Another good one. Description is definitely something I struggle with. Enough detail to create a scene, but not so much you bore the reader. Unfortunately, this makes me give minimum details and just focus on the action. But that's why we treat our first attempt as a draft, not the actual book.
Many of my characters have another sensory organ and a human gets some implanted so in the adjustment period is overloaded with descriptions so I get the feeling of sensory overload like the character.
That is of course a unique situation, yes, and could justify brief segments of "overstimulation" in order to properly present the character's experiences 🙂
@@TheTaleTinkerer here we have a part of the text featuring the relays: Everything was blinding, somehow even though and smell was blinding. There was a new feeling. It was strange. Nyra wanted to scream. Everything felt. Somehow the sleek metal surface of the walls and each pin in the catwalk stung into her, Tartarus moved all of his 8 claws at his feet dug into the ground but it felt almost like her skin, his scales all sharp and hardened, all the little pattern his 12 eyes, why could she feel the purple and green in his eyes. Tartarus relays were a mess of live. He did something and the world around her wend dark as Nyra was sucked into nothingness.
For the specific example, I'd say that if the farmboy was waiting outside the throne room for ten minutes then they'd study that door (no doubt carved with historic and mythological scenes) and once the door was opened the sights within the throne room would be a blur. I take the general point, just that I can see the example you gave of how not to do it would work quite well for a POV description.
In such a time and character specific scenario (farm boy forced to wait, then overwhelmed when entering) this is indeed accurate, yes. Great comment that others scrolling through will surely appreciate 🙂
I've fallen for mistake 4... It's way too easy to use descriptors without realizing that they're so common as to be tropes. Definitely will try to be more mindful of that now. Edit: Mistake 6 is also common too. It's fun and enjoyable to be as fancy as possible, but it makes reading unnecessarily difficult and ultimately writing is about communication. As writers, that's what we should always prioritize. If the communication is suffering because we're being overly proper, then we obviously need to dial it back to something normal people can understand.
Thank you. Great channel. I’ve never understood why some writers feel the need to leave a ten-page diatribe in YT comments. Imagine getting an email from them.
Great advice! I've really enjoyed this video and have recently subscribed to your channel. You're one of the few channels I've found super useful with my writing. I hope your channel continues to grow so more fantasy writers can write their best work.
Always held to a rule of three when it comes to perception unless its a moment of mental breakdown. Then it is a great gutpunch when they are overwhelmed.
Two minutes in and... I'm just now realizing I must have some sort of sensory disconnect. My first thought of my first childhood home was the apartment walls. My strongest memory in that place actually being the time I woke up to find my mom putting presents under the tree we had. I was like... four... XD
It's nuts how easily one correct way can lead right into the next trap. Yes, I'm guilty of unusual features. But his gold eyes... I can't get rid of them! Only I'll focus on his personality instead, only mentioning them when needed. Thank you. I'm gonna go put these tips to work!!
Just Saved to my Classic Writing Advice list. Universal truths here. I am not a fantasy writer. Your instruction and education contained in your videos is invaluable across genres. Thank you so much for everything you do.
Like this?: Silas speaks, his voice a blend of tenderness and command. Each word cuts through the stillness, leaving a sharp, metallic scent lingering in the air. Elenora, guardian of this sacred chamber, stands motionless. Her presence shines wisdom and vigilance. Her eyes, deep and knowing, reflect the gravity of Silas's message. Generations of Metamancers have sought answers in the Well of Molten Silver under her watchful gaze. “What you see,” Silas says; hues of voice revealing his divine origins, “is but a single thread in the vast and bending veil of space and time. These visions, emerging from realms far beyond our own, guide our path.” His words resonate against the chamber walls, merging with the muted hum of the well, creating a symphony of secrets and unspoken truths. Elenora senses a subtle shift in the chamber's atmosphere. The familiar scents of aged stone, distant molten silver, and cosmic dust merge with the essence of Silas's revelations. Her gaze fixes on the well's shimmering surface, where the silver liquid responds to Silas's profound utterances. The metallic tang of his speech hangs in the air, a sensory echo of the mystical energies at play.
You've created an intriguing scene with some nice sensory details. The metallic scent from Silas's words and the blend of aged stone and cosmic dust aromas are particularly evocative. If I may share a few suggestions - and obviously take them with a grain of salt since it is your story - you could make your writing even stronger by considering to show more through action and dialogue rather than telling. For instance, instead of stating that Elenora's eyes are "deep and knowing," you could describe a specific look or gesture that conveys her wisdom. And your dialogue for Silas hints at an interesting world, but you could make it more dynamic by having him interact more directly with Elenora or the environment. This would help bring the scene to life and reveal character through action. So far, only his words primarily carry any actions or reactions. And consider varying your sentence structure to improve flow. Mix longer, descriptive sentences with shorter ones to create rhythm and emphasize key points. I hope this helps somehow 🙂
I do so little description. In what I'm currently writing, I never even tried to picture the house of the protagonist in my head. I put my focus in the characters, and description never gets more than one paragraph by place.
@@TheTaleTinkerer Even there, I never described my MC, my physical descriptions often stop at "blond"; "big" or "small" (if there is a description) I am someone who doesn't pay attention to details, and that leads me to struggle a lot when I try to describe something, like the facial expression of someone. I also find any detail that isn't directly in the flow of the story boring.
@@jrl5535 We all have our blind spots, being aware of something that might be yours is already the first step to not make it affect your writing too negatively 🙂
Thank you for this! I’m creating a graphic novel and this video helps so much! I can see how the pitfalls of story telling applies through all types of written works. Thank you!
This is all excellent, insight into story building, which is kind of rare on RUclips. Mostly, it seems like amateur writers passing around rudimentary ideas. Of course, everyone has to start somewhere, so no shade meant there. But I think you go a bit deeper. I think some of these individual concepts seem to contradict one another a bit. Some say "be specific," while others say "show the bigger picture." I think the linking concept is immersion. Every would-be writer, if they're worth a damn, has an immersive idea of their world in their head. The trick is how to get it out. And of course, the reason we become writers is that we're compelled to get it out. But in my opinion, this is where the problem comes. Fantasy writing is so preoccupied with world-building, writers tend to forget that it only matters in service of the specific story. It doesn't matter what the character's favorite color is, or even what the color of their eyes are, if no one in the story cares. Immersion happens through the lens of character experience, even if it's written in third person. When Tolkien, the grandfather of world-building, describes the Shire, it's very much through the lens of the hobbits that live there, and, of course, through Gandalf's love of the place. Even if that point of view isn't specified, we experience the world of hobbits immersively, not observationally. It's a subtle but all-important difference. The purpose of Tolkien's description is to make the place feel like home. Notice, he doesn't do that anywhere else. Rohan and Gondor feel like foreign lands. And the lands of the elves feels like an otherworldly dream. Because feeling is what counts. Every description is set up to convey feeling more than anything. I once had a friend who wrote an entire novel for that whole novel-writing month thing. 70k words down, soup to nuts. But when she was done, she didn't have a novel. She had a novel-length description of a story, telling the reader what happens rather than immersing you in it. It was a lot like the difference between world-building notes and an actual novel. It tells you about the world, but not what it's like for the characters to experience it. Once she realized that, she was so heartbroken that she gave up. Some lessons are too hard won. A story lets you experience the world through the subjective experience of the character. A seductive, voluptuous barmaid to a young adventurer would be an innocent child to the old wizard, who wouldn't be the least bit interested in the size of her bosom. Unless, ya know, he was an old perv, and that was a relevant aspect of his character in the story. Each character's appearance, sound, smell, whatever other sensory aspect you want to explore, only matters through the perception of other characters, and of course, through their own subjective self-image. You say that characters should be described through many senses, but I'd think the unifying filter is other characters' subjective impression. Whether that impression is appearance, smell, or sound, doesn't matter. It's the feeling they convey that tells you about them, and about the person experiencing them. Prose is built on empathy, trying to find objectivity through the necessarily subjective experience of perception. It's the world explored through the internal. And in this world full of pictures, movies, and comic books, writers forget this, and get caught up in external, objective description, trying to describe the picture they themselves have in their head. But the world the writer sees in their head doesn't matter. It's what their characters see, or hear, or smell, and most of all, what they experience, that's everything. That creates empathy, and that's the currency that stories trade in. Without empathy, without the subjective filter of a living point of view, you don't have a story, just a description.
Check out this playlist for more mistakes to avoid: ruclips.net/p/PLDpOcpMPZP3BSduJ1M1Felinepkh0KEu3
I love this approach, giving advice and showing how following the advice too much could lead to more traps/mistakes.
Glad to hear that the structure of the video was useful as well :-)
Another good one.
Description is definitely something I struggle with. Enough detail to create a scene, but not so much you bore the reader.
Unfortunately, this makes me give minimum details and just focus on the action. But that's why we treat our first attempt as a draft, not the actual book.
"that's why we treat our first attempt as a draft, not the actual book"
You can also build cliches, lull your audience into a false sense of boredom, and then break them.
The cliches. But maybe also your audience.
Everything tastes like chicken, doesn't matter what it is.
Many of my characters have another sensory organ and a human gets some implanted so in the adjustment period is overloaded with descriptions so I get the feeling of sensory overload like the character.
That is of course a unique situation, yes, and could justify brief segments of "overstimulation" in order to properly present the character's experiences 🙂
@@TheTaleTinkerer here we have a part of the text featuring the relays: Everything was blinding, somehow even though and smell was blinding.
There was a new feeling. It was strange.
Nyra wanted to scream. Everything felt. Somehow the sleek metal surface of the walls and each pin in the catwalk stung into her, Tartarus moved all of his 8 claws at his feet dug into the ground but it felt almost like her skin, his scales all sharp and hardened, all the little pattern his 12 eyes, why could she feel the purple and green in his eyes. Tartarus relays were a mess of live. He did something and the world around her wend dark as Nyra was sucked into nothingness.
Please don't stop. One of my favourite yt channels. Live long and prosper
Really appreciate the positive feedback - thank you. And don't worry, I'm just getting started 🙂
@@TheTaleTinkerer I'll be here. Looking forward to that 100k mark and the 1 mill after!
For the specific example, I'd say that if the farmboy was waiting outside the throne room for ten minutes then they'd study that door (no doubt carved with historic and mythological scenes) and once the door was opened the sights within the throne room would be a blur. I take the general point, just that I can see the example you gave of how not to do it would work quite well for a POV description.
In such a time and character specific scenario (farm boy forced to wait, then overwhelmed when entering) this is indeed accurate, yes.
Great comment that others scrolling through will surely appreciate 🙂
Awesome and helpful video like always. Mistake 5 reminds me a lot of the "not like other girl" female protagonist that its only a joke today.
This is magnificent advice, loving your videos!
Thank you for the kind words - glad to hear the videos are helpful 🙂
I've fallen for mistake 4... It's way too easy to use descriptors without realizing that they're so common as to be tropes. Definitely will try to be more mindful of that now.
Edit: Mistake 6 is also common too. It's fun and enjoyable to be as fancy as possible, but it makes reading unnecessarily difficult and ultimately writing is about communication. As writers, that's what we should always prioritize. If the communication is suffering because we're being overly proper, then we obviously need to dial it back to something normal people can understand.
Thank you. Great channel.
I’ve never understood why some writers feel the need to leave a ten-page diatribe in YT comments. Imagine getting an email from them.
Great advice! I've really enjoyed this video and have recently subscribed to your channel. You're one of the few channels I've found super useful with my writing. I hope your channel continues to grow so more fantasy writers can write their best work.
Always held to a rule of three when it comes to perception unless its a moment of mental breakdown. Then it is a great gutpunch when they are overwhelmed.
Two minutes in and... I'm just now realizing I must have some sort of sensory disconnect. My first thought of my first childhood home was the apartment walls. My strongest memory in that place actually being the time I woke up to find my mom putting presents under the tree we had. I was like... four... XD
Relevant and Supportive Comment to feed the Algorangim
It's nuts how easily one correct way can lead right into the next trap.
Yes, I'm guilty of unusual features. But his gold eyes... I can't get rid of them! Only I'll focus on his personality instead, only mentioning them when needed.
Thank you. I'm gonna go put these tips to work!!
Awesome as always thanks
Just Saved to my Classic Writing Advice list. Universal truths here. I am not a fantasy writer. Your instruction and education contained in your videos is invaluable across genres. Thank you so much for everything you do.
Thank you for the kind words - really appreciate it to hear when someone can get value out of my content 🙂
Where'd you get your Alliance flag?
I bought it a decade or so ago. I don't remember from what online shop, but if you google "alliance banner" you should find some options 🙂
👍🏻
Like this?:
Silas speaks, his voice a blend of tenderness and command. Each word cuts through the stillness, leaving a sharp, metallic scent lingering in the air. Elenora, guardian of this sacred chamber, stands motionless. Her presence shines wisdom and vigilance. Her eyes, deep and knowing, reflect the gravity of Silas's message. Generations of Metamancers have sought answers in the Well of Molten Silver under her watchful gaze.
“What you see,” Silas says; hues of voice revealing his divine origins, “is but a single thread in the vast and bending veil of space and time. These visions, emerging from realms far beyond our own, guide our path.” His words resonate against the chamber walls, merging with the muted hum of the well, creating a symphony of secrets and unspoken truths.
Elenora senses a subtle shift in the chamber's atmosphere. The familiar scents of aged stone, distant molten silver, and cosmic dust merge with the essence of Silas's revelations. Her gaze fixes on the well's shimmering surface, where the silver liquid responds to Silas's profound utterances. The metallic tang of his speech hangs in the air, a sensory echo of the mystical energies at play.
You've created an intriguing scene with some nice sensory details. The metallic scent from Silas's words and the blend of aged stone and cosmic dust aromas are particularly evocative.
If I may share a few suggestions - and obviously take them with a grain of salt since it is your story - you could make your writing even stronger by considering to show more through action and dialogue rather than telling.
For instance, instead of stating that Elenora's eyes are "deep and knowing," you could describe a specific look or gesture that conveys her wisdom.
And your dialogue for Silas hints at an interesting world, but you could make it more dynamic by having him interact more directly with Elenora or the environment.
This would help bring the scene to life and reveal character through action. So far, only his words primarily carry any actions or reactions.
And consider varying your sentence structure to improve flow. Mix longer, descriptive sentences with shorter ones to create rhythm and emphasize key points.
I hope this helps somehow 🙂
@@TheTaleTinkerer Thank you.
Wait this isnt sarcastic?
@@marioleon762
I do so little description. In what I'm currently writing, I never even tried to picture the house of the protagonist in my head. I put my focus in the characters, and description never gets more than one paragraph by place.
Aren't you describing characters then? Or creatures? So many things can be described - in both good and bad ways 🙂
@@TheTaleTinkerer Even there, I never described my MC, my physical descriptions often stop at "blond"; "big" or "small" (if there is a description)
I am someone who doesn't pay attention to details, and that leads me to struggle a lot when I try to describe something, like the facial expression of someone. I also find any detail that isn't directly in the flow of the story boring.
@@jrl5535 We all have our blind spots, being aware of something that might be yours is already the first step to not make it affect your writing too negatively 🙂
Thank you for this! I’m creating a graphic novel and this video helps so much! I can see how the pitfalls of story telling applies through all types of written works. Thank you!
Glad to hear it was helpful for you - thank you for the positive feedback 🙂
This is all excellent, insight into story building, which is kind of rare on RUclips. Mostly, it seems like amateur writers passing around rudimentary ideas. Of course, everyone has to start somewhere, so no shade meant there. But I think you go a bit deeper.
I think some of these individual concepts seem to contradict one another a bit. Some say "be specific," while others say "show the bigger picture." I think the linking concept is immersion. Every would-be writer, if they're worth a damn, has an immersive idea of their world in their head. The trick is how to get it out. And of course, the reason we become writers is that we're compelled to get it out.
But in my opinion, this is where the problem comes. Fantasy writing is so preoccupied with world-building, writers tend to forget that it only matters in service of the specific story. It doesn't matter what the character's favorite color is, or even what the color of their eyes are, if no one in the story cares. Immersion happens through the lens of character experience, even if it's written in third person. When Tolkien, the grandfather of world-building, describes the Shire, it's very much through the lens of the hobbits that live there, and, of course, through Gandalf's love of the place. Even if that point of view isn't specified, we experience the world of hobbits immersively, not observationally. It's a subtle but all-important difference. The purpose of Tolkien's description is to make the place feel like home. Notice, he doesn't do that anywhere else. Rohan and Gondor feel like foreign lands. And the lands of the elves feels like an otherworldly dream. Because feeling is what counts. Every description is set up to convey feeling more than anything.
I once had a friend who wrote an entire novel for that whole novel-writing month thing. 70k words down, soup to nuts. But when she was done, she didn't have a novel. She had a novel-length description of a story, telling the reader what happens rather than immersing you in it. It was a lot like the difference between world-building notes and an actual novel. It tells you about the world, but not what it's like for the characters to experience it. Once she realized that, she was so heartbroken that she gave up. Some lessons are too hard won.
A story lets you experience the world through the subjective experience of the character. A seductive, voluptuous barmaid to a young adventurer would be an innocent child to the old wizard, who wouldn't be the least bit interested in the size of her bosom. Unless, ya know, he was an old perv, and that was a relevant aspect of his character in the story. Each character's appearance, sound, smell, whatever other sensory aspect you want to explore, only matters through the perception of other characters, and of course, through their own subjective self-image. You say that characters should be described through many senses, but I'd think the unifying filter is other characters' subjective impression. Whether that impression is appearance, smell, or sound, doesn't matter. It's the feeling they convey that tells you about them, and about the person experiencing them.
Prose is built on empathy, trying to find objectivity through the necessarily subjective experience of perception. It's the world explored through the internal. And in this world full of pictures, movies, and comic books, writers forget this, and get caught up in external, objective description, trying to describe the picture they themselves have in their head. But the world the writer sees in their head doesn't matter. It's what their characters see, or hear, or smell, and most of all, what they experience, that's everything. That creates empathy, and that's the currency that stories trade in. Without empathy, without the subjective filter of a living point of view, you don't have a story, just a description.