"..keep shining because we need your light. And if you feel like your light is going out, get help. We are here for you, and so are others" Thank you for this
I know its been FOREVER but I have a question, I may or may not be in a minimizing stage, but what about something small that happened over and over again? I think that's my biggest question, I don't feel like it ever escalated to anything as bad as it could have been. Yet I know what I'm feeling and what's happening after what feels like the drop of a pin. How bad does it need to be to even think it as PTSD? Much more CPTSD?
@@rachelnelson7091 I think that can also be CPTSD if it's a lot of little things piling up , especially if there was little to no respite. There's a torture where water drips on your head, & just keeps dripping, with no reprieve & no escape. And there's a reason emotional abuse is considered as bad as, if not worse than, other forms of abuse
I was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression and Anxiety years ago. My father was EXTREMELY abusive. I've gone to therapy for over 3 years. And I've been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 18. Since going to therapy I now have some self-esteem. Not completely there, but I'm still working on it.
Good work. Keep going. You are worth it. My story has some similarities to yours. After years, work, and help, I live a lot better. I still carry PTSD, but it's more like wearing a necklace than pulling a wagon. I'm glad you are pursuing your well being.
After living with diagnosed PTSD for 15 years (and undiagnosed for decades) and many years of therapy I can say one thing definitively-it can get better, but it does not go away. I had to basically remake my life-much smaller than before-and I'm doing very good. But PTSD is a sneaky beast and it will pop up when you least expect it. But learning how to deal with your symptoms (and how you respond to them) will keep them from taking back over. But it's still flipping exhausting to deal with when they do come up. Thank you for this video.
The biggest mistake I made in my healing journey was assuming that I would suddenly be okay and everything would be perfect as soon as I got out of my parents' house and as soon as I was out of school away from all the bullies and out of harm's way. What I wasn't expecting was for my brain to start tormenting me and holding me back in the same way my environment had been my whole life, and it came with a lot of self-loathing and hatred and anger, and a lot of self-destructive behaviors. I started putting myself into dangerous and traumatic situations in a desperate attempt to be happy and I tore myself apart instead. I had been raised with abuse and gaslighting and fear and uncertainty and I felt unsafe for so long that I never realized all those feelings would come back to follow me and torment me even after the threat was gone. I've had some great times and I've had some horrible times since, but the battle with my mental health is still very much ongoing and I'm still struggling to figure out who I am and why I am the way I am, and it's so incredibly frustrating when you don't have the words to explain to someone why you act the way you do and what the cause is when it's not just a singular cause. It's a several hour rant that still manages to miss well over half of the full story because it's simply not possible to list every single thing that made you who you are, so much so that when someone asks me what's bothering me I can only say I don't know because as soon as they ask, my brain gets so overwhelmed by trying to figure out the actual source of the problem that I can't pinpoint just one thing. I wish more people understood what cptsd is and how it affects people because I'm sick of hearing "it's in the past, just get over it and move on" as if it's that easy. It's not. In my mind, it's very much still real and very much still a problem. You don't go through 19 years of torment and then pop into the real world and suddenly it's okay because it's over now. I wasn't okay when I moved out of my parents' house. If anything, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that it drove me into what I can only describe as a subtle state of mania, and as soon as something happened to trigger the trauma still hiding underneath, it all came crashing back down and I discovered all these mental hurdles that were in my way and all these new symptoms started popping up and even nearly two years after walking out on my parents, I'm still discovering new triggers and new aspects of my personality and it's honestly exhausting. I wish society would get rid of this notion that things in the past can't hurt you and you should just move on and live in the present. As much as I'd love to just live in the moment, my past left me with a lot of invisible wounds that can't just be healed in an instant. I'm in the best position I've ever been in life currently and even still I've been depressed in bed for the past five days, not all because of my past but because current events are reawakening past feelings, and unfortunately also creating some new feelings I haven't had to deal with before. It's exhausting and painful and I just wish society understood that. It'd be a lot easier to heal if people weren't so pushy about it and just understood that healing is a process, not a simple action. Physical wounds don't immediately get better when you put a bandage on them, and some may never go back to normal, so why do people expect mental wounds to act that way? I've accepted that I will never be exactly the same person I was when I was young and naive and unbothered by the hardships in life. I have scars, I have struggles, I have emotions, and some of them made me a better person in ways, but some are still devastating, and as much as I'd like to bury those parts of me and just be okay, it doesn't work like that and I'm tired of being told just to make it work like that
Society hasn't been taught to treat people with compassion and understanding. People will only change their behaviour when they understand better what it's like to carry the weight you're describing. That's why your testimony is so important. Thank you for sharing it. 🦉🐝🦁🐝🐉
I had CPTSD. It took 10 years of therapy to feel like I'm healed. It was a long hard road that I didn't ask to walk, but the work I did in therapy was absolutely worth it. It can get better ❤️
So I’m dealing with CPTSD right now. I’m early 20s and just got out of my old, long term living situation a couple years ago - so the ptsd is starting to really kick in. And now I’m showing up to therapy ready to deal with my trauma and move on. But the therapist I’m seeing currently keeps telling me “there’s no dealing with trauma” and that the only way to “deal with it” is to move on and not “wallow in it.” I’m confused though because the whole issue is that I need help with “how” to move on. So I’m just wondering if you can give me some info on how you managed to heal. I’m just lost at the moment.
@@COOKMONST3R I think that your advice from the therapist isn't good advice. Not all therapist are helpful and it may take a few to find one that works for you. I have cptsd and I've been getting therapy for it. I'm in my early 20s as well. Being told "there's no dealing with trauma" and especially being told "move on". Are some very damaging mindsets to have and can negatively affect your healing process.
@@yellowishgreendragon.-. Yeah. She's most recently told me that the emotional flashbacks I struggle with when triggered are me just "doing it to myself," and that I should just not think about my traumatic memories because it's all in the past and can't hurt me now. Though I find this ironic because the whole basis of cptsd is that it's all still fucking with me whether I'm actively trying to think about it or not. Long story short. Yes, I think you're right lol. I might need to find someone who's more of a match.
@@COOKMONST3R oh I'm so sorry you got told that. That sort of mindset is what prevents a lot of people from getting help. I'd definitely recommend finding someone else. Maybe reporting that therapist too if you're up for it.
@@yellowishgreendragon.-. Yeah. I'm definitely going to make the jump and find another! And thank you so much for getting back to me. I've really needed a second opinion on this and had no one to ask. So I really appreciate it. Best of luck to you in your own journey!
Jonathan, my name is Elizabeth. I am newly 18 years old and have aged out of the foster care system here in the U.S. I entered into care eight months ago and through this process I have been blacklisted from my entire family (to include extended family). I was very recently diagnosed with CPTSD and have been on my own healing journey trying to understand why I feel the way I feel, and what I can do to change that. A huge part of this process has been watching not only your Mended Light videos, but also Cinema Therapy. I have never felt more seen than when I watched this video. The assurance that I am not alone is something that I have highly underestimated in the past, but I now know that it truly helps. I'm still healing and learning, but I am very glad that I have access to people like you. Thank you so very much. Lots of love, Elizabeth Mayne.
I needed this. My CPTSD is almost exactly what you said I live through everyday. For 9 years I have been in therapy, counselling, and on medication. Last year I was able to start my dream (going to university) because of the help I was given. But the pain is real and it is still everyday. If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, or you are at the beginning of your healing journey, I see you and I'm with you. It will take a lifetime to live with the pain, but if you try really hard everyday, you will get where you want to be ❤ You don't need to do or be anything for anyone, be the person you needed ❤
EMDR and its "newer" version EMI therapy need to be more talked about!!! Other forms of therapy are great, but EMI honestly changed my life because it's much less confronting than other therapies such as exposure therapy (at least, in my experience) and works just as well, if not better.
This is huge and what helped me too! I’d don’t a ton of work before hand and it only took me one session to organize the rest of the issues that were less. Hugely helpful and I can’t rave about it enough!
Yes, EMDR totally changed my life and probably saved my marriage. I have CPTSD and one of my biggest triggers was having my neck touched at all, couldn't even wear turtlenecks. Now my husband can kiss my neck and my baby girl can snuggle into my neck without having a panic attack, lashing out, or having flash backs.
EMDR can be dangerous. I did it once, for five minutes, and I was severely depressed for weeks afterwards. Before they started that treatment I had to sign a waiver that said I would call 911 if I started having thought of self-h*rm. It can be helpful but it needs to be done *very* carefully, and it won’t work for everybody.
Thank you for this video. I have my second session on Monday for rebuilding myself and my confidence and managing my CPTSD. A few points made me emotional in this but it was all good to hear and know. Thank you for what you do
The hardest part for me is accepting that it takes time. So much time. To heal. I just want this to be over and start my life anew. It sucks that first you have to live through a traumatic past (cptsd) and than you have to spend so, so much time healing from it. It feels like being cursed and than having to spend the rest of your life reversing that curse so as not to pass it on.
For everyone with hypervigilance I can recommend the Practise of Minimalism to support your mind a bit. It is not the solution but living minimalistic gets a lot of stuff of your mind and it makes it just more quiet...
My abusive, narcissistic mother regularly dragged me to mental health workers desperate for proof that I alone was at fault for the all the violence at home and validation that she was the victim. So ironically, their enabling it is a large part of the cptsd I'm currently living with.
I was JUST sitting here crying, 6am- sun not even up yet, &I wondered to myself if you had a video for cptsd yet, because I thought it might help my husband understand why I’m still a huge mess even though it’s been years. Bam- it’s your most recent upload.
5:00 "... sometimes your family or your friends are the source of the trauma and you can't turn to them. So you have to build a new family. .." Thank! You! So tired of being told that 'family is family' so I should go to them no matter what, even if they are horrible for my mental health.
Jonathan I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2020. I’ve figured out that I’ve experienced a total of 84 years (partly concurrently) of abuse including parental, spousal and “friend”. The violence which accompanied the pandemic sent me over the edge and I became a bag of nerves. Since leaving the familiarity of St George in 2014 I have developed serious anxiety while driving and increasingly when facing new experiences. I’ve been in EMDR for 6 months now and next week am going to twice weekly. It’s definitely been a great benefit and I’ve been able to express many feelings which were numbed over time.
I asked before and you responded, but I'm not sure if you made a video of this already : How do you heal from trauma when you're still being traumatized? Thank you for adding the note about C-TSD, like C-PTSD but still ongoing. I didn't know about that. I'm past the childhood trauma, but at 45 years old there are still things happening in my life I would consider traumatic and abusive. It's not so easy to get out of these situations, for a myriad of reasons. My only thought is to just get angry and violent, and I don't really want to do that.
I've learnt on another channel from a psychiatrist who looks through recent research about trauma, that being safe is one of the main key points of starting trauma work. If you are not safe, you can obtain means to keep surviving. But actual healing and processing work usually cannot kick off properly before you're safe. Though there's surely support options to help you through the process of securing yourself. (Though ofcourse that also depends on the country) But options can be found to help you leave your current bad situation and get to a safe place and start the trauma related work while you start over and try to build a safe network around you with people who are safe to be with (not conflict free, obviously. Safe!)
Moving out was the space and safety my mind needed to start processing everything- and the flashbacks, the emotional turmoil, the nightmares- it's all been hellish. I'm still trying to heal after years of therapy, medication, etc.Thank you for your words of advice and encouragement, they were really needed.
Thank you for this video 😊 having it defined the difference is helpful to know. Would love a video on how best to support those with these disorders. In our home we have cptsd in my partner and have recently had a teenage girl join the family and i am sure has ptsd and is under assesment. (Both are getting therapy or will be soon) but tips on supporting mental health like this outside of tgerapy and what that could look like in diffetent age groups and roles like friend, partner, parent, sibling etc i think many could find heppful as well as staying sane urself lol 😊 Thank you for all your work on this show u have helped a lot with our family here detailed understanding and medical support of cptsd etc outside of being war related here in uk is... not great.
Thanks for posting this, i just started and it feels like I can't do it for a lot of the time. But i do believe it will help. But we're going to be in it for a while 😑
Thank you for letting me know that it’s ok to have a group of people who don’t know about your trauma. I started my job after my trauma, and chose not to tell anyone at work about it. It feels so nice to be able to feel normal, but I feel constantly anxious that someone will find out, and feel like I’m being fake by not telling people. Thank you for letting me know it’s ok, it’s nice having a place where I don’t feel like my trauma defines me.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on EMDR. I'm really glad you've covered this, because CPTSD is definitely misunderstood in North America where everything seems to rely on the DSM. My (C)PTSD was discovered after a "first" episode psychosis, because my psychiatrist sent me to a PTSD specialist, who happened to be internationally trained, because she thought I may have PTSD and wanted to identify if my psychosis was caused by the PTSD or if it was separate. Once I knew what was going on, for me it was a huge relief because now I knew what I could focus on healing from, instead of just trying to be okay without knowing exactly what was wrong. EMDR was a huge step in my journey, but it was an important second step. The first for me was group trauma therapy. It was highly intensive and we learned about how trauma affects the brain as well as coping strategies and skills, without going into specifics on our traumas as to not activate others or ourselves, and to learn how to make ourselves a safe space before trying to tackle the traumas themselves.
I would love to see a video about how to be a good parent/parenting tips if you have CPTSD. I have a 9 month old baby girl and am expecting another baby this July and would love to be more aware how my CPTSD could be affecting how I parent them.
Thank you Jonathan. I almost certain by what you said, that I have CPTSD. But which ever it is even if it's just normal PTSD, it's still horrible, and I still don't have anyone pro to help me. I assume you guys in Mended Light, help people only in the US, and if it's true than it's too bad. I won't expose to the entire globe my story, but I have to face horror every night, and sometimes during the day even, if I face a trigger to my trauma. Frankly I don't know how to handle an attack, so I just let it pass if I am alone, if not I run away from people for not hurting them in mistake.
Do you know and have your local help numbers? Because there are people there who can help you through attacks and eventually they can help with connecting you to groups and organisations around you who can support you. And that's a very good start!
@@KxNOxUTA Thank you. No, unfortunately I don't know local help numbers. I don't know who to trust, because there are many scammers in my country, you can't know what's real and what's not. And so called "professionals" of my health insurance, won't acknowledge me as a PTSD. You know why? I checked it out, and it would appear, people with serious issues like that, cost the health insurance a lot of money. But not one pro told me I am such, best solution they have is pills, I don't want pills, I have other health issues as well, I don't need a ton of pills, got to be another solution/help. The thing is, the ones I met told me, even with treatment PTSD never really go away, but might decrees a lot.
This is very helpful. I'm curious as to what c-ptsd in civilians and members of the military, what is the similarities? Can you maybe do a video on that in the future or think about it? Thank you for this message and information and for caring.
I left an abusive situation (lived together for the sake of our kids) almost 2 years ago. It was all thanks to my sister that it clicked for me to finally leave my ex. For the first few months I cried every other day and felt free. Yet I still feel the trauma, I would tremble, hyperventilate, and become nauseous sometimes. One day I know I have to see him and be in the same room with him in the future (court related) and just thinking about it brings back my trauma. I'm glad I chose to go to therapy as my feelings and trauma weren't validated and I don't want to be a burden to my family. Thank you for saying that we don't have to bring it up to others. I am in a professional setting, no one knows what I went through and it is a safe space for me to be myself.
I know I have CPTSD. I know what causes it. I know I need to talk about. But I its a delicate situation. I know that if I talk about it a police report will be filed. This person could end up in jail. That cant happen. There is so much stress and anxiety. I dont know how to heal but keep this person and thei family safe. Its deeper then that though.
Currently stuck in the middle of EMDR because covid and renovations mean we can't meet in person, so I have my safe place and I have my container, and I've labeled some of my memories both good and bad from childhood, but nothing beyond that.
Also, could you do a video about the differences between covert and overt narcissism; how/if being around narcissists is possible or should you avoid them; and the toll it takes on someone to be an enabler.
Could you maybe talk about maladaptive daydreaming in a future episode? I've only recently discovered the term and feel like it's close to what I do a lot, but I'm not sure & would like to learn more about it.
I'm convinced I have CPTSD because its not just a few or one event. I have chronic pain, panic attacks, dissociative episodes ect. I'm diagnosed with PTSD and currently getting EMDR therapy. It feels like I'm unraveling my entire life to weave it into something else I can live with. But I have to unravel first, and it hurts, I wish people knew that PTSD is more common than they think.
Thank you for clarifying. I thought C-PTSD was continuous- ptsd, as in a parent of a disabled child or medically fragile child under constant trauma from the initial injury, and then the recurring events, and constant vigilance against the next medical event that may take your child.
I've had C-PTSD pretty much all my life. In elementary school, I remember dissociating _completely_ and getting in trouble because my body was fighting my classmates while I was checked out. A few years after that, I started to get waking, stress-induced seizures; a few years after that, dizzy spells that put me on the ground. And these all compounded on each other. The most insidious part though: I thought I had ADHD, because I _can't focus or remember anything._ Turns out that comes from the trauma too. My dysfunction is so deep, I can't even hold down a job. The only thing I _can_ do is model the respect, compassion, and consent I wasn't shown before, and build close ties with friends who value these things too. It can't fix me, but it can show me there's a life worth sticking around for if I can just overcome the obstacles.
Honestly always wishing I could find some help. I was set up for failure since the beginning. I was compared to my dead sister constantly just because we shared a birthday, born into a cult, went through CSA, was used by my mother and her cousin to get my dad arrested because he cheated on her, went through every type of abuse you could put child through and then some, went to get help after I entered my 20s because it was looked down in the cult to get mental help ( because they know they abuse people, especially young children).
FML! I honestly feel like I've experienced so much trauma and have CPTSD so bad that I don't ever feel "safe" I am always on edge and always ready for something to go wrong basically I feel like I'm constantly in fight or flight, I dissociate so many times in a 24hr period, I really wish therapy/ counseling were a bit cheaper 🙃
There is a tremendous deficit of both decent mental health care and mental health care in general available via my state’s Medicaid program, which is my only source of insurance and affordable treatment. My understanding is that this problem is not at all limited to my state, but is a problem throughout the country, and that it’s a problem extending far beyond Medicaid as well. A related issue that concerns me, is of businesses (like BetterHelp) emerging as an economic response to an actual social health crisis. I believe health care is a human right, and I believe that includes mental health care (and other areas, like dentistry! I don’t understand why we still tolerate these areas being separated, when our minds and bodies are an interconnected whole that cannot and should not be picked apart and put into isolated categories any more than is absolutely necessary.). I could easily get carried away with this topic, because I’m passionate about it, but I’ll try to remain specific and just say that in America our society is suffering tremendously because the health of our people is suffering tremendously, and we’re doing very little to remedy the problems. Our priorities are completely backwards. Our obsession with profit and power is killing us. In order to heal ourselves, we must be able to offer the highest quality health care, including mental health care, to anyone who needs it, as much as they need it, and without people having to worry about paying for it. The involvement of profit in healthcare interferes negatively in so many ways. Of course, I don’t mean that providers shouldn’t be compensated for their work… but then, how can one possibly decide what is the right amount of compensation for such work? I’m saying, straight up, that a functioning, non-corrupt healthcare system cannot exist within a Capitalist economy. I’m also not proposing an alternative - just stating what seems to me to be an obvious conflict of interests. I can’t get the help I need for my CPTSD, nor can my daughter, because I can’t afford the quality of therapy we need. And the reasons I’m broke have to do with chronic health conditions and the circumstances of my past abusive long-term relationships (although it’s all much more complicated than all of that). So, I can’t afford help because I need help. How much sense does that make? And it’s not an uncommon conundrum whatsoever. I wonder how bad things need to get (on a large scale) before it’s enough to cause people to actually do something about it? Just a ‘lil rhetorical question… Anyhoo… Thank you, Mr. Decker for the work you do. You seem like a very kind an compassionate person.
How do you find a qualified professional to help me deal with this kind of thing? I am I the UK. I don't want to be on an NHS waiting list for up to a year, or longer
So I have Asd and most likely adhd ( super high scores on several test panels) problem is talking about it doesn’t really diminish my response rather it activates and it still feels fresh or even reinforced afterwards but at the same time not talking about it is not doing me any favours either - do you have any therapy suggestions to bypass my brain and get to my limbic system ( have cptsd and still being triggered both because it happens but also because going up against abusive systems and abusive primarily men and I’m not willing to back down)
Please do a reaction to the song L'enfer by Stromae. It is a recent Song about the singer's suicidal ideation, and it is both powerful, and healing. Other YT therapists have reacted to it, but I would love your take on it.
I imagine this should be an obvious answer, but is it possible to have both? Or have multiple traumas that are different, but all left a variation of PTSD?
I wrote a whole thing about my situation but realized the short version is… I don’t believe therapists really give a damn about their patients. I’ve tried therapy and they always seem to guessing, or rattling off rote methods they like to use for literally everyone, or making non-stop notes, or… heaven help you if you get the one who’s writing a book. Some already have. They’ll sell you a copy. I’ve made it to 49. I guess I can make it a few more decades rather than deal with another indifferent “professional” who forgets me between sessions and gives the exact same advice as they did two weeks ago… and isn’t even covered by insurance. And it sucks because my daughter needs therapy so I’ll have to try and find someone for her and pray that she finds them helpful. Goodness knows how that’s even possible given the rampant quackery. She’s old enough to decide for herself so I gotta help her. I’m certainly no use to her any other way.
I currently am in a very abusive relationship, physically, emotionally and sexually it has been going on for over 2.5 years and I have been in too much pain to go to therapy
worst part is i fixed one of my triggers through exposure therapy and immediately got cheated on and abused horribly, got dozens of new ones now all so much more severe.
Ich bin traumatisiert, ich bin schon traumatisiert auf die Welt gekommen. Aber sie , sie sind kurz vorm Kollaps. Richtig? Darf ich Ihnen helfen ihr Licht zu entfalten. Büdde.
MY SOUL SILENTLY WAILS. RAGE AND GRIEF CONSUME EVERY CELL OF ME. I WILL NO LONGER HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED. I WILL ROAR!!! My soul is brutally and violently tortured and raped. I have PTSD flashbacks CONSTANTLY: ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS. I can no longer bear this hell that I'm in. 44 years of hellish suffering with only intermittent fleeting windows of relief. Rage and grief consume every cell of my being. I am drowned and suffocated. AS A RESULT OF SEVERE (C)PTSD, I HAVE LEARNED THE FOLLOWING... 10 SURVIVAL lies: 1) fawn response 2) lying from very young to become socially "included" 3) to have a self-story that is not actually true/accurate (it was crafted to adapt to, or escape from: environment, for example) 4) to lie to avoid loss 5) lying to secure resources/safety 6) to lie: due to shame 7) to find myself in scenarios - due to trauma - where it becomes easier to just tell overt lies 8) to tell an overt lie after experiencing a trigger (emotional flashback) 9) to lie so as to not have to caretake another person's feelings 10) to lie because it feels "nice" to feel "normal" sometimes, around others
Ehrlich gesagt brauche ich jemanden der mir hilft wieder Spaß an sex zu haben weil mein genital Verstümmelt wurde. Möchten oder können Sie überhaupt so etwas Therapien?
"..keep shining because we need your light. And if you feel like your light is going out, get help. We are here for you, and so are others"
Thank you for this
I do it the simple way: PTSD is caused by one HUGE THING. CPTSD is caused by a LOT of bad things on top of each other
...which can also be huge.
@@MsAaannaaa … that’s why they said a lot… deduce my friend.
I know its been FOREVER but I have a question, I may or may not be in a minimizing stage, but what about something small that happened over and over again? I think that's my biggest question, I don't feel like it ever escalated to anything as bad as it could have been. Yet I know what I'm feeling and what's happening after what feels like the drop of a pin. How bad does it need to be to even think it as PTSD? Much more CPTSD?
@@rachelnelson7091 I think that can also be CPTSD if it's a lot of little things piling up , especially if there was little to no respite. There's a torture where water drips on your head, & just keeps dripping, with no reprieve & no escape. And there's a reason emotional abuse is considered as bad as, if not worse than, other forms of abuse
I was diagnosed with PTSD, Severe Depression and Anxiety years ago. My father was EXTREMELY abusive. I've gone to therapy for over 3 years. And I've been on anti-depressants on and off since I was 18. Since going to therapy I now have some self-esteem. Not completely there, but I'm still working on it.
Good work. Keep going. You are worth it. My story has some similarities to yours. After years, work, and help, I live a lot better. I still carry PTSD, but it's more like wearing a necklace than pulling a wagon.
I'm glad you are pursuing your well being.
Hope you get there! You are loved and you are unique
After living with diagnosed PTSD for 15 years (and undiagnosed for decades) and many years of therapy I can say one thing definitively-it can get better, but it does not go away. I had to basically remake my life-much smaller than before-and I'm doing very good. But PTSD is a sneaky beast and it will pop up when you least expect it. But learning how to deal with your symptoms (and how you respond to them) will keep them from taking back over. But it's still flipping exhausting to deal with when they do come up. Thank you for this video.
Spot on!! I can see myself a lot in your description.
Nothing of value to add beyond telling the Almighty Algorithm that this is an important and valuable video and channel. Keep on, Jonno.
The biggest mistake I made in my healing journey was assuming that I would suddenly be okay and everything would be perfect as soon as I got out of my parents' house and as soon as I was out of school away from all the bullies and out of harm's way. What I wasn't expecting was for my brain to start tormenting me and holding me back in the same way my environment had been my whole life, and it came with a lot of self-loathing and hatred and anger, and a lot of self-destructive behaviors. I started putting myself into dangerous and traumatic situations in a desperate attempt to be happy and I tore myself apart instead. I had been raised with abuse and gaslighting and fear and uncertainty and I felt unsafe for so long that I never realized all those feelings would come back to follow me and torment me even after the threat was gone. I've had some great times and I've had some horrible times since, but the battle with my mental health is still very much ongoing and I'm still struggling to figure out who I am and why I am the way I am, and it's so incredibly frustrating when you don't have the words to explain to someone why you act the way you do and what the cause is when it's not just a singular cause. It's a several hour rant that still manages to miss well over half of the full story because it's simply not possible to list every single thing that made you who you are, so much so that when someone asks me what's bothering me I can only say I don't know because as soon as they ask, my brain gets so overwhelmed by trying to figure out the actual source of the problem that I can't pinpoint just one thing.
I wish more people understood what cptsd is and how it affects people because I'm sick of hearing "it's in the past, just get over it and move on" as if it's that easy. It's not. In my mind, it's very much still real and very much still a problem. You don't go through 19 years of torment and then pop into the real world and suddenly it's okay because it's over now. I wasn't okay when I moved out of my parents' house. If anything, I was so overwhelmed with emotions that it drove me into what I can only describe as a subtle state of mania, and as soon as something happened to trigger the trauma still hiding underneath, it all came crashing back down and I discovered all these mental hurdles that were in my way and all these new symptoms started popping up and even nearly two years after walking out on my parents, I'm still discovering new triggers and new aspects of my personality and it's honestly exhausting.
I wish society would get rid of this notion that things in the past can't hurt you and you should just move on and live in the present. As much as I'd love to just live in the moment, my past left me with a lot of invisible wounds that can't just be healed in an instant. I'm in the best position I've ever been in life currently and even still I've been depressed in bed for the past five days, not all because of my past but because current events are reawakening past feelings, and unfortunately also creating some new feelings I haven't had to deal with before. It's exhausting and painful and I just wish society understood that. It'd be a lot easier to heal if people weren't so pushy about it and just understood that healing is a process, not a simple action. Physical wounds don't immediately get better when you put a bandage on them, and some may never go back to normal, so why do people expect mental wounds to act that way? I've accepted that I will never be exactly the same person I was when I was young and naive and unbothered by the hardships in life. I have scars, I have struggles, I have emotions, and some of them made me a better person in ways, but some are still devastating, and as much as I'd like to bury those parts of me and just be okay, it doesn't work like that and I'm tired of being told just to make it work like that
Society hasn't been taught to treat people with compassion and understanding. People will only change their behaviour when they understand better what it's like to carry the weight you're describing. That's why your testimony is so important. Thank you for sharing it. 🦉🐝🦁🐝🐉
Wow everything you said sounds like my inner thoughts. You're so right. Thank you for sharing this. And I'm sorry you have to go through this too
I had CPTSD. It took 10 years of therapy to feel like I'm healed. It was a long hard road that I didn't ask to walk, but the work I did in therapy was absolutely worth it. It can get better ❤️
So I’m dealing with CPTSD right now. I’m early 20s and just got out of my old, long term living situation a couple years ago - so the ptsd is starting to really kick in. And now I’m showing up to therapy ready to deal with my trauma and move on. But the therapist I’m seeing currently keeps telling me “there’s no dealing with trauma” and that the only way to “deal with it” is to move on and not “wallow in it.” I’m confused though because the whole issue is that I need help with “how” to move on. So I’m just wondering if you can give me some info on how you managed to heal. I’m just lost at the moment.
@@COOKMONST3R I think that your advice from the therapist isn't good advice. Not all therapist are helpful and it may take a few to find one that works for you.
I have cptsd and I've been getting therapy for it.
I'm in my early 20s as well.
Being told "there's no dealing with trauma" and especially being told "move on". Are some very damaging mindsets to have and can negatively affect your healing process.
@@yellowishgreendragon.-. Yeah. She's most recently told me that the emotional flashbacks I struggle with when triggered are me just "doing it to myself," and that I should just not think about my traumatic memories because it's all in the past and can't hurt me now. Though I find this ironic because the whole basis of cptsd is that it's all still fucking with me whether I'm actively trying to think about it or not.
Long story short. Yes, I think you're right lol. I might need to find someone who's more of a match.
@@COOKMONST3R oh I'm so sorry you got told that. That sort of mindset is what prevents a lot of people from getting help.
I'd definitely recommend finding someone else. Maybe reporting that therapist too if you're up for it.
@@yellowishgreendragon.-. Yeah. I'm definitely going to make the jump and find another!
And thank you so much for getting back to me. I've really needed a second opinion on this and had no one to ask.
So I really appreciate it. Best of luck to you in your own journey!
Jonathan, my name is Elizabeth. I am newly 18 years old and have aged out of the foster care system here in the U.S. I entered into care eight months ago and through this process I have been blacklisted from my entire family (to include extended family). I was very recently diagnosed with CPTSD and have been on my own healing journey trying to understand why I feel the way I feel, and what I can do to change that. A huge part of this process has been watching not only your Mended Light videos, but also Cinema Therapy. I have never felt more seen than when I watched this video. The assurance that I am not alone is something that I have highly underestimated in the past, but I now know that it truly helps. I'm still healing and learning, but I am very glad that I have access to people like you. Thank you so very much.
Lots of love,
Elizabeth Mayne.
I needed this.
My CPTSD is almost exactly what you said I live through everyday.
For 9 years I have been in therapy, counselling, and on medication.
Last year I was able to start my dream (going to university) because of the help I was given.
But the pain is real and it is still everyday.
If you are experiencing any of these symptoms, or you are at the beginning of your healing journey, I see you and I'm with you.
It will take a lifetime to live with the pain, but if you try really hard everyday, you will get where you want to be ❤
You don't need to do or be anything for anyone, be the person you needed ❤
EMDR and its "newer" version EMI therapy need to be more talked about!!! Other forms of therapy are great, but EMI honestly changed my life because it's much less confronting than other therapies such as exposure therapy (at least, in my experience) and works just as well, if not better.
This is huge and what helped me too! I’d don’t a ton of work before hand and it only took me one session to organize the rest of the issues that were less. Hugely helpful and I can’t rave about it enough!
I have also started EMDR therapy and it has helped tremendously 🙌🏽
EMDR was probably the best thing I ever did. It was difficult and scary but works so well.
Yes, EMDR totally changed my life and probably saved my marriage. I have CPTSD and one of my biggest triggers was having my neck touched at all, couldn't even wear turtlenecks. Now my husband can kiss my neck and my baby girl can snuggle into my neck without having a panic attack, lashing out, or having flash backs.
EMDR can be dangerous. I did it once, for five minutes, and I was severely depressed for weeks afterwards. Before they started that treatment I had to sign a waiver that said I would call 911 if I started having thought of self-h*rm. It can be helpful but it needs to be done *very* carefully, and it won’t work for everybody.
Thank you for this video. I have my second session on Monday for rebuilding myself and my confidence and managing my CPTSD. A few points made me emotional in this but it was all good to hear and know. Thank you for what you do
Thank you for this video! I have a Dissociative disorder and CPTSD and love to learn more. It is so helpful in my journey to health!
The hardest part for me is accepting that it takes time. So much time. To heal. I just want this to be over and start my life anew. It sucks that first you have to live through a traumatic past (cptsd) and than you have to spend so, so much time healing from it. It feels like being cursed and than having to spend the rest of your life reversing that curse so as not to pass it on.
For everyone with hypervigilance I can recommend the Practise of Minimalism to support your mind a bit. It is not the solution but living minimalistic gets a lot of stuff of your mind and it makes it just more quiet...
My abusive, narcissistic mother regularly dragged me to mental health workers desperate for proof that I alone was at fault for the all the violence at home and validation that she was the victim. So ironically, their enabling it is a large part of the cptsd I'm currently living with.
I was JUST sitting here crying, 6am- sun not even up yet, &I wondered to myself if you had a video for cptsd yet, because I thought it might help my husband understand why I’m still a huge mess even though it’s been years. Bam- it’s your most recent upload.
5:00 "... sometimes your family or your friends are the source of the trauma and you can't turn to them. So you have to build a new family. .." Thank! You! So tired of being told that 'family is family' so I should go to them no matter what, even if they are horrible for my mental health.
Jonathan I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2020. I’ve figured out that I’ve experienced a total of 84 years (partly concurrently) of abuse including parental, spousal and “friend”. The violence which accompanied the pandemic sent me over the edge and I became a bag of nerves. Since leaving the familiarity of St George in 2014 I have developed serious anxiety while driving and increasingly when facing new experiences. I’ve been in EMDR for 6 months now and next week am going to twice weekly. It’s definitely been a great benefit and I’ve been able to express many feelings which were numbed over time.
YES YES YES! Watching now! Excited!
THANK YOU for. being one of the VERY few therapists talking about CPTSD. Or more aptly named CTD
I asked before and you responded, but I'm not sure if you made a video of this already : How do you heal from trauma when you're still being traumatized? Thank you for adding the note about C-TSD, like C-PTSD but still ongoing. I didn't know about that. I'm past the childhood trauma, but at 45 years old there are still things happening in my life I would consider traumatic and abusive. It's not so easy to get out of these situations, for a myriad of reasons. My only thought is to just get angry and violent, and I don't really want to do that.
I've learnt on another channel from a psychiatrist who looks through recent research about trauma, that being safe is one of the main key points of starting trauma work. If you are not safe, you can obtain means to keep surviving. But actual healing and processing work usually cannot kick off properly before you're safe. Though there's surely support options to help you through the process of securing yourself. (Though ofcourse that also depends on the country)
But options can be found to help you leave your current bad situation and get to a safe place and start the trauma related work while you start over and try to build a safe network around you with people who are safe to be with (not conflict free, obviously. Safe!)
Thank you so much Jonathan! This is one of those subjects that's very close. You handle it with such informative candor.
Thank you sooooo much!!! May God bless you a lot for all these so needed videos!!!
Moving out was the space and safety my mind needed to start processing everything- and the flashbacks, the emotional turmoil, the nightmares- it's all been hellish. I'm still trying to heal after years of therapy, medication, etc.Thank you for your words of advice and encouragement, they were really needed.
Going to send this to some people who didn't understand what I meant when I said I struggled with CPTSD. Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for this video 😊 having it defined the difference is helpful to know. Would love a video on how best to support those with these disorders.
In our home we have cptsd in my partner and have recently had a teenage girl join the family and i am sure has ptsd and is under assesment. (Both are getting therapy or will be soon) but tips on supporting mental health like this outside of tgerapy and what that could look like in diffetent age groups and roles like friend, partner, parent, sibling etc i think many could find heppful as well as staying sane urself lol 😊
Thank you for all your work on this show u have helped a lot with our family here detailed understanding and medical support of cptsd etc outside of being war related here in uk is... not great.
thank you so much for this video jono
One year of EMDR therapy changed my life.
Thanks for posting this, i just started and it feels like I can't do it for a lot of the time. But i do believe it will help. But we're going to be in it for a while 😑
Thank you for letting me know that it’s ok to have a group of people who don’t know about your trauma. I started my job after my trauma, and chose not to tell anyone at work about it. It feels so nice to be able to feel normal, but I feel constantly anxious that someone will find out, and feel like I’m being fake by not telling people.
Thank you for letting me know it’s ok, it’s nice having a place where I don’t feel like my trauma defines me.
Thank you so much! We need more focus about this. Though I've also read research that shoes that EMDR can be retraumatizing for us with CPTSD.
I'd love to hear your thoughts on EMDR.
I'm really glad you've covered this, because CPTSD is definitely misunderstood in North America where everything seems to rely on the DSM. My (C)PTSD was discovered after a "first" episode psychosis, because my psychiatrist sent me to a PTSD specialist, who happened to be internationally trained, because she thought I may have PTSD and wanted to identify if my psychosis was caused by the PTSD or if it was separate. Once I knew what was going on, for me it was a huge relief because now I knew what I could focus on healing from, instead of just trying to be okay without knowing exactly what was wrong. EMDR was a huge step in my journey, but it was an important second step. The first for me was group trauma therapy. It was highly intensive and we learned about how trauma affects the brain as well as coping strategies and skills, without going into specifics on our traumas as to not activate others or ourselves, and to learn how to make ourselves a safe space before trying to tackle the traumas themselves.
100%
Minute 6... YES
Really appreciate this video!
I would love to see a video about how to be a good parent/parenting tips if you have CPTSD. I have a 9 month old baby girl and am expecting another baby this July and would love to be more aware how my CPTSD could be affecting how I parent them.
Thank you Jonathan. I almost certain by what you said, that I have CPTSD. But which ever it is even if it's just normal PTSD, it's still horrible, and I still don't have anyone pro to help me. I assume you guys in Mended Light, help people only in the US, and if it's true than it's too bad. I won't expose to the entire globe my story, but I have to face horror every night, and sometimes during the day even, if I face a trigger to my trauma. Frankly I don't know how to handle an attack, so I just let it pass if I am alone, if not I run away from people for not hurting them in mistake.
Do you know and have your local help numbers? Because there are people there who can help you through attacks and eventually they can help with connecting you to groups and organisations around you who can support you. And that's a very good start!
@@KxNOxUTA Thank you. No, unfortunately I don't know local help numbers. I don't know who to trust, because there are many scammers in my country, you can't know what's real and what's not. And so called "professionals" of my health insurance, won't acknowledge me as a PTSD. You know why? I checked it out, and it would appear, people with serious issues like that, cost the health insurance a lot of money. But not one pro told me I am such, best solution they have is pills, I don't want pills, I have other health issues as well, I don't need a ton of pills, got to be another solution/help. The thing is, the ones I met told me, even with treatment PTSD never really go away, but might decrees a lot.
This is very helpful. I'm curious as to what c-ptsd in civilians and members of the military, what is the similarities? Can you maybe do a video on that in the future or think about it? Thank you for this message and information and for caring.
I left an abusive situation (lived together for the sake of our kids) almost 2 years ago. It was all thanks to my sister that it clicked for me to finally leave my ex. For the first few months I cried every other day and felt free. Yet I still feel the trauma, I would tremble, hyperventilate, and become nauseous sometimes. One day I know I have to see him and be in the same room with him in the future (court related) and just thinking about it brings back my trauma. I'm glad I chose to go to therapy as my feelings and trauma weren't validated and I don't want to be a burden to my family. Thank you for saying that we don't have to bring it up to others. I am in a professional setting, no one knows what I went through and it is a safe space for me to be myself.
I've been diagnosed with CPTSD.
I know I have CPTSD. I know what causes it. I know I need to talk about. But I its a delicate situation. I know that if I talk about it a police report will be filed. This person could end up in jail. That cant happen. There is so much stress and anxiety. I dont know how to heal but keep this person and thei family safe. Its deeper then that though.
Can you guys do a video about ocd symptoms and how to heal from it?
Currently stuck in the middle of EMDR because covid and renovations mean we can't meet in person, so I have my safe place and I have my container, and I've labeled some of my memories both good and bad from childhood, but nothing beyond that.
Also, could you do a video about the differences between covert and overt narcissism; how/if being around narcissists is possible or should you avoid them; and the toll it takes on someone to be an enabler.
Could you maybe talk about maladaptive daydreaming in a future episode? I've only recently discovered the term and feel like it's close to what I do a lot, but I'm not sure & would like to learn more about it.
Praise be to the algorithm, we fear and loathe it
I'm convinced I have CPTSD because its not just a few or one event. I have chronic pain, panic attacks, dissociative episodes ect. I'm diagnosed with PTSD and currently getting EMDR therapy. It feels like I'm unraveling my entire life to weave it into something else I can live with. But I have to unravel first, and it hurts, I wish people knew that PTSD is more common than they think.
Thank you for clarifying. I thought C-PTSD was continuous- ptsd, as in a parent of a disabled child or medically fragile child under constant trauma from the initial injury, and then the recurring events, and constant vigilance against the next medical event that may take your child.
I've had C-PTSD pretty much all my life. In elementary school, I remember dissociating _completely_ and getting in trouble because my body was fighting my classmates while I was checked out. A few years after that, I started to get waking, stress-induced seizures; a few years after that, dizzy spells that put me on the ground. And these all compounded on each other. The most insidious part though: I thought I had ADHD, because I _can't focus or remember anything._ Turns out that comes from the trauma too.
My dysfunction is so deep, I can't even hold down a job. The only thing I _can_ do is model the respect, compassion, and consent I wasn't shown before, and build close ties with friends who value these things too. It can't fix me, but it can show me there's a life worth sticking around for if I can just overcome the obstacles.
I have been emotionally abused and I got the same symptoms as ptsd but I don’t think my trauma is good enough for ptsd
Honestly always wishing I could find some help. I was set up for failure since the beginning. I was compared to my dead sister constantly just because we shared a birthday, born into a cult, went through CSA, was used by my mother and her cousin to get my dad arrested because he cheated on her, went through every type of abuse you could put child through and then some, went to get help after I entered my 20s because it was looked down in the cult to get mental help ( because they know they abuse people, especially young children).
This is so useful, not just for me but as something I can send to someone who can't wrap their head around what cPTSD is. Thanks for making it.
Could you pls do a video on the song "Wasted On You" by Morgan Wallen.
FML! I honestly feel like I've experienced so much trauma and have CPTSD so bad that I don't ever feel "safe" I am always on edge and always ready for something to go wrong basically I feel like I'm constantly in fight or flight, I dissociate so many times in a 24hr period, I really wish therapy/ counseling were a bit cheaper 🙃
There is a tremendous deficit of both decent mental health care and mental health care in general available via my state’s Medicaid program, which is my only source of insurance and affordable treatment. My understanding is that this problem is not at all limited to my state, but is a problem throughout the country, and that it’s a problem extending far beyond Medicaid as well.
A related issue that concerns me, is of businesses (like BetterHelp) emerging as an economic response to an actual social health crisis. I believe health care is a human right, and I believe that includes mental health care (and other areas, like dentistry! I don’t understand why we still tolerate these areas being separated, when our minds and bodies are an interconnected whole that cannot and should not be picked apart and put into isolated categories any more than is absolutely necessary.). I could easily get carried away with this topic, because I’m passionate about it, but I’ll try to remain specific and just say that in America our society is suffering tremendously because the health of our people is suffering tremendously, and we’re doing very little to remedy the problems. Our priorities are completely backwards. Our obsession with profit and power is killing us. In order to heal ourselves, we must be able to offer the highest quality health care, including mental health care, to anyone who needs it, as much as they need it, and without people having to worry about paying for it. The involvement of profit in healthcare interferes negatively in so many ways. Of course, I don’t mean that providers shouldn’t be compensated for their work… but then, how can one possibly decide what is the right amount of compensation for such work? I’m saying, straight up, that a functioning, non-corrupt healthcare system cannot exist within a Capitalist economy. I’m also not proposing an alternative - just stating what seems to me to be an obvious conflict of interests. I can’t get the help I need for my CPTSD, nor can my daughter, because I can’t afford the quality of therapy we need. And the reasons I’m broke have to do with chronic health conditions and the circumstances of my past abusive long-term relationships (although it’s all much more complicated than all of that). So, I can’t afford help because I need help. How much sense does that make? And it’s not an uncommon conundrum whatsoever.
I wonder how bad things need to get (on a large scale) before it’s enough to cause people to actually do something about it? Just a ‘lil rhetorical question…
Anyhoo… Thank you, Mr. Decker for the work you do. You seem like a very kind an compassionate person.
How do you find a qualified professional to help me deal with this kind of thing? I am I the UK. I don't want to be on an NHS waiting list for up to a year, or longer
So I have Asd and most likely adhd ( super high scores on several test panels) problem is talking about it doesn’t really diminish my response rather it activates and it still feels fresh or even reinforced afterwards but at the same time not talking about it is not doing me any favours either - do you have any therapy suggestions to bypass my brain and get to my limbic system ( have cptsd and still being triggered both because it happens but also because going up against abusive systems and abusive primarily men and I’m not willing to back down)
❤️
Please do a reaction to the song L'enfer by Stromae. It is a recent Song about the singer's suicidal ideation, and it is both powerful, and healing. Other YT therapists have reacted to it, but I would love your take on it.
I imagine this should be an obvious answer, but is it possible to have both? Or have multiple traumas that are different, but all left a variation of PTSD?
I wrote a whole thing about my situation but realized the short version is… I don’t believe therapists really give a damn about their patients. I’ve tried therapy and they always seem to guessing, or rattling off rote methods they like to use for literally everyone, or making non-stop notes, or… heaven help you if you get the one who’s writing a book. Some already have. They’ll sell you a copy.
I’ve made it to 49. I guess I can make it a few more decades rather than deal with another indifferent “professional” who forgets me between sessions and gives the exact same advice as they did two weeks ago… and isn’t even covered by insurance.
And it sucks because my daughter needs therapy so I’ll have to try and find someone for her and pray that she finds them helpful. Goodness knows how that’s even possible given the rampant quackery. She’s old enough to decide for herself so I gotta help her. I’m certainly no use to her any other way.
I currently am in a very abusive relationship, physically, emotionally and sexually it has been going on for over 2.5 years and I have been in too much pain to go to therapy
worst part is i fixed one of my triggers through exposure therapy and immediately got cheated on and abused horribly, got dozens of new ones now all so much more severe.
I went in for adhd meds and also got q cptsd diagnosis 😂
Come for the learning, stay for the dadjokes.
Hey the hyper vigilance has at least saved me or others a few times because i notice more 😂
Ich bin traumatisiert, ich bin schon traumatisiert auf die Welt gekommen.
Aber sie , sie sind kurz vorm Kollaps. Richtig?
Darf ich Ihnen helfen ihr Licht zu entfalten.
Büdde.
MY SOUL SILENTLY WAILS.
RAGE AND GRIEF
CONSUME EVERY CELL OF ME.
I WILL NO LONGER
HAVE MY VOICE SILENCED.
I WILL ROAR!!!
My soul is brutally and violently
tortured and raped.
I have PTSD flashbacks CONSTANTLY:
ALL DAY EVERY DAY.
I CAN NO LONGER BEAR THIS.
I can no longer bear this hell that I'm in.
44 years of hellish suffering
with only intermittent fleeting windows of relief.
Rage and grief
consume every cell of my being.
I am drowned and suffocated.
AS A RESULT OF SEVERE (C)PTSD,
I HAVE LEARNED THE FOLLOWING...
10 SURVIVAL lies:
1) fawn response
2) lying from very young to become socially "included"
3) to have a self-story that is not actually true/accurate
(it was crafted to adapt to, or escape from: environment, for example)
4) to lie to avoid loss
5) lying to secure resources/safety
6) to lie: due to shame
7) to find myself in scenarios - due to trauma -
where it becomes easier to just tell overt lies
8) to tell an overt lie after experiencing a trigger (emotional flashback)
9) to lie so as to not have to caretake another person's feelings
10) to lie because it feels "nice" to feel "normal" sometimes, around others
I offer up this comment as a sacrifice to our algorithm overlords.
PTSD is more like "single serving" trauma.
Ehrlich gesagt brauche ich jemanden der mir hilft wieder Spaß an sex zu haben weil mein genital Verstümmelt wurde.
Möchten oder können Sie überhaupt so etwas Therapien?
resources on instagram: @breakthecycle_coaching @themindbodyman @breakingdowncptsd @theanxietymd @thecanvaswithin
I've not long been diagnosed with cptsd. Thank you for explaining it. My doctor is useless.