Men in limerence; you gotta stop watching porn.
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
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I can’t really identify with this “typical porn watcher” description thing , it seems a bit of a sweeping generalisation . I grew up with two sisters , have had several female relationships , and was married , so I know women very well . However i definitely agree that quitting watching that crap can only be a benefit . I’ve been on “retention” since NYE 2023 , nearly 3 weeks , and it definitely makes you exude a positive vibe / “aura” . I’ve had a LOT of smiles and even “hello” comments from random strangers since I quit . Quitting that filth is almost like an immediate spiritual detox and I’d advise all men to do it asap
That goes for all men, in limerence or not!
FYI on limerence: sometimes what looks like limerence isn't limerence but the shock-and-awe of the coldness of a breakup after a "relationship' with a BPD or NPD. It's taken me a long time to "accept' that people could be like that and the wounds were deep. I'm not saying it isn't limerence but the aftershock of a bad breakup can really throw one off balance. You need to suss it out to be sure a tomato is a tomato and not an apple. (On porn, it's not real life or how intimate sex is. It's a problem for women too.) TY, this was very helpful.
The way you cover every single topic possible connected to limerence…your videos are so helpful
I found this very enlightening. As a gay man, I feel this also applies for father issues.
Thank you so much. I'm a man right in the middle of what you're talking about here. I've definitely got mother issues and corn addiction issues and I'd like to find ways to deal with all of this stuff. Obviously we all want to be healthy and happy, and knowing what some of these issues are is a good step. I think I just need the tools to fix what I think is holding me back from living my life fully. Thank you for sharing and talking and bringing knowledge to those who are open to listening. 🙏
Glad you are here. Recognizing where you are & what needs to be done is a massive step towards getting out of this
Corn is healthy tho
Haha, a typo.😊😊
🙏👍👍👍👍🙏
I've experienced this with over sexualized woman as well. After her limerence was over, she was gone. Thank you!
She likely was avoidant attachment style. They tend to run away from feelings.😊
Women on a screen are only showing a tiny bit of their lives to others. Who knows what she's like in real life, maybe she has an awful character? maybe she is insufferable to be around, or even a narcissist? There's a lot of dark stuff going on in the porn industry and behind the scenes of what the computer tells us. About the "out of your league" talk, I think it's very few people who are out of each other's leagues among the 80% average-looking people. I find it very hypocritical when even below-average women look for the tall, athletic and rich Channing Tatum type of guy and tell men to go for a woman's personality, "all women are beautiful, but it only applies to women". What I mean by this, is that when 80% of the world's population is average (average is still attractive), chasing perfection is nearly impossible. Even Beyonce and Jessica Alba ain't perfect. It's called being human.
Anything on screen is ultimately curated & thats when we fill in the gaps & enter our own imagination worlds with assuming people to be perfect because they have an attribute we find perfect. Chasing perfection is not even a matter of taste anymore, as its showing an obsession with wanting to be in proximity to something perfect as a way to feel good about oneself. The perfect status (for either side).
Provided we feel good about ourselves, have solid social skills that enable us to connect with people & work on ourselves, nobody is technically out of being a possible partner to anyone. When we think it’s unattainable because we feel less than - then we obsess, put people on pedestals & ultimately, end up hating them.
Well, its November, so that's a plus.
I realise that my sense of Limerence was instilled in me as a result of a neglectful mother that wasn't there for me, for the first decade. But I did and do have people who loved me. It is largely her fault though, there's no Patriarchy Theory to refer towards and I'm far from the only one in my generation whose gone through this specifically. There's a rot among womanhood inter-generationally that's very specific without any male involvement, and it's an attack on the very soul.
Its thrashed a lot of friendships and relationships of mine all the same though.
I think the hardest thing is trying to get a new foundation for myself, after I have realised how much it shaped my mindset. There are moments I feel very confident in myself, which isn't too bad. But in the odd moments I feel regret, I miss whose gone out of my life even though its better for both of us that despite wanting that friendship my unresolved stuff was not going to let it work. And besides that, there's more I need in my personal life to really be happy in myself.
I want to feel more regular confidence and agency about my life. The three aspects of physical mental and sexual wellbeing might be a help towards that.
I'm working towards the day that everything will be alright.
Thank you for your videos. They have helped me to reflect on my own life and issues.
I have a question for you. Men who were not loved by their mothers suffer from a core narcissistic wound. They carry that emotional wound with them for life and their self esteem suffers for it. Those men whose mothers are Pathologically Narcissistic become either Co-dependent or Narcissists themselves. Narcissistic men idealize and then devalue and discard their romantic partners. They idealize women during the early phase of the relationship (Shared Fantasy) so that they may feel better about themselves. The elation they feel in the early phase of the relationship is fuel for their ego. To be loved by a worthy object is to feel worthy oneself. From what I have learned this is called Co-Idealization. Does the Co-dependent man who falls into limerence also idealize and then perhaps not abuse but simply reject women as well. They never truly engage with their partner or come into contact with reality. Even in a relationship fantasy provides a safe distance or protection from hurt, abandonment or rejection. Is the Co-dependent who falls into Limerence also guilty of Co-Idealization?
Evita would you please talk about “no contact” method? Thank you!
At the start of 2024 i fell in heavy limerence with a young woman i was already close friends with…highly inappropriate and crossing boundaries and i also felt this at the time…this situation and how i handled it has completely ruined the friendship and the limerence now mixed with deep regret is still here…am also discovering I am addicted to alcohol, porn, nicotine and probably also have quite some elements of quiet bpd…😢
It's fascinating to see how men form patterns of behaviour...thanks!!!
I agree with everything you said. But I'm going to add this: It's simply not enough anymore. Those simple tips you have given don't work in a post social media world. Because you are assuming men are in a vaccuum and these women don't have the same tools, in which they actually do. In a pre-social media world, I would assume one could see some kind of meaningful results in their life rather quickly. But now instead of the man just having to stop consuming false images on the internet, he has to compete with a woman that's bombarded by numerous options and validation on Instagram and dating sites. In her mind she's thinking, "That guy at the bar, yeah he was cute and we had a good conversation, but I have 10 GQ looking guys in my DMs all week."
I think in the 80s, 90s, and early 2000s, a man could just stop consuming and get on with his life. But now he has to stop consuming, and so do the opposite counterpart.
I agree with you. I don't disagree at all. But is the opposite counterpart going to do their part to stop consuming as well?
IDK I’m pretty aware that online attention from men is all fake. I quit dating sites because I was getting bombarded with messages, yes, but they all just wanted to message and try to get some sexting, I couldn’t get an IRL coffee date to save my life. I got sick of the men of these sites out to intentionally waste my time.
I’m looking in real life now, and I think I have a pretty realistic idea of my options as a kinda cute but hardly perfect lady, I’m looking for similar in a guy. A lot of my girlfriends are in the same boat realizing online dating is fake and pretty much trash.
Valid points - those tips are for the actual part of the man & will help inevitably with how they can experience the world & women differently. It may not work as it would have years ago but it's still the work to be done. The other side will have to do their own work, yes. Part of me thinks women may have been adjusting to what men have been responding to - the impossible standards in terms of appearance (& sexuality) can be a response to what seems to be the way to secure a "valuable" partner. And that value, as it may be carries perfection - financial status - the ultimate provider. These are all byproducts of a patriarchal structure that imprisons both parties in chasing status, security, & a transactional arrangement rather than - connection & compatibility.
@@melissam6037 Interesting. I get the same from dating sites. I chat with someone for a week or two. Once I bring up talking on the phone or meeting up, they disappear.
I'm looking at life around me. I thought there were a few options, only to find emotional immaturity and unhealed issues. I'm seeing a lot of anger issues among women. Real nasty tempers.
Oh well. Obla di Obla da. Life goes on, brah.
I think if you impress her in person, you become automatically more important for her than all those "virtual chads", because you are real and they are not.
Here is an open secret. Most people even relatively healthy people rarely feel like they are enough. Feeling inadequate is something both sexes struggle with. We are all bombarded with images and fantasies of exceptional people with perfect lives. Companies and advertisers want to exploit our insecurities. When we compare ourself unfavorably to impossible standards we will always fall short. There is no such thing as the perfect person who is exceptional in every way. Everyone has their own ways of coping. Most of us engage unconsciously in unhealthy coping strategies when we lack love and connection or when we feel unlovable or unfulfilled. Men and women alike must give up their fantasies if they want to find real love and genuine connection. Avita is right you have to work on yourself and then you will be ready for mature love. Many women certainly have their share of work to do as well but there is no such thing as the perfect partner. What men need are emotionally mature women who are working on themselves and who are not engaging in fantasy, promiscuity and self harming behavior. Good partners do exist and they are not always easy to find but if you haven't worked on your own issues then you won't be ready when the opportunity arrives.
What if I exactly know that I will never be in a relationship with the person that I'm in limerence with? I know he's not available to me and I'm not doing anything to get into the relationship at all. I just feel comfortable thinking about imaginary scenarios. It hugs me at the end of the day. Comforts me before sleep.
Just plain fantasy, but just as harmful imo.
Thank you!
Sex without love is just masturbation... the problem is that once sex lost its meaning nothing is bad ¿why corn is bad?, i mean once the philosophy behind sex is destroyed sex becomes nothing.... contraception and corn are the same coin, i know what im going to say will sound weird for the modern person but the main idea of sex is procreation (wowww unbelievable) , having sex with others removing that posibility is reducin sex to pleasure and becomes just masturbation, ...from a logical perspective contraception and corn follow the same purpose just pleasure.
corn is bad dont get me wront, but having sex for just pleasure with different people even if they are your bf/gf follows the same principle, maybe you will get "experience" and will learn how the real world is vs corn yes but the logic behind both are the same... and both are bad.... corn consumption increases chances of divorces like +15%, while body count also increases chances of divorce and unhappy marriages like x6 in the range 2-4 (vs virgin couple) and way more if the number increases for both sexes.
I don't think it's bad but it's corny
First liker.
I'm interested. Why does this just apply to men?
I’m not a man and I’m not in limerence as I’m not a teen no more.
What am I doing here?
Learning about the perspective of others for greater insight.
@@sal2975 I had a lot of admirers like that in the past, so yeah.
Can you make a video like this for gay men?
What is limerance?
Dude....Google it
Obsession about a fake person
@@Kareena1988 oh
No woman is perfect...you are all the same
Some of the worst advice I have ever heard on RUclips
14:35
I honestly could care less about other people's feelings, or what they do.
And yeah, if you watch this stuff all the time, you're weak.
Include us bisexuals who watch straight and gaycorn.
Pretty sure the video counts for you as well as myself, a Straight man.
Although for the most part & as I mention this applies to pretty much everyone in limerence, unfortunately not every piece of content I make can include everything & everyone as sometimes I need to be addressing specific things that fall under specific categories.
How can you flirt with a woman if you don't see her as a sexual object? Isn't that a dichotomy?