I'm not sure if she'll read the comments, but I noticed her apologizing for how she speaks and gets off-topic and I just want to say: Coming from a Neurodivergent person, i LOVE the extra explanations. I love how she speaks about one topic and jumps to another because it seems relative. I do the exact same thing and it makes perfect sense to most ND people. This was genuinely one of my favorite interviews(and yes, I've seen them ALL). Thanks for the diversity, Shelise
I don't think she was ever off-topic. Some people here have limited knowledge of Catholicism and she paints a broader picture which provides much more insight for people like me. She shared her thoughts on why certain things came about to be the way they are today, like the reform in Catholicism. I'd never ever known there was a reform.
I follow Shalise quite well & appreciate the 'diversions/ expansions'...even tho I have a couple of times been called 'squirl'...binge watching lately as I'm new 2 the channel ..thank you 4 what you do!
I am 32 and just discovered I am also autistic. I also grew up attending a strict catholic school inside of a mission. I'm nervous but also interested to watch
No matter what happens, you will be okay and hope you know you are safe to explore these things, I hope you receive the proper support you need both with your circumstances & that you have healthy relationships with people who maintain that, and remind you that you deserve that care and support , and always should have been afforded/provided it. Best wishes and God bless :)
@@morg3726 years of multiple therapists and diagnosis includes pediatric medical records. Actual definitive diagnosis is controversial in adults. Neurodivergent would be my current preferred description.
My mom was traumatized by public school bullying, so she actually put me in Catholic school to spare me from public school! Turns out, Catholic schools have bullies too.
I had the same problem in public school I almost failed senior year but the principal felt bad for me and decided to let me graduate lol and my name is also Leah
AuDHD myself, and CPTSD from bullying throughout school and narcissistic family scape goat. I'm still trying to figure out who I am outside of their paradigm
20 year old female recovering Catholic, Survivor of Catholic priest abuse, at the Catholic school I attended. For any Catholics who have young children attending ccd or are in catholic schools, my parents thought the sex abuse crisis was in the past, It is still happening, it happened to me, it happened to my friends, and it’s still happening to children. Keep your kids safe, away from the faith.
Please encourage anyone who has experienced abuse to go to the police and make a report, in a group if that's easier. We cannot allow this to continue and these abusers have to be stopped.
And it's not exclusive to orthodox catholics, too - I grew up mainstream catholic and a priest working with my country's archbishop turned out to be a pedo - and he didn't get his priesthood removed nor was he isolated from accessing children by the church
I am 42 and recently got an official diagnosis of autism. I grew up in strict evangelical Christianity and it made me such a target for abuse from church school and even at home with a narcissist parent. I sent you a submission a few months ago shelise I am glad you are showing how many women were undiagnosed autistic and how that makes being in a cult more traumatic #autistic
Thanks for sharing your story, Kelly. And thanks for doing these ex-Catholic interviews, Shalise. I’m ex-Catholic myself, and after leaving the religion was in an ex-Christian support group for years. These interviews mean a lot to me.
Oh, by the way, as an ex-Catholic never Mo, I’m wondering about one possible difference between Catholic confession and Mormon bishop interviews. In my experiences with Catholicism confession is essentially non-invasive: the Priest simply says “Tell me your sins.” and it’s up to you what level of detail you want to go into. But from what I understand Mormon interviews with the Bishop are much more invasive, as the Bishop will ask for a disgusting level of detail regarding your sins. That said my Catholic experience might be an outlier, and with over a billion adherents, there’s bound to be a diversity of experience.
@@patrickferguson5962i grew up Catholic as well but in Canada and went to a public Catholic school (in Ontario specifically Catholic schools have their own public school board, it's like part of the provincial tax funded system, its weird) and had a priest at confession when I was really littke outright stop me saying "you don't need to Tell me every tiny detail, some things are okay to keep private from adults. You are a good person, it's okay to confess embarssing sins in your head God will still hear you, you wont go to hell I promise." When I started going into great detail on how I once stripped off mt clothes coming home and running past my brothers naked. I thought it was funny and wanted to make them laugh, I was like 8 lol. But after I felt I legitimately would be struck down by god and sent to hell for being immodest. Very thankful that priest just saw me crying and stopped me from continuing to describe getting undressed. I already had sexual trauma and i think if he didn't stop to assure me im okay it would have been traumatic in jts own right. He retired recently but that specific priest stilk gets spoken of as a good man for standing up for children even when it messed with his status with the bishop. But, with all that said the next year we got a different priest who by all means is a garbage leader and a creep. He always asked for more, "what else did you do, did tou kiss anyone? Any homosexual thoughts? Go intk detail on those thoughts, how did that make your body feel? Did you talk back to people? Why sre you not saying more, i know you have secrets, you cannot hide your sins and bad deeds from god, if you don't tell me you are trting to trick god, you want to see your grandma in heaven right? If so, confess" and that lead to me trying to refuse ti go ro church at all. Tt lead tk me thinking bad shit that happened to me was all my fault. Thankfully my mother worked with a different priest who shes close friends with so I explained to him how church made us feel, and how we were scared of our body or having a crush because of what they say to me. Not the bad confessions but just how scared we were of going in general. He told my mom it was bad for us spiritually and mentally to force us to go to mass, just let us do the parts we enjoyed. So I kept doing organ and piano lessons at the church but soon as they started settinf up for mass I would quickly leave. Sadly took me being mistreated to the point lawyers were involved for me to be able tk try a secular school and eventually home schooling (I actually did well homeschooling, started in highschool and finished two hears early.)
Because the Catholic Bible has been altered from the King James Bible in a way that they have added and removed certain parts of the Bible just as the Bible issued Mormons and Jehovah's witness has done. They are not what I would consider a Christian religion. The rituals that these churches participate in are based in dark magic if you look back on the history of them. I do not go to church because I believe that the churches are corrupt. However I do practice my Christianity at home with my husband we do our daily devotional and we pray and I think that's good enough.
Thanks for platforming neurodivergent voices!! I really loved this! Kelly you are fantastic. Linda listen: love the kids you actually have, and own your stuff. Perfect!
I'm only 27, and my Traditional Catholic school still used "corporal punishments" when I was in 1st grade. I know now that some of my classmates were neurodivergent. At the time, though, we didn't know, and there was never any mercy for my neurodivergent friends. I remember them getting in a lot more trouble than I was, and worse, just being completely given up on in school. Our Latin teacher gave up on one of us, sending him out of the classroom to just wait at a desk in the hallway, doing nothing, for the "crime" of "not paying enough attention to understand Latin". There was never any help for him. He was left behind. That was the attitude at my Traditional Catholic school. I look forward to watching this episode, but I know that this will be a tough one.
Private school, I’m assuming, since it’s a religious school, so the parents paid these people for a service they refused to provide. I’m ridiculously happy I went to public school. I have ADHD. I would have been destroyed by one of these schools. Not that my mom would have let that happen. She was a grade school teacher, so she was knowledgeably involved in my education.
I was raised Catholic and two related moments that stick out to me from my childhood are 1) I tried telling a girl about my age that she was going to burn in hell when I was surprised to find out she wasn't catholic....2) a few years later a friend of my mom's was telling us about how she had recently driven some young jehovahs witness kids somewhere. During the trip the kids were very upset and increasingly freaking out that their driver was "a demon" and "going to hell". My mom's friend was angry that this other family had raised their kids to be so fearful and judgemental of non-J.witnesses and my mom just agreed with her not aware she had raised me similarly. I don't think I connected those two stories until I became an adult but I do feel shame for treating that girl in such a hypocritical way.
The story of having to confess your sins at such an early age is one I experienced as well at school. I asked the teacher what I should write down if I hadn't committed any sins, and at first they rambled through some common sins, asking me if I really, really, pinky-swear, really didn't commit them, to which I said that I for sure hadn't sinned because it is immoral to sin and I wanted to stay moral in life... So of course, as a rational adult would, he called me a liar, a brat and said that as a non-believer (yea, religious classes including the sacraments were mandatory because I had to go to a catholic school) I would "be like this anyways"... My autistic little self just couldn't understand why you would voluntarily go sin for no good reason and sincerely had only committed the crime of not being baptized. Since I was so stressed out over being forced to write something, but didn't want to suddenly sin by lying I instead wrote "I am so sorry god, that I haven't yet sinned", lol. No clue what I would have done if I had to verbally confess instead. That sounds incredibly horrifying, especially under the circumstances of not being believed and having to do it to pass some weird religious "test". On one hand I am glad to not be the only one to have this overly specific and (to me only mildly) traumatizing experience, but on the other hand I kinda wish it just wouldn't have happened. If you think that traumatizing is an odd word to use, feel free to disagree, but as someone who is incredibly vigilant and righteous because of how their brain is wired it was legitimately horrifying to suddenly be introduced to the idea that you have to go against the "righteous" path to be able to confess and become a "righteous" person. Made me feel like I was so, so wrong for actually listening to the adults around me, and is if I was wrong for not understanding the actual rules in life. Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that many other autistics who were born in the catholic church can also resonate to your experiences and through them maybe start healing from their own.
I cannot tell you how many doctors insist I am lying when I say I have never consumed alcohol or smoked a cigarette or done any illegal drugs. Being told you’re lying when you aren’t is the WORST.
This is one of those things that is singular to autistic people as children. Being called a liar, when the concept of lying doesn't even make sense to you.
My public school during the 2000’s had scoliosis checks, I was very insecure and it was traumatizing. Even worse it wasn’t even a doctor or the school nurse checking us. It was the gym teacher.
Yup, I’m about the same age as the guest (horrid with names) and grew up outside of Detroit going to public school. We had scoliosis checks, it was female teachers, your parents could write a letter to say you would do it at the doctor instead. We could also wear a swimsuit if we wanted to. My current 16 year old went through it in middle school in California.
Wait, this is an actual thing??? When Kelly described this memory, I seriously thought that the 'scoliosis check' was really suspicious and that it was probably just an easy excuse for perverts and pedos to get their fix without getting caught.
Thank you to you & your brave guest. As a single mother by adoption of 2 children, one on the spectrum like myself, I am so grateful that I became conscious and was able to circumvent similar damage to my own children and removed them at a young age. Thanks for what you’re doing Shelise! It’s such important work 💙🦋
So wonderful that you recognize your children have special needs. I am adopted and ADHD and back in the early ‘60’s and 70’s no one understood anything about different learning styles much less the trauma that could effect an adoptee. Needless to say I had difficulties in my Lutheran grade school.
Loving this Catholic series. Went to Catholic school k-12. My family was devout but very normal post Vatican 2 modern believers. I wanted to be a good person, a devout believer, etc. But in 8th grade my parents got divorced. I felt like our family was less than. Then in high school I had a religion teacher who was completely over the top. He called my mother a liar and a whore in front of everyone for getting re-married. He smacked me on the forehead and told me to pray to holy Spirit for acceptance when I asked questions. He told a whole class of students once when he found out another girl had contracted an STD. He was a horrible human being but the school and the church and the community held him up as if he was the way the truth and the light. Parents reported him and every time, the archbishop supported him. That made me question the church. Eventually I became an atheist anyway , but I know that he sped up the process. So thanks I guess! It's crazy because I got a good education otherwise. I had a loving family. But I can hardly drive by my high school without feeling traumatized. I hate it. And that particular teacher had a lot of community support, big fans. A good portion of the still-catholic community in my area have followed his lead into extreme, what they call traditionalist, beliefs.
I am so sorry you all had this upbringing. I had a public school education, learned about periods in high school, but not from my mother. But my mother was a wise, caring woman. My 10 year old granddaughter, has know about periods before school. Her mother, my daughter, has answered any questions she has and will in the future!
OMG, I had a priest tell me that my mother was going to burn in hell for divorcing my father when I was in 7th or 8th grade. He said it in front of our entire class. I have told that story to other Catholics over the years and no one believed that he said it to me. I had myself convinced I made it up. Even though I know which classroom I was in and where I was sitting when he said it. It has taken over 30 years since I left the church and I am still deconstructing.
@@Katiebell52 I believe you for sure. I was such a good girl until that moment. I told Mr. C to "go fuck yourself" in front of everyone and ran to the bathroom in tears. One of my male friends actually had to come into the girls room to get me out. It was so traumatizing. And then there was the guilt of what I had said to him.....
If I went to a public school earlier, being left-hand dominant wouldn't've been an issue since kindergarten. I don't remember much, but everyone had to write with their right hand. Now I'm ambidextrous with writing, mostly due to early trauma.. still left hand dominant. I've heard some horror stories about specific nuns in private schools, so I'm glad I didn't stay in that sort of environment.
similar experience but different: was left handed at Catholic schools in the 80s... all my penmanship grades were excessively biasedly harsh and all my papers came back entirely top to bottom in red from the nuns correcting the slant of each and every letter on my page. it sent a message to my unconscious mind of severe disapproval and inferiority for something 'out of my control' even though left handed wasn't forced into right handed. Catholic mentality is so much about authority and conformity, even with 'laxer' standards.
Oh yes I'm left hand dominant as well and they wouldn't let us write with our left hand. I got back at them by writing with a left hand slant, and using British English words has those are correct spellings example Center, c e n t r e. How frustrating I'm humiliating it is when you're so young
My grandmother was left handed and the nuns tied her left hand behind her back, beat her and locked her in a closet to get her to use her right hand. In our Catholic school in the 80s, they didn't bother my brother for being left-handed but since he was ADHD/Autistic he still had a hard time. I am sorry that you were punished for something well out of your control. It isn't right what they did (no pun intended.)
My hubby is left-handed, as was his mother. She attended Catholic schools in the South, and was basically forced to learn to write right-handed. She became ambidextrous as a result, though she still writes with her right hand. My hubby, on the other hand, never set foot in a Catholic school, but grew up in a small Texas suburb surrounded by superstitious Baptists who tried to make him write right-handed as well. They failed, but left him with a lifetime of trauma surrounding writing (he's also on the autism spectrum and dysgraphia is a common affliction in his family, though no one knew what those were back when he was a child). Even now, he doesn't do much writing, preferring instead to type things or memorize them. Learning to type was a literal godsend for him because it gave him a way to get the thoughts out of his head and onto a paper without having to pick up a pen.
I never knew that was widespread...my mom had to go to the school and tell the kindergarten teacher to leave me alone and let me write with whatever hand I wanted. Never understood what the big deal was that people couldn't be left-handed.
Only a few minutes in and I’m so happy this is here . I’m 30 and grew up Roman Catholic and it took me until I dove into learning about cults as an adult to understand why I disliked organize religion - and IMO it’s very cult like. My church was weird lmao thank you for your work and making everyone feel so seen!
This episode resonated so much with me as a person who grew up Catholic, had undiagnosed ADHD, and wanted to be the good kid but saw so much to question. I truly think the foundations I was brought up with shaped my OCD, the concept of “if I don’t do x action (or if I do x action), bad thing y is going to occur”
My mum was bought up catholic (shes in her early 70's) and she told me when she was a little girl she would pray every night for the babies that had died and had not been christened so she could save them from he77 xxxx
My mom was a nurse at a Catholic hospital in the US. Immediately after every birth a priest would christen the baby to prevent them from going to Hell REGARDLESS of the child’s health and level of distress.
My church that I don't go to anymore didn't believe babies go to hell they would only baptize people who signed up to do it so like 4 or 5 years and up it still blows my mind how a baby can go to hell and what about a stillbirth or a miscarried baby
53:23 OMG THE SCOLIOSIS TESTS! 7th grade, shirts off, bra only, in front of 30 of your female classmates, bent over at the waste, so A NUN COULD CHECK US FOR SCOLIOSIS! 😳 I haven’t thought about that in decades! It was HORRIFIC! 😢
I am interested did you have to get changed for pe infront of others or not? I didnt mind changing in my underwear but I remember one school had a teacher watch all us girls undress to go in the shower and make sure we weren't secretly wearing underwear becaise many didnt want to get naked, that was very embarassing.
@@NotAnotherKuromi in front of all my classmates and the person doing the scoliosis test…we were in 7th grade..some of us developed and wore a bra…those who weren’t wearing a training bra or bra were humiliated. It was horrific and traumatic at that age.
@wldncrzy1971 I am very suprised that you did not get changed for PE but I can see if that was the first time you had been in your underwear in front of each other then it would be even more awkward and memerable. Also like most bullying the adults should have stepped in and nipped it in the bud and warned anyone who bodyshamed would get punished but teachers can be so lazy and some are mean bullies themsleves.
I remember posing that question to the adults. "So the people who are born on islands in the middle of the ocean and people who have never even heard of this are being punished for eternity because they aren't from here? That's not fair at all! Your deity isn't very nice and I want no part of it."
Shelise, I feel really happy that you cover the toxic christianity culture! I have a friend from the Russian Orthodox church and he only believed in it so he won’t go to hell. He is big, chonky, gentle and cute, but he lived in constant fear until he quit. He’s now a proud history student but he still has the trauma from it. I definitely want to have him here if he’s willing.
41:43 I lied to the priest during confession too! I didn’t do anything I thought was wrong, so I’d make up stuff like, “I yelled at my sister” or “I disrespected my parents.”😂 (Edit: For context, I’m a late diagnosed autistic woman who went to Catholic school as well. Luckily, my parish was a more liberal Vatican II-loving community.)
I was raised in a very conservative evangelical church in the '60s where a lot of the same forces and beliefs were at work. But, I have since shed all of that after seventeen years of psychotherapy. But, the fact that your guest was Catholic brought back a memory: when I was in the 5th and 6th grade I was not allowed to write with my left hand (and this was a public school). If they "caught" me writing with my left hand my hand was struke with a ruler and they would not walk away until they saw me switch to my right hand. Although I had been a good reader, in 7th grade I was diagnosed (suddenly) with dyslexia. I was taken to a private company by my mother to be diagnosed during which time this fact was uncovered (my parents didn't know). I was allowed to start writing with my left hand again and my dyslexia suddenly went away. I thought about this because I later talked to several other people who had gone to a Catholic school and they told me it was the same for them--and that they were told the left hand was the "devil's" hand. I suspect (although don't know) that being forced to write with my right hand was being imposed by the teacher, as teachers were allowed to bring religion into the classroom then. I think it is this that has made me so much more sympathetic to the plight of gay people than virtually anyone else. Unfortunately, so many of these retrograde beliefs are coming back--I suspect by people who have no memory, or were born after, we became "woke."
My daughter is left handed so I guess the devil is in her lol I heard Jimi Hendrix used to get beat for being left handed but he played guitar left handed so I guess the beatings didn't work
I am a devout Catholic who left the church for 20 years and returned in my late 30s I love my church and I will never excuse the horrors, misstreatment and downright evil they inflicted. To really understand how Vatican II changed the church imagine your church just simply becoming a new church that looked nothing like you knew. Anyway I will look forward to watching this I already hurt for this person. I am on the spectrum diagnosed as an adult and have severe mental health problems and thankfully was blessed with an amazing caring Priest who not only cared (I was undiagonised with being on the spectrum but the mental health diagnosis was already there) he helped me through so much and even after leaving the Church I cherrished his friendship up until his passing. It breaks my heart because I wish all people had a Father Cassidy like I had and Sisters who would play basketball with us kids and listen to modern music. Anyway I am grateful you cover all faiths mine included because no faith is immune. All faiths deserve to be called out for any and all harm if you cant take criticism about your faith then you are truly indoctrinated fully ino a cult. Looking forward to watching this even if it may be painful at times. Thanks for what you do.
im DYING at the confession story, i lied too!!!! i said i didnt do the chores my mom gave me, complete lie. i also caught my priest on his phone through the screen. i was in 7th or 8th grade thinking, “why do i even have to be here if he doesnt care enough?”
I remember being in Confession some years ago, and I kept hearing the FB Messenger tone going off on the priest's phone while I was in the Confessional. It made me really annoyed because here I am, baring my soul, and you're not even listening to me. You're on the damned phone! It was a shame because this priest was an otherwise good confessor who more times than not gave practical, meaningful spiritual advice to help me be a better Catholic. Guess he didn't want to be in the confessional any more than I did either.
I had a left handed math teacher who was in his early 60s in 2002 (so he would be in his early 80s now) who told us about how he was beaten by nuns to get him to write “right.”
Thoughts before watching: as an adult I believe that we had a few kids who were neurodivergent and they were bullied, struggled academically, and were just written off by teachers and others as being different and we all (the rest of the class) were told to treat them with kindness and accept their unique personalities. Looking back, those kids struggled so much and it pains me to think about how hard it was for them and how there was no intervention on the administration of the Catholic school system and parents, especially when it came to learning. There is was such a singular approach to teaching because the school was so small and resources were limited. I often wonder how they are today. I’ll watch the entire video now. Thanks for sharing you story, Kelly.
I am 4 years older than Kelly and my mum was Catholic and bipolar, even though it was not called that in the 70s when I was a kid. When I was 6 my mum was in such a dark place that I was sent to a Montessori boarding school run by nuns: for the first time in my life I felt really looked after and appreciated. I was not oy allowed to be a child, I was encouraged to be a child. After a year I got measles and I had to go back home, but I hid so that my parents could not find me... because I did not want to part with the nuns' love. My mum was never ever punished for having a psychiatric condition, though. But having therapy was frowned upon. Very very different experience within the Church : to me as a young girl being Catholic meant having a loving community to help me. Nobody even thought of punishing me corporally or abusing me in any way, apart from my ill mother. I am not Catholic anymore, but much of this story does not resonate with me at all... everybody does have their own personal story within the Catholic Church. But yes, I do agree the Church is a big business.
I am so glad you found loving adults who cared for you in the Catholic communities🥰. The church has good intentioned loving people, they also have systems that can be harmful if you are neurodivergent. I love all people as long as we focus on doing better now🥰. Hope you have loving supportive community now♥️
I wanna say, I so support these people who can come out against the Catholic Church. My parents weren’t super Catholic, but we went to church sundays and the only “good” school in my area was a catholic one that left me with a ton of Trauma as a Kid with severe ADHD. I’m commenting to show my support as I haven’t worked through my own issues yet. I’m so glad they’re sharing their stories, cause the Catholic Church gets away with some B.S.
I'm 48 and the fear of hell was a very real fear for the majority of my life. "Do this or else" seems to be so common in religion. It's awful. Thank you for sharing your story ❤❤
Yes, critical thinking should be taught in schools! Thanks for bringing this up, Kelly. Your outlook on life is amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey through life with us. 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was definitely helpful for me to hear. I’m neurodivergent and didn’t find out until I was 40 ish. I grew up Catholic and went through all of the sacraments up to confirmation in high school. I left around age 30 and joined my husbands church…which is a cult unfortunately. I feel like my catholic background groomed me perfectly for one. I was in it for 11 years until I got too sick to go to church. Your story is very parallel to mine as I’m sure there are so many ppl you’re helping by sharing. I’m so glad you’re doing well now! 💜
This interview with Kelly was so inspirational! I love all CTC podcasts and am working my way through them. I feel having grown up in a family cult I have found some healing from these interviews ❤
Thank you so much to Kelly for this incredible interview! I was raised Catholic, but left when I realized that I am neurodivergent and trans. The programming has been incredibly hard to shake through the years, especially as my family has only become more traditional over time, and I have felt very alone. I am closer to Kelly’s daughters age, and hearing the conversation she has had with her children has leant me a lot of hope. I really mean it. My mother endured a similar life, and I have never known how to become close to her as we once were. I really dream of being open and honest and close to her the ways that Kelly is striving to be with her children. Much love ❤
I hope you can find loving community to surround yourself with♥️ I live in hope your mom can one day see your individual beauty and both of you can heal♥️♥️
I wish she would stop saying she is crazy, but I understand the abuse you suffer as a child leaves a lasting mark. Please let her know she comes off as articulate, sensitive, and very emotionally strong. To know she has to build a relationship with her son is proof of that. Another thing, society was pretty restrictive for any kid that grew up before 1990. The church was the source of moral direction. Culture beliefs (British vs European vs American) all had a strong hold on our parents and grandparents. Throw in 'your a sinner' was the mentality of the majority of churches. BUT Catholic schools were a unique experience as she has stated. Wishing her the best in accepting who she is.
I completely relate to Kelly. She is only a couple years older than me and so our Catholic school experience was very similar. I have ADHD but as a quiet girl, I wasn't diagnosed as a child. My brother has Autism and he was not diagnosed till adulthood. Catholic school didn't have the tools to deal with my brother. He would frequently be in the principal's office. Luckily, she was a kind woman who didn't punish him when he would fall asleep in her office. Big hugs to Kelly. Thank you for your story. It did make me feel less alone.
I was not raised religious but my house felt like a high control group due to rules that were learned or internalized through arguments and shame, but never explained. I lived in fear of not being believed my entire life. I have just been diagnosed with adhd and am working on setting up an autism evaluation at 45. Kelly, your childhood experience speaks my inner little confused girl that just wanted to be understood. I am just now coming to an understanding of ptsd and what trauma actually is. You are a hero to me, Kelly. Thank you for telling your story... And bringing me hope that I can get out of this burnout to find my true identity and story.
One thing I love hearing is the way the parents who escaped the cults just ADORE their children regardless, and hold humility for "what they said when they were in a cult". Not that I wouldn't understand if a parent was angry about the children they were forced to have by their community, but it is heartwarming to see how leaving the cults gave them so many ways to celebrate their kids' accomplishments.
I attended Archdiocese of Detroit parochial Catholic schools for 12 years (Kindergarten didn't exist as an option in the 80s). Catholicism has traditionally had a strong chokehold on the populace in the Midwest (in addition to other faiths). I went to Catholic schools, like my parents did, my grandparents did, my great grandparents did, and many generations before that... therefore the ideas are baked in many generations deep. When it's your schooling, your milieu is entirely Catholic and the indoctrinations come from every angle all days of the week (lots of extracurriculars on Saturdays with other Catholics). In theory, modernity waters down some of these beliefs, but the conditionings run deep and require a lot of work to break out of the patterning.
From north central Iowa myself-Catholic, parochial school 1st grade through 8th grade), and as great as the education itself was, the social cliques, the strict Catholic demands, the GUILT that faith breeds, the narcissism it fosters….my son has Asperger’s and I know I have many neurodivergent behaviors…and I can SO RELATE to this…except my family was NOT ‘fantastic’. My parents are now so deep into Catholicism that she is insufferable. I was born in 1971, my parents divorced in 1975, she remarried in 1975 and gained 4 step siblings..bringing our family size up to 10 of us. In a 3 bedroom house. Narcissistic, alcoholic stepdad, codependent mother…the bullying I got in school matched my bullying I received daily from my stepdad and step siblings..and I felt guilty and went to confession.
@@wldncrzy1971 Cheers to you fellow Catholic school survivor and ex-guilt-aholic! Ugh, screw Catholicism and its unrelenting sinner's guilt, who needs it? My entire (excessively, obsessively Catholic to this day) parents' roots comes from north east Iowa! Yep, lots of narcissism as a survival mechanism in addition to codependency and addictions because NO ONE is trained to have an individual SELF, only the subservient cult personality to do the Church's bidding. I'm a 70s kid as well, being a 79er. Much peace and freedom to you there in Iowa surrounded by all those still indoctrinated, I can feel your situation viscerally b/c I've spent a lot of time in your state surrounded by my own cult worshipping relatives.
@@nothingtofind9099 omg! Yes! You’re sooo right! I always say “Catholic guilt is only secondary to the Jewish guilt”! It’s heavy!! We went to church every Friday and every holy day…then after school, on holy days, we were made to go to church that evening AGAIN with the family in observance of that holy day…however if a sacrament was given, we could not receive certain sacraments twice..my parents couldn’t receive communion for 20 yrs because my mother was forced to ANNUL her marriage to my father (whom she divorced after an affair with my to-be alcoholic stepfather) in order to be remarried in the church so they could receive communion. Now, by annulling her marriage to my father, what does that make me? Yup, ILLEGITIMATE. And one crime you can never shake in Catholicism is illegitimacy. Neat. Thanks Mom…always for the church…the kids were an afterthought…I moved to southeast Texas when my oldest two children were teenagers so they would have more cultures to learn from and to break that horrible curse of the Catholic shallow thinking, hypocrisy, and misaligned guilt! 900+ miles from all family and I couldn’t be happier. Once I understood that my siblings were alcoholics and my stepdad was a dry drunk, I cut them all out of my life because I cannot allow that much toxicity in my world anymore. I haven’t spoken to them since 2006, and I have not stepped foot in a church since 2002. This is “happy with an easy side order of past trauma”! 😂
@@wldncrzy1971 So proud of you for escaping Iowa for Texas! As a child who visited Iowa a lot, I resented the small town insularity SO MUCH, but now like you I can see how much of it was profoundly influenced by the, as you aptly put it, "Catholic shallow thinking, hypocrisy, and misaligned guilt"! It's very healing to see you word it so well and confirm my experiences perfectly! You got hip to your situation and took action a lot sooner than I did. I began to cut out religion and toxic family in 2016. Yep, nowadays it's more happiness but still resolving some of the past trauma. Keep on healing!
I can relate so much with the feeling of giving yourself to others until there is nothing left to give. This is something that my mum grew up with and has caused her and us so many problems. I am happy you are healing!
I have started to self-dx as... likely on the spectrum, definitely neurodivergent, and trying to get it acknowledged by "experts" is a struggle. They won't even hear you out if they see one being what they deem "too social" (the "for an autistic person" is silent). It is really damaging how wide spread the presumptions are, even among psychiatrists, worse even in the general public. sad. =(
Masking is a real part of being on the spectrum. It’s exhausting being in public because 95% of our interactions are ‘acting’ while internal anxiety eats us alive!
As a late in life diagnosed autistic who worked for years in the education and psychiatric fields I think I’ve figured it out. Diagnosing autism isn’t about improving OUR wellbeing. It never has been. It’s limited directly by how much we bother/distract neurotypical people’s daily lives. If we don’t make their lives difficult then by their standards, and they are the ones who make and enforce the rules, then we don’t deserve a formal diagnosis or formal treatment.
@@AngryPug76 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 that makes so much sense..it’s a relief and yet entirely disturbing. And I chose to tell my Asperger’s son that WE have evolved…they still make the rules..for now. Lol Some see some characteristics of the spectrum as a possible human evolution. And THAT makes a difference in attitude and processing other’s ‘inconvenience’. Both ways, we win 😂
Having grown up in a similar environment and also recently realizing that I'm neurodivergent later in life, this all sounds super familiar. Thank you for sharing, the more we talk about our experiences, the more likely it is to change things for the better
Kelly, you are such a brave woman. I understand what you went through, at least in my personal way. I went to a catholic school from 6 to around 11 years old. When I think of life changing trauma on my life I count 6. And that experience was the first one. I remember being bullyied badly both by my collegues and teachers. At home it was also draining, for other reasons . So please receive a digital hug, and be very very happy. ❤
This brought back memories. I'm the same age and while I was brought up Catholic, I went to public school. We did the scoliosis checks in public school as well.
I also loved this interview with Kelly! No difficulty understanding her conversation and explanations. I also enjoyed the tangents. Kelly, you are delightful, and someone I could easlly befriend 😊
My husband was a Catholic School Survivor. He attended until the 8th grade. My darling was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Visually, the man could do anything. He took in complex information and was able to explain it clearly and concisely. His sense of humor was miles ahead of anyone else. Hubs believed in his heart of hearts that he was stupid. No one and nothing could convince him otherwise. Thanks to a lack of knowledge, understanding and more than their share of prejudice the nuns convinced my husband he was dumb and would never accomplish anything. I taught school for almost 20 years and through observation, extensive conversations with hubs, and comprehensive reading classes in University determined that my husband had dyslexia. I fought his self-concept every day of our relationship and my greatest sadness is that he died believing he was stupid. It broke my heart that he had that belief so firmly entrenched.
Hi there Shalise and Kelly! loved listening to your story and how honest you were. Loved the description of your daughter having a strong independent mind , and hating injustice- my daughter is exactly the same!😂.. . Shalise - you are a lovely interviewer , very patient and kind ❤
Kelly, thank you so much for opening up about your experiences with purity culture and sexual assault. It takes vulnerability and honesty and I hope you know that you telling your story makes a difference for others. So much of your story resonates with mine. Everyday I’m working through what happened to me. Stories like yours truly help me face what happened and how it’s impacted my life. I wish you all the best in the world!!
I am absolutely loving this episode as another undiagnosed autistic raised Catholic! Fortunately, I was allowed to attend public school and my family was not strict when it came to religion, but it is so nice to see this topic being brought to light. Peripherally related, there is a wonderful book called "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence" published in 1985. It was an anthology by sisters who had entered the convent in the 60's at the time of the reforms discussed in this episode. It covered their reasons for entering: in the convent, there was an equal division of labor, an alternative to the nuclear family system and "the world," clear rules and routine (many were also autistic), etc. Some mention leaving because of the reforms-"I was promised Latin mass, a habit, and seclusion from the world!" And many of the ones who left became activists, their dedication to a life of service continued in this way, and their experience of living in community having given them the skills to be excellent community organizers. Highly recommend it for anyone interested in the topic. I've always thought that in another time, I would have been a nun. Grateful to be born in an era where I don't need to forfeit all my belongings to a religious institution to spend my life in contemplation, free of neurotypical expectations!
Wow! As a Catholic who went to Catholic school in the 70's and 80's, I need to say that this type of stuff did not take place in my 2 schools! Also, Autism was not really recognized in High Functioning children during these times. Public school was the same as well.
I'm also late diagnosed Audhd, Kelly thank you for talking about the intersectionality of how this affected your experience. I'm deconstructing my former "religion" now at age 42 and I've barely been willing to think about how these things mix. The thought has popped into my head a few times like would all this have happened to me if I was Neuro typical? I've been too afraid to really lean into that question and your bravery here is making me want to. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I also struggle with being able to communicate things that happen to me, and even understand how I'm feeling sometimes it takes me weeks or even years to figure out how I feel about things. I started trying to tell my story now but it's so difficult I keep making shorter videos then I wanted to because I get overwhelmed. You did such a good job here , I hope you have safe people around you now and I'm so proud of you for using your voice like this xoxo
Thank you for this interview. Great insights, I just wanted to add that nuns weren't always treated as workhorses. Throughout history, the roles of monchs and nuns have changed so much and was also largely dependent on the order they lived under.
My ex grew up Catholic and has created a cult with my children. He's trained them with the same beliefs present in the Catholic Church but has not shared where his beliefs originated from. Everything he does is secretive. I appreciate the information about life in Catholic School. i'm trying to figure out how to reach my adult children. It is not a culture I understand. There is no sense of normalcy. The guest did a great job! Thanks so much!
This woman is so bright and brilliant. Multiple times she would say something so poignant and thoughtful and would wow me. The part when she said we should teach critical thinking in schools really resonated with me, i have had this thought before many times and how it would benefit every individual
Thank you so much for sharing your story I can 100% relate. Both my father and mother experienced something very similar to you living in Italy and their family being devoted Catholics. They were told similar stories and teaching as yourself. I am so so so grateful and thankful that they are not hardcore Catholics now. My older sister and I got to live a life that was so much easier and 100x less strict. We attend Church on Sundays and say our prayers that is how far our Catholic views go today in 2023.
I love this interview ❤. My dad was Catholic and my mom Methodist, so I was raised experiencing both religions and actually spending five years in a Fundamentalist Christian church (felt like it was a cult!). Also, my husband and I have recently realized we are probably both on the autism spectrum. In so many ways, I can relate to much of what Kelly is sharing. I always felt like I was from another planet and have spent much of my life trying to figure out why I didn't fit in. Moving away from organized religion and discovering the autism connection has really helped me realize there is nothing wrong with me! I am intelligent, and like Kelly said, "I have a highly functioning brain that just works differently!" Thank you, Kelly, for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💝
I’m from Argentina, being raised in an Opus Dei environment (radical Catholic group). It’s really triggering seeing you react as things that are normal for almost everyone I know. Thanks for doing this!
Thank you for sharing your story Kelly. I grew up in the Catholic Church and Catholic school system. I left the church as a teenager and as an adult I am still untangling my beliefs. I now have an autistic child and I am so glad that he will never be exposed to the church and his beliefs. Kelly, you are so well spoken and are captivating in telling your story. I am so sorry that you have been through so much in your life but you seemed to have really blossomed and found a great life. Best of wishes to you! Great interview ❤
You inspired me as a mother of grown children! I loved what you both said, that there has to be some accountability but that we all do the best we can. Thank you both!
Being autistic is in itself a source of childhood trauma, especially when you’re undiagnosed. Layering religious trauma over top is definitely a good way to end up very broken. I’m so sorry you had to go through that Kelly. I wish you all the joy and healing you so desperately deserve.
I looked up the definition of trauma and it mentioned "racial trauma" so it seems logical to me that women would experience sex/gender based trauma and neurodiverse people would experience neurodiverse trauma.
I relate so much to Kelly's story. I went to Catholic schools and went undiagnosed well into my 20s. No one ever talked to me about consent. I struggled so much with the idea of going to hell. Kelly is really inspiring with how quickly she admits her shortcomings and then how much she's worked to put things right.
I am so sorry that you had such a negative experience of being Catholic. I am a Catholic too and I truly love my Catholic faith. It is an anchor and treasure to me. I often thank God for letting me be born into a Catholic familly. All of my siblings are Catholic too and we share our love of the faith. As time goes on, perhaps you will be able to separate what was damaging and what was beautiful. I also had kind and loving sisters that taught me all the way through 9th grade. They loved God and were not angry women. May the dear Lord bless you and keep you.
I was raised catholic, I am now an atheist. I remember for my first communion/confession, I made up a sin because as a 9 year old I didn’t have any sins lmao. 😅
I remember I had the same issue as a kiddo and blew the priest mind by not feeling guilty or like I sinned all the time xD. He started to give me ideas did you do this or that and I was like nope 😂. My only sin was not going to church often 😅
I did too!!! I lied to the priest to have something to say during confession before my first holy communion!!! I look back…what did I do that was so bad at 8 or 9??? I probably didn’t clean my room…oh no!! Going to hell!!
The scoliosis checks were everywhere in the 70's and 80's. I went to public schools ans my family was not Catholic. I remember the scoliosis checks, and they were just like she described in the video.
also autistic & late diagnosed, also catholic - and I too was unable to come up with a sin to confess before my first communion 🤣 tbh I never went to confess again - I always felt my sins were between me and god and he knew them anyway so why should I have to tell them to that weird priest who was always paying a little too much attention to us kids?
I loved it! Thank you for sharing. I grew up in a multi religious Enviromint. My mother's father was catholic, as were most of the people I grew up with. I can relate to most everything she said. Thanks again. God is love, hugs and love sent from cali, praying for all.
Thank you for this. You have explained so much about myself in such a kind way. I’m a neurodivergent ministers daughter. There is a lot broken in me I need to repair or accept. Life has been overwhelming.
This is Sarah, Bill's wife on our shared account. I went to Lutheran grade school, and much of this was the same for me. I dont believe im autistic, but i am ADHD. I did have a hard time focusing on subjects i disliked. But many experiences i had wete similar to Kelly's, just a bit more relaxed. But the guilt, the "tradition," the strict adherence to rules is all the same. My heart goes out to you, Kelly, because I understand. I felt the need to write this, even though i don't have anything to add, because i get it.
Thank you so much for sharing Kelly ❤❤ And your Linda listen. Forgive yourself and Love yourself, you are an Amazing human being. I Wish I could meet you and enjoy a long great chat with you, unfortunately I live on the other side of the great ”pond” in Sweden.
Cant wait to watch it ❤thank you for interviewing Kelly To Kelly thank you for sharing your experiences and im sure ill find something helpful once i watch your interview or relatable. Keep on being and amazing human💕 I have a child who is dyslexic and possibly on the tism spectrum and I'm self diagnosed with dyslexia possible adhd and on the tism spectrum. Im also riddled with trauma from my mum drilling into me the "faith". Im 29 and constantly fear God and fear going to hell just for making my mum mad or doing something wrong. I hope once i watch your interview it will help me. Thank you again to both you and Shelise.
I love this one ❤️ Kelly is such a great and intelligent story(truth-)-teller! My grandmother was catholic and organised for every grandchild to be baptised, although my dad had left the church by then and my mum was raised an atheist... a bit of water on a babies head... well, don’t rock the boat, it’s a beautiful white dress etc. A few years later (I lived in Protestant northern Germany) there was just one other catholic girl in my class and she asked if I would come along to do the communion thing. We went for quite a few weeks and I was a studious girl, so it was all fine and easy- UNTIL the priest organised a trip and told us we would start to repent there. I asked what that meant. He explained. I asked what you do when you haven’t sinned in life. He: You have to repent, otherwise you are sinning. That was it for me. I never went back, as this adult didn’t realise that the logic was screwed. I am still so happy and relieved that I went by logic at such a young age. My friend (who said- just say you hit your sister) went to the camp and finished the whole thing and got a gift from my teacher I remember... And another story... this is getting to long for my taste, sorry!!... My granddad is obsessed with ancestry and found (in church books of course) that some women (one of my ancestors) in about 1600-1700 wanted to divorce her violent husband. The Catholic Church guys told her the only way that would be possible was for her to be buried outside the cemetery after her death, which scared her so much that she stayed with the asshole she married for ‘God’ knows how long after. I still feel with the poor, brave woman who was victim to a controlling system and lack of knowledge.
When I recall all the stories about my older brother’s childhood and later life I am absolutely convinced he was adhd. He was spanked everyday in gradeschool and then again at home for daydreaming and not staying on task at school. He grew up hating school but later in highschool, excelling in math. He became successful as a mechanical engineer, not thru college, but through experience. But the mistreatment has damaged him psychologically in many ways, for the rest of his 80 years. I think this happens to a lesser degree to many brain-different children these days. Their parents ignorantly believe they are just lazy, rebellious or lacking intelligence when they may have a real problem they cannot overcome.
Kelly, I loved your story, thank you for sharing it! I'm Catholic (not an ex-Catholic....yet, maybe, I don't know). But there was a lot that you talked about that really resonated with me - fears of confession, purity, and fear of going to hell. There is so much that I was taught through Catholic school, my parents, and going to church every week that really messed with my perceptions, understandings, and ill-prepared me for life as an adult and a married woman. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I'm a recovering Catholic. I grew up in a small town with this church being the focal point in the community. We had a small family (4) . The school system was strict . I never considered myself as nondivergent, but my youngest son is, and after seeing his struggles I feel I have a light version of this . Kelly did a awesome job at verbalizing the struggles of these two developmental struggles.
I'm not sure if she'll read the comments, but I noticed her apologizing for how she speaks and gets off-topic and I just want to say: Coming from a Neurodivergent person, i LOVE the extra explanations. I love how she speaks about one topic and jumps to another because it seems relative. I do the exact same thing and it makes perfect sense to most ND people. This was genuinely one of my favorite interviews(and yes, I've seen them ALL). Thanks for the diversity, Shelise
Thank you, Sadie! I agree and I loved following the train of thought that led us into deeper discussions in certain areas.
It made perfect sense to me too! I have schizophrenia and the extra explanation helps me understand.
I don't think she was ever off-topic. Some people here have limited knowledge of Catholicism and she paints a broader picture which provides much more insight for people like me.
She shared her thoughts on why certain things came about to be the way they are today, like the reform in Catholicism. I'd never ever known there was a reform.
I do this too, people always tell me off for it.
I follow Shalise quite well & appreciate the 'diversions/ expansions'...even tho I have a couple of times been called 'squirl'...binge watching lately as I'm new 2 the channel ..thank you 4 what you do!
I am 32 and just discovered I am also autistic. I also grew up attending a strict catholic school inside of a mission. I'm nervous but also interested to watch
Congrats!
I see you and believe you!!!!! Be happy♥️ you are capable and good!
How did you go about getting tested as an adult? Same age & also grew up Catholic
No matter what happens, you will be okay and hope you know you are safe to explore these things, I hope you receive the proper support you need both with your circumstances & that you have healthy relationships with people who maintain that, and remind you that you deserve that care and support , and always should have been afforded/provided it. Best wishes and God bless :)
@@morg3726 years of multiple therapists and diagnosis includes pediatric medical records. Actual definitive diagnosis is controversial in adults. Neurodivergent would be my current preferred description.
Undiagnosed autism was bad enough in run-of-the-mill public school. Piling on what I've heard about Catholic school, I can only imagine :(
My mom and dad can tell you stories
My mom was traumatized by public school bullying, so she actually put me in Catholic school to spare me from public school! Turns out, Catholic schools have bullies too.
Can't wait to watch it. I had ADHD in a Catholic school and it was nothing but shame. Underpaid teachers and religious nonsense
Don't you know, you're fundamentally broken, yet somehow also created in imagio Dei?
Religion can't ADHD.
That was awful I can't imagine. I still rock to soothe myself
I had the same problem in public school I almost failed senior year but the principal felt bad for me and decided to let me graduate lol and my name is also Leah
AuDHD myself, and CPTSD from bullying throughout school and narcissistic family scape goat. I'm still trying to figure out who I am outside of their paradigm
@@lorenzwinterhoff8049 Me, too.
20 year old female recovering Catholic, Survivor of Catholic priest abuse, at the Catholic school I attended. For any Catholics who have young children attending ccd or are in catholic schools, my parents thought the sex abuse crisis was in the past, It is still happening, it happened to me, it happened to my friends, and it’s still happening to children. Keep your kids safe, away from the faith.
Thank you for sharing ❤️
Thank you for speaking out. ❤ I’m sorry you had to suffer that abuse.
Please encourage anyone who has experienced abuse to go to the police and make a report, in a group if that's easier. We cannot allow this to continue and these abusers have to be stopped.
And it's not exclusive to orthodox catholics, too - I grew up mainstream catholic and a priest working with my country's archbishop turned out to be a pedo - and he didn't get his priesthood removed nor was he isolated from accessing children by the church
@@miglek9613 was he reported to the police?
I am 42 and recently got an official diagnosis of autism. I grew up in strict evangelical Christianity and it made me such a target for abuse from church school and even at home with a narcissist parent. I sent you a submission a few months ago shelise I am glad you are showing how many women were undiagnosed autistic and how that makes being in a cult more traumatic #autistic
Thank you so much for sharing! We appreciate you!
Thanks for sharing your story, Kelly. And thanks for doing these ex-Catholic interviews, Shalise. I’m ex-Catholic myself, and after leaving the religion was in an ex-Christian support group for years. These interviews mean a lot to me.
Oh, by the way, as an ex-Catholic never Mo, I’m wondering about one possible difference between Catholic confession and Mormon bishop interviews. In my experiences with Catholicism confession is essentially non-invasive: the Priest simply says “Tell me your sins.” and it’s up to you what level of detail you want to go into. But from what I understand Mormon interviews with the Bishop are much more invasive, as the Bishop will ask for a disgusting level of detail regarding your sins. That said my Catholic experience might be an outlier, and with over a billion adherents, there’s bound to be a diversity of experience.
@@patrickferguson5962i grew up Catholic as well but in Canada and went to a public Catholic school (in Ontario specifically Catholic schools have their own public school board, it's like part of the provincial tax funded system, its weird) and had a priest at confession when I was really littke outright stop me saying "you don't need to Tell me every tiny detail, some things are okay to keep private from adults. You are a good person, it's okay to confess embarssing sins in your head God will still hear you, you wont go to hell I promise." When I started going into great detail on how I once stripped off mt clothes coming home and running past my brothers naked. I thought it was funny and wanted to make them laugh, I was like 8 lol. But after I felt I legitimately would be struck down by god and sent to hell for being immodest. Very thankful that priest just saw me crying and stopped me from continuing to describe getting undressed. I already had sexual trauma and i think if he didn't stop to assure me im okay it would have been traumatic in jts own right. He retired recently but that specific priest stilk gets spoken of as a good man for standing up for children even when it messed with his status with the bishop.
But, with all that said the next year we got a different priest who by all means is a garbage leader and a creep. He always asked for more, "what else did you do, did tou kiss anyone? Any homosexual thoughts? Go intk detail on those thoughts, how did that make your body feel? Did you talk back to people? Why sre you not saying more, i know you have secrets, you cannot hide your sins and bad deeds from god, if you don't tell me you are trting to trick god, you want to see your grandma in heaven right? If so, confess" and that lead to me trying to refuse ti go ro church at all. Tt lead tk me thinking bad shit that happened to me was all my fault.
Thankfully my mother worked with a different priest who shes close friends with so I explained to him how church made us feel, and how we were scared of our body or having a crush because of what they say to me. Not the bad confessions but just how scared we were of going in general. He told my mom it was bad for us spiritually and mentally to force us to go to mass, just let us do the parts we enjoyed. So I kept doing organ and piano lessons at the church but soon as they started settinf up for mass I would quickly leave. Sadly took me being mistreated to the point lawyers were involved for me to be able tk try a secular school and eventually home schooling (I actually did well homeschooling, started in highschool and finished two hears early.)
@@patrickferguson5962 it depended on the Priest you got some were genuine good men and others gross
Because the Catholic Bible has been altered from the King James Bible in a way that they have added and removed certain parts of the Bible just as the Bible issued Mormons and Jehovah's witness has done. They are not what I would consider a Christian religion. The rituals that these churches participate in are based in dark magic if you look back on the history of them. I do not go to church because I believe that the churches are corrupt. However I do practice my Christianity at home with my husband we do our daily devotional and we pray and I think that's good enough.
I appreciate these stories too. We weren’t even really practicing Catholics and I still identify with so much of the struggles of deconstructing.
Thanks for platforming neurodivergent voices!!
I really loved this! Kelly you are fantastic. Linda listen: love the kids you actually have, and own your stuff. Perfect!
Thanks for your support!
I'm only 27, and my Traditional Catholic school still used "corporal punishments" when I was in 1st grade. I know now that some of my classmates were neurodivergent. At the time, though, we didn't know, and there was never any mercy for my neurodivergent friends. I remember them getting in a lot more trouble than I was, and worse, just being completely given up on in school. Our Latin teacher gave up on one of us, sending him out of the classroom to just wait at a desk in the hallway, doing nothing, for the "crime" of "not paying enough attention to understand Latin". There was never any help for him. He was left behind. That was the attitude at my Traditional Catholic school.
I look forward to watching this episode, but I know that this will be a tough one.
Same I was just a good student so did well with little effort academically and afraid so compliant
Private school, I’m assuming, since it’s a religious school, so the parents paid these people for a service they refused to provide. I’m ridiculously happy I went to public school. I have ADHD. I would have been destroyed by one of these schools. Not that my mom would have let that happen. She was a grade school teacher, so she was knowledgeably involved in my education.
This has been the hardest video to listen to on this channel. Raised Catholic and I can really relate to the guests experiences.
❤️
I was raised Catholic and two related moments that stick out to me from my childhood are 1) I tried telling a girl about my age that she was going to burn in hell when I was surprised to find out she wasn't catholic....2) a few years later a friend of my mom's was telling us about how she had recently driven some young jehovahs witness kids somewhere. During the trip the kids were very upset and increasingly freaking out that their driver was "a demon" and "going to hell". My mom's friend was angry that this other family had raised their kids to be so fearful and judgemental of non-J.witnesses and my mom just agreed with her not aware she had raised me similarly.
I don't think I connected those two stories until I became an adult but I do feel shame for treating that girl in such a hypocritical way.
No shame! You were a child without the tools to know better. The adults that taught you that, now…
As we say here "I'm sorry for what I said, I was in a cult".
The story of having to confess your sins at such an early age is one I experienced as well at school. I asked the teacher what I should write down if I hadn't committed any sins, and at first they rambled through some common sins, asking me if I really, really, pinky-swear, really didn't commit them, to which I said that I for sure hadn't sinned because it is immoral to sin and I wanted to stay moral in life... So of course, as a rational adult would, he called me a liar, a brat and said that as a non-believer (yea, religious classes including the sacraments were mandatory because I had to go to a catholic school) I would "be like this anyways"... My autistic little self just couldn't understand why you would voluntarily go sin for no good reason and sincerely had only committed the crime of not being baptized. Since I was so stressed out over being forced to write something, but didn't want to suddenly sin by lying I instead wrote "I am so sorry god, that I haven't yet sinned", lol. No clue what I would have done if I had to verbally confess instead. That sounds incredibly horrifying, especially under the circumstances of not being believed and having to do it to pass some weird religious "test". On one hand I am glad to not be the only one to have this overly specific and (to me only mildly) traumatizing experience, but on the other hand I kinda wish it just wouldn't have happened.
If you think that traumatizing is an odd word to use, feel free to disagree, but as someone who is incredibly vigilant and righteous because of how their brain is wired it was legitimately horrifying to suddenly be introduced to the idea that you have to go against the "righteous" path to be able to confess and become a "righteous" person. Made me feel like I was so, so wrong for actually listening to the adults around me, and is if I was wrong for not understanding the actual rules in life.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am sure that many other autistics who were born in the catholic church can also resonate to your experiences and through them maybe start healing from their own.
I cannot tell you how many doctors insist I am lying when I say I have never consumed alcohol or smoked a cigarette or done any illegal drugs. Being told you’re lying when you aren’t is the WORST.
This is one of those things that is singular to autistic people as children. Being called a liar, when the concept of lying doesn't even make sense to you.
My public school during the 2000’s had scoliosis checks, I was very insecure and it was traumatizing. Even worse it wasn’t even a doctor or the school nurse checking us. It was the gym teacher.
They are STILL doing that? OMG. That should be illegal!!
Yup, I’m about the same age as the guest (horrid with names) and grew up outside of Detroit going to public school. We had scoliosis checks, it was female teachers, your parents could write a letter to say you would do it at the doctor instead. We could also wear a swimsuit if we wanted to. My current 16 year old went through it in middle school in California.
Wait, this is an actual thing??? When Kelly described this memory, I seriously thought that the 'scoliosis check' was really suspicious and that it was probably just an easy excuse for perverts and pedos to get their fix without getting caught.
Mine too and it was extremely weird
Well they said I didn't have scoliosis and I still can't stand up straight and I am 53. I did have it but must be shrinking now😂😂
Thank you to you & your brave guest. As a single mother by adoption of 2 children, one on the spectrum like myself, I am so grateful that I became conscious and was able to circumvent similar damage to my own children and removed them at a young age. Thanks for what you’re doing Shelise! It’s such important work 💙🦋
I am so glad you were able recognize this earlier I say we are breaking the cycle🥰
@@kellyreilly-robinson2130 thank you so much Kelly. We are. 💯🦋💖
So wonderful that you recognize your children have special needs. I am adopted and ADHD and back in the early ‘60’s and 70’s no one understood anything about different learning styles much less the trauma that could effect an adoptee. Needless to say I had difficulties in my Lutheran grade school.
Loving this Catholic series. Went to Catholic school k-12. My family was devout but very normal post Vatican 2 modern believers. I wanted to be a good person, a devout believer, etc. But in 8th grade my parents got divorced. I felt like our family was less than. Then in high school I had a religion teacher who was completely over the top. He called my mother a liar and a whore in front of everyone for getting re-married. He smacked me on the forehead and told me to pray to holy Spirit for acceptance when I asked questions. He told a whole class of students once when he found out another girl had contracted an STD. He was a horrible human being but the school and the church and the community held him up as if he was the way the truth and the light. Parents reported him and every time, the archbishop supported him. That made me question the church. Eventually I became an atheist anyway , but I know that he sped up the process. So thanks I guess!
It's crazy because I got a good education otherwise. I had a loving family. But I can hardly drive by my high school without feeling traumatized. I hate it. And that particular teacher had a lot of community support, big fans. A good portion of the still-catholic community in my area have followed his lead into extreme, what they call traditionalist, beliefs.
I am so sorry you all had this upbringing. I had a public school education, learned about periods in high school, but not from my mother. But my mother was a wise, caring woman. My 10 year old granddaughter, has know about periods before school. Her mother, my daughter, has answered any questions she has and will in the future!
OMG, I had a priest tell me that my mother was going to burn in hell for divorcing my father when I was in 7th or 8th grade. He said it in front of our entire class. I have told that story to other Catholics over the years and no one believed that he said it to me. I had myself convinced I made it up. Even though I know which classroom I was in and where I was sitting when he said it. It has taken over 30 years since I left the church and I am still deconstructing.
@@Katiebell52 I believe you for sure. I was such a good girl until that moment. I told Mr. C to "go fuck yourself" in front of everyone and ran to the bathroom in tears. One of my male friends actually had to come into the girls room to get me out. It was so traumatizing. And then there was the guilt of what I had said to him.....
@@Katiebell52 I'm sooo sorry you had this similar experience.
What you describe about your school would have been extremely traumatic to any intelligent child. I'mm so sorry that happened to you.
If I went to a public school earlier, being left-hand dominant wouldn't've been an issue since kindergarten. I don't remember much, but everyone had to write with their right hand. Now I'm ambidextrous with writing, mostly due to early trauma.. still left hand dominant. I've heard some horror stories about specific nuns in private schools, so I'm glad I didn't stay in that sort of environment.
similar experience but different: was left handed at Catholic schools in the 80s... all my penmanship grades were excessively biasedly harsh and all my papers came back entirely top to bottom in red from the nuns correcting the slant of each and every letter on my page. it sent a message to my unconscious mind of severe disapproval and inferiority for something 'out of my control' even though left handed wasn't forced into right handed. Catholic mentality is so much about authority and conformity, even with 'laxer' standards.
Oh yes I'm left hand dominant as well and they wouldn't let us write with our left hand. I got back at them by writing with a left hand slant, and using British English words has those are correct spellings example Center, c e n t r e. How frustrating I'm humiliating it is when you're so young
My grandmother was left handed and the nuns tied her left hand behind her back, beat her and locked her in a closet to get her to use her right hand. In our Catholic school in the 80s, they didn't bother my brother for being left-handed but since he was ADHD/Autistic he still had a hard time. I am sorry that you were punished for something well out of your control. It isn't right what they did (no pun intended.)
My hubby is left-handed, as was his mother. She attended Catholic schools in the South, and was basically forced to learn to write right-handed. She became ambidextrous as a result, though she still writes with her right hand. My hubby, on the other hand, never set foot in a Catholic school, but grew up in a small Texas suburb surrounded by superstitious Baptists who tried to make him write right-handed as well. They failed, but left him with a lifetime of trauma surrounding writing (he's also on the autism spectrum and dysgraphia is a common affliction in his family, though no one knew what those were back when he was a child). Even now, he doesn't do much writing, preferring instead to type things or memorize them. Learning to type was a literal godsend for him because it gave him a way to get the thoughts out of his head and onto a paper without having to pick up a pen.
I never knew that was widespread...my mom had to go to the school and tell the kindergarten teacher to leave me alone and let me write with whatever hand I wanted. Never understood what the big deal was that people couldn't be left-handed.
Only a few minutes in and I’m so happy this is here . I’m 30 and grew up Roman Catholic and it took me until I dove into learning about cults as an adult to understand why I disliked organize religion - and IMO it’s very cult like. My church was weird lmao thank you for your work and making everyone feel so seen!
Yes!!
This episode resonated so much with me as a person who grew up Catholic, had undiagnosed ADHD, and wanted to be the good kid but saw so much to question. I truly think the foundations I was brought up with shaped my OCD, the concept of “if I don’t do x action (or if I do x action), bad thing y is going to occur”
My mum was bought up catholic (shes in her early 70's) and she told me when she was a little girl she would pray every night for the babies that had died and had not been christened so she could save them from he77 xxxx
My mom was a nurse at a Catholic hospital in the US. Immediately after every birth a priest would christen the baby to prevent them from going to Hell REGARDLESS of the child’s health and level of distress.
My church that I don't go to anymore didn't believe babies go to hell they would only baptize people who signed up to do it so like 4 or 5 years and up it still blows my mind how a baby can go to hell and what about a stillbirth or a miscarried baby
@@AngryPug76holy crap 😮
@@leahflower9924right!?! First thing that made me doubt was that stuff. How can you sin before you even open your dang eyes?
53:23 OMG THE SCOLIOSIS TESTS! 7th grade, shirts off, bra only, in front of 30 of your female classmates, bent over at the waste, so A NUN COULD CHECK US FOR SCOLIOSIS! 😳 I haven’t thought about that in decades! It was HORRIFIC! 😢
They did this in my public school too!
I am interested did you have to get changed for pe infront of others or not?
I didnt mind changing in my underwear but I remember one school had a teacher watch all us girls undress to go in the shower and make sure we weren't secretly wearing underwear becaise many didnt want to get naked, that was very embarassing.
@@NotAnotherKuromi in front of all my classmates and the person doing the scoliosis test…we were in 7th grade..some of us developed and wore a bra…those who weren’t wearing a training bra or bra were humiliated. It was horrific and traumatic at that age.
@@NotAnotherKuromi and we were in catholic school. We neither changed out for PE nor showered after…there were no showers in my middle school.
@wldncrzy1971 I am very suprised that you did not get changed for PE but I can see if that was the first time you had been in your underwear in front of each other then it would be even more awkward and memerable.
Also like most bullying the adults should have stepped in and nipped it in the bud and warned anyone who bodyshamed would get punished but teachers can be so lazy and some are mean bullies themsleves.
I remember posing that question to the adults. "So the people who are born on islands in the middle of the ocean and people who have never even heard of this are being punished for eternity because they aren't from here? That's not fair at all! Your deity isn't very nice and I want no part of it."
🙌
Shelise, I feel really happy that you cover the toxic christianity culture! I have a friend from the Russian Orthodox church and he only believed in it so he won’t go to hell. He is big, chonky, gentle and cute, but he lived in constant fear until he quit. He’s now a proud history student but he still has the trauma from it. I definitely want to have him here if he’s willing.
Kelly, i genuinely thank you for sharing.
As a woman who checks all the autistic boxes, who was raised Baptist, I really resonated with you!
41:43 I lied to the priest during confession too! I didn’t do anything I thought was wrong, so I’d make up stuff like, “I yelled at my sister” or “I disrespected my parents.”😂
(Edit: For context, I’m a late diagnosed autistic woman who went to Catholic school as well. Luckily, my parish was a more liberal Vatican II-loving community.)
I was raised in a very conservative evangelical church in the '60s where a lot of the same forces and beliefs were at work. But, I have since shed all of that after seventeen years of psychotherapy. But, the fact that your guest was Catholic brought back a memory: when I was in the 5th and 6th grade I was not allowed to write with my left hand (and this was a public school). If they "caught" me writing with my left hand my hand was struke with a ruler and they would not walk away until they saw me switch to my right hand. Although I had been a good reader, in 7th grade I was diagnosed (suddenly) with dyslexia. I was taken to a private company by my mother to be diagnosed during which time this fact was uncovered (my parents didn't know). I was allowed to start writing with my left hand again and my dyslexia suddenly went away. I thought about this because I later talked to several other people who had gone to a Catholic school and they told me it was the same for them--and that they were told the left hand was the "devil's" hand. I suspect (although don't know) that being forced to write with my right hand was being imposed by the teacher, as teachers were allowed to bring religion into the classroom then. I think it is this that has made me so much more sympathetic to the plight of gay people than virtually anyone else. Unfortunately, so many of these retrograde beliefs are coming back--I suspect by people who have no memory, or were born after, we became "woke."
My daughter is left handed so I guess the devil is in her lol I heard Jimi Hendrix used to get beat for being left handed but he played guitar left handed so I guess the beatings didn't work
Thank-God. We would have missed out on one of the greatest guitarists of all time.@@leahflower9924
I am a devout Catholic who left the church for 20 years and returned in my late 30s I love my church and I will never excuse the horrors, misstreatment and downright evil they inflicted. To really understand how Vatican II changed the church imagine your church just simply becoming a new church that looked nothing like you knew. Anyway I will look forward to watching this I already hurt for this person. I am on the spectrum diagnosed as an adult and have severe mental health problems and thankfully was blessed with an amazing caring Priest who not only cared (I was undiagonised with being on the spectrum but the mental health diagnosis was already there) he helped me through so much and even after leaving the Church I cherrished his friendship up until his passing. It breaks my heart because I wish all people had a Father Cassidy like I had and Sisters who would play basketball with us kids and listen to modern music. Anyway I am grateful you cover all faiths mine included because no faith is immune. All faiths deserve to be called out for any and all harm if you cant take criticism about your faith then you are truly indoctrinated fully ino a cult. Looking forward to watching this even if it may be painful at times. Thanks for what you do.
I'm glad you have found positive changes and community♥️. That is what matters
im DYING at the confession story, i lied too!!!! i said i didnt do the chores my mom gave me, complete lie.
i also caught my priest on his phone through the screen. i was in 7th or 8th grade thinking, “why do i even have to be here if he doesnt care enough?”
I remember being in Confession some years ago, and I kept hearing the FB Messenger tone going off on the priest's phone while I was in the Confessional. It made me really annoyed because here I am, baring my soul, and you're not even listening to me. You're on the damned phone! It was a shame because this priest was an otherwise good confessor who more times than not gave practical, meaningful spiritual advice to help me be a better Catholic. Guess he didn't want to be in the confessional any more than I did either.
We all lied. What possible sins did seven year olds have to confess?
Great guest, great topic. Kelly, the world would be a better place if there were more people like you. Thank you for sharing your story.
I had a left handed math teacher who was in his early 60s in 2002 (so he would be in his early 80s now) who told us about how he was beaten by nuns to get him to write “right.”
Of course! He was ‘sinister’.
Oh yeah my dad is left handed and grew up in Catholic schools and was forced to write right handed…. He’s in his early 60s now 😐
@@justkiddin84 so sad
Thoughts before watching: as an adult I believe that we had a few kids who were neurodivergent and they were bullied, struggled academically, and were just written off by teachers and others as being different and we all (the rest of the class) were told to treat them with kindness and accept their unique personalities. Looking back, those kids struggled so much and it pains me to think about how hard it was for them and how there was no intervention on the administration of the Catholic school system and parents, especially when it came to learning. There is was such a singular approach to teaching because the school was so small and resources were limited.
I often wonder how they are today. I’ll watch the entire video now.
Thanks for sharing you story, Kelly.
I am 4 years older than Kelly and my mum was Catholic and bipolar, even though it was not called that in the 70s when I was a kid. When I was 6 my mum was in such a dark place that I was sent to a Montessori boarding school run by nuns: for the first time in my life I felt really looked after and appreciated. I was not oy allowed to be a child, I was encouraged to be a child. After a year I got measles and I had to go back home, but I hid so that my parents could not find me... because I did not want to part with the nuns' love. My mum was never ever punished for having a psychiatric condition, though. But having therapy was frowned upon. Very very different experience within the Church : to me as a young girl being Catholic meant having a loving community to help me. Nobody even thought of punishing me corporally or abusing me in any way, apart from my ill mother. I am not Catholic anymore, but much of this story does not resonate with me at all... everybody does have their own personal story within the Catholic Church. But yes, I do agree the Church is a big business.
I am so glad you found loving adults who cared for you in the Catholic communities🥰. The church has good intentioned loving people, they also have systems that can be harmful if you are neurodivergent. I love all people as long as we focus on doing better now🥰. Hope you have loving supportive community now♥️
I've bookmarked this for later. Thank you for including the trauma of the undiagnosed autistic like myself (and ex-Catholics).
Wow, my great grandparents were also from Sicily and I have Irish blood too. Thankfully, my mom didn't want me to go to Catholic school.
This is really giving me some helpful context for my life....
Wow, I'm overwhelmed, this is so much my life as both a Catholic female and autistic. Thank you, both.
Kelly is a star, absolutely loved her speach and her character. Kelly, thank you for being so real, so outspoken! Wish you all the best!!!
Really resonated with me when you said your mother could never say sorry. Mines the same.
I wanna say, I so support these people who can come out against the Catholic Church. My parents weren’t super Catholic, but we went to church sundays and the only “good” school in my area was a catholic one that left me with a ton of Trauma as a Kid with severe ADHD. I’m commenting to show my support as I haven’t worked through my own issues yet. I’m so glad they’re sharing their stories, cause the Catholic Church gets away with some B.S.
This interview felt like hearing my own story be told to by someone else! Thank you so much for sharing and making me feel understood and not alone ❤
I'm 48 and the fear of hell was a very real fear for the majority of my life. "Do this or else" seems to be so common in religion. It's awful. Thank you for sharing your story ❤❤
Yes, critical thinking should be taught in schools! Thanks for bringing this up, Kelly.
Your outlook on life is amazing. Thank you for sharing your journey through life with us. 😊
Thank you so much for sharing your story! It was definitely helpful for me to hear. I’m neurodivergent and didn’t find out until I was 40 ish. I grew up Catholic and went through all of the sacraments up to confirmation in high school. I left around age 30 and joined my husbands church…which is a cult unfortunately. I feel like my catholic background groomed me perfectly for one. I was in it for 11 years until I got too sick to go to church. Your story is very parallel to mine as I’m sure there are so many ppl you’re helping by sharing. I’m so glad you’re doing well now! 💜
This interview with Kelly was so inspirational! I love all CTC podcasts and am working my way through them. I feel having grown up in a family cult I have found some healing from these interviews ❤
Love this ladies story. Thanks much for having the guts to be so honest.
Such a beautiful attitude.
Thank you so much to Kelly for this incredible interview! I was raised Catholic, but left when I realized that I am neurodivergent and trans. The programming has been incredibly hard to shake through the years, especially as my family has only become more traditional over time, and I have felt very alone. I am closer to Kelly’s daughters age, and hearing the conversation she has had with her children has leant me a lot of hope. I really mean it. My mother endured a similar life, and I have never known how to become close to her as we once were. I really dream of being open and honest and close to her the ways that Kelly is striving to be with her children. Much love ❤
❤️❤️❤️
I hope you can find loving community to surround yourself with♥️ I live in hope your mom can one day see your individual beauty and both of you can heal♥️♥️
I wish she would stop saying she is crazy, but I understand the abuse you suffer as a child leaves a lasting mark. Please let her know she comes off as articulate, sensitive, and very emotionally strong. To know she has to build a relationship with her son is proof of that. Another thing, society was pretty restrictive for any kid that grew up before 1990. The church was the source of moral direction. Culture beliefs (British vs European vs American) all had a strong hold on our parents and grandparents. Throw in 'your a sinner' was the mentality of the majority of churches. BUT Catholic schools were a unique experience as she has stated. Wishing her the best in accepting who she is.
I completely relate to Kelly. She is only a couple years older than me and so our Catholic school experience was very similar. I have ADHD but as a quiet girl, I wasn't diagnosed as a child. My brother has Autism and he was not diagnosed till adulthood. Catholic school didn't have the tools to deal with my brother. He would frequently be in the principal's office. Luckily, she was a kind woman who didn't punish him when he would fall asleep in her office. Big hugs to Kelly. Thank you for your story. It did make me feel less alone.
I was not raised religious but my house felt like a high control group due to rules that were learned or internalized through arguments and shame, but never explained. I lived in fear of not being believed my entire life. I have just been diagnosed with adhd and am working on setting up an autism evaluation at 45. Kelly, your childhood experience speaks my inner little confused girl that just wanted to be understood. I am just now coming to an understanding of ptsd and what trauma actually is. You are a hero to me, Kelly. Thank you for telling your story...
And bringing me hope that I can get out of this burnout to find my true identity and story.
One thing I love hearing is the way the parents who escaped the cults just ADORE their children regardless, and hold humility for "what they said when they were in a cult". Not that I wouldn't understand if a parent was angry about the children they were forced to have by their community, but it is heartwarming to see how leaving the cults gave them so many ways to celebrate their kids' accomplishments.
I attended Archdiocese of Detroit parochial Catholic schools for 12 years (Kindergarten didn't exist as an option in the 80s). Catholicism has traditionally had a strong chokehold on the populace in the Midwest (in addition to other faiths). I went to Catholic schools, like my parents did, my grandparents did, my great grandparents did, and many generations before that... therefore the ideas are baked in many generations deep. When it's your schooling, your milieu is entirely Catholic and the indoctrinations come from every angle all days of the week (lots of extracurriculars on Saturdays with other Catholics). In theory, modernity waters down some of these beliefs, but the conditionings run deep and require a lot of work to break out of the patterning.
From north central Iowa myself-Catholic, parochial school 1st grade through 8th grade), and as great as the education itself was, the social cliques, the strict Catholic demands, the GUILT that faith breeds, the narcissism it fosters….my son has Asperger’s and I know I have many neurodivergent behaviors…and I can SO RELATE to this…except my family was NOT ‘fantastic’. My parents are now so deep into Catholicism that she is insufferable. I was born in 1971, my parents divorced in 1975, she remarried in 1975 and gained 4 step siblings..bringing our family size up to 10 of us. In a 3 bedroom house. Narcissistic, alcoholic stepdad, codependent mother…the bullying I got in school matched my bullying I received daily from my stepdad and step siblings..and I felt guilty and went to confession.
@@wldncrzy1971 Cheers to you fellow Catholic school survivor and ex-guilt-aholic! Ugh, screw Catholicism and its unrelenting sinner's guilt, who needs it? My entire (excessively, obsessively Catholic to this day) parents' roots comes from north east Iowa! Yep, lots of narcissism as a survival mechanism in addition to codependency and addictions because NO ONE is trained to have an individual SELF, only the subservient cult personality to do the Church's bidding. I'm a 70s kid as well, being a 79er. Much peace and freedom to you there in Iowa surrounded by all those still indoctrinated, I can feel your situation viscerally b/c I've spent a lot of time in your state surrounded by my own cult worshipping relatives.
@@nothingtofind9099 omg! Yes! You’re sooo right! I always say “Catholic guilt is only secondary to the Jewish guilt”! It’s heavy!! We went to church every Friday and every holy day…then after school, on holy days, we were made to go to church that evening AGAIN with the family in observance of that holy day…however if a sacrament was given, we could not receive certain sacraments twice..my parents couldn’t receive communion for 20 yrs because my mother was forced to ANNUL her marriage to my father (whom she divorced after an affair with my to-be alcoholic stepfather) in order to be remarried in the church so they could receive communion. Now, by annulling her marriage to my father, what does that make me? Yup, ILLEGITIMATE. And one crime you can never shake in Catholicism is illegitimacy. Neat. Thanks Mom…always for the church…the kids were an afterthought…I moved to southeast Texas when my oldest two children were teenagers so they would have more cultures to learn from and to break that horrible curse of the Catholic shallow thinking, hypocrisy, and misaligned guilt! 900+ miles from all family and I couldn’t be happier. Once I understood that my siblings were alcoholics and my stepdad was a dry drunk, I cut them all out of my life because I cannot allow that much toxicity in my world anymore. I haven’t spoken to them since 2006, and I have not stepped foot in a church since 2002. This is “happy with an easy side order of past trauma”! 😂
I didn’t attend kindergarten either…everyone is shocked when I tell them..
@@wldncrzy1971 So proud of you for escaping Iowa for Texas! As a child who visited Iowa a lot, I resented the small town insularity SO MUCH, but now like you I can see how much of it was profoundly influenced by the, as you aptly put it, "Catholic shallow thinking, hypocrisy, and misaligned guilt"! It's very healing to see you word it so well and confirm my experiences perfectly! You got hip to your situation and took action a lot sooner than I did. I began to cut out religion and toxic family in 2016. Yep, nowadays it's more happiness but still resolving some of the past trauma. Keep on healing!
I can relate so much with the feeling of giving yourself to others until there is nothing left to give. This is something that my mum grew up with and has caused her and us so many problems. I am happy you are healing!
I have started to self-dx as... likely on the spectrum, definitely neurodivergent, and trying to get it acknowledged by "experts" is a struggle. They won't even hear you out if they see one being what they deem "too social" (the "for an autistic person" is silent). It is really damaging how wide spread the presumptions are, even among psychiatrists, worse even in the general public. sad. =(
Masking is a real part of being on the spectrum. It’s exhausting being in public because 95% of our interactions are ‘acting’ while internal anxiety eats us alive!
yes. it is exhausting @@wldncrzy1971
As a late in life diagnosed autistic who worked for years in the education and psychiatric fields I think I’ve figured it out. Diagnosing autism isn’t about improving OUR wellbeing. It never has been. It’s limited directly by how much we bother/distract neurotypical people’s daily lives. If we don’t make their lives difficult then by their standards, and they are the ones who make and enforce the rules, then we don’t deserve a formal diagnosis or formal treatment.
that.. sounds sadly accurate @@AngryPug76 💙
@@AngryPug76 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 that makes so much sense..it’s a relief and yet entirely disturbing. And I chose to tell my Asperger’s son that WE have evolved…they still make the rules..for now. Lol Some see some characteristics of the spectrum as a possible human evolution. And THAT makes a difference in attitude and processing other’s ‘inconvenience’. Both ways, we win 😂
This is by far my most favorite interview on being raised in Catholicism. So well spoken and intelligent. Would love to hear from her children!!!
Having grown up in a similar environment and also recently realizing that I'm neurodivergent later in life, this all sounds super familiar. Thank you for sharing, the more we talk about our experiences, the more likely it is to change things for the better
Kelly, you are such a brave woman. I understand what you went through, at least in my personal way. I went to a catholic school from 6 to around 11 years old. When I think of life changing trauma on my life I count 6. And that experience was the first one. I remember being bullyied badly both by my collegues and teachers. At home it was also draining, for other reasons . So please receive a digital hug, and be very very happy. ❤
WOW!! Best Linda Listen ever!! "Love the kids you have, not the kids you dreamed of having!"
This brought back memories. I'm the same age and while I was brought up Catholic, I went to public school. We did the scoliosis checks in public school as well.
I also loved this interview with Kelly! No difficulty understanding her conversation and explanations. I also enjoyed the tangents. Kelly, you are delightful, and someone I could easlly befriend 😊
My husband was a Catholic School Survivor. He attended until the 8th grade. My darling was one of the most intelligent people I have ever met. Visually, the man could do anything. He took in complex information and was able to explain it clearly and concisely. His sense of humor was miles ahead of anyone else.
Hubs believed in his heart of hearts that he was stupid. No one and nothing could convince him otherwise. Thanks to a lack of knowledge, understanding and more than their share of prejudice the nuns convinced my husband he was dumb and would never accomplish anything. I taught school for almost 20 years and through observation, extensive conversations with hubs, and comprehensive reading classes in University determined that my husband had dyslexia. I fought his self-concept every day of our relationship and my greatest sadness is that he died believing he was stupid. It broke my heart that he had that belief so firmly entrenched.
Your love for him was the joy of his life. You saw him. I'm glad he had you🥰♥️
ok, this is what I have been waiting to hear.
Hi there Shalise and Kelly! loved listening to your story and how honest you were. Loved the description of your daughter having a strong independent mind , and hating injustice- my daughter is exactly the same!😂.. . Shalise - you are a lovely interviewer , very patient and kind ❤
This is one of.the best interviews to date
Kelly, thank you so much for opening up about your experiences with purity culture and sexual assault. It takes vulnerability and honesty and I hope you know that you telling your story makes a difference for others. So much of your story resonates with mine. Everyday I’m working through what happened to me. Stories like yours truly help me face what happened and how it’s impacted my life.
I wish you all the best in the world!!
❤
I am absolutely loving this episode as another undiagnosed autistic raised Catholic! Fortunately, I was allowed to attend public school and my family was not strict when it came to religion, but it is so nice to see this topic being brought to light.
Peripherally related, there is a wonderful book called "Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence" published in 1985. It was an anthology by sisters who had entered the convent in the 60's at the time of the reforms discussed in this episode. It covered their reasons for entering: in the convent, there was an equal division of labor, an alternative to the nuclear family system and "the world," clear rules and routine (many were also autistic), etc. Some mention leaving because of the reforms-"I was promised Latin mass, a habit, and seclusion from the world!" And many of the ones who left became activists, their dedication to a life of service continued in this way, and their experience of living in community having given them the skills to be excellent community organizers. Highly recommend it for anyone interested in the topic.
I've always thought that in another time, I would have been a nun. Grateful to be born in an era where I don't need to forfeit all my belongings to a religious institution to spend my life in contemplation, free of neurotypical expectations!
Wow! As a Catholic who went to Catholic school in the 70's and 80's, I need to say that this type of stuff did not take place in my 2 schools! Also, Autism was not really recognized in High Functioning children during these times. Public school was the same as well.
I'm also late diagnosed Audhd, Kelly thank you for talking about the intersectionality of how this affected your experience. I'm deconstructing my former "religion" now at age 42 and I've barely been willing to think about how these things mix. The thought has popped into my head a few times like would all this have happened to me if I was Neuro typical? I've been too afraid to really lean into that question and your bravery here is making me want to. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I also struggle with being able to communicate things that happen to me, and even understand how I'm feeling sometimes it takes me weeks or even years to figure out how I feel about things. I started trying to tell my story now but it's so difficult I keep making shorter videos then I wanted to because I get overwhelmed. You did such a good job here , I hope you have safe people around you now and I'm so proud of you for using your voice like this xoxo
Thank you for this interview. Great insights, I just wanted to add that nuns weren't always treated as workhorses. Throughout history, the roles of monchs and nuns have changed so much and was also largely dependent on the order they lived under.
Very true I only know some history regarding nuns and many orders existed
My ex grew up Catholic and has created a cult with my children. He's trained them with the same beliefs present in the Catholic Church but has not shared where his beliefs originated from. Everything he does is secretive. I appreciate the information about life in Catholic School. i'm trying to figure out how to reach my adult children. It is not a culture I understand. There is no sense of normalcy. The guest did a great job! Thanks so much!
This woman is so bright and brilliant. Multiple times she would say something so poignant and thoughtful and would wow me.
The part when she said we should teach critical thinking in schools really resonated with me, i have had this thought before many times and how it would benefit every individual
Agreed!
Wow thank you for such a kind statement♥️
She is such a strong woman much respect and much love
Thank you for coming on the show Kelly, your interview was fantastic! ❤
Kelly thank you for doing this interview now I think I know my own grandmother, who raised me, a little better.
Thank you so much for sharing your story I can 100% relate. Both my father and mother experienced something very similar to you living in Italy and their family being devoted Catholics. They were told similar stories and teaching as yourself. I am so so so grateful and thankful that they are not hardcore Catholics now. My older sister and I got to live a life that was so much easier and 100x less strict. We attend Church on Sundays and say our prayers that is how far our Catholic views go today in 2023.
I love this interview ❤. My dad was Catholic and my mom Methodist, so I was raised experiencing both religions and actually spending five years in a Fundamentalist Christian church (felt like it was a cult!). Also, my husband and I have recently realized we are probably both on the autism spectrum. In so many ways, I can relate to much of what Kelly is sharing. I always felt like I was from another planet and have spent much of my life trying to figure out why I didn't fit in. Moving away from organized religion and discovering the autism connection has really helped me realize there is nothing wrong with me! I am intelligent, and like Kelly said, "I have a highly functioning brain that just works differently!" Thank you, Kelly, for sharing your thoughts and experiences 💝
I’m from Argentina, being raised in an Opus Dei environment (radical Catholic group). It’s really triggering seeing you react as things that are normal for almost everyone I know. Thanks for doing this!
♥️
Thank you for sharing your story Kelly.
I grew up in the Catholic Church and Catholic school system. I left the church as a teenager and as an adult I am still untangling my beliefs.
I now have an autistic child and I am so glad that he will never be exposed to the church and his beliefs.
Kelly, you are so well spoken and are captivating in telling your story. I am so sorry that you have been through so much in your life but you seemed to have really blossomed and found a great life. Best of wishes to you!
Great interview ❤
Kelly is the sweetest woman ever omg! I wanna give her a big hug
You inspired me as a mother of grown children! I loved what you both said, that there has to be some accountability but that we all do the best we can. Thank you both!
Being autistic is in itself a source of childhood trauma, especially when you’re undiagnosed. Layering religious trauma over top is definitely a good way to end up very broken. I’m so sorry you had to go through that Kelly. I wish you all the joy and healing you so desperately deserve.
I looked up the definition of trauma and it mentioned "racial trauma" so it seems logical to me that women would experience sex/gender based trauma and neurodiverse people would experience neurodiverse trauma.
I relate so much to Kelly's story. I went to Catholic schools and went undiagnosed well into my 20s. No one ever talked to me about consent. I struggled so much with the idea of going to hell. Kelly is really inspiring with how quickly she admits her shortcomings and then how much she's worked to put things right.
Thank you this really means a lot♥️
That was a wonderful Linda Listen ❤
The “shift” in Catholicism was about marketing strategies. It’s a toxic grift for money and power.
Reminds me of the book The Leopard. “Everything needs to change so that everything stays the same”
That could also apply to the monarchy 🤣🤣
Amen!
truer words never spoken... the more things change the more they stay the same with the Cult of Rome.
@@ludmilamaiolini6811 Or any government.
I loved this video. She was so relatable and reminded me of my mother and family.
Another great conversation.
Thank you for this one!
I am so sorry that you had such a negative experience of being Catholic. I am a Catholic too and I truly love my Catholic faith. It is an anchor and treasure to me. I often thank God for letting me be born into a Catholic familly. All of my siblings are Catholic too and we share our love of the faith. As time goes on, perhaps you will be able to separate what was damaging and what was beautiful. I also had kind and loving sisters that taught me all the way through 9th grade. They loved God and were not angry women. May the dear Lord bless you and keep you.
I'm really glad your faith and family bring you comfort♥️ I really am happy most of the time ♥️
Break the silence. Break the cycle.
Reduce, recycle, Rihanna ❤😂
@@aalexzandriaa huh?
I say what I heard "Courage is contagious" that was from a guest on Mormon Stories♥️
@@kellyreilly-robinson2130 I’ve been saying this since the early 80s. Try again.
@@katwitanruna ok I love it it got me to tell my story. Courage is contagious ♥️
I was raised catholic, I am now an atheist. I remember for my first communion/confession, I made up a sin because as a 9 year old I didn’t have any sins lmao. 😅
I remember I had the same issue as a kiddo and blew the priest mind by not feeling guilty or like I sinned all the time xD. He started to give me ideas did you do this or that and I was like nope 😂. My only sin was not going to church often 😅
I did too!!! I lied to the priest to have something to say during confession before my first holy communion!!! I look back…what did I do that was so bad at 8 or 9??? I probably didn’t clean my room…oh no!! Going to hell!!
The scoliosis checks were everywhere in the 70's and 80's. I went to public schools ans my family was not Catholic. I remember the scoliosis checks, and they were just like she described in the video.
also autistic & late diagnosed, also catholic - and I too was unable to come up with a sin to confess before my first communion 🤣 tbh I never went to confess again - I always felt my sins were between me and god and he knew them anyway so why should I have to tell them to that weird priest who was always paying a little too much attention to us kids?
This! I always lied in confession because we could not opt out. The only choice we were granted was ‘face-to-face or confessional’.
the power of listening and learning from children and the mistakes you made with them. Powerful. So many parents never see or can own up to that.
I loved it! Thank you for sharing. I grew up in a multi religious Enviromint. My mother's father was catholic, as were most of the people I grew up with. I can relate to most everything she said. Thanks again.
God is love, hugs and love sent from cali, praying for all.
Thank you for this. You have explained so much about myself in such a kind way. I’m a neurodivergent ministers daughter. There is a lot broken in me I need to repair or accept. Life has been overwhelming.
❤
You are not alone and you can love you, I never thought I could be myself🥰you can
This is Sarah, Bill's wife on our shared account.
I went to Lutheran grade school, and much of this was the same for me. I dont believe im autistic, but i am ADHD. I did have a hard time focusing on subjects i disliked. But many experiences i had wete similar to Kelly's, just a bit more relaxed. But the guilt, the "tradition," the strict adherence to rules is all the same. My heart goes out to you, Kelly, because I understand. I felt the need to write this, even though i don't have anything to add, because i get it.
Thank you so much for sharing Kelly ❤❤ And your Linda listen. Forgive yourself and Love yourself, you are an Amazing human being. I Wish I could meet you and enjoy a long great chat with you, unfortunately I live on the other side of the great ”pond” in Sweden.
Thank you Anne 🥰
Cant wait to watch it ❤thank you for interviewing Kelly
To Kelly thank you for sharing your experiences and im sure ill find something helpful once i watch your interview or relatable. Keep on being and amazing human💕
I have a child who is dyslexic and possibly on the tism spectrum and I'm self diagnosed with dyslexia possible adhd and on the tism spectrum. Im also riddled with trauma from my mum drilling into me the "faith". Im 29 and constantly fear God and fear going to hell just for making my mum mad or doing something wrong. I hope once i watch your interview it will help me. Thank you again to both you and Shelise.
I am 26 minutes in and am relating so much. So many horrible stories. I may need to take a break and come back to finish this. Hugs to this speaker.
I love this one ❤️ Kelly is such a great and intelligent story(truth-)-teller! My grandmother was catholic and organised for every grandchild to be baptised, although my dad had left the church by then and my mum was raised an atheist... a bit of water on a babies head... well, don’t rock the boat, it’s a beautiful white dress etc. A few years later (I lived in Protestant northern Germany) there was just one other catholic girl in my class and she asked if I would come along to do the communion thing. We went for quite a few weeks and I was a studious girl, so it was all fine and easy- UNTIL the priest organised a trip and told us we would start to repent there. I asked what that meant. He explained. I asked what you do when you haven’t sinned in life. He: You have to repent, otherwise you are sinning. That was it for me. I never went back, as this adult didn’t realise that the logic was screwed. I am still so happy and relieved that I went by logic at such a young age. My friend (who said- just say you hit your sister) went to the camp and finished the whole thing and got a gift from my teacher I remember...
And another story... this is getting to long for my taste, sorry!!...
My granddad is obsessed with ancestry and found (in church books of course) that some women (one of my ancestors) in about 1600-1700 wanted to divorce her violent husband. The Catholic Church guys told her the only way that would be possible was for her to be buried outside the cemetery after her death, which scared her so much that she stayed with the asshole she married for ‘God’ knows how long after. I still feel with the poor, brave woman who was victim to a controlling system and lack of knowledge.
This was not uncommon Church reach was/is huge.
When I recall all the stories about my older brother’s childhood and later life I am absolutely convinced he was adhd. He was spanked everyday in gradeschool and then again at home for daydreaming and not staying on task at school. He grew up hating school but later in highschool, excelling in math. He became successful as a mechanical engineer, not thru college, but through experience. But the mistreatment has damaged him psychologically in many ways, for the rest of his 80 years. I think this happens to a lesser degree to many brain-different children these days. Their parents ignorantly believe they are just lazy, rebellious or lacking intelligence when they may have a real problem they cannot overcome.
Kelly, I loved your story, thank you for sharing it! I'm Catholic (not an ex-Catholic....yet, maybe, I don't know). But there was a lot that you talked about that really resonated with me - fears of confession, purity, and fear of going to hell. There is so much that I was taught through Catholic school, my parents, and going to church every week that really messed with my perceptions, understandings, and ill-prepared me for life as an adult and a married woman. Thank you so much for sharing your story!
Thank you sooo much for sharing your painful experience. You are such a beautiful human 💛
Thank you for being so open and honest with your story! You're wonderful and I'm so happy you're finding peace and happiness.
I'm a recovering Catholic. I grew up in a small town with this church being the focal point in the community. We had a small family (4) . The school system was strict . I never considered myself as nondivergent, but my youngest son is, and after seeing his struggles I feel I have a light version of this . Kelly did a awesome job at verbalizing the struggles of these two developmental struggles.
I call myself a "Recovering Catholic"😂😂😂
This guest is very interesting and so well spoken and easy to follow.