I'm a preschool teacher and you should know that every single mum feels like this. I have had countless mum's come to me crying feeling like there child hates them. It's not true, as I see it children act out around the people they are most comfortable around, so for fox you are his safe person. He knows that you'll be there no matter what so he can let out all his big feelings. All you can do is be with him, try and make him as safe as possible eg give him a pillow to throw, little bean bags etc. After all of the tantrums he will go back to being your fox, and if you were the one that went away all the time the shoe would be on the other foot. Just know your not alone in any of this and fox is going to appreciate you hugely when he's older xx
When my son (2 next month) throws a massive tantrum like you described, its a really similar situation where dad has left for work or gym. The other week, he had a massive meltdown and i didnt know what to do. I remembered seeing a video of a dad just being present while his child worked through a tantrum. So i tried that. I told him 'mummy is here with you, i love you'. And just sat with him. Didnt touch him, didn't tell him to stop, just repeated that im there and love him. After maybe 10 minutes, he calmed down and came to me for a cuddle. I told him that his feelings are valid, its okay to miss Daddy while hes gone, that i miss him too when hes away. Ive done this a few times since that major meltdown and have to say its helped alot. Especially now that his baby brother is here (2 weeks old), hes feeling alittle left out and doesnt want to share his daddy. They are tiny humans with massive emotions and they dont know how to navigate through them alone, thats where we step in and help them realise that its okay, we're there and they are allowed to feel these feelings. You've got this, Sarah. YOUR feelings are valid too. Its okay to feel the way you feel. Just remember that you are surrounded by people who love and adore you, have a massive following of people who love and adore you. You are an amazing mum, partner, boss babe, creator. Never forget your worth ❤
I agree with this! I never stop my 21 month old from throwing tantrums or having big feelings because I want to validate him. As adults we throw tantrums all the time it just looks different. Being a parent is so damn hard. One day at a time!
Hey Sezzy, I'm a mum of a two year old boy, Max, (he's a month older than Fox), here is what we've done to help with tantrums: We are similar to you in talking to Max about what's going to happen to prep him, but a new thing we've started doing (and have seen success since starting daycare 2 weeks ago) is telling him what will happen during those times. Max was having huge problems with separation anxiety (which is what it sounds like Fox is dealing with) at daycare, so one of the educators started saying, "we're going to play, eat, sleep and then mummy and daddy come back" So now we do that leading up to drop off, "today we're going to daycare, you'll play, you'll eat lunch, you'll sleep, play a little more then mummy will come back." He's still crying at drop off but only for a few minutes after I leave. So maybe try adding what you'll do with Fox while Kurt is gone and have those activities ready to go for when he leaves. Keep goodbyes short, "bye Fox, daddy loves you so much, and remember I ALWAYS come back, bye!" Big hugs then leave, don't draw it out even if he starts screaming. We also have used a clock for a while to help with the mini tantrums when not wanting to finish one thing when we need to have a bath or a nappy change. I ask Max when he says no if he like to do it now or in 5 minutes, giving him the power of the decision. I then show him our analogue clock and I say "see how the hand is at the number 3, when it's at the 4 we will go for our bath." I've used that for different situations and it seems to work well. You could try that too with Kurt leaving, so he can see it's getting closer to him coming back. If you don't follow Big Little Feelings on insta, you need to! They have such a wealth of knowledge. You're doing really well, Fox is going thru a sleep regression and separation anxiety, it's a lot for him and it's a lot for you. I don't know how I would do it without my mummy friends, so that must be really hard. Lean into God, find your rest in Him.
I don't have children myself, but mom told me she used to do the technique of saying everything that's going to happen while she was gone too and apparently it was great for me!
I am a speech therapist en learned that for some children it helps a lot to visually support the explanation about what is going to happen that day. For a two year old it is very hard to remember everything that is told so some pictures for every activity could help him to keep everything clear for himself. I don’t know the English term for it but i am quite sure that there are pictures and like a magnete thing that you can buy, so it is ready to go. But you can always make one yourself with pictures he recognizes quickly!
I'm not a mum so I can give no advice. I do work as a paediatric Speech and Language Therapist b and I promise, based on all the families I work with, that as Fox's communication skills improve, the intensity of his responses will reduce because he'll be able to verbalise what he's feeling rather than using his behaviour to communicate. It will get better, and it's just such a tough tough age when they're discovering boundaries and really really not liking them! All you mums are absolute legends and don't give yourselves the credit you deserve for helping a whole new human navigate the world.
Oh girl I COULD NOT relate more! You're 100% right when you say that parenting can be a pretty thankless job but you are doing amazing! Being so aware of Fox's emotions and spending the time communicating with him/ trying different strategies makes ALL the difference. It won't feel like it now because he's still so little and it can take time to find out what works, but when he's older I promise you, it'll pay off. My son is almost 8 (I do not know how, because it feels like I had him yesterday) and had huge meltdowns pretty much from the day he was born. There were times where he would seemingly melt down over nothing and I had so many days where I would break down in tears because I felt so helpless and like nothing I tried seemed to be working. Being a young mum, the majority of my friends weren't in the same position so there were so many days where I felt that loneliness and need for the company of another mum who 'understood' what I was going through. Fast forward a few years (and a LOT of time, attention, strategies and early intervention) and Archie is thriving. His teacher told me the other day that she's never met a child who is so good at managing his emotions with that level of self-control and what we've done with him has made a hugely positive impact (#humblebrag lol). Long story short though, keep doing what you're doing, don't lose faith in yourself and if you ever need a fellow local mama to chat to, or want any ideas for different strategies you can try, don't hesitate to hit me up
Idk what the exact tag is but @sarahsday (hopefully that’s the right tag) please read this!!! Thank you so much ash for saying all of this. As a mom, big emotions from kiddos can be so hard to deal with sometimes and there is NO FAULT AS A MOM if your babe is feeling these big feelings!! You and Sarah are doing amazing things ❤️❤️❤️
Yes! I felt this! Young lonely moms unite 😆 In all seriousness, being a mom is a very thankless, more than full time job but it’s the most rewarding life experience! Everyday is a blessing with a little sprinkle of struggle 🥰
@@bucketlistadventureskrs Hey gal, I would be very weary of posting comments like that, aside from the fact that it’s impossible to diagnose without actually witnessing the behaviours over an extended period of time (even if you were a paediatrician or child psychologist which I’m assuming you’re not as they wouldn’t diagnose in a RUclips comment), making statements like that can be really distressing for the parents. I had so many people with absolutely no medical background coming to me with their opinions of what my son should be diagnosed with, even when his teachers and other professionals were telling me otherwise and it only made me upset and angry. It’s not for anyone other than a professional to offer a diagnosis and especially one like Intermittent Explosive Disorder which takes a LOT of time to diagnose. Remember Fox is still essentially a baby, he still doesn’t have the social awareness to be able to make informed choices about how he copes with his emotions which will likely come with the time and the attention that Sarah and Kurt give to helping him. But the bottom line is- perhaps be a little more tactful and considerate when posting online. This world can be an ugly place and we could all benefit from a little more loving 🥰
Aw Sarah, as a mother I felt this in my soul. We have all been there! Doubting if they love us. Never being the "favourite", always being "the bad guy". Deep down they do love us. They act up with us because they can be their truest self and know that we will be there for them no matter what. All this is normal and some days are bloody hard! Everything you did was right! You did what you thought was best and that's why it's right. One moment at a time. As they get older and can communicate better it gets easier to reason. I also suggest looking up the zones of regulation. I did this with my daughter at fox's age and now at 5 she is able to clearly communicate her emotions and explain why she feels the way she does.
Yes 🙌🏻 right now they feel so much but still are not sure how to verbalize it. Sara you are on the right track and working through this now will help little fox. My oldest started kindergarten this year. And she was having a hard time with a girl in her class because the girl would tell the teacher instead of just saying what was wrong. My oldest has emotionally been my hardest as a toddler. But I have helped her to verbalize her emotions and learn boundaries around behaviors so for the most part it is way better and we can all talk about things. I think with her I felt very controlled by her emotions. I have since separated my emotions from theirs and remind myself that their emotions have nothing to do with mine. Sitting with them while they have a melt down not trying to change it allowing them to let it out can help. A children’s book I have loved and my kids love is “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld its beautiful and simple. You are doing amazing and are such a great mom keep learning and growing! 💕
It is such a hard age when they can’t communicate very well and I’m sure it’s so frustrating for them. My baby is not old enough to have tantrums yet, but I know the feeling of her screaming bloody murder in my ear while trying to figure out what’s wrong and it’s so much anxiety! I think Natalie hit the nail on the head that because you did what you thought was right it makes it the right thing! That’s being a mom! Everyone handles things differently but being a patient mom is the hardest, but hopefully the most rewarding! 🤞
I’m a mama to an almost 20 month old and am occupational therapist. Zones of regulation is such a great tool to use and maybe at this young age, just introducing the verbiage is ok (although young toddlers may not utilize it 100%). When young kiddos don’t have a lot of language or an efficient way of communication, it can get sooo frustrating for them. My daughter doesn’t tantrum super often but when she does she scream cries, flops around and sometimes hits her head out of frustration. When this happens I tell myself that this is normal and she’s just having really big feelings that she’s still learning to regulate. If redirecting isn’t working initially (e.g. play with playdoh or ride bike), then I just validate her feelings a couple of times and then just sit there with her quietly. Sometimes I give a bit of physical touch (rub her back) if she lets me but for the most part I just let her feel her feelings until she’s calm. Sometimes it can take 10 mins and sometimes it’s 2 hours. When she’s finally calm I ask if she needs a hug and let her know I love her despite her tantrum, then we go and do an activity that’s very low demand. It’s kind of like how we need a bit of alone time to cry it out or to regulate our anger - when toddlers do it it’s a bit more dramatic lol. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Although you may not be his favorite at the moment, you are the best mom for Fox and you’re irreplaceable!
I can 100% relate - my son is only a couple of months younger than Fox and he's also a smart, energetic kid with HUGE emotions. He throws impressive tantrums that can overwhelm us both. When he's having an emotional day and starts a tantrum, I try to coax him to do either calming or fun activities by doing them myself so I'm role modelling. Sometimes, I walk away from him to his room, put on his white noise that he sleeps with and start reading a book aloud. That will often get him to stop the tantrum and become curious about the book. Another thing I find that helps is getting him in warm water. I run a bath and get in it and ask if he wants to join me. He almost always says yes and starts playing happily. Walks are another good one. I tell him we need to help our golden retriever to get exercise. I get out her harness and ask if he wants to help me put it on (which he can't actually do, but he's curious and likes helping). I say I'm leaving the house and he usually runs after us and joins us on the walk. It's often enough to distract him and stop his tantrum. From what I see, you're an awesome mum, Sarah. Don't doubt yourself on the hard days - we all have them but that doesn't make us bad mums.
I saw a video from a pediatric psychiatrist who works in the ER and she said that a child will act the worst to the person they feel the most safe with. And that brought me comfort knowing that my son is acting out more with me because he feels safe to do so.
it's so true! i was that kind of kid - i'd be super well behaved all day at daycare/kindergarten/preschool, and as soon as i came home to my mum, i was a nightmare. it's the release of the pressure to behave that kids need in order to decompress and feel okay again
Hi Sarah, I am not a mom but I have been a nanny for many different families and a preschool teacher at a point for over 10 years. After experiencing every age and all different emotional type of children from different backgrounds. One, let me say tantrums are healthy and a normal part of growth and development. Your sweet boy is learning to communicate and it can be frustrating when we cant use our words even as adults when we are frustrated! My advice from experience, is removing the child from environment. For example when I am with a child having a tantrum alot of times I will pick them up and take them outside if possible fresh air does wonders. The thing I always try to help parents understand that if as an adult when you are yelling and frustrated you wont listen to anyone. How can you expect a toddler to listen? It is best to talk to anyone when they are calm, then they can process and HEAR you. Sometimes its redirecting with children showing a activity that they like. Sometimes no matter what kind of tantrum its a hug because naturally a body calms. But in my experience talking to a screaming toddler hardly ever works. Redirect, Hug, new environment, or allow for self soothing and then communicate when calm. These are my go to methods and sometimes none work and sometimes one works and another works at different times. It is all part of the process in development, you and Kurt are doing amazing!!! Sometimes its hard but its important to pat yourself on the back and say im doing my best and thats enough!! Fox is so cute and sweet, smart beautiful boy! Im so proud of you guys!! You go girl!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
This was honestly the most relatable thing I have ever seen. I have three kids. I've been a sahm for six years. I don't own three businesses which I imagine is very time consuming. But... Motherhood can feel like a VERY thankless and honestly sometimes lonely job. It might feel as though no-one understands EXACTLY what you mean. Believe me, you're not alone and I don't think it's self pity at all. Not at all. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge that it is lonely and we do feel misunderstood from time to time. We don't have to unpack and stay in those emotions, but believe it or not riding that emotional wave is necessary. Let it out girl. Also, I have two girls and a two year old boy as well. I'll say that in my experience that bond is different. All kids go through "mommy only phases" and then "daddy only phases" and it's super hard when we work so hard just for them to run to daddy BUT think of it this way. Sometimes kids say things like "I don't like mommy." and our initial reaction is to feel hurt. Remember that kids don't always have the vocabulary we have. It might not mean "I don't like mommy" AT ALL. It might simply mean "I want daddy" and it just didn't come out that way. You know? You're doing SO GREAT! Keep doing what you are doing, things will start to shift. Two to three or four is where the emotional part of his brain is going to be going through growth spurts! (Which we see as tantrums.) So whenever he's going through it, just think of it as emotional growth and you are helping him through that growth by, like you said, just talking it out. ❤️
I’m a nanny and one of the kids has separation anxiety and severe tantrums when his mom leaves for work, so what I do is I start to play and make whatever I’m doing look like a lot of fun (usually play dough or an obstacle house or for building) so he’ll want to participate and his curiosity will distract him from missing his mom! I only use this tactic when I’ve exhausted all other options consoling him and he’s still inconsolable. The distraction of thinking about what it is that I’m having so much fun doing is usually enough to break him from his tantrum trance. Hopefully that helps a bit! I do have a calm conversation with him after he’s having fun telling him it’s okay to be sad but what can we do next time to help you feel better that way he understands that we can deal with those feelings in a student way next time. The conversations afterwards have really helped him to figure out ways he can self soothe by thinking about ways to cope afterwards. I started this when he was 1.5 and it helped tremendously where his tantrums at the most extreme are significantly shorter than before 💗 sending positive vibes and prayers from Canada
Also, my grandma’s tactic was to do exactly what we would do in a tantrum. So if we threw ourselves on the ground, she would, if we were rolling around on the floor making noise, she would too! The goofiness would always have us laughing at how silly she looked throwing the same tantrum we were and it was a great way to break the tantrum as well!
Am I the only one that feels like Sarah is a SUPPORTIVE BIG SISTER, even though they have never met her? Thank you Sarah for continuing to inspire me everyday as I go through recovery. You have motivated me to start my own channel and am SO GRATEFUL for your videos. Take care!
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you’re planning a vacation to Italy. You’re all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport. Only when you land, the stewardess says, “WELCOME TO HOLLAND.” You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying, “HOLLAND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SIGNED UP FOR ITALY.” But they explain that there’s been a change of plan, that you’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay. “BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOLLAND!” you say. ‘I DON’T WANT TO STAY!” But stay, you do. You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed. The important thing is that you are not in a bad place filled with despair. You’re simply in a different place than you had planned. It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you’ve been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts. But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They’re all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “YES, THAT’S WHAT I HAD PLANNED.” The pain of that will never go away. You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. Welcome to Holland - By Emily Perl Kingsley
When I was too soft and didn't show my borders to my kids, they literally were getting worse and worse. But when I started to show that it's okay to show your emotions but there are limits and they can't hurt their mom, they started to understand and regulate their behavior
I was just going to comment something similar. Being sensitive I'd totally normal and okay but boundaries need to be placed on the actions associated with the big feelings. When physical is assosiated with the emotional we have had incidence where it does become dangerous and its not okay. I'm all about little kiddos expressing their emotions and tantrums are apart of that but when it becomes physical that's a boundary that can't be crossed IMO and in my home.
How do you explain that to a two year old? With the language barrier it would be difficult, no? I’m genuinely asking, I have a seven month old and I’m dreading the tantrums. I know it’s a part of kids learning how to regulate their emotions. So I’m trying to prepare myself with the tools I need to help her.
@@brendacruz1897 they're clever, they understand, even at just a few months old. you can't talk enough to your child IMO. talk talk and talk some more!
Stay calm! Honestly the biggest thing we’ve recently learnt with our 3yo when she was having literally 1-1.5hr long ‘possessed screaming meltdowns.’ We had her booked into a children’s psychologist it was that bad. They couldn’t get us in for at least 5mths... Once we learnt to stay calm, sit beside her the entire time and keep reassuring her it’s ok, I’m sorry you’re so sad, I’m here for you when you need a cuddle and it was game changer! She went from not letting us touch her to eventually asking for a cuddle and then she would calm down. They got shorter and shorter and within a couple wks no more meltdowns and hasn’t had one since. It is so so frustrating when they have these meltdowns when you can’t console them and it hurts your mumma heart but if we want them to learn how to be calm we need to stay calm ourselves and know it really is a phase that will pass. Hang in there! You are doing all the right things just stay strong and calm and he will get there. It gets so much easier once they can communicate better too. I was in your shoes only a couple months ago and it’s rough. Sending big hugs you will all get through this and be stronger and closer together afterwards too 🥰 xxx
You are the sweetest and best mom and just know that you are doing EVERYTHING right! Being a mom is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but just know that as long as he keeps learning how to treat others ( he's already so sweet) that you are growing a kind and caring human. This will get better as he gets older. He will show his sensitivity in other ways as he grows which also can be hard, but just know it's SO good to be sensitive, you have the chance to grow a wonderful, sensitive man , who as he grows, will not be afraid to share how he feels . He loves you SOOO much and there will be times you will be his favourite. It is soooo hard when you are in the moment , but take heart that he is a happy, healthy, kind boy and all the work you guys do is SO worth it. One thing I will say too is , sometimes parents are "afraid " of their kids . Like if they don't get what they want when they are out in public, they may have a tantrum, and alot of parents give in to that just to get them to stop. I get that it's embarassing but just be careful not to get into that kind of thing!
As a speech therapist who works with nonverbal children who sometimes have difficulty regulating their emotions, may I suggest try using the “smell the flowers, blow out the candles” technique to help them control their breathing. I use visuals of candles & flowers while modeling to the child what to do. You can also use visuals to show him different choices of things he can do to calm down (e.g. take a break, go for a walk, count to 10, need a hug). I’ve found high frequency music, the zones of regulation, and weighted blankets to also be helpful. You’re a great mom sezzy! This too shall pass xx
I have nothing to add, just to say that I find this very nice advice? I don't have kids (or know anyone that has), but this is something I will remember!
Teacher here and for breathing exercises pinwheels have really helped. Student will blow on them to make them spin and then need to take deep breaths in order to do it again. It’s really helped them to visualize deep breathing better.
I said to a friend the other day, when you're a kid your Mum is the one who is around all the time so you kinda take her for granted, but as soon as you get older and are away from home, even for a night, who do you miss? Your Mum! Trust me, he will need you so much along the years x
Dear Sarah! I have a six year old and I know exactly what you‘re going through and how hard it Feels sometimes. Especially in families, where the mom does (even a bit) More Family Work, spends More Time at home and is almost always with their child/children - that creates ALWAYS the „omg daddy is home mood“ for the child. It‘s completely normal for them to be super excited to be with someone else, because they get less of them, than their mom. You are almost always there for him (you both are emotionally but you also physically) and that makes it less „exciting“ for him to have you around - but not less worthy!! It is so unbelievably important and wonderful for any child to feel that their mom is always there for them, so that they can depend in her anytime. It might not feel, like you get any award for that - but please know: you are the steady loving savety-blanket that Fox needs so so much to be explorative, adventureous and become a confident child. You give him so much!
Sarah. I have a 15 month old and can I just say... your vulnerability in this is so appreciated. I’m honestly crying typing this. You are an amazing mom and I really appreciate you sharing the not so Instagram-able side of motherhood because it’s so rewarding but SO. HARD. Thank you for being honest and authentic. You’re so fun to follow. Also... Kurt is a real keeper ♥️
Sez ❤ my daughter is 16 months and yesterday I sat crying on the living room floor while she screamed at me, having a full on tantrum. It's the HARDEST job in the entire world. I feel you! I rang my mum, saying I was a total failure of a mother! It happens to literally all of us mummas, your not alone. X
I NEVER write in the comments, but I hope someone sees this and it helps. I’m 28, stay at home mom, going to college about to transfer to a university next semester. My son, Leon is going to be 2 on May 27th. And NONE of my close friends have babies. It’s SOOOO HARD to make them understand that I cant just drop everything and hang out with them on the weekend. They think I’m blowing them off, but it is precisely this reason here. I can’t guess what his mood will be and I try so hard to do all the things the books say to burn off his energy outside and to validate his feelings, but sometimes the tantrums happen anyway and he hits, pinches and screams at me and i burst into tears almost every time. I also don’t have outside help. It’s me or his dad watching him. ITS SO HARD. And you nailed it, totally thankless right now. But you are not alone and it’s because of you sharing these videos of your vulnerable moments that seriously help me realize I’m not alone either. So thank you so much, Sarah. For all the work you do, because I have noooo idea how you do it, but I really want to be more like you everyday. I’m totally not tearing up as I type this... Thanks Sezzy babe.
I don't have kids myself yet, but I did help raise my niece and nephew and I appreciate you showing your emotions like this. You don't normally get to see this side of motherhood, the breakdowns and crying from frustration. I always appreciate you showing the good and the bad of everything.
Find a mum's group. It feels so relieving to have friends with kids the exact same age as your little love who know how you feel because their child is having tantrums or saying no to everything just like yours. Sometimes it is just nice to know you're not alone or to share positive parenting ideas!
From a mom to an emotional boy toddler as well, some moments are HARD. I felt this so much. They r such sweet boys, but man do they let u know they r not happy! U can’t always keep it together. Ur doing everything u can do. The only real advice I have is to make sure ur taking time away for urself. Ur sanity. Share the load. And if u need to step back during a tantrum, if he’s in a safe space and u can walk a few feet away. Then take a moment to breathe or cry, whatever u need to do. Cry with him. Let him know ur feeling it too. There is nothing wrong with a human response. There is no “right” way in these moments. Sometimes u just have to get thru it, but know ur doing NOTHING wrong. And toddlers go thru phases where daddy is their favorite. Then later mommy will be. Right now he’s just used to u being there all the time, whereas dad leaves so that’s what gets his attention. Toddlerhood is HARD, yet fun, yet chaotic!
Aw Sarah! I am a mom of twin boys, and I was a behaviorist (worked with lots of different kiddos with various diagnoses - ADHD, autism, etc for 10 years)- they're 10 now but yes tantrums are no joke... I also have a stepdaughter who is now 17 but I've been with her since she was 2. One of the things that helped me was increasing their speech/communication like a speech therapist or the like to help with communication in general. During the tantrum itself, staying quiet yourself, not giving him eye contact and just keeping him safe silently, always helped me. So, not asking - do you want xyz, dad will be home soon do you want to abc etc. just make sure he doesn't hurt himself but don't speak, no eye contact, blank face, until he does something positive, like stop crying then look at him with a smile and if he does something else calm, smile, eye contact, hey buddy :) etc and go from there- if he continues to tantrum, go back to no eye contact and no speaking. I know this is alot but you asked us mommas and this is my advice!!
I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time lately. I was actually crying with you. I’ve been there and still experience very similar issues and my daughter is 4. My husband is the favorite. My daughter has told me she doesn’t love me and we’ve had some tough days. I feel down on myself too. I just pray. You are a great mom! I don’t have any advice. I’ve been there so I empathize with you. Edited to add ..... I didn’t think of it earlier but ever since she started having tantrums the only thing that seemed to help was empathizing with her and trying to talk it out. At first that did not help at all. I had to wait until the tantrum was over. We would discuss different emotions and she would tell me which one she was feeling if she could figure it out. She got better with it. She would cry and say I’m sad or I’m mad. I would then ask her why she was feeling that way. The last meltdown she had that I can remember she was about to turn 3. She is so good at telling us how she’s feeling now. It’s truly made a difference. She can still be a stinker and a daddy’s girl and say hurtful things. Then I have to show her my emotions. I play them up so she can empathize with me. I try to explain that I love her and it’s hurtful when she says or does these things. I cried when she said she didn’t love me (I played it up a little bit) and my husband explained how it can really hurt people’s feeling the way we treat them and she was so heart broken that she made me cry. It actually changed her. I’ve never heard that cry from her and now she suddenly wants to be with me and tell me that she loves me all the time. We are obviously not perfect over here but truly making progress.
Hi Sarah! My name is Kelsey and my son Elliot will be 2 on May 8th so he’s not too far behind from Fox. I remember watching your journey when I was pregnant and I went through two deaths while I was pregnant, one including the father of my child. So being pregnant with you really lifted me up. I admire the relationship you and your family have with God and watching this video brought me to tears and you have no idea how badly I needed this. You reminded me that I am selfish. There are days where I forget about the importance of my little one and I can be selfish because I put other things before him. He is such a great gift and I take him for granted. The love you have for your family is shown through many things and I can see that. Your drive and ambition and your overall positive attitude radiates the love you have for them. Sarah, you are doing AMAZING! I can only imagine the stress your under, your name is huge and the love you have for your family is huge. I’m blessed enough to still live with my mom, dad, and sister so Elliot is brought up around a lot of female energy but the relationship he has with my dad is definitely different. I used to work about 40 hours a week during the holidays and noticed he looked at me a bit differently and would view my mom like that was his mom and that hurt. Just know that the phase he is in right now is not permanent. He will grow and he will understand things differently. I love that you allow him to help you with things because that encourages his independence. I could not imagine juggling all the things you do and I admire your strength so the advice I can give is when you have these moments with just you and Fox just sit there with him, and I bet it’s hard not to think about what you’re doing tomorrow and the next day but just sit there and listen to him, pray, and be still in that moment. I’m praying for you momma and I hope you know I say all this with no judgment in my heart but with grace and love. I see you and admire your vulnerability and again the love you have for you family. You got this Sarah. Love, Kelsey Lilly
Not a mom, but have been through some hard stuff and seeing the vulnerability and pain made me want to give you the giantest hug!! I really recommend finding someone that you can talk to about what this situation is like for you, even if it's just once or twice a month. You can't give from an empty well 💕. You got this mama!!
not writing a comment normally. still wanted to write something but couldn't find the right word. these are the right words. I totally agree and can totally relate :)
I raised 3 children and ran a day care. This is just what worked for me sometimes a child needs time just like we need alone time. At this age they can not tell us what they want. When one of my sensitive children acted out and cried for more then 10 mins with nothing helping I would put them in a safe room or crib and just let them do what they needed to do that being time alone to work it out. I know this can be hard but they also need time to work out their emotions and sometimes that needs to be alone on their own. Just know you are not alone every mom and dad grandparent has gone through this with their children/grandchildren. You have a lot of mommy's out her that will listen. It gets better! In a few months it will be something else like they wont stop asking questions or they say no to everything there will always be a struggle but that is how they learn and we learn too. I just found your channel and you have the cutest family Love your mom.
Just thought since you have so many recorded memories already, maybe pop on a video of Kurt to ease Fox. Maybe have Kurt record a message to him and do funny things so you can play it when he gets super upset. You’re doing great. Peaks and Valleys my dear. It’s all good.
Maybe it is because I am a mom, but I think it’s so sweet y’all sit by his crib to help him fall asleep. It’s a sacrifice. The sleep regressions are rough.
My heart goes out to you, Sarah! I’m a mother & also full-time nannied two toddlers and know exactly that feeling. I really do think you did everything right! Fox’s tantrum is NOT a reflection of your mothering (or failure to mother. You did not fail. You are not failing. Full stop). Rather, it’s just a whirlwind of emotions for him and once he reaches a certain point, he (and everyone else around him) just has to ride the wave. Think of when you’ve sobbed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath. Maybe you wanted to, but you just needed to cry for a bit before you felt you could feel calm again. It’s a similar thing. He doesn’t have the development to regulate his emotions fully, and he’s learning. But with learning comes practice. You can do everything the books tell you and it still sometimes just comes down to toddler biology. Continue to practice empathy and setting expectations like you are, and breathe yourself. But no one can blame you for feeling defeated after a long tantrum and what feels like rejection from your own child. He DOES love you and DOES need you. These instances where you are present as he experiences his deep emotions are he building blocks to a trusting relationship between you! Trust that! And as with everything in life, it is a phase and it will pass. The tantrum isn’t forever. You are doing great!
Mom of 3 here. I will literally just put my 2 year old in a play pen and say time out and walk away. It's not very gentle parenting style, but in my personal experience a tantrum cant be stopped most the time and it's too brain melting to sit and listen to it. I learned I have to consider my mental and emotional well being. After they have calmed down i pick them up and we snuggle or move on to the next thing. It works well for me. But every child is different. I can definately feel for you. I've shed countless tears over my children. Some days are so hard. But it's all so worth it. ❤ Also a big part of my parenting style with my kids is, it's ok to cry, but it's not ok to scream. I always tell that to my kids when they start melting down (once they are old enough to understand anyway. My 2 year old would never understand what I meant lol but my oldest is nearly 6 and still will scream from time to time and needs to be reminded). They know I wont tolerate the screaming. Crying is ok and is met with empathy and hugs. But screaming and stomping are not appropriate and lead to time out. It distances me from the screaming which saves my mental health and it teaches them that there are appropriate ways of expressing emotion, and inappropriate ones that those around them wont tolerate. I figure it works as a natural consequence, not really a punishment. Because naturally people will distance themselves from people who act violently or lash out. It teaches them the life skill of self regulation. And sometimes a little alone time to vent and then reflect are the best way to work through all that. Anyway that's just my perspective. I'm sure there are other ways than my way. That's just what works for me
Hey Sarah, well done on being so honest about motherhood. You’re right, it’s a tough gig but so rewarding. I’m a Mumma of 4 in Melbourne and I had no friends with bubs and my family live in Canberra. On those days like you shared I felt completely alone. Things that helped in that situation (as a fellow Christian) putting on worship, praying for the Holy Spirit to give you a key and patience. I think you did the right thing leaving him rather than trying to fix it - he will learn and it’s ok for him to feel it. Also remember he picks up on your feelings so removing yourself and leaving him in a safe environment totally that right thing to do. Finally I would recommend seeing if your church has a mums group and making time for it. I never thought I would be that Mum but 4 kids later it’s been my village and where I’ve found my tribe. I’ve been coaching Mums groups for 10 years now. I own a business and my husband is a full time pastor for a big church - I get it, it’s overwhelming and chaotic at times but also beautiful. If you ever need to chat (or pray with someone) please know there are mummas here. You’re a great mum!! You and Kurt remind me of my husband and I (when we were young... we’ve been married over 15 years now and our eldest is about to turn 12) My advice might not be popular but keep pressing into God and he will bring the breakthrough. Xx
I promise the tantrums get better. My daughter was the same but after lots of practise of gentle parenting at 2.5 years old I can just repeat “look at mummy” and talk to her and she will stop and listen. By the sounds of it you don’t need to change anything. It will just take awhile for him to learn. You’re doing amazing
You and Kurt are so loving. I love watching how wonderful you are with fox! I have 2 kiddos and I wouldn't say my daughter (2 1/2) is incredibly emotional regularly BUT she knows how to throw a good old fashioned tantrum especially since her little brother has made an appearance. I have found the only things that work are a bath (let the bad attitude go down with the drain) of that isn't safe then a ride in the truck or a walk. But sometimes it does take just waiting it out until they can actually take in what we are saying. I know it can be rough but you didn't do anything wrong! It's absolutely a part of parenting and while those tricks don't always work it can help try to get them into a different head space. I try to remind myself that in those moments when my daughter is being most vulnerable that she is only that way because she is so comfortable with me. And fox can let himself go because he does know how strong you are and you are his safety and calm when he can't be. Hang in there! You're doing amazing and I love watching you guys love life!
I NEVER comment on videos, but I felt compelled to share something that has helped me stay calm and not take tantrums personally. A school counselor shared the idea of an “emotional tunnel” with me. When kids are feeling those big emotions, sometimes it’s like a freight train and nothing can stop it or make it better. They simply need to make their way through the tunnel and when they get to the other side they are ready to listen and be comforted. I hope that brings a little bit of comfort or maybe an idea to research further.
I have 3 kids and they’re all different, but water usually works for all of them running a bath can help to calm them Down. My son is autistic and really tight cuddles with his arms crossed over his body and saying “shh shh shh” works to calm him down also a weighted calming blanket. Sometimes with my eldest if she’s missing dad a few minutes on FaceTime can help so she knows that he’s at work he shows her the building and tells her when he’ll be home.
I am a stay-at-home mom. My kids are now 8 & 11. Feeling like a bad mom is a very real thing! It’s so hard to do everything for your children & try so hard & have them act like they don’t like you or want you or just straight up say I hate you. I’ve learned that, at the end of the day, they do absolutely love you! I’ve also learned that it’s best (Not Easy) to not take it personally & keep my cool as best as I can. I honestly believe you took care of that situation so well by keeping Fox safe. You are a good mom because you try different things and work hard to understand your child. My son has very intense emotions. I found that sometimes it was best to not tell him what was going on, however I could be wrong in doing that. Parenting is very tricky and so different with every child so it’s hard to say what exactly will work. Sometimes a “calm down” spot is helpful. Like a time out with safe surroundings, but still in the same room. Also, when you find something that works just be aware that in the future it may not work anymore because they are constantly growing & changing. Do not be disheartened, parenting is a process of constant re-evaluation & trying new things. You will make mistakes and that’s ok. When I have “bad mommy moments” I like to take the opportunity to apologize to my children & ask for their forgiveness, this has helped them to learn to forgive & be forgiven. Every moment of motherhood is an opportunity to teach & to learn. What a blessing it is to have a supportive partner by your side! I have a supportive husband who listens to my concerns and emotions and gives me a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes that’s all I’ve needed to regain my strength and believe in my ability to be a good mom. One last thing, kids switch “favorites” as they grow. They even out. And you will get a lot more thank you’s as he grows & more cuddles. Fox is learning and you are a wonderful mother, I think it all the time! Keep trying and when all else fails don’t forget to pray. Love you girl 😘🌺💗
Hi Sarah, I’d just like to thank you for sharing your experience. I’m not a mom as of yet and having you share your experience of the challenging moments of being a mom/parent is something I truly think will help those of us who can’t wait to be a mom but don’t exactly know what to expect be able to see the work and challenges that can come along with having a child. Also seeing the way you and Kurt interact during the tougher times during parenting and supporting one another is so inspiring. I have a pretty big family and I’m one of the only ones who doesn’t have a family of my own and I’ve seen with so many of my female friends and family members not have their significant others participating, supporting or even just agreeing with the way they go about handling situations positive or negative with one another. So seeing and watching you since the beginning of your journey from singleness to dating to motherhood really makes me keep my worth high and expect nothing less than a strong and healthy relationship of my own some day. So thank you for always inspiring me. :)
Love how Sarah shows her real life like not just the good but also when things don’t go to plan because it makes me realise that not everything in life is perfect and that’s ok
First of all- you are doing such a good job with Fox!! You are not doing anything wrong- you are doing a great job. Sometimes you can do all the right things and things still go wrong. Their little brains are developing and can get overwhelmed so easily. I have a two year old too- sometimes we watch your show when I workout in the morning because she loves to watch Fox and I love to see you and your life and you motivate me to workout! It keeps us both entertained and gives me the chance to sneak in a workout. I so can relate to the lonely piece- All of my close friends don't have kids or babies too. I just read the Whole Brain Child and they recommended this with little kiddo meltdowns- I've tried it with my babes and it seems to work pretty well to get her regulated. With toddler meltdowns/ dysregulation, do one's best to stay calm and regulated, get below their eye level (sit or lie down- obviously works better at home) and look at them with sympathy. Sounds crazy, but worked for me with my little one!
While I am not a parent yet, I GREATLY appreciate you being raw and honest about motherhood. Too many people try to sugar coat it and while you show the joys of it, you also share the struggles. And THAT is what I have always loved about your channel. Thank you for being real. Love you Sarah!
Hi Sez! I have an almost 3 year old and I find that having my son be involved with taking care of the family is huge. I let him "help get me ready" and help pack lunches, and be involved with getting my bag put together. I let him be involved with walking me out the door, waving goodbye, etc. I think this makes him feel a tiny bit like a care taker and maybe he understand each step of getting out of the house. I know it's not easy, but maybe also try going along to one of Kurt's haircuts so he understands what he's doing? And lastly, it helps when I either make my son his favorite snacks, or start his favorite activities at the same time someone is leaving so he is focused on the snack or activity to do. I know it's hard, I currently have a 5 month old daughter with Colic and times where I feel like screaming! Your vulnerability really helps with so many people!!
Hey Sarah! I’m not a mum and I obviously have no no idea what you’re going through but I am an Occupational Therapist and working within the paediatric setting. I work with a few of my client and their kids on positive behaviour support for similar behaviours! We always start with tracking the behaviours in an antecedent (what happens before), behaviour, consequence format to try and understand the function/reason for the behaviour in order to understand what the best way would be to respond (I.e the consequence) to try and reduce/eliminate a behaviours. You may find it helpful to chat to your GP to see if he/she thinks it may be beneficial to see a Psych/OT that can support you with it! This may be no help but just thought’d I’d share on the small chance it might help! You’ve got this!! ❤️
I was going to say the same thing. I’ve been in the Early childhood field for many years and have 2 kids myself. You need to figure out the function to the behaviour. What is he seeking, triggers ect. Children are usually trying to tell you something through their behaviour. Look deeper into the reasons why. And also amongst all of this there needs to be lots of consistency between both parents. Good luck and remember this won’t last, it does get better.
Yes! OT’s are so helpful with helping to understand and regulate their emotions and little bodies. Speech therapy could help too if he’s getting super upset and his big emotions don’t match a big vocabulary yet 💛
You’ve got this mamma! Your not alone. I also have a 5 year daughter and don’t really have any Mummy friends, and it’s so hard. People don’t truly understand what it means to have children until they do, and Mum guilt is a real thing. Children are blessing and these hard days teach us all lessons and there is always sunshine after a stormy day. ❤️
Sezzyy💗💗 I was a very sensitive child and, equally sensitive adult lol. I promise, I would give my parents the HARDEST times growing up. And the fact that you, as you say “try to keep fox in the loop” is so so important. It may not feel like it now, but there were so many days I know my mom felt like she was doing such thankless work raising my sister and I while my parents marriage was also not working out, and I promise you because of how much you try to be open and honest with him he will grow into someone with such an empathetic, understanding mindset... you will receive all the thanks you deserve plus some. It took me some time to realize my mom was more than just “my parent” she was a human being. And not a day goes by that I don’t remind her how thankful I am that she showed up for me on some of my hardest days. She might not have felt like my favorite, but I love and appreciate her more than anything in this world because even if she didn’t do it “perfectly” she always chose me. And that made her the best mom I could ever imagine. 💗 fox will no doubt say the same for you one day.
It’s tough! We struggled . We started the ‘blowing out all our negative emotions’ so we would take a deep breath and just blow it all out.. if anything it made them laugh until they understood why we were doing it!! It’s tough... No one prepares you for this! Your doing amazing! x
We use this technique but ask them to "blow on mommy's face" If they can do that much, then you can be silly when they blow on you and see if they will laugh (because laughter is the best medicine!). Then we cuddle for a bit and talk about the emotions they were feeling (This starts being more of a conversation they take part in at 3 or so, but acknowledging their feelings like you talked about in the video is a great way to help them connect the words to the feelings before they can express them themselves.) Deep breaths are a huge help. The thinking and reasoning part of our brain actually loses blood flow when our emotions are heightened, and deep breathing (ideally for 30 seconds or more) is like a reset and gets blood flowing back to the thinking brain and helps us calm down. YOU'RE DOING GREAT MAMA. While it is a very tough time right now, it is a stage you will all get through. Go with your gut, you and Kurt know him better than any of us giving you advice, and it will all work out in the end. ❤️
Hey Sarah. First of all, you're an amazing Mum! You might all think Kurt is the favourite but you'd be astounded to know how much comfort you give Fox, things that Kurt can't give him. Dad's are typically the more "fun" parent though so that's probably where that favouritism is coming from. Secondly, my 2.5 year old is hectic!!!! Omg and I now have a 3 month old as well so curbing her tanty's has been a huge obstacle in my household, but they are getting better. Helpful hints: try to work as much as a team as possible. Get Fox to feel like a valuable member of the household (ie helping you clean, set the table, anything that is actually helpful in his means at his age). This is to set I guess the variable for good behaviour. When my daughter starts screaming in anger it's usually because she's not getting her way. If she is being naughty I just take a couple steps away and get on with something else. I don't ignore her in frustration, it's just simply to say that I'm not giving that tanty any attention. Often times kids act out because that's when they get the most attention from people. And then if I notice she's having a super emotional day I'll make sure to give her heaps of attention, sitting and interacting with her a lot. If she is just having a sad tanty though, so crying and genuinely upset, I will sit with her, ask if I can cuddle her and just keep cuddling her through her tears. Unless she doesn't want me to. I've found her comfort blanket which is her old spit up rag that she grew to love helps a lot. She has a little lay down (2 minutes) in her bed, with her doona and teddies to calm down and feel safe again. I sit near her in the bed and every now and again ask if I can cuddle her, rub her back or feet etc. She usually tells me she's happy again pretty quickly. But literally as soon as she gets upset I try to correct it with a raspberry on the tummy or silly kisses, nudging her with my head and mooing like a cow. Anything silly to distract her. If that doesn't work I say "do you need to lay down in bed with towelie for a second to simmer down?" Then I sit with her as I mentioned. Worst case scenario is cuddling through tears. So yeah as I mentioned, if it's an angry tanty I don't give it any attention and she learnt very quickly to calm her tits down. If it's a sad tanty then I stay calm and give lots of love and comfort. I've not found a miracle way to stop the tantrums but a way to ride them out quickly I guess. Especially since I don't have the time for the tanty now that I have another baby, or her tanty is going to wake the newborn up (even worse). But do know that it won't last forever. I've heard by the time they get to 4 they're golden. Oh, PS. Another thing I do when she's sad is say "do you want to go cuddle the cat?" It seems like he soothes her a lot. You could try this with Abby? But just know I'm right here with you, except my kid also hits, kicks and throws hard toys at me. Gotta love it haha. Xo
As a Mum, I would say definitely say relax and trust your instincts over all else. I would suggest finding a playgroup for Fox to start to interact with other children and for you to find some other Mums that you can relate to. Even a good day care for 1 day a week would help him to develop some independence from the two of you.
I love this comment, we’ve joined baby group and also my little boys goes to Childminder’s once a week and they absolutely loves it. I feel so bad for Sarah but my first one is all about mummy and my second one is just like Fox all about daddy!
@deep blue charly If you are hurt when todler says that he doesn't love you, means you are taking it too personal (your ego is hurt-ego can't take it that someones doesn't love him) and you are not aware thar he is A TODLER.
@@spelaspela6564 when it’s YOUR child and you’re already having a really hard time with them and they are favouring your partner it’s hard not to be affected by that.
Sending you LOVE and SUPPORT Sezzy! I AM A MOM... of a now 24 year old. When he was 2 - it was the worst ever. I went through all you are experiencing. I never thought it would change. BUT IT DID. When he was 2 was the worst time and from then on.. I have never had any other issues with him. (there is hope) . Even in the teenage years when everyone was like.. oh watch out.. its gonna be hard. NOPE. He was so good and kind. Something about age 2 .. there is a reason they call it terrible 2's. I remember a day I was giving him a bath. He freaked out and didn't want it. After trying for 2 hours, I gave up and let it go. Then he freaked out because he wanted a bath! It was maddening. It's not about you, its about them feeling more then they can control. And them wanting to be in control of their experience. We do our best to be a LOVING WITNESS to their pain, and allow them to feel what they feel and make sure they dont hurt themselves. And we have trust and faith that they will grow out of it, and all things change. We self soothe ourselves, and give ourselves our own "time outs" to release the stress. It's the ultimate lesson in releasing control. We cant control their behaviour, only model what we would like to see, and trust they will get it. And they eventually do. Sending you so much love and support and good vibes. And little Foxy.. he is gonna be ok. Take it from a momma who was very worried about her son who was the same. And now.. he is so well adjusted and I feel so blessed.
My mom talks about me at this age in the same way. I was emotional, threw massive tantrums, struggled with transitional moments. Not to mention a big daddy's girl. My sister was the exact opposite, calm and self soothed. I wont give advice because I am not a mom. But just know that, me, an emotional child became an emotional adult. We are who we are, and he will learn to navigate those big emotions in time. While I was a real pain as a child, my mom and I are now best friends and I think her just being there in those emotional moments created that bond.
Please know you are not alone! My daughter had terrible tantrums for a few years. We too tried lots of techniques. No one thing was a stand out success. In the end, I feel that she knew she was loved and that we were all trying to help her. As she has grown I feel that all the tough days that we went through have paid off. She has great skills that other children have not acquired since they didn’t go through this tough stage with support. I didn’t have other mom friends either at first but I started signing her and I up for mommy and me activities. That at least help because you see that we all have challenges with our children. There were days were her tantrums meant we had to leave the activity and go home. Which was hard on both of us but I think it helped her learn that home is always a safe place. You’re doing great! Hang in there. This stage will pass and later you will see how he has grown from it 🥰
I have an ODD/ADHD 4 year old. Expelled from two daycares, violent outbursts, you name it, we’ve gone through it. I’ve found that just telling him “I know you’re upset, I would be upset too” and just giving wrapping him up in a hug that he can’t get out of for a minute can really do the trick when we’ve hit a wall.
Your reaction to the reality of being a mum was so generous. A lot of it is not easy, and it's good to share that reality. I have two boys (ages 10 and 12). Every child is so different and no mother or father does this without feeling like they have no idea what is going on most of the time. LOL! You did everything right because you know that little boy better than anyone. Our advice is unique to our experiences - all I can say is kudos for doing the best you can. That's enough. Guaranteed, in the throws of his big emotions, his take away from that day? His Mum was there for him. I also want to say, the best thing you could have done for yourself was trying to turn YOUR day around - and that is NOT easy when we feel so wrecked after our kiddos go through things like that. You have to be your best self in order to keep showing up for him. I was so impressed with your positive attitude after such a draining experience. Keep honoring who your little boy is, and give yourself permission to have no idea how to fix everything. I also love your respect for his privacy by not showing his tantrum. I love watching you and Kurt with Fox. He is a lucky little boy. Keeping it real for all the new parents out there was a gift.
Thank you for sharing such realistic parenting struggles! Not enough of this is shared online and everyone only shares the highlights. I can relate so much to this, you’re not alone even if it feels like it because of being the only one in your circle with kids. I wish I could give you a big hug 🥰 you’re a great mom even if it’s not all sunshine and rainbows every day. ❤️ Edited to say: I have an almost 4 year old girl and I think you’re doing good things, trying to redirect his attention to something else, trying to explain everything. Sometimes you just have to let him cry and have the emotions and it will just suck for a bit. It’ll get better I promise!
Oh Sarah, I cried with you watching this. I have felt that way at times too. I run multiple businesses and have a 2 yr old toddler that's going into those big tantrum phases too. I've tried everything like you too. I've just resigned myself to keep trying to communicate calmly, offering support and walking away to give him space to be upset too but I still haven't found a solution. Just consistency in staying calm is all I do. And yes its true you end up doing some of the things you said you would never do just to survive. My son is going through a sleep regression too (despite having done sleep training) and one thing I have noticed is whichever parent is the one that stays with them whilst they fall asleep is the one they get attached to. I normally do it so my son is attached to me but hubby did it once and my son didn't want to know me for that day lol! He was daddy's best friend until I did it again. Thank-you for sharing honestly the highs and lows of motherhood. Everything you have shared is absolutely true!!
Plus, it's like the parent's chance to slow down too. I mean, I get it...it's like the moment they go to sleep you try to get everything you can done, but perhaps it's the universe saying the adults need a little break too.
I agree. This has helped our daughter to learn to put herself to sleep after we took away her pacifier a month ago. Before we'd give her her pacifier and we didn't need to there till she slept but now she doesn't like to be left alone.
I so so appreciate the realness you’re showing!!! As a mom of two, I can absolutely relate. My son was our first and he was the same, Sarah!! He did then and still has very challenging moments of sensitivity and anxiety. If I could give you advice it would absolutely be to teach him calming methods and how to self soothe!! My husband and I always tended to him immediately instead of letting him cry it out and resolve it on his own. He is now 6 and still has tough days and moments. It is very hard for him to soothe himself and calm himself down and I think it’s a result of never learning how to himself. So I think that’s really important to do!! There are a lot of great books to read with him on mindfulness techniques, etc like “The little spot of” books or “Positive Ninja” series. There are really tough days and moments. It gets easier with age and maturity. I’ve shed plenty of tears over the years and felt alone as well. It gets better and you’re doing an amazing job!! Our daughter is much easier loll
When you start crying mid vlog because you see Sezzy crying. We all have our bad days Sarah, you're a fantastic mum and Foxy is really lucky. Sending you lots of hugs 💗💗
Oh man, I remember this age so well(my son is now 6) and while I miss how little and cute he was, it was beyond exhausting. I promise it gets better. My son was the most stubborn and very sensitive baby/toddler, up to 2 hour tantrums, but we saw massive improvement when he turned 4 1/2. He now tells me he loves me 20x a day and that I’m his best friend. He went through many phases where he didn’t want anything to do with me or his favorite was another family member even though I did all the work. Children will always act out most with their moms/primary caretaker because they feel most comfortable with them. As for suggestions, I don’t have any that will help right now, but wanted to say that you are doing everything right. I handled tantrums in a similar way and he just outgrew them and now behaves better than most kids his age. I think those that do have answers, have children that aren’t as sensitive and/or strong willed. I know that doesn’t help now. but I promise it gets easier(and slightly less exhausting)!
When I saw Kurt laying beside fox... That is my life! I have a girl who is 1 year 7 months and we all suffer if life doesnt go this way at bedtime.. I feel your pain, non parents will not get this at all. Do you mumma bear!
Distract him BEFORE Kurt leaves with a preferred activity so that he’s already preoccupied and is not focused and obsessing on the fact that he’s no longer in the house.
I agree with that - it works better and its milder on the child than trying to explain... bug all current trends on child rearing are all about treating them like mini adults..
I was thinking the same thing. I’m only 21 but I remember a weird amount from my childhood and my mum would do that to me and my younger sister, I mean it worked 🤷🏼♀️
Oh Sarah. I feel you. I was that mama but I want to tell you there is FRUIT coming. Your spirit and guidance everyday is salting him in such a positive way. I was the mama in target with a tantrum child while all the other moms stared me down and walked on by. I was the one on the other side of the door holding it while he screamed and cried and then watching him love on my husband as my husband walked through the door. He had regressions that kept me from doing group activities. It was tough but it also made me stronger and wiser and patient and someone that could be there for other moms. Some things that helped me was The intentional by grace blog. She talks about the happy heart method and it was such a life saver for me. I wish I could come hug you. As my son grew I learned he had a strong willed spirited child and read strong willed child and the book “you can’t make me but I can be persuaded”.... the happy heart method and teaching fruit of the spirit since that age has been the biggest foundational thing for all my kids. I taught them where there heart was early on and did the fruit of the spirit curriculum with them at age 2-3. Does it change the tantrums. Not all the time but it built up strong kids and ways for them to work through their emotions over time and it helped us a family to work through it together. Definitely pray for friends in your season of life. God will meet you where you are Sarah. He will provide and create a space for you to grow. Now I read a Psalm a day and write it in my journal. It helps me remember that God left us wonderful history to look back on and see the changes and restoration from years past. It reminds me that I was made for such a time as this and discipling our children is the most powerful thing we can do for our children’s hearts and those around them. Just remember they need us mamas to be there no matter what and we can be their voice as they grow and best advocate. No one will love our kids as much as we do (besides God). Cling to the hope of Jesus and remember... one day at a time. My now almost 8 year old still struggled with transitions but we are a team and he is amazing with others and has grown into a great young boy. You’re doing wonderful. 🥰🥰🥰
Sorry this is hard! Maybe socializing with other children will help, not just adults. Not that I know any better! Hope you’re feeling supported by everyone. Here’s to a better day 💕
I wanted to say as someone who was an highly emotional child and didn't have tons of tantrums but later had panic attacks which made me uncontrollable for hours here are some tricks I learned along the way. 1. Never ever shout, which is probably the hardest, but it used to make mine so much worse 2. Outside of tantrum time you could discuss emotions a bit like a super power fox can't control yet (or try to phrase it in any way he might relate to). I always felt (and still do as an adult) that everyone had their emotions at 50 and mine were at 100 and it was like this inner force I couldn't control and that everyone blamed me for. Whereas when you control it more it can allow you to be more empathetic to others and yourself! 3. I know the feeling of not being able to be soothed whatever you say, later in my life I had this bc my emotions would spiral and take control of me and no one could calm me down, what really helps is gently lying down while spooning the person from behind gently but firmly so they can ride down their emotional high while their body is soothed. Feeling someone's silent presence helps ground you and at the same time prevents you from hurting them. I know they also use this technique in places with kids who are very violent. 4. I'm sure you do this but always remind him that you love him. I personally felt that everytime I did this that maybe my parents wouldn't love me anymore but at the same time I couldn't control it well bc it was so powerful. Hope this helps!!
Ohhhh honey! I feel you 100%. I cried right there with you Sez!! My son was not too tantrumy but when he did have tantrums around 2-3 and nothing would soothe him, I made a rock playlist and would take him for a car ride. That would usually help and he even had naps during those rides. My husband used to travel a lot for work the first couple of years of my kid’s life so it would get exhausting at times for sure. I think boys love their dads so much cuz they feel important and cool with them. With us it’s more like, we are the ones to care for them whereas the dads are like buddies. Mine is turning 5 soon and I can tell you it does get better. As hard as it is, try as much as you can to not take it personally, it’s just a phase they go through with the fav parent. They do love us but don’t know how to show it yet. You are doing amazing and are such a wonderful mom and human! 🌺💕🌺💕 Much love to you, Sez!!!
the fact that I’ve been watching you since you were still living at home and documenting your acne journey and now watching you plan a wedding and raise your gorgeous son is insane. don’t forget how far you’ve come sezzy, you’ve got this 🥰
Sometimes a child will express their emotions with the person they trust the most. The fact that he feels comfortable enough around you to express himself is a good thing, mama! You're doing such a fantastic job. I'm also a stay at home mom at the moment, with a 6-month old and I teach high school from home due to the pandemic. Some days, it's great. Others, it is miserable. Just remember, that every phase is so short and will pass. I understand you on the deepest level, and your feelings are 100% valid and relatable. Take heart knowing that there are others going through the same thing, you are not alone and most importantly God is with you. May He grant you the wisdom to know how to be the best mom for Fox and give you patience and strength. Amen! :)
I have 2 daughters, the youngest just turned 2. I legit cried with you while listening to this video because I know this feeling so well. Only my youngest is obsessed with me, not her dad. Which is a whole ordeal by itself. But what helped and still helps me with the occasional tantrums is something a fellow mom once said to me. Sarah, you ARE Fox’s favorite person, and that’s why he’s so comfortable letting it all go when he’s with you. Grownups are the same - we don’t scream and shout and cry at random people in the street, right? This “lovely” side of us is usually reserved for the ones closest to us because we feel safe with them. Sure, you can and should look for help (maybe a family therapist) if you feel you need more guidance - I did. Just know you’re not alone, most of us go through the same thing (and survive) 🤍
I'm 28 and a mum of 4 ages (7,6,6 and 2). My approach to dealing with big tantrum is to make sure they are in a safe environment and let them have their 'melt down' once they have calmed down, then you can reason and empathise with them. Sometimes they need to have that release and express their big feelings. If you jump in to early you might find that your toddler isn't open for any stimulation, distraction or conversation. For little tantrums I use the acronym HALT : hungry, angry, lonely, tired. This helps work out what's wrong and how you can help him. Anyway, I hope this helps! Hang in there, 2 year olds are hard!
My son is only 8 months old , but I’m crying with you. Such a thankless job , and so so hard when you don’t have people around you who understand what it’s like to have children.
I'm watching this a few days after you posted this so I don't know if you'll see this. But I feel exactly like this quite often with my 2 year old. I am also a first time mom, and don't have any friends with kids. I have learned that I need to avoid the tantrums before they begin. So if my husband or I am about to leave the house for a while we will distract him by taking him outside while the other one leaves. He has also gotten very routine with things. We are currently on day 5 of no bottle at all. He has been asking for it before bed and as soon as he wakes up, but to avoid the melt down when we say no, we have been not telling him "are you ready for bed?" we just take him in his room and start cuddling. And when he wakes up, we will watch a show and feed the cat. Distraction is key! I think maybe if this happens again to you instead of asking him if he wants to play with play dough or ride his bike, just take him outside and show him the bike, or you get on it and make it funny. I have noticed a lot of improvement with tantrums and issues like that, by not giving him a choice or telling him "let's go change your diaper" or "say bye to dada, he's leaving" we have totally just simplified everything by not listening to the books and the advice of letting them decide what they want and explaining things. If anyone reading this comment sees this let me know if it works for your child too!
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE FEELING! I have four boys ranging from 8 to 3 months.. and their favorite person is also their dad! The only thing that has EVER worked for my kids is to sit on the floor, tell them it’s okay and give them hugs until they stop crying. I read that babies throw tantrums because they can’t express themselves. When adults throw tantrums they just want a hug too! You’re a great mom! We all have these days and I know sometimes the negative days outweigh the positive but it’s soooo worth it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m an early intervention speech therapist and just want to say you do a wonderful job narrating and following Fox’s lead. Behaviors are so hard but sometimes using pictures of emotions or creating a “choice board” of things for fox to point to request can be helpful to understand his needs when he doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to tell you his wants/needs in moments of frustration!
Hello Sarah! I'm a stay at home mom too, my son is a bit younger (17 months) and he is very sensitive of everything happening around him. He will feel our emotions and reacts to it. The other day he had a tantrum, it was almost scary because so intense and nothing was working. So I just started praying outloud to bring positive and calming energy. It soothed me instantly and him too in a few minutes. I'm convinced he's like a sponge and if a start feeling peacefull, it indirectly calm him too. Anyway. I think there is not one magic method. Sometimes the thing we do works and sometimes not. So much goes one in a child's day with growth and changes and learning... And its a lot for the parents too sometimes, so maybe we should just be kinder to ourselves and some days simply let the storm pass by without judgment. And I read too that children will do tantrums with those they feel inconditionally loved so you are definitely a favorite 😉 PS sorry for the grammar mistakes, I'm french 😉☀️
My daughter is just 4 months younger than Fox and we are starting to get to this phase as well. I saw a lecture recently where it was suggested that when a child has a tantrum, the part in his brain that is responsible for rational thinking shuts down and you basically need to wait it out. Stay calm, don’t try to reason (he won’t listen anyways). Be the strong one who he can count on. He needs something stable (you) to keep him safe while he feels the most vulnerable. When he calms a little down, then you can comfort him with a hug. Stay strong :) #mompower
Sarah... you’re such a strong and amazing mother and person who inspires me and so many!!! You have so much power and force it reflects on us all!!! I am a full time single mother of 3 under the age of 5. I feel your frustration and pain and I completely understand. It’s sooo normal for Fox to go through this phase! My children went through it especially my eldest he was extremely difficult but as soon as he was 4 and a half he completely changed. The tantrums were gone and he always chooses mommy. My second is almost 4 and a half and he’s grown own of his tantrums and his admiration for his father. It’s a phase my daughter is now going through. She grew up without her father but she always says daddy. I now understand this is a phase and that I don’t take it personally anymore. I think it’s cute now. But as a first time mom it’s suffocating and frustrating. Sending you so much love!!!!! My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family!
i remember this one tantrum when my little one was about 2/3years old and we went shopping and everything was fine and then it was as if the world ended.. screaming on the ground and when i tried to get him he make his body stiff so i couldn’t pick him up. so i quite literally put my basket down and laid on the ground next to him so i was at his level. i found that when i go down to his level (literally) he sees i can be where he is and he can relate to me.. sometimes it takes a bit but he will eventually come to me and calm down i don’t know if it helps but it’ll be okay i promise
I'm a preschool teacher and you should know that every single mum feels like this. I have had countless mum's come to me crying feeling like there child hates them. It's not true, as I see it children act out around the people they are most comfortable around, so for fox you are his safe person. He knows that you'll be there no matter what so he can let out all his big feelings. All you can do is be with him, try and make him as safe as possible eg give him a pillow to throw, little bean bags etc. After all of the tantrums he will go back to being your fox, and if you were the one that went away all the time the shoe would be on the other foot. Just know your not alone in any of this and fox is going to appreciate you hugely when he's older xx
When my son (2 next month) throws a massive tantrum like you described, its a really similar situation where dad has left for work or gym. The other week, he had a massive meltdown and i didnt know what to do. I remembered seeing a video of a dad just being present while his child worked through a tantrum. So i tried that. I told him 'mummy is here with you, i love you'. And just sat with him. Didnt touch him, didn't tell him to stop, just repeated that im there and love him. After maybe 10 minutes, he calmed down and came to me for a cuddle. I told him that his feelings are valid, its okay to miss Daddy while hes gone, that i miss him too when hes away. Ive done this a few times since that major meltdown and have to say its helped alot. Especially now that his baby brother is here (2 weeks old), hes feeling alittle left out and doesnt want to share his daddy. They are tiny humans with massive emotions and they dont know how to navigate through them alone, thats where we step in and help them realise that its okay, we're there and they are allowed to feel these feelings.
You've got this, Sarah. YOUR feelings are valid too. Its okay to feel the way you feel. Just remember that you are surrounded by people who love and adore you, have a massive following of people who love and adore you. You are an amazing mum, partner, boss babe, creator. Never forget your worth ❤
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I agree with this! I never stop my 21 month old from throwing tantrums or having big feelings because I want to validate him. As adults we throw tantrums all the time it just looks different. Being a parent is so damn hard. One day at a time!
This is such a fantastic suggestion!! ❤️ It.
This is the video I wrote about too. You’re amazing xx
just realised i've written such a similar thing above. Totally agree! xx
Hey Sezzy, I'm a mum of a two year old boy, Max, (he's a month older than Fox), here is what we've done to help with tantrums: We are similar to you in talking to Max about what's going to happen to prep him, but a new thing we've started doing (and have seen success since starting daycare 2 weeks ago) is telling him what will happen during those times. Max was having huge problems with separation anxiety (which is what it sounds like Fox is dealing with) at daycare, so one of the educators started saying, "we're going to play, eat, sleep and then mummy and daddy come back" So now we do that leading up to drop off, "today we're going to daycare, you'll play, you'll eat lunch, you'll sleep, play a little more then mummy will come back." He's still crying at drop off but only for a few minutes after I leave. So maybe try adding what you'll do with Fox while Kurt is gone and have those activities ready to go for when he leaves. Keep goodbyes short, "bye Fox, daddy loves you so much, and remember I ALWAYS come back, bye!" Big hugs then leave, don't draw it out even if he starts screaming.
We also have used a clock for a while to help with the mini tantrums when not wanting to finish one thing when we need to have a bath or a nappy change. I ask Max when he says no if he like to do it now or in 5 minutes, giving him the power of the decision. I then show him our analogue clock and I say "see how the hand is at the number 3, when it's at the 4 we will go for our bath." I've used that for different situations and it seems to work well. You could try that too with Kurt leaving, so he can see it's getting closer to him coming back.
If you don't follow Big Little Feelings on insta, you need to! They have such a wealth of knowledge. You're doing really well, Fox is going thru a sleep regression and separation anxiety, it's a lot for him and it's a lot for you. I don't know how I would do it without my mummy friends, so that must be really hard. Lean into God, find your rest in Him.
I don't have children myself, but mom told me she used to do the technique of saying everything that's going to happen while she was gone too and apparently it was great for me!
I am a speech therapist en learned that for some children it helps a lot to visually support the explanation about what is going to happen that day. For a two year old it is very hard to remember everything that is told so some pictures for every activity could help him to keep everything clear for himself.
I don’t know the English term for it but i am quite sure that there are pictures and like a magnete thing that you can buy, so it is ready to go. But you can always make one yourself with pictures he recognizes quickly!
I'm not a mum so I can give no advice. I do work as a paediatric Speech and Language Therapist b and I promise, based on all the families I work with, that as Fox's communication skills improve, the intensity of his responses will reduce because he'll be able to verbalise what he's feeling rather than using his behaviour to communicate. It will get better, and it's just such a tough tough age when they're discovering boundaries and really really not liking them! All you mums are absolute legends and don't give yourselves the credit you deserve for helping a whole new human navigate the world.
Oh girl I COULD NOT relate more! You're 100% right when you say that parenting can be a pretty thankless job but you are doing amazing! Being so aware of Fox's emotions and spending the time communicating with him/ trying different strategies makes ALL the difference. It won't feel like it now because he's still so little and it can take time to find out what works, but when he's older I promise you, it'll pay off. My son is almost 8 (I do not know how, because it feels like I had him yesterday) and had huge meltdowns pretty much from the day he was born. There were times where he would seemingly melt down over nothing and I had so many days where I would break down in tears because I felt so helpless and like nothing I tried seemed to be working. Being a young mum, the majority of my friends weren't in the same position so there were so many days where I felt that loneliness and need for the company of another mum who 'understood' what I was going through. Fast forward a few years (and a LOT of time, attention, strategies and early intervention) and Archie is thriving. His teacher told me the other day that she's never met a child who is so good at managing his emotions with that level of self-control and what we've done with him has made a hugely positive impact (#humblebrag lol). Long story short though, keep doing what you're doing, don't lose faith in yourself and if you ever need a fellow local mama to chat to, or want any ideas for different strategies you can try, don't hesitate to hit me up
Idk what the exact tag is but @sarahsday (hopefully that’s the right tag) please read this!!! Thank you so much ash for saying all of this. As a mom, big emotions from kiddos can be so hard to deal with sometimes and there is NO FAULT AS A MOM if your babe is feeling these big feelings!! You and Sarah are doing amazing things ❤️❤️❤️
Yaasss certainly agree things take time love you lots ash
Great job with wife swap OMG THAT SPIDER
Yes! I felt this! Young lonely moms unite 😆 In all seriousness, being a mom is a very thankless, more than full time job but it’s the most rewarding life experience! Everyday is a blessing with a little sprinkle of struggle 🥰
@sarahsday
@@bucketlistadventureskrs Hey gal, I would be very weary of posting comments like that, aside from the fact that it’s impossible to diagnose without actually witnessing the behaviours over an extended period of time (even if you were a paediatrician or child psychologist which I’m assuming you’re not as they wouldn’t diagnose in a RUclips comment), making statements like that can be really distressing for the parents. I had so many people with absolutely no medical background coming to me with their opinions of what my son should be diagnosed with, even when his teachers and other professionals were telling me otherwise and it only made me upset and angry. It’s not for anyone other than a professional to offer a diagnosis and especially one like Intermittent Explosive Disorder which takes a LOT of time to diagnose. Remember Fox is still essentially a baby, he still doesn’t have the social awareness to be able to make informed choices about how he copes with his emotions which will likely come with the time and the attention that Sarah and Kurt give to helping him. But the bottom line is- perhaps be a little more tactful and considerate when posting online. This world can be an ugly place and we could all benefit from a little more loving 🥰
when Sez said she sometimes wishes she was the favorite it broke my heart - we love you Sezzy
Aw Sarah, as a mother I felt this in my soul. We have all been there! Doubting if they love us. Never being the "favourite", always being "the bad guy". Deep down they do love us. They act up with us because they can be their truest self and know that we will be there for them no matter what. All this is normal and some days are bloody hard! Everything you did was right! You did what you thought was best and that's why it's right. One moment at a time. As they get older and can communicate better it gets easier to reason. I also suggest looking up the zones of regulation. I did this with my daughter at fox's age and now at 5 she is able to clearly communicate her emotions and explain why she feels the way she does.
Ooh, we could sure use that. How do you go about teaching that?
Yes 🙌🏻 right now they feel so much but still are not sure how to verbalize it. Sara you are on the right track and working through this now will help little fox. My oldest started kindergarten this year. And she was having a hard time with a girl in her class because the girl would tell the teacher instead of just saying what was wrong. My oldest has emotionally been my hardest as a toddler. But I have helped her to verbalize her emotions and learn boundaries around behaviors so for the most part it is way better and we can all talk about things. I think with her I felt very controlled by her emotions. I have since separated my emotions from theirs and remind myself that their emotions have nothing to do with mine. Sitting with them while they have a melt down not trying to change it allowing them to let it out can help. A children’s book I have loved and my kids love is “The Rabbit Listened” by Cori Doerrfeld its beautiful and simple. You are doing amazing and are such a great mom keep learning and growing! 💕
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It is such a hard age when they can’t communicate very well and I’m sure it’s so frustrating for them. My baby is not old enough to have tantrums yet, but I know the feeling of her screaming bloody murder in my ear while trying to figure out what’s wrong and it’s so much anxiety! I think Natalie hit the nail on the head that because you did what you thought was right it makes it the right thing! That’s being a mom! Everyone handles things differently but being a patient mom is the hardest, but hopefully the most rewarding! 🤞
I’m a mama to an almost 20 month old and am occupational therapist. Zones of regulation is such a great tool to use and maybe at this young age, just introducing the verbiage is ok (although young toddlers may not utilize it 100%). When young kiddos don’t have a lot of language or an efficient way of communication, it can get sooo frustrating for them. My daughter doesn’t tantrum super often but when she does she scream cries, flops around and sometimes hits her head out of frustration. When this happens I tell myself that this is normal and she’s just having really big feelings that she’s still learning to regulate. If redirecting isn’t working initially (e.g. play with playdoh or ride bike), then I just validate her feelings a couple of times and then just sit there with her quietly. Sometimes I give a bit of physical touch (rub her back) if she lets me but for the most part I just let her feel her feelings until she’s calm. Sometimes it can take 10 mins and sometimes it’s 2 hours. When she’s finally calm I ask if she needs a hug and let her know I love her despite her tantrum, then we go and do an activity that’s very low demand. It’s kind of like how we need a bit of alone time to cry it out or to regulate our anger - when toddlers do it it’s a bit more dramatic lol. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Although you may not be his favorite at the moment, you are the best mom for Fox and you’re irreplaceable!
I can 100% relate - my son is only a couple of months younger than Fox and he's also a smart, energetic kid with HUGE emotions. He throws impressive tantrums that can overwhelm us both.
When he's having an emotional day and starts a tantrum, I try to coax him to do either calming or fun activities by doing them myself so I'm role modelling.
Sometimes, I walk away from him to his room, put on his white noise that he sleeps with and start reading a book aloud. That will often get him to stop the tantrum and become curious about the book.
Another thing I find that helps is getting him in warm water. I run a bath and get in it and ask if he wants to join me. He almost always says yes and starts playing happily.
Walks are another good one. I tell him we need to help our golden retriever to get exercise. I get out her harness and ask if he wants to help me put it on (which he can't actually do, but he's curious and likes helping). I say I'm leaving the house and he usually runs after us and joins us on the walk. It's often enough to distract him and stop his tantrum.
From what I see, you're an awesome mum, Sarah. Don't doubt yourself on the hard days - we all have them but that doesn't make us bad mums.
I saw a video from a pediatric psychiatrist who works in the ER and she said that a child will act the worst to the person they feel the most safe with. And that brought me comfort knowing that my son is acting out more with me because he feels safe to do so.
it's so true! i was that kind of kid - i'd be super well behaved all day at daycare/kindergarten/preschool, and as soon as i came home to my mum, i was a nightmare. it's the release of the pressure to behave that kids need in order to decompress and feel okay again
Hi Sarah, I am not a mom but I have been a nanny for many different families and a preschool teacher at a point for over 10 years. After experiencing every age and all different emotional type of children from different backgrounds. One, let me say tantrums are healthy and a normal part of growth and development. Your sweet boy is learning to communicate and it can be frustrating when we cant use our words even as adults when we are frustrated! My advice from experience, is removing the child from environment. For example when I am with a child having a tantrum alot of times I will pick them up and take them outside if possible fresh air does wonders. The thing I always try to help parents understand that if as an adult when you are yelling and frustrated you wont listen to anyone. How can you expect a toddler to listen? It is best to talk to anyone when they are calm, then they can process and HEAR you. Sometimes its redirecting with children showing a activity that they like. Sometimes no matter what kind of tantrum its a hug because naturally a body calms. But in my experience talking to a screaming toddler hardly ever works. Redirect, Hug, new environment, or allow for self soothing and then communicate when calm. These are my go to methods and sometimes none work and sometimes one works and another works at different times. It is all part of the process in development, you and Kurt are doing amazing!!! Sometimes its hard but its important to pat yourself on the back and say im doing my best and thats enough!! Fox is so cute and sweet, smart beautiful boy! Im so proud of you guys!!
You go girl!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Same experience and for specific situations and children I agree.
But I tend to move myself and leave them where they are
Well said 👏
When Sezzy breaks down and Kurt is loving and supporting her, I literally could not 😭🥺
You couldn’t?
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@@hazzapizzle23 literally could not. Got it?😆
@@mrbrad4637 tfcgjvgvdsa😱
😭😢🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑
This was honestly the most relatable thing I have ever seen. I have three kids. I've been a sahm for six years. I don't own three businesses which I imagine is very time consuming. But... Motherhood can feel like a VERY thankless and honestly sometimes lonely job. It might feel as though no-one understands EXACTLY what you mean. Believe me, you're not alone and I don't think it's self pity at all. Not at all. Sometimes we just need to acknowledge that it is lonely and we do feel misunderstood from time to time. We don't have to unpack and stay in those emotions, but believe it or not riding that emotional wave is necessary. Let it out girl. Also, I have two girls and a two year old boy as well. I'll say that in my experience that bond is different. All kids go through "mommy only phases" and then "daddy only phases" and it's super hard when we work so hard just for them to run to daddy BUT think of it this way. Sometimes kids say things like "I don't like mommy." and our initial reaction is to feel hurt. Remember that kids don't always have the vocabulary we have. It might not mean "I don't like mommy" AT ALL. It might simply mean "I want daddy" and it just didn't come out that way. You know? You're doing SO GREAT! Keep doing what you are doing, things will start to shift. Two to three or four is where the emotional part of his brain is going to be going through growth spurts! (Which we see as tantrums.) So whenever he's going through it, just think of it as emotional growth and you are helping him through that growth by, like you said, just talking it out. ❤️
I’m a nanny and one of the kids has separation anxiety and severe tantrums when his mom leaves for work, so what I do is I start to play and make whatever I’m doing look like a lot of fun (usually play dough or an obstacle house or for building) so he’ll want to participate and his curiosity will distract him from missing his mom! I only use this tactic when I’ve exhausted all other options consoling him and he’s still inconsolable. The distraction of thinking about what it is that I’m having so much fun doing is usually enough to break him from his tantrum trance. Hopefully that helps a bit! I do have a calm conversation with him after he’s having fun telling him it’s okay to be sad but what can we do next time to help you feel better that way he understands that we can deal with those feelings in a student way next time. The conversations afterwards have really helped him to figure out ways he can self soothe by thinking about ways to cope afterwards. I started this when he was 1.5 and it helped tremendously where his tantrums at the most extreme are significantly shorter than before 💗 sending positive vibes and prayers from Canada
Also, my grandma’s tactic was to do exactly what we would do in a tantrum. So if we threw ourselves on the ground, she would, if we were rolling around on the floor making noise, she would too! The goofiness would always have us laughing at how silly she looked throwing the same tantrum we were and it was a great way to break the tantrum as well!
Am I the only one that feels like Sarah is a SUPPORTIVE BIG SISTER, even though they have never met her? Thank you Sarah for continuing to inspire me everyday as I go through recovery. You have motivated me to start my own channel and am SO GRATEFUL for your videos. Take care!
You aren’t alone!!! I feel like she’s one of my close friends and I’ve never met her lol
When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like you’re planning a vacation to Italy. You’re all excited. You get a whole bunch of guidebooks, you learn a few phrases so you can get around, and then it comes time to pack your bags and head for the airport.
Only when you land, the stewardess says, “WELCOME TO HOLLAND.”
You look at one another in disbelief and shock, saying, “HOLLAND? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I SIGNED UP FOR ITALY.”
But they explain that there’s been a change of plan, that you’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.
“BUT I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOLLAND!” you say. ‘I DON’T WANT TO STAY!”
But stay, you do.
You go out and buy some new guidebooks, you learn some new phrases, and you meet people you never knew existed.
The important thing is that you are not in a bad place filled with despair. You’re simply in a different place than you had planned.
It’s slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy, but after you’ve been there a little while and you have a chance to catch your breath, you begin to discover that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. Holland has Rembrandts.
But everyone else you know is busy coming and going from Italy. They’re all bragging about what a great time they had there, and for the rest of your life, you’ll say, “YES, THAT’S WHAT I HAD PLANNED.”
The pain of that will never go away.
You have to accept that pain, because the loss of that dream, the loss of that plan, is a very, very significant loss.
But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you will never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.
Welcome to Holland - By Emily Perl Kingsley
I live in the Netherlands ♡
When I was too soft and didn't show my borders to my kids, they literally were getting worse and worse. But when I started to show that it's okay to show your emotions but there are limits and they can't hurt their mom, they started to understand and regulate their behavior
100% agree with that!
I was just going to comment something similar. Being sensitive I'd totally normal and okay but boundaries need to be placed on the actions associated with the big feelings. When physical is assosiated with the emotional we have had incidence where it does become dangerous and its not okay. I'm all about little kiddos expressing their emotions and tantrums are apart of that but when it becomes physical that's a boundary that can't be crossed IMO and in my home.
How do you explain that to a two year old? With the language barrier it would be difficult, no? I’m genuinely asking, I have a seven month old and I’m dreading the tantrums. I know it’s a part of kids learning how to regulate their emotions. So I’m trying to prepare myself with the tools I need to help her.
@@brendacruz1897 they're clever, they understand, even at just a few months old. you can't talk enough to your child IMO. talk talk and talk some more!
Holy cow! Teens 🥺😢😩
Stay calm! Honestly the biggest thing we’ve recently learnt with our 3yo when she was having literally 1-1.5hr long ‘possessed screaming meltdowns.’ We had her booked into a children’s psychologist it was that bad. They couldn’t get us in for at least 5mths... Once we learnt to stay calm, sit beside her the entire time and keep reassuring her it’s ok, I’m sorry you’re so sad, I’m here for you when you need a cuddle and it was game changer! She went from not letting us touch her to eventually asking for a cuddle and then she would calm down. They got shorter and shorter and within a couple wks no more meltdowns and hasn’t had one since. It is so so frustrating when they have these meltdowns when you can’t console them and it hurts your mumma heart but if we want them to learn how to be calm we need to stay calm ourselves and know it really is a phase that will pass. Hang in there! You are doing all the right things just stay strong and calm and he will get there. It gets so much easier once they can communicate better too. I was in your shoes only a couple months ago and it’s rough. Sending big hugs you will all get through this and be stronger and closer together afterwards too 🥰 xxx
You are the sweetest and best mom and just know that you are doing EVERYTHING right! Being a mom is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but just know that as long as he keeps learning how to treat others ( he's already so sweet) that you are growing a kind and caring human. This will get better as he gets older. He will show his sensitivity in other ways as he grows which also can be hard, but just know it's SO good to be sensitive, you have the chance to grow a wonderful, sensitive man , who as he grows, will not be afraid to share how he feels . He loves you SOOO much and there will be times you will be his favourite. It is soooo hard when you are in the moment , but take heart that he is a happy, healthy, kind boy and all the work you guys do is SO worth it. One thing I will say too is , sometimes parents are "afraid " of their kids . Like if they don't get what they want when they are out in public, they may have a tantrum, and alot of parents give in to that just to get them to stop. I get that it's embarassing but just be careful not to get into that kind of thing!
As a speech therapist who works with nonverbal children who sometimes have difficulty regulating their emotions, may I suggest try using the “smell the flowers, blow out the candles” technique to help them control their breathing. I use visuals of candles & flowers while modeling to the child what to do. You can also use visuals to show him different choices of things he can do to calm down (e.g. take a break, go for a walk, count to 10, need a hug). I’ve found high frequency music, the zones of regulation, and weighted blankets to also be helpful. You’re a great mom sezzy! This too shall pass xx
yes, psychologist and child education here, smell the flowers /hot chocolate thingy. make it visual
I have nothing to add, just to say that I find this very nice advice? I don't have kids (or know anyone that has), but this is something I will remember!
Teacher here and for breathing exercises pinwheels have really helped. Student will blow on them to make them spin and then need to take deep breaths in order to do it again. It’s really helped them to visualize deep breathing better.
love this suggestion!
I said to a friend the other day, when you're a kid your Mum is the one who is around all the time so you kinda take her for granted, but as soon as you get older and are away from home, even for a night, who do you miss? Your Mum! Trust me, he will need you so much along the years x
Dear Sarah! I have a six year old and I know exactly what you‘re going through and how hard it Feels sometimes. Especially in families, where the mom does (even a bit) More Family Work, spends More Time at home and is almost always with their child/children - that creates ALWAYS the „omg daddy is home mood“ for the child. It‘s completely normal for them to be super excited to be with someone else, because they get less of them, than their mom. You are almost always there for him (you both are emotionally but you also physically) and that makes it less „exciting“ for him to have you around - but not less worthy!! It is so unbelievably important and wonderful for any child to feel that their mom is always there for them, so that they can depend in her anytime. It might not feel, like you get any award for that - but please know: you are the steady loving savety-blanket that Fox needs so so much to be explorative, adventureous and become a confident child. You give him so much!
Sarah. I have a 15 month old and can I just say... your vulnerability in this is so appreciated. I’m honestly crying typing this. You are an amazing mom and I really appreciate you sharing the not so Instagram-able side of motherhood because it’s so rewarding but SO. HARD. Thank you for being honest and authentic. You’re so fun to follow. Also... Kurt is a real keeper ♥️
Sez ❤ my daughter is 16 months and yesterday I sat crying on the living room floor while she screamed at me, having a full on tantrum. It's the HARDEST job in the entire world. I feel you! I rang my mum, saying I was a total failure of a mother! It happens to literally all of us mummas, your not alone. X
I NEVER write in the comments, but I hope someone sees this and it helps. I’m 28, stay at home mom, going to college about to transfer to a university next semester. My son, Leon is going to be 2 on May 27th. And NONE of my close friends have babies. It’s SOOOO HARD to make them understand that I cant just drop everything and hang out with them on the weekend. They think I’m blowing them off, but it is precisely this reason here. I can’t guess what his mood will be and I try so hard to do all the things the books say to burn off his energy outside and to validate his feelings, but sometimes the tantrums happen anyway and he hits, pinches and screams at me and i burst into tears almost every time. I also don’t have outside help. It’s me or his dad watching him. ITS SO HARD. And you nailed it, totally thankless right now. But you are not alone and it’s because of you sharing these videos of your vulnerable moments that seriously help me realize I’m not alone either. So thank you so much, Sarah. For all the work you do, because I have noooo idea how you do it, but I really want to be more like you everyday. I’m totally not tearing up as I type this... Thanks Sezzy babe.
I don't have kids myself yet, but I did help raise my niece and nephew and I appreciate you showing your emotions like this. You don't normally get to see this side of motherhood, the breakdowns and crying from frustration. I always appreciate you showing the good and the bad of everything.
Find a mum's group. It feels so relieving to have friends with kids the exact same age as your little love who know how you feel because their child is having tantrums or saying no to everything just like yours. Sometimes it is just nice to know you're not alone or to share positive parenting ideas!
From a mom to an emotional boy toddler as well, some moments are HARD. I felt this so much. They r such sweet boys, but man do they let u know they r not happy! U can’t always keep it together. Ur doing everything u can do. The only real advice I have is to make sure ur taking time away for urself. Ur sanity. Share the load. And if u need to step back during a tantrum, if he’s in a safe space and u can walk a few feet away. Then take a moment to breathe or cry, whatever u need to do. Cry with him. Let him know ur feeling it too. There is nothing wrong with a human response. There is no “right” way in these moments. Sometimes u just have to get thru it, but know ur doing NOTHING wrong. And toddlers go thru phases where daddy is their favorite. Then later mommy will be. Right now he’s just used to u being there all the time, whereas dad leaves so that’s what gets his attention. Toddlerhood is HARD, yet fun, yet chaotic!
Aw Sarah! I am a mom of twin boys, and I was a behaviorist (worked with lots of different kiddos with various diagnoses - ADHD, autism, etc for 10 years)- they're 10 now but yes tantrums are no joke... I also have a stepdaughter who is now 17 but I've been with her since she was 2. One of the things that helped me was increasing their speech/communication like a speech therapist or the like to help with communication in general. During the tantrum itself, staying quiet yourself, not giving him eye contact and just keeping him safe silently, always helped me. So, not asking - do you want xyz, dad will be home soon do you want to abc etc. just make sure he doesn't hurt himself but don't speak, no eye contact, blank face, until he does something positive, like stop crying then look at him with a smile and if he does something else calm, smile, eye contact, hey buddy :) etc and go from there- if he continues to tantrum, go back to no eye contact and no speaking. I know this is alot but you asked us mommas and this is my advice!!
This is excellent advice!
@@karaburrough2053 Aw thanks! I hope it’s helpful!!
I’m so sorry you’re having a hard time lately. I was actually crying with you. I’ve been there and still experience very similar issues and my daughter is 4. My husband is the favorite. My daughter has told me she doesn’t love me and we’ve had some tough days. I feel down on myself too. I just pray. You are a great mom! I don’t have any advice. I’ve been there so I empathize with you.
Edited to add ..... I didn’t think of it earlier but ever since she started having tantrums the only thing that seemed to help was empathizing with her and trying to talk it out. At first that did not help at all. I had to wait until the tantrum was over. We would discuss different emotions and she would tell me which one she was feeling if she could figure it out. She got better with it. She would cry and say I’m sad or I’m mad. I would then ask her why she was feeling that way. The last meltdown she had that I can remember she was about to turn 3. She is so good at telling us how she’s feeling now. It’s truly made a difference.
She can still be a stinker and a daddy’s girl and say hurtful things. Then I have to show her my emotions. I play them up so she can empathize with me. I try to explain that I love her and it’s hurtful when she says or does these things. I cried when she said she didn’t love me (I played it up a little bit) and my husband explained how it can really hurt people’s feeling the way we treat them and she was so heart broken that she made me cry. It actually changed her. I’ve never heard that cry from her and now she suddenly wants to be with me and tell me that she loves me all the time. We are obviously not perfect over here but truly making progress.
Hi Sarah!
My name is Kelsey and my son Elliot will be 2 on May 8th so he’s not too far behind from Fox. I remember watching your journey when I was pregnant and I went through two deaths while I was pregnant, one including the father of my child. So being pregnant with you really lifted me up. I admire the relationship you and your family have with God and watching this video brought me to tears and you have no idea how badly I needed this. You reminded me that I am selfish. There are days where I forget about the importance of my little one and I can be selfish because I put other things before him. He is such a great gift and I take him for granted. The love you have for your family is shown through many things and I can see that. Your drive and ambition and your overall positive attitude radiates the love you have for them. Sarah, you are doing AMAZING! I can only imagine the stress your under, your name is huge and the love you have for your family is huge. I’m blessed enough to still live with my mom, dad, and sister so Elliot is brought up around a lot of female energy but the relationship he has with my dad is definitely different. I used to work about 40 hours a week during the holidays and noticed he looked at me a bit differently and would view my mom like that was his mom and that hurt. Just know that the phase he is in right now is not permanent. He will grow and he will understand things differently. I love that you allow him to help you with things because that encourages his independence. I could not imagine juggling all the things you do and I admire your strength so the advice I can give is when you have these moments with just you and Fox just sit there with him, and I bet it’s hard not to think about what you’re doing tomorrow and the next day but just sit there and listen to him, pray, and be still in that moment. I’m praying for you momma and I hope you know I say all this with no judgment in my heart but with grace and love. I see you and admire your vulnerability and again the love you have for you family. You got this Sarah.
Love,
Kelsey Lilly
Not a mom, but have been through some hard stuff and seeing the vulnerability and pain made me want to give you the giantest hug!! I really recommend finding someone that you can talk to about what this situation is like for you, even if it's just once or twice a month. You can't give from an empty well 💕. You got this mama!!
not writing a comment normally. still wanted to write something but couldn't find the right word. these are the right words. I totally agree and can totally relate :)
Bruh that’s kind cringe
@@raptexmusic3629 how?? If you’re miserable in life just say that
« I just wish I was the favourite sometimes »
Im not crying, you’re crying 😭😭
I’m not even a mom and that comment got to me!
i started bawling omg.
sameee started bawlinggg
Every parent feels this on such a deep level. It’s not personal coming from the child but it makes you feel like such crap 🥺
I raised 3 children and ran a day care. This is just what worked for me sometimes a child needs time just like we need alone time. At this age they can not tell us what they want. When one of my sensitive children acted out and cried for more then 10 mins with nothing helping I would put them in a safe room or crib and just let them do what they needed to do that being time alone to work it out. I know this can be hard but they also need time to work out their emotions and sometimes that needs to be alone on their own. Just know you are not alone every mom and dad grandparent has gone through this with their children/grandchildren. You have a lot of mommy's out her that will listen. It gets better! In a few months it will be something else like they wont stop asking questions or they say no to everything there will always be a struggle but that is how they learn and we learn too. I just found your channel and you have the cutest family Love your mom.
Just thought since you have so many recorded memories already, maybe pop on a video of Kurt to ease Fox. Maybe have Kurt record a message to him and do funny things so you can play it when he gets super upset. You’re doing great. Peaks and Valleys my dear. It’s all good.
Awwwh this is such a sweet idea!!
Omg great idea
Great idea
I think that's an awesome idea!! 💕
great idea!!!
Maybe it is because I am a mom, but I think it’s so sweet y’all sit by his crib to help him fall asleep. It’s a sacrifice. The sleep regressions are rough.
Definitely ! And its a really sweet bonding moment which will help him know that mum and dad are there for him
My heart goes out to you, Sarah! I’m a mother & also full-time nannied two toddlers and know exactly that feeling. I really do think you did everything right! Fox’s tantrum is NOT a reflection of your mothering (or failure to mother. You did not fail. You are not failing. Full stop). Rather, it’s just a whirlwind of emotions for him and once he reaches a certain point, he (and everyone else around him) just has to ride the wave. Think of when you’ve sobbed so hard that you couldn’t catch your breath. Maybe you wanted to, but you just needed to cry for a bit before you felt you could feel calm again. It’s a similar thing. He doesn’t have the development to regulate his emotions fully, and he’s learning. But with learning comes practice. You can do everything the books tell you and it still sometimes just comes down to toddler biology. Continue to practice empathy and setting expectations like you are, and breathe yourself. But no one can blame you for feeling defeated after a long tantrum and what feels like rejection from your own child. He DOES love you and DOES need you. These instances where you are present as he experiences his deep emotions are he building blocks to a trusting relationship between you! Trust that! And as with everything in life, it is a phase and it will pass. The tantrum isn’t forever. You are doing great!
Did I immediately exit out of another video because I got the notification for this one? Yes. 100% yes ✌🏻
ruclips.net/video/Uub5AjH27gw/видео.html
Oh wow me too 😂😂
@@CalieIsAJesusDisciple haha Sezzy comes first! 🤘🏻
Girl same! I'm so rude😼
Mom of 3 here. I will literally just put my 2 year old in a play pen and say time out and walk away. It's not very gentle parenting style, but in my personal experience a tantrum cant be stopped most the time and it's too brain melting to sit and listen to it. I learned I have to consider my mental and emotional well being. After they have calmed down i pick them up and we snuggle or move on to the next thing. It works well for me. But every child is different. I can definately feel for you. I've shed countless tears over my children. Some days are so hard. But it's all so worth it. ❤
Also a big part of my parenting style with my kids is, it's ok to cry, but it's not ok to scream. I always tell that to my kids when they start melting down (once they are old enough to understand anyway. My 2 year old would never understand what I meant lol but my oldest is nearly 6 and still will scream from time to time and needs to be reminded). They know I wont tolerate the screaming. Crying is ok and is met with empathy and hugs. But screaming and stomping are not appropriate and lead to time out. It distances me from the screaming which saves my mental health and it teaches them that there are appropriate ways of expressing emotion, and inappropriate ones that those around them wont tolerate. I figure it works as a natural consequence, not really a punishment. Because naturally people will distance themselves from people who act violently or lash out. It teaches them the life skill of self regulation. And sometimes a little alone time to vent and then reflect are the best way to work through all that.
Anyway that's just my perspective. I'm sure there are other ways than my way. That's just what works for me
Hey Sarah, well done on being so honest about motherhood. You’re right, it’s a tough gig but so rewarding. I’m a Mumma of 4 in Melbourne and I had no friends with bubs and my family live in Canberra. On those days like you shared I felt completely alone. Things that helped in that situation (as a fellow Christian) putting on worship, praying for the Holy Spirit to give you a key and patience. I think you did the right thing leaving him rather than trying to fix it - he will learn and it’s ok for him to feel it. Also remember he picks up on your feelings so removing yourself and leaving him in a safe environment totally that right thing to do.
Finally I would recommend seeing if your church has a mums group and making time for it. I never thought I would be that Mum but 4 kids later it’s been my village and where I’ve found my tribe. I’ve been coaching Mums groups for 10 years now. I own a business and my husband is a full time pastor for a big church - I get it, it’s overwhelming and chaotic at times but also beautiful.
If you ever need to chat (or pray with someone) please know there are mummas here. You’re a great mum!! You and Kurt remind me of my husband and I (when we were young... we’ve been married over 15 years now and our eldest is about to turn 12)
My advice might not be popular but keep pressing into God and he will bring the breakthrough. Xx
Not a mom here, but a psychologist, and you are doing an amazing job with your child, Sarah. You got this!
I promise the tantrums get better. My daughter was the same but after lots of practise of gentle parenting at 2.5 years old I can just repeat “look at mummy” and talk to her and she will stop and listen. By the sounds of it you don’t need to change anything. It will just take awhile for him to learn. You’re doing amazing
You and Kurt are so loving. I love watching how wonderful you are with fox! I have 2 kiddos and I wouldn't say my daughter (2 1/2) is incredibly emotional regularly BUT she knows how to throw a good old fashioned tantrum especially since her little brother has made an appearance. I have found the only things that work are a bath (let the bad attitude go down with the drain) of that isn't safe then a ride in the truck or a walk. But sometimes it does take just waiting it out until they can actually take in what we are saying. I know it can be rough but you didn't do anything wrong! It's absolutely a part of parenting and while those tricks don't always work it can help try to get them into a different head space. I try to remind myself that in those moments when my daughter is being most vulnerable that she is only that way because she is so comfortable with me. And fox can let himself go because he does know how strong you are and you are his safety and calm when he can't be. Hang in there! You're doing amazing and I love watching you guys love life!
I NEVER comment on videos, but I felt compelled to share something that has helped me stay calm and not take tantrums personally. A school counselor shared the idea of an “emotional tunnel” with me. When kids are feeling those big emotions, sometimes it’s like a freight train and nothing can stop it or make it better. They simply need to make their way through the tunnel and when they get to the other side they are ready to listen and be comforted. I hope that brings a little bit of comfort or maybe an idea to research further.
I have 3 kids and they’re all different, but water usually works for all of them running a bath can help to calm them
Down.
My son is autistic and really tight cuddles with his arms crossed over his body and saying “shh shh shh” works to calm him down also a weighted calming blanket.
Sometimes with my eldest if she’s missing dad a few minutes on FaceTime can help so she knows that he’s at work he shows her the building and tells her when he’ll be home.
I am a stay-at-home mom. My kids are now 8 & 11. Feeling like a bad mom is a very real thing! It’s so hard to do everything for your children & try so hard & have them act like they don’t like you or want you or just straight up say I hate you. I’ve learned that, at the end of the day, they do absolutely love you! I’ve also learned that it’s best (Not Easy) to not take it personally & keep my cool as best as I can. I honestly believe you took care of that situation so well by keeping Fox safe. You are a good mom because you try different things and work hard to understand your child. My son has very intense emotions. I found that sometimes it was best to not tell him what was going on, however I could be wrong in doing that. Parenting is very tricky and so different with every child so it’s hard to say what exactly will work. Sometimes a “calm down” spot is helpful. Like a time out with safe surroundings, but still in the same room. Also, when you find something that works just be aware that in the future it may not work anymore because they are constantly growing & changing. Do not be disheartened, parenting is a process of constant re-evaluation & trying new things. You will make mistakes and that’s ok. When I have “bad mommy moments” I like to take the opportunity to apologize to my children & ask for their forgiveness, this has helped them to learn to forgive & be forgiven. Every moment of motherhood is an opportunity to teach & to learn. What a blessing it is to have a supportive partner by your side! I have a supportive husband who listens to my concerns and emotions and gives me a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes that’s all I’ve needed to regain my strength and believe in my ability to be a good mom. One last thing, kids switch “favorites” as they grow. They even out. And you will get a lot more thank you’s as he grows & more cuddles. Fox is learning and you are a wonderful mother, I think it all the time! Keep trying and when all else fails don’t forget to pray. Love you girl 😘🌺💗
I'm not a mother, but a thank you to you and Kurt for sharing these vulnerable moments ❤
This was so real and I can’t tell you how many of us mamas are grateful for your vulnerability! So much love to you all
Hi Sarah,
I’d just like to thank you for sharing your experience. I’m not a mom as of yet and having you share your experience of the challenging moments of being a mom/parent is something I truly think will help those of us who can’t wait to be a mom but don’t exactly know what to expect be able to see the work and challenges that can come along with having a child. Also seeing the way you and Kurt interact during the tougher times during parenting and supporting one another is so inspiring. I have a pretty big family and I’m one of the only ones who doesn’t have a family of my own and I’ve seen with so many of my female friends and family members not have their significant others participating, supporting or even just agreeing with the way they go about handling situations positive or negative with one another. So seeing and watching you since the beginning of your journey from singleness to dating to motherhood really makes me keep my worth high and expect nothing less than a strong and healthy relationship of my own some day.
So thank you for always inspiring me.
:)
Love how Sarah shows her real life like not just the good but also when things don’t go to plan because it makes me realise that not everything in life is perfect and that’s ok
Anyone else crying with Sarah? No? Just me? okay then ahah. We love you, girl. And you are the best mum you can be and that is enough!
me too, my son is 18 months, but it alredy shows little trantrums... i feel her pain
First of all- you are doing such a good job with Fox!! You are not doing anything wrong- you are doing a great job. Sometimes you can do all the right things and things still go wrong. Their little brains are developing and can get overwhelmed so easily. I have a two year old too- sometimes we watch your show when I workout in the morning because she loves to watch Fox and I love to see you and your life and you motivate me to workout! It keeps us both entertained and gives me the chance to sneak in a workout. I so can relate to the lonely piece- All of my close friends don't have kids or babies too. I just read the Whole Brain Child and they recommended this with little kiddo meltdowns- I've tried it with my babes and it seems to work pretty well to get her regulated. With toddler meltdowns/ dysregulation, do one's best to stay calm and regulated, get below their eye level (sit or lie down- obviously works better at home) and look at them with sympathy. Sounds crazy, but worked for me with my little one!
showers during the day are THE best! :)
🙁🙁
While I am not a parent yet, I GREATLY appreciate you being raw and honest about motherhood. Too many people try to sugar coat it and while you show the joys of it, you also share the struggles. And THAT is what I have always loved about your channel. Thank you for being real. Love you Sarah!
Hi Sez! I have an almost 3 year old and I find that having my son be involved with taking care of the family is huge. I let him "help get me ready" and help pack lunches, and be involved with getting my bag put together. I let him be involved with walking me out the door, waving goodbye, etc. I think this makes him feel a tiny bit like a care taker and maybe he understand each step of getting out of the house.
I know it's not easy, but maybe also try going along to one of Kurt's haircuts so he understands what he's doing?
And lastly, it helps when I either make my son his favorite snacks, or start his favorite activities at the same time someone is leaving so he is focused on the snack or activity to do.
I know it's hard, I currently have a 5 month old daughter with Colic and times where I feel like screaming! Your vulnerability really helps with so many people!!
Hey Sarah! I’m not a mum and I obviously have no no idea what you’re going through but I am an Occupational Therapist and working within the paediatric setting. I work with a few of my client and their kids on positive behaviour support for similar behaviours! We always start with tracking the behaviours in an antecedent (what happens before), behaviour, consequence format to try and understand the function/reason for the behaviour in order to understand what the best way would be to respond (I.e the consequence) to try and reduce/eliminate a behaviours. You may find it helpful to chat to your GP to see if he/she thinks it may be beneficial to see a Psych/OT that can support you with it! This may be no help but just thought’d I’d share on the small chance it might help! You’ve got this!! ❤️
I was going to say the same thing. I’ve been in the Early childhood field for many years and have 2 kids myself. You need to figure out the function to the behaviour. What is he seeking, triggers ect. Children are usually trying to tell you something through their behaviour. Look deeper into the reasons why. And also amongst all of this there needs to be lots of consistency between both parents. Good luck and remember this won’t last, it does get better.
Yes! OT’s are so helpful with helping to understand and regulate their emotions and little bodies. Speech therapy could help too if he’s getting super upset and his big emotions don’t match a big vocabulary yet 💛
You’ve got this mamma! Your not alone. I also have a 5 year daughter and don’t really have any Mummy friends, and it’s so hard. People don’t truly understand what it means to have children until they do, and Mum guilt is a real thing. Children are blessing and these hard days teach us all lessons and there is always sunshine after a stormy day. ❤️
Sezzyy💗💗 I was a very sensitive child and, equally sensitive adult lol. I promise, I would give my parents the HARDEST times growing up. And the fact that you, as you say “try to keep fox in the loop” is so so important. It may not feel like it now, but there were so many days I know my mom felt like she was doing such thankless work raising my sister and I while my parents marriage was also not working out, and I promise you because of how much you try to be open and honest with him he will grow into someone with such an empathetic, understanding mindset... you will receive all the thanks you deserve plus some. It took me some time to realize my mom was more than just “my parent” she was a human being. And not a day goes by that I don’t remind her how thankful I am that she showed up for me on some of my hardest days. She might not have felt like my favorite, but I love and appreciate her more than anything in this world because even if she didn’t do it “perfectly” she always chose me. And that made her the best mom I could ever imagine. 💗 fox will no doubt say the same for you one day.
It’s tough!
We struggled . We started the ‘blowing out all our negative emotions’ so we would take a deep breath and just blow it all out.. if anything it made them laugh until they understood why we were doing it!! It’s tough...
No one prepares you for this!
Your doing amazing! x
We've used similar where he has to blow our fingers down like candles on a cake, we repeat it going from five fingers down to one x
We use this technique but ask them to "blow on mommy's face" If they can do that much, then you can be silly when they blow on you and see if they will laugh (because laughter is the best medicine!). Then we cuddle for a bit and talk about the emotions they were feeling (This starts being more of a conversation they take part in at 3 or so, but acknowledging their feelings like you talked about in the video is a great way to help them connect the words to the feelings before they can express them themselves.)
Deep breaths are a huge help. The thinking and reasoning part of our brain actually loses blood flow when our emotions are heightened, and deep breathing (ideally for 30 seconds or more) is like a reset and gets blood flowing back to the thinking brain and helps us calm down.
YOU'RE DOING GREAT MAMA. While it is a very tough time right now, it is a stage you will all get through. Go with your gut, you and Kurt know him better than any of us giving you advice, and it will all work out in the end. ❤️
Who else immediately cried as soon as sarah was crying 🥺❤️ u are an amazing mumma
Hey Sarah.
First of all, you're an amazing Mum! You might all think Kurt is the favourite but you'd be astounded to know how much comfort you give Fox, things that Kurt can't give him. Dad's are typically the more "fun" parent though so that's probably where that favouritism is coming from.
Secondly, my 2.5 year old is hectic!!!! Omg and I now have a 3 month old as well so curbing her tanty's has been a huge obstacle in my household, but they are getting better.
Helpful hints: try to work as much as a team as possible. Get Fox to feel like a valuable member of the household (ie helping you clean, set the table, anything that is actually helpful in his means at his age). This is to set I guess the variable for good behaviour. When my daughter starts screaming in anger it's usually because she's not getting her way. If she is being naughty I just take a couple steps away and get on with something else. I don't ignore her in frustration, it's just simply to say that I'm not giving that tanty any attention. Often times kids act out because that's when they get the most attention from people. And then if I notice she's having a super emotional day I'll make sure to give her heaps of attention, sitting and interacting with her a lot.
If she is just having a sad tanty though, so crying and genuinely upset, I will sit with her, ask if I can cuddle her and just keep cuddling her through her tears. Unless she doesn't want me to. I've found her comfort blanket which is her old spit up rag that she grew to love helps a lot. She has a little lay down (2 minutes) in her bed, with her doona and teddies to calm down and feel safe again. I sit near her in the bed and every now and again ask if I can cuddle her, rub her back or feet etc. She usually tells me she's happy again pretty quickly. But literally as soon as she gets upset I try to correct it with a raspberry on the tummy or silly kisses, nudging her with my head and mooing like a cow. Anything silly to distract her. If that doesn't work I say "do you need to lay down in bed with towelie for a second to simmer down?" Then I sit with her as I mentioned. Worst case scenario is cuddling through tears. So yeah as I mentioned, if it's an angry tanty I don't give it any attention and she learnt very quickly to calm her tits down. If it's a sad tanty then I stay calm and give lots of love and comfort. I've not found a miracle way to stop the tantrums but a way to ride them out quickly I guess. Especially since I don't have the time for the tanty now that I have another baby, or her tanty is going to wake the newborn up (even worse). But do know that it won't last forever. I've heard by the time they get to 4 they're golden. Oh, PS. Another thing I do when she's sad is say "do you want to go cuddle the cat?" It seems like he soothes her a lot. You could try this with Abby?
But just know I'm right here with you, except my kid also hits, kicks and throws hard toys at me. Gotta love it haha. Xo
As a Mum, I would say definitely say relax and trust your instincts over all else. I would suggest finding a playgroup for Fox to start to interact with other children and for you to find some other Mums that you can relate to. Even a good day care for 1 day a week would help him to develop some independence from the two of you.
I love this comment, we’ve joined baby group and also my little boys goes to Childminder’s once a week and they absolutely loves it. I feel so bad for Sarah but my first one is all about mummy and my second one is just like Fox all about daddy!
Definitely find a good daycare or playgroup, rhyme time, to find other mums who can understand :)🧡
when Fox said "no" like he didn't love Sarah, I started to cry along 😩
sameeee it just break my heart
Me toooo
@deep blue charly If you are hurt when todler says that he doesn't love you, means you are taking it too personal (your ego is hurt-ego can't take it that someones doesn't love him) and you are not aware thar he is A TODLER.
@@spelaspela6564 when it’s YOUR child and you’re already having a really hard time with them and they are favouring your partner it’s hard not to be affected by that.
Sending you LOVE and SUPPORT Sezzy! I AM A MOM... of a now 24 year old. When he was 2 - it was the worst ever. I went through all you are experiencing. I never thought it would change. BUT IT DID. When he was 2 was the worst time and from then on.. I have never had any other issues with him. (there is hope) . Even in the teenage years when everyone was like.. oh watch out.. its gonna be hard. NOPE. He was so good and kind. Something about age 2 .. there is a reason they call it terrible 2's. I remember a day I was giving him a bath. He freaked out and didn't want it. After trying for 2 hours, I gave up and let it go. Then he freaked out because he wanted a bath! It was maddening. It's not about you, its about them feeling more then they can control. And them wanting to be in control of their experience. We do our best to be a LOVING WITNESS to their pain, and allow them to feel what they feel and make sure they dont hurt themselves. And we have trust and faith that they will grow out of it, and all things change. We self soothe ourselves, and give ourselves our own "time outs" to release the stress. It's the ultimate lesson in releasing control. We cant control their behaviour, only model what we would like to see, and trust they will get it. And they eventually do. Sending you so much love and support and good vibes. And little Foxy.. he is gonna be ok. Take it from a momma who was very worried about her son who was the same. And now.. he is so well adjusted and I feel so blessed.
I just love hearing his sweet voice and Australian accent coming in.
My mom talks about me at this age in the same way. I was emotional, threw massive tantrums, struggled with transitional moments. Not to mention a big daddy's girl. My sister was the exact opposite, calm and self soothed. I wont give advice because I am not a mom. But just know that, me, an emotional child became an emotional adult. We are who we are, and he will learn to navigate those big emotions in time. While I was a real pain as a child, my mom and I are now best friends and I think her just being there in those emotional moments created that bond.
Please know you are not alone! My daughter had terrible tantrums for a few years. We too tried lots of techniques. No one thing was a stand out success. In the end, I feel that she knew she was loved and that we were all trying to help her. As she has grown I feel that all the tough days that we went through have paid off. She has great skills that other children have not acquired since they didn’t go through this tough stage with support. I didn’t have other mom friends either at first but I started signing her and I up for mommy and me activities. That at least help because you see that we all have challenges with our children. There were days were her tantrums meant we had to leave the activity and go home. Which was hard on both of us but I think it helped her learn that home is always a safe place. You’re doing great! Hang in there. This stage will pass and later you will see how he has grown from it 🥰
I have an ODD/ADHD 4 year old. Expelled from two daycares, violent outbursts, you name it, we’ve gone through it. I’ve found that just telling him “I know you’re upset, I would be upset too” and just giving wrapping him up in a hug that he can’t get out of for a minute can really do the trick when we’ve hit a wall.
This video captures parenting.
The highs, the lows.
Best quotes to remember:
“This too, shall pass”.
“She believed she could, so she did!”
Your reaction to the reality of being a mum was so generous. A lot of it is not easy, and it's good to share that reality. I have two boys (ages 10 and 12). Every child is so different and no mother or father does this without feeling like they have no idea what is going on most of the time. LOL! You did everything right because you know that little boy better than anyone. Our advice is unique to our experiences - all I can say is kudos for doing the best you can. That's enough. Guaranteed, in the throws of his big emotions, his take away from that day? His Mum was there for him. I also want to say, the best thing you could have done for yourself was trying to turn YOUR day around - and that is NOT easy when we feel so wrecked after our kiddos go through things like that. You have to be your best self in order to keep showing up for him. I was so impressed with your positive attitude after such a draining experience. Keep honoring who your little boy is, and give yourself permission to have no idea how to fix everything. I also love your respect for his privacy by not showing his tantrum. I love watching you and Kurt with Fox. He is a lucky little boy. Keeping it real for all the new parents out there was a gift.
Thank you for sharing such realistic parenting struggles! Not enough of this is shared online and everyone only shares the highlights. I can relate so much to this, you’re not alone even if it feels like it because of being the only one in your circle with kids. I wish I could give you a big hug 🥰 you’re a great mom even if it’s not all sunshine and rainbows every day. ❤️
Edited to say: I have an almost 4 year old girl and I think you’re doing good things, trying to redirect his attention to something else, trying to explain everything. Sometimes you just have to let him cry and have the emotions and it will just suck for a bit. It’ll get better I promise!
Watching your vlogs makes me in such a good mood. I’m like a child who’s waiting for Santa on Christmas Eve🥰
Oh Sarah, I cried with you watching this. I have felt that way at times too. I run multiple businesses and have a 2 yr old toddler that's going into those big tantrum phases too. I've tried everything like you too. I've just resigned myself to keep trying to communicate calmly, offering support and walking away to give him space to be upset too but I still haven't found a solution. Just consistency in staying calm is all I do. And yes its true you end up doing some of the things you said you would never do just to survive. My son is going through a sleep regression too (despite having done sleep training) and one thing I have noticed is whichever parent is the one that stays with them whilst they fall asleep is the one they get attached to. I normally do it so my son is attached to me but hubby did it once and my son didn't want to know me for that day lol! He was daddy's best friend until I did it again. Thank-you for sharing honestly the highs and lows of motherhood. Everything you have shared is absolutely true!!
Its not a bad habit to lie with your child while they fall asleep, it's natural ❤
Plus, it's like the parent's chance to slow down too. I mean, I get it...it's like the moment they go to sleep you try to get everything you can done, but perhaps it's the universe saying the adults need a little break too.
I agree. This has helped our daughter to learn to put herself to sleep after we took away her pacifier a month ago. Before we'd give her her pacifier and we didn't need to there till she slept but now she doesn't like to be left alone.
We do it!
Mum of three and looking back one day these slow moments will be my favourite.
🙌 Absolutely x
I just melt over prayer time with Fox ☺️ it’s the sweetest
I so so appreciate the realness you’re showing!!! As a mom of two, I can absolutely relate. My son was our first and he was the same, Sarah!! He did then and still has very challenging moments of sensitivity and anxiety. If I could give you advice it would absolutely be to teach him calming methods and how to self soothe!! My husband and I always tended to him immediately instead of letting him cry it out and resolve it on his own. He is now 6 and still has tough days and moments. It is very hard for him to soothe himself and calm himself down and I think it’s a result of never learning how to himself. So I think that’s really important to do!! There are a lot of great books to read with him on mindfulness techniques, etc like “The little spot of” books or “Positive Ninja” series. There are really tough days and moments. It gets easier with age and maturity. I’ve shed plenty of tears over the years and felt alone as well. It gets better and you’re doing an amazing job!! Our daughter is much easier loll
When you start crying mid vlog because you see Sezzy crying.
We all have our bad days Sarah, you're a fantastic mum and Foxy is really lucky. Sending you lots of hugs 💗💗
I cried too. We're here for you Sarah
I heard some Brazilian mom telling this.
When my son says "I don't like you!" I just say "It doesn't matter. I love YOU!"
Oh man, I remember this age so well(my son is now 6) and while I miss how little and cute he was, it was beyond exhausting. I promise it gets better. My son was the most stubborn and very sensitive baby/toddler, up to 2 hour tantrums, but we saw massive improvement when he turned 4 1/2. He now tells me he loves me 20x a day and that I’m his best friend. He went through many phases where he didn’t want anything to do with me or his favorite was another family member even though I did all the work. Children will always act out most with their moms/primary caretaker because they feel most comfortable with them.
As for suggestions, I don’t have any that will help right now, but wanted to say that you are doing everything right. I handled tantrums in a similar way and he just outgrew them and now behaves better than most kids his age. I think those that do have answers, have children that aren’t as sensitive and/or strong willed. I know that doesn’t help now. but I promise it gets easier(and slightly less exhausting)!
When I saw Kurt laying beside fox... That is my life! I have a girl who is 1 year 7 months and we all suffer if life doesnt go this way at bedtime.. I feel your pain, non parents will not get this at all. Do you mumma bear!
ruclips.net/video/Uub5AjH27gw/видео.html
radhe krishna Peyt yr uuuyuytt try. T
Distract him BEFORE Kurt leaves with a preferred activity so that he’s already preoccupied and is not focused and obsessing on the fact that he’s no longer in the house.
I agree with that - it works better and its milder on the child than trying to explain... bug all current trends on child rearing are all about treating them like mini adults..
I was thinking the same thing. I’m only 21 but I remember a weird amount from my childhood and my mum would do that to me and my younger sister, I mean it worked 🤷🏼♀️
Sometimes it works
Oh Sarah. I feel you. I was that mama but I want to tell you there is FRUIT coming. Your spirit and guidance everyday is salting him in such a positive way. I was the mama in target with a tantrum child while all the other moms stared me down and walked on by. I was the one on the other side of the door holding it while he screamed and cried and then watching him love on my husband as my husband walked through the door. He had regressions that kept me from doing group activities. It was tough but it also made me stronger and wiser and patient and someone that could be there for other moms. Some things that helped me was The intentional by grace blog. She talks about the happy heart method and it was such a life saver for me. I wish I could come hug you. As my son grew I learned he had a strong willed spirited child and read strong willed child and the book “you can’t make me but I can be persuaded”.... the happy heart method and teaching fruit of the spirit since that age has been the biggest foundational thing for all my kids. I taught them where there heart was early on and did the fruit of the spirit curriculum with them at age 2-3. Does it change the tantrums. Not all the time but it built up strong kids and ways for them to work through their emotions over time and it helped us a family to work through it together. Definitely pray for friends in your season of life. God will meet you where you are Sarah. He will provide and create a space for you to grow. Now I read a Psalm a day and write it in my journal. It helps me remember that God left us wonderful history to look back on and see the changes and restoration from years past. It reminds me that I was made for such a time as this and discipling our children is the most powerful thing we can do for our children’s hearts and those around them.
Just remember they need us mamas to be there no matter what and we can be their voice as they grow and best advocate. No one will love our kids as much as we do (besides God). Cling to the hope of Jesus and remember... one day at a time. My now almost 8 year old still struggled with transitions but we are a team and he is amazing with others and has grown into a great young boy. You’re doing wonderful. 🥰🥰🥰
Sorry this is hard! Maybe socializing with other children will help, not just adults. Not that I know any better! Hope you’re feeling supported by everyone. Here’s to a better day 💕
I’m not a mom and I’m not gonna give you advice, but I just wanted to say you’re doing great momma! You got this!!
I wanted to say as someone who was an highly emotional child and didn't have tons of tantrums but later had panic attacks which made me uncontrollable for hours here are some tricks I learned along the way. 1. Never ever shout, which is probably the hardest, but it used to make mine so much worse 2. Outside of tantrum time you could discuss emotions a bit like a super power fox can't control yet (or try to phrase it in any way he might relate to). I always felt (and still do as an adult) that everyone had their emotions at 50 and mine were at 100 and it was like this inner force I couldn't control and that everyone blamed me for. Whereas when you control it more it can allow you to be more empathetic to others and yourself! 3. I know the feeling of not being able to be soothed whatever you say, later in my life I had this bc my emotions would spiral and take control of me and no one could calm me down, what really helps is gently lying down while spooning the person from behind gently but firmly so they can ride down their emotional high while their body is soothed. Feeling someone's silent presence helps ground you and at the same time prevents you from hurting them. I know they also use this technique in places with kids who are very violent. 4. I'm sure you do this but always remind him that you love him. I personally felt that everytime I did this that maybe my parents wouldn't love me anymore but at the same time I couldn't control it well bc it was so powerful. Hope this helps!!
YASSSS PERFECT WAY TO END WEDNESDAY NIGHT!!!
Or to start a day!! 👌🏼
It won’t be like this forever, Sarah! Keep doing what you’re doing.
Ohhhh honey! I feel you 100%. I cried right there with you Sez!!
My son was not too tantrumy but when he did have tantrums around 2-3 and nothing would soothe him, I made a rock playlist and would take him for a car ride. That would usually help and he even had naps during those rides. My husband used to travel a lot for work the first couple of years of my kid’s life so it would get exhausting at times for sure. I think boys love their dads so much cuz they feel important and cool with them. With us it’s more like, we are the ones to care for them whereas the dads are like buddies.
Mine is turning 5 soon and I can tell you it does get better. As hard as it is, try as much as you can to not take it personally, it’s just a phase they go through with the fav parent. They do love us but don’t know how to show it yet.
You are doing amazing and are such a wonderful mom and human! 🌺💕🌺💕
Much love to you, Sez!!!
the fact that I’ve been watching you since you were still living at home and documenting your acne journey and now watching you plan a wedding and raise your gorgeous son is insane. don’t forget how far you’ve come sezzy, you’ve got this 🥰
Sometimes a child will express their emotions with the person they trust the most. The fact that he feels comfortable enough around you to express himself is a good thing, mama! You're doing such a fantastic job. I'm also a stay at home mom at the moment, with a 6-month old and I teach high school from home due to the pandemic. Some days, it's great. Others, it is miserable. Just remember, that every phase is so short and will pass. I understand you on the deepest level, and your feelings are 100% valid and relatable. Take heart knowing that there are others going through the same thing, you are not alone and most importantly God is with you. May He grant you the wisdom to know how to be the best mom for Fox and give you patience and strength. Amen! :)
I have 2 daughters, the youngest just turned 2. I legit cried with you while listening to this video because I know this feeling so well. Only my youngest is obsessed with me, not her dad. Which is a whole ordeal by itself. But what helped and still helps me with the occasional tantrums is something a fellow mom once said to me. Sarah, you ARE Fox’s favorite person, and that’s why he’s so comfortable letting it all go when he’s with you. Grownups are the same - we don’t scream and shout and cry at random people in the street, right? This “lovely” side of us is usually reserved for the ones closest to us because we feel safe with them. Sure, you can and should look for help (maybe a family therapist) if you feel you need more guidance - I did. Just know you’re not alone, most of us go through the same thing (and survive) 🤍
I'm 28 and a mum of 4 ages (7,6,6 and 2). My approach to dealing with big tantrum is to make sure they are in a safe environment and let them have their 'melt down' once they have calmed down, then you can reason and empathise with them. Sometimes they need to have that release and express their big feelings. If you jump in to early you might find that your toddler isn't open for any stimulation, distraction or conversation. For little tantrums I use the acronym HALT : hungry, angry, lonely, tired. This helps work out what's wrong and how you can help him. Anyway, I hope this helps! Hang in there, 2 year olds are hard!
Loved this approach! 💗💗💗
I’m your age and 4 kids is amazing. You must be a superhuman.
Yes this is excactly what I was going to say as I had the same approach to my daughters melt downs. Just wished I learnt this earlier.
My son is only 8 months old , but I’m crying with you. Such a thankless job , and so so hard when you don’t have people around you who understand what it’s like to have children.
I'm watching this a few days after you posted this so I don't know if you'll see this. But I feel exactly like this quite often with my 2 year old. I am also a first time mom, and don't have any friends with kids. I have learned that I need to avoid the tantrums before they begin. So if my husband or I am about to leave the house for a while we will distract him by taking him outside while the other one leaves. He has also gotten very routine with things. We are currently on day 5 of no bottle at all. He has been asking for it before bed and as soon as he wakes up, but to avoid the melt down when we say no, we have been not telling him "are you ready for bed?" we just take him in his room and start cuddling. And when he wakes up, we will watch a show and feed the cat. Distraction is key! I think maybe if this happens again to you instead of asking him if he wants to play with play dough or ride his bike, just take him outside and show him the bike, or you get on it and make it funny. I have noticed a lot of improvement with tantrums and issues like that, by not giving him a choice or telling him "let's go change your diaper" or "say bye to dada, he's leaving" we have totally just simplified everything by not listening to the books and the advice of letting them decide what they want and explaining things. If anyone reading this comment sees this let me know if it works for your child too!
I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE FEELING! I have four boys ranging from 8 to 3 months.. and their favorite person is also their dad! The only thing that has EVER worked for my kids is to sit on the floor, tell them it’s okay and give them hugs until they stop crying. I read that babies throw tantrums because they can’t express themselves. When adults throw tantrums they just want a hug too! You’re a great mom! We all have these days and I know sometimes the negative days outweigh the positive but it’s soooo worth it! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I’m an early intervention speech therapist and just want to say you do a wonderful job narrating and following Fox’s lead. Behaviors are so hard but sometimes using pictures of emotions or creating a “choice board” of things for fox to point to request can be helpful to understand his needs when he doesn’t yet have the vocabulary to tell you his wants/needs in moments of frustration!
I second this! The frustration they feel when they can’t verbalise is immense. Visuals are a godsend!
Hello Sarah! I'm a stay at home mom too, my son is a bit younger (17 months) and he is very sensitive of everything happening around him. He will feel our emotions and reacts to it. The other day he had a tantrum, it was almost scary because so intense and nothing was working. So I just started praying outloud to bring positive and calming energy. It soothed me instantly and him too in a few minutes. I'm convinced he's like a sponge and if a start feeling peacefull, it indirectly calm him too. Anyway. I think there is not one magic method. Sometimes the thing we do works and sometimes not. So much goes one in a child's day with growth and changes and learning... And its a lot for the parents too sometimes, so maybe we should just be kinder to ourselves and some days simply let the storm pass by without judgment. And I read too that children will do tantrums with those they feel inconditionally loved so you are definitely a favorite 😉 PS sorry for the grammar mistakes, I'm french 😉☀️
the way you said "grace" before lunch..so precious
My daughter is just 4 months younger than Fox and we are starting to get to this phase as well. I saw a lecture recently where it was suggested that when a child has a tantrum, the part in his brain that is responsible for rational thinking shuts down and you basically need to wait it out. Stay calm, don’t try to reason (he won’t listen anyways). Be the strong one who he can count on. He needs something stable (you) to keep him safe while he feels the most vulnerable. When he calms a little down, then you can comfort him with a hug. Stay strong :) #mompower
Sarah... you’re such a strong and amazing mother and person who inspires me and so many!!! You have so much power and force it reflects on us all!!! I am a full time single mother of 3 under the age of 5. I feel your frustration and pain and I completely understand. It’s sooo normal for Fox to go through this phase! My children went through it especially my eldest he was extremely difficult but as soon as he was 4 and a half he completely changed. The tantrums were gone and he always chooses mommy. My second is almost 4 and a half and he’s grown own of his tantrums and his admiration for his father. It’s a phase my daughter is now going through. She grew up without her father but she always says daddy. I now understand this is a phase and that I don’t take it personally anymore. I think it’s cute now. But as a first time mom it’s suffocating and frustrating. Sending you so much love!!!!! My heart goes out to you and your beautiful family!
i remember this one tantrum when my little one was about 2/3years old and we went shopping and everything was fine and then it was as if the world ended.. screaming on the ground and when i tried to get him he make his body stiff so i couldn’t pick him up. so i quite literally put my basket down and laid on the ground next to him so i was at his level. i found that when i go down to his level (literally) he sees i can be where he is and he can relate to me.. sometimes it takes a bit but he will eventually come to me and calm down
i don’t know if it helps but it’ll be okay i promise