Thank you for the vedio. Jo can you advice me please. I have 3 kids with a narc. She called the caps on me and I Don t want to go back. I filled for divorce after I understand mine about narc. What should I do. I Don t want to talk to her again but we have kids together...
I discarded the narc and went total radio silent, blackout, no contact, blocked them everywhere including her family & friends. I also rejected 2 proxy Hoovers. Thriving surviver.
Hope keeps you there. It kept me there. Then one day for me hope left and I decided I’d had enough of being used and emotionally and financially abused. Enough was enough. I didn’t recognise myself. I was so lost. I had nothing left to give. He’d drained all my energy and money. No contact is tough but very necessary for healing. I’m nearly 15 months out and I can’t go back. I’ve come too far. Thanks Joe for reinforcing the no contact rule - “it’s just a manipulationship” sums it up so well - the whole nonsensical transactional, non reciprocal mess I found myself in.
I can vouch for this. Hope does keep you in a relationship with a narc or other Cluster B despite their BS. Eventually, they kill any hope or love that remains. Louise, I just hit 15 months NC. Congrats to you, keep going!
Good for you! 🎉 I'm almost at the 15 month mark, as well. I've come come too far, myself. Post-relationship is a long process of healing & finding yourself. Most importantly, staying away from them and insulating yourself.💯
@@SagittariusBabe87very well done to you too. 💪 It’s so very tough isn’t it (the healing journey) but it is worth it when you get to our point in the healing process. We’ve got this. Personally I’m feeling much better - cognitive dissonance has faded and slowly breaking the trauma bond.
@@BJBlaskovichGamingthanks so much and to you too. Never give in or never give up is my mantra. I’m now 16+ months out. Never again will I entertain him in any way shape or form.
@@louiseelliott6404 Yea, it's been unbelievable. The rumination has really faded and I don't cry over him any more! That's an amazing sign. But, I have noticed him frequenting my place of work, not coming inside but, I've seen him outside on a few occasions. Checking up on Me? Since, He's blocked online and on my phone. This is the only thing he can do and he knows where I still work...so, it can be triggering after so long of helping and working on myself.
No contact is PEACE. Finally, PEACE. Heal, recover, move on. All the things that can't be done without no contact. Give yourself that gift-- you deserve it. It doesn't matter what the narcissist thinks or does. It's YOUR time now.
Just distant memories of someone I disconnected my heart from. It had to be done and I don't regret it. I don't even see anything to move on to or with, and that's okay. Nothing is way better, by far.
I gave the narc one last chance to talk and say goodbye in somewhat of a civil and rational manner a few months ago. I texted her to say goodbye and if she wanted to do the same, but what happened after that? Literally no response. I gave her a full week to respond before I changed my number, which I did. She ghosted me because she couldn’t handle the fact that I was permanently ending everything between us, couldn’t even talk on the phone briefly like an adult. I gave her a chance, reached out for the last time and got nothing in response.
@@Butterfly72890Me too. She smeared me on her Instagram story a few days after we spoke on the phone. Low down and petty does not describe her actions in that post. I was officially done forever after I saw that. It takes a rather large a scumbag to resort to trashing someone on a public platform, which officially ends with me never having anything to do with her again.
I'm 46 days into no contact and this video has given me the aha moment of letting my ex go and move on.I kept wondering if my ex was just an avoidant or a nice guy narcissist. This video made me realize that it doesn't matter because both are toxic and creates a toxic connection. I do appreciate the calmness in the presentation because it allowed me to concentrate on the message rather than the presentation.
Yes me too, loved the calmness of Joe, my fearful avoidant / covert is ghosting me, the difference to me is that the avoidant can love, but sabotages himself. 😢
That unmasking at the end is soooooo helpful. It’s sooooo sobering. Because all the confusion they worked to build….all the uncertainty and cognitive dissonance they worked to build comes crumbling down. It becomes clear who they are. I know longer had to question if It was a bad person. I was sure. Trauma bond done!! And it made it easier for me to go and stay no contact.
I felt like you read my conment on your previous video and this is your response.. though i know this is on the works a few days earlier.. thanks joe, maybe this is the nswer i want to hear. Im still struggling moving on and having a hard time going no contact. I hope i can make it through
yooooo, dog, you a f@#$*! genius man. excuse my language but l hope you feel my enthusiasm and know that l am deeply appreciative for your time. l know exactly what you are speaking about and l don't believe anyone could have said it better. thank you man.
Such a great video! All your videos are so good. You explain it all so well. These also are the same dynamics I recognize to have been in my toxic family. It could be your parents or your siblings or your cousins or the whole toxic lot but the actions and the thought process of these vile people start within the family dynamic. I’m hoping you’ll do some videos on family dynamics instead of just relationships between significant others. I don’t think if you have a good and happy childhood that you could get caught up with one of these people. I don’t think a healthy person would put up with the gaslighting or the confusion or the projections for more than a couple of weeks before their boundaries are strong enough to say you know what something is really weird with this person so I’m out of here. In a family when you’re just a young child and you have all of this chaos going on, the mental chaos and the games and alcoholism of the parents and infidelity and abuse both physical and verbal and emotional. It’s just a whirlwind of destruction to the mind of a child. I think it’s these children who end up in adulthood with these types of sick predators. It’s what they grew up with. It’s literally the same energy they learned how to navigate and wade through. It makes sense that they would then whether consciously or subconsciously be drawn to the same types of people. I was such a codependent people pleaser whose life was guided towards helping others whether it was financial or to help them get out of bad relationships. I mean, I was the expert on bad relationships but nothing I did ever for the most part helped anybody. None of those people were willing to get out of the toxic abusive relationships they were in so I was just wasting my time being their sounding board for them to call 15 times a day to tell me how awful their spouse was treating them and yet they always chose to stay. They also chose to make me the bad guy in their relationships. Once I knew the truth as to what was going on in the relationship and they didn’t want the social group they were around to know the truth and all the lies they were telling so I would get ousted, so truth and lies could be hidden. It’s a really mind blowing dynamic. These people are just so dangerous. I really do believe this is the root of all suicides. People get so deep into the confusion and they literally just can’t find their way out and who could live like that. Many choose not to.
I don't think he does now ( post hoover/ final discard). When I tried ringing him up on the phone, & after all the chaos ensued, & to get closure he just hung up on me! (blocked me). I did the same as he did & deleted all numbers. And that was the end of that (I was traumabonded & ruminating badly still with no explanations at all). I have accepted it as it is but will never know why he backed off after being all over me for months. Its so strange & so different. What is ours & meant for us wont pass us by. I heard from his ex- wife he had done it to 2 other women before me in as many years (so he had form).
They just move about when they run out of supply. Just like when our car runs low on gas we look for a gas station, then fill up. When they run low on supply, or pick up on you discovering who they are (when they slip up and let the mask down), they will move to their next victim. I’ll never understand that way of living. How could that be fulfilling at all?
I gave the gift of him missing me permanently. He hoovered me for years. He told me he wanted me to be in his life. Covid made it on the scene and during this time he found a new supply source.
I enjoy your tone and the simplicity of your videos. I become immersed in literature around Narcissm in previous week, read books and listened to content. I'm starting to be of the view that perhaps the term narcissist is overly used in the common lexicon due to social media etc, don't statistics suggest that only up to 3% of the population suffer from narccistic personality disorder? I've not heard self-awareness being discussed I don't believe a narcissist can be self aware of their behaviours, because who has that much time and psychic energy to be so manipulative. I think it provides a good narrative to help get over a toxic person. But it all seems a touch prescriptive and size fits all, what are your thoughts?
I saw the real person at the end of the relationship and she truly is not a nice person, the trouble is the trauma bond is so strong I have still fought for her. It’s a really strange dynamic
Does the narc ex really notice your absence or feel loss from no contact if they are experiencing idealization and in the middle of lovebombing a new supply?
Caught him cheating told him I’m done, he ran like a coward, left me his expenses, got engaged right away still married to me. He really wants a green card, thank God I was slowly distance myself. I had no idea the evil I was living with. What I knew traumatized me, realizing more and more was more trauma, they are very s want deceptive liars thieves he drained me in every way Even cleaned out my p
I’m not one for revenge I see it as more draining n pointless but I still need energy that I can’t get alone n I’m lost in the woods as energy is free n not to be stolen but I’m alone
21 months of total 100% silence here, life is so much better. But first year was v v tough. Stay with it mate, non of us deserve to be abused and used. Sending big loads of positive energy😊❤
"It's just a manipulationship" Brilliant, one line summary, Joe. Your insights have kept me grounded and helped me to process the chaos, heartbreak and soul sucking emptiness of ending a toxic marriage. Thank you from the bottom of my healing heart 🙏🏻🩵
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Thank you for the vedio. Jo can you advice me please. I have 3 kids with a narc. She called the caps on me and I Don t want to go back. I filled for divorce after I understand mine about narc. What should I do. I Don t want to talk to her again but we have kids together...
I discarded the narc and went total radio silent, blackout, no contact, blocked them everywhere including her family & friends. I also rejected 2 proxy Hoovers. Thriving surviver.
Good stuff bruh
I did the same with mine. You get your dignity back 100 percent
Well done
How did you do it?
Best thing to do
Hope keeps you there. It kept me there. Then one day for me hope left and I decided I’d had enough of being used and emotionally and financially abused. Enough was enough. I didn’t recognise myself. I was so lost. I had nothing left to give. He’d drained all my energy and money. No contact is tough but very necessary for healing. I’m nearly 15 months out and I can’t go back. I’ve come too far. Thanks Joe for reinforcing the no contact rule - “it’s just a manipulationship” sums it up so well - the whole nonsensical transactional, non reciprocal mess I found myself in.
I can vouch for this. Hope does keep you in a relationship with a narc or other Cluster B despite their BS. Eventually, they kill any hope or love that remains. Louise, I just hit 15 months NC. Congrats to you, keep going!
Good for you! 🎉 I'm almost at the 15 month mark, as well. I've come come too far, myself. Post-relationship is a long process of healing & finding yourself. Most importantly, staying away from them and insulating yourself.💯
@@SagittariusBabe87very well done to you too. 💪 It’s so very tough isn’t it (the healing journey) but it is worth it when you get to our point in the healing process. We’ve got this. Personally I’m feeling much better - cognitive dissonance has faded and slowly breaking the trauma bond.
@@BJBlaskovichGamingthanks so much and to you too. Never give in or never give up is my mantra. I’m now 16+ months out. Never again will I entertain him in any way shape or form.
@@louiseelliott6404 Yea, it's been unbelievable. The rumination has really faded and I don't cry over him any more! That's an amazing sign. But, I have noticed him frequenting my place of work, not coming inside but, I've seen him outside on a few occasions. Checking up on Me? Since, He's blocked online and on my phone. This is the only thing he can do and he knows where I still work...so, it can be triggering after so long of helping and working on myself.
No contact is PEACE. Finally, PEACE.
Heal, recover, move on.
All the things that can't be done without no contact.
Give yourself that gift-- you deserve it.
It doesn't matter what the narcissist thinks or does.
It's YOUR time now.
They see friendship as having their cake and eating it. Pick up your self respect and tell them to f off!
Walking away from the first discard by my borderline ex was the best thing I've done in years.
So messed up dating people with bpd. I see so many excusing their abuse because kf the disorder. F*ck em abuse is abuse n my eyes
Accept their decision.
Let them go And respect their goodbye.
Reciprocate and give them the return gift of
NO CONTACT.
It’s exactly that, my gift to her at her request.
Just distant memories of someone I disconnected my heart from. It had to be done and I don't regret it. I don't even see anything to move on to or with, and that's okay. Nothing is way better, by far.
I gave the narc one last chance to talk and say goodbye in somewhat of a civil and rational manner a few months ago. I texted her to say goodbye and if she wanted to do the same, but what happened after that? Literally no response. I gave her a full week to respond before I changed my number, which I did. She ghosted me because she couldn’t handle the fact that I was permanently ending everything between us, couldn’t even talk on the phone briefly like an adult. I gave her a chance, reached out for the last time and got nothing in response.
I know that feeling.
They will never give you closure...the closure is how they treated you..
@@erickonassis6310 Well said, my friend. It truly is. You are 100% correct. Be well. 💪
Thank you Joe 💛 No Contact is the gift that keeps on giving ✌️
love your term “manipulationship” Thank you
that is exactly what it is!
celebrating 11 months no contact today - yippee!
No contact = Shut up.
+ Stand still
Shut up for life. That’s where I am.
No contact = just stop it. Bob Newhart "just stop it".
That was a great Bob Newhart skit.🔥
“Just Stop It.!”🤣
Ill always love him but the inconsistancy and games pushes me away, the distance and no contact really hurt me
I think this is your loooongeast video and one of the best too ! 13:21 min. of magic ! Thank you Joe ! Very, very good ! 🤗❤
Thank you❤
1 year later of no contact… smear campaign round 2 is making its way even tho I haven’t said a word
Keep moving forward without reacting. The truth always has a way of rising to the surface ❤
Smear campaigns were high on my end too
@@Butterfly72890Me too. She smeared me on her Instagram story a few days after we spoke on the phone. Low down and petty does not describe her actions in that post. I was officially done forever after I saw that. It takes a rather large a scumbag to resort to trashing someone on a public platform, which officially ends with me never having anything to do with her again.
@@MrsBungle6174not only you are right. You albo have great musical taste ;p
@@piotrkot4137 I'm guessing you're a fellow Mike Patton fan? 🫡
Thanks Joe.. Gosh Joe.. you Also... Must have been through SO, SO, SO, Very Much.. to be so Incredibly Informative... Respect 🙏🤠
This was definitely what I needed to hear at this very moment. Thank you!
They don't break up from you they break up from themselves.
I'm 46 days into no contact and this video has given me the aha moment of letting my ex go and move on.I kept wondering if my ex was just an avoidant or a nice guy narcissist. This video made me realize that it doesn't matter because both are toxic and creates a toxic connection. I do appreciate the calmness in the presentation because it allowed me to concentrate on the message rather than the presentation.
Yes me too, loved the calmness of Joe, my fearful avoidant / covert is ghosting me, the difference to me is that the avoidant can love, but sabotages himself. 😢
You have helped me greatly. Thanks for your wisdom.
That unmasking at the end is soooooo helpful. It’s sooooo sobering. Because all the confusion they worked to build….all the uncertainty and cognitive dissonance they worked to build comes crumbling down. It becomes clear who they are. I know longer had to question if It was a bad person. I was sure. Trauma bond done!! And it made it easier for me to go and stay no contact.
I felt like you read my conment on your previous video and this is your response.. though i know this is on the works a few days earlier.. thanks joe, maybe this is the nswer i want to hear. Im still struggling moving on and having a hard time going no contact. I hope i can make it through
yooooo, dog, you a f@#$*! genius man. excuse my language but l hope you feel my enthusiasm and know that l am deeply appreciative for your time. l know exactly what you are speaking about and l don't believe anyone could have said it better. thank you man.
Such a great video! All your videos are so good.
You explain it all so well. These also are the same dynamics I recognize to have been in my toxic family. It could be your parents or your siblings or your cousins or the whole toxic lot but the actions and the thought process of these vile people start within the family dynamic.
I’m hoping you’ll do some videos on family dynamics instead of just relationships between significant others.
I don’t think if you have a good and happy childhood that you could get caught up with one of these people. I don’t think a healthy person would put up with the gaslighting or the confusion or the projections for more than a couple of weeks before their boundaries are strong enough to say you know what something is really weird with this person so I’m out of here.
In a family when you’re just a young child and you have all of this chaos going on, the mental chaos and the games and alcoholism of the parents and infidelity and abuse both physical and verbal and emotional. It’s just a whirlwind of destruction to the mind of a child.
I think it’s these children who end up in adulthood with these types of sick predators.
It’s what they grew up with.
It’s literally the same energy they learned how to navigate and wade through. It makes sense that they would then whether consciously or subconsciously be drawn to the same types of people. I was such a codependent people pleaser whose life was guided towards helping others whether it was financial or to help them get out of bad relationships. I mean, I was the expert on bad relationships but nothing I did ever for the most part helped anybody. None of those people were willing to get out of the toxic abusive relationships they were in so I was just wasting my time being their sounding board for them to call 15 times a day to tell me how awful their spouse was treating them and yet they always chose to stay. They also chose to make me the bad guy in their relationships. Once I knew the truth as to what was going on in the relationship and they didn’t want the social group they were around to know the truth and all the lies they were telling so I would get ousted, so truth and lies could be hidden. It’s a really mind blowing dynamic. These people are just so dangerous. I really do believe this is the root of all suicides. People get so deep into the confusion and they literally just can’t find their way out and who could live like that. Many choose not to.
Thanks! I think you found your purpose during your stay on the planet. Thanks for sharing your knowledge, I'm sure it was hard earned.
Cheers buddy, appreciated 🙏
Thank you so much. The best explanations and advise I've heard on this subject.
I don't think he does now ( post hoover/ final discard).
When I tried ringing him up on the phone, & after all the chaos ensued, & to get closure
he just hung up on me! (blocked me).
I did the same as he did & deleted all numbers.
And that was the end of that (I was traumabonded & ruminating badly still with no explanations at all).
I have accepted it as it is but will never know why he backed off after being all over me for months.
Its so strange & so different.
What is ours & meant for us wont pass us by.
I heard from his ex- wife he had done it to 2 other women before me in as many years (so he had form).
Yes you need to accept you are one in a long line.
I am also aware of successors as well as predecessors
They just move about when they run out of supply. Just like when our car runs low on gas we look for a gas station, then fill up. When they run low on supply, or pick up on you discovering who they are (when they slip up and let the mask down), they will move to their next victim. I’ll never understand that way of living. How could that be fulfilling at all?
@@jamesmartinez7220
It’s not fulfilling. But they can’t do anything else.
Don’t ever be friendzoned if you still have feelings.
This was very wise. Thanks.
Wow you nailed it. Thank you
Thanks for your words 🙏
It was less like a gift and more like pay back because she earned it.
Thank you joe i meed to except.that this toxic person is just trying to bring me.down
I gave the gift of him missing me permanently. He hoovered me for years. He told me he wanted me to be in his life. Covid made it on the scene and during this time he found a new supply source.
I enjoy your tone and the simplicity of your videos. I become immersed in literature around Narcissm in previous week, read books and listened to content. I'm starting to be of the view that perhaps the term narcissist is overly used in the common lexicon due to social media etc, don't statistics suggest that only up to 3% of the population suffer from narccistic personality disorder? I've not heard self-awareness being discussed I don't believe a narcissist can be self aware of their behaviours, because who has that much time and psychic energy to be so manipulative. I think it provides a good narrative to help get over a toxic person. But it all seems a touch prescriptive and size fits all, what are your thoughts?
I saw the real person at the end of the relationship and she truly is not a nice person, the trouble is the trauma bond is so strong I have still fought for her. It’s a really strange dynamic
Does the narc ex really notice your absence or feel loss from no contact if they are experiencing idealization and in the middle of lovebombing a new supply?
Answer is no
They are pathological narcissits. They never feel your absence. Give them what they asked for and move on. They are not worth your time.
Caught him cheating told him I’m done, he ran like a coward, left me his expenses, got engaged right away still married to me. He really wants a green card, thank God I was slowly distance myself.
I had no idea the evil I was living with. What I knew traumatized me, realizing more and more was more trauma, they are very s want deceptive liars thieves he drained me in every way
Even cleaned out my p
Chancellor Palpatine, Sith Lords are our speciality
I’m so destroyed with not knowing n my stupid naivety im stupid n weak n they gained it all
Can you make a video on us discarding the narcissist first please ?
What happens if the narcissistic changes there number and goes off social media will they try and return
I’m not one for revenge I see it as more draining n pointless but I still need energy that I can’t get alone n I’m lost in the woods as energy is free n not to be stolen but I’m alone
Drop you a message where [inaudible]?
I accept
🙏🧡
Just evil
84 days NC she wont come back and i will die if i do and i been crying for months
Fast, pray and read the Bible. It helps. ✨💖👑
21 months of total 100% silence here, life is so much better. But first year was v v tough. Stay with it mate, non of us deserve to be abused and used. Sending big loads of positive energy😊❤
@@carolovesteven true
"It's just a manipulationship"
Brilliant, one line summary, Joe. Your insights have kept me grounded and helped me to process the chaos, heartbreak and soul sucking emptiness of ending a toxic marriage. Thank you from the bottom of my healing heart 🙏🏻🩵
Walking away from the first discard by my borderline ex was the best thing I've done in years.