9:02 - Ok. I don't have or want kids, but I'm an emotionally intelligent children's social worker and have always had a strong innate interest in conscious parenting techniques. This is my 1st time listening to this podcast, as I found the channel & subbed today. I had never heard any of these insights, explanations, or tips before - but everything you're saying resonates as true to my inner child! Literally never heard anyone discuss "naming the wish/need behind the 'no'." Loved your ideas about ways to "gamify" power struggles and build up "'connection capital" you can later draw down on to reduce resistance. I've always intuitively believed that children being difficult and having meltdowns regularly are demonstrating a frayed relationship with the parent due to a deficiency of connection, fun, & genuinely enjoyable quality time together. You and your kid have to really _like_ each other and respect each other to gain their willing cooperation. The authoritative "because I said so!" approach is the quickest way to ensure your child believes they're not "good enough" because they always seem to make you angry. It doesn't send the message that you like them or respect them.
This is so true now with my 2,5 yrs old son. We were eating mango yesterday, and I told him: Mommys' favorite fruit is mango. What is your favorite fruit? His answer: NO 😂😂😂
I feel as if giving them options for instance would you like to put on your socks or your shoes. Do you want to grab your book bag or coat. I’m faster than you...I’ll get your coat first. To make it seem as if they have control instead of being told. Something that doesn’t involve a yes or no answer. Making it a competition. Who can put their socks on fastest or who can get to the car the fastest. On your marks...get set go worked really well for me and the hard no’s.
Also a countdown can make wonders! For example: Ok kids! In five minutes we are leaving to (where ever) so enjoy your play while you can. After that comes 4min 3min etc. And when you finally tell the kids that it's time to leave, they will be much more happy to put away their toys for they were prepared mentally
Hi Dr. Becky! I have a question that I hope you might help me with. My 10 year old vies for attention a lot. She does things that are annoying and frustrating. One thing she does is try to block an entrance/exit let's say to the kitchen or living room. Both I and her older sister ask her to move nicely repeatedly. She seems to enjoy this and I think it is obnoxious for a 10 year old to do it. What do you suggest I say to her to stop this behavior? Thank you.
9:02 - Ok. I don't have or want kids, but I'm an emotionally intelligent children's social worker and have always had a strong innate interest in conscious parenting techniques.
This is my 1st time listening to this podcast, as I found the channel & subbed today. I had never heard any of these insights, explanations, or tips before - but everything you're saying resonates as true to my inner child! Literally never heard anyone discuss "naming the wish/need behind the 'no'." Loved your ideas about ways to "gamify" power struggles and build up "'connection capital" you can later draw down on to reduce resistance.
I've always intuitively believed that children being difficult and having meltdowns regularly are demonstrating a frayed relationship with the parent due to a deficiency of connection, fun, & genuinely enjoyable quality time together. You and your kid have to really _like_ each other and respect each other to gain their willing cooperation.
The authoritative "because I said so!" approach is the quickest way to ensure your child believes they're not "good enough" because they always seem to make you angry. It doesn't send the message that you like them or respect them.
This is so true now with my 2,5 yrs old son.
We were eating mango yesterday, and I told him: Mommys' favorite fruit is mango. What is your favorite fruit?
His answer: NO
😂😂😂
I feel as if giving them options for instance would you like to put on your socks or your shoes. Do you want to grab your book bag or coat. I’m faster than you...I’ll get your coat first. To make it seem as if they have control instead of being told. Something that doesn’t involve a yes or no answer. Making it a competition. Who can put their socks on fastest or who can get to the car the fastest. On your marks...get set go worked really well for me and the hard no’s.
Also a countdown can make wonders! For example:
Ok kids! In five minutes we are leaving to (where ever) so enjoy your play while you can. After that comes 4min 3min etc. And when you finally tell the kids that it's time to leave, they will be much more happy to put away their toys for they were prepared mentally
This was pure gold . Very very helpful.
Thank you so much! I enjoyed every moment of it
I feel every thing in my current is exactly how she described it here with my 2 yrs
giving our kids a fun little lesson in coercion in order to build "connection capital" with them that we "can then draw down" is so.... HR
Perhaps - but it's absolutely based in psychology, and it's really effective!
Hi Dr. Becky! I have a question that I hope you might help me with. My 10 year old vies for attention a lot. She does things that are annoying and frustrating. One thing she does is try to block an entrance/exit let's say to the kitchen or living room. Both I and her older sister ask her to move nicely repeatedly. She seems to enjoy this and I think it is obnoxious for a 10 year old to do it. What do you suggest I say to her to stop this behavior? Thank you.