I've found some men just become better versed at using "therapy language" to further gaslight and cause harm to your own psyche. They think them remaining "calm" means that they are in the right.
@@EverythingisH8speech There's a long history of men harming and/or gaslighting women by claiming they are being "calm" and "logical", in contrast to women's (very appropriate) emotion reactions/states.
❤🩹I'm a Black American woman of the African diaspora. I find the pursuit for a "Soft life" among Black woman so ironic. I think it's a case of thinking the "grass is greener on the other side". I grew up mixed culture [half my family is Black American & the other Immigrant]. My mom was a housewife as customary to her culture...I was groomed as well to be a housewife. I turned out Lesbian but... due to the way I was groomed ...effortlessly I attract "provider" type men...the type Black Women continue to clamor over. What they don't realize is the TREMENDOUS COST that comes with being that type of "breed" of woman. The trending glorification of "subordination & fragility" is sadly underestimated. When one truly ingrains those characteristics, it renders a woman very very vulnerable, prone to violence & with unending obstacles towards gaining self autonomy.
Romance : Sweet Love "Many men, especially often turn away from true love and choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. Ultimately they choose power over love."
J Cole said it best "don't save em, he don't wanna be saved" the amount of empathy that bw have for a group of males who collectively have zero emotional intelligence and don't care about their women/children is mind blowing. Bw please get some self love and choose yourself. Break the trauma bond with bm.......they don't care about you.
Please mention the ways where all this "love" and "empathy" that BW have for BM is shown, stop putting yourselves on some pedestal for literally nothing, giving yourselves all this praise for nothing you have never done lol.
"I don't feel coddled, therefore you didn't coddle me" // "I don't know you and haven't had a bw self-sacrifice for me; therefore, YOU must be full of bs and are not empathetic." Dude, you're speaking from a place of emotion, not logic. Happens to the best of us.
As a therapist, I also noticed a drastic difference in my energy after taking on fewer couples. It's a much needed work though and I appreciate Dr. Nikki's POV.
It has to be the right man. They can use what they learn in therapy against you. I was a victim of this with my ex husband. During marriage counseling I was explaining to the therapist that I felt my husband was stepping outside of our marriage. He was able to convince her in less than 10 seconds that he wasn't. He just repeatedly said "But I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!" The therapist turned to me and said "You know if you accuse someone of doing something they're not, they will do the thing you're accusing them of". Right then my heart sank because I knew he had his excuse. Fast forward 3 months later I caught him red handed. Guess what he said " Well, remember what the therapist said? You accused me so now all this happened." Even though it turned out he was seeing his married Ex before we even got married, he still managed to blame it on me. I left that day and never looked back. Just know who you're dealing with.
@@garrulus3399 the thepriat didn’t judge. And asking for evidence gets to the bottom of where the accusations come from. Therpist did the right thing. Unless the op didnt tell the full story of happened
After the latest debacle on Twitter with that man creating several dating profiles for the girl sharing her vulnerability about her hair just for him to prove a 'point' no one asked for some of these men can't be saved even if they do go to therapy.
I wouldn't wish that task on a therapist, it's only so much a therapist can do they are not GODS , trying to figure out black men mindset and logic will make someone have a brain aneurysm ‼️
BLK are are as well. How about crediting those brothers do seek therapy and play an active role in the partner life can these BLK are phenomenal right sis?
@@yourmotherhatesyou641 does everything really need to be about Womens health all the time, men are human beings just like women are. I’m not black but I am autistic though and I think it’s very narcissistic to only involve women and never men.
A lot of men who go to therapy and anger management choose to not actually receive what they’re hearing. The Drink Champs interview with Chris Brown gave an excellent example of that. He touched on when he went to anger management classes at some point and he said he did what he had to do but his mannerisms told on him. He really didn’t see the importance or value of it. I believe he didn’t realize what he really exposed about himself but I also feel like most ppl didn’t pick up on that part. I believe many men are like this due to obvious reasons. You can go to therapy and whatever else all you want, but the bottom line is, the inner work is always on you. We women understand and accept this. Men know this, they’re just too lazy and programmed to not give a fuck. Either way, it’s still their responsibility.
I conduct a mandatory therapy group for men and one of the biggest hurdles that I work through is the compliance factor. Many men show up & say all the right things just to comply with the court order and never really engage in real introspection. I see and try to push them to see themselves more but I can’t do the work for them. Men are conditioned to comply in EVERY interpersonal relationship in order to gain a sense of “peace“ to their own detriment and to the detriment of those relationships. They equate disconnection and withdrawal with peace when in actuality they’ve imprisoned themselves that is not true to to comply. It’s essentially emotional solitary confinement, and we all known how psychologically damaging that is…
I don’t think so because they can never admit to being wrong or having flaws. Every issue they have in their life is blamed on black women or others. I’m watching because I love to hear educated BW speak but I can’t say I’m focused on the well-being of BM because they dgaf about mine. Other women are not as invested in their counterparts and I choose to be the same
I was dreading some household chores I'd been putting off for weeks but this conversation was so insightful and engaging that I did it all and didn't even notice! Thank you so much for uploading these discussions, Kim!
This was really validating and really hard for me. I know my green flags and the top 2 are emotional availability and self awareness. I have dated ALL types of men and it has been so. hard. to. find. A lot of my female friends and I have conversations about this and it’s genuinely not about bashing men. We’re trying to find partners and feeling lost. We’re doing our own work and literally not able to find male counterparts who choose to do theirs. I’m certainly not perfect but I am trying to work through my stuff and be aware of my stuff and that’s all I ask of my partner. Thanks so much for this discussion.
SRM808. Their lys the issue your stuff what his stuff. To females are self centered this the reason u and your speak on the same topic. Females have no backbone to care of others yet men have enter a relationship with bags and deal with your trauma, your weight, your bitter attuned and others. Women need to open their heart to be passionate and loving as the partners does
@@enoch927able You are one of the exhausting mn wm needs to give up on. Nobody was put on this earth to passionately love you n you alone. Wm are human too...
I think so. I haven’t finished watching yet, but I’ve noticed that a lot go to therapy to weaponize language that’s learned there. It’d be different if it was actually consumed and practiced, but I notice that that’s not the case
There's a saying that a psychologist once told me. Therapy is finishing school to a Narc. Basically means they learn how to manipulate better, they learn how to hide their mask longer, they become more dangerous.
Yes, it can. Toxic masculinity is a disease. Regardless of gender, not knowing empathy or being able to empathize is a massive shortcoming as a human being. The world does not need more sociopaths.
I see it daily as a teacher. The field of teaching is saturated by women, most who have obviously been deeply influenced my toxic masculinity and are void of empathy. Consciously doing harm to the future generation, babies and covering for one another. Just like the police.
@@toxicassassin1303 I'm aware that being masculine is not always toxic, but masculinity to an extreme is for the most part, toxic... What would be the phrase to describe males who are self absorbed, devoid of empathy, and often times narcissistic?
Let's talk about how alot of Black women don't have the privilege of living a "soft life" or living in their "feminine" some of us are poor and have to work jobs that are stressful to make ends meet some of us ate Darkskin and don't get handed the same opportunities to be feminine....what about them...that's my problem with the Movement.
You have to admit that you have a problem first. And if you let most black men tell it, it's everybody else's fault (including slavery and racism) as to why their lives suck. I know that systematic racism is real and working and some ideas from slavery have carried on to today. But those can't be the only reasons, as to why your life isn't going the way you want. At some point and time, black men have to have an honest conversation amongst themselves about themselves and how they need to change and do better. You can't demand to be the leader and not lead.
@@nangaeboko6710 I should be clear. Not suck, but if there is a problem i.e why they can't make money or keep a job, have problems with women, aren't secure in their sexuality, etc. When you ask why do they have these problems, they often want to blame anything and everybody's else, instead of the man looking back at them in the mirror.
@@FightsRightsAlways I understand your point. I would be lying if I said there aren't men who give plenty of excuses as to why they are in the situations that they are. The only person you can control and fix is yourself.
Ok, ok, hopefully, last comment, lol. As a single, Black, almost 50-year-old woman, this convo/interview has hit so many markers, moments, and phases of my life. I affirm myself often, but it doesn't hurt to hear from someone else. The way I am so inspired.
This conversation was a Delight and very affirmative! Dr. Nikki is such an amazing educator and compassionate in what she does. Also, her willingness to set boundaries in her profession as a therapist humanized her. I'm in awe.
Bw better divest or stay single. Or just continue to be in polygamous relationships with bm. Bm are killing bw and children everyday. And it's getting worse.
Every other race, it's men guiding men, but ours it's women. Aren't you tired? Black women constantly being the ones having this conversation is a colossal waste of their time. The time you could be putting into yourselves; into black women. If black men want to fix an issue, they will fix it.
Facts, plenty of youtubers be guiding men stepiscold,andrew tate, kevin samuels etc, females need to stop trying to make men because what a woman likes vs what a woman wants is 2 different things
This whole conversation makes me even more grateful for my partner. I'm lucky af. But this conversation was really helpful for expressing to other people in my life their value vs. worth, and how to acknowledge their loneliness when they feel like they're gonna be single forever. Thank you!
Essentially women have to be more intentional and purpose driven with their psychological, emotional and material resources and assets and not depend on men for peace, safety and love. Pursuing a man is not the destination, it is becoming your best self that is the true objective so efforts to better your health and wellness are not wasted if no man is immediately in view or on your horizon.
Excellent interview, I learned a lot of keys, and hopefully other women & men where open to listening. In my opinion our community we have a different set of issues our other race counterpart’s don’t have “self hate”, and to be brutally honest men who shout it from the mountain top’s of social media “they don’t want , or like us”. I know it’s self hate , I’m aware the minority is the loudest , but the majority hasn’t stepped up in any meaningful way , and it’s blatantly obvious to everyone except many Black women . We need open discussion on that, or a lot of women are going to get the help, learn to love themselves, learn the tools how move forward , but they won’t have a willing , open minded partner to grow with in Black men, and maybe the collective won’t /can’t, and don’t want to be all they can be… The well being of Black men is up to them, I stopped concerning myself with that.
@@bkcarrl And when the next knee cap hovers over your luscious throat, I won't care either. So glad we are on the same page. The way you guys think this is threat when you can't name a single time in history you ever protected/cared for BW, or even yourselves, is pure comedy.
@@bkcarrl wow. and here you are proving her point. so hateful wishing violence on someone. you clearly hate bw. why even care if a bw doesn't want to deal with bm anymore.
31:00 you don't self improve because it will land you a partner you self improve so you can avoid being manipulated into relationships with users, loosers, and abusers.
There will never be incentive for men to change if you give them sexual access for nothing. You ladies have a good amount of control over that situation.
If we want to make therapeutic change possible, we have to make sure quality, culturally competent therapy is available from insurance. Most insurance co have a dearth of therapists. It’s hard to get inpatient care. Contact your state representatives & bring it up. We also have to expand the pool of candidates in the field. Provide free/low cost schooling, making licensure easy or at least ensuring pay during the licensing process, and provide a better wage for therapists.
55:22 For many people too there's resistance/worry/fear, and understandably so, because serving men in all ways and seeing men perpetuate violence against women in bed or otherwise is incredibly pervasive. The problem isn't always women: it's the men who harm us.
Stop settling and open your options. BW would rather be alone instead of dating outside their race. This is so sad and so misguided. There are enough men in the world for each and every women. Telling BW they should accept loneliness is why so many BW suffer from depression. That is not natural or healthy. Growing old alone, seeing other groups of women surrounded by family and their husband, how is that healthy? If you are alone you will have to be a strong black women because you have no one to protect you. A lot of double talk…. Tell the truth, a large portion of the men in the community are not fit to be husbands.
Not everyone is for dating out of their race. Majority of other race of men prefer being with their own race. You sound very desperate and selfhating. You want other races of men when majority of them are looking at their own race.
@@ronnienorford256 false. That is just the voice of fear. Most BW have low self esteem and pander for a pat on the head by their own men who if given the chance would dodge them for a preference without a second thought. Race loyalty is one sided within the BLK community…. Leaving a lot of sistas single or single mothers. Low esteem is thinking that only a abusive (financially or physically) group of men that do not measure up again other men are the best you can do. Self hating?… when you live in the world’s melting pot. Are you even trying to make sense?
I agree, it's important to not limit your options too much. It's possible you will still not find a quality partner of another race. But, it at least increases your chances!
@@ronnienorford256 No. It's not that a majority of bw prefer to date their own race... we are groomed to accept the least from a man. Accepting the least from our own men who have raised to be meek... no education, no money, no business, and no drive. Instead the women are taught to be strong, holding down everything (shelter, food, raising children, etc.) while the men in the same community have excuses and no answers on how to improve things. I just recently attended a graduation at a HBCU and the graduation class was well over 2/3 bw... so you are telling me that over 200 successful bw in that class should be alone or date/marry a bm less successful than themselves... instead of just dating out. Even Goldman Sachs knew who was better to invest in.
I love this conversation, it was so beautiful, it was needed and we need to continue it in the public and private forums. Listen, I really dislike the fact that BW are excepted to mule for everybody with no expectation of nothing in return. I see sistas psychologically breaking and still expected to continue to help others move forward and I’m not for that. I think apart of the way BW can create soft spaces for each other is to allow the unspoken Black community expectations to fall. I love being Black and I love Black people but I despise the way BW are handled in the community. I am happy to see more BW are unlearning muling and allowing themselves to create lives filled with happiness and ease. Relationship or not. And lastly, I really want BW to see that heterosexual, conservative, monogamous relationships do not serve us all and many of us are disinterested in that….and that’s ok.
I truly hate to say it but bw set themselves up for the expectation to be mules. any and every cause of the new underdog of the day can count on bw to inexplicable cape for them. gay movement trans movement, the church, saving black men & marching for everybody. i guess bw expected to be rewarded for this and the muling to be reciprocated? and now that it's clear that its *not* going to be, maybe bw will realize it is long past time to prioritize themselves over all and sundry.
@@marie-francoiset9402 I also in part blame the culture and the way BW are raised with the expectation that they will be in constant servitude and that is “submission” required for them to be partnered with a BM. BW are literally asked to reject part of their autonomy for the sake of “saving face”…..and treating BM like “kangs”…..it’s wild to me. I do think that BW also participate in misogyny (consciously and unconsciously) and call it “the will of God” 🤦🏾♀️. There are a lot of problem here, imma not going to hold you. But, it starts with us to dismantle this horrible rhetoric and practice.
Therapy is not the magic wand that some make it to be. Interventions fail and often take multiple sessions. Not all therapists are a good fit or effective. And, it requires lots of work on the client. It's good for insights (if you are ready for them) and getting through difficult times/ crises and for prolonged , severe mental illness , but it does not change someone's entire personality. Even when people are successful, they still have to maintain growth. Therapy is usually for specific issues. It could help you heal in some areas , but you will still be unhealed in others and will have to work to heal even deeper and in all facets of life. Men need education in the systems of oppression and other lessons that will help them be self- aware and- reflective to undo the programming they have learned from their privileged position. They need MORE than therapy to value the dignity in others, see how the world actually works and to engage it critically. It doesn't take therapy to be a good human. It takes commitment to being one's best self and loving others and wanting to impact the world positivity enough to show up nontoxic. Therapy is no replacement/ shortcut for people who refuse to do this inner work themselves... It's supplemental at best.
This desperate need for bw to continuously beg for BM attention, and beg for them to value us appears pathetic. Bw continue to bear the brunt of “saving” the black family and its a never ending cycle. If the work isn’t being put in from both sides, let it go.
Once again we are doing to much while they are simultaneously doing to little. Seems to be the narrative that encourages them to never change. Blind devotion for a demographic that never shows up properly.
I'd like to say as a black man that yes therapy can help, I can only speak for myself of course; but I'd also like to add that your therapy has to be given by a therapist that sees them as more than boys, or men that can sometimes "ack right".
The question needs to be can therapy save the Black community? As a therapist and life coach I can honestly tell you both black men and women don’t go to therapy. Everyone is getting advise from tiktok. As a therapist I heard people say all the time. They gain something watching a tiktok. That’s not therapy.
GREEN FLAGS. that's so smart I'm gonna have to give that some serious thought. Great interview Kim, as usual you asked all the right questions! I'm doing an intentional single season right now that's going to end soon and this is a great jumping off point for me
I feel like, this is more like Kim personal therapy session but in 3rd person lol, Kim face reactions through all the questions feel very personal lol jk, this is a great live, thank you Dr. Nikki🙌🏼 She’s spitting truth throughout the conversation
This may be a bit off topic: Watching the blk men on Marriage at First Sight was another eye opener for me. I mean the lack of E.I, accountability, interpersonal skills and mental maturity was appalling. If three professionals with PHDs and years of experience can’t vet blk men who can? If seeing yourself act a fool on National television in front of millions doesn’t encourage change what will. Not to mention the gaslighting of questions towards the blk women especially the dark skin blk women was disgusting…..
Married at First Sight??? Reality TV made for views??? There are 25 housewife shows, lhh, bb wives, etc. I would never venture to say that any of these shows is a reflection of all black women and the state their in. What in the world?? I guess only black women arent a monolith 🙄
@@jdg7515 Have you watched the show because maybe you would get a better idea of what I’m speaking about. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that in our own lives blk women have been saying blk men have a real issues and then to see that mirrored on that show was actually sad and disheartening. Blk women have their issues but a big difference on that show and in life we actually acknowledge, try to change and get the help we need to try to do better. Blk men have done no such thing, not trying to do it, don’t even think they have any issues. They continue to blame blk women, white men and the system for EVERYTHING…..
Three Hollywood professionals with PHDs vetting men for a reality show aren’t weeding out bad apples? Noooo? Lol. How will Hollywood destroy the minority community structure without direct accountability if they make prime time shows based on actual decency?
@@So-what692 Yes I've seen the show. You're out here acting like a dude like Chris or even Zach is representative of all black men when one of those professionals you're referring to is also a black man. Its a show that they definitely cast people that they can get some drama out of so they can get ratings. Thats why they rately cast Deona and Gregs anymore. This argument is foolishness.
PhDs willing to engage in the unhelpful mess that is most reality tv tells you that they’re not vetting for emotional intelligence. They’re looking and encouraging mess for ratings!
Excellent interview. You seem to be in a great deal of emotional pain and I truly wish that was not the case. Personally, I feel we are in a bit of a weird space right now as far as male and female expectations. When I was growing up and being socialized, I felt like a failure as a profoundly nearsighted,skinny, bookish nerd in the hood. Not being good at sports don't help at all. Another issue, as if that wasn't enough, was that I was told that being nice and kind to a woman would make her like me more than the lunkheads I went to school with. I did also receive the normal set of heteronormative instructions, such as not crying, suck it up, etc. What is happening now, however, is men are being told on a consistent basis, is this is not good enough, or even good at all. Unfortunately, men are not really equipped to make these changes or, to handle anything emotionally, quite frankly. We have really never dealt anything outside of pain and anger. That is why loss very often throws us completely for a loop because we don't know what to do with these feelings. The men in the counseling probably feel like curling up into a ball because everything they have been taught about being a man either has changed or is incorrect. Personally, I can discuss Camu's absurdism, Communist theory, Critical Theory, etc, but I am not the dude you want to call when you pop a flat unless you want me to wait with you while AAA get s there. That being said, I am just as much of a man as anyone else that identifies as male and that was a hard thing for me to get to. I personally am not sure what the answer is but we seem to be building a generation of American NEET's and I do not know if we can change them. Men don't really accept change particularly well, especially one as large as this. Could be socialization. We could be built that way. At this point it is a distinction without a difference. That is my two cents. Once again, keep up the good work.
I really did get to so much of this. Like long work and I can see a clear outcome now. And it's funny that it's kind of pointing towards the opposite where I don't want to be partnered but that's an ideal that's less realistic and I'm fine with it at this point for the same reasonings.
Short answer: no. Possibility and reality are two different things. It's absolutely possible. But like many other commenters have pointed out you have to want to do the work and you have to do the work. I don't see it happening in the near or distant future. Also going to therapy requires a substantial amount of self-awareness. If you don't think anything's wrong with you🤷🏾♀️
21:50 I respect the idea of existing in a space of gray, and enjoying the moment, but given BW's DV and femicide rates, I'm not sure that it's safe for us to rest in that space. Before a woman realizes she's with a dangerous man, it may be too late, so having a sort of absolutist green/red flag system may be necessary to save lives.
I don’t think that’s what was being said. I think she meant that green/red flags should be paramount but that the expectation that this person who may have all these green flags is meant to be your person for lift or the end all be all takes people out of the moment and keeps them from fully enjoying the experience of that particular relationship. I could be wrong though
It's the opposite for me. If I se ot hear something emotionally intelligent from my partner. My whole thought is. "So you DO understand and have the capacity to be better, but you choose not to do so on purpose." If they know how to access that behavior to benefit from me but not to work with me, I don't want it. Throw the whole man/person away. It's defective.
I think the word "save" is misguided (and probably clickbait tbh). Therapy is a tool that can help you recognize patterns in your relationships and how to implement healthy habits. It's not a magical cure. The only person who can save you is yourself and that's something a lot of people don't want to acknowledge, Black men included.
Last I remember no therapy ever helped black women from getting railed on daily basis! 51 percent of black men walked away from blackwomen to never look back since 2010! And ever since we making money living our lives in peace and harmony! Why would I need to spend my money on your therapy that doesn’t work on you?
So many gems dropped here especially that relationships I wouldn’t ever countenance might be a win for others is something I’ve learned to accept and empathise with -it’s tough out there. But also more young women need to know the soft life might look worth investing in when you’re young and beautiful but with age and ill health and life you will find it would’ve been better to invest more in yourself and an independent means of being self-sustaining because that’s the part that will get you indulgence, validation and care, when your humanity being respected doesn’t depend on the strength of erections you can provoke in a man 💕
If your old and health has declined being alone seems depressing. I mean this is the reason why we are even having this conversation no one wants to be alone as they get older. And you will not have to worry about other men seeing your humanity through an erection because the man that love you is your life partner. Also who will take care of you in old age with no children your basically depending on the kindness of strangers to have your best interest. Which seems scary as well….
@@So-what692 Yes, I think this is a huge problem for men especially those without children but even children are no guarantee of elder care as intergenerational bonds break down under the weight of financial pressure aggravated by a neoliberal state that privatises all of social care instead of recognising these as public goods; the rise of insecure, poorly paid employment; and the spread of nuclear family ideology and individualism among people of colour/diaspora in the west. I didn't even need data to show me, I could look at my grandmother and see that women thrive when their husbands die or depart early as long as they have adequate income, whereas men, regardless of income do not do well in emotional or physical health terms when they're separated from the women who give them care. Gay men are also affected by this. I think the key here is forming reciprocal relationships among equals who respect each other and having an independent income outside the home/husband if you're a woman. This is hardest to do for mothers but it is the most vital thing for women to be able to go through the world with dignity, in our youth as well as in later years, because one is never equal to one's employer
I think black men need pyschedlic therapy. I live in Mexico and do work with local indigenous plant medicine doctors. Taking psilocybin mushrooms or Ayahuasca is life changing on a mental, spiritual and physically level. I encourage and invite black men to explore these options alone with talk therapy.
To all BLK women speaking on the topic of emotions check out this video for a named Jeremy L. Holloway titled" The one thing women underestimate about men" the shock value that Harriet and the therapist will have an impact on this subject.
![ARGENTINA vs. BOLIVIA [6-0] | RESUMEN | ELIMINATORIAS SUDAMERICANAS | FECHA 10](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/C3wPtKNbAOA/mqdefault.jpg)
I've found some men just become better versed at using "therapy language" to further gaslight and cause harm to your own psyche. They think them remaining "calm" means that they are in the right.
Interesting
No Remaining calm means they are trying their best to have a logical conversation
@@EverythingisH8speech There's a long history of men harming and/or gaslighting women by claiming they are being "calm" and "logical", in contrast to women's (very appropriate) emotion reactions/states.
@@EverythingisH8speech emotional intelligence counts too. remaining calm is a given. what are you gonna do otherwise? get violent?
Now even therapy is toxic lol
Being aware of making decisions out of loneliness... that is a gem.
For MEN it normal is .This is our life in the NEW SOCIETY
❤🩹I'm a Black American woman of the African diaspora. I find the pursuit for a "Soft life" among Black woman so ironic. I think it's a case of thinking the "grass is greener on the other side". I grew up mixed culture [half my family is Black American & the other Immigrant]. My mom was a housewife as customary to her culture...I was groomed as well to be a housewife. I turned out Lesbian but... due to the way I was groomed ...effortlessly I attract "provider" type men...the type Black Women continue to clamor over. What they don't realize is the TREMENDOUS COST that comes with being that type of "breed" of woman. The trending glorification of "subordination & fragility" is sadly underestimated. When one truly ingrains those characteristics, it renders a woman very very vulnerable, prone to violence & with unending obstacles towards gaining self autonomy.
Romance : Sweet Love
"Many men, especially often turn away from true love and choose relationships in which they can be emotionally withholding when they feel like it but still receive love from someone else. Ultimately they choose power over love."
Sweet Jesus...this is truly a word!
You can only love someone to the extent that you can love yourself.
@@nicdav78 a word! Phew!
That’s it right there!!! That’s it! Those individuals ultimately are choosing fear not love. The greatest power is love.
J Cole said it best "don't save em, he don't wanna be saved" the amount of empathy that bw have for a group of males who collectively have zero emotional intelligence and don't care about their women/children is mind blowing. Bw please get some self love and choose yourself. Break the trauma bond with bm.......they don't care about you.
Please mention the ways where all this "love" and "empathy" that BW have for BM is shown, stop putting yourselves on some pedestal for literally nothing, giving yourselves all this praise for nothing you have never done lol.
@@tbcreloaded7529 why are you saying this on a video of two black women trying to fix YOUR mental health? Like are you dumb or dense?
@@tbcreloaded7529 how did you just watch this whole video and criticize a black woman over simply saying choose yourself before others??
"I don't feel coddled, therefore you didn't coddle me" // "I don't know you and haven't had a bw self-sacrifice for me; therefore, YOU must be full of bs and are not empathetic." Dude, you're speaking from a place of emotion, not logic. Happens to the best of us.
Y’all black women are over emotional that why white ppl uses you as political pawns.
So cool to live in a world where we can learn about the therapists' perspectives. Amazing interview
As a therapist, I also noticed a drastic difference in my energy after taking on fewer couples. It's a much needed work though and I appreciate Dr. Nikki's POV.
It has to be the right man. They can use what they learn in therapy against you. I was a victim of this with my ex husband. During marriage counseling I was explaining to the therapist that I felt my husband was stepping outside of our marriage. He was able to convince her in less than 10 seconds that he wasn't. He just repeatedly said "But I'm not! I'm not! I'm not!" The therapist turned to me and said "You know if you accuse someone of doing something they're not, they will do the thing you're accusing them of". Right then my heart sank because I knew he had his excuse. Fast forward 3 months later I caught him red handed. Guess what he said " Well, remember what the therapist said? You accused me so now all this happened." Even though it turned out he was seeing his married Ex before we even got married, he still managed to blame it on me. I left that day and never looked back. Just know who you're dealing with.
What kind of therapist says a thing like that! Wow! I am so sorry you had to experience all of that. I'm glad you are free now!
Just satbut you cant accuse a person with mo evidence. Why would the therapist believe you
@@zero1188 a therapist's job is not to judge but to open a safe space and that therapist clearly and evidently crossed all the lines.
@@garrulus3399 the thepriat didn’t judge. And asking for evidence gets to the bottom of where the accusations come from. Therpist did the right thing. Unless the op didnt tell the full story of happened
The therapist was correct.
After the latest debacle on Twitter with that man creating several dating profiles for the girl sharing her vulnerability about her hair just for him to prove a 'point' no one asked for some of these men can't be saved even if they do go to therapy.
His ass!
A dude like that wouldn't even consider therapy.
I wouldn't wish that task on a therapist, it's only so much a therapist can do they are not GODS , trying to figure out black men mindset and logic will make someone have a brain aneurysm ‼️
Lmao right on cue
Missed it, what happened on Twitter?
She should sue him
This was super helpful. Black Women are phenomenal. To be self aware and gracious toward each other and ourselves is a gift
BLK are are as well. How about crediting those brothers do seek therapy and play an active role in the partner life can these BLK are phenomenal right sis?
@@enoch927able No 🥰This isn't about you. She said BW are phenomenal. You don't see me demanding inclusion and I'm a half-black woman lol.
@@yourmotherhatesyou641 does everything really need to be about Womens health all the time, men are human beings just like women are. I’m not black but I am autistic though and I think it’s very narcissistic to only involve women and never men.
A lot of men who go to therapy and anger management choose to not actually receive what they’re hearing. The Drink Champs interview with Chris Brown gave an excellent example of that. He touched on when he went to anger management classes at some point and he said he did what he had to do but his mannerisms told on him. He really didn’t see the importance or value of it. I believe he didn’t realize what he really exposed about himself but I also feel like most ppl didn’t pick up on that part. I believe many men are like this due to obvious reasons. You can go to therapy and whatever else all you want, but the bottom line is, the inner work is always on you. We women understand and accept this. Men know this, they’re just too lazy and programmed to not give a fuck. Either way, it’s still their responsibility.
I conduct a mandatory therapy group for men and one of the biggest hurdles that I work through is the compliance factor. Many men show up & say all the right things just to comply with the court order and never really engage in real introspection. I see and try to push them to see themselves more but I can’t do the work for them. Men are conditioned to comply in EVERY interpersonal relationship in order to gain a sense of “peace“ to their own detriment and to the detriment of those relationships. They equate disconnection and withdrawal with peace when in actuality they’ve imprisoned themselves that is not true to to comply. It’s essentially emotional solitary confinement, and we all known how psychologically damaging that is…
@@malmal3003 wow of all the comments I've seen this by far has hit me. I didn't even have the words to express that.
@@malmal3003 THIS, THIS, ALL OF THIS❕❕❕❕❕❕ ……mike drop🚶🏾♀️
I don’t think so because they can never admit to being wrong or having flaws. Every issue they have in their life is blamed on black women or others. I’m watching because I love to hear educated BW speak but I can’t say I’m focused on the well-being of BM because they dgaf about mine. Other women are not as invested in their counterparts and I choose to be the same
Self-awareness is a definite requisite. I’ve noticed this to be an area of abundant lack in the black Manosphere.
Actually in order to want to seek therapy you’d have to take a little bit accountability. they’ll most likely never get to that point.
I typed in RUclips search "male accountability ". Maybe 3 vids..everything about women needing to be accountable. Wtf. They take 0 responsibility
When ignorance just flows....
Agreed
I'm sure it could. But, you also have to be open to being honest with yourself and putting in the work.
It’s truly as simple as that; although not at all easy.
I was dreading some household chores I'd been putting off for weeks but this conversation was so insightful and engaging that I did it all and didn't even notice! Thank you so much for uploading these discussions, Kim!
I swear, we can all benefit from a really good Black Therapist. So insightful and thoughtful. Thank you for this interview.
This was really validating and really hard for me. I know my green flags and the top 2 are emotional availability and self awareness. I have dated ALL types of men and it has been so. hard. to. find. A lot of my female friends and I have conversations about this and it’s genuinely not about bashing men. We’re trying to find partners and feeling lost. We’re doing our own work and literally not able to find male counterparts who choose to do theirs. I’m certainly not perfect but I am trying to work through my stuff and be aware of my stuff and that’s all I ask of my partner. Thanks so much for this discussion.
SRM808. Their lys the issue your stuff what his stuff. To females are self centered this the reason u and your speak on the same topic. Females have no backbone to care of others yet men have enter a relationship with bags and deal with your trauma, your weight, your bitter attuned and others. Women need to open their heart to be passionate and loving as the partners does
@@enoch927able lol all you did was prove her point.
@@enoch927able You are one of the exhausting mn wm needs to give up on. Nobody was put on this earth to passionately love you n you alone. Wm are human too...
@@FightsRightsAlways Bravo for understanding that message. I need a translation.
@@FightsRightsAlways exactly they don't have critical thinking skills and are too emotional. They're big mad that bw are waking up to their bs.
I’m a therapist seeing adult individuals only. I started first two minutes. This is going to be fire. Let me get my popcorn and get comfortable. 😆
I think so. I haven’t finished watching yet, but I’ve noticed that a lot go to therapy to weaponize language that’s learned there. It’d be different if it was actually consumed and practiced, but I notice that that’s not the case
You can't take a narcissist to Therapy Therapy, they will just Act there then come back do whatever they were going to do anyway
@@deltaradiance9034 agreed
@@deltaradiance9034 yup it’s literally contraindicated for narcissists
There's a saying that a psychologist once told me. Therapy is finishing school to a Narc. Basically means they learn how to manipulate better, they learn how to hide their mask longer, they become more dangerous.
@@deltaradiance9034 best to leave those types of men once they show who they are
Yes, it can. Toxic masculinity is a disease. Regardless of gender, not knowing empathy or being able to empathize is a massive shortcoming as a human being. The world does not need more sociopaths.
I see it daily as a teacher. The field of teaching is saturated by women, most who have obviously been deeply influenced my toxic masculinity and are void of empathy. Consciously doing harm to the future generation, babies and covering for one another. Just like the police.
Toxic masculinity doesnt exist
@@toxicassassin1303 I'm aware that being masculine is not always toxic, but masculinity to an extreme is for the most part, toxic... What would be the phrase to describe males who are self absorbed, devoid of empathy, and often times narcissistic?
Let's talk about how alot of Black women don't have the privilege of living a "soft life" or living in their "feminine" some of us are poor and have to work jobs that are stressful to make ends meet some of us ate Darkskin and don't get handed the same opportunities to be feminine....what about them...that's my problem with the Movement.
This was so FUN (and funny). You don't miss, Kimberly. Great job. And thanks for allowing the good doctor to drop her contact info!
The “value versus worth” part was what I needed. Starts at 27:39
You have to admit that you have a problem first. And if you let most black men tell it, it's everybody else's fault (including slavery and racism) as to why their lives suck. I know that systematic racism is real and working and some ideas from slavery have carried on to today. But those can't be the only reasons, as to why your life isn't going the way you want. At some point and time, black men have to have an honest conversation amongst themselves about themselves and how they need to change and do better. You can't demand to be the leader and not lead.
You think most BM have lives that suck?
@@nangaeboko6710 thats what you got out of it smh
@@nangaeboko6710 I should be clear. Not suck, but if there is a problem i.e why they can't make money or keep a job, have problems with women, aren't secure in their sexuality, etc. When you ask why do they have these problems, they often want to blame anything and everybody's else, instead of the man looking back at them in the mirror.
@@roxywyndham What did I miss?
@@FightsRightsAlways I understand your point. I would be lying if I said there aren't men who give plenty of excuses as to why they are in the situations that they are. The only person you can control and fix is yourself.
So the men are emotionally broken? But not the women?! This is fkn nuts!!!!
Ok, ok, hopefully, last comment, lol. As a single, Black, almost 50-year-old woman, this convo/interview has hit so many markers, moments, and phases of my life. I affirm myself often, but it doesn't hurt to hear from someone else. The way I am so inspired.
The best thing I've seen this year. Thanks Kim and Dr Nikki. Like... I'll probably re-watch this a million times in the coming months.
Don’t they have to want to be changed?
I’m only 20 minutes in and this video is exactly what I’ve been needing! Great discussion ladies!
Everything she was saying I’ve experienced. Hits way too close to home…but this was definitely validating cause I thought I was going crazy…
No, it cannot save them. They’re beyond help…
AMEN , BLACK WOMEN NEED TO DO WHAT BLACK MEN DO AND BREAK THEIR NECKS TO DATE OUTSIDE THEIR RACE
What she said ☝☝☝☝
I agree
U ain't never lied FACTS
This conversation was a Delight and very affirmative! Dr. Nikki is such an amazing educator and compassionate in what she does. Also, her willingness to set boundaries in her profession as a therapist humanized her. I'm in awe.
As a therapist, this was a great discussion to watch. Especially about topics like the level of effort, orgasm gap, and soft life.
Everyone need to hear Dr. Nikki🙌 She be calling you out and telling the truth at the same time
Black women do your work and move on in every way physical, mental sexual financial and spiritual. Divestment will save your life.
Ok “lakesha” 😂
Bw better divest or stay single. Or just continue to be in polygamous relationships with bm. Bm are killing bw and children everyday. And it's getting worse.
Lol I got an ad that was all like "find out what yo man is up to" 🤣
I loved this conversation! THANK YOU! ❤️
Every other race, it's men guiding men, but ours it's women. Aren't you tired? Black women constantly being the ones having this conversation is a colossal waste of their time. The time you could be putting into yourselves; into black women. If black men want to fix an issue, they will fix it.
Facts, plenty of youtubers be guiding men stepiscold,andrew tate, kevin samuels etc, females need to stop trying to make men because what a woman likes vs what a woman wants is 2 different things
@@toxicassassin1303 Guiding them to loneliness, uselessness and an early grave but like I said, it's not women's problem so I support it.
U ain't never lied about that FACTS
This whole conversation makes me even more grateful for my partner. I'm lucky af. But this conversation was really helpful for expressing to other people in my life their value vs. worth, and how to acknowledge their loneliness when they feel like they're gonna be single forever. Thank you!
If you earnestly do the work you GET YOU! and that’s the ultimate prize I promise you.
Leave these men alone and it won’t matter. They need to fend for themselves
Men already been fending for their self
FACTS
Essentially women have to be more intentional and purpose driven with their psychological, emotional and material resources and assets and not depend on men for peace, safety and love. Pursuing a man is not the destination, it is becoming your best self that is the true objective so efforts to better your health and wellness are not wasted if no man is immediately in view or on your horizon.
Excellent interview, I learned a lot of keys, and hopefully other women & men where open to listening. In my opinion our community we have a different set of issues our other race counterpart’s don’t have “self hate”, and to be brutally honest men who shout it from the mountain top’s of social media “they don’t want , or like us”. I know it’s self hate , I’m aware the minority is the loudest , but the majority hasn’t stepped up in any meaningful way , and it’s blatantly obvious to everyone except many Black women . We need open discussion on that, or a lot of women are going to get the help, learn to love themselves, learn the tools how move forward , but they won’t have a willing , open minded partner to grow with in Black men, and maybe the collective won’t /can’t, and don’t want to be all they can be… The well being of Black men is up to them, I stopped concerning myself with that.
Right on cue
And when a white man kicks your teeth in I won’t concern myself either
@@bkcarrl And when the next knee cap hovers over your luscious throat, I won't care either. So glad we are on the same page. The way you guys think this is threat when you can't name a single time in history you ever protected/cared for BW, or even yourselves, is pure comedy.
@@bkcarrl wow. and here you are proving her point. so hateful wishing violence on someone. you clearly hate bw. why even care if a bw doesn't want to deal with bm anymore.
31:00 you don't self improve because it will land you a partner you self improve so you can avoid being manipulated into relationships with users, loosers, and abusers.
The answer is hell no! There’s no incentive for them to change. I just saved you an hour of your time.
Lol
There will never be incentive for men to change if you give them sexual access for nothing. You ladies have a good amount of control over that situation.
@@nangaeboko6710 I completely agree! Our desperation and lack of self discipline is why we can’t have peace lol
👍🏾
ironic
If we want to make therapeutic change possible, we have to make sure quality, culturally competent therapy is available from insurance. Most insurance co have a dearth of therapists. It’s hard to get inpatient care. Contact your state representatives & bring it up. We also have to expand the pool of candidates in the field. Provide free/low cost schooling, making licensure easy or at least ensuring pay during the licensing process, and provide a better wage for therapists.
This was a great and much needed conversation
55:22 For many people too there's resistance/worry/fear, and understandably so, because serving men in all ways and seeing men perpetuate violence against women in bed or otherwise is incredibly pervasive. The problem isn't always women: it's the men who harm us.
THIS WAS FANTASTIC! MORE OF THIS PLEASE!
Stop settling and open your options. BW would rather be alone instead of dating outside their race. This is so sad and so misguided. There are enough men in the world for each and every women. Telling BW they should accept loneliness is why so many BW suffer from depression. That is not natural or healthy. Growing old alone, seeing other groups of women surrounded by family and their husband, how is that healthy? If you are alone you will have to be a strong black women because you have no one to protect you. A lot of double talk…. Tell the truth, a large portion of the men in the community are not fit to be husbands.
Not everyone is for dating out of their race. Majority of other race of men prefer being with their own race. You sound very desperate and selfhating. You want other races of men when majority of them are looking at their own race.
@@ronnienorford256 false. That is just the voice of fear. Most BW have low self esteem and pander for a pat on the head by their own men who if given the chance would dodge them for a preference without a second thought. Race loyalty is one sided within the BLK community…. Leaving a lot of sistas single or single mothers. Low esteem is thinking that only a abusive (financially or physically) group of men that do not measure up again other men are the best you can do. Self hating?… when you live in the world’s melting pot. Are you even trying to make sense?
I agree, it's important to not limit your options too much. It's possible you will still not find a quality partner of another race. But, it at least increases your chances!
@@ronnienorford256 No. It's not that a majority of bw prefer to date their own race... we are groomed to accept the least from a man. Accepting the least from our own men who have raised to be meek... no education, no money, no business, and no drive. Instead the women are taught to be strong, holding down everything (shelter, food, raising children, etc.) while the men in the same community have excuses and no answers on how to improve things. I just recently attended a graduation at a HBCU and the graduation class was well over 2/3 bw... so you are telling me that over 200 successful bw in that class should be alone or date/marry a bm less successful than themselves... instead of just dating out. Even Goldman Sachs knew who was better to invest in.
@@ddacoe0 Exactly. A woman should never condemn herself to loneliness.
I love this conversation, it was so beautiful, it was needed and we need to continue it in the public and private forums. Listen, I really dislike the fact that BW are excepted to mule for everybody with no expectation of nothing in return. I see sistas psychologically breaking and still expected to continue to help others move forward and I’m not for that. I think apart of the way BW can create soft spaces for each other is to allow the unspoken Black community expectations to fall. I love being Black and I love Black people but I despise the way BW are handled in the community. I am happy to see more BW are unlearning muling and allowing themselves to create lives filled with happiness and ease. Relationship or not. And lastly, I really want BW to see that heterosexual, conservative, monogamous relationships do not serve us all and many of us are disinterested in that….and that’s ok.
I truly hate to say it but bw set themselves up for the expectation to be mules. any and every cause of the new underdog of the day can count on bw to inexplicable cape for them. gay movement trans movement, the church, saving black men & marching for everybody. i guess bw expected to be rewarded for this and the muling to be reciprocated? and now that it's clear that its *not* going to be, maybe bw will realize it is long past time to prioritize themselves over all and sundry.
@@marie-francoiset9402 I also in part blame the culture and the way BW are raised with the expectation that they will be in constant servitude and that is “submission” required for them to be partnered with a BM. BW are literally asked to reject part of their autonomy for the sake of “saving face”…..and treating BM like “kangs”…..it’s wild to me. I do think that BW also participate in misogyny (consciously and unconsciously) and call it “the will of God” 🤦🏾♀️. There are a lot of problem here, imma not going to hold you. But, it starts with us to dismantle this horrible rhetoric and practice.
THIS
I appreciate what you are doing with your channel
Therapy is not the magic wand that some make it to be. Interventions fail and often take multiple sessions. Not all therapists are a good fit or effective. And, it requires lots of work on the client. It's good for insights (if you are ready for them) and getting through difficult times/ crises and for prolonged , severe mental illness , but it does not change someone's entire personality. Even when people are successful, they still have to maintain growth. Therapy is usually for specific issues. It could help you heal in some areas , but you will still be unhealed in others and will have to work to heal even deeper and in all facets of life. Men need education in the systems of oppression and other lessons that will help them be self- aware and- reflective to undo the programming they have learned from their privileged position. They need MORE than therapy to value the dignity in others, see how the world actually works and to engage it critically. It doesn't take therapy to be a good human. It takes commitment to being one's best self and loving others and wanting to impact the world positivity enough to show up nontoxic. Therapy is no replacement/ shortcut for people who refuse to do this inner work themselves... It's supplemental at best.
I whole heartedly agree
A value system that has empathy at the forefront. To me that is what will end world wars
Working with couples is not my ministry. Sometimes ppl just need to break up.
Can’t help those who won’t help themselves
A prayer 🙏🏾✨ a sermon. Thank you for this video 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Come thru! Amazing and well needed conversations in this interview w/ Dr. Nikki
Love it! Thank you for Connecting this therapist to us. Each questions you asked, were the ones I was thinking about. 👌🏿
Brilliant video! I want more! Thank you Kimberly and Dr. Nikki!🤗
This desperate need for bw to continuously beg for BM attention, and beg for them to value us appears pathetic. Bw continue to bear the brunt of “saving” the black family and its a never ending cycle. If the work isn’t being put in from both sides, let it go.
if it don't apply to you keep it pushin lol u should focus on yours
It MUST start in the home and in the early development or it will continue PERIODT! Most things need to change
So true
Once again we are doing to much while they are simultaneously doing to little. Seems to be the narrative that encourages them to never change. Blind devotion for a demographic that never shows up properly.
I'd like to say as a black man that yes therapy can help, I can only speak for myself of course; but I'd also like to add that your therapy has to be given by a therapist that sees them as more than boys, or men that can sometimes "ack right".
She might’ve just procured a new patient today. Loved her disposition and her sense of humor AND I’m in TX too!
We need unc sd the signifier to be here, the discussion and conversation would be lit lit
Loved this conversation! Even as a cis gay black man I gained some perspective on a lot of things I’d never thought about. 💛
Uuuugh soooooooo good. This 29 minute marker thru 31-32 minute marker is top tier. Self Worth is the work!
The question needs to be can therapy save the Black community?
As a therapist and life coach I can honestly tell you both black men and women don’t go to therapy.
Everyone is getting advise from tiktok. As a therapist I heard people say all the time. They gain something watching a tiktok. That’s not therapy.
GREEN FLAGS. that's so smart I'm gonna have to give that some serious thought. Great interview Kim, as usual you asked all the right questions! I'm doing an intentional single season right now that's going to end soon and this is a great jumping off point for me
This was excellent and affirmed exactly what I thought!
This conversation was amazing! It was very helpful & I feel validated.
Thank you for this!!! So much wisdom!
I feel like, this is more like Kim personal therapy session but in 3rd person lol, Kim face reactions through all the questions feel very personal lol jk, this is a great live, thank you Dr. Nikki🙌🏼 She’s spitting truth throughout the conversation
This may be a bit off topic: Watching the blk men on Marriage at First Sight was another eye opener for me. I mean the lack of E.I, accountability, interpersonal skills and mental maturity was appalling. If three professionals with PHDs and years of experience can’t vet blk men who can? If seeing yourself act a fool on National television in front of millions doesn’t encourage change what will. Not to mention the gaslighting of questions towards the blk women especially the dark skin blk women was disgusting…..
Married at First Sight??? Reality TV made for views??? There are 25 housewife shows, lhh, bb wives, etc. I would never venture to say that any of these shows is a reflection of all black women and the state their in. What in the world?? I guess only black women arent a monolith 🙄
@@jdg7515 Have you watched the show because maybe you would get a better idea of what I’m speaking about. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that in our own lives blk women have been saying blk men have a real issues and then to see that mirrored on that show was actually sad and disheartening. Blk women have their issues but a big difference on that show and in life we actually acknowledge, try to change and get the help we need to try to do better. Blk men have done no such thing, not trying to do it, don’t even think they have any issues. They continue to blame blk women, white men and the system for EVERYTHING…..
Three Hollywood professionals with PHDs vetting men for a reality show aren’t weeding out bad apples? Noooo? Lol. How will Hollywood destroy the minority community structure without direct accountability if they make prime time shows based on actual decency?
@@So-what692 Yes I've seen the show. You're out here acting like a dude like Chris or even Zach is representative of all black men when one of those professionals you're referring to is also a black man. Its a show that they definitely cast people that they can get some drama out of so they can get ratings. Thats why they rately cast Deona and Gregs anymore. This argument is foolishness.
PhDs willing to engage in the unhelpful mess that is most reality tv tells you that they’re not vetting for emotional intelligence. They’re looking and encouraging mess for ratings!
Excellent interview. You seem to be in a great deal of emotional pain and I truly wish that was not the case. Personally, I feel we are in a bit of a weird space right now as far as male and female expectations. When I was growing up and being socialized, I felt like a failure as a profoundly nearsighted,skinny, bookish nerd in the hood. Not being good at sports don't help at all. Another issue, as if that wasn't enough, was that I was told that being nice and kind to a woman would make her like me more than the lunkheads I went to school with. I did also receive the normal set of heteronormative instructions, such as not crying, suck it up, etc. What is happening now, however, is men are being told on a consistent basis, is this is not good enough, or even good at all. Unfortunately, men are not really equipped to make these changes or, to handle anything emotionally, quite frankly. We have really never dealt anything outside of pain and anger. That is why loss very often throws us completely for a loop because we don't know what to do with these feelings. The men in the counseling probably feel like curling up into a ball because everything they have been taught about being a man either has changed or is incorrect. Personally, I can discuss Camu's absurdism, Communist theory, Critical Theory, etc, but I am not the dude you want to call when you pop a flat unless you want me to wait with you while AAA get s there. That being said, I am just as much of a man as anyone else that identifies as male and that was a hard thing for me to get to. I personally am not sure what the answer is but we seem to be building a generation of American NEET's and I do not know if we can change them. Men don't really accept change particularly well, especially one as large as this. Could be socialization. We could be built that way. At this point it is a distinction without a difference. That is my two cents. Once again, keep up the good work.
Thank you! This was so informative!
What a interesting, informative video. Thank you.
Dr. Nikki “I’m not taking away the dream”, love the savage responds😵 towards Kim lol, Kim face reactions be telling her feelings
I really did get to so much of this. Like long work and I can see a clear outcome now. And it's funny that it's kind of pointing towards the opposite where I don't want to be partnered but that's an ideal that's less realistic and I'm fine with it at this point for the same reasonings.
Short answer: no. Possibility and reality are two different things. It's absolutely possible. But like many other commenters have pointed out you have to want to do the work and you have to do the work. I don't see it happening in the near or distant future. Also going to therapy requires a substantial amount of self-awareness. If you don't think anything's wrong with you🤷🏾♀️
21:50 I respect the idea of existing in a space of gray, and enjoying the moment, but given BW's DV and femicide rates, I'm not sure that it's safe for us to rest in that space. Before a woman realizes she's with a dangerous man, it may be too late, so having a sort of absolutist green/red flag system may be necessary to save lives.
I don’t think that’s what was being said. I think she meant that green/red flags should be paramount but that the expectation that this person who may have all these green flags is meant to be your person for lift or the end all be all takes people out of the moment and keeps them from fully enjoying the experience of that particular relationship. I could be wrong though
That part about learning self compassion for softness is 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
It's the opposite for me. If I se ot hear something emotionally intelligent from my partner. My whole thought is. "So you DO understand and have the capacity to be better, but you choose not to do so on purpose." If they know how to access that behavior to benefit from me but not to work with me, I don't want it. Throw the whole man/person away. It's defective.
Kimberley and Dr. Nikki the kyou for this free therapy session 😊😊.
43:20 reminds me of Cam Newton's partner describing him harming her during sex and her not able to communicate it.
Just the title had me laughing, then I had to watch the full video. ♥️
I think the word "save" is misguided (and probably clickbait tbh). Therapy is a tool that can help you recognize patterns in your relationships and how to implement healthy habits. It's not a magical cure. The only person who can save you is yourself and that's something a lot of people don't want to acknowledge, Black men included.
Last I remember no therapy ever helped black women from getting railed on daily basis! 51 percent of black men walked away from blackwomen to never look back since 2010! And ever since we making money living our lives in peace and harmony! Why would I need to spend my money on your therapy that doesn’t work on you?
4 minutes in and I relate to this so much. 😭🤦🏾♀️
"Take my name off the list"
Yes! Dr. Coleman
Loved this! Thank you ladies 💜
So many gems dropped here especially that relationships I wouldn’t ever countenance might be a win for others is something I’ve learned to accept and empathise with -it’s tough out there.
But also more young women need to know the soft life might look worth investing in when you’re young and beautiful but with age and ill health and life you will find it would’ve been better to invest more in yourself and an independent means of being self-sustaining because that’s the part that will get you indulgence, validation and care, when your humanity being respected doesn’t depend on the strength of erections you can provoke in a man 💕
If your old and health has declined being alone seems depressing. I mean this is the reason why we are even having this conversation no one wants to be alone as they get older. And you will not have to worry about other men seeing your humanity through an erection because the man that love you is your life partner. Also who will take care of you in old age with no children your basically depending on the kindness of strangers to have your best interest. Which seems scary as well….
@@So-what692 Yes, I think this is a huge problem for men especially those without children but even children are no guarantee of elder care as intergenerational bonds break down under the weight of financial pressure aggravated by a neoliberal state that privatises all of social care instead of recognising these as public goods; the rise of insecure, poorly paid employment; and the spread of nuclear family ideology and individualism among people of colour/diaspora in the west.
I didn't even need data to show me, I could look at my grandmother and see that women thrive when their husbands die or depart early as long as they have adequate income, whereas men, regardless of income do not do well in emotional or physical health terms when they're separated from the women who give them care. Gay men are also affected by this.
I think the key here is forming reciprocal relationships among equals who respect each other and having an independent income outside the home/husband if you're a woman. This is hardest to do for mothers but it is the most vital thing for women to be able to go through the world with dignity, in our youth as well as in later years, because one is never equal to one's employer
Kim is really killing it with these guests lately! Or maybe I've just been sleeping
Appreciate yall
I think black men need pyschedlic therapy. I live in Mexico and do work with local indigenous plant medicine doctors. Taking psilocybin mushrooms or Ayahuasca is life changing on a mental, spiritual and physically level. I encourage and invite black men to explore these options alone with talk therapy.
This was so good!
God Almighty is the ONLY one who CAN save us... Turn to God in Heaven
To all BLK women speaking on the topic of emotions check out this video for a named Jeremy L. Holloway titled" The one thing women underestimate about men" the shock value that Harriet and the therapist will have an impact on this subject.
Women don’t understand anything about men that is the problem
28:39 I've really been waiting to hear someone say that out loud re: the value/dating discourse.
BM should save themselves🤢 imagine if BM made a video asking if "therapy will save BW"? Leave them to ruin themselves🥰
Thanks so much for this. 💙