23:00 [The scene changes to downtown Bikini Bottom.] TV announcer: Downtown Bikini Bottom, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the powers of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza. [The Sneaky Hermit is going around stealing many stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boatmobile.] Dirty Bubble: That hunter sure left in a hurry. Mermaid Man: I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye. Man Ray: Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble. Dirty Bubble: I was annoying? Man Ray: All that disgusting belching. Barnacle Boy: Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit! [rimshot] [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble share a good laugh.] Dirty Bubble: The hermit's really in for a surprise! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble continue laughing. When all of a sudden, the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boatmobile.] Mermaid Man: Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boatmobile? Barnacle Boy: Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did. [chuckles] It's just over-[sees the invisible boatmobile missing and gasps] Oh my gosh! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gasp in a shocking surprise.] Mermaid Man: The invisible boatmobile! It's been stolen! Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Yes! And I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole it! [evil laugh] Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit! Me: Yup. That's me. Barnacle Boy: You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town. Man Ray: And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive. Mermaid Man: You've stolen our invisible boatmobile, Sneaky Hermit! Dirty Bubble: You stole our evil lairs! Mermaid Man: Evil bears?! [The screen shows two koala bears with red, evil eyes.] Barnacle Boy: But why, Hermit? Why did you do it? Me: Duh! For a good home. Barnacle Boy: A home? You've got all of Bikini Bottom on your back! Dirty Bubble: What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world? Me: Way to give the game away, Dirty Bubble. But yes, yes it was. Barnacle Boy: All on your back? Where will you stand? Man Ray: Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy! Dirty Bubble: Enough talk! Can we fight already? Mermaid Man: [facing the wrong way] Hurrah! Prepare to make a fool of yourself, [Barnacle Boy turns him around] Sneaky Hermit! Me: Not if I make a fool of you and your team first, Sea Pig-Face! Barnacle Boy: I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is gonna hurt. Mermaid Man: [summons a swarm of jellyfish] Sea creatures of the deep unite! [The Sneaky Hermit runs away. The hermit's stunt double (depending on which character) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then puts another building onto his back.] Dirty Bubble: By all things dirty, I-uh-[stutters] Make you dirty! [The Dirty Bubble charges at the Sneaky Hermit's stunt double. The stunt double grabs a helicopter and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble is sent flying into a pile of trash with a character's face in his mouth (depending on which character).] Gary: Meow. [The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant sea needle in the middle of the city.] Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Sea Needle! Mermaid Man: Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Bikini Bottom. Barnacle Boy: Oh, barnacles. Me: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Oh, this damn building! Why can't I lift it?! Mermaid Man: I know! I know! It's locked! Lookie! [points to a lock at the very top of the building] You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there. Me: Good idea, Mermaid Man! Thanks! Dirty Bubble: [groans] Why do you good guys have to be so helpful? [The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the winder-washing platform and goes up.] Barnacle Boy: We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening. [chuckles] Mermaid Man: Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy! All those in favor? Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: Aye! Mermaid Man: All against? Me: Nay! Barnacle Boy: Quiet you! Mermaid Man: Alright, there's not much left to say but...to the window-washing platforms on the side of the Sea Needle [as Mermaid Man talks, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start] building to rescue Bikini Bottom from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit, [breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm] away! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble climb on the window-washing platforms and go up after the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.] Mermaid Man: You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing. Dirty Bubble: Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here. Me; Well, since you asked so nicely... eat Hermit Nippers, bubble butt! [The Sneaky Hermit fires his hermit nippers at the Dirty Bubble. But he dodges all of them.] Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom! [The Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench of bad breath at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges and it affected Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez! [coughs] Whew. That's worse than Mermaid Man's socks. Me: OK. Now let's try a..... Sneaky Frightener! [The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.] Sneaky frightener: Boo! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.] Man Ray: Okay, now this is getting weird. Barnacle Boy: The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool! [Barnacle Boy performs his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit dodges the attack and it hits the Dirty Bubble.] Dirty Bubble: [spins around] Hey, w-watch it! You're gonna make me s-s-spill my lunch! Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling! The hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means? Mermaid Man: We're having prune and broccoli pudding for desert tonight? Barnacle Boy: No, you old coot. Pepper! We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze. Mermaid Man: Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some. Barnacle Boy: You got some in your pocket from before! Dirty Bubble: Oh, this isn't helping at all. [Everyone reaches the very top of the Sea Needle.] Mermaid Man: [holds out the pepper grinder] Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I gotta warn ya, it's especially tasty. The jig is up! Me: Pepper! You couldn't hit me with - [realizes] Oh, [dolphin chirp]! Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper! [sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face] Me: Ah-ah-ah-ah- Mermaid Man: [looks down] You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore. Barnacle Boy: You got that right, old man. Let's scoot. [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy let go of the ropes and descend down.] Me: Ah-ah-ah-ah- Man Ray: I think those bumbling ninnies might be onto something. Let's get out of here! Dirty Bubble: Not so fast, Man Ray! I'm still feeling [Man Ray lets go of the rope and descends down] queaaaaaassssyyyyy! Me: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!! [As the Sneaky Hermit flies away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Bikini Bottom is back to the way it is.]
1:36 Me: [Maestro Role] Ahem! Good evening, sea creatures, and whatnot. Tonight, I shall give you my performance of the Orca Chorus, and without further adieu, I shall start it... now! Ready, boys? Sing! [The maestro begins his performance and the whales start to sing.] Mermaid Man: That quarterback is showing real progress this season. [The maestro continues his performance with the whales.] Mermaid Man: Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of the chair, you old coot. Mermaid Man: [realizing] I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either. [rubs his belly and fiddles around with his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash, blinding the audience in the process] [All of the sudden, the Sand Stadium shakes and completely vanishes into thin air.] Me: Wow! I guess they must want an encore! [The dust clears and the audience is scattered everywhere on the ground including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, what have ya done this time, Mermaid Man? Lady: Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Sand Stadium! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!! Mermaid Man: Evil! Barnacle Boy: Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man! We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested. [grabs Mermaid Man and drags him] Mermaid Man: I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things. [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy rush to the invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man jumps in, but Barnacle Boy falls straight to the ground, hurting his buttocks in the process.] Barnacle Boy: Ow! Mermaid Man: Ooh, sorry, Barnacle Boy. I must be in the passenger seat. [hops over to the driver seat] Barnacle Boy: [gets in the passenger seat] Remind me again why we made the invisible boatmobile invisible? [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away.]
29:39 [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy land safely on the ground.] Barnacle Boy: Well, we sure did teach that little critter something about not stealing buildings and storing them on your back and plotting to take over the world. Mermaid Man: We sure did. And teaming up with our enemies worked. [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble land safely on the ground.] Dirty Bubble: [feeling sick] Spinning, spinning, spinning! [goes somewhere to throw up] Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray: Eeewww! Mermaid Man: Feeling good now, Dirty Bubble? Dirty Bubble: No. I think I'm almost back to feeling evil again. Mermaid Man: Oh. Man Ray: So, would you like to come and throw rocks with us? Barnacle Boy: No, we're still good I'm afraid. Man Ray: Oh. So, um... Ah, the heck with it. Come, Dirty Bubble, I'm tired of all this goodness! Let's go steal chocolate chips out of the prison warden's cookies! Dirty Bubble: Now you're talking. Time for some evil! [Man Ray draws on Mermaid Man's face.] Mermaid Man: Evil? [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble run off into the streets to continue doing evil.] Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Yes, son? Barnacle Boy: Are you going to, uh, fix that anytime soon? Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. Barnacle Boy: So, what do you say we go see the rest of that performance at the Sand Stadium? Mermaid Man: We're going back to the football game?! Hot dog! I love football! Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. It's not foot-[stutters] Oh, whatever. Yep. Let's go see the rest of the "football game." Mermaid Man: Yippee! [he and Barnacle Boy enter the invisible boatmobile] Ice cream, ice cream. Can I have ice cream? Barnacle Boy: As much as you want, old chump. Mermaid Man: Hee-hee! Best day ever! [drives away] TV announcer: And so once again, the forces of badness have been outdone by the forces of goodness. And thank goodness there's an end to the madness. Tune in next time for another mostly interesting episode of The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! French Narrator: Ah, monsieur, you really are very good at that. TV announcer: Thanks again, my French companion. There's a funny story about how I got into cartoons. You see, when I was just a kid, I had this deep voice.
17:07 [trouble is brewing at the Chum Bucket. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing the captive to run on the treadmill and create a vortex of stinkiness.] Me: [Captive Role] [panting] Agh! Oh, I said I wanted some exercise, but this is torture! [grunts] My legs are aching! Agh! I didn't even get a water bottle to drink from!!! Dirty Bubble: That kid is so annoying. Man Ray: Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes. Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea! [laughs] Man Ray: By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea! [hears the invisible boatmobile pulling up outside] Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoonmobile. Our heroes have arrived! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear through the double doors.] Mermaid Man: I'll have a burger and fries! [Barnacle Boy becomes embarrassed and gives Mermaid Man the script.] Mermaid Man: I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends! Me: Oh, thank goodness you and your sidekick came to save me from this torture, Mermaid Man! Dirty Bubble: You're too late, Moron Man! The mayor's child is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness! [laughs] The treadmill creates static keeping the vile stench from the Chum Bucket food at bay. But stop running and… WHAM! It's nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time. [laughs] Mermaid Man: That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kinda...icky. Dirty Bubble: Try to save the mayor's kid if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time. [laughs along with Man Ray] [Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.] Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment. [chuckles] Man Ray: So long, old timers! [leaves with the Dirty Bubble] Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! This is only gonna stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really gotta free the mayor's kid. Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. The kid. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?! Barnacle Boy: It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man. [flips the switches on the machine] We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive. Mermaid Man: Did you shut it off? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [tries to turn the machine off using Barnacle Boy] How 'bout now? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [wearing a hat] Now? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Me: For goodness sake, hurry up! I don't know how much longer till my legs give out! Which could happen any minute!!!! Mermaid Man: [throws a ball at Barnacle Boy] Is it off? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [throws another ball at Barnacle Boy] Still? Barnacle Boy: Nope. [Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're angry.] Man Ray: We are so mad! Dirty Bubble: We got double-crossed! Man Ray: [pushes the Dirty Bubble away] While we were here setting up traps to help the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs! Mermaid Man: Wow. That really is sneaky. Barnacle Boy: Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us. Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together? Dirty Bubble: That's pretty much why we're here. Mermaid Man: Well, that was easy. Barnacle Boy: I know a hunter in Jellyfish Fields who could track anything. I bet he will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with a little help. Mermaid Man: Well, there's nothing much left to say except... super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil unite! [Everyone joins hands.] Me: Uh, hello?! Captive in torture here! Man Ray: Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you. [shuts off the machine]
14:39 [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab.] French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is- TV announcer: Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene! French Narrator: Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on. TV announcer: Thank you. [clears throat] The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices. French Narrator: Ooh, monsieur, that was very good. TV announcer: Why, thank you. I have had some training and-hey, is this thing still on? French Narrator: Oop, the barnacles! [switches music off] [Inside the Krusty Krab, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are eating a couple of Krabby Patties and French fries and drinking cups of soda.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase! Mermaid Man: Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're at the bottom of the ocean. [goose honks] Waiter? Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. [sneezes] Huh. Mermaid Man: A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it. Me: [Waiter Role] Sure, because you asked so nicely. [The waiter grinds pepper on the Krabby Patty.] Mermaid Man: Little more. [the waiter grinds more] More. [the waiter grinds more] Little more, thanks. [the waiter grinds more] Just a bit more. Me: Wow. You must love pepper. Why don't you keep it? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder] Mermaid Man: Thanks. I sure love that pepper! Barnacle Boy: [sneezes and groans] We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit. Me: Did you say 'Sneaky Hermit'? Barnacle Boy: Yes, I did. Me: He lived 3 doors from me down my street. Barnacle Boy: Well, that's a coincidence. Me: Yup. Mermaid Man: Do you have any idea where this hermit is now? Me: Uh, nope. Barnacle Boy: Well, have ya seen anything suspicious? Me: Well, I saw Man Ray take a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket. Does that count as suspicious? Barnacle Boy: I call that suspicious. Mermaid Man: 'Cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket. [rimshot] Barnacle Boy: When did you see this? Me: A while ago whilst you were talking. Barnacle Boy: Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do! Mermaid Man: To the Chum Bucket! Me: Thank you for dining today! Please come again! Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh, yeah! To the Chum Bucket, away!
20:45 [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble head off the Jellyfish Fields to look for the hunter. They gaze through the tall grass while jellyfish are buzzing above them.] Man Ray: So, where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy? Barnacle Boy: Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember? Mermaid Man: Maybe the hunter is hunting the jellyfish king. Dirty Bubble: Or maybe we're wasting our time. What if this hunter knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist? Me: [Hunter Role] I, being a hunter, sense that you're seeking the Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: [loudly] Curse that name! Me: Shhhhh! Look, Keep quiet and I'll help you. Capiche? Man Ray: [quietly] Curse that name! Me: That's better. Now follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] From what I learned in my college studies, Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over. Barnacle Boy: [whispers] I see! Mermaid Man: I see...when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again. Dirty Bubble: [feels something] Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray! Man Ray: [yells loudly] For goodness sake, you don't have a foot you infertile bubble! [Man Ray's outburst scares the jellyfish king away.] Me: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The Sneaky hermit is stealing bigger things, so I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights. Dirty Bubble: The hermit wears tights? Barnacle Boy: The permit test bites? Man Ray: Old Herbert was right? Mermaid Man: [loudly] The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas? [Mermaid Man's exclamation scares the jellyfish king away.] Me: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the Sneaky Hermit always put mattress stuffing in his shell, for comfort. Barnacle Boy: What the? That's not helpful! Dirty Bubble: Well, it could be. Man Ray: Yes, you never know. Mermaid Man: Comfort is important, young ward. [The jellyfish king appears behind Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble. The Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch and sends the jellyfish king flying away.] Dirty Bubble: Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know. Me: [angrily] Oh for crying out loud! Look, if you leave me alone, I'll track the Hermit for you! Sound fair? Barnacle Boy: Oh, well, that's decent of ya. [chuckles] You can come with us in our invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man: [quietly] Away! [The Dirty Bubble belches.] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the help of the finest hunter in Jellyfish Fields. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in downtown Bikini Bottom. Not far from this very studio...[the studio disappears] Um...we'll be right back.
12:27 [Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, it is filled with various objects including buildings.] Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Look at all this stuff I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole! [evil laugh] It's so good to be evil, little sidekick. And soon.... [the chair turns] I should get that chair fixed sometime. Lary: Meow. Me: Soon, I will carry all of Bikini Bottom on my shell! [evil laughter and looks at the picture of ex-wife] How could you just divorce me and take my house?! That was a mistake you made, cause that turned me evil! and now, I will steal the whole of BIkini Bottom, And- [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, a visitor. [The Sneaky Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.] Man Ray: Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last. Dirty Bubble: We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies! Me: Mmm, I LOVE cookies! Wipe your feet on the doormat i stole from the hotel before i took said hotel, before you come in. [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what are you thinking? Dirty Bubble: We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late. And we're thinking of a team up. A team up of evil!! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Man Ray: We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say? Me: Hmmmm. I LIKE this idea, especially since it also fits right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Let's do it. [pulls out a bag] I got this captive a while ago. Use it to distract the old codgers. Man Ray: Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine! Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness. Dirty Bubble: Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship. Me: Yes; diabolical. And thanks again for the cookies. [evil laughter] And now, everyone will be out of my way! Yay! [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble leave with the bag holding the captive.] Lary: [meows in evil laughter] Me: I am off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs, little buddy. Guard my stuff well. And If you get hungry, there's some leftover meatloaf in the fridge i stole yesterday. Lary: Meow.
3:14 Me: [Police Officer Role] Ahhh, a quiet day, on patrol. [sighs] A bit too quiet, if you ask me. Still, gotta keep an eye out; you never know when- Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile! They are believed to be old and dangerous. Me: Yes, Sir! Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive past the police officer.] Me: Can't say I have, yet. Chief: [through walkie-talkie] That sounded like the invisible boatmobile! Was that them? Me: Come to think of it, I did hear them drive by. Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Apprehend them at once! Me: Yes, Sir! [pedals after them whilst singing 'Jingle Bells'] Mermaid Man: Hey, I didn't know we had a radio. [The police officer gets closer.] Mermaid Man: Sing along, Barnacle Boy. I love this song! Barnacle Boy: That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles! We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested! Mermaid Man: I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying? Barnacle Boy: Floor it! [Mermaid Man floors the invisible boatmobile and they drive faster. The police officer continues to pursue them and keeps on peddling.] Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on! [drives a different way] [The police officer is starting to get tired from peddling and Gary slithers by.] Me: Hi, Gary. Gary: Meow. Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Request update on the chase, Officer! Me; [panting] I need to really work on my cardio.... [sees them] Wait! There they are! Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these devious twists and turns. Barnacle Boy: Uhh... Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile! [The screen pans out to reveal that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just driving around the parking lot of Mrs. Puff's Boating School. The police officer finally catches up to them and parks at the front.] Me: Hands up, codger criminals! You're comin' with me!
5:35 Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] [Evil laugh] That stupid cop has arrested those bumbling old codger heroes for MY crimes! Ha ha! Now they won't look for me anytime soon! So... uhhh, what should I do now? Oh, I know! I'll laugh evilly, cos that's what supervillains do! [laughs evilly] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! It is believed that the masterminds behind the disappearance of Sand Stadium are none other than Bikini Bottom heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. When questioned, the older hero had this to say, "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The ex-heroes are now doing time in Bikini Bottom Jail. We will keep you updated with further updates.
10:15 [at Goo Lagoon. The Sneaky Hermit's lookout is hiding behind an ice cream vendor's stand with the new being played on the television.] Realistic Fish Head: [on TV] …on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices. [The ice cream vendor turns off the TV.] Me: [Lookout Role] I heard you're on the news, boss! You're a star! [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone.] Me: OK, Boss, I'll keep my eye out for anyone suspicious. I've seen some great stuff today too. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Someone with an umbrella. [sees a strong guy] A strong guy. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Hey! That kid's got ice cream! [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.] Me: Huh. I might have these the wrong way around. [flips binoculars over and sees Mermaid Man up close] Mermaid Man: Greetings, sea creature! Me: Agh! [Hides behind the ice cream stand] Ice Cream Vendor: What can I get you, gentlemen? Kelp sundae? Sea cucumber split? Information on any of the major super villains? Mermaid Man: Super what-no? No, I'd like two scoops of high fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm. Ice Cream Vendor: Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a super villain. Someone hermit like? Bit sneaky? Mermaid Man: There's a sale on underpan-I-I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?! Ice Cream Vendor: That's the one. Was here not that long back. Said something about being hungry. Something about the Krusty Krab. Barnacle Boy: Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately. Mermaid Man: Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab! Away! [he and Barnacle Boy leave Goo Lagoon] Ice Cream Vendor: [to the lookout] Well, I got rid of them for ya. Me: Thanks, sir. You can serve ice cream at my niece's birthday party, if you want. Ice Cream Vendor: Great, thanks. No really. [The walkie-talkie rings.] Me: Yes? [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.] Me: Those 2 weirdos have gone, boss. I'm sure we won't have any more surprises like that again, and - [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh! I'm not here! [hides again] Ice Cream Vendor: What can I do for you Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs? Dirty Bubble: Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work. Man Ray: What a waste of two bucks. [throws away his mask] Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout. Ice Cream Vendor: The secret one? That's just over the hill there. Dirty Bubble: Well, that was easy. Ice Cream Vendor: Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it. [A sign that says "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair 10 yards" is shown.]
[Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom Jail, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. The two heroes struggle to figure out the disappearance of the Sand Stadium.] Barnacle Boy: Now, let's go over it again. Are you sure you didn't hit the building-obliteration button when you were foolin' around with your utility belt? Mermaid Man: I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy. I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and I pressed this button by accident. [pushes the same button again] Barnacle Boy: Oh! Geez! [stutters] I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. Ya make me nervous. Mermaid Man: Nothin' to be afraid of, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. [pulls out a picture of his chin] Lookie. Such a handsome chin. [pulls out another picture of his chin] And here's the picture I took at the Sand Stadium. Right before it vanished. Barnacle Boy: Well, that proves it wasn't you that caused the mess. This time at least. 7:17 Me: [Prison guard role] Mess? You don't know the half of it! A long time ago, there was an inmate called Messy Messerson. That was his criminal name; cos his real name was Stanley. He was known for stealing junk from garbage dumps, and illegally selling it at high prices. Barnacle Boy: Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley". Man Ray: No, it doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all. Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Sand Stadium vanished too cleanly. Mermaid Man: Man Ray! Barnacle Boy: [gasps] Our second most arch nemesis! Man Ray: That's right, super-zeroes! It's me! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray growl at each other for a bit. But stop.] Mermaid Man: So, what are you in for? Man Ray: I got caught jaywalking. Could you believe it? [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray share a laugh.] Dirty Bubble: You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public place. Ho-ho! Mermaid Man: The Dirty Bubble?! Barnacle Boy: Our number #1 arch nemesis! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble growl at each other.] Me: No fighting in jail, please! Dirty Bubble: Spoilsport. Me: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think a huge monster Kraken grabbed it, and threw it out of the water! Barnacle Boy: Monster?! Me: Could've been. After all, Krakens are monsters, you know. But, and I'm not one to use a very simplified plot device here, I think it's likely the Sneaky Hermit was the real culprit. Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit. Of course! This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career! Barnacle Boy: What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit do? [Suddenly, the entire building of Bikini Bottom Jail shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Sand Stadium.] Dirty Bubble: I think it would be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings. Man Ray: A fine observation, my villainous companion. Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble! [leaves] Dirty Bubble: Ooh, let's start with jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice. [leaves] Barnacle Boy: We should probably catch those two you know. Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time. First, I think we've got a hermit to catch. We'll start with the beach 'cause hermits love the beach. To the invisible boatmobile! Away! Me: That definitely was a Kraken that ti- [is crushed by a falling ceiling tile] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
TV announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man: [grabs Barnacle Boy and shakes him] Most important meal of the day. Barnacle Boy: Oh, put me down, you old coot! TV announcer: Protecting our seas and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch nemesis, the Dirty Bubble. Dirty Bubble: [chasing and scaring a couple of citizens] A booga-booga-booga! [laughs] TV announcer: And their second most arch nemesis, Man Ray. Man Ray: [after making graffiti on a building] Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town? TV announcer: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing. Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, unite! [he and Barnacle Boy join their rings together] At the Sand Stadium: TV announcer: The Sand Stadium, cultural hub of our undersea art community. Home of quality music from Bikini Bottom's finest performers. And also [referring to the whale performers] these guys. It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's finest crime fighters. And also [referring to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] these guys. Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy? [shakes Barnacle Boy] Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch. Mermaid Man: Who's winning? Barnacle Boy: What are you- [stutters] Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical performance, not a football game. Mermaid Man: [stupidly] Ah, you're only saying that because your team's losing. Barnacle Boy: [groans] No! I-oh, geez. Mermaid Man: [waves pennant] Who's scored?
17:07 [trouble is brewing at the Chum Bucket. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing the captive to run on the treadmill and create a vortex of stinkiness.] Pearl Krabs: [Captive Role] [panting] Agh! Please make this stop! This is torture on my legs! [grunts and wails] Oh, will a superhero please come and save me!!!!"!!! Dirty Bubble: That kid is so annoying. Man Ray: Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes. Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea! [laughs] Man Ray: By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea! [hears the invisible boatmobile pulling up outside] Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoonmobile. Our heroes have arrived! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear through the double doors.] Mermaid Man: I'll have a burger and fries! [Barnacle Boy becomes embarrassed and gives Mermaid Man the script.] Mermaid Man: I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends! Pearl: Oh, thank goodness you came, Mermaid Man! My small legs are now about get thigh muscle cramps! Dirty Bubble: You're too late, Moron Man! The mayor's child is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness! [laughs] The treadmill creates static keeping the vile stench from the Chum Bucket food at bay. But stop running and… WHAM! It's nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time. [laughs] Mermaid Man: That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kinda...icky. Dirty Bubble: Try to save the mayor's kid if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time. [laughs along with Man Ray] [Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.] Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment. [chuckles] Man Ray: So long, old timers! [leaves with the Dirty Bubble] Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! This is only gonna stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really gotta free the mayor's kid. Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. The kid. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?! Barnacle Boy: It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man. [flips the switches on the machine] We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive. Mermaid Man: Did you shut it off? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [tries to turn the machine off using Barnacle Boy] How 'bout now? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [wearing a hat] Now? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Pearl: Can we hurry this up?! My legs are starting to chafe! Mermaid Man: [throws a ball at Barnacle Boy] Is it off? Barnacle Boy: Nope. Mermaid Man: [throws another ball at Barnacle Boy] Still? Barnacle Boy: Nope. [Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're angry.] Man Ray: We are so mad! Dirty Bubble: We got double-crossed! Man Ray: [pushes the Dirty Bubble away] While we were here setting up traps to help the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs! Mermaid Man: Wow. That really is sneaky. Barnacle Boy: Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us. Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together? Dirty Bubble: That's pretty much why we're here. Mermaid Man: Well, that was easy. Barnacle Boy: I know a hunter in Jellyfish Fields who could track anything. I bet he will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with a little help. Mermaid Man: Well, there's nothing much left to say except... super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil unite! [Everyone joins hands.] Pearl: Excuse me! Forgetting something? Man Ray: Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you. [shuts off the machine]
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy rush to the invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man jumps in, but Barnacle Boy falls straight to the ground, hurting his buttocks in the process.] Barnacle Boy: Ow! Mermaid Man: Ooh, sorry, Barnacle Boy. I must be in the passenger seat. [hops over to the driver seat] Barnacle Boy: [gets in the passenger seat] Remind me again why we made the invisible boatmobile invisible? [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away.] 3:14 Pearl Krabs: Oh, i hope this police officer shift gets sorted soon, I need to get ready for the police ball tonight. Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile! They are believed to be old and dangerous. Pearl Krabs: Who? What? Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy? [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive past the police officer.] Pearl Krabs: No, sir, I can't say I did, but- Chief: [through walkie-talkie] That sounded like the invisible boatmobile! Was that them? Pearl Krabs: Maybe? Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Apprehend them at once! Pearl Krabs: OK! I'll even put on some exciting pop music! [pedals after them whilst playing pop music from her phone] Mermaid Man: Hey, I didn't know we had a radio. [The police officer gets closer.] Mermaid Man: Sing along, Barnacle Boy. I love this song! Barnacle Boy: That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles! We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested! Mermaid Man: I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying? Barnacle Boy: Floor it! [Mermaid Man floors the invisible boatmobile and they drive faster. The police officer continues to pursue them and keeps on peddling.] Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on! [drives a different way] [The police officer is starting to get tired from peddling and Gary slithers by.] Gary: Meow. Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Request update on the chase, Officer! Pearl; [panting] Not... yet... [sees them] Wait! Yes, I do! Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these devious twists and turns. Barnacle Boy: Uhh... Mermaid Man? Mermaid Man: They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile! [The screen pans out to reveal that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just driving around the parking lot of Mrs. Puff's Boating School. The police officer finally catches up to them and parks at the front.] Pearl: Finally, I can end my shift after this! Whew! 5:35 Pearl: [Sneaky Hermit Role] [Evil laugh] That police buffon has arrested those old guys for MY crimes! Ha ha! Now they won't look for me, The Sneaky Hermit, anytime soon! So I should go and do more evil stuff! [laughs again and escapes] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! It is believed that the masterminds behind the disappearance of Sand Stadium are none other than Bikini Bottom heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. When questioned, the older hero had this to say, "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The ex-heroes are now doing time in Bikini Bottom Jail. We will keep you updated with further updates.
10:15 [at Goo Lagoon. The Sneaky Hermit's lookout is hiding behind an ice cream vendor's stand with the new being played on the television.] Realistic Fish Head: [on TV] …on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices. [The ice cream vendor turns off the TV.] Pearl Krabs: [Lookout Role] Wow, boss! Have you heard? The news is talking about you! [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone.] Pearl: OK, Boss, I'll keep my eye out for Mermaid Man. Now what can i try to see today?. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Someone gorgeous. [sees a strong guy] A handsome strong guy. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] 2 floating old people. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Hey! That kid's got ice cream! [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.] Pearl: Huh. I might have these the wrong way around. [flips binoculars over and sees Mermaid Man up close] Mermaid Man: Greetings, sea creature! Pearl: Agh! [Hides behind the ice cream stand] Ice Cream Vendor: What can I get you, gentlemen? Kelp sundae? Sea cucumber split? Information on any of the major super villains? Mermaid Man: Super what-no? No, I'd like two scoops of high fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm. Ice Cream Vendor: Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a super villain. Someone hermit like? Bit sneaky? Mermaid Man: There's a sale on underpan-I-I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?! Ice Cream Vendor: That's the one. Was here not that long back. Said something about being hungry. Something about the Krusty Krab. Barnacle Boy: Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately. Mermaid Man: Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab! Away! [he and Barnacle Boy leave Goo Lagoon] Ice Cream Vendor: [to the lookout] Well, I got rid of them for ya. Pearl: Thanks, sir. You're welcome to come on a date with me tonight after work. Ice Cream Vendor: Great, thanks. No really. [The walkie-talkie rings.] Pearl: Yeah? [The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.] Pearl: What? No, I haven't seen those heroes, boss, but I'm sure we won't see them anytime soo- [looks through binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh!! [hides again] Ice Cream Vendor: What can I do for you Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs? Dirty Bubble: Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work. Man Ray: What a waste of two bucks. [throws away his mask] Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout. Ice Cream Vendor: The secret one? That's just over the hill there. Dirty Bubble: Well, that was easy. Ice Cream Vendor: Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it. [A sign that says "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair 10 yards" is shown.]
12:27 [Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, it is filled with various objects including buildings.] Pearl Krabs: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Look, little sidekick! My lair is full of stuff I stole! [evil laugh] It's so good to be an evil supervillain, and very, very soon, I'll.... [the chair turns] ...need to put some oil on that chair. Lary: Meow. Pearl: Soon, I'll carry all of Bikini Bottom on my back! [looks at the picture of ex-husband] How could you just break up with me and take our house?! That move you made turned me evil! Evil, I say! And now, I will steal the whole of BIkini Bottom, so- [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, a visitor. [The Sneaky Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.] Man Ray: Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last. Dirty Bubble: We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies! Pearl: Thanks! Evil monologues make you hungry, you know. Please, come in. [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what's up? Dirty Bubble: We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late. And we're thinking of a team up. A team up of evil!! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Man Ray: We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say? Pearl: That is a good idea, especially since it'll fit right into my own selfish and evil plan! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Here's something for you two. [pulls out a bag] I got this captive a while ago. Use it to distract the old codgers. Man Ray: Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine! Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness. Dirty Bubble: Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship. Pearl: Yes; diabolical. And thanks again for the cookies. [evil laughter] And now, everyone will be out of my way! Yay! [Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble leave with the bag holding the captive.] Lary: [meows in evil laughter] Pearl: I am off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs, little buddy. Guard my stuff well. And don't touch my boyband magazine collection. Lary: Meow.
Lights Camera Pants Film [Pearl Krabs in all he roles] TV announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man: [grabs Barnacle Boy and shakes him] Most important meal of the day. Barnacle Boy: Oh, put me down, you old coot! TV announcer: Protecting our seas and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch nemesis, the Dirty Bubble. Dirty Bubble: [chasing and scaring a couple of citizens] A booga-booga-booga! [laughs] TV announcer: And their second most arch nemesis, Man Ray. Man Ray: [after making graffiti on a building] Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town? TV announcer: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing. Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, unite! [he and Barnacle Boy join their rings together] At the Sand Stadium: TV announcer: The Sand Stadium, cultural hub of our undersea art community. Home of quality music from Bikini Bottom's finest performers. And also [referring to the whale performers] these guys. It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's finest crime fighters. And also [referring to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] these guys. Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy? [shakes Barnacle Boy] Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch. Mermaid Man: Who's winning? Barnacle Boy: What are you- [stutters] Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical performance, not a football game. Mermaid Man: [stupidly] Ah, you're only saying that because your team's losing. Barnacle Boy: [groans] No! I-oh, geez. Mermaid Man: [waves pennant] Who's scored? 1:36 Pearl Krabs: [Maestro Role] Hello, everyone! I'm your maestro for this performance tonight! ANd here's a cool band that you will oh so adore - The Orca Dudes! Ready? Begin! [The maestro begins her performance and the whales start to sing.] Mermaid Man: That quarterback is showing real progress this season. [The maestro continues his performance with the whales.] Mermaid Man: Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy? Barnacle Boy: That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of the chair, you old coot. Mermaid Man: [realizing] I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either. [rubs his belly and fiddles around with his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash, blinding the audience in the process] [All of the sudden, the Sand Stadium shakes and completely vanishes into thin air.] Pearl: Wow! This band is certainly popular! [The dust clears and the audience is scattered everywhere on the ground including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, what have ya done this time, Mermaid Man? Lady: Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Sand Stadium! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!! Mermaid Man: Evil! Barnacle Boy: Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man! We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested. [grabs Mermaid Man and drags him] Mermaid Man: I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things.
23:00 [The scene changes to downtown Bikini Bottom.] TV announcer: Downtown Bikini Bottom, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the powers of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza. [The Sneaky Hermit is going around stealing many stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boatmobile.] Dirty Bubble: That hunter sure left in a hurry. Mermaid Man: I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye. Man Ray: Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble. Dirty Bubble: I was annoying? Man Ray: All that disgusting belching. Barnacle Boy: Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit! [rimshot] [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble share a good laugh.] Dirty Bubble: The hermit's really in for a surprise! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble continue laughing. When all of a sudden, the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boatmobile.] Mermaid Man: Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boatmobile? Barnacle Boy: Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did. [chuckles] It's just over-[sees the invisible boatmobile missing and gasps] Oh my gosh! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gasp in a shocking surprise.] Mermaid Man: The invisible boatmobile! It's been stolen! Pearl Krabs: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Yes! And I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole it! [evil laugh] Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit! Pearl: No prizes for guessing it was me, though. Barnacle Boy: You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town. Man Ray: And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive. Mermaid Man: You've stolen our invisible boatmobile, Sneaky Hermit! Dirty Bubble: You stole our evil lairs! Mermaid Man: Evil bears?! [The screen shows two koala bears with red, evil eyes.] Barnacle Boy: But why, Hermit? Why did you do it? Pearl: Duh! For a good home. Barnacle Boy: A home? You've got all of Bikini Bottom on your back! Dirty Bubble: What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world? Pearl: Would I be lying if I said yes? Barnacle Boy: All on your back? Where will you stand? Man Ray: Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy! Dirty Bubble: Enough talk! Can we fight already? Mermaid Man: [facing the wrong way] Hurrah! Prepare to make a fool of yourself, [Barnacle Boy turns him around] Sneaky Hermit! Pearl: I'll do that to you first, Mermaid Man! Barnacle Boy: I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is gonna hurt. Mermaid Man: [summons a swarm of jellyfish] Sea creatures of the deep unite! [The Sneaky Hermit runs away. The hermit's stunt double (Pearl) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then puts another building onto his back.] Dirty Bubble: By all things dirty, I-uh-[stutters] Make you dirty! [The Dirty Bubble charges at the Sneaky Hermit's stunt double. The stunt double grabs a helicopter and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble is sent flying into a pile of trash with Pearl's head sticking outta his mouth.] Gary: Meow. [The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant sea needle in the middle of the city.] Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Sea Needle! Mermaid Man: Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Bikini Bottom. Barnacle Boy: Oh, barnacles. Pearl: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Why can't I lift this building?! Mermaid Man: I know! I know! It's locked! Lookie! [points to a lock at the very top of the building] You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there. Pearl: Thanks, Mermaid Man! Dirty Bubble: [groans] Why do you good guys have to be so helpful? [The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the winder-washing platform and goes up.] Barnacle Boy: We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening. [chuckles] Mermaid Man: Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy! All those in favor? Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: Aye! Mermaid Man: All against? Pearl: No! Barnacle Boy: Quiet you! Mermaid Man: Alright, there's not much left to say but...to the window-washing platforms on the side of the Sea Needle [as Mermaid Man talks, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start] building to rescue Bikini Bottom from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit, [breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm] away! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble climb on the window-washing platforms and go up after the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.] Mermaid Man: You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing. Dirty Bubble: Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here. Pearl; OK. Here come some really pretty Hermit nippers! [The Sneaky Hermit fires her hermit nippers at the Dirty Bubble. But he dodges all of them.] Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom! [The Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench of bad breath at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges and it affected Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez! [coughs] Whew. That's worse than Mermaid Man's socks. Pearl: Do you know what else is worse than dirty socks? A Sneaky Frightener! [The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.] Sneaky frightener: Boo! [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.] Man Ray: Okay, now this is getting weird. Barnacle Boy: The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool! [Barnacle Boy performs his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit dodges the attack and it hits the Dirty Bubble.] Dirty Bubble: [spins around] Hey, w-watch it! You're gonna make me s-s-spill my lunch! Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling! The hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means? Mermaid Man: We're having prune and broccoli pudding for desert tonight? Barnacle Boy: No, you old coot. Pepper! We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze. Mermaid Man: Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some. Barnacle Boy: You got some in your pocket from before! Dirty Bubble: Oh, this isn't helping at all. [Everyone reaches the very top of the Sea Needle.] Mermaid Man: [holds out the pepper grinder] Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I gotta warn ya, it's especially tasty. The jig is up! Pearl: Pepper! Like that's ever gonna stop- [realizes] Oh no. Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper! [sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face] Pearl: Ah-ah-ah-ah- Mermaid Man: [looks down] You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore. Barnacle Boy: You got that right, old man. Let's scoot. [Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy let go of the ropes and descend down.] Pearl: Ah-ah-ah-ah- Man Ray: I think those bumbling ninnies might be onto something. Let's get out of here! Dirty Bubble: Not so fast, Man Ray! I'm still feeling [Man Ray lets go of the rope and descends down] queaaaaaassssyyyyy! Pearl: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky, wailing] [As the Sneaky Hermit flies away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Bikini Bottom is back to the way it is.]
14:39 [The scene changes to the Krusty Krab.] French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is- TV announcer: Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene! French Narrator: Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on. TV announcer: Thank you. [clears throat] The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices. French Narrator: Ooh, monsieur, that was very good. TV announcer: Why, thank you. I have had some training and-hey, is this thing still on? French Narrator: Oop, the barnacles! [switches music off] [Inside the Krusty Krab, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are eating a couple of Krabby Patties and French fries and drinking cups of soda.] Barnacle Boy: Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase! Mermaid Man: Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're at the bottom of the ocean. [goose honks] Waiter? Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. [sneezes] Huh. Mermaid Man: A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it. Pearl Krabs: [Waiter Role] Sure, because you asked so nicely. [The waiter grinds pepper on the Krabby Patty.] Mermaid Man: Little more. [the waiter grinds more] More. [the waiter grinds more] Little more, thanks. [the waiter grinds more] Just a bit more. Pearl: Uhhh, why don't you keep it? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder] It's on the house. Mermaid Man: Thanks. I sure love that pepper! Barnacle Boy: [sneezes and groans] We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit. Pearl: Did you say 'Sneaky Hermit'? Barnacle Boy: Yes, I did. Pearl: He used to be in a band called the CrabStreet Boys. Barnacle Boy: Well, that's a coincidence. Pearl: Yeah. Mermaid Man: Do you have any idea where this hermit is now? Pearl: Uh, nope, sorry. Barnacle Boy: Well, have ya seen anything suspicious? Pearl: Suspicious? [THINKS] Well, now that you mention it, I saw Man Ray take a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket. Barnacle Boy: I call that suspicious. Mermaid Man: 'Cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket. [rimshot] Barnacle Boy: When did you see this? Pearl: Just whilst I was grinding the pepper. Barnacle Boy: Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do! Mermaid Man: To the Chum Bucket! Pearl: Can I have your autographs? Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh, yeah! To the Chum Bucket, away!
20:45 [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble head off the Jellyfish Fields to look for the hunter. They gaze through the tall grass while jellyfish are buzzing above them.] Man Ray: So, where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy? Barnacle Boy: Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember? Mermaid Man: Maybe the hunter is hunting the jellyfish king. Dirty Bubble: Or maybe we're wasting our time. What if this hunter knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist? Pearl Krabs: [Hunter Role] I do exist. [pops up] And, I sense that you're looking for the Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: [loudly] Curse that name! Pearl: Shhhhh! Look, Keep quiet and I'll help you. OK? Man Ray: [quietly] Curse that name! Pearl: That's better. Now follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king]Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're in danger of tipping over. Barnacle Boy: [whispers] I see! Mermaid Man: I see...when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again. Dirty Bubble: [feels something] Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray! Man Ray: [yells loudly] For goodness sake, you don't have a foot you infertile bubble! [Man Ray's outburst scares the jellyfish king away.] Pearl: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The Sneaky hermit is stealing bigger things, so I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights. Dirty Bubble: The hermit wears tights? Barnacle Boy: The permit test bites? Man Ray: Old Herbert was right? Mermaid Man: [loudly] The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas? [Mermaid Man's exclamation scares the jellyfish king away.] Pearl: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the Sneaky Hermit wears earmuffs to block noises, comfortable pink ones. Barnacle Boy: What the? That's not helpful! Dirty Bubble: Well, it could be. Man Ray: Yes, you never know. Mermaid Man: Comfort is important, young ward. [The jellyfish king appears behind Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble. The Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch and sends the jellyfish king flying away.] Dirty Bubble: Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know. Pearl: [angrily] Oh forget it! Look,I'll track the Hermit for you if you never come back here to bother me again! Sound fair? Barnacle Boy: Oh, well, that's decent of ya. [chuckles] You can come with us in our invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man: [quietly] Away! [The Dirty Bubble belches.] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the help of the finest hunter in Jellyfish Fields. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in downtown Bikini Bottom. Not far from this very studio...[the studio disappears] Um...we'll be right back.
[Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom Jail, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. The two heroes struggle to figure out the disappearance of the Sand Stadium.] Barnacle Boy: Now, let's go over it again. Are you sure you didn't hit the building-obliteration button when you were foolin' around with your utility belt? Mermaid Man: I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy. I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and I pressed this button by accident. [pushes the same button again] Barnacle Boy: Oh! Geez! [stutters] I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. Ya make me nervous. Mermaid Man: Nothin' to be afraid of, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. [pulls out a picture of his chin] Lookie. Such a handsome chin. [pulls out another picture of his chin] And here's the picture I took at the Sand Stadium. Right before it vanished. Barnacle Boy: Well, that proves it wasn't you that caused the mess. This time at least. 7:17 Pearl Krabs: [Prison guard role] Mess?! Well, there's one person I know who would cause a mess as big as your problem - Messy Messerson. But I also think he had a proper name, called Stanley. ANd, he had just the dreamiest pet worm I've seen in the ocean. Barnacle Boy: Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley". Man Ray: No, it doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all. Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Sand Stadium vanished too cleanly. Mermaid Man: Man Ray! Barnacle Boy: [gasps] Our second most arch nemesis! Man Ray: That's right, super-zeroes! It's me! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray growl at each other for a bit. But stop.] Mermaid Man: So, what are you in for? Man Ray: I got caught jaywalking. Could you believe it? [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray share a laugh.] Dirty Bubble: You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public place. Ho-ho! Mermaid Man: The Dirty Bubble?! Barnacle Boy: Our number #1 arch nemesis! [Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble growl at each other.] Pearl: Excuse me! CAN YOU be quiet please! Dirty Bubble: Spoilsport. Pearl: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think a huge monster-sized sinkhole opened up in the ocean and the stadium fell into it! Barnacle Boy: Monster?! Pearl: Monster-sized. Or, if you want a more simpler guess, you could say it was the Sneaky Hermit. Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit. Of course! This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career! Barnacle Boy: What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit do? [Suddenly, the entire building of Bikini Bottom Jail shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Sand Stadium.] Dirty Bubble: I think it would be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings. Man Ray: A fine observation, my villainous companion. Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble! [leaves] Dirty Bubble: Ooh, let's start with jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice. [leaves] Barnacle Boy: We should probably catch those two you know. Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time. First, I think we've got a hermit to catch. We'll start with the beach 'cause hermits love the beach. To the invisible boatmobile! Away! Pearl: Well, For once, it wasn't me who brought the house down. [a tile lands on her head] Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
23:00
[The scene changes to downtown Bikini Bottom.]
TV announcer: Downtown Bikini Bottom, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the powers of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza.
[The Sneaky Hermit is going around stealing many stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boatmobile.]
Dirty Bubble: That hunter sure left in a hurry.
Mermaid Man: I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye.
Man Ray: Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble.
Dirty Bubble: I was annoying?
Man Ray: All that disgusting belching.
Barnacle Boy: Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit! [rimshot]
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble share a good laugh.]
Dirty Bubble: The hermit's really in for a surprise!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble continue laughing. When all of a sudden, the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boatmobile.]
Mermaid Man: Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boatmobile?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did. [chuckles] It's just over-[sees the invisible boatmobile missing and gasps] Oh my gosh!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gasp in a shocking surprise.]
Mermaid Man: The invisible boatmobile! It's been stolen!
Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Yes! And I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole it! [evil laugh]
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit!
Me: Yup. That's me.
Barnacle Boy: You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town.
Man Ray: And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive.
Mermaid Man: You've stolen our invisible boatmobile, Sneaky Hermit!
Dirty Bubble: You stole our evil lairs!
Mermaid Man: Evil bears?!
[The screen shows two koala bears with red, evil eyes.]
Barnacle Boy: But why, Hermit? Why did you do it?
Me: Duh! For a good home.
Barnacle Boy: A home? You've got all of Bikini Bottom on your back!
Dirty Bubble: What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world?
Me: Way to give the game away, Dirty Bubble. But yes, yes it was.
Barnacle Boy: All on your back? Where will you stand?
Man Ray: Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy!
Dirty Bubble: Enough talk! Can we fight already?
Mermaid Man: [facing the wrong way] Hurrah! Prepare to make a fool of yourself, [Barnacle Boy turns him around] Sneaky Hermit!
Me: Not if I make a fool of you and your team first, Sea Pig-Face!
Barnacle Boy: I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is gonna hurt.
Mermaid Man: [summons a swarm of jellyfish] Sea creatures of the deep unite!
[The Sneaky Hermit runs away. The hermit's stunt double (depending on which character) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then puts another building onto his back.]
Dirty Bubble: By all things dirty, I-uh-[stutters] Make you dirty!
[The Dirty Bubble charges at the Sneaky Hermit's stunt double. The stunt double grabs a helicopter and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble is sent flying into a pile of trash with a character's face in his mouth (depending on which character).]
Gary: Meow.
[The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant sea needle in the middle of the city.]
Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Sea Needle!
Mermaid Man: Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Bikini Bottom.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, barnacles.
Me: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Oh, this damn building! Why can't I lift it?!
Mermaid Man: I know! I know! It's locked! Lookie! [points to a lock at the very top of the building] You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there.
Me: Good idea, Mermaid Man! Thanks!
Dirty Bubble: [groans] Why do you good guys have to be so helpful?
[The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the winder-washing platform and goes up.]
Barnacle Boy: We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening. [chuckles]
Mermaid Man: Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy! All those in favor?
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: Aye!
Mermaid Man: All against?
Me: Nay!
Barnacle Boy: Quiet you!
Mermaid Man: Alright, there's not much left to say but...to the window-washing platforms on the side of the Sea Needle [as Mermaid Man talks, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start] building to rescue Bikini Bottom from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit, [breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm] away!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble climb on the window-washing platforms and go up after the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.]
Mermaid Man: You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing.
Dirty Bubble: Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here.
Me; Well, since you asked so nicely... eat Hermit Nippers, bubble butt!
[The Sneaky Hermit fires his hermit nippers at the Dirty Bubble. But he dodges all of them.]
Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom!
[The Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench of bad breath at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges and it affected Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez! [coughs] Whew. That's worse than Mermaid Man's socks.
Me: OK. Now let's try a..... Sneaky Frightener!
[The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.]
Sneaky frightener: Boo!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.]
Man Ray: Okay, now this is getting weird.
Barnacle Boy: The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool!
[Barnacle Boy performs his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit dodges the attack and it hits the Dirty Bubble.]
Dirty Bubble: [spins around] Hey, w-watch it! You're gonna make me s-s-spill my lunch!
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling! The hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means?
Mermaid Man: We're having prune and broccoli pudding for desert tonight?
Barnacle Boy: No, you old coot. Pepper! We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze.
Mermaid Man: Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some.
Barnacle Boy: You got some in your pocket from before!
Dirty Bubble: Oh, this isn't helping at all.
[Everyone reaches the very top of the Sea Needle.]
Mermaid Man: [holds out the pepper grinder] Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I gotta warn ya, it's especially tasty. The jig is up!
Me: Pepper! You couldn't hit me with - [realizes] Oh, [dolphin chirp]!
Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper! [sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face]
Me: Ah-ah-ah-ah-
Mermaid Man: [looks down] You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore.
Barnacle Boy: You got that right, old man. Let's scoot.
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy let go of the ropes and descend down.]
Me: Ah-ah-ah-ah-
Man Ray: I think those bumbling ninnies might be onto something. Let's get out of here!
Dirty Bubble: Not so fast, Man Ray! I'm still feeling [Man Ray lets go of the rope and descends down] queaaaaaassssyyyyy!
Me: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky] LOOKS LIKE I'M BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!
[As the Sneaky Hermit flies away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Bikini Bottom is back to the way it is.]
that was better than most MCU movies last year!
1:36
Me: [Maestro Role] Ahem! Good evening, sea creatures, and whatnot. Tonight, I shall give you my performance of the Orca Chorus, and without further adieu, I shall start it... now! Ready, boys? Sing!
[The maestro begins his performance and the whales start to sing.]
Mermaid Man: That quarterback is showing real progress this season.
[The maestro continues his performance with the whales.]
Mermaid Man: Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of the chair, you old coot.
Mermaid Man: [realizing] I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either. [rubs his belly and fiddles around with his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash, blinding the audience in the process]
[All of the sudden, the Sand Stadium shakes and completely vanishes into thin air.]
Me: Wow! I guess they must want an encore!
[The dust clears and the audience is scattered everywhere on the ground including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, what have ya done this time, Mermaid Man?
Lady: Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Sand Stadium! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!!
Mermaid Man: Evil!
Barnacle Boy: Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man! We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested. [grabs Mermaid Man and drags him]
Mermaid Man: I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things.
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy rush to the invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man jumps in, but Barnacle Boy falls straight to the ground, hurting his buttocks in the process.]
Barnacle Boy: Ow!
Mermaid Man: Ooh, sorry, Barnacle Boy. I must be in the passenger seat. [hops over to the driver seat]
Barnacle Boy: [gets in the passenger seat] Remind me again why we made the invisible boatmobile invisible?
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away.]
29:39
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy land safely on the ground.]
Barnacle Boy: Well, we sure did teach that little critter something about not stealing buildings and storing them on your back and plotting to take over the world.
Mermaid Man: We sure did. And teaming up with our enemies worked.
[Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble land safely on the ground.]
Dirty Bubble: [feeling sick] Spinning, spinning, spinning! [goes somewhere to throw up]
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray: Eeewww!
Mermaid Man: Feeling good now, Dirty Bubble?
Dirty Bubble: No. I think I'm almost back to feeling evil again.
Mermaid Man: Oh.
Man Ray: So, would you like to come and throw rocks with us?
Barnacle Boy: No, we're still good I'm afraid.
Man Ray: Oh. So, um... Ah, the heck with it. Come, Dirty Bubble, I'm tired of all this goodness! Let's go steal chocolate chips out of the prison warden's cookies!
Dirty Bubble: Now you're talking. Time for some evil!
[Man Ray draws on Mermaid Man's face.]
Mermaid Man: Evil?
[Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble run off into the streets to continue doing evil.]
Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Yes, son?
Barnacle Boy: Are you going to, uh, fix that anytime soon?
Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy.
Barnacle Boy: So, what do you say we go see the rest of that performance at the Sand Stadium?
Mermaid Man: We're going back to the football game?! Hot dog! I love football!
Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. It's not foot-[stutters] Oh, whatever. Yep. Let's go see the rest of the "football game."
Mermaid Man: Yippee! [he and Barnacle Boy enter the invisible boatmobile] Ice cream, ice cream. Can I have ice cream?
Barnacle Boy: As much as you want, old chump.
Mermaid Man: Hee-hee! Best day ever! [drives away]
TV announcer: And so once again, the forces of badness have been outdone by the forces of goodness. And thank goodness there's an end to the madness. Tune in next time for another mostly interesting episode of The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy!
French Narrator: Ah, monsieur, you really are very good at that.
TV announcer: Thanks again, my French companion. There's a funny story about how I got into cartoons. You see, when I was just a kid, I had this deep voice.
17:07
[trouble is brewing at the Chum Bucket. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing the captive to run on the treadmill and create a vortex of stinkiness.]
Me: [Captive Role] [panting] Agh! Oh, I said I wanted some exercise, but this is torture! [grunts] My legs are aching! Agh! I didn't even get a water bottle to drink from!!!
Dirty Bubble: That kid is so annoying.
Man Ray: Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes.
Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea! [laughs]
Man Ray: By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea! [hears the invisible boatmobile pulling up outside] Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoonmobile. Our heroes have arrived!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear through the double doors.]
Mermaid Man: I'll have a burger and fries!
[Barnacle Boy becomes embarrassed and gives Mermaid Man the script.]
Mermaid Man: I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends!
Me: Oh, thank goodness you and your sidekick came to save me from this torture, Mermaid Man!
Dirty Bubble: You're too late, Moron Man! The mayor's child is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness! [laughs] The treadmill creates static keeping the vile stench from the Chum Bucket food at bay. But stop running and… WHAM! It's nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time. [laughs]
Mermaid Man: That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kinda...icky.
Dirty Bubble: Try to save the mayor's kid if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time. [laughs along with Man Ray]
[Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.]
Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment. [chuckles]
Man Ray: So long, old timers! [leaves with the Dirty Bubble]
Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! This is only gonna stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really gotta free the mayor's kid.
Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. The kid. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?!
Barnacle Boy: It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man. [flips the switches on the machine] We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive.
Mermaid Man: Did you shut it off?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [tries to turn the machine off using Barnacle Boy] How 'bout now?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [wearing a hat] Now?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Me: For goodness sake, hurry up! I don't know how much longer till my legs give out! Which could happen any minute!!!!
Mermaid Man: [throws a ball at Barnacle Boy] Is it off?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [throws another ball at Barnacle Boy] Still?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
[Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're angry.]
Man Ray: We are so mad!
Dirty Bubble: We got double-crossed!
Man Ray: [pushes the Dirty Bubble away] While we were here setting up traps to help the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs!
Mermaid Man: Wow. That really is sneaky.
Barnacle Boy: Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us. Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together?
Dirty Bubble: That's pretty much why we're here.
Mermaid Man: Well, that was easy.
Barnacle Boy: I know a hunter in Jellyfish Fields who could track anything. I bet he will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with a little help.
Mermaid Man: Well, there's nothing much left to say except... super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil unite!
[Everyone joins hands.]
Me: Uh, hello?! Captive in torture here!
Man Ray: Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you. [shuts off the machine]
14:39
[The scene changes to the Krusty Krab.]
French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is-
TV announcer: Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene!
French Narrator: Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on.
TV announcer: Thank you. [clears throat] The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices.
French Narrator: Ooh, monsieur, that was very good.
TV announcer: Why, thank you. I have had some training and-hey, is this thing still on?
French Narrator: Oop, the barnacles! [switches music off]
[Inside the Krusty Krab, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are eating a couple of Krabby Patties and French fries and drinking cups of soda.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase!
Mermaid Man: Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're at the bottom of the ocean. [goose honks] Waiter?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. [sneezes] Huh.
Mermaid Man: A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it.
Me: [Waiter Role] Sure, because you asked so nicely.
[The waiter grinds pepper on the Krabby Patty.]
Mermaid Man: Little more. [the waiter grinds more] More. [the waiter grinds more] Little more, thanks. [the waiter grinds more] Just a bit more.
Me: Wow. You must love pepper. Why don't you keep it? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder]
Mermaid Man: Thanks. I sure love that pepper!
Barnacle Boy: [sneezes and groans] We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit.
Me: Did you say 'Sneaky Hermit'?
Barnacle Boy: Yes, I did.
Me: He lived 3 doors from me down my street.
Barnacle Boy: Well, that's a coincidence.
Me: Yup.
Mermaid Man: Do you have any idea where this hermit is now?
Me: Uh, nope.
Barnacle Boy: Well, have ya seen anything suspicious?
Me: Well, I saw Man Ray take a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket. Does that count as suspicious?
Barnacle Boy: I call that suspicious.
Mermaid Man: 'Cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket. [rimshot]
Barnacle Boy: When did you see this?
Me: A while ago whilst you were talking.
Barnacle Boy: Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do!
Mermaid Man: To the Chum Bucket!
Me: Thank you for dining today! Please come again!
Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh, yeah! To the Chum Bucket, away!
This is amazing, man. Keep up the great work.
20:45
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble head off the Jellyfish Fields to look for the hunter. They gaze through the tall grass while jellyfish are buzzing above them.]
Man Ray: So, where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy?
Barnacle Boy: Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember?
Mermaid Man: Maybe the hunter is hunting the jellyfish king.
Dirty Bubble: Or maybe we're wasting our time. What if this hunter knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist?
Me: [Hunter Role] I, being a hunter, sense that you're seeking the Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: [loudly] Curse that name!
Me: Shhhhh! Look, Keep quiet and I'll help you. Capiche?
Man Ray: [quietly] Curse that name!
Me: That's better. Now follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king] From what I learned in my college studies, Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're always in danger of tipping over.
Barnacle Boy: [whispers] I see!
Mermaid Man: I see...when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again.
Dirty Bubble: [feels something] Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray!
Man Ray: [yells loudly] For goodness sake, you don't have a foot you infertile bubble!
[Man Ray's outburst scares the jellyfish king away.]
Me: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The Sneaky hermit is stealing bigger things, so I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
Dirty Bubble: The hermit wears tights?
Barnacle Boy: The permit test bites?
Man Ray: Old Herbert was right?
Mermaid Man: [loudly] The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas?
[Mermaid Man's exclamation scares the jellyfish king away.]
Me: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the Sneaky Hermit always put mattress stuffing in his shell, for comfort.
Barnacle Boy: What the? That's not helpful!
Dirty Bubble: Well, it could be.
Man Ray: Yes, you never know.
Mermaid Man: Comfort is important, young ward.
[The jellyfish king appears behind Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble. The Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch and sends the jellyfish king flying away.]
Dirty Bubble: Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know.
Me: [angrily] Oh for crying out loud! Look, if you leave me alone, I'll track the Hermit for you! Sound fair?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, well, that's decent of ya. [chuckles] You can come with us in our invisible boatmobile.
Mermaid Man: [quietly] Away!
[The Dirty Bubble belches.]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the help of the finest hunter in Jellyfish Fields. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in downtown Bikini Bottom. Not far from this very studio...[the studio disappears] Um...we'll be right back.
12:27
[Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, it is filled with various objects including buildings.]
Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Look at all this stuff I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole! [evil laugh] It's so good to be evil, little sidekick. And soon.... [the chair turns] I should get that chair fixed sometime.
Lary: Meow.
Me: Soon, I will carry all of Bikini Bottom on my shell! [evil laughter and looks at the picture of ex-wife] How could you just divorce me and take my house?! That was a mistake you made, cause that turned me evil! and now, I will steal the whole of BIkini Bottom, And- [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, a visitor.
[The Sneaky Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.]
Man Ray: Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last.
Dirty Bubble: We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies!
Me: Mmm, I LOVE cookies! Wipe your feet on the doormat i stole from the hotel before i took said hotel, before you come in. [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what are you thinking?
Dirty Bubble: We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late. And we're thinking of a team up. A team up of evil!! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Man Ray: We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say?
Me: Hmmmm. I LIKE this idea, especially since it also fits right into my own selfish and evil plans! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Let's do it. [pulls out a bag] I got this captive a while ago. Use it to distract the old codgers.
Man Ray: Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine! Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness.
Dirty Bubble: Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship.
Me: Yes; diabolical. And thanks again for the cookies. [evil laughter] And now, everyone will be out of my way! Yay!
[Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble leave with the bag holding the captive.]
Lary: [meows in evil laughter]
Me: I am off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs, little buddy. Guard my stuff well. And If you get hungry, there's some leftover meatloaf in the fridge i stole yesterday.
Lary: Meow.
3:14
Me: [Police Officer Role] Ahhh, a quiet day, on patrol. [sighs] A bit too quiet, if you ask me. Still, gotta keep an eye out; you never know when-
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile! They are believed to be old and dangerous.
Me: Yes, Sir!
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive past the police officer.]
Me: Can't say I have, yet.
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] That sounded like the invisible boatmobile! Was that them?
Me: Come to think of it, I did hear them drive by.
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Apprehend them at once!
Me: Yes, Sir! [pedals after them whilst singing 'Jingle Bells']
Mermaid Man: Hey, I didn't know we had a radio.
[The police officer gets closer.]
Mermaid Man: Sing along, Barnacle Boy. I love this song!
Barnacle Boy: That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles! We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested!
Mermaid Man: I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying?
Barnacle Boy: Floor it!
[Mermaid Man floors the invisible boatmobile and they drive faster. The police officer continues to pursue them and keeps on peddling.]
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on! [drives a different way]
[The police officer is starting to get tired from peddling and Gary slithers by.]
Me: Hi, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Request update on the chase, Officer!
Me; [panting] I need to really work on my cardio.... [sees them] Wait! There they are!
Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these devious twists and turns.
Barnacle Boy: Uhh... Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile!
[The screen pans out to reveal that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just driving around the parking lot of Mrs. Puff's Boating School. The police officer finally catches up to them and parks at the front.]
Me: Hands up, codger criminals! You're comin' with me!
5:35
Me: [Sneaky Hermit Role] [Evil laugh] That stupid cop has arrested those bumbling old codger heroes for MY crimes! Ha ha! Now they won't look for me anytime soon! So... uhhh, what should I do now? Oh, I know! I'll laugh evilly, cos that's what supervillains do! [laughs evilly]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! It is believed that the masterminds behind the disappearance of Sand Stadium are none other than Bikini Bottom heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. When questioned, the older hero had this to say, "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The ex-heroes are now doing time in Bikini Bottom Jail. We will keep you updated with further updates.
10:15
[at Goo Lagoon. The Sneaky Hermit's lookout is hiding behind an ice cream vendor's stand with the new being played on the television.]
Realistic Fish Head: [on TV] …on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
[The ice cream vendor turns off the TV.]
Me: [Lookout Role] I heard you're on the news, boss! You're a star!
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone.]
Me: OK, Boss, I'll keep my eye out for anyone suspicious. I've seen some great stuff today too. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Someone with an umbrella. [sees a strong guy] A strong guy. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Hey! That kid's got ice cream!
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]
Me: Huh. I might have these the wrong way around. [flips binoculars over and sees Mermaid Man up close]
Mermaid Man: Greetings, sea creature!
Me: Agh! [Hides behind the ice cream stand]
Ice Cream Vendor: What can I get you, gentlemen? Kelp sundae? Sea cucumber split? Information on any of the major super villains?
Mermaid Man: Super what-no? No, I'd like two scoops of high fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm.
Ice Cream Vendor: Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a super villain. Someone hermit like? Bit sneaky?
Mermaid Man: There's a sale on underpan-I-I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?!
Ice Cream Vendor: That's the one. Was here not that long back. Said something about being hungry. Something about the Krusty Krab.
Barnacle Boy: Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately.
Mermaid Man: Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab! Away! [he and Barnacle Boy leave Goo Lagoon]
Ice Cream Vendor: [to the lookout] Well, I got rid of them for ya.
Me: Thanks, sir. You can serve ice cream at my niece's birthday party, if you want.
Ice Cream Vendor: Great, thanks. No really.
[The walkie-talkie rings.]
Me: Yes?
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]
Me: Those 2 weirdos have gone, boss. I'm sure we won't have any more surprises like that again, and - [looks through his binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh! I'm not here! [hides again]
Ice Cream Vendor: What can I do for you Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs?
Dirty Bubble: Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work.
Man Ray: What a waste of two bucks. [throws away his mask] Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout.
Ice Cream Vendor: The secret one? That's just over the hill there.
Dirty Bubble: Well, that was easy.
Ice Cream Vendor: Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it.
[A sign that says "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair 10 yards" is shown.]
[Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom Jail, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. The two heroes struggle to figure out the disappearance of the Sand Stadium.]
Barnacle Boy: Now, let's go over it again. Are you sure you didn't hit the building-obliteration button when you were foolin' around with your utility belt?
Mermaid Man: I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy. I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and I pressed this button by accident. [pushes the same button again]
Barnacle Boy: Oh! Geez! [stutters] I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. Ya make me nervous.
Mermaid Man: Nothin' to be afraid of, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. [pulls out a picture of his chin] Lookie. Such a handsome chin. [pulls out another picture of his chin] And here's the picture I took at the Sand Stadium. Right before it vanished.
Barnacle Boy: Well, that proves it wasn't you that caused the mess. This time at least.
7:17
Me: [Prison guard role] Mess? You don't know the half of it! A long time ago, there was an inmate called Messy Messerson. That was his criminal name; cos his real name was Stanley. He was known for stealing junk from garbage dumps, and illegally selling it at high prices.
Barnacle Boy: Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley".
Man Ray: No, it doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all. Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Sand Stadium vanished too cleanly.
Mermaid Man: Man Ray!
Barnacle Boy: [gasps] Our second most arch nemesis!
Man Ray: That's right, super-zeroes! It's me!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray growl at each other for a bit. But stop.]
Mermaid Man: So, what are you in for?
Man Ray: I got caught jaywalking. Could you believe it?
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray share a laugh.]
Dirty Bubble: You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public place. Ho-ho!
Mermaid Man: The Dirty Bubble?!
Barnacle Boy: Our number #1 arch nemesis!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble growl at each other.]
Me: No fighting in jail, please!
Dirty Bubble: Spoilsport.
Me: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think a huge monster Kraken grabbed it, and threw it out of the water!
Barnacle Boy: Monster?!
Me: Could've been. After all, Krakens are monsters, you know. But, and I'm not one to use a very simplified plot device here, I think it's likely the Sneaky Hermit was the real culprit.
Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit. Of course! This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career!
Barnacle Boy: What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit do?
[Suddenly, the entire building of Bikini Bottom Jail shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Sand Stadium.]
Dirty Bubble: I think it would be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings.
Man Ray: A fine observation, my villainous companion. Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble! [leaves]
Dirty Bubble: Ooh, let's start with jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice. [leaves]
Barnacle Boy: We should probably catch those two you know.
Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time. First, I think we've got a hermit to catch. We'll start with the beach 'cause hermits love the beach. To the invisible boatmobile! Away!
Me: That definitely was a Kraken that ti- [is crushed by a falling ceiling tile]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
TV announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy!
Mermaid Man: [grabs Barnacle Boy and shakes him] Most important meal of the day.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, put me down, you old coot!
TV announcer: Protecting our seas and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch nemesis, the Dirty Bubble.
Dirty Bubble: [chasing and scaring a couple of citizens] A booga-booga-booga! [laughs]
TV announcer: And their second most arch nemesis, Man Ray.
Man Ray: [after making graffiti on a building] Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town?
TV announcer: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing.
Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, unite! [he and Barnacle Boy join their rings together]
At the Sand Stadium:
TV announcer: The Sand Stadium, cultural hub of our undersea art community. Home of quality music from Bikini Bottom's finest performers. And also [referring to the whale performers] these guys. It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's finest crime fighters. And also [referring to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] these guys.
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy? [shakes Barnacle Boy] Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch.
Mermaid Man: Who's winning?
Barnacle Boy: What are you- [stutters] Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical performance, not a football game.
Mermaid Man: [stupidly] Ah, you're only saying that because your team's losing.
Barnacle Boy: [groans] No! I-oh, geez.
Mermaid Man: [waves pennant] Who's scored?
@3:15 Patrick Star never fails to be a funny comedian! 😂
17:07
[trouble is brewing at the Chum Bucket. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble are forcing the captive to run on the treadmill and create a vortex of stinkiness.]
Pearl Krabs: [Captive Role] [panting] Agh! Please make this stop! This is torture on my legs! [grunts and wails] Oh, will a superhero please come and save me!!!!"!!!
Dirty Bubble: That kid is so annoying.
Man Ray: Yes, my hollow spherical accomplice! But it'll prove an adequate distraction for our bumbling superheroes.
Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit will be pleased. Let's invite our new chum to my lair. We can concoct our evil plans over herbal tea! [laughs]
Man Ray: By the power of Darjeeling! What a capital idea! [hears the invisible boatmobile pulling up outside] Wait, what's that? It sounds like the invisible buffoonmobile. Our heroes have arrived!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy appear through the double doors.]
Mermaid Man: I'll have a burger and fries!
[Barnacle Boy becomes embarrassed and gives Mermaid Man the script.]
Mermaid Man: I mean unhand that captive, you vile fiends!
Pearl: Oh, thank goodness you came, Mermaid Man! My small legs are now about get thigh muscle cramps!
Dirty Bubble: You're too late, Moron Man! The mayor's child is trapped inside a vortex of stinkiness! [laughs] The treadmill creates static keeping the vile stench from the Chum Bucket food at bay. But stop running and… WHAM! It's nothing but slimy skin and skunk jokes for a really long time. [laughs]
Mermaid Man: That's diabolical, Dirty Bubble! And really kinda...icky.
Dirty Bubble: Try to save the mayor's kid if you will. It should keep you occupied for quite some time. [laughs along with Man Ray]
[Mermaid Man inadvertently does a wicked laugh as well.]
Barnacle Boy: Uh...Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Oh, sorry. It got caught up in the moment. [chuckles]
Man Ray: So long, old timers! [leaves with the Dirty Bubble]
Barnacle Boy: Dagnabbit! This is only gonna stall us from finding the Sneaky Hermit, but we really gotta free the mayor's kid.
Mermaid Man: Oh, yeah. The kid. You're gonna be just fine. Oh, sweet merciful Neptune! What is that smell?!
Barnacle Boy: It's the vortex of stinkiness, Mermaid Man. [flips the switches on the machine] We've got to shut off this machine and free the captive.
Mermaid Man: Did you shut it off?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [tries to turn the machine off using Barnacle Boy] How 'bout now?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [wearing a hat] Now?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Pearl: Can we hurry this up?! My legs are starting to chafe!
Mermaid Man: [throws a ball at Barnacle Boy] Is it off?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
Mermaid Man: [throws another ball at Barnacle Boy] Still?
Barnacle Boy: Nope.
[Suddenly, they hear rumbling sounds behind the double doors. Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble appear and they're angry.]
Man Ray: We are so mad!
Dirty Bubble: We got double-crossed!
Man Ray: [pushes the Dirty Bubble away] While we were here setting up traps to help the Sneaky Hermit, the hermit was busy stealing our lairs!
Mermaid Man: Wow. That really is sneaky.
Barnacle Boy: Sounds like this hermit is sneakier than all of us. Um, what would you fellas say to combining forces and going after this villain together?
Dirty Bubble: That's pretty much why we're here.
Mermaid Man: Well, that was easy.
Barnacle Boy: I know a hunter in Jellyfish Fields who could track anything. I bet he will be able to pick up the Sneaky Hermit's trail with a little help.
Mermaid Man: Well, there's nothing much left to say except... super beings from both sides and both ends of good and evil unite!
[Everyone joins hands.]
Pearl: Excuse me! Forgetting something?
Man Ray: Oh, sorry. Let me get that for you. [shuts off the machine]
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy rush to the invisible boatmobile. Mermaid Man jumps in, but Barnacle Boy falls straight to the ground, hurting his buttocks in the process.]
Barnacle Boy: Ow!
Mermaid Man: Ooh, sorry, Barnacle Boy. I must be in the passenger seat. [hops over to the driver seat]
Barnacle Boy: [gets in the passenger seat] Remind me again why we made the invisible boatmobile invisible?
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive away.]
3:14
Pearl Krabs: Oh, i hope this police officer shift gets sorted soon, I need to get ready for the police ball tonight.
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, be on the lookout for Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile! They are believed to be old and dangerous.
Pearl Krabs: Who? What?
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Officer, have you seen Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy?
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drive past the police officer.]
Pearl Krabs: No, sir, I can't say I did, but-
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] That sounded like the invisible boatmobile! Was that them?
Pearl Krabs: Maybe?
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Apprehend them at once!
Pearl Krabs: OK! I'll even put on some exciting pop music! [pedals after them whilst playing pop music from her phone]
Mermaid Man: Hey, I didn't know we had a radio.
[The police officer gets closer.]
Mermaid Man: Sing along, Barnacle Boy. I love this song!
Barnacle Boy: That's not a song, you twit! It's a police siren! Barnacles! We need time to solve the disappearing building mystery and we can't do that if we're arrested!
Mermaid Man: I'm sorry. I was thinking about cabbage. You were saying?
Barnacle Boy: Floor it!
[Mermaid Man floors the invisible boatmobile and they drive faster. The police officer continues to pursue them and keeps on peddling.]
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy, I know a shortcut that would confuse anyone. Hold on! [drives a different way]
[The police officer is starting to get tired from peddling and Gary slithers by.]
Gary: Meow.
Chief: [through walkie-talkie] Request update on the chase, Officer!
Pearl; [panting] Not... yet... [sees them] Wait! Yes, I do!
Barnacle Boy: Uh, Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: Not now, son. I'm trying to concentrate on all these devious twists and turns.
Barnacle Boy: Uhh... Mermaid Man?
Mermaid Man: They'll never catch us now! They couldn't keep up with the boatmobile!
[The screen pans out to reveal that Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are just driving around the parking lot of Mrs. Puff's Boating School. The police officer finally catches up to them and parks at the front.]
Pearl: Finally, I can end my shift after this! Whew!
5:35
Pearl: [Sneaky Hermit Role] [Evil laugh] That police buffon has arrested those old guys for MY crimes! Ha ha! Now they won't look for me, The Sneaky Hermit, anytime soon! So I should go and do more evil stuff! [laughs again and escapes]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! It is believed that the masterminds behind the disappearance of Sand Stadium are none other than Bikini Bottom heroes, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. When questioned, the older hero had this to say, "Is that a microphone? Is it time for pudding? Do these pants feel damp to you?" The ex-heroes are now doing time in Bikini Bottom Jail. We will keep you updated with further updates.
10:15
[at Goo Lagoon. The Sneaky Hermit's lookout is hiding behind an ice cream vendor's stand with the new being played on the television.]
Realistic Fish Head: [on TV] …on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.
[The ice cream vendor turns off the TV.]
Pearl Krabs: [Lookout Role] Wow, boss! Have you heard? The news is talking about you!
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone.]
Pearl: OK, Boss, I'll keep my eye out for Mermaid Man. Now what can i try to see today?. [looks through binoculars and sees a citizen] Someone gorgeous. [sees a strong guy] A handsome strong guy. [sees Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in their invisible boatmobile] 2 floating old people. [sees a citizen eating ice cream] Hey! That kid's got ice cream!
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]
Pearl: Huh. I might have these the wrong way around. [flips binoculars over and sees Mermaid Man up close]
Mermaid Man: Greetings, sea creature!
Pearl: Agh! [Hides behind the ice cream stand]
Ice Cream Vendor: What can I get you, gentlemen? Kelp sundae? Sea cucumber split? Information on any of the major super villains?
Mermaid Man: Super what-no? No, I'd like two scoops of high fiber ice cream with Brussels sprouts sprinkles. Mmm.
Ice Cream Vendor: Oh. Thought you might have been looking for a super villain. Someone hermit like? Bit sneaky?
Mermaid Man: There's a sale on underpan-I-I mean, a Sneaky Hermit?!
Ice Cream Vendor: That's the one. Was here not that long back. Said something about being hungry. Something about the Krusty Krab.
Barnacle Boy: Jumpin' jellyfish, Mermaid Man! The Sneaky Hermit must be at the Krusty Krab! We should go immediately.
Mermaid Man: Well, I don't need new undies, but I'm happy to go. To the Krusty Krab! Away! [he and Barnacle Boy leave Goo Lagoon]
Ice Cream Vendor: [to the lookout] Well, I got rid of them for ya.
Pearl: Thanks, sir. You're welcome to come on a date with me tonight after work.
Ice Cream Vendor: Great, thanks. No really.
[The walkie-talkie rings.]
Pearl: Yeah?
[The Sneaky Hermit talks gibberish through the phone again.]
Pearl: What? No, I haven't seen those heroes, boss, but I'm sure we won't see them anytime soo- [looks through binoculars and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble up close with masks on their faces] Ahh!! [hides again]
Ice Cream Vendor: What can I do for you Mr. Man Ray and Mr. Dirty Bubble, sirs?
Dirty Bubble: Oh! I knew these disguises wouldn't work.
Man Ray: What a waste of two bucks. [throws away his mask] Uh, we're looking for the Sneaky Hermit's secret hideout.
Ice Cream Vendor: The secret one? That's just over the hill there.
Dirty Bubble: Well, that was easy.
Ice Cream Vendor: Sure! Follow the signs. You can't miss it.
[A sign that says "Sneaky Hermit's secret lair 10 yards" is shown.]
Idea to keep in mind: Family Guy back to the multiverse: all characters weapons
12:27
[Inside the Sneaky Hermit's lair, it is filled with various objects including buildings.]
Pearl Krabs: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Look, little sidekick! My lair is full of stuff I stole! [evil laugh] It's so good to be an evil supervillain, and very, very soon, I'll.... [the chair turns] ...need to put some oil on that chair.
Lary: Meow.
Pearl: Soon, I'll carry all of Bikini Bottom on my back! [looks at the picture of ex-husband] How could you just break up with me and take our house?! That move you made turned me evil! Evil, I say! And now, I will steal the whole of BIkini Bottom, so- [the doorbell rings and Lary meows] Oh, a visitor.
[The Sneaky Hermit opens the door and sees Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble.]
Man Ray: Ah, the famous Sneaky Hermit! We meet at last.
Dirty Bubble: We just broke out of the joint. And we brought cookies!
Pearl: Thanks! Evil monologues make you hungry, you know. Please, come in. [allows Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble to enter his lair and sits on his chair] So, what's up?
Dirty Bubble: We've noticed you've been doing some delightfully evil work of late. And we're thinking of a team up. A team up of evil!! Ha-ha! Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Man Ray: We'll help each other out. Hatch evil plans, make prank phone calls. It'll be fun! What do you say?
Pearl: That is a good idea, especially since it'll fit right into my own selfish and evil plan! [laughs evilly as Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble stare in confusion] Here's something for you two. [pulls out a bag] I got this captive a while ago. Use it to distract the old codgers.
Man Ray: Hurrah! I think this is going to work out just fine! Come, Dirty Bubble. Let's begin our alliance of sneakiness.
Dirty Bubble: Let's go to the Chum Bucket. I have an idea. See you soon, Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: Yes, farewell, Hermit. I think this is the beginning of a diabolical friendship.
Pearl: Yes; diabolical. And thanks again for the cookies. [evil laughter] And now, everyone will be out of my way! Yay!
[Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble leave with the bag holding the captive.]
Lary: [meows in evil laughter]
Pearl: I am off to visit a couple of unguarded super villain lairs, little buddy. Guard my stuff well. And don't touch my boyband magazine collection.
Lary: Meow.
Lights Camera Pants Film [Pearl Krabs in all he roles]
TV announcer: The New Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Mermaid Man! Forceful, fearless, regular. Aided by his trusted ward, Barnacle Boy!
Mermaid Man: [grabs Barnacle Boy and shakes him] Most important meal of the day.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, put me down, you old coot!
TV announcer: Protecting our seas and homes from our most dastardly of villains, including their number #1 arch nemesis, the Dirty Bubble.
Dirty Bubble: [chasing and scaring a couple of citizens] A booga-booga-booga! [laughs]
TV announcer: And their second most arch nemesis, Man Ray.
Man Ray: [after making graffiti on a building] Oh, come on! What does it take to get to number #1 in this town?
TV announcer: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Well, they're better than nothing.
Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, unite! [he and Barnacle Boy join their rings together]
At the Sand Stadium:
TV announcer: The Sand Stadium, cultural hub of our undersea art community. Home of quality music from Bikini Bottom's finest performers. And also [referring to the whale performers] these guys. It's good to know if there's any trouble, the audience is safe tonight. For amongst them are Bikini Bottom's finest crime fighters. And also [referring to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy] these guys.
Mermaid Man: Barnacle Boy? [shakes Barnacle Boy] Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, what is it now? I'm trying to watch.
Mermaid Man: Who's winning?
Barnacle Boy: What are you- [stutters] Oh, look. I told you. It's a musical performance, not a football game.
Mermaid Man: [stupidly] Ah, you're only saying that because your team's losing.
Barnacle Boy: [groans] No! I-oh, geez.
Mermaid Man: [waves pennant] Who's scored?
1:36
Pearl Krabs: [Maestro Role] Hello, everyone! I'm your maestro for this performance tonight! ANd here's a cool band that you will oh so adore - The Orca Dudes! Ready? Begin!
[The maestro begins her performance and the whales start to sing.]
Mermaid Man: That quarterback is showing real progress this season.
[The maestro continues his performance with the whales.]
Mermaid Man: Did you find the hotdogs chewy this evening, Barnacle Boy?
Barnacle Boy: That wasn't a hotdog, it was the arm of the chair, you old coot.
Mermaid Man: [realizing] I thought it was a bit stale and hard to lift. Phew. I probably shouldn't have eaten all that cheesecake either. [rubs his belly and fiddles around with his utility belt, pushing one of the buttons that creates a bright flash, blinding the audience in the process]
[All of the sudden, the Sand Stadium shakes and completely vanishes into thin air.]
Pearl: Wow! This band is certainly popular!
[The dust clears and the audience is scattered everywhere on the ground including Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, what have ya done this time, Mermaid Man?
Lady: Oh, look! It's Mermaid Man! He's gone mad and destroyed the Sand Stadium! Someone call the police! Mermaid Man must've gone EVIL!!
Mermaid Man: Evil!
Barnacle Boy: Ah, geez! Come on, Mermaid Man! We better get to the bottom of this disappearance before we're arrested. [grabs Mermaid Man and drags him]
Mermaid Man: I hope the merchandise stand hasn't sold out of those big foam hands. I-I love those things.
Nice placement of actors.
Thanks 4 my request
Good
23:00
[The scene changes to downtown Bikini Bottom.]
TV announcer: Downtown Bikini Bottom, a fitting setting for our final battle. A dramatic location for the powers of good and evil to clash climatically. And a really good place for pizza.
[The Sneaky Hermit is going around stealing many stuff and balancing them on his back. Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble pull over and exit the invisible boatmobile.]
Dirty Bubble: That hunter sure left in a hurry.
Mermaid Man: I didn't even get a chance to say bye-bye.
Man Ray: Well, you were annoying, Dirty Bubble.
Dirty Bubble: I was annoying?
Man Ray: All that disgusting belching.
Barnacle Boy: Knock it off. It doesn't matter. We know all we need to know about the Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: Indeed. We'll soon put an end to the "Stinky" Hermit! [rimshot]
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble share a good laugh.]
Dirty Bubble: The hermit's really in for a surprise!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble continue laughing. When all of a sudden, the Sneaky Hermit sneaks up behind them and steals the invisible boatmobile.]
Mermaid Man: Oh, hey, Barnacle Boy, where did you park the invisible boatmobile?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, I didn't park it, Mermaid Man. You did. [chuckles] It's just over-[sees the invisible boatmobile missing and gasps] Oh my gosh!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble gasp in a shocking surprise.]
Mermaid Man: The invisible boatmobile! It's been stolen!
Pearl Krabs: [Sneaky Hermit Role] Yes! And I, the Sneaky Hermit, stole it! [evil laugh]
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: The Sneaky Hermit!
Pearl: No prizes for guessing it was me, though.
Barnacle Boy: You've been busy, Hermit. You've stolen almost the whole town.
Man Ray: And put it all on your back, too. It's reasonably impressive.
Mermaid Man: You've stolen our invisible boatmobile, Sneaky Hermit!
Dirty Bubble: You stole our evil lairs!
Mermaid Man: Evil bears?!
[The screen shows two koala bears with red, evil eyes.]
Barnacle Boy: But why, Hermit? Why did you do it?
Pearl: Duh! For a good home.
Barnacle Boy: A home? You've got all of Bikini Bottom on your back!
Dirty Bubble: What's your plan? To put the whole town on your back? Then the next town? Then eventually the whole world?
Pearl: Would I be lying if I said yes?
Barnacle Boy: All on your back? Where will you stand?
Man Ray: Wow! I'm an evil genius who wants to take over the world, but even I'm not that crazy!
Dirty Bubble: Enough talk! Can we fight already?
Mermaid Man: [facing the wrong way] Hurrah! Prepare to make a fool of yourself, [Barnacle Boy turns him around] Sneaky Hermit!
Pearl: I'll do that to you first, Mermaid Man!
Barnacle Boy: I hope you brought a stunt double, Hermit. Because this is gonna hurt.
Mermaid Man: [summons a swarm of jellyfish] Sea creatures of the deep unite!
[The Sneaky Hermit runs away. The hermit's stunt double (Pearl) punches and kicks away the jellyfish. He then puts another building onto his back.]
Dirty Bubble: By all things dirty, I-uh-[stutters] Make you dirty!
[The Dirty Bubble charges at the Sneaky Hermit's stunt double. The stunt double grabs a helicopter and blows the Dirty Bubble away with the propeller. The Dirty Bubble is sent flying into a pile of trash with Pearl's head sticking outta his mouth.]
Gary: Meow.
[The Sneaky Hermit continues to steal buildings and goes for the giant sea needle in the middle of the city.]
Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit's about to steal the Sea Needle!
Mermaid Man: Aw, nuts! That's the last building in Bikini Bottom.
Barnacle Boy: Oh, barnacles.
Pearl: [tries to lift the Sea Needle, but it's stuck] Why can't I lift this building?!
Mermaid Man: I know! I know! It's locked! Lookie! [points to a lock at the very top of the building] You could just take that lock off and then take the building. You can even use those window-washer platforms to get up there.
Pearl: Thanks, Mermaid Man!
Dirty Bubble: [groans] Why do you good guys have to be so helpful?
[The Sneaky Hermit climbs onto the winder-washing platform and goes up.]
Barnacle Boy: We should, um, probably try to stop that from happening. [chuckles]
Mermaid Man: Excellent idea, Barnacle Boy! All those in favor?
Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble: Aye!
Mermaid Man: All against?
Pearl: No!
Barnacle Boy: Quiet you!
Mermaid Man: Alright, there's not much left to say but...to the window-washing platforms on the side of the Sea Needle [as Mermaid Man talks, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble get annoyed and get a head start] building to rescue Bikini Bottom from the clutches of the evil Sneaky Hermit, [breathes and Barnacle Boy grabs him by the arm] away!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble climb on the window-washing platforms and go up after the Sneaky Hermit. The hermit is struggling to reach the top.]
Mermaid Man: You'll never get away with this, you sneaky thing.
Dirty Bubble: Can we hurry this up? I'm getting a bit dizzy here.
Pearl; OK. Here come some really pretty Hermit nippers!
[The Sneaky Hermit fires her hermit nippers at the Dirty Bubble. But he dodges all of them.]
Dirty Bubble: [laughs] Your nippers are no match for my dirty breath of doom!
[The Dirty Bubble inhales and blows a horrible stench of bad breath at the Sneaky Hermit, but the hermit dodges and it affected Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy instead.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez! [coughs] Whew. That's worse than Mermaid Man's socks.
Pearl: Do you know what else is worse than dirty socks? A Sneaky Frightener!
[The Sneaky Hermit forms a ball and launches it over to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. The sneaky frightener floats behind Barnacle Boy's ear.]
Sneaky frightener: Boo!
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy jump in fright and the ball pops like a bubble.]
Man Ray: Okay, now this is getting weird.
Barnacle Boy: The powers of good will prevail! Behold! Raging whirlpool!
[Barnacle Boy performs his raging whirlpool technique at the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit dodges the attack and it hits the Dirty Bubble.]
Dirty Bubble: [spins around] Hey, w-watch it! You're gonna make me s-s-spill my lunch!
Barnacle Boy: Mermaid Man, that's it! Spilling! The hunter told us that if the hermit loses balance, then everything on its back could fall off. And the hermit is susceptible to sneezing. You know what that means?
Mermaid Man: We're having prune and broccoli pudding for desert tonight?
Barnacle Boy: No, you old coot. Pepper! We use some pepper and make the hermit sneeze.
Mermaid Man: Good idea, Barnacle Boy! If only we had some.
Barnacle Boy: You got some in your pocket from before!
Dirty Bubble: Oh, this isn't helping at all.
[Everyone reaches the very top of the Sea Needle.]
Mermaid Man: [holds out the pepper grinder] Hey! Here's some pepper! Okay, Hermit, I've got a handful of pepper here. And I gotta warn ya, it's especially tasty. The jig is up!
Pearl: Pepper! Like that's ever gonna stop- [realizes] Oh no.
Mermaid Man: By the power of Neptune, I give you a handful of delicious pepper! [sprays pepper in the Sneaky Hermit's face]
Pearl: Ah-ah-ah-ah-
Mermaid Man: [looks down] You know, being up here doesn't feel safe anymore.
Barnacle Boy: You got that right, old man. Let's scoot.
[Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy let go of the ropes and descend down.]
Pearl: Ah-ah-ah-ah-
Man Ray: I think those bumbling ninnies might be onto something. Let's get out of here!
Dirty Bubble: Not so fast, Man Ray! I'm still feeling [Man Ray lets go of the rope and descends down] queaaaaaassssyyyyy!
Pearl: Achoooooo! [flies off the building and soars across the sky, wailing]
[As the Sneaky Hermit flies away into the distance, all of the buildings he stole return to their proper positions. Bikini Bottom is back to the way it is.]
14:39
[The scene changes to the Krusty Krab.]
French Narrator: Ah, the Krusty Krab. Home of the world famous Krabby Patty. And today, it is-
TV announcer: Hey, buddy, I'm narrating this scene!
French Narrator: Pardon? Ooh, sorry. My mistake. Please carry on.
TV announcer: Thank you. [clears throat] The Krusty Krab. Here we find Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sent to find the Sneaky Hermit. But the hermit is not here. Only tasty and nutritious meals at affordable prices.
French Narrator: Ooh, monsieur, that was very good.
TV announcer: Why, thank you. I have had some training and-hey, is this thing still on?
French Narrator: Oop, the barnacles! [switches music off]
[Inside the Krusty Krab, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are eating a couple of Krabby Patties and French fries and drinking cups of soda.]
Barnacle Boy: Oh, come on, Mermaid Man! That shady character at the beach obviously sent us on a wild goose chase!
Mermaid Man: Don't be silly, son. There are no wild geese here. We're at the bottom of the ocean. [goose honks] Waiter?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, geez. [sneezes] Huh.
Mermaid Man: A little more pepper, please? I sure do love it.
Pearl Krabs: [Waiter Role] Sure, because you asked so nicely.
[The waiter grinds pepper on the Krabby Patty.]
Mermaid Man: Little more. [the waiter grinds more] More. [the waiter grinds more] Little more, thanks. [the waiter grinds more] Just a bit more.
Pearl: Uhhh, why don't you keep it? [gives Mermaid Man the pepper grinder] It's on the house.
Mermaid Man: Thanks. I sure love that pepper!
Barnacle Boy: [sneezes and groans] We're wasting time. We should be out finding the Sneaky Hermit.
Pearl: Did you say 'Sneaky Hermit'?
Barnacle Boy: Yes, I did.
Pearl: He used to be in a band called the CrabStreet Boys.
Barnacle Boy: Well, that's a coincidence.
Pearl: Yeah.
Mermaid Man: Do you have any idea where this hermit is now?
Pearl: Uh, nope, sorry.
Barnacle Boy: Well, have ya seen anything suspicious?
Pearl: Suspicious? [THINKS] Well, now that you mention it, I saw Man Ray take a wriggling sack into the Chum Bucket.
Barnacle Boy: I call that suspicious.
Mermaid Man: 'Cause no one goes into the Chum Bucket. [rimshot]
Barnacle Boy: When did you see this?
Pearl: Just whilst I was grinding the pepper.
Barnacle Boy: Merciful mussels, Mermaid Man! We've got work to do!
Mermaid Man: To the Chum Bucket!
Pearl: Can I have your autographs?
Mermaid Man: Oh, yes. Thanks, uh. Now where was I? Oh, yeah! To the Chum Bucket, away!
20:45
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray, and the Dirty Bubble head off the Jellyfish Fields to look for the hunter. They gaze through the tall grass while jellyfish are buzzing above them.]
Man Ray: So, where is this hunter, Pumpernickel Boy?
Barnacle Boy: Hey, no name calling during the truce, remember?
Mermaid Man: Maybe the hunter is hunting the jellyfish king.
Dirty Bubble: Or maybe we're wasting our time. What if this hunter knows nothing? Or doesn't even exist?
Pearl Krabs: [Hunter Role] I do exist. [pops up] And, I sense that you're looking for the Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: [loudly] Curse that name!
Pearl: Shhhhh! Look, Keep quiet and I'll help you. OK?
Man Ray: [quietly] Curse that name!
Pearl: That's better. Now follow me. [leads them to the jellyfish king]Hermit crabs carry a lot on their backs, so they're in danger of tipping over.
Barnacle Boy: [whispers] I see!
Mermaid Man: I see...when I wear my glasses, which I've lost again.
Dirty Bubble: [feels something] Quit standing on my foot, Man Ray!
Man Ray: [yells loudly] For goodness sake, you don't have a foot you infertile bubble!
[Man Ray's outburst scares the jellyfish king away.]
Pearl: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] The Sneaky hermit is stealing bigger things, so I bet there's a really big building in the hermit's sights.
Dirty Bubble: The hermit wears tights?
Barnacle Boy: The permit test bites?
Man Ray: Old Herbert was right?
Mermaid Man: [loudly] The jelly pudding was lightly toasted in pajamas?
[Mermaid Man's exclamation scares the jellyfish king away.]
Pearl: [growls and leads them to the jellyfish king again] I think the Sneaky Hermit wears earmuffs to block noises, comfortable pink ones.
Barnacle Boy: What the? That's not helpful!
Dirty Bubble: Well, it could be.
Man Ray: Yes, you never know.
Mermaid Man: Comfort is important, young ward.
[The jellyfish king appears behind Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, Man Ray and the Dirty Bubble. The Dirty Bubble makes a loud belch and sends the jellyfish king flying away.]
Dirty Bubble: Ooh, pardon me. Well, I am full of air, you know.
Pearl: [angrily] Oh forget it! Look,I'll track the Hermit for you if you never come back here to bother me again! Sound fair?
Barnacle Boy: Oh, well, that's decent of ya. [chuckles] You can come with us in our invisible boatmobile.
Mermaid Man: [quietly] Away!
[The Dirty Bubble belches.]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have enlisted the help of the finest hunter in Jellyfish Fields. It is believed that the Sneaky Hermit is somewhere in downtown Bikini Bottom. Not far from this very studio...[the studio disappears] Um...we'll be right back.
[Meanwhile in Bikini Bottom Jail, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are placed in a cell together. The two heroes struggle to figure out the disappearance of the Sand Stadium.]
Barnacle Boy: Now, let's go over it again. Are you sure you didn't hit the building-obliteration button when you were foolin' around with your utility belt?
Mermaid Man: I'm sure of it, Barnacle Boy. I was full of cheesecake, I reached down to loosen my belt, and I pressed this button by accident. [pushes the same button again]
Barnacle Boy: Oh! Geez! [stutters] I sure wish you'd stop fiddling with that thing. Ya make me nervous.
Mermaid Man: Nothin' to be afraid of, Barnacle Boy. It's just my chin-cam. [pulls out a picture of his chin] Lookie. Such a handsome chin. [pulls out another picture of his chin] And here's the picture I took at the Sand Stadium. Right before it vanished.
Barnacle Boy: Well, that proves it wasn't you that caused the mess. This time at least.
7:17
Pearl Krabs: [Prison guard role] Mess?! Well, there's one person I know who would cause a mess as big as your problem - Messy Messerson. But I also think he had a proper name, called Stanley. ANd, he had just the dreamiest pet worm I've seen in the ocean.
Barnacle Boy: Uh, yeah, thanks. Uh, somehow I don't think this is the work of someone called "Stanley".
Man Ray: No, it doesn't sound like Stanley's style at all. Stanley "Messy" Messerson likes to make a mess. The Sand Stadium vanished too cleanly.
Mermaid Man: Man Ray!
Barnacle Boy: [gasps] Our second most arch nemesis!
Man Ray: That's right, super-zeroes! It's me!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray growl at each other for a bit. But stop.]
Mermaid Man: So, what are you in for?
Man Ray: I got caught jaywalking. Could you believe it?
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Man Ray share a laugh.]
Dirty Bubble: You think that's bad? I got caught for having bad breath in a public place. Ho-ho!
Mermaid Man: The Dirty Bubble?!
Barnacle Boy: Our number #1 arch nemesis!
[Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the Dirty Bubble growl at each other.]
Pearl: Excuse me! CAN YOU be quiet please!
Dirty Bubble: Spoilsport.
Pearl: Now, let's talk about the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. I think a huge monster-sized sinkhole opened up in the ocean and the stadium fell into it!
Barnacle Boy: Monster?!
Pearl: Monster-sized. Or, if you want a more simpler guess, you could say it was the Sneaky Hermit.
Man Ray: The Sneaky Hermit. Of course! This crime shows all the signs that have been present throughout the hermit's criminal career!
Barnacle Boy: What signs? What does the Sneaky Hermit do?
[Suddenly, the entire building of Bikini Bottom Jail shakes and vanishes into thin air, just like the Sand Stadium.]
Dirty Bubble: I think it would be fair to say that the Sneaky Hermit steals buildings.
Man Ray: A fine observation, my villainous companion. Now, if everyone will excuse us, this sudden freedom has renewed my eagerness for villainy. Come, Dirty Bubble! [leaves]
Dirty Bubble: Ooh, let's start with jaywalking. They couldn't possibly catch us twice. [leaves]
Barnacle Boy: We should probably catch those two you know.
Mermaid Man: All in good time, Barnacle Boy. All in good time. First, I think we've got a hermit to catch. We'll start with the beach 'cause hermits love the beach. To the invisible boatmobile! Away!
Pearl: Well, For once, it wasn't me who brought the house down. [a tile lands on her head]
Realistic Fish Head: News flash! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been cleared of suspicion in the disappearance of the Sand Stadium. Authorities are now on the lookout for a crab called the Sneaky Hermit, who is still at large and may have accomplices.