" - because you are. May you find that unwavering internal voice that champions you to every single day. We win when the inside voice is stronger than the outside voices.
I want to share something. I was living in a not-so-great-area. I started doing deliveries in a nicer area. I managed to move to that area within a year. Put yourself in intended environments. Eventually they will become your new normal. Thank you for this video ☀️
I haven’t been paid what I’m worth because I never thought I was worth anything. Also, growing up poor meant nobody taught me financial literacy. 48 and finally learning now.
Similar story, I started learning literacy in my mid thirties, but I felt I was not worth any money, I just understood the system. The emotionally barrier still needs to go away.
I came from a family with money. I was so called illegitimate, so from the get go I was "less than". My son doesn't speak to me because he feels I didn't try harder. This has relieved me of that burden. At 64, Thank you so much for this. 😢
I was in an interview for a part time, non-benefit job. The age-old question of “Where do you want to be in five years“ came up. I told them that I would like to be a full time benefited employee by that time were I to stay. I was told that was a possibility and I accepted their offer. Not only did I stay for five years, I was only making a few bucks more than I was when I began. I should have only been there a year, tops. I basically kept waiting for things to get “better”. Never happened. I saw people zoom by me, raises, promotions. I elevated my boss and everyone above me. I helped THEM succeed and no one helped me. A coworker was in a similar boat and he left, he rooted for me, he encouraged me to go. I finally left not long after! I will never, ever do that again.
I'm in a similar boat. My employment history certainly mirrors the toxic environments and relationships I've already left. I'm settling for a comfort zone, but also at nearly 60, I haven't the health or energy to do more physically taxing work or work a full 40 hours a week. I'm scraping by, and emergencies have brought me debt. So here I am. However, the opportunities for a woman my age, in the area I live in, are very few, and what there are, are just like the job I'm in now, anyway. I'm tired, physically, but am also tired emotionally and mentally. I just feel like staying in this uncomfy comfort zone. It feels a little bit like giving up. I'm creative, but previous attempts at working for myself with my creative skills and talents all fell short, so I've given up that idea. I'm considering giving plasma regularly, to pad my income. But again, rural area, and a 40 minute drive each way to the clinic. Might not be worth the gas spent to get there. I blame no one but myself. I chose the divorce-- and even in my marriage, I stayed too long in that waiting for change. I'm happy for my freedom, I have more time to work on myself and heal, and I'm relieved to be rid of the old toxicity I'd lived in most of my life. I just wish I knew how to improve my income. I've already cut back all I can. I live basic, since the divorce; there isn't much else I can cut out. 🤷🏼♀️ I just keep on going, knowing that change for the better is just around the corner. I just hope I'm paying attention when it appears.
@@phoenixmode6909 I really encourage you to try again with your creative skills and talents. Sometimes timing is everything. Please don't give up! You're still young enough to make a change, like Anna did. I'm rooting for you!
I was in my bed last night and I became incensed that I had given away my work, was undercharging, and literally leaking money since starting my small business. I prayed and vowed to myself to change. Then I came on here and this came up. Thank you!
Yup that’s me. I was in a job 6 years, same job, same seat, had so many different co workers come and go around me… while I sat in my little soul crushing cubicle, doing a ton of work for practically nothing. Never felt I was worthy of anything better. It wasn’t until I started meditating daily and telling myself I’m worthy. That’s when I applied for a different position and actually got the job. Self talk is important. It’ll make or break you.
Do you have any tips on how to feel less silly with positive talk or did you just lean into it until you believed it yourself because these affirmations make me feel awful lol
@@bell5338 that’s a great question! I know exactly what you’re referring to feeling silly with positive talk. I felt RIDICULOUS at first. I’m like ew I can’t believe I just said “I’m worth it” lol Sounded so fake, so rehearsed, not genuine at all. But, over time I started to believe it. This goes for many other affirmations such as “I’m confident” “I’m worthy of love” etc etc.. If you say it enough when you’re in a good mental space, when your energy is calm and clear, your subconscious will listen and believe you. Also, keep this in mind.. if you don’t say all those wonderful things about yourself, then who will? You have to flip the script and start telling yourself beautiful wonderful things and the reason it feels silly and fake is because we don’t tell ourselves enough of the good things, and that’s so sad to me. So basically, fake it till you make it. It’ll feel silly at first but you must also believe what you’re saying. If you don’t believe it to be true right now, then you have to believe you will feel that way over time. Give it a month, say your affirmations daily, do the super uncomfortable thing and look yourself in the mirror and either think those things or say them out loud. Do it until it’s no longer uncomfortable. It’s only uncomfortable because we don’t say or think or believe good things about ourselves. Make your brain believe you ♥️♥️
This is absolutely me. I'm 57, a PhD graduate and twice-published novelist, with international translations of my work, however due to the fragility of my mental health I'm only able to work part-time as a courier driver on a minimum wage. Thanks to extreme frugality I've been able to get a mortgage for a tiny house (on foundations), but money remains extremely tight.
May we all know our value and our worth in our Creator's eyes and believe it! I am 57 years old and struggling - feel insecure sometimes, very hopeful most of the time thankfully. But shame also about my "situation" . this is where we are at least we see it now, I believe it's the beginning of letting it go-all that which no longer serves us. First there is the recognition it's like hoping an old cupboard and seeing the trap that's in there that's got to go.
It's interesting how mental illness is treated in the West. In some cultures, they are not shunned. It is treated as a blip or even a gift, and they're guided by a mentor, priest or elder to make sense of their mental state and work with it. As they accept who they are, this becomes a strength instead. I just marvel at that. I believe in science, but when it comes to humanity, sometimes I think we got it all wrong.
This topic should go mainstream as I have struggled with this most of my life and still do. As a creative, it is significantly more challenging as we are highly empathic people. People pleasing and boundaries around that is SO HARD. Thank you, Anna. I'm so grateful for your videos. 💕
I earned $80k in a year. I earned it to escape my trauma and only found more. I started my own business and brought home $16k this year since May. I've never been happier.
I also think this is a good path for many people. It's one thing to deal with a customer directly. It's a whole other can of worms to work for someone else skimming a profit off of the work you do for customers. The latter are prone to be abusive to you for nothing but their own benefit.
I didn't really have a problem working for someone. What I had a problem with was the bosses having no accountability, coming to work drunk, blame shifting, etc. They just weren't good people.
“A head full of hippie ideas“ describes all my twenties. I’m in my 30’s now and working on earning more money instead of being desperate to find my worth in being a good person within a job. Love your videos!!!!
I’m in my 30s too. I stayed in a crappy job from 2011-2014 because it was literally the only place that offered me a job after sending out 100s of applications. The job market was so bad then.
Yes! Kids who grow up poor and in dysfunctional families do not learn financial literacy or how to advocate for themselves. I had to learn everything myself. This video is so helpful. Lots of stuff on RUclips on how to ask for a raise. I studied it like a scholar.
A great channel for learning how to “be the CEO of your own career” is called A Life After Layoff. Very helpful for people who struggle to advance and earn well in the workplace. It also teaches you how to avoid toxic employers and workplaces.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥💪💥🏋️♀️
I am a chronic under earner. For me, the core problem is this deep sense of dread and shame around being seen and evaluated for my work and effort. Much safer to hang out in low paying, low stakes work.
I believe you can fix this. I work with many people in a restaurant, the young ones are mostly in college and will graduate and go on to another job. The older ones have a variety of reasons for the job. Servers- make good money. The plot of my story is that about half the servers suck, the other half are OK. Both groups make money, you can make money and go on to live your dreams. Good luck. You might have the same problems as me, that first step, believing in yourself, and staying a course.
I quit a job on the second day that I was perfectly qualified for and paid really well thinking I didn't and couldn't do it. It was too above me. I wasn't the kind of person that deserved a position like that. Time and time again I've chosen small jobs over big jobs due to fear and to feeling undeserving. I'm finally in a good financial position earning something I definitely deserve and hope to move up and continue my ladder but I still struggle with this. This is real!
Hi Bianca and thanks, Anna. I was just offered the highest paying, best benefited, coolest work group, and I was immediately depressed and obsessed with how
20 years ago I walked away from a seven figure job for this same reason and now I'm making 20k a year. I hate myself for not having the confidence to stay more than a week.
The Lord Jesus showed me my trauma was inviting people to short change me for. My work through the victim spirit sitting on my shoulder who invites the predators ... People who never give others their income due.... Always bargaining... That was 5 years ago. Now I pray before I quote and don't accept anyone who won't pay the quoted amount. Haven't been happier with getting work and haven't felt cheated ever since.... Praise the lord Jesus 🙌🙌
I totally feel the pain of undertreatment due to childhood trauma. After changing my jobs in row, i finally realized childhood trauma is FOR REAL. No matter how many jobs I changed, I keep attracting similar group of toxic people constantly mess with my peace and confidence. People pleasing, crapfit you name it, I'm losing myself more and more, just for me to stay and earn a minimum wage. Thank you Anna for your video reminding me it's time to focus on my self healing journey!
I REALLY needed this. The problems in my life go deeper than just under-earning, but thanks to you, Anna, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Bad marriage, self-sabotage, and 30+ years of being in constant fight-or-flight due to said marriage, and more. Going to listen to this again and take notes. Thank you. ❤❤❤
My journey is very close to yours. Only recently sober after drinking(medicating) since my teens, 50s now. I'm on track, healing at a rapid pace but I started building up ro it around 30. Self value and kindness my number one priority now. 👍
Me too hunny. I have been holding resentments and making excuses and living in the trauma (despite doing ALOT of work on myself) and I needed it to. We can make change as of right now, love you
I’ve been in an awful loop with all this for so long. The shaming of it and the dependency on those who don’t have my best interests at heart has been damaging to my confidence and so it has gone round and round. I pray for a breakthrough with this.
You can breakthrough. Positive thoughts generate chemicals that induce feelings of well-being, while negative thoughts trigger the production of chemicals that align with our prevailing mindset, shaping our emotional experience accordingly.
At the age 49, through this video, I learned my underearning was related to my traumatic childhood. Thank you Anna for I might have a couple of ten years to earn fairly.
This subject is what keeps me awake at night. I get very bitter at people not appreciating my worth. I try and fail and believe i self sabotage any progress I make trying new things. I do a lot of free labor because of worthless feelings.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
I feel that I'm a very hard worker, but not getting what I deserve. I often times feel like I'm inferior to my peers, because they keep on getting promotions and live better lifestyles than me. I'm 41, and most of my peers that I graduated with are in management positions. They're married, have kids and have homes. I'm still living a basic bachelor life and living basically paycheck-paycheck. I'm thankful to have a job in this economy, but wish that I could be in a position where I'm valued for my experience and would be compensated fairly for it. Childhood and school wasn't nurturing, but rather tough and critical. These are good factors in why I lack confidence in a lot of areas, and self sabotage myself at times. I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I feel relieved that there are people like me, and that there are people who are understanding.
I hear you and relate! For me I think also was the attitude towards work and money that I was raised around: work more and harder was the answer to nearly everything ( nothing about earning your worth or what your worth is and becomes) = “poor”
@@Seajunkie Seriously! I'll continue to work hard, but there are so many other factors into why people get promotions. Personality is a big part of it. Confidence and trustworthiness are highly sought after attributes.
@sachinmistry1 you have to learn to be a suck up. Find ways to bond and relate to your boss and run with it. Unfortunately most promotions happen because of preference of some form.
@@Bucephalus84 That is true! A lot of people that I’ve seen promotions do suck up. Lately, I’m more interested in looking for a position with another company.
@@Bucephalus84you need to network, put yourself in the right places with the 'right' people. You also have to offer to take on projects, offer your perspectives and ideas, be bright, keen and positive.... essentially 'suck up'!! it's hard (and I could never do it) but I've observed those that do, and it works!
"a sense of vagueness" - That's exactly how I feel about my work, relationship and in terms of what I actually want out of life. Thank you for explaining how I often feel, because I have trouble expressing and/or even knowing how it is I feel a lot of the time.
Im 39 and have always struggled with earning. My mom depended on my dad alot financially. She couldnt hold a job down due to her alcoholism and denial. I never really understood how to better myself and improve my life financially. My future never occurred to me due to fight or flight mode. I was always so stricken with low self esteem and bad communication skills. I been trying to love myself and assert myself. I got hired at a school district and back in school trying to overcome my math struggles. I have 3 kids. I want to provide a better life for them.
It's difficult to think of the future when you're trying to survive day-to-day. It sounds like you've dealt with this and are finally in a place to think beyond this. I never really understood what being privileged meant, which I guess is just being able to think of life beyond simply surviving.
My doomed marriage cost me everything... I lost all my savings and ended up with no place to go and almost nothing but my clothes and books. Even a fight in court didn't help! Thanks for mentioning this, still struggling, for all the reasons you say.
Same for me. The absolute love & light of my life for over nine years. We had the marriage where we made sure to say "I love you" at *least* once per day, where we regularly practiced gratitude by letting the other know they were appreciated. Practically over 3 days - one weekend - a switch seemingly got flipped in her. It was over, she wanted out and did it in the most violent, vicious, sudden, harsh, severe, fast & final way she could. The financial devastation barely scratches the surface of the total devastation & grief & ambiguity & emotional/psychological trauma. She even took my (ours, or now really her's) dog. I lost the two living breathing beings that I loved the most in the world. All of my love poured into them, everything I had. I lost my house. My dog. My wife and of course all of that love.
Same for me. Lost my house 4 months ago in the divorce. Real Estate prices and rents are so high now where I live that I won't be able to afford a house for my kids to live with me.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥🏋️♀️💪💥
On Reddit, there was a post by a woman who had been an upper class man's trophy girlfriend for 25 years and had begged him for a ring on and off. They had three kids, and the last was 15... Finally, he is retiring and casually said she could have her way. She ended up upset by it, so he took it back... And basically said she could be his sex slave while they traveled but she wouldn't get any other attention. She has no job skills, no savings....
I wasn't ever allowed to be more successful than my parents growing up. If I had any success, I was met with subtle sabotage and passive aggressive verbal abuse. "Congratulations on finally succeeding I hardly recognize you" is my mother's favorite compliment. I learned to play small early on to survive. I'm now struggling to go low contact with my parents and actually focus on my financial success. It's hard to get out of your own way sometimes.
I hear you on that ! Family can be toxic with judgemental nonsense. "I barely recognize you with self worth and success" wow. That days alot about the person saying that. If you break free of oppression, never look back. You are living your best life now
Around min 32 you say you havent changed the world … you are so wrong. As one of the many starfish youve thrown back into the sea, you have had a profound impact on my journey (thru?) trauma. Thank you to you and the team.
I stayed in a job where I was constantly dismissed, devalued, disrespected and was oblivious to it. I didn't wake up until I saw someone harmed due to the company's callousness and incompetence. It made me angry and sick and finally gave me the courage to never return. Growing up in a household of abuse and neglect, sometimes I still can't tell when I am being abused. I'm like a frog in boiling water. Oblivious to the water heating up around me.
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. Daily Practice can help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
Interesting topic. I’d love to hear the example of underpaid careers be teachers and nurses (rather than novelists) as I believe traumatized people (mostly women) are drawn to these fields and, especially with teaching, feel compelled to stay as though it’s their moral responsibility (even though they’re often deeply unhappy and underpaid- complete self sacrifice). Rich content to explore in these professions.
The comments on this channel are so thoughtful, yes I agree with this. My mum was a fantastic nurse, really wonderful, would never knock her for that, she helped so many people AND I think she found being in touch with her own needs too painful to approach and got a lot of needs met from being needed. No disrespect to people who find outlets for their trauma in helping others, it's a beautiful way of dealing with difficult feelings, especially for those of a generation that just didn't have the opportunity to address things in a different way, but yes, 'self-sacrifice', she did an awful lot of that.
I know those came explicitly from my FOO, specifically my mother. She looked down on wealthy people and on college education. College was for rich snobs. Women could only do these certain things but primarily get married and have children, secretay, nurse, or hairdresser. That was it. Those jobs she seems to rank as in usefulness to herself as in one of us could do her hair, one of us would nurse her in old age. I don't know what purpose the secretary had. Maybe organize her life and pay her bills for her? Thankfully, I didn't listen to her, which she hated and insulted me repeatedly about it.
This problem is systemic, not just individual. The careers that women have traditionally gone into, are viewed as less valuable than STEM careers, which are primarily male-dominated. This is gender-based discrimination, and the women who suffered the most from this are those to chose to stay home with their children, because that work (hardest job on Earth) is not paid and often not valued. While they gain all that unreplaceable time with their children, they also lose career momentum and find it difficult to remeter the workforce with ‘no experience’. As women, can we advocate for ourselves, negotiate salary and raises, demand better working conditions? Absolutely. But as a novelist, I shouldn’t have to become a IT coder in order to make a living. We need all types of skills to run a society.
I spent decades in low paying, dead-end non-profit jobs. Both agencies and funders expect organizations to minimize money spent on staff, even when that staff is delivering the services of the organization’s mission. I had no medical insurance for 25 years and my chronic low wages mean that my social security benefits will be extra low, despite a master’s degree. I believed that my purpose and only value were to sacrifice and help people because of how I was raised. And that I didn’t deserve more.
Sometimes I watch your videos so I can understand how to heal from CPTSD, but sometimes I watch them to see how far I've come and how many behaviors I've already changed on my own. Thank you so much for everything you do
Thank you for this! I think this is part of the 'privilege' they talk about. Poor parents are too busy trying to survive they won't teach their kids to thrive.
My low-income earning parents taught me many valuable things about life, but they couldn’t teach me financial literacy, because they didn’t know themselves.
Anna I did time at a McDonalds once. I was the window person in the morning and a old boss and a engineer came thru and it was the worst experience. This boss routinely sexually harrassed me and it was during a time where I was homeless. I had to stay with a abusive ex and that was hell. That was 2001. I am 491 days sober and off benzo's. I live i my own home and am changing my life so I can go back into electronics where I really enjoy working.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
I call it my " money phobia" , so relieved to listen to this. I have low self worth and feel i don't deserve money. It has to be " earned" or you have to be nice or " humble" to ask for payment.. usually a low payment. This is really really helpful. Thanks ❤
Anna, I’m around your age but when I listen to you-especially when you talk about money and earning- I feel like you’re the mom I never had. And also how not to be a doormat to men. Actually, lol, no matter WHAT you’re talking about!! You r practical and no nonsense and it’s BEYOND helpful to me. Thx so much for what you do!
I’m nearly 61, a disabled combat veteran and looking at getting a masters degree (mostly because I won’t have to pay for it LOL). I’ve probably got enough psychological issues that self-employment might be best for me. I needed to see this video. Thanks for it!
Before I even continue watching this video, I just wanna thank you Anna for making this video because I do think I have not been able to truly see what I deserve in terms of how much I can earn as a 29 year old English speaking and educated law degree holder with various strengths & skills. I didn't think trauma would also affect how I see my worth in terms being in the employment market. Thankful that I am learning this now before it's too late.
It's like I wrote this lol.. thanks for sharing. Same boat, education and age exactly, and idk why I do this to myself bc eventually I know it will bite me. I've always made ends meet but never had abundance or real cushion. It's almost like I underearn out of spite. I have so much to offer yet it feels like a trap to excel. Ugh.
Amazing this popped up on my feed. At age 63 it recently dawned on me I spent most of my life working for approval far more than anything else. The amateur psychologist in me understands my attitude came directly from the family dynamic when growing up. Don’t make the same mistake (easier said then done). 🙏🏻
That last bit really resonated with me. I’m always worried people are going to be mad at me, and I do all these people-pleasing behaviors to keep on others’ good side.
Thank you for sharing! If you're interested, try the Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice It can help you connect with yourself, which in turn will help you save yourself instead of serving others. Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for this. I avoided this video for almost a week now, such a painful, shameful & complex topic. I’m thinking some can relate here, always feeling stuck & wrong & just trying to survive rather than thrive/live…and knowing the problem is something in me but not knowing what it is or how to fix it. One of the most painful things is getting together with family or friends and having to do the recap but being stuck in the same place as not only last year but 10+ years ago. Feeling like a failure or loser but not being able to fix it. And yes, feeling resentful because these friends or cousins aren’t “broken “ like me and that doesn’t seem fair. One big thing difference seems to come down to the neglect & being raised by equally broken people. My siblings & I were not taught how to survive out in the world, in fact in terms of employment the feeling was “ just be happy they give you any kind of job “ but then remember to be careful that they don’t take advantage, but they’re still saints cuz they LET you work for them.
Seriously ur not alone stuck from past thirteen years in addition to this if we are in spirituality...people don't understand these basic terms too...only know to ask what you do as a job. I had no answers. Thanku for sharing. May God bless u❤️❤️🙏🙏
Thank you❤❤ I accidentally discovered I had cptsd from watching your utube channel and was utterly thrilled to learn I could be “fixed” Before Christmas I finally left a terrible home situation to start all over again -just myself and my little dog -and naturally I immediately managed to lose my crappy temping job and jeopardise my ability to pay rent and maintain my new independence and freedom… I arrived home today trying to not be too distressed / devastated by all this and instead set about trying to convince myself I’d be fine if I went back working for myself again providing bookkeeping and administrative services (which I am exceptionally good at but not so great with the pricing) I inadvertently came across your video on underearning and I am 3/4 way through it and I now am confident I am going to be ok I believe I can do it What an amazing feeling ❤
39 yo, i have good ideas, extremely good hands, problem solving skills, lateral thinking, i have the power to make gold and diamonds with my own hands, but i am still struggling to heal from years of neglect, constant "stop making garbage", and "find a real job" from a narcissist mother. this video was much needed, thanks
I'm a talented dancer and musician who decided to become a dentist (also talented), learned 5 languages, thought that would put me in a better financial position, but still barely make rent. As I heal I do better, but at 43, it just doesn't add up. Thank you for shining the light on this topic.
During the pandemic I sacrificed and moved to help my mother, who was alone. I lived walking distance to my office, but 1.5 hours away after moving. Turns out she’s undermined me in every way with my work so I could take care of her. I can only see this now. It’s been ruinous to my career.
I always felt like I was never qualified for a good paying job. I have such a low opinion of myself and feel like I can’t do anything right. I’m afraid to try something more fulfilling.
You are not alone in feeling that.. I feel the same often and I'm too nervous to even sit down and think about it in a realistic way. Those are self-doubts that should be questioned and not taken for granted. 🌞✨✨
I have been in business for myself for 30 years - and it's funny, Anna, but the jobs I did out of the goodness of my heart - for lower price or even free - are the jobs where I recall my clients being the LEAST grateful. I'm glad you mentioned that, because it's always puzzled me how, the people who were literally GIFTED my services, weren't nearly as appreciative as the clients I charged full price - but, I get it now! Makes sense.
I had serve trauma around money for many reasons: Growing up in poverty, financial abuse, under earning due to sexism, racial discrimination, just to name a few. If we don’t get honest we can’t recover from the beliefs we have.
28:48 “when you work for free, you sabotage the whole idea of yourself.” Somehow it’s so hard to ask my right and a raise. I always have this feeling I don’t deserve to ask such things and i felt like I should appreciate for the least amount of money the employers were willing to pay me. Not just financially but in relationships in general, I tent to get so afraid to ask my rights or say something the other person wouldn’t wanna hear. It prevents me from having a normal life. 35:37 “express your boundary that communicates very powerfully to them you do have worth.”.. “don’t undercut yourself.” “You don’t value your own work. That’s what they’re going on.”
This came at just the right time for me. I was speaking with my therapist today and my father yesterday about the ways I want to move forward and shift my career and lifestyle. I need this to stop being vague and theoretical, and I need to take concrete steps to do what I want. I can’t leave others in charge of my life.
Thank you!!! A documentary I did was implemented into the Canadian school curriculum this year and I applied for a grant to be a motivational speaker but I suffer from CPTSD like many of my people (Native American) and when it comes to money I get weird but I was also raised in a super religious family and taught money is "evil" so now it's time to know my worth and heal my relationship with money. Thank you for this because no one talks about this ❤
Since you’re in Canada and a Native American, maybe you could give a motivational speech to all the kids appropriating your culture by claiming to be “2-spirit”.
@@SalivatingSteve I appreciate the suggestion but honestly I'm more focused on building my community up and showing them thriving after horrific trauma is absolutely possible.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’ve always struggled financially. I’m 37, and just learning about poverty trauma and the affects that having trauma and being neurodivergent can have on ur finances. This video came up just in time
Currently working on healing so much in my financial sector of my life. I’ve been building websites since I was 15 and yet never thought to offer services. This year someone noticed I was so well versed in this and encouraged me to start my own business I was so against it and assumed it was no big deal and everyone probably knows how to do this. After some research I realized this is an actual career. Crazy to think we are suppressing ourselves solely based off of our childhood.
Anna, one of the best podcasts I've heard! You touched on a lot of what I'm going through. I quit my well paying job to move out of state to CA in order to help with elderly dad. I was under the impression that family would help, but didn't happen. I lost a large part of my income and dealt with bad behavior from family. Your podcast gave me hope and information/push of what I need to do to make it better. Huge Thank you! 🫂🙋♀️💕
Sent my mom (rip) a Large monthly check for many years. Eventually no longer had the money to do so. I thought “ok my brother and sister will take over now. ZERO
Hi, your comment rings so many bells, have huge sympathy for you. I moved to care for my mum last year, the same year as I lost my work - and left my home of 15 years. It's a LOT of upheaval, great that you're looking out resources for processing it. I hope you are giving yourself plenty of credit and recognition for what you're doing. I feel as though I've been plunged back into the crucible of my childhood and had my income taken away! I feel closer to mum than ever before because she's so vulnerable, so in some ways it's very healing, but another family member is pretty hostile and it makes daily life tricky as all hell. Very best of luck to you in the good thing you're doing. I suppose the silver lining is that we're getting the opportunity that few do to process old hurts and perhaps understand ourselves and why we are as we are. I have compassion now not just for mum but increasingly for the child I was and who I am now. All the very best to you and your dad.
OMG 😯.... exactly the same story/situation for me.... I'm having to start again @ 50 literally homeless after spending nine months renovating parents house so they could sell it & move into new villa in retirement village. I stayed after sale too. They moved out of the house before settlement day of big family home & cleaned out cupboards and draws old furniture that they had horded for years & made no attempt to go through & clear out. I used all my savings to be able to stay there also buying my own food etc. haven't spoken or heard from them since. I'd left a job that was all consuming of my time to do this so had to get rid of my stuff I'd owned & accommodation. They don't care. Now in a physically hard job with minimal wage & come into it with probably too much appreciation for the job like I was desperate & grateful for being given the chance. I work my ass off never for a second standing around doin nothing. Even when quiet and everyone else is on their pH looking social media. I'm cleaning or doing something. They now treat me less valued than in the beginning. I'm a good worker and I know it but...yet I still doubt that I'm good enough 🤔 All the best for your own journey going forward. I hope you don't accept less than in any area of your life🍀🌈✌️
ME TOO! Only I moved FROM CA to NC. My dad balks at paying my bills, even though he agreed to do so before I made the move. HE KNOWS HE CAN'T DO WITHOUT ME! Yet, when I asked him for $1000, per month, which comes out to $6.25 an hour (my overhead is low because I live in the house) He thinks I am going to put him in the poor house. My credit is suffering now because I struggle to pay my bills - moving expenses to get here.
As a 32-year old who has been through chidhood trauma, this makes me cry. I've been underpaid. I do things for free and give people my time for free. My husband is the only one with an income, and we don't earn enough to safe money, only small amounts. I feel grieved now after watching your video. It's time for myself to see my true worth.
I am watching this in installments because it is too painful to aknowledge and to face. Just too painful. We've been undermined and sabotaged from the cradle, at least I have. It's just too painful.
i know a lot of people with money problem, but i dont see the trauma as a cause of their poverty. i see the greed the cause of that. i love your work❤❤❤❤
What you talk about here should be part of the curriculum in schools, not just for young people, but also for parents. I wish I found you earlier in RUclips, better late than never. Im 44 and im done with jobs with crappy pay when I’m worth so much more. Thank you Anna 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you for this! I have a bachelor's degree and I chose to work at Walmart. I thought I couldn't handle the pressure and have always felt like a fraud and unworthy. I have never earned what I'm worth. I'm in my fifties and I wish I could go back in time and value myself more.
I’m in my 60s and in the exact same boat as you. We can’t do anything about yesterday. But tomorrow is another story. I’m gonna write that story my way. I bet you can do the same🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
"I just trust there's gonna be money." That's always where I go back to crap fitting for work, cuz I tell myself I can't trust that! But I needed to hear this at this stage of life fully recognizing that this is me, and I want to work on it. Love your videos!
😮Omgosh Anna & everyone else here surviving trauma!!!!!! This is so magical!!!! Earlier today I bought a small Christmas tree 🎄 to decorate and after working 42 hours in 3 days thx-giving holiday I felt this was what my heart and inner child needed 😊 I honestly have been under earning and it is time that I get paid what I deserve 😊please pray for me to have courage and grace to ask for what I need!!!!!! Thank you 🙏
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 💜🩵💜🩵💜🙏😊💜🩵GUESS WHAT????? I was offered the $25 hourly that I’ve been asking for!!!!! Yay totally manifested this on Friday December 10, 2023 and exactly in 5 months will be 9 years sobriety!!!!!! Thank you Anna and everyone else for sending good wishes!!!!
I’m 41 years old and I’ve been waiting for this precise explanation all my life. Thank You Anna, in just under 50 minutes you have just succinctly explained the core belief system that I have been running on. It’s like you’ve just bought clarity to every little but of it! I read the Seth books 📚 or Seth material by Jane Roberts that talk about the importance of beliefs and how they are essentially creating our lives as we live them. You’re explanation here has just given me total clarity on this core belief system. Suddenly a life that at some level seemed to be a mystery that I couldn’t quite access has just been revealed to me (: 🎉 Thanks 🙏 RUclips ain’t that bad after all eh! 😂 Thanks so much Anna ❤
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥🏋️♀️💪💥
Please, don’t diminish artists. You shouldn’t perpetuate the false idea of the starving artist. For many, it is a serious source of trauma. For the artists listening to this material, nowadays there’s a wealth of information on how to conduct healthy business for all kinds of artists. Cheer up!! 🥂
It obviously had to be said and it was, because it is true, and many artist suffer from that trauma, but being butt hurt won’t heal that trauma, you must accept it and work the trauma
@@ricebunnymoon4624 Yes, trauma must be accepted to heal. Agreed. But, regarding this topic, it is important to locate the source. Is it true starvation, or is it having people around hammering the artist with the idea that artists must starve? Very different concepts.
It’s irrelevant, it is something you must work to dissolve to the point it doesn’t affect you, because you accepted it and embraced it in order to grow from there. Sounds so simple. Ur if your here were on the same boat and it has taken us a life time of trauma and emotional turmoil, we still must resolve.
Very few artists make real money. That’s just real life. My artist son is super talented. He doesn’t know how to market himself, though. And art does not sell, unless you’re Picasso. He is now a nurse and paints for pleasure. Win win.
Thanks for the kind and heartfelt comments. But, I insist. The art industry is huge. The problem is not the art, which is just another product like any other. Other products fail, restaurants, chain stores, professional offices, big malls, etc. Yet, society insists “artists starve”, despite the fact that we can’t live without art. Literally. Some artist got paid for your tooth paste container design, the print on your clothes, your Cheeto’s bag, all the stuff in your walls, wardrobe, favorite stores, entertainment, books, you name it. The “starving artist” as such is a myth. If you know a starving artist suggest to her or him to do a responsible market research, trust the process and don’t dismay. And, please, kindly ask people to quit spreading negative messages about artists.
I'm glad you brought up this topic, as I've been reading about and attempting to untangle the intersection of victimhood (from the "drama triangle" model) and individualism and bootstrapping and laziness as a myth and bullshit jobs. I think it's important to recognize how we are indoctrinated to blame ourselves for living under economic structures that benefit capitalists, not workers,, in order to see more clearly and regain authentic power , autonomy and agency. Those concepts feel a little more liberating than a raise or certainly hustle culture.
Capitalism has produced the highest standards of living for workers in human history - it’s certainly never been successfully replicated for workers in socialist systems. I work in a community college and everyday I see people coming from in some cases nothing to economically speak of, but getting into in demand jobs and thriving economically. It takes hard work and support - part of my job is providing the support- but I can’t do the work for them. It ultimately is easier to blame “economic systems” and it’s certainly popular, but it’s not necessarily factual.
I think there is too great a tendency in the US (I'm in the UK) to regard all failure as personal failure and not take into account the structures we're operating within - you are such rugged individualists but that can have a down-side! However, I studied Russian and lived in Russia for a while and communism does not produce a less exploitative environment for people. There was huge poverty and, for a couple of decades at least, any worker who expressed the wrong view was likely to be put on a train to a siberian camp. I've come to believe that we never get the 'pure' version of capitalism, communism etc., with all of the projected benefits their proponents claim - every system is a human system and ends up basically pretty similar. 'Capitalism', to the extent it has been actually implemented in the West (it's still imo just networks of people making things work for themselves, just as in the Soviet Union) is ostensibly freer up to a point, although anyone who has ever 'taken a step sideways' and felt the weight of the state will disagree with that. I have a lot of faith in us as creatures and believe that if we can improve our relationships with ourselves and others we can build strong networks that will make less important what the networks that run things are getting up to.
@@jordansjulMonopoly Capitalism is the problem today. The huge corporations and banks can eat up the smaller ones. Eight families/corporations own half of the world's wealth and resources. That's a disaster and in the richest country in the world, children are going to bed hungry. Sometimes is very wrong with todays neoliberal economic system. People can't even afford healthcare to assist them to get well and return to work.
@@jordansjulactually, if you want facts, only 18% of people born into poverty ever make it to the middle class. So yeh, the system is designed to keep people poor.
This is so true. I grew up being taught that having money was somehow a bad or selfish thing. In my teens when I started doing side hustles and part time jobs to pay for toiletries and clothes my parents didn't like it. Ironically if I hadn't done that, college would have been much tougher. When I started working as an intern I got paid very little but had to send money to my younger sisters cos my parents didn't give them enough pocket money for clothes and stuff. My parents where middle class and professionals and nowhere near poor, but always made us feel guilty about the little we got from them. It's affected me profoundly. Although I'm in a professional that pays very well, I always accepted low ball offers and never complained. I've always thought I didn't deserve to have a nice paying job despite being told how good I was at my job.
Spot on Anna. lm so sick of being poor. lve been in this position all my life... except when l was childless and nursing in the 1980s. l have three kids living with me, one works. lve never been on a vacation. l work and didnt realize the job I do pays so little. The hours are less than usual jobs which l need for at least one of my children. l cant ask for a raise... l work for the government.
I took so many cues from movies on how to interact with people. In the movies the Raise or promotion is always given. So I find myself waiting for that scene to play in my life and...it never does. Thank you doing this video.
I've been involved in fitness my entire life. I have had friends try to get me to train them but would act spoiled when I tell them what to do. Now, if that happens, I give my website name and tell them to consider the rates I charge. Once that happens, it stops but at least people don't waste my time anymore.
Alot of this applies to women in general. Our society has socialized women to be seen as less valuable and to take less then men in theworkplace, and also to have low self esteem or self worth.
I'm a man and literally every single numbered reason in this video applied to me. Our society has also socialized women to believe it's okay (and in fact, within their right, really) to devastate & annihilate using the legal system & family law. Women have been socialized to initiate divorces (which they do with overwhelming frequency) and to wield the power of the state to destroy other's lives (which they do with overwhelming frequency)
You know, as a man, you don’t have to make everything about you when women speak up. It IS harder. The level of conditioning IS worse - partly because of men like you who can’t pass up a chance to be invalidating. Of course men can still go through financial hardships. The difference is whether it’s individual circumstance vs being deeply systemic. Please at least attempt to respect that.
Will listen to your ideas carefully and thoughtfully. I have nothing but deep hatred towards church, school, family & innumerable therapists who led me astray with teachings that kept me poor and marinated in shame/low self-esteem. I was never taught how to succeed in my life. I NEVER learned that I mattered to anyone and when I sought out effective help in therapy or mentors, many people turned their back on me. I was often blamed for any personal failures and while I am getting effective help NOW at 68 for the first time in my life as a man with an ASD, I no longer listen to or value 'traditional' teachings of society and employers. Anna, I am glad to have your wisdom in my life - would have loved to have had your wisdom in my life 30 years ago. Thanks!!
@@Melissa-qu4wlmany just wasted my time teaching me to accept my life without helping me strategically improve my life. No therapist ever asked me, "John, how would you define a successful life for you? How much money would you like to be earning? I want to help you achieve your goals. Let's get started!" I never felt inspired or confident from any therapist that I could make any positive enduring improvements in my life. Therapy was too often a waste of my time and money.
@@johnbyerlein6682 Thank you for sharing that, John. It's a confirmation of what I want to do with my life as a coach and someone who needed this kind of encouragement in my own life. I also experienced the toxicity of religion (not God's fault or doing, but the wounded, broken people in the church who wounded me). I'm so sorry for what you went through and can I just say, YOU MATTER. Very much. I hope you can release the past (I like to picture it going into a garbage bag and out with the trash), ask yourself those questions right now, and be your own advocate for a better life, starting today. I, and others in this community truly care!
This is so true. My issues was compounded because at age 13 my ‘ mother’ ran off with another man. It left my dad and young sisters ( aged 5 , 7, and 10 years old) bereft. I was 13 so considered ‘mature’ . I took on the role of housewife and mother. I behaved older and I became older and fast. As the ‘ mother’ ran off with a rich older man ....I hated money. I thought of it as selfish and dirty as she’d spent the household budget on herself. We on the other hand, had very little. It’s taken me 2 decades to understand this. I’m having to make up for lost time and at last I will have the life I east rather than the life I tolerate. God bless all of us who struggle with this. It’s cruelty beyond words. But the members of mothers ‘family’ , her brother in fact, just shrugged their shoulders and said, “ it’s the children who suffer in divorce”. WTH? 🤔😢
Wow, this video was amazing. I am a homeschool mom. I have worked part time restaurant jobs to get by, but I have been trying to think of ways to make money from home, like an online business, for YEARS. I have so many of these beliefs that have blocked me from moving forward- procrastination, vagueness, clutter, thinking money is a bad thing to desire, low self worth, etc. My husband works so hard, but is also an under earner. I already realized our financial situation is a result of CPTSD, but you really spelled out why. Thank you!
In the beginning stages of women of color being held back because societies view of us not being worty of an appropriate pay, this is a blessing. Taraji P. Henson's twstimony of fair wages for women of color is a true testiment to this video. Her settling and haggling for an "acceptable" pay for her years of work 😢was heart breaking 💔. I'm in the process of now finding the words for the pay I requested for a position that gives you the opportunity to ask for it! This cideo was a God send!!
This was me until very recently! I think my company even knew this, because the moment I brought it up, a promotion and raise suddenly happened very quickly. Self-advocacy is incredibly powerful, but it's not something that comes naturally or easily to people who grew up feeling worthless.
Thank you for this video. My childhood trauma is steeped around the fear of financial insecurity, My mother grew up brutally poor and my father was a compulsive gambler. Over the last ten years I've done most things on your list. I'm positioned to make what I need to make to feel secure, pay my taxes (I'm self-employed and I've really blown this part), pay off debts, and start saving. The only missing part is putting the hours in. The "no money, no mission" is super helpful.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
Thank you for this. I turned 30 this year and vowed to change my financial well-being and spending habits. Well, surprise surprise nothing’s changed. I’m finally realizing the roots of the issue are much deeper and this video has been so insightful. I’ve always worked 3 jobs to ensure I had a little money coming in often but living paycheck to paycheck because that’s all I knew. I just started my own business and out of all the challenges, naming my rate was the absolute worst part for me. It was SO uncomfortable because I wouldn’t be able to afford my services but I have to realize I’m not my target market and other people can and do spend that kind of money without flinching, especially because I KNOW the work I do is worth it. Thanks for this, excited to check out more of your videos.
I need to watch this every day for a month. Your advice is spot on for this 62-year-old talented, intelligent woman recently Dxed with ADHD who has struggled all her life. I'm working (crossed out "trying" - I'm not trying, I'm DOING it) to pick up the pieces once again. I have mad skills in several tech and creative areas but have never been able to port that into a stable career and income. Being on ADHD meds and learning my struggles have NOT been because I'm stupid, lazy, or selfish as my family has told me over the years has made a world of difference. And your videos have built on all of the hard work I've been doing in therapy. Thank you thank you thank you!! I have a couple of goals, including starting my own RUclips channel.
so totally can relate. i struggled with this "vagueness" all my life. i didn't know what to do with my life, and i blamed the "money system" as "evil". thanks for articulating all this for me. This year, at age 47, i finally clarified my direction. i want to be a harp teacher. I love music AND it may be able to pay well AND i can dictate my own rates. i have charted out a 4 yr plan to get certified. I have been reading many books on gratitude and money to change my relationship with money. And that's why i'm here watching your video.
This was the most relatable video I have watched, EVER! There were so many points you made that were spot on. My spouse and I do not agree on many of the things that I feel are important, and some you touched on. A few being, the importance of your environment and how it effects you, the thought you made about the drive to work, and going the extra mile to enjoy the nicer view... These things matter a lot to me, so I don't feel so poor. I am striving to better myself, when he is miserable in his messy, unorganized life. I appreciate your honesty, and your growth was one you worked on, it doesn't just happen. This video has helped me see I'm not ridiculous, and to keep pressing for more, for better. Thank you.
This is literally the best video (RUclips Channel) I've watched about getting past mental blocks and improving your life. I've actually saved it to watch again, and probably again. It even feels like a pep talk. Thank you universe.
Imposter Syndrome is also a huge force in under-earning from trauma. You have value and belong where that value is, but if it was mirrored to you that it was not of value in childhood (school, work, relationships) it will leave you with an inaccurate view of the impact you can contribute and get fairly compensated for. People envious and insecure will also tell you to "be more humble" and "lower your prices" and "no one will pay that"... I have heard it all. It takes a leap of faith and hard work and a hell of a lot of grieving to realize you had value but were in the wrong setting and ALLOWED it based on conditioning.
I wish I had this video years ago. I underearned my entire career, working for a nonprofit and never had the self worth to go for better paying jobs. Have just scraped by and still doing that now retired with multiple health issues from years and years of fight or flight.
I am in the process of working for myself, and it's been a very healing process as someone else who has C-PTSD. I feel it's very empowering, you can have more space to breathe, and you can advocate for yourself. It's awesome having this option.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
This is my third post about this video. I deleted twice before because I was making excuses for my bad pay. Old habits die hard. Thanks for the tip on that 12 step program for chronic under earning. That is my first step now.
Thank you, Anna. I’m 56 years old and for the FIRST, first time in my life YOU, a stranger to me, have validated me. You have validated me. I feel relief, sadness, empowerment, hope, understanding, compassion and more words that I can’t even think of now. Thank you, Thank You, Thank You.
I also am 56! And I also have struggled with underearning my entire life- and still do. I am ready to earn what I need to earn to THRIVE- at the moment, I don't earn enough to even survive so each month is a struggle to just pay bills and I have credit card debt too since I had to live on those for a time. Thanks for all you do Anna and Thanks to PollyJo too- because sometimes I feel like I am "too old" to heal!
Reading your beautiful, well written reply to this video, expressed my feelings and internal battle and thoughts absolutely perfectly. OMG, there are others out there who feel these feelings too, who have gained strength, right this very moment, after watching this video. I, too, have this sudden burst of hope that I could possibly turn things around in my life, building a better existence for myself & my boys. I've NEVER, EVER, EVER found ANYONE out there who's talked to this detailed level about this topic. I've always felt alone, unable to understand WHY I have such fear of failure and why I always underestimate, under-earn and think im not worthy of great things, but everyone else is. I've taken jobs where, subconsciously, I can perform under my potential and make little, but I feel safe. The safety is directly related to my fear of failure. I'm so fearful of having too many "overwhelming/stressful" responsibilities in any higher paying position, that I could potentially fail at, that I downplay myself and never challenge myself and never step into the unknown, in order to earn better.
So rarely validated in my life, always questioned & challenged about any of the choices and decisions I've made, told I've made mistakes and made to feel badly, has absolutely stunted and scarred me. I'm 55 now, and here I am ... living & navigating as a wounded, invalidated and dumbed down little girl. That IS about to change. Thank you Anna, from the bottom of my heart.
At 45, I spent all my money to became a massage therapist. I found I was really good at it in school, so I decided to make enough to just do that.
At 73, I’m still full time but take a week’s vacation every 5 weeks with two interns. I’m out of debt and live alone.
It was tough in the beginning. I lived in a tiny apartment and got rid of 70% of my stuff, but focus really helped. I just never wanted to work FOR anyone ever again, so I took the responsibility to sacrifice to get where I am. I never thought when I was 45 that I could be this successful. Trusting in myself really helped.
All of Anna’s advice is amazing! All the stuff that I learned, I learned the hard way. She’s a great guide and she truly knows what she’s talking about. Good luck.
I'm in my 50s, too, never too late for us to change how we feel about ourselves and our worth!
I understand your comment on such a deep level. The irony is not lost that your handle is "Worthy" - because you are. May you find that unwavering internal voice that champions you to every single day. We win when the inside voice is stronger than the outside voices.
I want to share something. I was living in a not-so-great-area. I started doing deliveries in a nicer area. I managed to move to that area within a year. Put yourself in intended environments. Eventually they will become your new normal. Thank you for this video ☀️
wao
"Put your in intended environments." 💯
👍🫶🏼🌷
agreed - that is why I have been teaching feng shui - change the space you live in so the vibration matches where it is you want to go.
I haven’t been paid what I’m worth because I never thought I was worth anything. Also, growing up poor meant nobody taught me financial literacy. 48 and finally learning now.
I think your comment sums it up for us.
😳😢 felt that
Same here
Similar story, I started learning literacy in my mid thirties, but I felt I was not worth any money, I just understood the system. The emotionally barrier still needs to go away.
I came from a family with money. I was so called illegitimate, so from the get go I was "less than".
My son doesn't speak to me because he feels I didn't try harder. This has relieved me of that burden.
At 64, Thank you so much for this. 😢
Underearning and feeling like crap all the time while overspending to buy crap to make myself feel better for a little while.
I was in an interview for a part time, non-benefit job. The age-old question of “Where do you want to be in five years“ came up. I told them that I would like to be a full time benefited employee by that time were I to stay. I was told that was a possibility and I accepted their offer. Not only did I stay for five years, I was only making a few bucks more than I was when I began. I should have only been there a year, tops. I basically kept waiting for things to get “better”. Never happened. I saw people zoom by me, raises, promotions. I elevated my boss and everyone above me. I helped THEM succeed and no one helped me. A coworker was in a similar boat and he left, he rooted for me, he encouraged me to go. I finally left not long after! I will never, ever do that again.
Similar story for me worked in a cleaning company for 5 years and only got a $2 raise and tore my meniscus. I definitely overstayed.
Story of my life. I help others but never get help
I'm in a similar boat. My employment history certainly mirrors the toxic environments and relationships I've already left. I'm settling for a comfort zone, but also at nearly 60, I haven't the health or energy to do more physically taxing work or work a full 40 hours a week. I'm scraping by, and emergencies have brought me debt. So here I am.
However, the opportunities for a woman my age, in the area I live in, are very few, and what there are, are just like the job I'm in now, anyway.
I'm tired, physically, but am also tired emotionally and mentally. I just feel like staying in this uncomfy comfort zone. It feels a little bit like giving up.
I'm creative, but previous attempts at working for myself with my creative skills and talents all fell short, so I've given up that idea.
I'm considering giving plasma regularly, to pad my income. But again, rural area, and a 40 minute drive each way to the clinic. Might not be worth the gas spent to get there.
I blame no one but myself. I chose the divorce-- and even in my marriage, I stayed too long in that waiting for change.
I'm happy for my freedom, I have more time to work on myself and heal, and I'm relieved to be rid of the old toxicity I'd lived in most of my life.
I just wish I knew how to improve my income. I've already cut back all I can. I live basic, since the divorce; there isn't much else I can cut out. 🤷🏼♀️
I just keep on going, knowing that change for the better is just around the corner.
I just hope I'm paying attention when it appears.
@@phoenixmode6909 I really encourage you to try again with your creative skills and talents. Sometimes timing is everything. Please don't give up! You're still young enough to make a change, like Anna did. I'm rooting for you!
I can identify!
“I was mad, but I didn’t act - for a long time - and then I did, and the problem was solved” GOLDEN ⭐️
Some employers purposely try to hire people with low self esteem because they know they will work cheap and not complain
Luckily, we each have agency to make choices. Healing means we learn to choose our work, regardless of what other people think or do.
Most employers.
THIS
I was in my bed last night and I became incensed that I had given away my work, was undercharging, and literally leaking money since starting my small business. I prayed and vowed to myself to change. Then I came on here and this came up. Thank you!
Yup that’s me.
I was in a job 6 years, same job, same seat, had so many different co workers come and go around me… while I sat in my little soul crushing cubicle, doing a ton of work for practically nothing.
Never felt I was worthy of anything better.
It wasn’t until I started meditating daily and telling myself I’m worthy. That’s when I applied for a different position and actually got the job.
Self talk is important. It’ll make or break you.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Do you have any tips on how to feel less silly with positive talk or did you just lean into it until you believed it yourself because these affirmations make me feel awful lol
@@bell5338 that’s a great question!
I know exactly what you’re referring to feeling silly with positive talk.
I felt RIDICULOUS at first. I’m like ew I can’t believe I just said “I’m worth it” lol
Sounded so fake, so rehearsed, not genuine at all.
But, over time I started to believe it.
This goes for many other affirmations such as “I’m confident” “I’m worthy of love” etc etc..
If you say it enough when you’re in a good mental space, when your energy is calm and clear, your subconscious will listen and believe you.
Also, keep this in mind..
if you don’t say all those wonderful things about yourself, then who will?
You have to flip the script and start telling yourself beautiful wonderful things and the reason it feels silly and fake is because we don’t tell ourselves enough of the good things, and that’s so sad to me.
So basically, fake it till you make it. It’ll feel silly at first but you must also believe what you’re saying. If you don’t believe it to be true right now, then you have to believe you will feel that way over time.
Give it a month, say your affirmations daily, do the super uncomfortable thing and look yourself in the mirror and either think those things or say them out loud. Do it until it’s no longer uncomfortable.
It’s only uncomfortable because we don’t say or think or believe good things about ourselves.
Make your brain believe you ♥️♥️
@@WriteMeASong7 I'm definitely going to jeep going! Thanks for such a thoughtful response. I'm glad the effort has paid off for you!
You are the only person I know of who has tied trauma to earning and money. Thank you!
Tons of people have always pointed out how being poor is related to mental illness. But people find that offensive.
Trauma does cause a cycle of poverty. This has been proven.
This is absolutely me. I'm 57, a PhD graduate and twice-published novelist, with international translations of my work, however due to the fragility of my mental health I'm only able to work part-time as a courier driver on a minimum wage. Thanks to extreme frugality I've been able to get a mortgage for a tiny house (on foundations), but money remains extremely tight.
May we all know our value and our worth in our Creator's eyes and believe it! I am 57 years old and struggling - feel insecure sometimes, very hopeful most of the time thankfully. But shame also about my "situation" . this is where we are at least we see it now, I believe it's the beginning of letting it go-all that which no longer serves us. First there is the recognition it's like hoping an old cupboard and seeing the trap that's in there that's got to go.
*Opening!! Not hoping 😅
It's interesting how mental illness is treated in the West. In some cultures, they are not shunned. It is treated as a blip or even a gift, and they're guided by a mentor, priest or elder to make sense of their mental state and work with it. As they accept who they are, this becomes a strength instead. I just marvel at that. I believe in science, but when it comes to humanity, sometimes I think we got it all wrong.
Sometimes we need complementary support. We lift each other where we're not so strong!!
Blessings to you. ❤
This topic should go mainstream as I have struggled with this most of my life and still do. As a creative, it is significantly more challenging as we are highly empathic people. People pleasing and boundaries around that is SO HARD. Thank you, Anna. I'm so grateful for your videos. 💕
Thanks for sharing! Glad you're here!
Nika@TeamFairy
It is common with woman as woman are socialized to earn less and have low self esteem
I agree, it's tough to survive when we want to be genuine around fake individuals...
I am a creative too...feeling that vagueness fir a lot of my life and definitely not earning consistently to feel like I have a stable life.
@@who_we_are______5926I completely get that
I earned $80k in a year. I earned it to escape my trauma and only found more. I started my own business and brought home $16k this year since May. I've never been happier.
I also think this is a good path for many people. It's one thing to deal with a customer directly. It's a whole other can of worms to work for someone else skimming a profit off of the work you do for customers. The latter are prone to be abusive to you for nothing but their own benefit.
I didn't really have a problem working for someone. What I had a problem with was the bosses having no accountability, coming to work drunk, blame shifting, etc. They just weren't good people.
“A head full of hippie ideas“ describes all my twenties. I’m in my 30’s now and working on earning more money instead of being desperate to find my worth in being a good person within a job. Love your videos!!!!
You're worth it😊
I’m in my 30s too. I stayed in a crappy job from 2011-2014 because it was literally the only place that offered me a job after sending out 100s of applications. The job market was so bad then.
Yes! Kids who grow up poor and in dysfunctional families do not learn financial literacy or how to advocate for themselves. I had to learn everything myself. This video is so helpful. Lots of stuff on RUclips on how to ask for a raise. I studied it like a scholar.
I never was brave enough to ask for a raise so I admire your progress.
Exactly. Poverty is stress inducing and scary.
A great channel for learning how to “be the CEO of your own career” is called A Life After Layoff. Very helpful for people who struggle to advance and earn well in the workplace. It also teaches you how to avoid toxic employers and workplaces.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥💪💥🏋️♀️
I grew up in poverty and don’t know how to advocate for myself so of course have no idea how to teach my kids to self advocate. :(
It all makes sense now... "A price is a boundary."
I am a chronic under earner. For me, the core problem is this deep sense of dread and shame around being seen and evaluated for my work and effort. Much safer to hang out in low paying, low stakes work.
We understand as few others can, you're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
I can relate.
Yes, relatable.
Get into sales. It’s going to force you to gain confidence and it will be lucrative too.
I believe you can fix this. I work with many people in a restaurant, the young ones are mostly in college and will graduate and go on to another job. The older ones have a variety of reasons for the job. Servers- make good money. The plot of my story is that about half the servers suck, the other half are OK. Both groups make money, you can make money and go on to live your dreams. Good luck. You might have the same problems as me, that first step, believing in yourself, and staying a course.
I quit a job on the second day that I was perfectly qualified for and paid really well thinking I didn't and couldn't do it. It was too above me. I wasn't the kind of person that deserved a position like that. Time and time again I've chosen small jobs over big jobs due to fear and to feeling undeserving. I'm finally in a good financial position earning something I definitely deserve and hope to move up and continue my ladder but I still struggle with this. This is real!
Hi Bianca and thanks, Anna. I was just offered the highest paying, best benefited, coolest work group, and I was immediately depressed and obsessed with how
Same
20 years ago I walked away from a seven figure job for this same reason and now I'm making 20k a year. I hate myself for not having the confidence to stay more than a week.
The Lord Jesus showed me my trauma was inviting people to short change me for. My work through the victim spirit sitting on my shoulder who invites the predators ... People who never give others their income due.... Always bargaining... That was 5 years ago. Now I pray before I quote and don't accept anyone who won't pay the quoted amount. Haven't been happier with getting work and haven't felt cheated ever since.... Praise the lord Jesus 🙌🙌
I totally feel the pain of undertreatment due to childhood trauma. After changing my jobs in row, i finally realized childhood trauma is FOR REAL. No matter how many jobs I changed, I keep attracting similar group of toxic people constantly mess with my peace and confidence. People pleasing, crapfit you name it, I'm losing myself more and more, just for me to stay and earn a minimum wage. Thank you Anna for your video reminding me it's time to focus on my self healing journey!
I REALLY needed this. The problems in my life go deeper than just under-earning, but thanks to you, Anna, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Bad marriage, self-sabotage, and 30+ years of being in constant fight-or-flight due to said marriage, and more. Going to listen to this again and take notes. Thank you. ❤❤❤
This video is also helping me do some deep reflecting too 🫶🙏
My journey is very close to yours. Only recently sober after drinking(medicating) since my teens, 50s now. I'm on track, healing at a rapid pace but I started building up ro it around 30.
Self value and kindness my number one priority now. 👍
Thank you for sharing, giving hope to others and exampling your growth! Keep shining your light to the world 👏👏
Me too hunny. I have been holding resentments and making excuses and living in the trauma (despite doing ALOT of work on myself) and I needed it to. We can make change as of right now, love you
I had no idea there were this many people in same boat.😢
"occasionally stuff needs to be thrown out... deal with it." exactly what i needed to hear today!!
I’ve been in an awful loop with all this for so long. The shaming of it and the dependency on those who don’t have my best interests at heart has been damaging to my confidence and so it has gone round and round. I pray for a breakthrough with this.
You can breakthrough. Positive thoughts generate chemicals that induce feelings of well-being, while negative thoughts trigger the production of chemicals that align with our prevailing mindset, shaping our emotional experience accordingly.
At the age 49, through this video, I learned my underearning was related to my traumatic childhood. Thank you Anna for I might have a couple of ten years to earn fairly.
This subject is what keeps me awake at night. I get very bitter at people not appreciating my worth. I try and fail and believe i self sabotage any progress I make trying new things. I do a lot of free labor because of worthless feelings.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
Overgiving is a trauma response
I feel that I'm a very hard worker, but not getting what I deserve. I often times feel like I'm inferior to my peers, because they keep on getting promotions and live better lifestyles than me. I'm 41, and most of my peers that I graduated with are in management positions. They're married, have kids and have homes. I'm still living a basic bachelor life and living basically paycheck-paycheck. I'm thankful to have a job in this economy, but wish that I could be in a position where I'm valued for my experience and would be compensated fairly for it.
Childhood and school wasn't nurturing, but rather tough and critical. These are good factors in why I lack confidence in a lot of areas, and self sabotage myself at times. I shouldn't be too hard on myself. I feel relieved that there are people like me, and that there are people who are understanding.
I hear you and relate! For me I think also was the attitude towards work and money that I was raised around: work more and harder was the answer to nearly everything ( nothing about earning your worth or what your worth is and becomes) = “poor”
@@Seajunkie Seriously! I'll continue to work hard, but there are so many other factors into why people get promotions. Personality is a big part of it. Confidence and trustworthiness are highly sought after attributes.
@sachinmistry1 you have to learn to be a suck up. Find ways to bond and relate to your boss and run with it. Unfortunately most promotions happen because of preference of some form.
@@Bucephalus84 That is true! A lot of people that I’ve seen promotions do suck up. Lately, I’m more interested in looking for a position with another company.
@@Bucephalus84you need to network, put yourself in the right places with the 'right' people. You also have to offer to take on projects, offer your perspectives and ideas, be bright, keen and positive.... essentially 'suck up'!! it's hard (and I could never do it) but I've observed those that do, and it works!
"a sense of vagueness" - That's exactly how I feel about my work, relationship and in terms of what I actually want out of life. Thank you for explaining how I often feel, because I have trouble expressing and/or even knowing how it is I feel a lot of the time.
Im 39 and have always struggled with earning. My mom depended on my dad alot financially. She couldnt hold a job down due to her alcoholism and denial. I never really understood how to better myself and improve my life financially. My future never occurred to me due to fight or flight mode. I was always so stricken with low self esteem and bad communication skills. I been trying to love myself and assert myself. I got hired at a school district and back in school trying to overcome my math struggles. I have 3 kids. I want to provide a better life for them.
Right. People in trauma don’t think about their future
It's difficult to think of the future when you're trying to survive day-to-day. It sounds like you've dealt with this and are finally in a place to think beyond this.
I never really understood what being privileged meant, which I guess is just being able to think of life beyond simply surviving.
I hope you succeed
My doomed marriage cost me everything... I lost all my savings and ended up with no place to go and almost nothing but my clothes and books. Even a fight in court didn't help! Thanks for mentioning this, still struggling, for all the reasons you say.
Same for me. Still trying to recover after the devastation.
Same for me. The absolute love & light of my life for over nine years. We had the marriage where we made sure to say "I love you" at *least* once per day, where we regularly practiced gratitude by letting the other know they were appreciated. Practically over 3 days - one weekend - a switch seemingly got flipped in her. It was over, she wanted out and did it in the most violent, vicious, sudden, harsh, severe, fast & final way she could. The financial devastation barely scratches the surface of the total devastation & grief & ambiguity & emotional/psychological trauma. She even took my (ours, or now really her's) dog. I lost the two living breathing beings that I loved the most in the world. All of my love poured into them, everything I had. I lost my house. My dog. My wife and of course all of that love.
Same for me. Lost my house 4 months ago in the divorce. Real Estate prices and rents are so high now where I live that I won't be able to afford a house for my kids to live with me.
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥🏋️♀️💪💥
On Reddit, there was a post by a woman who had been an upper class man's trophy girlfriend for 25 years and had begged him for a ring on and off. They had three kids, and the last was 15... Finally, he is retiring and casually said she could have her way. She ended up upset by it, so he took it back... And basically said she could be his sex slave while they traveled but she wouldn't get any other attention. She has no job skills, no savings....
I wasn't ever allowed to be more successful than my parents growing up. If I had any success, I was met with subtle sabotage and passive aggressive verbal abuse. "Congratulations on finally succeeding I hardly recognize you" is my mother's favorite compliment.
I learned to play small early on to survive. I'm now struggling to go low contact with my parents and actually focus on my financial success. It's hard to get out of your own way sometimes.
I hear you on that ! Family can be toxic with judgemental nonsense. "I barely recognize you with self worth and success" wow. That days alot about the person saying that. If you break free of oppression, never look back. You are living your best life now
*says alot
Around min 32 you say you havent changed the world … you are so wrong. As one of the many starfish youve thrown back into the sea, you have had a profound impact on my journey (thru?) trauma. Thank you to you and the team.
Thank you so much for sharing this, I'm so glad the channel has been helpful. I'll make sure Anna reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I stayed in a job where I was constantly dismissed, devalued, disrespected and was oblivious to it. I didn't wake up until I saw someone harmed due to the company's callousness and incompetence. It made me angry and sick and finally gave me the courage to never return. Growing up in a household of abuse and neglect, sometimes I still can't tell when I am being abused. I'm like a frog in boiling water. Oblivious to the water heating up around me.
Thank you for watching and sharing your experience. Daily Practice can help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
Interesting topic. I’d love to hear the example of underpaid careers be teachers and nurses (rather than novelists) as I believe traumatized people (mostly women) are drawn to these fields and, especially with teaching, feel compelled to stay as though it’s their moral responsibility (even though they’re often deeply unhappy and underpaid- complete self sacrifice). Rich content to explore in these professions.
The comments on this channel are so thoughtful, yes I agree with this. My mum was a fantastic nurse, really wonderful, would never knock her for that, she helped so many people AND I think she found being in touch with her own needs too painful to approach and got a lot of needs met from being needed. No disrespect to people who find outlets for their trauma in helping others, it's a beautiful way of dealing with difficult feelings, especially for those of a generation that just didn't have the opportunity to address things in a different way, but yes, 'self-sacrifice', she did an awful lot of that.
I know those came explicitly from my FOO, specifically my mother. She looked down on wealthy people and on college education. College was for rich snobs. Women could only do these certain things but primarily get married and have children, secretay, nurse, or hairdresser. That was it. Those jobs she seems to rank as in usefulness to herself as in one of us could do her hair, one of us would nurse her in old age. I don't know what purpose the secretary had. Maybe organize her life and pay her bills for her? Thankfully, I didn't listen to her, which she hated and insulted me repeatedly about it.
Yes, extremely rich content to explore. As an educator, I can absolutely affirm that.
This problem is systemic, not just individual. The careers that women have traditionally gone into, are viewed as less valuable than STEM careers, which are primarily male-dominated. This is gender-based discrimination, and the women who suffered the most from this are those to chose to stay home with their children, because that work (hardest job on Earth) is not paid and often not valued. While they gain all that unreplaceable time with their children, they also lose career momentum and find it difficult to remeter the workforce with ‘no experience’. As women, can we advocate for ourselves, negotiate salary and raises, demand better working conditions? Absolutely. But as a novelist, I shouldn’t have to become a IT coder in order to make a living. We need all types of skills to run a society.
I spent decades in low paying, dead-end non-profit jobs. Both agencies and funders expect organizations to minimize money spent on staff, even when that staff is delivering the services of the organization’s mission. I had no medical insurance for 25 years and my chronic low wages mean that my social security benefits will be extra low, despite a master’s degree. I believed that my purpose and only value were to sacrifice and help people because of how I was raised. And that I didn’t deserve more.
Sometimes I watch your videos so I can understand how to heal from CPTSD, but sometimes I watch them to see how far I've come and how many behaviors I've already changed on my own. Thank you so much for everything you do
Thank you for this! I think this is part of the 'privilege' they talk about. Poor parents are too busy trying to survive they won't teach their kids to thrive.
I'm poor and teach my kids to thrive. Not all poor people act the same.
My low-income earning parents taught me many valuable things about life, but they couldn’t teach me financial literacy, because they didn’t know themselves.
I grew up in a financially thriving household and was never taught those things either.
@@Bucephalus84 exactly. Many rich parents just buy their kids stuff without really teaching them how to earn.
Never learned a thing about it either
Anna I did time at a McDonalds once. I was the window person in the morning and a old boss and a engineer came thru and it was the worst experience. This boss routinely sexually harrassed me and it was during a time where I was homeless. I had to stay with a abusive ex and that was hell.
That was 2001. I am 491 days sober and off benzo's.
I live i my own home and am changing my life so I can go back into electronics where I really enjoy working.
Congrats! Where are ya working now?
93 days sober 2day!
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
He is the one who should be embarrased. You on the other hand, be proud, cause you deserve feeling proud.
I feel the only way for me is to work for myself .I was totally traumatised by a toxic work place.
I call it my " money phobia" , so relieved to listen to this. I have low self worth and feel i don't deserve money. It has to be " earned" or you have to be nice or " humble" to ask for payment.. usually a low payment. This is really really helpful. Thanks ❤
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, I’m around your age but when I listen to you-especially when you talk about money and earning- I feel like you’re the mom I never had. And also how not to be a doormat to men. Actually, lol, no matter WHAT you’re talking about!! You r practical and no nonsense and it’s BEYOND helpful to me. Thx so much for what you do!
Thank you for your kind words! I'm so glad you're here :)
-Calista@TeamFairy
So right on about the free work. I've been a contractor for 20 years, free work never results in paid work !
I’m nearly 61, a disabled combat veteran and looking at getting a masters degree (mostly because I won’t have to pay for it LOL). I’ve probably got enough psychological issues that self-employment might be best for me.
I needed to see this video. Thanks for it!
Thank You for your service sir and best of luck to you!😊
Good luck & thank you ❤
Before I even continue watching this video, I just wanna thank you Anna for making this video because I do think I have not been able to truly see what I deserve in terms of how much I can earn as a 29 year old English speaking and educated law degree holder with various strengths & skills. I didn't think trauma would also affect how I see my worth in terms being in the employment market. Thankful that I am learning this now before it's too late.
It's like I wrote this lol.. thanks for sharing. Same boat, education and age exactly, and idk why I do this to myself bc eventually I know it will bite me. I've always made ends meet but never had abundance or real cushion. It's almost like I underearn out of spite. I have so much to offer yet it feels like a trap to excel. Ugh.
Amazing this popped up on my feed. At age 63 it recently dawned on me I spent most of my life working for approval far more than anything else. The amateur psychologist in me understands my attitude came directly from the family dynamic when growing up. Don’t make the same mistake (easier said then done). 🙏🏻
Thanks for sharing this, we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
That last bit really resonated with me. I’m always worried people are going to be mad at me, and I do all these people-pleasing behaviors to keep on others’ good side.
Thank you for sharing! If you're interested, try the Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice It can help you connect with yourself, which in turn will help you save yourself instead of serving others.
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for this. I avoided this video for almost a week now, such a painful, shameful & complex topic.
I’m thinking some can relate here, always feeling stuck & wrong & just trying to survive rather than thrive/live…and knowing the problem is something in me but not knowing what it is or how to fix it. One of the most painful things is getting together with family or friends and having to do the recap but being stuck in the same place as not only last year but 10+ years ago. Feeling like a failure or loser but not being able to fix it. And yes, feeling resentful because these friends or cousins aren’t “broken “ like me and that doesn’t seem fair. One big thing difference seems to come down to the neglect & being raised by equally broken people. My siblings & I were not taught how to survive out in the world, in fact in terms of employment the feeling was “ just be happy they give you any kind of job “ but then remember to be careful that they don’t take advantage, but they’re still saints cuz they LET you work for them.
Thank you for watching. Glad you are here.
Nika@TeamFairy
You’re not alone. I can definitely relate.
Seriously ur not alone stuck from past thirteen years in addition to this if we are in spirituality...people don't understand these basic terms too...only know to ask what you do as a job. I had no answers. Thanku for sharing. May God bless u❤️❤️🙏🙏
Thank you❤❤
I accidentally discovered I had cptsd from watching your utube channel and was utterly thrilled to learn I could be “fixed”
Before Christmas I finally left a terrible home situation to start all over again -just myself and my little dog -and naturally I immediately managed to lose my crappy temping job and jeopardise my ability to pay rent and maintain my new independence and freedom…
I arrived home today trying to not be too distressed / devastated by all this and instead set about trying to convince myself I’d be fine if I went back working for myself again providing bookkeeping and administrative services (which I am exceptionally good at but not so great with the pricing)
I inadvertently came across your video on underearning and I am 3/4 way through it and I now am confident I am going to be ok
I believe I can do it
What an amazing feeling ❤
You got this! Good luck!
Nika@TeamFairy
39 yo, i have good ideas, extremely good hands, problem solving skills, lateral thinking, i have the power to make gold and diamonds with my own hands, but i am still struggling to heal from years of neglect, constant "stop making garbage", and "find a real job" from a narcissist mother. this video was much needed, thanks
The relationship between the client and the soloprenuer is / has been the hardest part of my career.
So beautiful to see our potential when science and intuition coexist not in spite of each other, but instead to validate eachother.
I'm a talented dancer and musician who decided to become a dentist (also talented), learned 5 languages, thought that would put me in a better financial position, but still barely make rent. As I heal I do better, but at 43, it just doesn't add up. Thank you for shining the light on this topic.
I thought dentist's are high earners. Sorry for the struggle!
Thank you for this! I'm on the journey of knowing my worth and reconciling my issues with scarcity and money. It's definitely a mental adjustment.
During the pandemic I sacrificed and moved to help my mother, who was alone. I lived walking distance to my office, but 1.5 hours away after moving. Turns out she’s undermined me in every way with my work so I could take care of her. I can only see this now. It’s been ruinous to my career.
I always felt like I was never qualified for a good paying job. I have such a low opinion of myself and feel like I can’t do anything right. I’m afraid to try something more fulfilling.
You are not alone in feeling that.. I feel the same often and I'm too nervous to even sit down and think about it in a realistic way. Those are self-doubts that should be questioned and not taken for granted. 🌞✨✨
I find it interesting that I work so hard, carry so many and get undermined constantly.
I have been in business for myself for 30 years - and it's funny, Anna, but the jobs I did out of the goodness of my heart - for lower price or even free - are the jobs where I recall my clients being the LEAST grateful. I'm glad you mentioned that, because it's always puzzled me how, the people who were literally GIFTED my services, weren't nearly as appreciative as the clients I charged full price - but, I get it now! Makes sense.
I had serve trauma around money for many reasons: Growing up in poverty, financial abuse, under earning due to sexism, racial discrimination, just to name a few. If we don’t get honest we can’t recover from the beliefs we have.
28:48 “when you work for free, you sabotage the whole idea of yourself.” Somehow it’s so hard to ask my right and a raise. I always have this feeling I don’t deserve to ask such things and i felt like I should appreciate for the least amount of money the employers were willing to pay me. Not just financially but in relationships in general, I tent to get so afraid to ask my rights or say something the other person wouldn’t wanna hear. It prevents me from having a normal life. 35:37 “express your boundary that communicates very powerfully to them you do have worth.”.. “don’t undercut yourself.” “You don’t value your own work. That’s what they’re going on.”
We understand as few others can. You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This came at just the right time for me. I was speaking with my therapist today and my father yesterday about the ways I want to move forward and shift my career and lifestyle. I need this to stop being vague and theoretical, and I need to take concrete steps to do what I want. I can’t leave others in charge of my life.
You got this! We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
That's the hard part. What plans can you make when you're uncertain yourself? I'm in this dilemma right now. NOTHING makes sense.
Thank you!!! A documentary I did was implemented into the Canadian school curriculum this year and I applied for a grant to be a motivational speaker but I suffer from CPTSD like many of my people (Native American) and when it comes to money I get weird but I was also raised in a super religious family and taught money is "evil" so now it's time to know my worth and heal my relationship with money. Thank you for this because no one talks about this ❤
It sounds like you're doing some amazing work! Thanks for sharing and for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Read the Court of Atonement book on making peace with money.
Since you’re in Canada and a Native American, maybe you could give a motivational speech to all the kids appropriating your culture by claiming to be “2-spirit”.
@@SalivatingSteve I appreciate the suggestion but honestly I'm more focused on building my community up and showing them thriving after horrific trauma is absolutely possible.
@@francisfrancis1153 thank you so much! I will definitely take a look at it.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I’ve always struggled financially. I’m 37, and just learning about poverty trauma and the affects that having trauma and being neurodivergent can have on ur finances.
This video came up just in time
Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
Currently working on healing so much in my financial sector of my life. I’ve been building websites since I was 15 and yet never thought to offer services. This year someone noticed I was so well versed in this and encouraged me to start my own business I was so against it and assumed it was no big deal and everyone probably knows how to do this. After some research I realized this is an actual career. Crazy to think we are suppressing ourselves solely based off of our childhood.
Anna, one of the best podcasts I've heard! You touched on a lot of what I'm going through. I quit my well paying job to move out of state to CA in order to help with elderly dad. I was under the impression that family would help, but didn't happen. I lost a large part of my income and dealt with bad behavior from family. Your podcast gave me hope and information/push of what I need to do to make it better. Huge Thank you! 🫂🙋♀️💕
Sent my mom (rip) a Large monthly check for many years. Eventually no longer had the money to do so. I thought “ok my brother and sister will take over now. ZERO
Hi, your comment rings so many bells, have huge sympathy for you. I moved to care for my mum last year, the same year as I lost my work - and left my home of 15 years. It's a LOT of upheaval, great that you're looking out resources for processing it. I hope you are giving yourself plenty of credit and recognition for what you're doing. I feel as though I've been plunged back into the crucible of my childhood and had my income taken away! I feel closer to mum than ever before because she's so vulnerable, so in some ways it's very healing, but another family member is pretty hostile and it makes daily life tricky as all hell. Very best of luck to you in the good thing you're doing. I suppose the silver lining is that we're getting the opportunity that few do to process old hurts and perhaps understand ourselves and why we are as we are. I have compassion now not just for mum but increasingly for the child I was and who I am now. All the very best to you and your dad.
OMG 😯.... exactly the same story/situation for me....
I'm having to start again @ 50 literally homeless after spending nine months renovating parents house so they could sell it & move into new villa in retirement village. I stayed after sale too. They moved out of the house before settlement day of big family home & cleaned out cupboards and draws old furniture that they had horded for years & made no attempt to go through & clear out. I used all my savings to be able to stay there also buying my own food etc. haven't spoken or heard from them since.
I'd left a job that was all consuming of my time to do this so had to get rid of my stuff I'd owned & accommodation.
They don't care. Now in a physically hard job with minimal wage & come into it with probably too much appreciation for the job like I was desperate & grateful for being given the chance. I work my ass off never for a second standing around doin nothing. Even when quiet and everyone else is on their pH looking social media. I'm cleaning or doing something.
They now treat me less valued than in the beginning.
I'm a good worker and I know it but...yet I still doubt that I'm good enough 🤔
All the best for your own journey going forward. I hope you don't accept less than in any area of your life🍀🌈✌️
@@imperialdaggeri have a similar story
ME TOO! Only I moved FROM CA to NC. My dad balks at paying my bills, even though he agreed to do so before I made the move.
HE KNOWS HE CAN'T DO WITHOUT ME! Yet, when I asked him for $1000, per month, which comes out to $6.25 an hour (my overhead is low because I live in the house) He thinks I am going to put him in the poor house.
My credit is suffering now because I struggle to pay my bills - moving expenses to get here.
As a 32-year old who has been through chidhood trauma, this makes me cry. I've been underpaid. I do things for free and give people my time for free. My husband is the only one with an income, and we don't earn enough to safe money, only small amounts. I feel grieved now after watching your video.
It's time for myself to see my true worth.
I am watching this in installments because it is too painful to aknowledge and to face. Just too painful. We've been undermined and sabotaged from the cradle, at least I have. It's just too painful.
i know a lot of people with money problem, but i dont see the trauma as a cause of their poverty. i see the greed the cause of that.
i love your work❤❤❤❤
What you talk about here should be part of the curriculum in schools, not just for young people, but also for parents. I wish I found you earlier in RUclips, better late than never. Im 44 and im done with jobs with crappy pay when I’m worth so much more. Thank you Anna 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you for this! I have a bachelor's degree and I chose to work at Walmart. I thought I couldn't handle the pressure and have always felt like a fraud and unworthy. I have never earned what I'm worth. I'm in my fifties and I wish I could go back in time and value myself more.
We understand as few others can, you're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy
I’m in my 60s and in the exact same boat as you. We can’t do anything about yesterday. But tomorrow is another story. I’m gonna write that story my way. I bet you can do the same🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
"I just trust there's gonna be money." That's always where I go back to crap fitting for work, cuz I tell myself I can't trust that! But I needed to hear this at this stage of life fully recognizing that this is me, and I want to work on it. Love your videos!
😮Omgosh Anna & everyone else here surviving trauma!!!!!!
This is so magical!!!! Earlier today I bought a small Christmas tree 🎄 to decorate and after working 42 hours in 3 days thx-giving holiday I felt this was what my heart and inner child needed 😊 I honestly have been under earning and it is time that I get paid what I deserve 😊please pray for me to have courage and grace to ask for what I need!!!!!! Thank you 🙏
We're all sending you encouragement! You got this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 💜🤍🩷💜🤍🩷💜🤍🩷💜🤍🩷💜THANK YOU ‼️❕‼️❕‼️❕
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy 💜🩵💜🩵💜🙏😊💜🩵GUESS WHAT????? I was offered the $25 hourly that I’ve been asking for!!!!! Yay totally manifested this on Friday December 10, 2023 and exactly in 5 months will be 9 years sobriety!!!!!! Thank you Anna and everyone else for sending good wishes!!!!
I’m 41 years old and I’ve been waiting for this precise explanation all my life. Thank You Anna, in just under 50 minutes you have just succinctly explained the core belief system that I have been running on. It’s like you’ve just bought clarity to every little but of it! I read the Seth books 📚 or Seth material by Jane Roberts that talk about the importance of beliefs and how they are essentially creating our lives as we live them. You’re explanation here has just given me total clarity on this core belief system. Suddenly a life that at some level seemed to be a mystery that I couldn’t quite access has just been revealed to me (: 🎉 Thanks 🙏 RUclips ain’t that bad after all eh! 😂 Thanks so much Anna ❤
Wow, I'm so glad the video was helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment. -Calista@TeamFairy
A very helpful video mam..lots of love from India
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈🔥🏋️♀️💪💥
@samcarter1898 Your comment is SO WELL articulated! I agree with you 100%!
Please, don’t diminish artists. You shouldn’t perpetuate the false idea of the starving artist. For many, it is a serious source of trauma. For the artists listening to this material, nowadays there’s a wealth of information on how to conduct healthy business for all kinds of artists. Cheer up!! 🥂
It obviously had to be said and it was, because it is true, and many artist suffer from that trauma, but being butt hurt won’t heal that trauma, you must accept it and work the trauma
@@ricebunnymoon4624 Yes, trauma must be accepted to heal. Agreed. But, regarding this topic, it is important to locate the source. Is it true starvation, or is it having people around hammering the artist with the idea that artists must starve? Very different concepts.
It’s irrelevant, it is something you must work to dissolve to the point it doesn’t affect you, because you accepted it and embraced it in order to grow from there. Sounds so simple. Ur if your here were on the same boat and it has taken us a life time of trauma and emotional turmoil, we still must resolve.
Very few artists make real money. That’s just real life. My artist son is super talented. He doesn’t know how to market himself, though. And art does not sell, unless you’re Picasso. He is now a nurse and paints for pleasure. Win win.
Thanks for the kind and heartfelt comments. But, I insist. The art industry is huge. The problem is not the art, which is just another product like any other. Other products fail, restaurants, chain stores, professional offices, big malls, etc. Yet, society insists “artists starve”, despite the fact that we can’t live without art. Literally. Some artist got paid for your tooth paste container design, the print on your clothes, your Cheeto’s bag, all the stuff in your walls, wardrobe, favorite stores, entertainment, books, you name it. The “starving artist” as such is a myth. If you know a starving artist suggest to her or him to do a responsible market research, trust the process and don’t dismay. And, please, kindly ask people to quit spreading negative messages about artists.
Money is very important.
The light at the end of the tunnel! We all are blessed by your beautiful mind.
I'm glad you brought up this topic, as I've been reading about and attempting to untangle the intersection of victimhood (from the "drama triangle" model) and individualism and bootstrapping and laziness as a myth and bullshit jobs. I think it's important to recognize how we are indoctrinated to blame ourselves for living under economic structures that benefit capitalists, not workers,, in order to see more clearly and regain authentic power , autonomy and agency. Those concepts feel a little more liberating than a raise or certainly hustle culture.
I appreciate the free content you make available, and am glad you are in a position to support people who are where you once were, and not abuse them.
Capitalism has produced the highest standards of living for workers in human history - it’s certainly never been successfully replicated for workers in socialist systems. I work in a community college and everyday I see people coming from in some cases nothing to economically speak of, but getting into in demand jobs and thriving economically. It takes hard work and support - part of my job is providing the support- but I can’t do the work for them. It ultimately is easier to blame “economic systems” and it’s certainly popular, but it’s not necessarily factual.
I think there is too great a tendency in the US (I'm in the UK) to regard all failure as personal failure and not take into account the structures we're operating within - you are such rugged individualists but that can have a down-side! However, I studied Russian and lived in Russia for a while and communism does not produce a less exploitative environment for people. There was huge poverty and, for a couple of decades at least, any worker who expressed the wrong view was likely to be put on a train to a siberian camp. I've come to believe that we never get the 'pure' version of capitalism, communism etc., with all of the projected benefits their proponents claim - every system is a human system and ends up basically pretty similar. 'Capitalism', to the extent it has been actually implemented in the West (it's still imo just networks of people making things work for themselves, just as in the Soviet Union) is ostensibly freer up to a point, although anyone who has ever 'taken a step sideways' and felt the weight of the state will disagree with that. I have a lot of faith in us as creatures and believe that if we can improve our relationships with ourselves and others we can build strong networks that will make less important what the networks that run things are getting up to.
@@jordansjulMonopoly Capitalism is the problem today. The huge corporations and banks can eat up the smaller ones. Eight families/corporations own half of the world's wealth and resources. That's a disaster and in the richest country in the world, children are going to bed hungry. Sometimes is very wrong with todays neoliberal economic system. People can't even afford healthcare to assist them to get well and return to work.
@@jordansjulactually, if you want facts, only 18% of people born into poverty ever make it to the middle class. So yeh, the system is designed to keep people poor.
This is so true. I grew up being taught that having money was somehow a bad or selfish thing. In my teens when I started doing side hustles and part time jobs to pay for toiletries and clothes my parents didn't like it. Ironically if I hadn't done that, college would have been much tougher. When I started working as an intern I got paid very little but had to send money to my younger sisters cos my parents didn't give them enough pocket money for clothes and stuff. My parents where middle class and professionals and nowhere near poor, but always made us feel guilty about the little we got from them. It's affected me profoundly. Although I'm in a professional that pays very well, I always accepted low ball offers and never complained. I've always thought I didn't deserve to have a nice paying job despite being told how good I was at my job.
Spot on Anna.
lm so sick of being poor. lve been in this position all my life... except when l was childless and nursing in the 1980s.
l have three kids living with me, one works. lve never been on a vacation. l work and didnt realize the job I do pays so little. The hours are less than usual jobs which l need for at least one of my children. l cant ask for a raise... l work for the government.
Please find a better paying job
I need to just play this over and over again until it sticks in my head.
I took so many cues from movies on how to interact with people. In the movies the Raise or promotion is always given. So I find myself waiting for that scene to play in my life and...it never does. Thank you doing this video.
Synchronicity led me here today, new follower. Thank you so much for your insightful thought-provoking presentation.
I've been involved in fitness my entire life. I have had friends try to get me to train them but would act spoiled when I tell them what to do. Now, if that happens, I give my website name and tell them to consider the rates I charge. Once that happens, it stops but at least people don't waste my time anymore.
Alot of this applies to women in general. Our society has socialized women to be seen as less valuable and to take less then men in theworkplace, and also to have low self esteem or self worth.
I'm a man and literally every single numbered reason in this video applied to me. Our society has also socialized women to believe it's okay (and in fact, within their right, really) to devastate & annihilate using the legal system & family law. Women have been socialized to initiate divorces (which they do with overwhelming frequency) and to wield the power of the state to destroy other's lives (which they do with overwhelming frequency)
@@goldmidwestIt works both ways
You know, as a man, you don’t have to make everything about you when women speak up. It IS harder. The level of conditioning IS worse - partly because of men like you who can’t pass up a chance to be invalidating.
Of course men can still go through financial hardships. The difference is whether it’s individual circumstance vs being deeply systemic. Please at least attempt to respect that.
Like how you combined entrepreneurialism and business, linked to underearning. I've been feeling that people won't pay for my service--negative talk.
Will listen to your ideas carefully and thoughtfully. I have nothing but deep hatred towards church, school, family & innumerable therapists who led me astray with teachings that kept me poor and marinated in shame/low self-esteem. I was never taught how to succeed in my life. I NEVER learned that I mattered to anyone and when I sought out effective help in therapy or mentors, many people turned their back on me. I was often blamed for any personal failures and while I am getting effective help NOW at 68 for the first time in my life as a man with an ASD, I no longer listen to or value 'traditional' teachings of society and employers. Anna, I am glad to have your wisdom in my life - would have loved to have had your wisdom in my life 30 years ago. Thanks!!
what happened with your therapists?
@@Melissa-qu4wlmany just wasted my time teaching me to accept my life without helping me strategically improve my life. No therapist ever asked me, "John, how would you define a successful life for you? How much money would you like to be earning? I want to help you achieve your goals. Let's get started!"
I never felt inspired or confident from any therapist that I could make any positive enduring improvements in my life. Therapy was too often a waste of my time and money.
I am now in my early 60's and I am just starting to understand the consequences of a crappy childhood. There is so much to overcome.
@@johnbyerlein6682 Thank you for sharing that, John. It's a confirmation of what I want to do with my life as a coach and someone who needed this kind of encouragement in my own life. I also experienced the toxicity of religion (not God's fault or doing, but the wounded, broken people in the church who wounded me). I'm so sorry for what you went through and can I just say, YOU MATTER. Very much. I hope you can release the past (I like to picture it going into a garbage bag and out with the trash), ask yourself those questions right now, and be your own advocate for a better life, starting today. I, and others in this community truly care!
This is so true. My issues was compounded because at age 13 my ‘ mother’ ran off with another man. It left my dad and young sisters ( aged 5 , 7, and 10 years old) bereft. I was 13 so considered
‘mature’ . I took on the role of housewife and mother. I behaved older and I became older and fast.
As the ‘ mother’ ran off with a rich older man ....I hated money. I thought of it as selfish and dirty as she’d spent the household budget on herself. We on the other hand, had very little.
It’s taken me 2 decades to understand this. I’m having to make up for lost time and at last I will have the life I east rather than the life I tolerate. God bless all of us who struggle with this. It’s cruelty beyond words. But the members of mothers ‘family’ , her brother in fact, just shrugged their shoulders and said, “ it’s the children who suffer in divorce”. WTH? 🤔😢
Wow, this video was amazing. I am a homeschool mom. I have worked part time restaurant jobs to get by, but I have been trying to think of ways to make money from home, like an online business, for YEARS. I have so many of these beliefs that have blocked me from moving forward- procrastination, vagueness, clutter, thinking money is a bad thing to desire, low self worth, etc. My husband works so hard, but is also an under earner. I already realized our financial situation is a result of CPTSD, but you really spelled out why. Thank you!
Glad it was helpful. Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thanks for helping us and people your doing as close to Gods work as possible 🙏
In the beginning stages of women of color being held back because societies view of us not being worty of an appropriate pay, this is a blessing. Taraji P. Henson's twstimony of fair wages for women of color is a true testiment to this video. Her settling and haggling for an "acceptable" pay for her years of work 😢was heart breaking 💔. I'm in the process of now finding the words for the pay I requested for a position that gives you the opportunity to ask for it! This cideo was a God send!!
This was me until very recently! I think my company even knew this, because the moment I brought it up, a promotion and raise suddenly happened very quickly. Self-advocacy is incredibly powerful, but it's not something that comes naturally or easily to people who grew up feeling worthless.
Thanks for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you for this video. My childhood trauma is steeped around the fear of financial insecurity, My mother grew up brutally poor and my father was a compulsive gambler. Over the last ten years I've done most things on your list. I'm positioned to make what I need to make to feel secure, pay my taxes (I'm self-employed and I've really blown this part), pay off debts, and start saving. The only missing part is putting the hours in. The "no money, no mission" is super helpful.
Yay! It’s so good to hear success stories like this!
Nika@TeamFairy
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
My Mom said to " never leave home with run-down heels"❤️
You are an authentic therapist. You see the root of our trauma.
Thank you for this. I turned 30 this year and vowed to change my financial well-being and spending habits. Well, surprise surprise nothing’s changed. I’m finally realizing the roots of the issue are much deeper and this video has been so insightful. I’ve always worked 3 jobs to ensure I had a little money coming in often but living paycheck to paycheck because that’s all I knew. I just started my own business and out of all the challenges, naming my rate was the absolute worst part for me. It was SO uncomfortable because I wouldn’t be able to afford my services but I have to realize I’m not my target market and other people can and do spend that kind of money without flinching, especially because I KNOW the work I do is worth it. Thanks for this, excited to check out more of your videos.
I'm so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy
I need to watch this every day for a month. Your advice is spot on for this 62-year-old talented, intelligent woman recently Dxed with ADHD who has struggled all her life. I'm working (crossed out "trying" - I'm not trying, I'm DOING it) to pick up the pieces once again.
I have mad skills in several tech and creative areas but have never been able to port that into a stable career and income.
Being on ADHD meds and learning my struggles have NOT been because I'm stupid, lazy, or selfish as my family has told me over the years has made a world of difference.
And your videos have built on all of the hard work I've been doing in therapy. Thank you thank you thank you!!
I have a couple of goals, including starting my own RUclips channel.
You got this! We're all rooting for you. -Calista@TeamFairy
so totally can relate. i struggled with this "vagueness" all my life. i didn't know what to do with my life, and i blamed the "money system" as "evil". thanks for articulating all this for me. This year, at age 47, i finally clarified my direction. i want to be a harp teacher. I love music AND it may be able to pay well AND i can dictate my own rates. i have charted out a 4 yr plan to get certified. I have been reading many books on gratitude and money to change my relationship with money. And that's why i'm here watching your video.
This was the most relatable video I have watched, EVER! There were so many points you made that were spot on. My spouse and I do not agree on many of the things that I feel are important, and some you touched on. A few being, the importance of your environment and how it effects you, the thought you made about the drive to work, and going the extra mile to enjoy the nicer view... These things matter a lot to me, so I don't feel so poor. I am striving to better myself, when he is miserable in his messy, unorganized life.
I appreciate your honesty, and your growth was one you worked on, it doesn't just happen.
This video has helped me see I'm not ridiculous, and to keep pressing for more, for better. Thank you.
Thank you so much for sharing this. Keep up the great work and stay connected with yourself!
Nika@TeamFairy
This is literally the best video (RUclips Channel) I've watched about getting past mental blocks and improving your life. I've actually saved it to watch again, and probably again. It even feels like a pep talk. Thank you universe.
I'm so glad it was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Truly amazing content!
Imposter Syndrome is also a huge force in under-earning from trauma. You have value and belong where that value is, but if it was mirrored to you that it was not of value in childhood (school, work, relationships) it will leave you with an inaccurate view of the impact you can contribute and get fairly compensated for. People envious and insecure will also tell you to "be more humble" and "lower your prices" and "no one will pay that"... I have heard it all. It takes a leap of faith and hard work and a hell of a lot of grieving to realize you had value but were in the wrong setting and ALLOWED it based on conditioning.
Thanks for sharing this! -Calista@TeamFairy
I wish I had this video years ago. I underearned my entire career, working for a nonprofit and never had the self worth to go for better paying jobs. Have just scraped by and still doing that now retired with multiple health issues from years and years of fight or flight.
I am in the process of working for myself, and it's been a very healing process as someone else who has C-PTSD. I feel it's very empowering, you can have more space to breathe, and you can advocate for yourself. It's awesome having this option.
Thanks for sharing! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes I’m the past I have quite often destroyed a good job because I just simply thought I will probably fuck it up eventually so while bother actually doing my best and then I would do something dumb and not truly appreciate the opportunity
Now I’ve started mediation again I can stay focused on staying in alignment when the habit to sabotage comes up
Also I’ve got some comedy skits about self sabotage on my channel that you might like too 😈💥🔥🏋️♀️💪
Thanks so much, dear Anna. Now for the first time I am starting to see why I've never made enough $$ to support myself...
This is my third post about this video. I deleted twice before because I was making excuses for my bad pay. Old habits die hard. Thanks for the tip on that 12 step program for chronic under earning. That is my first step now.