Cool dude's joke An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic syphilis, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic piles, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get back to the front, Sir." "Good man." says the Major. He goes to the next bed. "What's your problem, Soldier?" "Chronic gum disease, Sir" "What treatment are you getting?" "Five minutes with the wire brush each day." "What's your ambition?" "To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?
Kaileb Bastarache Whites, blacks, yellows, reds, etc. aren't either. Racism is just dividing people by looks, ethnics or religion. (might be more reasons but these are the biggest ones).
Mohammed Alkhaldey 1) Swift bucks are basically points you can use during Swift's livestreams to bet (more uses in the future) 2) Every minute you stay in the livestream, you get a Swiftbuck + whenever the Sub Meter fills up after 5 consecutive subs, everyone in the stream gets some Swift Bucks + you win some from bets + you get double Swiftbucks for being a subscriber on Twitch 3) Just sign up for a Twitch account and keep watching his livestreams 4) Nothing really, just for betting and earning more (I guess you try to get the most Swiftbucks)
Viiviifyy Honestly I thought they were pretty funny, so now you can accept my opinion or spaz out like a 12 year-old and say how wrong and retarded i am.
Swift Silencer No, I won't because people have their own since of humor but pretty much nobody was laughing in the lobby so it just doesn't make since to me.
watched it a couple times, the Sargent is talking to 3 injured soldiers and they were all saying their ambition was to get back into the army as soon as possible, the last guys ambition was to get to the wire brush before the other people; a wire brush is basically a brush used in your mouth.
"Thanks for pressing like if you enjoyed the video" makes me dislike. Dont ask for likes you will get them. I will keep disliking until you take it out
Blake Mcknelly the reason they ask for likes (most of the time) is to see if you like the content so they can make more videos. If people don't like the content, they will probably stop putting up those types of videos.
Blake Mcknelly And he's not asking for likes. He's thanking the people that did like it. He's saying that if you enjoyed it and liked it, he thanks you.
Joke Teacher: what does the pig giv3 u student: bacon teacher: what does the chiken give u student:eggs teacher: what does the cow give u student: homework
thank you for your service Martinez
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting meme!
Interrupting meme wh-
DEEZ NUTS! HA GOT EEM
Cool dude's joke
An army major visits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks: "What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic syphilis, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic piles, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get back to the front, Sir."
"Good man." says the Major.
He goes to the next bed.
"What's your problem, Soldier?"
"Chronic gum disease, Sir"
"What treatment are you getting?"
"Five minutes with the wire brush each day."
"What's your ambition?"
"To get the wire brush before the other two, Sir"
Let's just say if you have a shitty mic don't say any thing longer than 2 sentences.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?
I like this joke.
I feel so stupid I dont get it
+CursxR they asked him to make sure he's dead, there's a chance he wasn't dead but he took it the wrong way and made sure he was dead.
its a joke
Buzzfeed
That Midget joke was a little racists
Hehe Little Racist
Get it...
omg please leave XD
Carlos Martinez midgets arnt a race but alright
Kaileb Bastarache Whites, blacks, yellows, reds, etc. aren't either. Racism is just dividing people by looks, ethnics or religion. (might be more reasons but these are the biggest ones).
Carlos Martinez LOL!!
bluecraft2000 Racism is when you get treated differently because of your RACE.
Lets be honest, he never re-watched it to understand the kid.
Am I the only one who didn't understand a single word that CoolDude said?
Nope
Fuck noo
nope
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. ✖️
ikr wtf xD
I went to Walmart and saw an Officer I walked up to him and said Officer and said WHAT ARE THOSE!!?!?! He said sir DEEZ NIKEZ
Ha ha ha deez jokes
Lol
martienez is secretly chuck noris
A duck walks into a bar. What does the duck say????
Nothing it's a duck
Hey u wanna hear a joke?
My life
(Jumps into ocean)
Urgayyyyytbtwmyspacebarbroke nottt
I have another one but different wanna hear a joke
My life (Shoots head)
Moo Snuckel did that in GTA
If you can kill 2 birds with 1 stone well Chuck Norris can kill 2 stones with one bird
Whaths yoir probem soyder
***** lol
***** non ov you can spel :(
***** He meant to spell incorrectly on purpose FYI. have some sense of humor
That's so dog
Josh Costa lol
the grass tickles their balls lamoooo
Lamoooo?
Where did little Sally go during bombing. Every where. LMAO that one got me
Alright here's mine. If apple made cars would they have windows oooooooooooooo
No
Please stop
Ahhhhhh
Luminarty confirm
Dixons joke was hilarious I always come back to watch this just to get a kick off it again lol
It literally took me like 10 minutes to get the 8 sprites joke
"ITouch Kids" I wouldn't have even gave it a 2nd thought if it wasn't a joke that was used, but, now I can't unsee the seen
there was a guy who worked at apple, and his name was sam sung...
That was the worst joke I have heard in my entire life
-_-
I like how Dixon and really large were sitting right by each other
why did sally fall off the swings..... She had no arms
Knock knock
whos there
Not sally haha
That is amazing hahaha
Cooldude sounds like the kid russle from UP LOL 😂
in cod i get more care packages than africa
lol
You are a fucking legend man
Omfg
wow
RGFxHitman wow 😂👌
Dixon Bark violated Nova. Omg. 😂😂😂😂
deez nuts
HHAHAHAHA at 1:13 right when he said "raised a family" his character cleaned his knife hhhahahahha..... oh, man I have dark sence of humor XD
Wade should've won
+skittle bot Yeahhhh lol
True dat party catt
+Xpeirt_- GamerHD no... Just no,..
I'm quoting this joke "my uncle was a circus clown, and all his friends came to the funeral, in 1 car".
What are swift bucks?
How do I get them?
What do I need to do to get them?
What do they do?
Someone please answer my questions :)
Mohammed Alkhaldey
1) Swift bucks are basically points you can use during Swift's livestreams to bet (more uses in the future)
2) Every minute you stay in the livestream, you get a Swiftbuck + whenever the Sub Meter fills up after 5 consecutive subs, everyone in the stream gets some Swift Bucks + you win some from bets + you get double Swiftbucks for being a subscriber on Twitch
3) Just sign up for a Twitch account and keep watching his livestreams
4) Nothing really, just for betting and earning more (I guess you try to get the most Swiftbucks)
Kaelen Cheverier Haha!
Trader Dan Yeah basically!
Chuck Norris can pick an apple from an orange tree and make the best lemonade you have ever tasted!
Under 301+ club
Yay
And so?
a clown walks into a bar and asks the bartender, " I'll have h20". another scientist walks into a bar and says " I'll have h202 (too).
Wuts da poblum sohldju?
Liam Donaldson 😂😂😂
Edit: im dying right now
What would have made palmers joke so much better if he said after the joke was over, "knock knock...(swift)who's there...... Not sally."
The only reason why the air force guy won was because a bunch of people voted for him only because he was in the air force. His jokes sucked.
He won because his jokes involved one man, .......................... CHUCK NORRIS! A-CHUCK-A-NORRIS!
Clay Nagel but the jokes sucked
Viiviifyy Honestly I thought they were pretty funny, so now you can accept my opinion or spaz out like a 12 year-old and say how wrong and retarded i am.
Swift Silencer No, I won't because people have their own since of humor but pretty much nobody was laughing in the lobby so it just doesn't make since to me.
Viiviifyy sence* >:(
That Sally joke is hurting my stomach 😂😂😂😂😂
At 3:00 what the fuck did he say
watched it a couple times, the Sargent is talking to 3 injured soldiers and they were all saying their ambition was to get back into the army as soon as possible, the last guys ambition was to get to the wire brush before the other people; a wire brush is basically a brush used in your mouth.
+Bv I Ding so a tooth brush?
Idk, he just didn't want to share a brush that goes in your mouth with other people Crazydolton10 Plays
Bv I Ding lol k
HAHAHAHA
My god.. The little Sally one was amazing
"Thanks for pressing like if you enjoyed the video" makes me dislike. Dont ask for likes you will get them. I will keep disliking until you take it out
Blake Mcknelly the reason they ask for likes (most of the time) is to see if you like the content so they can make more videos. If people don't like the content, they will probably stop putting up those types of videos.
He never asked. He's thanking you if you did. It's a good system and no one cares about your dislike.
Yet, he has 3000 likes and 43 dislikes.
Blake Mcknelly And he's not asking for likes. He's thanking the people that did like it. He's saying that if you enjoyed it and liked it, he thanks you.
Palmers joke at the finals is so funny
i knew the usa dude was gonna win when he told swift he was in the air force
Jesus may have walked on water but Stephen Hawking's runs on batteries
I WAS IN TEARS WHEN COOLDUDE STARTED TALKING AHAHHWJA
7:57 swiftor champagne glass so fancy
After 1 hour I'm still dying about palmers seconed joke
i keep seeing swifts head in the pool and i keep thinking to myself HES DROWNING OH...nevermind
I just drank water and look again at the video just to see swiftor doing the same LOL
bruh that's crack up swiftor do an mammajoke one
Zaldeys midget joke killed me
Joke Teacher: what does the pig giv3 u student: bacon teacher: what does the chiken give u student:eggs teacher: what does the cow give u student: homework
USA vs Neo sounds like a court case.
The kid at 3:24 voice was hilarious
Poor guy, he tried so hard
the little sally joke made me piss myself
2 wales walk into a bar
The first one goes waaaaaaaa
I'm religious and I still laughed at the nun Jesus joke
10:30 A large wack frog? LOL
That "come" to Jesus made me almost through up
Holy shit that first joke was convoluted xD
This episodes funny as hell
swift you like ohhhhhhhhhh im a big fan of you bro
ha ha ha a deez nuts good joke awesome bro
KNOCK KNOCK
WHOS THERE
DEEZ
DEEZ WHAT
DEEZ NUTS
Dat first joke doe!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
my favorites were the nuns and sally
"Me and this man here have something in common we were both inside his mother"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat??
-The wheelchair =)
one time chuck norris got bit by a snake after 4hrs of really bad pain the snake died
Congrats on 1 million
Somethin came in the mail today "what" (deez nuts）
Zaldey won that shit wtf, that first joke had the longest setup for the stupidest punch line my heart hurts for zald lmao
Swiftor should be a Joker in one of the LOL idols
Palmer's little Sally joke 😂
I don't get it
If you don't get it naturally... You don't deserve getting it
If you can see chuck norris, chuck norris can see you, if u cant see chuck norris then you may be only moments away from death.
Swiftor i really like your videos, thankyou for them :)
why did the chicken cross the road to enter the game of course
did anyone else catch what swiftor said or just me lol "one nuts joke two many"
Thank you for your service Martineez
cool lol the first one made me laugh me pants off xD
LOL Idol Joke Competition - Deez What? (Black Ops 2)
What's worse than a baby in a beril. 1baby in 15 berils
its
Q:why did the squirrel cross the road
A:to get deez nuts
get it squirrels like nuts
Wanna hear a joke??
Arsenal . 😂
DEEZ NUTZ WAS AWESOME
So a black guy and a parrot walk into a bar... The bar tender says oh cool where did you get it? The parrot says...Africa😂😂😂jajajaja!
vanoss watcher alert
Thank you for your service Martinez!!!!!!
I got a Joke:What does Homer Simpson eat. DO-NUTS
What did 1 egg say to the another "hey you know you look like swiftor"
At 3:59 when a bad guy shoots a pump through your wall in fortnite then you die
Here have some Snickers, maybe you can taste some of DEEZ_NUTS Ha Got em
Guys this is a joke to burn someone when they say this: This meat is so big. and you say thats not the biggest meat you've ever eaten. JOKE MASTER
Chuck Norris had kids before his dad had him
Bro miget joke on point I spit my soul out
Why didn't the Skelton crass the road. He Didn't have the guts
I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger... Than it hit me
I forgot how to throw a boomerang... Than it came back to me
Dammit chuck Norris's wins again 😂😂😂
I totally respect him 200% but anyone else feel like Martinez had some marine-lovers voting for him for that reason???
Palmers was funny as hell
Thanks bae
You thought WaCk was going to say a joke about your hair xD
The walnut tree man deez nuts
If Michael Jackson was alive his joke would have won