Great job at compassionately confronting someone lashing out at those with the courage to show their vulnerabilities, then inviting him into the community. I watched this twice, so I could absorb how Fairy did it and be able to personally practice this authentic response to harmful behavior.
He still sounds wounded. He may be high functioning, but you can tell he's holding on to a little raft of sanity for dear life. Anna you are a treasure. ❤
I feel as though I'm hanging onto a raft of sanity myself sometimes...ok all the time. I am a work in progress though...We all are. I am glad that I found this channel.
I’m just beginning to deal with whatever is going on here. I’ve been the typical confused person who maniacally pours through research or reasons why I am struggling so badly. You are very comprehensive and competent in my opinion. Your delivery is authentic and not at all confrontational . It’s 2:40am now so I’m going to come back tomorrow and see what’s what. Thank you kindly.
I read in a psychology article that people who've been through adverse life events often have LESS empathy for others who are going through similar events. The theory was that they didn't receive love and support (or enough of it), so they felt a little resentful when others got it. He may not come from a very supportive social group. Well, he can change that!
not all, but some people end up in this rout. Some people become more empathetic. but its like you've experienced so much bad that others troubles seem like not problems. in psychology in seattles therapist reacts to the first season of love is blind he covers one of the girls expressing this phenomenon.
If I am in the middle of a really difficult, stressful time in my life then I might have less empathy, but it only comes out if I get triggered and/or the person does something bad to me in the moment - I do have underneath the surface or ‘empathy after the fact’ upon reflection and make amends when I can. Under normal stress and difficulties or during a low stress period, I have enormous amounts of empathy. I really try to always take a step back before reacting - easier said then done sometimes.
I have a feeling Johnny will read these comments at some point so I just want to offer him some goodwill and support. Hang in there, man. Good job with taking responsibility for your own healing so far and I wish you the best with taking that further still. I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you, and so proud of you for carrying on. Well done, and good luck!
The way Johnny talked to us , is the way I often talk to myself . I get it . But here's the thing , I have a lot of behaviors that really , really protected me from dangerous evil as a vulnerable kid , anger was and is one of them . But today , those behaviors hurt me and OTHERS . I've GOT to get rid of that poison . Johnny's right.. The problems are in ME . The poison IS in me . That's why I'm choosing to be strong and courageous by not giving up . Facing down demons , even with God's help , is NOT for sissies . It's for noble warriors .
I'm so grateful to you Jackie Ann and to Anna and to everyone else in this CCF community! Thank you 👍 everybody and that goes for you too Johnny 🙏❤❤ too!
I have even more respect for Anna for trying to understand where this commenter came from and read between the lines. The commenter does have a point, stucking in a victim role is of no use, but he said this to the wrong community because Anna's method to healing is everything but that. Anyway, Anna showed a very good exaple: if we don't want to be misjudged within 0.1 milliseconds, we shouldn't dismiss others in the same manner either. Thank you for this video too! 🙏🙏❤️
That interaction really does a good job of illustrating how it can feel to be a man with CPTSD sometimes. I know that during the worst times it was really difficult not to be critical of myself for being "too sensitive". It often felt like going numb and taking on 'anti-hero' or 'villainous' traits was the way that society was asking me to respond, instead of getting help and getting better.
Yeah, I agree! I have noticed that men who come fromy traumatic environment rather tend to cope with it by anger projected extermally, rage, fits etc. and women tend to project the hurt towards the inside
I had this "pretend everything is okay" phase and the main drawback was seeing anyone complaining or feeling bad drove me insane. I do see the similarities here.
johnny doesnt understand that alot of people dont talk about their childhood,me included.and this is what has held me back from healing.letting it out finally and trying to deal with it finally and then we can move on......❤
My family is truly evil and dangerous. More than one of my friends has met these people and asked me how I got out alive. We who've gotten out and survived ar,e NOT wusses. This space and Anna's community are GOING FORWARD TO HUMAN KINDNESS, strength and freedom, and away from being so triggered by the past we turn into angry hermits. You can do it!!
My father was very abusive. He was an alcoholic, probably had an undiagnosed mental illness, and gave me the worst beatings for any little thing. I was a good kid, and my mom would say that I was the kind of sensitive kid that didn’t need those kind of beatings. I would agree, however, NO ONE deserves those types of beatings. My dad was a big guy, weighing about 260lbs or so and prior military. He was also abusive to my mom and sisters, but, it was mostly verbal. My sisters got beatings here and there, but, nowhere near as intense as what I went through, he really seemed to love and cherish his little girls. He had a collection of belts that he would use, it was almost as if he took pride in how he “disciplined” me. Couple that with me also being bullied and beat up by kids at school up until I went to college, and yeah, I can definitely understand where “Johnny” is coming from. I’m in my forties, and I’ve spent my entire life thinking I’m just unlucky, or was just given a bad hand. For years I’ve researched different mental disorders to find out what’s going on with me, and now, FINALLY, I understand what happened to me. I’ve always thought that my childhood made me tougher, so, I was navigating life NOT KNOWING that I’ve been through extreme trauma. I was walking around wounded and didn’t even know it, smh. I thank God that I found your channel, I’ve been watching for a few weeks now. It’s great to know what I’m dealing with, but, it’s also disheartening to know that a “normal life” is something I may never know. I’ve never been married, no kids, and tend to keep to myself outside of work and going to church. Most people would say that I seem like a normal, well-adjusted, and likable guy, but, I’ve never felt like “that guy” a day in my life, lol. Anyways, I’ve been wanting to comment for awhile, but, after watching this particular video, I felt I had no choice but to chime in. Thanks for all you do, keep up the great work, and God bless you!!
If there was something done wrong to you in childhood, it’s okay to be angry and be a victim because you were. I see many people just want others to move on with life. If you don’t get angry and work through what was done to you, you’re not doing yourself any good. However, heal and do not stay in that place too long. Heal and no longer be a victim because we are all worthy of a better life than the one most of us are living because of our trauma.
Johnny claims he used to blame everyone but himself, and assumes other people with trauma are doing that too. He should speak only for himself and not assume he knows other people so well. Many of us spent most of out lives blaming ourselves first if not only. ETA ... I do understand the “everybody sucks” defense mechanism though, I feel that way too sometimes. So in that sense I relate to you, Johnny!
Johnny's anger is a BIG SIGN that he's isn't over HIS trauma. But he's manage to pack it tightly away into a package that he thinks he can control. I wonder if he knows the benefits of the daily journal and meditation? This might be a subconscious attempt at reaching out. This could be his first step to real Recovery and maybe getting into Trauma Therapy. Johnny should read the book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. The information there can help him handled and understand his emotional Anger outburst.
Strong guys like Johnny think you’re a victim is you ask for help. And taking the time to honestly work through your trauma is the worst kind of self-indulgence.
That is sooo sad though Allll that has happened to Johnny. I can't even believe it, the amount of things that some of us humans have had to face. Makes me cry so hard. Lots of Love to him. I am so very sorry for what had happened to him, and so proud of him as a fellow human being that he is trying to get ahead of all of that. I pray God gives him Loads of Good Luck and Love from now on. 💜
Your answer... Honest, assertive, humble and kind... I wish I could say those words to myself wenever my "inner Johnny" starts talking in my head again. Thank you my dear ❤
He needs an insane amount of MUCH DESERVED compassion AND permission to feel. He needs comfort. Please don’t overlook this. THAT IS WHAT HEALS MORE THAN ANYTHING. Join me in sending love to Johnny💕
Thank you for being so candid yet kind to this man, Anna. It’s clear that his comment is much more than the ones left by the typical RUclips trolls I see on so many other videos. Suffering is relative, for sure; there will always be people who have it worse than some of us and people who have it better. Most of us are just doing the best we can to get through life and carve out some semblance of happiness. ❤
I DEFINITELY had a few ranty comments erased from Crappy Childhood in my early days of dismay at discovering what I had to fix. I just did not know who or where to reach out to that wouldn't to come back to bite me in the a*s. So I freaked online. In my particular situation safety was not apparent because my narc father WAS actually going ahead of me and poisoning the world so I would fail and die. He even continued to triangulate me with my therapist(s. I kept changing therapists everytime it became clear that my father had 'gotten to THEM'.) after I learned boundaries - but not yet that my father was a Narcissist and how we handle them- and begged him to please leave me a soft place to land in a counselor's office. Eventually his actions led me to get completely to myself so I could see what was me and what was his influence on people that was taking me into a place where I felt I had utterly No Ability to Affect my world and make things happen. If we can't affect others we die. That's what I thought. And I was petrified. I learned that that is only true if we are dependent on others for something. Anything. Being all alone in the world, cast out from our tribe, Cut Off, triggers such a primal fear of death that it was hard to keep hold of life. I kept trying to die to resolve the fear that just gripped me night and day. Day and Night. Then I figured out that there was a great sense of satisfaction and cohesive integrity to be gained by fulfilling every single need for myself. ABSOLUTE SELF-RELIANCE certainly gives one an air-tight sense of safety - for awhile. I knew it wouldn't last or even be good for me forever, but at the time it was the perfect antidote to an on-going Smear Campaign and loss of sense of volition. I created a credo that if I could not do it myself, It would not be done. I'd find another way or do without. And I DID!! I walked MILES ❤ As much as I trudged along under the weight of as much food and supplies for myself and my seven (at the time) cats as I could possibly carry, fuming and resentful and fighting fury, often hollering or spitting underneath my breath, " I HATE you DAD!" , those first few months of having been sent into rot gut struggle, at nearly 60 years old, are always going to have a healthy, warm glow in my memory. But there were days I was frozen with terror. Lost. Not seeing the future and a way out of a declining quality of life I felt helpless to stop sliding further and further into till I figured one day I would just fussaglpwar altogether. And no one would even know, no less care, which was such a gruesomely long way down from what I'd worked so hard to achieve in my life it was blinding some days. And Anna and Cara got rte brunt now and then. Thanks guys. I'm finding a Way. And life looks really good. I appreciate this approach to Johnny so very much!!! 💜🎉👍💯
Johnnie needs to know that people are at different stages of healing. Some are more or less honest and working on their issues. Identifying the problem, grieving, anger at being victimized is real but not the end of the healing process. Some people might get stuck in the victim identity. That might even be part of a slower process for that person and at some point, they may progress out of it.
I told lots of people about my trauma and got either "I don't believe you, no one would do that to another person " or " your always playing the victim card". One person close to me said just quit thinking about it " when I told her I had a sudden flashback send me for a loop so bad I was having trouble getting back to my house, amazingly I made it without hurting anyone. I had the flashback while I hadn't been thinking about it at all. Then something triggered me and I suddenly remembered how horrible my childhood was. Torturous, like mom's trying to kill me type of abuse, she actually held my head under water while beating me. I've since wish she hadn't kept letting me up for air. Why couldn't she have taken me out of my miserable world. I'm really careful who I talk to about it now. I rarely say anything at all. When I do I just want someone to care, not pity.
One of the things that helped me going thru that, was allowing myself to grieve for myself and the trauma i experienced in my childhood by my parents and bullies, never cried so hard in my life, I felt it release from way down in my back. It was the forst time I showed compassion for myself and thats where things started to change. And having compassion for the righteous anger I felt, instead feeling shame for feeling angry. The shame holds us and prevents us from expressing it and letting it go because we're made to feel that being angry is wrong, so we suppress it and it turns to resentment. Hang in there Johnny it'll get better when we have patience and compassion for ourselves.🕊
It's the passive aggressive dynamic. First stage on healing the victimized feelings is expression and removing the fear of doing so then comes the anger. Are you angry at yourself for being passive cause then the instinct is to make yourself strong by being aggressive. Peace is the final stage of healing where you learn to be neither but capable of expression both without losing your core center and get lost in reactions.
Very good example of how to deal with someone who gaslights us. I've had this done to me but honestly I've also done it to others as well. Your reaction has been incredible and this is why your channel is so amazing. Good example of how to look at such a situation. Thanks for sharing
Your reaction to Johnny’s comment is valuable in so many ways because you were candid and kind. Despite his inflammatory delivery, I still appreciate learning about Johnny. I hope his journey includes finding more peaceful moments because constant high emotions will drive his nervous system into the ground (I’ve been there). All of us deserve safety and peace, including Johnny.
Thank you Anna! 👏👏🙌 My worst trauma stemmed from a milder one. I got out, but that doesn't mean things were fixed. New family problems came up. That's why I'm here. To WORK IT OUT. So I can reconnect. Not to bury it under more people problems and resentment.
Alot of the story telling about 'what happened' comes from a place of not having realized we were victimized, just knowing something's been off and our lives are a wreck and saying it out so we start to see what's been happening helps. This is a safe place to try stuff on and say what we're just figuring out, where people usually don't yell at us and tell us we are victims and liars and to man up and get over it. I understand you, Johnny! Some days I yell on-line still. But I try to laugh instead!
“You took responsibility, it was you who had to change.” 06:57 I started balling my eyes out when you said this. This overwhelming feeling just took over me. Because I changed for everyone, I changed for my marriage for my family and the world around me. I did the therapy whilst everyone remained the same toxic selfish selves. I had had enough and it seems you saying this hit the nail on the head. Living in and amongst people who are only setbacks for your own healing because they messed you up to begin with, and yet it’s YOU, who is changing is a kind of pain I have no words for.
Us "getting over it" and "manning up" is literally what we're trying to do through healing. We're here at this channel trying to do exactly what Johnny wants us to. Edit: And I stand with Johnny. You must respect Johnny's way of doing things if you want him to respect your way of doing things. Sometimes it takes fire to wake someone up. Piercing people like Johnny are why I have become a better person. People like ME need that intense "Don't be a pussy!" wakeup call. We're hard headed and need someone equally hard headed to knock some sense into us! That's why Johnny did what he did. Your way may work for some just like Johnny's way works for some, including me. The respect and tolerance goes both ways.
We Love you Johnny!! We are all trying to heal. The Daily Practice is extremely helpful. Inner child healing is phenomenal 🤗🤗🤗 Blessings on your healing!!!🙏☯️🙏☯️🙏
I'm glad I came across your channel, I knew I suffered from PDSD, but when you described complex PDSD. I really believe that's what I have been suffering from all my life. Also, I suffer physically with fibromyalgia and other issues. It's was an eye-opener for me.
This whole conversation reminds me of a saying I heard once. If you were abused as a child and you believe that "I still turned out fine", a lot tells me that you did, in fact, not turn out fine.
I feel like people who love to say things like that and self help and mental health channels are trying to fuel shame in people who are trying to understand and work on themselves, in order to avoid thier own shame for thier lack of work on themselves.
You must become aware of evil people and gaslighting techniques in order to prevent future abuse and toxic relationships. Sometimes it IS THEIR FAULT...pieces of sh$t must be held accountable...it was their fault! Poor Johnny is self-gaslighting from years of abuse...fits his story
Yes your "acting" like a victim cuz you were! Weather that was last week or 90 years ago when a trauma is made you stuck there at that spot mentally, emotionally, system wise for that one thing and everyone has a good dozen of those. Your core go to memories maybe trauma memories sure you can have some nice ones but you can twist those into traumatic ones when you use them as a hammer on yourself for your now issue like a breakup can weaponize once good memories and you can unknowingly be traumatizing or handing out PTSD to yourself with those past good memories for the breakup you're encuring now. And people want to solve it the issue is they're not going to the abuse origin like a person and sometimes they just can't due to any number of reasons like safety, fear of recontacting them, or that origin person died but what most aren't taught is there was an expiration date on when origin person was to conduct an amends upon you when they hurt you and that was 24 hours upto a week after if they didn't do it or you asked them and they denied you then that was the IT moment. Now add on the truama of their an abandoning/abusive/unamendng asshole & you're having to fix it without them and hardly anyone is taught how to heal what's harmed inside w/o trying to unconsciously replay it on the outside. You can are harmed & traumatized by what people did and or DIDN'T do for them and most of it starts in childhood rather then teen or adult hood (but you can get some in these years too) it's not usually the victum just woke up one day and choose victum mindset alongside what they want to wear that morning though to some it appears this way. No they probably woke up one day and unconsciously realized they had been harmed & now their systems are doing things to try and fix what it now decided the human needs to address starting off on that day the brain shoves the trauma before them and says fix it.
To me, Johnny is still full of resentment and then added arrogance to it. What happened to him is awful but this isn’t a trauma contest. He’s not the king of trauma or overcoming it. I encourage Johnny to keep looking inward and develop some empathy for himself and others. Empathy is the only way you let go of the anger.
Every time I start to feel out of sorts and am not eating right, exercising, just feeling yucky. I watch one of your videos and it inspires me to get back to healing again. Re-engage with the daily practice, eat better foods, go to the gym to exercise, read books like "The Body Keeps Score," learn about and seek out EMDR, join a weight loss group, and slowly finds ways to connect with people. Thank you for producing so many of these videos that are realistic and hopeful. Idealistic and practical all at the same time. You're lighting a path forward for us.
Anger and fear are two sides of the same coin. It's easier to be angry at the world than to acknowledge why you're fearful of it. That intense rage can be a powerful motivator, but it only turns inward until that anger develops into the acceptance of yourself, and how you deserve better than what you've experienced. Healing from any kind of trauma isn't a linear path either but I believe the ability to be able to sit with yourself and your emotions, without judgment or avoidance of them, is the goal I'm personally working towards. Showing yourself that kindness and love that was robbed from you when you needed it the most, is the most difficult part to come to terms with. Trying to pick apart how much of how you feel was given to you by others, and still making the conscious choice every day to coax that quiet voice inside you to speak up for what you as a human need, is what you want the most but are afraid to take responsibility and ask it from yourself. Suffering is easy, but pain being optional seems an impossible concept to understand sometimes. There are really two ways forward from my experience - learn to show yourself some form of kindness and compassion or perpetuate a cycle of abuse again yourself. The pursuit of trying to be better is the reward itself. Be kind.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful way to demonstrate recognition, understanding and compassion for another. I pray for Johnny and the collective that we find the healing, strength & mindfullness to pay it forward by having compassion, understanding and love for all who are in need of it. ❤
We all have our coping mechanisms. Some people use anger. I use humor and will laugh at things about my past that aren't really funny. Some people cope by refusing to acknowledge anything bad happened while others refuse to learn the basics of being an adult because they are terribly afraid they will fail at it. For strange reasons, throughout my life I have spoken with many veterans. They too have PTSD and for good reason. I've found three basic types of veterans 1. Those who refuse to speak about the war at all. They pretend it never happened, they're fine "now change the subject please." 2. Those who made the war their identity. Ten, twenty sometimes fifty years later they are still fighting that war. They don't want help, they don't need help, they're veterans who can take care of themselves. 3. Those who acknowledge the war happened, that they were scared by it and that sometimes they still wake up at night from terrible nightmares but they have found a reason to "come home." They have a family or a job they like or they reach out to other vets who need help. The war did happen, it left it's mark but it is not who they are. Those are the ones in my experience who heal from their trauma. Similar ideology can by applied to childhood trauma in my opinion.
There some folks out there who would say the same thing to someone who has clinically diagnosed PTSD who actively manages their symptoms in a daily basis. They’d call the legit diagnosis a “scam” and the meds, supplements, teas, yoga, etc. used to buy more time out of the day not being in a triggered state a “crutch.”
Think it would be helpful if everyone would keep in mind that every 45 seconds someone takes their own life !!! Personally I don’t think this is due to a serotonin deficiency rather they cannot carry /cope with their pain… so so horrendous they didn’t know one person they could turn to . Victim mentality I really don’t think so Thanks Anna for giving so much time energy and thought to helping as many as you can ….
I’m glad you talked about this, as anger comes up for a lot of people and they use it as a shield. I know I do sometimes…you are so good at this. I’m glad you’re here.
Getting this from everywhere currently 😟 Why can’t people just be nice 😞 ( I am realizing I can’t discuss my life with people who haven’t had trauma - #8 ACEs score - Find your people I call it my Scar clan, we’re survivors!)
Johnny, I've struggled my whole life in so many aspects. I've never felt sorry for myself, I just couldn't figure out WHAT was wrong with me. These videos have described me in so many. It has helped me figure out ME. I hope you keep working on yourself. We need to realize not to throw rocks at glass houses if you haven't lived in THEIR house you don't know what any of us have been through. Best of luck. We are all God's children.
One of the hard things for me, was when people who meet me, they would see all my scars and say, "What happened to your arms?" Or, "Why did you become disabled?" and one question leads to another until they say things like, "You know, you would be a much nicer person if you didn't talk about the past so much." After asking multiple questions. In a way, I'm glad that I don't see other people anymore, except for my ex who takes me grocery shopping once a month. After being beat up in a grocery store and dragged out by my hair, for YEARS I couldn't go into a store or a gas station because of the anxiety and yes, trauma. I am able to go shopping for groceries without all the color draining out of the store around me. Step by step. Little bit by little bit and hard work on myself has helped me. And yes, many people throw the word "trauma" and PTSD or "triggered" around loosely, when they have never faced mortal threat and violence against them in their vulnerable and tender years.
Well you can get PTSD from anything that is traumatizing to you pet deaths, severe weather, verbal repeated abuse, hazing this is a personal thing & many then try to compare is my abuse on par with anothers and that doesn't matter it was traumatizing to you so it is valid it is a trauma you got PTSD from that but if you stack up the same or similar events you'll go into CPTSD so anything can be traumatizing enough to lead to PTSD. They did a study that needed more expansion upon it's findings but they concluded 90% atleast of the US have PTSD so yeah we may not less then 98% PTSD sufferers hence everyone thinks everyone is one they're at least noticing trauma be real contagious out there but they haven't got to step 2 knowing how to personally stick in their bubble and heal themselves they think offering advice to others how they need to heal is helpful but for most it may not be. Like I went to talk to my sister one morning to say hi & try to bond and she sat down next to me and said, "You should go to a mental hospital and check yourself in." Well that took a left hook I hadn't even expected I was happy & doing well and a comment like that confused me, shocked me, shut me down, and I thought what is wrong with my sister that she thought my "Hi how's your day today" comment should be answered like that? Really hurt our relationship & let me down then but having been broken up with her now for a year but still in the same space I can see she's got a lot of mental & emotional issues too I see them and now work extra hard to avoid being as helpful with her issues as she was with mine if she wants my advice she'll ask for it otherwise I need to double down on my own healing and understanding when she hurts me it's a great time to look at why beyond the surface. Taking note of what I can deduce she may have is slightly helpful to know how to respond or that what she's doing/how she conducts herself is a symptom of her issues so I can be less triggered my knowledge isn't really to go to her and say "I think you may have xyz" it's simply some guide rails for me to stabilize myself and understand how our visible yet seperatation is helpful to me rather then hurting me forever as I heal me as that's my wheel house to do.
My father has this mentality. He is not validating to his children. It's a defense mechanism so he can avoid guilt or responsibility. He minimizes trauma and thinks everyone plays the victim. In reality, he hasn't healed. He is avoiding the subject to protect his ego. It's hard to have a parent like this. I do agree that we all need to have insight and accountability. We all could use self-improvement.
Thanks for sharing this. I really love the way you addressed this Anna, you speak truth in love. You speak gently and you see all sides of the coin. I have to say that I understand his frustration in some ways because I too had a horrendous childhood, I was raped and got pregnant at 15 and I went through unspeakable garbage. I had a very dysfunctional upbringing and when my mother found out I was pregnant at 15 she kicked me out so the neighbours would not talk.... I could write a book... all this to say that sometimes I get really angry too with people who blame and play victim and excuse addictions and all kinds of things because of trauma because I went back to school and got a degree and raised my son and worked all my life, still am. I worked with drug addicts for a while and met some of the laziest bums who played victim because of their pasts, many were narcissistic and manipulative and played the system by coming back over and over again and used the therapy house to avoid jail. I learned alot about the other extreme and now I get really disgusted with people who do not pick themselves up. On the other hand I do have much compassion for survivors of trauma. Thanks again and God bless!
Hearing the comment reminds me of something i think often about myself. I wonder sometimes if i just blow it up out of proportion or labeled it, recieved it wrong what i've experienced as a kid. My preventing further demages reaction isn't anger it's a kind of freeze and flee into dissociation to forget what have been done to me. And if i want to or have to connect, i lose track of how i feel and am looking to fit me in whatever i think the situation dictates. I supress my inner guidance, my emotions and allow me to take only the space that's free. Left by others. To be near. I've gone trough some ... Rough stuff that made me keept me at the greatest manageable distance too people. No one could reach me. My mom named me tyrannic. That she tried to connect but no one could reach me. Now i understand: I have been drowning in dysregulation chronicly. No one dived to me. So i tryed to prevent me influenting others with the swirling pain inside me. Without losing the connection completely. I guess i would feel used if someone would treat me that way. That's my pattern not anger but connection issues. I don't remember what happened in most of the cases. I just notice the ... Outcome. It's like a dirty bomb had hit me long before i could remember and then the fallout numbs most of what happened. I think often about myself... If i don't remember reasons... Am i just mean? do i hurt people that did theyr best to raise me? Am i the perpetrator here. I feel disgusted by myself. I remember getting punished for being a kid. Age five not able to clean up my room from complete mess to mom satisfied. Often getting told it's my fault to be treated that way (punished) to make my mom angry(loss of impulse control). So that is deep rooted inside me. My fault. I guess, for me, it's not about victim, perpetrator or rescuer. It's about leaving the dynamic and living a life that's a life. Not survival on the one or the other side of the war within myself. It's about me. Not what happened to me. Not my disturbed thinking nor my messed up emotions that distort my perception of my awareness and my needs. Heavy to navigate through life. To take any descition. And to follow through. Someone is always crying from grieve, fainting from fear or throwing a tantrum from anger, rage or... The desperate longing for revenge inside me like all the time. pumping those hormones through my body. And to Detangle that. The daily practice is helpful. (I struggle with emotional dissociation. And is there a think like verbal dissociation? I can't find words for whats in the numbing mist. My brain starts tingling and then the thinking goes numb. Together with my mouth and tongue. i try to get my fears and resentments on paper and the confusing mist is evaporating, swirling over my whole system... Help?) And even with this problem the technique is helpful. I recognize pattern. I m seeing options instead of the only way i knew before. It's nice to have the freedom of choice. It helps me to come up with solutions or ideas that feel like my baby's and not like something i have been dragged to as a child. Solutions that hurt no one. It's more easy to follow my lead now. Then trying to prevent punishment. I even realized the mist, the numbness the not allowing to go that road to think that thought, is me protecting myself from some old hurt. I begin to find peace and i now own my reactions and yes that includes on some point, if i know a person well and notice we both are lead by matching values. It helps to say i have some reactions that may seem off and it's not about you and not about this moment. Those are echoes from past hurts and they are mine and not meant to hurt so please. If i can wish for something. Let's talk about it when I react inappropriate that would help me becoming more aware and to heal. I prevent the word trauma. It's used way to losely. And i don't want to focus on the horrible hurt. Alone trying that would send me into dissociation. I focus on my reaction. Own it and am open for probabilitys and possibilitys. That's like light touching the old unhealed wounds. And the light changes the impulsive reactions originating in the unhealed wounds into wisdom/better fitting answers what kind of sets me free.
Brilliant video Anna. Johnny I hope you have watched all of this video and read the comments. Anna is a national treasure, and you can see how rather than acting out in anger back at your hurtful angry comments, she demonstrated her authentic loving approach to help guide us to a healthy place. You were quite right, we don’t want to stay in the Victim mode. But Anna guides us to change our self defeating behaviors and come back into our healthy power. ❤
Wow! Nicely done! Please, Anna, if this man contacts you and gets some relief and healing, please update us. You've made me care about him. I went from hating him it rooting for him and wanting the best for him. I really want to see a video in 6 months or so telling all of us that he's helped himself and is doing great!
I actually had a lady like this the other day at my work and on the surface she was combative and clearly being rude but I didn't feel hurt by it. I felt sad for her, and I wanted to hear her out for what she felt hurt by or slighted by. It more revealed what was going on for her, and it didn't feel personal.
I agree with Johnny. I was in the same situation not so long ago. Once I started changing myself that's when real changes started happening. I still get triggered by the things that where done to me in the past. But now days, there is no one left to play tricks on me. I'm not perfect and never will be...but looking forward to fix myself the most I can. Blessings everyone.
Oh my family loved playing this card over and over. They would guilt trip me with "just do x even though you dont want to, grandma is old, just get over it and do it for her." Or they would make fun of me for not having a girlfriend and even accuse me of being secretly gay. Well no, I'm very attracted to women but my PTSD (causes by them, ironically) made it impossible to even talk to a girl normally for a while.
Your compassion for him is admirable. That said, he actually sounds incredibly unwell. He sounds like he is a high functioning something or other. I appreciate this channel. While I have not been able to get to the place where I can heal, I have the ability to sit back and watch/read people healing. I don't expect other people to react in the same way that I did to my trauma, nor do I expect them to treat it in the same way. Thank you for posting this video.
As a child, my family was anti-love. I couldn't leave and live with a better family - I was stuck. I didn't have the ability to leave and find better folks.
Thank you for making this video, Anna. I admittedly have thoughts like the one Johnny expressed and have been processing it in therapy. Intense anger is also triggered when I am around people who seem to be "stuck," have a victim style of talking, or seem to use their trauma stories as a way to get attention. Ultimately though, this is a reflection of anger/grief that comes up when I think about my past self doing all the aforementioned triggering . So, while it feels easier to look down to people who are in victim mentality, the real place of healing work for me is at holding my past self (and my current self when I am doing unhealthy behaviors) with compassion/acceptance and doing the next right action.
Johnny is only at stage one! He has no idea. I survived abuse and neglect in childhood but didn't think I was really traumatized by it. I was strong, I wouldn't blame others, took things into my own hands and thought I had healed. I was like him in the way of sucking everything up and keeping on moving, going, going...then a few things happened in my life between 2018 and 2021. I was suddenly really messed up!!! I never realized that I had coping mechanisms that were now making me stuck. I had anger that was a low grade functioning depression that I had never looked at, doubted my own feelings which were never validated, had fears that I had blocked out. I had even gone to a therapist who said..."you are acting like a victim", which in itself was a huge trigger. Yup! Stopped seeing them immediately. I started taking an alternative road in continuing to deal with the trauma that had been brought to the surface. I am so grateful that I found you Crappy Childhood Fairy! You are a very brave and intelligent woman. My healing journey has since been moving forward! TY❤
I don’t quite agree with the part of the video where thinking everyone sucks is wrong. Thinking EVERYONE sucks is not true, but maybe because I’m a pretty new adult still, but I would surround myself with only people who did actually suck. (I def sucked too, but they were not good friends or people for me). It is good to have hope that some people don’t suck, but it is good to acknowledge that all your relationship problems aren’t all your fault. Sometimes people are just jerks. But you have to take the next step to get out of that situation, and find people who aren’t. (And also find out why you wanted to be around jerks). I spent a lot of time feeling unheard and crazy for thinking that people were bad friends because I would try to ask people advice about it and be met with, “they probably didn’t mean it that way.” … bad treatment is bad treatment. But when I didn’t even know how to make that determination and trust myself, I got stuck with bad people because I didn’t think I could/should leave. I suppose being a bad friend doesn’t necessarily mean they suck as a person, but they were not compassionate or honest with me.
Way to go Johnny! Seriously, we DO want to hear this and I'm so glad you shared yours. And you're right when you essentially say. "Our wounds may have THEIR name written all over them, but the healing has our name written all over them". I get you, Johnny, I get the anger - the pain, the healing - and even your initial comment that triggered THIS video (I am a member of the CCF BTW). And I just want to say first, your initial comment DID strike up that tinge of anger (anger breeds anger) but then you got honest and real, your reply back to Anna reminded me that you too are one of us. And I applaud you for opening up and sharing that. Maybe your tone while writing wasn't meant to soften hearts but it did in me. I dont see you as an asshole, Regardless of WHERE you're at in your recovery, we're a lot alike and I think you have the ability to really help a lot of people - not by name calling (just pointing that out) but by sharing your story. Keep healing and keep going! You're needed more than you know.
Hi friend! Your words are beautiful and I am so proud of you. I have no idea who you are but reading this made my heart sink and soften. I'm bitter and angry af sometimes too but it's only a flashback, tainted memory. Haunted by culture traditions and expectations. I've put in the work, reached out, dug deep, met the absolute bottom but stayed true to me...saw through all the uncomfortable facts that were my truth... my scars are as real as their stories but I appreciate all sides and every point of view! Please keep up the loving and healthy vibes! ❤
I agree with Johnnie. Personal responsibility is everything. It is the key. He is angry and still in pain, and that’s the place he’s speaking from. However, healing is personal responsibility, ACTION AND GRACE/EMPATHY. That’s what CCF teaches. Not being an unfeeling hard a$$.
I regret choosing to be around people even though I didn't know they were like that at first but the fact that I chose to be around people that cause so much hurt is something that I have a hard time forgiving myself for. If I wouldn't have upset them then they wouldn't have done it.
The reason I didn't start healing until I was almost forty is because I was convinced that everything was my fault. as a child it was not allowed to talk about the abuse I was made to feel ashamed for feeling physical mental and emotional pain so I hid it and I buried with and I dealt with it anyway that I could and it wasn't until I was able to go back to the trauma that started it all in the first place that I was able to begin to heal so yes it is 100% in my parents fault that i was screwed up but it is also one-hundred-percent my responsibility to heal. It is also one-hundred-percent my responsibility not to do that to my child and if I do I will take the responsibility and the blame for it because I understand the cycle.
No offense Johnny, but I don’t play the victim. I’m university-educated & have had a very successful career despite some significant child abuse & continuing abuse at age 58 by my clueless narcissistic mother. Plus domestic violence from husbands I tried to love & help. I have an actual condition that I didn’t cause & have battled to survive. All I’ve done is help people after being treated like sh**.
Well man up for the dude who took everything into his responsibility to fix his situation in his life. That's not easy to do, or rarely anyone makes that far... I m sorry for what happened to him and the hard time he had to go thru. Now it's time for him to heal his soul. It is one s business to say that he is wrong for what he said. I think him expressing himself is part of his healing, and same to everyone who say what she/ he expressed herself/himself here. Is it crazy, I think, it's just a internet chat. It depends on who expresses it, who receives that message. All reactions are subjective to the reaction of who receives the message. What Anna is saying that if u feel triggered, it's a reflections of urself needing to heal.
This was great. I have a hard time with confrontation, this is a good model to follow Thank you, for this content and thank you, Johnny, I needed to hear this for me
Yeah get that a lot too. Also heard "you are old enough to get over it..." ouch. Came from someone with one neurotic physically punishing parent who however had always their back, had amazing family, bunch of friends. To me who was isolated, sabotaged, abused at home, bullied at school, no escape, no safe corner. I still dont have a support no matter how hard I tried to fit. I cant, I kniw what ppl are capable of.
I get the concept of not blaming others and check your perspective and or self in how your viewing/showing up in the world but he's also devaluing traumatized people in a way that will or could make any individual one of them shut down and decide the hole of their past is were they belong so they stop healing due to being defeated. He's verbally wakamolling people on a mental & emotional level and then thinks he's done some good when either they do something to end their healing process (or worse) or they traumatize themselves via his gaslighting to then take on more issues but twist them into thinking they're doing the right thing. the view he's espousing may've worked for him but he's rare most people can't kick their own asses and make progress & he's still angry as hell so he's not fully healed with his own method either. Shadow work can do better in that it's asking the same thing but nicer and at your own pace but hardly any therapist know about this & your on your own completely wondering if your helping or not. But it's asking you to look at your past, present, and in the moment selves and understand but it's not so simple for all things you may bring to your table but it does promote and aid in both separating your past pains from where you are now, who are you now, do you want to be this person, and how to see were you're perspectives are off and how do you show up in the world so you can know, let go of the unwanted or false stuff and heal properly.
Sound like self-abuse is how this guy dealt with trauma, and now he's hurting others as a misguided attempt to help. He needs self compassion before he can be compassionate with others ❤
I’m finally coming out of about 5 weeks of dysregulation. I really, really don’t want to be this way. I’m working hard to change it, and am spending a lot of time and money to do so. I understand where he’s coming from because when I’ve been in a good place for a long time, I start judging people who I think aren’t working hard enough. Then when dysregulation hits again, I am humbled and I remember what it’s like. Hopefully I get better about that over time.
Great job at compassionately confronting someone lashing out at those with the courage to show their vulnerabilities, then inviting him into the community. I watched this twice, so I could absorb how Fairy did it and be able to personally practice this authentic response to harmful behavior.
Well said Ms Catnipper
Isn’t she awesome!!
He still sounds wounded. He may be high functioning, but you can tell he's holding on to a little raft of sanity for dear life.
Anna you are a treasure. ❤
exactly because why are you clicking on her videos if you aren't at least somewhat interested in PTSD?
@@Megan6772 to yell and scream. It's obvious he's not healed.
"Holding onto a little raft of sanity"
Nicely put. 💜🎉
I feel as though I'm hanging onto a raft of sanity myself sometimes...ok all the time. I am a work in progress though...We all are. I am glad that I found this channel.
I’m just beginning to deal with whatever is going on here. I’ve been the typical confused person who maniacally pours through research or reasons why I am struggling so badly. You are very comprehensive and competent in my opinion. Your delivery is authentic and not at all confrontational . It’s 2:40am now so I’m going to come back tomorrow and see what’s what. Thank you kindly.
I read in a psychology article that people who've been through adverse life events often have LESS empathy for others who are going through similar events. The theory was that they didn't receive love and support (or enough of it), so they felt a little resentful when others got it. He may not come from a very supportive social group. Well, he can change that!
not all, but some people end up in this rout. Some people become more empathetic.
but its like you've experienced so much bad that others troubles seem like not problems. in psychology in seattles therapist reacts to the first season of love is blind he covers one of the girls expressing this phenomenon.
If I am in the middle of a really difficult, stressful time in my life then I might have less empathy, but it only comes out if I get triggered and/or the person does something bad to me in the moment - I do have underneath the surface or ‘empathy after the fact’ upon reflection and make amends when I can. Under normal stress and difficulties or during a low stress period, I have enormous amounts of empathy. I really try to always take a step back before reacting - easier said then done sometimes.
I have a feeling Johnny will read these comments at some point so I just want to offer him some goodwill and support.
Hang in there, man. Good job with taking responsibility for your own healing so far and I wish you the best with taking that further still.
I'm so sorry for everything that happened to you, and so proud of you for carrying on.
Well done, and good luck!
The way Johnny talked to us , is the way I often talk to myself .
I get it .
But here's the thing , I have a lot of behaviors that really , really protected me from dangerous evil as a vulnerable kid , anger was and is one of them . But today , those behaviors hurt me and OTHERS .
I've GOT to get rid of that poison .
Johnny's right.. The problems are in ME . The poison IS in me .
That's why I'm choosing to be strong and courageous by not giving up .
Facing down demons , even with God's help , is NOT for sissies . It's for noble warriors .
Noble Warriors. Wow! How affirming❤
for those of us who faced so much criticism and now feel so incompetent.
I'm so grateful to you Jackie Ann and to Anna and to everyone else in this CCF community! Thank you 👍 everybody and that goes for you too Johnny 🙏❤❤ too!
@@lisacross-ub5pu
When healing is in it , it seems to always run both ways. In other words , you blessed me.
Thank you
❤🙏❤
I have even more respect for Anna for trying to understand where this commenter came from and read between the lines. The commenter does have a point, stucking in a victim role is of no use, but he said this to the wrong community because Anna's method to healing is everything but that.
Anyway, Anna showed a very good exaple: if we don't want to be misjudged within 0.1 milliseconds, we shouldn't dismiss others in the same manner either. Thank you for this video too! 🙏🙏❤️
That interaction really does a good job of illustrating how it can feel to be a man with CPTSD sometimes. I know that during the worst times it was really difficult not to be critical of myself for being "too sensitive". It often felt like going numb and taking on 'anti-hero' or 'villainous' traits was the way that society was asking me to respond, instead of getting help and getting better.
Yeah, I agree! I have noticed that men who come fromy traumatic environment rather tend to cope with it by anger projected extermally, rage, fits etc. and women tend to project the hurt towards the inside
This. Is the most articulate yet compassionate response to someone who is lashing out yet is hurting. Thank you.
I had this "pretend everything is okay" phase and the main drawback was seeing anyone complaining or feeling bad drove me insane. I do see the similarities here.
I learned something about my own anger from Johnny, and something about personal power via Fairy role modeling today. That was a productive dialogue.
johnny doesnt understand that alot of people dont talk about their childhood,me included.and this is what has held me back from healing.letting it out finally and trying to deal with it finally and then we can move on......❤
Exactly right. A lot with CPTSD don’t share these early traumas. Unlike Johnny, who shared his trauma curriculum vitae with RUclips.
Thank you. We need time to process it which we never got in our childhood.
Being angry about others pain, is a symptom of lingering pain that has not been healed.
My family is truly evil and dangerous. More than one of my friends has met
these people and asked me how I got out alive. We who've gotten out and
survived ar,e NOT wusses. This space and Anna's community are GOING
FORWARD TO HUMAN KINDNESS, strength and freedom, and away from
being so triggered by the past we turn into angry hermits. You can do it!!
Hey...I'm an angry hermit...yet more peaceful and happy these last 5 yrs than ever!😅😄😃😉☺
My father was very abusive. He was an alcoholic, probably had an undiagnosed mental illness, and gave me the worst beatings for any little thing. I was a good kid, and my mom would say that I was the kind of sensitive kid that didn’t need those kind of beatings. I would agree, however, NO ONE deserves those types of beatings. My dad was a big guy, weighing about 260lbs or so and prior military. He was also abusive to my mom and sisters, but, it was mostly verbal. My sisters got beatings here and there, but, nowhere near as intense as what I went through, he really seemed to love and cherish his little girls. He had a collection of belts that he would use, it was almost as if he took pride in how he “disciplined” me. Couple that with me also being bullied and beat up by kids at school up until I went to college, and yeah, I can definitely understand where “Johnny” is coming from. I’m in my forties, and I’ve spent my entire life thinking I’m just unlucky, or was just given a bad hand. For years I’ve researched different mental disorders to find out what’s going on with me, and now, FINALLY, I understand what happened to me. I’ve always thought that my childhood made me tougher, so, I was navigating life NOT KNOWING that I’ve been through extreme trauma. I was walking around wounded and didn’t even know it, smh.
I thank God that I found your channel, I’ve been watching for a few weeks now. It’s great to know what I’m dealing with, but, it’s also disheartening to know that a “normal life” is something I may never know. I’ve never been married, no kids, and tend to keep to myself outside of work and going to church. Most people would say that I seem like a normal, well-adjusted, and likable guy, but, I’ve never felt like “that guy” a day in my life, lol.
Anyways, I’ve been wanting to comment for awhile, but, after watching this particular video, I felt I had no choice but to chime in.
Thanks for all you do, keep up the great work, and God bless you!!
Very upsetting to here about your upbringing…keep forward with your healing.. ❤
If there was something done wrong to you in childhood, it’s okay to be angry and be a victim because you were. I see many people just want others to move on with life. If you don’t get angry and work through what was done to you, you’re not doing yourself any good. However, heal and do not stay in that place too long. Heal and no longer be a victim because we are all worthy of a better life than the one most of us are living because of our trauma.
Johnny claims he used to blame everyone but himself, and assumes other people with trauma are doing that too. He should speak only for himself and not assume he knows other people so well. Many of us spent most of out lives blaming ourselves first if not only.
ETA ... I do understand the “everybody sucks” defense mechanism though, I feel that way too sometimes. So in that sense I relate to you, Johnny!
Johnny's anger is a BIG SIGN that he's isn't over HIS trauma. But he's manage to pack it tightly away into a package that he thinks he can control. I wonder if he knows the benefits of the daily journal and meditation?
This might be a subconscious attempt at reaching out. This could be his first step to real Recovery and maybe getting into Trauma Therapy.
Johnny should read the book CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. The information there can help him handled and understand his emotional Anger outburst.
Johnny dosn't understand this channel/ courses. It's all about self improvement not wallowing in self pity.
Exactly!!
John from Van. Blocked!
Strong guys like Johnny think you’re a victim is you ask for help. And taking the time to honestly work through your trauma is the worst kind of self-indulgence.
This was beautiful Anna. A genuine kind human using a levelheaded approach and perspective. This serves as a reminder for me.
Johnny strikes me as a perfect example of:
Show me you’re traumatized and not fully healed.
That is sooo sad though Allll that has happened to Johnny. I can't even believe it, the amount of things that some of us humans have had to face. Makes me cry so hard.
Lots of Love to him. I am so very sorry for what had happened to him, and so proud of him as a fellow human being that he is trying to get ahead of all of that. I pray God gives him Loads of Good Luck and Love from now on. 💜
Your answer... Honest, assertive, humble and kind... I wish I could say those words to myself wenever my "inner Johnny" starts talking in my head again. Thank you my dear ❤
Anna's advice is gold. As always 💛
He needs an insane amount of MUCH DESERVED compassion AND permission to feel. He needs comfort. Please don’t overlook this. THAT IS WHAT HEALS MORE THAN ANYTHING. Join me in sending love to Johnny💕
Thank you for being so candid yet kind to this man, Anna. It’s clear that his comment is much more than the ones left by the typical RUclips trolls I see on so many other videos. Suffering is relative, for sure; there will always be people who have it worse than some of us and people who have it better. Most of us are just doing the best we can to get through life and carve out some semblance of happiness. ❤
I DEFINITELY had a few ranty comments erased from Crappy Childhood in my early days of dismay at discovering what I had to fix. I just did not know who or where to reach out to that wouldn't to come back to bite me in the a*s. So I freaked online.
In my particular situation safety was not apparent because my narc father WAS actually going ahead of me and poisoning the world so I would fail and die. He even continued to triangulate me with my therapist(s. I kept changing therapists everytime it became clear that my father had 'gotten to THEM'.) after I learned boundaries - but not yet that my father was a Narcissist and how we handle them- and begged him to please leave me a soft place to land in a counselor's office.
Eventually his actions led me to get completely to myself so I could see what was me and what was his influence on people that was taking me into a place where I felt I had utterly No Ability to Affect my world and make things happen. If we can't affect others we die. That's what I thought. And I was petrified.
I learned that that is only true if we are dependent on others for something. Anything. Being all alone in the world, cast out from our tribe, Cut Off, triggers such a primal fear of death that it was hard to keep hold of life. I kept trying to die to resolve the fear that just gripped me night and day. Day and Night.
Then I figured out that there was a great sense of satisfaction and cohesive integrity to be gained by fulfilling every single need for myself. ABSOLUTE SELF-RELIANCE certainly gives one an air-tight sense of safety - for awhile. I knew it wouldn't last or even be good for me forever, but at the time it was the perfect antidote to an on-going Smear Campaign and loss of sense of volition.
I created a credo that if I could not do it myself, It would not be done. I'd find another way or do without. And I DID!! I walked MILES ❤
As much as I trudged along under the weight of as much food and supplies for myself and my seven (at the time) cats as I could possibly carry, fuming and resentful and fighting fury, often hollering or spitting underneath my breath, " I HATE you DAD!" , those first few months of having been sent into rot gut struggle, at nearly 60 years old, are always going to have a healthy, warm glow in my memory.
But there were days I was frozen with terror. Lost. Not seeing the future and a way out of a declining quality of life I felt helpless to stop sliding further and further into till I figured one day I would just fussaglpwar altogether. And no one would even know, no less care, which was such a gruesomely long way down from what I'd worked so hard to achieve in my life it was blinding some days. And Anna and Cara got rte brunt now and then.
Thanks guys. I'm finding a Way. And life looks really good.
I appreciate this approach to Johnny so very much!!! 💜🎉👍💯
Johnnie needs to know that people are at different stages of healing. Some are more or less honest and working on their issues. Identifying the problem, grieving, anger at being victimized is real but not the end of the healing process. Some people might get stuck in the victim identity. That might even be part of a slower process for that person and at some point, they may progress out of it.
I told lots of people about my trauma and got either "I don't believe you, no one would do that to another person " or " your always playing the victim card". One person close to me said just quit thinking about it " when I told her I had a sudden flashback send me for a loop so bad I was having trouble getting back to my house, amazingly I made it without hurting anyone. I had the flashback while I hadn't been thinking about it at all. Then something triggered me and I suddenly remembered how horrible my childhood was. Torturous, like mom's trying to kill me type of abuse, she actually held my head under water while beating me. I've since wish she hadn't kept letting me up for air. Why couldn't she have taken me out of my miserable world. I'm really careful who I talk to about it now. I rarely say anything at all. When I do I just want someone to care, not pity.
One of the things that helped me going thru that, was allowing myself to grieve for myself and the trauma i experienced in my childhood by my parents and bullies, never cried so hard in my life, I felt it release from way down in my back. It was the forst time I showed compassion for myself and thats where things started to change. And having compassion for the righteous anger I felt, instead feeling shame for feeling angry. The shame holds us and prevents us from expressing it and letting it go because we're made to feel that being angry is wrong, so we suppress it and it turns to resentment. Hang in there Johnny it'll get better when we have patience and compassion for ourselves.🕊
😂😂😂😂 I'm sorry. I just love that you called Johnny out and schooled him. So much love and respect for you, Anna. Support from NYC!
It's the passive aggressive dynamic. First stage on healing the victimized feelings is expression and removing the fear of doing so then comes the anger. Are you angry at yourself for being passive cause then the instinct is to make yourself strong by being aggressive. Peace is the final stage of healing where you learn to be neither but capable of expression both without losing your core center and get lost in reactions.
Very good example of how to deal with someone who gaslights us.
I've had this done to me but honestly I've also done it to others as well.
Your reaction has been incredible and this is why your channel is so amazing. Good example of how to look at such a situation. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for your kind words :) -Calista@TeamFairy
He is somewhat correct. A lot of people do have trauma and it's insufferable people like him that will ensure the suffering continues.
Your reaction to Johnny’s comment is valuable in so many ways because you were candid and kind. Despite his inflammatory delivery, I still appreciate learning about Johnny. I hope his journey includes finding more peaceful moments because constant high emotions will drive his nervous system into the ground (I’ve been there). All of us deserve safety and peace, including Johnny.
Anna - just the way you said you were tough as nails ... That was mega inspiring. So was the way you handled this. Thank you.
Thank you Anna! 👏👏🙌
My worst trauma stemmed from a milder one. I got out, but that doesn't mean things were fixed. New family problems came up. That's why I'm here. To WORK IT OUT. So I can reconnect. Not to bury it under more people problems and resentment.
I normally don’t pay any attention to people that type in all CAPS!!
Alot of the story telling about 'what happened' comes from a place of not having realized we were victimized, just knowing something's been off and our lives are a wreck and saying it out so we start to see what's been happening helps. This is a safe place to try stuff on and say what we're just figuring out, where people usually don't yell at us and tell us we are victims and liars and to man up and get over it.
I understand you, Johnny! Some days I yell on-line still. But I try to laugh instead!
What I love most about you Anna is how kind you are! 😊🥰🤗
“You took responsibility, it was you who had to change.” 06:57
I started balling my eyes out when you said this. This overwhelming feeling just took over me. Because I changed for everyone, I changed for my marriage for my family and the world around me. I did the therapy whilst everyone remained the same toxic selfish selves. I had had enough and it seems you saying this hit the nail on the head. Living in and amongst people who are only setbacks for your own healing because they messed you up to begin with, and yet it’s YOU, who is changing is a kind of pain I have no words for.
Johnny does have an important message. It's just about delivery and communication styles.
This channel isn't about blame or being a victim it's about being empowered to change
Us "getting over it" and "manning up" is literally what we're trying to do through healing. We're here at this channel trying to do exactly what Johnny wants us to.
Edit: And I stand with Johnny. You must respect Johnny's way of doing things if you want him to respect your way of doing things. Sometimes it takes fire to wake someone up. Piercing people like Johnny are why I have become a better person. People like ME need that intense "Don't be a pussy!" wakeup call. We're hard headed and need someone equally hard headed to knock some sense into us! That's why Johnny did what he did. Your way may work for some just like Johnny's way works for some, including me. The respect and tolerance goes both ways.
We Love you Johnny!!
We are all trying to heal.
The Daily Practice is extremely helpful.
Inner child healing is phenomenal 🤗🤗🤗
Blessings on your healing!!!🙏☯️🙏☯️🙏
I'm glad I came across your channel, I knew I suffered from PDSD, but when you described complex PDSD. I really believe that's what I have been suffering from all my life. Also, I suffer physically with fibromyalgia and other issues. It's was an eye-opener for me.
Thank you CCF! Sending love to you and "Johnny."
This whole conversation reminds me of a saying I heard once. If you were abused as a child and you believe that "I still turned out fine", a lot tells me that you did, in fact, not turn out fine.
I feel like people who love to say things like that and self help and mental health channels are trying to fuel shame in people who are trying to understand and work on themselves, in order to avoid thier own shame for thier lack of work on themselves.
1000%
You must become aware of evil people and gaslighting techniques in order to prevent future abuse and toxic relationships. Sometimes it IS THEIR FAULT...pieces of sh$t must be held accountable...it was their fault! Poor Johnny is self-gaslighting from years of abuse...fits his story
Well said! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Yes your "acting" like a victim cuz you were! Weather that was last week or 90 years ago when a trauma is made you stuck there at that spot mentally, emotionally, system wise for that one thing and everyone has a good dozen of those.
Your core go to memories maybe trauma memories sure you can have some nice ones but you can twist those into traumatic ones when you use them as a hammer on yourself for your now issue like a breakup can weaponize once good memories and you can unknowingly be traumatizing or handing out PTSD to yourself with those past good memories for the breakup you're encuring now.
And people want to solve it the issue is they're not going to the abuse origin like a person and sometimes they just can't due to any number of reasons like safety, fear of recontacting them, or that origin person died but what most aren't taught is there was an expiration date on when origin person was to conduct an amends upon you when they hurt you and that was 24 hours upto a week after if they didn't do it or you asked them and they denied you then that was the IT moment. Now add on the truama of their an abandoning/abusive/unamendng asshole & you're having to fix it without them and hardly anyone is taught how to heal what's harmed inside w/o trying to unconsciously replay it on the outside.
You can are harmed & traumatized by what people did and or DIDN'T do for them and most of it starts in childhood rather then teen or adult hood (but you can get some in these years too) it's not usually the victum just woke up one day and choose victum mindset alongside what they want to wear that morning though to some it appears this way. No they probably woke up one day and unconsciously realized they had been harmed & now their systems are doing things to try and fix what it now decided the human needs to address starting off on that day the brain shoves the trauma before them and says fix it.
To me, Johnny is still full of resentment and then added arrogance to it. What happened to him is awful but this isn’t a trauma contest. He’s not the king of trauma or overcoming it. I encourage Johnny to keep looking inward and develop some empathy for himself and others. Empathy is the only way you let go of the anger.
Well said! 👏🏻👏🏻
Every time I start to feel out of sorts and am not eating right, exercising, just feeling yucky. I watch one of your videos and it inspires me to get back to healing again. Re-engage with the daily practice, eat better foods, go to the gym to exercise, read books like "The Body Keeps Score," learn about and seek out EMDR, join a weight loss group, and slowly finds ways to connect with people. Thank you for producing so many of these videos that are realistic and hopeful. Idealistic and practical all at the same time. You're lighting a path forward for us.
Anger and fear are two sides of the same coin. It's easier to be angry at the world than to acknowledge why you're fearful of it. That intense rage can be a powerful motivator, but it only turns inward until that anger develops into the acceptance of yourself, and how you deserve better than what you've experienced. Healing from any kind of trauma isn't a linear path either but I believe the ability to be able to sit with yourself and your emotions, without judgment or avoidance of them, is the goal I'm personally working towards.
Showing yourself that kindness and love that was robbed from you when you needed it the most, is the most difficult part to come to terms with. Trying to pick apart how much of how you feel was given to you by others, and still making the conscious choice every day to coax that quiet voice inside you to speak up for what you as a human need, is what you want the most but are afraid to take responsibility and ask it from yourself. Suffering is easy, but pain being optional seems an impossible concept to understand sometimes. There are really two ways forward from my experience - learn to show yourself some form of kindness and compassion or perpetuate a cycle of abuse again yourself. The pursuit of trying to be better is the reward itself. Be kind.
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful way to demonstrate recognition, understanding and compassion for another. I pray for Johnny and the collective that we find the healing, strength & mindfullness to pay it forward by having compassion, understanding and love for all who are in need of it. ❤
We all have our coping mechanisms. Some people use anger. I use humor and will laugh at things about my past that aren't really funny. Some people cope by refusing to acknowledge anything bad happened while others refuse to learn the basics of being an adult because they are terribly afraid they will fail at it. For strange reasons, throughout my life I have spoken with many veterans. They too have PTSD and for good reason. I've found three basic types of veterans 1. Those who refuse to speak about the war at all. They pretend it never happened, they're fine "now change the subject please." 2. Those who made the war their identity. Ten, twenty sometimes fifty years later they are still fighting that war. They don't want help, they don't need help, they're veterans who can take care of themselves. 3. Those who acknowledge the war happened, that they were scared by it and that sometimes they still wake up at night from terrible nightmares but they have found a reason to "come home." They have a family or a job they like or they reach out to other vets who need help. The war did happen, it left it's mark but it is not who they are. Those are the ones in my experience who heal from their trauma. Similar ideology can by applied to childhood trauma in my opinion.
I heard a story/poem once that children live from what they learn. Basically, they are a reflection of what they learn from their childhood.
It’s your thoughtful, kind, replies like this AND The Daily Technique that keep me listening and coming back. You’re wonderful 😊
Thank you! I'm sure Anna will want to read this, I'll make sure she sees your comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy
That was beautiful. Thanks for the invitation to heal.
I'm so happy to hear that! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
There some folks out there who would say the same thing to someone who has clinically diagnosed PTSD who actively manages their symptoms in a daily basis. They’d call the legit diagnosis a “scam” and the meds, supplements, teas, yoga, etc. used to buy more time out of the day not being in a triggered state a “crutch.”
Sounds like you’ve built some beautiful and healthy tools for yourself. Wonderful! This is hard stuff but look at you finding ways to heal.
Think it would be helpful if everyone would keep in mind that every 45 seconds someone takes their own life !!! Personally I don’t think this is due to a serotonin deficiency rather they cannot carry /cope with their pain… so so horrendous they didn’t know one person they could turn to . Victim mentality I really don’t think so Thanks Anna for giving so much time energy and thought to helping as many as you can ….
Jonny lost empathy. Not good for relationships. Kinda guys will repeat his story to spouse while telling her to quit winning. Truth.
I’m glad you talked about this, as anger comes up for a lot of people and they use it as a shield. I know I do sometimes…you are so good at this. I’m glad you’re here.
Getting this from everywhere currently 😟
Why can’t people just be nice 😞
( I am realizing I can’t discuss my life with people who haven’t had trauma - #8 ACEs score - Find your people I call it my Scar clan, we’re survivors!)
You need to learn to judge when it is appropriate and not appropriate to talk about that stuff. Most of the time, it is not appropriate.
@@Captain_MonsterFart I just thought after knowing someone for almost 10 years they might get where I’m coming from, but nope…
Johnny, I've struggled my whole life in so many aspects. I've never felt sorry for myself, I just couldn't figure out WHAT was wrong with me. These videos have described me in so many. It has helped me figure out ME. I hope you keep working on yourself. We need to realize not to throw rocks at glass houses if you haven't lived in THEIR house you don't know what any of us have been through. Best of luck. We are all God's children.
One of the hard things for me, was when people who meet me, they would see all my scars and say, "What happened to your arms?" Or, "Why did you become disabled?" and one question leads to another until they say things like, "You know, you would be a much nicer person if you didn't talk about the past so much." After asking multiple questions. In a way, I'm glad that I don't see other people anymore, except for my ex who takes me grocery shopping once a month. After being beat up in a grocery store and dragged out by my hair, for YEARS I couldn't go into a store or a gas station because of the anxiety and yes, trauma. I am able to go shopping for groceries without all the color draining out of the store around me. Step by step. Little bit by little bit and hard work on myself has helped me.
And yes, many people throw the word "trauma" and PTSD or "triggered" around loosely, when they have never faced mortal threat and violence against them in their vulnerable and tender years.
Well you can get PTSD from anything that is traumatizing to you pet deaths, severe weather, verbal repeated abuse, hazing this is a personal thing & many then try to compare is my abuse on par with anothers and that doesn't matter it was traumatizing to you so it is valid it is a trauma you got PTSD from that but if you stack up the same or similar events you'll go into CPTSD so anything can be traumatizing enough to lead to PTSD. They did a study that needed more expansion upon it's findings but they concluded 90% atleast of the US have PTSD so yeah we may not less then 98% PTSD sufferers hence everyone thinks everyone is one they're at least noticing trauma be real contagious out there but they haven't got to step 2 knowing how to personally stick in their bubble and heal themselves they think offering advice to others how they need to heal is helpful but for most it may not be.
Like I went to talk to my sister one morning to say hi & try to bond and she sat down next to me and said, "You should go to a mental hospital and check yourself in." Well that took a left hook I hadn't even expected I was happy & doing well and a comment like that confused me, shocked me, shut me down, and I thought what is wrong with my sister that she thought my "Hi how's your day today" comment should be answered like that? Really hurt our relationship & let me down then but having been broken up with her now for a year but still in the same space
I can see she's got a lot of mental & emotional issues too I see them and now work extra hard to avoid being as helpful with her issues as she was with mine if she wants my advice she'll ask for it otherwise I need to double down on my own healing and understanding when she hurts me it's a great time to look at why beyond the surface.
Taking note of what I can deduce she may have is slightly helpful to know how to respond or that what she's doing/how she conducts herself is a symptom of her issues so I can be less triggered my knowledge isn't really to go to her and say "I think you may have xyz" it's simply some guide rails for me to stabilize myself and understand how our visible yet seperatation is helpful to me rather then hurting me forever as I heal me as that's my wheel house to do.
My father has this mentality. He is not validating to his children. It's a defense mechanism so he can avoid guilt or responsibility. He minimizes trauma and thinks everyone plays the victim. In reality, he hasn't healed. He is avoiding the subject to protect his ego. It's hard to have a parent like this.
I do agree that we all need to have insight and accountability. We all could use self-improvement.
Thanks for sharing this. I really love the way you addressed this Anna, you speak truth in love. You speak gently and you see all sides of the coin. I have to say that I understand his frustration in some ways because I too had a horrendous childhood, I was raped and got pregnant at 15 and I went through unspeakable garbage. I had a very dysfunctional upbringing and when my mother found out I was pregnant at 15 she kicked me out so the neighbours would not talk.... I could write a book... all this to say that sometimes I get really angry too with people who blame and play victim and excuse addictions and all kinds of things because of trauma because I went back to school and got a degree and raised my son and worked all my life, still am. I worked with drug addicts for a while and met some of the laziest bums who played victim because of their pasts, many were narcissistic and manipulative and played the system by coming back over and over again and used the therapy house to avoid jail. I learned alot about the other extreme and now I get really disgusted with people who do not pick themselves up. On the other hand I do have much compassion for survivors of trauma. Thanks again and God bless!
Hearing the comment reminds me of something i think often about myself. I wonder sometimes if i just blow it up out of proportion or labeled it, recieved it wrong what i've experienced as a kid. My preventing further demages reaction isn't anger it's a kind of freeze and flee into dissociation to forget what have been done to me. And if i want to or have to connect, i lose track of how i feel and am looking to fit me in whatever i think the situation dictates. I supress my inner guidance, my emotions and allow me to take only the space that's free. Left by others. To be near.
I've gone trough some ... Rough stuff that made me keept me at the greatest manageable distance too people. No one could reach me. My mom named me tyrannic. That she tried to connect but no one could reach me. Now i understand: I have been drowning in dysregulation chronicly. No one dived to me. So i tryed to prevent me influenting others with the swirling pain inside me. Without losing the connection completely. I guess i would feel used if someone would treat me that way. That's my pattern not anger but connection issues. I don't remember what happened in most of the cases. I just notice the ... Outcome. It's like a dirty bomb had hit me long before i could remember and then the fallout numbs most of what happened. I think often about myself... If i don't remember reasons... Am i just mean? do i hurt people that did theyr best to raise me? Am i the perpetrator here. I feel disgusted by myself. I remember getting punished for being a kid. Age five not able to clean up my room from complete mess to mom satisfied. Often getting told it's my fault to be treated that way (punished) to make my mom angry(loss of impulse control). So that is deep rooted inside me. My fault. I guess, for me, it's not about victim, perpetrator or rescuer. It's about leaving the dynamic and living a life that's a life. Not survival on the one or the other side of the war within myself. It's about me. Not what happened to me. Not my disturbed thinking nor my messed up emotions that distort my perception of my awareness and my needs. Heavy to navigate through life. To take any descition. And to follow through. Someone is always crying from grieve, fainting from fear or throwing a tantrum from anger, rage or... The desperate longing for revenge inside me like all the time. pumping those hormones through my body. And to Detangle that. The daily practice is helpful. (I struggle with emotional dissociation. And is there a think like verbal dissociation? I can't find words for whats in the numbing mist. My brain starts tingling and then the thinking goes numb. Together with my mouth and tongue. i try to get my fears and resentments on paper and the confusing mist is evaporating, swirling over my whole system... Help?)
And even with this problem the technique is helpful. I recognize pattern. I m seeing options instead of the only way i knew before. It's nice to have the freedom of choice. It helps me to come up with solutions or ideas that feel like my baby's and not like something i have been dragged to as a child. Solutions that hurt no one. It's more easy to follow my lead now. Then trying to prevent punishment. I even realized the mist, the numbness the not allowing to go that road to think that thought, is me protecting myself from some old hurt. I begin to find peace and i now own my reactions and yes that includes on some point, if i know a person well and notice we both are lead by matching values. It helps to say i have some reactions that may seem off and it's not about you and not about this moment. Those are echoes from past hurts and they are mine and not meant to hurt so please. If i can wish for something. Let's talk about it when I react inappropriate that would help me becoming more aware and to heal. I prevent the word trauma. It's used way to losely. And i don't want to focus on the horrible hurt. Alone trying that would send me into dissociation. I focus on my reaction. Own it and am open for probabilitys and possibilitys. That's like light touching the old unhealed wounds. And the light changes the impulsive reactions originating in the unhealed wounds into wisdom/better fitting answers what kind of sets me free.
Brilliant video Anna. Johnny I hope you have watched all of this video and read the comments. Anna is a national treasure, and you can see how rather than acting out in anger back at your hurtful angry comments, she demonstrated her authentic loving approach to help guide us to a healthy place. You were quite right, we don’t want to stay in the Victim mode. But Anna guides us to change our self defeating behaviors and come back into our healthy power. ❤
HEALTHY power. ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for the distinction.
Beautiful, you....
Anna.... the world needs more of you!
Your reaction to this is truly valuable anna. Thank you for the lesson. 🇨🇮
Wow! Nicely done! Please, Anna, if this man contacts you and gets some relief and healing, please update us. You've made me care about him. I went from hating him it rooting for him and wanting the best for him. I really want to see a video in 6 months or so telling all of us that he's helped himself and is doing great!
I actually had a lady like this the other day at my work and on the surface she was combative and clearly being rude but I didn't feel hurt by it. I felt sad for her, and I wanted to hear her out for what she felt hurt by or slighted by. It more revealed what was going on for her, and it didn't feel personal.
Great work!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I agree with Johnny. I was in the same situation not so long ago. Once I started changing myself that's when real changes started happening. I still get triggered by the things that where done to me in the past. But now days, there is no one left to play tricks on me. I'm not perfect and never will be...but looking forward to fix myself the most I can. Blessings everyone.
Oh my family loved playing this card over and over. They would guilt trip me with "just do x even though you dont want to, grandma is old, just get over it and do it for her." Or they would make fun of me for not having a girlfriend and even accuse me of being secretly gay. Well no, I'm very attracted to women but my PTSD (causes by them, ironically) made it impossible to even talk to a girl normally for a while.
I know others have said it before, and I'll say it again: this response was very impressive! Good on you Anna👍
I invite Johnny to work on strengthening his empathy muscles.
I agree... I don't want be identified by the abuse I endured or my disabilities....
Your compassion for him is admirable. That said, he actually sounds incredibly unwell. He sounds like he is a high functioning something or other. I appreciate this channel. While I have not been able to get to the place where I can heal, I have the ability to sit back and watch/read people healing. I don't expect other people to react in the same way that I did to my trauma, nor do I expect them to treat it in the same way. Thank you for posting this video.
As a child, my family was anti-love. I couldn't leave and live with a better family - I was stuck. I didn't have the ability to leave and find better folks.
Thank you for making this video, Anna. I admittedly have thoughts like the one Johnny expressed and have been processing it in therapy. Intense anger is also triggered when I am around people who seem to be "stuck," have a victim style of talking, or seem to use their trauma stories as a way to get attention. Ultimately though, this is a reflection of anger/grief that comes up when I think about my past self doing all the aforementioned triggering
. So, while it feels easier to look down to people who are in victim mentality, the real place of healing work for me is at holding my past self (and my current self when I am doing unhealthy behaviors) with compassion/acceptance and doing the next right action.
I used to think exactly the same thing as Johnny UNTIL I realised how damaged I was from childhood trauma. I am forever grateful for this channel ❤
Johnny is only at stage one! He has no idea. I survived abuse and neglect in childhood but didn't think I was really traumatized by it. I was strong, I wouldn't blame others, took things into my own hands and thought I had healed. I was like him in the way of sucking everything up and keeping on moving, going, going...then a few things happened in my life between 2018 and 2021. I was suddenly really messed up!!! I never realized that I had coping mechanisms that were now making me stuck. I had anger that was a low grade functioning depression that I had never looked at, doubted my own feelings which were never validated, had fears that I had blocked out. I had even gone to a therapist who said..."you are acting like a victim", which in itself was a huge trigger. Yup! Stopped seeing them immediately. I started taking an alternative road in continuing to deal with the trauma that had been brought to the surface. I am so grateful that I found you Crappy Childhood Fairy! You are a very brave and intelligent woman. My healing journey has since been moving forward! TY❤
I don’t quite agree with the part of the video where thinking everyone sucks is wrong.
Thinking EVERYONE sucks is not true, but maybe because I’m a pretty new adult still, but I would surround myself with only people who did actually suck. (I def sucked too, but they were not good friends or people for me).
It is good to have hope that some people don’t suck, but it is good to acknowledge that all your relationship problems aren’t all your fault. Sometimes people are just jerks.
But you have to take the next step to get out of that situation, and find people who aren’t. (And also find out why you wanted to be around jerks).
I spent a lot of time feeling unheard and crazy for thinking that people were bad friends because I would try to ask people advice about it and be met with, “they probably didn’t mean it that way.” … bad treatment is bad treatment.
But when I didn’t even know how to make that determination and trust myself, I got stuck with bad people because I didn’t think I could/should leave.
I suppose being a bad friend doesn’t necessarily mean they suck as a person, but they were not compassionate or honest with me.
Way to go Johnny! Seriously, we DO want to hear this and I'm so glad you shared yours. And you're right when you essentially say. "Our wounds may have THEIR name written all over them, but the healing has our name written all over them".
I get you, Johnny, I get the anger - the pain, the healing - and even your initial comment that triggered THIS video (I am a member of the CCF BTW). And I just want to say first, your initial comment DID strike up that tinge of anger (anger breeds anger) but then you got honest and real, your reply back to Anna reminded me that you too are one of us. And I applaud you for opening up and sharing that. Maybe your tone while writing wasn't meant to soften hearts but it did in me. I dont see you as an asshole, Regardless of WHERE you're at in your recovery,
we're a lot alike and I think you have the ability to really help a lot of people - not by name calling (just pointing that out) but by sharing your story. Keep healing and keep going! You're needed more than you know.
Hi friend! Your words are beautiful and I am so proud of you. I have no idea who you are but reading this made my heart sink and soften. I'm bitter and angry af sometimes too but it's only a flashback, tainted memory. Haunted by culture traditions and expectations. I've put in the work, reached out, dug deep, met the absolute bottom but stayed true to me...saw through all the uncomfortable facts that were my truth... my scars are as real as their stories but I appreciate all sides and every point of view! Please keep up the loving and healthy vibes! ❤
I agree with Johnnie. Personal responsibility is everything. It is the key. He is angry and still in pain, and that’s the place he’s speaking from. However, healing is personal responsibility, ACTION AND GRACE/EMPATHY. That’s what CCF teaches.
Not being an unfeeling hard a$$.
I regret choosing to be around people even though I didn't know they were like that at first but the fact that I chose to be around people that cause so much hurt is something that I have a hard time forgiving myself for. If I wouldn't have upset them then they wouldn't have done it.
The reason I didn't start healing until I was almost forty is because I was convinced that everything was my fault. as a child it was not allowed to talk about the abuse I was made to feel ashamed for feeling physical mental and emotional pain so I hid it and I buried with and I dealt with it anyway that I could and it wasn't until I was able to go back to the trauma that started it all in the first place that I was able to begin to heal so yes it is 100% in my parents fault that i was screwed up but it is also one-hundred-percent my responsibility to heal. It is also one-hundred-percent my responsibility not to do that to my child and if I do I will take the responsibility and the blame for it because I understand the cycle.
No offense Johnny, but I don’t play the victim. I’m university-educated & have had a very successful career despite some significant child abuse & continuing abuse at age 58 by my clueless narcissistic mother. Plus domestic violence from husbands I tried to love & help. I have an actual condition that I didn’t cause & have battled to survive. All I’ve done is help people after being treated like sh**.
Well man up for the dude who took everything into his responsibility to fix his situation in his life. That's not easy to do, or rarely anyone makes that far... I m sorry for what happened to him and the hard time he had to go thru. Now it's time for him to heal his soul. It is one s business to say that he is wrong for what he said. I think him expressing himself is part of his healing, and same to everyone who say what she/ he expressed herself/himself here. Is it crazy, I think, it's just a internet chat. It depends on who expresses it, who receives that message. All reactions are subjective to the reaction of who receives the message. What Anna is saying that if u feel triggered, it's a reflections of urself needing to heal.
Johnny we are here for you, where the peaceful air is. We got your back sir!!
Tough times don't last ... But tough people do!!
This was great. I have a hard time with confrontation, this is a good model to follow Thank you, for this content and thank you, Johnny, I needed to hear this for me
My terminal cancer in 2011?
Yeah get that a lot too. Also heard "you are old enough to get over it..." ouch.
Came from someone with one neurotic physically punishing parent who however had always their back, had amazing family, bunch of friends.
To me who was isolated, sabotaged, abused at home, bullied at school, no escape, no safe corner. I still dont have a support no matter how hard I tried to fit. I cant, I kniw what ppl are capable of.
Hoping Johnny sees the light one day....remember the old saying:"You can lead a horse to water,but you can't make him drink."...
Thank you for saying the truth. An important modeling of addressing anger.
My ex accuses me of that
Mine did too.
you don’t deserve that and the person who talks to you like that is doing something cruel.
I get the concept of not blaming others and check your perspective and or self in how your viewing/showing up in the world but he's also devaluing traumatized people in a way that will or could make any individual one of them shut down and decide the hole of their past is were they belong so they stop healing due to being defeated. He's verbally wakamolling people on a mental & emotional level and then thinks he's done some good when either they do something to end their healing process (or worse) or they traumatize themselves via his gaslighting to then take on more issues but twist them into thinking they're doing the right thing.
the view he's espousing may've worked for him but he's rare most people can't kick their own asses and make progress & he's still angry as hell so he's not fully healed with his own method either.
Shadow work can do better in that it's asking the same thing but nicer and at your own pace but hardly any therapist know about this & your on your own completely wondering if your helping or not. But it's asking you to look at your past, present, and in the moment selves and understand but it's not so simple for all things you may bring to your table but it does promote and aid in both separating your past pains from where you are now, who are you now, do you want to be this person, and how to see were you're perspectives are off and how do you show up in the world so you can know, let go of the unwanted or false stuff and heal properly.
Sound like self-abuse is how this guy dealt with trauma, and now he's hurting others as a misguided attempt to help. He needs self compassion before he can be compassionate with others ❤
I’m finally coming out of about 5 weeks of dysregulation. I really, really don’t want to be this way. I’m working hard to change it, and am spending a lot of time and money to do so. I understand where he’s coming from because when I’ve been in a good place for a long time, I start judging people who I think aren’t working hard enough. Then when dysregulation hits again, I am humbled and I remember what it’s like. Hopefully I get better about that over time.
Really excellent reply to the comments Anna. Feel for you Johnny too