To support my work and connect with me, click the JOIN button or become a member at patreon.com/notdefining. For 1:1 self confidence coaching book a session at www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. I would love to get to know you more...
6:40 I’m still struggling with this too because I clearly have a ‘type’ but sometimes, I surprise myself by who I like. Also, the misogyny in gay dating is real.
I understand those judgments/assumptions very well. I’ve grown up in a not so queer friendly place where I was labeled as gay for a long time and even at a point I thought I was but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve circled back to bi bc of my attractions (romantic and physical) towards the opposite sex. I get that feeling to of it would be easier to be with a guy but that’s mainly out of judgment a lot of straight women have rejected me bc I’m not as straight presenting as my peers and that judgement of oh he’s just gay gets stuck a lot in my head and makes dating/approaching ppl in general hard bc you know how you’re going to be perceived before someone even gets to know you. I totally relate and say that your vid’s have helped me out a lot in the past several months.
Brother could you please help me I don't people judge me as a gay but I get attracted to opposite gender also I have seen my self ,as from childhood my attraction simply going in same-sex that I also but what I need is that I only want to get attracted to opposite but sometimes it like no iam wrong and then again I use to fell attraction brother what is this could you
Bi disaster lady here. Though me personally really not being into neon colours in nail polish (or anything), and I dislike most yellows anyway, I think you rock the neon yellow nails!!! You go out there and have fun gurl! You're cute, your handsom, you really rock your look 💜
Bi guy and new subscriber. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Random plug but have you ever read "Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men" its a book of myriad perspectives (from bi+ men) which kind of helped to orient me in my relationship with my secuality and my sexuality's relationship to the shitty and shifting assumptions of our world. Feel you so much on what you discussed on the performativity of sexuality and the eye by which others harshly judge in accordance with our pervading social attitudes surrounding sexuality as identity. To have partners of muktiple genders is constantly met with suspicion that cruely makes us doubt the quality of the love we give in our relationships. Another commenter said it best, these are the symptoms of our deeply alienated world where people dont know how to meet people as people but only as a construction of concepts and expectations that barely fit together.
My current mindset - Embrace ambiguity! Let go of the need to define who or what you are within the context of society's standard definitions (male/female, straight/gay, married/single). Sometimes, the best approach is to live between the margins. PS: I love the nail polish.
Lovely to see your latest post, Mark, your nail varnish is fantastic! I have avoided any comments about my sexuality at work myself. I probably haven’t visited enough queer venues in Dublin on my many visits!
Your video definitely resonates! The weight the views of your surroundings have are such a burden to bear being bi and makes it honestly hard to understand your own feelings. For example; Am I choosing men consistently because they attract me emotionally (even though more women are attractive to me) or is it more so because of the 'rules' in society and the fear of people's assumptions about me? But in the end the most important things is that you are happy in your identity and the partner you do or don't choose. The rest will hopefully become white noise at some point. We can be proud of the ambiguity :)
Ah thanks so much. I appreciate it. I find it helpful to think not about why we are attracted to a certain gender but what traits we are attracted to. Do we like kind people or strong people or soft people or muscles or long hair or dominant energy or humour……think in these terms and you can never go wrong.
Hi, Mark! Thank you! I love your videos. I'm bisexual woman from Russia and your videos really helped me. I would like to translate your videos into Russian, I think it could help other russian queer people. What do you think?
Yeah, you raise some really valid points there. Back in 2011 I assisted a lesbian couple in becoming pregnant and got to know them very well in the process, and I was surprised to find how much they deliberately avoided the "lesbian" and "queer" community. I spoke with them about it and they had very similar views on it to how you're describing "queer clubs". They were very much saying "we're not just lesbians, we're people, we're part of a community that's bigger than our sexuality, we are what we are and we're gonna take our place in open society and not retreat into a niche". The world has changed since then, but not that much. Anyways, enjoying your content. Havea great one
I really enjoy your thought provoking posts. I think It’s a sign of maturity when we start to care less and less what other people think of us, when our self-worth comes from within rather than external validation. As you say, if people are put off by us for whatever reason they are not our people.
I really feel you and how you feel in your position. It's been exactly like that for me. I've been in a long term relationship with a woman (almost 5 year), she met my friends and family and now after the breakup I finally allowed myself to come out as bi (as I always was), and fear of being judged by my family (my friends support me and know it). I also experienced the same ease of dating men, from the availability point and have struggles going dating again when it comes to women. Does anyone have any ideas for dating as a Bi man and bringing up the topic and or how to go about it? Any help is very much appreciated!
sometime as a bi woman when i was in a relationship i was missing the other what i mean ] if i was in a relationship with a woman i was missing a man touch smile and fell and when i was with a man i was missing a woman that sometime i found want myself wanna to be with both
Interesting channel!.. - Been single almost 14years now. Abstained also for 5years now. I identified as gay, but lately I'm probably just a modern munk! 😁. I currently prefer the company of women more, for they are so comfortably open with their emotional expression which I enjoy a lot. I kinda forgot what sexual pleasure is all about and find it to be the least important in my social needs. 💥💛
I don't understand the fluorescent nail polish in the context of a seemingly typical masculine dude. I would suggest you to actually wear "gay-ish" clothes if you want to show yourself as "not masculine", 'cause JUST the women's fingernails within the picture of a full-on manly guy, makes no sense at all, and I'm also a androsexual guy myself. Greetings!
Hey thanks for sharing your perspectives on this. I just love how I dress and present right now. I love that it doesn’t make sense. That’s beautiful. 🩷
Personal adornment is a huge complex aspect of humanity. New expressions typically originate in subcultures, often gay+ as a rebellious gesture, then adopted by masses. Earrings, moustaches, beards and tattoos all same journey in last 70yrs. Nail varnish maybe next? Though tbh it has been bubbling in the background for a lot of that time!
To support my work and connect with me, click the JOIN button or become a member at patreon.com/notdefining. For 1:1 self confidence coaching book a session at www.notdefining.com/coaching-info. I would love to get to know you more...
We’re just craving intimacy in an increasingly alienated world. Sorry if that sounds basic.
6:40 I’m still struggling with this too because I clearly have a ‘type’ but sometimes, I surprise myself by who I like. Also, the misogyny in gay dating is real.
I understand those judgments/assumptions very well. I’ve grown up in a not so queer friendly place where I was labeled as gay for a long time and even at a point I thought I was but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve circled back to bi bc of my attractions (romantic and physical) towards the opposite sex. I get that feeling to of it would be easier to be with a guy but that’s mainly out of judgment a lot of straight women have rejected me bc I’m not as straight presenting as my peers and that judgement of oh he’s just gay gets stuck a lot in my head and makes dating/approaching ppl in general hard bc you know how you’re going to be perceived before someone even gets to know you. I totally relate and say that your vid’s have helped me out a lot in the past several months.
Brother could you please help me I don't people judge me as a gay but I get attracted to opposite gender also I have seen my self ,as from childhood my attraction simply going in same-sex that I also but what I need is that I only want to get attracted to opposite but sometimes it like no iam wrong and then again I use to fell attraction brother what is this could you
Bi disaster lady here. Though me personally really not being into neon colours in nail polish (or anything), and I dislike most yellows anyway, I think you rock the neon yellow nails!!! You go out there and have fun gurl! You're cute, your handsom, you really rock your look 💜
Omg thank you. From a bi disaster man / wth is my gender - I thank you.
New subscriber here, and yesss I love your nails! Definitely adding yellow to the list of colors I want to try for myself
Welcome!!
Bi guy and new subscriber. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Random plug but have you ever read "Recognize: The Voices of Bisexual Men" its a book of myriad perspectives (from bi+ men) which kind of helped to orient me in my relationship with my secuality and my sexuality's relationship to the shitty and shifting assumptions of our world.
Feel you so much on what you discussed on the performativity of sexuality and the eye by which others harshly judge in accordance with our pervading social attitudes surrounding sexuality as identity. To have partners of muktiple genders is constantly met with suspicion that cruely makes us doubt the quality of the love we give in our relationships.
Another commenter said it best, these are the symptoms of our deeply alienated world where people dont know how to meet people as people but only as a construction of concepts and expectations that barely fit together.
My current mindset - Embrace ambiguity! Let go of the need to define who or what you are within the context of society's standard definitions (male/female, straight/gay, married/single). Sometimes, the best approach is to live between the margins. PS: I love the nail polish.
Lovely to see your latest post, Mark, your nail varnish is fantastic! I have avoided any comments about my sexuality at work myself. I probably haven’t visited enough queer venues in Dublin on my many visits!
Thank you so much my lovely - I appreciate you so much
I’m a new subscriber to your channel and always happy to see queer people living their truth. Stay fabulous!
P.S. Love the nails 💅
Hey thank you so much. Welcome and thank you for being here. I’m sending so much love and gratitude to you today my friend. 🩷🩷🩷
@@notdefining Thank you for the warm welcome!
Your video definitely resonates! The weight the views of your surroundings have are such a burden to bear being bi and makes it honestly hard to understand your own feelings. For example; Am I choosing men consistently because they attract me emotionally (even though more women are attractive to me) or is it more so because of the 'rules' in society and the fear of people's assumptions about me? But in the end the most important things is that you are happy in your identity and the partner you do or don't choose. The rest will hopefully become white noise at some point. We can be proud of the ambiguity :)
Oh and we definitely love the nail polish!! At least I do
Ah thanks so much. I appreciate it. I find it helpful to think not about why we are attracted to a certain gender but what traits we are attracted to. Do we like kind people or strong people or soft people or muscles or long hair or dominant energy or humour……think in these terms and you can never go wrong.
My friend is bisexual and often hugs and kisses me
Hi, Mark! Thank you! I love your videos. I'm bisexual woman from Russia and your videos really helped me. I would like to translate your videos into Russian, I think it could help other russian queer people. What do you think?
Hey thank you so much for your kind words. I would be honoured if you would translate them. Sending so much love.
Hello I have a question.
But I prefer to ask in another forum,
@@renwickgill8775 Hey sure. We have a private chat with me on patreon.com/notdefining. I would be so happy to connect with you.
Yeah, you raise some really valid points there. Back in 2011 I assisted a lesbian couple in becoming pregnant and got to know them very well in the process, and I was surprised to find how much they deliberately avoided the "lesbian" and "queer" community. I spoke with them about it and they had very similar views on it to how you're describing "queer clubs". They were very much saying "we're not just lesbians, we're people, we're part of a community that's bigger than our sexuality, we are what we are and we're gonna take our place in open society and not retreat into a niche". The world has changed since then, but not that much. Anyways, enjoying your content. Havea great one
I really enjoy your thought provoking posts. I think It’s a sign of maturity when we start to care less and less what other people think of us, when our self-worth comes from within rather than external validation. As you say, if people are put off by us for whatever reason they are not our people.
I’m newly biromantic heterosexual today. I enjoyed your talk though.
Congratulations
The nail polish isn’t for me, but you should do what makes you happy.
I really feel you and how you feel in your position. It's been exactly like that for me. I've been in a long term relationship with a woman (almost 5 year), she met my friends and family and now after the breakup I finally allowed myself to come out as bi (as I always was), and fear of being judged by my family (my friends support me and know it). I also experienced the same ease of dating men, from the availability point and have struggles going dating again when it comes to women. Does anyone have any ideas for dating as a Bi man and bringing up the topic and or how to go about it? Any help is very much appreciated!
I happen to have a video on it right here. ruclips.net/video/umsBZFRuVqg/видео.htmlsi=w5oJvf5Uj_Zs33-l
sometime as a bi woman when i was in a relationship i was missing the other what i mean ] if i was in a relationship with a woman i was missing a man touch smile and fell and when i was with a man i was missing a woman that sometime i found want myself wanna to be with both
Love your videos, great perspective from a bi guy. Glad to know there are more of us out there haha keep up the amazing content 😊😊
Ah thank you so much
I'm a new subscriber to your and I think you are wonderful!..🙂🌟❤️👍🇨🇦
Ah thank you you're so kind. I appreciate it.
Interesting channel!..
- Been single almost 14years now. Abstained also for 5years now. I identified as gay, but lately I'm probably just a modern munk! 😁. I currently prefer the company of women more, for they are so comfortably open with their emotional expression which I enjoy a lot. I kinda forgot what sexual pleasure is all about and find it to be the least important in my social needs.
💥💛
I am sorry I cannot afford it please forgive my intrusion
I just love it. hehe, you nailed it. vibrant color. :)
I don't understand the fluorescent nail polish in the context of a seemingly typical masculine dude. I would suggest you to actually wear "gay-ish" clothes if you want to show yourself as "not masculine", 'cause JUST the women's fingernails within the picture of a full-on manly guy, makes no sense at all, and I'm also a androsexual guy myself. Greetings!
Hey thanks for sharing your perspectives on this. I just love how I dress and present right now. I love that it doesn’t make sense. That’s beautiful. 🩷
Personal adornment is a huge complex aspect of humanity. New expressions typically originate in subcultures, often gay+ as a rebellious gesture, then adopted by masses. Earrings, moustaches, beards and tattoos all same journey in last 70yrs. Nail varnish maybe next? Though tbh it has been bubbling in the background for a lot of that time!