WHAT EVERYONE GETS WRONG ABOUT THE INFJ
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- Опубликовано: 12 дек 2024
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INFJ Life Coach Lesson: INFJs are often seen as mediators among friends, resolving conflicts and bringing harmony. Nevertheless, the INFJ prefers to stay in the shadows until needed; they're not interested in being foremost at decision making but rather will do what needs to be done without fail even if it goes unnoticed or unappreciated
The one thing many people think that comes naturally with being an INFJ is mediation - creating peace where there was previously turmoil... But don’t let their reserved nature fool you.
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What is one of the most common misconceptions people have about you as an INFJ?
My age & the type of past I've lived considering I'm still a kind person. Also people sometimes think I'm a complete softy & push my buttons, then wonder why the beast came out to play.
@@joselozano0528 Thinks that's apart of our personality type as I've had similar situations regarding that 😂
The most common misconception non-INFJ’s have about me is they don’t understand how my actions stem more from my need for integrity than out of any need to please them. Yes, I like to please people as much as any INFJ but I am an INFJ TYPE 5 wing 4 so, with me integrity with my own thoughts and mind is EVERYTHING! I suppose if people understood that even then they would regard that as a little stingy and a bit selfish…but I do feel living in integrity is living up to my highest good…it’s not what I do for others that I want them to appreciate, I just want people to appreciate themselves and be the best versions of themselves and how they were meant to be…people get pissed off with me all the time presuming if I told them what I thought they could handle it…I try to let people think whatever they want, but help where I can and give advise only when they ask and can handle it…yes, people think I say things” out of character” all the time. Whether, we are people pleasers or not it goes with the territory for all of us INFJ’s 😂
Saying that I'm shocking people by just telling my opinion. This never happend. And I don't know where all that stuff in this video comes from (experience or internet), but this content here keeps it pretty vage.
So, I don't know where this impression or expression of "being an Infj" comes from, but I don't feel related to it, cause its so generic.
And I tell this as Infj Ni Ti domininant.
To everybody who reads this:
Please do your own research on cognitive functions to figure out, which type you really are.
You can find stuff at CPS or OPS, here on RUclips.
Both are highly to recommand, if you want to discover your true personality.
Thanks.
It seem's ironic on first glance that the INFJs, the judger's, are not judger's in real. It's not ironic actually, it's about knowing what stand's behind the word's. Language is a paralel reality, that doesn't always match the other existing one's, so we have to decode it and that's the main thing that people can't understand about us. We live in Plato's world of ideas, world of abstraction's, but most people live in the world of concrete thing's(+ or -) and they expect from me to be an easy label for them, „plus“ or „minus“ and that's where they fail. The other thing that most people can't understand is the introverted intuitive proccess itself. We are like an iceberg's like you say and because we are introverted intuitive's we don't like to show ourself's first and we think that because we can see some thing's other people still can see them and that's where we fail. The thing that we all have to be aware of is that complex failure thing. Other's do fail, but we fail too.
What is one of the most common misconceptions people have about me as an INFJ? They think I worry too much. They gaslight and utilize the term "worry" too much when it's not worry that I have. I exhibit a preventative maintenance mindset while thinking ahead of time to keep problems from growing.
Yeah, man! I am the type who measures 10 times and cuts once and get it right the first time. People trip out about be a "worrier" and "overthinking" when they have no idea what's going on inside. Now, I have changed and force my self to show what I'm capable of despite being passive and modest. Which is working great.
hahaha loved it!
I get people that are caught in lies yet they’re still saying why you worrying calm down when I’m calling them out on repeated lies
It is them who worry ;)
Exactly! People think I'm anxious when I'm absolutely not. I do overthink and overanalyze stuff a lot, but I'm truly NOT an anxious person. That was even confirmed to me by a psychologist when I took some tests, and she was almost shocked to see how little anxiety I exhibited.
“People only see what you show them” - I think this is hard for us INFJs because we are the exact opposite. We see what they are not saying or showing. I don’t know about others but I always thought everyone was like that until I learned about personality typing.
I have been accused of so many things that were so totally wrong. People jumped to the wrong conclusion. The worst ones are those who attacked me for what "they" thought. Still I do not go on the defensive, I do not insult them just because they insulted me, even though I would love to shred them. I simply leave, leaving them to assume the worst about me and maybe even gossip about me. At some point I may set them straight only after I have healed myself and found kinder words to tell them how wrong they were. GOD KNOWS!
People always think I'm mad or upset about something because sometimes I'll just sit there quiet and not saying anything for a while, when I'm really just kind of lost in my own thoughts and mind dealing with my own stuff, and not even paying attention to, or interacting with the things/people that are around me. I guess when that happens, I have a weird look on my face, or something??? 🤷🏼 They always say, "You alright???" And I'm like, "Yeah, just thinking..." 😂
Same me at work 😂😂🤣🤣 they’re always asking me this.
It happened to me so many times
My heart breaks egos 100% of the time I learned 🙃
Love it! “People do not see us through our intentions but through our actions” Covey - Good reminder how much we live in our heads thinking we know what others are thinking if we always acquiesce.
Our true opinions are very harsh and dry😂
But I have family who find "letting my light shine" as a threat that is not tolerated.
So that's why there's been a last resort door slam, tragically.
❤️🤗❤️
We are magnets for Narcissists
They put us in a box and when we surprise them they often misinterpret our behaviour.
Thank you. You so often nail your hypothesis dead on. I find your presentations helpful and benefits my progress. The unexamined life is not worth living.
Thanks, I can understand what you're saying. I don't expect everyone to get who I really am. I give them honor and respect and if they like what I have to give they can get to know me further. Making myself small at first is partly who I am and if they dislike when I show my strength I take that as a sign that we are not compatible beyond that level. Just being myself is the way that nature works to bring the right people across my path and me across their path to the level that we are good for each other. I keep hearing the need to get from other people for our needs to be met. I have no problem giving 50 or even 100 percent even if they have nothing to give if I feel the situation warrants it. My energy is not dependent on acceptance or understanding even though I do appreciate it. I just enjoy doing what I considered to be my purpose and I know I am making a positive impact. Keep it simple.
People's misconceptions about me:
- That I am a fragile little thing and/or a pushover - exactly what you said in the video. They don't realize I'm actually very strong and independent and perfectly able to think for myself and stand up for myself if necessary.
- That I am anxious - I am an overthinker and a perfectionist, but I honestly do not have any struggles with anxiety. It's almost weird. I know many people around me who do struggle with anxiety, but... I don't. Most of the time I sleep really well, and I don't really worry in advance about things I cannot influence.
- That I lack self-confidence. Kind of linked to the first one. I think I actually have a very accurate level of confidence. I am very much aware of my strengths and weaknesses, and although I tend to slightly underestimate myself rather than the reverse... I'm often very close to the mark. It doesn't cripple me, on the contrary, I think having a realistic view of what I can or cannot do is one of my biggest superpowers. It protects me from either sabotaging myself through lack of belief, or shattering against an obstacle after overestimating my abilities.
I needed this today, stood up for myself and this really helped me know I did the right thing
Thank you for these videos, Wenzes. I decided to stop making myself small for the sake of others. Now I feel like I found myself again.
Another awesome video, I can't believe you give this away for free, but I am so grateful you do. Just watching these over the last few months I can already see changes in me and my circumstances. You are a truly wonderful person and I thank you from the bottom of my heart 🙏
I learned this lesson only last year (at 32, it took me a while 😅) I broke up with my partner when I realized I was giving 70% and he wasn't giving not even a 10% anymore. I was so mad at the beginning. Then I realized his negligence wouldn't have hurt me that much if I wouldn't had been neglecting myself (sacrificing it to the relationship) to that extent to begin with.
People usually underestimate me in the end, even when some said they didn´t, they did. People usually assume I have less strength, power, opinions, experience, insight, interests, knowledge, inteligence, .... I understand why that is and that I don´t show much, but at the same time I just don´t feel the need to show everything to everyone all the time. And often it makes me mad that people just have this everpresent need to judge even when they know nothing about the other person, don´t really care.... but than are so shocked that someone besides them has a personality too.
Wenzes - I am always blown away by your level of insight. Thank you.
I’m 63, so you can imagine how much I’ve tolerated, yet, in all honesty, I’ve given out a bunch of grief in my life as well. My daughter is INFJ too.
They expect what we do and if we don’t do as much they resent it or think we’ve gone cold on them. They don’t realise the effort we make, because most don’t do the same. This leads to patronising us. You nailed it Wenzes.
Sometimes that honest opinion does come out in frustration from the anger of the stupidity and complete lack of comprehension capabilities of others
For my entire life I asked myself over and over ' why the hell people don't understand me?'. Now I know how to voice myself, put a straight face and say I'm this and this is my opinion. Even if you give bunches of advices on my life am doing this. All we do is being nice just to have harmony and peace.
When a heart full of joy wanders off gracefully to play with her spirit, you can still hear her soft voice and see Wenzes heart warming smile😁
Thank you Wenzes, I am much stronger than people know. I am strong enough to let other's have the light. I already know that I am great.
My sister does not believe I am an introvert, she doesn't get it because she is my person, I am safe with her, I can let down my defenses.
This will also keep you from falling into so many toxic relationships with highly narcissistic people.
My INFJ husband bounces off his emotions and thoughts off me, an INFP, just to see if his delivery should be buffered when he expresses them to others because he can actually be rather blunt and brutal. Otherwise, he's pretty quiet, reserved and needing validation.
My intensity coupled with my ideology can come off as disturbing. I'm blessed to have a lifelong friend that just let's me be me. All its conflicted ways and ideology you would bleed for. Love light open roads
I don't see my love deeds as sacrifices, but as offerings to the people I wanted to uplift and see do better in life
*Puts self first for once.*
*Other person: "How could you do this to me!?! 😱😡😭!!!"*
Note: Be more choosy about pouring out entire self, because continuously doing so will not always be possible and when it's not you'll have to deal with the reaction over the false impression someone has in their mind of you.
My enfj husband says he is on to us infj's after listening to this video. He says we are out to take over the world and Wenze is just building her infj army. He so on to us. What do I do?
Because if you force someone to do something the change won't click. they won't understand why.
Buwhaa ha ha! The INFJ secret police will be paying him a visit some time soon.
But no! Really? Take over the world? I can't think of a worse punishment for me, personally😂.
@@handleguy who better then the infjs?
@@handleguy I'm looking for people who know how to use an arrow for my infj army.
💖rational and logical 👏✨
This video covered a lot of what I've been through.
Yet while I do treat others well, some people used to complain that I put up with too much and didn't come on strongly enough. But then when I did assert myself, they'd freak out. And usually the most outspoken ones got the most upset when I finally did speak up!
Go figure.🤔
I think we INFJs are people of big-time personality contrast. I'm learning to let my strength show more and let go of others' approval. As the resident senior citizen here, I can vouch for the accuracy of what you've shared in this video!
Well said!
Cause when I suppress or concede they think I’m not so when I’ve had enough they think I’m overreacting it’s a snowball effect
No the truth is that we don't care if they recognize our strength or not that's the main deal we don't care if they recognize their strength or not cuz we don't give a shit about who's stronger than who or how strong anything is that shouldn't matter in the first place
Ein schöner Spruch in Deutschland: "Man kann in anderen nur das erkennen, was man in sich selber trägt."...ist hier auf beide Seiten anzuwenden, dem INFJ und seinem Gegenüber. Aber wenn man älter wird, erschließen sich so einige Zusammenhänge. Manchmal braucht es halt etwas länger, aber man darf auch nicht vergessen, wieviel Reize gleichzeitig in unser System eingearbeitet werden wollen. Gut Ding will Weile haben 🤗.
Kleiner Tipp von meiner Seite, Angst vor "negativen" Emotionen wie z.B. Angst, Wut, Ohnmacht u.u.u. ist nicht förderlich für inneres Wachsen. Es gibt nicht wirklich negative Gefühle, diese Sichtweise wird uns durch unser Umfeld anerzogen. Wenn wir kleine Kinder ohne bewusstes Handeln sind, schämen wir uns nicht für unsere Gefühle, wir leben sie. Und genau dieses sollten sich alle Erwachsenen wieder erarbeiten. Das Verdrängen von Gefühlen ist eine Jahrhunderte/Jahrtausende alte Art und Weise des Menschen zu leben. Aber alle Gefühle haben ein Daseinsberechtigung und wir dürfen sie auch zeigen, egal was andere behaupten. Wenn ich Angst, Wut und Ähnliches zu lange in mir verschließe, dann ist das wie ein Stöpsel in einem aktiven Vulkan...und die Auswirkungen können genauso verheerend sein...sowie für den Vulkan, als auch dessen Umfeld.
Wichtiger ist es vllt., herauszufinden, wie die Energien unserer Emotionen "dosiert" werden können. Letztendlich ist es pure Energie und man kann sie nutzen, um etwas aufzubauen und zu kreieren.
Euch allen da draussen, egal ob INFJ oder welcher Typ auch immer, viel Erfolg und Freude auf und an eurem Weg 🤗.
I might have mentioned this before. But I feel that people see me as a plant. They would admire the plant, water it, give it everything it needs and being nice to the plant. But when I speak or be honest, I’m hated, ignored and treated badly. I sometimes think it’s better to be quiet than to say anything. Everyone is happy while I’m barely saying or doing anything. It’s sometimes depressing.
Thanks for this insight. I've listened to a few of your vids recently that carry essentially the same message, and thanks to that combined with my own readyness to get how this impacts my life that message is landing. It is quiet true, I have typically done, witheld those qualities you mention, the strength, power, insight etc and assumed everyone else saw that, and I can recognise how I've done it since at least teenage years. This message landing changes things up in a very resoureceful way that improves my experience. Here's to some INFJ clapback that warns people in advance who I am and what I am capable of.
I was told I scare people because I get inside there head…. And I know things they never told anyone….This was in junior High. I took it personally and stopped talking to poeple because no matter what I will get into your head and know how to make you operate
I seldom have tried to explain my type to others. They don't/can't understand most things outside of their reality frame, so I seldom bother to initiate another round of explain, explain, explain. I'm ok with it, too. Been there, done that. In the long run, it seldom seems to help. I can be grateful that I can "boldly go where no (or few) types have gone before." I love to learn and open up my horizons. So why not just enjoy it and stop worrying about what others think about it? It works for me, anyway. My family and friends accept me as I am, so isn't that enough?
I am curious about what it would be like to be in a gathering of many INFJs though. It might even be different enough to be interesting. Anyone been to such a gathering?
Went to an meetup with other INFJs. It was interesting. We shared similar experiences but we were each different.
@@RW-gw7zi That makes sense to me. Even identical twins can have major differences. Still, it seems a cool thing to experience.
Every INFJ is being differrent, and there are subtypes. But into a crowd of INFJ, we've would understand each other much better, than into a typical crowd of ordinary ppl - hence feeling lonely into a group, much more than being physically alone...
"People only see what you show them" that a great insight.
Recently I got this same sort of revelation by thinking. If you don't tell or text people you think to them, they will never know it, no one is in your mind, no one can guess. If you think to someone, if you think something positiv, beneficial, if you appreciate someone : tell them.
If you want someone think of you, be the first, think to them before, show them you think of them, if you don't give a sign, they will not think to you neither.
We tend to blame others, no one think to us. But if no one do it first, no one will.
I think that this is a sentiment shared by many Fi-Ni & Ni-Fi users and other Fi users, to an extent. With regards the cognitive INFJ, as they're Fe-Se divergents, the 'self' is involuntarily very much externalised. As a cognitive ENFJ (behavioural INTJ) there is a tendency in the MBTI community to perceive conscious Fe users as 'putting on a mask' albeit this perception generally comes from conscious Fi users. Fe is not a mask; Fe can simply, ascertain everyone's objective & subjective perspectives & accommodates accordingly; the self is therefore inextricably linked to that of the 'other'.
Most people project energy out as a facade and defensive move. Since we dont do that much, people assume that we have nothing worth defending and no facade because we have no identity or self.
Big iceberg. Perfect! 🤣 And my comment is of course, just the tip of the iceberg. This is great content. I so relate.
Wow. This video really resonated with me. It happened to me recently. So much to think about... Thanks!
We are all spiritual! Nobody can change this
thanks, you just broke a thought spiral in my head...
finally i have something to climb on top of that spiral.
seriously, thanks
This is so beautiful. It made my tummy shake because its so true. Thank you.
I think a lot of us came from narcissistic type families where showing any of our strength would directly lead to a punishment. That would be why it’s so natural for us to be.
this is the video i truely wanted😥
Indeed...
Lovely explanation... Thank you for sharing...❤️
Somehow for me this has always been the other way round, I am often perceived as rather prickly and people are surprised that I am quite soft inside. Maybe I have oversteered.
I think we tend to sand bag at first and watch and see what comes at us.
Question - Would love some thoughts and feedback. If you have been voicing your opinions more and also have stepped into conflict and hard relational things (home + work), how do you recharge or shift your perspective on “being the one” who addresses things which can get weary?
Background: 40 year old healthy INFJ, parent of two and leader at work. When and if I think it is healthy to resolve conflict, I will move in it. At work it is a need to and in my personal life I do weigh many things. But dang! Most folks are geared like that and when they do it, they do t try to do it in a healthy or win-win way.
Strategies I use: I weigh a lot of decision on if it’s the right thing, will it bring about good, what is my relationship like with them and might they listen. I see it as part of my grander vision, bringing good and if no one else is willing to, once weighing and having peace, I do. I don’t look for conflict or issues, but I am willing to address some in a healthy right way.
At times it can make you feel like the character in the movie The Green Mile. It’s like you are willing to step into something knowing it is the best for the person.
This is what I've learnt to do:
1. Choose me. I choose to address what I feel will give me peace. The world will not end. I'm not any less irrelevant despite the roles I play in people's lives. It won't make a difference unless the person chooses for it to. As such, I only address what I personally feel will have great repercussions in the future.
2. Honed discernment. I've learnt to know whom and what to address. I only speak on matters and address what matters to me, what could actually matter, and would make a difference.
3. Accountability. I hold people accountable for their actions and speech. I'm all for win-win as long as everyone else is. The moment I experience selfishness or any self-motivated actions; I shift to holding people accountable. Lately, this is actually my default. I'm only open for win-win if I sense you are.
4. Humility. My experiences have taught me that free will is a powerful force to contend with. Choices determine outcomes, and each individual is liable for theirs. I'm only as relevant as the role I'm meant to play in a person's life. My value is only as high as their perception of the value of what I have to offer. This has helped me stay focused on the things that actually matter. So where in the past I believed who I am mattered to the people I'm interacting with, now I focus on the role or part I'm playing. Who or what I want is irrelevant. This also frees me from the expectation that what I do counts.
5. Set boundaries and expectations. In situations like yours where my role is clearly defined, I set boundaries and expectations. That's also why I take accountability seriously. I don't know if this is personal to me or an INFJ thing; I only address things once. As such, it's pertinent people know the score. This makes it easier for me to take action on things and hold people accountable where necessary. As you highlighted, most people don't care about win-win, so I hold them accountable instead using our already discussed expectations and boundaries.
6. I honour my boundaries and decisions. Once I set a boundary or make a decision, I honour it. Even if a person's behaviour or circumstances change, unless I have changed my mind about them/it; I stand by my original position about them/it. I give myself the honour and space to determine what the changes mean to me, and what I want to do about them.
Relating these to your question:
In imbibing these principles, I find myself taking action more than being the one always addressing things. Over time, the people around me have learnt to respect that I only address something once. So when they see my attitude towards them adjust, they recognise what happened.
As a result, when I say something once, they take it seriously. On my part, I only speak on things I know I can't accommodate. These are generally few and far between.
I'm increasingly finding less reasons to have to address things.
@@faridaashu thanks for the thoughtful tips! I’ll take some time to read and ponder on it! Thank you!
@@striderwolf687 you're welcome. I'm glad you consider them thoughtful. A lot of times, I come off as too real, borderline disillusioned. Personally, it's been key to finding peace and finally living life on my own terms.
I hope you figure out what works for you best. That's the most ideal outcome you could gain.
Take care and be kind to yourself.
@@faridaashu for sure! You put a lot of thought, time and effort into it. I’ll likely need to read it a few more times.
Thank you! May you be blessed on your travels and have peace.
@@striderwolf687 thank you.
You're welcome and amen.
I think probably the biggest misconception that some people may possibly have is, that I'm a little non directional, or possibly that I'm a follower, or a complete conformist out of weakness, but honestly, sometimes I kind of revel in the fact that within myself, I know that nothing could be further from the truth. I I think that I probably comes from a strong feeling of self convictions or ideology, regardless of others understand or agree. I think I think that feeling is stronger in certain situations when I feel people have assumed or judged. I think that I feel this because I perceive their thoughts as negativity, even though rationally, I can understand how they may have concluded that. I also have that natural thought of feeling so convictious in my thoughts and feelings that I skip over the reasonability of of their perception.
Wenzes,you are a leader INFJ.Another awesome INFJ is Thais Gibson on her channel PDS-PersonalityDevelopment School ! 😎 Awesome .
Really liked this one, thanks
I notice people don't understand me because I am too honest. They wonder why I am the wsy I am but they care about themselves and if an experience goes wrong with me they don't understand or listen. If you try to offer them help they ignore me. The best thing I do is keep my distance.
This is fantastic 💯 came at the right time
Story of my life however I’m not sure if I’m an INFJ I didn’t take the test but based on your description I’m starting to suspect that I might be one.
God! This is so relatable!
This is gold!! Thank you!!!
Fabulous. Thank you, Wenzes.
You are so on pointe ! Thank you!
You explain it very well
We don’t judge people until we know exactly who they are. We are pre judged are entire life for absolutely no reason!
Just our mirror presence threats
I guess lol
Today at work someone asked me if I was ever in a good mood. I said ...NO...and smiled and said I was thinking and have resting bitch face. They all laughed.
Great advice thank you !
Start showing people what you can do...lol...sure, like they will admit what's right in front of them, like I haven't tried that one before.
Thank you!
Busted!!!!
Good video ❤️❤️❤️
Your awesome. Thank you
Hey Wenzes, I was wondering if you could do a series on techniques to access some of the functions, something like extraverted intuition. Maybe a playlist? Just an idea for the channel! Btw, do you have any techniques to access extraverted intuition, I've been stuck on N.I for too long, I'm starting to think I need visualize more options before graduating High School...
💯 true!
When I have the flu or down with some sickness I tell my boss that I can't come he says I'm pretending to be sick so I should get drugs and I better be at work the next day. I'm like...huh? Honestly I got triggered by that statement.
So when somebody does something for you you don't see it and you don't experience that or do you
😍😍
Oceanic experience
I can definitely relate... Check out my Day 20 No Shhmokin Journey video. Thanks for your videos. Defo needed Kween 🙏🏾💯 I dissolved a group of 20 + people I've had for 3 years because this. Took me to breaking point 😤🤦🏾♂️🤷🏾♂️
So our true calling is to be an actor that exclusively plays the role of the helpless, pushover, imbecile? Being everyone believes we are already. 😂😂
I think me and you should get it on big style, no, i joking.
I do not claim to be a INFJ
I managed to feel I am enough when my wife says to me. "I am a jerk..." Mostly because I have boundaries where I know if I let people cross it is because I will be giving more than what the other person is willing to return.
❤💜
yyyyeeeppppppppppppppp
Spot on funny