How to End Power Struggles

You ask your child to put on their shoes or brush their teeth, and you’re met with a flat-out “No!” If you’re like most parents, you’re familiar with the power struggle that follows: You insist, your kid resists or ignores you, you get frustrated, they get frustrated, and nobody wins. The good news? There’s another way. This week, Dr. Becky answers questions from three different parents about tricky moments of refusal with their kids. As always, she zooms out to consider the big picture: Why do our kids say “no” in the first place? Then, she offers actionable scripts and strategies to connect to your child’s experience, while embodying your authority as a parent. You’ll leave this episode with a game-changing framework for resistance and a ton of tools to increase cooperation in your home.
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[@ThatRedhedd]

9:02 - Ok. I don't have or want kids, but I'm an emotionally intelligent children's social worker and have always had a strong innate interest in conscious parenting techniques.
This is my 1st time listening to this podcast, as I found the channel & subbed today. I had never heard any of these insights, explanations, or tips before - but everything you're saying resonates as true to my inner child! Literally never heard anyone discuss "naming the wish/need behind the 'no'." Loved your ideas about ways to "gamify" power struggles and build up "'connection capital" you can later draw down on to reduce resistance.
I've always intuitively believed that children being difficult and having meltdowns regularly are demonstrating a frayed relationship with the parent due to a deficiency of connection, fun, & genuinely enjoyable quality time together. You and your kid have to really _like_ each other and respect each other to gain their willing cooperation.
The authoritative "because I said so!" approach is the quickest way to ensure your child believes they're not "good enough" because they always seem to make you angry. It doesn't send the message that you like them or respect them.

[@marilyn1929]

I feel as if giving them options for instance would you like to put on your socks or your shoes. Do you want to grab your book bag or coat. I’m faster than you...I’ll get your coat first. To make it seem as if they have control instead of being told. Something that doesn’t involve a yes or no answer. Making it a competition. Who can put their socks on fastest or who can get to the car the fastest. On your marks...get set go worked really well for me and the hard no’s.

[@mariannwerle8709]

This is so true now with my 2,5 yrs old son.
We were eating mango yesterday, and I told him: Mommys' favorite fruit is mango. What is your favorite fruit?
His answer: NO
😂😂😂

[@el7km]

Thank you so much! I enjoyed every moment of it

[@kawaiiphotobooth3248]

I feel every thing in my current is exactly how she described it here with my 2 yrs

[@louisaruth]

giving our kids a fun little lesson in coercion in order to build "connection capital" with them that we "can then draw down" is so.... HR

[@ThatRedhedd]

Perhaps - but it's absolutely based in psychology, and it's really effective!