Bullies in School and The Golden Rule | J.D. Daniel | TEDxTryon

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  • Опубликовано: 10 дек 2024

Комментарии • 96

  • @louisepage2496
    @louisepage2496 6 лет назад +69

    Instead of always giving advice to the ones getting bullied, let’s give advice to the bullies, teaching them ways to stop doing it.

    • @Kya10
      @Kya10 5 лет назад +5

      Why ? They don't want to stop it... ? Oo

    • @menagea1
      @menagea1 4 года назад +1

      Haa

    • @jaydeeballoonart
      @jaydeeballoonart 4 года назад +3

      Louise Page, in theory, that is a great idea. I wish I could just make people be nice. I have found in life that the only way to have personal power, is to take responsibility for who I am being. All of my attempts to make other people be nice usually end up in frustration. When I am being the change I want to see in the world, it gives people a space to step into.

    • @user-rl8ji
      @user-rl8ji 4 года назад +1

      Bullies were bullied once I can say from experience

    • @hoops8534
      @hoops8534 3 года назад

      I agree. It should be part of a school curriculum. Boundaries and respect should be something to uphold. It’s not impossible. If it’s not taught at home, teach it at school. It’s as important as anything else being taught, if not more important.

  • @liluna4942
    @liluna4942 5 лет назад +26

    "Well, a kid at school bullied me today. But it's okay. I forgive them."
    But it's not okay!!! You gotta let the bullies know that you are not someone who can be picked on whenever they want!!! You gotta show them that there's a limit to your tolerance!! I agree that hate is not the solution, but really not everyone deserves your kindness.

    • @creationzikaz4836
      @creationzikaz4836 5 лет назад +5

      Not only is it not ok, it's illegal (in Canada anyways).

    • @jaydeeballoonart
      @jaydeeballoonart 4 года назад +6

      I agree that it is important to have boundaries. When Libby said “thats ok, I forgive them,” she was standing in her power, not allowing herself to be bullied. Her attitude was more like “You can say what you want to me, but you don’t have the power to bully me anymore, because I don’t give it to you.” That is a way different place to stand than being a doormat and allowing people to walk over you and pretending to be ok with it.

    • @MsGuisong
      @MsGuisong 4 года назад

      In the first place, forgiveness does not equate to letting the bullies run free, the bullies should still be dealt with properly!! However, the state of mind will be completely different when dealing with the bullies.
      /
      Imagine a lion (you) vs a crazy dog (bully), backing down from a crazy dog does not mean you are not a lion anymore. But going head on with a crazy dog will hurt you unnecessarily, so why bother to fight with the crazy dog to death? Respond with kindness avoid you acting impulsively on wrath, and give you a chance to deal with the bully rationally and wisely, that benefit the both parties.
      /
      Also, studies show that many bullies indeed have broken family or getting hurt themselves too, and they are projecting their pain to the others. By responding to them with kindness is one effective way to show care and potentially change the bullies for good. At the same time, the victim is not engulf by anger and hate, which have caused many victims to become bullies themselves too and worsen the bullying culture. Like what Jonanthan said, the kid remains strong, undaunted and morally resilient in the face of bullies.
      /
      That being said, it is crucial to identify actions that are dangerous and downright immoral. Education is needed to reduce bullying, and also to educate the onlookers and victims how to respond to bullying.

    • @hlompholeretha5393
      @hlompholeretha5393 2 года назад

      Me too.. literally feel like a coward coz I ran to the bathroom crying because I wanted to punch her so bad but I knew I would be in greater trouble than her but it's ok

  • @DaveBleicher
    @DaveBleicher 7 лет назад +14

    I wish I could find this guy and give him a hug for spreading this. This is masterful and beautiful. Extremely well done dude.

  • @davidkaser7423
    @davidkaser7423 5 лет назад +14

    Abused kids:
    I moved around all over the US, durring my childhood because my father served in the military.
    Most of the problems started because of the salvation army clothes from
    the 60s that I wore to school, that was of great interest to the bullies.
    The thing about bullies, is they always travel in groups. So when one starts on a kid then the
    rest of the group starts in, and then the other students all seem to join in the attach. Before you know it,
    the kid thinks the entire school is after him. Starting at a young age the kid knows only fear and becomes
    afraid of everyone, a loner.
    The kid gets off the school bus and walks into his house, and is immediately grabbed by his hair and beaten
    with a board or switch or whatever is handy by the parent. That is after his day at school
    of getting kicked,punched,pushed,harassed, all the wonderful things kids do to terrorize a target student.
    At home the parent seems to think the kid is putting drugs in her coffee. Strange the kid did not even know
    what drugs were until the parent continually beat the kid for the implied infraction.
    My older sister at the age of 8 was the first to be beaten for drugs in the parents coffee.
    Imagine my surprise when I walked in the front door after school to see my parent beating my sister like
    she had killed someone.
    Nothing but constant damage to the kids from the time they get up to the time they go to sleep.
    This is what destroys kids, This is one reason kids bring guns to schools and shoot other kids.
    This is why when kids are bullied we must stop it immediately! It is not the gun that causes the abused kid
    to kill, but the constant abuse that some kids face every day by the parents and kids at the school that send them
    over the edge.
    Also accountable are the adults that ignore and punish the kids that are under attach. I know myself I was
    suspended many times from school for getting into fightes with bullies.
    When you are constantly attached by groups of students at some
    point any kid would have enough and fight back.
    It is NOT because bill found his dads gun and thinks it would be a great idea to shoot a
    bunch of other kids, but the result of abused kids not getting the help they need to deal with situations like this.
    School shootings will not stop until abused kids are listended to, and appropriate actions are taken.

  • @HarleyDavidsonVince
    @HarleyDavidsonVince 3 года назад +8

    I was bullied (tormented ) for a hellish 8 years almost constant in grade school. To this day I hate the people that bullied me I am now 58. It stays with you for a lifetime. I'm lucky I didn't turn psychotic because of it. No one cared or listened. To this day I remember their faces and names and I know for FACT they don't remember mine!

    • @labranehit7687
      @labranehit7687 3 года назад +2

      I feel the same, I'm half your age thought. I will never forget them. I know this is petty but I wish them even now a miserable life.

    • @hamidabolhasani5926
      @hamidabolhasani5926 3 года назад

      @@labranehit7687 hey can you help me ?? I'm not good 😢😢

    • @hamidabolhasani5926
      @hamidabolhasani5926 3 года назад +1

      Hey bro. I'm not good. I have PTSD

    • @bloomph
      @bloomph 2 года назад

      @@hamidabolhasani5926 they don’t owe you free therapy.

  • @emmawood9964
    @emmawood9964 2 года назад +1

    I was the one being bullied just like that... I now suffer PTSD and BPD thanks to it... my life will never be the same again. Thanks bullies

  • @MineCraft-vu6sm
    @MineCraft-vu6sm 4 года назад +5

    I was bullied a lot, and the teachers ignored it. Throughout elementary school.

    • @jaydeeballoonart
      @jaydeeballoonart 4 года назад +2

      Me too. I was bullied through middle school as well.

  • @francismausley7239
    @francismausley7239 5 лет назад +4

    Spiritual education is the most important. "The root cause of wrongdoing is ignorance, and we must therefore hold fast to the tools of perception and knowledge. Good character must be taught." ~ Baha'i Faith

  • @catherineblair550
    @catherineblair550 7 лет назад +29

    This is all well and good. Teaching the victim to handle it is as old as time though. It is nothing new. Bullying is too serious to regard it as a learning and strengthening experience for the victim. It is a crime and a violation of human rights. It sounds like in this case the school was handling it. THE SCHOOL NEEDS TO HANDLE IT. Do not watch this with the old fashioned idea the parents just need to teach the victims to handle it and all will be well and nobody else needs to be involved. I used to be accused of giving the bullies so much power. But I didn't have any power to give. The power was given to them by my parents who I was trained to obey when they told me to ignore it and do nothing. And the power was given to them by the teachers who ignored it and acted what they were doing is cool. All though my hospitalizations and suicide attempt all I heard was crap like " they treated you that way because you allowed them to". Yeah. And the teachers allowed them to. And my parents allowed them to. And the principal allowed them to. And society allowed them to. This was back in the 70's and I am so disgusted with all the suicide and all the obviously neglectful schools being rightfully sued.

    • @bedyjeridi2103
      @bedyjeridi2103 6 лет назад +2

      CATHERINE BLAIR You're so right! All what people care about is keeping their jobs, either teachers or administrators, not wanting to get into trouble. A really corrupt mentality of many humans, sadly, that keeps good and decent folks living in a constant stress and exhaustion. We need to fight the good fight until justice is made.

    • @kadyrwildstorm3139
      @kadyrwildstorm3139 6 лет назад +4

      You can't think of it that way. Being bullied is a learning curve for you and bullies alike. Also I will state I had been bullied my whole life and Suicide attempts more times than you think. BUT non the less I forgave my worst of bullies and helped them learn the error of their ways and they have thanked me MAjor for it. Everyone is human and needs help learning. IF you condemn someone to their flats then you are opening up that it's ok for someone to do it to you. Forgive them and don't forget the lessons. Our fall in humanity is not our aggression, but our reasoning.
      I use to think an eye for an eye, but if someone takes your eye and you give them understanding. Perhaps one day they save your life? But you will never know till you help them understand or try. Even in the real world I had a boss that bullied me once. I sat down and talked to him gently about it. He understood after I looked at hit side and he was able to look at mine. After that we were like best friends and he never did that to me or anyone ever again.
      People bully for a reason, not just to put you down. There is something inside them hurting them. Help them find it and put it to peace. They will thank you for it later.

    • @davidkaser7423
      @davidkaser7423 5 лет назад

      I was in schools in the late 70s and early 80s. I was very small 112lbs when I graduated. I lived the nightmare of bullies, so I understand them, and why a kid would get a gun and shoot them. Kids are a swarm that will attach a target if they see others attaching it, and it is the same today. When the victim does not get help by parents or teachers, what option does the kid have? Being nice to a bully to get them to leave you alone is a pathetic excuse by parents and teachers which really means we are not interested in helping the victim. The kid gets no help, and continues getting bullied every day, until one day he shows up to school with a gun, or bat, or sword, and takes out all his anger on the school for not stopping his torment when the teachers and parents had the chance.

    • @cornwall8029
      @cornwall8029 4 года назад

      @David Kaser Exactly. You have to fight your corner since the bullied fight yours. People go to school to LEARN not to get bullied. Only if teachers understood that

    • @jaydeeballoonart
      @jaydeeballoonart 4 года назад +3

      Catherine Blair I am so sorry for your pain, and I apologize that there was nobody to protect and support you though that time. Libbys case was a lot like yours, the teachers did nothing to stop what was going on. I empowered Libby the best way I knew how, and gave her lots of love and support at home. She is a teenager now, and things are going well.

  • @Mikkyrain
    @Mikkyrain 3 года назад +1

    When they touch you, Break their jaw. No mercy.

  • @Leotron6
    @Leotron6 5 лет назад +2

    To many people say that the schools should not have to take on the burden of teaching bullies not to bully, that the parents should be doing it. But the reason the bullies are like that is because their parents don't care, they were probably bullies themselves when they were kids. So the school system in this country should start training, punishing, or whatever it needs to do to bullies. Not to help the irresponsible parents, but to protect the innocent kids. We have jails to lock up criminals, not to help the criminals, but to protect us. The schools are putting up all kinds of security to protect kids from shooters. Well they need to do something about bullies, because how many of those shooting where done by kids that were bullied. I could go on and on with examples, but I'll leave it at that.

  • @mh.m4653
    @mh.m4653 5 лет назад +3

    Very great! This is my journey with my kids. Everything else only cost more pain. This was very great. Thank🙏

  • @user-rl8ji
    @user-rl8ji 4 года назад +5

    Justice league and DC comics actually taught me empathy and compassion but I can see how other people saw it differently

  • @jaylichty
    @jaylichty 9 лет назад +6

    Thank you JD! The topic of bullying is now almost part of our daily conversations. JD Daniel gives a powerful TEDxTryon talk on ways we can rise about and learn to care more deeply in the face of bullying.

  • @davidj4242
    @davidj4242 6 лет назад +6

    Clearly this forgiveness and kindness that you speak of is not stopping the bullying because now your school is calling you to tell you that bullying is going on (which thankfully you already knew but the school was just getting hip to) . However, it is a thing of beauty how YOUR kindness and understanding strengthens your daughter, thus reducing the potential emotional damage and loss of self esteem that could result from the bullying in school. It is this strength and higher self esteem that may help prevent her from being seen as a target in the future. While the end result is the same (healthy survival of bullying), I think the pathway to that healthy survival is far from linear nor immediate and has little if any effect on stopping the bullying. We know that because you tell us the school called to tell you of the bullying. History has shown us that loving your enemy can get you killed (Jesus, Gandhi, Martin Luther King). Its your love of her, not her love of her bullies that makes the biggest difference.
    Frankly I am disgusted that in this day and age we still see these philosophies that pair targets/victims of bulling as virtually complicit or participating partners in their own bullying. How long are we going to subjected to this medieval thinking that falls along in the same ideology of "we have to consider how the bully is feeling" and "they only bully because they like you" or "just ignore them and they will stop" . PLEASE stop perpetrating these falsehoods and putting the onus on the target of the bullying.

  • @taylorhagen3916
    @taylorhagen3916 4 года назад +3

    I can relate, when I was younger their was the Taylor Touch based on me, luckily I had two amazing friends in my class, that saved me

  • @alisony2226
    @alisony2226 5 лет назад +6

    This video made me cry, wow

  • @PandasKarate
    @PandasKarate 6 лет назад +2

    School isn’t the same anymore.its important to teach our kids tools to battle bullying without violence. It starts in elementary and can make a huge difference.

  • @erransharpe
    @erransharpe 6 лет назад

    I admire your courage to give this talk. I have found that the Golden Rule is the most effective way to respond to mean behavior. And when I screw up and am mean to others, I really like it when they respond this way to me.

    • @obanos4128
      @obanos4128 5 лет назад

      No it’s not though, being nice to a person who hates you isn’t going to make them change their heart

  • @emomuzz5883
    @emomuzz5883 6 лет назад +9

    Being nice to bullies is like throwing hamburger at wolves. Fight Fire with MOAR fire or get used to being a victim. Sry, thems the breaks.

    • @Kya10
      @Kya10 5 лет назад

      That's being said like a bully would, but it's true unfortunately...

    • @cornwall8029
      @cornwall8029 4 года назад +1

      Exactly.Why should you be nice to them when they treat you horribly wrong? They will continue to bully you then. That advice is one of the worst advice I have heard in years

  • @БогданФецинець
    @БогданФецинець 5 лет назад +9

    To be honest, one-two punch works better for bullies.
    Researched by myself ;)

  • @mariahalajmi9013
    @mariahalajmi9013 6 лет назад +1

    that's truly amazing and at the same time hard to do !!

  • @Msjoeyjojo80
    @Msjoeyjojo80 5 лет назад +11

    You have just victimized the victim and enabled the bullies!

    • @MsGuisong
      @MsGuisong 4 года назад

      In the first place, forgiveness does not equate to letting the bullies run free, the bullies should still be dealt with properly!! The focus of the talk is about the state of mind when dealing with the bullies.
      /
      Imagine a lion (you) vs a crazy dog (bully), backing down from a crazy dog does not mean you are not a lion anymore. But going head on with a crazy dog will hurt you unnecessarily, so why bother to fight with the crazy dog to death? Respond with kindness prevents you from acting impulsively on wrath, and give you a chance to deal with the bully rationally and wisely.
      /
      Also, studies show that many bullies indeed have broken family or getting hurt themselves too, and they are projecting their pain to the others. By responding to them with kindness is one effective way to show care and potentially change the bullies for good. At the same time, the victim is not engulf by anger and hate, which have caused many victims to become bullies themselves too and worsen the bullying culture. Like what Jonanthan said, the kid remains strong, undaunted and morally resilient in the face of bullies.
      /
      That being said, it is crucial to identify actions that are dangerous and downright immoral. Education is needed to reduce bullying, and also to educate the onlookers and victims how to respond to bullying.

  • @mcdijkhuizen941
    @mcdijkhuizen941 7 лет назад +2

    Wauw your the greatest dad i have ever known before

  • @TheRedGameboy
    @TheRedGameboy 2 года назад

    I'd wanna give the teachers a beatdown for condoning such mistreatment. Teachers are more concerned with getting through the day and scapegoating a victim instead of punishing the large number of bullies.

  • @ramdomgiltter5590
    @ramdomgiltter5590 3 года назад

    The problem is your kid knows the golden rule ... But no one else's kid knows it .... The kids in my class were broken and they did everything in the book to break me..... Before they could my dad found out about homeschool....

  • @corriewds
    @corriewds 9 лет назад

    I am reminded in this powerful TEDx talk on bullies and bullying that it is not what happens to us but how we respond. JD Daniels has delivered an important talk and I think it is a great contribution to other TED and TEDx talks on bullying - www.ted.com/playlists/191/stand_up_to_bullying

    • @catherineblair550
      @catherineblair550 7 лет назад +1

      A lot of times though that is a bit too much emotional maturity required of some 8 year old with dealing with constant verbal abuse by the majority of their peers. I do agree with learning and developing resilience and emotional independence and control but emotional strength is built up over time with increasingly heavy weights. Also, not all kids have the environment or nurturing at home. I can't remember one compliment or moment of praise my father ever gave me; he died without my ever getting one. And my mother was a highly critical perfectionist who was never satisfied by my performance. So to require me to have all these internal resources at such a young age was unrealistic. That is emotional maturity and that comes with time and nurturing.

  • @otmaneelalem448
    @otmaneelalem448 4 года назад

    I had to do a power point presentation for school... But this video is very very emotional

  • @elliottlewis65
    @elliottlewis65 3 года назад

    I bet the whole "Libby Touch" game was inspired the 'Cheese touch" from Diary of a Wimpy Kid

  • @leslieramirez503
    @leslieramirez503 5 лет назад +5

    This is absolutely amazing congrats man😖😍🥺😗🤯👏🏼👏🏼

    • @alecnnz
      @alecnnz 5 лет назад +1

      Leslie Ramirez I love your profile pic😭😂😂😂

    • @RRR-hj4qr
      @RRR-hj4qr 5 лет назад

      That is true, i find it inspiring lol

    • @joseheard3024
      @joseheard3024 5 лет назад +1

      Leslie Ramirez 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

    • @RRR-hj4qr
      @RRR-hj4qr 5 лет назад

      @@joseheard3024 gae 😎

  • @tuhinamukherjee2028
    @tuhinamukherjee2028 3 года назад

    I am 24 years old now and i was bullied from students as well as teachers a lot in schools and even now as a growup at home by my mother and some few friends and aunties whenever we meet😄😀and trust me i have always been good smiling girl i never hurted someone by words or by force but now i feel that because i am a good girl i talk nicely this becomes the main attractive point of bullies if you bully back by force or by words or record everything and show it to police then only this will stop😄😀Simple Solution is Fight Back.....if a jihadist comes with a gun are you going to talk nicely with him....no shoot him down immediately because if you don't he will inspire many more to become like him same goes for bullies- they will end up becoming criminals one day

  • @polinavarner3874
    @polinavarner3874 7 лет назад +1

    Love it!!!

  • @dr.thumbtzen6464
    @dr.thumbtzen6464 5 лет назад +1

    Love your enemy -Jesuz

  • @jerryjones9683
    @jerryjones9683 6 лет назад +3

    Apparently u don’t know what narcissism is

  • @tabishhussain9916
    @tabishhussain9916 4 года назад

    Felt proud when he talked about mahatma gandhi

    • @labranehit7687
      @labranehit7687 3 года назад

      You can be, he is a amazing man. Indians was lucky to have him by there side wen they did.

  • @keithvanderpool5362
    @keithvanderpool5362 5 лет назад +1

    So when do you stand up for what’s right and how? This sounds like capitulation.

  • @dr.thumbtzen6464
    @dr.thumbtzen6464 5 лет назад +1

    Mass Public school is not good for children. Too many Indians and not enough Chiefs

  • @shrutisoni533
    @shrutisoni533 3 года назад

    akhome grm grm kholta huwa tel dal denge

  • @julielea8344
    @julielea8344 2 года назад

    He's making me too angry to watch the video, Tedx went dumpster diving when kids are committing suicide at a phenomenal rate????? In no small part due to bullying, what would he say if his Libby was a victim? Not that. There is no solution in "being nice to your abusers".

  • @creationzikaz4836
    @creationzikaz4836 5 лет назад

    What a poor orator :(.