Caregiver Training: Aggressive Language/Behavior | UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Program
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- Опубликовано: 11 фев 2018
- The UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care Video series provides viewers with practical tools you can use in a variety of settings to create a safe, comfortable environment both for the person with dementia and the caregiver.
To learn more about the UCLA Alzheimer's and Dementia Care, please visit www.uclahealth.org/dementia/c... 
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The amount of emotional labor required for this kind of effective care work is so underemphasized and undervalued. Families expect incredible acts of selflessness and patience, yet are only willing to pay minimum and/or poverty wages.
im just starting working in memory and i had no idea how much i need to learn im learning each day
It isn't the family's fault; it's the agencies.
Well said!
I don't think it's about what they're willing to pay it's that they can't afford to pay more. Most families can barely afford food and shelter.
Preach!
I find so many of these types of video focusing on how a caregiver is being bossy or rude and when they adjust their behavior things change. That is not the case for me. I have always acted with respect, compassion, and kindness but it doesn’t seem to make a difference. What I need to know is what to do if you are acting the way the caregiver was in the second scenario and the client still yells at you and tells you to go away or says mean things. I got into this type of work due to my big heart but now after every shift I’m feeling depressed, anxious, and exhausted. I wish there were more resources available to help caregivers who do everything their supposed to do but still get treated with aggression and anger.
I feel you Spooky Baby😔My current client is so mean to me, yelling, screaming and even hurting me.I am trying my best to be an effective caregiver but there is no changes.Sometimes I am asking myself, what have I done that makes her so mean to me while she is nice to other staff in the residence.I want to give up but the children wants me to stay.I am mentally and emotionally exhausted already and I felt pitty to myself.I really don't know now what to do to make her calm and nice to me again, I've done all the strategies I know but still no changes😭
@@kleisylvaldez207 These situations are very difficult and you may need to try a few different things until you find something that works. Try to find out about your clients past so that you can talk to them about their past life. That may help them to connect with you as a friend. Also try some humour whenever possible as it could lighten their mood. Some clients feel that they are being made to do things even when you ask them politely. In those instances I find it helps to ask them to help you and tell them that you are working together as a team as in some cases they respond well to feeling that everything is a joint. I often joke with them that I won't get paid as much because they are doing all the work and it seems to amuse them. I really hope that you can find a solution but it may take some time and patience.
I know *exactly* how are you feel. I care for my mother and you would not believe the mean, cruel and downright sadistic behavior she displays when she’s in one of her tantrums. She seems to enjoy having them and nothing I do works
@@kleisylvaldez207 sending you so much love and healing energy ❤️🩹 wish I could give you a hug. I know it’s beyond hard and can be incredibly hurtful. I hope you’re taking care of yourself and doing all you can to find support around you as you continue to try and support this client. You’re not alone. 🤍✨
@@psalm37v4 I’m so sorry this is happening ❤️🩹 please remember to put your oxygen mask on first (like they advise on airplanes) and try to practice self care on the days it’s really hard. NO ONE deserves verbal or mental abuse and especially not a child trying to take care of their elderly parents. I hope you have a support system to lean on and know you’re not alone and try to let her comments roll off you’re back. Especially if you think she finds enjoyment in hurting you then try not to let it show and just be calm authoritative, and protect you’re heart. Sending you so much love and healing energy. You’re not alone. Praying for you tonight 🤍✨
Sometimes, no matter how nice you are, how many times you try to redirect, they're still angry!
Many years ago as a younger carer I worked in a care home. One morning I was getting some clothes from the wardrobe for a lady who was 90 years old, but she thought I was stealing them and pushed me. I fell into to the open wardrobe and she started hitting me, I quickly said to her that I could hear the tea trolley coming and she should go and remind them that she did not take sugar, she immediately stood back and said yes I don't want sugar and walked away. I made a note not to have my back to this client while supporting her. I am still a carer at the age of 69 and I love my job and the challenges it brings.
That is an EPIC story. Totally class move you did there mentioning the tea under pressure! Love that!
My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and lives on her own. She has carers twice a day, 6 days a week. Mother is reasonably compliant and pleasant to them throughout their 20 minute visit. When we ask her about them, mother has no idea they have even been and says she doesn’t want them because they do nothing. Her carers give her medication, clean the kitchen and bathroom,wipe working surfaces down, change her bedding and prepare her paltry tea. Mother is playing a good game and putting on a wonderful show. In reality, when we discuss her going into a Care Home due to her multitude of issues e.g. deafness, incontinence, obsession with clocks and lists, constant phone calls to my sister asking for a car( not hers) to be removed from outside her home and asking for assistance in turning her television and gas fire on, Mother becomes absolutely vile and her carers would be appalled at her verbal abuse, total disregard of logic and general stubborn attitude.
Please note that these tips only work every so often, some patients cant be redirected and most times the patients violence grows and becomes harmful to you as well as themselves. If you can call for someone to assist do so immediately for safety of you and them. Or leave them to themselves and try again later when working alone. 911 is extreme and sometimes necessary....I have been sliced in my abdomen before by a patient who hide a knife. Dont let the age of an elder fool you, they can hurt you too. Just remember why you are there and that every life deserves good care
My dad tried to strangle me a few days ago. He decided I was a robber. Nothing calmed him down. He didn't believe the pictures I showed him of us. Even after he seemed calm he told the person I called for help to get my phone because he thought there was evidence of what he did in it. What he saw was me frantically texting for help. He wanted to get rid of the evidence, including me and he wanted them to help him do it. Now I'm terrified of his moods.
@@irisseer2773 find if someone can help you. The point is to not help a person who is combative by yourself. The other thing give them more time. If he doesn’t want to change his wet brief etc then come back an hour later & ask to help him change.
I'm afraid of my mother now what I just found this information I don't know
hi,can u help me pls.i am ready for my carigiving job interview.pls give some tips
I'm a man in his 50's. I dropped a relationship to come to Illinois to care for my father while he had cancer. Shortly after his passing, my mother started to exhibit signs of Alzheimer. Later adding Dimentia. Now, shes turning into in angry old woman. She's always been a manipulator as far back as I can remember. NOW it's sooo much worse. Everything is my fault. She never has accepted wrong, and always pointed the finger. My brothers are no help at all. One hasn't been over since 10/2013. The month after dad died. The other brother will not even discuss the issue by phone or txt. My guess is he thinks he's protecting his inheritance. My point is this.. I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to deal with this. I'm either going to explode, back my things and disappear, or simply end my life. I just don't know. I can't deal with this alone. If I point out her illness, she says I'm full of it and spins it to be about my shortcomings. She has many bluffed into thinking she's a sweet old woman. Sooo far from the truth. The brother I haven't seen since 10/12 can attest to that. She ruined him psychology as a younger boy. Now he remembers and stays away. The other brother can care less. Just give me money is his thought. This sucks. Not sure what to do. I work 12 hr days 5 days a week. Getting to be a big load!!!
Sending you all the love
@@ashleya9680 that's kind and sweet. Thk you.
My mom is the exact same way! She's sweet as pie to everyone else, but is a monster to me when it's just me and her. And if I cry as she's abusing me, she gets this look of pure joy on her face at seeing me in so much pain. She tried to have one of my cats euthanized against my wishes (the cat only had an ear infection). When the vet wouldn't do it, they say she screamed bloody murder at them. When I got home later, she was all smiles as she said that it was my turn to kill the cat. I didn't, of course, and now my former cat is in another home and away from my mom. Mom will not allow me to speak in the house. The last time I tried, she sprang up out of her chair and tried to slap me in the face. She didn't hurt my face, but did scratch me enough to draw blood on my right hand. When I called the cops, they said that they didn't think she was a threat and left...even though I had a bleeding scratch from her attack! But she was super nice to the cop and put on her "rational" demeanor and he fell for it. She hasn't been formally diagnosed b/c she refuses to get tested. So, I'm sol. I have a brother, but he can't be bothered to help me. I have to be very careful not to show any signs of distress when around my mom, because she will sneer at me, mock me and heckle me to the point where I just break down and cry and cry. Like you, I'm stuck and have no idea what to do! I feel exactly the way you do...trapped, abused and abandoned. No one will help me b/c she doesn't have a diagnosis. The cops, the APS and even her own doctor have given me their condolences, acknowledged that this is a serious situation, but have ended up abandoning me to deal with it on my own, with no help. And it doesn't help that my dad is also in cognitive decline. I'm struck having to deal with two mentally ill/impaired people with no help whatsoever.
I really appreciate the way that you show two scenarios: one that might be problematic and the other being more accommodating. Thanks!
Always use a positive tone! Even though these people may sometimes act 'childish', they're still adults and within reason should be allowed to do as they please as long as they're not harming themselves or others. And just think about if you were confused, would you like someone you don't recognize to come dress you, invade your space?! No, of course not, the anger makes sense. Never demonize their behaviour!:)
I’m a full time caregiver. Dementia isn’t just memory lost. I’m grateful that I’m a former special education teacher. I understand cognitive delays. Once the aggression gets physical it’s so hard.
@@chaundasumara hi,can u help me pls.i am ready for my carigiving job interview.pls give some tips
If only it were that easy to have her agree to go sit at the table, with the very nicest of tone and kindest of energy coming from the caregiver. The reality for many is much more complicated than has been shown in this dramatization.
What's ridiculous is the cost of these facilities! Yet the state won't fund a family member who has to care for them at home, by themselves. Without the ability to go away after 8 hours.
This is my guilty pleasure watching these, these are real situations I'm glad I'm not the only one in these situations
That elderly lady’s acting skill is lit 🔥
It is not only physical aggression that is dangerous. Verbal abuse can be worst, specially if you are a Son/Daughter to the patient.
OMG. That is literally me with my mom every day. Because of her other neuro issues I have been wondering for a while if this behavior was a sign of dementia. Sometimes I feel like she talks to me like I am not her daughter- like she either thinks I am someone else or she just thinks I am someone who lives in the house. Ya know? With covid, her neurologist won't see her in person, and her psychiatrist does phone visits and my mom knows the script. So I'm at a loss for how to get her real treatment.
That actor is AMAZING!
ALL COMMENTS/VIDEOS are regarding caring for ONE parent with dementia. I'm the ONLY CAREGIVER (& I AM 100% DISABLED!) who has cared for TWO PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS for 6+ YEARS! I have NO children, NO siblings, NOTHING, it has just been ME! My parents are in Stage 7 now, but have DIFFERENT symptoms, DIFFERENT health issues, DIFFERENT Sundowners probs, & on & on & on. The 1st 2-3 yrs (again me 100% disabled! And all they have had! Tho' there were others who did NOTHING!), I worked 90+ hours a wk, eating maybe 2 REAL meals/week, driving n2 my driveway & falling asleep immediately til my husband came out to get me, being so exhausted I'd fall asleep in the morning @ the drop of a pin, spilling my coffee all over my lap! There were nights I BARELY made it home-I was SO exhausted! AGAIN, I'M 100% DISABLED! There was a 6 month period I almost, or did, get n2 car wrecks from sheer exhaustion! No one in my husband's LARGE family undestood, nor TRIED to understand(!), nor helped in ANY way! Tho' I (we) have helped ALL of them in EVERY WAY, 10 adult grandkids, 3 50+ "adult children", & great-grandkids. Gave cars, pd 4 private schools, bought furniture for, sent $ to each month while they bought new cars & we (living without ANY, debt, driving used but nice cars pd w/cash, paying our mortgage off early, & ALWAYS, EVERY MONTH GIVING TO TRULY NEEDY PEOPLE!). We did without wants, buying ONLY needs, while all drove new, fanc.y cars, or had Nike shoe collections, yet they all had zero savings, til we finally woke up & said "NO MORE!"). But NO ONE EVER SPEAKS ABOUT A SOLE CHILD, USUALLY A DAUGHTER, CARING FOR TWO ELDERLY PARENTS WHO BOTH HAVE DIFFERENT DEMENTIAS! I've listened to & read all books, looked online, & found NOTHING! NO HELP FOR US CAREGIVERS OF 2!! I am in the last stage, Stage 7 w/my parents, BOTH parents-who both have VERY different problems, symptoms, issues, Sundowners, & on & on! I am 100% disabled & have lost ALL my health, joy, ability to do ANYTHING that brought me joy, since this hit me (like planting flowers, playing the piano, helping with our personal business, cleaning our home & we haven't had a vacation in 12 yrs - as b4 my parents we cared for another elderly family member who was a piece if cake & peacefully died @ home taking a nap, she had ALL her cognition til the end! But I have been utterly ALONE caring for my parents! Both w/different dementias! Today was HORRIFIC! But there is ZERO HELP FOR THOSE OF US DOING THIS! IT WAS 1 OF 10, NOW PROBABLY MORE! YET NO1 OFFERS HELP TO US?! I'm close to suicide as this is BEYOND the WORST of caring for just one! YET NO BOOKS, NO VIDEOS, NO HELP! Why! WHY!? I have chronic pain, Fybromyalgia, C-PTSD, Severe DEPRESSION, ADD, & MORE! Yet STILL, ALWAYS, ALONE, I've done EVERYTHING FOR MY PARENTS! And let my health go! I feel like I've been living in HELL for 6 years STRAIGHT & no one helps or cares! I know the stress causes my chance of dementia to go up (multiply THAT by 2!!), & I swear that I WILL NOT go down the road I've watched BOTH OF MY PARENTS go down!! Why, why, does no1 help those of use caring for 2 w/dementia? Do you not care, or see the DEVASTATION it does to ENTIRE FAMILIES, but ESP
NEEDED!🥺😥
I feel sorry for the nurse here she’s doing best she can my aunt toy was the same way she passed away last year in June I took care of her for few years she was great great aunt I miss her so much
My wife’s father had dementia. For 16 months he needed around the clock care and only four of his eight children helped, my wife, her three sisters. And I helped. His own wife didn’t even help. 45-60 minutes to get him up dressed and into bed. Fights every step of the way. Verbal aggression was a staple almost all the time. He died in 2020 just before the pandemic hit. My father died in 2016, and it was nothing compared to dealing with him. I always tell people, you don’t want a loved one to have dementia
I’m a CNA and my resident broke my wrist a few days ago. He’s never been aggressive or violent towards me and it really came out of the blue. I’m unsure of what I did wrong and he no longer trusts me to care for him. I’m honestly devastated.
These videos are really helping, thank you for posting.
God bless Nurses & CNA's
I’m not being mean or anything, just speaking my thoughts. Most of what I find online about this issue is just like this. As the caregiver you walk away feeling like once again you’ve been told you must be perfect. To me it’s not encouraging at all but instead makes me feel like a failure....and I already know that I fail daily. I could be wrong on this but when it gets to a certain point (could be different for all) but detachment seems like an option. To keep my sanity I’ve had to do this somewhat with my mother in law....she talks ALOT and repeats the same stories over and over and a lot of what she says is so negative....and it is all so completely draining. We’ve all heard the old saying you are who you hang out with...why is this any different? You have got to unplug/detach from that! I do not stand blameless and I own my flaws and I’m aware that much of what I get from her could be her feeding off me because I stay so irritated with her....I get that and own that...but when she goes back home telling people I’m getting a divorce which I’m not or that I’ve killed myself and who knows what else....it’s hard to deal with. Dementia is going to kill her if not something else sooner...but I don’t want to go down with her. This is hard!!!
I agree with you, Erica. Currently, I'm living at home with my mother and grandmother. My grandma is the one with dementia, and she is combative, argumentative, every answer to anything you request of her is "no", and she has zero memory, and routinely wets the bed and promptly denies it. And to boot, its Covid-19 out there, and she can't see any doctor, for any non emergency reason. That's all she wants to do. She wants to see a doctor so she can get some sympathies for sicknesses she does not have. She walks around with a fake moan to attempt to draw attention from my mom and I so we can fuss over her and treat her as if she's physically ill. Besides dementia/alzhiemers, she has a totally clean bill of health. The battle we face every day is not only with her being a nightmare to deal with, but within ourselves. Constantly walking around "feeling bad". And we are locked in this house taking care of her 24-7, and ofc she does not have any clue what is happening in the real world and that the world is officially shutdown right now. I miss my weekly women's bible study meetings online because I just lack the mood. I feel like a shitty person. When my grandma does nothing but insult us all day and be totally ungrateful for what she has and what we do for her, it makes my mom and I feel like we are in hell. My life right now at home, quarantined, is Hell. My mom stays in her room for most of the day, to avoid being in my grandma's line of sight (and line of fire). I work from home right now, and have no escape from the constant bitching and moaning. I don't know what to do. What to feel. Why....I'm at a loss for words. I feel you, Erica. That's really all i can say. And I know that me saying that, will help you in a way that not many will understand. Stay Safe, and you're going to be okay. This will all end soon, and there is something special and selfless about you. You are generous. You are a good person. Night.
Ohh; sounds quite hellish.. Remember she probably can't help it, the dementia changes the brain and personality? I'm helping an older man who is So crabby, but when I finally remember to force myself to be cheerful and nice, he gets nicer too. It makes him so happy to hear nice words; he's lonely and afraid. This probably does Not help you, so don't feel like you're bad people, anyhow: it's REALLY hard. Pray for strength, for as you said to other poster, you are Special, giving people. You'll probably be glad later that you managed to care so well for your grandma and your mom for her mom. In any case God bless you all.
Yep. It is different types of hard.
@@sephoraahsan577 hope you're better now.
I work in a hospital and have worked in A n E and other wards with dementia patients and I feel sorry for any family who has to deal with these circumstances. I tend to see some families coming into a n e with their loved ones suffering with dementia when they come to breaking point. I would recommend going to your doctor or try and apply for some sort of care to help out, because at the end of the day you still have a life and should live it to the fullest, never be shy to ask for help because you never know what is out there. I wish you all the best and I hope you get some support
3:16 .. ya, right! like that is gonna happen? never does for me
Right
Happened for me all the time. You can't change their disease but you can change your own approach
@Benginator exactly! The video is showing us caregivers how we should respond in these scenarios.
I see lots of negative comments here. Can't tell you how many times I've seen caregivers behave like in the first example. Always baffled me. Sure you'd get annoyed and would most of all just want them to go on and get out of bed without protest, but the whole reason you're there is that they won't. You can try the first approach and see how that works for you - guaranteed failure. The second might just make it a little bit easier. Soul crushing to see people be overtly annoyed and angry with patients who won't comply. It's not that hard to shove those feelings away, doing that is part of the work.
(Edit: not saying the emotional work aspect of it is easy, just saying it's part of it and should be expected. People who do this sort of care work should be recieving good salaries.)
Agree. Some of the comments on this video saying that you have to force them to comply are unbelieveable
This is nonsense. People who work with aggressive dementia patients know that NOTHING really helps. I hate the way that the people who give the advice, have NEVER had to encounter this type of behavior on a daily basis. You are so out of touch. UCLA, please come back with a video that actually is of help to carers. This video is just wishful thinking, put together by people who don't have any practical experience of this type of work. Compared to what I experience on a daily basis, the woman in this video would be considered calm.
THANK YOU!! I was going to say the same thing.
My life would be a dream if my mom was s compliant and well-behaved as that woman!!
Totally agree. These people don't deal with combative residents in real life. They do not have the experience of getting bitten, scratch. Hit, and punched in the stomach.
I've dealt with it daily for years and I think the video is fine. Simple instructions, not being bossy, giving them time - it all works. It CAN be annoying but directing that feeling towards them is only going to make it worse.
@@Benginator1 Maybe in homecare you got that hour or two or a whole day to do this but when you work in a facility...no way.
Broken Tulip Yeah I bet it’s different in a facility but no, being short on time was the norm. 12 visits a day ranging from 10 to 30 minutes. Very hectic. That’s the point, you being stressed out because your short on time will only screw things up.
Distinctly remember this approach failing me one time though lol, I knelt down beside a woman lying in her soiled couch trying to convince her of following me to the bathroom to change. She proceeded to rip her heavy diaper off and smack it against my arm despite me being calm and giving her time. Not very pleasant. I didn’t get angry with her however, it would have served no purpose as she soon would have forgotten the incident. I learnt not to repeat that is all. You sadly can’t change them but you can change your own approach.
I guess what they do in this video doesn’t really apply to very aggressive patients but honestly I don’t think they purport that it applies
It's not so helpful to call police when my father is out of control..he burnt cloth in front of the door.. He's acting normal when the officers are visiting to my home..police didn't take any action of it.. On that day i feel so frustrated and calm down for a while when my father stop his misbehaviour..
I found this helpful. Thank you
The acting is excellent in here! And more useful than Hollywood.
thanks! God bless!
It must be tough being a lone female carer for a dementia patient in their own home. From what I've seen and heard, you're very much left to get on with it. Some people who have never worked with dementia patients esp ones who can be physically aggressive get a big shock and quite a lot of them quit cause they can't cope. It's really hard work, draining and you can get burned out quickly. If the person becomes violent at home, they are usually admitted to a hospital dementia unit.
Very informative
Thank u for idea😍im caregiver taiwan takecare dimentia so hard to deal i lost my temper😣
Sooooo...what if there brief is full of feces? And they are refusing care? Just let them stay in the bed and spread it all over the sheets? Let them stay that way and get a uti? This is never talked about in memory care settings. And its very frustating.
I have been in the scenario you are outlining many times. I would let them know it was time to get dressed. I don’t like to lie to people in general, but sometimes I would say that I heard their friend or someone else they look up to was gonna come visit, and they needed to be presentable. Or I would offer to take them somewhere they liked (if they are still at the cognitive stage where they can be taken places without overwhelming anxiety). If the patient acted aggressively or otherwise refused, I would wait a few minutes (so they could forget I asked or just so they could calm down) and I would ask again. It’s gonna take several tries, just like with reminding them to take their medicine, but eventually they will accept that they need their brief changed. You can also grab a piece of paper and read off that someone very important to them (spouse, doctor, child, etc) left this note saying they need to change pants this afternoon (or whatever time it is). Or you can call one of their children (or otherwise someone who is important to them) and ask them to talk to the client to ask them to change pants for you. It’s also a possibility to call your boss and ask for another caregiver to come in and help you talk your client into changing pants.
It is important you try literally everything before this, and get your client’s power of attorney or guardian’s permission: it may be necessary to do things for the client that is for their benefit so they don’t get staph infections, etc whether the client understands what is happening or not. BUT AGAIN, ONLY AFTER ALL OTHER POSSIBILITIES ARE EXHAUSTED AND YOU HAVE PERMISSION FROM THE CLIENT’S LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE
And I do have to clarify, this is ONLY WHEN MEDICALLY NECESSARY and not just because you’re tired of seeing him / her in that outfit or whatever. I had some clients (female) have multiple UTIs because they could no longer communicate that they needed to go pee or that their brief was wet. And guess what symptoms you see in seniors (any senior, not just dementia patients)? Confusion, agitation, sometimes aggression, basically the symptoms of dementia. So they are very difficult to identify in people with Alzheimer’s.
Just keep explaining it in simple terms.often it'll get through eventually
@@susanoverbay8119 thats a lie! i bet they were dissapppointed
@@krystalharwood6359 I said “I don’t like to lie to clients, BUT” the “but” meaning what follows is going to be an exception to the rule I had just stated. And no, they weren’t disappointed because by that time they were tired and went to sleep then had forgotten the whole ordeal by morning. I would MUCH rather fib to a client in order to get them to let me help them change their brief than 1. FORCING their pants off (which is abuse and illegal AND unethical) or 2. Allowing them to sit in a soiled Depends, causing them to get a rash/ staph infection/ UTI / kidney infection (which is NEGLECT, a type of abuse that is ALSO illegal and unethical). Sometimes embellishing or flat out lying to a client is the ONLY WAY to get them to cooperate with a MEDICALLY NECESSARY thing you have to do with them. Do me a favor and spend 5 years working with 10 different dementia patients, (and after work go home and do hours of research on Alzheimer’s disease) and then you can judge my methods.
I agree she was amazing! My Mom is so mean and it seems only towards me. She’s lied and even caused an arrest and told me that I caused her Dementia because I needed to put my diseases on her like UCTD and Lupus . Current situation she lives with my Abuser DD on to be X in our hone and sided with Him when he has 4 priors Domestic Violence and 2 strikes 2 terms and 2 violations and is a diagnosed Anti sociopath. I’ve tried everything just to get her safe . But he continues to lie and say he is in recovery and he just leaves her alone and gets high every day and drunk on the weekends . He’s using her for IHSS caregiver Funds as it pays the rent and I just don’t want her used as this progresses. I’ve called APS and UCLA has not been helpful . This is awful .i fear during the 70 hours she is gone alone weekly that she might fall . Her balance continues to get worse and to prevent me from talking to the Doctors my x had me removed from talking further to the Doctors last month . I am my Mothers only biological daughter and my Mom seems to not be sensitive to my feelings anymore with the damage of two frontal lobe strokes that happened when Over 32 years ago . Thanks for the video and any advise you have
my father just started doing this
It's 1:30 am and I'm really watching this video because my grandma is going through it now
I'm helping my youngest sister to care for our mother because she still works and I'm retired my mother has dementia and is getting worse each day, my question to you professionals is, if my mother was bad, abusive and never gave me love a hug kiss or said I love you, when I was a child till I moved away, is it good for me to care for her because now she is agressive comparing with my grandparents on my father's side and telling me the devil is here. PLEASE help me although she did a lot of harm to me I feel pitty for her and some love but I think I can not stand this all over again thank you
So sorry to hear that. Im in the same situation and sometimes I don't know what to do. She gets very agresive but she was like that when i was a child to. Im 70 years old and sometimes i resent her at the same time I love her and feel compassion.
Margie Mejias Thank you so very much for your time and words I really appreciate it. So sad to know you're going through the same, 💪
strength and encouragement my friend with God's blessing we'll come through this in name Jesus amen
Tell her what you think and how you feel and FORGIVE her. Not for her but for yourself. FORGIVE HER. Let the load off. You NEED to FORGIVE her for what she did to you.
manoman0 Thank you I have forgiven her not just only for me for her to so when God tell her it's her time at least from my side she has been forgiven ¿if? when she still had her mind in good function she did not ask God to forgive her for what she did she someday will have to deal with God front to front no one can take her place and deal for her. But my concern and question here is if after all she's done to me when she was in good health would it be good for "me" to take care of her because she still treats me bad very bad I just try not to pay atention and just help her.
@@TSomar It's her behaviour, engraved in her character, in every fibre of her body and being. She's doing what she's doing because she cannot do differently even she wanted to. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm, in a kind of way but not entirely, in the same situation like you. Take care of her, don't abandon a person. That is the worst thing one can do. Don't do what others did to you. Hope it helps...
I how do I apply this when I’m at work? I have a guy who comes in almost everyday to return bottles and he gets upset sometimes when the machines doesn’t take them and I always tell him I can count the bottles that the machine doesn’t take when he’s all done but he wants me to count all of them for him and he doesn’t want to do that, I try to explain to him in a calm voice that I cannot do that because it’s store policy and I don’t want to get into trouble and I’m not sure what to do at this point because there’s been times where it’s gotten so bad I had to call a mangers but I feel bad sometimes cause it’s not the guys fault
My mother, who has not been diagnosed but who has several symptoms of cognitive decline, will not let me speak at all. Whenever I try to speak, she screams at me to "Shut UP! Go to Hell!" I can't even get half a word out before being sworn at. She has also scratched my right hand pretty good while trying to slap me in the face for speaking without her permission. What can I do? How can I get her to stop hurting me? I called the cops on her when she tried to slap me in the face and scratched my hand, but the officer said that he didn't see her as a threat to herself or others (even though my hand was bleeding from her attack). Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you. My ALZ parent is becoming more and more violent
What will 911 do?
Longview CPI AND CPR
My mom is acting this way and refuses to go get tested and she steals my meds and does not care what they are for and bad mouth the family and gets people into arguments over shit stories she makes up and hits me .
Can be anyone in the central Florida can help ?????🙏🏻
If she hit you you can call the police and they can Baker Act her. She is considered a threat to you
I did that when my mother tried to slap me in the face for daring to speak in the house (I'm not allowed to in any way). She missed my face, but left a nasty, bleeding scratch on my hand. I called the cops. They said that she was not a threat to herself or others, despite me having a bleeding injury to my hand. Then they left. So, calling the cops is useless, especially since my mom became an absolute angel around them. I'm the only one she abuses and she's careful to only show her abusive side when it's just her and me.@@jackd105
there like children i gave my mom half cup of beer she calm down she was mad after she was find doctor said it was like treat for her because she does not drink but she to have a drink with family when she was in her 60s on special days
ATIVAN!!!!!
This is all useless with my mother in law, she talk about different subjects when u ask her something
Yep!
These UCLA videos are not reflective of what happens in real life.
In all the videos I've watched from this channel, the caregiver has a normal "conversation" with the dementia patient.
Pfffffft!!
@@biancag8617 Dementia incorporates many different behaviors and specific kinds like Alzheimer's exist on a spectrum. Typically someone as far gone as you are referring to would be in a facility rather than home care.
I know!!!!! It's not like they speak normally with full sentences! Also so many people are commenting like understand them and blah blah blah... but did they really do it practically? Theory is easy... also its just not easy to be calm all the time! Its really difficult and frustrating. It is a different scenario when it comes to trained practitioners atleast they are trained. But the others who are just normal and have no idea to look after this kind of patients is really hard. Also its not always easy to put them in care homes or hospitals. Not every one can afford it or may not have good facilities near them.
Hi it’s Anika be nice
If someone talked to me the way that caregiver talked to that patient I would have acted the same way.
Im put on meds that makes me very aggressive if they were off. 3 days of angering me along with the meds i snapped, normal people snap at 1 day without meds
I punched someone who rushed me
Now i risk a criminal record and juvenile detention, because like a human i snapped
Everybody expects me to be ghandi, im not, not peaceful I still get angry and if its not delt with immediately it will go until i lash out,
That sounds very frustrating for you. Other peoples behavior, challenging situations and tasks absolutely cause anger. It is a natural human emotion. It sounds even more challenging for you because of your medication. Calming yourself down is the only way to deal effectively with anger that turns to rage and it is very difficult without help and practice. Having to resort to violence has taught you something valuable. it is impossible to control other peoples actions. The good news is there is a vast network of resources to help you with the self control you seek. You don't need to be Gandhi. Anger management is a skill that is learned and you can be yourself as you learn and practice it. i wish you all the best
Oh. I see
If I was the caretaker I would have called the police and let the police handle it. That may be considered domestic violence
If some random person came to your house at 3am and demanded you get up and get ready, you'd respond like that as well. A person with dementia is confused, they don't know what time or day it is, they don't remember who you are or that you're trying to help them.
Good job you're not a caretaker, tf.
My mon hits herself i dont know what to do :(
I don't really know anything and am new to care giving but my advice would be: Firstly I know it's hard but accept the behaviour, know that she's going to do it and that you can only minimise it but not stop it altogether, secondly, when she does it, try to distract her - that might not work right away but keep at is, try to find out any underlying issues of why she's doing it and if you can help with that - e.g. is she angry or frustrated - find out why or what you can do to make her even just 1% less frustrated, is she bored? etc. Maybe look into aids for releasing physical tension like stress balls or something...? All the best.
All thanks to Dr Aba for curing my dad from this deadly Dementia disease am forever grateful sir
This lady need calming dawn
She sure does! She needs to treat caregivers with the utmost respect!
This isn't the reality...
Nobody ever cares about us caregivers that’s for damn sure everything always our fault and too much is demanded for us. What point we just cut to the chase and bring in free medical assisted suicide and put a end to this living nightmare I think that’s the right thing to do
This is a stupid video. Acting is not the same thing as dealing with an actual combative patient. I can role play to get any scenerio I desire!
faustinamaria how else do you suggest they show examples? 🤦♀️
I think that this video is a start, one concept to deal with someone who might be very early stages of dementia and need instructions and guidance in order to keep them calm but this redirection only works the first few times at best.
Call 911? What's that going to do?
It does nothing. My mother in law literally attacked me in front of my preschool son. She told the responding officers I shoved her and so they offered to write each of us a disorderly conduct ticket and told her to go to her room and cool off. Even if a young child witnesses violence, which in some states mandates a CPS visit, the police do nothing. Don't bother.
@@tarb9 police have ZERO training in this, same with ambulance EMTs. That's the dumbest suggestion I've heard dealing with this condition. Makes me not trust this person's sanity.
Police or ambulance officers can help de escalate the behaviours.
I would not call them unless it is a last, Last resort. They are very likely to make something worse. I am not kidding.
I hade a bleeding wound from my mom's attack, but because she was super nice and polite to the officer, he said that she was not a threat to herself or others...so now, all I can do is wait for her to attack again and hope the cops take it seriously, which I already know they won't. @@tarb9
Pssh! That rarely works. A lot if times you have to get a few nurses in there, and force them out of bed. They will literally lay there unil they pass away, while continuing to soil themselves in bed, and never calming down no matter how you speak to them.
Don’t fight with them.
You have to be like a duck and let the water slide off your back
nursing homes prisons for old folks
Omg 😱😱😱😱
not real life that lady will get out of bed
Amazing how much negativity among some of the posters for a program that’s trying to solve serious issues. Complaints but no solutions to propose.
lmao
Yeah, that's not how you speak to them. That's gonna get you whooped
dea dea dea dea dea
Lmfaoaoaoaoao
how useless
my mom was easy this person is acting like child tell her ok stay like that some times they come around
Please contact Doctor Akhigbe to get his herbal medication for your dementia cure.
Message him on Whats App
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these patients are sexually aggressive and it's just so disgusting!