i'm back lads (why I've been gone)

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  • Опубликовано: 5 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 140

  • @LilyCReads10
    @LilyCReads10 4 года назад +48

    Omg 2020, chapter Barbara is back, Nature is healing 🙏
    I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through it the past year. It's been a hard year in general no doubt, so it's really great to hear that you're improving and doing better. I love how real & honest this video is, I hope you stick around cus i miss seeing ur face in my subscription box 🧡. (ps. I for one have met you in real life and was not disappointed at all lol. I remember getting rowdy at that rooftop bar and the night ending with you lying in the middle of a random ass minigolf course lmaoo)

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you so much. yeah honestly I would have felt too weird not giving a real explanation and it felt good to let it out even before I got all the support from this video; I hope you're doing amazing too, truly 💛 (and yeah a few drinks always helps to be more social lol)

  • @zp4057
    @zp4057 4 года назад +27

    The one thing I DIDN'T expect in 2020.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      Hahah I can’t say I blame you

    • @zp4057
      @zp4057 4 года назад

      ​@@chapterbarbara8161
      This has got to be the turning point for 2020, right? It's all going to get better from here. No doubt. PLS

  • @roaaexe
    @roaaexe 4 года назад +24

    is it really you? wow we're blessed on this fine monday

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +2

      Yes! Thanks for being here 🥺

    • @roaaexe
      @roaaexe 4 года назад +2

      @@chapterbarbara8161 and thank you for talking about what you've been through and i hope you're doing much better now

  • @haxel222
    @haxel222 4 года назад +11

    Was watching ur video yesterday and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!!!! manifestation came true lmao
    Edit: So I just watched the full video and I want you to know how brave you are to talk about what you've been through. I am so glad you are doing better now. Stay strong xx
    Would love to see different videos from u♥️

  • @Zak-qn7zw
    @Zak-qn7zw 4 года назад +5

    Huge respect for talking about your struggles and I'm glad to see you're back and doing better.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      thank you! yeah sometimes honestly really is the only policy ahah and I feel like this was one of those times

  • @RGsDevilship
    @RGsDevilship 4 года назад +4

    Welcome back! I'm so sorry to hear about what an awful time you've had but it sounds like you're coming out the other side of it now. You should be really proud of yourself for everything you've achieved 💜

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you so much for this! I truly appreciate it that you're here and saying these things; your comments means a fair amount to me too because you've always been a content creator that I admire and look up to so thank you for your support 💛

  • @lidu6363
    @lidu6363 4 года назад +6

    I absolutely love when a youtuber decides to make a "coming out as myself" video.
    Thanks so much for doing this. I really respect you for being so honest. Good luck with everything, no matter if your everything includes youtube or not 🧚🏻‍♀️

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Glad you enjoyed it! I honestly don't think I had other options; I can't disappear for such a significant amount of time and pretend I've just been having a good time :') thank you for your kind words 💛

  • @A88-p5e
    @A88-p5e 4 года назад +15

    I almost dropped my phone seeing you in my sub box I’m so glad you’re back 🥺💖
    Also I was legit about to ask why you had a Korean book in the background and then you said you changed to korean studies 😵

  • @iveedoodle
    @iveedoodle 4 года назад +2

    WELCOME BACK!!! I'm excited to see what you have in store for us! stay strong ❤

  • @FiiLiveProductions
    @FiiLiveProductions 4 года назад +3

    I'm so happy you're back! Please make the content you want, it all seems interesting and I'd love to hear you talk about what you like!

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      thank you so so much! I honestly can't wait to put out all sorts of videos

  • @luherreros
    @luherreros 4 года назад +2

    i can relate to your experience and I’m so glad you’re doing better. Good to see you again!

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you!! and I'm so sorry to hear that :( honestly a shitty experience if ever there was one and I really hope things get easier for you ❤️

  • @SKULLKR3W
    @SKULLKR3W 4 года назад +2

    you got me into booktube im glad youre back

  • @ashleymessinger5538
    @ashleymessinger5538 4 года назад +1

    Welcome back. Wow, I had a similar trajectory over the past few years funnily enough. Finished university in July with a classics degree, proceeded to immediately become an unemployed NEET and back at my parents' house (lol), got bored and began studying Korean. I always had an interest in Korea, but after university spending so much time with dead languages (Latin, Greek), I thought: what better time to start learning the modern language I've always been interested in. It's a shame Korea doesn't get as much international interest as the other Asian countries; it's very much its own people, culture, and history (and a pretty brutal history at that). I'm not studying as part of any institution or whatever, though; I'm just doing it in my bedroom. BTW, if you're serious about becoming fluent, check out LingQ; it's the best website for adult language-learning IMO and there are loads of videos on RUclips explaining how it works, the philosophy behind it, etc. I only started with it in July and I'm at the point now where (in the next week or two) I'm gonna start trying to read fairly complex things, e.g. Kim Hyon-hui
    's autobiography (it'll be a nightmare, but rewarding ultimately I think lol). I don't even know if I'm going to go to Korea ever; my employment options would be next-to-nonexistent outside the go-to of teaching ESL, but I guess I'll see.

  • @rachaelelizabethbam5087
    @rachaelelizabethbam5087 3 года назад

    For some reasons I haven't gotten any notifications and I just finally got one of your notifications and now I got a shit ton of catching up to do

  • @bookchan9692
    @bookchan9692 4 года назад +1

    Coincidentally, I added “The Knife’s Edge” to my to-read list last Thursday.

  • @mrredeef
    @mrredeef 3 года назад

    ovo

  • @GaarAG1r7
    @GaarAG1r7 2 года назад

    Okay, girl Im just finding out you are back and Im SO SO HAPPY. I was working out today watching youtube, randomly thought of you and decided to search you up. So... Im late to the party by more than a year and a half, but I will be binge watching your videos for the rest of the day now. Huge respect for talking about your struggles. You are one of my favourite youtubers!

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  2 года назад

      Oh my god. Thank you so so much ! I’m so flattered and happy to be reading such a supportive comment. Thank you so much for being here after all this time!!

  • @official_roguenation
    @official_roguenation 4 года назад

    Also I really feel you and your story about your eating disorder. You are not alone and like you it gotten so much worse for me during university. I had a binge eating disorder and God, that period of my life is as dark as you described it and the healing process is long and hard. I really appreciate your honesty and authenticity. We are still here because you are so real. Don’t worry you look great! winning the war against your own toxic mind will be the biggest achievement in life and seriously the fact that you kept going while you were experiencing this and do well in school is soooo impressive no matter what! I’m just so excited to see you back again! I don’t care about the content as long as you have fun posting on here haha

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      I'm so sorry you had to go through that :( I don't think people realise how much of a grip it has on you. I hope you're doing loads better now x

    • @official_roguenation
      @official_roguenation 4 года назад

      @@chapterbarbara8161 oh yeah so much better took me a weightless surgery and five year of discipline of body and mind and now I can successfully say I have a firm grip on it and like you said people also don’t realize it that you can’t really conquer an eating disorder because food is an essential to ones life but you manage and be healthy and conquer your mind for sure! I’m doing well thanks for asking !💜

  • @fluffy6605
    @fluffy6605 4 года назад +1

    I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm sending all my love and support!!!💕

  • @Bianca-fi9tt
    @Bianca-fi9tt 4 года назад

    I’m so happy that you’re back and feeling better !! I’ve been rewatching your old videos for the past year and I’m looking forward for all the new content, book related or not :)

  • @aveislame
    @aveislame 4 года назад

    I was so excited to see you back!! The biggest win of 2020!!

  • @AK-ni1rs
    @AK-ni1rs 4 года назад

    So glad you're back 💗 sending love your way

  • @zelalgunyel213
    @zelalgunyel213 4 года назад

    i've been waiting for this for so long like??? since you've been gone basically,, i know you've been struggling and i'm so glad you're doing better also i fucking love you GOD i've missed this. no matter what you do on youtube i'll always be here :)) also please take care of yourself ❤️❤️🥺

  • @ilmianafirmantika8079
    @ilmianafirmantika8079 4 года назад

    I'm genuinely happy to have you back 😭❤️ I am sorry for what you've been through. Hearing your story, I couldn't help but to admire your honesty and resilience. Thank you for sharing this. Looking forward to your videos and wishing you all the best for your journey.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      Thank you so much!! I honestly think I'm here to stay this time haha

  • @Eskapismus
    @Eskapismus 4 года назад

    Yay! 🙌

  • @kirstenmuller4536
    @kirstenmuller4536 4 года назад

    I'm so sorry to hear about the terrible time you've had! I really hope you're okay.

  • @sassieJify
    @sassieJify 4 года назад

    OMG BARBARA JUST WHEN I LITERALLY STARTED REWATCHING YOUR VIDEOS U POST AGAIN 😭😭 missed u girl

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      I’m so flattered that you continued watching me after all this time 😭 thank you ❤️

  • @tribalbreeze
    @tribalbreeze 4 года назад

    Yay!!! Welcome back! This day just got awesome!!

  • @nashwas5761
    @nashwas5761 4 года назад

    Very glad to have you back 💓 you could literally talk about anything and I’d be here to watch. I’m sorry you had such a hard time but I’m glad you’re doing better! And as a side note, you look beautiful 🥰

  • @catarinathebookworm
    @catarinathebookworm 4 года назад

    I am really sad knowing what you went through for all of these times but I am glad you are now back and hope you are feeling better! We will be here, just rest and heal 💜 Also we have never met but you are amazing, believe it!!!

  • @Hulavuta
    @Hulavuta 4 года назад

    Great to hear from you. I never unsubscribe from people for this very reason: so I can see random surprise videos when they return!
    I sincerely appreciate your openness to share these things with us. We're always on your side!

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      Welcome back! thank you for everything you said, I appreciate it!

    • @Hulavuta
      @Hulavuta 4 года назад

      @@chapterbarbara8161 No problem. I was surprised to hear you just turned 21, I guess it's still weird to me to hear that people are actually younger than me (24). These are definitely vulnerable years as you're still figuring things out and transitioning into an adult.

  • @mgntstr
    @mgntstr 4 года назад

    Well come you are.

  • @anapaulamaldonado6499
    @anapaulamaldonado6499 4 года назад

    Girl you literally made my day when you answered my question hahah I'm sorry to hear everything you've been through over the last year and a half, I think we all appreciate how real you are with us, I hope everything gets better and all I can say is you can do this :) I hope we get to see you more

  • @yiannis5972
    @yiannis5972 4 года назад

    I literally can't watch the vid cause I'm on an army buss but I'm sooooo fucking excited you are back welcome back

  • @onceuponascream
    @onceuponascream 4 года назад

    so glad you're back and wishing you well!!

  • @tfpradgirl9537
    @tfpradgirl9537 4 года назад

    Hey, so glad to see you're back! I missed seeing your videos.
    I'm sorry that you went through a rough time with your eating disorder, I pray that you'll overcome it. I'm glad you're getting better and yeah I can relate on the reading part. I haven't read a ton this year either.
    Looking forward to more videos with you, whether it's books or something else entirely. 💖💖💖

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      Thank you so much for still being here after all this time ❤️ I can't wait to get started again honestly

  • @luciebojanovska6702
    @luciebojanovska6702 4 года назад

    Finally!! It's amazing that you're back. Looking great.😚

  • @juliak1511
    @juliak1511 4 года назад

    Missed u babes

  • @alliejuvums150
    @alliejuvums150 4 года назад

    I'm so happy to hear you've been doing better! Welcome back :)

  • @mominRL
    @mominRL 4 года назад

    It's good ur letting it out, but u are beautiful and ur funny. I love watching u, u put me in a better mood. No one is perfect or has a perfect life. Im glad ur back and I hope u get better. 💖

  • @KevinStriker
    @KevinStriker 4 года назад

    Ack, I didn't notice anything new in the community tab! If I had I absolutely would have said something but some things RUclips doesn't easily let you see. But I'm ecstatic you're back. I'm glad you're okay and doing better, and I hope you decide to branch out with your content (like the Barbie and Ken true crime video which I quite enjoyed), because it's sucks to pigeonhole yourself.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you so so much! I'm still obsessed with true crime so there's definitely going to be more of those videos coming

  • @kindred.spirit
    @kindred.spirit 4 года назад

    finally went through the whole video (thanks, maths) and just here to say that you constantly manage to blow me away. there's nobody like you, i appreciate you so much

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Wow, thank you! your comment is so touching, I am so grateful 🥺❤️

  • @sheepthehack
    @sheepthehack 4 года назад

    WOW.. talk about brutal honesty!!! Its just goes to show that we never know what people are going through. I am so sorry that u have this affliction disrupting your life. To me, you look like an incredibly healthy young women, and u will have assholes saying u dont have the right to call urself fat when there are genuinly fat people out there.. but only YOU know your body.. its all relative.. if you have been one way for a large portion of your life and suddenly that changes, you have the right to make these comparisons.. I really hope u are getting the help that u need.. you have a very long life in front of you, im sure its going to be filled with all sorts of amazing experiences.. you inspire others with ur honesty.. cus shit.. that must have been hard to say.. u take care.. great to see u back.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      thank you ❤️ I appreciate the support more than you can possibly imagine. I'm glad to be back

  • @liv2741
    @liv2741 4 года назад

    Welcome back, Queen. We missed you! Wishing you the best always 😊 So excited you're back

  • @dr2eamie
    @dr2eamie 4 года назад

    happy you’re back i missed you , you look so so pretty!!💓💓

  • @foxbordeaux8
    @foxbordeaux8 4 года назад

    Congrats on taking that step to decide a change was needed. That can be so hard. I don't think you need to apologize for taking time away. It just shows you're a real person. I haven't read at all for months at a time due to anxiety or whatever. I hope you see your worth regardless of how your body looks. 💗 You are more than a body.
    (I hope that doesnt sound pretentious. It's a phrase that's helped me.)

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      thank you so much ❤️ I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with anxiety, I really hope you start feeling better

  • @elenam.4232
    @elenam.4232 4 года назад

    Oh, so glad you you're back! I really missed you, you were one of my favourite youtubers. Glad you're doing better and hope the "doing better" continues, loads of love.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you so much! Its so nice to see you still here ❤️ And I hope so too haha, honestly can't wait to really be back with new content

  • @zactriestoread
    @zactriestoread 4 года назад

    I was just thinking recently about how I was said that you were one of the booktubers who don't upload anymore. Glad you're back! :)
    Sorry to hear that you've been struggling with your ED. Hope you keep getting better and better!
    Looking forward to any and all kinds of content you put out!

  • @elinor3519
    @elinor3519 4 года назад

    so happy to see you back xx

  • @thudles5004
    @thudles5004 4 года назад

    Welcome Back!!!

  • @melodid5023
    @melodid5023 4 года назад

    Omg girl I'm so glad you're back.
    I've really missed you and I'm sorry to hear what you've been through.
    Waiting for more content soon ♡
    Edit: happy belated birthday beautful ♡

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Thank you so much!! I really appreciate the support ❤️

    • @melodid5023
      @melodid5023 4 года назад

      @@chapterbarbara8161 oh thanks for the answer :)
      Hope you are good.
      Can't wait for the language content. I would love to hear about new tips on studying new languages for that I'm multilingual myself and would love to learn some new ones :)

  • @thudles5004
    @thudles5004 4 года назад

    Off to a great start of the day.

  • @samyakalokhande9716
    @samyakalokhande9716 4 года назад

    Our queeen's baccc

  • @Claraa2298
    @Claraa2298 4 года назад

    I'm so glad you are back and doing better, I love your content ❤

  • @wistikilit4778
    @wistikilit4778 4 года назад

    I'm so happy to see you back here and glad that you're in a better place ! I wish you all the courage you need to overcome your struggles. And I truly hope you can enjoy making videos again as much as I will enjoy watching them, no matter how long it's been... 😊
    One thing you said about how you used to act differently in your videos and in real life made me think of how tricky youtube can be, especially when it comes to the way we view ourselves. Even if not that many people watch my videos, I sometimes feel extremely uncomfortable knowing that I put this version of myself out there for strangers to see but also for people that know me personally. So even if it isn't an issue for you anymore (because you've grown less insecure) do you think your yt channel has played a role in this developing confidence / still does today ? Or have these changes in you been totally independent form youtube ?
    I don't know if my comment made any sense... Did I look too far ? 😅

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      thank you so much. I honestly appreciate it ❤️ and honestly I think it has helped me personally; I have an inherent need for validation and getting it from strangers on the internet kinda slowly helped me talk to strangers in real life too; the difficult part was to start opening up, but once I started getting positive responses from people it just got easier and easier until holding back on certain aspects of my personality just felt unnatural. I don't even think about it anymore. I know exactly what you mean though, most people I know have no clue this channel even exists haha

  • @fktpw
    @fktpw 4 года назад

    To be fair, you did warn us in your 'About' section.
    Glad you're back!

  • @vlatkavelky8024
    @vlatkavelky8024 4 года назад

    We've missed u thank god ur back🥰🥰🥰❤

  • @saoirsekm3056
    @saoirsekm3056 4 года назад +2

    I subbed even though you'd already abandoned the channel for about 8 months in hopes you'd return.. paid off nicely :)

  • @roaaexe
    @roaaexe 4 года назад

    yes yes yes to the language learning video
    also since you're so into studying now, make study with me videos? maybe?
    i graduated this year and i'm currently learning french and refining my calculus skills

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      Sounds good! I actually considered doing a study with me but idk how many people will be interested lol. you got this! French is a really annoying language to learn so respect for actually learning it!

    • @roaaexe
      @roaaexe 4 года назад

      @@chapterbarbara8161 grammar and pronunciation is kicking my ass but i'm taking it easy
      and i would watch a study with or even a study vlog, see what suits you and we'll be here

  • @habjanse9689
    @habjanse9689 4 года назад

    :OOO glad you're doing better nice to see you again!

  • @Esther_Herbst
    @Esther_Herbst 4 года назад

    Everybody here was just waiting the last 2 years. lol So glad you are back!
    (Didn't see the community tab announcement. Thanks, RUclips.)

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      thank you so so much! I won't keep you waiting that long again 🥰

    • @Esther_Herbst
      @Esther_Herbst 4 года назад

      @Chapter Barbara I watched the whole video now; I'm sorry to hear you were having such a hard time but I'm also glad you a getting better. Keep hanging on and never let setbacks bring you down. The longer you keep going, the easier it will eventually get. 💚

  • @official_roguenation
    @official_roguenation 4 года назад

    I knew you’d be back! You and Lily might ghost the Platform always to return with some sass and new stories haha 😛

  • @styleaddict13
    @styleaddict13 4 года назад

    at this point i’d watch anything you post

  • @TheBigGSN5
    @TheBigGSN5 4 года назад +3

    You stayed fat? Are you hiding it in another room? Your disorder lies to you, Miss Barbara. I hope you triumph, you’re a nice lady, thoughtful and intelligent. I’m sure you know this one:
    “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.”

    • @SKULLKR3W
      @SKULLKR3W 4 года назад +1

      seeing skinny people talk about how fat they are is so weird

    • @TheBigGSN5
      @TheBigGSN5 4 года назад +1

      @@SKULLKR3W That's anorexia and bulimia for you. All you have is your mind and if it lies to you, you got a tough road.

  • @polyphoniczeitgeist465
    @polyphoniczeitgeist465 4 года назад

    Hey welcome back! :)

  • @Mement0o
    @Mement0o 4 года назад

    YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS

  • @danchrotchet8662
    @danchrotchet8662 4 года назад

    Wowww, you have made my day ❤️❤️❤️

  • @SKULLKR3W
    @SKULLKR3W 4 года назад

    based

  • @kindred.spirit
    @kindred.spirit 4 года назад

    the setup looks very put-together... is it really you?
    hahaha jk, so glad to see ur face again! hoping to see more from you in the future (no pressure tho) :)

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      Lmao it’s weird right! I actually spend two days rearranging my room because it used to pretty much be a storage area that happened to have a bed for me to sleep in

    • @kindred.spirit
      @kindred.spirit 4 года назад

      @@chapterbarbara8161 awe the effort you put in for us 🥺💖 thank you :,)

  • @taralucent1219
    @taralucent1219 4 года назад

    It's been 84 years.

  • @styleaddict13
    @styleaddict13 4 года назад +1

    okay I went back to watch some of your old videos and remembered that right before your departure you said you were gonna tell us the story of why you filed a lawsuit against one of your teachers.... storytime?

  • @massivereader
    @massivereader 4 года назад

    You might think about changing over to reading more adult books. Let me suggest "Autism in Heels" by Jennifer O'Toole. While YA is an enjoyable genre, there are a ton of alternatives with considerable more depth and meaning even limiting yourself to fantasy, SF and romance. As to the weight gain it looks good on you, and it may not be related to your bulimia. College students typically gain a good bit of weight due to a more sedentary but erratically stressful lifestyle combined with irregular sleep schedules. It triggers cortisol reactions.

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад

      thank you for the recommendation and for your insight; I'll be sure to check out the book!

  • @kcamacmcc
    @kcamacmcc 4 года назад

    leave your parents and come and live with me

    • @chapterbarbara8161
      @chapterbarbara8161  4 года назад +1

      It’s definitely a plan (can’t wait be allowed that sweet sweet toilet paper)