WHY DO NARCISSISTS DISCARD PEOPLE?

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  • Опубликовано: 12 дек 2024

Комментарии • 86

  • @lindajohnsonkaplan647
    @lindajohnsonkaplan647 5 месяцев назад +39

    As far as having a reason to leave a spouse after many years, they know that other people will want a valid reason. They also know that their petty complaints won’t suffice. They will lie. They will poison friendships and other relationships with horrible lies. It doesn’t seem good enough for them to discard and leave, they have to create damage as they go.

  • @Truthteller1s
    @Truthteller1s 5 месяцев назад +46

    Once you show vulnerability, they see it as weakness. The relationship ends at that moment. The devaluation begins and the discard is inevitable. They are emotionally stunted bullies. Petulant children. It is really that simple.

    • @jhavajoe3792
      @jhavajoe3792 5 месяцев назад +6

      True. The thing one has no defense for are all those little subtle games of push and pull on your emotions. It leaves
      you wasting all your own energy to balance those emotions. In other words, you can't get to a clearing to see,
      to accept and make plans it's going to end. They are 2 steps ahead in the game you didn't know was being played.
      I never want anything to do with this type ever again. Life is short.

    • @helenmcclay2622
      @helenmcclay2622 5 месяцев назад +4

      As soon as youre happy. Theyre sick.

  • @etaokha4164
    @etaokha4164 4 месяца назад +5

    It goes same way them discarding their children and abandon them

  • @montaejaimez3441
    @montaejaimez3441 5 месяцев назад +17

    Being discarded means you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. That’s one of the most mind boggling things to understand about narcissism.

  • @happyjoy338
    @happyjoy338 5 месяцев назад +12

    I was love bombed and discarded shortly after 2 babies. He told me I was too fat after 2 pregnancies though I was barely heavier that when we met. That was his excuse. He got his sons and then commensed to one of his more valuable chum, his relationship with a Clydesdale/hippo who could not provide kids for health reasons. But where I did not feed his ego, that other person (and many others) fawned all over him. I'm glad he's someone elses problem now and not mine. However I went through many years of turmoil and finally after kids grew up, I left the country altogether. Finally free and happy and at peace.

  • @donnas.1576
    @donnas.1576 5 месяцев назад +31

    My use to him after 35 years, was only to support him financially for the last 15 years. There was nothing else valuable to him. He told me he was attracted to younger and more healthy people who were more balanced
    He jumped into another relationship immediately and got a job. I have never felt more used and conned by someone i trusted.

    • @yuvalgal-shahaf2782
      @yuvalgal-shahaf2782 5 месяцев назад +11

      I am really sorry this happened to you. Don't loose hope I humanity. There are good people out there. Hug

  • @imbalancedstatus8824
    @imbalancedstatus8824 5 месяцев назад +19

    In my case, they couldn't mold me into the kind of man they wanted.. basically wanted to control me....am like that ain't happening

  • @Truthteller1s
    @Truthteller1s 5 месяцев назад +22

    Don't apologize, we just missed you and Marshall.

    • @TheStefdodge
      @TheStefdodge 5 месяцев назад +3

      As always, you’re so spot on.

  • @Aloha8780
    @Aloha8780 4 месяца назад +5

    Narcissist ex left me because "I didn't remember his favorite donut." I knew right then that they'll make up any excuse to make you feel like it's your fault. I couldn't believe he even said that out loud it was so ridiculous.

    • @kathleenosullivan8209
      @kathleenosullivan8209 10 дней назад

      You do have lightbulb moment. Mine when we were separating was screaming at me how I was 100 percent responsible for his hating me. The reason!!! I had left his sisters party to see my dying mother. How dare I disrespect him, his sister. I actually replied you mean when mom was dying. He screamed yes exactly. How selfish! It's sad I spent time trying to win love off someone whi was this broken x ❤

  • @demigaines5644
    @demigaines5644 5 месяцев назад +16

    Hi And Thank You For Sharing This I Really Needed To Hear This I Was Discarded Cruelly Jus Recently Being Told By The Narcissist To Never Message Him Again And Doing Absolutely Nothing To This Person. WHAT Really Hurts Is Being Treated Like You Don't Exist Like This Person Never Knew You. Narcissitic Abuse Is Brutal

  • @nataliaturner4845
    @nataliaturner4845 5 месяцев назад +16

    @10:38 "They don't want you to fix it" 🎯

  • @susanparker9877
    @susanparker9877 5 месяцев назад +9

    You really get it! I witnessed my ex ignore his desperate daughter's calls and texts while in a crisis. No amount of coaxing, suggesting or even reflecting on his neglect, made one bit of difference. He would not help her. She'd left a man and was afraid to go back for her things. I suggested he help her move out. I realize it was a long drive, BUT there are priorities, and she should have been one. He would not go, and her ex (eventually) destroyed her guitars and put her things out for garbage pick up!!! When my ex told me, I replied that 'something' was going to happen,...., his daughter couldn't just leave everything there..... He acted as if she was the victim, but the family should/could have mobilized to give her emotional and physical support. The outcome was entirely preventable. I was disgusted by his negligent behavior.

  • @nopereradicator
    @nopereradicator 5 месяцев назад +18

    We missed you! But we understand. Life happens.

  • @anitanash7777
    @anitanash7777 5 месяцев назад +8

    Very depressing, horrific TRUTHS… For anyone that has lived the horror show of having a narcissist in your life, I hope you’ve taken time to heal & recover - they destroy every area of your life & has led some to suicide.
    May God keep & guide all truthseekers🙏🕊️❤️🌻

  • @N0_3XCUSZ
    @N0_3XCUSZ 3 месяца назад +2

    If a narcissist ever admits to cheating, that will be a miracle by itself! Narcissists will never admit to any wrongdoings without a manipulative fight. Getting the truth out of a narcissist is going to take putting yourself in the role of a clever detective interrogating a guilty suspect.
    That's a very exhausting ordeal, only to be rewarded with a very unapologetic apology at the end of it. For me, it became not worth it.

  • @shownaton1992
    @shownaton1992 5 месяцев назад +6

    WOW, spot on! The Narc in my life I had known for 20 years. I mentioned something about people posting single flowers from their garden a lot and this narc confronted me (Which had nothing to do with her) and they blocked us from everything including cutting us off from our nephews (her kids). So dumb. It's been 2 years now, but VERY happy she's gone, honestly she exhausted me with her misery. We do miss our nephews though. Just pointing out that they really do discard you for not seeing their fake niceness anymore.

  • @brightpage1020
    @brightpage1020 4 месяца назад +4

    This is one of the best channels I've ever seen on coping with narcs. And understanding what's up with them. Thanks for your dedication and hard work.
    I am recommending this to people I suspect might be going through some narcissistic times with family reunion season upon us. Thank you.

  • @brightpage1020
    @brightpage1020 4 месяца назад +2

    Incongruous anger suddenly against those who have shared love and support with them for decades. Denegrating their character. Smear campaigns, character assasinatiin. Cutting them off, then love bombing others to triangulation and manipulate. It's disgusting and disheartening to watch people you care about treat one another this way. And scary. So scary.

  • @yuvalgal-shahaf2782
    @yuvalgal-shahaf2782 5 месяцев назад +11

    Never apologise. Your help is a bless always. Hope life get relax soon or you get stronger. What ever comes first

  • @ligyasouza755
    @ligyasouza755 5 месяцев назад +8

    You are very wise .Better not say its only your opinion because it is your very wise opinion based on study and experience

  • @Truth-matters-v2z
    @Truth-matters-v2z 5 месяцев назад +8

    I was just telling a mutual person my experience with this and you’ve explained it so well. Thank you and welcome back to you and Marshall!

  • @Truthteller1s
    @Truthteller1s 5 месяцев назад +12

    She's back!!!! ❤

  • @iloveubcuziamu
    @iloveubcuziamu 5 месяцев назад +2

    It's a personality type that makes everyone a narcissist who acts disagreeable to them..

  • @dorisbove2210
    @dorisbove2210 5 месяцев назад +10

    I missed you I'm so happy you're back ❤ I so appreciate your insightful and heartfelt videos 🥰

  • @valorie3357
    @valorie3357 5 месяцев назад +6

    Your insight and ability to articulate the ideas so that they are impactful are brilliant! Thank you so much for all that you do for the channel. So glad to see you again and hope you have a wonderful summer :)

  • @jorgeluiscapiello414
    @jorgeluiscapiello414 5 месяцев назад +9

    This video is brilliant, thank you.

  • @nicholecornes1915
    @nicholecornes1915 5 месяцев назад +4

    I promise the trama bond WILL break it took me 9 months but you eventually look at them for who they are EVIL

  • @NarrelleChain
    @NarrelleChain 3 месяца назад

    I discarded them, my 2 sisters, the middle one saw the writing on the wall and stopped ringing me, the youngest kept ringing but has given up now! I have been quite the wreck lately, my beautiful cat was the kicker, i feel so devastated about my ragdoll having to go because he 💩 in hallways, talk about bad luck, i don't miss sisters abusing me or their cruelty, i worked out awhile ago i meant nothing to middle sis; i don't hate them, well yes i do get a little angry but i can't hold hatred, i am too busy trying to keep my mental state from deteriorating and finding energy to keep going, i have had bad depression for years, all my life! Luckily i also have no depression a lot of time, end of day is best lately, my medication has stopped working; i love listening to you, you have it nailed!🎉🎉❤

  • @MonicaGunderson
    @MonicaGunderson 3 месяца назад +1

    I was discarded due to autoimmune disease (Ankylosing Spondylitis, genetic, Inhabe the HLA-B27 gene), and immunocompromised during a pandemic.... They wanted to act like Covid wasn't real and FOMO..... Being immunocompromised means a cold can easily land in the hospital or worse..... Apparently, my boundaries were "too hard for them", my disability is controlling me, I am "too sensitive and takes things too personally", and if I just stop taking all my medications and stop seeing my specialists and doctors, Palates, diet, and drinking water can "cure" me...... Ummmm...... No. 🙄
    Been No Contact since 2022.

  • @gab1402
    @gab1402 5 месяцев назад +9

    I love your videos and insight. Thank you!

  • @yuvalgal-shahaf2782
    @yuvalgal-shahaf2782 5 месяцев назад +6

    Amazing video. One of your best. Thank you ❤

  • @natlee5879
    @natlee5879 2 месяца назад

    The ex-narc in my life was reliant on tarot card readings and spiritual healers to tell him what to do. That way he never had to take any responsibility for his actions and choices. He told me I left him because one of his enemies put a curse on me... (not because he treated me badly!)... crazy making stuff. I can't believe I put up with all that !

  • @nicholecornes1915
    @nicholecornes1915 5 месяцев назад +1

    We have to accept we ment nothing let them goooo

  • @PenninkJacob
    @PenninkJacob 3 месяца назад

    OMG seriously - you are sooooo brilliant -brilliant - brilliant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously - you have genius insight and articulation!!!!! I'm not just saying that... You should get the Nobel prize for insight, I can't tell you how powerful and healing your messages are, THank you!!!! Your messages really really reach me....❤

  • @gravitron12
    @gravitron12 5 месяцев назад +2

    This is a great video. I have seen the exact things you’re talking about down to the last detail. Another thing they like to do is when they are tossing you aside, they will act like or strait up tell you that they do have a deep connection with you but it’s too painful to keep going and they have to be strong for them. See, it’s not that they don’t care, they just are so strong willed they can sacrifice the relationship for their “greater good”. (Sarcasm) Oh, and looking for those excuses, wow that can be rough. It’s so obvious sometimes that they are looking for a reason to start the process. I really wish I knew about this before instead of after it would have helped so much.

  • @RitaDoran-p4v
    @RitaDoran-p4v 5 месяцев назад +3

    I'd like to hear about there obsession with love of money over people they will drop you in a minute for a higher income earning partner fact watch out for that one Discard explained in my situation 💯

    • @cressiddabreo5683
      @cressiddabreo5683 4 месяца назад

      They are obsessed with other people’s money.

    • @emmarae4322
      @emmarae4322 Месяц назад

      I 100 percent agree with this statement.

  • @someonenew9442
    @someonenew9442 5 месяцев назад +5

    You are the loveliest young lady and I’m delighted you are in a happy and loving relationship now. If I lived near you, I’d do your weeding, but Ireland is a bit far away! x

    • @LookingBehindtheMirror
      @LookingBehindtheMirror  5 месяцев назад +6

      Hahahaha. Do they have weeds in Ireland too? I live in a desert climate in the US and they’re terrible.

    • @someonenew9442
      @someonenew9442 5 месяцев назад +3

      We have lots of weeds, but some of them are very nice, like foxgloves - I leave them to grow and bees love them. Thank you for your reply and I hope your weeds are nice ones! x

  • @CurlyQxyz
    @CurlyQxyz 4 месяца назад

    Congrats on all the wonderful things going on in your life!! It’s awesome you are going back to school. I wish you nothing but happiness and success!! Also thank you for this video. It is 100% accurate and very helpful.

  • @Shut-up-Shelly
    @Shut-up-Shelly 5 месяцев назад +2

    Awesome video thank you!

  • @beatapogorzelska1241
    @beatapogorzelska1241 5 месяцев назад

    After over on year of a fairy satisfactory relationship with a narc (the circumstances were favourable for quite a long idealisation stage) I invited him to a 10 day trip with my old friends he hadn't met before. In our group there were 3 girls and some boys. One of the girls was more beautiful than me, another more cheerful and the last had her particular style of dressing.The Narc was warmly welcomed from the off but over time his behaviour was changing.He became unattentive and cold to me but charming to my friends especially my girlfriends.I was distressed and confused but every attempt to clear things up were gaslighted.The last day of our trip he suddenly broke up because I stopped being attractive to him as I wasn't as cheerful and good looking as my girlfriends and my dressing style was dull.So I think they discard bc they can't create deep bonds. get bored and then are on the lookout for better options.

  • @sajor1847
    @sajor1847 5 месяцев назад +1

    When you mentioned how they are upset about something that you can do nothing about. When I left and he begged me to come back and that he would go to counseling. When the counselor asked him what was his concerns were. After being married for 24 years he says it's because I'm black. Such an idiot! When did he see I was black? I was black when we met now I black. Nonsense crazy making!

  • @helenmcclay2622
    @helenmcclay2622 5 месяцев назад +2

    I had to reverse discard

  • @jenniferyates8100
    @jenniferyates8100 5 месяцев назад +2

    Thank you , i appreciate this video. 🌟😀👍

  • @ligyasouza755
    @ligyasouza755 4 месяца назад

    Crristina i love your videos.Plaede talk about why narcisists do not kiss cuddle or hold hands

    • @LookingBehindtheMirror
      @LookingBehindtheMirror  4 месяца назад

      They do all of those things. Sometimes that’s the only thing keeping people in the relationship. Or the only kind of expression of affection that they’re capable of. Perhaps some of them don’t like physical affection, but that is not a trait of narcissism.

  • @BJBlaskovichGaming
    @BJBlaskovichGaming 5 месяцев назад

    You basically described my relationship with my narc ed gf in one video!

  • @kathleenb6375
    @kathleenb6375 3 месяца назад

    Interesting, how we are different in the idealizing phase vs. devaluing to others
    Would stick up for you in that instance, but not others. They are crazy.

  • @blondiexday
    @blondiexday 5 месяцев назад

    @lookingbehindthemirror can you please do a video on “Why it’s GOOD the narcissist is out of your life”? And “All The ways your life will be worse w the narcissist in it”? Something along those lines, a video like a summary of what we’re free of or what is good now that we are free would be a nice thing to listen to for immediate confidence we are doing the right thing being no contact

  • @ianarn
    @ianarn 4 месяца назад

    You try telling my narcissistic ex girlfriend that you’re too busy! She even blocked the hell out of her best friend because she was too busy for a lengthy chat about ending her relationship with me! About every 6 to 12 months she’d have some sort of meltdown and block her.

  • @lexander_The_Grape
    @lexander_The_Grape 4 месяца назад

    Thank you.

  • @buttercup1765
    @buttercup1765 5 месяцев назад

    Very true

  • @mariannekoroleva6495
    @mariannekoroleva6495 5 месяцев назад

    The devil were the father of confuse if he could be a father... Thank You!!:))!!

  • @JacquelinePletscher-x9w
    @JacquelinePletscher-x9w Месяц назад

    My previous Narc ex said “ I like dogs with Down (folded over ears) and mine had UP ears. Eff the Narc I told him I would help him pavk

  • @Livingtruth2024
    @Livingtruth2024 5 месяцев назад

    Narcissists can only be with high vibrational beings once your vibration/ frequency/consciousness dips they dip
    here is the map of consciousness (below) anything below 200 is the victim abuser mentality
    Victim/Abuser Ego -
    In the lowest levels of consciousness, the human mind is dense and filled with repressed and hidden negativity. People at these levels are close-minded, rigid in their belief systems, and quite abusive to others in their actions or speech.
    However, people at a higher level of consciousness can also experience some of these negative feelings due to trauma, a lot of negative influences, or social conditioning. In such cases, it is just temporary, as they know that something is not right, and they are not supposed to feel so bad.
    These low consciousness levels range from Anti-Life to Egoism. They are a ‘survival mode existence’, where everything is perceived as a struggle, and those who ‘give up’ are dragged down in the whirlpool of self-destructiveness.
    Perceived weakness is singled out and preyed upon, either mentally or physically, or both. Herd or gang mentality is typical, and the lack of compassion and mercy at these levels, even in young children, can be shocking.
    People in this consciousness range would identify mainly as either ‘victim’ or ‘abuser’, which, in reality, are two sides of the same coin. A victim’s ego projects most of their repressed negativity onto their own self, while the abuser’s ego projects this repressed negativity onto others, like perceived enemies and the world and society in general. In between are a myriad of combinations of these two extremes.)
    Map of Consciousness
    0-30 : Shame
    30-50 : Guilt
    50-75 : Apathy
    75-100 : Grief
    100-125 : Fear
    125-150 : Desire
    150-175 : Anger
    175-200 : Pride
    200-250 : Courage
    Level 200 is the first major development of consciousness. Two hundred is the level of courage. It represents a profound shift from destructive and harmful behaviour to life-promoting and integrous lifestyles. Using kinesiology, everything below 200 makes ones body go weak (showing falsity), anything above 200 allows the body to remain strong. Currently, approximately 78% of the world’s population is below 200, meaning 22% is above this level. Because of the logarithmic nature of consciousness, one person at level 600 counterbalances 10million people below 200. In essence, enlightened beings at higher levels of consciousness stop Humanity from destroying itself.
    So a few examples between 200-250
    250-310 : Neutrality
    310-350 : Willingness - Also the required level of consciousness to overcome addiction (quite important information)
    350-400 : Acceptance - Forgiveness,
    400-500 : Reason - Intellect with a dualistic logic under the assumption of a personal separate self.
    At the level of 500 we reach the level of Love, in the real sense of the world, not the worldly sense seen in Hollywood. Love in this context is a way of being in the world. According to Dr. Hawkins, the reason the level of love is so difficult to achieve is because our ego is so rooted in the physical domain as opposed to the spiritual domain, which emerges at 500. The 500s represent a difficult hurdle, as only 4% of the world’s population calibrate above this level. It denotes a shift from the linear, provable domain (as mentioned before, the newtonian paradigm) to the nonlinear, formless, spiritual realm. Of course, people operating below this level of consciousness see people above this level as mystical and perhaps in the clouds. But that is because they are seeing the world with a different lens, by operating at a higher level of consciousness. So at the big hurdle of 500, we see the following:
    500-540 : Love
    540-600 : Joy/Unconditional Love - At 540 we move into unconditional Love, which is another big step up and where we move into non-duality (there is no other). Devotion, Surrender,
    600-700 : Peace - Surrender to Divinity,
    And then we move onto the stages of enlightenment.
    700-1000 : Enlightenment
    At 1000, the highest in this domain
    Dr. Hawkins map of consciousness

  • @cocoaocean
    @cocoaocean 4 месяца назад

    ❤❤

  • @thebuff1611
    @thebuff1611 5 месяцев назад

    You're rambling and saying the same thing over and over

    • @gloriakrahmer3109
      @gloriakrahmer3109 5 месяцев назад +2

      If that’s how you feel then this video is not for you.

  • @MoulikaMorou-t5u
    @MoulikaMorou-t5u 5 месяцев назад +5

    How about a video on female narcissists🥹

    • @imbalancedstatus8824
      @imbalancedstatus8824 5 месяцев назад +5

      I don't know if it makes a difference. I have two friends, a female and male. Both narcissist with equal traits

    • @MoulikaMorou-t5u
      @MoulikaMorou-t5u 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@imbalancedstatus8824 no honey, they differ in some cases.

    • @LookingBehindtheMirror
      @LookingBehindtheMirror  5 месяцев назад +10

      I have had life experiences with both male and female people that I considered extremely narcissistic. In my opinion, narcissism is individualistic to the person, and not so much because of their gender, but because of their underlying personality or “style”, so for me personally, gender itself doesn’t make differences more relevant than that person’s unique way of expressing their narcissism. At least not in my own experience, which is all I can draw on.

    • @MoulikaMorou-t5u
      @MoulikaMorou-t5u 5 месяцев назад +1

      @@LookingBehindtheMirror thank you for this elaboration.

    • @imbalancedstatus8824
      @imbalancedstatus8824 5 месяцев назад

      @@MoulikaMorou-t5u Pray tell...