Something so powerful it has made me not only rethink my own thoughts and emotions but also made me cry - Thank you Brene, you have given my route to recovery of BPD a massive leap.
Incredible how such simple feelings are overlooked by the masses,wich continue with unhealthy mind games of control others and arent strong enough to control themselves...
Amen. Glad to finally hear someone speak on the benefits of taking a risk and simply connecting with people vs. trying to make people feel better so that we feel better.
"What should I be afraid of and who is to blame?" BRILLIANT lead in. Pause and reflect...Powerful. Huge. How is your world manifesting "never enough" scarcity! An extraordinary video. YOU MATTER! You are GOOD ENOUGH!" Let shame remind you of this. Not need to "armor up". There is no protection from the negativity of the world. You WILL get hurt and that is normal. LOVE is the answer. Of yourself as well as others. To have to be open to being broken-hearted to feel real love is a GULP. A+!
god so true.... I had a stepmom say to me when I lost my grandaughter ,I lost my relationship with my " mate" and I lost my job all within 1 month... At Least you have a roof over your head... ??? wtf ??? I so understand what this Lady is saying ... I can relate to all of this Thank you...
To me, Sympathy is "I've never experienced that before, but I can see that your situation sucks and I can understand how you are feeling. I would feel the same if I were in that situation." Empathy is "Oh God, I've been there before. I know exactly how you are feeling because I have been in your shoes before." For Example, I can empathize with somebody whose parent dies because I've been there. I know what it was like for me when my mom died, what it is still like for me after 3 years. However, I have never had to deal with a family member who is a drug or alcohol addict, but I can sympathise and understand how difficult that situation can be for the family members who have to deal with the destruction and chaos caused by the addict. Empathy means you've gone through a similar situation and *know* how they feel based on your own personal experience. Sympathy means you've never experienced that situation, but you can understand what somebody is feeling. Both come down to compassion and providing comfort... Sympathy simply acknowledges the fact that while you agree that the person's feelings about the situation are valid and you understand why they are feeling the way they do, you don't actually *know* what they are feeling from experience. To take an example from the speaker, She has had a miscarriage... I've never been pregnant, nor had a miscarriage. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant and then have a miscarriage. I don't know what it is to feel that excitement and joy at being pregnant and then the grief, depression and anger that comes from suffering a miscarriage. That is not a part of my life experience therefore I am unable to *empathize* with her situation, but I can *sympathize* with her situation and I can understand how devastating that would be if I were in her shoes.
I beg to differ! What you’re describing as sympathy is actually empathy, in my mind. Even though you’ve never experienced it before, you’re still willing to *put* yourself in the other person’s shoes to try and *understand.* That’s exactly what it means to empathize- understanding, connecting, even if you have no past experience. This is why some people are good at empathizing despite no prior experience- they are *willing* and able to put themselves, mentally, in the other person’s shoes. Sympathy is the opposite: you’re *not* willing to mentally go through that, and thus not willing to listen, understand, and connect with that person. At the same time, you don’t want to sound like a complete jerk either, so you try to “put a bandaid” on their issue. However, it’s hard to help when you aren’t willing to go through their situation, and thus, understand.
As my curriculum and schooling as a counsellor were studying my own family system, the sexual shame that was prevalent throughout the history of the women, including myself in that system, this resonates with me. Thank you Brene Brown for your courage and vulnerability. With your wisdom I am guided in my sessions as a counsellor with much more effective empathy ;) These types of topics allow me to learn more about myself as a human being. As I teach my clients, you showing up fully in the world give others permission to do the same. Thank you!
I think this is wonderful. The one objection I have is that empathy comes naturally and is unscripted. I have aspergers and to me, it has to be scripted in order to exist. It doesn't come naturally to me. I've been given some advice on this. So to those who like me have trouble with it, I suggest two strategies. 1. Number one is called "mirroring", which is when you try to mimic the other persons facial expression, tone of voice. And if they say "this person did this which pissed me off" you reply by repeating the last thing they said. "so when they did this you were pissed" For me, this has worked incredibly well. Saved my relationship, given me a new depth in my friendships, suddenly made people talk to me about their feelings which is something I have trouble "getting people to do". And since I don't really understand people easily, if they don't tell me how they feel, I don't see it. (I can't fit it all in one comment)
Hmm when you said that empathy doesn't come naturally to you, yet you still struggle to do it right, that means you were vulnerable. You opened yourself up to criticism and had to rely on complete strangers to judge you with kindness and empathy. That's courage for me. The main thing is that you've already implemented some of these lessons, and I commend you for it. If you don't feel empathy naturally, yet have decided that it is important as an intrinsic value , that's a good thing.
If you sense someone is trying to communicate their feelings by telling you a story, and you don't know how they must feel, you can ask. How does that make you feel?. If you still don't get it, you can ask. why? when you finally get it, you also feel it. Well that feeling is your empathy, do with it as you please. But please, if you don't feel it, don't act like it. And trust me you know when you feel it.
Awesome! Just watched the Netflix Ted Talk. LOVED IT. & you. ♡♡♡ Working on Dr Caroline Leaf and how to detox the brain. Hung up on what to focus on what lie or bad memory to detox. Hmmmm... this fear of scarcity might just be the issue.... praying. THANK YOU.
One lady described it to me as not understanding the difference between her feelings and others feelings. When she feels jealous she thinks the other is feeling jealous and and in denial about her own feelings. She gets angry at the person for having this "bad" feeling and tries to "get" the person by saying something she thinks makes the person jealous. Boasting, praising others to you, innuendo, double entendre, backhanded compliments. Grandstanding and comparing herself to her rival. All the behaviors can be associated with logical fallacies. The language patterns when making a bid for connection or arguing are typicically logical fallacies. Word salad. Glittering generalities, personal incredulity, straw man, bandwagon, tu quoque, false cause, weasel words and vague generalities, euphemisms, false dichotomies, black and white, ambiguity, Arbitrary inference, confirmation bias. It's early childhood trauma and maladaptive defense mechanisms. They treat these issues in addiction recovery and cognitive therapy. Also there is an autistic aspect. They treat it with doctors of functional medicine and integrative medicine. It's good if the family participates in the treatment. Physical, mental, spiritual. In my exoerience new age/occult belief system makes it worse. Finland open dialogue therapy. Narcissists cause psychosis in others. They heal it without drugs. Huge thirty year study.
Why should I sacrifice myself for anyone else? Love and acceptance are very over rated. Most people use love as a tool for self interests. A real bond is rare and takes time hinged on trust. And trust takes much time to fully form. Never give away your trust or you love like it is of no value. It is more valuable than anything. Protect it always and protect your heart from being damaged.
1951sk if you researched more of her work before commenting, you would know that another prevalent point that she makes is : "not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. " this video can be found in her "marble jar" lecture on trust. Or, in her book "daring greatly". I hope you check it out.
Does anyone know if Brene Brown has spoken anywhere on a propensity to blame oneself (Rather than blaming others)? I find it very difficult to be able to tell when I am accepting the blame for things that I had no control over or that weren't my responsibility. Social situations are relatively easy to figure out: I consider my emotions, thoughts, behaviours etc. to be my responsibility and the emotions, thoughts, behaviours of others to be their responsibility, for example. But often if it is a work thing, I think anything that goes wrong is my fault and it often takes the shocked looks of my colleagues for me to realise that I am being irrational. I get exhausted and very stress. I feel under constant pressure because I am taking more responsibility for the world around me than it is sane to do. But I can't for the life of me seem to catch it or gain a good understanding of what I can really hold myself accountable for.
For those interested, a book u can find on internet by the name "wisdom of insecurity" by philosopher alan watts who pretty much points out similar things
what about a nearly absolute lack of shame or guilt as in "the past is unchangeable = irredeemable; my action are of no consequence to myself, but only of consequence to future events; what i feel then may be dependent on my actions, but not who i am "
Brene, Sell the shirts! or perhaps one with a parenthetical explanation so as not to promote violence. Why not? I think it's funny. May y(our) efforts be blessed!
When with someone ,take their perspective .their perspective is their reality so dont judge.open your heart to feel what they feel. atleast avoid the atleast phrase that are awful.to have a wholeheart that can connect you need to be willing to be heart broken.willing to be get hurt by the world cause love connection hurt enters through same door can u keep it open despite the persistent what need be feared and who is to blame qns.
I think that instead of what she said at 5:13 "Our capacity of wholeheartidness can never be greater than our willingness to be brokenhearted." she meant " ...... to NOT be brokenhearted"; don't you agree that it is so that it makes sense according to the rest of disertation ?
iutubld i believe she is correct in her statement. i had heard the thought like this before seeing it here. " You cannot love more than you are willing to hurt" that thought has is based in that you cannot love without being vulnerable, and vulnerability is a dangerous place where u can get hurt...... does that help.
In my relationship, it's the male who has been the blamer (of self or others). To the point of hearing blame ("it's your fault") when others say "I don't like xyz". Wonder how many men would raise hands if you'd said generally "How many people in here are thinking that makes absolute sense." It feels good to laugh about these topics. The medicine goes down easier.
People ready to learn at the level of the presentation will learn; those not ready will not. That's how all lectures have always worked, you just never noticed. Every lecture does not need to re-describe the universe.
Something so powerful it has made me not only rethink my own thoughts and emotions but also made me cry - Thank you Brene, you have given my route to recovery of BPD a massive leap.
One path to help us connect one with another. Being our authentic selves is important to living a joy filled life.
Brene Brown is an amazing public speaker! Also, what she has to say is so true and so important.
Incredible how such simple feelings are overlooked by the masses,wich continue with unhealthy mind games of control others and arent strong enough to control themselves...
one of the most important speeches i've ever heard in my life.
What a great woman, Just heard her for the first time after receiving an 'Upworthy' small taster. Fabulous and inspiring talk.
Amen. Glad to finally hear someone speak on the benefits of taking a risk and simply connecting with people vs. trying to make people feel better so that we feel better.
Excellent presentation. It takes a great amount of courage to be so deeply honest about our feelings. Thank you for sharing such a profound insight!
It is very important to provide empathy to friends when they are talking about politics, the economy, social issues...
"What should I be afraid of and who is to blame?" BRILLIANT lead in. Pause and reflect...Powerful. Huge. How is your world manifesting "never enough" scarcity! An extraordinary video. YOU MATTER! You are GOOD ENOUGH!" Let shame remind you of this. Not need to "armor up". There is no protection from the negativity of the world. You WILL get hurt and that is normal. LOVE is the answer. Of yourself as well as others. To have to be open to being broken-hearted to feel real love is a GULP. A+!
This is such a powerful and inspiring talk! Thank you. I loved it and will think twice before answering to anything my friends say from now on.
god so true.... I had a stepmom say to me when I lost my grandaughter ,I lost my relationship with my " mate" and I lost my job all within 1 month... At Least you have a roof over your head... ??? wtf ??? I so understand what this Lady is saying ... I can relate to all of this Thank you...
To me, Sympathy is "I've never experienced that before, but I can see that your situation sucks and I can understand how you are feeling. I would feel the same if I were in that situation."
Empathy is "Oh God, I've been there before. I know exactly how you are feeling because I have been in your shoes before."
For Example, I can empathize with somebody whose parent dies because I've been there. I know what it was like for me when my mom died, what it is still like for me after 3 years. However, I have never had to deal with a family member who is a drug or alcohol addict, but I can sympathise and understand how difficult that situation can be for the family members who have to deal with the destruction and chaos caused by the addict.
Empathy means you've gone through a similar situation and *know* how they feel based on your own personal experience. Sympathy means you've never experienced that situation, but you can understand what somebody is feeling. Both come down to compassion and providing comfort... Sympathy simply acknowledges the fact that while you agree that the person's feelings about the situation are valid and you understand why they are feeling the way they do, you don't actually *know* what they are feeling from experience.
To take an example from the speaker, She has had a miscarriage... I've never been pregnant, nor had a miscarriage. I don't know what it's like to be pregnant and then have a miscarriage. I don't know what it is to feel that excitement and joy at being pregnant and then the grief, depression and anger that comes from suffering a miscarriage. That is not a part of my life experience therefore I am unable to *empathize* with her situation, but I can *sympathize* with her situation and I can understand how devastating that would be if I were in her shoes.
I beg to differ! What you’re describing as sympathy is actually empathy, in my mind. Even though you’ve never experienced it before, you’re still willing to *put* yourself in the other person’s shoes to try and *understand.* That’s exactly what it means to empathize- understanding, connecting, even if you have no past experience. This is why some people are good at empathizing despite no prior experience- they are *willing* and able to put themselves, mentally, in the other person’s shoes.
Sympathy is the opposite: you’re *not* willing to mentally go through that, and thus not willing to listen, understand, and connect with that person. At the same time, you don’t want to sound like a complete jerk either, so you try to “put a bandaid” on their issue. However, it’s hard to help when you aren’t willing to go through their situation, and thus, understand.
Beautifully honest...
She is so amazing and a great inspiration to me.
As my curriculum and schooling as a counsellor were studying my own family system, the sexual shame that was prevalent throughout the history of the women, including myself in that system, this resonates with me. Thank you Brene Brown for your courage and vulnerability. With your wisdom I am guided in my sessions as a counsellor with much more effective empathy ;) These types of topics allow me to learn more about myself as a human being. As I teach my clients, you showing up fully in the world give others permission to do the same. Thank you!
.
I think this is wonderful. The one objection I have is that empathy comes naturally and is unscripted. I have aspergers and to me, it has to be scripted in order to exist. It doesn't come naturally to me.
I've been given some advice on this. So to those who like me have trouble with it, I suggest two strategies.
1.
Number one is called "mirroring", which is when you try to mimic the other persons facial expression, tone of voice. And if they say "this person did this which pissed me off" you reply by repeating the last thing they said. "so when they did this you were pissed"
For me, this has worked incredibly well. Saved my relationship, given me a new depth in my friendships, suddenly made people talk to me about their feelings which is something I have trouble "getting people to do". And since I don't really understand people easily, if they don't tell me how they feel, I don't see it.
(I can't fit it all in one comment)
Hmm when you said that empathy doesn't come naturally to you, yet you still struggle to do it right, that means you were vulnerable. You opened yourself up to criticism and had to rely on complete strangers to judge you with kindness and empathy. That's courage for me.
The main thing is that you've already implemented some of these lessons, and I commend you for it. If you don't feel empathy naturally, yet have decided that it is important as an intrinsic value
, that's a good thing.
I AM an Empath and All I have to say about this video is WOW! I needed this...........
Who puts dislike on speech like this? Brené is brilliant
If you sense someone is trying to communicate their feelings by telling you a story, and you don't know how they must feel, you can ask. How does that make you feel?. If you still don't get it, you can ask. why? when you finally get it, you also feel it. Well that feeling is your empathy, do with it as you please. But please, if you don't feel it, don't act like it. And trust me you know when you feel it.
Well said.
Thank you, i always try to picture myself in their situation.
She is so right on❤needed to hear this today!
What a terrifically honest woman
Enjoyed this lecture very much thanks for posting
That was a great talk. Every sentence worth thinking about and implementing especially those on shame and guilt. Thank you.
Awesome! Just watched the Netflix Ted Talk. LOVED IT. & you. ♡♡♡ Working on Dr Caroline Leaf and how to detox the brain. Hung up on what to focus on what lie or bad memory to detox. Hmmmm... this fear of scarcity might just be the issue.... praying. THANK YOU.
This is really powerful.
Thank you. This is really useful.
Sometimes people need to be careful with sympathy because it can fall along the categories of pity and pity I believe destroys!
As in euthanasia
Excellent! I liked this talk so much. Thank you!
Love it. Inspiring, heartfelt, provoking
This was so insightful, great speaker
Very charismatic speaker.
This is very inspiring!
This was good. Real good.
Thank-you it makes sense.
LOVE THIS.
😂😂😂 I knew she was gonna say "Bless your heart" before she said it.
One lady described it to me as not understanding the difference between her feelings and others feelings. When she feels jealous she thinks the other is feeling jealous and and in denial about her own feelings. She gets angry at the person for having this "bad" feeling and tries to "get" the person by saying something she thinks makes the person jealous. Boasting, praising others to you, innuendo, double entendre, backhanded compliments. Grandstanding and comparing herself to her rival. All the behaviors can be associated with logical fallacies. The language patterns when making a bid for connection or arguing are typicically logical fallacies. Word salad. Glittering generalities, personal incredulity, straw man, bandwagon, tu quoque, false cause, weasel words and vague generalities, euphemisms, false dichotomies, black and white, ambiguity, Arbitrary inference, confirmation bias. It's early childhood trauma and maladaptive defense mechanisms. They treat these issues in addiction recovery and cognitive therapy. Also there is an autistic aspect. They treat it with doctors of functional medicine and integrative medicine. It's good if the family participates in the treatment. Physical, mental, spiritual. In my exoerience new age/occult belief system makes it worse. Finland open dialogue therapy. Narcissists cause psychosis in others. They heal it without drugs. Huge thirty year study.
I love this !!!
Why should I sacrifice myself for anyone else? Love and acceptance are very over rated. Most people use love as a tool for self interests. A real bond is rare and takes time hinged on trust. And trust takes much time to fully form. Never give away your trust or you love like it is of no value. It is more valuable than anything. Protect it always and protect your heart from being damaged.
1951sk if you researched more of her work before commenting, you would know that another prevalent point that she makes is : "not everyone has earned the right to hear your story. " this video can be found in her "marble jar" lecture on trust. Or, in her book "daring greatly". I hope you check it out.
fantastic! thank you
Does anyone know if Brene Brown has spoken anywhere on a propensity to blame oneself (Rather than blaming others)? I find it very difficult to be able to tell when I am accepting the blame for things that I had no control over or that weren't my responsibility. Social situations are relatively easy to figure out: I consider my emotions, thoughts, behaviours etc. to be my responsibility and the emotions, thoughts, behaviours of others to be their responsibility, for example. But often if it is a work thing, I think anything that goes wrong is my fault and it often takes the shocked looks of my colleagues for me to realise that I am being irrational. I get exhausted and very stress. I feel under constant pressure because I am taking more responsibility for the world around me than it is sane to do. But I can't for the life of me seem to catch it or gain a good understanding of what I can really hold myself accountable for.
For those interested, a book u can find on internet by the name "wisdom of insecurity" by philosopher alan watts who pretty much points out similar things
Loved it.
what about a nearly absolute lack of shame or guilt as in "the past is unchangeable = irredeemable; my action are of no consequence to myself, but only of consequence to future events; what i feel then may be dependent on my actions, but not who i am "
fantastic loved it!
Brilliant...
Oops, version. Why was this pared down? I thought the full version was amazing.
Brene, Sell the shirts! or perhaps one with a parenthetical explanation so as not to promote violence. Why not? I think it's funny. May y(our) efforts be blessed!
Good knowledge.
Empathy " I'm feeling with you"
12:50 - blaminging is the discharge of anger and pain
You are better than that... transformation!
When with someone ,take their perspective .their perspective is their reality so dont judge.open your heart to feel what they feel. atleast avoid the atleast phrase that are awful.to have a wholeheart that can connect you need to be willing to be heart broken.willing to be get hurt by the world cause love connection hurt enters through same door can u keep it open despite the persistent what need be feared and who is to blame qns.
starts at 00:23
WHAT HAPPENED TO THE 1 HOUR VERION???
❤❤❤
5:13 - 5:37 so true
I think that instead of what she said at 5:13 "Our capacity of wholeheartidness can never be greater than our willingness to be brokenhearted."
she meant " ...... to NOT be brokenhearted";
don't you agree that it is so that it makes sense according to the rest of disertation ?
iutubld i believe she is correct in her statement. i had heard the thought like this before seeing it here. " You cannot love more than you are willing to hurt" that thought has is based in that you cannot love without being vulnerable, and vulnerability is a dangerous place where u can get hurt...... does that help.
♥♥♥Brene Brown♥♥♥
❤
You really extracted the essence of it huh?
I agree with the speaker, you, i mean we, should all strive to be as vulnerable as possible.. mohahaha..
Aka The Power of Laziness
没有中文字幕吗
NOn violent communication.
This is dynamite!
In my relationship, it's the male who has been the blamer (of self or others). To the point of hearing blame ("it's your fault") when others say "I don't like xyz". Wonder how many men would raise hands if you'd said generally "How many people in here are thinking that makes absolute sense."
It feels good to laugh about these topics. The medicine goes down easier.
I cant believe all those women think it makes perfect sense... lmao
Too much pauses
These are oversimplified generalisations of complex human, social, and personal values.
Well it's not like she had a lot of time. I'm sure there would be more detail if the talk were longer than 20 minutes.
It is a systemic issue with language itself.
In fact she has a 6 hour video/audio book on the subject ... The Power of Vulnerability, can find it at soundstrue.com or audible...
David Lowry
It's not a matter of time or language
People ready to learn at the level of the presentation will learn; those not ready will not. That's how all lectures have always worked, you just never noticed. Every lecture does not need to re-describe the universe.
Dvdd