Great interview! Learned a lot! I also really liked how you were all talking with each other, as friends and with respect (no arrogance), which is such a good example. You all put into practice the Gottman Method. Well done!
John is cool, calm and collected a true General only speaking when needed to clarify or add substance to what his wife says and the conversation in general
We hope you LOVE this episode. If you haven't yet, please make sure to subscribe to our channel and hit the notification bell beneath the video so you can get our next episodes and clips right away! Here are the chapters for this episode. Chapters: 00:00 - Intro 02:20 - What is fascinating about love? 04:42 - Why do relationships seem so complicated? 06:35 - The Love Prescription 08:51 - We all have emotional baggage 12:12 - Put money in your emotional bank account 15:36 - The repair phase 19:38 - Role play: Bidding for attention 27:00 - How to talk through conflict 33:17 - A formula for healthy conflict 36:13 - The four predictors of an unsuccessful relationship 51:33 - Re-igniting love in your relationship 58:20 - What is love?
Very insightful and, frankly, an unrecognized topic to the mainstream public. I didn't realize that Covid has caused damage to people already in relationships. Which, of course, then impacts many other people, directly or indirectly.
I love the words of seeing this happening after marriage. I’m curious. If one of those couples who did not meet the other partners bid for connection during the crucial time… how is there repairs for now trying to fix those moments they missed out on ?
I’m in a catch 22. After catching my husband with porn, he has suddenly become attentive/great in every way, whereas he was indifferent before ( a kind roommate for years). I’m 61 years old and feel unattractive because he barely noticed me before I caught him. I verbalize my need to feel beautiful, so he does compliment me. When I mentioned plastic surgery, he said he didn’t want it to look fake and we would revisit the subject later although he’d rather me not do that. ( not the strong “You are beautiful the way you are” reaction I’d hoped for). Asking for compliments feels like coercion. Yet, how can we get needs met without asking? How can I past the belief that I will never be beautiful enough for him?
How and when did “feeling beautiful” become a need? A nice fantasy maybe, but the reality is that most people aren’t “beautiful” so why place emotional pressure on someone else to validate your neediness, especially if they have to lie to do so?
Sorry, but thats an opinion, and others believe that people are beautiful. And to call someone "needy" probably needs a rewatch of the video above. @joygibbons5482
Nothing wrong with wanting validating from your man. Regarding the enhancements to your body. Find a creative way to express that desire slowly over time, while assuring it's for both your benefit and keep getting closer.
You don't need to be beautiful according to an external standard, your partner simply needs to validate they accept you "just the way you are," warts and all. Remember, plenty of regular-looking people are in happy marriages. As for thinking plastic surgery would help, that's absolutely false and indicates lack of inner confidence on your part. You yourself have a lot of work to do to not look for a supposed easy solution to your problem. Altering the outside doesn't change the fundamental you inside, and plenty of people have surgically mutilated (enhanced) themselves and found it didn't fix the problem at all. Best of luck to you, there's a lot for you to ponder and work on.
Why would anyone care about whats good for their relationship. This means nothing to anyone else. Any couple can say what makes a good relationship for them. Doesn't mean it will help the next couple. Every relationship has their own ways of what makes it work. There are absolutely no secrets or experts
Unfortunately, they don’t practice what they preach: they started answering one question each, but sure enough, she took over and Dr John had to just listen. To us, the audience, it’s a clear sign of him just agreeing silently because she gets passionate and even repeats herself without giving him a turn to talk.She’s trying to tell us the opposite of what she is doing… Notice towards the 3rd part of the video when he says “ Are you done?” And instead of recognizing that she’s struggling to stop speaking in circles and losing audience , she takes on a “not happy’ body language and does it again, interjecting on the little time he could actually give us some advice. No disrespect but he should be taking the lead ( based on he’s the one with the audience after 50 years of experience). Julie, at the very least give him 50% of the talking time or you’ll lose us all. Leading by example is key because we are looking forward to strengthen our skills in a relationship @johngottman @juliegottman
I didn't find her talking in circles, and asking if she's finished the point she was trying to convey is a good check in and respect for a flowing conversation. They both are integral researchers in what they're discussing, but if you're looking for more just Dr John's presentations he does have quite a few on youtube or their site. I love the interplay they have, as they both have a perspective on the same very complex subject. ❤
In addition, John has mentioned she was the one with the clinical experience. And they both started the research together. I find their understanding of how each other communicate, and seeing John’s admiration for Julie as she speaks tells us all we need to know. Married for 35 years, acknowledging each other, admiring one another through expression and action, their love is definitely one to aspire to.
Great interview! Learned a lot!
I also really liked how you were all talking with each other, as friends and with respect (no arrogance),
which is such a good example. You all put into practice the Gottman Method. Well done!
John is cool, calm and collected a true General only speaking when needed to clarify or add substance to what his wife says and the conversation in general
The role plays were amazing! They just made me realize I stonewalled my partner without realizing it. Thank you! ❤
We hope you LOVE this episode. If you haven't yet, please make sure to subscribe to our channel and hit the notification bell beneath the video so you can get our next episodes and clips right away! Here are the chapters for this episode. Chapters:
00:00 - Intro
02:20 - What is fascinating about love?
04:42 - Why do relationships seem so complicated?
06:35 - The Love Prescription
08:51 - We all have emotional baggage
12:12 - Put money in your emotional bank account
15:36 - The repair phase
19:38 - Role play: Bidding for attention
27:00 - How to talk through conflict
33:17 - A formula for healthy conflict
36:13 - The four predictors of an unsuccessful relationship
51:33 - Re-igniting love in your relationship
58:20 - What is love?
Thanks so much, I love this episode.
You are great!!! I love reading your books and love listening to your podcasts. Thank you ❤
I'm in awe, watching this. So very good!
32:20. I teared up hearing this.
This was such a great podcast episode, thanks Michael & the Gottmans for this collab!
Very insightful and, frankly, an unrecognized topic to the mainstream public. I didn't realize that Covid has caused damage to people already in relationships. Which, of course, then impacts many other people, directly or indirectly.
I love the words of seeing this happening after marriage. I’m curious. If one of those couples who did not meet the other partners bid for connection during the crucial time… how is there repairs for now trying to fix those moments they missed out on ?
In my view they are the 'gold standard' of relationships.
I’ve learned so much in this episode. Thank you so much ❤
I’m in a catch 22. After catching my husband with porn, he has suddenly become attentive/great in every way, whereas he was indifferent before ( a kind roommate for years). I’m 61 years old and feel unattractive because he barely noticed me before I caught him. I verbalize my need to feel beautiful, so he does compliment me. When I mentioned plastic surgery, he said he didn’t want it to look fake and we would revisit the subject later although he’d rather me not do that. ( not the strong “You are beautiful the way you are” reaction I’d hoped for). Asking for compliments feels like coercion. Yet, how can we get needs met without asking? How can I past the belief that I will never be beautiful enough for him?
May God Bless your situation and give God strength. I know how this feels deeply sorrowful…
How and when did “feeling beautiful” become a need? A nice fantasy maybe, but the reality is that most people aren’t “beautiful” so why place emotional pressure on someone else to validate your neediness, especially if they have to lie to do so?
Sorry, but thats an opinion, and others believe that people are beautiful. And to call someone "needy" probably needs a rewatch of the video above. @joygibbons5482
Nothing wrong with wanting validating from your man. Regarding the enhancements to your body. Find a creative way to express that desire slowly over time, while assuring it's for both your benefit and keep getting closer.
You don't need to be beautiful according to an external standard, your partner simply needs to validate they accept you "just the way you are," warts and all. Remember, plenty of regular-looking people are in happy marriages.
As for thinking plastic surgery would help, that's absolutely false and indicates lack of inner confidence on your part. You yourself have a lot of work to do to not look for a supposed easy solution to your problem. Altering the outside doesn't change the fundamental you inside, and plenty of people have surgically mutilated (enhanced) themselves and found it didn't fix the problem at all.
Best of luck to you, there's a lot for you to ponder and work on.
Wawww Thank You ❤
Why would anyone care about whats good for their relationship. This means nothing to anyone else. Any couple can say what makes a good relationship for them. Doesn't mean it will help the next couple. Every relationship has their own ways of what makes it work. There are absolutely no secrets or experts
Why bother?
Unfortunately, they don’t practice what they preach: they started answering one question each, but sure enough, she took over and Dr John had to just listen.
To us, the audience, it’s a clear sign of him just agreeing silently because she gets passionate and even repeats herself without giving him a turn to talk.She’s trying to tell us the opposite of what she is doing…
Notice towards the 3rd part of the video when he says “ Are you done?” And instead of recognizing that she’s struggling to stop speaking in circles and losing audience , she takes on a “not happy’ body language and does it again, interjecting on the little time he could actually give us some advice.
No disrespect but he should be taking the lead ( based on he’s the one with the audience after 50 years of experience). Julie, at the very least give him 50% of the talking time or you’ll lose us all.
Leading by example is key because we are looking forward to strengthen our skills in a relationship
@johngottman
@juliegottman
I didn't find her talking in circles, and asking if she's finished the point she was trying to convey is a good check in and respect for a flowing conversation. They both are integral researchers in what they're discussing, but if you're looking for more just Dr John's presentations he does have quite a few on youtube or their site. I love the interplay they have, as they both have a perspective on the same very complex subject. ❤
1 more reason there are absolutely no experts in the subject. Every couple has an opinion on what's good or bad for them
In addition, John has mentioned she was the one with the clinical experience. And they both started the research together. I find their understanding of how each other communicate, and seeing John’s admiration for Julie as she speaks tells us all we need to know. Married for 35 years, acknowledging each other, admiring one another through expression and action, their love is definitely one to aspire to.
Also, keeping the score on how much this or that person speaks sounds toxic. Hopefully, you’re not doing that with your partner or family.