Thank you for reading my previous comment and for the heart. It means so much to know someone is out there who cares. You give so much to those of us who follow you. Thank you.
I really hope you read this. Do you think you overwork/pressure yourself at sobriety and mental health management? Also, are there things you love in life that can replace alcohol or other coping mechanisms? I'll explain: You mentioned how hard you worked the 12 steps, and listed your many self-help tools. My therapist noticed that for me personally a responsibility-driven "hard work" approach can become beating-myself-up/depression fuel when it doesn't go well despite how hard I tried, thus leading to the bitterness you mentioned. I always think "I'll just work harder". Therein lies the vicious cyle. However, I started falling in love with hiking recently. It's great for my mental and physical health sure. But I'm way more excited to do it because it doesn't feel like work. I just really enjoy being immersed in nature like that. Now hiking is replacing times I'd just go drinking, and for me it's meditative effect is better than mindfulness. So I've learned that forms of self-help that are more enjoyable and feel less demanding can sometimes be much more effective for me. Do you think such a change in approach would be helpful to you? Not trying to push hiking on you of course, was just giving an example of what helped me personally. Can only speak for myself of course.
I drank alcoholically for 30 years. I finally quit 14 1/2 months ago. Physically I was a lot like you. I weight trained, practiced jui jitsu and TKD while a drunk. It worked until my early 40s and suddenly it all crashed down. It took me 10 years from realizing I had a problem to finally sobering up. You're still young enough to handle the abuse now but I promise if you don't stop it will take everything including your life. Dn't bullshit around like I did.
If your wife feels fear from you drinking, you will never have fun drinking. You will have to choose one or the other eventually. Great content. Always.
Alcohol worsens depression, so it's not going to help you to keep drinking... I know it is a coping mechanism, but surely there are healthier ways... It is so hard, but don't stop trying. Drinking is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone... Please don't give up. I'll support you as long as you don't abandon yourself! Take it easy anyway, as we are all human =) You're a good guy Noah.
I have been thinking about your situation and I can’t help but feel for you’re wife, mum, dad and friends that love you. Because of the last time how bad it got you ARE in a dangerous place buddy. Please don’t be in denial about your situation because addiction and mental health takes lives. This last weekend I visited a good friend at the cemetery who died in 2006 with mental health and addiction. Be strong brother 🙏♥️
Thank you for your transparency. Nobody is perfect and your vulnerability about working through the messiness is what makes this channel so special. Keep on keeping on.
My husband has depression, anxiety and problems with drugs and alcohol, your channel was one of the reasons that keeps him sober, you do not give up a healthy life and no alcohol, and if you choose to continue drinking, let your wife go, I know how it is the life of a codepedente we want to save the husband life and we end up destroying ourselves.
Hello. I’ve never left a reply before so hope you get this. I too struggle to stay sober and was touched by your honesty and confusion. Just want to say l think you’re a good decent man and l totally wish you well. Regards pat
''It's like inviting the devil into your home and convincing yourself and your family that the devil is is not too bad and in fact the devil is pretty good company'' I did 9 months last year, I then told myself that Xmas would be nice to enjoy a drink so decided to give myself the month off and let myself enjoy a drink,oh that first drink tasted good. We are now in June and I have been drinking since December, at first it felt fresh and enjoyable but slowly as the months go by and beer doesnt cut it anymore , before you know it you are drinking half a bottle of Jack Daniels after each working shift. I am 4 days off again now, I hope to leave it completely as it really does bring the worst out in me, also my wife is far less happier when I am waking up like a zombie, good luck man, hope you find the motivation to quit again.
@@p1ll if you're a real alcoholic like me you'll need to drop the "I" got this attitude! Recovery from alcoholism takes a village if you're a real alcoholic and not just a problem drinker! When you say "I' got this your ego isn't willing to surrender and surrender is what you need to do first and foremost! I'm here for you don't hesitate to reach out! You'll need others! " We" got this!!
@@MADEnAMERICA78 and if theres no village? I have to do it regardless. It's really fucked, I never thought it could happen to me... thank God I realized the problem.. I have barely started recovery.. I hope I can do this now but realize I may have to fight this battle...
I have the uttermost respect for you and your honesty, I'm hitting 6 months sober this thursday and indeed, sobriety is quite a challenge, my prayers for you!
Have you read "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth" from Eckhart Tolle? These spiritual books helped me with my depression. Tolle's writings are consistent with steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11, and 12 of the big book of AA. Tolle believes that all suffering comes from resistance to the Now (or what some people might call God or their Higher Self), and instead embracing your lower fake self/ego. Surrendering to the Now/Present and taking your thoughts/ego/lower self less seriously are a consistent theme in his writings. Tolle calls the lower self/ego the "pain body." You have a video on the topic of not taking your thoughts seriously which was helpful to me (from years ago), and very consistent with Tolle's writings. Once I realized that my thoughts were mostly nonsense/garbage based on bad programming, and they can't control me unless I let them, it was easier for me to deal with depression and other issues. Step 12 of the big book talks about a spiritual awakening, and "The Power of Now" is probably the best book I have read about spiritual awakening. Figured it might help if you haven't already read it.
I have watched and been through this for a few years now brother and love you’re honesty and transparency. BUT as a friend I feel you need honesty back at this point! I kind of get the impression that from the beginning of you’re struggles you start , it gets unmanageable and you ask for help and get clean..... and then repeat. When you started coming up to the 1 year thing you stated that you had previously been there before and like before you finally succumbed to your urges for whatever reason. So seeing this cycle leaves me thinking there is STILL something missing from what you need to fully get the better of this. I have been in this position but the problem is, it all becomes a cycle of pain, suffering, healing, happiness, growth then plateau. I would definitely from my own experience with mental health and addiction issues suggest that you really need to find out and pinpoint the thing that allows you some success in recovery but not sustained and continued. I used to run groups and work with people with issues until I realised this was actually enabling me to fully focus and commit to my own constant needs and awareness. I have literally stopped everything external in regards to “helping others” until I am at least 2 years into drug free life. I believe we have to be selfish and honest for at least 2 years and focus on us and not battle with our sobriety and help others at the same time.... you are only human man friend. Anyway I just wanted to give you my input and personal pros and cons I had and have in my own journey that I hope might help in some way my friend. Be strong and all my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family 🙏💪💓
I'm a child of 2 alcoholic parents and my mother was an addict also. My father spent a lot of time being semi suicidal my parents split when I was 12 and I stayed with my father. He would get drunk and talk about killing himself it was another big trauma in y childhood .Also a big reason I have not relapsed since I became a mother. I don't want my child to see that. Please don't let this hiccup get you down. You are a amazing man get out of your head.
Love these videos.. i had a shocker last night beers + scotch + smoking.. struggling big time today. I have decided to have 6 weeks off to try and heal myself up then ill go from there.. thanks for everything you have inspired me to do better with my life.. stay strong brother.. thanks! For everything
I support you no matter what because you're genuine, admit your mistakes, and keep trying :) I am greatly appreciative of your candor and honesty. I'll never unsubscribe, I've actually told a few of my friends about your channel because we're in the same boat so to speak. "Learning how to be human 101"
Let me share this real quick Noah. I was married for 15 years. I helped raise her two kids from 2 and 5 to the ages of 17 and 20. She then cheated on me so I divorced her. Eight months later she wanted to cheat on that same guy with me. Turn the page. My dad wasn’t there for me growing up. He came into my life around when I was graduating college. Right when I was getting to know him I was rewarded with him getting prostate cancer that spread to the bone. He died while I was holding his hand in a hospice bed in a run down hotel room in Louisiana. These things led me to drink for a couple of years but one day I figured out that wasn’t the answer. Dealing with uncomfortable events and situations head on was the answer. I hope you get the strength to embrace dealing and attacking things head on that are uncomfortable to you. In my opinion, it is your only answer and way out. Attack and embrace uncomfortable situations. Love you man.
Hi Big No, haven’t been here in a while and just wanted to give u a virtual hug. I hope u are feeling better and I suffer from bad depression myself and discovered your channel about 3 years ago.
I have not had a drinking problem even though in past i have drank to much i don't now it does nothing for me but make me sick. But i do suffer with depression and it sucks.
I admire you sir. I just found your videos. Thank you. Got sober 2 years completely on my own. Fell of 6 months ago after becoming disillusioned . And since then ive tried 10 + times to stop drinking. I’m today this morning getting back on the wagon. But it’s becoming very clear I can’t do it alone. I can’t fix this.
You are so incredibly articulate Noah. You are able to verbalize exactly how I'm also feeling, which I struggle putting language to, so your videos help me SO immensely. I like how you said this time around you're continuing to love yourself despite your relapse, and that the parent inside you is treating young Noah kindly. As a depressive with alcoholism I beat myself up so badly after the smallest mishaps and I am learning to self nurture instead, focusing on my strengths and accomplishments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know your channel was put into my path for a reason & you have sustained me and uplifted me with your honesty and genuine oh-so-human spirit. Much peace, light, and love my friend!
I've got 6 months sober myself. I appreciate your honesty about relapse and not ready to be sober again. First time getting sober, hopefully my last, but no shame in relapse. Stay strong!
Hope you drop the habit once and for all man. You need to face yourself and admit that you just can't consume it ever again. You can't let your family and friends watch you slowly slip back into addiction. I believe in you, Noah. You helped me when I was fucked and in the dark.
I relapsed this weekend badly and with not just alcohol but drugs too and now I am a bigger mess than before, and I feel like I always let everyone down, waking up feeling so sick, I’m 27 years old and I feel stuck in the now, u inspire me so much, thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Don't beat yourself up! I was bad at binging on the coke and alcohol, id go for weeks smashing the gym and feeling good and then my BPD brain kicked and fall off the wagon, I think it's because we get lost in life sometimes and we should always remain in the NOW that keeps our energy flowing and not let ourselves be distracted by negative energy's, dust yourself off and look at a new focus in your life, change your diet or change your gym regime dude 💪
Success is not measured by not ever having fallen. Success is achieved by getting back up after each time you fall... Each time! Do what you gotta do. Dust yourself off. And when you're ready to get back on that horse, RIDE NOAH!!! DON'T "ever" give up...
American Klingon my friend it isn’t a victory when a cycle continues. The reality is his wife, family and friends are living in fear of him dying to this. In the grand scheme of things this is not a victory. This is now dangerous
@@jesseb5076 I am an alcoholic sir. To a degree you are right. And to a degree I am right. I can tell you from first hand experience that to get on a alcoholics ass when he slips dose nothing more then making the guy dig in his heals and tell you to piss off. To tell a man when he slips that he is making progress because the last time you drank was a year ago, or six months ago, or even a month ago is an incouragment because the person will recall a time that they couldn't go a day without drinking, or a few days a week without a drinking and so on. It gives a person a light in the darkness where there was no light before. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying let it slid if the guy is starting to drink like he used to. A little more, then a little more and so on. Believe me, telling someone look how long it's been since you drank shows them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have lived it. There was a time in my life that when I would wake up in the morning my breakfast was 5 or 6 shots of southern comfort 100 proof. I recently found a video by a band called, Disturbed. The video was a song called, A reason to fight live video. I watched it and I was totally blown away. The video deals directly to the serious problems of addiction depression and suicide. The last thing I expected to see and hear was a video by Disturbed that would bring me to tears but oh boy this one did. The front man's name is David. He invited a fan on stage after he had learned his story. He read a letter the fan had written to the entire arena. When he came to the part where the fan had written,"As I am writing this I an 7 months sober. Then David said this to the entire arena,"That is some serious bravery ladies and gentlemen and that is what we all have to be is brave. You should have heard it. An arena with thousands of people in it cheering a man who is just a fan but has been away from the demon alcohol for 7 months. My friend that is one hell of a support group. The fact of the matter is when I first saw that video I was very drunk and thinking about ending my life. The band and the fans gave me what I needed to hear to live another day. David asked the arena full of fans this question," By a show of hands how many people have struggled with addiction depression and suicide. Everyone is that arena raised their hands. Then David said this," Now take a look around this arena, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! please check it out. I didn't intend to write such a long comment I just got carried away. Sorry if I got a little of track.
American Klingon listen I totally get what you are saying to him... BUT I myself have been in a position where I was completely hurting myself and those who loved me unconditionally. He now says he isn’t at the point of stopping and if you look at his history he genuinely gets a year a year and a half sobriety and then relapses. At some point a relapse can and does lead to death or loss of those close around you. I see a lot of people who only give him positive things but sometimes for those we care about, we have to tell them hard truths or in physiology “a shit sandwich” Where you tell him positives but the main ingredient is the cold hard destructive nature of addiction. He nearly died the last time he drank, just imagine what may happen this time and how his wife and family must be feeling. Much love my friend 🙏💪
@@jesseb5076 you have valid points that I didn't think about. Then again I am going on 2 days no sleep. My brain is in a heavy fog so clear thinking pretty much shot. Got 4 more hours to go then I can sleep.
Annoyed that I had a great response typed up and my keyboard went nuts and well that's gone (dang gamer keyboards are so sensitive). However, glad that message is gone as the response was all about me. Thank you dear keyboard for removing my words, they were gross and selfish. Some day you will learn about how and why I connect with your brain and motivation. Today, I simply want you know how it's appreciated that you're real and up front. That's missing in today's society. Thank you. I want you to know I have only only respect for you, your folks, and family. You ALL make great things happen.
Since I started watching your channel a couple years ago your honesty has always impressed me so much. Please never think you have failed or that u didn't try hard enough. Unless u suffer from depression u can never truly understand what its like or what it can do to you. I'm not an alcoholic, but my best friend is. So I won't pretend to understand what that feels like except from what I've seen being his friend.But I do have major depressive disorder. It doesn't come and to for me, its 24/7, and it has been treatment resistant. So for someone to be an alcoholic and deal with depression, I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I give you so much credit for never giving up, for always trying to move forward. You deserve all the support in the world for your courage. Take care always, and those of us who care about you will never leave your channel. 💗
Great video as always Noah. One thing I noticed in this video was when talking about your relationship with alcohol you referred to it as your problem with drinking, or alcohol problems. The reason I bring this up is because when you were in the process of getting sober over this past year I noticed you were very comfortable calling yourself an alcoholic and not someone with an alcohol problem. I don't mean for this to come off as judgmental, because I've found myself doing the same thing, but is it harder for you to call yourself an alcoholic now that you are drinking again? Again no judgement, just something I noticed and thought I'd mention. Thanks for the update and best of luck to you
I hope you Will get over this. Remember allways the most precious rhing you got RIGHT NOW NOAHH. The one who still loves you most.....Alcohol doesn.t love you....... and NEVER Will. You have to love YOURSELF more Noah and stop setting all those tough.goals.
Stop those tough goals. You achieved so much......There is REALLY NOTHING for YOU TO BE INSECURE ABOUT ...Start living YOURSELF TODAY then the cravings to that DAMN drinking Will fade......hugz Hans
Maybe you should try some medicinal mushrooms psylocibin..something like that. I think an experience like that could really help you let go of your attachment to alcohol. Booze isn't even a good drug it's a really weak, sloppy, downer experience
I asked my Doctor to discuss with my children not to have children as I suffered from treatment resistant depression for many years while they were growing up. His responds was that if they had it, it wouldn't be as severe as what you dealt with and that medications would be better. So far the grands are 9 - 19 and none show any sign. I was obvious by then. Thank you for your honesty, listening to what you are going through hurts. I do have days where I am content. That says a lot but I also stay isolated to not to inflict myself on others. Blessing on your journey.
Hey man. Sorry to hear about the relapse. If it's cool with you, I'd like to make a video about this on my channel because I think a lot of people can learn from your experience.
but what about learning to drink responsibly? i drink to soothe my anxiety, but it doesnt take over my life or make me unable to go to work, i dont drive drunk, i dont ruin relationships (i do that more when sober, tbh) i believe that its not the worst if you relapse, or drink again. sometimes that off switch is necessary when youve been wound up (anxiety) for so long. it is addicting, yes, but if you can control the urges, then i dont see the problem with indulging in the escape from time to time.
Thanks for sharing your experience! How are you feeling now? Another question, did you have a sponsor and how did you sponsor felt with your relapsing?
You love drinking just embrace it but do whatever it takes not to go overboard. I'm the same but I work and do so many things I'm too tired to get blasted drunk most the time except a few times a year.
I was never a drinker. Just occasionally.. but it sneaks up on you. You wake up one morning and you have this horrible sensation.. of being scared.. you feel it in your arms.. your legs... it's like feeling anxiety.. even though life is great... just watch for it... I have only been drinking heavily for 2 years.. I feel lucky I caught it in time.. but I never expected it. One day I woke up and I said OH SHIT.. Finally decided to go to doctor. I never want to be that guy who can't have a glass of wine. I want to be able to drink with my friends.. just watch out for that weird morning anxiety.. hope I caught this in time! Cheers!
I dont even drink to get drunk.. its just to stop withdrawals.. this horrible feeling when I wake up. My fiance is so supportive.. i cried and held her and admitted to what had happened to me..
Well I am 40 years old and have the same issues as you and have bin on and off the alcohol for years. It really sucks but the booze does work. but we really don't want to drink we just want the depression and anxiety to go away.... Just keep your head up. Life's a crazy ride just try to live it the best you can.
I feel like when I drink I feel worse I have rebound anxiety. I still have cravings but I know the pain will be more than the the temporary pleasure. I’m on anti-depressants they seem to help the anxiety but I’m filling the void with shit food which isn’t good either. I am just gonna avoid the bottle for the conceivable future, I’m currently 2 weeks sober.
Hey Big.. I've been watching your videos for a couple years.. Thanks for your candid and transparent style. I stopped drinking a year and a half ago, and began trt as I had my levels checked, and were low. It was kind of a 'reward' I guess. I feel better sometimes, but a bit stressed and anxious at others on this. I definitely do miss going out and meeting new people, which has been missing. Part of me has been wanting to go drink.. but smelling it on my friend's breath last night made me kind of sick, so I'll forego it, as it's easier to deal without. I've only been working and lifting... How do you add variety to your life? I feel like I'm stuck in a phase where I'm not exploring new avenues. Like this strange holding pattern...
Keep in mind that there is a difference between an alcoholic and someone who has had a drinking problem. Only you can diagnose yourself. But dont misdiagnose yourself and end up like so many do... sometimes we dont make it back. "We had to concede to our innermost selves that we were bodily and mentally different. "
i know its not a perfect solution but when i crave alcohol(5.5months sober) i take a dose of Kratom powder. i get a small happy energy that makes me think twice! won't work for everybody but it works fo me.
Has your wife considered going to an Alanon meeting. I have been going through what you are going through for many years, and continue to do so. It is such a roller coaster of emotions. My wife (who doesn't drink) has never has a problem when she did drink when she was younger struggled to understand what I am going through until she went to an Alanon meeting. After she understood what I was going through it helped her to be more understanding which took a lot of pressure off me. This allowed us to set some guidelines and compromises when I drink.She tried to understand and be supportive within reason and that took some of the shame away and made me want to work with her on a plan instead of isolating. I have nothing but support for you, it;s a complex life. I am proud of you no matter what you do. It's a weird life we live.
Depression equals weakness, you feel sad you cry such a small amount of depression, deep depression you lose strength, you overthink, you lose self discipline and most of all you lose will power, finding something that takes all these feelings away is easy even if it is for a short while, waking up to reality is anxiety until that drink or whatever else it may be takes it all away, it's finding the part of us that doesn't need that escape searching for the huge steps we should take to better ourselves even if we think we don't need too, why do we hurt ourselves in our journey to happiness/coping, it leaves us questioning why are we doing this what is the point, to all dealing with depression anxiety addiction etc I hope one day soon your life turns around and gives you the life you believe you deserve
Appreciate your honesty and obviously you are still struggling, but just admitting you are an Alcoholic won't solve your problems, get on on with sobriety and fight for it everyday not just for yourself but for those who love you.
Did you work the 12 steps right? I feel you don't have to label yourself in this regard you are your own person and there rules do not apply to you unless you chose they do. Paint the world in a positive light. I feel you want to do it and are distracted with the validation of the world. You are unique and you journey is all yours. You dont owe any one anything. You only are promised to die so live it up til you go. No regrets!
You will get it bro. Keep at it. Sometimes that means not pushing all the time. Either way Ill pray for you and will continue to support your channel. Hold on loosely.
My daughter is 8 well 9 in October so been sober after I got pregnant it "alcohol " tasted so horrible I literally never felt so nauseated which saved my life because I could not stop. I may drink this year on a cruise we are going on.. I think it will be ok..but I'm unsure if I will.. My husband is ok with it but nervousness as well.. I don't really know my sobriety date which I think is good. I have anxiety also on methadone for some great drug abuse that I suffered with imagine that a alcoholic with a drug problem.
For some people, substance use is all or nothing. I recently decided to be completely abstinent from marijuana because I always abuse it and can’t stop using or use in moderation. Being completely sober is kind of freeing because you don’t have to battle to regulate your use. Some people are hardwired towards addiction and their brains get locked into use when the pleasure centers are triggered by drugs
I obviously don’t know what it’s like to go through what you are now. All I know is from what I’ve learned through my experiences. In my opinion, alcohol isn’t worth putting a marriage on delicate ground. I understand your wife loves and supports you completely, but there definitely seems to be much concern in this area. It seems a bit like playing with fire and a precious heart. There may come a time when you won’t be provided a chance to change. This comes from a man who is now divorced, sober, and looking back at things I can no longer change. I wish you could find peace without it. I’m surrounding you and your wife with much love.
Hey Noah, I'm a long time follower and wish you the best on this difficult journey. May I ask, if it weren't for your wife, where do you think you'd be today?
I don't know about all of this, man. Something doesn't smell right. Truly, I wish you well and hope you find happiness. But this channel isn't for me. I'm looking for something else in the addiction/mental health recovery space. God bless and good luck!! And I mean that genuinely: Good luck, and I wish you great happiness.
Books that I feel will help with perspective " Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. David R Hawkins, Meditations Marcus Aurelius, and Unlearn 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life.
Firstly Noah, thank you for answering my questions. This video is as real and as raw as it gets. It takes a lot to be this open and raw and we, your dedicated viewers, truly appreciate your honesty. Your struggles are our struggles, that's why we watch you. We stand with you and your wife and your whole family in this trying time as you try to adjust and re-calibrate a new normal for you. Be strong my brother.
I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole Life (now in my 40s), and have tried to control it through Food and Sex binging (which never worked). Recently found a good Psych Doc who started me on the SNRI, Duolextine. After 10 weeks of some side effects, the drug has lowered my anxiety and depression by 80%, and has helped me control my cravings. It has been so helpful to me. I was against taking Psych Drugs but am now convinced this is my only solution. Peace.
As long as it’s not killing your internal organs or your relationship and other important life functions. A few beers a day is all good. Just don’t take it to the next level and stay sane with yourself.
If the calendar date threw you back on the bottle...then get rid of the calendar. If your marriage is on the line it is time to figure out how you can deal with your depression. You know your history. You know booze is not your friend. You made it 11 months with no booze...it was society milestones BS allowed you to start to drink again. What about accepting your brain and what you need. Having one drink on friday is one thing...having a buzz the next day is another.
I hurt so bad for you at the thought of your wife leaving you (not saying she should or that she will). I'm not sure what I would do without my fiance, she's my biggest support.
If you don't plan on being sober why not just take a daily long lasting benzo like valium or klonopin instead? They target the gaba receptors in the brain the same way alcohol does and it's probably safer than drinking every day. I'm not saying benzos are good for you, but I would definitely consider it the lesser of two evils if you take it as prescribed and don't abuse it/combine it with alcohol.
I've got klonopin to use as needed but have not felt the need in about 2 years. I don't drink every day. 1 time or 2 times max per week but the drinking is heavy on those days. I have noticed an increase in my anxiety since going back to drinking which has flagged me. One way or another I'm must trying to feel ok like everybody else but need to go about it in the right way.
@@bignoknow isn't that a slippery slope though? Can't 2 times turn to 3, 3 to 4, etc.? Klonopin can help with your daily anxiety and reduce your urge to drink because it acts on the same receptors as alcohol. It basically makes you feel comfortable in your own skin so the urge to drink shouldn't be there when you're on it. Like I said before, I wouldn't recommend it to most people because it's physically addictive. I just think it would be better for you than drinking because it would keep you at a stable mindset when you aren't drinking and it would reduce your urge to drink. It's the lesser of two evils.
I wish I could stop drinking and enjoy life without it. I wake up every morning saying to myself “I won’t go to the bar after work and at the bar I say to myself “I won’t buy more to drink after I leave the bar”.
I still drink a bit, it is not a very positive relationship, but it is only 1 bottle 5 days a week... That's it..... But my life when drinking more is so shit.... I have to accept that I can't be in the social sphere of drinking. I really miss bars and meeting people inhibition free
MrWearenotallequal sorry, my comment sounds judgement. That’s not what I meant. I think what I’m trying to do is just help the person realize that that can still be a dangerous amount of alcohol. However, if that’s improvement, then they are definitely deserving of praise for that.
MrWearenotallequal yeah i can definitely imagine. I just want to stress further that I am not coming from a place of judgement :) I suggest seeking therapy if you haven’t yet!
Do I still love you, always. Bitter, drained you, understandable. Co-living. A goal. Good, no hate!!! IF & WHEN? What’s that...... I cried through this whole video. Strange relief, release. No, to being sober. Negotiations with being safe. All good Q&A. Fast talker. I just hurt all over for you. IF & WHEN........ your eyes are looking down to your heart region a lot and almost in tears, too. “All those things matter”...YOU MATTER. Attachment and impact. Perception and depression. Growth and growing up. Let go and let God. STILL HOPE, INSIDE YOU.
So you're basically going back down that road that leads you to almost dieing, especially with your stomache issues, which will return eventually. Sucks.Hoping the best for you Noah and your family.
I want you to dedicate a video to you discussing fertility and potential for adoption and sperm donation. You said your balls have shrunk so would they ever increase in size?
I'd like to connect by email if you're interested. A lot of similar thoughts, behaviors and experiences. I'm in AA, an addiction counselor and have good, bad and ugly experiences in recovery. Thanks for your videos. I appreciate the honesty, struggles and point of view
Thank you guys for continuing to be a part of my journey and for sharing about your life and experiences as well.
Love you Noah be strong thanks for your time here and for your life.
Thank you for reading my previous comment and for the heart. It means so much to know someone is out there who cares. You give so much to those of us who follow you. Thank you.
I would like you to discuss infertility and how you deal with a low sperm count? What does your wife say?
Are you frightened or are you worried that you cannot have kids?
I really hope you read this. Do you think you overwork/pressure yourself at sobriety and mental health management? Also, are there things you love in life that can replace alcohol or other coping mechanisms? I'll explain:
You mentioned how hard you worked the 12 steps, and listed your many self-help tools. My therapist noticed that for me personally a responsibility-driven "hard work" approach can become beating-myself-up/depression fuel when it doesn't go well despite how hard I tried, thus leading to the bitterness you mentioned. I always think "I'll just work harder". Therein lies the vicious cyle. However, I started falling in love with hiking recently. It's great for my mental and physical health sure. But I'm way more excited to do it because it doesn't feel like work. I just really enjoy being immersed in nature like that. Now hiking is replacing times I'd just go drinking, and for me it's meditative effect is better than mindfulness. So I've learned that forms of self-help that are more enjoyable and feel less demanding can sometimes be much more effective for me. Do you think such a change in approach would be helpful to you? Not trying to push hiking on you of course, was just giving an example of what helped me personally. Can only speak for myself of course.
I drank alcoholically for 30 years. I finally quit 14 1/2 months ago. Physically I was a lot like you. I weight trained, practiced jui jitsu and TKD while a drunk. It worked until my early 40s and suddenly it all crashed down. It took me 10 years from realizing I had a problem to finally sobering up. You're still young enough to handle the abuse now but I promise if you don't stop it will take everything including your life. Dn't bullshit around like I did.
Tunafish thx for the comment. Are you willing to elaborate on how and why it all came crashing down in your 40’s?
@@tunafish8769 Sounds like hell you went through, hope you stay sober you have done great 👍
bignoknow Just a thought: maybe we 'alcoholics' need to re-experience the whole drinking thing every now and then to 're-calibrate' or minds.
Ty for sharing @tunafish
It’s okay. I just relapsed too. I really think that you can get through this. It’s all a part of the process
If your wife feels fear from you drinking, you will never have fun drinking. You will have to choose one or the other eventually. Great content. Always.
James L much truth in your words....choices
Reminds me of a scene in shameless where youens says ' I appreciate your help, but I chose alcohol a long time ago'
2 years clean from heroin and alcohol.
Love you man be strong
Brad Kinnersly WOW, BOTH, AMAZING 👍
You must feel amazing ....
Joseph Kent on my way brother. Still working on getting my health back. Living a clean life. I’m on trt as well. Everyday is a better day.
Well done Brad keep going fella
Alcohol worsens depression, so it's not going to help you to keep drinking... I know it is a coping mechanism, but surely there are healthier ways... It is so hard, but don't stop trying. Drinking is like putting a band-aid on a broken bone... Please don't give up. I'll support you as long as you don't abandon yourself! Take it easy anyway, as we are all human =) You're a good guy Noah.
Mr SL88 beautiful said. I feel this is spot on. We love you Noah. Please don’t give up.
Mr SL88 Drinking mountains of alcohol to cure depression is about as insane as starting a Crystal Meth habit to cure insomnia.
Supporting you and everyone else on this channel who is struggling.
@Coach Glen Byrne Thank you!! Back at ya.
I have been thinking about your situation and I can’t help but feel for you’re wife, mum, dad and friends that love you.
Because of the last time how bad it got you ARE in a dangerous place buddy.
Please don’t be in denial about your situation because addiction and mental health takes lives.
This last weekend I visited a good friend at the cemetery who died in 2006 with mental health and addiction.
Be strong brother 🙏♥️
Thank you for your transparency. Nobody is perfect and your vulnerability about working through the messiness is what makes this channel so special. Keep on keeping on.
My husband has depression, anxiety and problems with drugs and alcohol, your channel was one of the reasons that keeps him sober, you do not give up a healthy life and no alcohol, and if you choose to continue drinking, let your wife go, I know how it is the life of a codepedente we want to save the husband life and we end up destroying ourselves.
Hello. I’ve never left a reply before so hope you get this. I too struggle to stay sober and was touched by your honesty and confusion. Just want to say l think you’re a good decent man and l totally wish you well. Regards pat
''It's like inviting the devil into your home and convincing yourself and your family that the devil is is not too bad and in fact the devil is pretty good company''
I did 9 months last year, I then told myself that Xmas would be nice to enjoy a drink so decided to give myself the month off and let myself enjoy a drink,oh that first drink tasted good. We are now in June and I have been drinking since December, at first it felt fresh and enjoyable but slowly as the months go by and beer doesnt cut it anymore , before you know it you are drinking half a bottle of Jack Daniels after each working shift. I am 4 days off again now, I hope to leave it completely as it really does bring the worst out in me, also my wife is far less happier when I am waking up like a zombie, good luck man, hope you find the motivation to quit again.
The picture of an eye excellent analogy buddy.
It 100% is like inviting the devil into yours and your family’s life.
Thank you for this channel. I am going through alcohol dependency... finally admitted it and going to doctor tomorrow.
Good luck.
Scott McCall That's great. Good luck with your efforts. 🍎
@@currentresident3775 i got this! Thank you for kind message
@@p1ll if you're a real alcoholic like me you'll need to drop the "I" got this attitude! Recovery from alcoholism takes a village if you're a real alcoholic and not just a problem drinker! When you say "I' got this your ego isn't willing to surrender and surrender is what you need to do first and foremost! I'm here for you don't hesitate to reach out! You'll need others! " We" got this!!
@@MADEnAMERICA78 and if theres no village? I have to do it regardless. It's really fucked, I never thought it could happen to me... thank God I realized the problem.. I have barely started recovery.. I hope I can do this now but realize I may have to fight this battle...
I have the uttermost respect for you and your honesty, I'm hitting 6 months sober this thursday and indeed, sobriety is quite a challenge, my prayers for you!
Have you read "The Power of Now" and "A New Earth" from Eckhart Tolle? These spiritual books helped me with my depression. Tolle's writings are consistent with steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11, and 12 of the big book of AA. Tolle believes that all suffering comes from resistance to the Now (or what some people might call God or their Higher Self), and instead embracing your lower fake self/ego. Surrendering to the Now/Present and taking your thoughts/ego/lower self less seriously are a consistent theme in his writings. Tolle calls the lower self/ego the "pain body." You have a video on the topic of not taking your thoughts seriously which was helpful to me (from years ago), and very consistent with Tolle's writings. Once I realized that my thoughts were mostly nonsense/garbage based on bad programming, and they can't control me unless I let them, it was easier for me to deal with depression and other issues. Step 12 of the big book talks about a spiritual awakening, and "The Power of Now" is probably the best book I have read about spiritual awakening. Figured it might help if you haven't already read it.
I have watched and been through this for a few years now brother and love you’re honesty and transparency.
BUT as a friend I feel you need honesty back at this point! I kind of get the impression that from the beginning of you’re struggles you start , it gets unmanageable and you ask for help and get clean..... and then repeat.
When you started coming up to the 1 year thing you stated that you had previously been there before and like before you finally succumbed to your urges for whatever reason.
So seeing this cycle leaves me thinking there is STILL something missing from what you need to fully get the better of this. I have been in this position but the problem is, it all becomes a cycle of pain, suffering, healing, happiness, growth then plateau.
I would definitely from my own experience with mental health and addiction issues suggest that you really need to find out and pinpoint the thing that allows you some success in recovery but not sustained and continued.
I used to run groups and work with people with issues until I realised this was actually enabling me to fully focus and commit to my own constant needs and awareness.
I have literally stopped everything external in regards to “helping others” until I am at least 2 years into drug free life. I believe we have to be selfish and honest for at least 2 years and focus on us and not battle with our sobriety and help others at the same time.... you are only human man friend.
Anyway I just wanted to give you my input and personal pros and cons I had and have in my own journey that I hope might help in some way my friend.
Be strong and all my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family 🙏💪💓
JesseB great words. This is all very true. We all love you Noah.
Jem Jem thank you 😊 and hope you’re well ♥️
I'm a child of 2 alcoholic parents and my mother was an addict also. My father spent a lot of time being semi suicidal my parents split when I was 12 and I stayed with my father. He would get drunk and talk about killing himself it was another big trauma in y childhood .Also a big reason I have not relapsed since I became a mother. I don't want my child to see that. Please don't let this hiccup get you down. You are a amazing man get out of your head.
You’re a good person with a good heart. You’re an inspiration. Keep fighting!
Love these videos.. i had a shocker last night beers + scotch + smoking.. struggling big time today. I have decided to have 6 weeks off to try and heal myself up then ill go from there.. thanks for everything you have inspired me to do better with my life.. stay strong brother.. thanks! For everything
I support you no matter what because you're genuine, admit your mistakes, and keep trying :) I am greatly appreciative of your candor and honesty. I'll never unsubscribe, I've actually told a few of my friends about your channel because we're in the same boat so to speak. "Learning how to be human 101"
Love you regardless man. We all struggle. Stay strong.
Let me share this real quick Noah. I was married for 15 years. I helped raise her two kids from 2 and 5 to the ages of 17 and 20. She then cheated on me so I divorced her. Eight months later she wanted to cheat on that same guy with me. Turn the page. My dad wasn’t there for me growing up. He came into my life around when I was graduating college. Right when I was getting to know him I was rewarded with him getting prostate cancer that spread to the bone. He died while I was holding his hand in a hospice bed in a run down hotel room in Louisiana. These things led me to drink for a couple of years but one day I figured out that wasn’t the answer. Dealing with uncomfortable events and situations head on was the answer. I hope you get the strength to embrace dealing and attacking things head on that are uncomfortable to you. In my opinion, it is your only answer and way out. Attack and embrace uncomfortable situations. Love you man.
Hi Big No, haven’t been here in a while and just wanted to give u a virtual hug. I hope u are feeling better and I suffer from bad depression myself and discovered your channel about 3 years ago.
I have not had a drinking problem even though in past i have drank to much i don't now it does nothing for me but make me sick. But i do suffer with depression and it sucks.
I admire you sir. I just found your videos. Thank you. Got sober 2 years completely on my own. Fell of 6 months ago after becoming disillusioned . And since then ive tried 10 + times to stop drinking. I’m today this morning getting back on the wagon. But it’s becoming very clear I can’t do it alone. I can’t fix this.
You are so incredibly articulate Noah. You are able to verbalize exactly how I'm also feeling, which I struggle putting language to, so your videos help me SO immensely. I like how you said this time around you're continuing to love yourself despite your relapse, and that the parent inside you is treating young Noah kindly. As a depressive with alcoholism I beat myself up so badly after the smallest mishaps and I am learning to self nurture instead, focusing on my strengths and accomplishments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I know your channel was put into my path for a reason & you have sustained me and uplifted me with your honesty and genuine oh-so-human spirit. Much peace, light, and love my friend!
I've got 6 months sober myself. I appreciate your honesty about relapse and not ready to be sober again. First time getting sober, hopefully my last, but no shame in relapse. Stay strong!
Hope you drop the habit once and for all man. You need to face yourself and admit that you just can't consume it ever again. You can't let your family and friends watch you slowly slip back into addiction. I believe in you, Noah. You helped me when I was fucked and in the dark.
I relapsed this weekend badly and with not just alcohol but drugs too and now I am a bigger mess than before, and I feel like I always let everyone down, waking up feeling so sick, I’m 27 years old and I feel stuck in the now, u inspire me so much, thank you for sharing your story ❤️
Don't beat yourself up! I was bad at binging on the coke and alcohol, id go for weeks smashing the gym and feeling good and then my BPD brain kicked and fall off the wagon, I think it's because we get lost in life sometimes and we should always remain in the NOW that keeps our energy flowing and not let ourselves be distracted by negative energy's, dust yourself off and look at a new focus in your life, change your diet or change your gym regime dude 💪
When the pain gets great enough and you are completely ready, you will stop.
Open, Honest, willingness and surrendering. ♥️
That 1st drink always feels good; if you drink to get a little buzz (& you can stop) that's not a problem. Getting drunk is a problem.
most honest video on youtube. thank you noah. i will hopefully have the willpower to be sober soon.
please take good care of yourself ! Best wishes to you!
Success is not measured by not ever having fallen. Success is achieved by getting back up after each time you fall... Each time! Do what you gotta do. Dust yourself off. And when you're ready to get back on that horse, RIDE NOAH!!! DON'T "ever" give up...
Thank you again for this video. Glad I found your channel
Still respect, like and support you Noah. Lots of people are struggling.
You didn't drink for a year and you relapse a few weeks ago. THAT'S PRETTY DAMN GOOD! Dude that's a victory.
American Klingon my friend it isn’t a victory when a cycle continues.
The reality is his wife, family and friends are living in fear of him dying to this. In the grand scheme of things this is not a victory. This is now dangerous
@@jesseb5076 I am an alcoholic sir. To a degree you are right. And to a degree I am right. I can tell you from first hand experience that to get on a alcoholics ass when he slips dose nothing more then making the guy dig in his heals and tell you to piss off.
To tell a man when he slips that he is making progress because the last time you drank was a year ago, or six months ago, or even a month ago is an incouragment because the person will recall a time that they couldn't go a day without drinking, or a few days a week without a drinking and so on.
It gives a person a light in the darkness where there was no light before. Please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying let it slid if the guy is starting to drink like he used to. A little more, then a little more and so on.
Believe me, telling someone look how long it's been since you drank shows them that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I have lived it. There was a time in my life that when I would wake up in the morning my breakfast was 5 or 6 shots of southern comfort 100 proof.
I recently found a video by a band called, Disturbed. The video was a song called, A reason to fight live video. I watched it and I was totally blown away. The video deals directly to the serious problems of addiction depression and suicide. The last thing I expected to see and hear was a video by Disturbed that would bring me to tears but oh boy this one did.
The front man's name is David. He invited a fan on stage after he had learned his story. He read a letter the fan had written to the entire arena.
When he came to the part where the fan had written,"As I am writing this I an 7 months sober. Then David said this to the entire arena,"That is some serious bravery ladies and gentlemen and that is what we all have to be is brave. You should have heard it. An arena with thousands of people in it cheering a man who is just a fan but has been away from the demon alcohol for 7 months.
My friend that is one hell of a support group. The fact of the matter is when I first saw that video I was very drunk and thinking about ending my life. The band and the fans gave me what I needed to hear to live another day.
David asked the arena full of fans this question," By a show of hands how many people have struggled with addiction depression and suicide. Everyone is that arena raised their hands. Then David said this," Now take a look around this arena, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! please check it out.
I didn't intend to write such a long comment I just got carried away. Sorry if I got a little of track.
American Klingon listen I totally get what you are saying to him... BUT I myself have been in a position where I was completely hurting myself and those who loved me unconditionally.
He now says he isn’t at the point of stopping and if you look at his history he genuinely gets a year a year and a half sobriety and then relapses.
At some point a relapse can and does lead to death or loss of those close around you.
I see a lot of people who only give him positive things but sometimes for those we care about, we have to tell them hard truths or in physiology “a shit sandwich”
Where you tell him positives but the main ingredient is the cold hard destructive nature of addiction. He nearly died the last time he drank, just imagine what may happen this time and how his wife and family must be feeling.
Much love my friend 🙏💪
@@jesseb5076 you have valid points that I didn't think about. Then again I am going on 2 days no sleep. My brain is in a heavy fog so clear thinking pretty much shot. Got 4 more hours to go then I can sleep.
@@jesseb5076 also when you can check out that video by Disturbed, A reason to fight live video. It's incredible.
Annoyed that I had a great response typed up and my keyboard went nuts and well that's gone (dang gamer keyboards are so sensitive). However, glad that message is gone as the response was all about me. Thank you dear keyboard for removing my words, they were gross and selfish. Some day you will learn about how and why I connect with your brain and motivation. Today, I simply want you know how it's appreciated that you're real and up front. That's missing in today's society. Thank you. I want you to know I have only only respect for you, your folks, and family. You ALL make great things happen.
Since I started watching your channel a couple years ago your honesty has always impressed me so much. Please never think you have failed or that u didn't try hard enough. Unless u suffer from depression u can never truly understand what its like or what it can do to you. I'm not an alcoholic, but my best friend is. So I won't pretend to understand what that feels like except from what I've seen being his friend.But I do have major depressive disorder. It doesn't come and to for me, its 24/7, and it has been treatment resistant. So for someone to be an alcoholic and deal with depression, I can't imagine how difficult that must be. I give you so much credit for never giving up, for always trying to move forward. You deserve all the support in the world for your courage. Take care always, and those of us who care about you will never leave your channel. 💗
Great video as always Noah. One thing I noticed in this video was when talking about your relationship with alcohol you referred to it as your problem with drinking, or alcohol problems. The reason I bring this up is because when you were in the process of getting sober over this past year I noticed you were very comfortable calling yourself an alcoholic and not someone with an alcohol problem. I don't mean for this to come off as judgmental, because I've found myself doing the same thing, but is it harder for you to call yourself an alcoholic now that you are drinking again? Again no judgement, just something I noticed and thought I'd mention. Thanks for the update and best of luck to you
masonhortonmusic very insightful
Wow that is really interesting. That's all an alcoholic does is avoid himself .in every sense of the word
masonhortonmusic harder for sure. I noticed that too.
I hope you Will get over this. Remember allways the most precious rhing you got RIGHT NOW NOAHH. The one who still loves you most.....Alcohol doesn.t love you....... and NEVER Will. You have to love YOURSELF more Noah and stop setting all those tough.goals.
Stop those tough goals. You achieved so much......There is REALLY NOTHING for YOU TO BE INSECURE ABOUT ...Start living YOURSELF TODAY then the cravings to that DAMN drinking Will fade......hugz Hans
Hi Noah, your videos are so helpful. I wish you well with your recovery x
Thank you for answering my question. We are all routing for you and your family
Thanks for all your words. We’re all one family here.
Maybe you should try some medicinal mushrooms psylocibin..something like that. I think an experience like that could really help you let go of your attachment to alcohol. Booze isn't even a good drug it's a really weak, sloppy, downer experience
Musical in Nature
I’ve been really wanting to try that
Over 9 yrs sober and never used the steps...I think it's a personal journey. Glad it's out there
I asked my Doctor to discuss with my children not to have children as I suffered from treatment resistant depression for many years while they were growing up. His responds was that if they had it, it wouldn't be as severe as what you dealt with and that medications would be better. So far the grands are 9 - 19 and none show any sign. I was obvious by then. Thank you for your honesty, listening to what you are going through hurts. I do have days where I am content. That says a lot but I also stay isolated to not to inflict myself on others. Blessing on your journey.
Hey man. Sorry to hear about the relapse. If it's cool with you, I'd like to make a video about this on my channel because I think a lot of people can learn from your experience.
It's all good man and go for it. Don't know that I will watch but I appreciate you asking.
but what about learning to drink responsibly? i drink to soothe my anxiety, but it doesnt take over my life or make me unable to go to work, i dont drive drunk, i dont ruin relationships (i do that more when sober, tbh) i believe that its not the worst if you relapse, or drink again. sometimes that off switch is necessary when youve been wound up (anxiety) for so long. it is addicting, yes, but if you can control the urges, then i dont see the problem with indulging in the escape from time to time.
Alcholics cant control their drinking and drink responsibly
Well said Noah...good luck for the future !!
Thanks for sharing this. We are here for you my friend!
Thanks for sharing your experience! How are you feeling now?
Another question, did you have a sponsor and how did you sponsor felt with your relapsing?
You love drinking just embrace it but do whatever it takes not to go overboard. I'm the same but I work and do so many things I'm too tired to get blasted drunk most the time except a few times a year.
I was never a drinker. Just occasionally.. but it sneaks up on you. You wake up one morning and you have this horrible sensation.. of being scared.. you feel it in your arms.. your legs... it's like feeling anxiety.. even though life is great... just watch for it... I have only been drinking heavily for 2 years.. I feel lucky I caught it in time.. but I never expected it. One day I woke up and I said OH SHIT..
Finally decided to go to doctor.
I never want to be that guy who can't have a glass of wine. I want to be able to drink with my friends.. just watch out for that weird morning anxiety.. hope I caught this in time! Cheers!
I dont even drink to get drunk.. its just to stop withdrawals.. this horrible feeling when I wake up. My fiance is so supportive.. i cried and held her and admitted to what had happened to me..
Thanks so much for sharing this with us so honestly and vulnerably❤️
You are doing great Noah.
Well I am 40 years old and have the same issues as you and have bin on and off the alcohol for years. It really sucks but the booze does work. but we really don't want to drink we just want the depression and anxiety to go away.... Just keep your head up. Life's a crazy ride just try to live it the best you can.
I feel like when I drink I feel worse I have rebound anxiety. I still have cravings but I know the pain will be more than the the temporary pleasure. I’m on anti-depressants they seem to help the anxiety but I’m filling the void with shit food which isn’t good either. I am just gonna avoid the bottle for the conceivable future, I’m currently 2 weeks sober.
Hey Big.. I've been watching your videos for a couple years.. Thanks for your candid and transparent style. I stopped drinking a year and a half ago, and began trt as I had my levels checked, and were low. It was kind of a 'reward' I guess. I feel better sometimes, but a bit stressed and anxious at others on this. I definitely do miss going out and meeting new people, which has been missing. Part of me has been wanting to go drink.. but smelling it on my friend's breath last night made me kind of sick, so I'll forego it, as it's easier to deal without. I've only been working and lifting... How do you add variety to your life? I feel like I'm stuck in a phase where I'm not exploring new avenues. Like this strange holding pattern...
I recommend a Ted Talk video «Everything you know about addiction is wrong» It is so profound, and has helped me a lot.
I think you're doing great, Noah!!
Keep in mind that there is a difference between an alcoholic and someone who has had a drinking problem. Only you can diagnose yourself. But dont misdiagnose yourself and end up like so many do... sometimes we dont make it back. "We had to concede to our innermost selves that we were bodily and mentally different. "
i know its not a perfect solution but when i crave alcohol(5.5months sober) i take a dose of Kratom powder. i get a small happy energy that makes me think twice! won't work for everybody but it works fo me.
Has your wife considered going to an Alanon meeting. I have been going through what you are going through for many years, and continue to do so. It is such a roller coaster of emotions. My wife (who doesn't drink) has never has a problem when she did drink when she was younger struggled to understand what I am going through until she went to an Alanon meeting. After she understood what I was going through it helped her to be more understanding which took a lot of pressure off me. This allowed us to set some guidelines and compromises when I drink.She tried to understand and be supportive within reason and that took some of the shame away and made me want to work with her on a plan instead of isolating. I have nothing but support for you, it;s a complex life. I am proud of you no matter what you do. It's a weird life we live.
Depression equals weakness, you feel sad you cry such a small amount of depression, deep depression you lose strength, you overthink, you lose self discipline and most of all you lose will power, finding something that takes all these feelings away is easy even if it is for a short while, waking up to reality is anxiety until that drink or whatever else it may be takes it all away, it's finding the part of us that doesn't need that escape searching for the huge steps we should take to better ourselves even if we think we don't need too, why do we hurt ourselves in our journey to happiness/coping, it leaves us questioning why are we doing this what is the point, to all dealing with depression anxiety addiction etc I hope one day soon your life turns around and gives you the life you believe you deserve
Appreciate your honesty and obviously you are still struggling, but just admitting you are an Alcoholic won't solve your problems, get on on with sobriety and fight for it everyday not just for yourself but for those who love you.
Did you work the 12 steps right? I feel you don't have to label yourself in this regard you are your own person and there rules do not apply to you unless you chose they do. Paint the world in a positive light. I feel you want to do it and are distracted with the validation of the world. You are unique and you journey is all yours. You dont owe any one anything. You only are promised to die so live it up til you go. No regrets!
You will get it bro. Keep at it. Sometimes that means not pushing all the time. Either way Ill pray for you and will continue to support your channel. Hold on loosely.
My daughter is 8 well 9 in October so been sober after I got pregnant it "alcohol " tasted so horrible I literally never felt so nauseated which saved my life because I could not stop. I may drink this year on a cruise we are going on.. I think it will be ok..but I'm unsure if I will.. My husband is ok with it but nervousness as well.. I don't really know my sobriety date which I think is good. I have anxiety also on methadone for some great drug abuse that I suffered with imagine that a alcoholic with a drug problem.
For some people, substance use is all or nothing. I recently decided to be completely abstinent from marijuana because I always abuse it and can’t stop using or use in moderation.
Being completely sober is kind of freeing because you don’t have to battle to regulate your use.
Some people are hardwired towards addiction and their brains get locked into use when the pleasure centers are triggered by drugs
I wish you all the best my friend.
I obviously don’t know what it’s like to go through what you are now. All I know is from what I’ve learned through my experiences. In my opinion, alcohol isn’t worth putting a marriage on delicate ground. I understand your wife loves and supports you completely, but there definitely seems to be much concern in this area. It seems a bit like playing with fire and a precious heart. There may come a time when you won’t be provided a chance to change. This comes from a man who is now divorced, sober, and looking back at things I can no longer change. I wish you could find peace without it. I’m surrounding you and your wife with much love.
Hey Noah, I'm a long time follower and wish you the best on this difficult journey. May I ask, if it weren't for your wife, where do you think you'd be today?
Brian Hunt thx for the kind words. I don’t know if I’d have survived the breakdown
I don't know about all of this, man. Something doesn't smell right. Truly, I wish you well and hope you find happiness. But this channel isn't for me. I'm looking for something else in the addiction/mental health recovery space. God bless and good luck!! And I mean that genuinely: Good luck, and I wish you great happiness.
Books that I feel will help with perspective " Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender. David R Hawkins, Meditations Marcus Aurelius, and Unlearn 101 Simple Truths for a Better Life.
Thank you for your honesty. You are an amazing speaker
Love your videos man.
Firstly Noah, thank you for answering my questions. This video is as real and as raw as it gets. It takes a lot to be this open and raw and we, your dedicated viewers, truly appreciate your honesty. Your struggles are our struggles, that's why we watch you. We stand with you and your wife and your whole family in this trying time as you try to adjust and re-calibrate a new normal for you. Be strong my brother.
If you carry on drinking hope you can keep it under control and don't lose your lovely wife and your health. Take care and thanks for honest video.
I've suffered from anxiety and depression my whole Life (now in my 40s), and have tried to control it through Food and Sex binging (which never worked). Recently found a good Psych Doc who started me on the SNRI, Duolextine. After 10 weeks of some side effects, the drug has lowered my anxiety and depression by 80%, and has helped me control my cravings. It has been so helpful to me. I was against taking Psych Drugs but am now convinced this is my only solution. Peace.
What are your thoughts on trying ayahuasca for healing mental health issues ?
As long as it’s not killing your internal organs or your relationship and other important life functions. A few beers a day is all good. Just don’t take it to the next level and stay sane with yourself.
I can appreciate the honesty.
Thanks for your candour
If the calendar date threw you back on the bottle...then get rid of the calendar. If your marriage is on the line it is time to figure out how you can deal with your depression. You know your history. You know booze is not your friend. You made it 11 months with no booze...it was society milestones BS allowed you to start to drink again. What about accepting your brain and what you need. Having one drink on friday is one thing...having a buzz the next day is another.
humm 👏🏼
I hurt so bad for you at the thought of your wife leaving you (not saying she should or that she will). I'm not sure what I would do without my fiance, she's my biggest support.
Interesting to hear your story, but I have no experience.... I drank 5 glasses of alcohol in 45 years.... and there will be no more added to that
I've relapsed now, been here for bout a month...it sucks I feel bad...stay strong
Bless you sir I am the same.
If you don't plan on being sober why not just take a daily long lasting benzo like valium or klonopin instead? They target the gaba receptors in the brain the same way alcohol does and it's probably safer than drinking every day. I'm not saying benzos are good for you, but I would definitely consider it the lesser of two evils if you take it as prescribed and don't abuse it/combine it with alcohol.
I've got klonopin to use as needed but have not felt the need in about 2 years. I don't drink every day. 1 time or 2 times max per week but the drinking is heavy on those days. I have noticed an increase in my anxiety since going back to drinking which has flagged me. One way or another I'm must trying to feel ok like everybody else but need to go about it in the right way.
@@bignoknow isn't that a slippery slope though? Can't 2 times turn to 3, 3 to 4, etc.? Klonopin can help with your daily anxiety and reduce your urge to drink because it acts on the same receptors as alcohol. It basically makes you feel comfortable in your own skin so the urge to drink shouldn't be there when you're on it. Like I said before, I wouldn't recommend it to most people because it's physically addictive. I just think it would be better for you than drinking because it would keep you at a stable mindset when you aren't drinking and it would reduce your urge to drink. It's the lesser of two evils.
I wish I could stop drinking and enjoy life without it. I wake up every morning saying to myself “I won’t go to the bar after work and at the bar I say to myself “I won’t buy more to drink after I leave the bar”.
Keep your wits about you even if you are still drinking....
31:54 real shit. Sad but true
I still drink a bit, it is not a very positive relationship, but it is only 1 bottle 5 days a week... That's it..... But my life when drinking more is so shit.... I have to accept that I can't be in the social sphere of drinking. I really miss bars and meeting people inhibition free
Rich Best you’re drinking 5 bottles over the course of 5 days?
@@n.fer.2596 probably accurate. It was Much more so there is achievement there.
Test helped
MrWearenotallequal sorry, my comment sounds judgement. That’s not what I meant. I think what I’m trying to do is just help the person realize that that can still be a dangerous amount of alcohol. However, if that’s improvement, then they are definitely deserving of praise for that.
@@n.fer.2596 it is a very dangerous amount. I will reduce it... Drink seems to speak to me lol
MrWearenotallequal yeah i can definitely imagine. I just want to stress further that I am not coming from a place of judgement :) I suggest seeking therapy if you haven’t yet!
Do I still love you, always. Bitter, drained you, understandable. Co-living. A goal. Good, no hate!!! IF & WHEN? What’s that...... I cried through this whole video. Strange relief, release. No, to being sober. Negotiations with being safe. All good Q&A. Fast talker. I just hurt all over for you. IF & WHEN........ your eyes are looking down to your heart region a lot and almost in tears, too. “All those things matter”...YOU MATTER. Attachment and impact. Perception and depression. Growth and growing up. Let go and let God. STILL HOPE, INSIDE YOU.
So you're basically going back down that road that leads you to almost dieing, especially with your stomache issues, which will return eventually. Sucks.Hoping the best for you Noah and your family.
If you are powerless you didn’t have a choice over wether you drank or not.
I want you to dedicate a video to you discussing fertility and potential for adoption and sperm donation. You said your balls have shrunk so would they ever increase in size?
Good job Noah. 💪 Really.
I relapsed after a year too. I think it’s because I knew it wasn’t gonna be about me anymore & I’d have to actually give back to someone else
Keeping you and your wife in my prayers
I'd like to connect by email if you're interested. A lot of similar thoughts, behaviors and experiences. I'm in AA, an addiction counselor and have good, bad and ugly experiences in recovery. Thanks for your videos. I appreciate the honesty, struggles and point of view