God knew i needed this today! Thank you so much! Please pray for my marriage. My husband doesn’t understand this, and it's breaking my heart so badly. But this is a new co-worker woman he is caring more about building a friendship with her more than me. He even protects her and not me. He gets sad about her and not me. He inquires about her life but not mine. He even bought her over $200 Christmas gift and not me one, but says she is just a friend and he doesn’t like her and is not having an emotional affair. He's in total denial. He says she talks yo him about her marriage and he won't share qhat they talk about. He talks to her about things he doesnt even tell me, his wife, the mother of his child, the one who cooks and does his laundry, etc. It's too heartbreaking 💔 please pray for my marriage. He just can't understand this concept. I'm so glad you did this video to show I'm not crazy here. God bless you for sharing this. I just want God to be his #1 and then me next. I want to be the #1 woman in his life, for him to care about me, and want to do for me what he does for that co-worker but more because I'm his wife and i care for him far more than she does. So why do i get less? He just can't understand or probably just doesn't care to understand. I'm trying so hard to love him unconditionally and forgive him, but he keeps on talking about her and i can see him getting giddy and joyous only when he talks about her, so it's killing me. He just wants me to be happy for him and his new find friendship but i honestly feel replaced. He even wanted to divorce me because he said he doesn't love me anymore, but I've been praying and leaning on God, so he finally said he is willing to work it out and that He does love me. It's really all so confusing but I'm depending on the Lord and trusting Him, that He will restore my marriage and family. It's just so hard to endure especially when he is spending more time with her and coming home talking about her. I have apoken to him about boundaries, but he just doesn’t want to talk about serious things probably because he doesn’t want to stop. It's so tiresome and depressing. Please pray for me. I need ask the prayers i can get😣
Of course it's depressing to know your husband has become infatuated with someone else...my best heartfelt advice as a devoted Christian...get yourself a marriage counselor, regardless of whether he wants to go, you need someone unbiased to hold your hand during this difficult time
Without even watching this, I can tell you it’s HARMFUL! I had a female friend while I was married ONCE. She started getting a little too close and then I noticed she was pulling me in or maybe I was being drawn to her. When I started to notice this, I stopped talking to her and cut her off cold. Regardless, it’s just bad news, don’t do it. Too many marriages unnecessarily end and families are destroyed because someone drew a wife from her husband or a husband from his wife.
To further expand on this: I met someone back in 2004 that I thought we would be great together. We got along great together and we always hung out. When we would go places together with friends, people would look at our interaction and twice someone asked how long we were married. I liked her, but she didn’t like me like that. The Lord showed me why the relationship would’ve never worked between us and the reason why is because she holds her male friends close. I was one of them and I introduced her to her husband. We both went to the same high school together, so we hung out together a lot. After a while, I knew it wasn’t something healthy, so I bowed out. Looking back, it was a smart decision on my part, because as a man, I wouldn’t like it if my wife is hanging around a bunch of male friends. The same way she wouldn’t like it if I had a bunch of female friends.
If I may answer this too- Pray and totally surrender the situation to Jesus. He loves marriage and he cares about these details of our life even if they seem small to other person. Pray for God to impart wisdom into their minds and to convict them of the danger they’re in. My husband and I have prayed Job 33 verses 14-17 over people in our lives and have seen testimonies of hearts changed! ““Indeed God speaks once, Or twice, yet no one notices it. “In a dream, a vision of the night, When deep sleep falls on people, While they slumber in their beds, Then He opens the ears of people, And horrifies them with warnings, So that He may turn a person away from bad conduct, And keep a man from pride;” Job 33:14-17 Praying in agreement with the word of God is a very powerful tool! He loves you and you’re not alone. 🙏✨
Why would any spouse associate with a friend of the opposite gender when it makes their partner uncomfortable? Such behavior is selfish and thoughtless. 🤔
I am a married woman, and I am also a PA to a male boss 6yrs my senior. Though there has never been any attraction towards him, I have always tried to be very mindful of how I interact with him, how I address him, and how I dress to work (making sure I stay very modest and covered). I was also intentional about praying about our working relationship. I did not and do not want to take anything for granted considering how closely I have to work with him.
Mind blowing….as if any wife or husband who truly is bonded with and loves/respects their spouse, would think it is ok to plan a trip with their opposite sex friend and hide it from their spouse. Being friends is one thing…. going away alone with that person for entertainment or vacation type of thing - obvious what is going on.
I can't imagine planning any trips of extended time away without informing ones spouse. That's not a marriage it's, roommates at best, slavery at worst.
I completely agree with you both. Boundaries are always important. My ex husband is now an ex because he had a whole bunch of female friends and zero boundaries. He ended up cheating on me and his second wife and his now girlfriend. He says no one will change his social ways. OK! Well he chose that. At church I speak to men and women but really respect the boundaries with men and I notice some women are very insecure around me yet I am not flirtatious or a cheater so I make sure I speak more to those women and avoid their husbands. I brought a friend to church and strangely she really got close with one of the couples and more so the man. She is older and maybe less of a threat but I still find her attention towards this man a little excessive. Thanks for sharing your video! God bless you!
Same for me, married ladies at church behaved insecure around me, so I befriend the ladies and have strong boundaries with their husbands to respect their marriage. Some of their husband's are too 'friendly' and need to re-assess respecting their wives.
This is how my marriage of 33 years ended. He was sneaking (lied) to see an old high school female friend each week 100 miles away, and they’d planned a trip together without me. He made a choice to nurture that instead of our marriage. He had many female friends that went too far for my comfort. It was a pattern. He accused me of being over emotional, jealous (which I was) and controlling. I probably was all of those things and have suffered so much pain and guilt over this. I wonder if he had listened to this if it would have changed his behavior. I admit my portion of responsibility….he never has
@Lori Bowman We are so sorry to hear this! Thank you so much for sharing! We want you to know, that even if this wasn't very recent ... if you ever need to talk, we are here. If you’d like to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you), call 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT). God bless you! - Treasure H.
I have these type of boundaries as a single. When my son's tutor came to the door, I let him answer it while I was loudly chopping veggies for dinner. I was polite, in ear shot of their meeting and vice versa. In hind sight, I'm sure that handsome young man was thankful I did that. But my son also learned good boundaries for himself. He knew when not to get into a compromising situation. I taught both my children. Today, i don't gave in-home dates. And date is not allowed to come to my door. I live in the middle of a quiet, beautiful townhome community and I'm not having the neighbors gossip if things just don't work out. For whatever reason, a woman has more to lose, even her reputation. I was taught these standards when I was 13yrs by a nurse training us for a sports camp. Of course, I adapted to my adult single empty nester life. Some dates are put off by that. I think that's telling.😊 Thx for this video ❤
Every male “friend” who I had prior to being married always expressed interest in something more. My husband and I agreed to no “friends” of the opposite sex even back when we were dating. Marriage is more simple that way because you don’t have to worry about the other person’s intentions.
I have amazing guy friends. I have known many of them since college and high school. They will always be my friends. I am very clear with boundaries and respect that many of them are married. But I think it’s silly to cut off people because of marriage. Yes, of course if there has been some things that have happened in the past for that friendship that could threaten your marriage then of course, but also I’m not sure why someone would get married if they still have open doors elsewhere.
@ If that works for you that’s fine. We just have experienced enough to see that people don’t always have good intentions and temptation is always waiting at the door. Everyone chooses how to live and that is what we decided was best for us.
As you prepare for marriage, these things have to be pruned out and redefined. there have to be guard rails and protections around a marriage.. all "friends" have to know that and get in line or get left behind.. life has seasons of change and everyone has to keep growing, evolving and expanding..
Why would it be more important to him to do this with his female friend and it isn’t important to how it makes his wife feel. He should have arranged a trip for him and his wife not his friend
I think we sometimes underestimate the impact of our decisions upon our marriages. Personally, I don’t necessarily feel that the issue between this couple has become resolved simply because he has now included his wife in the trip. His action speaks louder than words, and they state clearly that he rejects his wife and he chooses his friend over her. That’s betrayal and it’s difficult to forgive this wrong especially if it continues. I hope the man will come to understand the strong message that that singular action of his has sent to his wife and he’d know to come to her in true repentance asking for her forgiveness and for healing to come to his marriage. It is unfortunate but most married people would claim that their wronged partners are hurt more than they ought to be, they over-react or they seek to make a mountain out of the molehill that the situation is. May God help this couple, Amen!
I totally agree with what you are saying. There was a Woman,that I had never seen before,until my 20th Anniversary Celebration. She showed up with her husband and child. She ignored her husband and stuck pretty close to me during that Celebration. Fast forward, I suspected that my then husband was having an affair, with her due to telephone communications. Of course it was denied by him and her. The guy became a ghost in my Marriage, often gone on “meetings” for work and always getting home late. I called for a divorce after almost 30 years. He moved her in the past family home,a little after the divorce. Today they are married!!!
I agree 100% that marriage must be the priority over any other friendship. Being open and honest with your husband/wife, discussing anything that makes them uncomfortable and agreeing boundaries is so important. But also, other men and women are not automatically threats to a marriage. Speaking as a woman who always had more in common with my male friends, I felt very lonely when I got married and was suddenly expected to only mix with the other women. I had nothing to offer in conversation until I finally became a mother and we could at least talk about kids. Fortunately my husband has never been insecure about my friendships with guys. He knows he's the only one for me. He would usually be part of my socialising but it's never been a problem for me to go out with someone alone. This has become an important part of my understanding of how God made us. He made us, male and female, to work together to be His representatives in this world, not just as married couples but as human beings who can work together. That means friendship across the sexes - not just romances - is incredibly important. Yes, we must be wise in how we behave towards one another and how we honour our spouse. But that does not preclude open and real friendship with someone of the opposite sex. They are no more a minefield than any other activity that impacts your marriage.
I’ve never married yet and desiring &pray the marriage will be my one and only unified relationship &ministry in light of our relationship we have w The Most High Aba
Uhg what wife wants to invite herself on a weekend trip with her husband and his mistress?!?! That sounds dangerous. And uncomfortable. I'd plan my own trip - to my new divorce lawyers' office. While hubby was getting his rocks off, I'd be protecting my relationship - with myself and with my self respect.
Yes, it’s common sense to know this isn’t possible and is dangerous and destructive to a marriage. Even single, divorced, widowed Christian’s should be advised about opposite sex friendships, because usually one may want marriage while the other does not and the one who wants to marry starts looking for a mate, the one who didn’t want to marry gets hurt. It happened to some friends in my church.
I have had platonic male friends and it was not a problem because I was not sexually attracted to any of them, nor they me. It wasn’t secretive and the friendship was just that. I believe going on an overnight trip with another man, confiding things I wouldn’t tell my husband or personal things about our marriage, or anything that made my husband uncomfortable or would cause gossip is absolutely unacceptable. But I am absolutely not attracted to most men and if I did feel attraction for a male friend I would have to step away from the friendship.
Same, I have guy friends that I am not attracted to. I just happen to get along with men more than women for friendship. Boundaries are a must, I like my friends and they know those boundaries.
It’s delusional to think any straight man is interested in being just friends with ANY woman. You may not be interested, but I guarantee that, if given the chance, he’d be all over you. That’s an absolute fact. Pastors, bosses, lifelong friend; makes no difference. That’s just how the male mind works. Without exception.
I’ve never married yet and desiring &pray the marriage will be my one and only unified relationship asa ministry It’s so important to me that he and I have our set apart same gender prayer and support friendships of other couples established during marriage and prior to
The fact that he initially left his wife out in the first part is very telling. Obviously, he didn't want her there. He included his wife AFTER she found out. Any time you have to go behind your spouse's back to do activities with an opposite sex "friends" that is a RED FLAG. People play too much with fire. If you don't respect/protect your own marriage no one else will.
His Needs Her Needs explained this beautifully. I will try to not mess it up but Willard explains it like this, we all have a love bank, and if someone is complementing us and we’re exchanging private information with them it is called “love units” being deposited in our banks. When our banks are full of those coming from that person, we develop feelings and love for them. If we are married, our banks are supposed to be filled with love units with a spouse- both being filled with love and units from one another. Once you let in another, you risk the chance of getting their love units in your bank, and before you know it, you no longer want to love you and it’s coming from your spouse; do you want this other person and that’s how an affair starts. The Bible says that the two become one flesh. If the two are one, then there should be agreement whether or not you let a friend in that is the opposite sex. If the husband or wife does not feel right about it, then the other has to honor that, because you put your spouse first. The attitude needs to be: I don’t want anything getting in the way of peace in my marriage. The Bible also says not to grieve the Holy Spirit- meaning, we don’t open doors to things that will jeopardize our relationship with Jesus, because we love him more.
The lady is this case needs to know her place. She needs to stay away from this husband. I believe she knows how their so called friendship affects the wife, but doesnt care. How would she feel if she was this disrespected wife? We need to remember the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
I've gone to F1 race weekends and its expensive to the tens of thousands if you're doing hospitality or F1 experience for two people!? We have to check the long term "friends" as well who want to elevate themselves above a husband or wife
The only male friends That are truly male friends are your family members or you both truly agreed that you both don't have an attraction to each other. I learned the hard way and the only male friends I want to make is my husband. It's okay to be acquainted with the opposite sex but don't be too personal with them and when you do hang out hang out with a group of people. There are some people that will pretend that they are okay with just being friends but really they want to be with you.
@ I see. I guess it's much different if a friendship is exclusive just to one person. If it's a whole group of friends and there is no messaging exclusive to one person, then I believe that may be fine.
@@livelife5890 We still message our friends separately, but we've always had an open phone policy: we're welcome to look at each other's phones with no offense taken.
26, I don't have any guy friends but I would love to get married one day. Praying that the man God has for me will be the one who will reach out to me 😂
Many women dont understand this. They believe they can get rid of the "guy friends" once they get married, engaged etc. They need to do that before they meet anyone.
My step brother has reconnect to his long ago love last February. Problem is the women is married, but has been having a emotional relationship with him through texting/messenger video calls. My brother keeps telling me they are friends. I have seen/ heard their conversations. Mainly when they communicate it's not in front of her husband. They are both now over 50, but seem to be stuck at 16. She/brother has never got over it. Yes she is very married. It's been weighing on my mind to her husband, about them both. Any suggestions for in what to do. I have confronted my brother and he claims they are "just friends"
@@bikkiescarborough5779#Choices #Prayers, but when a person's heart is set, they move gleefully on the broadway to damnation. #Sin #Facinates then #Terminates.
@bikkiescarborough5779 - Thanks for sharing. It’s obvious you care a great deal about your brother, and we can certainly understand the concerns you expressed. If you think it would be helpful, we have counselors here at Focus who are available to speak to you via phone to offer encouragement and assistance. Please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). Be assured of our prayers, friend. May God provide you with the guidance you’re seeking. - Naomi A.
Should friendship be prioritized over marriage?… absolutely not. Should we cut off those that have always been there for us (guy or girl) because we are getting married?… No. A part of being an adult is knowing boundaries and how to apply them. Healthy relationships outside of marriage can be a blessing. ***Also IF you find yourself dating someone or even engaged and you still have open doors elsewhere… please think about why and handle that before moving forward with anyone! I believe so many people don’t deal with the feelings they should before joining to someone else. By the way: Planning that trip without inviting the wife is a No-No.
Not only is it wrong to have secrets from your spouse with a best friend! It's even worse when your spouse has secrets from you with their family, as was my case. She chose her family for 20 years over me, she eventually filed for divorce. The extended family has more rights to my 5 kids than I do. SICK!!!
Her choice Sir. There is a reason God told the spouse to leave and cleave; if they aren't mature to that extent, then bye Felicia to them. Just do your obligation as a Father to your children, while they become the unpaid caregivers. Enjoy life with God since you weren't the wicked partner. #Choice.
I would have a serious problem with a husband that actually wanted to go alone on a trip and even thought about it. It's not Godly or honoring. Creepy and sketchy big time
There can never be male and female friendship. It makes one of the spouses to be lazy and fail work on themselves to build on their😅 Union. No reason to entertain any male / female relationship over your marriage The three cord can only be God and the couple. I don't even want to hear hear he/she is my friend etc. True healthy friends are guy friends, girl friends and couple friends. The devil lie low until the opportune time. The Bible clearly says to leave and cleave. Same way the marriage vow says forsaken all others.
Question What about two divorced people of opposite sex in ministry are living together in a parsonage ? They say it a spiritual mother and spiritual son?
I respectfully disagree. I had someone in my life who I was just friends with and I lost that friendship and it broke my heart. What happens when you work in someone's home taking care of their children and the husband works at home and the wife works outside of the home. I bonded with that man early on because I didn't have a family that loved me, and I grew love for him & his kids, but I had too much integrity to ever say or do anything but it was difficult, he was such a good & consistent & stable friend to me & we cared about each other in the early years at least. But after 4 years of being connected to someone in that way, it was almost impossible for a bond to not be formed. And now much later in life, I'm feeling that need for that bond to return, and so I tried way too hard to reconnect, even after he rejected me, but I was never supposed to bond with him in the first place it just sort of happened. It's awful because I don't want to be harassing him, especially not if he's married, but he is the only person my heart needs right now
@@SarahMarie-j2n If you love those little children, leave their father alone. Don’t blow up their childhood just because you want your pleasure. Also this father is terrible and the wife is an idiot to let another woman into her home with her husband there.
This is the exact reason why mothers should raise their own children. That money she's earning is not worth her marriage. Another woman's husband is NOT what your heart needs right now. It's what your body needs, but that's just Satan sifting your soul. Get your mind on the Word of God, and you'll find those demonic, lustful thoughts will depart from you.
That was a professional relationship. We all meet men professionally with whom we form close bonds but if they are married then that's the boundary that we can't cross.
@@annmariebudyn If it was a professional relationship as you claim, you shouldn't still be trying to reconnect with him and saying that he's the only person your heart needs right now. That's not professional. He's wise to reject your advances because there's nothing now that you should be discussing if you no longer work for him.
God knew i needed this today! Thank you so much! Please pray for my marriage. My husband doesn’t understand this, and it's breaking my heart so badly. But this is a new co-worker woman he is caring more about building a friendship with her more than me. He even protects her and not me. He gets sad about her and not me. He inquires about her life but not mine. He even bought her over $200 Christmas gift and not me one, but says she is just a friend and he doesn’t like her and is not having an emotional affair. He's in total denial. He says she talks yo him about her marriage and he won't share qhat they talk about. He talks to her about things he doesnt even tell me, his wife, the mother of his child, the one who cooks and does his laundry, etc. It's too heartbreaking 💔 please pray for my marriage. He just can't understand this concept. I'm so glad you did this video to show I'm not crazy here. God bless you for sharing this. I just want God to be his #1 and then me next. I want to be the #1 woman in his life, for him to care about me, and want to do for me what he does for that co-worker but more because I'm his wife and i care for him far more than she does. So why do i get less? He just can't understand or probably just doesn't care to understand. I'm trying so hard to love him unconditionally and forgive him, but he keeps on talking about her and i can see him getting giddy and joyous only when he talks about her, so it's killing me. He just wants me to be happy for him and his new find friendship but i honestly feel replaced. He even wanted to divorce me because he said he doesn't love me anymore, but I've been praying and leaning on God, so he finally said he is willing to work it out and that He does love me. It's really all so confusing but I'm depending on the Lord and trusting Him, that He will restore my marriage and family. It's just so hard to endure especially when he is spending more time with her and coming home talking about her. I have apoken to him about boundaries, but he just doesn’t want to talk about serious things probably because he doesn’t want to stop. It's so tiresome and depressing. Please pray for me. I need ask the prayers i can get😣
Praying for you and your marriage!
I'm so sorry you're going through this! Praying for you!
Of course it's depressing to know your husband has become infatuated with someone else...my best heartfelt advice as a devoted Christian...get yourself a marriage counselor, regardless of whether he wants to go, you need someone unbiased to hold your hand during this difficult time
Praying 😢
I'm so sorry - I can just encourage you to turn completely to God - He will sustain you and work out things for you. He is with you in it all.
Without even watching this, I can tell you it’s HARMFUL! I had a female friend while I was married ONCE. She started getting a little too close and then I noticed she was pulling me in or maybe I was being drawn to her. When I started to notice this, I stopped talking to her and cut her off cold. Regardless, it’s just bad news, don’t do it. Too many marriages unnecessarily end and families are destroyed because someone drew a wife from her husband or a husband from his wife.
So glad you were aware
Indeed. Harmful. Good for you!
To further expand on this: I met someone back in 2004 that I thought we would be great together. We got along great together and we always hung out. When we would go places together with friends, people would look at our interaction and twice someone asked how long we were married. I liked her, but she didn’t like me like that. The Lord showed me why the relationship would’ve never worked between us and the reason why is because she holds her male friends close. I was one of them and I introduced her to her husband. We both went to the same high school together, so we hung out together a lot. After a while, I knew it wasn’t something healthy, so I bowed out. Looking back, it was a smart decision on my part, because as a man, I wouldn’t like it if my wife is hanging around a bunch of male friends. The same way she wouldn’t like it if I had a bunch of female friends.
How do you handle this when your spouse doesn't agree with this and is harsh about that disagreement?
If I may answer this too- Pray and totally surrender the situation to Jesus. He loves marriage and he cares about these details of our life even if they seem small to other person. Pray for God to impart wisdom into their minds and to convict them of the danger they’re in. My husband and I have prayed Job 33 verses 14-17 over people in our lives and have seen testimonies of hearts changed!
““Indeed God speaks once, Or twice, yet no one notices it. “In a dream, a vision of the night, When deep sleep falls on people, While they slumber in their beds, Then He opens the ears of people, And horrifies them with warnings, So that He may turn a person away from bad conduct, And keep a man from pride;”
Job 33:14-17
Praying in agreement with the word of God is a very powerful tool!
He loves you and you’re not alone. 🙏✨
Why would any spouse associate with a friend of the opposite gender when it makes their partner uncomfortable? Such behavior is selfish and thoughtless. 🤔
I am a married woman, and I am also a PA to a male boss 6yrs my senior. Though there has never been any attraction towards him, I have always tried to be very mindful of how I interact with him, how I address him, and how I dress to work (making sure I stay very modest and covered).
I was also intentional about praying about our working relationship. I did not and do not want to take anything for granted considering how closely I have to work with him.
Mind blowing….as if any wife or husband who truly is bonded with and loves/respects their spouse, would think it is ok to plan a trip with their opposite sex friend and hide it from their spouse. Being friends is one thing…. going away alone with that person for entertainment or vacation type of thing - obvious what is going on.
@ - yep.
I can't imagine planning any trips of extended time away without informing ones spouse.
That's not a marriage it's, roommates at best, slavery at worst.
I completely agree with you both. Boundaries are always important. My ex husband is now an ex because he had a whole bunch of female friends and zero boundaries. He ended up cheating on me and his second wife and his now girlfriend. He says no one will change his social ways. OK! Well he chose that. At church I speak to men and women but really respect the boundaries with men and I notice some women are very insecure around me yet I am not flirtatious or a cheater so I make sure I speak more to those women and avoid their husbands. I brought a friend to church and strangely she really got close with one of the couples and more so the man. She is older and maybe less of a threat but I still find her attention towards this man a little excessive. Thanks for sharing your video! God bless you!
Same with me...same history
Same for me, married ladies at church behaved insecure around me, so I befriend the ladies and have strong boundaries with their husbands to respect their marriage.
Some of their husband's are too 'friendly' and need to re-assess respecting their wives.
This is how my marriage of 33 years ended. He was sneaking (lied) to see an old high school female friend each week 100 miles away, and they’d planned a trip together without me. He made a choice to nurture that instead of our marriage. He had many female friends that went too far for my comfort. It was a pattern. He accused me of being over emotional, jealous (which I was) and controlling. I probably was all of those things and have suffered so much pain and guilt over this. I wonder if he had listened to this if it would have changed his behavior. I admit my portion of responsibility….he never has
@Lori Bowman We are so sorry to hear this! Thank you so much for sharing! We want you to know, that even if this wasn't very recent ... if you ever need to talk, we are here. If you’d like to talk with one of our counselors (at no cost to you), call 855-771-HELP (4357) weekdays between 6 A.M. and 8 P.M. (MT). God bless you! - Treasure H.
He made a choice. No other definition.
He made a stupid choice. Lori looks like a real beauty! Some men will pave paradise to put up a parking lot.
I’m sorry you experienced this
Applies to social media as well
I have these type of boundaries as a single. When my son's tutor came to the door, I let him answer it while I was loudly chopping veggies for dinner. I was polite, in ear shot of their meeting and vice versa. In hind sight, I'm sure that handsome young man was thankful I did that. But my son also learned good boundaries for himself. He knew when not to get into a compromising situation. I taught both my children. Today, i don't gave in-home dates. And date is not allowed to come to my door. I live in the middle of a quiet, beautiful townhome community and I'm not having the neighbors gossip if things just don't work out. For whatever reason, a woman has more to lose, even her reputation. I was taught these standards when I was 13yrs by a nurse training us for a sports camp. Of course, I adapted to my adult single empty nester life. Some dates are put off by that. I think that's telling.😊
Thx for this video ❤
Every male “friend” who I had prior to being married always expressed interest in something more. My husband and I agreed to no “friends” of the opposite sex even back when we were dating. Marriage is more simple that way because you don’t have to worry about the other person’s intentions.
I have amazing guy friends. I have known many of them since college and high school. They will always be my friends. I am very clear with boundaries and respect that many of them are married. But I think it’s silly to cut off people because of marriage.
Yes, of course if there has been some things that have happened in the past for that friendship that could threaten your marriage then of course, but also I’m not sure why someone would get married if they still have open doors elsewhere.
@ If that works for you that’s fine. We just have experienced enough to see that people don’t always have good intentions and temptation is always waiting at the door. Everyone chooses how to live and that is what we decided was best for us.
Apparently this was the trend in my marriage for many years. I was “the only one” that was so late in having the facts.
As you prepare for marriage, these things have to be pruned out and redefined. there have to be guard rails and protections around a marriage.. all "friends" have to know that and get in line or get left behind.. life has seasons of change and everyone has to keep growing, evolving and expanding..
Amen! “Get in line or get left behind.”👏
Why would it be more important to him to do this with his female friend and it isn’t important to how it makes his wife feel. He should have arranged a trip for him and his wife not his friend
I think we sometimes underestimate the impact of our decisions upon our marriages.
Personally, I don’t necessarily feel that the issue between this couple has become resolved simply because he has now included his wife in the trip.
His action speaks louder than words, and they state clearly that he rejects his wife and he chooses his friend over her. That’s betrayal and it’s difficult to forgive this wrong especially if it continues.
I hope the man will come to understand the strong message that that singular action of his has sent to his wife and he’d know to come to her in true repentance asking for her forgiveness and for healing to come to his marriage.
It is unfortunate but most married people would claim that their wronged partners are hurt more than they ought to be, they over-react or they seek to make a mountain out of the molehill that the situation is.
May God help this couple, Amen!
AI story…
your spouse is your best friend
Don’t want to be locked in- stay single
No, I don't think a man and woman can be friends and married to someone else.
I totally agree with what you are saying. There was a Woman,that I had never seen before,until my 20th Anniversary Celebration. She showed up with her husband and child. She ignored her husband and stuck pretty close to me during that Celebration. Fast forward, I suspected that my then husband was having an affair, with her due to telephone communications. Of course it was denied by him and her. The guy became a ghost in my Marriage, often gone on “meetings” for work and always getting home late. I called for a divorce after almost 30 years. He moved her in the past family home,a little after the divorce. Today they are married!!!
So sad 💔
@@sankhar2484 🤯 wow
I agree 100% that marriage must be the priority over any other friendship. Being open and honest with your husband/wife, discussing anything that makes them uncomfortable and agreeing boundaries is so important.
But also, other men and women are not automatically threats to a marriage. Speaking as a woman who always had more in common with my male friends, I felt very lonely when I got married and was suddenly expected to only mix with the other women. I had nothing to offer in conversation until I finally became a mother and we could at least talk about kids. Fortunately my husband has never been insecure about my friendships with guys. He knows he's the only one for me. He would usually be part of my socialising but it's never been a problem for me to go out with someone alone.
This has become an important part of my understanding of how God made us. He made us, male and female, to work together to be His representatives in this world, not just as married couples but as human beings who can work together. That means friendship across the sexes - not just romances - is incredibly important. Yes, we must be wise in how we behave towards one another and how we honour our spouse. But that does not preclude open and real friendship with someone of the opposite sex. They are no more a minefield than any other activity that impacts your marriage.
I’ve never married yet and desiring &pray the marriage will be my one and only unified relationship &ministry in light of our relationship we have w The Most High Aba
Uhg what wife wants to invite herself on a weekend trip with her husband and his mistress?!?! That sounds dangerous. And uncomfortable. I'd plan my own trip - to my new divorce lawyers' office. While hubby was getting his rocks off, I'd be protecting my relationship - with myself and with my self respect.
Give your spouse / significant other an opportunity, and they ALL cheat.
Yes, it’s common sense to know this isn’t possible and is dangerous and destructive to a marriage. Even single, divorced, widowed Christian’s should be advised about opposite sex friendships, because usually one may want marriage while the other does not and the one who wants to marry starts looking for a mate, the one who didn’t want to marry gets hurt. It happened to some friends in my church.
What about opposite gender friendships prior to marriage (while committed &courting)
I stopped having guy friends and so did my now husband.
Thanks for sharing
Always great content
I have had platonic male friends and it was not a problem because I was not sexually attracted to any of them, nor they me. It wasn’t secretive and the friendship was just that. I believe going on an overnight trip with another man, confiding things I wouldn’t tell my husband or personal things about our marriage, or anything that made my husband uncomfortable or would cause gossip is absolutely unacceptable. But I am absolutely not attracted to most men and if I did feel attraction for a male friend I would have to step away from the friendship.
Same, I have guy friends that I am not attracted to. I just happen to get along with men more than women for friendship. Boundaries are a must, I like my friends and they know those boundaries.
It’s delusional to think any straight man is interested in being just friends with ANY woman. You may not be interested, but I guarantee that, if given the chance, he’d be all over you. That’s an absolute fact. Pastors, bosses, lifelong friend; makes no difference. That’s just how the male mind works. Without exception.
TRUTH !! and she was not the first one !!
I’ve never married yet and desiring &pray the marriage will be my one and only unified relationship asa ministry
It’s so important to me that he and I have our set apart same gender prayer and support friendships of other couples established during marriage and prior to
I would want my friend and wife be friends. If not leave friend.
The fact that he initially left his wife out in the first part is very telling. Obviously, he didn't want her there. He included his wife AFTER she found out. Any time you have to go behind your spouse's back to do activities with an opposite sex "friends" that is a RED FLAG. People play too much with fire. If you don't respect/protect your own marriage no one else will.
His Needs Her Needs explained this beautifully. I will try to not mess it up but Willard explains it like this, we all have a love bank, and if someone is complementing us and we’re exchanging private information with them it is called “love units” being deposited in our banks. When our banks are full of those coming from that person, we develop feelings and love for them. If we are married, our banks are supposed to be filled with love units with a spouse- both being filled with love and units from one another. Once you let in another, you risk the chance of getting their love units in your bank, and before you know it, you no longer want to love you and it’s coming from your spouse; do you want this other person and that’s how an affair starts.
The Bible says that the two become one flesh. If the two are one, then there should be agreement whether or not you let a friend in that is the opposite sex. If the husband or wife does not feel right about it, then the other has to honor that, because you put your spouse first. The attitude needs to be: I don’t want anything getting in the way of peace in my marriage. The Bible also says not to grieve the Holy Spirit- meaning, we don’t open doors to things that will jeopardize our relationship with Jesus, because we love him more.
The lady is this case needs to know her place. She needs to stay away from this husband. I believe she knows how their so called friendship affects the wife, but doesnt care.
How would she feel if she was this disrespected wife?
We need to remember the golden rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
No.
He didn't invite the wife because he's having an affair. Thar's why it was the secret. Duh.
I've gone to F1 race weekends and its expensive to the tens of thousands if you're doing hospitality or F1 experience for two people!? We have to check the long term "friends" as well who want to elevate themselves above a husband or wife
Very well said!❤
Thanks for this
When both the husband and wife are your friends, there is safety
God bless you and your home more and more!
The only male friends That are truly male friends are your family members or you both truly agreed that you both don't have an attraction to each other. I learned the hard way and the only male friends I want to make is my husband. It's okay to be acquainted with the opposite sex but don't be too personal with them and when you do hang out hang out with a group of people. There are some people that will pretend that they are okay with just being friends but really they want to be with you.
Ya always a no for opposite sex friends no matter the martial status.
i need help in this area
My husband and I both have opposite sex friends and we have a strong Christian marriage.
Are you all one group of friends? Do you ever meet up with your male friend without your husband? with your husband?
@@livelife5890 We do both. We spend time with each other's friends, too.
@ I see. I guess it's much different if a friendship is exclusive just to one person. If it's a whole group of friends and there is no messaging exclusive to one person, then I believe that may be fine.
@@livelife5890 We still message our friends separately, but we've always had an open phone policy: we're welcome to look at each other's phones with no offense taken.
No problem, but the context here was a getaway without the spouse of either... The difference Ma. ✌️
26, I don't have any guy friends but I would love to get married one day. Praying that the man God has for me will be the one who will reach out to me 😂
God brought Eve to Adam
Many women dont understand this. They believe they can get rid of the "guy friends" once they get married, engaged etc. They need to do that before they meet anyone.
My step brother has reconnect to his long ago love last February. Problem is the women is married, but has been having a emotional relationship with him through texting/messenger video calls. My brother keeps telling me they are friends. I have seen/ heard their conversations. Mainly when they communicate it's not in front of her husband. They are both now over 50, but seem to be stuck at 16. She/brother has never got over it. Yes she is very married. It's been weighing on my mind to her husband, about them both. Any suggestions for in what to do. I have confronted my brother and he claims they are "just friends"
@@bikkiescarborough5779#Choices #Prayers, but when a person's heart is set, they move gleefully on the broadway to damnation. #Sin #Facinates then #Terminates.
@bikkiescarborough5779 - Thanks for sharing. It’s obvious you care a great deal about your brother, and we can certainly understand the concerns you expressed. If you think it would be helpful, we have counselors here at Focus who are available to speak to you via phone to offer encouragement and assistance. Please don’t hesitate to give us a call at 1-800-A-FAMILY (232-6459). Be assured of our prayers, friend. May God provide you with the guidance you’re seeking. - Naomi A.
Should friendship be prioritized over marriage?… absolutely not.
Should we cut off those that have always been there for us (guy or girl) because we are getting married?… No. A part of being an adult is knowing boundaries and how to apply them. Healthy relationships outside of marriage can be a blessing.
***Also IF you find yourself dating someone or even engaged and you still have open doors elsewhere… please think about why and handle that before moving forward with anyone! I believe so many people don’t deal with the feelings they should before joining to someone else.
By the way: Planning that trip without inviting the wife is a No-No.
Yes why..it’s hurtful it’s stupid 😢
Only if you’re married
Its common since Ive never had a husband do this
I am going through the same thing she thank there nothing wrong with it but I now better
Can u hey me an shear light on it
Not only is it wrong to have secrets from your spouse with a best friend! It's even worse when your spouse has secrets from you with their family, as was my case. She chose her family for 20 years over me, she eventually filed for divorce. The extended family has more rights to my 5 kids than I do. SICK!!!
Her choice Sir. There is a reason God told the spouse to leave and cleave; if they aren't mature to that extent, then bye Felicia to them.
Just do your obligation as a Father to your children, while they become the unpaid caregivers. Enjoy life with God since you weren't the wicked partner. #Choice.
I would have a serious problem with a husband that actually wanted to go alone on a trip and even thought about it. It's not Godly or honoring. Creepy and sketchy big time
Absolutely not should someone go on a trip with a opposite sex friend.. that's crazy and adulterous
Harmful, very harmful!
There can never be male and female friendship. It makes one of the spouses to be lazy and fail work on themselves to build on their😅 Union. No reason to entertain any male / female relationship over your marriage The three cord can only be God and the couple. I don't even want to hear hear he/she is my friend etc. True healthy friends are guy friends, girl friends and couple friends. The devil lie low until the opportune time. The Bible clearly says to leave and cleave. Same way the marriage vow says forsaken all others.
Question
What about two divorced people of opposite sex in ministry are living together in a parsonage
?
They say it a spiritual mother and spiritual son?
So??????
NO
I respectfully disagree. I had someone in my life who I was just friends with and I lost that friendship and it broke my heart. What happens when you work in someone's home taking care of their children and the husband works at home and the wife works outside of the home. I bonded with that man early on because I didn't have a family that loved me, and I grew love for him & his kids, but I had too much integrity to ever say or do anything but it was difficult, he was such a good & consistent & stable friend to me & we cared about each other in the early years at least. But after 4 years of being connected to someone in that way, it was almost impossible for a bond to not be formed. And now much later in life, I'm feeling that need for that bond to return, and so I tried way too hard to reconnect, even after he rejected me, but I was never supposed to bond with him in the first place it just sort of happened. It's awful because I don't want to be harassing him, especially not if he's married, but he is the only person my heart needs right now
@@SarahMarie-j2n If you love those little children, leave their father alone. Don’t blow up their childhood just because you want your pleasure. Also this father is terrible and the wife is an idiot to let another woman into her home with her husband there.
This is the exact reason why mothers should raise their own children. That money she's earning is not worth her marriage. Another woman's husband is NOT what your heart needs right now. It's what your body needs, but that's just Satan sifting your soul. Get your mind on the Word of God, and you'll find those demonic, lustful thoughts will depart from you.
You need Jesus love❤
That was a professional relationship. We all meet men professionally with whom we form close bonds but if they are married then that's the boundary that we can't cross.
@@annmariebudyn If it was a professional relationship as you claim, you shouldn't still be trying to reconnect with him and saying that he's the only person your heart needs right now. That's not professional. He's wise to reject your advances because there's nothing now that you should be discussing if you no longer work for him.