All the things I'd say to my mother | spoken word poetry

a short letter, a poem, a long gratitude note, a different kind of surprise present for my mum. International Women's Day is when I'd like everyone to share all the appreciation for the women who raised us and love us unconditionally.
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she’s been home to me like
no other place I’ve been to
where I used to hang my belongings on the walls
inside her
my blood cells were all over
her inner walls
she let me in
like a parasite, I was eating her from the inside
she didn’t mind
and no book teaches you how
to say thank you to your mother for that
this is why I’ve never told her
“thank you for letting me
eat out of you.
eat you.
take things away from you I wasn’t probably entitled to.”
no book teaches you how to be all independent
without hurting your mother
I told her
she doesn’t need to do so many things for me
because I wanted her to feel
more like
my best friend. but now I understand
why she felt offended:
she wants to my mother. she wants
to be a mother who cooks and cleans
and irons bed sheets for her daughter
I know I cannot take this away from her
as I carelessly took away
her blood cells 23 years ago.
I want to say to my mother she is more than this:
I forget but
she is also a daughter. a friend. a wife
and above all, she is a woman
and she was a girl too
I forget these things
too easily. and probably she does too
she is talented at keeping things alive
plants. pets
myself. the appearance
of a flawless family so alive it hurts
I’m not
my plants die
and I think I could’ve made a list of all the cats
I could’ve starved if she agreed of buying me one
she is also good at giving birth
embroideries. a homey place
myself
I am envious on my mother’s body
everything I felt for the first time was inside the womb
hearing, loving, being surprised.
she was my home and then
I moved in my body and this
became home. I had no clue
about home décor whatsoever
and I was looking for anything else
but parts of myself to reassemble.
probably she did the same.
in the end
I forgive you, my warmest home.
and I want you to take great care of yourself.
I know I can take care of myself -
when I was inside you, you taught me that.