Not talking things out = trauma response. They don't take things head on, because I'm gonna take a shot in the dark that, on top of everything else, bio mom went to prison because she didn't like the one time FIL tried to stand up to her. That's literally what they know. Speaking up = 🔪 It's heartbreaking.
My sister and I had to completely block our parents and youngest sister from our lives because they were letting her narcissistic jealousy destroy the family. When both parents said flatly both ofbus aren't worth their time. We said Ok, well were not going to help in anyway with anything. Its been 5 years. It took them about 2 to figure out we're serious. Last three the go to other family for help. The rest of the family still believes all the lies they spew.
OMG OP married into an entire family of marshmallows. These are the kind of people who would charge you with assault and kidnapping for trying to drag them out of a burning building.
There are two more updates available on Reddit for those of you who are curious. All you have to do is Google the title of this video. I was going to post them here but I'm guessing they were too long because RUclips just would not let me do it 😅
Oh yeah. It gets worse but better. Somebody complied it all and yeesh its grim. She leaves Tom and the rest of this loony tunes brunch. She finally saw Tom for what he is a Male Margret with extreme anger control issues. She divorces but keeps contact with Fern who is declared the sanest family member. Yeah the self-harm, familial masochist is saner than the rest.
Its really hard for me to believe that 6 months went by since this fiasco. I am so sorry for making you all wait for so long, there has been a lot going on (as you will soon see) and I have not had time to update anyone on this. I also thought it would be a good idea for things to settle down first. A lot of you might be disappointed, but here is what happened: Italy did not go smoothly for almost anyone- who saw that one coming? Don't get me wrong, they had a fun time, but the ever-constant chaos that seems to follow the family everywhere was right along with them. Shortest version possible: Per Fern, who is the only one I am still in contact with. Margaret, Cory and Fern all shared a hotel room- away from the rest of the family. Fern was having a bit of a hard time being around Margaret (who raged basically the whole time) so he offered to switch spots with the family friend that went with them. Margaret turned this into a "who's side are you on?" kind of scenario, and spent the rest of the trip talking shit and doing the histrionic thing that she likes to do. Her tribe alternated between engaging with the family in short bursts and retreating into their own little hole whenever things didn't go Margaret's way. Surprisingly, this was the least stressful thing that happened to the family, As it turns out, it was actually Tom who ruined it for everyone. As Fern tells it, he was shithoused almost the whole time, and started arguments with almost everyone, including Fern himself (who Tom brought to tears). FIL had to intervene on multiple occasions, because Tom was getting very out of hand and basically causing problems for damn near the whole family. Everything from kicking over trash cans on the street, to verbally attacking Fern, to antagonizing things with Margaret, to walking off by himself and screaming at nothing. A lot of "I ruin everything I touch" and "get the f*ck away from me" type of things. Apparently, he also had a full mental breakdown over me separating from him- but he continued to aggressively take it out on virtually everyone that was out there in Italy with him. At the tail end of the trip, he fully cried and broke down and spoke to Fern and told him everything that was happening at home. [Editor's note: No, we did not miss an update. This is the first time the separation was mentioned] Right before they all left, I spent a brief period of time with MIL- we got brunch and talked for a lot of hours. It was pleasant, but that conversation helped me firmly make up my mind- I knew it was time to consider separating from my husband, and that it might be the last time I was going to see her. We cried about it, and the more we both talked the more it seemed like staying was a bad idea for me. She fully supported my decision, and promised to keep in touch. Originally, the decision was around a trial separation- I had enough of the whole thing, and just needed my space away from the circus for a while. But I still loved him, so divorce was not yet firmly on the table. I realized that this is the dynamic that I will potentially be raising my own children in. The dysfunction was insanity- and looking back on it, I would be lying to myself if I said that Tom and Margaret were totally different people. Tom himself would rage out over seemingly minute things, or shut down and sulk when things didn't go his way too. The lack of communication, the outbursts, the complete........shit show was getting to me. I know that the family has a lot of trauma, as a unit- I mean, clearly. But at the end of the day, I have my own peace to prioritize, so I felt that moving out would be a solid solution. Tom and I had talked about this shortly before everyone left for Italy. We were firmly on the same page about it, and everything seemed amicable. The agreement was for us both to enjoy our time apart, then to come together after Italy to really work on our marriage. To my knowledge at this time, everything in Italy was going smoothly. Tom gave no indication whatsoever that he was struggling, or that there was chaos in the area. I assumed, of course, because of Margaret- but to be completely frank there was NO sign over the phone that there was anything wrong. We did not talk about the separation, so I was under the impression we were still on the same page. So, while Tom was raging in Italy, I packed my stuff and moved to my own place- exactly as we had discussed. Unfortunately, this turned out to be a wrong move in Tom's book. The whole thing went to hell, pretty much the second he got back to the house. The way he behaved.......it was like looking Margaret in the face, but times 10. SO angry....SO irrational...SO intensely cruel and seeping with hatred. It didn't go according to plan for him, and I think he genuinely didn't take me seriously when I said I needed a break. As it turns out, I was serious as a heart attack, and he really, REALLY didn't like that. During this time is when Fern told me everything that happened- he gave me a blow by blow of the entire Italy trip, including his his last conversation with Tom. 100% of the information I have has come directly from Fern, who is by a landslide the sanest of the blood relatives. Naturally, during the fiasco of me leaving, I confronted Tom about this- specifically the last conversation they had. I asked him why he was being SO hostile, when this was a discussed agreement that we came to an amicable decision on. I pointedly asked him how he can come home and behave this way towards me when he was upset with me leaving in the first place. In my mind, it would have made more sense to actually communicate our feelings instead of...quite frankly, raging out and being a dickhead. Tom was VERY defensive, and essentially cussed me out. "You don't know anything." "Oh, because you were there, right?!" "Get out of my face, call the cops if you're so pressed about it." It was quite nasty, actually. I won't say it wasn't predictable, but I certainly didn't see it going as far as it went. So, I made the next decision...which is what half of you on reddit proposed to me on the very first post about this situation WAY back when. After Tom made it clear that he viewed me as an enemy for standing up for myself, I knew divorce was the best option. I have not seen him nor been in contact with him since July (which is the last day I had any possessions in the house). I have since gotten the hell out of there, and I am currently on NC with the entire family....with the exception of Fern, who I will always love and adore. I am flying back home to Australia this week to see some relatives over the holidays and I couldn't be happier with my decision to leave my (soon to be) ex-husband behind. My life has been SO quiet since I left. I'll admit, sometimes I do miss the drama. It could be entertaining at times. But mostly, I'm just glad that I don't have to conform to someone else's whack idea that filtering your boundaries or being a doormat is the best option for conflict solving and resolution. To my knowledge, NO ONE has talked to Margaret about her behavior, and Tom has continued to behave the same way he did in Italy. Makes sense- and I am thankful for all the advice I received on here. Re-reading the comments, I laugh a lot more at them. You guys saw things that I couldn't, and I think if I hadn't come on here I would still be in a chaotic marriage and living in a circus tent. I wish that family the best....but unless they all collectively start going to intensive therapy, I doubt it will ever change. Nuts. Crazy. Insane. No thank you, stay blessed- but do it WAYYYY the hell over there, away from me. Thank you all for being so patient. Maybe I WAS the jerk for calling out the nonsense in real time.....but I certainly am not the jerk for leaving before all my hair fell out. Much love to you all, hungry reddit readers.
@youidiot-hx4kj you are a god amongst humans my friend. Thank you for sharing this. And I am so beyond grateful that op got away from every single one of those psycho ass people
“Denial is a river in Egypt” 😂😂
And Livingston is still looking for it!
Sounds like they all need to get a damn backbone they are all enablers besides OP who is setting healthy boundaries.
Not talking things out = trauma response. They don't take things head on, because I'm gonna take a shot in the dark that, on top of everything else, bio mom went to prison because she didn't like the one time FIL tried to stand up to her.
That's literally what they know. Speaking up = 🔪
It's heartbreaking.
My sister and I had to completely block our parents and youngest sister from our lives because they were letting her narcissistic jealousy destroy the family. When both parents said flatly both ofbus aren't worth their time. We said Ok, well were not going to help in anyway with anything. Its been 5 years. It took them about 2 to figure out we're serious. Last three the go to other family for help. The rest of the family still believes all the lies they spew.
I hope they'll soon realize what sort of people Your little sis and parents are and that You and Your other sister will have peace soon.
OMG OP married into an entire family of marshmallows. These are the kind of people who would charge you with assault and kidnapping for trying to drag them out of a burning building.
There are two more updates available on Reddit for those of you who are curious. All you have to do is Google the title of this video. I was going to post them here but I'm guessing they were too long because RUclips just would not let me do it 😅
What are the updates
@egg8492 every time I tried to post them it like wouldn't accept it so you're just going to have to Google it sorry 😅
@@jchansdollhouse alr thx
10:56 has me rolling. Start there yall😂
Apple doesnt fall far from the tree.
I'm surprised that no one has realized that Margaret is NUTS! She is her mother without a orange jumpsuit.
The dads absolutely pathetic
Just pits a thumb into how ears and goes "Lalalalala im not listening im not listening"
I hope there is an update to this story e can hear.
It’s in the replies of a comment
Oh yeah. It gets worse but better. Somebody complied it all and yeesh its grim.
She leaves Tom and the rest of this loony tunes brunch. She finally saw Tom for what he is a Male Margret with extreme anger control issues. She divorces but keeps contact with Fern who is declared the sanest family member. Yeah the self-harm, familial masochist is saner than the rest.
This is all over the place
Would love to see further updates on this story.
Maybe its over kill
Maybe its me
Maybe its Maybelline
I need an update!!!!😩
Its really hard for me to believe that 6 months went by since this fiasco. I am so sorry for making you all wait for so long, there has been a lot going on (as you will soon see) and I have not had time to update anyone on this. I also thought it would be a good idea for things to settle down first. A lot of you might be disappointed, but here is what happened:
Italy did not go smoothly for almost anyone- who saw that one coming? Don't get me wrong, they had a fun time, but the ever-constant chaos that seems to follow the family everywhere was right along with them.
Shortest version possible: Per Fern, who is the only one I am still in contact with.
Margaret, Cory and Fern all shared a hotel room- away from the rest of the family. Fern was having a bit of a hard time being around Margaret (who raged basically the whole time) so he offered to switch spots with the family friend that went with them. Margaret turned this into a "who's side are you on?" kind of scenario, and spent the rest of the trip talking shit and doing the histrionic thing that she likes to do. Her tribe alternated between engaging with the family in short bursts and retreating into their own little hole whenever things didn't go Margaret's way. Surprisingly, this was the least stressful thing that happened to the family,
As it turns out, it was actually Tom who ruined it for everyone. As Fern tells it, he was shithoused almost the whole time, and started arguments with almost everyone, including Fern himself (who Tom brought to tears). FIL had to intervene on multiple occasions, because Tom was getting very out of hand and basically causing problems for damn near the whole family. Everything from kicking over trash cans on the street, to verbally attacking Fern, to antagonizing things with Margaret, to walking off by himself and screaming at nothing. A lot of "I ruin everything I touch" and "get the f*ck away from me" type of things. Apparently, he also had a full mental breakdown over me separating from him- but he continued to aggressively take it out on virtually everyone that was out there in Italy with him. At the tail end of the trip, he fully cried and broke down and spoke to Fern and told him everything that was happening at home. [Editor's note: No, we did not miss an update. This is the first time the separation was mentioned]
Right before they all left, I spent a brief period of time with MIL- we got brunch and talked for a lot of hours. It was pleasant, but that conversation helped me firmly make up my mind- I knew it was time to consider separating from my husband, and that it might be the last time I was going to see her. We cried about it, and the more we both talked the more it seemed like staying was a bad idea for me. She fully supported my decision, and promised to keep in touch. Originally, the decision was around a trial separation- I had enough of the whole thing, and just needed my space away from the circus for a while. But I still loved him, so divorce was not yet firmly on the table.
I realized that this is the dynamic that I will potentially be raising my own children in. The dysfunction was insanity- and looking back on it, I would be lying to myself if I said that Tom and Margaret were totally different people. Tom himself would rage out over seemingly minute things, or shut down and sulk when things didn't go his way too. The lack of communication, the outbursts, the complete........shit show was getting to me. I know that the family has a lot of trauma, as a unit- I mean, clearly. But at the end of the day, I have my own peace to prioritize, so I felt that moving out would be a solid solution.
Tom and I had talked about this shortly before everyone left for Italy. We were firmly on the same page about it, and everything seemed amicable. The agreement was for us both to enjoy our time apart, then to come together after Italy to really work on our marriage.
To my knowledge at this time, everything in Italy was going smoothly. Tom gave no indication whatsoever that he was struggling, or that there was chaos in the area. I assumed, of course, because of Margaret- but to be completely frank there was NO sign over the phone that there was anything wrong. We did not talk about the separation, so I was under the impression we were still on the same page. So, while Tom was raging in Italy, I packed my stuff and moved to my own place- exactly as we had discussed.
Unfortunately, this turned out to be a wrong move in Tom's book. The whole thing went to hell, pretty much the second he got back to the house. The way he behaved.......it was like looking Margaret in the face, but times 10. SO angry....SO irrational...SO intensely cruel and seeping with hatred. It didn't go according to plan for him, and I think he genuinely didn't take me seriously when I said I needed a break. As it turns out, I was serious as a heart attack, and he really, REALLY didn't like that.
During this time is when Fern told me everything that happened- he gave me a blow by blow of the entire Italy trip, including his his last conversation with Tom. 100% of the information I have has come directly from Fern, who is by a landslide the sanest of the blood relatives.
Naturally, during the fiasco of me leaving, I confronted Tom about this- specifically the last conversation they had. I asked him why he was being SO hostile, when this was a discussed agreement that we came to an amicable decision on. I pointedly asked him how he can come home and behave this way towards me when he was upset with me leaving in the first place. In my mind, it would have made more sense to actually communicate our feelings instead of...quite frankly, raging out and being a dickhead. Tom was VERY defensive, and essentially cussed me out. "You don't know anything." "Oh, because you were there, right?!" "Get out of my face, call the cops if you're so pressed about it."
It was quite nasty, actually. I won't say it wasn't predictable, but I certainly didn't see it going as far as it went. So, I made the next decision...which is what half of you on reddit proposed to me on the very first post about this situation WAY back when.
After Tom made it clear that he viewed me as an enemy for standing up for myself, I knew divorce was the best option. I have not seen him nor been in contact with him since July (which is the last day I had any possessions in the house). I have since gotten the hell out of there, and I am currently on NC with the entire family....with the exception of Fern, who I will always love and adore. I am flying back home to Australia this week to see some relatives over the holidays and I couldn't be happier with my decision to leave my (soon to be) ex-husband behind. My life has been SO quiet since I left. I'll admit, sometimes I do miss the drama. It could be entertaining at times. But mostly, I'm just glad that I don't have to conform to someone else's whack idea that filtering your boundaries or being a doormat is the best option for conflict solving and resolution.
To my knowledge, NO ONE has talked to Margaret about her behavior, and Tom has continued to behave the same way he did in Italy. Makes sense- and I am thankful for all the advice I received on here. Re-reading the comments, I laugh a lot more at them. You guys saw things that I couldn't, and I think if I hadn't come on here I would still be in a chaotic marriage and living in a circus tent.
I wish that family the best....but unless they all collectively start going to intensive therapy, I doubt it will ever change. Nuts. Crazy. Insane. No thank you, stay blessed- but do it WAYYYY the hell over there, away from me.
Thank you all for being so patient. Maybe I WAS the jerk for calling out the nonsense in real time.....but I certainly am not the jerk for leaving before all my hair fell out. Much love to you all, hungry reddit readers.
@@youidiot-hx4kjgod bless you🫶🏾
she left !! happy for her
@@youidiot-hx4kj AND ONCE AGAIN THE DAY WAS SAVED BY- UPDATE PERSON!! ❤❤❤
@youidiot-hx4kj you are a god amongst humans my friend. Thank you for sharing this. And I am so beyond grateful that op got away from every single one of those psycho ass people
My sis is a meeny patinie
Youre missing the other 2 updates