American reacts to Weddings in Germany are a bit strange
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- Опубликовано: 28 сен 2024
- Thank you for watching me, a humble American, react to German wedding traditions
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The idea of the Polterabend as I learned it, is because of the cliche that if a couple argues, they start throwing dishes. So if you break all the dishes before the wedding, you "get it out of your system", and your marriage will be happy and harmonious, with no arguments
That's not true, the idea is the typical "chase away evil spirits" thing, as many traditions and circumstitions. Sorry, more boring reason, but also more plausible for the time the tradition origins ;)
I always thought it was based on the old saying that "Scherben bringen Glück"?
Ich mag beide Erklärungen ! ❤
@@mellavonsinnen8656 Got a third one xD
I always thought that back then you smashed your parents' old dishes (those were the only dishes you had) because you now have your own household with your new spouse and it's time for your own dishes. Symbolically, it's simply "leave your old dependency behind".
@@MollyMalone1983 I'd guess the "lucky" connotation of shards might have the same origin: If you chase away bad spirits with noise, you will have a good time. I just googled it and it seems to be a possible explanation.
(Another explanation is that "Scherbe" once ment "storage vessel" and full storages also meant that the owner was lucky)
I am german and attended a wedding in the USA once. I thought it was the strangest thing to have a rehearsal of the wedding the day before. Like practicing for a theater show or so. It all seemed more like a show to please the guests.
We were mostly taken aback by waiting for ages in the hot sun while the couple took pictures after church service ... just to be served a few drinks & snacks, then be sent home 🙈
I know, me and my wife did not follow tradition much, but I didn't realize there were so many things to follow - that we all ignored.
I'm glad, we only had the "standesamtliche" wedding and a big, casual, heavy-metal-festival-like barbeque afterwards. We even had festival flyers and festival wristbands. Brütal Marriage Festival 2016 - a night to remember. Or not, depending on the amount of alcohol you had.
Sound like a perfect wedding to me!
That's so awesome! Ours was a lil bit tamer, without flyers and wristbands but with bbq and metal =D
This sounds wonderful! 😍
Sounds so much better than our wedding.
Absolutely awesome. If my bf and I ever decide to marry, I think it will be something like this
Polterabend 😂. I work at the recycling center ( people can give us almost everything, different systems in every Bundesland) and we especially collect porcelain for those events, for our village communities around us❤. So yes it is still trending here in the south. 😂
In a lot of second hand stores in the Sauerland sell boxes of porcelain for that.
@@jalifritz8033 interesting and also a good idea 😀. Maybe those hand shops here have something similar...
@@jalifritz8033 Well... We take our stuff mostly from a yardsale...
German weddings can be so fun. We saw wood. We throw money. We cut big hearts out of sheets and climb through them. And we play terrible games that only the guests find funny but not the bride and groom.
These are our traditions.
Where I'm from we have the "Scheidlgniang" (goes by a few different names too), where the husband has to kneel on a piece of fire wood. The sharpest edge right below the knee caps.
From there he has to promise his wife stuff (like that he'll do half the dishes, that he'll always mows the grass etc whatever (just reachable, day to day stuff, fair stuff). Only when shes satisfied he can stand up.
Now, if she is taking too much advantage of it, not agreeing quickly enough, she'd be called out for it immediately (I've never heard of this happening, so it's rare).
But the point is, that if the man breaks those promises, he has to kneel on a piece of firewood for every break, a thousand times the time he had to do it then. In the afterlife, before he can go to wherever he'll go.
in Germany
Married: Ring at the right hand
Fiance: Ring at the left hand, because the left hand is the site of the hart!
Ok. That's interesting. In USA, he had it a bit wrong. The engagement ring comes off the bride and is replaced with the wedding band and then the engagement ring goes on after it on the left hand.
@@CabinFever52There are engagement rings, but traditional your wedding ring is the engagement ring and both are wearing them until they change the finger for the wedding.
We wear our rings on the left hand. It’s comfortable and practical 🤷🏻♀️
@@VanCrane Well... If you are honest, most marriages are not comfortable, nor practical...
I don't understand that logic, shouldn't the wedding ring be at the left hand, because it's closer to the heart? Why is the wedding ring further away from the heart than the fiance ring?
Missing the Brautstraußwerfen and the "Wer beim Anschneiden der Torte die Hand oben hat, hat das Sagen".
Genau!
Do the women in the US wear the rings on a daily basis like us. I would be soo afraid of loosing it or that it get stolen, when it has big diamonds included. And it's not practical, if it is a big one. Always in the way. So, I guess here, we germans are just practical as always. Putting a personal engraving into it is much more common.😉
The danger of losing it, having it stolen, hurt yourself with it, all just for the inconvenience to have this on your finger...
Oh and it only costs what could have been some really nice furniture, kitchen upgrade, big holidays, a pool, or just savings for bad times.
Yeah...nah.
"I feel like I'm being misled. Every once in a while they tell foreigners total bullcrap"
I remember many years ago, I fooled reddit into accepting a german tradition I totally made up. Went something like "old german men and young men get together for a traditional symbolic transfer of power. The young man brushed the beard of the old man while singing the traditional hymn for the occasion, 'Ich bin jung und du bist alt, Ich bin noch warm, du bist bald kalt. Während ich durchs Leben turne, wartet auf dich schon die Urne und musst du im Jenseits schmoren, fühl ich mich wie neugeboren'"
it was a song from kleines arschloch :D
I have no idea how many I fooled but I enjoy the thought that maybe there may still be someone out there that thinks that was real.
And then there was that one renegade Free Masons group that actually did this.
hahahaha xD
Und in 20 Jahren kann man in einem amerikanischen "deutschen" Souvenirladen "traditional, pretzel shaped beard brush" kaufen...
Wow that got dark.
I wonder how many people saw that and then subsequently did it.
And as always there are differences between rural and urban areas as well as between different regions 😊
In our region in the west of germany it is usual that groom and bride have to saw together a trunk of wood in halfes after church - using a two-man-saw or at least an big, two-man-operation suitable, bow-saw. this schould show that the pair knows to work together and that in the future they will always work as a team to overcome all obstacles. Many grooms and brides do quiet some sawing training before their wedding day to avoid humiliation at their "finest day". The friends of the groom, are traditionally responsible for organising the saw, the trunk and all necessary stuff - and to guard saw and trunk! Because other, non marrried men from the village traditionally try to steal the trunk and change it againt one that is especially hard to cut, or to even "sabotage" the saw... and the friends of the groom have to stop such trials - mostly by offering free beer or wine and some hard drinks...
My daughter and son in law did this at their civil wedding plus a lot of other silly games!
Funny how the same tradition can vary in the details sometimes within the same region. I am also from Western Germany. The sawing is one of my favourite wedding traditions, but I got to know it without the guarding. Instead the alcohol comes into play during the sawing: until the trunk is through the parents of the couple walk the crowd with bottles of liquour and refill the glasses: Invited or not, guests, neighbours or passerbys, everybody gets free drinks until the couple is done.
You have to remember that all of the mentioned parts are optional (apart from the actual marriage at the office). My husband and I actually had none of the other stuff: no church, no polterabend, no rings, no white dress, no vail... But: we are still happily married ❤
A Polterabend in the US would be a sad event. Imagine people throwing their paper plates on the ground. 😜
Or their plastic plates😂
Or the paper boxes from the chinese takeaway...😂
The witness is optional.
You can appoint up to two people but you don't have to.
The registration office worker is the witness anyway.
yes, since 1998 it is optional, before that it was mandatory. My witness was late because she overslept and that was a big problem at that time. I had to name another person of the people of our guests, so she coud do the job instead of my Bestie, wo arrived just at the moment we left the Standesamt :)
In der Schweiz darfst du ohne Trauzeugen gar nicht heiraten, wir haben es versucht, weil wir gerne alleine und ich Ruhe sein wollten. Ging leider nicht.
At the Polterabend, porcelain dishes get smashed, not "toilets" (OK, if your friend is a plumber, maybe, but otherwise not)! People save up old mismatched plates, cups etc. for this purpose or buy some from a flea market. Glass is bad luck and is not included in the pile of "Scherben".
One big difference is that in Germany the bride is not "given away" by the father into the custody of the husband to be. The bride and groom meet outside the church and walk up the aisle together.
Nope, not true.....the groom is waiting inside the church and the bride walks in
But you change the woman's surname for the male one. In Spain we maintain our own surname. For me changing the surname is one form of "giving custody" at the husband.
@@brigitterohr6927 You can do it either way.... I got married in Germany and we both walked in, together.
You can do this if you want to
@@vanesag.9863 You can do whatever you like in Germany. Both can keep their name, they can change to the wife's or the husband's name or they can create a new one out of both surnames.
Yes we do have the polterabend - but we mostly break old plates and such! No idea where she got the Toilet from, but i guess if youre renovating your house anyways, that would be an option...?
Since it's the guests who bring along the porcelaine, it usually depends on you friends and neighbours. If one of them is doing renovation work or has a background in plumbing or garbage disposal, you might get surprised with an old toilet bowl. I've only heard of it though, never witnessed it first hand.
Everything that is made of porcellan counts. Yes, it is supposed to be dishes, but a toilet bowl or a bathroom sink does work too (if made of porcellan, obviously). One of my friends did this at a wedding first and everybody returned the favor during his wedding. I went to a demolition site of multiple old apartment complexes with a friend and collected dozens and dozens of old toilet bowls and bathroom sinks for his wedding (we did coordinate this with the company involved beforehand). This was pretty cool. His rubble container was not enough to deal with our porcellan shards. It worked - he is still married and he is a guy that needs all the help he could get with this.
I just went to a Polterabend about a week ago and threw a toilet bowl and an old sink. Other friends of the couple also organized a dump truck full of toilet bowls and sinks. Maybe it's a tradition from Eastern Germany. 🤷🏻♀️
Nowadays, most couples also have their Polterabend a week in advance and not the day before the actual wedding. Where I live, you also never officially (aka. formally) "invite" people to it, but just let people know the date. Your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers, etc. just show up.
There were also a few traditions in the video I wasn't familiar with. Interesting watch, for sure.
Our neighbours daughter was getting married in 1966 in Germany. The front door was covered with wood to prevent damage. The groom and his friends backed a truck up and proceeded to smash a lot of plates, cups, and saucers against the door. When they were finished, they drove away, and the bride to be and her friends came out and started to clear the mess up. Strange, but tradition. I was an 18 year old newlywed, my husband was in the British Army, so we had just arrived in Germany. Boy, oh boy, I sure missed my mother that day.😀
We brought our old sink one time. We got a new one in the bathroom, so taking it to a Polterabend was a lot cheaper than calling a garbage pick-up or take it to a recycling place.
oh believe me we complain about the sound of cars honking for weddings😂
really? who does that? xD
@@voyance4elle me, i do that. i hate the honkers!
Sometimes the police want to stop it, and a riot starts.
@@voyance4elle Everybody honks - you know a wedding party is coming from kilometers away... at least in Switzerland and Austria we do that...
I think the honking and ribbon on car are relatively new. I don't think they had that, like, in the 60s
During the last years the American way of engagement tradition swaps over to Germany (Buying an absurd expensive ring with a fat stone of questionabke beauty, kneeling down and so on and on.). Traditionally there is no engagement ring. After the bride's YES the wedding rings are chosen together and are worn on the left hand to signal engagement. At the wedding the ring just changes hand. Also asking the bride's dad for allowance or the dad (or any replacement guy) leading the bride through the church is a nogo. The couple usually enters the church together. The anglo-american tradition of leading the bride is seen like a bit of handing over property. Also here, TV an Cinema did their thing and there are couples who think that has to be done.
Correction:
Engagement rings ARE indeed traditional in Germany.
The reason why it wasnt in the past 100 years/20th century and why the ring wasnt exchanged for a new one but just swapped hand should be pretty obvious.
The first well know case of an engagement ring (including diamond) being gifted in Europe - particularly its german speaking parts - as that of Maximillian I. of Habsburg and Maria of Burgund in 1477.
The thing that has actually changed is going from Iron to Gold. Not to gift an "additional" ring or that there are jewels on it.
I recognise op's view about engagement rings. I lived in Germany for over 17 years and when looking in jewell.ry shop windows never saw engagement rings like you would see in UK for example. Most of the rings were like those shown in the video, a his n hers matching wedding rings. Engaged = worn on the left hand, married= worn on the right.
But I think that in Germany, there is not this big pressure to have a really expensive ring that must be worth 2 or 3 months of the man's income. Mine did cost about 70 € (and looked more like a silver wedding ring, I don't like those big diamonds).
Not right at all. My grandparents married that way and their grandparents also. And I'm pretty sure that they knew nothing about any american tradition.
Um, fathers giving away their daughters is quite normal. I've just witnessed it again last month. My own wedding was just a courthouse wedding and my dad passed away 12 years ago so a close male friend and father figure led me from the car to the entrance where my husband was waiting. That's not unusual at least in south/west Germany.
2:50 Back in my day it was mostly just old plates, mugs and glas that was destroyed most of the time in front of the garage of the newly weds. But there was also always that one guy who tooks the fun part much too far. That’s when the toilet came into play. But now there is often a dedicated party on Polterabend and not just a keg full of beer and some snacks for neighbors and friends who came by to wish good luck to the couple. Now there are also often so called „Polterhochzeiten“ especially when the couple is only doing a legal marriage at the Standesamt. Those celebrations are often with more people than normal but also less formal than normal.
Diamond industry been really good at scamming people into thinking that if you don't get your fiancée one huge-ass rock of a diamond that means you don't love her ...
It's a good way of sorting out potential marriage candidates. If she's materialistic enough that the size of the ring and the amount of expense laid out for the reception is a bigger deal to her than the fact she's getting married to you, abort the mission.
Basic german wedding: Two people go to the Standesamt (public office), sign their mariage documents and have it officialized by the officer. Most commonly you each bring a witness and exchange rings.
Whatever else you do depends solely on what stupid wedding TV / internet shows you (or most often the bride and her friends...) choose to watch before...
Born 1965, first wedding i visited in early 1970s, was much simpler than today. Much cheaper ( i am swabian) and without any unnecessary modern nonsens.
Personally I have nothing to do with any church so we don't went there.
In Germany and Austria you are required to go to the City Hall to the Registry Office and get married there, otherwise the marriage isn't legal, a lot of people still decide to have a church wedding which doesn't count and isn't legal just to have a Church wedding, it's just something formal you do, for the family, and beautiful wedding pics or if you are christian, but it doesn't count.
Your wording is a bit misleading. A church wedding doesn't have legal consequences, but it's obviously legal to have a church wedding. Most churches will require you to get legally married before getting married in church though, and in terms of the churches' own laws, getting married in church without a valid marriage license may indeed be illegal. As to what does and doesn't "count": that is a matter of personal conviction. Back in the 50s and 60s, a lot of couples had to get legally married to apply for shared apartments. Legal marriage often was a very prosaic thing for them, basically signing a piece of paper in some stuffy office, often even without special wedding garments. As a result, many older couples consider the day of their church wedding as their main wedding anniversary. Nowadays, as the number of church weddings is on decline, many public officers are upping their game, attending special training to hold celebratory speeches, and many municipalities are building or designating more representative wedding bureaus, either at the public office itself or in special locations. And this in turn has elevated the image of legal marriage from mere formality to festive event in its own right.
@@haukenot3345 But then, in the protestant church, you can't get married without being legally married first.
In Germany church weddings were down to 18% in 2018, that's not "a lot of people"
@@nriamond8010 That's what I wrote. Except that, to my knowledge, that is not a rule unique to Protestant churches. The Catholic church has the same principle, except for very specific exceptions that generally require the approval of a bishop.
@@nriamond8010 Same for Catholics, although exceptions can be made.
Do americans have the "new, old, blue and borrowed" tradition? I'm Gernan and my mother told me that at the wedding it brings luck when the bride wears something new, something old, something blue and something borrowed. My mother wore her new wedding dress, old ear rings she inherited, a blue flower in her hair and she borrowed something from a friend (I don't remember what it was, tho.
😂😂😂lol,Ryan after making the video,screwing around the toilet,lifting and try to smash it,his wife:WHAAAAAAAT ARE YOU DOING?
I 'm celebrating our Wedding😜😜😜
FUN STORY OF MY PARENTS WEDDING
nov 29 court wedding
nov 30 church wedding
dec 1 my father birthday
and in 14 years of being married my father managed to forget the weddingday 10 times
I feel like some typical wedding stuff was missing. Like throwing the bouquet, the kids that throw petals in front of the bride, midnight snacks at the party (like Currywurst), the first dance and the stupid games at the party. And I still know the tradition that the engagement has to be one year and one day ahead of the wedding itself (but that's not very common).
That „A year and a day“ is probably linked to a legal construct from medieval times, when peasants / serfs who had successfully fled from their lord to a Free City were officially recognized as no longer being the property of the lord after living in the City for „Jahr und Tag“. („Stadtluft macht frei“, „Breathing the City‘s air liberates you“)
I think the bouquet throwing is imported from the US via Hollywood. There was no such custom 40 years ago.
But those were just the basics, there's a lot more, walking through a heart together, throwing rice, carrying the bride over the doorstep... and there's also an engagement ring.
I would say, about 50% of people do proposals and engagement rings, the other half is more informal. I even know several couples that don't have wedding rings. I think the engagement rings and proposals got more in the last decade or so, because we all watch American movies and popculture and people want a movie like wedding...
@@gaedingar9791
I’ve been married for 46 years.
We married only at the „Standesamt“ (Registry office) and we do not have wedding rings. When registering for the marriage („Aufgebot“) we were asked if we wanted a ceremony with or without rings. We were also asked which last name(s) should be our „married name“ („Ehename“), his last name, my last name, double-name (that was possible in 1978) or would we each keep our own last name.
Reasons for no rings:
I’m German and insisted a wedding ring must be worn on the right hand, hubby is US American and insisted wedding ring must be worn on the left hand.
We didn’t have the money for good rings.
In the decades which followed we considered every once in a while if we should get rings … but either we couldn’t find any we both liked or it was impractical for him to wear any rings, because working as a carpenter he risked getting caught on a nail or such and ripping his finger off … who needs that.
So to this date, I have plenty of pretty rings, even some expensive ones, but no wedding rings.
My hubby has 1 turquoise ring which he bought during a vacation to the USA in 2018, he only wears it on special occasions.
My parents on the other hand always had and wore wedding rings. They got married at the Standesamt (Registry office) in 1954.
25 years later they celebrated their silver wedding anniversary in the church they meantime had joined, and it was like a short wedding ceremony officiated by a priest, with a party afterwards for family and friends.
And they bought themselves a new set of wedding rings.
Now they’re deceased and both sets of rings are in my possession, but I don’t wear them.
I think especially the diamond engagement rings is something that swapped over to us from the USA, and maybe UK, as shown in the movies …
When either of the to-be-wed is a Navy soldier you can have an addtional task of cutting the rope. The rope is usually prepared by deckman of the ship he/she serves on. It is a piece of the mooring rope with added obstacles such as a pipe or screw added to it to make the task of cutting harder. The best man/woman usually orders these and tells the decksman how tough the challenge is supposed to be.
yep, but not the american engagement ring madness where you'd have to buy a stone way too big to be considererd beautiful.
The "Polterabend" can be a very expensive thing because it's not as "privet" as you think where you invite people who you want to be there. No it's normally a thing where everybody can came by to make party with you. Depending on the size of the vilage where you live it could be that you have aroud 300 to 500 people sitting at your home. All has to be paid by bride and groom. Of course it could be that you will get some money from people or the spend something to drink...
And they to be wed couples sweep the shards together,proving they are a good Team. They also have to guard the brooms and what they have swept Up ,so they don't get them traded for ones with very short handles or almost No bristles left. If the guests get to what they have swept Up,they will dump IT Out,and they couple hast to sweep it again....
I am german, but i never saw someone smash a toilet at a Polterabend.
yeh me, too. and for the past 50 yrs never have seen anybody smashing a toilet at Polterabend. LOL
To your question: I've actually rarely heard of married couples celebrating their weddings again, but almost every year that they stay together has a special meaning and wedding anniversary.
And it's a good idea to give each other something made from the material after which this special wedding year is named.... This often varies depending on the region, which is why there are sometimes several names for the respective wedding day.
So, here we go:
Green (because of the myrtle) or
White wedding: the day of the wedding ceremony
1 year: paper wedding
2 years: Cotton Wedding
3 years: leather,
Fruit or
Wheat Wedding
4 years: silk,
Amber-,
Linen or
Wax wedding
5 years: wooden wedding
6 years: Sugar wedding (A good partnership makes life sweet ☺).
6 ½ years: tin wedding.
7 years: copper wedding
8 years: bronze,
Sheet-,
Nickel or
Salt wedding
9 years: ceramics,
Glass-,
water or
Willow Wedding
10 years: the rose wedding (larger celebration with relatives and friends)
11 years: steel,
Carnival (I have no idea what that means) - or
Coral wedding
12 years: linen,
Earth-,
Nickel -, or
Silk wedding
12 ½ years: parsley,
Copper-,
sheet metal or
Nickel wedding
13 years: lace,
Lily of the valley or
Salt wedding
14 years: ivory,
agate or
Blue wedding
15 years: glass,
Crystal or
Bottle wedding
20 years: porcelain,
Copper-,
Chrysanthemum or
Wedding of thorns
at here big fat celebraitions like the white weddingday :
25 years: Silver Wedding
30 years: pearl wedding
35 years: linen wedding
37 ½ years: aluminum wedding
40 years: Ruby,
Garnet or
Emerald wedding (The wedding ring gets a ruby or emerald)
50 years: Golden Wedding (some couples exchange new rings)
60 years: Diamond Wedding
65 years: Iron Wedding
67 ½ years: Stone wedding
70 years: mercy or
Platinum wedding
72 ½ years: jewel wedding
75 years: Crown Jewels or
Radium wedding (I would rather not give that as a gift because of the radioactivity... well... that probably doesn't matter at this age😂)
Germany has currently a couple of centarians having thier "oak wedding" of 80 years! Its really something special. The wife is 98 years old and the groom is 102 years old! They married still druing the war. Google it, its really awesome!
Germany has currently a couple of centarians having thier "oak wedding" of 80 years! Its really something special. The wife is 98 years old and the groom is 102 years old! They married still druing the war. Google it, its really awesome!
Germany has currently a couple of centarians having thier "oak wedding" of 80 years! Its really something special. The wife is 98 years old and the groom is 102 years old! Google it, its really awesome!
Germany has currently a couple of centarians having thier "oak wedding" of 80 years! Its really something special. The wife is 98 years old and the groom is 102 years old! Google it, its really awesome!.
Germany has currently a couple of centarians having thier "oak wedding" of 80 years! Its really something special. The wife is 98 years old and the groom is 102 years old! Google it, its really awesome!
in Germany we too have two rings, engagement ring and wedding ring. They only talked about the weddign ring. Some couples in germany also renew their vows with a second small wedding 10-40 years after the original wedding.
A few years ago the couples only have their wedding bands for engagement. When you are engaged it was on the left hand and during the wedding it moved to the right hand. men wear the engagement ring too.
My mother and grandmothers didn't have an extra engagement ring. Also there was no kneeling down of the men. The men would ask, when the women said yes they'd go together to buy rings and both wear them on their left hand til the wedding where they'd switch to the right hand.
My mother got earrings for the engagement from my father.
The bride kidnapping thing is shown on the Office, too
Some people in Germany also renew their wedding vows, it all depends on personal preferences though.
Yup. Polterabend is a thing here. Also the toilet smashing since they’re made out of porcelain. But usually it’s mostly old china that is put to good use (for good luck). But no glass !
There are couples who get two rings engagement ring and wedding ring, but it's also common to wear the ring on the left hand before and then switch it to the right hand, after the ceremony
Yeah I remember my uncle bringing an old toilet to the Polterabend of his best friend in 1995. It was hilarious
not actually toilets, or if so, just in some rare cases. Usually you just bring old table ware, tea sets, cups, vases etc.
We also have weddings at venues with an registrar usually the courthouse offers some places for exzra money like a nearby castle
The white wedding dress goes back to Queen Victoria of England. Prior, brides used to just wear their best/a new, fancy dress, but after pictures of the royal wedding spread, brides took a liking to it.
The engagement ring you wear on the left hand. Often it has a stone but that's not required. When you're married the wedding ring goes on the right hand. Sometimes women wear both rings right after the wedding, sometimes they let them build together (2=1) but sometimes they leave it be, engagement left and wedding right. The right side means, that the woman is now legally part of the man's family. Because right (rechts) has a double meaning, it means right side or legal (Recht).
A few years ago I was in a meeting with some friends and two of them invited us to their "Polterabend" on next friday. All the german friends were happy and smiling, but the only Canadian there was really shocked. He said: "Why do you have a "Folter Abend - Torture Night" before your wedding?"
His german wife explained the right meaning of Polterabend. This was so funny.
I am German, but I think that weddings in Germany can be very different and individual today.
The wedding described in the film is a very traditional wedding. You'll find this type of wedding more often in rural and/or traditional surroundings. Even with traditional weddings I have never heard, that the groom picks the bride bouquet.
We usually don't have an engagement ring. But we have traditionally simple wedding rings. In recent years it has become fashionable to create your own wedding ring. My brother has designed and built his bride's wedding ring. A befriended couple of mine has done this together. We have designed our wedding rings and a jewelry maker has built it for us. But our rings are still fairly simple.
Polterabend and bridal kidnapping are rarely practiced in recent years. Again that is very traditional and mainly found in rural surroundings.
A bachelor's/bachelorette's party is a tradition that has been established just recently.
A court house wedding is mandatory, but a church wedding is optional. Whether or not you have a brief wedding reception in front of the registry office after the court house wedding is optional. Usually couples have a wedding party somewhere else where it is nicer. When you only have a court house wedding the wedding party is usually bigger and not only a reception. When you have both the wedding party is bigger after the church wedding. Witnesses are not necessary anymore, bride's maids or groom's maids (what are they called in English?) are not traditional in a German wedding.
Cutting the cake together again is very traditional.
Our wedding was very simple. We married on vacation at our favourite vacation location which is an island called Amrum in the North Sea. Before the wedding we picked up the bouquet together and then had a court house wedding and the only other people were our son and the registrar. After that we went to the dunes and people who passed by took photos for us with a famous landmark, the lighthouse, in the background and dunes around us. After that we ate out and they had a little room nicely decorated for us. In the afternoon we changed clothes (my wedding dress was navy blue) and put casual clothes on and went to the beach. It was a nice and sunny afternoon even though it was October. We stayed there till sunset. When we came home we had a little party only with our closest family members and friends.
You can get only the courthouse wedding, but not only the church wedding. Of course we have like many other countries different kinds of weddings, meals, dresses, bouquets, .... aso. But the US movies influenced our weddings and in special the whole bachelorette bridemates things. The wedding cake can also be a Mett cake, just googel it in the picture search.😂
Raw meat cake? Why? 😮
@@aury3633 Because we can in Germany.😁 Not everybody likes sweet stuff and it's yummy.
You can get only a church wedding (Catholic; NOT possible for protestants) but then, you are not legally married but only married for the Catholic church.
This is for the countryside, not in big cities: On the day of the official wedding ceremony at the town hall (mostly on a thursday or friday) the party at that very same night is very casual. Means it is in the countryside very often. Open air at a fireplace or small sports area you rent. With BBQ, loud music. Everyone can come. No invitations, open ending - so a lot of friends and neighbours or members from the same club are coming. This is called "Polterabend". Polter as in "Poltergeist" which means "making rumbling noise". And how do you make roubling noise? Right - with throwing your dishes on the floor in front of the couples main door. It's a custom that might bring luck. Or is it only done to lure them out so the party can finally start? Who knows... :-) The thing about toilets is an escalation level :-). The very next day instead is very formal. Wedding in the church begins at about two a clock in the afternoon. Everyone is shitfaced from sitting at the fireplace until 6am and whishes to let the church pass to get drinks again. In that formal party usually only invited guests take part. You have suits and dresses and very often it is very planned by a wedding planner.
The only Polterabend I ever saw was in a big city (Hamburg) 😄 but in general, it seems to be not very popular any more.
No wedding planner! You do this by yourself. Again an American tradition we learnt from Hollywood.
No, in Germany engagement rings might include a diamant but it isn't nessessary. And both of them might wear a ring or none of them. That is pretty much up to your personal preference
White wedding dresses go back to Queen Victoria, who wore a white dress for her wedding. Thanks to the then new medium of photography, many people got to see this and adopted this fashion, especially as the white dress looks particularly good in black and white photos.
Again, like many traditions in Germany the Polterabend/the 'rumble evening' goes back to times when virtually everyone held some kind of superstition. Breaking porcelain was to do with the marital spats and fights that might occur during their married life. Instead of them fighting and throwing around the dishes at each other, the guests BEFORE the actual ceremony did that for them. At least in my region it was the duty of the engaged couple to clean it up themselves. Either to demonstrate what an aweful mess this creates (like a bad example showing them not to do it), or like warding off evil spirits or even the devil who was believed to cause such fights between spouses. I've heard of rumors that this tradition went back to times when ceramic plates were the fanciest dinnerware available, thus very highly valued. Which again was to sacrifice something valuable BEFORE an actual fight occurred to placate evil spirits or the devil instead of the marriage.
ChatGPT (I love it, too):
"The tradition of the white wedding dress originated in the European aristocracy, particularly in the 19th century. A particularly important moment for the spread of this tradition was the wedding of Queen Victoria of Great Britain in 1840, when she wore a white dress, which was unusual for the time, as brides often wore colorful dresses that could later be used for other occasions.
Victoria's white dress symbolized purity and innocence, but also wealth and status, as white fabric was more expensive and difficult to clean at the time. Through her influence as queen, this fashion spread in aristocratic circles and over time became popular in wider society. In Western culture in particular, the white wedding dress today continues to stand for purity, but also for romance and the special nature of the occasion.
Furthermore, the white wedding dress also has a religious significance in Christian cultures, as the color white is also a symbol of chastity and purity in connection with marriage.
This tradition has become the norm over the years and has prevailed in many parts of the world."
The white wedding dress wasn't a thing before queen Victoria decided to wear one. After she did, others wanting to copy her followed suit. Here in the Netherlands, you can only get married at certain registered places, and outside of city/town hall there are very few of them so most get married there. Also many here aren't married at all. I personally am not, it really doesn't hold any extra value to me and I'm not a big fan of being centerstage at a big way too expensive party (I know, I'm such a romantic....)
I feel like half of these traditions are not done anymore.
I've been to my fair share of weddings, but only one had a Polterabend (where you smash Porcelain). I feel like this is mostly done by couples with many friends/aquaintances they want to include but can't afford to invite for the big party (like if both are in clubs or teams). So there's the cheaper Polterabend beforehand. Toilets are optional, though. Most people will just bring old plates.
I've never been to a wedding where the bride was stolen. It was common in my parent's time but I haven't seen it done in my adult life. What I have seen though were little tricks that were played on the bridal couple. Friends would sneak out during the party and decorate the front if their house with baby clothes and a stork to insinuate that there would be a baby coming, soon. Or organize a key and hide alarm clocks set to different times in their bedroom, or fill the bedroom with balloons.
In general, these happen more often in rural settings. Not in bigger cities.
1. Shards bring luck because back in time when the phrase originated "Scherben" (shards) was a word used for pots. So it originaly ment that having a lot of intact pots, filled usualy with preserved food, was lucky because you would not have to be hungy in the near future. What makes much more sense. But because of how the language changed over time the phrase turned to the opposit.
2. I was at a wedding last years that was just held at a restaurant with a beergarden instead of a church. Two weeks after the legal marriage
3. My mom was "kidnapped" at her wedding and she said it was annoying and she was pissed because the wedding was already stressfull and then they delay everything like that. It luckily did not take too long
Toilets are usually made of ceramics. Thus: Polterabend. And the church is part one of the venue, the reception is often held elsewhere
Don't worry they are unused toilets, so brand new ones. Usually its just Dishes, but once at a Polterabend in the middle of nowhere at a farm they really threw toilets. I was surprised too cause I have never seen that.
for a wedding to count for the state (taxes and rights and stuff) it need to be in a Standesamt (court house) or a official venue, there are some in castles or other cool venues that are booked out years in advance ;)
This normally is not a big deal, often with formal clothes but not a true wedding dress and relatively short with the most time taken up by signing paperwork and deciding on the family name.
Often people have a court house wedding with just the closest family or friends and then a big party after the church/ceremonial wedding.
You can have a church wedding or whatever other ceremony you want at whatever location you want, as long as the person holding the ceremony is okay with the location there are no limitations. And this would be the big event with a wedding dress and all your family and friends.
If you only do this, then you are not married in the eyes of the german state and I assume most priests won´t do it without the official court house wedding first, but I don´t know.
Polterabend, you bring Goods made of ceramic, or Porzellan to break. Usually Dish wear, the Toilet is rare.
We do not freeze the cake. I tried to rebake a smaller version for hubby and me at our anniversary, though. I think I succeded mostly in copying.
/Edit: I think these large wedding rings are tacky. We chose a plain band without diamonds (these stones are just a huge scam, google it, there are so many documentaries on the topic). But we could not resist to make them speciulll by choosing a different material. Tantalum. When hubby and I learned about it, we looked at each other and both knew, we were hooked.
We did not have a Polterabned btw. We live in a rental appartment and our parents live too far away to celebrate there.
In my region Polterabend is not common. Its always in the week before the wedding. I participated at one twl times. At one there were some cups an plates. At the other some friends of that guy came up with a tractor and trailer with some stuff on it. Even a toilet. The husband gonna have to clean everything up.
Mostly it is old pottery which is broken at Polterabend. The saying "Scherben bringen Glück" did originally not mean "shards bring luck" in the current sense, because "Scherbe" referred originally simply to (fired) pottery, whether broken or not. The custom has however maybe also roots in a rite to make place for the new by breaking the old - you usually break only old pots, plates and cups. And the noise made by the breaking announced the start of the wedding celebrations. The custom exists in some form or other at least since medieval times. The party is traditionally hold before the house of the bride (respectively her parents). The date is announced by the wedding couple, but no invitation is made. Everybody can attend, inclusively people not invited to the wedding itself. Often the guests bring the beer and wine with them, the hosts will only serve something simple like a chicken broth (which can easily extended by putting more water into it). The couple has the task to dispose of the shards as a first shared task.
You CAN get married in church before having the legal civil wedding service. I know someone who did that so as not to lose her orphan's pension, which she was entitled to until a certain date (I think her 25th birthday) but getting married before that date would have cut it short. She had a church wedding half a year before and the civil ceremony on her birthday.
Also, in some areas it's customary to have the civil service and the church service on the same day or the same weekend.
Venue weddings are a thing as well, but they're either in addition to a small courthouse wedding or you can get a civil registrar to officiate your ceremony at your wedding venue.
Polterabend with us mean smashing plates and cups. Not toilets.
There's a lot more than smashing porcelain... There of course are regional differences, but here the Polterabend traditionally is held at the house of the woman's parents (as believed she still lives with her parents and not with the groom yet), and there is no invitation given to the party. The actual date of the Polterabend spreads through friends, friends of friends and others as it's tradition to be held sometime before the wedding, often thursday before the wedding on saturday as the couple is considered to need friday for resting. It's the last chance for all the not-so-lucky guys or even ex's to see the fiancee as bachelorette before getting maried, so they all come to see her goodbye. Nowadays of course also collegues etc will show up. So it's a party thrown for all not so close friends and relatives of both sides that aren't invited to the wedding itself. They all bring porcellain and smash it, as being said: shards are for luck. The soon-to-be-married ones need to sweep all the shards, for showing they work as a team even in hard times, these on this day come in brooms, that have the handles slightly notched (to make them easy break), or are too short, shovels might be bend the wrong direction etc. Sometimes to make sweeping even harder, crown caps (from bottles) are mixed within the shards. They will hook to any uneveness in the ground so it's impossible to sweep the shards and caps in just a few strokes. After sweeping the couple must watch the trash container closely as it will be tipped over if they don't - so they would have to start sweeping all over again. However, they will need to sweep a few times anyway, as without invitation some people will show up and some will leave at any time, and some will come back smashing a second pile of porcelain ;)
As a German I have never heard of broken toilets used at a Polterabend. Maybe if one of the fiances have a plumming company in the family and they have those to get rid of.
When our neighbours got married the bride was kidnapped as well. But they ignorred that the groom was a cop. So when he finally found them, he asked some colleagues on patrol for help. They stormed the pub and "arrested" them for kidnapping. So he got a little payback 😂
Talking about stealing the bride: This is the modern version. Back in the old days, it was a tough thing for the groom. They often had to kneel on a sharp piece of wood for a long time and ask for forgiveness or make promises to the bride, at least in the South. And it also included LOTS of alcohol and fun - except for the groom 😂
The church part is optional and really depends on your religion (or no religion as in my case).
When i look at the wedding pictures of my grandma they wore dark sundays best robes because in the 1930s most people could not afford to buy a white dress only to wear it once😊
"shards of porcelain bring luck ... so you break toilets ..."
Well, when you say it like thaaat 😂
Ryan, the Polterabend (where they break porcelain) is true! I've participated in a few when friends got married, and it was always fun.
Most weddings I’ve been to are much smaller (than what I’ve seen from the US) and many don’t follow all traditions and yes ofc it’s a typically “western” wedding celebration. My mom actually got married in a traditional german gown and not in white but she’s also the only person I know who did that so idk
Iam german and was a guest at some weddings and never saw a "bride kidnapping" i wont do it either at my wedding . I think some stuff is outdated
the polterabend is actually super fun!
In Germany it is not really common to renew your vows, but you celebrate special anniversarys, such as Silberhochzeit (married 25 years) Rubinhochzeit (married 40 years, not very common for a big event either, but some do), Goldhochzeit (married 50 years) or even Diamanthochzeit (married 60 years). There are anniversarys after that, but only very few couples reach 65, 70 or 75 years together.
Those anniversarys can take place in the church with renewing the blessing of God, followed by a party with familiy and friends.
We decorate the bridal party's car with flowers also, which are generally placed on the hood of the car. Usually old dishes or glasses are used for Polterabend. I never heard of toilets being used but hey, whatever floats your boat. At my brother's wedding, they strung up a clothes line outside the courthouse , and the groom and bride had to pin up baby clothes. It's supposed to bring luck for any future family expansion. If you're engaged in Germany, you wear the band/ring on the left hand, then when you get married, you switch it over to the right hand.
And 12 months later the bride gets eternity ring here in Australia
so three rings total?
@@voyance4elle eternity ring is a bit of a misnomer I think more than 50% of marriages end in divorce here
You would also celebrate the 25. Silver wedding and the 50. Golden wedding as anniversarys.
Mostly with a big party and all your family and friends. If the couple is merried in the church there would also be a blessing ceremony similar to a wedding.
My husband almost forgot the bouquet (I had a blue dress for my wedding - he wanted blue flowers for me). The only blue flowers the flowerstore had (February in Germany) were blue dyed chrysanthemums. They lost their color during the party, so we had some kind of funeral bouquet. We happily threw it in the trash after the party 😂
Yup that is what happens on the Polterabend. Attended a friend's wedding and some guest brought a sink to most likely get rid of and they smashed that on the pavement too. And then the couple have to sweep the mess up, also symbolically of having to share all the household related tasks together when married. And the getting married twice is pretty normal, first in the registry office and then in church if they want to do. If not religious like my friends back then you can have some registry official perform the wedding in some weeding location like a castle chapel. Also optional on what you wear on the registry part, can be casual, can be dressy, can be a wedding gown. And the white wedding dress was basically an idea by queen Victoria, before it was not common to wear white, one would just wear their best dress for it. The wedding band on the left was an old tradition as people back in the day believed the left hand and fingers had a direct vein connection to the heart. Not sure why Germans did it the other way round tho'. IN Germany viws renewal isn;t so much of a thing, however people may celebrate silver or golden wedding anniversaries to mark the occasion
It's true, you smash porcelain for good luck. However, it's usually old tableware. Sinks or toilets seems unusual.
5:08 The white Wedding Dress was "invented" by Queen Victoria of England. There where some white wedding dresses before her, but it wasn't the norm. But after she wore a white dress at her wedding in 1840, it became a tradition.
There is also the tradition that the Bride should wear something with the couler blue (typically a garter under the dress), something new and something borrowed.
They didn´t mention it. Is it not so common in some parts of germany as it is in mine? Or is it maybe also done in the US and therefore not mentioned?
Its an old tradition in the USA. I don't know how many still do it.
Another great tradition is how you gift the married couple money:
This is usually involving some elaborate task, like putting a lot of coins into a toilet bowl and then filling it with concrete. Or what I did for my brother's wedding: putting a bunch 5€ bills in individual envelopes, filling 20 times more envelopes with fake bills and putting all that in a giant box filled with styrofoam balls… That was a lot of fun :D
When the wedding cake is cut, everyone pays attention to who has their hand on top. This person will have the say in the marriage.
I have been to to polterabends, smashing tableware, but never a toilet.
Also been best man / witness twice. In one case I was really asked by the registrar to stand witness for the groom - I had to confirm he was not married otherwise etc. I was not prepared for that...
Just got married the day you posted this😊 and just at the civil registry office (which is mandatory here), our church wedding is tomorrow.
At the Polterabend, all the guests bring china and throw it on the floor. This can sometimes escalate to the point where entire truckloads are dumped, depending on how good your friends and relatives are. The bride and groom-to-be are given a broom and dustpan and have to clear everything away by themselves; NO ONE is allowed to help.
a bridal shower and a Polterabend are not the same thing though... You're mixing the two. A bridal shower is a Jungesellinnenabschied.
@@voyance4elle ist mir nicht aufgefallen, Google Translation. 🙈🤷🏻♀️
As the couple are already married when they enter the church (they were previously married in the registry office - as she says, this could even be months or years before the church ceremony) they walk down the aisle together. It is not traditional for the bride's father to accompany her down the aisle. Some people have started to do this as they've seen it in American or British films, but no one has to "give the bride away" - she is already in partnership with her husband and her parents are no longer involved.
For this reason, the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom do not play a significant role either. And they certainly don't wear big hats!
Hi hi!
1. The thing with the porcelain is true, but you don't get your expensive china out for that. There's places that sell cheap "malware" porcelain with defects that couldn't get sold for regular use, so it goes to the Polterabend.
2. You don't have to marry in a church, you can also go to a venue like a castle (Schloss). However, this would not constitute a legal marriage. Only the marriage at the registrar's office is legally binding, hence it needs to be done first. The rest is just "the party", albeit optional. Quite a few people skip on that and only go to the "Standesamt" to make their marriage legal.
3. Engagement rings do exist but I usually don't see them on a German lady's hand - unless she's marrying an American. 😄
The wedding procedures are usually like this:
1. Official: Wedding at the office with witnesses and registration, both wedding parties and witnesses need to sign (not all guests present are official witnesses). For those who don't want a religious wedding, the 'wedding party' with all their traditions can follow right after this, at a venue that can be a restaurant, a ball room, a castle, a hotel, etc. Wherever the organizers want to and can have it (a friend of mine had his medieval wedding at the local medieval castle, on the very weekend our official medieval group was booked for a medieval town festival in the next town at another castle. We had to split and half of the group went to the restaurant, the other half of the group to the evening drinking party).
2. Religious: I have only experience with christian weddings, so that might be different for islam, jewish, buddhist, etc weddings. That is where you have your big church wedding. The whole wedding entourage goes to the church to be wed by a priest, witht he vows and the rings and stuff. That can be a different entourage than at the reception or the venue, or a part of it or all of it, depends. It's the traditional wedding ceremony. People who aren't particularly religious or even atheists, but were still baptized, often still do it for the family or for tradition. Usually the 'venue' party follows right after.
Normally the whole entourage or those who participate in the afterparty then ALL move to the venue, no matter if it's next door or a 2 hours drive away.
3. The wedding party: This is what americans call the 'wedding reception'. Usually, but not always, right after the religious wedding ceremony or right after the official wedding registration or sometimes even both. This can go on the whole day or even several days (a cousin of my mom wanted to have a very traditionl wedding celebration, which went on for 3 days. My moms family is HUGE and the members are scattered through all of central and eastern Europe. Like that, most family members had a chance to celebrate - and leave wedding presents. Overall, with friends and extended family, over 1k people participated through those 3 days, but never more than 600 at once. It was crazy). This is where people dance, drink, eat, where the wedding cake is cut and all kinds of funny traditional things happen, including bride obduction.
Yes everthing what is out of Porzelan xD But mostly plates and Cubs. We also have two rings. We wear an engagement ring on the left ring finger. And when we get married, the wedding ring will be on the right. And the rings also have diamonds (usually the wedding ring). But that's individual for each one, the main thing is that it's somehow unique. And the clothes aren't always white either. And they all look individual. So the length is often not down to the ground. I didn't know that the man would choose the bouquet of flowers either. XD is also individual here. But we also traditionally have 4 things that the bride gets. A borrowed piece of clothing or jewelry or something that the bride wears to the wedding, something blue, something new and something old.
As a German I now realize we did almost everything wrong with our wedding. We did not smash any toilets, there was no kidnapping involved, the groom did not pick the flowers and as far as I know no myrtle anywhere. We did not have a church ceremony just a civil one and 5 years later a renewal of the vows at a location by the sea. Only the rings resemble those shown in the video.
It is also a little bit misleading not to differentiate between different areas since the real traditions are mostly only in small areas.
I am sure there are a ton of videos showing "Polterabend"
There are a few that made it to the local news from time to time 😁
While modern internet "wisdom" tells you that it was Queen Victoria who came up with the white wedding dress in 1840, the symbol of white = pure = virgin is much much older, several thousand years actually, and the first whitish wedding dress in Europe was worn by Maria de Medici in 1620. Since then it was a tradition for European aristocracy to have white wedding dresses, which couldn't be afforded by the poor. It took until the 1920s in Germay until white wedding dresses became more common.
Broken porcellain & glass means luck, which is said when You accidentially break a plate or drinking glass. Breaking a mirror causes 7 years of bad luck in contrast. Heaps of broken old plates and yes, sometimes even (new) toilets, is really a thing on a "Polterabend" in Germany.
The courthouse wedding is the secular one, and it is the only secular one in Germany. No silly "wedding chapels" etc. like in Las Vegas. A church wedding is optional, but both have to be true religious belivers, or the priest won't marry them. It is nothing impromptu, though. For a true and meaninful church wedding, both partners have to meet the priest in advance, discuss the ways of a christian family life etc. At least that's how it is done in the Catholic church. The modern TV "show"-weddings are nothing but that - a show. Hollow and meaningless...only superficially related to a true wedding.
I'm german and have never heard about the groom having to bring (and chooose) the bouquet for his bride.
But I've seen some traditions missing in this video, maybe because the traditions are different in different parts of Germany
We have the bride stealing tradition in my country as well, sometimes both get "taken".
Did soneone mention the SCHLEIERDANCE?
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The veil is unfolded and held by four persons over the head of the bride. If a man wants to dance with her under the veil, he throws money on the veil first. This ought to be the first money for the household.
So, the Polterabend is a big thing - and often, there is a Polterhochzeit where the Polterabend and the actual wedding are on one day. That is, when the couple want to have less lavish but more laid back wedding.
A marriage is only valid, if the ceremony is held by a Standesbeamte, which is somebody how is not only certified but also an civil servant.
Most of the Germans just habe a wedding band and no big ring which costs a fortune.
And renewing the vows is not a thing, it used to be, that people celebrate their 25th anniversary (also known as silver wedding) but most of the people I know don´t do that anymore but going for a second, very late honeymoon instead.
From my experience, German weddings are less ritualized than American ones. We don´t have any rehearsals, there is no reception as such and, most importantly, they start somewhere in the afternoon and last until the morning hours.
Polterabend is also a Kashubian tradicion! :) We still cultivate it!
The white wedding dress was invented in England. After Queen Victoria wore white to her wedding, the still popular trend started.
Engagement ring on the left hand, the wedding ring on the right hand. And the thing with the cake slice do not work in Germany. Our traditions are much older than the fridges..