Yeah, your last advice musta hit me hard as I woke up and all the angst, fear, and even feelings ceased. To the point where I DONT EVEN CARE anymore if she ever reaches out again. I was a secure attached guy all the way up to recently dealing with this DA. I’m pretty sure she WILL reach out eventually a week, months whatever. As I think she felt smothered. But not unattracted if that makes sense. And it was left on good terms. But I’m done devaluing myself over feelings. Great Vid Dis!
👏🏾💥No👏🏾💥 one should have to beg anyone to meet them half way‼️ I don't care what your/their attachment style is, if they are incapable of meeting your needs it's time to free yourself and them from an unfulfilling situation 🙏🏾❤️ I'm not about promoting staying in toxic situations. They don't deserve a chance if they don't TRY. The right person will not make you jump through hoops, DA, AP, Secure, doesn't matter their relationship handicap ❤️❤️
1. When did you become aware you were DA and how would one go about approaching someone that they might have this behavior type? 2. What would cause a DA to come out of no contact and attempt to reattach themselves after basically being non responsive? DA ex gf of 2 and half years began slow fade and breadcrumbed before completely disappearing. 2 months later shows up highly flirtatious like nothing happened but shutdown when confronted by need to know what happened and where she went. I mean eyes glazed over staring into space shutdown. In a complete no contact now.
Hey 😊 thank you for sharing your perspective. My ex broke up with me out of the blue since she is primary FA but leaning extremely DA after the breakup. I gave her some time after and decided to contact her. We did not fight or anything after the BU. But she never texted me back though my texts were casual at first. A couple of weeks later I tried again, still no response. I then asked her to block me which she then did (I just wanted her to react) What the heck is going on? A day before she left me she told me she loved me. I always felt a connection after the BU though there was no contact. What can I do?
What does it mean if they break no contact and then they tell you that they would like you to call them more often and then you finally do and they pull back again?
I understand that as to rely on your intuion. your situation is unique, no one knows how to handle it ... Just do your best. This is how i understand it.
I’m conflicted and want to remain in no contact. I play the long game okay and accept it but what if I have my belongings at their place of residence? I’ve been waiting it out but that’s the only thing on my mind haha
What if the person breaks no contact and messages sharing what is going on in her life and asking for an update about my life? Should I answer or will that push her away?
@@hugorcedeno4394 If you want to get back together, you don’t ghost or ignore them if they reach out to you. But keep it short and brief. Do not push for getting back together in a relationship. Don’t tell them you’re missing them.
@@hugorcedeno4394 If you want to get back, then reply, but keep it light. If you’re starving and the buffet just arrived, she’ll pick up vibe and withdraw. Pretend you’re talking to her like I you’ve just met. Don’t bring up the past!
Thanks. I guess will break it, she is going through a lot and I just want to be supportive (if she is reaching out for that). Don’t want to get back together right now.
@@dismissibleme Thanks! I broke no contact and we started messaging slowly, exchanging texts once a week now (mirroring word count and reply times). Is this enough space to make the person feel safe or should I go back to no contact? We had just been catching up briefly but this person says is looking forward for us to be easygoing after some time (not sure what that means).
I'm not trying to be funny, honestly. It sounds like they have tried to make themselves clear and there's resistance to accepting where this other person is at
@@dismissibleme I know… I just found the directness of your response a little funny because it’s so obvious… I find that a lot of the questions partners or ex partners of DA’s ask especially on reddit have been answered very directly by the DA a lot of times. I would say I’m dismissive avoidant too and have had times when I set a very clear/direct boundary and the other person thinks I must not mean what I am saying because it’s not what they’ll like to hear. Almost like they see it as protest behaviour just because that might be how they operate; saying no when they mean yes and hoping for the other person to chase them. I don’t operate that way and that’s very hard to digest for some people. It’s annoying actually…
I definitely feel everything that you just wrote. Many (not all) anxious attachers feel very entitled, for lack of a better term, to second, third, fourth and fifth chances. You can be very clear and upfront with your boundaries and what you will and won't do and or tolerate their whole thing is they're going to push that boundary to see how far they can take it to see how much you love them. Crazy! At the first sign of crazy or inconsistency I'm gone there's no need to have a conversation. I thank them for their time, wish 'em well & I leave peacefully I don't need to address problems I'm not taking on. That's like arguing during/after a breakup...🤷🏾♀️Why?! They're no longer your problem. Walk away
Its one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with. I had never heard of attachment styles and boy it hit me like a hurricane. I'm a nurse and an empath but if you have peoblems where your hurting other human beings and screwing with innocent people's mental health, go and heal before getting into relationships. Its selfish & toxic to expect other human beings to be be okay coping with that kind of rejection. What i find hard getting my head around is they fear rejection yet do it to others ! WTH ??? Go to therapy and get the help! Dont destroy other people's lives & mental health. Also why do they expect other people to respect their boundaries and not reach out yet they dont respect others boundaries and reach out when it suits them. All on their terms . Its BS ! We have to walk on eggshells - no go & heal !!! DONT GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS TILL YOUVE HEALED !!!
I see you came to vent and I can appreciate your perspective. People should be in a healed place before getting in a relationship. I agree with you 100%
@@dismissibleme - If you think it's venting that's fine. But I see the damage it can do to people's mental health and have had to counsel several of my patients. So all I ask is heal before committing to relationships which can be overwhelming for the DA's
I can’t watch anymore. It just seems like a defense for being mean to others. Like if you are sick don’t reach out?!?! That’s just not acceptable. If there is significant abuse okay but as a generalized statement!?! If you feel like there is any acceptably for both being there for someone when sick that is terrible. I hope anyone that feels like that gets some deep deep deep help. How could any human be that cold and sociopathic and not know how wrong it is??
He broke up with me than says the answer was pushed but he needs time to heal… and then moved me out of my current place (we don’t live together) and put me in a new apartment is he done? @dismissibleme
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Yeah, your last advice musta hit me hard as I woke up and all the angst, fear, and even feelings ceased. To the point where I DONT EVEN CARE anymore if she ever reaches out again. I was a secure attached guy all the way up to recently dealing with this DA. I’m pretty sure she WILL reach out eventually a week, months whatever. As I think she felt smothered. But not unattracted if that makes sense. And it was left on good terms. But I’m done devaluing myself over feelings. Great Vid Dis!
👏🏾💥No👏🏾💥 one should have to beg anyone to meet them half way‼️ I don't care what your/their attachment style is, if they are incapable of meeting your needs it's time to free yourself and them from an unfulfilling situation 🙏🏾❤️
I'm not about promoting staying in toxic situations. They don't deserve a chance if they don't TRY. The right person will not make you jump through hoops, DA, AP, Secure, doesn't matter their relationship handicap
❤️❤️
@@dismissibleme You damn right.
1. When did you become aware you were DA and how would one go about approaching someone that they might have this behavior type?
2. What would cause a DA to come out of no contact and attempt to reattach themselves after basically being non responsive?
DA ex gf of 2 and half years began slow fade and breadcrumbed before completely disappearing. 2 months later shows up highly flirtatious like nothing happened but shutdown when confronted by need to know what happened and where she went. I mean eyes glazed over staring into space shutdown. In a complete no contact now.
Hey 😊 thank you for sharing your perspective. My ex broke up with me out of the blue since she is primary FA but leaning extremely DA after the breakup. I gave her some time after and decided to contact her. We did not fight or anything after the BU. But she never texted me back though my texts were casual at first. A couple of weeks later I tried again, still no response. I then asked her to block me which she then did (I just wanted her to react) What the heck is going on? A day before she left me she told me she loved me. I always felt a connection after the BU though there was no contact. What can I do?
Move on
What does it mean if they break no contact and then they tell you that they would like you to call them more often and then you finally do and they pull back again?
It means you need to make a decisionas to weather or not that dynamic works for you
I understand that as to rely on your intuion. your situation is unique, no one knows how to handle it ... Just do your best. This is how i understand it.
I’m conflicted and want to remain in no contact. I play the long game okay and accept it but what if I have my belongings at their place of residence? I’ve been waiting it out but that’s the only thing on my mind haha
It's totally reasonable to ask out for your personal belongings and go right back into no contact if that's what you want to do.
What if the person breaks no contact and messages sharing what is going on in her life and asking for an update about my life? Should I answer or will that push her away?
@@hugorcedeno4394 If you want to get back together, you don’t ghost or ignore them if they reach out to you. But keep it short and brief. Do not push for getting back together in a relationship. Don’t tell them you’re missing them.
I guess you need to make a decision about breaking no contact
@@hugorcedeno4394
If you want to get back, then reply, but keep it light. If you’re starving and the buffet just arrived, she’ll pick up vibe and withdraw. Pretend you’re talking to her like I you’ve just met. Don’t bring up the past!
Thanks. I guess will break it, she is going through a lot and I just want to be supportive (if she is reaching out for that). Don’t want to get back together right now.
@@dismissibleme Thanks! I broke no contact and we started messaging slowly, exchanging texts once a week now (mirroring word count and reply times). Is this enough space to make the person feel safe or should I go back to no contact? We had just been catching up briefly but this person says is looking forward for us to be easygoing after some time (not sure what that means).
After our argument they said i am not coming back dont expect a conversation. Are they really done this time or is there hope?
It sounds like they're done and don't want a conversation and tried to make that very clear
@@dismissibleme😂
I'm not trying to be funny, honestly.
It sounds like they have tried to make themselves clear and there's resistance to accepting where this other person is at
@@dismissibleme I know… I just found the directness of your response a little funny because it’s so obvious… I find that a lot of the questions partners or ex partners of DA’s ask especially on reddit have been answered very directly by the DA a lot of times. I would say I’m dismissive avoidant too and have had times when I set a very clear/direct boundary and the other person thinks I must not mean what I am saying because it’s not what they’ll like to hear. Almost like they see it as protest behaviour just because that might be how they operate; saying no when they mean yes and hoping for the other person to chase them. I don’t operate that way and that’s very hard to digest for some people. It’s annoying actually…
I definitely feel everything that you just wrote.
Many (not all) anxious attachers feel very entitled, for lack of a better term, to second, third, fourth and fifth chances.
You can be very clear and upfront with your boundaries and what you will and won't do and or tolerate their whole thing is they're going to push that boundary to see how far they can take it to see how much you love them. Crazy! At the first sign of crazy or inconsistency I'm gone there's no need to have a conversation. I thank them for their time, wish 'em well & I leave peacefully
I don't need to address problems I'm not taking on.
That's like arguing during/after a breakup...🤷🏾♀️Why?! They're no longer your problem. Walk away
Just don’t. Let the DA reach out to you or not. We need to outdismiss them fr 😅
🤣😂
I agree. If they weren't trying ir meeting your needs. Let 'em go
Its one of the hardest things ive ever had to deal with. I had never heard of attachment styles and boy it hit me like a hurricane. I'm a nurse and an empath but if you have peoblems where your hurting other human beings and screwing with innocent people's mental health, go and heal before getting into relationships. Its selfish & toxic to expect other human beings to be be okay coping with that kind of rejection. What i find hard getting my head around is they fear rejection yet do it to others ! WTH ???
Go to therapy and get the help! Dont destroy other people's lives & mental health.
Also why do they expect other people to respect their boundaries and not reach out yet they dont respect others boundaries and reach out when it suits them. All on their terms . Its BS ! We have to walk on eggshells - no go & heal !!!
DONT GET INTO RELATIONSHIPS TILL YOUVE HEALED !!!
I see you came to vent and I can appreciate your perspective. People should be in a healed place before getting in a relationship. I agree with you 100%
@@dismissibleme - If you think it's venting that's fine. But I see the damage it can do to people's mental health and have had to counsel several of my patients. So all I ask is heal before committing to relationships which can be overwhelming for the DA's
It's overwhelming for anyone tgis isn't a DA only issue. There's a bigger picture
I wish I knew this a year ago I broke the no contact and she was cold :(
I can’t watch anymore. It just seems like a defense for being mean to others. Like if you are sick don’t reach out?!?!
That’s just not acceptable. If there is significant abuse okay but as a generalized statement!?!
If you feel like there is any acceptably for both being there for someone when sick that is terrible. I hope anyone that feels like that gets some deep deep deep help. How could any human be that cold and sociopathic and not know how wrong it is??
Thank you for watching and reacting
He broke up with me than says the answer was pushed but he needs time to heal… and then moved me out of my current place (we don’t live together) and put me in a new apartment is he done? @dismissibleme
I don't know, it's definitely a possibility. I would live Mt life like he was never ever ever coming back ✌🏾