@@sepiasmith5065 I’ll be here all week! Unless someone tries to talk someone out of suicide and starts with “I’m an empath” then I’m doing the die with the person
"Well, as an empath-" _immediately jumps and falls to their death_ "Ouch. That looks like it hurt. Well, rest in blood and 3 broken bones I guess. _turns to the cop next to them_ Hey, whaddaya say about gettin outta here and getting some liquor?" "You just let an innocent person die. You're absolutely getting fired after this, considering you somehow haven't yet." "Well shit, no need to be a party pooper you could just say you don't drink" "You are insufferable"
No one realizes that she didn’t mean as a empath for like as a empath………..?I d t she meant it like as a empath more like. I know what ur going through cus I send nudes to my boss every Friday but I’ll say as a empath as it is a good excuse to be able to completely feel your situation rn. Idk if my explanation is right but i feel like it suits what is happening better u know. AsAEmPaTh I completely know what ur going through Rn. Sending nudes to ur bosssss?ohhh that’s just every Friday. 😢
Wooptido! You quoted the funny part of the video! We are so glad you found it! This is one of the most original RUclips comments I have ever seen! Have a cookie! 🍪
@@andynonymous6769 Funnily enough I’m literally home sick from work today because I legit had no damned idea you can get fhufddhhh physically addicted to ZzzQuil. Wtf man. I don’t even drink beer or smoke anything…I don’t even use caffeine. I’m a total boring straight edge loser with horrific nightmares from PTSD and no health insurance so I had to use ZzzQuil to get an “ok” nights sleep for a couple months. Now I feel horrible, sweats, nausea, anxiety, can’t sleep, don’t have an appetite, heartbeat feels weird. Like I’m coming off heroin or something. WTF is this nonsense???? Freaking ZzzQuil? I feel so stupid, I had no idea.
Benadryl a few nights a week isn't going to give you early onset dementia. Pretty sure if that low of a dose triggered it, I'd have dementia by now from all the benadryl I've had to take to keep myself alive. Benadryl isn't a medication to be messed around with, but it probably won't hurt you at such a low dose. I'm not a doctor, this is not medical advice.
honestly, i watch ASMR because it's honestly relaxing. But even the stranger asmr content like the girlfriend roleplays can be helpful. during quarantine, i legit watched some of that personal attention roleplay ASMR, just cuz we couldn't actually go outside and talked to real people and that shit gets lonely. Plus i work at a hospital and that shit was NOT easy on the mental health, so even watching a video where someone was pretending to take care of me kinda helped, you know, since i was doing 12, sometimes 16 hour days taking care of all those patients. so even though it was just videos, it was kinda nice to watch. that probably sounds weird, but the point is that there's probably some super lonely dude out there who's actually helped by those videos
@@bottomofastairwell to be fair, I find almost all emotional displays embarrassing so I'm probably not the best metric. you don't need to defend yourself though, when I say I find it cringe I mean, I literally cringe when I listen to it, not that other people are cringe for listening to it. One emotionally repressed girl's cringe is another guy's pleasure...or another girl's income 🤷♀
I ironically watched something called ASMR DILF Crab Monster Rescues You once.. It was unexpectedly wholesome and I slept like a freaking log. Anyway thats how I accidently became a monster fucker asmr enthusiast
Everytime I hear “as an empath” I get the uncontrolled urge to close my eyes and mouth and turn my head down and to the left Like I’m mourning the little shattered piece of soul or ego that the statements created. Like a memorium or some shit of my will to live.
I see, the pained head turn away because you’re feeling a swirl of emotions-anger, betrayal, disappointment, sadness and regret-but the moment is just too tender to talk about and you give the other person a saddened parting glance before somberly walking off
I’m so jealous… Benadryl helps you sleep?? I can take two and it does nothing. I have stubborn insomnia. Oh and he’s right, there’s somebody for everybody…‘s noots
“and those sexy ASMR girls in RUclips, especially the ones who pretend to be my girlfriend” I haven’t seen anything more relatable in my life and im straight Edit: my mom saw this 💀🔪
I just had the weirdest dream while I fell asleep with this Shorts in my headphones, the dream was basically implementing this sketch/jokes from this sketch in such a fitting way creating a complete story for multiple characters. That was the best dream I’ve had in years. THANK YOU
This video made me go through the five stages. When he said he was an empath I literally scream-laughed and the “sexy little asmr girls” made me audibly cringe. This is top 10 videos from you 100%. This is so fucking funny
“As an empath-“
- *splat* -
As an empath I can feel that you are actually dead and have no feelings anymore
this made me laugh out loud and almost choke on my waffle thank u
OH 😭
@@sepiasmith5065 I’ll be here all week! Unless someone tries to talk someone out of suicide and starts with “I’m an empath” then I’m doing the die with the person
RIGHT if I heard that I’m jumping💀
If anyone tried to help me by saying "As an empath", I'd end it right then and there out of spite
This is the correct answer
Same
"Well, as an empath-"
_immediately jumps and falls to their death_
"Ouch. That looks like it hurt. Well, rest in blood and 3 broken bones I guess. _turns to the cop next to them_ Hey, whaddaya say about gettin outta here and getting some liquor?"
"You just let an innocent person die. You're absolutely getting fired after this, considering you somehow haven't yet."
"Well shit, no need to be a party pooper you could just say you don't drink"
"You are insufferable"
As an empath I understand your hostility 🤪
No one realizes that she didn’t mean as a empath for like as a empath………..?I d t she meant it like as a empath more like. I know what ur going through cus I send nudes to my boss every Friday but I’ll say as a empath as it is a good excuse to be able to completely feel your situation rn. Idk if my explanation is right but i feel like it suits what is happening better u know. AsAEmPaTh I completely know what ur going through Rn. Sending nudes to ur bosssss?ohhh that’s just every Friday. 😢
I love how surprised, confused, and shit the other cop is about everything
8.3k likes and no replies?!
Good comment btw
9.8k likes and 1 reply let my fix that
10k likes and only 2 replies. Something had to be done.
and shit
“you’re doing a ✨foUL✨job so far”
Wooptido! You quoted the funny part of the video! We are so glad you found it! This is one of the most original RUclips comments I have ever seen! Have a cookie! 🍪
fowl, as in this bird is about to take flight, or die trying
@@classicalsheetmusic1986 Eh, let them have their fun, friendo. No need to be unkind.^^
@@classicalsheetmusic1986complaining about unoriginal comments and then saying 'have a cookie' is just the pot calling the kettle black
@@classicalsheetmusic1986yay! You're being an asshole in a comment section where NO ONE CARES
These, these are the cops I would like to just have a genuine conversation with one day
Honestly, I'd prefer these to real American cops
Spoiler alert you can never have a genuine conversation with a cop bc they can’t be genuine
@@strawberrycherrybaby Facts
rip then cause these cops dont exist
That cop has met The Hat Man at least once, their life is arguably worse
I would like to meet this hat man as I believe I owe him a blow job about 19 years too late
THE HAT MAN LMFAO☠️☠️
Bruh
I wanna know what the Hat Man is but I'm scared to ask
@@beccagrantham5978it’s kinda like Benadryl spiders! Except the hat man only shows up when he wants to. The spiders are always.
Gotta love the 'i don't care enough, so screw the world'
The benadryl thing is a mood
It's a mood if you want to absolutely demolish your kidneys and give yourself early onset dementia
@@andynonymous6769 it was a joke..
@@andynonymous6769 Funnily enough I’m literally home sick from work today because I legit had no damned idea you can get fhufddhhh physically addicted to ZzzQuil. Wtf man. I don’t even drink beer or smoke anything…I don’t even use caffeine. I’m a total boring straight edge loser with horrific nightmares from PTSD and no health insurance so I had to use ZzzQuil to get an “ok” nights sleep for a couple months.
Now I feel horrible, sweats, nausea, anxiety, can’t sleep, don’t have an appetite, heartbeat feels weird. Like I’m coming off heroin or something. WTF is this nonsense???? Freaking ZzzQuil? I feel so stupid, I had no idea.
@@andynonymous6769 early on set dementia? Calm down…
Benadryl a few nights a week isn't going to give you early onset dementia. Pretty sure if that low of a dose triggered it, I'd have dementia by now from all the benadryl I've had to take to keep myself alive. Benadryl isn't a medication to be messed around with, but it probably won't hurt you at such a low dose. I'm not a doctor, this is not medical advice.
"Why are you sad about that? Your boss is gonna pay you more now that they got the Only Fans content. "
The Namjoon profile pic makes it even better.
@@nachobabe1344
It’s like he’s saying it out of his own wisdom
🤣🤣🤣
😟
They got a free sample 😂
“I’m an empath” is proof that this is not a bad cop.
They’re the worst.
“what am i, your real estate agent?” literally dying rn 💀
No no he lived so you should too
You shouldn't have jumped.
@@bleach_drink_me r/woosh
@@Powdersnowy I think that was directed at yourself.
“As an empath”
I would a hop and a skip and an end my life if the negotiator said that
Is that so you can land on them :)
@@lambentlamprey i spit coffee laughing oh my gosh 😭😂😭
I want to see a whole cop show with these two.
shoutout to the ASMR girlies who pretend to be your girlfriend, seems cringe beyond belief to me but somebody's gotta do it I guess???
honestly, i watch ASMR because it's honestly relaxing.
But even the stranger asmr content like the girlfriend roleplays can be helpful.
during quarantine, i legit watched some of that personal attention roleplay ASMR, just cuz we couldn't actually go outside and talked to real people and that shit gets lonely. Plus i work at a hospital and that shit was NOT easy on the mental health, so even watching a video where someone was pretending to take care of me kinda helped, you know, since i was doing 12, sometimes 16 hour days taking care of all those patients. so even though it was just videos, it was kinda nice to watch. that probably sounds weird, but the point is that there's probably some super lonely dude out there who's actually helped by those videos
As I learned from a friend, sex work is mostly care work
@@bottomofastairwell to be fair, I find almost all emotional displays embarrassing so I'm probably not the best metric. you don't need to defend yourself though, when I say I find it cringe I mean, I literally cringe when I listen to it, not that other people are cringe for listening to it. One emotionally repressed girl's cringe is another guy's pleasure...or another girl's income 🤷♀
yaa that's me
I ironically watched something called ASMR DILF Crab Monster Rescues You once..
It was unexpectedly wholesome and I slept like a freaking log. Anyway thats how I accidently became a monster fucker asmr enthusiast
"with a help from benadryl, and those sexy little A.S.M.R girls on RUclips, especially the ones that pretend to be my girlfriend"
-cop 2023
Never have I related more to a phrase from a skit in my life 🥲
@@Savana_minijar355 you're not alone
I’ve never seen someone use periods after the letters in ASMR
@@fighterflight yeah
This is a statement that hits me to the core of my being. My lonely chapter was a sad time.
"How's the weather up there?"
"Bad, how's yours?"
"Looks like it's about to be raining men. Hallelujah."
He's going to sleep every night to the sweet sound of 'Youre Such a Good Boy for Me yandere gf roleplay'
Sauce?
Nah I prefer the male versions, much better imo
@@neebnabs I gotchu bestie ruclips.net/video/EEcid7RHPEs/видео.html
@@RoboThot711 based ty very much.
Hey, as long as the dude gets the job done
"I accidentally sent nudes to my boss rather than my tinder date"
Little did she know her boss was her tinder date
well, his methods are unorthodox, but effective....
Can’t tell you how much it bothers me when somebody calls themselves an empath. Just want to smack them.
And you have no idea how much us empaths want to smack the other 90% of the population who is superficial and clueless. So cool, we’re even😆
@@down-to-earth-mystery-school 🤡
What about... EMPATHIC PSYCICS, HUH?
Man if professionalism was an option this would be the scenario
I love a good jumper. I’m British. You’re a genius, so please keep making more videos. It’s great to see such sarcastic comedy.
"as an empath, I know how you're feeling and it's honestly not that bad, you're just being a pssy" 😂😂😂😂
Everytime I hear “as an empath” I get the uncontrolled urge to close my eyes and mouth and turn my head down and to the left
Like I’m mourning the little shattered piece of soul or ego that the statements created. Like a memorium or some shit of my will to live.
This was beautiful
I love this
I see, the pained head turn away because you’re feeling a swirl of emotions-anger, betrayal, disappointment, sadness and regret-but the moment is just too tender to talk about and you give the other person a saddened parting glance before somberly walking off
"How do you sleep at night?"
"Soundly, with the help of benadryl and those little asmr girls who pretends to be my girlfriend."
HE'S JUST LIKE ME FR
I’m so jealous… Benadryl helps you sleep?? I can take two and it does nothing. I have stubborn insomnia.
Oh and he’s right, there’s somebody for everybody…‘s noots
Yo same. I took one for hives and I was excited about the sleepiness side effect. Felt nothing. Needless to say, I was salty.
I take one Bennie and I wake up two days earlier than the day I took it. They knock me out colder than the ol' Jazz Cabbage does.
Yeah that's why you have to take 5 like me. That shit will knock your ass out.
truly in awe
That cop is definitely high.
10/10
I feel inspired actually now
“and those sexy ASMR girls in RUclips, especially the ones who pretend to be my girlfriend”
I haven’t seen anything more relatable in my life
and im straight
Edit: my mom saw this 💀🔪
Love the English language, "sorry" and "i apologize" mean completely different things when you're going to a funeral.
I fucking love that jumper joke lmao.
You're fucking incredible 🤣🤣🤣
the ending is me fr i have to have 3 different sleeping pills and asmr to sleep xD
“As an empath” I’d be so flabbergasted I would forget the fact I was going to kms
she is sooo funny 😂 her one liners are gold
I just had the weirdest dream while I fell asleep with this Shorts in my headphones, the dream was basically implementing this sketch/jokes from this sketch in such a fitting way creating a complete story for multiple characters. That was the best dream I’ve had in years. THANK YOU
Honestly, I fuckin love every time one of the cop skits get posted they're great
I work in mental health with a high crisis population and this is literally the dark humor that keeps us going in that field.
This is still more competent than most cops
The benadryl and sexy little ASMR girls part got TOO relatable lmao
You're seriously my favourite internet persona.
Give this girl every acting award. 👏
“As an empath-“
“Im going to do you a favor and cut you off there.” -splat-
The last ten seconds of this cut deep. Great work, and also how dare you?
ZING ZING ZING went all these jokes in a row!!! I love it!
Imagine if they said:
“How’s the weather up there?”
“Bad, what about yours?”
“Bad as well, and it’s about to be worse if you jump so don’t.”
What they really mean by “bad cop”:
I thank god everyday that Stanzi fully channelled Harry Du Bois for this bit
I mean, look on the bright side, if the boss is as awful as you’d think they *could* like it and you’ll just get a raise
I can't tell which one I most resonate
Pfft-to be fair, the ASMR girls/boys help me sleep too 😂
Every goddamn line of this. Every one. Peak cinema
It's 3AM and I have an appointment tomorrow. I think I might just go find myself an ASMR gf/bf rn. Thanks for the idea.
Stanzi, your videos always make me smile, thank you 😂❤
Girl, you always cheer me up lolol. Please never stop making these. We need these shorts from you for life!
‘As an empath’ took me out
Okay I need more of this character
The end part about the asmr girls felt like a personal attack
Bro fr I thought I was the only one
Sounds like a manhwa title “Accidentally Sent my Noods to my Boss!!❤❤” lmaoo
Plotwist: the boss is the tinder date.
How is this lady this hilarious! She's one of the top funniest and best on the tubes.
bro the fact that that cop still has that job is beyond me
i mean, the end justify the means?
@@aeri_taylors-version All well if ends well ig?
Killing people or getting people killed doesn’t usually get them fired, so I’d say this cop is ahead of the curve.
The deadpan delivery, the sarcasm, the rapid-fire jokes: strong "Police Squad!" vibes.. :)
"The weather down here is terrible, it's about to start raining men"
"With a helping hand from benadryl" felt that
"As an empa-"splat
Ah yes the sexy ASMR chicks "help me sleep"😉
that last line hit me like a truck 😭
THE LAST BIT IS TOO REAL
Lol especially the ones that pretend to be my girlfriend.
The "Jesus Christ" from the other cop gets me everytime. I love them.
i cant with these. better and better every damn time
“Well, as an empath”GOT ME
I love this cop. Like, really love this cop, they're hilarious
This video made me go through the five stages. When he said he was an empath I literally scream-laughed and the “sexy little asmr girls” made me audibly cringe. This is top 10 videos from you 100%. This is so fucking funny
“What am I, Your real estate agent?” had me dead
Stop the asmr thing is relatable BAHAHAH
The last sentence took me out 💀
I either listen to that Asmr or beach nature sounds to sleep. So that end part made me crack up.
You exude Garfield humor but much better than Garfield could ever
an empath sounds like a pokemon to me
"As an empath"
*insert sound of hitting the ground here*
Your writing legit never misses 💀
If someone said “as an empath..” in a situation like this I’d jump without hesitation and aim for them
We love a helpful cop
"The worst person you know just made a great point"
I. Feel. Called. OUT.
Stahhp!
NO CAUSE I WAS LITERALLY ABOUT TO GO LISTEN TO ASMR WHEN I SAW YOU POSTED
Well I felt really called out by that last part about ASMR 😅
The asmr part got me 😂😂😂
I love the bluntness of this humor 😂
Not the asmr roleplay 😭🤣🤣
“What am i, your real estate agent?” Okay but that’s the best line
STANZ-- THE LAST 4SECONDS OF THIS WAS THE MOST SAVAGE-- I AM NOT OKAY
Ayo the ASMR joke was a DEEP cut
Stanzi, please 😂😂😂😂😂
The ASMR girlfriend lmaooo😭😭😭
This is the best video series ever. I love this cop