HTSM (SO FAR) #45 HOW To COPE when you BOTH Have VERY DIFFERENT SOCIAL LIVES
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- Опубликовано: 12 сен 2024
- How To Stay Married (So Far) #45 - HOW To COPE when you BOTH Have VERY DIFFERENT SOCIAL LIVES
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I’m very introvert. I hate any social events because I get so nervous about socialising, and I always feel it’s a real effort. It’s almost like I’ve got to put on an act to be sociable and I do tend to keep people at arms length.
I haven't got any friends and I don't care anymore....sometimes I think the more friends, the more crap one has to deal with!
lynne leverton couldn’t agree more !
Mark you are bloody amazing!! Anyone would be lucky to have you as a friend. Being the amazing dad and husband that you are is what life is about anyway. The friendships I've had have often left me feeling let down or even betrayed. You keep being you as you are bloody fantastic xx
Leigh ellis
You really appear to be such a beautiful man, Marrrk! Broke my heart seeing you be so vulnerable but bloody good for you for making the choices you have made. You are a strong family man thst so many men could learn lots from. Hugs
Isn't it sad that the seemingly nicest people are the ones who worry so much about stuff, stuff that doesn't matter.
So true X 💖
Hi just a thought but maybe that's what makes them nice ?
Jane Griffiths Absolutely!!
Mark just keep being who you are " A Beautiful Soul " ❤️❤️
Awwwwwwww Mark ..... we are so critical of ourselves aren’t we ? STOP! We need to go with the flow ...... whatever that will be..........
I have started to filter out my so called friends over the last few months , another one hit the decks today . 😂😂😂
👏👏👏👏💯😜
It's like you're talking about me. Being an introvert person i find it exhausting when people constantly expect you to entertain them and then accuse you of being unfriendly when you can't keep that up. I can relate to so much of this. I feel relieved that I'm not the only one. Loved the discussion. Thanks guys.
I've only recently become one of your subs & have learnt so much about myself & life by watching you. I found this so moving, I cried too recognising myself in some of the behaviours you describe. Thanks for sharing 😍
That statistic made me feel better too!
I am 25 had my little boy at 17 who also has severe cerebral palsy and since then I have 2 friends.(although I wouldn't say I could rely on them) my partner is my best friend. Before my little boy I had lots of friends.
It's hard to keep friends or make new friends with how my life is but I deffo think your right social media makes me feel like shit, looking at everyone's large circle of friends and social life.
But can I just say I started watching these vlogs around 3/4 months ago and they seriously do give me like comfort and company. No matter how sad it sounds its actually true, I bet a lot of people feel that as well.
P. S both of you have lots of friends in this little RUclips community 'good old subs' 😁💕
Lovely comment.
Mark looks skinnier and healthier everyday :) you guys have a great evening :)
I have commented below but i would love Mark to talk about his career and childhood/education and how he meet Nadia. I think you are very fascinating 😘
I tend to keep people at arms length ..i am just really cautious..sobriety can be tricky ..i find forming new relationships.hard .i love being a mum and that is my world but it does feel lonley at times..feel for you mark xx
I’m the female version of you Mark I don’t make friends because I feel no one will like me because I’m boring, I don’t feel good enough. Mark you are an amazing guy sending you a huge hug. X
'Meek' is a truly awful word to describe someone that isn't a massive extrovert.
Mark youhave a family , they are you’re friends , family is far more important than friends . X
No we need friends every body needs friends it's healthy
@@deerheart87 but some ppl are happy in their own company, others feel the need to be around ppl all the time. We are all different
I know quite a few people, but have no friends but I am not lonely!
Me too , I am glad I m not the only one feeling like this, I always prefer my own company or with family
Mark your beautiful inside & out
❤️ u guys
Always make me smile
Yes chewing gum always in the car 🤣🤣
Mark I am like you I have low self confidence and self esteem I am a bit better now as I am starting to not care what people think of me. They ither like me or they don’t
There is a saying-- WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Mark if you could only see you through everyone else's eyes.....
Love how you both share the most intimate moments with us. That takes a huge amount of courage, inner strength and trust. You are both equally the kind of people I know I could have the best friendship with and I'd bet money that so many of your subs would say the same.
I agree with Nadia, baby steps. Not everything changes overnight but 16 years of sobriety, a huge shift in your fitness and health and the strength you show in sharing your emotions publicly should prove to you that you can overcome anything. It makes you an inspiration and in my book great friends are ones who support and inspire.
Thanks for this podcast, truly struck a chord with me
loved this one. yous are both amazing normal lovely people!!!Xxx
Awwwwww mark ..... you are a very special person... listen you are enough and worth so much ... can I be honest so many times I’ve been out drinking with people have been some of the loneliest times of my life ... as I’ve gotten older I’ve realised it’s so much more important and meaningful to have a few close friends than meaningless drinking buddies . I’ve really calmed down from partying and when I took Myself out of that scene I realised how little “ friends “ I had .. I used to think all these big groups were my friends but in reality they were just drinking friends . Also something Nadia always says is “ nobody is just one thing “ you don’t always have to be that guy who’s sober ... you are so much more than that .
I laughed out loud when Nadia kept saying people who still drink so much and party at your age are “ sad fuckers “ 😂😂😂 howling !!
I learn so much from these podcasts ... they are my favourite !! Love ya both 💛 xxx
I identify with a lot you say Mark. I used to think not liking socialising meant I was inferior but as I get older I realise it’s just who I am and I should not beat myself up about it. I can be very pleasant in company but it exhausts me and I realise life is too short to worry about it. Do you think you just feel you ought to have male friends just to conform - if so let it go. It’s part of why I love your channel because I can interact with you guys on a certain level. I hope it helps you too because you both truly do have friends out here. We are who we are and as long as that doesn’t hurt others then that’s just fine. Lots of love 💖
The sports thing-that’s what it is-not having to talk or look at each other!! Wow, never crossed my mind. It’s true though, as you get older or become a parent, your whole social life changes. You can’t get blind drunk and have wild nights out because if you’re a parent-well-there’s the agony of the following day. When you’re in your mid40’s and above-well-there’s the agony of the following day 🤣 It’s just not appealing any more. Most men I know don’t really have a social life, I don’t know of any 2 guys that would just meet for a coffee or lunch or whatever. It has to involve ‘doing’ or ‘watching’ doesn’t it? Who thought you were dysfunctional?? I think your both really brave putting your relationship and lives and bickering etc etc on here. Your so honest and I think your a lovely couple 😘X
Mark you are incredible! You are loved, respected and worthy of everything good. You have an excellent wife and family. Friends are overrated and most people are fake anyway. We are our own best friends. Scorpio's (and I know you both are) tend to be a little on their own and navigating the world and its challenges deeply as sensitive souls. I am Scorpio too and know only too well. You both raised some great points about friendships. People these days exaggerate their connections to others and almost have this incessant need to be popular and in constant supply of attention socially. I love being alone, no drama or fake unions. Selective when unions are forged and strongly vibrating as a vital woman standing strong as an individual that doesn't need a constant supply of meaningless, soul destroying emptiness. We all need to be our own best friends. People these days feel a deep sense of disconnectivity from others and as Nadia says people claim friendships that are nothing more than a fleeting moment in a photo. True friends can be counted on one hand if you are lucky.
Not sure if you’ll see this comment, i’ve been sober nearly 4 years and my social life is based around my kids. At the start of the pandemic i started cold water swimming. I can go once a month, once a week or everyday (as i did in lockdown). It’s such a buzz, takes hardly anytime out of my day, it’s social as i do it with a ‘group’ (normally just 1 mum from school but can be up to 15 mums). Anyway, i think you’d both love it both together and separately. It stays a challenge! Temperature, Weather, sunrise, sunsets, ice dips! You can also do it alone. Physically and Mentally its helped me. Xx
I feel Marks pain big time!!.. I have not had a good friend ever since I became a mother 26 years ago. My life has been my four children and my husband for so long I lost my social life. II feel its time for me to get out there and start meeting new people but its hard when I have been in a bubble of being a wife and mother for so long. I dont know where to start.
Another amazing podcast! It definitely helped me in understanding my boyfriend's difficulties with male friendships :)
I’ve two close friends from the past two decades. And we mutually Share ups and downs. But don’t live in each other’s pockets. Healthy telephone conversations happen mainly because we live 60/70 miles apart. I’ve Made new friends since but they have not been the same and have drifted off. However I am relaxed with that, in fact I’m far more content. I’m a bit older than Mark. He is such an honest loving guy and an attractive personality and spirit. A delightful and charming person and Yes of course he needs a Nadia. Just continue to work on your mutual love and respect. Accept your greatness and your gorgeous family. Liz Smith was also remarkably honest. I realise now friendship is really about quality not quantity. There is nothing wrong with aloneness. It’s ghastly being trapped in confined social pressure. I did it for years in my twenties. It often made me desperately pressured and utterly miserable. Being gay looking back made it also extremely difficult too. I am just grateful to have found an equanimity at last , because it took me a very long time trying to fit in the wrong moulds and situations . So Mark do not try and change your well rounded character, you are doing just great as you are. Incredibly knowledgable and interesting and so good with people. Accept your yourself you really deserve being you. And Nadia behind every great man there is a Nadia.
I never mind you both talking about his alcoholism, it helps us all to understand it more. Friends are so important because we can confide in them about our worries that perhaps we can’t in a relationship or even talk about things that you like that your partner doesn’t. I agree that you don’t need loads of friends, we just need a few that we can turn to in times of need and accept us for who we are. Mark, set yourself a challenge - call up a friend that you haven’t seen for a while and go and out and do something you both enjoy. Or another option is to invite people round more to your house for the evening, you can have a nice meal, play games etc, socialise at home so that you feel more comfortable.
I can soooo relate to mark as i have no friends now, did at skool n younger yrs. I prob have a hang up from being dominated by my twin, who i hid behind. We raised our families close together, i devoted my life to my 2 kids too, but now not speaking to my twin for 6 yrs, i find it hard to make friends outside of my small close family. My mum n bruv n dad, when alive, are my friends n support, who i rarely see because i too isolate myself. I even gave up work 3 yrs ago because of a breakdown n i now have no confidence in my own abilities. I'm a non womany woman 😁, i can't bare the bitchyness, previously only working with men or on my own.
Mark you have nadia, her friends and your family as your close friends and support. It's ok to be as you are. You all bring a smile n a laugh to my life and thats a great gift you have.
Sending a big friendly hug to you x
Mark it doesn’t just happen to men I am the same...
I am 53 and my best friend in the whole world is Angela who is 51. I was 3 when our Mums met and our families quickly became friends and remain so to this day. Angela and I have gone through everything together and I couldn’t have got through a lot of stuff, particularly my marriage break up, if it weren’t for her. She and her husband are godparents to my daughter who has Down Syndrome and they are amazing. I love her to bits. When Angela and I were 16 and 18 we met another girl, Andrea, through going to rock gigs in town and we became firm friends and still are. Our wee WhatsApp group is called the 3 musketeers. I have had several other friendly relationships over the years with chums from school etc and I have a group of friends that I meet at gigs etc that I get on really well with but they will never mean to me what Angela and Andrea do. I really enjoy their company but I wouldn’t lean on them in a crisis or confide in them. The other 2 know everything about my life and I know everything about theirs. We can all have lots of acquaintances but only ever a small handful of true friends.
As always heartfelt, raw, real discussion... I agree with Nadia, as a couple in our 40’s our drinking/socialising has totally changed, I very rarely drink these days, in our 20’s we were in a mess every single weekend! Many drunken ridiculous rows ensued!
Hated it! So even though on balance my husband drinks more than me, our social life is much more about like minded friends and our kids. It feels like a really nice time in our lives... So much admiration for you both, as people in your own right and as the wonderful couple that you are ❤️
Camping with Lisa! Looking forward to the vids from that!! 😂 You guys are BOTH fantastic and anyone would be lucky to have you as friends! You shine in your own ways and you complement and sustain one another! xx
Totally relate to mark, I was raised without a dad, and as a result I feel I’m a not very blokey Bloke lol. Before our 4 year old triplets were born I used to go out drinking every weekend with my mates, but as soon as they were born it all stopped, it was my choice but I just felt that I had this huge responsibility now and that every bit of my free time had to be spent on them,
I lost some friends because I wasn’t going out drinking with them etc, and that’s ok, I understand people grow apart when priorities change.
Like mark I choose not to go out, but I have no regrets and I think I’m happy leaving that part of my life behind.
Mark is definitely friend material. I would be so proud to have Mark as a friend Mark has made this decision & there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that Aussie Bob X
Hi nadia and Mark. I have a one tru friend were being best friends in secondary school that's 37 years ago love yer vlogs
My grandma was lucky to have a friend from her childhood and they was friends throughout their life ☺
@@tonemarieantonsen1597 that s lovely
@@sallywaters435 Yes very ☺
This was great. You both speak so much truth it's amazing.
You guys are totally normal and it’s wonderful to see real life real people, if you two are dysfunctional then so is my husband and I ( 😂I sound like the queen 🤣). Absolutely love you both ❤️❤️
The conversation was so interesting, you often sit alone an think there is no else experiencing the same…Really appreciate that you put yourself out there, breathing better, feeling lighter after watching the video :)
Mark men just don’t have friends like women do. You are so lovely and we subs are your friends 😊.
Mark i have one good friend who I’ve know for years. My husband has a wide group of old friends (they are now mine too) who hes know since he was 16 he’s now 62. But over the years we don’t socialise with them hardly at all now it tailed off when our kids were young and could afford to go out and drink etc (they drink a hell of a lot we dont) now we just see them for special occasions. We are both happy being in our bubble of family. My daughter-in-law is in labour tonight so waiting for our first granddaughter to arrive. Love to you both ❤️😘👶
I’m like Mark. I never feel good enough to speak to people. Afraid of saying the wrong thing and worried that people might not like me and therefore would rather not go out. X😢😢
Mark, you are such a fabulous father and husband. I love that you are so open about your recovery and not having loads of friends. I have 2.6 friends and am more than happy with it! You both are such lovely kind people and kindness is more important than a lot of things X
Wow , this chat was brilliant, mark you make me smile , not the joking smile but you are an amazing husband , dad and a film maker oh and I forgot your dogs too . 😘
Love listening to you guys talking. Are we going to see you camping with Lisa? X
I saw the exorcist when I was 15 and I was so petrified that the thought of that film scares me even today. I just think horror movies are dark and we have to be careful of them. Sorry but that's how I feel.
Mark friends come and go but your true friend is Nadia she will always be there for you so chin up life's to short xx
My Dad died in alcoholism. I am blinded by respect for you BOTH ! Apologise NEVER for the manner in which you both live with this fuckin Hurricane of a disease. Warriors who some how manage to raise 4 beautiful women and manage to love each other. My Dad pickled his life ... his development stopped the moment he had his first drink. Some alcoholics pickle ........ the moment they stop. Love u both my chickens
Very interesting as ever. Liz Smith hit the nail on the head. My husband doesn't have a social life and friends and neither do I. Only occasionally I wish I had a friend who I could turn to and really talk to but I have no one. In the past I invested so much into friendships and always got let down so badly. Don't over think it Mark. You are as Nadia says, a terrific guy, with complexities and values unique to you. Live your life, be you and maybe by doing just that you will stumble upon a friendship that is just perfect for you xx
Julia White I totally agree. The only time I ever miss having a close friend is when I’m depressed, but on a social level I don’t want that because I find socialising so much effort mentally.
As we get older, family, work etc, it’s difficult having a social life, and keeping up friendships, I have two friends who have been friends over 30 years. Mark you have a family who love you dearly, brilliant podcast! ❤️xx
Every person is different I'm so introvert I prefer peace walks at the beach nice meals out with my husband and family time
Very good podcast.
Most insightful podcast yet
Omg i was excatly the same in my my 20s 30s then has my beautiful daughters in my 30s and I changed and just loved doing family things and I did out grow some friends totally different interested now as iam nearly 52 still feel young but still feel young but don't smoke drink but I used too but now think off my fitness and health xx love your honesty guys just live your lives and enjoy because we all sometimes over think things to much xx
Mark..the way I can relate to you is so damn true. Thank goodness for you, your family and your channel. The guy that irritated me so much initially! Ive said this before, you don't realise how much you help others in so many ways. Your channel is unique, therapeutic, funny, and quite honestly, beautiful xx
I get the time warp thing. I suffered with severe depression and anxiety throughout my teens and early 20s and I have found myself aged 24 in a good place but I can't relate to the fun people aged 18-19 had and I want to have my fun, but so many people assumed I would have done the partying I want to do now, already
Mark ur best friend is seated right next to you her love for you is so genuine I’ve read bitchy comments aimed at Nadia on her based on her treatment towards you but she lives with you some of these women who make these comments are obviously not living with a man
My husband is shy in large groups. We found ourselves in much the same place as you guys. At parties, he would end up with the girls as he can only take so much sport and cars. We now make an effort to have dinner with other couples. This has often created a situation where the men have got on well and he has been invited to play golf or join in with something with a group of men. I agree with Nadia about drinking. We hardly ever drink and find that quite a few people are much the same. It was a pain about 5 + years ago with people forcing a drink on us or feeling that it was antisocial, not to drink, but it has become the norm, people tend to accept the fact without question now. My Mum has not had a drink in 20 yrs and she has said the same, it used to isolate you but now it seems acceptable. If we add our friends up jointly - we can almost get to 2.6 :)
I have 1 true friend at 44 years of age as I tend to trust people too easily and the wrong people so I just need that 1 friend and my family sod the rest, I would love to be ur friend mark u are a fantastic bloke x
You are both such amazing people and cannot express how grateful I am for all the content you have consistently delivered. Lots of love
yes it is the first time for me...found you on instragram..you got me hooked on love island, and now I watch you all every day, great family...and hubby is nice too..this lap top had opened a whole new life for me..Thankyou Marie....im 64.
I don't have friends happy being around my family x
Love you both so interesting, could I just say Nadia please let mark finish speaking, you do tend to cut him off before he finishes a sentence xx
This is making me really emotional so far! 😢
Oh Mark I feel so sad you are a charming funny and I love your laugh that you are feeling so isolated but you know when we are young friendships seem easy to get but after you stopped drinking your life was full with young children and work, but now you are realizing that your children are older and their time is spent with friends. All I can say is it is hard but joining an activity like a night class or group activity and cultivate a friendship through that. 💕🦋
I have a couple of close friends and so does my partner and we don't feel we need more. I once dropped a 'friend' who just used me as a sounding board for whatever personal crisis she was going through but never asked me about myself.
Mark dont worry not everyone drinks while socializing I dont drink alcohol at all
What a heart warming vlog you are an Amazing couple talking is the best medicine xx think Nadia should invite jo and his new wife and cook them one off her Amazing meals would love to see that happen thanks for keeping it real both love watching you every night xxx
Beverley Pannett
Love the honest chats. X
Oh Mark! 💙💚💛💜
love you !! you bring so much sunshine to youtube!!!
I am so glad you two always talk about alcohol . Because my 18 year old son is starting Uni in UK after leaving in many countries including few in Africa and finishing in USA. I am worried but this gives me idea on how if (fingers crossed) things are not good, i might be able to converse with him better. Thank you.
So honest and brave to have this discussion. Bless you both x
Such a raw and emotional vlog and very relatable. You are both amazing and I love watching you guys!! Mark you need to realise what an amazing, funny, kind and caring human being you are. Nadia you are faaaaabulous!! Love you both together and love your honesty xx 😘
P.s....all the descriptions of your sensitive, kind, intelligent, silly, funny etc, sides of you that nadia and your family say to you...we viewers see too in the snippets of your life that you share with us...and thats why we love you n yrs 😁 x
Mark you are not alone. I'm the life of the party according to people but the days, hours leading up to the event I'm crippled with over thinking and anxiety. I'm happy in my own company yet lonely in different ways but not lonely enough to be around people all the time 🤣 Turn yourself to this channel and do some lives for a catch up once a week maybe? To hear other peoples days and funny stories could help? 😊
You guys make me laugh and make me cry. You are doing a beautiful thing! The podcasts, vlogs etc absolutely rock! XX
I would love to have a friend like you Mark ....we are all your friends..... and I am definitely one of those ppl that only has her imm family, thats all you need really and can trust x
Nadia came with lot of good advice and truth
My Dad never drank in his life he is 82 has 1 friend of his own since a batchelor. He has been married to my Mum 53 years and all his friends are her friends.
I also found out recently how lonely and alone he was when my Mum was in hospital for 3 weeks without my Mum and struggled to cope without her.
I had one best friend of nearly 40 years, we never once argued, we had a wonderful friendship. Then one day we had a disagreement, she walked away from our friendship and refused to talk it through, that was three years ago and we haven’t spoken since. Hurt me tremendously. I have my family that’s all I need now. Mark and Nadia you are a fantastic couple, anyone that can go to hell and back and come out of it together still very much in love is something to be cherished ♥️ XX
People try help just get kicked in the teeth🥊look after number 1. I put bins in road never get a Thankyou or even Xmas card ? Do try
Great discussion Aussie Bob X
Hiya . I understand you both so much. Life itself, family life and social life are all very hard to balance out with or without alcohol. You are good, caring people and are helping a lot of us out with being so honest with all your Vlogs. Thank you. Very emotional.Love to you both. xxx
Everyone is different. I am not a good communicator. My children and my husband are my best friends. They understand me and love me unconditionally. Dislike falseness and insincerity. Guess before and above all else, is my relationship with myself and making sure I don’t live in unbelief. 💗
Have you both taken the MBTI personality test based on Carl Jung's theory on personality? I would guess that Nadia was ENFP and Mark INFJ or INTJ but it would interesting to look at how your respective personalities have affected your relationship
I got ISTJ on this test
Never apologise for your honest emotions Mark; great vlog Myers Briggs test really helpful to understand how differently introverts and extroverts get their energy you are clearly very different types. MBTI helps us understand differences.
Love you guys💗
This is me and my husband. He doesn’t drink and isn’t social. I am very outgoing and love meeting people. He says that’s what he fell in love with. Over the years we have come to the understanding that I go out and he stays in. My son friends fathers mix together. My husband said what mark said he just could not be bothered having the Mind numbing conversations with men he hardly knows. I honestly think it because my husband as is mark is very creative and intelligent. I see so many similarities in my husband and mark it is unreal.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Mark !
I’m going to show this to my husband he is going through same at the moment .
Nadia you are so right, life changes when you get older and have children. I used to go out a lot, bottle of wine while getting ready etc but now I don't drink at all and don't really like being sociable as I get paranoid as to what they think of me. I have only 2 maybe 3 friends who I can 100% be myself with but they live back in the UK and I can't see them in person often. In the land of cheap good wine I have become a sober hermit lol
I'd love to be marks friend what an amazing guy he is
Mark you have 72,812 friends x
I would sooner have just two good friends than ten friends,you never know who is going to stab you in the back,keep your cards close to your chest
Your are right. A "friend" cheated with my husband (now EX) I have since learn to be my OWN BEST friend.
I am so sorry to hear that,but you know,that’s two friends out of your life you don’t need.my best wishes to you
🌺The Universe isolates you so you can find your soul's purpose. It may seem like you've lost friendships & relationships but finding your path, passion & purpose in life is worth more! For where you're soul is there you will find your treasure 🌺
He isolates himself not the universe
I can really identify with you Mark. The last time I had a good group of friends was at uni which was four years ago. And since we've gone our separate ways I've got no-one. Just accepted it I guess, have never been one to have friends anyway, even at school.
Hi again, sometimes you have to step outside of your own comfort zone and make the effort too. The other weekend I went to a barbeque on my own rather than stay in on my lonesome!