Story 1: AITA for not giving up my room because my half sister wanted it as a “christmas gift” Story 2: 4:18 AITA For letting my daughter celebrate Christmas despite my husband and his family's disapproval? Story 3: 8:58 AITA for telling my in-laws to keep their paws off my mother's house? Story 4: 14:13 AITA for not allowing my grandmother around my baby because of something she lied about when I was 15?
And they say it's for the benefit of the doubt because they're a child.. But I guess that's what causes the child to light the fires and to destroy the world..
@@alise45647 While its true that there are many that arent cheap i doubt that a 16 Year old with that much .... Financial awareness would buy a 400 Dollar Collectors Edition Item a an decor item. Overall LED´s, Posters, Pictures, Bed sheets (for sure to fit the theme) cost already alot. And it wouldnt end there. Bedside Rug, Bookstands, theres alot thatwill easily add up to 400 Dollar and more too. So it doesnt need to be "one expensive Item". Most People forget (or simply dont know because Parents took care of it) how much it did cost them too put simple Stuff in their First Apartment. I stil lremember the Bill for my Curtains and i am still amazed how a bit of cloth can get so fucking expensive. Ohh yeah Curtains .. .another Item she may has replaced to fit the Room? I mean ... if you have your own Apartment than think back. After you had gotten the necessary Furniture (Bed, Table, some Chairs etc) and you started with Decorating. Just think back how much even an small Rug did cost you. And im not talking a Rug from some high class Shop. Think back what Pictures, and frames and such did cost. And if its hard to remember. How about the Bathroom Rug? You know those anti slip ones that can be washed and are okay to get dripping wet. I can tell you that mine did cost me 45 Dollar. Just because it wasnt an "simple white one" but one with an Picture on it. Decor Items are cheap if you look at them as "one thing" ... but as soon as you start to need stuff for an whole Room you can see your Paycheck melt away. Even without the expensive Items and going "all cheap".
I would get a bucket of white paint and tell everyone I needed a "blank canvas" for a new project. Take photos before, though. Still better than losing my room and art to a selfish little girl.
3 of my grandparents died on Christmas day and we still celebrate Christmas especially since my nephews were born. Those people who won't celebrate Christmas for the children's sake are unbelievably selfish
My Dad's birthday is 9/11. We still celebrate. It's possible to celebrate a good occasion and recognize a tragic one at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive.
The kids are going to resent their parents and grandparents for taking away the fun of the holidays. In the future they will likely avoid them completly and their parents/grandparents are going to be confused why. Wakes are not for the dead they are for the living and the living are destroying themselves and those around them.
I don't think the young dead 24 year old would actually want a yearly, silent, miserable wake. He would want them to be happy and normal and celebrate his life with joy and a great party.
@@heathermcdougall2399 I would say if he did want that sort of thing he would be a very selfish bastard we can't speak for the Dead so trying to say he may or may not want this sort of thing does not matter it's what the living needs and this what the grandparents are doing is not healthy at the very least and mentally manipulative at the very worst
Ive lost my mom on or around christmas and every christmas up until i was i think around grade 6 or 7 wed go go to church then come home and have a normal christmas. The family is just being selfish they will grow up to resent everyone in that house if kindergarten me could understand what death was and realize that yes while theyre gone we dont need to make every day or the aniversary of their death doesnt need to be sad then a bunch of adults need to realize that and its not healthy theyre drawing out their greif if it is greif at all i dont and havent heard about families doing things like barring anything holiday on that day. My grandma lost her daugher and still made an effort to make christmas normal for us so why cant their family do that? Not long before those kids get too old for toys and actually begin to hate the holiday. Thats how it happens they associate christmas with that and begin to not show up to holidays or just not celebrate it anymore
First one-OP, your sister is the golden child. No matter what, you will be always seen as the selfish one. Don't give up your room. As someone probably as old or older than your mom, I would never ask my oldest to do this if I had kids. Tell her selfishness could go both ways. Sis is being selfish for wanting the room and your parents are being selfish for their feelings also. Tell them to grow up!
And mom would be pissed if she wanted to live with her dad for the next 2yrs where she would have her own room and wouldn't have to worry about someone trying to take things from her and she can get a headstart on autonomy and some responsibility.
UPDATE FOR FIRST STORY- Edit: THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me and commented you guys are all too kind. I’ve tried all day to get my sister to agree to decorating her own room but she doesn’t want to. She’s been making a lot of comments hinting that she would just take my room when i go visit my dad again. So i talked to my dad about the whole situation and he sided with me and said i wasn’t obligated to give up my room. I told my mom even my dad agreed and she still doesn’t care. A lot of you are right this isn’t the first thing my sister wanted (and got to have in those cases). I have a really good relationship with my dad and where i live, i’m old enough to stay at home alone while my dad is gone. A really really nice person messaged me and suggested i go live with my dad and when he comes home next week i’ll talk to him about it then.
Threatening to just take your room when you go to see your dad? Tell your sister if she does that, you will thrash her, and destroy all of her stuff, then hit her some more! Tell her you are so angry that even mom and dad won't be able to stop you. Even get a big pair of scissors and make cutting up her clothes motions in the air.
Wow. I think you should try to safeguard your feelings OP. You are in a difficult position that could affect you very deeply/ emotionally in the long run. I would not be surprised if your mother and her husband truly want you to leave the house and this situation works to their advantage. On the other hand, given your father's work schedule , he might be worried that being alone for an extended period would not be good or safe for you and say no to the move. This position will hurt. I believe that you should stay at home and let your mother and SF know ( write a letter) that you are hurt by their favoritism, their lack of care and concern for you and that you have no intention of giving up your room. If they then force you to move out take all your decorations and spray the walls with black paint before you go. The words " goodbye former family" would be appropriate.
@@claudettewalker8358 Wrong Op is old enough to stay home alone. If she stays they will steal her room thus all the money she spent on it and time she spent on it. Op needs to live with her dad, the step dad and mom allowing the sister to take Ops stuff is abuse. They are stealing and its not going to get better. They will continue to take and steel from Op. What next hiding Ops college admision letters because sister wants to go there so Op should not? She needs away from that toxicity now, before they manage to ruin her chances of a good future.
@@madhattergodess Well said. Moving in with the real father is the best thing for 1st OP. She doesn't need all that toxic energy in her life. None of us need toxic energy in our lives.
I can't understand the 1st story... Why would you tell your child to just give up their room for their little sibilng... She was working really hard to decorate her room and they are just like pfff whatever your little sis deserve it bc thats her dream
Because unfortunately some ppl when they re marry rend to act like their first child is less then their new family because they don't fit in to their brand new perfect little family, its truly disgusting and heartbreaking when parents do that
Cause the husband doesn't know to tell his daughter "no", and the mom is babying the little sister She's 14! Why does the mom think "she can't decorate like you op" There's literally nothing op can do that the little sister isn't physically capable The sister is being spoiled and she's taking advantage of it
Story 2: why not celebrate Christmas and include the dead in it, like giving them some symbolic gifts etc.? It sounds absolutely cruel and tyrannical to force everyone in the family to mourn and completely ban Christmas. They could at the very least celebrate Chrismas a few days later, but even banning that makes the whole family look like complet POS
Divorced when she was 2 and the sister who is 2 years younger. Why do get the feeling her mom had an affair, got pregnant and then left the OP's dad for her AP?
It most probably that. My parents separated and 2 months after their separation my father brought home his "new" girlfriend. More than a decade later my mom told me they separated because my dad was(most probably still) a serial cheater and she can't take his bs anymore.
Story 1 - I'd undo the decorating. Take away the stuff that can be moved. Undoing the paint is probably optional as I imagine that alone isn't a game changer. If that doesn't stop the conflict, just see if you can stay with your dad permanently. Alternatives are: 1) They pay you minimum wage for doing the decorating 2) They hire someone to decorate the sister's room 3) Parents do the decorating - I accept the younger sister can't do all of it but the parents aren't noted as physically disabled. They want to please the younger daughter so much but won't lift a finger to do it so shift the burden. 4) Wait 2 years for it when they seemingly expect you to leave anyway You could also redecorate it in such a way the sister would dislike. It is a teaching moment for the parents. Teach the younger daughter to do stuff herself. If she wants something bad enough she can learn and perfect it over time, perhaps with parental assistance. At the end of they day they need to instill in her that you don't always get what you want in life, nor is it fair to essentially steal. The parents are going to turn that daughter into an absolute monster. Embarass the step father in front of friends and family. Ask him if he likes someone else's car in front of the owner or something. When he answers yes, persuade that person to give the item to your step father. Then expose what is going on to shame the fuck out of your parents. Story 2 - For the first year I'd definitely cancel Christmas but maybe celebrate a day earlier or later. After that I'd go over for an hour or 2 and be with them. Other than that I'd celebrate it. The husband can keep going over to his parents for the whole day if he wants. He'd be in a weaker position as he'd be giving up xmas with the kids when they are still young - if he didn't come to senses then he is not a keeper. He needs to learn to grow a spine and from the story it seems there are some initial signs he wants to.
Ok this might be me being really petty, but if I was OP of the bedroom story then I would take all my posters, decorations and lights etc. down, and then say “sure she can have my room :)”. Depending on if OP painted the walls then I would even suggest repainting them back to their original colour but that might not be feasible. If they can do it without the sister or the parents going into the room then it would definitely be a shock to the sister when she walks into “her” new room for the first time only to see this sad drab room instead of the pretty and colourful one she was expecting. Idk there’d probably be a big blowback but I’d stick to my guns and say, “ I gave her my room, I didn’t say I’d give her any of the contents of my room” and maybe bring all the decorations over to a friends house so the parents/sister can’t pinch it.
@@Ladywizard yes I thought that’d be the case, my only thought was if she had enough saved up to buy some paint (which tbh probably wouldn’t be that expensive and I’m assuming they have the painting tools from painting it the first time) then it might be feasible. It would just suck as painted walls can’t be removed as easily as the decorations, and if OP got creative with the colours or painted murals onto them etc then the sister would still be benefiting from it. Overall I think just by taking the decorations away the sister will be sorely disappointed so I guess OP will still get the last laugh if they’re forced to switch.
@@isabellasansome2814 I loved how the Stepfather went the "i jsut pay you the decorations" route. He clearly has forgotten how expensive that is. I mean ... everyone should take a moment and look back at the First Apartment. After the necessary furniture (bed, table, chairs etc) was in and decorating started. Curtains? I am stil lamazed how a bit of bland cloth can be that expensive. Picturs and Frames? Ahh yes that wasnt so much ... maybe 2 Dollar for an Frame and i have .... oh fuck adding them gets quite expensive. The Bedside Rug? Again ... cheap if you look at it alon if yo add that to the list that becoems a different thing. LED Lights .... the same spiel. Looking at them alone its an cheap item but adding them on .... OP said she took 3 Weeks to do it. And even if we would say Painting took a full Week for Murals and Pictures and stuf. My little Girl wanted a Designer Wallpaer (yeah not painting but you see the point). Nice Pattern all okay. But then i realized i had to buy the fake Diamonds extra. Yep .. Fake Diamonds to be glued on. 480 ...... took me the whole day. What if she has used that Idea? So lets say she took a ful lweek, as mentioned. Thats stil l2 Weeks of buying and placing sTuff. 2 Weeks worth of Decoration. 2 Weeks worht of Decoration of an girl thats into Anime. We can assume 120 Dollar+ at least. And then she didnt get new Curtains, Bedside Rug or other "furniture based deco".
Half sister doesn't actually want the room. She just wanted to take it from OP and even if a new room was made for her just as good or better, she would still want OP's. And once she got it, she would set her sights on something else OP has. It would never end.
1. Story: lol now that she made her own room look nice the bratty little sister wants it and ofc since she is the golden child "it is such a great idea"
I lost my grandad on Christmas Day in 2010 when I was five, we do a cheers at Christmas in his memory. Good on op, keeping her in a situation like this will be traumatic. She will question why everyone is celebrating on the anniversary of a death. It’s unhealthy to mourn this long.
a little shrine should do it... light a candle, say a prayer, write down a memory.. then have some eggnog and enjoy the living. my dad died, my grandfather died.... on other days... I still have a moment of I wish they were here. more have died I treasure the old days that will never be again. and make the new days good
Op1 its your room and if its only 2 years why can't the lil sis wait for years for op to move out. Also why should she get the results of her work. Lil sis is entitled.
Mother's doubling down because the youngest is a result of an affair the older OP gets the last say she's going to get because in the step father's eyes this child is not his not his responsibility and only two more years from getting kicked out of the house they're starting the grounds for the inevitable on how they're going to treat her she does need to go live with her real father and be sure to take everything that she owns honestly I like that one commenter that's suggested she take all her stuff to a friend's house before the parents or sister have a chance to steal it and claim that they own it because it's money they gave to her probably birthday money Christmas money or even chore money then again she probably has her own job by now but still I've seen parents who claimed they have rights to everything their child owns because they gave birth to their child and allow them to have that job
No one is entitled to a relationship with YOUR child. Family or not, if they are persistent with a relationship with a baby they haven’t met, family or not, it makes it creepy and suspiciously sinister.
The kid is 14 not 6 she's old enough to understand what she's doing, she probably wants the room just to get get back at OP. I don't if OPs dad pays child support but she should contact her dad about it and ask him to help her redirect the money from mom to just her, or help her move out of that house
Small update about the situation: she talked to her dad about it and he agrees with her and even tried to talk to her mother but she didn't care. Now she is considering moving in with her dad because this isnt the first time something like this happened when it came to her mother picking favorites
Now that you mention it, the decision to move in with the real father will be the best thing for 1st OP because that behavior her mother and stepfather are showing is blatant favoritism.
OP-the one with the Christmas, tell husband next year he could mourn with his family, but you will make sure your child has a beautiful Christmas. Tell him that his brother would not want everyone sitting every Christmas mourning his loss! This is getting out of hand and should not be forced on everyone else. I wouldn't be able to deal with it either.
Story 2. If he had a chance the brother that died would tell them to eat, be joyful and enjoy Christmas. He would be horrified to know that every Christmas would be a miserable wake.
My wife died right before Christmas last year. She loved to celebrate the holidays with lights for a tree and all sorts of gifts for her and myself. If someone said to me we can't celebrate Christmas my wifes ghost would arise and kick the ever loving crap out of them.
I have a friend “Laura” whose step-sister “Tanya” whined because she wanted Laura’s room. Laura’s room has a private balcony, private bathroom, and great views. She pays RENT on that room (market rate and drawn up contract) as well as utilities. Laura’s dad and step-mom are getting on her case about giving up her room, despite the fact Tanya’s room is almost as nice, and living there rent free (both of them are young adults). Tanya has her own private bathroom, her room is split level with a loft, a bay window, and a walk in closet. But Tanya wants Laura’s room, despite not paying rent nor utilities at all. Laura works even in these times via day trading, Tanya gets an “allowance” from her biological dad and from her mom (Yeah, I know). Laura is being called “selfish” because she won’t give up her room without her parents drawing up a new contract [for Tanya], or at least making Tanya pay rent via a contract swap, and her family is treating her like crap. When the lease contract expires, she is going to move out.
I remember when you and I visited Laura and Tanya (before the lockdown). Tanya had nothing to complain about or envy, regarding the bedroom, especially when she wasn’t paying rent nor utilities. Glad that Laura got out of there!
@@juliusquasar1565 I meant to tell you that earlier, yeah. Their parents were so rude to us, as was Tanya. Laura apologized to us later for that, she was so embarrassed.
The second story, NTA for making ur daughter happy. This is the most ridiculous and selfish action, also it's been two years since his death. This isn't healthy, and have Christmas day as "official " wake day for him. They needed therapy and they cant forced their family members to stop their celebrating Christmas and "mourn him". The entire family are real TA for making their own kids unhappy on this really supposed to be special happy day and forcing people who's wanted to celebrate Christmas but cant and force them to go "the wake" . I'm sorry for their loss but this is crazy, that family needed therapy cuz this isn't normal and unhealthy way to mourn.
Give up her bedroom because she just finished customising it & little sis covets her hard work? Give up her bedroom because she just finished customising it & _little sis covets her hard work_ ? Give up. Her bedroom. Because *she just finished customising it* . & Little sis. *Covets* . *Her hard work* ?!?! What sort of family entertains that request? That is just so outlandish, it strains credulity. Insane.
Title Story: NTA. OP worked hard and spent her own money on her room. She shouldn't have to give it up because the half-sister is lazy and entitled, and the parents can't say "no" to her. Story2: Whoa, NTA. What is this, some kind of mourning-cult? I get they're in pain, but this yearly wake does not sound healthy. Especially not healthy to inflict this on kids. They're just resent the deceased. OP's husband is a huge AH for letting his parents steamroll him and his wife. Plus the insults to her? If he's ok with that, he should be sleeping on the couch. Story3: Massive NTA. The IL's have some nerve, going behind OP's back and insulting her in her own home. Hopefully her husband doesn't become the weak link. If he can't keep them in line, hope OP has a pre-nup. Story4: NTA. I love the GM's sleazy wordplay. "Waah nothing happened! Let it go!" Why would OP need to let anything go, if nothing happened? Screw her. OP should just cut contact.
First story: And you wonder how the Karens ( entitlement and bullyism) are developed and nurtured? Lazy, covetous 14 year old is the epitome of a budding Karen.
I hate holidays. I hate every holiday. If I had my way I’d never celebrate anything aside from my daughter’s birthday. But my daughter also deserves to celebrate holidays and love or hate them on her own. NTA. Think of the kids and how hey must feel knowing they can never celebrate Christmas even though every other family is.
The death on Christmas one I lost my grandmother a couple years ago her birthday was around Christmas so yeah it’s hard for me my grandfather and the rest of the family but we celebrate because that was one of her favorite times of the year because she saw her family op in laws need to realize that you can’t force others to not celebrate if they want to celebrate that poor little girl hope op tells hubby if he doesn’t HANDLE his family she’ll divorce him
My SO had his grandmother (who raised him) on his birthday last year. For his birthday we celebrated the day and held a little short mumerial to his grandma in the evening, focusing on the good times and happy memories. It was still a bit sad and hard with it being so new but we made the best of it. I suspect it'll get easier with time
Second story: I would never set foot in that house again during the holidays. I feel for their loss, but the world doesn't stop for us to grieve. And to deprive a young child of the holiday is just mean. In their grief, your husband and his family are insensitive, cruel, heartless, and shameless (oops, left out selfish). Are they truly expecting your family to never celebrate Christmas again? What's the point of the gathering? The holiday version of misery loves company? Your husband doesn't seem to understand that in his efforts to "keep the peace", he's hurting you and your child. A loving parent would set aside their grief for the sake of their child's joy. As someone once said, "Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine." NTA
My mom told me that she had a boyfriend that died on Christmas during a car accident. She told me she hated Christmas for years but she held it together because of me and my siblings
To the post about the in laws who want the flat, I commented on another channel about this, but I want to just add here that I think its hilarious the MIL is so judgmental about the OP not being "subservient" to her husband and is salty about OP working, but now wants to directly profit from OP by living rent free in one of her flats.
OP in story 1 added that she'll be moving back with her dad since he's not okay with the mom's stupidity. So, in the spirit of malicious compliance, give the half sister the room... as it was BEFORE OP decorated it. Even paint the walls back. It's 'just a room,' after all~
Additions for the room story: Edit: THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me and commented you guys are all too kind. I’ve tried all day to get my sister to agree to decorating her own room but she doesn’t want to. She’s been making a lot of comments hinting that she would just take my room when i go visit my dad again. So i talked to my dad about the whole situation and he sided with me and said i wasn’t obligated to give up my room. I told my mom even my dad agreed and she still doesn’t care. A lot of you are right this isn’t the first thing my sister wanted (and got to have in those cases). I have a really good relationship with my dad and where i live, i’m old enough to stay at home alone while my dad is gone. A really really nice person messaged me and suggested i go live with my dad and when he comes home next week i’ll talk to him about it then. If people can stop dm’ing me asking to post my story that would be great! I don’t want my mom to happen to come across it somehow or my sister to see it. Please don’t post it EDIT/ Hey, I just wanna let you all know, i did it! I moved in with my dad and i took every last decoration down the only thing that stayed was the painted walls. My mom wasnt happy, she kind of blamed me for everything? She said i was overreacting over a room and by me leaving i was being a child. Thank you to the kind redditors who messaged me and has kept in touch since you guys are the reason i even had the courage to stand up for myself for once. My dad is a freakin amazing guy and he let me decorate my room with a lot more decorations!! Words cant explain how thankful i am to all of you, you guys are awesome!
Anime related merchandise is very expensive along with paint depending on the brand along with display cabinets if OP has figurines OP should give them a bill of the costs of everything saying "you want the room with everything in it?, pay this"
I can assure you the dead soldier would want this family to celebrate his life not eternally mourn. Light a joyous candle for him and make honoring him a part of the celebration.
First story: You know the simple solution. It sounds like she has positioned herself as the GC. If you're going to be out of the room in two years, why can't GC wait? This is the perfect time to test your spine. It's only gotten this far because your mom/SF escalated it (with the help of sis) to this point. This is the perfect situation to stand up for, because it's not a deal breaker either way. But if sis gets what she wants without earning it, what else are you willing to be guilt tripped into in the future. That new computer? Just give it to her, you can buy another one. The car you paid for? It's called sharing, never mind that you're late for work, for the third time this week. If you don't stand up now, you won't feel bad, you'll feel resentment. The writing's on the wall (get it?), can you read?
If it is “just a room” then why would the sister want it? This is a typical case of a selfish kid wanting something someone else has just because you can. Sister’s dream? Nonsense. The sister is the selfish brat, not Ozp
I agree Christmas time is for kids because my brother died 20 year's ago in December and my dad 2020 of Dec. We still celebrate Christmas for my nephew's and great nephew's plus nieces it's to Remember all the fun they had when they where alive.
Story two, OP's inlaws are not the only ones who lost a family member on Christmas Day. I have a friend who's father died on Christmas Day and they celebrate it like they would every year. I have had people I know die on my birthday, but I still celebrate it.
1) If the younger sister wanted a room like big-sis, then this is the perfect time for a life-lesson about working for what she wants. 2) Losing a loved one hurts, I've dealt with it several times, but mourning that long isn't healthy. It is hard, but it's far better to celebrate the departed's life than to focus on the loss. 3) The in-laws are not entitled to anything OP has. 'nuff said.
Yeah... My family has had a family member die on Christmas morning. We still celebrate the holiday. WHY WHY WHY would you embrace mourning forever? This family is sick. sick. sick
Story 1 has one result: the children grow up HATING the dead BIL. Especially since I doubt that this behavior only happens at Christmas, this attitude rarely has an off switch. OP should make her husband choose which family he wants to be with and make it clear to the in-laws that neither she nor her daughter will participating in the family pity party anymore and cut contact with anyone who try’s to harass her or her daughter.
I love the comment that advise telling the mother that if she moves out you won't you won't rent to other relatives. Extremely rude trying to marginalize a window! She has no man to protect (even if just in theory) her and they want to steal her home. Tell them to go live on their own daughter's dime.
Who tells their child they will only need their room for two more years? Sure, if the child wants to move out then, but his sounds like she wouldn't have been given a choice.
In the main story OP posted two updates. The first one was how this was not the first time the sister wanted something OP has, and was able to get. She even said she'll just take the room next time OP went to her dad's. So she said she'll talk to him about moving in with him. In the second update OP said she moved in with her dad, and took all her decorations with her.
Story 1 NTA. Malicious Compliance time, "Sure. She can have the room, then take all the decorations with you" when you move to live full-time with your other family. Story 2 celebrate with your girls and tell husband you wont allow your kids to be smothered by grief. Dont let your kids arounf them. Tell in laws to suck it up. If he cant put his family first, then consider your marriage. My Grandfather died on December 21 and yeah its not on Christmas Day but the Christmas season was rough for a few years but we didnt make a lifetime memorial service. Tell MIL and BIL to STFU and never come into your home again. Tell them if the come on the propery you will the cops and press charges. Get cameras. Tell hubby if he doesnt get on board, tell him he has a choice. And stick to it. See a lawyer.
Mom's Flat: How in the hell does your husband plan on sorting it amicably with people that aren't being amicable? And why does he scold you for yelling at his mom (standing up for yourself and your mom), but he didn't scold them for their rude behavior? And let's not forget the huge trust issue here. NTA - Your husband has a choice he can be controlled by you (which I doubt he is anyway), or he can go back to his controlling family. A lot of entitlement going on here, with a large side of projection.
Why is everyone so nice to in-laws in Story 2? I don't care how much they are grieving, they have no right to ask their entire family to give up Christmas just for them. Were they planning to continue this tradition for the rest of their lives? In what universe is that even remotely acceptable? I'm honestly tempted to say YTA to OP for ever agreeing to put her daughter in that situation in the first place, but I'm gonna agree with NTA vote on the account that she did the right thing in the end. The father needs to be told that he will have to choose either his wife and daughter or his parents and siblings.
It’s normal to reserve time to reflect on the person when a family member dies on or near a holiday. It’s not normal to cancel that holiday forever. That’s not healthy.
It is not ok to force someone out of their personal space. If they try to make you give it up, take everything. Leave it as a completely empty room. Just door walls and a ceiling. That's what she wants right? She isn't saying "I want your stuff". Then enjoy the tears of a spoiled brat getting a lesson. Second story, I'm sorry but that is garbage. They are literally stealing Christmas from the children. What does she tell her friends when she goes to school? When everyone else is sharing gifts and singing carols, they are supposed to say "sorry no. We sit in the dark with candles and cry over some dead person i don't really remember." NTA. If I die on Christmas day, I would come back and haunt anyone who spends Christmas mourning instead of celebrating.
Op should take all of her decorations down pack them up the rest for staff and move to the other Room till the little sister enjoy your new Room witch.
Story 1: So the parents' Christmas gift to the youngest daughter is someone else's property? If they wanna get her a Christmas gift, maybe they should actually put in the effort, instead of gaslighting someone else to do it for them. Additional point: They say that OP will only have her room for another couple years, and that she should give it up prematurely. How about OP uses the same logic for the house? I mean the parents can't take it with them when they pass, might as well just give it to their kids now, and for them to go find themselves a group home to live in.
Mother deserves to live her life after all the crap she had to put up with when married. Get a lawyer to put a stop on mil,FIL, and bil plus sil from trying crap again.
OP in Story 2: Your family seems to have forgotten is that the time to grieve eventually ENDS, and then people move on with their lives. Your family isn't moving on; every year, they become more mired in grief. Tell your family if they won't move on, you and your daughter can celebrate Christmas without them. with an open invitation to join the two of you once they get over their loss one day.
As someone who has dealt with a lot of death in my life and the second one is actually also the traumatic loss of my uncle due to a car accident, OP is absolutely not in the wrong. We all do process death and grieve differently, but like someone else said already I'm pretty sure the BIL would absolutely want them to at least celebrate. There can be food and music and if there needs to be a compromise, there's plenty of instrumental Christmas music that can be softer. I'm not sure if anyone has talked to the kids about what's going on and I'm assuming they were all young when he passed away. Either way it's still incredibly unfair to force this onto them and essentially ignore them just so people can have a wake. Moving on in life is necessary in the grieving process and that includes living and celebrating. There absolutely are ways to help incorporate memory of late loved ones into the holidays or just in every day life and if the family needs some suggestions I can definitely name what my family has done to give some ideas. My personal favorite are the bears each of us have made from clothing they really loved wearing. I feel for them and that kind of loss is something I never wish upon anyone, but you still have each other. I know if it was my uncle he would haunt our butts and tell us to celebrate and wouldn't stop until we listened.
Story 2 - NTA you have a young daughter who wanted to have a Christmas. Do they want the little girl to grow up hating the departed BIL for destroying Christmas are they the Scrooges or maybe the grinch?
There is difference between being selfish and not having a choice. It's like asking a guy who has a single home and can't afford another to give it up.
Story 2, Celebrate Christmas with your children. If your In-Laws prefer to hold a wake every year for their dead son, that's their right, but they don't have the right to take away the holiday from you and the kids! Send them a condolence card instead of a Christmas card, but don't show up at their house except to drop off a hot dish or a pie and then go back home and drink egg nog and play games with the kids. At some point, they will either get over their sons death, or they won't, but that's not on you - or your children.
Story 1: I'd take everything down, with out telling anyone what I was doing. Then pack it up to be used later when the parents kick you out in 2 years. Tell your sister that she can have the room, and then move into her room but not redecorate. You bought the stuff in your room, you keep it no matter what room you end up in. Let the little brat know that you don't intend to let her have your work or property. Let your mom know that you are fed up with brat sister and the do everything for her attitude your mom and step dad have. Story 2: My dad's sister died very early Christmas morning and for that year we didn't celebrate the holiday as usual. The next year my grandmother wanted Christmas to be another day of mourning. My mom put the kibosh on grandmother's plans. Christmas was a day for joy and we'd properly observed a year for my aunt's death. No one, in her opinion, had to stop living life just because a family member died. My mom's feeling was that grandmother was going to do a "Queen Victoria" and insist on mourning for the rest of her life and drag everyone into her misery as well. Well, mom got her way. The mother in this story reminded me of my mom so NTA.
The mourning Christmas one pisses me off. My lil sister passed and now instead of mourning her my parents ( I’m adopted my lil sis was my bio sis.) include her in some small way but not overpowering
7:00 Somewhere in New England, a couple buy a mansion. They are puzzled to find one room boarded up. Peeking into it they see dated stuff, old photos and military uniforms not worn nowadays. They get a carpenter to force open the door and are astonished to find a museum to an officer who died in 1918 in Europe during WW1. A museum in town agrees to accept the memorabilia and they start using all the rooms of the gorgeous mansion. The dead deserve to be remembered and honored but we should remember the living too.
8:15 The Irish hold a wake. The entire night, they sit around a large table. With the dead person on it. They drink toasts to him, remember him, tell incidents from his life, cry for him, etc. In the morning, they take the corpse to the cemetery. They return to their normal routines after that. I feel this is very practical.
Story 2: I wouldn't say it to their faces, but how do they think the Brother In Law would have felt knowing that his family are actively preventing his niece and other children in the family from enjoying Christmas because of him? It may sound odd, I am autistic and don't process emotions normally, but I feel enjoying life is a far better way to honor those you have loved and lost, because if they loved you like you love them, then they would want you to be happy.
Last story: why does OP have to "stop hanging on to the past" if the incident "never happened"? NTA. Grandma is full of B.S. Go no contact on her and anyone who agrees with her.
1st story NTA. No one is crushing her dreams but your parents. They should NEVER have even entertained the half sisters wishes. This is OP's room, Mom knows how much effort OP put into making it her own space. No one is being selfish but your half sister. And your parents are wrong for spoiling her. If they want to indulge her dream room let them spend the time money and effort to do that for her. Not Hijacking OP's.
That second-story there literally killing a kid for a dead guy.. I'm not trying to be rude.. It's like smacking a kid for being happy.. And saying we're celebrating death of our fallen brother.. I guess Christmas is the time to teach them about death. I honestly have no idea what else to say it's completely astounding to..
Story 2: OP should consider a divorce from her husband because as the saying goes “misery loves company” and from the looks of it the family don’t want anyone to be happy even though it’s a public holiday where you celebrate with your family. I’m sure the deceased brother wouldn’t want this, I’m sure he’d want to be celebrated alongside Christmas!
mom in the same building as daughter makes for easier care of mother .... and future kids. it MIGHT have worked if the 1 bedroom was in the same building BUT what if brothers come home for a visit? she has guest rooms now for family.... or even a roomie friend if she wants one. a rent free one bedroom may just be a HUGE offer. (mom, I am going shopping, want to come with. your doctors appointment is X, I will be up at Y... hard to do in another building) take mother in? nope the ladies need their daily space too. and ... future kids.
Christmas story: Why the hell should she care about their pain, they sure as shit don't care about her kids happiness. Also what a twisted and self indulgent approach to loss.
Story 1:
AITA for not giving up my room because my half sister wanted it as a “christmas gift”
Story 2: 4:18
AITA For letting my daughter celebrate Christmas despite my husband and his family's disapproval?
Story 3: 8:58
AITA for telling my in-laws to keep their paws off my mother's house?
Story 4: 14:13
AITA for not allowing my grandmother around my baby because of something she lied about when I was 15?
Thank you for putting time stamps 💙🥺
Why do you say "money" weird ?
Urm- the sister is not 4, she's 14. Not a little kid. She's old enough to paint and redecorate everything
She literally only 2 years younger than op . They are equally both just kids at those ages.
"Who cares I'm a princess"
And they say it's for the benefit of the doubt because they're a child..
But I guess that's what causes the child to light the fires and to destroy the world..
Sister don't care for the nice room sister is jealous OP have a nicer room, she don't want her own nice room she want to take away OP's nice room.
See mommy and daddy loves me more than you I can take what ever you have I'm better then you power power power
Story 1: Those parents are creating an entitled monster. Best for OP to go no contact as soon as possible. They've made it clear who they favor.
Story 1.
OP should demand the parents room 'as a Christmas gift'. Fair is fair after all.
Agreed she should also show her parents how much all her anime items costs, some anime items aren’t cheep
@@alise45647 While its true that there are many that arent cheap i doubt that a 16 Year old with that much .... Financial awareness would buy a 400 Dollar Collectors Edition Item a an decor item.
Overall LED´s, Posters, Pictures, Bed sheets (for sure to fit the theme) cost already alot. And it wouldnt end there.
Bedside Rug, Bookstands, theres alot thatwill easily add up to 400 Dollar and more too.
So it doesnt need to be "one expensive Item". Most People forget (or simply dont know because Parents took care of it) how much it did cost them too put simple Stuff in their First Apartment. I stil lremember the Bill for my Curtains and i am still amazed how a bit of cloth can get so fucking expensive.
Ohh yeah Curtains .. .another Item she may has replaced to fit the Room?
I mean ... if you have your own Apartment than think back. After you had gotten the necessary Furniture (Bed, Table, some Chairs etc) and you started with Decorating. Just think back how much even an small Rug did cost you. And im not talking a Rug from some high class Shop.
Think back what Pictures, and frames and such did cost. And if its hard to remember. How about the Bathroom Rug? You know those anti slip ones that can be washed and are okay to get dripping wet. I can tell you that mine did cost me 45 Dollar. Just because it wasnt an "simple white one" but one with an Picture on it.
Decor Items are cheap if you look at them as "one thing" ... but as soon as you start to need stuff for an whole Room you can see your Paycheck melt away. Even without the expensive Items and going "all cheap".
I would get a bucket of white paint and tell everyone I needed a "blank canvas" for a new project. Take photos before, though. Still better than losing my room and art to a selfish little girl.
Good idea
Sweet! 👍
Calling a 14 year old a 16 year old's "little sister" is simply add to the guilt. What terrible parents they are.
3 of my grandparents died on Christmas day and we still celebrate Christmas especially since my nephews were born. Those people who won't celebrate Christmas for the children's sake are unbelievably selfish
My Dad's birthday is 9/11. We still celebrate. It's possible to celebrate a good occasion and recognize a tragic one at the same time. They're not mutually exclusive.
The kids are going to resent their parents and grandparents for taking away the fun of the holidays. In the future they will likely avoid them completly and their parents/grandparents are going to be confused why. Wakes are not for the dead they are for the living and the living are destroying themselves and those around them.
I don't think the young dead 24 year old would actually want a yearly, silent, miserable wake. He would want them to be happy and normal and celebrate his life with joy and a great party.
@@heathermcdougall2399 I would say if he did want that sort of thing he would be a very selfish bastard we can't speak for the Dead so trying to say he may or may not want this sort of thing does not matter it's what the living needs and this what the grandparents are doing is not healthy at the very least and mentally manipulative at the very worst
Ive lost my mom on or around christmas and every christmas up until i was i think around grade 6 or 7 wed go go to church then come home and have a normal christmas. The family is just being selfish they will grow up to resent everyone in that house if kindergarten me could understand what death was and realize that yes while theyre gone we dont need to make every day or the aniversary of their death doesnt need to be sad then a bunch of adults need to realize that and its not healthy theyre drawing out their greif if it is greif at all i dont and havent heard about families doing things like barring anything holiday on that day. My grandma lost her daugher and still made an effort to make christmas normal for us so why cant their family do that? Not long before those kids get too old for toys and actually begin to hate the holiday. Thats how it happens they associate christmas with that and begin to not show up to holidays or just not celebrate it anymore
First one-OP, your sister is the golden child. No matter what, you will be always seen as the selfish one. Don't give up your room. As someone probably as old or older than your mom, I would never ask my oldest to do this if I had kids. Tell her selfishness could go both ways. Sis is being selfish for wanting the room and your parents are being selfish for their feelings also. Tell them to grow up!
And mom would be pissed if she wanted to live with her dad for the next 2yrs where she would have her own room and wouldn't have to worry about someone trying to take things from her and she can get a headstart on autonomy and some responsibility.
She said she was going to ask her dad when he gets back in town. I hope he says yes and op can get out of that horrible house.
And then mum would be responsible for serious child support for until daughter 16 finishes college. The mum is a moron.
@@silvernightskin There was another update, and she did move in with her dad. She also took down all decorations in her old room.
@@darrynllee Good. I'm glad she's out of that abusive situation.
UPDATE FOR FIRST STORY-
Edit: THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me and commented you guys are all too kind. I’ve tried all day to get my sister to agree to decorating her own room but she doesn’t want to. She’s been making a lot of comments hinting that she would just take my room when i go visit my dad again. So i talked to my dad about the whole situation and he sided with me and said i wasn’t obligated to give up my room. I told my mom even my dad agreed and she still doesn’t care.
A lot of you are right this isn’t the first thing my sister wanted (and got to have in those cases). I have a really good relationship with my dad and where i live, i’m old enough to stay at home alone while my dad is gone. A really really nice person messaged me and suggested i go live with my dad and when he comes home next week i’ll talk to him about it then.
Threatening to just take your room when you go to see your dad? Tell your sister if she does that, you will thrash her, and destroy all of her stuff, then hit her some more! Tell her you are so angry that even mom and dad won't be able to stop you. Even get a big pair of scissors and make cutting up her clothes motions in the air.
Wow. I think you should try to safeguard your feelings OP. You are in a difficult position that could affect you very deeply/ emotionally in the long run. I would not be surprised if your mother and her husband truly want you to leave the house and this situation works to their advantage. On the other hand, given your father's work schedule , he might be worried that being alone for an extended period would not be good or safe for you and say no to the move. This position will hurt. I believe that you should stay at home and let your mother and SF know ( write a letter) that you are hurt by their favoritism, their lack of care and concern for you and that you have no intention of giving up your room. If they then force you to move out take all your decorations and spray the walls with black paint before you go. The words " goodbye former family" would be appropriate.
@@claudettewalker8358 Wrong Op is old enough to stay home alone. If she stays they will steal her room thus all the money she spent on it and time she spent on it. Op needs to live with her dad, the step dad and mom allowing the sister to take Ops stuff is abuse. They are stealing and its not going to get better. They will continue to take and steel from Op. What next hiding Ops college admision letters because sister wants to go there so Op should not? She needs away from that toxicity now, before they manage to ruin her chances of a good future.
@@madhattergodess Well said. Moving in with the real father is the best thing for 1st OP. She doesn't need all that toxic energy in her life. None of us need toxic energy in our lives.
I can't understand the 1st story... Why would you tell your child to just give up their room for their little sibilng... She was working really hard to decorate her room and they are just like pfff whatever your little sis deserve it bc thats her dream
Because unfortunately some ppl when they re marry rend to act like their first child is less then their new family because they don't fit in to their brand new perfect little family, its truly disgusting and heartbreaking when parents do that
@@Laurels-id6qo i know i feel so bad for op. Some people just don't deserve kids
Cause the husband doesn't know to tell his daughter "no", and the mom is babying the little sister
She's 14! Why does the mom think "she can't decorate like you op"
There's literally nothing op can do that the little sister isn't physically capable
The sister is being spoiled and she's taking advantage of it
Story 2: why not celebrate Christmas and include the dead in it, like giving them some symbolic gifts etc.?
It sounds absolutely cruel and tyrannical to force everyone in the family to mourn and completely ban Christmas. They could at the very least celebrate Chrismas a few days later, but even banning that makes the whole family look like complet POS
Divorced when she was 2 and the sister who is 2 years younger. Why do get the feeling her mom had an affair, got pregnant and then left the OP's dad for her AP?
🤔🤔
I'm thinking the same thing
It most probably that. My parents separated and 2 months after their separation my father brought home his "new" girlfriend. More than a decade later my mom told me they separated because my dad was(most probably still) a serial cheater and she can't take his bs anymore.
I don’t think the BIL would have wanted them to steal Christmas from the kids... I don’t know him but I can’t believe anyone would want that.
Some people are that mean spirited.
Like, I can understand doing it the first year after, but come on. Don't turn Christmas into an annual funeral.
Story 1 - I'd undo the decorating. Take away the stuff that can be moved. Undoing the paint is probably optional as I imagine that alone isn't a game changer. If that doesn't stop the conflict, just see if you can stay with your dad permanently.
Alternatives are:
1) They pay you minimum wage for doing the decorating
2) They hire someone to decorate the sister's room
3) Parents do the decorating - I accept the younger sister can't do all of it but the parents aren't noted as physically disabled. They want to please the younger daughter so much but won't lift a finger to do it so shift the burden.
4) Wait 2 years for it when they seemingly expect you to leave anyway
You could also redecorate it in such a way the sister would dislike. It is a teaching moment for the parents. Teach the younger daughter to do stuff herself. If she wants something bad enough she can learn and perfect it over time, perhaps with parental assistance. At the end of they day they need to instill in her that you don't always get what you want in life, nor is it fair to essentially steal. The parents are going to turn that daughter into an absolute monster.
Embarass the step father in front of friends and family. Ask him if he likes someone else's car in front of the owner or something. When he answers yes, persuade that person to give the item to your step father. Then expose what is going on to shame the fuck out of your parents.
Story 2 - For the first year I'd definitely cancel Christmas but maybe celebrate a day earlier or later. After that I'd go over for an hour or 2 and be with them. Other than that I'd celebrate it. The husband can keep going over to his parents for the whole day if he wants. He'd be in a weaker position as he'd be giving up xmas with the kids when they are still young - if he didn't come to senses then he is not a keeper. He needs to learn to grow a spine and from the story it seems there are some initial signs he wants to.
My daughter died on Xmas night 29 years ago. While we don't have carols, we celebrate Xmas... It's for kids. Selfish adults.
Christmas is for everyone who wants it
I'm sorry for your loss
@@arianebolt1575 and the children wants it
Ok this might be me being really petty, but if I was OP of the bedroom story then I would take all my posters, decorations and lights etc. down, and then say “sure she can have my room :)”. Depending on if OP painted the walls then I would even suggest repainting them back to their original colour but that might not be feasible. If they can do it without the sister or the parents going into the room then it would definitely be a shock to the sister when she walks into “her” new room for the first time only to see this sad drab room instead of the pretty and colourful one she was expecting. Idk there’d probably be a big blowback but I’d stick to my guns and say, “ I gave her my room, I didn’t say I’d give her any of the contents of my room” and maybe bring all the decorations over to a friends house so the parents/sister can’t pinch it.
unfortually the paint might not be possible since OP said they paid for all of it but she will take the decorations if forced to swap
@@Ladywizard yes I thought that’d be the case, my only thought was if she had enough saved up to buy some paint (which tbh probably wouldn’t be that expensive and I’m assuming they have the painting tools from painting it the first time) then it might be feasible. It would just suck as painted walls can’t be removed as easily as the decorations, and if OP got creative with the colours or painted murals onto them etc then the sister would still be benefiting from it. Overall I think just by taking the decorations away the sister will be sorely disappointed so I guess OP will still get the last laugh if they’re forced to switch.
@@isabellasansome2814 I loved how the Stepfather went the "i jsut pay you the decorations" route.
He clearly has forgotten how expensive that is.
I mean ... everyone should take a moment and look back at the First Apartment. After the necessary furniture (bed, table, chairs etc) was in and decorating started.
Curtains? I am stil lamazed how a bit of bland cloth can be that expensive.
Picturs and Frames? Ahh yes that wasnt so much ... maybe 2 Dollar for an Frame and i have .... oh fuck adding them gets quite expensive.
The Bedside Rug? Again ... cheap if you look at it alon if yo add that to the list that becoems a different thing.
LED Lights .... the same spiel. Looking at them alone its an cheap item but adding them on ....
OP said she took 3 Weeks to do it. And even if we would say Painting took a full Week for Murals and Pictures and stuf. My little Girl wanted a Designer Wallpaer (yeah not painting but you see the point). Nice Pattern all okay. But then i realized i had to buy the fake Diamonds extra. Yep .. Fake Diamonds to be glued on. 480 ...... took me the whole day.
What if she has used that Idea? So lets say she took a ful lweek, as mentioned. Thats stil l2 Weeks of buying and placing sTuff. 2 Weeks worth of Decoration. 2 Weeks worht of Decoration of an girl thats into Anime. We can assume 120 Dollar+ at least. And then she didnt get new Curtains, Bedside Rug or other "furniture based deco".
@@isabellasansome2814 Usually a gallon of paint depending on mix is $3 to $6 and takes several gallons to paint one room
I read the update she is living with her dad full time now
Half sister doesn't actually want the room. She just wanted to take it from OP and even if a new room was made for her just as good or better, she would still want OP's. And once she got it, she would set her sights on something else OP has. It would never end.
Story 2: Well, time to NC the in-laws. Take your daughter to YOUR family instead of hubby's on 12/25 every year.
That's a good idea.
1. Story:
lol now that she made her own room look nice the bratty little sister wants it
and ofc since she is the golden child "it is such a great idea"
I lost my grandad on Christmas Day in 2010 when I was five, we do a cheers at Christmas in his memory. Good on op, keeping her in a situation like this will be traumatic. She will question why everyone is celebrating on the anniversary of a death. It’s unhealthy to mourn this long.
a little shrine should do it... light a candle, say a prayer, write down a memory.. then have some eggnog and enjoy the living.
my dad died, my grandfather died.... on other days... I still have a moment of I wish they were here. more have died I treasure the old days that will never be again. and make the new days good
It's only been 2 years which means the kid was 3 when it happened still too young to process though
@@Ladywizard Not Just too Young. Its unlikey that she even remember him really.
Op1 its your room and if its only 2 years why can't the lil sis wait for years for op to move out. Also why should she get the results of her work. Lil sis is entitled.
Mother's doubling down because the youngest is a result of an affair the older OP gets the last say she's going to get because in the step father's eyes this child is not his not his responsibility and only two more years from getting kicked out of the house they're starting the grounds for the inevitable on how they're going to treat her she does need to go live with her real father and be sure to take everything that she owns honestly I like that one commenter that's suggested she take all her stuff to a friend's house before the parents or sister have a chance to steal it and claim that they own it because it's money they gave to her probably birthday money Christmas money or even chore money then again she probably has her own job by now but still I've seen parents who claimed they have rights to everything their child owns because they gave birth to their child and allow them to have that job
@@emilyrose9854 I read the update she lives with her dad full time now
MattBlood, I'm glad to hear that! I hope she took her posters with her!
No one is entitled to a relationship with YOUR child. Family or not, if they are persistent with a relationship with a baby they haven’t met, family or not, it makes it creepy and suspiciously sinister.
The kid is 14 not 6 she's old enough to understand what she's doing, she probably wants the room just to get get back at OP. I don't if OPs dad pays child support but she should contact her dad about it and ask him to help her redirect the money from mom to just her, or help her move out of that house
If the sister wanted a nicer room, she could have asked her sister and parents for help redecorating her own.
Story 1, she is 16, her parents divorced when she was 2, her stepsister is 14 🤨. I am more curious at the bts how her parents divorce
It's very noted that it's probably infidelity and that's why the mother sucks she doesn't see cheating and or stealing as a problem
@@emilyrose9854 worse or even worst... I sense some paternity fraud here
Jesus, what's wrong with these families?
Small update about the situation: she talked to her dad about it and he agrees with her and even tried to talk to her mother but she didn't care. Now she is considering moving in with her dad because this isnt the first time something like this happened when it came to her mother picking favorites
Now that you mention it, the decision to move in with the real father will be the best thing for 1st OP because that behavior her mother and stepfather are showing is blatant favoritism.
OP-the one with the Christmas, tell husband next year he could mourn with his family, but you will make sure your child has a beautiful Christmas. Tell him that his brother would not want everyone sitting every Christmas mourning his loss! This is getting out of hand and should not be forced on everyone else. I wouldn't be able to deal with it either.
Story 2. If he had a chance the brother that died would tell them to eat, be joyful and enjoy Christmas. He would be horrified to know that every Christmas would be a miserable wake.
"Insensitive,cruel, heartless, shameless." That's a good description of how they treated their Grand daughter and Daughter in Law.
My wife died right before Christmas last year. She loved to celebrate the holidays with lights for a tree and all sorts of gifts for her and myself. If someone said to me we can't celebrate Christmas my wifes ghost would arise and kick the ever loving crap out of them.
Story 2: "Yey!!!! Let's make the kids hate their deceased uncle!!!"
I have a friend “Laura” whose step-sister “Tanya” whined because she wanted Laura’s room. Laura’s room has a private balcony, private bathroom, and great views. She pays RENT on that room (market rate and drawn up contract) as well as utilities. Laura’s dad and step-mom are getting on her case about giving up her room, despite the fact Tanya’s room is almost as nice, and living there rent free (both of them are young adults). Tanya has her own private bathroom, her room is split level with a loft, a bay window, and a walk in closet. But Tanya wants Laura’s room, despite not paying rent nor utilities at all.
Laura works even in these times via day trading, Tanya gets an “allowance” from her biological dad and from her mom (Yeah, I know). Laura is being called “selfish” because she won’t give up her room without her parents drawing up a new contract [for Tanya], or at least making Tanya pay rent via a contract swap, and her family is treating her like crap. When the lease contract expires, she is going to move out.
Laura needs to tell Tanya to kick rocks. Then Laura needs to give the "Parents" the middle finger.
@@DoctorRobertNeville update: that’s exactly what Laura did after her lease expired, got her deposit back, and moved out.
I remember when you and I visited Laura and Tanya (before the lockdown). Tanya had nothing to complain about or envy, regarding the bedroom, especially when she wasn’t paying rent nor utilities. Glad that Laura got out of there!
@@juliusquasar1565 I meant to tell you that earlier, yeah. Their parents were so rude to us, as was Tanya. Laura apologized to us later for that, she was so embarrassed.
The OP in the first story should say “Sure she can have my room, after i move in with my dad. And i’ll be taking my decorations with me”
The second story, NTA for making ur daughter happy. This is the most ridiculous and selfish action, also it's been two years since his death. This isn't healthy, and have Christmas day as "official " wake day for him. They needed therapy and they cant forced their family members to stop their celebrating Christmas and "mourn him". The entire family are real TA for making their own kids unhappy on this really supposed to be special happy day and forcing people who's wanted to celebrate Christmas but cant and force them to go "the wake" . I'm sorry for their loss but this is crazy, that family needed therapy cuz this isn't normal and unhealthy way to mourn.
Give up her bedroom because she just finished customising it & little sis covets her hard work?
Give up her bedroom because she just finished customising it & _little sis covets her hard work_ ?
Give up. Her bedroom. Because *she just finished customising it* . & Little sis. *Covets* . *Her hard work* ?!?!
What sort of family entertains that request? That is just so outlandish, it strains credulity.
Insane.
I would take all the stuff out of the room and leave it how it was before
Title Story: NTA. OP worked hard and spent her own money on her room. She shouldn't have to give it up because the half-sister is lazy and entitled, and the parents can't say "no" to her.
Story2: Whoa, NTA. What is this, some kind of mourning-cult? I get they're in pain, but this yearly wake does not sound healthy. Especially not healthy to inflict this on kids. They're just resent the deceased. OP's husband is a huge AH for letting his parents steamroll him and his wife. Plus the insults to her? If he's ok with that, he should be sleeping on the couch.
Story3: Massive NTA. The IL's have some nerve, going behind OP's back and insulting her in her own home. Hopefully her husband doesn't become the weak link. If he can't keep them in line, hope OP has a pre-nup.
Story4: NTA. I love the GM's sleazy wordplay. "Waah nothing happened! Let it go!" Why would OP need to let anything go, if nothing happened? Screw her. OP should just cut contact.
First story: And you wonder how the Karens ( entitlement and bullyism) are developed and nurtured? Lazy, covetous 14 year old is the epitome of a budding Karen.
"Und listen for ze entitlement, ja?"
Yes, I'm ripping off a Bill Burr joke.
I hate holidays. I hate every holiday. If I had my way I’d never celebrate anything aside from my daughter’s birthday. But my daughter also deserves to celebrate holidays and love or hate them on her own. NTA. Think of the kids and how hey must feel knowing they can never celebrate Christmas even though every other family is.
The death on Christmas one I lost my grandmother a couple years ago her birthday was around Christmas so yeah it’s hard for me my grandfather and the rest of the family but we celebrate because that was one of her favorite times of the year because she saw her family op in laws need to realize that you can’t force others to not celebrate if they want to celebrate that poor little girl hope op tells hubby if he doesn’t HANDLE his family she’ll divorce him
My SO had his grandmother (who raised him) on his birthday last year. For his birthday we celebrated the day and held a little short mumerial to his grandma in the evening, focusing on the good times and happy memories. It was still a bit sad and hard with it being so new but we made the best of it. I suspect it'll get easier with time
Second story: I would never set foot in that house again during the holidays. I feel for their loss, but the world doesn't stop for us to grieve. And to deprive a young child of the holiday is just mean. In their grief, your husband and his family are insensitive, cruel, heartless, and shameless (oops, left out selfish). Are they truly expecting your family to never celebrate Christmas again? What's the point of the gathering? The holiday version of misery loves company? Your husband doesn't seem to understand that in his efforts to "keep the peace", he's hurting you and your child. A loving parent would set aside their grief for the sake of their child's joy. As someone once said, "Keep Christmas in your own way, and let me keep it in mine." NTA
Story 2: This death anniversary thing is extremely unhealthy. There is no need to subject the daughter to this nonsense.
My mom told me that she had a boyfriend that died on Christmas during a car accident. She told me she hated Christmas for years but she held it together because of me and my siblings
To the post about the in laws who want the flat, I commented on another channel about this, but I want to just add here that I think its hilarious the MIL is so judgmental about the OP not being "subservient" to her husband and is salty about OP working, but now wants to directly profit from OP by living rent free in one of her flats.
Story one: OP should agree to let her move into his room but not tell them that he took down the decorations.
OP in story 1 added that she'll be moving back with her dad since he's not okay with the mom's stupidity. So, in the spirit of malicious compliance, give the half sister the room... as it was BEFORE OP decorated it. Even paint the walls back. It's 'just a room,' after all~
The entitled brat will whine about it.
Perfect! I hope OP cuts those fools out of her life.
@@MaryTheresa1986 Same here.
Additions for the room story:
Edit: THANK YOU to everyone who messaged me and commented you guys are all too kind. I’ve tried all day to get my sister to agree to decorating her own room but she doesn’t want to. She’s been making a lot of comments hinting that she would just take my room when i go visit my dad again. So i talked to my dad about the whole situation and he sided with me and said i wasn’t obligated to give up my room. I told my mom even my dad agreed and she still doesn’t care.
A lot of you are right this isn’t the first thing my sister wanted (and got to have in those cases). I have a really good relationship with my dad and where i live, i’m old enough to stay at home alone while my dad is gone. A really really nice person messaged me and suggested i go live with my dad and when he comes home next week i’ll talk to him about it then.
If people can stop dm’ing me asking to post my story that would be great! I don’t want my mom to happen to come across it somehow or my sister to see it. Please don’t post it
EDIT/ Hey, I just wanna let you all know, i did it! I moved in with my dad and i took every last decoration down the only thing that stayed was the painted walls. My mom wasnt happy, she kind of blamed me for everything? She said i was overreacting over a room and by me leaving i was being a child. Thank you to the kind redditors who messaged me and has kept in touch since you guys are the reason i even had the courage to stand up for myself for once. My dad is a freakin amazing guy and he let me decorate my room with a lot more decorations!! Words cant explain how thankful i am to all of you, you guys are awesome!
Anime related merchandise is very expensive along with paint depending on the brand along with display cabinets if OP has figurines
OP should give them a bill of the costs of everything saying "you want the room with everything in it?, pay this"
I can assure you the dead soldier would want this family to celebrate his life not eternally mourn. Light a joyous candle for him and make honoring him a part of the celebration.
The room story...NTA they are showing favoritism towards the 14 year old.
First story: You know the simple solution. It sounds like she has positioned herself as the GC. If you're going to be out of the room in two years, why can't GC wait? This is the perfect time to test your spine. It's only gotten this far because your mom/SF escalated it (with the help of sis) to this point. This is the perfect situation to stand up for, because it's not a deal breaker either way. But if sis gets what she wants without earning it, what else are you willing to be guilt tripped into in the future. That new computer? Just give it to her, you can buy another one. The car you paid for? It's called sharing, never mind that you're late for work, for the third time this week. If you don't stand up now, you won't feel bad, you'll feel resentment. The writing's on the wall (get it?), can you read?
I would crush her dreams I keep my room because if parent and step parent tried tokick me out I tell them send me to live somewhere else
In my experience it's pretty normal for a little sister to want the big sister's room. What's nuts is the parents agreeing to it.
Second story NTA heck my great aunt died on news years but we never let that stop us from celebrating
If it is “just a room” then why would the sister want it? This is a typical case of a selfish kid wanting something someone else has just because you can. Sister’s dream? Nonsense. The sister is the selfish brat, not Ozp
I agree Christmas time is for kids because my brother died 20 year's ago in December and my dad 2020 of Dec. We still celebrate Christmas for my nephew's and great nephew's plus nieces it's to Remember all the fun they had when they where alive.
Op in story 2 cares about her in-laws’ pain; it’s just she cares about her daughter’s happiness more, you know like a MOTHER should.
Story two, OP's inlaws are not the only ones who lost a family member on Christmas Day. I have a friend who's father died on Christmas Day and they celebrate it like they would every year. I have had people I know die on my birthday, but I still celebrate it.
Its rude to have people over and not serve food. Even for funerals and memorials.
I would paint the room black take all the decorations out and say here you go you can have my room And go ask a little with my father
1) If the younger sister wanted a room like big-sis, then this is the perfect time for a life-lesson about working for what she wants.
2) Losing a loved one hurts, I've dealt with it several times, but mourning that long isn't healthy. It is hard, but it's far better to celebrate the departed's life than to focus on the loss.
3) The in-laws are not entitled to anything OP has. 'nuff said.
Yeah... My family has had a family member die on Christmas morning. We still celebrate the holiday. WHY WHY WHY would you embrace mourning forever? This family is sick. sick. sick
Story 1 has one result: the children grow up HATING the dead BIL. Especially since I doubt that this behavior only happens at Christmas, this attitude rarely has an off switch. OP should make her husband choose which family he wants to be with and make it clear to the in-laws that neither she nor her daughter will participating in the family pity party anymore and cut contact with anyone who try’s to harass her or her daughter.
I love the comment that advise telling the mother that if she moves out you won't you won't rent to other relatives.
Extremely rude trying to marginalize a window! She has no man to protect (even if just in theory) her and they want to steal her home.
Tell them to go live on their own daughter's dime.
Heck, even when she moves out she'll take all her decorations with her
Who tells their child they will only need their room for two more years? Sure, if the child wants to move out then, but his sounds like she wouldn't have been given a choice.
In the main story OP posted two updates.
The first one was how this was not the first time the sister wanted something OP has, and was able to get. She even said she'll just take the room next time OP went to her dad's. So she said she'll talk to him about moving in with him.
In the second update OP said she moved in with her dad, and took all her decorations with her.
Story 1 NTA. Malicious Compliance time, "Sure. She can have the room, then take all the decorations with you" when you move to live full-time with your other family.
Story 2 celebrate with your girls and tell husband you wont allow your kids to be smothered by grief. Dont let your kids arounf them.
Tell in laws to suck it up. If he cant put his family first, then consider your marriage.
My Grandfather died on December 21 and yeah its not on Christmas Day but the Christmas season was rough for a few years but we didnt make a lifetime memorial service.
Tell MIL and BIL to STFU and never come into your home again. Tell them if the come on the propery you will the cops and press charges. Get cameras. Tell hubby if he doesnt get on board, tell him he has a choice. And stick to it. See a lawyer.
Not celebrating x-mas how stupid…. You have a child celebrate with your child
Mom's Flat: How in the hell does your husband plan on sorting it amicably with people that aren't being amicable? And why does he scold you for yelling at his mom (standing up for yourself and your mom), but he didn't scold them for their rude behavior? And let's not forget the huge trust issue here. NTA - Your husband has a choice he can be controlled by you (which I doubt he is anyway), or he can go back to his controlling family. A lot of entitlement going on here, with a large side of projection.
Why is everyone so nice to in-laws in Story 2? I don't care how much they are grieving, they have no right to ask their entire family to give up Christmas just for them. Were they planning to continue this tradition for the rest of their lives? In what universe is that even remotely acceptable? I'm honestly tempted to say YTA to OP for ever agreeing to put her daughter in that situation in the first place, but I'm gonna agree with NTA vote on the account that she did the right thing in the end. The father needs to be told that he will have to choose either his wife and daughter or his parents and siblings.
It’s normal to reserve time to reflect on the person when a family member dies on or near a holiday. It’s not normal to cancel that holiday forever. That’s not healthy.
Story 3: "She should be grieving, so she clearly doesn't need a place to live."
It is not ok to force someone out of their personal space. If they try to make you give it up, take everything. Leave it as a completely empty room. Just door walls and a ceiling. That's what she wants right? She isn't saying "I want your stuff". Then enjoy the tears of a spoiled brat getting a lesson.
Second story, I'm sorry but that is garbage. They are literally stealing Christmas from the children. What does she tell her friends when she goes to school? When everyone else is sharing gifts and singing carols, they are supposed to say "sorry no. We sit in the dark with candles and cry over some dead person i don't really remember." NTA. If I die on Christmas day, I would come back and haunt anyone who spends Christmas mourning instead of celebrating.
Op should take all of her decorations down pack them up the rest for staff and move to the other Room till the little sister enjoy your new Room witch.
Story 1: So the parents' Christmas gift to the youngest daughter is someone else's property? If they wanna get her a Christmas gift, maybe they should actually put in the effort, instead of gaslighting someone else to do it for them.
Additional point: They say that OP will only have her room for another couple years, and that she should give it up prematurely. How about OP uses the same logic for the house? I mean the parents can't take it with them when they pass, might as well just give it to their kids now, and for them to go find themselves a group home to live in.
Mother deserves to live her life after all the crap she had to put up with when married. Get a lawyer to put a stop on mil,FIL, and bil plus sil from trying crap again.
They favor the younger sister. Let her put them in the nursing home
OP in Story 2: Your family seems to have forgotten is that the time to grieve eventually ENDS, and then people move on with their lives. Your family isn't moving on; every year, they become more mired in grief. Tell your family if they won't move on, you and your daughter can celebrate Christmas without them. with an open invitation to join the two of you once they get over their loss one day.
As someone who has dealt with a lot of death in my life and the second one is actually also the traumatic loss of my uncle due to a car accident, OP is absolutely not in the wrong. We all do process death and grieve differently, but like someone else said already I'm pretty sure the BIL would absolutely want them to at least celebrate. There can be food and music and if there needs to be a compromise, there's plenty of instrumental Christmas music that can be softer. I'm not sure if anyone has talked to the kids about what's going on and I'm assuming they were all young when he passed away. Either way it's still incredibly unfair to force this onto them and essentially ignore them just so people can have a wake. Moving on in life is necessary in the grieving process and that includes living and celebrating. There absolutely are ways to help incorporate memory of late loved ones into the holidays or just in every day life and if the family needs some suggestions I can definitely name what my family has done to give some ideas. My personal favorite are the bears each of us have made from clothing they really loved wearing. I feel for them and that kind of loss is something I never wish upon anyone, but you still have each other. I know if it was my uncle he would haunt our butts and tell us to celebrate and wouldn't stop until we listened.
Story 2 - NTA you have a young daughter who wanted to have a Christmas. Do they want the little girl to grow up hating the departed BIL for destroying Christmas are they the Scrooges or maybe the grinch?
There is difference between being selfish and not having a choice. It's like asking a guy who has a single home and can't afford another to give it up.
Story 2, Celebrate Christmas with your children. If your In-Laws prefer to hold a wake every year for their dead son, that's their right, but they don't have the right to take away the holiday from you and the kids! Send them a condolence card instead of a Christmas card, but don't show up at their house except to drop off a hot dish or a pie and then go back home and drink egg nog and play games with the kids. At some point, they will either get over their sons death, or they won't, but that's not on you - or your children.
A parent's job is to keep your kids safe. Do not let potentially harmful ppl around your kids. Family or not.
Story 1: I'd take everything down, with out telling anyone what I was doing. Then pack it up to be used later when the parents kick you out in 2 years. Tell your sister that she can have the room, and then move into her room but not redecorate. You bought the stuff in your room, you keep it no matter what room you end up in. Let the little brat know that you don't intend to let her have your work or property. Let your mom know that you are fed up with brat sister and the do everything for her attitude your mom and step dad have.
Story 2: My dad's sister died very early Christmas morning and for that year we didn't celebrate the holiday as usual. The next year my grandmother wanted Christmas to be another day of mourning. My mom put the kibosh on grandmother's plans. Christmas was a day for joy and we'd properly observed a year for my aunt's death. No one, in her opinion, had to stop living life just because a family member died. My mom's feeling was that grandmother was going to do a "Queen Victoria" and insist on mourning for the rest of her life and drag everyone into her misery as well. Well, mom got her way. The mother in this story reminded me of my mom so NTA.
Story 1: I would burn the room right after I moved in to the another room!
The mourning Christmas one pisses me off. My lil sister passed and now instead of mourning her my parents ( I’m adopted my lil sis was my bio sis.) include her in some small way but not overpowering
7:00 Somewhere in New England, a couple buy a mansion. They are puzzled to find one room boarded up. Peeking into it they see dated stuff, old photos and military uniforms not worn nowadays. They get a carpenter to force open the door and are astonished to find a museum to an officer who died in 1918 in Europe during WW1. A museum in town agrees to accept the memorabilia and they start using all the rooms of the gorgeous mansion. The dead deserve to be remembered and honored but we should remember the living too.
8:15 The Irish hold a wake. The entire night, they sit around a large table. With the dead person on it. They drink toasts to him, remember him, tell incidents from his life, cry for him, etc. In the morning, they take the corpse to the cemetery. They return to their normal routines after that. I feel this is very practical.
Story 2: I wouldn't say it to their faces, but how do they think the Brother In Law would have felt knowing that his family are actively preventing his niece and other children in the family from enjoying Christmas because of him?
It may sound odd, I am autistic and don't process emotions normally, but I feel enjoying life is a far better way to honor those you have loved and lost, because if they loved you like you love them, then they would want you to be happy.
Last story: why does OP have to "stop hanging on to the past" if the incident "never happened"?
NTA. Grandma is full of B.S. Go no contact on her and anyone who agrees with her.
1st story NTA. No one is crushing her dreams but your parents. They should NEVER have even entertained the half sisters wishes. This is OP's room, Mom knows how much effort OP put into making it her own space. No one is being selfish but your half sister. And your parents are wrong for spoiling her. If they want to indulge her dream room let them spend the time money and effort to do that for her. Not Hijacking OP's.
That second-story there literally killing a kid for a dead guy..
I'm not trying to be rude..
It's like smacking a kid for being happy..
And saying we're celebrating death of our fallen brother..
I guess Christmas is the time to teach them about death.
I honestly have no idea what else to say it's completely astounding to..
Story 2: OP should consider a divorce from her husband because as the saying goes “misery loves company” and from the looks of it the family don’t want anyone to be happy even though it’s a public holiday where you celebrate with your family. I’m sure the deceased brother wouldn’t want this, I’m sure he’d want to be celebrated alongside Christmas!
mom in the same building as daughter makes for easier care of mother .... and future kids. it MIGHT have worked if the 1 bedroom was in the same building BUT what if brothers come home for a visit? she has guest rooms now for family.... or even a roomie friend if she wants one.
a rent free one bedroom may just be a HUGE offer. (mom, I am going shopping, want to come with. your doctors appointment is X, I will be up at Y... hard to do in another building)
take mother in? nope the ladies need their daily space too. and ... future kids.
Christmas story: Why the hell should she care about their pain, they sure as shit don't care about her kids happiness. Also what a twisted and self indulgent approach to loss.
Tell in-laws to stay away from mom s house they get nothing
Tell husband he can mourn you watch kids whilst they have wake you have Christmas.
Yes indeed if she moved out of room she takes everything out