Obviously not. If so, then they are not real narcissists. A real narcissist can kill you if you set boundaries, please be careful people. And no, it is not a problem of low self steem of the victim. They choose confident, nice people. The "problem" is kindness, trust, wrong culture, lack of information, and mostly isolation and manipulation from them, lies from them, etc,... You will end not knowing what you are saying or doing, who are you.
"To team up with narcissists as an intimate partner is a rejection of life (~reality)." I love this guy's creative quotes. They're so true. 👍🏻Thank you Sam Vaknin!
yes, I can tell that's how the narc I related with ended up being one of them too. As Sam says, it is one of the most severe mental illness which I totally agree! Until you end up being in a hell with the narc, you never know their real horror.
I can't imagine anyone would WANT to voluntarily be with a narcissist. I watched how my narcissistic mother treated my father my whole life and it was traumatic for not only my father (who drank himself to death because he couldn't find a way out), but the entire extended family and the kids especially. My mother treated my dad like a slave-an object. She emotionally, verbally and physically abused him. After he died she acted like she didn't care and he was more of a pain in her ass than anything else. She started dating off dating sites a year later. My sister is a codependent and i'm a borderline. I have been atracted to and dating narcissists all my life. I have trouble spotingt them at first because I equate abuse, mind games, and control as love. Nothing good ever comes out of having a relationship with a narcissist. I have been struggling with my self esteem my whole life and working on my indifference towards my own mother because she will never change.
im not sure my ex is a narcissist but he shares a lot of traits of them, and for me its not that I want to be with him whenever he is showing his rage, but the other times when it feels like we are sharing a connection or an experience. We would try something new each week, and we had way more conversations and fun than with any of my other partners. but he made me feel like shit anytime I didn't just go with whatever he said or wanted, or apologize for things I NEVER did. he would make up stuff saying I was disloyal and trying to get attention from others. So for me, I see the man he could have been without his trauma and if he had a loving mother. and I hate that he feels the need to put up walls because I know in my heart I would never hurt him. and that missed chance for connection, for true love, with someone who, in general, you get along with hurts way more than any other breakup I've been through. It's also easier for me to be with someone like that because, as Sam said, everything is great as long as you are going with what they want. and I'm usually a go with the flow person, it's only matters that I disagree with morally that I usually have a problem with. finally, to hear that most of the good may have been fake, and just a way for him to get me to feel attached to him, I haven't accepted yet.
wanting to show the narcs this n wanting them to understand /is/ behavior that keeps u arnd narcs n thinkin abt them, forget abt what they do think or say
This hit so hard…hi I’m Sarah and I’m an addict 👋🏼. I’ve watched narcissistic RUclips videos for 2 years and he is the most clear no nonsense of them all.
Sam, Hands down! This is the BEST of your work. Excellent! Very easy to comprehend. So far , going on 5 years, I'm single and LOVE IT!!!!! SERIOUSLY INTO DOING WHATEVER I WANT AND NOT BEING ANOYED. PEACE AND QUIET AND DO WHATEVER I WANT. WENT THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR AND A HALF SCARED OF BEING ALONE FOREVER. THAT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE AND SO FAR MY RADAR WAS ACCURATE, I SEE THE RED FLAGS AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT! AND YES, YOU BECOME BORED THATS THE WORST AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SHARE COOL EXPERIENCES AND WALKS ECT. BUT I AM STILL SINGLE AND ITS WORTH IT TO ME! MY ADVICE TO ANYONE, YOU WILL FALL INTO THERE TRAP IF YOU ARE DRUNK AND DATE THEM AND SECOND, IF YOU SLEEP WITH THEM! YOUR A GONNER. SO DATE WITHOUT DRUGS AND SEX THEN YOU WILL KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE. SO IM SINGLE BECAUSE THERE ARE SOOOOOOO MANY LOSERS OUT THERE! GEEEEEEEZ . SAD BUT WE LIVE IN A VERY CORUPTED SOCIETY IN LIFE AND ON TV. PEACE OUT ✌️ ☮️ 🕊
I think I understand why one boyfriend would constantly pick topics that he knew we disagreed on over and over. When I refused to discuss them and said let's talk about things we both agree on. We would make a plan for the weekend and as we were driving there he would turn off and say I want to go here instead. No talking; no mediating. It was like he needed the chaos. He would smile excitedly if I got upset. Currently, I believe I should not be in relationships because I seem to draw this type of person.
Dr Vaknin, I am an avid viewer and listen so intently that I often feel I may break into a sweat! This video had a different feel, and it cut to the chase regarding something extremely confusing and difficult for me to accept. "The only thing that means a lot to a narcissist is what you give him, which then becomes a nuisance because it is harder to devalue you." This literally is the reason for the rollercoaster ride 24/7, for the pain and rejection, for living a perpetual contradiction, for the plague of "never enough." It is the source of the victim's crumb-chasing and desperation to return to the shared fantasy. Thank you a thousand thousand times for your insights and explanations.
I agreed with Sam when he said people who are in one narcisstic relationship after another should have a 12 Step group. I attend Al-Anon meetings and read the literature sometimes I replace the word, "alcoholic" with "narcissist," and "alcoholism" with "narcissism." The Twelve Step groups CoDA, (Codependents Anonymous) and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) are also very helpful.
Thank you, Professor Vaknin. You have explained Narcissist Self States very well. This aspect of narcissistic behaviour always confused me. Yes, society is built to reward Narcissism. I have also believed this to be true❤
In the movie Carmen, she advised a lady to cook the same food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, day after day , until he get tired enough and leave in his own to never come back. Brilliant!
The narcissists oftenly have "perfect" lives. Victims/survivors can easily develop narcissism themselves plus they end ill, broke, and dead soon. B careful.
I'm Norwegian, and I have been raised by one. And I spent 8 years of my life with one and I'm 44 . Its not that we dont have them, its more that we are raised to keep our mouth closed. I do miss therapist with the knowledge.
It begins with feeling utterly alive, it ends with feeling completely exhausted. Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually dead. Thank you Sam. For shining such a clear light on this topic. Your video's are a real cure, a true healing to me
I felt like mine liked having someone to complain about, and to. So the fact that he "settled" for someone not his ideal, was handy fodder for his later complaints.
Nice girls, i like them.Good collaboration with Sam.For me this is the best, becouse girls was down to eath and asked simple vivid questions without trying to impress anybody. And Sam is excellent as always. Good vibes. Good wishes for you all from Minsk, Belarus🥰
Yes! Your theory that narcs have a different self state depending on the stimulus from the environment makes sense of what I witnessed with the police officer narc I was in a relationship with. It confused me that for example, when we were at another couple’s house for dinner, and the other guy drank too much, my narc acted stoic, gave a quiet masculine energy, in control, kind of like, “look at what a strong man I am,” but on other nights at the local bar we sometimes went to, he was louder and all laughs. Your theory explains this perfectly!
You two asked some really great questions! I didn’t realize I’m addicted to the excitement and drama 😢. That was the missing piece I needed. My challenge will be to not see normal as boring
Maybe Norway is still naive to narcissists, but som covert ones are lurcking around 😮and maybe the covert ones are forced to go undercover du to the "jante lov" . Heard a person from Latin America think of the jante lov( look it up )as positive, it is a cultural attitude to shut down your your ego, but was put to words and critizsed by a norwegian well known author. Who probably would not shut down his ego😱😅. I am Norwegian 🏞️
Thank you Professor Vaknin, your videos have been really informative and eye opening. Is there a video on violent narcissists and why they go to such lengths. I couldn’t find one in your channel.
Sam I thought this was one of your more simplified interviews but I much enjoyed it. The girls real-life examples you have clarified I found very helpful in bridging some gaps I didn’t realize I still had. Thank you for posting it- simplified or scholarly; all interviews on this topic I have found hold equal educational weight.
Mine only hung around until he was sure he had gotten everything out of our relationship that he possibly could get. I think he had already left me for another black hole (like he was) so he really hoped he could find something he could still squeeze out of me, and offer it to her. Sad he was so delusional.
I hate to admit but my mom was a narcissist and maybe borderline. The similarities I see in my ex and my mother made me want to stay and even consider going back. I feel terrible for both, completely cut ties with my mother. Still chat with my ex. Sometimes I rationalize that my ex is not as bad as my mother. I know I’ve been a narcissist too.
I was a service provider. I gave him my house. And he got to 'have a life' Then he moved on from our marriage to another woman (#3) that had a house. Now he 'has a life'....
Well actually, I still have a few questions in regards to the addiction. 1) Is there any evidence or studies to show there are positive benefits during the love-bombing stage for the victim: IE- a victim who is an artist or writer gets idealized from the narcissist; falls in love with their new “technicolor” interaction with the narcassist; and in return, this offers inspiration they temporarily benefit from. I am wondering if the greater the positive effects; the harder the crash/ emotional trauma occurs when the devaluation and discard cycle begins. The world being in technicolor aspect and you feeling alive is intoxicating and addicting; but how can the victim recreate that for themselves after abuse has occurred? 2) If the victim leaves the narcissist and goes completely no contact; if they understand the role they played in the relationship- if they have awareness- are they still considered a co-dependent? Is the narcissist a co-dependent (my belief is yes) And should they both seek co-dependency support? IE- CODA program or therapy based around the codependency. 3) If a narcissist is self-aware (in my experience many are) then if they in the rare case do commit to therapy; can they use EMDR or similar therapies to help overcome the dead mother issue so they can overcome this, and develop healthy attachment to their partner? Can the other co-morbid disabilities IE (schizoid and depression, anti-social disorder) be managed with SSRI medication? 4) “Fear of Exposure” could you explain what that may mean for a narcissist? I can’t seem to unpack that one- that would have been one of the first questions I’d want to try and understand- does that mean the narcissist is afraid people will know they are one? If they already burned many bridges and relationships, why is this a fear? Or is this a fear only within new relationships? (You had a video I believe that talked about it all of these topics actually but my own connections to this material make it difficult to fully accept I believe.). Thank you for all you do in this field.
You answered a lot of these questions in other videos but I am still interested in the evidence of the inspiration aspect because I believe some creatives get inspiration. I guess maybe if you were just friends and not an intimate partner, this period could possibly be stretched more long term… if the victim doesn’t sabotage it by going against the narcissist’s agenda or program. As long as it stayed fun and compliant to the narcissist’s agenda/program/views.
Therapy cannot help them change in any way that would allow them to bond or love like a normal person. It can only be used in some cases for behavior modification to slightly less and some of their more obnoxious behaviors to the people who have to deal with them. Remember, you were just a tool that they use, or an employee which can be fired and replaced .Cold facts but true. Realize that you became a junkie for that shared fantasy as well, and are always wishing that you could get back to it.
We learn it the hard way, narcissists can't love you the way you love them and that in itself is enough to give up. You can't keep deprived yourself of the same level of love. And I slightly disagree with the "boring love". I mean I have seen enough narcs to finally conclude they are highly boring people, robotic.
Hello Mr. Vaknin..I have been through a narcissistic relationship in the last 2 years with whom I think is a pathological narcissist. I am a consistent follower of your work, watched all of your videos and am very grateful because if I hadn’t known you, I wouldn’t be able to make sense and get out of this mess. However, the person who I was with had a very loving and caring mother whom I know in person because she is a far relative of mine. He had a special situation when he was between 5 to 7 years old where he had some health issues and complications regarding his legs. This period was very unpleasant and tough for the family because he had to be in bed most of the time, skipped school for a year and faced the risk of staying crippled for the rest of his life, used crutches for walking. Therefore, during this period and almost his entire childhood, he was very much spoiled and taken well care of. Can you make a video on this version of “bad motherhood”? Because I valued and treated him so well, and he wasn’t fond of it.. I get everything you tell on this video except the bad motherhood part..I can’t relate and make sense of how this good and perfect a mother could cause a child to become a narcissist. Thank you🙏🏻
I had watched all of them several times indeed but will watch them again with my today self😂and come up to you if I have any further questions thank you 🙏🏻
They can stay with one partner, sometimes. But the partner is probably miserable. So it would depend on how long the partner would be able to stand it. Although my ex did leave ME, but he was hoping I would die soon.
Can a narcissist *also* at the same time be borderline as well? The reason I ask, is, the narcissist I’m thinking of, embodied many many many of the attributes described for both narcissism as well as borderline, as described in this video as well as other sources I’ve researched from.
@@samvaknin Would this then mean that the narcissist/borderline will "switch" between those broader channels, just like they switch between self states? I suspect there must be channel switching because to be experiencing both npd and bpd at the exact same moment seems impossible-npd would subsume and overpower/alter the bpd. In other words: if the concept that the bpd is a failed narcissist is true, the comorbidity could be conceptualized as moments of success and moments of failure. Moments of zero empathy and moments of real tears slipping through the cracks. Moments where the focus is on pursuing supply and moments where the focus is on identifying as victim and allowing themself to be emotionally regulated externally by the other. What do you think, Sam? And/or others out there?
I wonder- it is clear my ex was a somatic narcissist in his younger years (had his hand at body building), but eventually wormed his way (through cheating) into school and eventually learned skills to get a career in computer science- and a good career at that. Yet, I feel he was using me in the way a somatic narc would deep down. Have you ever seen this professor?
I don’t get how a person can become addicted to a narcissist. Only an irrational person could do this. I can spot a narcissist easily now and when I do I Run!!!
@@kellegeez was not trying to be insensitive I’m sorry it came across that way. Was just trying to help. I wasn’t referring to people that n situations that u can’t help like a boss, coworker etc but someone ur in a relationship with.
I get that you weren’t “trying to be insensitive” but calling the victims “irrational” does come across that way. Maybe you can easily spot them but some people with past traumas may not be able to so easily
@@michigan1085 have we not learned as a species by now that just because someone is charming doesn’t mean they’re good people; examples: Bill Clinton, Trump, Hitler, Jim Jones, etc.
Dear professor, what is difference between having positive emotions and not having access to them, internally in NPD case ? Does narcissistic person acknowledge presence of positive emotions within?
Not always and not necessarily with the real mother. But narcissists are obsessed with maternal figures. Watch the videos in the shared fantasy playlist.
@@samvaknin thank you! I was married to a cn for 38 yrs, I am the mothering type but wasn't sure how he could put me in the cycle of Mother and yet be obsessed with his. Just to note his mother was a vulnerable narcissist as well Im very grateful for your videos as they have enlightened me. All these years i had no idea what i was dealing with. I knew there was an issue but had no idea about NPD thank you ..i have watched all your videos and wish one day to see you educate us in Australia.
The thing with the authenticity was a (brilliant) joke :-D It wasn't identified as such though, so that must have been slightly disappointing in the moment.. hehe
Dear Professor, I value your knowledge very much, but I would like to ask about one aspect. You say that psychopaths are goal-oriented and mean, they act with the intention of deceiving someone, and narcissists are just like that because they believe in fantasy. If you can, please explain to me how it is in the case of a narcissist who, after years, understood what he is looking for and what his relationships are about. Could it also be said that he has become more of a psychopath in that case? Because a narcissist, aware of many of these things after years and entering new relationships, can say to his intimate partner: maybe we can help each other heal childhood wounds, or: I wouldn't want to hurt you. These words may indicate awareness of what he is doing, not blindly repeating a pattern. Isn't it?
Professor, how did you figure out about the mother theory? I watched your other video on this. It's interesting because of the amount of times I got yelled at by my boyfriend, "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER" although a lot of the times I've felt like I had to be like his mother - as he acts like a punitive child. He doesn't have a stable relationship with her and they have both said to each other that they've never felt loved by one another. Aren't there Narcissists who have good mother relationships, too?
People often wear masks and will act considerably different when they know they are on camera or that a group may be closely observing their words and actions.
Fix your poor boundaries and the narcissist’s patterns will actually become very boring and predictable.
Fix your self esteem most importantly
It’s not that simple …
I did then, now I am out🎉🎉🎉🎉
@@bentosan Expecting a woman to respect a co-dependent man with a scarcity mindset, good luck with that.
Obviously not. If so, then they are not real narcissists. A real narcissist can kill you if you set boundaries, please be careful people. And no, it is not a problem of low self steem of the victim. They choose confident, nice people. The "problem" is kindness, trust, wrong culture, lack of information, and mostly isolation and manipulation from them, lies from them, etc,... You will end not knowing what you are saying or doing, who are you.
"To team up with narcissists as an intimate partner is a rejection of life (~reality)." I love this guy's creative quotes. They're so true. 👍🏻Thank you Sam Vaknin!
Though the narcissist wants you to become his image of you, sometimes the victim wants the narcissist to, like Pinocchio, become a real boy.
It's so true, you become like them in order to survive with them. Scary stuff.
yes, I can tell that's how the narc I related with ended up being one of them too. As Sam says, it is one of the most severe mental illness which I totally agree! Until you end up being in a hell with the narc, you never know their real horror.
I can't imagine anyone would WANT to voluntarily be with a narcissist. I watched how my narcissistic mother treated my father my whole life and it was traumatic for not only my father (who drank himself to death because he couldn't find a way out), but the entire extended family and the kids especially. My mother treated my dad like a slave-an object. She emotionally, verbally and physically abused him. After he died she acted like she didn't care and he was more of a pain in her ass than anything else. She started dating off dating sites a year later. My sister is a codependent and i'm a borderline. I have been atracted to and dating narcissists all my life. I have trouble spotingt them at first because I equate abuse, mind games, and control as love. Nothing good ever comes out of having a relationship with a narcissist. I have been struggling with my self esteem my whole life and working on my indifference towards my own mother because she will never change.
im not sure my ex is a narcissist but he shares a lot of traits of them, and for me its not that I want to be with him whenever he is showing his rage, but the other times when it feels like we are sharing a connection or an experience. We would try something new each week, and we had way more conversations and fun than with any of my other partners. but he made me feel like shit anytime I didn't just go with whatever he said or wanted, or apologize for things I NEVER did. he would make up stuff saying I was disloyal and trying to get attention from others. So for me, I see the man he could have been without his trauma and if he had a loving mother. and I hate that he feels the need to put up walls because I know in my heart I would never hurt him. and that missed chance for connection, for true love, with someone who, in general, you get along with hurts way more than any other breakup I've been through. It's also easier for me to be with someone like that because, as Sam said, everything is great as long as you are going with what they want. and I'm usually a go with the flow person, it's only matters that I disagree with morally that I usually have a problem with. finally, to hear that most of the good may have been fake, and just a way for him to get me to feel attached to him, I haven't accepted yet.
Sam is absolutely brilliant. He really gets it . If only we could show this video to our narcissists and they’d get it , but they wouldn’t care lol
wanting to show the narcs this n wanting them to understand /is/ behavior that keeps u arnd narcs n thinkin abt them, forget abt what they do think or say
Of course because he is a self aware narcissist
This hit so hard…hi I’m Sarah and I’m an addict 👋🏼. I’ve watched narcissistic RUclips videos for 2 years and he is the most clear no nonsense of them all.
I can second this emotion ❤
Sam, Hands down! This is the BEST of your work. Excellent! Very easy to comprehend. So far , going on 5 years, I'm single and LOVE IT!!!!! SERIOUSLY INTO DOING WHATEVER I WANT AND NOT BEING ANOYED. PEACE AND QUIET AND DO WHATEVER I WANT. WENT THROUGH THE FIRST YEAR AND A HALF SCARED OF BEING ALONE FOREVER. THAT WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T TRUST ANYONE ANYMORE AND SO FAR MY RADAR WAS ACCURATE, I SEE THE RED FLAGS AND YOU ARE SO RIGHT! AND YES, YOU BECOME BORED THATS THE WORST AND NOT BEING ABLE TO SHARE COOL EXPERIENCES AND WALKS ECT. BUT I AM STILL SINGLE AND ITS WORTH IT TO ME! MY ADVICE TO ANYONE, YOU WILL FALL INTO THERE TRAP IF YOU ARE DRUNK AND DATE THEM AND SECOND, IF YOU SLEEP WITH THEM! YOUR A GONNER. SO DATE WITHOUT DRUGS AND SEX THEN YOU WILL KNOW WHAT THEY REALLY ARE. SO IM SINGLE BECAUSE THERE ARE SOOOOOOO MANY LOSERS OUT THERE! GEEEEEEEZ . SAD BUT WE LIVE IN A VERY CORUPTED SOCIETY IN LIFE AND ON TV. PEACE OUT ✌️ ☮️ 🕊
I think I understand why one boyfriend would constantly pick topics that he knew we disagreed on over and over. When I refused to discuss them and said let's talk about things we both agree on.
We would make a plan for the weekend and as we were driving there he would turn off and say I want to go here instead. No talking; no mediating. It was like he needed the chaos. He would smile excitedly if I got upset.
Currently, I believe I should not be in relationships because I seem to draw this type of person.
Dr Vaknin, I am an avid viewer and listen so intently that I often feel I may break into a sweat! This video had a different feel, and it cut to the chase regarding something extremely confusing and difficult for me to accept.
"The only thing that means a lot to a narcissist is what you give him, which then becomes a nuisance because it is harder to devalue you."
This literally is the reason for the rollercoaster ride 24/7, for the pain and rejection, for living a perpetual contradiction, for the plague of "never enough." It is the source of the victim's crumb-chasing and desperation to return to the shared fantasy.
Thank you a thousand thousand times for your insights and explanations.
I am shocked, stunned at the level of masterpiece this gentleman is portraying.
Cannot believe he anwers all my questiins that i evev had..
I never knew humans were sick especially mothers, these young ladies are a hope for me to move forward, thank you
Thank u for your kind words and happy we gave u hope 💗
I made the turn when I stop feeling alive and felt dead 💔 I am 2 weeks FREE and keeping the PFA
I agreed with Sam when he said people who are in one narcisstic relationship after another should have a 12 Step group. I attend Al-Anon meetings and read the literature sometimes I replace the word, "alcoholic" with "narcissist," and "alcoholism" with "narcissism." The Twelve Step groups CoDA, (Codependents Anonymous) and ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) are also very helpful.
Thank you Pro. Sam Vaknin! Everything makes so much sense now... this helps me a lot to stay NO CONTACT and move on ! God bless you sweetheart!
It is the “use and abuse” that we get from the narcissist that hurts
Thank you, Professor Vaknin. You have explained Narcissist Self States very well. This aspect of narcissistic behaviour always confused me. Yes, society is built to reward Narcissism. I have also believed this to be true❤
Thank you Diana, Mari and Prof Sam for making this video. The idea of a dictionary is a great idea! Lots of love from the UK❤
Thank u💗
In the movie Carmen, she advised a lady to cook the same food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, day after day , until he get tired enough and leave in his own to never come back. Brilliant!
The narcissists oftenly have "perfect" lives. Victims/survivors can easily develop narcissism themselves plus they end ill, broke, and dead soon. B careful.
Fantastic interview Sam.I always learn something new each time no matter how many posts I have watched.Thank you .
Right ?!?? It’s always something new and the info u get is golden 🙌🏽🤗🤍
Most importantly, ON CALL
I'm Norwegian, and I have been raised by one. And I spent 8 years of my life with one and I'm 44 . Its not that we dont have them, its more that we are raised to keep our mouth closed. I do miss therapist with the knowledge.
I realized no one really talks about it in Norway why we wanted to make a podcast about it 🙌🏽🤗💗
@@dianakeinejad8172 what is your podcast ? I like that you are putting focus on it ❤️
@@msnorway79 it’s on Spotify and Apple
@@msnorway79 heter « Sannheten om Narsissisten»
It begins with feeling utterly alive, it ends with feeling completely exhausted.
Physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually dead.
Thank you Sam.
For shining such a clear light on this topic.
Your video's are a real cure, a true healing to me
I felt like mine liked having someone to complain about, and to. So the fact that he "settled" for someone not his ideal, was handy fodder for his later complaints.
Thanks for teaching us so much about that toxic personality I used a lot of your material to talk to women on my channel in Arabic
Great format. Very insightful.
Nice girls, i like them.Good collaboration with Sam.For me this is the best, becouse girls was down to eath and asked simple vivid questions without trying to impress anybody. And Sam is excellent as always. Good vibes. Good wishes for you all from Minsk, Belarus🥰
Thank u so happy u liked us 💗
@@dianakeinejad8172 you are welcome😊🌷
Yes! Your theory that narcs have a different self state depending on the stimulus from the environment makes sense of what I witnessed with the police officer narc I was in a relationship with. It confused me that for example, when we were at another couple’s house for dinner, and the other guy drank too much, my narc acted stoic, gave a quiet masculine energy, in control, kind of like, “look at what a strong man I am,” but on other nights at the local bar we sometimes went to, he was louder and all laughs. Your theory explains this perfectly!
Loved having u on today 💗Thank u so much 🤍 this was really eye opening 🙌🏽
Pleasure was all mine. A good interview takes two (or three, in this case).
You two asked some really great questions! I didn’t realize I’m addicted to the excitement and drama 😢. That was the missing piece I needed. My challenge will be to not see normal as boring
The legend for the world , doc, please!
Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin. Very interesting video.
Magistral! Gracias Prof. Sam Vaknin! I am in Love Right Now hahaha
Thank You❤🌸
Hey Sam hope you are well you are a treasure to humanity! Thank you !!!!
Maybe Norway is still naive to narcissists, but som covert ones are lurcking around 😮and maybe the covert ones are forced to go undercover du to the "jante lov" . Heard a person from Latin America think of the jante lov( look it up )as positive, it is a cultural attitude to shut down your your ego, but was put to words and critizsed by a norwegian well known author. Who probably would not shut down his ego😱😅. I am Norwegian 🏞️
Thank you so much Dear Professor Sam Vaknin
This was adorable and so relatable. Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you Professor Vaknin, your videos have been really informative and eye opening. Is there a video on violent narcissists and why they go to such lengths. I couldn’t find one in your channel.
samvak.tripod.com/9.html
@@samvakninthank you so much 😊
Always undersfsnd everything you are saying Sir.Totally identify only now have my answers .Thank you for your great knowledge Sir.
Sam I thought this was one of your more simplified interviews but I much enjoyed it. The girls real-life examples you have clarified I found very helpful in bridging some gaps I didn’t realize I still had. Thank you for posting it- simplified or scholarly; all interviews on this topic I have found hold equal educational weight.
Just leave the relationship because they’re not going to change they look at life as it’s all about them 😢
Mine only hung around until he was sure he had gotten everything out of our relationship that he possibly could get. I think he had already left me for another black hole (like he was) so he really hoped he could find something he could still squeeze out of me, and offer it to her. Sad he was so delusional.
This guy explains the best !!!
My husband is a Narcissistic boy/Man ,I dont like him at all and i feel like Im falling out of love with him .
I loved this today ❤️
So happy u did 💗
Sex
Services
Supply
Safety
Great summary!
In your description, the narcissist is always seeking for his vindication
This was the best! 👏
I hate to admit but my mom was a narcissist and maybe borderline. The similarities I see in my ex and my mother made me want to stay and even consider going back. I feel terrible for both, completely cut ties with my mother. Still chat with my ex. Sometimes I rationalize that my ex is not as bad as my mother. I know I’ve been a narcissist too.
I love Prof. Sam Vaknin videos!
He won't move on!!! He keeps my toothbrush in a baggie expecting me to return. And I do. It's been 4 1/2 years.
How can I get help?
Wow, love this video, learned so much with it.
@Professor Sam Vaknin!! Thank you very much for opening my eyes!!
Fantastic message ❤
Very Informative and helpful 👍🏾 💯
Omg!! She is sooo right!!! He picked at every thing nothing was good enough
Great video
I was a service provider. I gave him my house. And he got to 'have a life' Then he moved on from our marriage to another woman (#3) that had a house. Now he 'has a life'....
Well actually, I still have a few questions in regards to the addiction.
1) Is there any evidence or studies to show there are positive benefits during the love-bombing stage for the victim: IE- a victim who is an artist or writer gets idealized from the narcissist; falls in love with their new “technicolor” interaction with the narcassist; and in return, this offers inspiration they temporarily benefit from. I am wondering if the greater the positive effects; the harder the crash/ emotional trauma occurs when the devaluation and discard cycle begins. The world being in technicolor aspect and you feeling alive is intoxicating and addicting; but how can the victim recreate that for themselves after abuse has occurred?
2) If the victim leaves the narcissist and goes completely no contact; if they understand the role they played in the relationship- if they have awareness- are they still considered a co-dependent? Is the narcissist a co-dependent (my belief is yes) And should they both seek co-dependency support? IE- CODA program or therapy based around the codependency.
3) If a narcissist is self-aware (in my experience many are) then if they in the rare case do commit to therapy; can they use EMDR or similar therapies to help overcome the dead mother issue so they can overcome this, and develop healthy attachment to their partner? Can the other co-morbid disabilities IE (schizoid and depression, anti-social disorder) be managed with SSRI medication?
4) “Fear of Exposure” could you explain what that may mean for a narcissist? I can’t seem to unpack that one- that would have been one of the first questions I’d want to try and understand- does that mean the narcissist is afraid people will know they are one? If they already burned many bridges and relationships, why is this a fear? Or is this a fear only within new relationships? (You had a video I believe that talked about it all of these topics actually but my own connections to this material make it difficult to fully accept I believe.).
Thank you for all you do in this field.
You answered a lot of these questions in other videos but I am still interested in the evidence of the inspiration aspect because I believe some creatives get inspiration. I guess maybe if you were just friends and not an intimate partner, this period could possibly be stretched more long term… if the victim doesn’t sabotage it by going against the narcissist’s agenda or program. As long as it stayed fun and compliant to the narcissist’s agenda/program/views.
Therapy cannot help them change in any way that would allow them to bond or love like a normal person. It can only be used in some cases for behavior modification to slightly less and some of their more obnoxious behaviors to the people who have to deal with them. Remember, you were just a tool that they use, or an employee which can be fired and replaced .Cold facts but true. Realize that you became a junkie for that shared fantasy as well, and are always wishing that you could get back to it.
This is fascinating
What's "Multiple Personality/DID" called when the alters start sharing memories?
OSDD. Search the channel.
@@samvaknin thank you 💝
Norway is definitely not a narcissist free heaven, however we might be cluelessly naive…
We learn it the hard way, narcissists can't love you the way you love them and that in itself is enough to give up. You can't keep deprived yourself of the same level of love. And I slightly disagree with the "boring love". I mean I have seen enough narcs to finally conclude they are highly boring people, robotic.
Thank you for your extremely helpful videos. Would it be possible that you would address parental alienation please?
Search the channel.
Hello Mr. Vaknin..I have been through a narcissistic relationship in the last 2 years with whom I think is a pathological narcissist. I am a consistent follower of your work, watched all of your videos and am very grateful because if I hadn’t known you, I wouldn’t be able to make sense and get out of this mess. However, the person who I was with had a very loving and caring mother whom I know in person because she is a far relative of mine. He had a special situation when he was between 5 to 7 years old where he had some health issues and complications regarding his legs. This period was very unpleasant and tough for the family because he had to be in bed most of the time, skipped school for a year and faced the risk of staying crippled for the rest of his life, used crutches for walking. Therefore, during this period and almost his entire childhood, he was very much spoiled and taken well care of. Can you make a video on this version of “bad motherhood”? Because I valued and treated him so well, and he wasn’t fond of it.. I get everything you tell on this video except the bad motherhood part..I can’t relate and make sense of how this good and perfect a mother could cause a child to become a narcissist. Thank you🙏🏻
Search the channel for good enough mother and for dead mother. Your question proves that you have seen very few of my last 500 videos.
I had watched all of them several times indeed but will watch them again with my today self😂and come up to you if I have any further questions thank you 🙏🏻
They can stay with one partner, sometimes. But the partner is probably miserable. So it would depend on how long the partner would be able to stand it. Although my ex did leave ME, but he was hoping I would die soon.
Can a narcissist *also* at the same time be borderline as well? The reason I ask, is, the narcissist I’m thinking of, embodied many many many of the attributes described for both narcissism as well as borderline, as described in this video as well as other sources I’ve researched from.
Yes. This is a common comorbidity.
@@samvaknin Would this then mean that the narcissist/borderline will "switch" between those broader channels, just like they switch between self states? I suspect there must be channel switching because to be experiencing both npd and bpd at the exact same moment seems impossible-npd would subsume and overpower/alter the bpd. In other words: if the concept that the bpd is a failed narcissist is true, the comorbidity could be conceptualized as moments of success and moments of failure. Moments of zero empathy and moments of real tears slipping through the cracks. Moments where the focus is on pursuing supply and moments where the focus is on identifying as victim and allowing themself to be emotionally regulated externally by the other. What do you think, Sam? And/or others out there?
This is so funny how they describe normal and healthy relationship as " black and white" or "boring". People are really sickkk)))
Thank you 🙏
Raw truth. 😢
Poor girls.... wish them all the best.
Thank u and we will be fine 🤗💗 we are recovering from it by talking and shedding light on this topic🤍
What about a narcissist who idealizes his mother and is enmeshed as a middle aged man?
BRILLIANT
I wonder- it is clear my ex was a somatic narcissist in his younger years (had his hand at body building), but eventually wormed his way (through cheating) into school and eventually learned skills to get a career in computer science- and a good career at that. Yet, I feel he was using me in the way a somatic narc would deep down. Have you ever seen this professor?
Only one type dominates at a time.
I don’t get how a person can become addicted to a narcissist. Only an irrational person could do this. I can spot a narcissist easily now and when I do I Run!!!
@@kellegeez was not trying to be insensitive I’m sorry it came across that way. Was just trying to help. I wasn’t referring to people that n situations that u can’t help like a boss, coworker etc but someone ur in a relationship with.
I get that you weren’t “trying to be insensitive” but calling the victims “irrational” does come across that way. Maybe you can easily spot them but some people with past traumas may not be able to so easily
@@michigan1085 have we not learned as a species by now that just because someone is charming doesn’t mean they’re good people; examples: Bill Clinton, Trump, Hitler, Jim Jones, etc.
@@djacobmadrigal dammit no lol... I fall for it every damn time (but I'm workin on it)
Dear professor, what is difference between having positive emotions and not having access to them, internally in NPD case ? Does narcissistic person acknowledge presence of positive emotions within?
Will make a video about this.
Professor Vaknin my ex was obsessed with his mother is that part of narcissism?
Not always and not necessarily with the real mother. But narcissists are obsessed with maternal figures. Watch the videos in the shared fantasy playlist.
@@samvaknin thank you! I was married to a cn for 38 yrs,
I am the mothering type but wasn't sure how he could put me in the cycle of Mother and yet be obsessed with his. Just to note his mother was a vulnerable narcissist as well
Im very grateful for your videos as they have enlightened me.
All these years i had no idea what i was dealing with.
I knew there was an issue but had no idea about NPD thank you ..i have watched all your videos and wish one day to see you educate us in Australia.
The thing with the authenticity was a (brilliant) joke :-D It wasn't identified as such though, so that must have been slightly disappointing in the moment.. hehe
Funny how the woman constated that matter of fact she‘s the narcissist and has been with two of them (undiagnosed) in a row.
Hi , I didn’t say I’m a narcissist, I said I have those qualities after dating a narcissist. Which u do after dating one.
She actually began questioning if she was one because of the abuse form the narcissists, which is common.
@@RationalNon-conformist yes exactly 🙌🏽🤍
Everyone with low appreciation of cooking skills needs therapy. Urgently to be added to the DSM.
@@3SRtales lmao what are u on ?!? 🤣
Do you believe in narcissism being on a spectrum? Or do you not qualify people who are cabable of real positive emotions as narcissistic?
Watch the video.
Wow! 👏🏼
Hi Sam, can person be borderline and npd in the same time?
Yes. This is a common comorbidity.
@samvaknin thank you, Sam. For 3 years, I was wondering what was up with my partner until I stumbled upon your channel!
Dear Professor, I value your knowledge very much, but I would like to ask about one aspect. You say that psychopaths are goal-oriented and mean, they act with the intention of deceiving someone, and narcissists are just like that because they believe in fantasy. If you can, please explain to me how it is in the case of a narcissist who, after years, understood what he is looking for and what his relationships are about. Could it also be said that he has become more of a psychopath in that case? Because a narcissist, aware of many of these things after years and entering new relationships, can say to his intimate partner: maybe we can help each other heal childhood wounds, or: I wouldn't want to hurt you. These words may indicate awareness of what he is doing, not blindly repeating a pattern. Isn't it?
Search the channel about insight and self-awareness.
@@samvaknin Ok, thank you.
Not addictive very predictable
Professor, how did you figure out about the mother theory? I watched your other video on this. It's interesting because of the amount of times I got yelled at by my boyfriend, "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER" although a lot of the times I've felt like I had to be like his mother - as he acts like a punitive child. He doesn't have a stable relationship with her and they have both said to each other that they've never felt loved by one another. Aren't there Narcissists who have good mother relationships, too?
Watch the new video I am uploading right now.
I’m trying to ask for ALL but it keeps not letting me!
Walking corpse....so sad
hope those two cuties are not narcissist's
People often wear masks and will act considerably different when they know they are on camera or that a group may be closely observing their words and actions.
Hahahaha no we are not 🤗🤍
@@montag4516why would we want to shed light on this topic if we were ? The whole point of this is to save others from ending up with narcissists.
@@user-sn1wi8nx5p why would u think that ?
Sex
Supply
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