They make so much sense, especially the part about creating a safe space and zero negativity process. My relationship is on the verge of ending and I am hurting so much, I’m going to try these techniques to save my relationship I have a feeling it will work, wish me luck x
Hope it worked and that you are happy! I am right at the beginning of what could very well be a very long term relationship and I am learning so much from videos like this one. Take care!
What you both reveal, brings ease, directly, into all relationships. Be committed to bringing your full presence into the moment, so that you can be with the other person fully and consciously. Mindful listening, mindful presence engaging 100%. Deep thanks to the both of you for your mindful presences and work. Dr. Joyce Patenaude and Dr. Andre Patenaude introduced me to your radiant work.
I love this! I have your book too. (Getting the love you want) The Imago is so very helpful. And now a tiny ask for your video: I have adhd and it drove me to near distraction to have music in the background. I could hardly pick out your words to hear your message over the music, as “gentle” as the music was. I almost didn’t continue listening. For me, you might as well be running a chain saw in the background. This is probably not a problem for most people, and I wish it weren’t for me. Is there a way to hear and watch your wisdom as you speak without the “chainsaw?”
2:41 Simplicity of a partner who is present in body, absent in terms of connection. 3:32 Work on mirroring listening to the other thru presence. To learn to be present to the partner’s need. 5:00 Presence centers in the brain are being healed neurochemically. 6:20 a form of mindfulness 🧘🏾♀️ 6:54 judgment vs wonder 7:56 tolerating ambiguity. Discovering the world of your partner 9:20 bring available to each other’s and bringing wonder to our differences 10:00 quieting the monkey brain 11:02 Making a pact for zero negativity. Any negative signal incl nonverbal signals are a threat to the amygdala. Cortisol must be avoided 12:30 Must add affirmations of safety, connection, playing with each other = dopamine. High on our neurochemistry.
There’s also the issue of parents who over-doted that is the issue in my relationship. My partners parents did nothing but dote over him constantly pumping his ego. I feel that is imbalanced and creates a person who willfully lives in denial and rejects even the slightest comment as viewing it “negative”. It’s very scary to feel you cannot have a real conversation without being viewed as negative because his mother kept him in such a tight bubble. This is what sheltered and over/doting looks like in adulthood. It’s someone who is an attention monster. An insatiable appetite to boost the ego. Any and all conversations that do not pump the ego are rejected. I don’t feel your material addresses this issue.
Yes. I feel healthy relationship will embrace authenticity and be open to listening; even if that means hearing some things we don’t like. It’s the approach that counts...yelling and criticizing will just shut people down; but it must be that we can express ourselves and true feelings to each other, without being rejected because the other person is so sensitive and cannot relate to anything at all they don’t want to hear. That is also a very wounded way of relating; to not be able to hear the slightest amount of criticism.
Yes, this process is all about fostering safety because so many people feel unsafe in conversations and consequently shut down if this is prolonged. An inability to accept criticism, ie a narcissistic tendancy, can also come from a complete lack of attention or validation or love in childhood.
My parents were perfect. My father was a fire fighter & my mother was a stay at home mom. They ran a foster home for 45 years. My gf is closed and I have to work so hard to love her. I need help. She says “I love you” maybe once a month . Help?
Im so sorry you’re dealing with this, I know how difficult it is. My boyfriend is closed too. I’m the anxious one and he’s the avoidant, so when there’s conflict I find myself tryna to communicate with him but he just shuts me out 😭 but I know he loves me, before coming across Harville & Helen, I had a thought that maybe I’m triggering some of his childhood wounds, and now that I know that’s the case I’m gonna show up different because I had no idea what to do.
wow ..sounds like these 2 people need Jesus ! because Jesus is the only one can can heal our wounds and make us whole. ---READ ThE BIBLE!!=====its good for the soul.
They make so much sense, especially the part about creating a safe space and zero negativity process. My relationship is on the verge of ending and I am hurting so much, I’m going to try these techniques to save my relationship I have a feeling it will work, wish me luck x
I hope this worked!
Hope it worked and that you are happy! I am right at the beginning of what could very well be a very long term relationship and I am learning so much from videos like this one. Take care!
Did it work??????
The way he stares at her while she's talking 🤗
When all else failed and I was ready to walk away, IMAGO saved our marriage. Thank you. You two are adorable.
I need to watch this regularly
Wonderful explanations of how powerful the shift can be! Thank you Harville and Helen.
Very helpful
Life as an Odyssey of Joy! Dear Universe, I'm ready.
What you both reveal, brings ease, directly, into all relationships. Be committed to bringing your full presence into the moment, so that you can be with the other person fully and consciously. Mindful listening, mindful presence engaging 100%. Deep thanks to the both of you for your mindful presences and work. Dr. Joyce Patenaude and Dr. Andre Patenaude introduced me to your radiant work.
wow!...what a wonderful way of doing Couple Therapy!...Thanks both
I love this! I have your book too. (Getting the love you want) The Imago is so very helpful. And now a tiny ask for your video: I have adhd and it drove me to near distraction to have music in the background. I could hardly pick out your words to hear your message over the music, as “gentle” as the music was. I almost didn’t continue listening. For me, you might as well be running a chain saw in the background. This is probably not a problem for most people, and I wish it weren’t for me. Is there a way to hear and watch your wisdom as you speak without the “chainsaw?”
I hear (no pun intended)ya on the background music while they are talking
Amazing
Love you. Thank you for working hard to teach us how to have the best lives despite it all.
2:41 Simplicity of a partner who is present in body, absent in terms of connection.
3:32 Work on mirroring listening to the other thru presence. To learn to be present to the partner’s need.
5:00 Presence centers in the brain are being healed neurochemically.
6:20 a form of mindfulness 🧘🏾♀️
6:54 judgment vs wonder
7:56 tolerating ambiguity. Discovering the world of your partner
9:20 bring available to each other’s and bringing wonder to our differences
10:00 quieting the monkey brain
11:02 Making a pact for zero negativity. Any negative signal incl nonverbal signals are a threat to the amygdala. Cortisol must be avoided
12:30 Must add affirmations of safety, connection, playing with each other = dopamine. High on our neurochemistry.
Love this makes so much sense so relieving 🙏🏽❤️
What a touching video, please continue
Absolutely wonderful thoughts. Thank you for this :)
what amazing roll models. xx
"...an odyssey of joy." Lovely
You just described me in a marriage that did not work.
I only wish mire therapists would practice this,
There’s also the issue of parents who over-doted that is the issue in my relationship. My partners parents did nothing but dote over him constantly pumping his ego. I feel that is imbalanced and creates a person who willfully lives in denial and rejects even the slightest comment as viewing it “negative”. It’s very scary to feel you cannot have a real conversation without being viewed as negative because his mother kept him in such a tight bubble. This is what sheltered and over/doting looks like in adulthood. It’s someone who is an attention monster. An insatiable appetite to boost the ego. Any and all conversations that do not pump the ego are rejected. I don’t feel your material addresses this issue.
Yes. I feel healthy relationship will embrace authenticity and be open to listening; even if that means hearing some things we don’t like. It’s the approach that counts...yelling and criticizing will just shut people down; but it must be that we can express ourselves and true feelings to each other, without being rejected because the other person is so sensitive and cannot relate to anything at all they don’t want to hear. That is also a very wounded way of relating; to not be able to hear the slightest amount of criticism.
Yes, this process is all about fostering safety because so many people feel unsafe in conversations and consequently shut down if this is prolonged. An inability to accept criticism, ie a narcissistic tendancy, can also come from a complete lack of attention or validation or love in childhood.
My parents were perfect. My father was a fire fighter & my mother was a stay at home mom. They ran a foster home for 45 years. My gf is closed and I have to work so hard to love her. I need help. She says “I love you” maybe once a month . Help?
Im so sorry you’re dealing with this, I know how difficult it is. My boyfriend is closed too. I’m the anxious one and he’s the avoidant, so when there’s conflict I find myself tryna to communicate with him but he just shuts me out 😭 but I know he loves me, before coming across Harville & Helen, I had a thought that maybe I’m triggering some of his childhood wounds, and now that I know that’s the case I’m gonna show up different because I had no idea what to do.
“My parents were perfect” I’d start right there if I were you. 🚩
❤
So it's all about the wife, right.
Monkey chatter? You’ve lost me there
wow ..sounds like these 2 people need Jesus ! because Jesus is the only one can can heal our wounds and make us whole. ---READ ThE BIBLE!!=====its good for the soul.
Ok, read the bible. Now what?
@@Elliottcharlesking