How To Overcome Regret - Daniel Pink
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- Опубликовано: 1 июн 2024
- Daniel Pink is a psychologist, speaker and an author.
Regret is the most common negative emotion humans talk about. It's even the second most common overall emotion which we talk about after love. And yet our relationship with it is pretty terrible. Having no regrets is not only a bad tattoo from the 90's but also a philosophy that robs us of valuable insights from life.
Expect to learn the most common types of regrets people have in life, whether action or inaction is the cause of most suffering, how Daniel suggests we can grow past our regrets, why never looking backward is limiting our growth, how people believe in both free will and things happening for a reason and much more...
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#psychology #regret #growth
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00:00 Intro
00:22 Modern Society’s Issue with Regret
06:55 The Opposite of Regret
15:36 Painful Inaction & Moral Regret
25:14 Dealing with Negative Emotions
37:59 Connection Regrets
43:00 Agency
50:40 Value of an Enemy
55:47 Where to Find Daniel
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Divine timing as always Chris. I’ve been doing a lot of self improvement work recently and one of the things that often comes up during the beginning stages of this is regret. I really needed to hear this.
He's describing the difference between remorse and regret. Regret is a fruitless wish to change the past. Remorse is recognizing when and what you did wrong and learning from it. I have remorse. Not regret. Try it.
Yeah it's a poor framing, you can't regret deterministic physics, this entire discussion doesn't get down to the heart of the issue which is binary inputs/outputs. Your brain makes mental models, try to learn, that's all you can do.
remorse is the sadness of regret. same thing lmao
/im very smart
@@John_Doe742 If you understood what was said you would refute it simply.
To me remorse is something we express when we do serious harm in our family or community - it is like a non verbal way of asking for forgiveness from the other.
Regret is purely personal - this may be the only real difference between the words really.
17:30 Chris defines anxiety cost. Listen people, this is deep. Good anthropological observation Chris. Thanks.
Agreed, but for night people, during the night before, we get anxiety over having to wake up early or do something first thing in the day when we're barely functional and worry about waking up on time.
Thanks for the time stamp
I often feel embarrassment rather than regret about my past choices, it often haunts me even though where I am today is a good place , I have never caused anybody any harm but still the nagging anxiety and embarrassment lingers
I think Regret is the deeper feeling under embarrassment.
I’m the same
11:50 stayed in crappy job regret
11:59 play it safe or take the chance
12:43 barely anyone regrets being bold
13:32 existentialism drives boldness regrets
I totally agree with the anxiety concept, it took me years to realize it but it is definitely true for me anyways.
@@chillie000
That if you know you should be doing something it is best to get on and do it because if you dont it will be in the back of your mind causing you anxiety even if it is in a small way.
@@chillie000 cheers
This was surprisingly so HELPFUL! Just downloaded his book and doing a deep dive into all things Dan Pink. Another home run, Chris. I thoroughly appreciate all you do! Thank you!
Good talk to counterbalance denial and toxic positivity.
Great chat. I was getting some Goldblum vibes from this guy, and I'm all for it
There are regrets to live with to the end of life, those things you didn't do but also things you did for example circumcision in adulthood for me. There are days the regret haunts me to the point of considering death but I choose to persevere every time.
❤️, we are by the way a product of our environment. That included the likely hood of decisions. So I wouldnt beat up yourself for that. Maybe use it too warn others so their likelyhood of making that decsision would decrease.
why did you get circumcised in adulthood and why do you regret it
@@bryce8793 They chopped the entire mushroom head off
This is so unbelievable well timed and needed - thank you sirs!!! This - and processing negative emotions in general - is something we don’t talk about enough so thank you for this conversation. Beautiful.
This is one of the best videos I've seen for self help. I think regret is a major source of depression so that's why it needs to be addressed properly. Thanks!
When you feel that you have done something unforgivable, forgive yourself.
I used to be on the "I don't regret anything" train. And then I fucked up. It hurts. I was thinking too long term, and I didn't value my connection with other people enough. I've been teetering on the edge of rumination for months now. Some action regrets you can't really undo. You can only pick a new path and hope its not as miserable.
Daniel if you really haven't ever visited Turkey, I'm in Istanbul. Happy to show you around. That's one regret nobody should experience :D
I don't have no regrets because I did everything I could have at that point in time. Maybe there's regrets for the circumstances out of my influence, but if there are missed opportunities I would have done that on purpose, delt with, processed and grown from all at the same time.
Then again I have no problems with confrontation because I'm a problem solver.
Brilliant, this really resonates with me… Years ago, I experienced a near death experience (omitting some details). Personally, one of the hardest hitting moments of my life. I suddenly found myself face to face with death, contending with the unexpected, the unknown. Contemplating my path in life, reflecting on how I could have done better, how things might have turned out differently if I had only made different choices; if I had lived to my true potential. I truly felt regret in the realist sense. What legacy did I leave behind? What story would be told about the life I had lived. I wondered what would happen to my family. Would they grieve? Would they remember me years after I’m gone? And then I asked myself this question.. despite all of the things I regretted, despite not being the best person in every situation, despite my innumerable flaws, did my existence have an overall impact on the lives of those around me? Was it possible that despite the heavy weight of regret I was feeling, that what little I did right had made life better for those around me. I looked into the future and I saw two distinct paths. A future where I was gone, and it’s potential for tragedy, pain, and hell; and then I saw a future where I lived, a future that was bright and full of potential. I desired to survive no matter what, that I didn’t want to leave things the way they were. I wanted to strive towards that potential, but I could no longer control the situation. I couldn’t die like this. But yet I was dying like this. My brain just couldn’t comprehend the situation i was in. So many things run through your mind in these moments, it’s true that your life flashes before your eyes. It’s sad really, because the veil is lifted from you, and you see through the dream you were living in up until that point.. the lies you tell yourself, your insecurities, the pathology that clouded your vision, it all dissipates. They say that people discover their true selves in the face of death… I found this to be true. The only thing that is left is your naked soul, your true self is revealed, and it is placed on the stands for judgement. I swore to myself that if I survived I would live without regrets. That doesn’t mean avoiding regret, instead i mean no matter how many times I stumbled and fell, no matter how hard the path was, I would put my all into everything I did. I would strive to fulfill my true potential, I would strive for that higher ideal, truly live to the best of my ability, and make a positive impact on the lives of others. I decided that if I survived I would strive towards something higher, I would strive towards that potential. I prayed as hard as any man can pray... These moments seemingly passed by slowly, time almost stood still. I had to look at the reality of the situation, there were no cards left in the deck. I couldn’t do anything about it now. I looked at my family, and the only thing I wanted to express was my love for them, I wanted to thank them and I regretted a future where I couldn’t be there to support them. The only last words I could think of was that I loved them. My breathing got shallower, consciousness drifted above my body into an empty darkness. Loneliness, sadness, regret… then I suddenly felt something indescribable, it was almost like music. I felt energy resonating through me suddenly, as if it were conveying words. I felt it like you would feel the sun on a cool spring morning as it rises in the sky to embrace everything in a soft warmth. The words “everything will be okay. Do not cry. It is not your time.” The darkness was simultaneously pierced by a blinding light and I felt as though my consciousness snapped back into my body. I was in the ambulance. My body was hooked up to all kinds of IVs and machinery. Everything for the next couple weeks was a daze. I survived, and I truly believe that this experience changed my perceptions on life. Find myself constantly contemplating deep philosophical ideas on morality, the nature of consciousness, paychology, etc. I decided to further my education and went to university, got a degree in computer science, and had the opportunity to experience various fields of study. I still fall short and experience times of doubt, anxiety, hesitation, but I always put my best foot forward. I always stand back up whenever I’m knocked down. There is a constant redemptive theme playing out, an eternal call to adventure, a future worth sacrificing for, and striving towards the most high. Life is a constant struggle between good and evil, and that battleground is to be fought within your own heart. As Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn once said, “The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either - but right through every human heart”
“What Solzhenitsyn figured out in the 20th C. Is that if you live a pathological life, you Pathologize your society, and if enough people do that then it’s Hell.”
- Jordan Peterson
"Himself, he who conquers, the mightiest warrior is." - Yoda
Chris, you are amazing. This guy is too arrogant to listen too. Can’t wait for your next discussion.
What lies behind you and what lies in front of you, pales in comparison to what lies inside of you.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I regret I smoked during more than 20 years but as I'm fatalistic I say to myself that I had to smoke forcibly because It was part of my destiny. I believe that we are all fated and that regrets are a waste of time and energy. We are lived by a fate in a autopilot mode. The free will we have is very thin I think.
I believe in semi-free will.
Our likelyhood of our environment is the result og social interaction and experienced.
Awesome conversation!
I feel like this interview will help me in the future. Thank you.
Ok by the end of the video Daniel has won me over. 😄
Great episode, as always. I have so many regrets😢
“He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” - Confucius
It seems like a lot of action/inaction regret can depend on the framing. As Chris says, there's a lot of opportunity cost e.g. do you go to the gym, do you go to the party or do you study. It doesn't matter which one you choose, or how good your outcomes are, it's easy to imagine better outcomes had you done one of the alternatives. If you spent a lot of time in the gym and not much time studying it's easy to frame that as either; 'I wish I had studied more' OR 'I wish I hadn't wasted so much time in the gym'.
Anxiety Cost is worth a book Mr. Williamson.
Fantastic
Not sure if this is normal. My biggest regret is that, as a young man, I didn't enlist in the Army. I flew straight through university and went straight to law school. I later joined as an Officer (special staff, direct commission). But I regret never having served in the Infantry.
I would not regret that. The army is funded by selling wepons for war. Many have killed and tortured innocent people with the funding.
Im lazy, I love it, Im chillin, Im not regretting it. Im no improving. Just livin life and being in the moment. Not comparing myself to others. Why should I. Im not them. They already exist. Should we all be that way? Am I now a bad person? Am I now not living to my full potential? What does that even mean?
Who is making us regret? Capitalism? People?
If you’re not on drugs or have a super fucked diet your hormones should accurately tell you how to live according to you.
I only feel regret in the backward path. The future is a mystery.
Never regret your regrets. Accept your dumb shit and move on.
you got him all worked up. 😂
The heck with that.
Ignorance is bliss.
Amen!
dude reminds me of bob saget
RIP.
1:25
Or people that truly believe that we don't have free will. I have 0 regrets. It's not a good thing, lol.
Do you still crush push workouts with Joe Delaney?
For the algo 🚀
Stephen Colbert? Is that you? :o)
Jokes aside, I Enjoyed this. Thank you!
I thought it was Bob Saget
👏👏👏👏
Before I watch thumbnail take: Is this Bob Saget?
Drinking game: drink every time they say "regret."
(You might regret it)
Has anyone here read 'Crime and Punishment'?
I don't believe in regret. Shit happens, you learn and move on. Regret it is useless since you can’t change it. But you can learn and keep moving. And at the moment the choice you made what was useful at the moment.
What about guilt?
@@toughr1506 it is the same. Guilt is something for the moment. After a while, you cannot change it. I try to do better.
@@Zarih67 cool. I’m envious of this ability.
😭😭😭😭
Whoever said Americans are unnecessarily loud is crazy.
Dear Chris, you don't fully understand what's going on or have any real solutions for the sake of all people's of the world. Let's talk ❤🙏
Who hurt you? Who taught you that lesson? Same thing different framing.
Sounds like what the bible has been saying for thousands of years. I think most people over intellectualize the issues you are talking about. Move forward, stop making excuses and don't stop until you arrive where you want to be. As your doing it, analyze the process and you will have a PHD in "self improvement". This idea of "self compassion' is- replace Jesus with yourself.
I hope Daniel regrets his audio quality.