Very true. My friendships kind of operate as mental constructs which continue whether or not I'm actually seeing the person. My ESFJ good friend gets upset if I don't initiate a fair amount of interaction, as if the number of interactions correspond directly with how much I value her. I guess this is reasonable, but I don't see the world like this. Also, if I don't see her in person it's as if I'm not there to her. It's almost as if she doesn't have a mental idea of me apart from when we see each other.
Very true! When a person doesn't respond quickly or normally to me, I assume that they don't like me anymore or something is wrong. It's a hard lesson for someone like me who's love language is "quality time".
I'm INTP but I often feel my lil FE kicking out of nowhere when I got unfollowed by mutuals on twt and got me overthinking endlessly "Uhh did I do smth wrong??? Why they unfollowed me... Are they hate me bcs I barely interacted with them?"
That sucks you're being unfollowed without the knowledge of why. Fe is a strange thing, but could also depend on the person's subjective preferences. Good luck!
This short video was very helpful. I'm INFJ w an ESFJ daughter. We are in very close quarters and I'm about to go out of my mind. I'm 89 percent introverted and i think she's about 175 percent extroverted... pray for us.
INTP here. To quote one of my favorite MBTI RUclipsrs, “so true!!” After having researched cognitive function theory quite a bit there is this glaring gap in my understanding: why does is it seem so SIMILAR the way the Fe dom (esp ESFJ) but also Fe inferior (for ex INTP) carries with them this insecurity about our value/worth/relational standing with other people, as described so well in this vid? First, when considering the Fe inferior person, it seems to make good sense, they way the 4th function messes up everyone’s lives. But then for the ESFJ, how would you explain it?
Good question! For example, an ESFJ and an INTP share the same functions but in reverse order. The ESFJ is Fe-Si-Ne-Ti, but the INTP is Ti-Ne-Si-Fe. It seems like the EJ's and IP's are concerned about how other people think of them or how we view other people. The ESFJ is looking for some kind of connection, while the INTP is looking for some kind of self-validation or identification. Hope that makes sense!
@@RetroXRicardo yup, I think the real answer has to do with what you said! But to me, it doesn’t go all the way to explain why ESFJ is so sensitive/ insecure about the connection with others. Super interesting, thanks again
@borderedge It's an Fe dom thing. So hard to explain. We want others to be in harmony and in harmony with us as well. The minute we sense a dissatisfaction from someone or fear of being rejected or judged, our Ti kicks in hard and makes us feel unloved, unwanted and incompetent. It's the whole Fe-Ti axis world
OP would say it's because you're both "single-deciders," i.e. you both have your judging functions as dominant & inferior (and therefore your observing functions in the middle of your stack). If we run with the premise that our middle (2nd & 3rd) functions are more balanced, and that the disparity between our 1st & 4th functions causes conflict in our lives, it stands to reason that both ESFJs and INTPs would experience mostly "people problems," or at least perceive most problems in their life to be people problems (regardless of whether they really are). And because you're both using the same judging axis (INTPs are lead Ti with inferior Fe, and ESFJs are lead Fe with inferior Ti) you're both going to experience a similar type of people problems (say, compared to other single decider types on a different axis, like ESTJs & INFPs). Both INTPs and ESFJs can have Fe problems. For INTPs, it "messes up our lives" as you said, because we're so bad at it and so painfully aware of the deficit that we can become kind of hypersensitive to it. ESFPs also have this imbalance with Fe & Ti, just the other way around. So they're better at Fe but it's overactive. They have trouble with self-validation and look for external approval. When an INTP fears people don't like them, they tend to double down on their Ti and become even more isolated or self-reliant. When an ESFJ fears people don't like them, they tend to double down on their Fe and go out of their way to seem likeable and helpful, earning that approval and social standing from others.
@@RetroXRicardo Ti is the most masculine function based on demographics (75% of ti doms are male) whereas the inverse is true with fe doms. Male ti users whether doms or tertiary are the most likely to be heterosexual based on limited polling as well. Fi and Te are more androgynous.
@@TaxingIsThieving Exaggeration based on some truth. 75% of TI doms are male, 70% of FI doms are female. If you want to dig further, IXT’s with critical or Dom TI are compromise of over 70% male to female and Fe doms or auxiliary are roughly 70% female.
Thank you so much, I can relate with this and I have been slowly learning that people aren't always as hateful as I thought when I'm not included lol. Thanks again!
That's quite close minded u know, everyone brings a benefit to the world and esfjs bring crazy contributions, solve many problems that others may overlook btw
My INTP daughter and I, the proverbial ESFJ mom, laugh a lot over how different we are. But there were some rough patches in the preteen years before either of us understood mbti. She is 24 now and one of my best friends. I think her love language is sarcasm.😅
As an INTP, I have learned to grow and mature adding skills and interests that weren't mine before and ESFJs are wonderful to have around because they turn your self focused nightmare into a dreamscape.
Very true. My friendships kind of operate as mental constructs which continue whether or not I'm actually seeing the person. My ESFJ good friend gets upset if I don't initiate a fair amount of interaction, as if the number of interactions correspond directly with how much I value her. I guess this is reasonable, but I don't see the world like this. Also, if I don't see her in person it's as if I'm not there to her. It's almost as if she doesn't have a mental idea of me apart from when we see each other.
Very true! When a person doesn't respond quickly or normally to me, I assume that they don't like me anymore or something is wrong. It's a hard lesson for someone like me who's love language is "quality time".
I'm INTP but I often feel my lil FE kicking out of nowhere when I got unfollowed by mutuals on twt and got me overthinking endlessly "Uhh did I do smth wrong??? Why they unfollowed me... Are they hate me bcs I barely interacted with them?"
That sucks you're being unfollowed without the knowledge of why. Fe is a strange thing, but could also depend on the person's subjective preferences. Good luck!
Oh this is great you should do this style of video for each of the types~
This short video was very helpful. I'm INFJ w an ESFJ daughter. We are in very close quarters and I'm about to go out of my mind. I'm 89 percent introverted and i think she's about 175 percent extroverted... pray for us.
Ah, as an INFJ I've often wondered why ESFJ's often give me the cold shoulder. Now I get it!!
INTP here. To quote one of my favorite MBTI RUclipsrs, “so true!!”
After having researched cognitive function theory quite a bit there is this glaring gap in my understanding: why does is it seem so SIMILAR the way the Fe dom (esp ESFJ) but also Fe inferior (for ex INTP) carries with them this insecurity about our value/worth/relational standing with other people, as described so well in this vid?
First, when considering the Fe inferior person, it seems to make good sense, they way the 4th function messes up everyone’s lives. But then for the ESFJ, how would you explain it?
Good question! For example, an ESFJ and an INTP share the same functions but in reverse order. The ESFJ is Fe-Si-Ne-Ti, but the INTP is Ti-Ne-Si-Fe.
It seems like the EJ's and IP's are concerned about how other people think of them or how we view other people. The ESFJ is looking for some kind of connection, while the INTP is looking for some kind of self-validation or identification. Hope that makes sense!
@@RetroXRicardo yup, I think the real answer has to do with what you said! But to me, it doesn’t go all the way to explain why ESFJ is so sensitive/ insecure about the connection with others. Super interesting, thanks again
@borderedge It's an Fe dom thing. So hard to explain. We want others to be in harmony and in harmony with us as well. The minute we sense a dissatisfaction from someone or fear of being rejected or judged, our Ti kicks in hard and makes us feel unloved, unwanted and incompetent. It's the whole Fe-Ti axis world
@@RetroXRicardo Wow, love it, makes sense how you explained it. Appreciated.
OP would say it's because you're both "single-deciders," i.e. you both have your judging functions as dominant & inferior (and therefore your observing functions in the middle of your stack). If we run with the premise that our middle (2nd & 3rd) functions are more balanced, and that the disparity between our 1st & 4th functions causes conflict in our lives, it stands to reason that both ESFJs and INTPs would experience mostly "people problems," or at least perceive most problems in their life to be people problems (regardless of whether they really are). And because you're both using the same judging axis (INTPs are lead Ti with inferior Fe, and ESFJs are lead Fe with inferior Ti) you're both going to experience a similar type of people problems (say, compared to other single decider types on a different axis, like ESTJs & INFPs).
Both INTPs and ESFJs can have Fe problems. For INTPs, it "messes up our lives" as you said, because we're so bad at it and so painfully aware of the deficit that we can become kind of hypersensitive to it. ESFPs also have this imbalance with Fe & Ti, just the other way around. So they're better at Fe but it's overactive. They have trouble with self-validation and look for external approval. When an INTP fears people don't like them, they tend to double down on their Ti and become even more isolated or self-reliant. When an ESFJ fears people don't like them, they tend to double down on their Fe and go out of their way to seem likeable and helpful, earning that approval and social standing from others.
Yes, and as an infp i read esfj accurately.
I know this, as someone with an INFP family member I benefit greatly from their advice and reflection on my personality type. It's a gift!
Yo dude, stop tryna analyze us brother 😂.
We forget,, i am INTP, if we dont invite somebody, it does not mean, we dont like you. We just forget.
You forget to invite a super friendly and helpful person to your party? Also, do INTPs hold parties?
I always assumed all fe doms were female.
It's rare to find male ESFJ'S! I've also met many ESFJ women more than men 👍
@@RetroXRicardo Ti is the most masculine function based on demographics (75% of ti doms are male) whereas the inverse is true with fe doms. Male ti users whether doms or tertiary are the most likely to be heterosexual based on limited polling as well. Fi and Te are more androgynous.
@@chicagodude8888Said who?
@@TaxingIsThieving Exaggeration based on some truth. 75% of TI doms are male, 70% of FI doms are female. If you want to dig further, IXT’s with critical or Dom TI are compromise of over 70% male to female and Fe doms or auxiliary are roughly 70% female.
@@TaxingIsThieving There’s some data conducted but logically it’s not far fetched even with a small sample size.
Thank you so much, I can relate with this and I have been slowly learning that people aren't always as hateful as I thought when I'm not included lol. Thanks again!
Oh gosh, that’s so true 😅😂😂
Totally agree 😅
This is so true
ESFJs go around assigning intentions to others. Quite annoying. I avoid ESFJs.
Sorry to hear that 😢
Here, class, is what is known as a stereotype.
That's quite close minded u know, everyone brings a benefit to the world and esfjs bring crazy contributions, solve many problems that others may overlook btw
this is literally the mbti version of racism - literally stereotyping someone's worth based on 4 letters 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩
As an INTP, ESFJs are a nightmare to have in your life.. talk about draining.
INTJ here. I 100% agree
So sorry to hear that
INTJ with an ESFJ sister. We cant fucking stand each other.
My INTP daughter and I, the proverbial ESFJ mom, laugh a lot over how different we are. But there were some rough patches in the preteen years before either of us understood mbti. She is 24 now and one of my best friends. I think her love language is sarcasm.😅
As an INTP, I have learned to grow and mature adding skills and interests that weren't mine before and ESFJs are wonderful to have around because they turn your self focused nightmare into a dreamscape.
esfj is probably the most annoying mbti type