I thank all the brave women for being honest about the pros and cons of motherhood. I knew from the age of 9 I didn't want kids when I saw a childbirth video in my health class, but when I was about to get married, I sat down and made a list of the pros and cons of motherhood for me. My CONS list was a mile long, but my PROS list had 5 items. So, NO KIDS for me. I have never regretted my decision. I just turned 50.
Wow, that was so wise of you. And congratulations on your 50s🎉 just out of curiosity, how many cons and pros did you have? And would you mind sharing some of them? Also, how did your husband, family and community react to your decision?
@dearbrave4183 My husband was initially on board with my childfree decision, but 4 years into the marriage, he changed his mind. I actually did get pregnant, but aborted it immediately. When I told him he became furious with me, so we got divorced. When I said childfree, I meant childfree. Anyway, he got with another woman and became a father. That baby wasn't even 4 months old and he tried to crawl back to me. He was over being a father just that fast. In any case, I just laughed at him and threw him a box of diapers. It was so satisfying. My family was fine with my decision to be childfree. My older sister is also childfree, but my oldest sister had six kids, my older brother has 4 kids, and my younger brother has 2 kids. I have enough nieces and nephews. My family is very chill and doesn't trip like that. We support each other in our life decisions. Two of my nieces and one of my nephews are talking about being childfree as well. As far as the community, I have gotten some shocked reactions when people find out I am childfree, but they don't say anything mean. I guess because they can tell I am a black woman with strong boundaries who takes no sh*t. People always know who they can clown, and I am not the one. As far as my pros and cons list, here are some: PROS 1. Having a cute little baby to play with and nuture 2. Social acceptance 3. Passing on wisdom and knowledge 4. Watching a child discover and grow 5. Maybe the child will be a positive catalyst for making the world a better place CONS 1. Pregnancy and childbirth 2. Loss of sleep 3. Loss of freedom 4. Very expensive 5. Being abandoned by the father to be a single mother 6. Growing apart from my husband because we now have a kid between us 7. Career advancement severely curtailed 8. Expense of childcare and uncertainty of having strangers watch your kids all day 9. So much danger for kids in the world 10. Climate change 11. Bullying 12. Horrible school system I could go on with the cons, but you get my drift.
@@Childfree334thank you so much for sharing the story. I'm especially inspired by how you stuck to your convictions on not having children. My favourite show is Bojack Horseman and the one storyline I live for is the one where chidlfree Diane discovers that she is pregnant and swiftly aborts, doesn't even second guess. Being childfree is not something one should every compromise on. You know if you're the child rearing type or not. I'm the latter and feel blessed to have been with my husband for almost 17 years without children and with no intention to change that.
@@Childfree334 thank you for sharing your story!❤️ I screenshoted and saved! I am sure your husband would have equally left, if you had kept the child, just like he did to the other woman. Your determination is admirable! I wish more women were more secure in their decisions and were willing to let go of the man if necessary. Sadly, many previously child free women have been guilted into having children just to keep the man, only to be left afterwards.
See how quickly her husband left her when things got hard!? Ladies please be careful and understand men aren’t really reliable when making big decisions in your life.
That's just her (ex)husband. I know couples where mother required medical help for a long time, and fathers did well caring for children, taking care of their wife and work. Sure, it was very hard on them, but let's not be sexist, loyal men are out there.
As an over-thinker… I already realized this WITHOUT having kids…I figured all this out by watching my mom be a single mom and watching the patterns of others.
You are a very smart and observant person. I also figured out marriage and motherhood were not in my future by watching my own mother and other women in my community. Sheer misery 😢😢😢
Single, celibate & childfree. It takes a village to raise a child and I don’t have nor want one. I cut ppl off for the slightest inconveniences and a child just seems too permanent.
Just got a message this morning from our housekeeper. She going to be late because the father of her boys who was supposed to pick them up is playing pickle ball and doesn’t want to leave. She has to drive the boys to the next town to drop them off to him. That’s the kind of crap women have to put up with. Here she is on a Sunday working 7 days a week and he is playing pickle ball.
Wow. That's why married women and married mothers are called single married women and single married mothers. The husbands stay on vacation mode before and after the kids
See, it should be law that when you have a man's baby, the hospital delivery bill goes directly to him. Your body has already been paying for almost 10 months...
They should make that law for real. I bet you wouldn't see them dropping babies in every woman and leaving single moms all over the place. It will immediately hold them responsible..well at least financially.
@@CordeliaWagnerclearly she's talking about America where we cant afford prenatal care, hospital births and now can't get abortions when we don't want or cant afford pregnncies or kids.
It should also be a law that if you don't want to chance pregnancy, then just stay away from men. You don't have to give them access to your body in the first place to get you pregnant. See how that goes? I am all for women's empowerment, but we also need to take responsibility for our own reproductive choices. Celibacy and/or abstinence are options. If you must have s3x, vibrators and other s3x toys exist for a reason.
@@Childfree334I wish people were a bit more educated before saying stuff like this. I’m all for birth control for both genders because clearly women are blamed for having eggs and getting pregnant when men have sperm and usually get their partners pregnant even with the use of female birth control or condoms
One of the things that shocks me is how many women don't even "see" their own Mother. My Mother sacrificed every day for me. This is why I am CF. I know what my Mother did for me and my siblings. She wanted to be a Mom, but she went through a lot. Please "see" your Mother!
My mother was divorced in 1960. My father had no interest in me, and I never saw him after I was 2 1/2. Her parents lived with us, so I had plenty of attention, but my mother had no life beyond work and family. I didn't want that. It turned out that my stable marriage ended. I tried to still have a life while raising my son. I guess I didn't do the best job, but I did the best I could and my mother did help me. My point is we can not predict the future, and if we believe we can avoid the single parent struggle, don't be so sure. I would have made different choices if I had known what was coming.
@@Lisa-mw6teyes I think we like to take ourself out of the equation and say that you never be me l. But I could some stuff is out off our control and men are flaky. My man would never and bam he is out here nevering. Luckily I had an active farther however there is no foolproof way to know if your husband/bf will be one.
My 4 kids are the greatest blessings of my life, they make my heart full and I don’t sorry because God has been good, he will protect the like he has always protected me.
I knew I didnt want kids since I was about 15 years old.. I am 40 now and I am still very happy being childfree. Pregnancy, giving birth, the lack of sleep, the worries, the messy house, the noise... F no!
Right? I left a comment here for someone who mentioned they wanted a team of boys and I wonder why? I know it might be biological, but I don't understand the strong desire beyond that. I NEVER wanted kids and still don't and i'm about to be 44.
I'm 40 and a mother to 1. I had him when I was 25. I'm still married to my sons father. If I could go back in time I would Undue everything. I do regret it all. Although I love my son to the moon and back, I had to make major sacrifices while my husband made none.
I will always be grateful to my husband of over thirty years for putting the brakes on my sudden desire to become pregnant when I turned thirty six,after not wanting them at all,up until that particularly fraught birthday.The desire for motherhood passed very quickly,and he and I continued our pleasant child free existence.We are now respectively 69 and 80 years of age,and upon occasion we have spoken of that time,just shaking our heads over the crazy biology of the female body.(It was as if being young and healthy created the urge,despite my very strong aversion to becoming a mother.)
There is a petty part of me that I am actively working on, admittedly. When I let my pettiness flourish, I want an apology from some women in general, especially those who shamed us for not wanting kids. I'm 44 , black and I would say beginning at age 18 I felt more or less shamed for not wanting kids and saying I had no desire to. And I found the presumption that I had kids offensive , as if by just being a BW , I had to be a single mother. In my 20s, it got worse but once I reached my 30s, it came off as a judgment and that I was somehow deficient as a woman and not normal. It still did not change my mind, and for me, being alive right now to witness this mass conversation and turn around is satisfying..and affirming. I know I'll never get the apology from the hundreds of women over three decades that did this to me, the fact of the matter is that I was right even if the "apology" never comes. The admitting is an apology in itself.
I’m so happy you stuck by what you wanted and didn’t let the pressure get to you. Although you may be hurting from the pain of peoples words, at least you are not living a life of regret. 😊
That’s because misery loves company. Those same women that told you you were wrong for not wanting kids wanted you to be miserable just like them. My mother does the same. If I were to take her relationship advice, I would be a miserable single mother with three different baby daddies just like her.
This happened to me too, sis. The women in my family shamed me for wanting to be single and not having kids when "everybody else" did, and now look at them. Scrambling to get out of their marriages with 6 kids. No shade AT ALL! BUT... what works for you doesn't work for me. Vice versa.
I'm 41, black, childfree. I never have had a desire to have kids either. I still can't figure out what the appeal or big deal about having them is. They're cute sometimes, but that doesn't make it worth it to me what you have to do to concieve one, months of carrying a baby,extreme pain of childbirth, the baby's bodily functions and loud noises/cries, the costs of raising the kid, the messes they make, etc.
I really wished these videos were around before I had my son. I knew it was going to be hard but I underestimated how challenging it would be. I’m married but I do everything. I make sure all his needs are met, I make sure all the bills are paid, (sometimes I’m the one paying all the bills). It’s just too much. Everything happened all at once, bought a house as a single woman, got pregnant a few months later, got married a week before my son was born and now I’m suffering. I’m grateful for my mom’s help but it’s hard.
I've known since age 16 that motherhood is definitely not my interest. It has never appealed to me nor will it ever interest me to prioritize any man nor burden myself with children. Life is SO beautiful & peaceful. 🤗 I keep building my money & I thoroughly enjoy my life on my terms.
Marriage and/or children is a choice, not an obligation. You just have to be strong enough to make the choice for you and have people in your life who support your choices. There are plenty of us out there!
Everything this woman talked about made me glad i chose to be childfree. I was getting stressed and overwhelmed just hearing about her talking about it.
Some folks are in their egos so much and miserable that they rather convince you to join the misery club so that they can have someone to relate and trauma bond with. For those who are speaking up and telling folks what’s really real RESPECT‼️🫡❤
My mother used to ask me and I finally laid it out, because A) I don't date, you've never seen me bring home anybody so with whom am I having this baby because I am not going to be a single mother. B) Are you going to help, because you have a whole grandchild and you complain about her every time you see her, and I love 4 hrs away. If you don't plan on helping why are you pushing it? The village needed to raise children has all damn near disappeared. I am under no illusion that anyone would help me because there are many a married single mother. All my friends complain about thier husbands, nobody takes care of the kids but them. No thank you
Whatever you decide, make sure that it is YOUR choice. Also, if you do have children, don't have anymore than you can support on your own. You never know what will happen in life.
I'm a mother of two. I don't regret having my first, but I do my second. He is much harder to deal with than my first born. He cries all the time and over nothing. I'm honestly struggling. My bond with him was very strong at the beginning, but it is slowly waning away. I don't want to feel this, I want to love him as I did at the beginning, but he is a very difficult baby. I'm here to see if anyone else has been this way and if things got better? It makes me sad that I feel this way.
Here’s a thought ladies. Start momuins. White women are starting to do it. Women should help each other. Me and my sister are in the process of buying a big house and all our kids will live there as well as our mother. And we’ll work as a team and combine our Resources. We’ve done it before and saved so much while doing it. Work together ladies!!!
Just wow. We really need to learn history. Extended family living did not start with Europeans by a long shot. It's been around for centuries in Asian,African,Hispanic and Indian cultures. 🤦🏽♀️
@@MA-wo5ykshe only said “white women” started to do it again”… maybe cause she has seen it online or whatever… what has triggered you? That she said white?
@@MA-wo5yk i swear I saw the word “again” in her statement and honestly didn’t thought about who started first… (like black or white or asian). And what I saw from your comment was just pointing out the race from where it all started, while in my opinion… this is a really delicate topic and we just should help each other’s… My bad ma’am. Didn’t mean to offend you Also English is not my first language so I understand that the word “triggering” can be somehow misleading in these times and it’s taken as an insult maybe.
I grew up in a small town < 2500 ppl and I literally remember the community raising us (growing up in the era of being able to be outside until the street lights came on lol gave moms a bit of a respite and us kids were looked out for by neighbors too) plus my mother had a network of women/mothers/extended family who helped shoulder the burden; it was a different time and not to romanticize it but even with that “village” in place, I knew when I was a teen I didn’t want to be a mother. So, I couldn’t even imagine having children in this time.
Wow! So much of what she says about being a single mother and having to put the child's needs before your own goals, or desires, is so true. She seems to be very well organized and thinks things through, at this point. Curious to know what happened with the child's father...What happened to their "relationship"... Even if the marriage ended, he should still help.
Im maternal and loving to my dogs and cats! Completely fulfilling for me! I do worry about when i get old, not having anyone to take care of me. Is it fair to have a child for that reason? No. It's an important choice, maybe the most important. Everyone has to do whats best for them but i don't think you should have a child for selfish reasons. Too many people do.
I had a husband who said his dream was to be a father. Then he had multiple affairs with 3 women when I was pregnant. Then I had to decide if I wanted to divorce him and literally have the courts force me to share my baby with him and his other women or stay married in humiliation to keep my child from those other women. I stayed married 5 years until my son could speak well. I divorced. Split custody down middle. My son is autistic. He was a ray of light until he hit teen years and now hes sullen and miserable and as hes aged his autism has somehow gotten worse. Now I doubt he will be able to work. I doubt he will ever even have a relationship. He can do more to improve those odds but refuses to even try. Hes disrespectful and now my job is to just work and walk on eggshells in my own home to keep from setting him off. His dad does nothing to help because he remarried and hit a midlife crisis and decided to transition into a woman. Got arrested for domestic assault so I took full custody. He can still see dad but dad is crazy as a loon and selfish and no roll model. I shouldn't have had my son. There is nothing to look forward to.
For many of us childbirth ruined our body and when our husband was no longer the center of all our attention he left. My only child is grown and I still wouldn't do it if I had the chance to go back and choose differently. Kids grow up and move away into their own lives and moms are left broken down and alone - don't even get me started on the cost of raising a child...simply not worth it.
I am sooooo happy more women are prioritizing themselves, their mental wellness, and fullness of life……. I adore my daughter, but I pray she also cultivates the type of life she wants BEFORE she EVER has children… if she even wants to. I’m supporting her either way….my goal is to provide her a life of options. Raising children with no support will dang near give you PTSD…. And God forbid your child be born with a disability/special need…. It’s a heavy burden. The women in my circle have saved my life. When women come together, we shift the landscape.
My husband and I are one and done. Literally days after we got home with our son we knew, one was perfect for us. Kids do not fix your relationship, they will challenge it daily. Kids are not babies forever. And society is NOT set up to support families. I have a good job, my husband stays at home, I have fantastic in laws who adore my son…and this sh!t is STILL EXHAUSTING. It is not romantic at all, it is hard work. Emotionally draining because for the rest of your life you will be thinking about them. I know I would be a terrible mom, anxious, stressed, short tempered, less patient, romantic relationship would be ruined, if I had another. It. Is. Hard. I would die for my son, he is my life. That’s WHY it’s so hard.
At she has parents to go home to. I had none of that. I am happy that people are willing to listen to other cultures about the reality of being a parent.
People take too lightly the decision to make more people. Society throws all the responsibility on women what’s unnatural. Human beings suppose to be raised by a whole community: mother, father, grandparents, uncles and aunties, friends. The load of this incredible responsibility should be shared. If you’re a woman and feels like you must have children to fill society expectations: don’t! If you’re a woman who has no support, don’t have children. If you’re a woman who don’t want kids but your partner dreams to be a dad: don’t! If you’re not sure if you want kids or not: just don’t. No one deserves the trauma and suffering to be raised by a mum who hates to be a mother, no one deserves to carry the burden to be responsible for their mothers misery (I know because I’m a 35 yo who was raised by a single mother who hated every second motherhood, and in some point of my life I just told her I would rather never being born). Just don’t, live your life, be happy, let the children for who really wants them.
I had my daughter at 19 and was a single mum. At times it was hard but now she’s almost 16 and I can honestly say it’s been an amazing experience. My advice is ‘ no man is an island’ try to cultivate relationships with people so you can all share the load.
I love my son,but i wish i never become a mother. Hate it But i was manipulated and trapped with a evil demon Narcissist,hate my life now,i wanted to be alone and free 4 ever.
Damn if this is really how you feel at least you're being honest but your child is an innocent soul who deserves a good childhood it will get better maybe when they hit their teens
@ceecee8924 yes I feel this way,I didn't want to. Found out I have autism/ADHD,CTPSD,SOCIAL ANXIETY,BODERLINE DISORDER... I didn't want to be a mother,all my life was with traumas,mother narcissistic and ex partner,all my life with abuses,I didn't recognise because autism people don't see it.
My father says all the time that if he could do his life over again he wouldn't have a kid. Im his only child, and he loves me but he isn't shy about how parenthood just wasn't the right path for him and I'm grateful for that
What the mom said about romanticizing is what I struggle with. I’m a Black woman and know people have their own expectations of me. I know it’s not easy, but I think seeing how people react to women and how they treat them better does get to me. It’s all over Twitter and Instagram. And kids are so adorable but I know they are not easy to raise. I also know that deep down I don’t want to have kids and struggle because I sometimes feel guilty or selfish. However, it is my life.
You're not selfish for not having kids. Being selfish would be having kids when you know you don't want them just so you can conform to the standards of other people. These people aren't living your life, you don't owe them to have a kid for appearances. Remember that the vast majority of family vloggers/influencers only show you what they want you to see, the good times only, most of them don't post about the hard times, the arguments, the frustration, the pain, the fatigue, the real costs of having children etc...
I actually get treated even more like crap and have been bullied for being a mother , by men.. the infantalisation in pregnancy was worse for me .. actually gotten screamed at for picking up a ladder
Real mother here who always wanted to have kids, 3 in fact. I ended up with only two kids. Don't get me wrong, I love both of my kids and I'm doing the best I can to raise them to be decent human beings. But the man I had them with is a piece of human garbage who I should have never dated let alone married. I feel like I am 100% alone in this, I have no support system and it is tough. If you're even kind of on the fence about having kids, don't even do it. I 100% wanted to have kids and it is really hard in all aspects of my life. I've always wanted to get out of the city I live in, for practically all my life, and it didn't happen when I was a young adult. Then I met him when I was 24 and got stuck in this city because he wasn't going anywhere. I am staying here for the sake of my kids but it's really hard because I've been wanting to get out of here for the past 15 years. I'm going to deal with it and stay here until they are adults but in the meantime it sucks. Just know that if you want kids, it will most likely take extreme sacrifice on your part.
Sometimes we could do all the right things as a parent but they will not always come out good. I have a 22 year old daughter and I can’t stand being around she is a very disrespectful , dangerous person.
In the UK we have the issue that women want to get pregnant for government housing and benefits 😢 and then they have more kids to keep the benefits coming in 😢
Growing up, I was raised by my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, my after school & church! Today, more than 1/2 of what I grew up on doesn’t exist for this next generation. Being in my 30s, my bfs parents constantly joke about wanting grandkids, and I constantly joke back that then need to move to where we are (we live in 2 different states). As I got older, I started to realize that my mom was SMART the way she had us in so many activities and also being at after school where we were literally across the street from my grandmothers building! It truly does take a community to raise a child. And if that means at 35 my chances significantly go down, then so be it. But knowing the mental exhaustion it can be, never let someone beg you for a grandchild that is going to be 1000% your responsibility. Whether you are ready or not.
I went through a shit storm after having my first child, labor and delivery was HELL, first few months caring for the baby was scary and painful, was just my partner and me, thank God we still strong our girl is 6 and we are one and done for sure. God is good.
The mom was very honest. This shows you have to really think of all scenarios and risks when it comes to marriage and kids. Death/ divorce single parenthood, special needs. etc. I wish parents well. 5/24/24.
lol my mom only had me and she told me how soo many women would judge her and tell her to have more kids because she will regret only having one (me). Like these women were throwing shade and etc lol. Those same women ended up having more kids and getting divorced. She loves how I'm the only child.
This poor woman has been through A LOT! Its hard but geezus this wasnt my experience and it wont be everyones exeprience but its good for everyone to know its not all sunshine and rainbows. But its not always THAT hard. She lost her job and her husband like that doesnt happen every time. Thats rough AF. I have 3 kids I would def do it again but with more money. You need a lot of money lol.
I don't actually see regrets in those videos. They just talk about all the issues they faced. I'm not a mom and consider having children, but I totally understand that children are not only love, cuteness and etc., but also a lifelong responsibility. You will have to share a huge part of your life with a child. I see the example of my mom, that despite all issues and knot having a clue what to do with a child when I was born, she doesn't regret. But I live not in US and quite often we have a support from grandparents, who leave nearby.
Having a child only sucks when there is no support system. Especially from the father. It sucks when you have no to help you. A village. We dont show up for each other like they use to so we dont have villages anymore. Thats a result of the loneliness in our generation. We don't show up for each other so we have no one when we have kids. Instead everyone ostracize you because your child is seen as a burden. Especially when they are young.
I had my kids when I was too dumb NOT to and I'm happy I did because I never would have done it otherwise and they are the light of my life. That being said, I don't recommend doing it that way. I believe you should do it after the rose colored glasses of having children are off.
The kids are not the problem, it’s the husbands. 😅 my husband helps me with everything. And works. I’m a stay at home mom, he has his own company. As soon as he is home, his dinner is ready, and after dinner, he takes over. He puts our child to bed, so I can rest. Never ever have I had a problem with having a child. Because my husband helps me. If he didn’t, I could not enjoy being a mom, I would be too stressed. So. Yeah, it’s the husbands, not the baby
This has become hard because we allowed a whole movement for decades to tell us that having families with children was not enough. The reality is it’s a selfless job that does not end. So I’m having a hard time understanding what some of thought it was going to be. Respectfully
The reason why I didn't judge my sister for hating that she has kids is because she explained why which made sense to me not only did she sacrifice her body but everything else for entitled lil brats that doesn't appreciate it plus who you have kids with play a huge part in it also so I don't blame her at all
@@RepentImmediately I get what you're saying but to be fair noone asked to be here not her not me not u but she was a teenager that fell in love with the wrong guy and now that she is gone I'm not going to blame her for choices we all had dumb moments as teens so since they are here and their dad other kids are in foster care I just help raise her kids so they don't feel unwanted I know we can't bring her back or undo her giving birth so it is what it is
I think the problem is not having kids (well if you feel like having them), the problem is everyone wants it all and do it all at the same time We should be having babies and : travel, work, going out etc How? This society wants us everywhere at once. But we're not ubiquitous. We're just human. This desire to do and be everything at once is good for businesses because the more we agitate ourselves, the more we have to spend money in their businesses (travel, going out etc) or produce money for them (ie being an employee) My comment is a bit off topic, but that's what that the thoughts coming to my mind
I talk to my sister all the time about how hard it is being a mom. She is 32 and still isn’t sure. You really don’t understand how hard it is until you are one yourself. Especially when you have a partner who has to be told what to do when your trying to figure it out yourself. My son has autism so it’s just a whole other struggle that your not prepared for.
My mother didn't feel strongly one way or the other..... My father 100% wanted kids. ATLEAST 2. he said. My older brother and I are born within 2 years of eachother. Mom does majority of house work, childcare AND has a fulltime job. while father only has a job.... He's got plenty of time to go out with friends, hang out with colleagues, go biking, take care of himself. through 6 years.. He gets worse and worse. When I am 6 ½ My brother had already gotten a Autism diagnose, so the professionals wanted to test me, because if one kid has a diagnose then there's a chance the other one does as well. I get sorted out and SURPRIIIISE I have autism too.... and ADHD ontop of that. father begins to put more distance, more work hours, almost never home. He comes home one night when I am 1 month from turning 7. Telling my mom he's leaving because she didn't give him "normal" kids. And he gets pissed that he has to pay child support... In order to not pay the highest possible child support.... he tries to take my mother to court .... to have me fulltime... because to him I was better at pretending to be "normal". He wanted to split my brother and I up. When my mother pointed out that he can't take care of a little child when he works so much and doesn't have a accomidating house. this P.O.S suggested that my mother could "babysit" me while he was at work and he could get her when he's done. "MEN" are dellutional!
Offering a different opinion… Yes, mothering is hard but it is so worth it!! I’m a 48 year old mother of 3 kids (21, 17, 12), full-time nurse, help run a family business, and have been married for 22 years. It is very hard, and there are many sacrifices. But my life is so full & meaningful. If you do want children, please don’t let fear and negativity steer you away from parenthood. Since becoming a mother, I’ve never worked so hard, but I’ve never experienced more joy either. ❤❤
Problem is, even if you have knowledge about labor, postpartum and taking care of newborn, and you think you are prepared, you are really not. And medical professionals are often not very helpful, because they mostly care about the baby and not you. I don't regret having my baby girl, but there was a time when I did, because I realized what the lady in this video said - your life is put on hold, and your needs are second to the baby's needs.
I have ond child and its the best thing that happened to me. But navigating your true self is hard. It can be lonely. I truelly believe having children is not for everyone. If you still have children but regret that to bad, you have to take responsebility for your child all the way. If you have physical or mental issues and it affects your child look for help. Dont fuck up your child.
Your son is your best friend? I feel sorry for his future mate/wife. You sound like one of those psycho mothers in the making who won't want to let their son go because he is her surrogate husband.
So people are so dum that they don’t thing it Will be hard? It’s the hardest thing you Will ever do! The shame, the tears, the sleepless nigths and you will never feel that you are doing enough! You get a new life as soon as that kid comes home with you. Don’t become a Mother if you aren’t ready for that. (And you will miss out of the biggest joy and love life can ever give you)
Motherhood is hard. It's not a walk in the park, no. Every day you are a mom. You can get help, you have to. One person can raise a child, but it will damage this person mentally. Some kids are nice and calm, some are like a hurricane.
And as usual, it's never about the child and always about the lack of support, which is never guaranteed even when it's promised in the beginning. Husbands, family, friends and workplaces can and do often reneg their offers of help once the child is in the world
I love motherhood. But i do not like people pressuring others to have children. A child deserves to be wanted and loved. There are too many parents hurting, killing and abusong their children. Have one of you want one, dont have one of you dont want them. Livd and let live, and respect each others choices.
I don't know what people expect having a child to be like. You're totally responsible for guarding another human being with your life. And that human being will have a will of it's own, and that will may not always align with yours. It's the hardest and most important job in all of existence. You are responsible for the continuation of the species. What about that sounds easy?
I love my kid to the moon and back but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't of have stayed child free. I also regret who I had her with, and plus, all of the parenting work always goes to the mother at the end of the day, while the fathers get to do whatever they want. Do not do it, childfree women, coming from a mom myself or make sure you have a lot of money and help from the community.
I'm so grateful that my father actually took care of me unlike some both my parents took care of me but my father was there at home more then my mother because of work but love and care about each other women if you notice red flags on your man leave that is not a man you would want to have children hell i wouldn't want to have children with them either if they don't help with taking care of the kids and being an actual good parent
always prioritize your husband and wife, over the baby. adults want to be loved and spoiled too. kids ruined that. they don't need 24/7 attention. and they won't be in your life forever, they are made to fly off. unless yours is special needs, than you're cursed and have to tell yourself it's a blessing until you die.
It seems like a good amount of guys just expect their wife to sacrifice and be the primary parent. I have been there and done that and am a single mom of two. Divorced shortly after our last was born. If you don't have a strong partner if you are with one, you get to see who they are when you're pregnant. It shouldn't be pushed on women that happiness is marriage or becoming a mother. We are different and our happiness is different.
Unfortunately though, misery loves company and all but a tiny minority of women, who have integrity and courage, will lie through their teeth that they enjoy motherhood even if it’s a blatant lie and they regret their choice.
most people dont think before having kids then when they have them they are blindsided by the realities. babies arent just cute little versions of you. toddlers need to be taught boundaries, emotional regulation and communication. children need to be taught life skills and decision making. teens need to be given patience and understanding also taught actual sex ed from the parents not schools..these babies will grow up to be adults with their own lives and personalities. parenting should not be taken lightly because it will literally be your whole life and theirs you're messing with. i will say i am against having children because the world we live in now will not be kind to them when they're adults. our government has been doing shady shit since Reagan, our safety nets are damn near gone, our villages are overworked and separated even if you think you'll give them the best, you actually need to think about your principles, morals, flaws, relationships, integrity, intelligence and patience before receiving that "blessing" that might turn out to be a "curse" if you are not 100% willing to treat them as humans and not as dolls, mini me, the glue to hold your relationship, milestones to meet, a science project, the opportunity to be apart of the childhood that you wish your parents gave you... and its not all about the money, another reason we should not burden our children with living in this capitalistic hell. its selfish to me as a childfree, black woman.
I thank all the brave women for being honest about the pros and cons of motherhood. I knew from the age of 9 I didn't want kids when I saw a childbirth video in my health class, but when I was about to get married, I sat down and made a list of the pros and cons of motherhood for me. My CONS list was a mile long, but my PROS list had 5 items. So, NO KIDS for me. I have never regretted my decision. I just turned 50.
Wow, that was so wise of you. And congratulations on your 50s🎉
just out of curiosity, how many cons and pros did you have? And would you mind sharing some of them?
Also, how did your husband, family and community react to your decision?
@dearbrave4183 My husband was initially on board with my childfree decision, but 4 years into the marriage, he changed his mind. I actually did get pregnant, but aborted it immediately. When I told him he became furious with me, so we got divorced. When I said childfree, I meant childfree. Anyway, he got with another woman and became a father. That baby wasn't even 4 months old and he tried to crawl back to me. He was over being a father just that fast. In any case, I just laughed at him and threw him a box of diapers. It was so satisfying.
My family was fine with my decision to be childfree. My older sister is also childfree, but my oldest sister had six kids, my older brother has 4 kids, and my younger brother has 2 kids. I have enough nieces and nephews. My family is very chill and doesn't trip like that. We support each other in our life decisions. Two of my nieces and one of my nephews are talking about being childfree as well.
As far as the community, I have gotten some shocked reactions when people find out I am childfree, but they don't say anything mean. I guess because they can tell I am a black woman with strong boundaries who takes no sh*t. People always know who they can clown, and I am not the one.
As far as my pros and cons list, here are some:
PROS
1. Having a cute little baby to play with and nuture
2. Social acceptance
3. Passing on wisdom and knowledge
4. Watching a child discover and grow
5. Maybe the child will be a positive catalyst for making the world a better place
CONS
1. Pregnancy and childbirth
2. Loss of sleep
3. Loss of freedom
4. Very expensive
5. Being abandoned by the father to be a single mother
6. Growing apart from my husband because we now have a kid between us
7. Career advancement severely curtailed
8. Expense of childcare and uncertainty of having strangers watch your kids all day
9. So much danger for kids in the world
10. Climate change
11. Bullying
12. Horrible school system
I could go on with the cons, but you get my drift.
There are drugs for everything in life but the best drugs are for childbirth. I am sorry for your loss but hbd
@@Childfree334thank you so much for sharing the story. I'm especially inspired by how you stuck to your convictions on not having children. My favourite show is Bojack Horseman and the one storyline I live for is the one where chidlfree Diane discovers that she is pregnant and swiftly aborts, doesn't even second guess. Being childfree is not something one should every compromise on. You know if you're the child rearing type or not. I'm the latter and feel blessed to have been with my husband for almost 17 years without children and with no intention to change that.
@@Childfree334 thank you for sharing your story!❤️ I screenshoted and saved! I am sure your husband would have equally left, if you had kept the child, just like he did to the other woman. Your determination is admirable!
I wish more women were more secure in their decisions and were willing to let go of the man if necessary. Sadly, many previously child free women have been guilted into having children just to keep the man, only to be left afterwards.
See how quickly her husband left her when things got hard!? Ladies please be careful and understand men aren’t really reliable when making big decisions in your life.
Nah. Dude just wanted a family.
@@Zethisis25 He had one and he still left
@@Zethisis25he just wanted to abandon a family? What a POS. Imagine being stuck with someone like that for life because you had a kid with them.
That's just her (ex)husband. I know couples where mother required medical help for a long time, and fathers did well caring for children, taking care of their wife and work. Sure, it was very hard on them, but let's not be sexist, loyal men are out there.
@@Zethisis25
Dude, youre absolutelyB S L O W 😆 He literally LEFT his family. You ok???
As an over-thinker… I already realized this WITHOUT having kids…I figured all this out by watching my mom be a single mom and watching the patterns of others.
You are a very smart and observant person. I also figured out marriage and motherhood were not in my future by watching my own mother and other women in my community. Sheer misery 😢😢😢
I also watched my mom and the women around me even the marriage didn't serve them they are just miserable then I decided tf no that is not my story.
Same!!! It’s a lot!! 🥰👏🏾💯
Right, I never want to suffer how my mother suffered alone. Seems torturous!
All you childless women will know what suffering is later in life in your elder life
You dont have child or children for society but yourself
Single, celibate & childfree. It takes a village to raise a child and I don’t have nor want one. I cut ppl off for the slightest inconveniences and a child just seems too permanent.
I feel this on every level
Childe 😊right there with you
Same. Single, celibate since 2019 and also childfree, still have stress but nothing like a lot other people...
Just got a message this morning from our housekeeper. She going to be late because the father of her boys who was supposed to pick them up is playing pickle ball and doesn’t want to leave. She has to drive the boys to the next town to drop them off to him. That’s the kind of crap women have to put up with. Here she is on a Sunday working 7 days a week and he is playing pickle ball.
Smh
Wow. That's why married women and married mothers are called single married women and single married mothers. The husbands stay on vacation mode before and after the kids
The SAME reason why I opted out of marriage and having kids in the first damn place. 🙄😐🤦🏾♀️💯
Maybe give her the day off?
Yup.
See, it should be law that when you have a man's baby, the hospital delivery bill goes directly to him. Your body has already been paying for almost 10 months...
They should make that law for real. I bet you wouldn't see them dropping babies in every woman and leaving single moms all over the place. It will immediately hold them responsible..well at least financially.
Developed countries have public healthcare.
No private hospital bills for childbirth.
@@CordeliaWagnerclearly she's talking about America where we cant afford prenatal care, hospital births and now can't get abortions when we don't want or cant afford pregnncies or kids.
It should also be a law that if you don't want to chance pregnancy, then just stay away from men. You don't have to give them access to your body in the first place to get you pregnant. See how that goes? I am all for women's empowerment, but we also need to take responsibility for our own reproductive choices. Celibacy and/or abstinence are options. If you must have s3x, vibrators and other s3x toys exist for a reason.
@@Childfree334I wish people were a bit more educated before saying stuff like this. I’m all for birth control for both genders because clearly women are blamed for having eggs and getting pregnant when men have sperm and usually get their partners pregnant even with the use of female birth control or condoms
One of the things that shocks me is how many women don't even "see" their own Mother. My Mother sacrificed every day for me. This is why I am CF. I know what my Mother did for me and my siblings. She wanted to be a Mom, but she went through a lot. Please "see" your Mother!
That’s all good unless ur mom is a narcissistic as f
This
Yes. I saw what my mother went through. Then I decided I want neither a man nor a child in my life.
My mother was divorced in 1960. My father had no interest in me, and I never saw him after I was 2 1/2. Her parents lived with us, so I had plenty of attention, but my mother had no life beyond work and family. I didn't want that. It turned out that my stable marriage ended. I tried to still have a life while raising my son. I guess I didn't do the best job, but I did the best I could and my mother did help me. My point is we can not predict the future, and if we believe we can avoid the single parent struggle, don't be so sure. I would have made different choices if I had known what was coming.
@@Lisa-mw6teyes I think we like to take ourself out of the equation and say that you never be me l. But I could some stuff is out off our control and men are flaky. My man would never and bam he is out here nevering. Luckily I had an active farther however there is no foolproof way to know if your husband/bf will be one.
If you’re on the fence, DON’T have kids! You’re signing up for a life of constant worrying.
I have high anxiety already and fear what that would manifest into if I had a baby
Yes! And the kids would be miserable too, imagine living in a home where you’re not wanted .. so sad
My 4 kids are the greatest blessings of my life, they make my heart full and I don’t sorry because God has been good, he will protect the like he has always protected me.
@@JesusLovesYouSoMuch1 good for you! 👍🏾
@@JesusLovesYouSoMuch1😂 you are crazy. Jesus aint real
I knew I didnt want kids since I was about 15 years old.. I am 40 now and I am still very happy being childfree. Pregnancy, giving birth, the lack of sleep, the worries, the messy house, the noise... F no!
Right? I left a comment here for someone who mentioned they wanted a team of boys and I wonder why? I know it might be biological, but I don't understand the strong desire beyond that. I NEVER wanted kids and still don't and i'm about to be 44.
I love this comment so much!🤣
Same. I knew I didn't want any kid since I was 15 aswell. I am 30 now and struggling to bet my tubes removed. No doctor accepts to do it.
So glad I made it to 41, childfree😂
I sadly have to Tell you black dont crack, that means you like 28-33jears so you have more time to have children hahhahahhaha. Funnyyy and tru
I'm 40 and a mother to 1. I had him when I was 25. I'm still married to my sons father. If I could go back in time I would Undue everything. I do regret it all. Although I love my son to the moon and back, I had to make major sacrifices while my husband made none.
I will always be grateful to my husband of over thirty years for putting the brakes on my sudden desire to become pregnant when I turned thirty six,after not wanting them at all,up until that particularly fraught birthday.The desire for motherhood passed very quickly,and he and I continued our pleasant child free existence.We are now respectively 69 and 80 years of age,and upon occasion we have spoken of that time,just shaking our heads over the crazy biology of the female body.(It was as if being young and healthy created the urge,despite my very strong aversion to becoming a mother.)
There is a petty part of me that I am actively working on, admittedly. When I let my pettiness flourish, I want an apology from some women in general, especially those who shamed us for not wanting kids. I'm 44 , black and I would say beginning at age 18 I felt more or less shamed for not wanting kids and saying I had no desire to. And I found the presumption that I had kids offensive , as if by just being a BW , I had to be a single mother.
In my 20s, it got worse but once I reached my 30s, it came off as a judgment and that I was somehow deficient as a woman and not normal.
It still did not change my mind, and for me, being alive right now to witness this mass conversation and turn around is satisfying..and affirming. I know I'll never get the apology from the hundreds of women over three decades that did this to me, the fact of the matter is that I was right even if the "apology" never comes. The admitting is an apology in itself.
I’m so happy you stuck by what you wanted and didn’t let the pressure get to you. Although you may be hurting from the pain of peoples words, at least you are not living a life of regret. 😊
That’s because misery loves company. Those same women that told you you were wrong for not wanting kids wanted you to be miserable just like them. My mother does the same. If I were to take her relationship advice, I would be a miserable single mother with three different baby daddies just like her.
This happened to me too, sis. The women in my family shamed me for wanting to be single and not having kids when "everybody else" did, and now look at them. Scrambling to get out of their marriages with 6 kids. No shade AT ALL! BUT... what works for you doesn't work for me. Vice versa.
@@Knottyautumnfucking same lol
I'm 41, black, childfree. I never have had a desire to have kids either. I still can't figure out what the appeal or big deal about having them is. They're cute sometimes, but that doesn't make it worth it to me what you have to do to concieve one, months of carrying a baby,extreme pain of childbirth, the baby's bodily functions and loud noises/cries, the costs of raising the kid, the messes they make, etc.
I really wished these videos were around before I had my son. I knew it was going to be hard but I underestimated how challenging it would be. I’m married but I do everything. I make sure all his needs are met, I make sure all the bills are paid, (sometimes I’m the one paying all the bills). It’s just too much. Everything happened all at once, bought a house as a single woman, got pregnant a few months later, got married a week before my son was born and now I’m suffering. I’m grateful for my mom’s help but it’s hard.
I’m sorry you have a useless husband.
Im 40 Childfree and LOVE MY LIFE ❤❤❤❤BEST CHOICE I EVER MADE.
I've known since age 16 that motherhood is definitely not my interest. It has never appealed to me nor will it ever interest me to prioritize any man nor burden myself with children. Life is SO beautiful & peaceful. 🤗 I keep building my money & I thoroughly enjoy my life on my terms.
Thanks for sharing!
Marriage and/or children is a choice, not an obligation. You just have to be strong enough to make the choice for you and have people in your life who support your choices. There are plenty of us out there!
Everything this woman talked about made me glad i chose to be childfree. I was getting stressed and overwhelmed just hearing about her talking about it.
So many women lie to themselves and each other! It's wonderful to see women so truthful!!!!
Some folks are in their egos so much and miserable that they rather convince you to join the misery club so that they can have someone to relate and trauma bond with.
For those who are speaking up and telling folks what’s really real RESPECT‼️🫡❤
My mother used to ask me and I finally laid it out, because A) I don't date, you've never seen me bring home anybody so with whom am I having this baby because I am not going to be a single mother. B) Are you going to help, because you have a whole grandchild and you complain about her every time you see her, and I love 4 hrs away. If you don't plan on helping why are you pushing it?
The village needed to raise children has all damn near disappeared. I am under no illusion that anyone would help me because there are many a married single mother. All my friends complain about thier husbands, nobody takes care of the kids but them. No thank you
Whatever you decide, make sure that it is YOUR choice. Also, if you do have children, don't have anymore than you can support on your own. You never know what will happen in life.
Since I was a child I never wanted to become a mother and here I am again at 37, childfree and more than happy. 😂😂😂😂lol 😂
Same, turning 33 this year
Don't have kids unless you're rich.
And mentally/emotionally sound. Which money can afford lol
You need a good support system of people u can trust more than you need money.
@@hlengiwemasondo2858OP is correct. Money can buy a hell of a support system.
@@hlengiwemasondo2858 Yes but money can also buy the support you need.
Any woman can be a mom but it takes a whole lot to be a good mom!
I'm a mother of two. I don't regret having my first, but I do my second. He is much harder to deal with than my first born. He cries all the time and over nothing. I'm honestly struggling. My bond with him was very strong at the beginning, but it is slowly waning away. I don't want to feel this, I want to love him as I did at the beginning, but he is a very difficult baby. I'm here to see if anyone else has been this way and if things got better? It makes me sad that I feel this way.
Yep
On our way to a society with the authorities deciding who can have children with whom.
Well done humanity!
Here’s a thought ladies. Start momuins. White women are starting to do it. Women should help each other. Me and my sister are in the process of buying a big house and all our kids will live there as well as our mother. And we’ll work as a team and combine our Resources. We’ve done it before and saved so much while doing it. Work together ladies!!!
Just wow. We really need to learn history. Extended family living did not start with Europeans by a long shot. It's been around for centuries in Asian,African,Hispanic and Indian cultures. 🤦🏽♀️
@@MA-wo5ykshe only said “white women” started to do it again”… maybe cause she has seen it online or whatever… what has triggered you? That she said white?
@@Mehmehidk if correcting disinformation is being triggered then baby color me with a big T😂
@@MA-wo5yk i swear I saw the word “again” in her statement and honestly didn’t thought about who started first… (like black or white or asian). And what I saw from your comment was just pointing out the race from where it all started, while in my opinion… this is a really delicate topic and we just should help each other’s… My bad ma’am. Didn’t mean to offend you
Also English is not my first language so I understand that the word “triggering” can be somehow misleading in these times and it’s taken as an insult maybe.
I grew up in a small town < 2500 ppl and I literally remember the community raising us (growing up in the era of being able to be outside until the street lights came on lol gave moms a bit of a respite and us kids were looked out for by neighbors too) plus my mother had a network of women/mothers/extended family who helped shoulder the burden; it was a different time and not to romanticize it but even with that “village” in place, I knew when I was a teen I didn’t want to be a mother.
So, I couldn’t even imagine having children in this time.
Wow! So much of what she says about being a single mother and having to put the child's needs before your own goals, or desires, is so true. She seems to be very well organized and thinks things through, at this point. Curious to know what happened with the child's father...What happened to their "relationship"... Even if the marriage ended, he should still help.
Absolutely!!
Im maternal and loving to my dogs and cats! Completely fulfilling for me! I do worry about when i get old, not having anyone to take care of me. Is it fair to have a child for that reason? No. It's an important choice, maybe the most important. Everyone has to do whats best for them but i don't think you should have a child for selfish reasons. Too many people do.
I love my son but i wouldn't DARE have another child.
They always think they're the exception, thats why channels doscussing childfree life are so important.
I had a husband who said his dream was to be a father. Then he had multiple affairs with 3 women when I was pregnant. Then I had to decide if I wanted to divorce him and literally have the courts force me to share my baby with him and his other women or stay married in humiliation to keep my child from those other women. I stayed married 5 years until my son could speak well. I divorced. Split custody down middle. My son is autistic. He was a ray of light until he hit teen years and now hes sullen and miserable and as hes aged his autism has somehow gotten worse. Now I doubt he will be able to work. I doubt he will ever even have a relationship. He can do more to improve those odds but refuses to even try. Hes disrespectful and now my job is to just work and walk on eggshells in my own home to keep from setting him off. His dad does nothing to help because he remarried and hit a midlife crisis and decided to transition into a woman. Got arrested for domestic assault so I took full custody. He can still see dad but dad is crazy as a loon and selfish and no roll model.
I shouldn't have had my son. There is nothing to look forward to.
well said, the truth
Please tell me this is made up…….
For many of us childbirth ruined our body and when our husband was no longer the center of all our attention he left. My only child is grown and I still wouldn't do it if I had the chance to go back and choose differently. Kids grow up and move away into their own lives and moms are left broken down and alone - don't even get me started on the cost of raising a child...simply not worth it.
I am sooooo happy more women are prioritizing themselves, their mental wellness, and fullness of life……. I adore my daughter, but I pray she also cultivates the type of life she wants BEFORE she EVER has children… if she even wants to. I’m supporting her either way….my goal is to provide her a life of options.
Raising children with no support will dang near give you PTSD…. And God forbid your child be born with a disability/special need…. It’s a heavy burden. The women in my circle have saved my life. When women come together, we shift the landscape.
My husband and I are one and done. Literally days after we got home with our son we knew, one was perfect for us. Kids do not fix your relationship, they will challenge it daily. Kids are not babies forever. And society is NOT set up to support families. I have a good job, my husband stays at home, I have fantastic in laws who adore my son…and this sh!t is STILL EXHAUSTING. It is not romantic at all, it is hard work. Emotionally draining because for the rest of your life you will be thinking about them. I know I would be a terrible mom, anxious, stressed, short tempered, less patient, romantic relationship would be ruined, if I had another. It. Is. Hard. I would die for my son, he is my life. That’s WHY it’s so hard.
that poor kid. to wind up with you as a parent. i support you never having more children, its in everyones interest. have a nice day.
It’s literally expected that a guy will lose interest after she gets pregnant ! Her body changes and it’s just not what you think it will be.
As a childfree woman,I can't tell you how much appreciation I have for these moms telling the truth about what it's actually like to have a child 💛🤍💝
know ur limits ladies stay single and child free its not for every woman
As a mother I’m telling you don’t get married and don’t have kids
Yes. I had kids and was discarded. My own family shaming me because I chose the wrong man. Don't do it.
At she has parents to go home to. I had none of that. I am happy that people are willing to listen to other cultures about the reality of being a parent.
People take too lightly the decision to make more people. Society throws all the responsibility on women what’s unnatural. Human beings suppose to be raised by a whole community: mother, father, grandparents, uncles and aunties, friends. The load of this incredible responsibility should be shared.
If you’re a woman and feels like you must have children to fill society expectations: don’t!
If you’re a woman who has no support, don’t have children. If you’re a woman who don’t want kids but your partner dreams to be a dad: don’t!
If you’re not sure if you want kids or not: just don’t.
No one deserves the trauma and suffering to be raised by a mum who hates to be a mother, no one deserves to carry the burden to be responsible for their mothers misery (I know because I’m a 35 yo who was raised by a single mother who hated every second motherhood, and in some point of my life I just told her I would rather never being born). Just don’t, live your life, be happy, let the children for who really wants them.
I had my daughter at 19 and was a single mum. At times it was hard but now she’s almost 16 and I can honestly say it’s been an amazing experience. My advice is ‘ no man is an island’ try to cultivate relationships with people so you can all share the load.
Please don' t have kids if you are not ready ready those poor babies😢
I so appreciate the honesty.. Thank you ladies!!
I love my son,but i wish i never become a mother.
Hate it
But i was manipulated and trapped with a evil demon Narcissist,hate my life now,i wanted to be alone and free 4 ever.
Damn if this is really how you feel at least you're being honest but your child is an innocent soul who deserves a good childhood it will get better maybe when they hit their teens
@ceecee8924 yes I feel this way,I didn't want to.
Found out I have autism/ADHD,CTPSD,SOCIAL ANXIETY,BODERLINE DISORDER...
I didn't want to be a mother,all my life was with traumas,mother narcissistic and ex partner,all my life with abuses,I didn't recognise because autism people don't see it.
@@marisiaspencer9819 I'm sorry find a therapist to unpack all that
@@marisiaspencer9819I hope you make your mental health a top priority because your child is gonna suffer immensely if you don't.
My father says all the time that if he could do his life over again he wouldn't have a kid. Im his only child, and he loves me but he isn't shy about how parenthood just wasn't the right path for him and I'm grateful for that
What the mom said about romanticizing is what I struggle with. I’m a Black woman and know people have their own expectations of me. I know it’s not easy, but I think seeing how people react to women and how they treat them better does get to me. It’s all over Twitter and Instagram. And kids are so adorable but I know they are not easy to raise. I also know that deep down I don’t want to have kids and struggle because I sometimes feel guilty or selfish. However, it is my life.
You're not selfish for not having kids. Being selfish would be having kids when you know you don't want them just so you can conform to the standards of other people. These people aren't living your life, you don't owe them to have a kid for appearances.
Remember that the vast majority of family vloggers/influencers only show you what they want you to see, the good times only, most of them don't post about the hard times, the arguments, the frustration, the pain, the fatigue, the real costs of having children etc...
I actually get treated even more like crap and have been bullied for being a mother , by men.. the infantalisation in pregnancy was worse for me .. actually gotten screamed at for picking up a ladder
Real mother here who always wanted to have kids, 3 in fact. I ended up with only two kids. Don't get me wrong, I love both of my kids and I'm doing the best I can to raise them to be decent human beings. But the man I had them with is a piece of human garbage who I should have never dated let alone married. I feel like I am 100% alone in this, I have no support system and it is tough. If you're even kind of on the fence about having kids, don't even do it. I 100% wanted to have kids and it is really hard in all aspects of my life. I've always wanted to get out of the city I live in, for practically all my life, and it didn't happen when I was a young adult. Then I met him when I was 24 and got stuck in this city because he wasn't going anywhere. I am staying here for the sake of my kids but it's really hard because I've been wanting to get out of here for the past 15 years. I'm going to deal with it and stay here until they are adults but in the meantime it sucks. Just know that if you want kids, it will most likely take extreme sacrifice on your part.
Sometimes we could do all the right things as a parent but they will not always come out good. I have a 22 year old daughter and I can’t stand being around she is a very disrespectful , dangerous person.
Why are there always Pampers ads played before a childfree vid?
😂😂😂
Your earrings/outfit is stunning!
Thank you so much
In the UK we have the issue that women want to get pregnant for government housing and benefits 😢 and then they have more kids to keep the benefits coming in 😢
Growing up, I was raised by my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles, my after school & church! Today, more than 1/2 of what I grew up on doesn’t exist for this next generation. Being in my 30s, my bfs parents constantly joke about wanting grandkids, and I constantly joke back that then need to move to where we are (we live in 2 different states). As I got older, I started to realize that my mom was SMART the way she had us in so many activities and also being at after school where we were literally across the street from my grandmothers building! It truly does take a community to raise a child. And if that means at 35 my chances significantly go down, then so be it. But knowing the mental exhaustion it can be, never let someone beg you for a grandchild that is going to be 1000% your responsibility. Whether you are ready or not.
The 35 age cut off is a myth. Take care of yourself no matter what in this crazy world.
Childfree here. IUD and I don't even date 😂😅😊.
I went through a shit storm after having my first child, labor and delivery was HELL, first few months caring for the baby was scary and painful, was just my partner and me, thank God we still strong our girl is 6 and we are one and done for sure. God is good.
Love these videos they need to be played in school so young women can know what it truly is. The trifecta is real marriage kids divorce.
The mom was very honest. This shows you have to really think of all scenarios and risks when it comes to marriage and kids. Death/ divorce single parenthood, special needs. etc. I wish parents well. 5/24/24.
lol my mom only had me and she told me how soo many women would judge her and tell her to have more kids because she will regret only having one (me). Like these women were throwing shade and etc lol. Those same women ended up having more kids and getting divorced. She loves how I'm the only child.
This poor woman has been through A LOT! Its hard but geezus this wasnt my experience and it wont be everyones exeprience but its good for everyone to know its not all sunshine and rainbows. But its not always THAT hard. She lost her job and her husband like that doesnt happen every time. Thats rough AF. I have 3 kids I would def do it again but with more money. You need a lot of money lol.
I don't actually see regrets in those videos. They just talk about all the issues they faced.
I'm not a mom and consider having children, but I totally understand that children are not only love, cuteness and etc., but also a lifelong responsibility. You will have to share a huge part of your life with a child. I see the example of my mom, that despite all issues and knot having a clue what to do with a child when I was born, she doesn't regret. But I live not in US and quite often we have a support from grandparents, who leave nearby.
Having a child only sucks when there is no support system. Especially from the father. It sucks when you have no to help you. A village. We dont show up for each other like they use to so we dont have villages anymore. Thats a result of the loneliness in our generation. We don't show up for each other so we have no one when we have kids. Instead everyone ostracize you because your child is seen as a burden. Especially when they are young.
My brother and sister-in-law have more support than the law allows yet she told me the other day that my nephew is the rest she drinks.
The harder women work … the less they will want to have children
I never want kids
I had my kids when I was too dumb NOT to and I'm happy I did because I never would have done it otherwise and they are the light of my life. That being said, I don't recommend doing it that way. I believe you should do it after the rose colored glasses of having children are off.
The kids are not the problem, it’s the husbands. 😅 my husband helps me with everything. And works. I’m a stay at home mom, he has his own company. As soon as he is home, his dinner is ready, and after dinner, he takes over. He puts our child to bed, so I can rest. Never ever have I had a problem with having a child. Because my husband helps me. If he didn’t, I could not enjoy being a mom, I would be too stressed. So. Yeah, it’s the husbands, not the baby
This has become hard because we allowed a whole movement for decades to tell us that having families with children was not enough.
The reality is it’s a selfless job that does not end. So I’m having a hard time understanding what some of thought it was going to be.
Respectfully
i have never romanticized motherhood.🥶
The reason why I didn't judge my sister for hating that she has kids is because she explained why which made sense to me not only did she sacrifice her body but everything else for entitled lil brats that doesn't appreciate it plus who you have kids with play a huge part in it also so I don't blame her at all
What are they supposed to be appreciating? The fact that she thought she could fulfill herself by forcing someone to exist?
@@RepentImmediately I get what you're saying but to be fair noone asked to be here not her not me not u but she was a teenager that fell in love with the wrong guy and now that she is gone I'm not going to blame her for choices we all had dumb moments as teens so since they are here and their dad other kids are in foster care I just help raise her kids so they don't feel unwanted I know we can't bring her back or undo her giving birth so it is what it is
@@RepentImmediately❤ 😂. So true. Parent logic "I forced you to exist in this terrible world to benefit ME, so you better be grateful."
7 years of crying. Thats how long the crying lasts on the daily. Its brutal.
Functional extended family is really the key….bit not always possible…
I think the problem is not having kids (well if you feel like having them), the problem is everyone wants it all and do it all at the same time
We should be having babies and : travel, work, going out etc
How?
This society wants us everywhere at once. But we're not ubiquitous. We're just human. This desire to do and be everything at once is good for businesses because the more we agitate ourselves, the more we have to spend money in their businesses (travel, going out etc) or produce money for them (ie being an employee)
My comment is a bit off topic, but that's what that the thoughts coming to my mind
I talk to my sister all the time about how hard it is being a mom. She is 32 and still isn’t sure. You really don’t understand how hard it is until you are one yourself. Especially when you have a partner who has to be told what to do when your trying to figure it out yourself. My son has autism so it’s just a whole other struggle that your not prepared for.
It is the hardest thing to do in the world…. And it never ends only gets easier if you raised them ok
My mother didn't feel strongly one way or the other..... My father 100% wanted kids. ATLEAST 2. he said.
My older brother and I are born within 2 years of eachother. Mom does majority of house work, childcare AND has a fulltime job. while father only has a job.... He's got plenty of time to go out with friends, hang out with colleagues, go biking, take care of himself.
through 6 years.. He gets worse and worse.
When I am 6 ½ My brother had already gotten a Autism diagnose, so the professionals wanted to test me, because if one kid has a diagnose then there's a chance the other one does as well.
I get sorted out and SURPRIIIISE I have autism too.... and ADHD ontop of that.
father begins to put more distance, more work hours, almost never home.
He comes home one night when I am 1 month from turning 7. Telling my mom he's leaving because she didn't give him "normal" kids.
And he gets pissed that he has to pay child support...
In order to not pay the highest possible child support.... he tries to take my mother to court .... to have me fulltime... because to him I was better at pretending to be "normal".
He wanted to split my brother and I up.
When my mother pointed out that he can't take care of a little child when he works so much and doesn't have a accomidating house. this P.O.S suggested that my mother could "babysit" me while he was at work and he could get her when he's done.
"MEN" are dellutional!
Offering a different opinion… Yes, mothering is hard but it is so worth it!! I’m a 48 year old mother of 3 kids (21, 17, 12), full-time nurse, help run a family business, and have been married for 22 years. It is very hard, and there are many sacrifices. But my life is so full & meaningful. If you do want children, please don’t let fear and negativity steer you away from parenthood. Since becoming a mother, I’ve never worked so hard, but I’ve never experienced more joy either. ❤❤
Thanks for sharing!!
So do you have a partner to help?
@@018milliondollarbaby yes, I have a husband of 22 years
Didn’t you read that she has been married for 22 years now?
Problem is, even if you have knowledge about labor, postpartum and taking care of newborn, and you think you are prepared, you are really not. And medical professionals are often not very helpful, because they mostly care about the baby and not you. I don't regret having my baby girl, but there was a time when I did, because I realized what the lady in this video said - your life is put on hold, and your needs are second to the baby's needs.
when I talk to older people, they say they'd never marry again if they had the option of a time machine
I have ond child and its the best thing that happened to me. But navigating your true self is hard. It can be lonely. I truelly believe having children is not for everyone. If you still have children but regret that to bad, you have to take responsebility for your child all the way. If you have physical or mental issues and it affects your child look for help. Dont fuck up your child.
My son is 16 and he is my best friend . I love our long conversations our laughters I can’t imagine not having him in my life …
Your son is your best friend? I feel sorry for his future mate/wife. You sound like one of those psycho mothers in the making who won't want to let their son go because he is her surrogate husband.
When.men want the child/children. You become a mother. Then he leaves because he can't handle the mundanity of being a family.
Yeah, great.
So people are so dum that they don’t thing it Will be hard? It’s the hardest thing you Will ever do! The shame, the tears, the sleepless nigths and you will never feel that you are doing enough! You get a new life as soon as that kid comes home with you. Don’t become a Mother if you aren’t ready for that. (And you will miss out of the biggest joy and love life can ever give you)
Motherhood is hard. It's not a walk in the park, no. Every day you are a mom. You can get help, you have to. One person can raise a child, but it will damage this person mentally. Some kids are nice and calm, some are like a hurricane.
And as usual, it's never about the child and always about the lack of support, which is never guaranteed even when it's promised in the beginning. Husbands, family, friends and workplaces can and do often reneg their offers of help once the child is in the world
I’m not tryna be no black baby mama y’all won’t put that narrative on me
I love motherhood. But i do not like people pressuring others to have children. A child deserves to be wanted and loved. There are too many parents hurting, killing and abusong their children. Have one of you want one, dont have one of you dont want them. Livd and let live, and respect each others choices.
25 and couldn't preconceive what raising a child would involve...in the 21st century smh
I don't know what people expect having a child to be like. You're totally responsible for guarding another human being with your life. And that human being will have a will of it's own, and that will may not always align with yours. It's the hardest and most important job in all of existence. You are responsible for the continuation of the species. What about that sounds easy?
Did the First Lady say she lost Her marriage 😢sorry ouch 😓
I love my kid to the moon and back but if I could go back in time, I wouldn't of have stayed child free. I also regret who I had her with, and plus, all of the parenting work always goes to the mother at the end of the day, while the fathers get to do whatever they want.
Do not do it, childfree women, coming from a mom myself or make sure you have a lot of money and help from the community.
I'm so grateful that my father actually took care of me unlike some both my parents took care of me but my father was there at home more then my mother because of work but love and care about each other women if you notice red flags on your man leave that is not a man you would want to have children hell i wouldn't want to have children with them either if they don't help with taking care of the kids and being an actual good parent
always prioritize your husband and wife, over the baby. adults want to be loved and spoiled too. kids ruined that. they don't need 24/7 attention. and they won't be in your life forever, they are made to fly off. unless yours is special needs, than you're cursed and have to tell yourself it's a blessing until you die.
Thank you for this video! 🙏🏾
You're so welcome!
I feel like the message is really be careful who you have kids with. Its not that she doesn't want to be a MO she doesn't want to he a single mom
Most women, including married, are single mom in real life.
It seems like a good amount of guys just expect their wife to sacrifice and be the primary parent. I have been there and done that and am a single mom of two. Divorced shortly after our last was born. If you don't have a strong partner if you are with one, you get to see who they are when you're pregnant. It shouldn't be pushed on women that happiness is marriage or becoming a mother. We are different and our happiness is different.
Uh welll yeah i don't know how to see this i mean imagine the child listening to this.....i hope they let her listen when she has passed 25
Unfortunately though, misery loves company and all but a tiny minority of women, who have integrity and courage, will lie through their teeth that they enjoy motherhood even if it’s a blatant lie and they regret their choice.
most people dont think before having kids then when they have them they are blindsided by the realities. babies arent just cute little versions of you. toddlers need to be taught boundaries, emotional regulation and communication. children need to be taught life skills and decision making. teens need to be given patience and understanding also taught actual sex ed from the parents not schools..these babies will grow up to be adults with their own lives and personalities. parenting should not be taken lightly because it will literally be your whole life and theirs you're messing with.
i will say i am against having children because the world we live in now will not be kind to them when they're adults. our government has been doing shady shit since Reagan, our safety nets are damn near gone, our villages are overworked and separated even if you think you'll give them the best, you actually need to think about your principles, morals, flaws, relationships, integrity, intelligence and patience before receiving that "blessing" that might turn out to be a "curse" if you are not 100% willing to treat them as humans and not as dolls, mini me, the glue to hold your relationship, milestones to meet, a science project, the opportunity to be apart of the childhood that you wish your parents gave you... and its not all about the money, another reason we should not burden our children with living in this capitalistic hell. its selfish to me as a childfree, black woman.