Hi Danie and Alina, want to leave a message about relapses for long time. I had first time insomnia when I was 17, afterwards it has been good, bad, bad, good thousands times. It's funny, though I can call myself a 'old driver' of insomnia, each time when a relapse comes, it feels as horrible as the first time, hopeless, terrified, end of the world. I have kept asking myself, I have had so many bad times, and each time I survived, why do I still have fear? It is not easy just to do nothing, just observe, no attachment, no judgtment, because the anxiety is so uncomfortable, naturally I start automatically to resist, to ask why, to try to eliminate it by telling meself differenct things which creats lot of struggles between me and my minds. You see though I understand the theory very well, I learnt long time ago from a japanish Zen master: a stone falls into the water and creats waves, in order to let water return to the calmness, you don't need to do anything, just wait. But if you try to stop the waves it created, water would never return to calmness, you only creat more and more different waves.' But to practice it, it is not easy. Our minds concentrate too much on negative feelings. The truning point was recently, few weeks ago. I started to take detailed notes on each relapse, how did I feel, how long it took to get over the relapse, what did I do each night. I think I have less fear after about 3 times after I wrote down the relapes. Because I took notes on the sucesseful parts of each speed bump. And one time I had again the anxiety, and I spent serval hours just laying in the coutch, listening to podcasts and oberserving the anxiety. Till the bedtime, around 10.00. I was not anxious anymore. I fall into sleep. The next morning, my fear was just gone. When there is no fear of anxiety, then it doesn't matter anymore when will the anxiety comes again. It is all about the fear, fear of the fear of insomina. To be there with no fear, it might take some times, need bravery, the courage to confront the fear and the pratice to do nothing to eliminate the fear but just to observe the fear. Hope this could help others who are suffering.
Wow Hong, this was wonderful… thank you so so much for sharing 🙏 this analogy about the water, it is so simple and yet says it all. And what you shared about writing things down, so practical and helpful… and the fear of the fear of insomnia, this is so insightful. I’m so glad to hear about this wonderful heart work you’ve done and this will surely help others. If you ever want to be a guest, do let me know as well. Thanks once more and please be in touch Hong!!
This hits home. I hada relapse and i was trying for the past few days to apply the NATTO , acceptance techniques again to make it work. In doing so, the TRYING was a sleep effort. Trying to accept and do nothing is an effort in itself. On hindsight, i should be investigating my own emotion and take it as it is (anxious moment/bad days do happen to everyone). Thanks for the sharing.
Coach Daniel and Alina, thank you very much for your guidance. I was an excellent sleeper for 33 years in my life. Never had any difficulty in falling asleep. Then one day I wasn’t able to sleep. It was an all nighter. That’s how my insomnia started. I tried everything. First I thought something is wrong with me physically, then I had sleeping medication for two months ( Zolpidem). My life revolved around sleep. I found your chanel and binged watched all the videos. After a week/ two I was able to sleep normally. I slept well for three months and hit a speed bump. But I am not afraid this time. I know I can eventually overcome this with a little bit of patience. I still sleep but its choppy, I don’t really mind though. Trust me there’s so many videos on youtube about sleep hygiene and stuffs and nothing worked for me. Befriending the awakefulness is the only way you can win this game. So my sincere gratitude to you sir for helping thousands of people!
Thanks Daniel and Alina! I had been sleeping well for the first time in about 10 months and had a speed bump. I tried not to react but it wasn’t easy! I can usually doze quickly when going to bed but if I wake up more than a couple of times my mind says your going to be awake all night. I can remember before I experienced Insomnia if I woke up I didn’t care. If I wake up now I’m recognizing my brain try’s to make it such a big deal. With continued education from this channel I know I will eventually be able to let this go. Thanks Again
The pajama thing seems like a ocd compulsion, which a person develops to lessen anxiety and avoid the “danger” even if the person is aware how silly it is. It still all ties in with fear and anxiety correlated to insomnia. The anxiety of not wearing those pajamas disrupts sleep bc it’s a comfort that she kinda believes. Fear and anxiety has infinite aspects and it’s the worst when it delves into sleep
Well said, I heard recently that OCDrecovery, it’s a RUclips channel, talk about insomnia as sleep ocd, just like we could call those attempts to avoid danger “efforts”… it’s really the same struggles that we can look at with different lenses
Daniel. I had this thought. People say well when you are done struggling with insomnia you want to just leave it behind you. Well why???? Because one is afraid to revisit those thoughts? I have always thought should I just leave this channel ? I’m done with insomnia, should not be looking at this anymore. You have help me so much in my journey to better sleep. But why should I leave I like staying here . I’m not afraid of it. Every time I watch your videos they are no longer to help me with insomnia its because honestly they are very interesting. And everything I learn here apply to other things in my life believe me .
This is soo insightful and really makes me glad to read Malena.. you know Ali said one time that a client of hers wondered how she could talk about insomnia without being affected or triggered.. and just like you, she has left the struggle behind and I think it’s so wonderful for those struggling to see that there truly is nothing to be afraid of. And exactly like you say, what can appear to be dangerous once the struggle is over is just the memory, or “revisiting the thoughts” as you said… and there’s the same insight again - thoughts are harmless! So you know I think of it this way.. I can totally understand how someone wants a period of pause and just not focus on what happened… makes sense, but yes, really once the struggle is over there’s this opportunity to learn things from the struggle that helps so much in life!! And I see this all the time. I’ll people like yourself actually like to stay on and learn more and more. So I’m just glad you shared this and I was so glad to read this today 😊
Omg Malena! You hit the nail right in the head!! I feel like I’m moving past insomnia but find myself coming back not for anything insomnia related but just because all of the content is super interesting! I don’t think I’ll ever leave even as insomnia becomes a thing of the past 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Absolutely! Thank you Daniel! You are the best no doubt about that, it’s been a honor learning from you personally. Just super grateful you are helping so many people.
@@malena7362 I just listened to your success story and ive seen other comments from you since then. Sounds like you are still doing great and that is awesome. My emotions are all over the place recently. I feel strong at times and down in the dark others. Your story like others is inspiring.
Hi Daniel, if I’m not a student can I still have say just one or two one on one sessions with either Alina or Michelle for a chat if I am having ongoing issues but already have alllll the education behind me and don’t necessarily need to do another course? Alina is a magnificent addition she is so insightful about the whole journey!
Hi! Thanks for being here and yes they’re both offering 1:1 coaching! Michelle runs our 1:1 program and you can check it out on our website, thesleepcoachschool.com. Alina you can reach via her Instagram instagram.com/sleeptalks.ali? Hope this helps and thanks for being here!
Hi coach Daniel and Alina - going through a bit of a rougher night right now, but it’s definitely because I’ve also had a few bumps already that I’m pretty okay with it. I happened to be a little anxious settling into bed tonight, and then the Christmas lights my roommates and I put up fell - twice 😅. So now I’m quite sensitive to sounds because I keep thinking they might fall again. But it’s like you two said - speed bumps are normal, and I also know this, because this certainly isn’t the first rougher night since I’ve started on my recovery. I’m anxious about the lights right now, but I suppose if they end up staying up or falling (again lol) I know to just let my anxiety sit around, because eventually, my brain will realize that I can always just find that out in the morning. I know for me, just acknowledging to my brain “I see you’re a bit nervous tonight. That’s okay” has helped a lot
Hi Connie, Thanks so much for sharing what’s been happening and you know, this was so nice to read. I think you’re on a really nice and peaceful path and yes, the lights themselves falling, this is kinda just a decoy, just something the brain jumps at as a problem to solve… just an expression of some worry… and when you just acknowledge the brain being nervous without judgement or pressure… this is the way 👍
Thanks so much, Daniel and Alina! This session was really awesome and very insightful. I agree that sleep can be tricky. Actually, it is very simple, but it’s our brains that make it complicated with all their need for control and to trouble solve. That’s why it’s hard to let go. I’ve been sleeping like a yo-yo. One night OK, the next one not so good. You’d be happy to hear that there is a silver lining, though! I can again sleep without a night mask again after 12 years. One night my anxiety wouldn’t let me sleep with a night mask. I took it off and felt like I wasn’t going to sleep at all again because I was anxious about not having it on as well, and so, I gave up. The next thing I know is I woke up without wearing a night mask. I’ve been sleeping without it ever since. You both are so right on the repetition part! I had gotten used to sleeping well, that I forgot to somehow stay aware and to accept all nights (good or bad). It was a year of good sleep before this speed bump. Another good thing is that even if I may be more anxious during the day about anything that may happen (my brain sticks to any random stuff and makes it a big deal) I am not in that emotional situation I was last year (horrible feeling of helplessness). And regardless of how much I sleep, I keep going and try to enjoy my days as much as I can. 🙂 I’ll keep in mind the no judgement part, which is hard. I’ve been reincorporating some of the ACT techniques I used along with Daniel’s coaching a year ago to get me to that place of noticing, accepting and letting go. Thanks so much again for this. I very much appreciate you both! 😊
Michelle, yes indeed I’m very glad to read these lines… so full of insight and understanding… oh and of course really glad this video made sense. There are so many silver linings really, not that it’s easy to see when there’s this active struggle, but yes, it really all leads to more and more peace when we have this willingness to learn and have courage… and do things we love and have fun! Thanks so much Michelle for being part of this community and all the support and do stay in touch and let us know how things go 🙂!!
Yes! I’ll definitely keep you guys posted. The hard part is that one of having fun when you are in pain, lol. But, I’m trying to make lemonade with my insomnia lemons. ☺️ I keep living my days like I always do. I even go do CrossFit with 3 hours of sleep sometimes. Of course, my performance is not the same, but I am not giving up on my life. It can be a rough time, but you have to keep going. It’ll be over soon enough. You’re a true blessing, Daniel. I am so glad you created this community. 😇
Please do Michelle, and thanks so so much for the kind words and for being part of the community. And you know, I think doing what we want really can help… and at the same time, when we feel tired and just want to take it easy… the path of kindness and gentleness to ourselves is very nice and helpful 😊 Talk soon Michelle!!
Hey Daniel again ! I have an answer if you can help me.i don't know if I am going through a speed bump or not. As I told you I have patterns,one day good sleep like 2 dreams 2 awakens only(I don't have problem with that) and other night I feel like I don't slept.it's been a month after I become OK with anxiety and panick attacks and now I have these patterns.This is speed bumps? Or it is just normal sleep? I don't have much anxiety when j don't sleep like before I don't have panick attacks and that's why I don't know if they are speed bumps
How exactly do you define a speedbump? In my mind I feel I’m feeling better although it’s pretty much how I used to sleep when insomnia hit. Maybe a little more sleep now. So now that I’m having a sleepless night, can we define it as a speed bump?
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hi Daniel and Alina, Thank you for sharing this content.. very insightful. Struggling with a speed bump currently. I had a 5 week stretch where id have about 3-4 bad nights per week (either totally sleepless or just a couple of hours per night) and couldnt string together consecutive good nights. Then i had 3 good nights followed by a sleepless night. Then 8 good nights followed by a sleepless night. Then 4 good nights (this past holiday weekend) and cant sleep tonight. Feel like ive done a good job keeping consistent wake times and i also reincorporated exercise into my daily routine. But cant get past the fear of backsliding. How can i be more accepting of my situation and drop the fear?
Hi Jon! So happy this was helpful and we have an entire playlist on this: ruclips.net/video/JC8kIR3zDKA/видео.html How can I be more accepting? This is an amazing question because it shows the insight that not trying to have control is there way. I’m so glad you see this. One thing I think can help is to just see how much attention there is towards sleep. The monitoring of how many nights of how much sleep etc. seeing this alone can often teach the brain that it is in problem solving mode. Now specifically answering your question, I would say awareness + kindness is a nice way. Awareness that acceptance is the way + kindness when you see that there’s resistance to acceptance. You see that being ok with fear is what helps, but when you’re not ok with it… then no pressure, just kindness.. this can help so much!!
Hey Daniel, I love this episode and found Alina's comment on speed bumps where she was talking about "riding the speed bump out" because you can't control how long they will last, and to not "play the game" very helpful. It was a good reminder to just let go of control and to not stress over speed bumps because doing nothing about them is the only way to conquer them. I do have two questions though... 1. I usually do not pay attention to what time I go to bed. I simply go when I am feeling tired and ready, which is usually between 9-10pm. However, for the last week, I haven't been able to fall asleep till about 11:30 (with the latest being last night at 2am). Do I need to try to go back to basics and stay up later (this in itself seems like effort)? OR do I just keep doing what I always do and go to bed when I feel like it? 2. During this speed bump, I feel like I haven't had a lot of anxiety at night. However, I find myself "monitoring" for sleep. For example, if I am laying there with my eyes closed, my brain will have the thought, "am I falling asleep yet." I guess that is the main thought that will then jerk me back awake. any thoughts on how to let that go? Thank you!
Hi Kaci, I am so glad you found this episode and some teachings from Alina :-)! And before I forget, I just replied to a question from Hong, it’s from another video in the speed bump playlist, the thumbnail has Sierra and it says “ I think of sleep as a shy friend”. Hong just like you worked with me and sent me a very similar email just the other day. So yes just wanted to point to her comment which had lots of insight. - 1. The first thing I think about when I get questions like this is how do you know it’s 11:30 or how do you know it’s 2 AM? Of course this is a silly question but the point is just that when we don’t know what time it is, this is sort of a low hanging fruit, I think this can always help. Personally when I don’t sleep because I am stressed or just worried about something, I go upstairs and I turned the wall clock over so I don’t know the time and then I read. My point being that I think of not knowing the time as just a helpful thing for many of us, whether we think of ourselves as having never had insomnia or having it or having had it! The second thing I think about when I read this is that when we have some struggle, the brain wants us to do something and I think this almost always is an invitation to more struggle. I think if we have some habit we want to change, it’s more helpful to change that habit when we are not struggling because when we struggle, any change leads to monitoring to see if it “worked” and then we are attempting to change something else and it didn’t work etc. etc. So I think especially when we are in a speed bump, it really helps not to change anything. 2. I am really glad to hear there isn’t a lot of anxiety. Sometimes it can be curiosity that leads to some hyper arousal. Maybe we just wonder if we will sleep and that makes us a little hyper aroused and then when we are about to fall asleep…we take note of it and then we jerk awake. This kind of begs the question of how to stop being curious or how to stop monitoring. To me the answer is that we cannot control our thoughts or our mind. However we can allow that to happen without trying to stop them. For example if we would try to stop monitoring, then we will try to control thoughts and we would have even more thoughts about sleep and more monitoring. However when we are aware of the monitoring and we go “aha I see what’s happening, my brain is trying to protect me by keeping an eye on sleep” - Without any judgment or intent of changing this, then I think things become really peaceful. Because thoughts are fleeting by nature, it’s when we try to stop them that they can become sticky. - Kaci Did this make sense?
Hello, I've been having soooo many setbacks, it seems there is no end to them. I feel like I forgot what the normal process of falling asleep is like, it's been so long since I was a normal sleeper. When going to bed I'm trying to think nothing and do nothing but still many thoughts come up and I get caught up in them (non sleep related thoughts) and then I'm awake but also extremely tired. And so next time I try to supress thoughts so that my mind gets quiet and lets me sleep, but then it feels like I'm controlling things too much...I'm just confused with what it means to do nothing. What should I be like when going to sleep? do you normally let thoughts drift without paying any attention to them, should I quiet the mind somehow? I remember in the past I never tried to quiet the thoughts, i din't try to do anything, and there were thoughts but sleep still came. By the way ,when I go to bed I don't think about sleep, I just go to relax, but it's like I forgot how to relax lol
It;s like I'm paying too much attention to everything, thinking 'should I stop thoughts, should I try to relax more, should I visualise something, should I meditate until I fall asleep...'. I think I'm starting to see the answer, am I still doing too much? on the other hand, what should I do with thoughts that come up as I am laying in bed and relaxing? i know this sounds like nonsense but I really don't know what to do in bed anymore, i forgot what it's like to be normal.
Hi Angie, You know, you’re seeing things so clearly which will help, this was nice to read. And you know, it’s often confusing when we look back and think we were able to do something, but now we forgot how to do it. In fact, it’s confusing because this idea is an illusion. Something that often happens when you feel that you have lost control of your thoughts or feelings or sleep is that you look back and you look at other people. When you recall that you slept well, you may easily conclude that you had control over your sleep but that you have now lost that control. Or you may start to think that other people can control their sleep but that you no longer can. This thinking, as you surely aren’t surprised to hear, comes from a place where the brain is exercising its survival mode. It has identified a problem and having control seems desirable. Therefore it is in the brain’s interest to believe that there is control to be had. Thinking that you had control in the past or that other people have control is a more appealing scenario to the brain than there is no way to control sleep. This is where the illusion of controllability comes from. Your brain yet again trying to keep you safe. And yet again, simply understanding this is what makes the most difference. Because when a thought like “I can’t stop obsessing over this.” or “I can’t manage my thoughts.” or “I’ve lost the ability to sleep.” comes up, you will remember that control is an illusion. And perhaps more importantly, that when you didn’t try exercise control, there was no struggle.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thanks so much for your answer, yes the brain is always trying to fix it... I keep getting caught up in this problem-solving mode. it is true, when i slept well i never tried to control thoughts or anything else, i never even thought i had to do or not do anything in order sleep. that's the way, thanks for putting me back on the path, much appreciated
I need help with regards to what you stated. I was sleeping fine after a horrible health anxiety episode. Although my sleep shortened but I always had fear of going to sleep although the sleep drive was there. For one year I slept well without medications and I wasn’t putting in any sleep efforts. Occasionally I would have a bad night where I just couldn’t sleep and the sleep I would get would be around 8 am. Now I’m stuck on no sleep for the past 5 days. I thought I had beaten insomnia but I feel trapped again. Sleep medications don’t really work for me no matter how strong they are. How do I navigate from here on? Everytime I try to sleep, I’m wide awake with a racing heart.
Sorry things have been intense, but it’s often so easy to understand once we look at things. “I thought I had beaten” - as long as we think there exists something to beat, overcome, tackle… we will be afraid that it will come back. And we will try to prevent it, and this will lead to effort and struggles. “Every time I try to sleep” - when we try to sleep, the passive process of sleep doesn’t happen. But when we see there’s nothing to beat or try, then things fall into place by themselves
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 How am I supposed to go on from here? I’ve never focused on sleep efforts because I knew if I was sleeping fine w/o any efforts before insomnia, I would sleep just fine w/o them. However the scare that a big episode of no sleep and horror stories of people in groups led me to believe that my insomnia could get this worse and it eventually did. Now I feel I have lost the ability to sleep. My mind doesn’t shut down. I know there is a fear but what do I do about it. I’m supposed to accept and welcome it but how do I accept it when I’m tired and the thoughts are consuming my mind all day? How can I not try? It’s something that consumes my thoughts the entire time. I’ve heard horror stories of people staying up for days only to get some amount of sleep and the cycle continues. Then I have this fear of ending in a psychiatric facility due to no sleep? How am I supposed to get rid of all these intrusive thoughts?
Hi, It’s so counterintuitive but you know, it’s trying to get rid of thoughts that make us have them over and over. It’s like if you had a message for a friend, and they were ignoring you, then you’d try even harder. So it is with our brain. But when we let whatever thoughts happen, they become fleeting.
Hi Danie and Alina, want to leave a message about relapses for long time. I had first time insomnia when I was 17, afterwards it has been good, bad, bad, good thousands times. It's funny, though I can call myself a 'old driver' of insomnia, each time when a relapse comes, it feels as horrible as the first time, hopeless, terrified, end of the world. I have kept asking myself, I have had so many bad times, and each time I survived, why do I still have fear? It is not easy just to do nothing, just observe, no attachment, no judgtment, because the anxiety is so uncomfortable, naturally I start automatically to resist, to ask why, to try to eliminate it by telling meself differenct things which creats lot of struggles between me and my minds. You see though I understand the theory very well, I learnt long time ago from a japanish Zen master: a stone falls into the water and creats waves, in order to let water return to the calmness, you don't need to do anything, just wait. But if you try to stop the waves it created, water would never return to calmness, you only creat more and more different waves.' But to practice it, it is not easy. Our minds concentrate too much on negative feelings. The truning point was recently, few weeks ago. I started to take detailed notes on each relapse, how did I feel, how long it took to get over the relapse, what did I do each night. I think I have less fear after about 3 times after I wrote down the relapes. Because I took notes on the sucesseful parts of each speed bump. And one time I had again the anxiety, and I spent serval hours just laying in the coutch, listening to podcasts and oberserving the anxiety. Till the bedtime, around 10.00. I was not anxious anymore. I fall into sleep. The next morning, my fear was just gone. When there is no fear of anxiety, then it doesn't matter anymore when will the anxiety comes again. It is all about the fear, fear of the fear of insomina. To be there with no fear, it might take some times, need bravery, the courage to confront the fear and the pratice to do nothing to eliminate the fear but just to observe the fear. Hope this could help others who are suffering.
Wow Hong, this was wonderful… thank you so so much for sharing 🙏 this analogy about the water, it is so simple and yet says it all. And what you shared about writing things down, so practical and helpful… and the fear of the fear of insomnia, this is so insightful.
I’m so glad to hear about this wonderful heart work you’ve done and this will surely help others. If you ever want to be a guest, do let me know as well.
Thanks once more and please be in touch Hong!!
This hits home. I hada relapse and i was trying for the past few days to apply the NATTO , acceptance techniques again to make it work. In doing so, the TRYING was a sleep effort. Trying to accept and do nothing is an effort in itself. On hindsight, i should be investigating my own emotion and take it as it is (anxious moment/bad days do happen to everyone). Thanks for the sharing.
So glad it did and - well said, spot in imho 😊
Coach Daniel and Alina, thank you very much for your guidance. I was an excellent sleeper for 33 years in my life. Never had any difficulty in falling asleep. Then one day I wasn’t able to sleep. It was an all nighter. That’s how my insomnia started. I tried everything. First I thought something is wrong with me physically, then I had sleeping medication for two months ( Zolpidem). My life revolved around sleep. I found your chanel and binged watched all the videos. After a week/ two I was able to sleep normally. I slept well for three months and hit a speed bump. But I am not afraid this time. I know I can eventually overcome this with a little bit of patience. I still sleep but its choppy, I don’t really mind though. Trust me there’s so many videos on youtube about sleep hygiene and stuffs and nothing worked for me. Befriending the awakefulness is the only way you can win this game. So my sincere gratitude to you sir for helping thousands of people!
So very glad you found us and things are getting easier 😊 thanks for the support 🙏!
I felt like I’m a good sleeper. I kind of even bragged. You know what kind of night I just had ;)
Just roll with it baby. Great mindset!
Thanks Daniel and Alina! I had been sleeping well for the first time in about 10 months and had a speed bump. I tried not to react but it wasn’t easy! I can usually doze quickly when going to bed but if I wake up more than a couple of times my mind says your going to be awake all night. I can remember before I experienced Insomnia if I woke up I didn’t care. If I wake up now I’m recognizing my brain try’s to make it such a big deal. With continued education from this channel I know I will eventually be able to let this go. Thanks Again
Anytime Lynette, and yes - you’re seeing this so clearly, this is the way to where you want to be 😊
Thanks, Alina--so helpful! And thanks, Daniel, for having Alina on.
Anita! Anytime, so glad you found this conversation helpful 😊
The pajama thing seems like a ocd compulsion, which a person develops to lessen anxiety and avoid the “danger” even if the person is aware how silly it is. It still all ties in with fear and anxiety correlated to insomnia. The anxiety of not wearing those pajamas disrupts sleep bc it’s a comfort that she kinda believes. Fear and anxiety has infinite aspects and it’s the worst when it delves into sleep
Well said, I heard recently that OCDrecovery, it’s a RUclips channel, talk about insomnia as sleep ocd, just like we could call those attempts to avoid danger “efforts”… it’s really the same struggles that we can look at with different lenses
Daniel. I had this thought. People say well when you are done struggling with insomnia you want to just leave it behind you. Well why???? Because one is afraid to revisit those thoughts? I have always thought should I just leave this channel ? I’m done with insomnia, should not be looking at this anymore. You have help me so much in my journey to better sleep. But why should I leave I like staying here . I’m not afraid of it. Every time I watch your videos they are no longer to help me with insomnia its because honestly they are very interesting. And everything I learn here apply to other things in my life believe me .
This is soo insightful and really makes me glad to read Malena.. you know Ali said one time that a client of hers wondered how she could talk about insomnia without being affected or triggered.. and just like you, she has left the struggle behind and I think it’s so wonderful for those struggling to see that there truly is nothing to be afraid of. And exactly like you say, what can appear to be dangerous once the struggle is over is just the memory, or “revisiting the thoughts” as you said… and there’s the same insight again - thoughts are harmless!
So you know I think of it this way.. I can totally understand how someone wants a period of pause and just not focus on what happened… makes sense, but yes, really once the struggle is over there’s this opportunity to learn things from the struggle that helps so much in life!! And I see this all the time. I’ll people like yourself actually like to stay on and learn more and more. So I’m just glad you shared this and I was so glad to read this today 😊
Omg Malena! You hit the nail right in the head!! I feel like I’m moving past insomnia but find myself coming back not for anything insomnia related but just because all of the content is super interesting! I don’t think I’ll ever leave even as insomnia becomes a thing of the past 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Absolutely! Thank you Daniel! You are the best no doubt about that, it’s been a honor learning from you personally. Just super grateful you are helping so many people.
@@lovelysee3780 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
@@malena7362 I just listened to your success story and ive seen other comments from you since then. Sounds like you are still doing great and that is awesome. My emotions are all over the place recently. I feel strong at times and down in the dark others. Your story like others is inspiring.
Hi Daniel, if I’m not a student can I still have say just one or two one on one sessions with either Alina or Michelle for a chat if I am having ongoing issues but already have alllll the education behind me and don’t necessarily need to do another course? Alina is a magnificent addition she is so insightful about the whole journey!
Hi! Thanks for being here and yes they’re both offering 1:1 coaching! Michelle runs our 1:1 program and you can check it out on our website, thesleepcoachschool.com. Alina you can reach via her Instagram instagram.com/sleeptalks.ali?
Hope this helps and thanks for being here!
Hi coach Daniel and Alina - going through a bit of a rougher night right now, but it’s definitely because I’ve also had a few bumps already that I’m pretty okay with it. I happened to be a little anxious settling into bed tonight, and then the Christmas lights my roommates and I put up fell - twice 😅. So now I’m quite sensitive to sounds because I keep thinking they might fall again. But it’s like you two said - speed bumps are normal, and I also know this, because this certainly isn’t the first rougher night since I’ve started on my recovery. I’m anxious about the lights right now, but I suppose if they end up staying up or falling (again lol) I know to just let my anxiety sit around, because eventually, my brain will realize that I can always just find that out in the morning. I know for me, just acknowledging to my brain “I see you’re a bit nervous tonight. That’s okay” has helped a lot
Hi Connie,
Thanks so much for sharing what’s been happening and you know, this was so nice to read. I think you’re on a really nice and peaceful path and yes, the lights themselves falling, this is kinda just a decoy, just something the brain jumps at as a problem to solve… just an expression of some worry… and when you just acknowledge the brain being nervous without judgement or pressure… this is the way 👍
Thanks so much, Daniel and Alina! This session was really awesome and very insightful.
I agree that sleep can be tricky. Actually, it is very simple, but it’s our brains that make it complicated with all their need for control and to trouble solve. That’s why it’s hard to let go.
I’ve been sleeping like a yo-yo. One night OK, the next one not so good. You’d be happy to hear that there is a silver lining, though! I can again sleep without a night mask again after 12 years. One night my anxiety wouldn’t let me sleep with a night mask. I took it off and felt like I wasn’t going to sleep at all again because I was anxious about not having it on as well, and so, I gave up. The next thing I know is I woke up without wearing a night mask. I’ve been sleeping without it ever since.
You both are so right on the repetition part! I had gotten used to sleeping well, that I forgot to somehow stay aware and to accept all nights (good or bad). It was a year of good sleep before this speed bump.
Another good thing is that even if I may be more anxious during the day about anything that may happen (my brain sticks to any random stuff and makes it a big deal) I am not in that emotional situation I was last year (horrible feeling of helplessness). And regardless of how much I sleep, I keep going and try to enjoy my days as much as I can. 🙂
I’ll keep in mind the no judgement part, which is hard. I’ve been reincorporating some of the ACT techniques I used along with Daniel’s coaching a year ago to get me to that place of noticing, accepting and letting go.
Thanks so much again for this. I very much appreciate you both! 😊
Michelle, yes indeed I’m very glad to read these lines… so full of insight and understanding… oh and of course really glad this video made sense.
There are so many silver linings really, not that it’s easy to see when there’s this active struggle, but yes, it really all leads to more and more peace when we have this willingness to learn and have courage… and do things we love and have fun!
Thanks so much Michelle for being part of this community and all the support and do stay in touch and let us know how things go 🙂!!
Where can I please find the interview with you, Michelle?
Manfred, search RUclips for Talking insomnia #34 and you’ll see it!
Yes! I’ll definitely keep you guys posted.
The hard part is that one of having fun when you are in pain, lol. But, I’m trying to make lemonade with my insomnia lemons. ☺️
I keep living my days like I always do. I even go do CrossFit with 3 hours of sleep sometimes. Of course, my performance is not the same, but I am not giving up on my life. It can be a rough time, but you have to keep going. It’ll be over soon enough.
You’re a true blessing, Daniel. I am so glad you created this community. 😇
Please do Michelle, and thanks so so much for the kind words and for being part of the community.
And you know, I think doing what we want really can help… and at the same time, when we feel tired and just want to take it easy… the path of kindness and gentleness to ourselves is very nice and helpful 😊
Talk soon Michelle!!
Hey Daniel again ! I have an answer if you can help me.i don't know if I am going through a speed bump or not. As I told you I have patterns,one day good sleep like 2 dreams 2 awakens only(I don't have problem with that) and other night I feel like I don't slept.it's been a month after I become OK with anxiety and panick attacks and now I have these patterns.This is speed bumps? Or it is just normal sleep? I don't have much anxiety when j don't sleep like before I don't have panick attacks and that's why I don't know if they are speed bumps
Hi CatCat! This sounds like what we call a pendulum pattern, check Insomnia insight #386, I think that can help much 🙂
How exactly do you define a speedbump?
In my mind I feel I’m feeling better although it’s pretty much how I used to sleep when insomnia hit. Maybe a little more sleep now.
So now that I’m having a sleepless night, can we define it as a speed bump?
Thanks for your comment!! Just a quick heads-up: we're hosting live Q&A sessions most weeks and we'd love for you to join us! It's a great chance to ask questions, share insights, and connect with others in the community.
Hi Daniel and Alina,
Thank you for sharing this content.. very insightful. Struggling with a speed bump currently. I had a 5 week stretch where id have about 3-4 bad nights per week (either totally sleepless or just a couple of hours per night) and couldnt string together consecutive good nights. Then i had 3 good nights followed by a sleepless night. Then 8 good nights followed by a sleepless night. Then 4 good nights (this past holiday weekend) and cant sleep tonight.
Feel like ive done a good job keeping consistent wake times and i also reincorporated exercise into my daily routine. But cant get past the fear of backsliding. How can i be more accepting of my situation and drop the fear?
Hi Jon!
So happy this was helpful and we have an entire playlist on this:
ruclips.net/video/JC8kIR3zDKA/видео.html
How can I be more accepting? This is an amazing question because it shows the insight that not trying to have control is there way. I’m so glad you see this.
One thing I think can help is to just see how much attention there is towards sleep. The monitoring of how many nights of how much sleep etc. seeing this alone can often teach the brain that it is in problem solving mode.
Now specifically answering your question, I would say awareness + kindness is a nice way.
Awareness that acceptance is the way + kindness when you see that there’s resistance to acceptance.
You see that being ok with fear is what helps, but when you’re not ok with it… then no pressure, just kindness.. this can help so much!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you so much! Very glad i found the channel!
So am I 😊
@@jonscobell9656
Hello Jon how is your sleep now?
@@jonscobell9656
And what was your Problem
Not be able to fall asleep or fragmented sleep?
Hey Daniel, I love this episode and found Alina's comment on speed bumps where she was talking about "riding the speed bump out" because you can't control how long they will last, and to not "play the game" very helpful. It was a good reminder to just let go of control and to not stress over speed bumps because doing nothing about them is the only way to conquer them. I do have two questions though...
1. I usually do not pay attention to what time I go to bed. I simply go when I am feeling tired and ready, which is usually between 9-10pm. However, for the last week, I haven't been able to fall asleep till about 11:30 (with the latest being last night at 2am). Do I need to try to go back to basics and stay up later (this in itself seems like effort)? OR do I just keep doing what I always do and go to bed when I feel like it?
2. During this speed bump, I feel like I haven't had a lot of anxiety at night. However, I find myself "monitoring" for sleep. For example, if I am laying there with my eyes closed, my brain will have the thought, "am I falling asleep yet." I guess that is the main thought that will then jerk me back awake. any thoughts on how to let that go?
Thank you!
Hi Kaci,
I am so glad you found this episode and some teachings from Alina :-)!
And before I forget, I just replied to a question from Hong, it’s from another video in the speed bump playlist, the thumbnail has Sierra and it says “ I think of sleep as a shy friend”.
Hong just like you worked with me and sent me a very similar email just the other day. So yes just wanted to point to her comment which had lots of insight.
-
1. The first thing I think about when I get questions like this is how do you know it’s 11:30 or how do you know it’s 2 AM?
Of course this is a silly question but the point is just that when we don’t know what time it is, this is sort of a low hanging fruit, I think this can always help.
Personally when I don’t sleep because I am stressed or just worried about something, I go upstairs and I turned the wall clock over so I don’t know the time and then I read.
My point being that I think of not knowing the time as just a helpful thing for many of us, whether we think of ourselves as having never had insomnia or having it or having had it!
The second thing I think about when I read this is that when we have some struggle, the brain wants us to do something and I think this almost always is an invitation to more struggle.
I think if we have some habit we want to change, it’s more helpful to change that habit when we are not struggling because when we struggle, any change leads to monitoring to see if it “worked” and then we are attempting to change something else and it didn’t work etc. etc.
So I think especially when we are in a speed bump, it really helps not to change anything.
2. I am really glad to hear there isn’t a lot of anxiety. Sometimes it can be curiosity that leads to some hyper arousal. Maybe we just wonder if we will sleep and that makes us a little hyper aroused and then when we are about to fall asleep…we take note of it and then we jerk awake.
This kind of begs the question of how to stop being curious or how to stop monitoring.
To me the answer is that we cannot control our thoughts or our mind. However we can allow that to happen without trying to stop them. For example if we would try to stop monitoring, then we will try to control thoughts and we would have even more thoughts about sleep and more monitoring.
However when we are aware of the monitoring and we go “aha I see what’s happening, my brain is trying to protect me by keeping an eye on sleep” - Without any judgment or intent of changing this, then I think things become really peaceful.
Because thoughts are fleeting by nature, it’s when we try to stop them that they can become sticky.
-
Kaci Did this make sense?
Hello, I've been having soooo many setbacks, it seems there is no end to them. I feel like I forgot what the normal process of falling asleep is like, it's been so long since I was a normal sleeper. When going to bed I'm trying to think nothing and do nothing but still many thoughts come up and I get caught up in them (non sleep related thoughts) and then I'm awake but also extremely tired. And so next time I try to supress thoughts so that my mind gets quiet and lets me sleep, but then it feels like I'm controlling things too much...I'm just confused with what it means to do nothing. What should I be like when going to sleep? do you normally let thoughts drift without paying any attention to them, should I quiet the mind somehow? I remember in the past I never tried to quiet the thoughts, i din't try to do anything, and there were thoughts but sleep still came. By the way ,when I go to bed I don't think about sleep, I just go to relax, but it's like I forgot how to relax lol
It;s like I'm paying too much attention to everything, thinking 'should I stop thoughts, should I try to relax more, should I visualise something, should I meditate until I fall asleep...'. I think I'm starting to see the answer, am I still doing too much? on the other hand, what should I do with thoughts that come up as I am laying in bed and relaxing? i know this sounds like nonsense but I really don't know what to do in bed anymore, i forgot what it's like to be normal.
Hi Angie,
You know, you’re seeing things so clearly which will help, this was nice to read. And you know, it’s often confusing when we look back and think we were able to do something, but now we forgot how to do it. In fact, it’s confusing because this idea is an illusion.
Something that often happens when you feel that you have lost control of your thoughts or feelings or sleep is that you look back and you look at other people.
When you recall that you slept well, you may easily conclude that you had control over your sleep but that you have now lost that control. Or you may start to think that other people can control their sleep but that you no longer can.
This thinking, as you surely aren’t surprised to hear, comes from a place where the brain is exercising its survival mode. It has identified a problem and having control seems desirable. Therefore it is in the brain’s interest to believe that there is control to be had. Thinking that you had control in the past or that other people have control is a more appealing scenario to the brain than there is no way to control sleep.
This is where the illusion of controllability comes from. Your brain yet again trying to keep you safe. And yet again, simply understanding this is what makes the most difference. Because when a thought like “I can’t stop obsessing over this.” or “I can’t manage my thoughts.” or “I’ve lost the ability to sleep.” comes up, you will remember that control is an illusion.
And perhaps more importantly, that when you didn’t try exercise control, there was no struggle.
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thanks so much for your answer, yes the brain is always trying to fix it... I keep getting caught up in this problem-solving mode. it is true, when i slept well i never tried to control thoughts or anything else, i never even thought i had to do or not do anything in order sleep. that's the way, thanks for putting me back on the path, much appreciated
Anytime Ange, so glad to read this and thanks for being here 😊!
@@angepetit413are you better now?
I need help with regards to what you stated. I was sleeping fine after a horrible health anxiety episode. Although my sleep shortened but I always had fear of going to sleep although the sleep drive was there. For one year I slept well without medications and I wasn’t putting in any sleep efforts. Occasionally I would have a bad night where I just couldn’t sleep and the sleep I would get would be around 8 am. Now I’m stuck on no sleep for the past 5 days. I thought I had beaten insomnia but I feel trapped again. Sleep medications don’t really work for me no matter how strong they are. How do I navigate from here on? Everytime I try to sleep, I’m wide awake with a racing heart.
Sorry things have been intense, but it’s often so easy to understand once we look at things. “I thought I had beaten” - as long as we think there exists something to beat, overcome, tackle… we will be afraid that it will come back. And we will try to prevent it, and this will lead to effort and struggles. “Every time I try to sleep” - when we try to sleep, the passive process of sleep doesn’t happen. But when we see there’s nothing to beat or try, then things fall into place by themselves
@@thesleepcoachschool8192
How am I supposed to go on from here? I’ve never focused on sleep efforts because I knew if I was sleeping fine w/o any efforts before insomnia, I would sleep just fine w/o them. However the scare that a big episode of no sleep and horror stories of people in groups led me to believe that my insomnia could get this worse and it eventually did. Now I feel I have lost the ability to sleep. My mind doesn’t shut down. I know there is a fear but what do I do about it. I’m supposed to accept and welcome it but how do I accept it when I’m tired and the thoughts are consuming my mind all day?
How can I not try? It’s something that consumes my thoughts the entire time. I’ve heard horror stories of people staying up for days only to get some amount of sleep and the cycle continues. Then I have this fear of ending in a psychiatric facility due to no sleep? How am I supposed to get rid of all these intrusive thoughts?
Hi,
It’s so counterintuitive but you know, it’s trying to get rid of thoughts that make us have them over and over. It’s like if you had a message for a friend, and they were ignoring you, then you’d try even harder. So it is with our brain. But when we let whatever thoughts happen, they become fleeting.
@@user-zq4dj9ph3k did you get better