I love my blended family. My boyfriend was with a woman in a previous relationship and they had a couple of kids that I absolutely adore. We do have the added stigma of not only being a blended family but also a gay interracial blended family. It's been tough at times but the most important thing is going all in with a genuine positive attitude and showing up. The kids pick up on it and the dad sees more than you think.
I can't even imagine with what stigma you need to deal. I hope you, your partner and blended family are all happy and don't need to deal with nasty people/comments.
For myself, I know I don't want to continue living in the same country after the next few years, so I choose not to date single parents. But for some people, it's absolutely perfect. I think the upsides of this type of relationship aren't spoken about nearly enough. In identifying my own needs on this topic, I came up with a list that might help people know if it's for them or not. You have to know yourself and your needs REALLY well before dating a single parent of either gender. You also have to have identified and healed your attachment system and core wounds. Here's how to know whether this is right for you: ***Dating a single parent *could be perfect* for what you want IF*** 0) you like his kids and they like- and respect- you 1) always wanted a family 2) are just as capable of loving someone else's kids as you are your own 3) maybe don't want your own kids but would love to have kids in your life 4) intend to continue living in your current city, a close-by city, or at least the same state for the long term 5) are fine with not taking vacations or traveling with your partner for extended periods 6) feel financially secure and have clear financial boundaries around whose resources go to the person's kids and when; as well as how much of his resources you expect to go toward your partnership 7) have plenty of your own interests and activities to fill your time 8) can feel secure in your relationship knowing his kids will always come before you 9) feel secure around his ex and his/her involvement in your partnership via their shared children does not bother you 10) have experience and comfort with blended family situations 11) can balance detachment toward his kids and their primary relationship to their own mother with providing additional mothering and mentoring in a different capacity 12) there are clear boundaries around what authority you do and don't have with his kids 13) there are clear boundaries around how his kids behave when they are in your home 14) you like and respect his parenting style 15) you have gone successfully through the first three stages of a relationship with this person (dating, honeymoon, power struggle) and have settled securely into one of the last three stages (stability, commitment, bliss) -- and if not with this person, you have BOTH gone successfully through these stages in other relationships ***additionally, DO NOT combine your life, finances, or household with a single parent before you have made it successfully out of the power struggle stage of the relationship with them and into the stability phase or beyond*** 16) you have extremely strong, honest trust and communication with your single parent partner and feel safe advocating for your needs and boundaries 17) you have good trust and communication with his kids and they respect your boundaries ***ON THE CONTRARY, Dating a single parent *could be absolutely wrong* for what you want IF*** 0) you don't you like his kids and/or they don't like- and respect- you ***this is non-negotiable- in no instance is it ever okay to proceed in a relationship with a parent whose kids you can't get along with, period*** 1) have goals, dreams or ambitions for the long term that will likely take you out of your current living area 2) like to take extended vacations and trips and want to share those with your partner 3) want someone whose financial resources are exclusively available for your partnership 4) have high needs for quality time and intimacy that will go un-met when having to share your partner with his obligations to his kids 5) have bad chemistry with his ex or are unwilling to maintain harmony with her for the sake of his obligations 6) your financial expectations for how much, if any, of YOUR resources go to his children do not align with each other 7) you feel overly attached to his kids 8) you consciously or unconsciously compete with his kids 9) you feel resentment about his children coming before you or continually suppress and ignore your own needs to make a relationship with a single parent work 10) - 17) are missing any of the above things in the "dating a single parent could be perfect for you" list and are not willing or capable of resolving those things
@How to Sober Wow! I love your detailed thoughts that one should consider when dating a single parent. I agree with your suggestions/questions 💯. You should make a video yourself because your insights are remarkable! Thank you for taking the time to share with us.🤗❤️
Thank you so much for your insights and suggestions on this topic. 👍🏽👍🏽 You've definitely helped me to rethink some things for the betterment of my relationship. Blessings to you and yours. 🙏🏽❤️🤗
Thank you for watching it and I'm so pleased to hear you found it helpful. I do have a podcast now! Sending love and if you like podcast here is mine open.spotify.com/show/4USDEZSTUqUoRgRnO4mZ3d
That's what I'm going through now. When he calls he asks more about the kids than me. He seems to only get excited when it's about them. When he does spend time with me, he's distracted. I'm going to end it soon. I regret getting into this relationship.
I'm sorry to hear that! Hope you got out of that relationship soon enough. Not every single dad is ready or should be in a relationship. It can be horrible for everyone. Hope you're good and happy now xxx
@@nampaasitaa5092 if you would like you can join my close Facebook page, I'm hosting weekly webinars for stepmums. It's free and close to keep it safe for stepmums😉 facebook.com/groups/743906069399550/
@@veronikadurham Every time I dated someone with kids it ends the same. I can’t do it.The ex is forever and ever apart of your marriage. She has the right to call or show up whenever she wants. Boundaries are so important. People can’t just go through life helping your children have nice lives. The SO deserves security too for the future. The kids should come first when they are still growing.
If you don't have kids, you need to know ONE thing! Run for the hills.
That definitely an option too!
I love my blended family. My boyfriend was with a woman in a previous relationship and they had a couple of kids that I absolutely adore. We do have the added stigma of not only being a blended family but also a gay interracial blended family. It's been tough at times but the most important thing is going all in with a genuine positive attitude and showing up. The kids pick up on it and the dad sees more than you think.
I can't even imagine with what stigma you need to deal. I hope you, your partner and blended family are all happy and don't need to deal with nasty people/comments.
For myself, I know I don't want to continue living in the same country after the next few years, so I choose not to date single parents. But for some people, it's absolutely perfect. I think the upsides of this type of relationship aren't spoken about nearly enough. In identifying my own needs on this topic, I came up with a list that might help people know if it's for them or not. You have to know yourself and your needs REALLY well before dating a single parent of either gender. You also have to have identified and healed your attachment system and core wounds. Here's how to know whether this is right for you:
***Dating a single parent *could be perfect* for what you want IF***
0) you like his kids and they like- and respect- you
1) always wanted a family
2) are just as capable of loving someone else's kids as you are your own
3) maybe don't want your own kids but would love to have kids in your life
4) intend to continue living in your current city, a close-by city, or at least the same state for the long term
5) are fine with not taking vacations or traveling with your partner for extended periods
6) feel financially secure and have clear financial boundaries around whose resources go to the person's kids and when; as well as how much of his resources you expect to go toward your partnership
7) have plenty of your own interests and activities to fill your time
8) can feel secure in your relationship knowing his kids will always come before you
9) feel secure around his ex and his/her involvement in your partnership via their shared children does not bother you
10) have experience and comfort with blended family situations
11) can balance detachment toward his kids and their primary relationship to their own mother with providing additional mothering and mentoring in a different capacity
12) there are clear boundaries around what authority you do and don't have with his kids
13) there are clear boundaries around how his kids behave when they are in your home
14) you like and respect his parenting style
15) you have gone successfully through the first three stages of a relationship with this person (dating, honeymoon, power struggle) and have settled securely into one of the last three stages (stability, commitment, bliss) -- and if not with this person, you have BOTH gone successfully through these stages in other relationships
***additionally, DO NOT combine your life, finances, or household with a single parent before you have made it successfully out of the power struggle stage of the relationship with them and into the stability phase or beyond***
16) you have extremely strong, honest trust and communication with your single parent partner and feel safe advocating for your needs and boundaries
17) you have good trust and communication with his kids and they respect your boundaries
***ON THE CONTRARY, Dating a single parent *could be absolutely wrong* for what you want IF***
0) you don't you like his kids and/or they don't like- and respect- you
***this is non-negotiable- in no instance is it ever okay to proceed in a relationship with a parent whose kids you can't get along with, period***
1) have goals, dreams or ambitions for the long term that will likely take you out of your current living area
2) like to take extended vacations and trips and want to share those with your partner
3) want someone whose financial resources are exclusively available for your partnership
4) have high needs for quality time and intimacy that will go un-met when having to share your partner with his obligations to his kids
5) have bad chemistry with his ex or are unwilling to maintain harmony with her for the sake of his obligations
6) your financial expectations for how much, if any, of YOUR resources go to his children do not align with each other
7) you feel overly attached to his kids
8) you consciously or unconsciously compete with his kids
9) you feel resentment about his children coming before you or continually suppress and ignore your own needs to make a relationship with a single parent work
10) - 17) are missing any of the above things in the "dating a single parent could be perfect for you" list and are not willing or capable of resolving those things
@How to Sober Wow! I love your detailed thoughts that one should consider when dating a single parent. I agree with your suggestions/questions 💯.
You should make a video yourself because your insights are remarkable! Thank you for taking the time to share with us.🤗❤️
What’s the trade off? If you don’t get something of equal value in return - why bother?
Thank you so much for your insights and suggestions on this topic. 👍🏽👍🏽
You've definitely helped me to rethink some things for the betterment of my relationship. Blessings to you and yours.
🙏🏽❤️🤗
Thank you for watching it and I'm so pleased to hear you found it helpful. I do have a podcast now! Sending love and if you like podcast here is mine
open.spotify.com/show/4USDEZSTUqUoRgRnO4mZ3d
Keep speaking truth please. Honestly, these apply to both genders. So many need much more self introspection than they'll readily admit.
Will do! You're absolutely right, I don't think dating a single mum is any easier. It's not about gender it's about people.
You Always will be on third or fourth place. Just don't.
That's what I'm going through now. When he calls he asks more about the kids than me. He seems to only get excited when it's about them. When he does spend time with me, he's distracted. I'm going to end it soon. I regret getting into this relationship.
worst mistake of my life
I'm sorry to hear that! Hope you got out of that relationship soon enough. Not every single dad is ready or should be in a relationship. It can be horrible for everyone. Hope you're good and happy now xxx
Why can’t he drop them off and pick them up? It’s not your kid - not your problem
Don’t date single dad’s.
What scares me is having to deal with the other woman.
100% agree. Worst and most destructive decision of my life!
@@douknowdaway2 really?
Dont date single mothers.
thanks for the advice
Happy to help! Are you a stepparent?
@@veronikadurham yes and I am learning a whole lot but I love it.
@@nampaasitaa5092 if you would like you can join my close Facebook page, I'm hosting weekly webinars for stepmums. It's free and close to keep it safe for stepmums😉 facebook.com/groups/743906069399550/
@@veronikadurham Every time I dated someone with kids it ends the same. I can’t do it.The ex is forever and ever apart of your marriage. She has the right to call or show up whenever she wants. Boundaries are so important. People can’t just go through life helping your children have nice lives. The SO deserves security too for the future. The kids should come first when they are still growing.
@@111JenA I fully understand you! I'm not sure if I would do it again, it really takes something to make it work and keep your sanity.