As a child, I was unaware of what I was dealing with and that’s ok. As an adult: -I could have listened to my intuition more. -I could have had better boundaries. -I could have had higher standards for myself. -I could have walked away the first time I was abused. -I could have spoken up for my inner child. -I could have paved my own path rather than relying on someone else’s. -I could have made myself and my own needs a priority. -I could have owned and lived by my values more. -I could have listened to my inner voice telling me to leave. -I could have acted in accordance with my inner guidance system. -I could have accepted sooner that the connection was not in alignment with my highest good.
No, you couldn't have or you would have. You couldn't because nobody taught you how to when you were young. Now you know, now you can make those discernments. 🙏 Spread the word!
So true. I've been struggling for months. This past week I've forced myself to run every morning, eat healthier, seek out community, and take more hours at work. And it's been the best week of my past year. I got diagnosed with PTSD and started taking meds and the meds were the last thing I needed. Stopped a week in and I feel amazing. Thinking about the narc less and I’m finding value in myself and who God knows me to be. Richard knows what the hell he’s talking about folks. Listen to him
I love this! The person I am today, would not allow somebody that exhibited even the slightest bit of narcissism, into my life. But, the person I was four years ago, didn't have any boundaries, I didn't have the inner conviction to know that I was worth good, healthy love. I subconsciously believed that I had to prove myself by putting up with his abusive bullshit and that I could "fix" all of his issues, all of his brokenness . And then, we would be at a place where it was all roses and sunshine, and I would get that golden ticket… I would have his healthy love. But, we all know that's not how it works . No, it's not victim blaming but it is healthy to take a good hard look at my own role in allowing these patterns and these monsters , carte blanche with my life
If only you’d been around 37 years ago. As it is I only discovered NPD 4 years ago. If I knew then what I know now I would NEVER have let him anywhere near me. “Could Have Done More” indeed.
Yes, but Narcissistic abuse also occurs in families and not just in direct intimate partnerships. What can an 8, 9, or even 10-year-old child do in order to shield themselves or even, or avoid narcissistic abuse occurring in their own biological families, even in the 1960s and 1970s Era?!!!! People have a habit of simply believing that all narcissistic abuse occurs only among intimate partners while the majority of narcissistic abuse occurs among whole entire dysfunctional and toxic families. I find it totally insane that people only see "Narcissism" as a dysfunctional intimate dynamic between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, lover and lover-- or some type of physically intimate relationship when it is much deeper than that. It affects whole entire families and whole entire communities. This is one of the reasons why it takes on generational CYCLES!!!!!
Me too, sadly. 😢 This education should be in schools, and kids should be educated about it before they start to date. If they figured out and healed their own childhood and generational trauma as pre teens or teens, when they are still kids…would they still get into abusive relationships as an adult? 🤔
@pickle9753 Great point & great question. I believe the knowledge of NPD or any toxic relationship will allow the youth to identify red flags and get away from abusers & since it's impossible to vet a person before dating them because people lie and can do so for years, it's vital to teach them self love, as well as, how to have, set & enforce boundaries, standards and expectations. I am a teacher, so once I learned about this abuse, I tried my very best to instill said knowledge and values in my girls because I taught high schoolers & that age group needs this information the MOST in my humble and honest opinion 🙏🏾
Absolutely... I was in grief losing my Beautiful little boy and yes I feel I could have done things differently and at that time I didn't have any self care or boundries. Everything you say makes so much sense.... Trusting and healing are now things I'm trying to achieve slowly, childhood abuse sadly set me on a self destruction path that is my responsibility to fix day by day.
I don't even think Richard feels bullet proof. He is a great teacher, but I have seen his video when he was suffering from abuse. It was painful to watch.
@@adimeter his open and honest vulnerability in those videos always trigger some crazy “motherly” protective and nurturing instincts in me….as well as a bunch of other yummy things hehehe I wanna listen to his problems while rubbing his back, and then make him cookies to eat after I do dirty shit to him 😂😂🤷🏻♀️ it’s weird, and some sort of sickness for sure 🤣🤣🤣🤷🏻♀️🤪 But I dig it 🤷🏻♀️😂
For some reason I want to blame myself. It makes me feel better. How dare I hope for my dreams to come true. This protects me. I have to survive. I am destroyed! What helps is medication and my deep faith. You are right to be hopeful and positive for the future. I just can't afford to take any more risks.
I like content like this and view it as empowering and not victim blaming. And this is coming from a kid raised by a narcissistic mother. I do have control today and had for quite a bit of time before I actually realized it
Hi Richard - your channel has been very helpful & I really appreciate the work you do. Would you please do a video on how toxic parents condition their children & the best way to start the path to recovery. Boundaries & discernment can be poorly set at an early age - removing choice. This type of conditioning is something no other commentator has covered that I can find. I have witnessed normally a smart & life experienced close friend terrified of saying no to a toxic parent - being subjected to hostile interrogations, simply not hearing the contempt or seeing the angry face & body language (or the weird head & eye movements while the parent talks)- This friend is “compliant” & it’s like being in denial in real time. Discussing the event afterwards “that’s just her funny ways, she’s always been like that” is the response. The person I know is now starting the path to a better place thank god.
A great many of Richard’s videos cover this topic. Also his ‘unplug from the matrix’ course is designed to help with this very issue. You can absorb content on RUclips and it will help you understand what you are going through, but you won’t be free until you start to act. Richard’s courses work. I wish you all the best in your journey toward healing.
You can’t have intention about it I guess if you are not educated, and you were raised with a narcissistic parent and so you learn what can be tolerated or normal and you believe the best in other people. So I really think that education is key. It’s a good thing people are making videos. I have worked on un-isolating myself, and I put an effort to create my support system/network around me, and it’s really really helped in major ways.
Thank you so much for what you do here. I echo the “ if only “ sentiments here. Hindsight would save a lot of pain and anguish. You help more that you know. Keep strong is all I can say to your other followers.
So much wisdom, Richard. Your course, "Unplug From the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse" is EXTREMELY good. Thank you for creating it and offering your wisdom for us to work through in a structured way.
Until you have knowledge, it's difficult to know. At first awareness of narcicism, I had previously thought that this is just bad behaviour on her behalf. As the abuse got worse, I started to study the topic through Mr. Grannon and Mr. Vaknin. After a year or so, I decided I cannot leave our son alone in her custody. I have taken back control of my life; as much as you can with a batshit crazy wiman in the house and in the meantime have been studying the male/female relationship theories together with my son and I have been thinking that women, in general are becoming more and more narcicistic and alnost all normal, natural behaviour for a modern woman matches most requirements for being labelled as narcicists. I know I am not studied in these arts but if it sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, acts and looks like a duck, it's a duck.
same. 56 years old and just realized in 2018 that my mom and my brother were malignant narcs, but my brother is many levels worse than his mother. extremely sick/depraved/deranged. the thing is, there were very obvious signs bu at the time, i brushed it off "he has to be joking" - not to mention, as the only brother i'd had, who is younger and was always entitled, opportunistic, abusive - i didn't know any better. even as he was using me and destroying my health and being extremely abusive, while i noticed the abuse, i still assumed there must be something wrong w/me. i'd been gaslit for so long and blamed for so much (that wasn't my fault) that until it became EXTREMELY abusive and VERY obvious, to the point i couldn't NOT see it, it was just the way things were, the way they had always been. then, once you see it, you also go back in time and see it ALL clearly. being ridiculed in front of family friends, shamed for my mother's traits/projected on, lied about behind my back, parentified. it's a shock. a big shock.
I’m still stuck in survival mode…Im trying to trust myself…Ironically, I’d see signs and act opposite of my intuition so it’s about trusting that this time…I’m in a sensitive state and aware to the point I’m paranoid this time I won’t see signs which could cause me acting impulsively and it’ll override intuition…I study this stuff over and over to trying avoid another..It’s as if Im paranoid and preparing to protect myself…Im drained in dealing with the feelings, the thoughts, and trying to befriend my body that’s isn’t trusting itself after the abuse…It is hard to handle the trauma and triggers that abuse causes/contributes to
Thank you for this video. I truly feel that I am sorting my life out. It is taking a lot of time and effort. This video is very helpful and supportive. Thank you. This is the first time I have heard of you and I have been on this journey for a long time. Dr. Ramani is an amazing resource on RUclips. I am very grateful to Mr. Mark Welsh for introducing me to you. Thank you.
In that relationship.... One is a predator and you may not even know you are in a relationship with them . Boundaries are not relevant because they are going to take you either way. Double binde they chose for you. It's injustice as would be rape.
“I [lift the narcissist] because I wished to live deliberately... I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.” ― N.H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society
While I think personal responsibility is important, know that a person who's being narcissistically abused is operating under an altered brain chemistry. It's an addiction and it's hard to get out because most people believe that only alcohol and drugs make you addicted. I personally took 10 days to stop feeling the withdrawal effects of leaving a narcissist. I'm okay now but if someone offered me cocaine during those first 10 days I'd probably be a crack head right now.
I really appreciate this channel. I've learnt so much, and I'm eager to learn ALL about NPD as I highly suspect that my mother might be suffering from this disorder and just broke of all contact with her. Thank you. x
Great and very comprehensible advice. And I love the word "moral", which has been the most neclected word in past years. (And idea or philosophy). There was no such thing as "moral" that should be one of your main concerns. Rather success, fun, entertainment, money, power and attention seeking. So, I would like to fill the rest of this space with applause: 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏....
Everyone who finds themselves in a relationship with a narcissist is not blind to red flags and just absent mindedly floating into relationships with no sense of how they want to be treated and their standards. That is kind of insulting.
Yes hindsight. It’s not just what happened to me. Two children were created. I regret that I wasn’t the parent I dreamed I would be because of my skewed emotions. I can’t fix that. 😢
People don’t understand that it’s not about knowing narcissism. Even non narcissist abuse also but we didn’t have boundaries so we stay there and take it until it got worse. What happened with the narcissist could have happened with a normal person and the result would have been the same, we stayed so it doesn’t matter if we knew about narcissism or not.
Yeah, I missed signs for some reason, but relationships were all a bit boundary breaking back in the early 1980’s for me, so what could I compare it to? I cried thinking no one cared about me, but I didn’t want to accept that was truth. My subconscious was telling me it was all wrong, but what to do!? I just tried to sort things working from my perspective.😨 I think I did my best, especially when my children were born, but my partner didn’t do his best. 😢
You couldn't have 'cause you simply weren't able then (from whatever reasons). But next time you CAN! (I think - I hope! - this is in fact the message Richard wants to convey.)
Richard, one thing you and many others miss is that people choose other people from their fantasies rather than a reality based mind set. I have seen it time and time again from friends who see this person with rose colored glasses from the very beginning. Idealization sets in and that is what takes over. So they miss the red flags. It's a great match because both parties are a fantasy based mind set so they just fall in to each other until reality sets in down the road by then often times it is too late. Reality is harsh, reality is difficult, to see this person as they are with all the posing and love bombing is difficult. That want the fantasy not the reality that this person may not be what he attempting to be. The more individuated the person is, they know they are separate, they see what is, not what they are hoping for. That is why people don't recognize who they are dealing with.
Sigh… I’ll accept that there’s more that I could’ve done, although I’m not sure what that might be currently. Not excusing, but the childhood trauma kinda was a setup element and I can’t figure out where that opportunity came and I missed it… if that makes sense.
How do we do that when we feel lost mine destroy everything i was running away and keep coming back and slowly losing my self my health job almostt home..our home sure al the whille he was cheating having fun and sadisticly tourchuring me and brainwashing me daily. They are so sick..i didnt give up working never stoped even when i didnt want to live any more but it's jusr not enough now, he didnt fell or go trough any of this stuff..
I have a question. If a female narcissist is very fond of her image and doesn't want People to know about the relationship she has with her victim , will she publicly accuse him of betraying the love relationship or having done wrong handling (which obviously false accusations)? Will she do something that can cause social harm to her victim as well as herself (which is threatening thing always by her)?
Richard or anyone reading. Is it easy to get a diagnosis of an NPD. It involve's Parental alienation, my children are being Emotionally abused to solely get at me which of course is working. Ive got the stress of going back to court for the 3rd time just to be in my children's lives. I know i need something called a p25 application to get an expert involved but dont know how to word it and would a diagnosis be easy to prove? I dont want the ex in trouble, i just want her to get help so she stops what she is doing to them beautiful children. Thanks in advance.
so, having a smaller friend group is now a problem? it is not if you don't see it as such, your videos are getting shorter and plain, the conclusion... have a life, have friends, etc, thanks my uneducated neighbor would probably give the same advice. No mean to offend you. you are helping but kinda lame
Roar of selfreflecting agreement. Yes have gone into an opposite extreme of the time being - if so far it’s just about guaranteed that if i fancy a bloke, he’s highly likely (recent ooo, last 20 years 😆 - strike rate 100%) to be a whole lot like my dad, it is tme to regroup and not bother with the whole thing (and keep distance from dad. Joyful by now, it being my very own, very conscious decision! the abscence of abuse is delightful 🫠☺
No one chooses to be in a toxic relationship. However, we must learn from our experiences and choose to understand why we did what we did so we can heal and not repeat past experiences. Hope that makes sense? We cannot control others, but we can learn how to work on ourselves instead. Big hugs 🫂 xx ❤️
Totally agree with most of this but I'm sure as hell not going to beat myself up for being born into a cycle of abuse or being only 18 when I met my x husband! Moving forward and being educated, wiser and older, I sure as hell will NEVER allow it to happen again!
Leaving narcissistic abuse is challenging because of the "seal the exits" strategy that cult leaders use, where thier targets get indoctrinated early that they'll go to hell for even thinking that something is not right in that system. Its amazing - to leave religion and then find God on your side. No, this does not turn out wonderful and full of blessings. A sense that each person is valuable, a commitment to ethics, its not heavenly, but it's good, its worthy.
"Its amazing - to leave religion and then find God on your side." SO true! He is not in a building made with human hands. I left 'the church' many years ago. "A sense that each person is valuable...." But, that IS "heavenly", because that is the 'Law of Christ' written in our hearts, whether we know we belong to Him or not, which is, "Love thy neighbor...." and, "Do unto others....".
@@sage9836 I just said what you said, basically, to a friend yesterday. My family operates like a cult, and one of my older Narc sisters has 'annointed' herself as our dear leader.
@@annehedonia156 I am so glad for you seeing clearly! I got this knowledge, and maybe this term, from the earlier revision of the book Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. He cited a scholarly article on the idea that cult dynamics can operate even among two people. I had no idea at the time why I was fascinated with this book, but while reading figured out I had been in this type system. The author is heroic.
Thank you for your time and thoughts Richard. Every person who has lived through this type of abuse…all say the same thing…. “I wish I knew, and had this education sooner” Thank you for taking the time to educate the world and spread this info…..for free. It’s Not fair so many have suffered simply because they could not afford the education on the topic. It should be in all grade schools. People need to learn about this BEFORE they start dating.
Just watching my dogs when on heat tells a story. I think every young adult should see how passionate hormones can completely take them over unless they get their brains in gear.@@zerowheeler
if you dont know, you just think something is wrong with them, and the wrongs just keep stacking up. i was not fully aware of what a narc truly was until months after i broke up with her for good, and i was 48 at the time. now that i have a phd on the subject, can spot one a mile away. its not up to the schools to teach this, will never happen; its up to the parents, "if they even know themselves what a true definition of what a narc is". its become so prevalent in our present society thats its actually accepted as normal now. me me me me, mine........take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
@@lilfairycupcake wow, sorry for rant haha It’s been raining for days here, and my arthritis and fibro is a little flared ..and I’m bored 😳🤷🏻♀️🤣🤣🥴🖖☯️☮️🦋 Thanks for bringing my brain down that little rabbit hole haha that was interesting lol my passion always finds that fire in me, regardless what coffee I’m on 😉😂😂🤷🏻♀️☺️ Thanks for the chat. Needed to get that out of me obviously 🥴🤪❤️ Have a great day. ☯️💪🔥🤘🖖☮️🦋
@@lilfairycupcake exactly…”if you don’t know, you just think some things wrong with them” 😳😳😳😳 and it continues..not just for that individual as a “victim”, possibly for years…but it continues the generational cycles of it when it’s “kept behind closed doors” the way it is, and has been…for the entire species, and prevents evolution and change for every one. Ever see what a rotten piece of fruit will do if it’s touching another 😳 eventually it will spread and rot out the entire crop if there is no intervention to stop it
I needed all the information you have provided. After so many stories and I synthesize with all of them.. I truly believe I have one of the worst cases of narcissism I am dealing with of any I’ve ever heard. It is so incredibly scary. I have been silent and told no one my preparation’s to leave. I’ve been preparing now for months. It isn’t a fast process. I have totally detached the trauma bond. Thank you so much for your videos. Additionally, I want to say that you have shown me there are men in the world that are not Narcissis. In the beginning, when I went to break this trauma bond, and I realized how terrifying it was, and how many people are actually, narcissist, I didn’t want another relationship ever again. But I will say now that I have worked on all of this I do want to love again I’m strong enough to see the signs and leave. I hope I do find someone who doesn’t have narcissism when this is all said and done. You are an inspiration. I have truly thought about starting my own channel. Thank you.
Self Discipline is the most important. It's what we need to consistently apply our boundaries and moral philosophy. Many people were punished as kids for sticking up for ourselves and we thought that was discipline. Discipline is the daily small things we do consistently and take full responsibility for which bring us closer toward our goals/intention. Asking "will this action/thought bring me closer to my goals"? is helpful.
I was raised with narcissists not always understanding what was happening, as the scapegoat. I see it so clearly now that I can never unsee what I know.
You are the boss. I know you should never judge a book by its cover but I do keep thinking "who on earth could narcissistically abuse you?" but realise that you have, likely, become like this due to the abuse. Thank you for your videos. Great stuff.
I think it may be a call out, that in most of these abusive relationships, we were also part of perpetuating it. We tolerated and enabled our own shitty treatment and we need to take responsibility for that.
It’s not the same as a single random act of violence. It’s more like being assaulted in the same parking garage 1000 times, and you still keep coming back to the same garage. You figure you can’t possibly be that unlucky, you figure maybe next time will be better, you figure there’s a way you can solve the situation. The only way to solve the situation is to not be there. Getting ambushed isn’t your fault. Getting ambushed by the same person repeatedly requires a willingness to negotiate in unfavorable circumstances. That’s not your fault either, it’s PTSD malware, and you didn’t choose to have it. You can only choose to uninstall it in THIS time, in THIS place.
I had boundaries and had relationship desires and goals and was quite clear. I STILL ended up in an incredibly narcissistically abusive relationship. Sometimes it may feel like there was very that could have been done to avoid it, outside of never having met them in the first place.
Thinking of the most recent narcissist in my life...I should have known that I did not need another human being who only talks about themselves, has to control every situation, is flattering me only to insult me a moment later, etc. etc. The red flags were all there. But I went through another round, and did not see the discard coming. It is not victim blaming at all to take stock and learn, learn, learn from every encounter. (Mysterious enough, there was one good and important experience that I had through this person that I would never have had without her....I marvel about that. Had I avoided the contact altogether, something would be missing in my life now. The effect was totally unintended by the narcissist, she does not even know about this....but that's the morsel of benefit that I will keep. For that I am grateful. For the rest...good riddance.)
If there is no hope for even a low grade narcissist, why don't you advocate for narcissist to un-alive themselves? Why not just say that these are damaged people that need to be put out if their misery?
You are correct…there IS MORE WE ALL COULD BE DOING 😳😳😳 So why are we all not demanding this education be in grade schools now 😳😳 Kids are changing their fucking genders before they even understand who tf they really are inside 😳 Some of this info may be helpful possibly 🤷🏻♀️
The whole education system is full of narcissists. Maybe it is narcissistic itself🤔 Parents should do everything to make their children strong on every level. Instead the most parents have a massive problem with their history/ childhood what makes their breed a perfect bait for the soul sucking narcs out there. sorry to burst your bubble.
I grew up in a cult - boundaries were unknown, a foreign word. When I met my narcissist I had no intention other than to get married again. I could not discern for myself that which is good and acceptable, all I could do was know deep down that something was wrong but I could not put my finger on it. Then I worked it out, that she was trying to control me far to much, but I knew this was wrong but I accepted it because it was normal behaviour to me (could not apply it). I now have little money and find it hard to get work, have few friends... but everyone agrees that I'm "a nice guy".
Fuck "'nice". I used to treat people as if I was their angel, remembering we are not in heaven yet, life showed me this is not the way to go. I'm still a person with a very good character, I tried to change that but I couldn't. I now do see even when Im lonely its best to focus on other people with excellent character (preferably even better than mine, so I can grow and learn) and steer clear from people with moderate or questionable ones. The difficult part for me was to admit there are just so few people with very good character. My tip is to find someoone who has better character than you (BE VERY VERY PICKY AND HONEST WITH THIS) as an example (even if its just like a running instructor or an old lady at the store), to the extend of socially acceptable norms try to bond a little with them (even if its just in your head/emotionally). As if like practicing bonding with healthy people, without having to be vulnerable as in a romantic relationship or friendship. To get used to the idea of bonding with a healthy person of good character. If "everyone agrees that youre a "nice guy"". That to me sounds like your "nicety" stands out too much from your enviroment. Been there done that. In the end of the day I couldnt even really blame them for taking advantage of me, because thats just where they were at (and where I shouldnt have been). Take it easy, grow some hair on your teeth, buy a 0 fox given T. You'll be alright, only thing really nice people need to do is put more trust themself, and learn to discern the good voices in their head. You're nice remember? Be nice to YOU.
For me it was guilt from my narcissistic mother from having a disabled brother that muddied the waters, I was in my mid 40s when I saw the abuse for what it was.
You hit the nail on the head here! Once we begin to define for ourselves metaphysical concepts such as happiness, justice, dignity etc… I was able to discern the abuse for what it was, which eliminated all of its power. It’s like we have to define the seemingly undefinable metaphysical concepts absolutely in order to achieve authenticity in a relative Universe.
Setting boundaries...the narc did it. He never wanted to Talk about the past. He didnt want to know me about his online activities (when I asked Something, he claimed I'd bei controlling, he was "disappointed" and he felt "persecuted" etc Later, after he saw I dont play His Games anymore ( Lots of mental, physical and financial exploitation) he exposed himself and I found Out he was cheating all the time. So, please, what are "healthy" boundaries? I am puzzeled. I am a caring Sharing Loving Person. What should I Change in the Future? I want to stay myself and Not lose Trust in the good.
You are absolutely amazing. Second one im watching. Thank you. I've already sent my friends your channel. Thank you God my Father for bringing you into my life. I'm 50 and almost feel 16 again. I am almost me again. Going to watch more now.
For people getting triggered over this, he's educating current and future viewers who aren't already in a relationship. He's not dumping on you because you're in the nightmare.
Feels especially important for those in between relationships because a common pattern, self included, is to repeat with another person these dynamics of giving oneself away. I truly cringe listening to this - is very difficult to hear, probably for most of us even. Interesting too that i read "he's not dumping on you because you're the nightmare" 😅🤣😭🙃
@@uyouhaveyou trust me, I get it. I'm in a 28 year marriage that has been horrendous with no love, affection, intimacy, and so cruel, cold, indifferent to my feelings. When you love someone and they treat you like you're a rock on the sidewalk, that hurts and it hurts bad. It's super hard to just end things, but that's what I'm going to have to do as she refuses to even try to work anything out. You can't reason with these people. So yes, I get what you're saying. I saw all the signs and knew something was wrong, but I had no idea. I've never grieved like I have the last year. I totally get it. Keep your head up friend. I am pushing myself to get out because I deserve so much better and so do you. I like Richard's videos as they are "tough love" and no BS. That's what I need and I already know everything, it's just hard.
@@hurricaneaquatics No, that's too dangerous. You see I too am a student. I have learned a lot, but am by no means a therapist. But there are many wonderful therapist on these videos. I hope you the best.
I understand that narcissists have a very difficult time changing. Most people say it is best to distance yourself from them. What do you do when you realize that a newer patient you have is a raving covert narcissist??
As a child, I was unaware of what I was dealing with and that’s ok.
As an adult:
-I could have listened to my intuition more.
-I could have had better boundaries.
-I could have had higher standards for myself.
-I could have walked away the first time I was abused.
-I could have spoken up for my inner child.
-I could have paved my own path rather than relying on someone else’s.
-I could have made myself and my own needs a priority.
-I could have owned and lived by my values more.
-I could have listened to my inner voice telling me to leave.
-I could have acted in accordance with my inner guidance system.
-I could have accepted sooner that the connection was not in alignment with my highest good.
Just brilliant and also beautiful. It's like a poem.
I could have stayed single until better came down the road...
No, you couldn't have or you would have. You couldn't because nobody taught you how to when you were young. Now you know, now you can make those discernments. 🙏 Spread the word!
We all could've, should've, would've! Be kind to yourself and give God your 'if only's! You've come a long way to be so aware now. ❤
Well written. 💚
So true. I've been struggling for months. This past week I've forced myself to run every morning, eat healthier, seek out community, and take more hours at work. And it's been the best week of my past year. I got diagnosed with PTSD and started taking meds and the meds were the last thing I needed. Stopped a week in and I feel amazing. Thinking about the narc less and I’m finding value in myself and who God knows me to be. Richard knows what the hell he’s talking about folks. Listen to him
Well done! It's time to put you first. 💜🙏
@@balanceskateboarding8807 thanks dude!
I love this!
The person I am today, would not allow somebody that exhibited even the slightest bit of narcissism, into my life. But, the person I was four years ago, didn't have any boundaries, I didn't have the inner conviction to know that I was worth good, healthy love. I subconsciously believed that I had to prove myself by putting up with his abusive bullshit and that I could "fix" all of his issues, all of his brokenness .
And then, we would be at a place where it was all roses and sunshine, and I would get that golden ticket… I would have his healthy love.
But, we all know that's not how it works .
No, it's not victim blaming but it is healthy to take a good hard look at my own role in allowing these patterns and these monsters , carte blanche with my life
If only you’d been around 37 years ago. As it is I only discovered NPD 4 years ago. If I knew then what I know now I would NEVER have let him anywhere near me. “Could Have Done More” indeed.
Yes, but Narcissistic abuse also occurs in families and not just in direct intimate partnerships. What can an 8, 9, or even 10-year-old child do in order to shield themselves or even, or avoid narcissistic abuse occurring in their own biological families, even in the 1960s and 1970s Era?!!!! People have a habit of simply believing that all narcissistic abuse occurs only among intimate partners while the majority of narcissistic abuse occurs among whole entire dysfunctional and toxic families. I find it totally insane that people only see "Narcissism" as a dysfunctional intimate dynamic between husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, lover and lover-- or some type of physically intimate relationship when it is much deeper than that. It affects whole entire families and whole entire communities. This is one of the reasons why it takes on generational CYCLES!!!!!
I feel the same way! I was at least 10 years into a crazy relationship before I ever heard of NPD.
Me too, sadly. 😢
This education should be in schools, and kids should be educated about it before they start to date.
If they figured out and healed their own childhood and generational trauma as pre teens or teens, when they are still kids…would they still get into abusive relationships as an adult? 🤔
THIS🙏🏾🙌🏾
@pickle9753 Great point & great question. I believe the knowledge of NPD or any toxic relationship will allow the youth to identify red flags and get away from abusers & since it's impossible to vet a person before dating them because people lie and can do so for years, it's vital to teach them self love, as well as, how to have, set & enforce boundaries, standards and expectations. I am a teacher, so once I learned about this abuse, I tried my very best to instill said knowledge and values in my girls because I taught high schoolers & that age group needs this information the MOST in my humble and honest opinion 🙏🏾
Absolutely... I was in grief losing my Beautiful little boy and yes I feel I could have done things differently and at that time I didn't have any self care or boundries. Everything you say makes so much sense.... Trusting and healing are now things I'm trying to achieve slowly, childhood abuse sadly set me on a self destruction path that is my responsibility to fix day by day.
I let my guard down because he convinced me I was safe. I take accountability 4 allowing that into my life.
For me it was an important lesson to learn. Long overdue. Now i am bullet proof. 😊🤸♀️
I wish
I don't even think Richard feels bullet proof. He is a great teacher, but I have seen his video when he was suffering from abuse. It was painful to watch.
@@adimeter indeed 😢
@@adimeter his open and honest vulnerability in those videos always trigger some crazy “motherly” protective and nurturing instincts in me….as well as a bunch of other yummy things hehehe I wanna listen to his problems while rubbing his back, and then make him cookies to eat after I do dirty shit to him 😂😂🤷🏻♀️ it’s weird, and some sort of sickness for sure 🤣🤣🤣🤷🏻♀️🤪
But I dig it 🤷🏻♀️😂
@@pickle9753 Oh well, thanks for responding honestly - HAHAHA
Thanks Richard, I really needed to hear this today ... we alone can heal ourselves.
For some reason I want to blame myself. It makes me feel better. How dare I hope for my dreams to come true. This protects me. I have to survive. I am destroyed! What helps is medication and my deep faith. You are right to be hopeful and positive for the future. I just can't afford to take any more risks.
I like content like this and view it as empowering and not victim blaming. And this is coming from a kid raised by a narcissistic mother. I do have control today and had for quite a bit of time before I actually realized it
A lack of "discernment and intentionality"....that's spot on. This vid is just beautifully worded.
Yes I 'said that every day in big problems for me his somebody's I'know back home can believe it
Thanks you for everything you do ❤❤
Hi Richard - your channel has been very helpful & I really appreciate the work you do. Would you please do a video on how toxic parents condition their children & the best way to start the path to recovery.
Boundaries & discernment can be poorly set at an early age - removing choice. This type of conditioning is something no other commentator has covered that I can find.
I have witnessed normally a smart & life experienced close friend terrified of saying no to a toxic parent - being subjected to hostile interrogations, simply not hearing the contempt or seeing the angry face & body language (or the weird head & eye movements while the parent talks)- This friend is “compliant” & it’s like being in denial in real time. Discussing the event afterwards “that’s just her funny ways, she’s always been like that” is the response. The person I know is now starting the path to a better place thank god.
A great many of Richard’s videos cover this topic. Also his ‘unplug from the matrix’ course is designed to help with this very issue. You can absorb content on RUclips and it will help you understand what you are going through, but you won’t be free until you start to act. Richard’s courses work. I wish you all the best in your journey toward healing.
You can’t have intention about it I guess if you are not educated, and you were raised with a narcissistic parent and so you learn what can be tolerated or normal and you believe the best in other people. So I really think that education is key. It’s a good thing people are making videos.
I have worked on un-isolating myself, and I put an effort to create my support system/network around me, and it’s really really helped in major ways.
All those effects are true. Good last advice, it works.
Thank you so much for what you do here. I echo the “ if only “ sentiments here. Hindsight would save a lot of pain and anguish. You help more that you know. Keep strong is all I can say to your other followers.
1:59 It took all of this for me to get my mind right.
So much wisdom, Richard. Your course, "Unplug From the Matrix of Narcissistic Abuse" is EXTREMELY good. Thank you for creating it and offering your wisdom for us to work through in a structured way.
Until you have knowledge, it's difficult to know. At first awareness of narcicism, I had previously thought that this is just bad behaviour on her behalf. As the abuse got worse, I started to study the topic through Mr. Grannon and Mr. Vaknin. After a year or so, I decided I cannot leave our son alone in her custody. I have taken back control of my life; as much as you can with a batshit crazy wiman in the house and in the meantime have been studying the male/female relationship theories together with my son and I have been thinking that women, in general are becoming more and more narcicistic and alnost all normal, natural behaviour for a modern woman matches most requirements for being labelled as narcicists. I know I am not studied in these arts but if it sounds like a duck, walks like a duck, acts and looks like a duck, it's a duck.
Simp
Well, well WELL SAID! Thanks for all you do Richard!!! 🩵💙🩵✌️🤗 all!
The voice of truth 👍♥️
How if its the mother is a narcissist i didnt no what a narcissist was untill 2018
Trauma bonded reality
same. 56 years old and just realized in 2018 that my mom and my brother were malignant narcs, but my brother is many levels worse than his mother. extremely sick/depraved/deranged. the thing is, there were very obvious signs bu at the time, i brushed it off "he has to be joking" - not to mention, as the only brother i'd had, who is younger and was always entitled, opportunistic, abusive - i didn't know any better. even as he was using me and destroying my health and being extremely abusive, while i noticed the abuse, i still assumed there must be something wrong w/me. i'd been gaslit for so long and blamed for so much (that wasn't my fault) that until it became EXTREMELY abusive and VERY obvious, to the point i couldn't NOT see it, it was just the way things were, the way they had always been. then, once you see it, you also go back in time and see it ALL clearly. being ridiculed in front of family friends, shamed for my mother's traits/projected on, lied about behind my back, parentified. it's a shock. a big shock.
Amen to that. I started learning in 2021, at 73 yrs old.
I cried. Thank you. Like a light bulb went on.
I’m still stuck in survival mode…Im trying to trust myself…Ironically, I’d see signs and act opposite of my intuition so it’s about trusting that this time…I’m in a sensitive state and aware to the point I’m paranoid this time I won’t see signs which could cause me acting impulsively and it’ll override intuition…I study this stuff over and over to trying avoid another..It’s as if Im paranoid and preparing to protect myself…Im drained in dealing with the feelings, the thoughts, and trying to befriend my body that’s isn’t trusting itself after the abuse…It is hard to handle the trauma and triggers that abuse causes/contributes to
Thank you for this video. I truly feel that I am sorting my life out. It is taking a lot of time and effort. This video is very helpful and supportive. Thank you. This is the first time I have heard of you and I have been on this journey for a long time. Dr. Ramani is an amazing resource on RUclips. I am very grateful to Mr. Mark Welsh for introducing me to you. Thank you.
In that relationship....
One is a predator and you may not even know you are in a relationship with them . Boundaries are not relevant because they are going to take you either way. Double binde they chose for you.
It's injustice as would be rape.
“I [lift the narcissist] because I wished to live deliberately... I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.”
― N.H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society
Thank you it makes sense
While I think personal responsibility is important, know that a person who's being narcissistically abused is operating under an altered brain chemistry. It's an addiction and it's hard to get out because most people believe that only alcohol and drugs make you addicted.
I personally took 10 days to stop feeling the withdrawal effects of leaving a narcissist. I'm okay now but if someone offered me cocaine during those first 10 days I'd probably be a crack head right now.
I really appreciate this channel. I've learnt so much, and I'm eager to learn ALL about NPD as I highly suspect that my mother might be suffering from this disorder and just broke of all contact with her. Thank you. x
Good work mate
Great and very comprehensible advice. And I love the word "moral", which has been the most neclected word in past years. (And idea or philosophy). There was no such thing as "moral" that should be one of your main concerns. Rather success, fun, entertainment, money, power and attention seeking. So, I would like to fill the rest of this space with applause: 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏....
Everyone who finds themselves in a relationship with a narcissist is not blind to red flags and just absent mindedly floating into relationships with no sense of how they want to be treated and their standards. That is kind of insulting.
Thank you Richard 🥰
Wow. Boom. Mind-blown ❤🎉😊😶🌫️🤯
Yes hindsight. It’s not just what happened to me. Two children were created. I regret that I wasn’t the parent I dreamed I would be because of my skewed emotions. I can’t fix that. 😢
Taking the story up to NOW . 👍
Great advice, as always.
Don't victim blame yourself.
But don't pity yourself.
I can do better now that I know better.
People don’t understand that it’s not about knowing narcissism. Even non narcissist abuse also but we didn’t have boundaries so we stay there and take it until it got worse. What happened with the narcissist could have happened with a normal person and the result would have been the same, we stayed so it doesn’t matter if we knew about narcissism or not.
Yeah, I missed signs for some reason, but relationships were all a bit boundary breaking back in the early 1980’s for me, so what could I compare it to?
I cried thinking no one cared about me, but I didn’t want to accept that was truth.
My subconscious was telling me it was all wrong, but what to do!? I just tried to sort things working from my perspective.😨 I think I did my best, especially when my children were born, but my partner didn’t do his best. 😢
You couldn't have 'cause you simply weren't able then (from whatever reasons). But next time you CAN! (I think - I hope! - this is in fact the message Richard wants to convey.)
Richard, one thing you and many others miss is that people choose other people from their fantasies rather than a reality based mind set. I have seen it time and time again from friends who see this person with rose colored glasses from the very beginning. Idealization sets in and that is what takes over. So they miss the red flags. It's a great match because both parties are a fantasy based mind set so they just fall in to each other until reality sets in down the road by then often times it is too late. Reality is harsh, reality is difficult, to see this person as they are with all the posing and love bombing is difficult. That want the fantasy not the reality that this person may not be what he attempting to be. The more individuated the person is, they know they are separate, they see what is, not what they are hoping for. That is why people don't recognize who they are dealing with.
That's exactly the teaching I got from Richard. Didn't you hear it? About the shared fantasy. I too was very guilty of that.
Sigh… I’ll accept that there’s more that I could’ve done, although I’m not sure what that might be currently. Not excusing, but the childhood trauma kinda was a setup element and I can’t figure out where that opportunity came and I missed it… if that makes sense.
Ok then Richard ... I promise to stop watching episodes of Pinky and the Brain from this day forwards. 😘
How do we do that when we feel lost mine destroy everything i was running away and keep coming back and slowly losing my self my health job almostt home..our home sure al the whille he was cheating having fun and sadisticly tourchuring me and brainwashing me daily. They are so sick..i didnt give up working never stoped even when i didnt want to live any more but it's jusr not enough now, he didnt fell or go trough any of this stuff..
I have a question. If a female narcissist is very fond of her image and doesn't want People to know about the relationship she has with her victim , will she publicly accuse him of betraying the love relationship or having done wrong handling (which obviously false accusations)? Will she do something that can cause social harm to her victim as well as herself (which is threatening thing always by her)?
Its not your fault for getting mugged, but maybe you shiuldnt have walked down that alley, in a bad part of town, wearing your Rolex.
😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 Great Speech
Richard or anyone reading.
Is it easy to get a diagnosis of an NPD.
It involve's Parental alienation, my children are being Emotionally abused to solely get at me which of course is working.
Ive got the stress of going back to court for the 3rd time just to be in my children's lives.
I know i need something called a p25 application to get an expert involved but dont know how to word it and would a diagnosis be easy to prove?
I dont want the ex in trouble, i just want her to get help so she stops what she is doing to them beautiful children.
Thanks in advance.
Gee, and here .i thought ny covert narc ex was just a selfish only child now .i kniw much much better! See ya by by!😊
🎯
😍
I lost a lot of weight being with her I know that
so, having a smaller friend group is now a problem? it is not if you don't see it as such, your videos are getting shorter and plain, the conclusion... have a life, have friends, etc, thanks my uneducated neighbor would probably give the same advice. No mean to offend you. you are helping but kinda lame
U defended Johnny Depp and I lost all faith in you.
Roar of selfreflecting agreement. Yes have gone into an opposite extreme of the time being - if so far it’s just about guaranteed that if i fancy a bloke, he’s highly likely (recent ooo, last 20 years 😆 - strike rate 100%) to be a whole lot like my dad, it is tme to regroup and not bother with the whole thing (and keep distance from dad. Joyful by now, it being my very own, very conscious decision! the abscence of abuse is delightful 🫠☺
No one chooses to be in a toxic relationship. However, we must learn from our experiences and choose to understand why we did what we did so we can heal and not repeat past experiences. Hope that makes sense? We cannot control others, but we can learn how to work on ourselves instead. Big hugs 🫂 xx ❤️
Exactly !❤
Totally agree with most of this but I'm sure as hell not going to beat myself up for being born into a cycle of abuse or being only 18 when I met my x husband! Moving forward and being educated, wiser and older, I sure as hell will NEVER allow it to happen again!
Me too
Leaving narcissistic abuse is challenging because of the "seal the exits" strategy that cult leaders use, where thier targets get indoctrinated early that they'll go to hell for even thinking that something is not right in that system.
Its amazing - to leave religion and then find God on your side. No, this does not turn out wonderful and full of blessings. A sense that each person is valuable, a commitment to ethics, its not heavenly, but it's good, its worthy.
"Its amazing - to leave religion and then find God on your side." SO true! He is not in a building made with human hands. I left 'the church' many years ago.
"A sense that each person is valuable...." But, that IS "heavenly", because that is the 'Law of Christ' written in our hearts, whether we know we belong to Him or not, which is, "Love thy neighbor...." and, "Do unto others....".
@@annehedonia156 Thank you!♥️
@@sage9836 I just said what you said, basically, to a friend yesterday. My family operates like a cult, and one of my older Narc sisters has 'annointed' herself as our dear leader.
@@annehedonia156 I am so glad for you seeing clearly! I got this knowledge, and maybe this term, from the earlier revision of the book Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan. He cited a scholarly article on the idea that cult dynamics can operate even among two people. I had no idea at the time why I was fascinated with this book, but while reading figured out I had been in this type system. The author is heroic.
Thank you for your time and thoughts Richard.
Every person who has lived through this type of abuse…all say the same thing…. “I wish I knew, and had this education sooner”
Thank you for taking the time to educate the world and spread this info…..for free.
It’s Not fair so many have suffered simply because they could not afford the education on the topic. It should be in all grade schools. People need to learn about this BEFORE they start dating.
Even if you educate them, they are still beguiled.
Just watching my dogs when on heat tells a story. I think every young adult should see how passionate hormones can completely take them over unless they get their brains in gear.@@zerowheeler
if you dont know, you just think something is wrong with them, and the wrongs just keep stacking up. i was not fully aware of what a narc truly was until months after i broke up with her for good, and i was 48 at the time. now that i have a phd on the subject, can spot one a mile away. its not up to the schools to teach this, will never happen; its up to the parents, "if they even know themselves what a true definition of what a narc is". its become so prevalent in our present society thats its actually accepted as normal now. me me me me, mine........take from you, pretty much rules the roost.
@@lilfairycupcake wow, sorry for rant haha
It’s been raining for days here, and my arthritis and fibro is a little flared ..and I’m bored 😳🤷🏻♀️🤣🤣🥴🖖☯️☮️🦋
Thanks for bringing my brain down that little rabbit hole haha that was interesting lol my passion always finds that fire in me, regardless what coffee I’m on 😉😂😂🤷🏻♀️☺️
Thanks for the chat. Needed to get that out of me obviously 🥴🤪❤️ Have a great day. ☯️💪🔥🤘🖖☮️🦋
@@lilfairycupcake exactly…”if you don’t know, you just think some things wrong with them” 😳😳😳😳
and it continues..not just for that individual as a “victim”, possibly for years…but it continues the generational cycles of it when it’s “kept behind closed doors” the way it is, and has been…for the entire species, and prevents evolution and change for every one. Ever see what a rotten piece of fruit will do if it’s touching another 😳 eventually it will spread and rot out the entire crop if there is no intervention to stop it
I needed all the information you have provided. After so many stories and I synthesize with all of them.. I truly believe I have one of the worst cases of narcissism I am dealing with of any I’ve ever heard. It is so incredibly scary. I have been silent and told no one my preparation’s to leave. I’ve been preparing now for months. It isn’t a fast process. I have totally detached the trauma bond. Thank you so much for your videos. Additionally, I want to say that you have shown me there are men in the world that are not Narcissis. In the beginning, when I went to break this trauma bond, and I realized how terrifying it was, and how many people are actually, narcissist, I didn’t want another relationship ever again. But I will say now that I have worked on all of this I do want to love again I’m strong enough to see the signs and leave. I hope I do find someone who doesn’t have narcissism when this is all said and done. You are an inspiration. I have truly thought about starting my own channel. Thank you.
What could we have done more as A CHILD to avoid Narcissistic Abuse?!!!! It occurs in FAMILIES, not only just in INTIMATE relationships!!!!!!
I suspect he is going to say.... Nothing. There is nothing more you could have done, at that time, when you didn't know what you know now.
He's said that repeatedly before: kids who lived with narcissistic abuse aren't responsible.
It starts in families, then carries over into adulthood
Of course. I think everyone understands this. Stop screaming. 🙄
Self Discipline is the most important. It's what we need to consistently apply our boundaries and moral philosophy. Many people were punished as kids for sticking up for ourselves and we thought that was discipline. Discipline is the daily small things we do consistently and take full responsibility for which bring us closer toward our goals/intention. Asking "will this action/thought bring me closer to my goals"? is helpful.
I was raised with narcissists not always understanding what was happening, as the scapegoat. I see it so clearly now that I can never unsee what I know.
You are the boss. I know you should never judge a book by its cover but I do keep thinking "who on earth could narcissistically abuse you?" but realise that you have, likely, become like this due to the abuse. Thank you for your videos. Great stuff.
Sounds a lot like “you shouldn’t have been alone in a parking garage” after being assaulted
Yeah. I'm hoping there's some irony in the title.
@@sage9836There is.
I think it may be a call out, that in most of these abusive relationships, we were also part of perpetuating it. We tolerated and enabled our own shitty treatment and we need to take responsibility for that.
@@lukecarroll9823 Luke, you have such a beautiful name. My oldest son's name was Luke. I lost him a year and a half ago.
It’s not the same as a single random act of violence. It’s more like being assaulted in the same parking garage 1000 times, and you still keep coming back to the same garage. You figure you can’t possibly be that unlucky, you figure maybe next time will be better, you figure there’s a way you can solve the situation. The only way to solve the situation is to not be there.
Getting ambushed isn’t your fault. Getting ambushed by the same person repeatedly requires a willingness to negotiate in unfavorable circumstances. That’s not your fault either, it’s PTSD malware, and you didn’t choose to have it. You can only choose to uninstall it in THIS time, in THIS place.
I really thought that I was further in my healing journey.....illusion😅. Thank you Richard, have to work on this
I had boundaries and had relationship desires and goals and was quite clear.
I STILL ended up in an incredibly narcissistically abusive relationship.
Sometimes it may feel like there was very that could have been done to avoid it, outside of never having met them in the first place.
Ouch! But yes now that I know more, I agree I could have done more. Wish I had known more years ago. Love these insights now though.
Thinking of the most recent narcissist in my life...I should have known that I did not need another human being who only talks about themselves, has to control every situation, is flattering me only to insult me a moment later, etc. etc. The red flags were all there. But I went through another round, and did not see the discard coming. It is not victim blaming at all to take stock and learn, learn, learn from every encounter. (Mysterious enough, there was one good and important experience that I had through this person that I would never have had without her....I marvel about that. Had I avoided the contact altogether, something would be missing in my life now. The effect was totally unintended by the narcissist, she does not even know about this....but that's the morsel of benefit that I will keep. For that I am grateful. For the rest...good riddance.)
If there is no hope for even a low grade narcissist, why don't you advocate for narcissist to un-alive themselves?
Why not just say that these are damaged people that need to be put out if their misery?
You do know narcissistic parents are a thing yes?
Well as your parens are narcistic ...what to do than 🏃🏼♀️
I suppose it's like saying we could eat better or be more active. We choose how we live ?
Dear Richard Grannon,
This is Razi from India.
I simply love u ❤for the good job u r doing, healing the world
You are correct…there IS MORE WE ALL COULD BE DOING 😳😳😳
So why are we all not demanding this education be in grade schools now 😳😳
Kids are changing their fucking genders before they even understand who tf they really are inside 😳
Some of this info may be helpful possibly 🤷🏻♀️
The whole education system is full of narcissists. Maybe it is narcissistic itself🤔 Parents should do everything to make their children strong on every level. Instead the most parents have a massive problem with their history/ childhood what makes their breed a perfect bait for the soul sucking narcs out there. sorry to burst your bubble.
Thanks, RG. Appreciate your insights so much.💌
I grew up in a cult - boundaries were unknown, a foreign word. When I met my narcissist I had no intention other than to get married again. I could not discern for myself that which is good and acceptable, all I could do was know deep down that something was wrong but I could not put my finger on it. Then I worked it out, that she was trying to control me far to much, but I knew this was wrong but I accepted it because it was normal behaviour to me (could not apply it).
I now have little money and find it hard to get work, have few friends... but everyone agrees that I'm "a nice guy".
Start living for you. Life is not over yet. Fresh start tomorrow! ❤🙏
Fuck "'nice". I used to treat people as if I was their angel, remembering we are not in heaven yet, life showed me this is not the way to go. I'm still a person with a very good character, I tried to change that but I couldn't. I now do see even when Im lonely its best to focus on other people with excellent character (preferably even better than mine, so I can grow and learn) and steer clear from people with moderate or questionable ones. The difficult part for me was to admit there are just so few people with very good character. My tip is to find someoone who has better character than you (BE VERY VERY PICKY AND HONEST WITH THIS) as an example (even if its just like a running instructor or an old lady at the store), to the extend of socially acceptable norms try to bond a little with them (even if its just in your head/emotionally). As if like practicing bonding with healthy people, without having to be vulnerable as in a romantic relationship or friendship. To get used to the idea of bonding with a healthy person of good character. If "everyone agrees that youre a "nice guy"". That to me sounds like your "nicety" stands out too much from your enviroment. Been there done that. In the end of the day I couldnt even really blame them for taking advantage of me, because thats just where they were at (and where I shouldnt have been). Take it easy, grow some hair on your teeth, buy a 0 fox given T. You'll be alright, only thing really nice people need to do is put more trust themself, and learn to discern the good voices in their head. You're nice remember? Be nice to YOU.
For me it was guilt from my narcissistic mother from having a disabled brother that muddied the waters, I was in my mid 40s when I saw the abuse for what it was.
Now i detecte them so easly 😂 and i run as fast as i can
I can't detect them easily. I need more skills. 😢
You hit the nail on the head here! Once we begin to define for ourselves metaphysical concepts such as happiness, justice, dignity etc… I was able to discern the abuse for what it was, which eliminated all of its power. It’s like we have to define the seemingly undefinable metaphysical concepts absolutely in order to achieve authenticity in a relative Universe.
Masterful.
Setting boundaries...the narc did it. He never wanted to Talk about the past. He didnt want to know me about his online activities (when I asked Something, he claimed I'd bei controlling, he was "disappointed" and he felt "persecuted" etc Later, after he saw I dont play His Games anymore ( Lots of mental, physical and financial exploitation) he exposed himself and I found Out he was cheating all the time. So, please, what are "healthy" boundaries? I am puzzeled. I am a caring Sharing Loving Person. What should I Change in the Future? I want to stay myself and Not lose Trust in the good.
You are absolutely amazing. Second one im watching. Thank you. I've already sent my friends your channel. Thank you God my Father for bringing you into my life. I'm 50 and almost feel 16 again. I am almost me again. Going to watch more now.
For people getting triggered over this, he's educating current and future viewers who aren't already in a relationship. He's not dumping on you because you're in the nightmare.
Feels especially important for those in between relationships because a common pattern, self included, is to repeat with another person these dynamics of giving oneself away. I truly cringe listening to this - is very difficult to hear, probably for most of us even. Interesting too that i read "he's not dumping on you because you're the nightmare" 😅🤣😭🙃
@@uyouhaveyou trust me, I get it. I'm in a 28 year marriage that has been horrendous with no love, affection, intimacy, and so cruel, cold, indifferent to my feelings. When you love someone and they treat you like you're a rock on the sidewalk, that hurts and it hurts bad. It's super hard to just end things, but that's what I'm going to have to do as she refuses to even try to work anything out. You can't reason with these people. So yes, I get what you're saying. I saw all the signs and knew something was wrong, but I had no idea. I've never grieved like I have the last year. I totally get it. Keep your head up friend. I am pushing myself to get out because I deserve so much better and so do you. I like Richard's videos as they are "tough love" and no BS. That's what I need and I already know everything, it's just hard.
@@hurricaneaquatics Your post is very nice. However, it does contain one glaring caution. When you say ..."I already know everything"...
@@adimeter I get what you're saying and technically, no, I don't know everything. Do you have any input or advice?
@@hurricaneaquatics No, that's too dangerous. You see I too am a student. I have learned a lot, but am by no means a therapist. But there are many wonderful therapist on these videos. I hope you the best.
I was very hard on myself because I did not discern.!😢 I am ok now , still healing.😊 GOD is good.
I understand that narcissists have a very difficult time changing. Most people say it is best to distance yourself from them. What do you do when you realize that a newer patient you have is a raving covert narcissist??
And forgive yourself for getting into in the first place. That was the hardest part.
Oh God this is ridiculous I swear I hate this and it's always the one u really want and then boom hes a asshole......
Thanks for your videos so far I watched 3 merry Christmas 😊
And watch out until the end, because they want to drag you to hell where they know they are going themselves.
Very specific and helpful! Thank you.
Hard to avoid something you're born into
Can we help them at all ? Not being in relationships because it’s exhausting….
What happens when the divored narsc new supply is a married man? How will it end for him?
ISLAMIC JIHAD HEPS PROTECT YOUR SOUL😇🥰
why are you so mean.
jk this is a great framework moving forward
This is brilliant advice - I like it! Thanks :)
it is as he said! we all could have seen it in the first week!