As a wee child an uncle did something wrong and I was going to tell my mother, but a thought came to me, that if I told, he'd go to jail and he would be killed, so I didn't tell. His behavior never changed and he ruined my life. I learned we are to forgive 7x70, if a person has no remorse and asks no forgiveness, staying silent is lethal. As children, we need to learn to fight, not be a passive victim .
Repentance is between G-d and us. Forgiveness is between people. We look for remorse, a sense of understanding the pain and hurt inflicted since we can't look for repentance, a private matter.
"forgave someone who didn't apologize but I didn't let go"??? That means you never forgave; because Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person. The other person doesn't even need to Apologize, but you HAVE to Forgive so you can "let go" and free yourself of holding onto the resentment. The resentment will only eat you up, and does nothing for other person. Forgiveness does not mean that you allow them back to your life so they can harm you again, but it means freeing you from the resentment and hate that can eat you up inside.
Christian here and wholeheartedly agrees with this teaching! God only forgives when you turn to him with a repentant heart begging for forgiveness. Same for us between human and sincere asking should suffice!
"Forgive selectively." Best advice ever. To my tiny, human understanding, "forgive and forget" is a phrase that makes no sense. I believe that forgiveness involves remembering the deed, just without the anger. How can a human being not remember? Letting go of the anger is the biggest hurdle.
True. Though accomplishable. It gets easier each time. Forgive and forget is not an adage to live especially by if the hurtful person(s) is/are still in your life, still a threat and/or possibly looking to do more damage. In that case, forgetting is foolish. Forgetting is what helps release us from whatever it was being a prominent part of our existence.
I agree with that we might not forget even though is there a time in your Life you would like to have NEVER brought up again that you did? A blank slate from that point on after you truly repented and have shown trust worthiness? I think the word "Forbearance" is a good word to look into. Althought we have a Spiritual debt to the Most High... This Creator gave teh repentent Heart this Forbearance. And also how many times would you want tothers to hold this over you? Just thinking... Blessings Brother!
Forgiveness comes first, then forgetting will happen. Before forgetting happens, we need gain something tremendous. Because the tremendous happiness we gained, we forget the sufferings we experienced. Job forgave and forgot the hurts from his 3 friends, because he knew God more. A woman forgets her birth pain because of her new born child. So many people gain nothing after sufferings, so they hardly forgive and can not forget.
@@VinceW-eg4lz Powerful advice! Was thinknig about that the other day on suffering or Pain. Part of me is thinking I know I need it to learn and grow stronger but part of me wonders if I can handle it. I guess that is where my Faith needs to kick in more. It is easy to see this on others... but if we could actaully Learn and become stronger these people were not actallly are enemies only an opportunity to become much stronger and closer to our Creator. Blessings Brother!
Thank you Rabbi Friedman for explaining what I have always felt is the right way, but are often left feeling guilty about not being able to forgive in the new age--y way which is basically a wrong interpretation of "turn the other cheek". When I was young someone told me "compassion and forgiveness" and in some way it felt incomplete, so I added "but don't let them harm you" (well, back then maybe with more colorful language) . I always felt that by adding this I was short of being a truly moral person. Now it's all clear, and today I learn the truly moral person handles forgiveness appropriately and responsibly. Thank you for the lesson.
Thank you. It is so important. Even though one is trying to be kindhearted, you have to be true to yourself. Sometimes it given too freely and undeserved.
Thank you, Rabbi Friedman. My ex-husband thought I should always forgive him for lying, cheating and abusing me. Why ? He'd think well I got away with that I'll do it again and she'll forgive me. No I will not forgive. Once you break my trust your "Sorry" means nothing to me.
Yes, that is the sad truth about that kind of situation. If you haven't already, you can forgive him in your heart to be rid of him, to take the bile out of your throat so it's not hurting you anymore. Otherwise he's living rent free in your head. I'm thinking you had enough of it all already.
Yes, we should forgive those who ask, Yahweh waits for us to ask then He forgives. If one who hurt us doesn't ask, we can choose to LET IT GO for ourselves 💕
LORD, HaShem, bless Rabbi Manis Friedman his family and all his generations. Clean any impurities of misjudgements in perspective to speak of YOUR perfection from Torah, YOUR Will. Thank YOU Eternally for the wisdom YOU have blessed him with. Thank YOU for his wit and character as it is pleasant. Bless His day and His life. And give Him peace.
I’ve struggled many years with this issue, carried anger in my heart about a person I served under in the military, and cannot forgive him. I have watched this talk again over and over. How do I relieve myself from this weight I have carried since March 1990? When i have nightmares of what he did, when it wrecked my career, it was nothing but evil and was not the only instance? My suffering has not quit.
And may be we need to know also the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking for 'excuses validation '. Or at least I need to know it. Toda Raba for your lesson.
Repentance is between us and G-d. A private matter not up for discussion or examination with anyone except maybe a rabbi. Forgiveness here on earth is between people so we see if the person(s) have any understanding and admission of the pain and hurt they caused. And are remorseful or not.
Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore Transitions: Weathering the Seasons of Life Fast Acting Long Lasting To Win a War Who Needs You: Teaching Children Their Purpose (children's book)
Things can be removed from the table; however nothing is ever forgotten. Forgiveness is not forgetting; but rather the process of moving somthing off of the table.
AYISIEN YO GUEN PROPHETE MACKENSON , PASTEUR MALORY, PASTOR GREGORY TOUSSAINT… YO GUEN SAGESSE DE DEUX AUSSI.🙄🙄🙄 NOU TOUJOU WÈ PA LÒTE PI BON KÉ PA NOU…
Forgiving doesn't mean the other person/action was right. Forgiveness isn't in place of justice. The forgiveness sets your heart free from the pain while still holding the person accountable.
Even GOD was not able to forgive Aaron( He died in Mt.Horeb )and Moses was not allowed to go to the Promised Land as the punishments for their disobediences. By Amelia
Im reminded by a statement from Chazal; "Whoever is kind to the Cruel (People), will, eventually, be cruel to the Kind (People)." Forgiving someone seems like you're extending love and kindness to them. But, if they are unrepentant, if they feel they have done nothing wrong, then they are strong in their wickedness (archaic term, b 0:11 ut it's the right noun). So, being proud of actions, perhaps they are Cruel. The exact type of person that Chazal caution us about. If we forgive the Cruel, we will be forced (or, already ARE) cruel to the Kind. Dispensing this questionable forgiveness, inevitably entails colluding, protecting, and enabling 'cruel' behavior. Jewish ethics is so unique and often contradicts the ethics of other religious traditions. Thanks for the invitation to think a little more deeply (and accurately).- A Beis Chana Alumna of 1974
Your points are excellent and valid. I think you have one point backwards. Non Judaic teachings contradict G-d's Torah heaven forbid. The first cannot and does not contradict what follows. Order is important.
I forgive for myself.. If i forgive from the heart i let go of the negativity i feel inside. I free myself...i set myself free so i can feel light and love within. Forgiveness is for myself. Anybody can do what they want.. Hold grudges or not.. Everyone has a free choice.. ❤❤❤
God owns vengeance. It’s best to forgive to release yourself from bondage. It’s best to always forgive and to let god judge. Forgiveness is not a mistake. If you don’t forgive you become like Balaam beating his donkey. Thanks for your teaching.
Who is talking about vengeance? We all know that G-d is the ultimate judge. G-d also gave us standards to live by, 7 Noahide laws with their intricacies for non Judaic people and 613 mitzvahs for Jews. G-d did not tell us to forgive everyone. That is a non Judaic idea that is not in Torah.
That's a shame though unfortunately not unusual. People have a hard time admitting to wrongs even when caught in the act. Denial is most of our first response. It's very liberating to forgive in our heart so we can not be unhealthily attached to whatever it was, and move on.
it’s wild how no one talks about Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki even though it completely shifts how you see things, but I guess not everyone is ready
I think it's to forgive the almighty for traps and then to forgive myself for stepping in "this" one..... protect myself and others from the harm then do our best to let the almighty work.... the almighty knows when and how to forgive🙏B"H
The almighty does not need us to forgive him for his testings. Thats disgusting. The almighty is rightousness. We are not above the almighty to tell him hes wrong for anything. Its us who dont listen to him. His tests are to see if we will obey and love him or not. Each time when the people did not listen and obey he tested them.
@@jetmooG-d doesn't test us. Non Judaic idea. We're not G-d's lab rats heaven forbid. When things happen it's to teach us or guide us towards where were to be to do our mission for G-d. Everything has a reason. A G-dly purpose.
G-d created anger and then placed it into my hand to draw my attention to a problem. I will hold that anger in my hands, that G-d placed there until the problem is resolved.
Some must be brought to justice. We can't bring someone to what they don't want. Repentance is between us and G-d, noone else. Do you want everyone being privy to your private interactions with G-d? Jews don't.
I've really been struggling with this. Thanks for this video Rabbi Bless You. This is the answer I have been looking for for a couple years now... Welp Sorry Mom I don't...
Amein Rabbi. One thing so many of my own brethren do not understand. Something that so many people in the west need to truly think of as it has been an abused misunderstood concept. Though forgiveness, on a soul level from one being to another, in essence is similar to a get out of jail free card, the misuse or misunderstanding of this concept can be deemed thereafter as a license to kill. One persons mercy of another persons wrong, should never be taken lightly to where the harmful person does not understand the weight of their actions. Though a person may be forgiven by another, does not mean an action has not caused an effect upon one or many others. Thus the reason and need of accounts and consequences. Some may be lessened by repentant people but should never be excused as insignificant which may mislead others to believe they carry no value or weight for their misdeed. Easy or free forgiveness without a consequence leads to misleading of the sense of its value and true harm caused. So thank you for bringing up this very much needed message especially to the western minded world that has misunderstood this very gracious concept of forgiveness. As you well said, we forgive others to not carry the baggage on ourselves or that it not hinder another persons own improvement. But should never be devalued to where they dot understand the weight of their actions. Many blessings to you and yours Rabbi! Much love to you always for your awesome insights of heavenly wisdom!
I resonate with your words Rabbi Manis Friedman. As not being Jewish, i would like to know... is these words how you feel it or is it something all Jewish people believe? I like to learn
For the Narcissist and the religions they foster, Forgivness is a Blank Check; which they demand. In Judaism forgivness is something you work for and earn, to fix something that you broke.
Some very good points, but not every time one is asked for forgiveness should one forgive. It depends on the intention and severity of the other's actions and the consequences that arose from those actions.
Yes. If you have to then we're not being asked, they're demanding. The rabbi didn't say to forgive everything. Only in our hearts and minds so were free from the ugliness instead of carrying it around
I think of Corrie Ten Boom. For me she is the gold standard. She managed to forgive a nazi who Imprisoned her when he came to her and asked for forgiveness. I.take a while to get over things.😢
Yes we are suppose to Forgive EVERY sin against us .. because our Heavenly Creator who is TRULY Good forgive us who have a Repentent Heart...so as Children of the Most High we have Faith the Most High has Judgement covered Perfectly. We Forgive and Pray so they may find Strength to Repent and embrace our Heavenly Creator! Amen?
There is Repentance which leads to forgiveness, forgiveness is not free. Let it be, if the person does not value the forgiveness. You can let it go for your own wellbeing; less weightier on your part. Move on…!
there are Individuals who harass others, and then 'ask to be forgiven', and for the only Purpose of 'avoiding any Punishment so to put it', that they should 'endure' because of their 'Molestation' of another, and in this Case it is referred to 'Adults' especially, who 'harass' younger Individuals, also 'Children', and in order to 'avoid the Consequences of so named Law of Retaliation', then they 'ask to the molested Kid', to be 'forgiven' indeed, that is to say, 'they will be punished twice' instead, for having 'harassed an innocent and weaker Individual' and, for having tried to 'cheat the molested Individual', and in order to 'get some more Advantage' from the 'whole Situation' indeed; 'Forgiveness' is in the 'Hands of G.d' actually, and the 'Law of Retribution' works, functions, beside one's 'Will it to be working', or beside one's Will 'to avoid Punishments' so to put it.
People need to actually DEFINE the act of forgiveness in concrete terms before actually trying to execute it. On average, I suspect most people believe it means that you let go of the idea that someone will face justice for offensive behavior. If someone offends me, forgiveness on my part would be meaningless and irresponsible without vindication or justice when I can clearly discern that the act was intentional and/or ongoing. I do believe it takes a little bit of your soul each time someone purposely offends and escapes punishment; it could also lead to being complicit in the potential violation of other victims when the perpetrators believe that nothing will be done to deter them.
Forgiveness pertains to past actions. If someone inrends future harm, you can forgive the past actions and stop the future ones. This is the course that gives me the most peace.
But what if people harm, without intending to harm? What if they harm accidentally? Wouldn't they be more likely to harm again, and again? Even accidentally. Even inadvertently. Don't most people that harm, do so out of ignorance or thoughtlessnes? It's important to do damage control and protect yourself and others from harm. Ignoring bad behavior isn't the smartest choice. Smart doesn't always mean good. Stupid doesn't always mean bad. But sometimes, it does.
You're believing that we have power to change someone else's actions when we don't. Ask any abused person how many times they forgave the perpetrator to have the abuse not only contiue, it escalates out of anger for forgiving them. Why? Forgiving means they did sonethig wrong when they don't want to think or beliieve they are anything except justified. Being positively influenced has to be intitated by the person needing it not us. We can try to influence though if they're not receptive they're not. Free will.
If someone harms accidentally, which we all can and possibly do do, if were decent G-dly people, once we learn of it we look to do things differently. If we continue the "accident" is now intentional. It can even become evil.
@@NinaCohen-dl4hm I agree with a lot of that. The only point I'd differ on is that forgiving means letting go of anger and a desire for punishment over past actions. It says nothing about allowing repeats of the same action. If someone steals from my house when I have no lock on my door, I can forgive them, and then put a lock on my door. No resentment, no punishment, no more access to my house when I'm not home. I might even have them visit when I'm home. But there's no more unlocked door.
@@TimblisiYou're presuming a lock stops invasion when it doesn't. Desiring punishment of others is a tricky thing. Judgement and an accounting in this world, yes. Wanting, insisting, hoping for, demanding what G-d does of doesn't do is a slippery slope of self righteousness.
Even as a Christian, why do people miss this? Luke 17:3-4 “Watch yourselves. IF your brother sins, rebuke him; AND IF he repents, forgive him. Even IF he sins against you seven times in a day, AND seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.””
If a person did something wrong, his soul was facing judgment and his body was facing punishment. Sin is on the side of soul judgment, forgiveness of sin is free for true repentance. Body punishment is nothing to do with the forgiveness of sin.
"Forgoveness is not free" Indeed! Mercy without justice is destructive. Justice without mercy is cruelty. His mercy always in constare (infinite with) His justice. We forgive hecause we are forgiven. We are forgiven only when we ask. We ask to be forgiven when we own up (confessed) our mistake, sin. We can own up our sin if we aware, conscious of our sin. Torah was given for man to be conscious of their sin, and the root cause of their sin, wretched heart. His Own salvation is what will heal the root cause of our sin, our wretched heart. Messiah is His Salvation, and that is the good news.
No. You're sharing non Judaic ideas that directly contradict Torah. Torah, from G-d, is meant to share G-d with us. It's a love letter to us. You can't change that either. You can't change who and what Moshiach will be either to what you want. Moshiach is not a savior heaven forbid. Not his purpose at all.
@Y1836Y neither to what you want. I did not claim any Judaic ideas. Where is Judah now? Where is the Temple? Where is the Tabernacle? Where is the Ark of the Covenant? Where are the animal sacrifices for atonement of sin? Judaic ideas, even Torah won't save anyone, only His Salvation saves. Where is 'Judaic ideas' Moshiach?
No salvation from any him. Moshiach will be 100% human. From the Davidic line. No divinity attached. Moshiach is coming to signal that were done perfecting the world for G-d. Our missions are complete. He is coming to build the Third Temple. To usher in the redemption of souls into the world to come, here to what will be this perfected world. A place that will be holier than heaven. Moshiach will guide us in how to live in this perfected wirld, something totally new for all of us.
I'm not changing anything G-d said. G-d designed. G-d shared Himself with us, meaning with Jews and non Judaic people, in Torah. Only in Torah. No changes, revisions, etc. One Torah of Truth. G-d's Truth. Truth isn't revised or updated. Truth and fact tigether equal reality. G-d's reality. Your other questions are too many to answer in a public forum. You can hear the answers in Rabbi Manis Friedman's videos should you really want answers. You're not putting us on the spot asking questions. There are answers.
Vergebung muss man sich verdienen und nicht alles kann der Mensch vergessen oder vergeben, das heißt die Sache sollte ausgesprochen sein. Einmal kann der Mensch vergeben je nach Typ und der Tatsache das ist nur einmal gewessen ist aber nicht vergessen . Wer weiß wie viele Leute den gleichen Fehler machen am besten ist nur mit wenig Menschen zutun zuhaben noch besser allein bleiben.
Who claims to be without sin and then becomes judge of others? Sin is a weakness of character, and the aim in life is to help all within your surrounds to live a blameless life.
The actual weakness of character is what helps us to judge others favorably, thus making it easier to forgive their wronging towards us, but "actual forgiveness" meaning a complete removal of any harsh feelings towards the offender must be rational, if not, then you're either just burring the grudge deep down, or it wasn't in reality a true offense towards the defender, does that sound rational?🤔
@@DodWine As is said, the sin and the self are seperate as if they were not, then it would be impossible to correct. The deeper understanding of the self being inherently good, although that which cloaks such becomes the fixation of judgement. The letter Tav ת in its primitive form, is a cross giving the impression of the mark sealing the covenant itself. He ה being a Form of Tav with a gap to let light in. I could explain that self is not flesh as the flesh is made from dirt, and using dirt to construct life, is what people do without realizing its all folly. Just look at the word admire,, is it good to add mire to another? Its such a delight,, why would anybody want to remove the light in being? i could strip language to its core, as its construct is nothing but a hook for nachesh to use. All you need to do is look towards the six and eighteenth letter of the hebrew , the symbols found behind their expression tells a story.
No, that's not the purpose of life. The purpose is to perfect this world for G-d. That does not in any way, shape or form, involve whitewashing evil or tolerating hurt others do since that's absurd. We are not supposed to tolerate evil or hurtful things because noone is perfect. That's nonsensical and un-G-dly.
Love the soul hate the action of sin that is what we judge Some sins are out of the sacred templet And must be healed and corrected never allow ancient sin to comand the time rather heal the time
Ancient sin? What does that mean? If you're talking about Adam and Eve there was no sin. They did exactly as G-d wanted them to do in order to out them out of Gan Eden and into this lowest world for us to repair it for G-d, as partners in Creation.
That's ridiculous. They are freed from being evil by acknowledging their sins, repenting them and returning to G-d. We can pray for this to happen though it is out of our control. Having free will it's out of G-d's control as well.
They're not imprisoned by anything. They can't relinquish their responsibility to 'evil forces' which don't exist. Can people be imprisoned by good forces? Then they can't be imprisoned by evil ones. G-dliness is stronger than evil.
@Y1836Y if I offended you I apologize for what I say is my personal believe. We all bear holiness inside our human being for we are created in the image of the Most High. What happens is when a person gives in to unholy actions and thoughts in his life he or she become a target and is seduced by evil spirits. That said if a person doesn't repent of these evil action or thoughts the person will be bound by the evil forces and is overwhelmed and can no longer comes,back to the one who he or she supposed to be. So in forgiven this brother or sister we not only free this spirit from evil but on the other hand we create in ourselves a good heart. Judgement for this person comes from the Creator itself where the experience of all the wrongdoing will be tenfold and shame will be almost unbearable. This is how it will be. So be glad that everyday we can bring all our sins back in repentance so we will not have to go through this process of shame. Be nice and forgivable for this is the redemption. Be safe Shalom
Some people may think they are doing good by asking or even forcing others to forgive, even when the offender/criminal didn't apologize, but that's merely enabling a criminal not forgiveness. It's based on a pathetic craze for peace and laziness. They don't want to deal with the trouble, so they force the victim to suffer more just for their own selfish feelings. It's not a good thing and it's not a Godly thing, it's just another version of idolatry where the idol is the self. May God bless us all!
You're talking as many do looking outward instead of inward. Evil is not common. It's an anomaly. Though it does exist. Sinning is more common. Quite a difference in magnitude. That's where we're to look inward instead of focusing on what others are doing "wrong. Self improvement instead of self righteously trying to fix others.
@@Y1836Yfirst we have to work on ourselves in order to see clearly that is true and when a person looks inside there are many many sins to deal with so lets work on ourselves in order to help others. Be safe Shalom.
@@janh461 not necessary to help others not sin unless they ask for assistance, or they're a loved one or a close friend. I hear people wanting to fet too much into another's business. Self righteous nonsense. Being a good role model for G-dliness is better.
I have forgiven everything and everyone, but I will not enter such tainted water a second time, because I am not a sadomasochist. I forgive very quickly, but it doesnt change the relationship (breaking it); he/ she must apologize, repair the wrong done and make amends and prove that it happened once and he regrets it very much, or... GO AWAY!!! (paradox- only good people are able to do it). Yes- I have forgiven everyone (it does not mean that I will not help justice- especially when he/she/they can hurt other people. This is not revenge, but help justice without bad emotions). This is a different level of consciousness- I do not feel hatred, nor envy, nor the need for revenge, etc., but I feel a strong need for justice. "A pure heart holds no grudges"~ philosophy Grandpa is wrong.
A sincere question, no mocking intended, if unasked forgiveness is something we keep to ourselves, by everyone forgiving anyone every night, isn't that by default telling everyone that you automatically forgive even unasked forgiveness? Or it's like not to hold a grudge type of forgiveness, but not a true removal of harsh feelings towards the offender? If so isn't it not forgiving then?
The prayer we say at night removes the anger and hatred in our hearts and minds. We're not contaminated by it any longer. Whatever was done to us is put into context, learned from and move on. We don't have to be attached or defined by it. As Rabbi Doctor Abraham Twerski of blessed memory taught they don't get to live rent free in our minds. Since it's a prayer, between us and G-d, noone knows whether we do or don't say it nightly. Not anyone's business. If someone asks for forgiveness it's a choice to forgive them and let them know it. Not a demand that must be done. Then it's not an "ask". "Asking" implies choice.
![[SFM] Risky Recital](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RzNkY1_Nk3o/mqdefault.jpg)
I remember having forgiven without being asked so many times and all the time I got hurt more and more.
It was a very good reminder for me today.
As a wee child an uncle did something wrong and I was going to tell my mother, but a thought came to me, that if I told, he'd go to jail and he would be killed, so I didn't tell. His behavior never changed and he ruined my life. I learned we are to forgive 7x70, if a person has no remorse and asks no forgiveness, staying silent is lethal. As children, we need to learn to fight, not be a passive victim .
In a way it’s good that you’ve come to terms with this, your view of that uncle. Not easy.
Forgiveness without repentance is not true Forgiveness
Repentance is between G-d and us. Forgiveness is between people. We look for remorse, a sense of understanding the pain and hurt inflicted since we can't look for repentance, a private matter.
@@Y1836Y Simply put forgiveness without changed behavior is manipulation.
Well said. Its stupid to forgive evil and it does not free you. Put these people out of your mind and put all your efforts into yourself.
No, not put all of our efforts into ourselves. We're here for others, not for ourselves.
Wow. I really had it all backwards. I forgave someone who didn't apologize but I didn't let go... Important lesson. Will take it to heart.
Unfortunately it's a common thing to do.
"forgave someone who didn't apologize but I didn't let go"??? That means you never forgave; because Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not the other person. The other person doesn't even need to Apologize, but you HAVE to Forgive so you can "let go" and free yourself of holding onto the resentment. The resentment will only eat you up, and does nothing for other person. Forgiveness does not mean that you allow them back to your life so they can harm you again, but it means freeing you from the resentment and hate that can eat you up inside.
@@malachintloko3945 Why forgive for free? It costs an apology
@@careottjuice go back to my comment and read it slowly. If your still don't understand, go through it again even slower.
Christian here and wholeheartedly agrees with this teaching! God only forgives when you turn to him with a repentant heart begging for forgiveness. Same for us between human and sincere asking should suffice!
this is the most clarity I have ever received on this topic. I learned something valuable today.... thank you
"Forgive selectively." Best advice ever. To my tiny, human understanding, "forgive and forget" is a phrase that makes no sense. I believe that forgiveness involves remembering the deed, just without the anger. How can a human being not remember?
Letting go of the anger is the biggest hurdle.
True. Though accomplishable. It gets easier each time. Forgive and forget is not an adage to live especially by if the hurtful person(s) is/are still in your life, still a threat and/or possibly looking to do more damage. In that case, forgetting is foolish. Forgetting is what helps release us from whatever it was being a prominent part of our existence.
I agree with that we might not forget even though is there a time in your Life you would like to have NEVER brought up again that you did? A blank slate from that point on after you truly repented and have shown trust worthiness? I think the word "Forbearance" is a good word to look into. Althought we have a Spiritual debt to the Most High... This Creator gave teh repentent Heart this Forbearance. And also how many times would you want tothers to hold this over you? Just thinking... Blessings Brother!
Yet another comment bully censored?
Forgiveness comes first, then forgetting will happen. Before forgetting happens, we need gain something tremendous. Because the tremendous happiness we gained, we forget the sufferings we experienced.
Job forgave and forgot the hurts from his 3 friends, because he knew God more. A woman forgets her birth pain because of her new born child. So many people gain nothing after sufferings, so they hardly forgive and can not forget.
@@VinceW-eg4lz Powerful advice! Was thinknig about that the other day on suffering or Pain. Part of me is thinking I know I need it to learn and grow stronger but part of me wonders if I can handle it. I guess that is where my Faith needs to kick in more. It is easy to see this on others... but if we could actaully Learn and become stronger these people were not actallly are enemies only an opportunity to become much stronger and closer to our Creator. Blessings Brother!
THANK YOU ... RABBI MANIS FRIEDMAN ... GOD BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY .
I am truly grateful for this🙏🏻🕊
Thank you Rabbi Friedman for explaining what I have always felt is the right way, but are often left feeling guilty about not being able to forgive in the new age--y way which is basically a wrong interpretation of "turn the other cheek". When I was young someone told me "compassion and forgiveness" and in some way it felt incomplete, so I added "but don't let them harm you" (well, back then maybe with more colorful language) . I always felt that by adding this I was short of being a truly moral person. Now it's all clear, and today I learn the truly moral person handles forgiveness appropriately and responsibly. Thank you for the lesson.
Respect from down under ❤
Excellent topic!
I thought about this topic many times and came to the same, identical conclusions. so, i completely agree
Thank you Rabbi Manis Friedman.
Thank you. It is so important. Even though one is trying to be kindhearted, you have to be true to yourself. Sometimes it given too freely and undeserved.
THank you!!!! I needed this!
Thank you, Rabbi Friedman. My ex-husband thought I should always forgive him for lying, cheating and abusing me. Why ? He'd think well I got away with that I'll do it again and she'll forgive me. No I will not forgive. Once you break my trust your "Sorry" means nothing to me.
Yes, that is the sad truth about that kind of situation. If you haven't already, you can forgive him in your heart to be rid of him, to take the bile out of your throat so it's not hurting you anymore. Otherwise he's living rent free in your head. I'm thinking you had enough of it all already.
Baruch Hashem for this teaching.
Thank You very much dear Rabbi Friedman 🤍 Much love, lights and blessings 🤍 Moshiach now -Geula now 🐦🔥🙏🏻✡️🤍
Yes, we should forgive those who ask, Yahweh waits for us to ask then He forgives.
If one who hurt us doesn't ask, we can choose to LET IT GO for ourselves 💕
LORD, HaShem, bless Rabbi Manis Friedman his family and all his generations. Clean any impurities of misjudgements in perspective to speak of YOUR perfection from Torah, YOUR Will. Thank YOU Eternally for the wisdom YOU have blessed him with. Thank YOU for his wit and character as it is pleasant. Bless His day and His life. And give Him peace.
I’ve struggled many years with this issue, carried anger in my heart about a person I served under in the military, and cannot forgive him. I have watched this talk again over and over. How do I relieve myself from this weight I have carried since March 1990? When i have nightmares of what he did, when it wrecked my career, it was nothing but evil and was not the only instance? My suffering has not quit.
Thank you Rabbi Friedman!!💪✡️🙏❤️🔥🎶
And may be we need to know also the difference between asking for forgiveness and asking for 'excuses validation '. Or at least I need to know it.
Toda Raba for your lesson.
I knew This but I was never sure if it was the right way. Thank you Rabbi❤
Repentance leads to Forgiveness...
Forgiveness leads to Real Repair ...
" For GIVE ness is a Gift we give to ourselves. " ❤
Repentance is between us and G-d. A private matter not up for discussion or examination with anyone except maybe a rabbi. Forgiveness here on earth is between people so we see if the person(s) have any understanding and admission of the pain and hurt they caused. And are remorseful or not.
It’s good to learn how to let go and no longer be put under the pressure of “one has to forgive”. Thank you !
Yes.
🌻Thank you!
Thank you rabbi
100% correct
Thanks for sharing this Rabbi.
Thank you and God bless you rabbi.
Thank you, Rabbi Friedman.
Rabbi, Mr Spock from Star Trek could not have put it better. Vulcan salutes you!
Just beautiful thank you, sending blessings up for you!
Valuable teaching.
Thank you Rabbi Manis Friedman
The Joy of Intimacy
Creating a Life That Matters
Patterns of Exodus
More books than that
@Y1836Y name them
Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore
Transitions: Weathering the Seasons of Life
Fast Acting Long Lasting
To Win a War
Who Needs You: Teaching Children Their Purpose (children's book)
@@j.lsantos9106Not nice way to ask me to share them though I did anyway.
My stepfather asked for forgiveness from the grave he could not rest...forgiveness gives the person & yourself peace beyond understanding. Amen.
TRUE.
I AGREE WITH YOU.
Things can be removed from the table; however nothing is ever forgotten. Forgiveness is not forgetting; but rather the process of moving somthing off of the table.
Thank You
the ones without regret don't care about your forgiveness
Facts
Haitien in Haiti who don’t speak English need you your wisdom
Only God is enough!
@@enriquevasquez9600G-d speaks through rabbis. You may not like that fact though it's true which means reality.
AYISIEN YO GUEN PROPHETE MACKENSON , PASTEUR MALORY, PASTOR GREGORY TOUSSAINT… YO GUEN SAGESSE DE DEUX AUSSI.🙄🙄🙄 NOU TOUJOU WÈ PA LÒTE PI BON KÉ PA NOU…
Thanks
May the L-rd bless you, Rabbi Friedman.
Very interesting thank you Rabbi
Toda Raba ❤
Forgiving doesn't mean the other person/action was right. Forgiveness isn't in place of justice.
The forgiveness sets your heart free from the pain while still holding the person accountable.
Forgiving the person doesn't mean telling them unless they are remorseful and ask. And we want to.
💯
Very good advice! ❤
Thank u
Forgiveness is a gift from the 💜
As such it is not given out with abandon.
This is what I always thought. Even the Bible says that your brother repents first. God forgives when we repent, not just because.
Even GOD was not able to forgive Aaron( He died in Mt.Horeb )and Moses was not allowed to go to the Promised Land as the punishments for their disobediences. By Amelia
Im reminded by a statement from Chazal; "Whoever is kind to the Cruel (People), will, eventually, be cruel to the Kind (People)." Forgiving someone seems like you're extending love and kindness to them. But, if they are unrepentant, if they feel they have done nothing wrong, then they are strong in their wickedness (archaic term, b 0:11 ut it's the right noun). So, being proud of actions, perhaps they are Cruel. The exact type of person that Chazal caution us about. If we forgive the Cruel, we will be forced (or, already ARE) cruel to the Kind. Dispensing this questionable forgiveness, inevitably entails colluding, protecting, and enabling 'cruel' behavior. Jewish ethics is so unique and often contradicts the ethics of other religious traditions. Thanks for the invitation to think a little more deeply (and accurately).- A Beis Chana Alumna of 1974
Your points are excellent and valid. I think you have one point backwards. Non Judaic teachings contradict G-d's Torah heaven forbid. The first cannot and does not contradict what follows. Order is important.
I forgive for myself..
If i forgive from the heart i let go of the negativity i feel inside.
I free myself...i set myself free so i can feel light and love within.
Forgiveness is for myself.
Anybody can do what they want..
Hold grudges or not..
Everyone has a free choice..
❤❤❤
Very interesting.
God owns vengeance. It’s best to forgive to release yourself from bondage. It’s best to always forgive and to let god judge. Forgiveness is not a mistake. If you don’t forgive you become like Balaam beating his donkey. Thanks for your teaching.
Who is talking about vengeance? We all know that G-d is the ultimate judge. G-d also gave us standards to live by, 7 Noahide laws with their intricacies for non Judaic people and 613 mitzvahs for Jews. G-d did not tell us to forgive everyone. That is a non Judaic idea that is not in Torah.
Not forgiving means becoming like Balaam? That's absurd. You're distorting the teaching in the Torah.
Very Wise word's most people don't ask for forgiveness leaving me feel lost Sorry is never heard
That's a shame though unfortunately not unusual. People have a hard time admitting to wrongs even when caught in the act. Denial is most of our first response.
It's very liberating to forgive in our heart so we can not be unhealthily attached to whatever it was, and move on.
it’s wild how no one talks about Magnetic Aura by Takeshi Mizuki even though it completely shifts how you see things, but I guess not everyone is ready
I think it's to forgive the almighty for traps and then to forgive myself for stepping in "this" one..... protect myself and others from the harm then do our best to let the almighty work.... the almighty knows when and how to forgive🙏B"H
Does G-dcesn't traps for us heaven forbid? Unless you're saying the satan is doing it on behalf of G-d so G-d is setting them?
Bully censored my comnent.
The almighty does not need us to forgive him for his testings. Thats disgusting. The almighty is rightousness. We are not above the almighty to tell him hes wrong for anything. Its us who dont listen to him. His tests are to see if we will obey and love him or not. Each time when the people did not listen and obey he tested them.
@@jetmooG-d doesn't test us. Non Judaic idea. We're not G-d's lab rats heaven forbid. When things happen it's to teach us or guide us towards where were to be to do our mission for G-d. Everything has a reason. A G-dly purpose.
Forgive ignorance. In forgiving one you forgive many. Ignorance is lack of knowledge. There are many ignorant in the world..Give them light.
Oh my Goodness!
G-d created anger and then placed it into my hand to draw my attention to a problem. I will hold that anger in my hands, that G-d placed there until the problem is resolved.
B''H Amen
Some must be brought to repentance by seeing the consequence of wrong actions
Some must be brought to justice. We can't bring someone to what they don't want. Repentance is between us and G-d, noone else. Do you want everyone being privy to your private interactions with G-d? Jews don't.
I've really been struggling with this. Thanks for this video Rabbi Bless You. This is the answer I have been looking for for a couple years now... Welp Sorry Mom I don't...
Amein Rabbi. One thing so many of my own brethren do not understand. Something that so many people in the west need to truly think of as it has been an abused misunderstood concept. Though forgiveness, on a soul level from one being to another, in essence is similar to a get out of jail free card, the misuse or misunderstanding of this concept can be deemed thereafter as a license to kill. One persons mercy of another persons wrong, should never be taken lightly to where the harmful person does not understand the weight of their actions. Though a person may be forgiven by another, does not mean an action has not caused an effect upon one or many others. Thus the reason and need of accounts and consequences. Some may be lessened by repentant people but should never be excused as insignificant which may mislead others to believe they carry no value or weight for their misdeed. Easy or free forgiveness without a consequence leads to misleading of the sense of its value and true harm caused. So thank you for bringing up this very much needed message especially to the western minded world that has misunderstood this very gracious concept of forgiveness. As you well said, we forgive others to not carry the baggage on ourselves or that it not hinder another persons own improvement. But should never be devalued to where they dot understand the weight of their actions.
Many blessings to you and yours Rabbi! Much love to you always for your awesome insights of heavenly wisdom!
I resonate with your words Rabbi Manis Friedman. As not being Jewish, i would like to know... is these words how you feel it or is it something all Jewish people believe? I like to learn
عظيم
For the Narcissist and the religions they foster, Forgivness is a Blank Check; which they demand. In Judaism forgivness is something you work for and earn, to fix something that you broke.
REally only forgive myself for being fooled, or trusting the wrong person.
Or believing a woman.
Some very good points, but not every time one is asked for forgiveness should one forgive. It depends on the intention and severity of the other's actions and the consequences that arose from those actions.
Yes. If you have to then we're not being asked, they're demanding. The rabbi didn't say to forgive everything. Only in our hearts and minds so were free from the ugliness instead of carrying it around
@@Y1836Y , you will have to listen more carefully to his entire statement.
baruch HaShem
Yes, the sinning individual should feel true compunction about their deed and resolve never to behave that way again.
Never? When we fail which can happen what then? Resolving to not want to and stop thinking about it. Think good and do good.
Too forgive your self is life It between you And. Your G. D.
@@stevenpetty6680 Thank you for this reminder ✨🌱✨
Life is giving to others, doing for others, it's not self absorption.
@@Y1836Y you are right. Too have hope too have joy of life 🦦
Forgive but Do Not Forget. 😳
Yes, forget as much as possible. We don't need to remember about horrors and pain every day. We wouldn't step out of our house. That revictimizes
@Y1836Y okay
I think of Corrie Ten Boom. For me she is the gold standard. She managed to forgive a nazi who Imprisoned her when he came to her and asked for forgiveness. I.take a while to get over things.😢
We want Moshiach now.
Yes we are suppose to Forgive EVERY sin against us .. because our Heavenly Creator who is TRULY Good forgive us who have a Repentent Heart...so as Children of the Most High we have Faith the Most High has Judgement covered Perfectly. We Forgive and Pray so they may find Strength to Repent and embrace our Heavenly Creator! Amen?
No we are not. Torah is our guide.
@@Y1836YFor me The Most High is my Rock and my guide... Blessings!
There is Repentance which leads to forgiveness, forgiveness is not free. Let it be, if the person does not value the forgiveness. You can let it go for your own wellbeing; less weightier on your part. Move on…!
If no one is asking there is no one to give forgiveness to. But when asked you forgive.
Nope
The Lords prayer from our heart's..Go to GOD in secret and pray for forgiveness of your own sins,then you can pray to forgive other's
Non Judaic ideas. Nope.
there are Individuals who harass others, and then 'ask to be forgiven', and for the only Purpose of 'avoiding any Punishment so to put it', that they should 'endure' because of their 'Molestation' of another,
and in this Case it is referred to 'Adults' especially, who 'harass' younger Individuals, also 'Children', and in order to 'avoid the Consequences of so named Law of Retaliation', then they 'ask to the molested Kid', to be 'forgiven' indeed,
that is to say, 'they will be punished twice' instead, for having 'harassed an innocent and weaker Individual' and, for having tried to 'cheat the molested Individual', and in order to 'get some more Advantage' from the 'whole Situation' indeed;
'Forgiveness' is in the 'Hands of G.d' actually, and the 'Law of Retribution' works, functions, beside one's 'Will it to be working', or beside one's Will 'to avoid Punishments' so to put it.
People need to actually DEFINE the act of forgiveness in concrete terms before actually trying to execute it. On average, I suspect most people believe it means that you let go of the idea that someone will face justice for offensive behavior. If someone offends me, forgiveness on my part would be meaningless and irresponsible without vindication or justice when I can clearly discern that the act was intentional and/or ongoing. I do believe it takes a little bit of your soul each time someone purposely offends and escapes punishment; it could also lead to being complicit in the potential violation of other victims when the perpetrators believe that nothing will be done to deter them.
Forgiveness pertains to past actions. If someone inrends future harm, you can forgive the past actions and stop the future ones. This is the course that gives me the most peace.
But what if people harm, without intending to harm? What if they harm accidentally? Wouldn't they be more likely to harm again, and again? Even accidentally. Even inadvertently. Don't most people that harm, do so out of ignorance or thoughtlessnes? It's important to do damage control and protect yourself and others from harm. Ignoring bad behavior isn't the smartest choice. Smart doesn't always mean good. Stupid doesn't always mean bad. But sometimes, it does.
You're believing that we have power to change someone else's actions when we don't. Ask any abused person how many times they forgave the perpetrator to have the abuse not only contiue, it escalates out of anger for forgiving them. Why? Forgiving means they did sonethig wrong when they don't want to think or beliieve they are anything except justified.
Being positively influenced has to be intitated by the person needing it not us. We can try to influence though if they're not receptive they're not. Free will.
If someone harms accidentally, which we all can and possibly do do, if were decent G-dly people, once we learn of it we look to do things differently. If we continue the "accident" is now intentional. It can even become evil.
@@NinaCohen-dl4hm I agree with a lot of that. The only point I'd differ on is that forgiving means letting go of anger and a desire for punishment over past actions. It says nothing about allowing repeats of the same action. If someone steals from my house when I have no lock on my door, I can forgive them, and then put a lock on my door. No resentment, no punishment, no more access to my house when I'm not home. I might even have them visit when I'm home. But there's no more unlocked door.
@@TimblisiYou're presuming a lock stops invasion when it doesn't.
Desiring punishment of others is a tricky thing. Judgement and an accounting in this world, yes. Wanting, insisting, hoping for, demanding what G-d does of doesn't do is a slippery slope of self righteousness.
Even as a Christian, why do people miss this?
Luke 17:3-4
“Watch yourselves. IF your brother sins, rebuke him; AND IF he repents, forgive him. Even IF he sins against you seven times in a day, AND seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.””
❤️
If a person did something wrong, his soul was facing judgment and his body was facing punishment. Sin is on the side of soul judgment, forgiveness of sin is free for true repentance. Body punishment is nothing to do with the forgiveness of sin.
Thank you Rabbi 🇺🇸🇮🇱⚔️
"Forgoveness is not free" Indeed!
Mercy without justice is destructive.
Justice without mercy is cruelty.
His mercy always in constare (infinite with) His justice.
We forgive hecause we are forgiven.
We are forgiven only when we ask.
We ask to be forgiven when we own up (confessed) our mistake, sin.
We can own up our sin if we aware, conscious of our sin.
Torah was given for man to be conscious of their sin, and the root cause of their sin, wretched heart.
His Own salvation is what will heal the root cause of our sin, our wretched heart.
Messiah is His Salvation, and that is the good news.
No. You're sharing non Judaic ideas that directly contradict Torah. Torah, from G-d, is meant to share G-d with us. It's a love letter to us. You can't change that either.
You can't change who and what Moshiach will be either to what you want. Moshiach is not a savior heaven forbid. Not his purpose at all.
@Y1836Y neither to what you want.
I did not claim any Judaic ideas.
Where is Judah now?
Where is the Temple?
Where is the Tabernacle?
Where is the Ark of the Covenant?
Where are the animal sacrifices for atonement of sin?
Judaic ideas, even Torah won't save anyone, only His Salvation saves.
Where is 'Judaic ideas' Moshiach?
No salvation from any him. Moshiach will be 100% human. From the Davidic line. No divinity attached. Moshiach is coming to signal that were done perfecting the world for G-d. Our missions are complete. He is coming to build the Third Temple. To usher in the redemption of souls into the world to come, here to what will be this perfected world. A place that will be holier than heaven. Moshiach will guide us in how to live in this perfected wirld, something totally new for all of us.
I'm not changing anything G-d said. G-d designed. G-d shared Himself with us, meaning with Jews and non Judaic people, in Torah. Only in Torah. No changes, revisions, etc. One Torah of Truth. G-d's Truth. Truth isn't revised or updated. Truth and fact tigether equal reality. G-d's reality.
Your other questions are too many to answer in a public forum. You can hear the answers in Rabbi Manis Friedman's videos should you really want answers. You're not putting us on the spot asking questions. There are answers.
@Y1836Y a place holier than heaven?
You need help.
Vergebung muss man sich verdienen und nicht alles kann der Mensch vergessen oder vergeben, das heißt die Sache sollte ausgesprochen sein. Einmal kann der Mensch
vergeben je nach Typ und der Tatsache das ist nur einmal gewessen ist aber nicht vergessen . Wer weiß wie viele Leute den gleichen Fehler machen am besten ist nur mit wenig Menschen zutun zuhaben noch besser allein bleiben.
YES IT MAKE SENCE
Who claims to be without sin and then becomes judge of others? Sin is a weakness of character, and the aim in life is to help all within your surrounds to live a blameless life.
The actual weakness of character is what helps us to judge others favorably, thus making it easier to forgive their wronging towards us, but "actual forgiveness" meaning a complete removal of any harsh feelings towards the offender must be rational, if not, then you're either just burring the grudge deep down, or it wasn't in reality a true offense towards the defender, does that sound rational?🤔
@@DodWine As is said, the sin and the self are seperate as if they were not, then it would be impossible to correct. The deeper understanding of the self being inherently good, although that which cloaks such becomes the fixation of judgement. The letter Tav ת in its primitive form, is a cross giving the impression of the mark sealing the covenant itself. He ה being a Form of Tav with a gap to let light in. I could explain that self is not flesh as the flesh is made from dirt, and using dirt to construct life, is what people do without realizing its all folly. Just look at the word admire,, is it good to add mire to another? Its such a delight,, why would anybody want to remove the light in being? i could strip language to its core, as its construct is nothing but a hook for nachesh to use. All you need to do is look towards the six and eighteenth letter of the hebrew , the symbols found behind their expression tells a story.
No, that's not the purpose of life. The purpose is to perfect this world for G-d. That does not in any way, shape or form, involve whitewashing evil or tolerating hurt others do since that's absurd.
We are not supposed to tolerate evil or hurtful things because noone is perfect. That's nonsensical and un-G-dly.
Love the soul hate the action of sin that is what we judge
Some sins are out of the sacred templet
And must be healed and corrected never allow ancient sin to comand the time rather heal the time
Ancient sin? What does that mean? If you're talking about Adam and Eve there was no sin. They did exactly as G-d wanted them to do in order to out them out of Gan Eden and into this lowest world for us to repair it for G-d, as partners in Creation.
Forgiveness is for the ones who are imprisoned by evil forces who are creating this evil.
That's ridiculous. They are freed from being evil by acknowledging their sins, repenting them and returning to G-d. We can pray for this to happen though it is out of our control. Having free will it's out of G-d's control as well.
They're not imprisoned by anything. They can't relinquish their responsibility to 'evil forces' which don't exist.
Can people be imprisoned by good forces? Then they can't be imprisoned by evil ones. G-dliness is stronger than evil.
@Y1836Y if I offended you I apologize for what I say is my personal believe. We all bear holiness inside our human being for we are created in the image of the Most High. What happens is when a person gives in to unholy actions and thoughts in his life he or she become a target and is seduced by evil spirits. That said if a person doesn't repent of these evil action or thoughts the person will be bound by the evil forces and is overwhelmed and can no longer comes,back to the one who he or she supposed to be. So in forgiven this brother or sister we not only free this spirit from evil but on the other hand we create in ourselves a good heart. Judgement for this person comes from the Creator itself where the experience of all the wrongdoing will be tenfold and shame will be almost unbearable. This is how it will be. So be glad that everyday we can bring all our sins back in repentance so we will not have to go through this process of shame. Be nice and forgivable for this is the redemption. Be safe Shalom
Book Called to Forgive by Reverend Anthony B. Thompson.
Some people may think they are doing good by asking or even forcing others to forgive, even when the offender/criminal didn't apologize, but that's merely enabling a criminal not forgiveness. It's based on a pathetic craze for peace and laziness. They don't want to deal with the trouble, so they force the victim to suffer more just for their own selfish feelings. It's not a good thing and it's not a Godly thing, it's just another version of idolatry where the idol is the self.
May God bless us all!
Valid points.
If they want forgiveness yhey can ask me directly..and if i think it is sincere enough i might
We are not supposed to forgive the evil forces but sadly many can not see them for what they are doing.
You're talking as many do looking outward instead of inward. Evil is not common. It's an anomaly. Though it does exist. Sinning is more common. Quite a difference in magnitude. That's where we're to look inward instead of focusing on what others are doing "wrong. Self improvement instead of self righteously trying to fix others.
@@Y1836Yfirst we have to work on ourselves in order to see clearly that is true and when a person looks inside there are many many sins to deal with so lets work on ourselves in order to help others. Be safe Shalom.
@@janh461 not necessary to help others not sin unless they ask for assistance, or they're a loved one or a close friend. I hear people wanting to fet too much into another's business. Self righteous nonsense. Being a good role model for G-dliness is better.
I have forgiven everything and everyone, but I will not enter such tainted water a second time, because I am not a sadomasochist.
I forgive very quickly, but it doesnt change the relationship (breaking it); he/ she must apologize, repair the wrong done and make amends and prove that it happened once and he regrets it very much, or... GO AWAY!!! (paradox- only good people are able to do it).
Yes- I have forgiven everyone (it does not mean that I will not help justice- especially when he/she/they can hurt other people. This is not revenge, but help justice without bad emotions).
This is a different level of consciousness- I do not feel hatred, nor envy, nor the need for revenge, etc., but I feel a strong need for justice.
"A pure heart holds no grudges"~ philosophy
Grandpa is wrong.
Forgiveness cannot be given when the crimes get repeated so many times. At that time it became UNFORGIVABLE. By Amelia
A sincere question, no mocking intended, if unasked forgiveness is something we keep to ourselves, by everyone forgiving anyone every night, isn't that by default telling everyone that you automatically forgive even unasked forgiveness?
Or it's like not to hold a grudge type of forgiveness, but not a true removal of harsh feelings towards the offender?
If so isn't it not forgiving then?
The prayer we say at night removes the anger and hatred in our hearts and minds. We're not contaminated by it any longer. Whatever was done to us is put into context, learned from and move on. We don't have to be attached or defined by it. As Rabbi Doctor Abraham Twerski of blessed memory taught they don't get to live rent free in our minds.
Since it's a prayer, between us and G-d, noone knows whether we do or don't say it nightly. Not anyone's business. If someone asks for forgiveness it's a choice to forgive them and let them know it. Not a demand that must be done. Then it's not an "ask". "Asking" implies choice.