In Ethic class, our professor once asked us to define love. One student spoke up and said that he viewed love as being willing to be vulnerable with someone else. Years later, and I still come back to that definition. Love is hard, if it's not hard, you're not loving. You're not opening yourself up, you're not letting someone else open up and dealing with what you find in there. It can be both hard, and beautiful. I think people have lost a bit of the difference between growing and hiding. Growing is something I would like to think we all want to do. To get more into ourselves. We're not monoliths, as you said, we're also not statues of any one moment in time. Our 20 year old mine isn't what our 40 year old mind will be or our 60 year old mind. How beautiful then to let in someone you love, to help guide who you change into? You merely only need ask yourself the following: Is how I'm changing making me truly happy or am I putting myself away for the other person? Learning to love sitting in on a Saturday night watching an old black and white film is fine if you're really enjoying it, even if you wouldn't have 5 months ago. Giving up all your time with you friends to calm your partner instead of enjoying your time more elsewhere isn't. It's important not to fear deep conversations or the act of looking into yourself. We seek acceptance exactly as we are when we're too afraid to deal with the truth of the matter, that we aren't exactly what we want. But that feeling is okay, that's self love - one is needed for the other.
"Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Love is an act of will -- We do not have to love. We choose to love." - M. Scott Peck I'm currently reading All About Love by Bell Hooks, and she references Scott Peck's definition of love. In the book, she describes each dimension of love. Love involves care, commitment, trust, knowledge, responsibility, and respect. Unfortunately, our society is intoxicated with individualism and selfishness as a consequence of capitalism, which blinds us to all the dimensions of love and the sacrifices that come with it. As she says, "Lovelessness is a boon to consumerism." Instead of extending ourselves for the purpose of nurturing another person’s spiritual growth, we want to consume others to fulfill ourselves. Dating apps are the purest form of this mentality. I think our entire generation needs to relearn what it means to love.
It's not just that. Desire is also mistaken for and labeled as love. Love is a choice. Desire and obsession is the perception of being powerless to do anything about it. When people feel victimized by their desires, they fail to truly love someone because they are more preoccupied with self preservation. A person in that position isn't capable of showing up in a committed relationship because their desires completely overshadow the emotional needs of the object of their desires. Desire or fantasy ignores the humanity of the other person and seeks to shape them into someone they are not rather than loving them for who they are.
Great video. Im married now, but one thing is for certain, i would never use a datting app. The fear of being rejectee, live, the exvitments of dates.... Dating apps take all that out. Fear is excitement, excitment will bring you great memories if you met someone incredible. I understand that lot of man have fear of talking to woman, i had it too, but once you realize is not a real fear (nothing happens to you) it turns into excitment. In fact, scientifically, fear of talking to woman, or public speaking, in terms of what you feel is no different from when you go bunging jumping or roing something radical. Just the label is different. Theres papers on this but try to do both and check for you 😊
@@walterwhite003 i forgot the sources, im searching them now. But if you do some radical sport, even kart, and talk to a group of strangers you will notice that you feel the same. Also, i had a band, and otger musitians said me to, that excitment of playing to a lot of people is addictive. If you look into it, it is anxiety, but end up reframed
It might also help people to at least try to see people as people and not an object of desire. Love requires a level of autonomy and desire is all about falling hopelessly in love (which isn't love).
Back when I was in my first year of high school, I could never relate to the idea of romance; I found it silly and overrated. Then, I was struck by a curse. In January 2022, during my 6th and final semester, when the pandemic was easing and school returned to offline, I fell for someone. I daydreamed about them constantly, but it was impossible, especially since the person I fell for was never kind to me. My only option was to resist. However, I soon realised that I was easily developing crushes on multiple people. I moved on some time ago, but the urge to find love remains painfully irresistible. I can't imagine how much time I've wasted on dating apps, love fiction, and complaining. Love hurts.
This doesn't really feel like a criticism of dating apps. More a criticism of how some people approach dating. Someone who wants a partner who likes Marvel just as much as they do would probably behave in that way with or without dating apps. If anything, dating apps make it more difficult to find like-minded people (compared to going to a club/event focused around your interest) and simply show you an assortment of people where the main thing you all have in "common" with each other is that you are looking for some form of relationship.
@@Syssn3ck I think while it's good to have differences, you cannot differ TOO much from your partner. This especially goes for direction, morals, and values in the relationship. Some things just need to align. There are some things you CAN disagree on and there are some you NEED to agree on to make the relationship prosper.
I'm not a philosophy student, I've never actually taken a class of philosophy. But, I do love your discussions on various topics because they force me to think and question my thoughts and narratives I feed myself This video has to be by far my favourite because love is such a core part of who we are but with a rise in independence we are questioning loves place in this new paradigm. In that context this video was a breath of fresh air that sort of put my thoughts into place and resonated with me a lot!
I always loved the love story in Plato's symposium and that humans were separated to make them long for each other so that they become weaker... I find online dating like a job application. Filling out a dating profile is like writing a resume. Intellectual curiosity is my biggest turn-on, but so few actually have such enthusiasm anymore. Oh and also postmodern feminist literature makes the story all the more tragic, I guess... but I digress...
In order to have a happy realationship for a long time the main thing is meating the expectation of your partner and if it doesnt it will create a resentment which can leads to divorce. It is not enough when a person will meet some other person he /she will start comparing it with his current relationship which can push the partners expectation and again it could create some kind of problem btw the both partners its hard you know and there is always a big amount of risk of the relationship not going to work so be prepared 😂 Not just in partners but in every kind of relationship like r between parents and child they do look at other kids and start comparing them and pushing their expectation or think about r between siblings they have a low level of expectation which is good or relationship btw friends they also have a low kinda expectation which is easily meetable if not who even cares if they dont talk 😂😂
Great video as always! I started watching your content a year or so ago when I started reading Byung Chul-Han myself. Thanks for all the work you do! Where can I find your substack? Thanks again
@@RCWaldun Thanks! This video reminded me of many later Heideggerian concepts. I’ve been studying his fourfold the past couple of months and this made me think of thoughts differentiation and finitude. “"In-finite (Un-endlich) means that the ends and sides, the regions of the relation, do not stand on their own, cut off [from relation] and one-sided. Rather, relieved of one-sidedness and of finitude Endlichker], they belong in-finitely to one another in a relationship that they 'thoroughly' hold together from its middle" (GA 4: 163/188, tm). What cuts the thing open removes its ends from it, the ends that would encapsulate it.”
That could be a sample bias problem though. People willing to go see a therapist and those who don't could see the world differently and have different sttitudes towards love as well.
@@tempestandacomputer6951 Very true that I'm seeing people who self select into therapy. The point still stands that not everyone is in a state of "I refuse to change for the betterment of my relationship." I understand what Robin is talking about but he's applying one experience to the entire concept of romantic love.
Hey Robin great video as always but wanted to ask you That to what extent the difference is okay. I mean suppose you find a person with totally different worldview But both of them are adamant on their views. I mean view is what defines them Dont you think it would be conflicting. I might go a bit more political but please bear with me Suppose you are a guy with leftist views and then you find a girl who's on the opposite side to the spectrum Do you think this kinda affair would workout Can you clarify I am a but confused I mean suppose the same relationship results into a marriage then to kids Then wont the difference in parent's views impact the child Edit- And here i am not talking about difference in interests
I hope you don't mind me butting in with my two cents, but I immediately thought of a couple in the way you described. There is a comedian named John Oliver who is left leaning, and his wife is conservative ex-military. They seem quite happy together and are raising children together (though of course no one knows for sure what their lives are like). Chances are, a lot of their values are the same, even though we'd like to label them in opposing ways. There are certain things that I imagine would be a make-or-break in that sort of scenario, like if one partner wants children and one absolutely does not. But for something smaller, there are ways that it's fine to change. For instance someone who has grown up with the attitude that.. sports are stupid and completely unenjoyable. Then one day they meet the sweetest, funniest person who also happens to be very into sports. Maybe they love them and split their time or maybe over time in watching their partner get all fired up they realize football is actually kind of fun and wind up developing their own enjoyment for it, or just the aspect of having out and eating lots of tasty things. The point is, sometimes we're looking for someone who has all these labels on them that align with all our labels and that's just ... unnecessary and potentially boring. That sometimes those labels can be opposite, but we still get along in many other ways and those things just become interesting things to ponder over/jest over. Other times they are huge and life things we just can't work around, like the potential of being parents or not.
According to Schopenhauer, love is driven by the Will, the Will only cares about reproducing, and it definitely doesn’t give a damn if you are happy or depressed
Robin. I have watched all of your videos and waiting for new ones. If you could give me free subscription to mug of insights. I can't afford anything these days but i desperately want to study it😢
baby dont hurt me
dont hurt me
@@loadishstonedon’t hurt me 🎤😫
No more
OuououUUUOOOOUUUUUUOOOOOOO oh ouou AAAAAhaaaa
What is Love 👁
In Ethic class, our professor once asked us to define love. One student spoke up and said that he viewed love as being willing to be vulnerable with someone else. Years later, and I still come back to that definition. Love is hard, if it's not hard, you're not loving. You're not opening yourself up, you're not letting someone else open up and dealing with what you find in there. It can be both hard, and beautiful.
I think people have lost a bit of the difference between growing and hiding. Growing is something I would like to think we all want to do. To get more into ourselves. We're not monoliths, as you said, we're also not statues of any one moment in time. Our 20 year old mine isn't what our 40 year old mind will be or our 60 year old mind. How beautiful then to let in someone you love, to help guide who you change into?
You merely only need ask yourself the following: Is how I'm changing making me truly happy or am I putting myself away for the other person? Learning to love sitting in on a Saturday night watching an old black and white film is fine if you're really enjoying it, even if you wouldn't have 5 months ago. Giving up all your time with you friends to calm your partner instead of enjoying your time more elsewhere isn't.
It's important not to fear deep conversations or the act of looking into yourself. We seek acceptance exactly as we are when we're too afraid to deal with the truth of the matter, that we aren't exactly what we want. But that feeling is okay, that's self love - one is needed for the other.
"Love is the will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth. Love is an act of will -- We do not have to love. We choose to love." - M. Scott Peck
I'm currently reading All About Love by Bell Hooks, and she references Scott Peck's definition of love. In the book, she describes each dimension of love. Love involves care, commitment, trust, knowledge, responsibility, and respect. Unfortunately, our society is intoxicated with individualism and selfishness as a consequence of capitalism, which blinds us to all the dimensions of love and the sacrifices that come with it. As she says, "Lovelessness is a boon to consumerism." Instead of extending ourselves for the purpose of nurturing another person’s spiritual growth, we want to consume others to fulfill ourselves. Dating apps are the purest form of this mentality. I think our entire generation needs to relearn what it means to love.
It's not just that. Desire is also mistaken for and labeled as love. Love is a choice. Desire and obsession is the perception of being powerless to do anything about it. When people feel victimized by their desires, they fail to truly love someone because they are more preoccupied with self preservation. A person in that position isn't capable of showing up in a committed relationship because their desires completely overshadow the emotional needs of the object of their desires. Desire or fantasy ignores the humanity of the other person and seeks to shape them into someone they are not rather than loving them for who they are.
Great video.
Im married now, but one thing is for certain, i would never use a datting app.
The fear of being rejectee, live, the exvitments of dates.... Dating apps take all that out. Fear is excitement, excitment will bring you great memories if you met someone incredible.
I understand that lot of man have fear of talking to woman, i had it too, but once you realize is not a real fear (nothing happens to you) it turns into excitment.
In fact, scientifically, fear of talking to woman, or public speaking, in terms of what you feel is no different from when you go bunging jumping or roing something radical.
Just the label is different.
Theres papers on this but try to do both and check for you 😊
would love to read those papers if you remember what to search!,!
@@walterwhite003 i forgot the sources, im searching them now.
But if you do some radical sport, even kart, and talk to a group of strangers you will notice that you feel the same.
Also, i had a band, and otger musitians said me to, that excitment of playing to a lot of people is addictive. If you look into it, it is anxiety, but end up reframed
It might also help people to at least try to see people as people and not an object of desire. Love requires a level of autonomy and desire is all about falling hopelessly in love (which isn't love).
Back when I was in my first year of high school, I could never relate to the idea of romance; I found it silly and overrated. Then, I was struck by a curse. In January 2022, during my 6th and final semester, when the pandemic was easing and school returned to offline, I fell for someone.
I daydreamed about them constantly, but it was impossible, especially since the person I fell for was never kind to me. My only option was to resist. However, I soon realised that I was easily developing crushes on multiple people.
I moved on some time ago, but the urge to find love remains painfully irresistible. I can't imagine how much time I've wasted on dating apps, love fiction, and complaining. Love hurts.
This doesn't really feel like a criticism of dating apps. More a criticism of how some people approach dating. Someone who wants a partner who likes Marvel just as much as they do would probably behave in that way with or without dating apps. If anything, dating apps make it more difficult to find like-minded people (compared to going to a club/event focused around your interest) and simply show you an assortment of people where the main thing you all have in "common" with each other is that you are looking for some form of relationship.
I absolutely adore the concept of two different people in a relationship, instead of two very similar ones. It opens so many new perspectives.
Until the differences drove a wedge that is.
@@RaShe105 or they unite even more, who knows.
@@Syssn3ck I think while it's good to have differences, you cannot differ TOO much from your partner. This especially goes for direction, morals, and values in the relationship. Some things just need to align. There are some things you CAN disagree on and there are some you NEED to agree on to make the relationship prosper.
@@RaShe105
Agreed.
As the saying goes, "Opposites attract but it's the like minded that last."
Does this apply to what you adore about your own rels?
Conflict is normal in a relationship and arguably needed for a more fruitful and loving realtionship.
As someone who is always confused about relationships, you have explained it better to me that anyone I have come across.
I wanna know, know, know, know
What is love? 사랑이 어떤 느낌인지
I love that you used that Louie scene. the show was gold
I'm not a philosophy student, I've never actually taken a class of philosophy. But, I do love your discussions on various topics because they force me to think and question my thoughts and narratives I feed myself
This video has to be by far my favourite because love is such a core part of who we are but with a rise in independence we are questioning loves place in this new paradigm.
In that context this video was a breath of fresh air that sort of put my thoughts into place and resonated with me a lot!
This might be my favorite video of yours. Thanks for the insight!
Wow loved that! What an insightful and rich video, thank you for sharing. Gonna ruminate on this topic of modern love for a while
This format of videos is interesting, good work
I think what I'm afraid about in love is not changing as much that I'll be the only one changing
Great video my dude!
Excellent work
Unlearned to love and now what's left is prolonged bitterness and dread
Love hurts.
always interested in hearing your perspective robin
“love is a curse, to be in love is to be in a curse and to be in a curse is to be hurt, it’s forever loop of cycle”
I always loved the love story in Plato's symposium and that humans were separated to make them long for each other so that they become weaker...
I find online dating like a job application. Filling out a dating profile is like writing a resume.
Intellectual curiosity is my biggest turn-on, but so few actually have such enthusiasm anymore.
Oh and also postmodern feminist literature makes the story all the more tragic, I guess... but I digress...
Thanks again, Rob.
Robin?
LOVE?
You too?
first of all i need love to feel all these things ,,, and but i don't have anyone.... and i am 22 and i think i'll die alone
really interesting and quality content !
In order to have a happy realationship for a long time the main thing is meating the expectation of your partner and if it doesnt it will create a resentment which can leads to divorce.
It is not enough when a person will meet some other person he /she will start comparing it with his current relationship which can push the partners expectation and again it could create some kind of problem btw the both partners
its hard you know and there is always a big amount of risk of the relationship not going to work so be prepared 😂
Not just in partners but in every kind of relationship like r between parents and child they do look at other kids and start comparing them and pushing their expectation or think about r between siblings they have a low level of expectation which is good or relationship btw friends they also have a low kinda expectation which is easily meetable if not who even cares if they dont talk 😂😂
Bro literally destroyed me at the start. 😅
Great video as always! I started watching your content a year or so ago when I started reading Byung Chul-Han myself. Thanks for all the work you do! Where can I find your substack? Thanks again
Link in the description. :)
@@RCWaldun Thanks! This video reminded me of many later Heideggerian concepts. I’ve been studying his fourfold the past couple of months and this made me think of thoughts differentiation and finitude. “"In-finite (Un-endlich)
means that the ends and sides, the regions of the relation, do not stand
on their own, cut off [from relation] and one-sided. Rather, relieved
of one-sidedness and of finitude Endlichker], they belong in-finitely to
one another in a relationship that they 'thoroughly' hold together from
its middle" (GA 4: 163/188, tm). What cuts the thing open removes its
ends from it, the ends that would encapsulate it.”
Baby don't hurt me
Dude, I don’t who you’re talking about. I’m a therapist and people are twisting themselves into pretzels for romantic love.
That could be a sample bias problem though. People willing to go see a therapist and those who don't could see the world differently and have different sttitudes towards love as well.
@@tempestandacomputer6951 Very true that I'm seeing people who self select into therapy. The point still stands that not everyone is in a state of "I refuse to change for the betterment of my relationship." I understand what Robin is talking about but he's applying one experience to the entire concept of romantic love.
Hey Robin great video as always but wanted to ask you
That to what extent the difference is okay.
I mean suppose you find a person with totally different worldview
But both of them are adamant on their views. I mean view is what defines them
Dont you think it would be conflicting.
I might go a bit more political but please bear with me
Suppose you are a guy with leftist views and then you find a girl who's on the opposite side to the spectrum
Do you think this kinda affair would workout
Can you clarify
I am a but confused
I mean suppose the same relationship results into a marriage then to kids
Then wont the difference in parent's views impact the child
Edit- And here i am not talking about difference in interests
I hope you don't mind me butting in with my two cents, but I immediately thought of a couple in the way you described. There is a comedian named John Oliver who is left leaning, and his wife is conservative ex-military. They seem quite happy together and are raising children together (though of course no one knows for sure what their lives are like). Chances are, a lot of their values are the same, even though we'd like to label them in opposing ways. There are certain things that I imagine would be a make-or-break in that sort of scenario, like if one partner wants children and one absolutely does not. But for something smaller, there are ways that it's fine to change.
For instance someone who has grown up with the attitude that.. sports are stupid and completely unenjoyable. Then one day they meet the sweetest, funniest person who also happens to be very into sports. Maybe they love them and split their time or maybe over time in watching their partner get all fired up they realize football is actually kind of fun and wind up developing their own enjoyment for it, or just the aspect of having out and eating lots of tasty things. The point is, sometimes we're looking for someone who has all these labels on them that align with all our labels and that's just ... unnecessary and potentially boring. That sometimes those labels can be opposite, but we still get along in many other ways and those things just become interesting things to ponder over/jest over. Other times they are huge and life things we just can't work around, like the potential of being parents or not.
I'm soo happy I discovred your channel!! Greatt videoo :))
According to Schopenhauer, love is driven by the Will, the Will only cares about reproducing, and it definitely doesn’t give a damn if you are happy or depressed
❤❤❤❤
❤
Robin.
I have watched all of your videos and waiting for new ones.
If you could give me free subscription to mug of insights.
I can't afford anything these days but i desperately want to study it😢
4:31 UNSUBSCRIBED ! (thumbs down emoji)