How to Set Boundaries: 7 Tips for the Spiritually Awake (Dealing w/ Difficult People in Your Life)
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- Опубликовано: 25 авг 2023
- I have to say, I dealt with a lot of codependent relationships. After my spiritual awakening, I saw the imbalance in these relationships, so I started cutting people off. But then later on, I wised up. I started managing relationships in a much more graceful way. I learned to put up healthy psychological boundaries and use space and distance, while still keeping a friendly connection with people I know can be draining. In this video I share my story and how I set boundaries more gracefully.
Watch my previous video on this topic:
"5 Signs Your Friend Is Draining Your Energy"
• 5 Signs Your Friend Is...
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Imagine someone is struggling with a jigsaw puzzle and you discover one of the pieces in your pocket. Most people would want to return it to the owner so they can complete the puzzle and achieve their goal. Often when we intervene prematurely to help others (finishing the puzzle for them, for example) we don’t realize we’re actually stealing their ah-ha moments for growth.
This pattern has been a constant in me for the longest time (my entire life, actually). Now that I am aware of it, in my late 30s, I am learning to listen to my needs and feelings first, spot one-sided relationships and play a different role so these dynamics don't actually have a lot of room to exist ❤
I’ve always been empathetic and felt that I needed to help fix peoples’ problems. Since I’ve been on my awakening journey I realized that there is a certain arrogance in thinking I could fix things for others. The clarity I’ve found in letting go and living in the moment seems simple to me, but for others who are not at that point in their journeys my telling them what they should do did more harm than good. I still care and listen but I no longer try to fix things.
I'm codependent because I don't like to see others struggle, and it increases my sense of self-worth when I help others. Your points about letting others learn their lessons on their journey, including how to self-soothe, really hit me hard. I might be preventing their struggle in the moment, but if they don't learn the lesson because I stood in the way, I may actually be setting them up for prolonged struggles as the lessons repeat themselves. Thank you so much for your insights, Rei.
Beat advice I can give is don't interrupt people's karma (loved one or otherwise). It may not be that extreme but same message. I do this to my BF. I love him, but I had to learn I couldn't be his savior all the time.
I've also read somewhere before, that that can cause bad karma on you, if awake someone too soon. That may be the same karmic laws for this type of situation. This info is very eye opening
I realized almost all my relationships were co-dpendant and it was because I had low self worth. "Fixing" them made me feel good about myself but at one point I realized how wrong that was. I would never want anyone to call me Their friend if they felt I needed fixing. So I stopped. I went into looking at accepting them for who and where they were. The hard part is I realized a couple of them we had nothing in common when I wasn't focusing on their pain. Setting boundaries is so much easier when I remind myself that it is Their pain not mine. My job is to take people how and where they are. Sometimes that friendships, sometimes it's acquaintances.
“If there’s a biting animal….” OMG that’s the best advice! ❤
I’ve recently cut off ties with friends and acquaintances who were draining to me the ones who don’t understand me and kept telling me I need to get over my trauma and issues that I have no control of. My daughter died 5 years ago at 28 yo and this so called friend told me I needed to move on. I was tired of constantly hearing her say this to me, but I’ve been much happier without her in my life and I don’t miss her. I think that was when I finally learned how to set boundaries with toxic people
Your my Guru ❤❤❤❤❤❤😊 you use easy to understand examples.
You need to set boundaries...because some thinks...oh...she's/He's all giving!! All forgiving!!
They've "confused" kindness with "All giving/ All forgiving"!!
I need this
I don’t get how this is spiritual this is 100 mental big difference
Another extremely relatable video.❤️
I think some friendships/relationships are best gone, not with hate in heart but with understanding that their role in our life was just that. Also, people like us feel that being empathetic (and all of that which u mentioned) without any boundaries, is like a virtue that is to be upheld, we really need to come out of that too. Its not a virtue, it's unhealthy!!
I can understand "the friend" in this one. When someone starts telling me about their life, I tend to talk about the same things that has been happening to me thinking that I am connecting with that person. I feel like I have to offer advice or endure awkward silence so if I have no advice for them, it ends up "being about me" I guess. People don't understand that I am only trying to connect with them.
I'm now in the time that I already cutt all them off. I acted so rude like not answering the phone or emails for years now. I couldn't understand exactly why but I couldn't be there anymore. Very recently I started to learn how to set boundaries and I feel I'll be ready for people. I didn't know even the concept of boundaries all my life since I grew up with another families and experienced many abuses including sexual and couldn't tell to no one
Thanks Rei! This was super helpful. Yup, did the people pleasing codependent thing. Thankfully, no more. I no longer let other peoples drama become my own. At first, putting up boundaries felt mean and awkward. Still practicing, but WAY better. ❤
Great video Rei, so much synchronicity, I wrote this thought yesterday 😊
A lot of people don't want solutions, they want sympathy, cause one requires effort and the other gives them an excuse but the truth is nobody gives a fuck about your feelings except you, you're only prolonging your issue, so you can cry all you want but don't wait forever, cause nobody's going to save you from your problems except you
I’m still learning how to deal with people. At the moment I am alone and learning to be by myself because I cut most of the people my life were I saw I was pleasing just to help o to be liked so everyone felt happy. I realized that many of the people in my life were thinking about themselves and not even thinking about how drained and tired I ended after our meetings. In the past I didn’t know what was happening. Now I know, but now I don’t have anyone around me. How funny! After been around a lot of people now it’s like I’m someone I don’t even recognize. This is new for me but I’m sure something new and good is emerging from all of this. Probably to develop much healthier connections. ❤thank you Rei you explained your feelings so well that I can easily relate 🙏
💯 I totally relate
I can relate! Thank you for sharing. 🌸
I have been tested to implement the lessons learned during the last three years. I did it though, put my boundaries in place, had my red flags. Two friends crossed the line with their vile and unwelcome remarks when just being diagnosed with breast cancer. They are out of my life now. I did the walking away in a very loving non aggressive way. Having a cancer diagnosis shone the light on cracks in my relationships but also brought out more love and kindness from people. It is a good test. One cousin does not even have the compassion to wish me well, just ignores me.
This entire video resonates with me because I have experienced and felt everything spoken in it 😢
I’ve found some friendships like this hard to walk away from. And I think sometimes, when I’m heightened, I can be a drain on others also. But because I can see their good I don’t want to lose them all together, but I have been struggling with boundaries and creating a safe mental health space for me at the same time
I realized some years ago that I made excuses for other people to hurt me. I have noticed the following pattern: at first I got sad and angry and then a couple hours later I started feeling sorry for the person because their life was hard (or something else) and ended up forgiving them. It was confusing and the anger I felt was also against myself for being so permissive. I was so afraid of not being accepted that it was really hard for me to say when something was not ok. When I finnaly started to say those things, it felt like I was expressing accumulated insatisfactions, not only with the person that caused me to hurt at the moment, but for all the hurt accumulated in my life. I was really ashamed at this point, because the emotions were so strong that I cried when I was talking about an issue. I still struggle to impose boundaries, but its a process and it is getting better. I can move away from some people, but not from others, like co-workers, for example. I don't cry anymore when I express myself and I don't worry so much about what others will think about what I say. Also, I try to address the issue at the moment, rather than saying things based on the sh*t I have accumulated (that is not other people's fault, anyway). I understand now that it is my responsibility to speak for myself, including the stablishment of boundaries. It was the result of learning from friends and going to psychological therapy.
Random, but I love the way she says "years" ☺️
According to me after spiritual awakening, we become detached to people & attached to God. If that x,y,z person is not from family then we can completely cut off from them and try to explain ourselves that they came into our lives coz God sent them for a purpose, and that persose is done. So we no longer need to hold them.
And if the person is from family, so all we can do is try to love ourselves & not to give our energy to them. Staying silent & focusing your our purpose with peace and dedication is all that we can focus on.
Learning to be more comfortable in my space and create distance (which i thought was avoidance) withe draining energies. Its not always easy but now i have a guide.
I have found through my path that as i have become more spiritually aware and incarnated/ grounded within my body, that my understanding and need for boundaries is completely different than most people. Yes there are always new things to learn, hence why i love watching your videos. In essence I find that there is a pretty even split between who I attract and who I repulse. So when meeting new people it is usually one or the other, people who are hot and cold are more difficult, in that they are usually drawn in and then become afraid or insecure or fearful and then push away. This can cause a lot of strife within both of us as they find themselves wanting to be close, but don't have the self knowledge yet to truly pursue it. This is where the boundaries really come into play as it usually ends with silence on my end. And like you said cutting people off is a really great idea, but usually not sustainable. So my work around is that I will take regular breaks from people, not just cutting a tie, but announcing that I will essentially be unreachable for "x" amount of time and if the problem or dynamic persists after the break, then I will just phase out of their lives, usually by changing my vibration.
More balanced relationships are so much easier to tend, once one has the perception that they can speak honestly safely all the time, no exceptions. Unlike the situation above, these relationships are easily maintained for me, because there is an agreement in the beginning that we only speak our truth and if there is a level understanding, it is always a safe space to recognize and ask qualifying questions as you or they need. Yes there can always be problems within the relationship, but because there is that level inherent trust and knowing that as long as the truth of self is being spoken, without the egoic need for dominance or victimization. Then anything can be said or discussed. And yes sometimes we need to vent or complain or feel like the victim to assuage self imposed needs, but that's ok as long as it is not all the time and you dedicate a certain amount of space for it. Like you said, a certain amount of time.
thank you, and sorry for writing a short book.
Z
This has helped me a lot ! I have a new friend that is so demanding and I realized after a month how draining it is …. 😅
I’m literally in this cutting off phase rn. More like gently letting unhealthy/draining people go or keeping them far. It’s fucking DRAINING when they don’t wanna be constructive about their issues and they continue complaining and being angry.
I’m staying in my lane
Same finally learning this
im learning to release my connection with my father and not feel guilty.. thank you for this 😭
I had to do this with my entire family.
I do not regret it.
They refused to stop treating me like the child they abused for decades.
I felt guilty at first, then I realized they ONLY wanted me around to abuse in an attempt to make themselves feel better.
Same here 😢
@@asasial1977good on leaving them but I hope you forgave them
Same. I feel like I'm always the helper, the emotionally supportive person and the listener. Noone can adequately support me the same way I do for others.
This is really wise and full of insights. Thank you. This was my pattern for a long time but I think it's in the past now. (I'm almost 70 so about time!😊) I noticed that part of my reason for being the listener was arrogance, of needing to be the strong one, the one with no problems, the one who always knew best. Yes, that backfired over and over again!😊
I'm learning to become more detached, and stop trying to rescue people, because ultimately, I've realised over the years that you can't anyway. Plus, lessons are more powerful when people learn it themselves in their own divine timing. Like you said, I speak into the ether, and I detach from what they do with it, and trust that whatever they do, they are on their highest path, even though it may not look like it at the time to my ego.
Thank you, I had been like you in my past and then I have been very toxic and uninterested in any relationship and develop avoidance relationship style.
Now, I try to improve myself and feel better. I think this is ending of my journey and entering the new page of my life. Finding this video make me realise more on my pattern. Thank you very much.
Very correct points again.
Some emotionally immature people will make us feel guilty for being self-loving.
Never fall into that trap. Though empths will fall prey to all that. Then work hard to come out.
This is SO good Rei! I'm so grateful for people like you spreading such important messages in the most digestible way! This is more validation that it's okay for me to put as much distance as I need between me and my parents. This past week, I've had some very deep rage come to the surface, still in it, and it's screaming at me to never live with my folks again. I'm receiving confirmation after confirmation supporting my anger's message. Thank you!
I am also in the same exact boat as you. just moved back home and im mindblown still at the fact of how they treat me. it's hard. to accept. parts of doesn't want to believe the truth. but I know now that ii deserve so much better. and I have loving reltionshipsi my life!
@@TheChoice2121 Absolutely, we do deserve so much better! I don't believe our parents are bad people, they probably mean well, but the generation gap is real, and living with them is living in the past. I understand now that it's best for everyone if I love them from a far distance. Best wishes to your situation, things will get lighter and brighter!
Let’s talk about it…I swear this is my life
You might get a sort of
" preview " of the nature of a relationship very early ...
and it would serve you to really read this correctly and act accordingly...
I thought that perhaps a lingering feeling about something being " off " might change if we spend more time together - but it never did, the very first intuitive impression or sign always proved to be right in the end - no matter how many hours and
years ( ! ) of working on getting to know them better
I invested...Much pain could have been avoided if I had trusted that better knowing ( even if that means you say no to someone without
really being able to explain it - it might just save your life or sanity or many wasted years...)
I needed to hear this as I have a new friend who does not know how to self soothe and depends on me to listen to all her anxieties and fears. I need to set boundaries and let her learn to soothe herself
I am shocked. I thought I was the problem whole this time. I am currently at the stage where I cut almost all relationships except important ones. Thank you for this video. I am hoping to start bonding with people with healthy boundaries and learning to leave it after meet up.
I patiently wait. ❤️🙏
Thanks Rei-I really appreciated hearing this!👍
I was needing this 😢. Of course near the peak of the full moon in Pisces. You’re amazing
Divine timing once again💚.
This is my lesson right now. Thanks for creating these Rei !
Your animation skills display a great capacity to capture and convey emotional meaning. Through facial expressions, body language and actions, you illustrate what is/has been going on in the 'closed doors' of the mind. Thank you for sharing your wisdom through these talents. Your channel is highly underrated.
✨Regards,
Pete🙏
I was in the relationship with kinda equal balance but I was overwhelmed and unintentionally abused by that person. She lacked of some kind of empathy - about emotional and physical comfort - didn't listen when I told her to stop talking about some kind of stuff because she noticed I didn't judge her for her actions. She also abused me with her mentally ill dogs who hurt me physically, harassed me, my partner, tormented my dog and my cat, she pushed me to watch shows and movies which hurt me emotionally, to share some activities I didn't want to. I've set boundaries and our relationship survived but I know it will not be the same close like it was before.
👏🏾 BRILLIANT. Just what I needed. Thank you, thank you, thank you!❤
Row your own boat is the lesson I learned.Thanks R❤
Rei, I really enjoy your videos, the drawings and the insights! Thank you so much!
I'm just learning at 48
Same, same Rei! 🙌🏼 Great video and well put as always!
I’m beginning to listen to how I feel about anything. And that creates immediate boundaries whereas before I’d ignore my intuition and end up being drained or crappy one sided relationships too 😆😅.
U just read my mind .. I was looking for self defense
@regardsrei I’ve been struggling with this all my life . As an empath , always have been non judgmental, best listener etc.. when my needs aren’t met , I’ve learned to try and distance myself -but then felt guilt about not giving unconditional love - meaning not expecting anything in return .
I’ve learned that also includes myself , I have to put my needs first meaning not let my good energy be drained , esp by those who are not respectful to my needs . Unconditional love doesn’t mean unconditional tolerance of dismissing your needs. ✨
This so reallllllll. Your channel resonates so much
This really helps-TY. I have been in difficult relationships and had to cut ties, but I've just realised that sometimes I have been the difficult one, who hasn't reciprocated enough. The tips for boundaries are great-TY. Love your vids=v inspiring and informative. x🌹x
These are really great tips that I am going to use!
OMG! This is sooooooo helpful!! Thank you so much for this video!!❤
Excellent tips! Thank you! I needed this! 😃💕💗
I used to be a fixer 🤦♀️ but no one really cares what you are going through, when you are fixer lol we are taught lessons in life to help us and the only person who can learn from it is yourself 😊
Fantastic Video!! Thankyou very much for it.
The one thing that has helped me is to Become Fully Self Aware (or as Self Aware as possible). Consciously Self Aware (not just sub-consciously).
7:29-7:38 is just uuuugh so perfect for this season in my life 🫶🏾
Good day. Yes, I understand and have experienced the same. Comprehensive video and expression, as you looked at these incidents from all the anqles with wisdom and love. This is an excellent and useful guide. Thank you.
I've always wondered why I felt like I needed to help everyone that had a problem. I always felt bad because I always put myself in their shoes whether I wanted to or not. That's when I discovered through my spiritual journey that I was an empath. That gave me a new perspective on my emotions and learned how to deal with them. Great video, I feel like this was a new piece to the puzzle of self discovery, thank you
Oh dear! I'm in the stage where I'm cutting ties with everyone and I don't have any idea on how to build relationships. Honestly there are so many believes that broke, that I feel so lost right now.
thank u! so well put.
Love it! Not to be afraid of feeling fear of criticism or someone’s anger helps me) I mean to tolerate it enough. Because even when I know this person will understand me this fear comes when I choose myself.. And lots of practice helps!
This is so true ❤
wow!So helpful!
This is amazing, thank you ❤
Good video Rei. You nailed it. Thank you for all that you do.Peace♥
❤
Thank you so much! I thought I was the only one. This is soooo relatable. Much Love ❤❤❤
❤
Its so much relatable God bless you❤
Your videos are so amazing ❤
#6 is a very interesting way of looking at it. Talking to the 'ethers of their subsconscious' - loved how you phrase it - instead of forcing the other to understand your current perspective. That was very helpful and insightful. Thank you!
❤
Same thing used to happen to me so i cut them off, i was drained and exhausted, tired of being used, they kind of disappeared… I now know how to handle them now but I had to be alone for some time first
Waiting
💕💕💕💕 My favorite is the power of walking away…I practice that on a daily. 😂 💗 you Rei… looking forward to your next video. 🥰
❤
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 💕🙏🏼
Thank you, i love your videos
Thank You ❤
THANKS FOR MAKING THIS OMG. Rei, from evolve…?
Do you have any videos or even advice on not to feel guilty for when you’re either expressing yourself or even doing something for your self?
I'd love to see a video on codependency.
Rei can you make guidance on financial worries while on an awakening especially when family is pressuring you to get a job or move?
This video is the story of my life😅
Same ❤
I love to be there for people around me...but after that i maintain a distance...because i have learned a lesson that...even God's help those who help themselves...so i can not fix there problems....what i can do is....be there for them(not always...not when they need Attention)..but give them suggestion or trick to get out of these problems..... and maintain i health distance afterwards....because i am not there teacher...i can wish them best...i can't force them to get out of their hell....it's there work...
Rest if i say about me...if i tell them my problems....they do crazy things to help ....which are more distructive
In my opinions...so i avoid such convos with them...
Let go those kind
I don't like that approach because it would mean that if some of our friends going through depression or other mental health issues we should just leave them and go care about ourselves.
What do i do when i feel like i am the toxic one in my co-dependent life…
Learning about your own toxic tendencies and unlearning them is the most difficult path one ends up in…
Hi Rei, hope your doing well…just was wondering are you creating more videos soon ie: before the holidays 😅 I’m sure it takes a lot of time to produce your video cause it’s so polished 🥰 and I was SO obsessed I watched all of them 😂 and looking forward to your next masterpiece 💕 I subscribed & also turned on the notification but I was just wondering if your working on anything new 😊 so I have something to look forward too 😆 take care Rei and I’m looking forward to your reply 💕
Aww, you're so sweet, thank you, I'm so happy you're resonating with my content! 🥰Yes, I will be publishing a video this Saturday. Usually, I publish a long-form video every two weeks, and one or two Shorts every week or so.
@@RegardsRei ok got it…it’s good u explain cause I thought the “shorts” are cut & paste from your long videos, seriously before it takes a minute for the world catch on to how valuable your teachings are cause the beauty is that it’s so simple & clear, I’m sure that in itself take a lot of time to scale down blah blah blah 😂 and your graphics always makes me laff too 😆 & u also share your personal experiences which I know can be difficult at times to be so transparent but it’s the cause right so it’s worth it cause I’m just 1 soul u help me transition immensely towards the end of my expansion u know I was in a panic😂now it’s funny but it wasn’t funny while I was going through it 😂😂😂 before u know it you’ll be ROCK STAR status with children’s version of your teaching etc…I hope your copy right EVERYTHING…then you’ll be impossible to reach unless I Astro travel and telepathically tap into your psyche, 😂 I wouldn’t be surprised eventually people will have “volumes” in there homes like the old days Encyclopedia,😂so I really treasure these moments of kindness when you reply 💕 ty & enjoy the rest of your evening 🕊️
@@Seahorsexoxo Thanks for making my night 😁😆🥰
@@RegardsRei 🥰👍🏽🐢💯 sweet dreams 😴
Just stop talking
To them
5:34 howl moment HAHAH
🙏😁
888
😑 *promo sm*
I haven’t found anything wrong with your videos but I suggest instead of calling it spiritual you should call it mental work like dr Michael gervais because spirituality without credit to the Holy Spirit will lead people to the other spirits those of demons