4 Things ONLY Normal In Germany? 🇩🇪
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- Опубликовано: 2 авг 2024
- After moving to Germany and living in Germany for nearly 4 years, we have started to pick up a few German habits that we would have NEVER done in the US! From culture shocks with the German trash system to not mowing on Sunday and from how we now speak to how we look at people, what about us has changed based on our interactions with the German culture? 😊
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❤️Aubrey was a Speech-Language Pathologist and Donnie was a graphic designer, but we both had a dream to #travel the world and experience cultures. After three years of being married and dreaming about if something like this great adventure would be possible, we decided to quit the rat race and take on the world. We sold everything we had, quit our jobs, and took off! After 9 months of aimless and nonstop travel, we now get to fulfill our dreams of #LivingAbroad as #expats as we move to #Germany!
00:00 - Intro
1:35 - Habit 1
4:43 - Habit 2
6:59 - Habit 3
9:09 - Habit 4
11:53 - Bloopers
Are there any habits or things you have picked up from other cultures or from things you have seen in other countries that you may never have done otherwise? 🤔
Sometimes I like to have some drops of vinegar in my fries. A wierd habit I learned in the UK
I got used talking to people with far shorter eye contact (to the extent that it was thought by Germans I would hide something) - in the US. I think the German stare or longer eye contact indicates to Germans that the staring person has nothing go hide.
@@hikingcook
Stop calling it staring, staring is a different thing. What you Germans do is looking, maybe for a longer time, but it's looking. Looking and staring is not defined by time. And it's total normal, quite everyone on earth does that except the US-Americans.
@@raistraw8629Uh no. I've travelled to several continents. This staring/looking at people only happens in Germany & surrounding countries. In other parts of the world (including other parts of Europe) people simply don't look.
I think you would only realise this when you've been away for long enough to get used to not-staring. When you get back you'll notice the stares right away. It's an odd feeling.
Driving a car in France for the first time I was surprised by how polite French drivers are. Particularly when they realize that you want to overtake they try to stay even more to the right and noone ever increased speed while I was overtaking.
If overtaking seemed to be very dangerous along a road some even stopped at the next small place to allow me to drive past them. That made travelling so nice that I've decided to adopt that habit.
It's removing a lot of stress and allows for much safer driving.
Keeping to the right on an escalator. I've adopted that habit during travels in the UK. And possibly saying something like "Excuse me" more often than necessary.
As a German, it's funny to see how different other cultures stare. More than 15 years ago in rural Japan, I noticed that many Japanese stared at me, a gaijin, in secred. Thinking I would not notice their stare. Especially in a train or a bus. When I stared back at them something strange happened, instead of just watching in an other direction, they pretend to start sleeping and close their eyes. This happened so often, I was able to send dozends of Japanese to sleep with my German stare...
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Haha wie geil da muss ich Urlaub machen 😂😂😂😂
That is the best thing I've heard all day, thank you.
@@LythaWausW hahha nice one!
Your german stare was simply too powerful lol
In China war unser damals 12jähriger Sohn so unglaublich süß und exotisch, dass er quasi Fanclubs um sich versammelte. Anstarren inklusive. Ich hab mal einen Mann verscheucht, der sich nasebohrend in 30 cm Entfernung von unserem Sohn aufpflanzte um ihm direkt ins Gesicht zu starren. Mit offenem Mund. Der Mann kam aus der Sichuan Provinz und hatte außerhalb des TV noch nie einen Europäer gesehen, ein europäisches Kind überforderte ihn total.😅
I worked and lived in Germany 12 years. Never had any staring issue. Maybe it's because you're american. Are you guys not used to look at other people and where's the boundary between looking and staring? In Belgium (close to germany) we simply look where we want, maybe you spot someone you know. And when you cross eyes with a stranger, we mostly both smile and nodd. There's nothing more than that about it. Keep up the great vids!
If you don't notice The German Stare it means you come from a country that mitigates staring as well. It's all defined by miliseconds, or just plain seconds. The German, et al, Stare is +++seconds over the limit of The American Stare which is "One Mississippi, Two Mississippi", end. Which we Americans don't classify a stare, and I wonder if any other culture on earth would. Please someone tell me if Two Mississippis is a stare.
In America it's not unreasonable to say that you could get your ass kicked for starting at someone. Violent societies produce this strange anti-social behavior
@@bunnypeople well you could get that in germany too xD if people stare at you it normaly means u look harmless xD people usualy wont stare at a drunk 20 year old drug adict in a train xD
@@LythaWausW in Germany you can usually look at what you want and how long you want without someone reacting violent. If someone look at you and you don't want it you look them direct into the eyes with a serious face until they look at something else.
If you feel uncomfortable with this you can just turn your head or complete body in another direction.
But: someone you think is staring on you may only be in deep thoughts and not even recognizing at all that they stare at you. It's just something we don't have to be 24/7 sensitive with.
@@LythaWausW I'm not german, and we don't "mitigate" staring in my country. I think there are cultural differences on how quicly you feel "offended", and each country of course feels their way is the proper one, but why on earth feel offended so quickly. It's not like they are attacking or robbing you. They just look around. I dont care if someone "stares" as me for five seconds, and I won't be timing how long he stares. Must be hard to feel offended so quickly. For gods sake, you're talking about people looking around. There are far more worse things in life, also in the US. For someone who measures politness in "Mississippi seconds", you might ask yourself why the crime rates in the US are that extraordinarily higher than in Europe?
We don’t really stare we just like to look around. Usually if you see somebody is looking at you you just smile and they will smile back🤷♀️
Showing interest in a neutral manner.......
no some definitely stare, especially in smaller towns
probably no one will stare at you in berlin, but try a small neighbourhood and you will feel 20 pairs of eyes on you walking down the busy street or one person who will be able to count your skin pores in the bus (usually old grannies)
@@XLightChanX I don't get how some Germans call staring "looking around casually " or looking in your face politely. It's freaking staring. Do these people think Americans are afraid to look up, at people, and make eye contact? We keep track of whoever might steal from us on a crazy full Berlin train, and that is not a steady glare, that is a constant rotating view/blick in danger zones.
@@XLightChanX mich hat mal am Bahngleis eine Frau ständig angestarrt, dann habe ich sie auch angestarrt und sie hat trotzdem nicht aufgehört zu starren 🤣🤣🤣 vielleicht fand sie mich einfach schön und war vielleicht lesbisch.🤠
No. Compared to other countries we really do like to stare at people, especially strangers. Most Germans may not realize it until they have lived overseas for a couple of years but it really is true. I notice it constantly now that I'm back here and it's hard to get used to again tbh.
Do not just stare back. You can easily end the stare with a tiny nod of the head to greet them 😄
"You can easily end the stare with a tiny nod of the head to greet them"
At least in some situations like the ones in the video. If I sit on a bench in a park and someone is passing by I usually try to make eye contact in order to greet them with a nod or hello. Same if I'm the one passing bye. This can result in me "staring" if the other person tries to avoid eye contact. I wouldn't consider this (avoiding eye contact) to be rude but I very much prefer a small nod or smile.
Since I am German myself I think I never really felt that German stare but if I find someone is looking at me and our eyes meet I just give them a little smile and usually the other person smiles back :) On the subject of mowing on sundays or the weekend I think it depends on where you live. I also live in Rheinland-Palatinate in the countryside and yes there are rules to be quiet but actually nobody bats an eye. Especially when the time comes around where people start to prepare their firewood in their backyards. If you make noise for an hour or two, thats totally fine just maybe not in a city or if the neighbours are annoyed at someone in the first place. Also everyone have a great day :)
Mowing on weekends seems to be really neighborhood dependent in my experience. Even if the neighbor is annoyed it can be fine as long as its out of necessity and not a common occurrence. A great day to you as well :)
As Onyx Aurum mentioned, i really doubt that someone would immediately call he Ordnungsamt if one is mowing on a Sunday as long as it doesn't become a habit. Rhen you might have to deal with a Angry Neighbor.
I personally like the idea of a day in the week where you are allowed to enjoy your garden without the noises of a lawnmower I the background
I don't know how it is for other people. But as I figured it out by myself, their can be another reason for the staring situation.
If I'm daydreaming or have a short space out (from relaxing or thinking about something), then my body goes into an auto-observation state (for self protection?). That means if someone moves nearby then my eyes automaticly watch/observe it, so my body/brain can wake me up if something happens. And while nothing happens, I just daydream without interuption while my eyes observing the surroundings.
Now you know how that can be interpreted. You seem to be clear that you are staring at other passengers for self protection. Which means you're not just staring at the one person in front of you, but everyone around you, alternatingly, which makes sense. And is not staring. But if you continue to daydream fixed on one person cuz no one else moves, you are staring at them.
If you get starred at, you greet, we greet people here! Its common decency
I am Dutch, live close to the German border and are often in Germany. I never ever noticed the so called German Stare. Didn't even know it existed. Perhaps it is just the way countries with very direct communication look at other people.
You didn't notice it because you do it too.
@@xYonowaaru I think you are right 😁
The German stare:
Try nodding while also "staring back". And smile afterwards.
That's perceived as a kind of greeting, similar to the greeting when entering the waiting room of a doctor's office.
This staring thing has be stumped. I've spent a lot of time in Germany and never noticed it. But every American RUclipsr comments on it at length. Is it only Americans that notice it? Do Brits and Australians stare as much as Germans and we just don't know it?
It's looking, and it's totally normal its exist ever were on the earth. The ones here who are out of touch are the US-Americans.
I‘ve heard about this and give it some thought. One reason you might get stared at is if you‘re quite loud in public spaces. And Americans have a reputation for that. So maybe it‘s just that ? Or do Americans look down all the time? It‘s really strange to hear.
Its social media.
almost all youtubers copy each other and talk about what others say, treat topics that others also show. no matter what scene they are.
I wondered this myself and did not come to a conclusion.
I would describe me simmilar to what is said about Americans: if I stare and get caught I quickly look away.
But I would confess to look longer than necessary if I find someone annoying or interesting. And I can see, that people of color may interpret it as a hostile racist stare, even when my intention is nothing like that.
But I still believe that I do not stare to a point where the stared at notices it.
But maybe Americans are that insecure that they feel judged by the slightest look of interest
I'm from the Netherlands and people here stare too. I never knew untill I spent a longer time in the US and Canada. People there really just don't look, even if you're looking or behaving out of the ordinary. It honestly felt really nice. When I got back I immediately felt the pressure of staring again, very weird. I had the same experience travelling to Japan and South America.
Been in Stuttgart over 2 years, never caught anyone staring at me. I'm 6'5" and got stared at more back in the States than here.
I think the biggest problem with social media in general is that you get more and more into bubbles with like-minded people if you don't look left and right.
When people are reinforced in their opinions from all sides, no matter how strange they are, because any critics have been filtered out of the bubble in advance, groups are created that can become a real danger to the general public when they grow. And they still believe they are in the right, because all in their bubble taught so.
That's why I don't use any social media besides YT comments. It's the only place in the internet where constructive discussions can still take place, sadly.
Native English speaker, have spoken French for ages, when I started learning German, I found myself in French saving verbs for the end of the sentence when I had more than one. Definitely think other languages change your brain, sometimes in silly ways.
I think we don't stare, we love to look around. Germans are kinda curious. And i allways look the people straight in the eye. The eyes are the windows to the soul. 😊 Its strange when people try to avoid eye contact. But i respect introverts and stop looking immidiatly.
1. I have experienced the stare and realize that I do it.
2. I do my best to observe the quiet days. I enjoy them. I enjoy the quiet.
3. I don’t do that nor have I noticed it.
4. I separate. Thankfully our town isn’t too intense, yellow bags 2x a month, trash 2x a month, and paper 1x a month. I only dig if I see pfand bottles in the trash. That’s money!!!
All social media is the worst.
The worst is when you don't remember the word in your first language or second language (that the other person might also understand) but only the word in the third language that nobody else in the room speaks.
"Ne" is more common in northern Germany, while "gell" is more a southern habit.
in brasilien sagt man auch oft "ne" am ende vom satz 🤠
There's no such thing as Germans staring. There very much is such a thing as Anglos interpreting any kind of eye contact as aggressive, though. You looking at me? Eh? Eh?
Yeah, no. As a german of almost 40 years: We, as a nation, definitely stare all the fucking time at basically everyone else. Ironically enough, the best defense against it is to stare right back until the other person gives up, but that only makes the overall issue worse.
@@Stinkehund
Yeah, it's called looking, and it's a behavior who exist quite everywhere in the world.
It's nothing only you Germans do. It's a total normal behavior if you are interested in something, animals do it too.
Not normal behavior is to not look at something you are interested in.
Don't be swayed by the totally unnatural behavior of the US-Americans, of which they have more than enough
@@raistraw8629 You really have no fucking clue what you're talking about here.
@theGourd
Looking or staring is not defined by time.
There are so many reasons to look longer at someone, if you have a problem with it, you are the problem, go get help.
I live in Greece and Greeks stare, too.
And the place I experienced the most staring was China.
I am (mostly) German, and I think I never stare - so I probably do. BUT: never consciously. I never think: Now this person is the perfect target to stare at. I guess it simply happens when I think about something else. Digging through trash (outside) to remove objects that belong in a different bin, I always think: I hope nobody sees me...
The "ja?" at the end of sentences is a very smart move, because the common word very much depends on the local dialect and is usually very hated in all other regions. Your solution allows you to remain neutral a to travel without annoying people.
About the stares: We are world champions in two fields: Complaining and staring. So if we don't complain about the staring, no one should.
I'd say he picked that up because of the regional habits in rural Rhineland-Palatinate. other regions don't have these superfluous additions at the end of sentences. I certainly never use them.
As a person who grew up around French people I am offended by your statement. The French are the best at complaining vocally 😹
On the German Stare (being a German)-
I have learned that it is polite to listen to the person speaking to you. That's why I look into the other person's eyes, whether I am talking or listening.
Most people here are interested into the other persons info. Not looking into the other ones eyes could mean disinterest or- even worse- fear
Adapted from other languages into my daily conversation- I must say: SWEARING.
Most of the time I swear in English, Italian or Spanish 🙈
Luckily though, it has never been mandatory to stare people down during any conversation. It may occur, that people look at you, but those looks are often less focussed, they go less straight into your soul ^^. I can keep eye contact maybe for a glimpse of a second, just to signal, that I'm listening, that's enough. I hardly see a cultural difference. May observation may seem invalid, because I'm from the other end of the spectrum, I have tremendous problems to look people into their eyes while speaking. (Due to my major traits of social anxiety / avoidant). Too long, and I may start to read too much into someone's eyes, oftentimes linked with silent judgements about me. In other words, may concentration gets shut down, I couldn't speak/think clear, as long, as I have to be continuously made aware for being fixed in the other's eyes. Depending on the nature of swearing, my expressive language uses more dialectal forms, sometimes English (more lightheartedly in some situations, only when I'm alone). Interestingly, I only use Standard German, when the intension is driven by real anger.
Different reasons for „staring“ (=looking at somebody or something for a while):
- you found something unusual or interesting. Somebody looks noticeable, not necessarily in a bad way (maybe they are beautiful/stylish/inspirational?), and you look at them because your gaze will just naturally always rest longer on more interesting things. Or they don’t look noticeable but you just have nothing better to do than people watching, but there is no intention behind the look other than just the slight entertainment.
- you want to ensure civility. You stay alert and low key scan people to assess whether they are friendly, then when your eyes meet both of you ever so slightly nod or smile (depending on mood/context) to signal „I see you, you see me and we mutually acknowledge that we will respect each other and value living in a peaceful society together“. Or, if somebody seems slightly threatening, you look them into the eye calmly but assertively to signal them that you won’t tolerate any funny business. As a woman this can sometimes help to signal „I am not intimidated and you will respect me!“, but then again, if you are a man, be careful with your gaze towards insecure, but physically strong young men.
- you are concerned for somebody. I once had a woman, a fellow passenger at a train station, offer me an aspirin because she observed me rubbing my temples. I indeed had a headache. We just look out for each other, even among strangers.
- you want to make contact for any reason, be it selling something, flirting, finding company in any form (for example at a conference where you don’t yet know anybody), asking for help, pointing out something you see, like a weird situation or a beautiful sunset… sure, there might occasionally be nefarious intentions behind a stare, but usually you don’t need to feel threatened by somebody just looking at you.
- you are just daydreaming or in your thoughts and don’t really notice what you are looking at. Probably the most common reason for people looking at you - and they don’t even really see you anyway.
- lastly, there is the actual judgmental stare, where you want to communicate disapproval. But I seriously say this is rare, and just because somebody is looking at you without a smile doesn’t mean they disapprove of you in any way. Just keep in mind that Germans don’t smile as much and that some people just have resting bitch face or they are having a bad day. It usually isn’t about you.
In any way, the adult, self-confident thing to do if somebody looks at you and your eyes meet is to just calmly give the hint of a smile or a nod.
As I list these possible reasons for staring, I come to the assumption that all these forms of looking at people probably exist in every society to some degree, but maybe it is just about for how long you are allowed to look that could be culturally different.
The German Stare, often times is simply an act of aknowledging your presence and waiting to see if you want to make contact. Try a smile and a litte casual wave. You'll find most of the time they will smile and wave back, and then move on as you clearly didn't want or need anything.
As far as staring is concerned, I guess that's what we've been taught to look into the eyes of the person you're talking to. If you don't look at them talking, it's seen as disinterested and rude. If you "stare" at someone who is just walking by, it's more like looking around, you're just looking at people.
Mowing the lawn and other loud noises on Sundays is respected by fewer and fewer people over the years.
I think TIKTOK is terrible.
Staring at people has nothing to do with being in a conversation with a person. Do you have the idea that Americans look at the ground while talking to each other? Looking around is a matter for your wife to decide, how long you focused on an attractive woman walking by.
That's what my cello teacher from Ukraine says too 😅 She feels really uncomfortable when people stare at her here in Germany. I never felt that way, but I'm German and kind of immune? When someone stares/looks at me I ignore it or I look back.
eye-contact is a way to say:
-hello
-you could trust me
-I have nothing to hide
... it depends how you do it
I think, the us of the term "staring" is a kind of framing the issue, as it is choosen to implicate, that looking into other peoples faces ist something bad. Maybe it is not a bad thing to look into someones eyes and show them, thatt you recognised them. When I see somebody watching me, I greet them with a nod or verbally. And they greet back. Maybe foreigners should to this and would be surprised, how many Germans just greet back and leave them alone. Maybe it is rude to openly ignore people, when you obviously recognised them? And looking into somebody's eyes is a two-way-street - how can you see, that somebody ist "staring" at you, if you yourself weren't looking at them?
Yes, when you start becoming more fluent in another language (even more so when you live in that country) things blend more and more together. Don't know if that is frightening or one should celebrate that. Sometimes I want to express something in a specific way and I think of the English words, forgetting how to say the same thing in German, my native language. Or you can't rely it that way in German. Don't like Tiktok at all. Or snapchat.
In this context, changing the language is particularly interesting. I keep noticing that colleagues who grow up with a second mother tongue and who occasionally use it with customers often use German terms for special things. According to my colleagues, there is often no equivalent word in the other language.
@@manub.3847 Yes, every language has its unique things that can't be really translated into any other language.
Jeah, same.
@@manub.3847 Good old code-switching!
* German staring *
* American staring back *
German thinking: "Was glotzt der denn so?"
I think that the german stare is very misunderstood. americans call it staring. people from the arabian culture say that we present ourselves proudly and don't adopt a victim attitude. i personally think it is also due to our culture of solidarity, because we take better care of each other by looking at each other. it is very irritating for me when i travel abroad and i see people with their bags open and no one tells them the fact that they could easily be robbed. its saver when everyone is looking for everyone.
In my experience, when someone IS staring at you, it's usually because you're doing something the disapprove of or find annoying and they basically stare at you to make you stop. That kind of stare most definitely would look disapproving, though.
When someone stares at you in the woods, you should just greet friendly! You will be greeted back. - There is an older german convention, that it is on the newcomer to greet. I believe, this is a spinoff. ... The "..., nä?" (etc.) you stumbled over is linguisticly called a (dt.) "Rückversicherungspartikel" (or more generell "Rekursivpartikel"/"recursive particle"?)
You have to look somewhere. And when you're alone in the forest and someone walks by, that's the most interesting thing at that moment. I seperate only cardboard and bring it to the container. The Bottles goes back to the supermarket. But green dot (yellow bin), organic waste, etc. can be separated, but it is sometimes difficult to get rid of. Don't have tons for it here.
I've lived in Germany for nearly 40 years now and have never had the feeling I'm being stared at. I'm probably just not that interesting.
Maybe you're the one doing the staring then...😉
You're just not very observant I would guess.
This whole Germany stare thing is stupid and exist only because the US-Americans are total out of touch in many behaviors.
Looking at someone also for longer time is a total normal thing to do and exist everywhere on earth.
Never specifically noticed the German Stare to be bothering me, having grown up here, but it could be something with just securing surroundings..
I never noticed that I staring to be honest. I just look at people in my surroundings. And why not? It mostly is interesting.
Next time you encounter the german stare, look at them kindly and nod. You might get surprised 😊
1st: There is not bad weather, just inappropriate clothing.
2nd: Being an 50+ native german citizen... i never heard of german stare.
3rd: Ja, gell, wa or oder... All this is comes with some logic behind it. But there is one folk in germany saying nöh which litteraly means no but in this case yes means.
Maybe its because im German, but i don’t think the German stare is a thing 😂
for mowing the lawn on Sunday, get an "Einhell Hand-Rasenmäher GC-HM 300" or identical,
don't have a motor and can therefore also be used on sundays and public holidays, and they also do something for your fitness :)
I only "stare" in one of two situations: 1. There is a very nice looking girl. 2. There is writing on the t-shirt and I want to read it.
I get mildly annoyed, when somebody hammers (renovates) on sundays, but I'm very calm in this regard.
The thing, what bleeds over from english to german is, that sometimes I know more the english word for it rather than the german word.
Sometimes I correct some things, which are seperated wrongly. But I have the "opportunity" very rarely.
The worst social media? TikTok. With the amount of garbage clips on there, the choice is rather easy.
In German I really do use the "Nh?!"
In English somehow I use "like yeah" a lot
And in Dutch I don't use it as far as I know
Habit 3: A common ending for sentences instead of "ne" or "gell" is "oder", which leads to Germans sometimes saying something like "Donald Trump is kinda crazy, or?" which doesn't make a lot of sense in English.
I find it interesting, that Brits say "innit", Canadians say "eh" Americans say "right", Germans have multiple such endings and even the Japanese have "ですね(desune)". There really seems to be a need for something like that.
The worst social media is.... I don't know, I basically only use RUclips, but since it mainly targets children and isn't particularly good for them, in regards to attention span, misinformation and so on, I would wager TikTok might be the worst, although Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and RUclips all have their own and often different problems.
yes, it is basically the feel of need for an agreement or at least a reaction from the counterpart who got adressed which makes us do that adding after a statement.
Humans are at the end always social beings.
Brits don't just say "Innit" (Isn't it) It depends on the sentence. "It won't rain tomorrow, will it?", ""You haven't washed your hands, have you?" , "I haven't got parsley in my teeth, have I?", "This train does have a restaurant car, doesn't it?"
@@jackybraun2705 Yeah, I didn't include those versions of tag questions, that are basically just a repetition of the auxiliary verb of the question at the end, because I thought there would be too many examples, given that it's done in both English and German. At least to some extent.
Heyo Donnie! I spent a week in Germany "solo" last week, 3 nights in Munich and then I was with friends for a few days at Ramstein (K-town) and Frankfurt. The German "things" I do when in-country is leaving the occasional pfand bottle balanced on the public trash bin so someone who needs it can get the 25 cents. Also, I am the MASTER of the German stare, LOL. And I always smile once eye contact is confirmed. I picked that habit up pretty quickly. I also mastered the use of "genau." Such a great word to use if you want to blend in! But the biggest accomplishment of my most recent trip was only needing to pay for the bathroom TWICE the entire week! LOL!
One recommendation concerning the gell thing: check out the short (very short) story about the Gell-Pest by Karl Valentin. (Üble Angewohnheiten).
Try to change the word - stare - with - study . As in study a painting or a interesting building 😉😅
My friends and I talk in english a lot to each other and we are basically fluent, so sometimes when we can't think of a word in german while talking german we will just say it in english. Also we have "denglisch" which is german and english mixed together where we talk german and english at the same time for fun because it sounds so funny
In Canada, we separate our trash. In Germany, I find myself washing the recyclables.
You really don’t have to. At least I as a German have never washed for example my empty plastic yoghurt containers. Just remove the lid and put them in the plastic bin. It’s just a waste of water.
Our local information says to empty recyclables of all contents. Maybe regions differ?
@@lynnyr I would guess that they mean that it has to be empty in the way that you have fully eaten it. As far as I know the recycling company is washing it as part of their production process anyway.
Idk why Americans think that every eye contact is staring
Once, as a young woman, I was a tourist in London and took a rest in a pub. There was a couple talking to each other and I looked at them and thought things like: she has wonderful blond hair. I enjoyed that and the the they angry turned at me what I was thinking I would do and I should care about my own business. I was very surprised. Why do people think that it is a bad thing if somebody „stares“ at them? Greetings from germanys neighbor country Switzerland.
I'm German, but I'm also an utter introvert with a fair bit of social anxiety and being stared at would literally break me out in sweats. When I'm in a bus or even in a subway train, I'll zone out looking out of the window (yes, even in the subway, where there's really nothing to be seen), or I'll zone out glancing at my bag or hands. I hate random eye contact that much. When I'm walking I usually pretend there's something to be seen slightly diagonally off my path, just as to not having to lock eyes with people coming towards me.
Now, IF I happen to let my glance wander and I figure someone is staring at me it's an instant rush of stress flooding my brain and I can't help but keep checking if they are still staring and it would get me so uncomfortable, but I also wouldn't be able to zone out and avoid the stare anymore once I knew it was there. So then I started to apply a tactic a doctor told me (who I had confided in with that problem) and it really helped me.
When I catch people staring at me, I will also stare back, but not into their eyes but on a spot somewhere in the center of their forehead. To them it looks like you're staring back at them, but in a very deadpan way, so it's a bit unsettling too I guess, and 9 out of 10 cases it barely takes 10 secs for them to then avert there gaze after which I can finally relax again. Meanwhile, I don't feel the discomfort of actually having to lock eyes with them and I get rid of the uncomfortable stare as well.
I'm not sure that's a good long-term solution. You're not really making your anxiety better, just avoiding the trigger situation. Have you ever consulted a psychiatrist about it? It seems it's causing you considerably issue.
@1983simi I have social anxiety too and I generally agree with the previous commenter. Especially in CBT (which is especially recommended for social anxiety) you'd probably get encouraged to confront your fear after/while working on your thoughts and beliefs that lead to your anxiety. It's important, though, to "collect" "positive experiences", or your anxiety could get worse. But avoidance makes it worse, too. That said, I have to add that I still avoid a lot, too and often do similar things or "tactics" to the ones you are describing (like pretending I'm busy thinking about something and therefore not looking at other people). But I also found out that I am indeed able to look other people right in their eyes and "hold their gaze" when I find someone looking at me and generally I am not as anxious anymore as I was a few years ago. Sometimes I even "practice" a little by looking in people's faces as best as possible. I think that most people are friendly. And the ones that seem "hostile" in any way probably aren't people I'd want in my life, anyway (though sometimes people might seem "hostile", but after a while they smile at you. Many people probably are busy with their own stuff most of the time, anyway).
About consulting a psychiatrist: here in Germany you can look directly for a therapist, without the need to consult a doctor first (though you'll need a doctor to get the "Konsiliarbericht" for the insurance - in my case my general practitioner did that). Psychiatrists here are rather "Fachärzte" anyway, who of course are able to diagnose you (though a psychiatric diagnosis after talking to you for ten minutes might be a bit questionable and probably only good to point in a general direction if you never got diagnosed in that field before), but mainly exist for prescribing meds or things like admitting someone into hospital, etc. Some psychiatrists here are therapists, too, but not all of them offer psychotherapy.
This is a wonderful response to the German Stare. I'm so happy you learned about it. But 10 seconds, really? Wow, that's rough. I couldn't hold out. It is also a great response for people with ASD and social anxiety. But might end up getting you killed in America.
@@stef987 The main difference is actually that a psychiatrist is a medical doctor, which means they can do things like prescribe medication... or therapies.
I'd definitely go for a proper diagnosis first, though. You might waste (a lot of) time on useless therapies if you don't have a proper understanding of what your issues are.
@@Llortnerof psychotherapists will first properly diagnose their patients. In Germany this is the only way for the insurance to pay for therapy, you need a diagnosis (there might be some therapists that just write some random diagnosis, I don't know). No idea about private insurance though or if there are any "rules" regarding diagnosis for people who pay the therapist themselves.
Some therapists here are doctors/medical professionals. You either study psychology or medicine first and then get training for psychotherapy.
My psychiatrist happens to work as a psychotherapist, too, but when I go/went to see her I don't get psychotherapy from her, I just see her in her "role" as a psychiatrist, which means that we talk for a few minutes, she might prescribe something and I leave. I don't get an appointment for 50 minutes, we don't work on any issues I might have. That basically is the main difference at least here in Germany.
I never heard of this staring issue before I used to watch videos about foreigners/expats commenting German related stuff. I bet I do not stare and actually I don't like eye contact at all. I am only aware of that staring issue in very small towns where the people knows everyone and are curious about the unknown guy walking down the streets. And yes, this is an awkward feeling. That's the most mysterious thing to me that foreigners observing staring in Germany.
The German Stare is not just eye contact. They look you up and down, often more than once. Their jaw gapes open at the shock of the look of you. They stop talking to their restaurant partner, but he is already gaping at you too. It's not eye contact, it's full body judgement. Often, you need to tell them to stop it.
@@LythaWausW You misunderstood my comment. I only mentioned it because I go even further in not staring at one. I know what is meant in the video but I did not notice such behaviour that often in Germany that this could be a real thing.
Additional note: I am from Northern Germany so we are known a bit more reserved. Most expats exploring German culture on RUclips are in Southern states...maybe this could be an explanation.
I do not feel uncomfortable when stared at. I feel noticed. This is must nicer than being ignored.
exactly!
I remember thinking about this when I came into puberty - I am 65 now - growing up in the german countryside and being stared at. Back then I decided that people were interested in me because they liked what they saw ... that was childish, I know. Today I think that people should look away if they don't like what they see. If it is a problem, it's theirs, not mine.
@@gabrielekeller4874 Just to be understood correctly. I did not mean it in a pure erotic manner. I like being looked at for whatever reason. They notice that I exist. I am not childish. I am 61.
I´m from the north of germany. We say "ne" or "wa" and not "gä" or "gell" or "gelle". And now i´m living in Hessen, where people don´t use "ne" but "gä" or "gell". And i found out, that i use "ne" extremly often and people here say "gell" in almost every sentence. It´s very strange since i never recognized it before^^
About trash: When moving to my new home the first thing i saw was a sign telling residents, that some people still fail to sort the garbage. Reading this i was like "c´mon!"
On a Sunday I just want to enjoy the boredom and the agony of Monday approaching. Can't really have that when there's too much noise outside.
I think that Germans just love to have there visual area in control. It is really difficult to keep your eyes straight so you start to move them around. Movement generally causes people to look at something.
The monday was May First, also known as Tag der Arbeit xD
On the topic of length - I recently went to a hairdresser to have my hair cut. It was so long it jammed the hair cutter xD
I do the "gell" if I need confirmation.
Recycling bottles is just the right thing to do, keep up the great work.
Worst social media is easily TikTok.
😂😂I am also doing the staredown battle, since their staring is just very unpolite to me😂😂
It is true, that many Germans use words like "Gel" or "Wat", which is very regional oriented and not used in "high German". I find the American "you know" far worse and many Americans use "you know" in every sentence. This is especially evident, when you read their talk on RUclips subtitles.
I’ve started saying "Ich bin gut" (I’m good) when asked if I want more food.
Which is more like saying "I’m nice" 🙈
11:18 "not even 25c" - dude, 4 bottles are a euro, that's already a loaf of bread!
4 bottles is another two full of beer!
Well for me it’s more like looking closer at someone in my neighborhood to identify them later if we actually talk. Like well we have seen each other on this or that playground or in this or or that situation or on this and that bus before. Or sometimes I think I know someone from somewhere and don’t remember it and start wondering. Staring at ppl can have so many reasons, but most of them for me result future communication.
We are probably thinking about something and just stare anywhere without focus
At first: Mowing with a motor driven mower on sundays in residential areas in Germany is forbidden by law (§7,1,1 Geräte- und Maschinenlärmschutzverordnung (32. BImSchV)). Fine depending on state: 50-2500 EUR.
"Staring": It is also part of education - whoever can look the other in the eye (especially when greeting) is considered honest. I was taught this as a child. Anyone who looks away, on the other hand, is dishonest to the other person or has something to hide. There are actually people who can't look you in the eye when greeting you. I notice something like that!
By the way, this custom is said to originate from the Middle Ages: He who looks you in the eye cannot look down at his sword and draw it. This is also said to be the reason for the "handshake" in greeting. That's why you always shake hands with your right hand - that was the so-called "sword hand".
BTW: You Yanks will also learn to separate your waste. That will come sooner or later, guaranteed.
What is said as an affirmation at the end of a sentence depends on the area you come from.
Aachen: "wa" (drawn out, chanting)
Cologne: "ne" (short, the e as a mixture of e and ö. Caution, "nö" means no)
Dortmund: "woll" (with an English rolling l)
Saxony: "newahr" (the a as a mixture of a and o)
Bavaria: "Jo meih" (usually at the beginning of the sentence, because Bavarians do everything differently)
and so on
"Jo mei" is not used as a so called question tag asking for affirmation. It has a totally different meaning. It's mostly used at the end of a sentence/statement as well and can be translated to "oh well", "that's the way it is" or "nothing we can do about it", etc.. The words (not noises!) used depend on the part of Bavaria you live in. Some say "ge", others "gell" or in the Allgäu people use "oddr" (=oder), and there may be more. Everyone of theses expressions is placed at the END of a sentence!
@@magmalin Ich lerne immer gerne dazu, danke Dir!
I’m 52 now. When I was 16/17 I was an exchange student in Schleswig-Holstein. When I’m “in German mode” and switch back to English, I have the hardest time not adding “ge-“ to past participles. Example: “I have ge-swum in that pool.” It’s terrible. It also makes me want to move it to the end of the sentence and that just makes no sense to anyone I’m speaking with. 😂
I also have a really hard time changing my mouth/throat/tongue posture instantly and will often speak English with a slight German accent for a few minutes after speaking German. Things take time to relax and “slide back into place” so I can speak with my normal Southern California accent.
I picked up the "gell" when i had been in Stuttgart for 5 weeks. When i was back at home i asked our cat, which was rubbing itself up against my legs:" You are hungry, gell?"
Our cat stared at me and then ran off, not even looking at me for 3 whole days.
I also picked up some other phrases from there. But hey, that's still me.😅
Trash separation: we have it in the PNW. But my mom still dumped her coffee grounds into our Gelbe Sack. !!! Future tip to myself, put literal paper signs on all the various trash containers. Then again, do coffee addcits read signs before they actually have their first cup? Now as I finished your video i see that even clearly marked containers may not be sufficient, due to the pfand labelling. Wow. good we don't get guests but every few years.
Did I read between the lines that you called the Ordnungsamt when your new neighbour mowed the lawn on a Sunday? 😂
If you want to hear People saying Ja at the End of a Sentence, you should listen to the Song "Tutenchamun" from "Hgicht".
It is a Dadaist Techno Song about Driving on Acid, there every single Sentence ends with Ja. The Cop responds with Ja.
Example:
Goa, Goa, Goa, Goa, Goa MPU, ja ? Ja .
Uh,Uh,Uh,Uh, Goua Zwerg, ja ? Ja.
yeah the american recycling system is so much easier . you simply throw it either in the ocean or outside on the streets that solves iit in america.
Looking isn't staring. Besides, it's not only a german stare, if you want to call it that way. Most Europeans do it. If you'd 'stare' back at my, my reaction to it might be a smile and a friendly greeting.
About mowing the lawn on a sunday, it may also depend on the amount of noise it creates. Having a mechanical mower as a backup might come in handy for such situations. Or you could simply ask your neighbours if an exception for a certain day would be tolerable.
Facebook is the worst form of social media because of its outrage marketing strategies.
I am a German living in the USA and I had never heard about the "German Stare" until my daughters who were born in the USA pointed it out to me during visits to Germany. And then I still did not get it. To me, people were just looking around. But now I am asking myself have I been staring all this time?
Staring: you misunderstand something. Watching people is not staring in this country and it is not meant to make people feel uncomfortable. Instead of trying a staring battle just smile back. Real staring is different. If I would really stare at you, you would realize my look of steel and be sure: you are behaving terrible in the public transport or something. That is completely different from watching people, because of interest or being bored. Or because one has to look somewhere. A lot of people are only in their own thoughts and don’t realize they look at you.
And if you are in my part of Germany watching each other in the tram and a smile and maybe a remark (the weather or whatever) at times Leads to a nice conversation.
As a German sometimes I use English words when speaking german, when I don't remember the German one at this time and it's not the typical use of english words cause they "sound better or more professional" and I feel bad by doing it, cause I know there is a german word for it that I want to use, but just can't remember.
Isn't that just being bilingual in general?
it's shocking that americans mostly do not seperate their trash or have PFAND - holy pfand
You could get a mechanical lawnmower. They're much quieter and in most cities they are expressly allowed on Sundays and holidays. Bit more effort to push one of them across the lawn though, as the rotation of its wheels drives the spinning blades. But my grandma had one for decades and never complained.
You have a Geigenfeige in the background of your videos, so that means you would have been eligible for German citizenship 30 years ago already.
If a German "stares" at you, just smile at them, they are likely just trying to figure where they have met you before. If you accidentally treat us like friends, we will likely treat you the same, accident or not 😁
For your incessant efforts at honoring our pfand system, I officially grant you the title of Ehrenkartoffel! Welcome to Germany! Your distinctiveness will add to and amplify our own! 🖖
I never see someone staring but it's probably just that I don't mind it 😅
It's still uncomfortable to cross eyes, the best reaction then is to smile or say hello or to pretend it was just a careless look.
And since you mentioned it, I realised how often I say "ne" and sometimes even at the end of someone else's sentence 😂😂😂
That’s correct, we have multiple sounds or words to end a sentence. They are used additionally as a synonym for either "ok", "right?“ or can’t be translated. "He/hä?" can be meant reproachful but also questioning.
Kannst du bitte noch den Müll rausbringen, ja?
Schönes Wetter, gell?
Das ist aber eine Überraschung, wa?
Warum hast du das gemacht, he?
Love it! 😂
I don't really get the fuss about Germans staring. We do not stare. We look at people, we acknowledge people, we consider it impolite to look away as if the other person does not exist. We see others, we acknowledge they are part of the world. And when gazes meet, we smile. That's all there is to it.
I don't understand that fuss either. Well, it does depend on how one defines the act of "staring". Americans here on YoutTube seem to have a different definition (I even dare to call it a paranoia) for what "staring" actually is. I've worked for the US Army when it was stationed in my town, but never ever heard anything about the claimed "German stare". And we often talked about cultural differences in the office. The first and only place where it seems to have become an issue is among Americans here on RUclips in recent years.
I‘m German and where my dad lives (Hamburg suburbs) people stare then I smile and they don’t smile back. Even if I say hello they don’t say it back but keep staring😂 so it probably depends where you live, but it definitely does happen more than you might think
You did it! After all those years of hearing about this topic in so many videos on RUclips I finally write a comment about it.
This staring this is quite a mystery indeed.
But not so much the mystery of why do Germans do such a terrible thing, but the question why it is not a terrible thing for Germans at all. I mean, it always takes two people for a "staring" to happen: One, who intensively looks at someone else over a long period of time, expecting that the other person feels uncomfortable with beeing looked at (that is the best definition of staring, that I can give) and one, who is the "victim" of that agressive act of human visual tracking and feels offended by it.
The fact that you almost never hear Germans complain about other Germans staring at them (not that it never happens, but it's not "a thing" here), but very many Americans do, makes me wonder, if the problem of staring is not so much on the "active" side, but on the "passive" side. In other words: What problem do you Americans have with being looked at?
It's obviously a cultural difference, that looking straight at someone else is a sign of noticing the other person rather than ignoring them here in Germany, while in the US it makes people feel uncomfortable. It's the same with smalltalk, just the other way round: While it is totally normal in the US and perceived as a sign of openness and friendlyness that people start talking to complete strangers without any reason, a lot of Germans my feel you want to force them into a conversation, which they don't want to have. "Jemanden ein Gespräch aufzwingen" is the German expression for that. Now do I complain about smalltalk? No, I don't, it is just another example of a habbit, that is not equally common everywhere.
The average German doesn't stare at you intentionally when he knows you don't like it. The average American doesn't want to force me into a conversation intentionally, knowing I don't like it.
We should accept that there are these cultural differences. We should not see them as "bad habbits".
And in regards of mowing your lawn on Sundays: Have a look at Reinhard Mey's "Irgendein Depp mäht irgendwo immer"!
Hübscher Kommentar. ❤😂
Wait. You have a yard!?! I have to say, last Monday I was thrilled that my neighbors were out mowing, because apparently Labor Day is not a religious holiday. I was like, "Woohoo, everything goes! (except buying water) I can mow my freaking long grass!" I must admit, if my neighbors started mowing on Sundays, I would rejoice to have this new freedom. Cuz like you said, often it's raining all week, and your only chance is a Sunday. And then we travel a lot and have no gardener. And I only mow for up to an hour. My neighbor's Spotify broadcast into both our backyards is so much worse. Cuz I have to listen to songs played so loud I can hear every word. Cuz they're in English, my language. I cannot block the lyrics out.
We have an automatic mower. Nearly silent, goes over the grass while we are at work, perfect solution for everyone involved.
Haha, Donnie, the second sign of becoming more Germanized: the Denglisch creeping into everyday colloquialisms. Such as a "ja" or "ne" at the end. Wait for the second stage of Denglisch: the use of certain words from German that are either shorter or convey the meaning just slightly better, or it rolls off the tongue easier. The third stage, conjugating a verb of one language in the form of the other. The last currently known stage of Denglisch is achieved once you start to use Hilfsverben to assist in the other language while creating complex conjugation forms of verbs as well as nouns in English which suddenly have genders. Get ready for that. 😂😂😂
Random question: just because it was created by Trump: TruthSocial. Never visited, I totally agree I am completely utterly biased and prejudiced against him 😂
I haven't even bothered with the Trump social medium outlet (or Parler). (Is Parler even a thing anymore?) Nor did I sign up for Tribel.)
Certainly you are a demonic democrat or just a democrat. Demonic democrat is a pleonasm.
I watched Bonanza, the title cards claims, that the actors are staring, but they have pretty relaxed faces.
thats interresting to see because i live in the center of hamburg germany. here nobody cares about quiet times during the day or sundays and most people will keep eye contact/staring to a minimum. in public most people put their disposit bottels next to trashcans so the can be easy collected by people in need. and we dont realy use "gell" or something at the end of a sentence, maybe a ja, only if we realy want a reaction, answere or opinion( like a verbal "?"). otherwise its more used as a "over" like when you use a comunication radio. but in other regions for some its just a habit. thanks for the video!
Being sort of bi/(tri?)-lingual ((Swiss-)German and English - or at least what I consider to be english and some very, veeery basic french) I had moments when I couldn't remember a word or expression in my mother-tongue but could remember the same word/expression in, sometimes multiple, foreign-languages...
Also a thing I discovered being multilingual: When you're set/submerged in a certain language it takes some time (and skill/knowledge) to adjust and to stop translating in your mind and instead just switch to thinking in whatever language, basically skipping the tranlation-part entirely.
The staring, I have never even noticed anyone staring at me. And I have never consciously stared at anyone. So I guess we don't even notice it because it's so normal. No idea really, the staring seems a non issue as someone who has grown up, in my case, in Munich,
As I learned English in school, I started to call my father "daddy".
I still called my father "daddy".
If I don't like a social media site, I will stop using it. So I don't have a conclusive answer on the worst one.
Languages bleeding into each other definitely happens, especially if you had been living in a foreign country.
My mother teaches English and Spanish, she also speaks Russian. Hence, English has always been my best subject and I had been living in Russia for three years.
Sometimes, you get into situations when you remember one language's words more quickly than the other one's so mix-ups happen, e.g. when I took a Spanish test and accidentally translated "Tomaten" as "pomidores" (Russian with the Spanish suffix) instead of "tomates".
Relaxing in silence is much more important than the lawn.
Das Mehrwegpfandsystem ist sinnvoll, auch wenn man nur ein paar Cent zurück bekommt. Die Flaschen werden gereinigt und wiederverwendet. Das spart sehr viele Ressourcen und ist somit umweltfreundlicher als Einwegpfand (25ct).
Staring: I’ve noticed it in Germany, but I’ve also noticed it among seniors in the US. Worst form of Social Media? I think they all can be bad, but I’ve heard Tik Tok is bad….
Another great video, btw! 😊
Well, maybe this will help you for the stare situation: Stare back 'til one of you breaks the stare, isn't the best tactic actually. Try something else: If someone stares at you, just smile and nod. Often you get a smile back and the stare turns into a non verbal greeting ;) This is much more comfortable and this is how I do it all the time. And in most cases I get a smile back and a lot of people even nod back. =)
Very funny to hear how you use (ja) also in english 😂
Some germans also use (Diggah,alter) on end of sentences 😅
I think it is admirable that you went to an integration course in the first place. I admire that attitude.
What often annoys me here in Finland is that a lot of foreigners who move here don't bother to learn Finnish because "everyone" here speaks English. That's sort of true but I don't think that that's the point. Because I think it is just common courtesy and respect toward the locals that you learn the language, or at least try to, if you intend to stay longer than a short time.
Some years ago when Brexit happened, many British people panicked when they found out that they can't anymore stay in Finland like other EU people, instead, they must become citizens. To get citizenship they must learn the language. Many of them felt that that was asking too much of them. I, myself, was wondering how the heck some of these people have lived here for more than ten years and haven't bothered to learn the language yet.
I really respect your attitude that you genuinely want to learn everything about Germany, and have a humorous attitude when you encounter things that seem odd to you.
(Also: This video reminds me of something we Finnish people do that apparently seems odd to others. Another youtuber (Wolter's World) pointed it out in one of his videos. He said that Finnish people can speak while inhaling. Yeah, I know, I do that. And I hear a lot of other people doing it too. I've never thought anything about it because to me it's normal. But apparently for an American it was something he hadn't heard before and it creeped him out every time people did that.)
I'm a Belgian living in Germany for 15y now, my mother tongue is dutch/flemish but since i speak more German then i do flemish, my flemish is very germanized now. Entire words that don't exist spoken in a way that sound more flemish or especially my sentence building is very German, so yeah...
I don't think I stare, but i don't really notice people staring either 🤔
And i will pick a bottle out of the trash as well, 25ct is 25ct!
Worst social media? Uhm... I guess it's all garbage 🤷♂️
I don't think I stare, but take a look at the people around me. Mostly when I catch someone look or stare at me, mostly I smile and mostly the other person smiles back. Try it :)
You can moe your Garden in sundays If you ASK your neighbours politly and explain your Situation. Just hurry Up when you they say ITS okay and Bring some bottles of Beer or chocolate Afterwards. You will See they will BE all understanding and Happy.
I use four of the languages I know every day. When I am concentrating in one of these languages I don't automatically switch to another when someone speaks to me in the other one.