Isn't it insane that 5 years ago you put on a pink tank top and turned on your camera, terrified and shameful of telling the story of where you'd been and how it all fell apart? Now today you put on the same shirt and came to the same audience with a whole new level of confidence and light in your eyes 💞 so happy to see you on the other side babe ✨
Literally! I had been watching her since the very early days when I was just a literal child. I’m a whole adult now and I’m so happy to see that she’s doing well. She brought me joy in some really difficult times. Little did I know she was suffering just as much as I was. We both made it out of a rough situation. I’m so glad we can look back and say wow look how far we’ve come.
@trinityanderson6693 she inspired me to get my first reptile and inspired you to make it through a tough situation ✨ I just hope at the end of the day she is able to see that it was all worth it to make a difference for herself and others
This is my favorite Taylor era. Sober, accountable, aware of her strength, and putting her vulnerable and real self online. We appreciate you and your story and are so happy to see your upcoming after a downfall. This is just the beginning of a new season of life for you. As a fan who followed you through this entire timeline, I personally think you have never looked so beautiful. You look like such a huge weight has lifted. You look like Taylor again.
When I was 13 years old I badgered my parents into getting me a crested gecko. I cared for him with information that I got, in part, from your videos. You might feel like this is your legacy, but there are so many people who have pets that they love and can care for because of you. I'm 21 now, and I never stopped watching your channel. I'm so proud of you. Also, I still have the crestie! His name is Cookie, he's happy and healthy, and I never would have gotten him if it weren't for you. Thank you so much.
WOW, THAT's pretty awesome. I hope Taylor realizes that even though she was living in the her dark ages of her life, there was still positive things happening through her to many others.
i’m sure people in their early 20s will disagree with this, but it’s certainly been my experience. The person you were at 20 was not a fully formed person yet. You were still discovering who you were and what you liked and what you wanted. Your ex absolutely changed the trajectory of your life. But he did not steal who you were from you. Because you weren’t finished becoming who you are. You have the same potential now that you did back then. You lost some time, and went through things no one should have to go through. But you came out the other side. and that 20 year-old who was frightened of everything would probably be so impressed by how much you have survived. You are so strong. Your life isn’t ruined and it isn’t over. You have so much time and so much space to become someone that you are proud of. I can only imagine how crushing the shame must feel. But that shame doesn’t serve you. I hope it becomes easier and easier to let go of.
This is so true and beautifuil. and as a late 30s gal, ill also point out that I was 100% NOT the same person I was even at 25, 26 and 27. I am much more comfortable who I am now, and my biggest self discovery happened for me in my early to mid 30s. and I am still learning and changing, for the better. Its never to late. Keep going.
I'm now 47 and still evolving all the time! When I look back to my 20s, I was a totally different person! I like myself as a person so much more now. I used to have major anger and jealousy issues. I still am the jealous type 😂 but much better than my 20s!!!
@LydiaPideathat is actually normal for everyone, generally speaking, where as you get older you become more comfortable in your own skin. That’s where the older, the wiser comes from.
@MaeMae-shagrinfrom what I understand, that study has been misquoted. Apparently the study stopped tracking progress when subjects reach 25, but that doesn't necessarily mean development had stopped.
@nyancatnyangirl I'm sorry but that's such old drama directly related to the fact she was using, and the fact you're bringing it up now to shit on her when she's talking about an addiction that nearly killed her is genuinely disgusting.
I got my cat when I was 24, 30lbs underweight, in the worst of my eating disorder, and she saved my life. She forced me to take care of SOMETHING, and left this world 16 years later one month before I got married to the love of my life. Animals are actual earth angels
Yes they are earth angels. She left to go home over the rainbow bridge once she knew you had someone else to step in and be in your life to love you and be there for you. ❤ I hope you’re living your best life hun. Blessed be. ❤
I was relatively newly clean from heroin. I started watching your channel, with all your pets . I watched you become an addict and I knew. I lived it so I knew the signs and I saw it. You played the video in this video. It was the tour of your house. It broke my heart☹️ I mourned you. I thought you were gonna die from it like so many people do. I buried my whole friend group. Literally, it’s just me left. I’m 10 years clean. Congrats on your sobriety 🙏 feels good don’t it🙏 happy you beat that monster Taylor Nicole Dean
I worked in exotic rescue, and I just want to let you know that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to properly care for the 8 rescue axolotls we were handed at my work from an unethical exotics breeder/seller. We'd never had them, didn't know how to look after them, we weren't prepared and had zero knowledge. I BINGED your videos on their care in a day so I could get somewhere with them, and I'm happy to announce that 4 are still alive today, albeit getting quite old. 3 passed from old age over the years, only 1 was too ill to help and passed a few days later. You helped save 7 little lives, and you continued to assist me when we were given specific animals we didn't know a lot about. You've left the world better than you found it, and you've powered through a rough road that was laid before you. You are 100% a blessing to us as a community so please continue to look after yourself so you can adore yourself as much as we adore you ❤
You were a kid and he was a grown ass man that took advantage of someone who was just becoming an adult. I am so sorry you went through all of this. I am happy that you've come so far though. You are the most important person in your life, and I am proud of you. No matter what kind of content you decide to make I will always be rooting for you.
20 year old isn't a kid. Young adult yes, young adults are aware of their actions but the keyword is YOUNG, young inexperienced people usually make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, glad she did... but let's just stop no holding people accountable, its okay to make errors.
@benji-2die4 Your brain isn't even fully developed. Treating a 20-year-old the same as some who is 28 is NOT the same. She was taken advantage of and ended up in a dangerous cycle. Nobody said anything about it not being okay to make mistakes or taking accountability so stop with that nonsense.
@angelofsiryu "you were a kid" you said it not me. Kids cannot be held accountable majoritie of the time they don't know what they are doing, a young adult is more than aware of their own actions. Stop infantilizing young adults
Elder emo here. I had been following “that guy” since 2008, angrily watching him abuse all his partners before you. Didn’t know who you were until then. It was so sad watching you lose yourself in him, even so that my husband told me to stop following you because of how triggering your situation was for me. So seeing you sober now and finding yourself again is such a relief. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of all his past partners. You all deserved so much better. Thank you for sharing your story, no matter how difficult it is, just know you are helping somebody out there. Best of luck to you going forward! Keep posting content!
Why can’t anyone just say his name if he’s such an awful, abusive person?? I just don’t understand why abusers are kept secret when they should have their name splattered everywhere.
Wow, I only found you a week ago after seeing Tofu (hes a cutey) in the bath short. I’m a 55 year old British lady who has never tried any drugs because they have never appealed but if also being honest, I’ve been lucky enough to have never been around them. Can i say though from the bottom of my heart, YOU young lady are BEAUTIFUL on the inside and out. I’ve just watched this entire video of you being so totally raw and honest about the last 6-7 years of your life and has made me just want to put myself through the screen and give you a massive hug and tell you you are beautiful, loved and are needed, especially by your pet babies. It has taken a lot of strength for you to do this update and it shows right at the end when hearing you think back to the night before. This video is so POWERFUL I can see helping so many users to identify themselves with the old you and think, i can get clean also as well as help others that are in early or even years of being clean. The STRENGTH you have shown throughout this video is a true testament to the person you have become and i hope you are proud of her like everyone is of you. ❤❤
Girl…. I spent 17 years addicted to H… countless detoxes, infections, surgeries, arrests, jails, homelessness… and I honestly believe it all had to happen exactly the way it did. I “wasted” my entire 20s & 30s… finally chose myself at 40 & that was nearly 6 yrs ago. Today I don’t believe in wasted time. It all made me who I am today. & I’m grateful for it all. Just keep going girl… keep choosing urself every dam day. Keep choosing to heal. I wouldn’t want to go back to the girl I was before it all.:. She was the broken girl who tried dope in the first place. Today I’m a completely different person who has an inner peace that’s priceless & I wouldn’t risk it for anything. What worked for me was changing my mindset, retraining my brain to think & react in different ways. Changing my mindset completely changed my life. So keep going. Don’t give up on urself. Cuz I promise promise promise .:: if u do the work, one day you’ll look back at all of it with immense gratitude. ❤ sending love ur way oxoxox
@greenmenaceyessss i talk a lot about it on my channel & actually made a whole journal workbook created from these things. Short version tho lol I started by writing my goals o & intentions every single day no matter what (which trains the brain to think about the future instead of dwelling on the past & current reality if it’s not where u wanna be) , I also started practicing gratitude where I’d write it down either a list or journal entry type thing (the repetition of it all trains the brain to think more positively) , I started to challenge my limiting beliefs, where they came from & reframing them… I also started meditating although I didn’t do it every day it took a While for me to enjoy it lol …. It’s all in the repetition. There’s no secret sauce really… it’s the consistency & repetition that retrains the brain cuz it all takes practice. Hope this helps ❤❤
@thehopechase not sure I may ask you on here, but what’s your opinion on people who are “functional addicts” (if that’s ever possible)? Is it a culture or mentality or even the type of substance that affects how a person act to cope with stressors. I believe there’s for example a Vice video on functional H users. Anyways congrats on sobriety..
youtube most likely put this on my homepage because I'm deep in the middle of a an alcoholism relapse and needed the hopeful message. thank you so much for putting this out there. it was needed.
Honey the strength it takes to turn things back around is unmatched. Please know that. This story you share, not just a cautionary tale but also a self love story, recovery story. You are such a beautiful human.
@taylorndeanwatching you with cheese, that is why I started keeping fish! People take many paths through this crazy life we are living. I'm just so happy you found your way back.
It gets better. Post acute withdrawal is rough. The craving hasn't gone away but it damn sure gets alot less frequent and easier to ignore. Ive been clean almost a decade now.
SO proud of you and your journey! I used to be called the "weird plant and pet kid" growing up, and found solace in watching your videos. You are like a friend that truly understood me. Take care always
You're not alone. My ex boyfriend of 6 years not only ruined my life and physically abused me from ages 18-24, but he made me hate people, judge harshly, and hate myself. I met my husband around the time I broke up with my ex and its been 9 years we've been together. I used to use also, I hated my life, hated myself, used people for an escape and tried everything to make it work with a loser who didnt deserve any of my time. Im sober from drugs now, I love my life, own a home, have a job I love, have my pets I adore, started a garden, and have my husband by my side. Things happen, relapse is a part of recovery. Ive been watching you basically since you started your channel. You're doing so good and[you don't know me but]I'M PROUD OF YOU. Getting sober is a process. My best friend was on h for over half of his life, he now is married to my other best friend, he's 5 years sober and they have 2 beautiful children. You got this. Stay the course and enjoy the sunshine, baby. Getting sober is so hard, staying sober is harder. I'm 8 years clean of drugs myself.
I’m only 13 minutes in but I’m just so disgusted that yes, you were LEGALLY an adult, but barely. The fact that he’s a famous musician who you grew up listening to and he immediately exploited that, moved into YOUR first house 12 hours after YOU moved in…. It’s just so disgusting. Obviously at that point you were still star struck that he’d be giving you the time of day (as most people would be), and he clearly was looking for someone young and impressionable. Honestly it makes me sick. I’m so glad you finally got out of this and were able to get your life back. Congratulations on 3 years sober and I wish you and your animals all the best!! Update: Okay I’ve finished and I just want to say, that guy’s primary issue is not addiction… It’s that he abuses people and is a narcissist, and he will always choose himself and destroy everything around him. I’m so sorry he found you when you were still discovering yourself. The fact that you were able to go through all of that and make it out the other side is what counts. You are enough just as you are ❤
Damn the "my life could've been completely different" thing hit me so hard. I too feel to have wasted years to depression and rotting in bed. I remember going everyday to university and feeling so... slow and dumb to the point I just stopped going. I had to start everything all over 4 years ago and it really feels like time travelling (and also, that days are just so randomly long...? My sleep schedule was bonkers and still I feel, after 4 years, that days are too long iykyk). Finding something to love saved me: going back to uni and studying something I deeply loved, the structure of lessons and assignments and exams, new friends and then the rest of my life restarted. I truly feel I've time travelled and I wish I could be back just a minute to tell my past self how much things will be changing and how far I would be going. I can't do that and I resolved to tell other people that are in some way like me: you'll be going far, you'll be happy, keep going!
This is so real - I don't think the cognitive aspect of depression is touched on enough - that perpetual slow funk / sense that you're thinking/moving through sludge, and the absence of the energy needed to claw your way out of it / imagine any other quality of being. It's so beautiful but bittersweet to come out the other end of it. I'm glad that you're doing better now.
my dad did heroin and fent. he was erratic and it was traumatizing. both you and him recovered. he passed from other things in 2021, so im proud you have come this far
Thank you :’) I’m sorry he passed ❤️ but I’m so glad he recovered and got to be himself again before his life came to an end. I’m so glad you got to see him doing better before he left this world.❤️
@taylorndean yeah, i remember when i told him you were recovering years ago, he looked at me happily and said that all his track marks were finally gone. it was great to see. he was a cool guy. and you're a cool gal! you got this 💝
I started my pet tube channel in 2018 during the Taylor a drama. At that time I was 6 years sober. I am now 13 years sober. My channel started to grow but due to moving & a divorce I stopped filming. I kept thinking I would start again but it just hasn’t happened. So proud of your recovery & the fact that you kept trying. Not giving up is the hardest part.
We can recover. We do recover. Never alone, never again. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know firsthand how hard that road can be. I also went from being completely naive about drugs to pills, then h, then meth in such a short time. It happens faster than people think. Some people may never fully understand unless they’ve lived it themselves - and that’s okay. What matters is that we survived it. I am so proud of you and the strength it took to fight your way back. Three years sober is incredible. Keep standing tall and straightening your crown, Queen. Keep showing up for yourself. You matter. You are loved. And you deserve to love yourself, too. ❤️
Everyone deserves a second chance, and a third chance, and as many more chances as we need to build a good life for ourselves... I send you and everyone else who reads this positive healing energy ❤
@bekahkashtanshould be obvious that I'm referring to the struggles of addiction, and we should all focus on healing ourselves, NOT hating others... Give power back to yourself
54:07 I relate so hard to feeling like you’ve lost yourself in a relationship from all these tiny little shifts over the course of a few years and one day you wake up to it all and think “how tf did I let this happen?” And then have to go through the whole process of figuring out who you are, grieving the lost time and loss of self, trying to fight the self-shame and regret. Sending you so much love!
I remember watching you when I was 10-11 and adoring your fish- slowly fizzling out as your content shifted. I’m graduated now, working officially with fish as a job, with my own tanks at home- And so extremely happy to see you still standing and strong enough to look at your past. Continue your healing journey ❤
This video was on my feed today, and I'm a little over half way in right now. I just want to love on you a little and express how proud I am of you. My son, Christian, died ten years ago this October 7th from an overdose of benzos and opiates. He was 21. He had been improving but backslid and I think he didn't account for his tolerance slipping while he was doing better. Losing him made me feel kinda like everyone's mom who is struggling with dependency and addiction, and it brings me so much comfort to see other people get out of the dark. If you're reading this and you're struggling, please just know you are loved, you matter, and you are worthy of a safe and healthy life. I know it's not easy, but it is worth it to work toward sobriety. I'm not much of a pray kind of person, but I pray for you every day. I may not know your name, but I know your heart and I know your value. We need you. Please get help, and if you've tried and failed, try again. Few people get it right the first time. Love you. ❤
@anewfoolfortheworldholding your hand while you step into a new beginning ❤ You deserve this. Every one of us has done things we are ashamed of, but it never means we can't do better, and it never means we aren't worthy and deserving. One day at a time, one moment at a time some days. I believe in you. ❤️
@anewfoolfortheworldcongratulations on day 1! even if it's not your first day 1, it takes so much strength to even get there. you have the drive to get better, you can do it even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes ❤
Hey Taylor! I don't usually comment on videos, but I had to do it this time. You mentioned that your not sure youll ever be "yourself" again, BUT, i have to say, this is the 1st time in years I saw you being and looking like the girl that started doing videos about animals! I don't want to be misinterpreted, but for me, just the fact that your in front of the camera, with little make up, just being real, its an awesome sign that your finding yourself again! So, for what it's worth, you're DOING GREAT!
I remember Watchin ur one about admiting to the addiction while I was deep into my raging addiction. Im now 3.5 yrs clean am an addiction counselor/ case manager now in the happiest relationship of my life. Love seeing this ❤
Girl I’ve been here throughout the whole time I remember being shocked because I was so young I had no idea you were on drugs So happy you’re safe and sober and healthy girl !
idk if anyone will see this, im graduating highschool soon. ive never done hard drugs, or drank. but when you started talking about that small insecurity that can grow into a constant loop of a mess, hit me hard. multiple times ive done harmful things to seem tough. It seems small until you see someone who genuinely gets affected by that. i appreciate the courage you have to both put yourself out there again and again, but also having the willpower to.
This vid hit me like a tonne of bricks, so thank you for opening up, I know how huge of a thing that can be. Please remember that yeah, you may not be the old you, but the current you is awesome and happy and I'd call that a big fucking win. Nothing good comes from travelling down the path of what ifs. You are a legend and have bought joy to so many people, never forget that. And for what it's worth, this random Internet stranger is so damn proud of you. Here's to the next chapter. Big love. ❤
Hey before I even watch this I saw the notification and went oh no, please don't hurt yourself with this. I hope it gives you some insight and healing but I don't want you to walk away feeling any sort of way about it, I know I've experienced a lot of shame about my past and it took a lot of work for me to understand that everyone walks a different path, some dark and some scary but you aren't the same person, and the compassion that you can find now for that person is only the result of where you came from. You're strong, you've always been strong, you're smart and funny, and wonderfully entertaining and have been a source of light your entire life for those around you, and no not just to youtube, but you can tell by the mere seconds of the people you've included in your life in these videos that the connections you have with people (and animals) are deep. UGH SORRY FOR THE PARAGRAPH. From one stranger to another, you have given my life value just by taking the time to talk about this, and I thank you fort hat.
Taylor I found your videos in 2019 when I was 26 yrs old and deep in my own H addiction. I watched your addiction video and started toying with the idea of getting sober myself. I’ve been a silent fan and follower since. I’m 31 now, with 2 little boys and I’m clean and sober. It is crazy I wasted my entire 20s, the prime of my life in deep addiction and a constant state of withdrawal and using. Just know I’m a forever supporter of yours now. And I’m proud of how far you’ve come. 3 years is no joke!! Congratulations
You are an inspiration to me. I've been struggling with addiction for 21 years, I'm 33, have 6 months in recovery this time, and hope to stay. You are amazing and I am incredibly proud of you! 🙏🏼💕
Thank you so much for being so open. I was in a similar position and NOBODY thinks they will become an addict until you suddenly are one. You are amazing for overcoming him and your struggles and you should be so proud of yourself
I hate that stereotype about addicts. It’s just not true for everyone. I went into my addiction with open eyes and knew I had a problem pretty much immediately and definitely way before anyone else did. Not every addict is in denial.
I have to be honest, I got to the point where I accepted that at some point there will be a video from one of your family members telling us you had passed from an OD. So to see where you are now, I can't overstate how proud I am of you. You have been to hell and back in such a short amount of time and each time you kept coming back. You never fully gave up, despite how low you felt about yourself. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. I have 15 years of sobriety under my belt and I still don't take it for granted. All that can go away in the blink of an eye if I let my guard down for too long. With that said, life is INFINITELY better on this side of the fence!
Girl, I have been watching your videos since the 'Don't buy a Dory' vid. I am incredibly happy to see how far you have come in your life. Thank you for sharing. ❣
I’ve been a silent subscriber for many many years… your resilience and strength is inspirational. Although I’m just a stranger, if you haven’t heard enough, we are extremely proud of you❤❤
35:44 Today is the 1 year of my ex breaking up with me. We lasted 4 months apart and then we got into a horrible, toxic on and off thing. This convinced me to finally block his number and **never** reach out to him again. My situation is not the same at all but it gave me strength to do that. Forever proud of you Taylor ❤❤
Love this for you, takes strength. Take it from me live gets better without and you will feel calm and less stressed, give it time. Plus more times you go back giving it the opportunity to get worse, don’t lose your live over going back. My ex went more abusive every time I went back til he came to my house broke my moms car window after giving me a black eye. Stay strong❤
People bring up J*** in Taylor’s videos because individuals like him need to be held accountable for the damage they’ve caused. Too many people have “forgiven” him when it’s not their place to do so especially when they weren’t the ones harmed. Taylor is a victim. J**** continues to lie about his sobriety, and that kind of deception is dangerous; it ruins lives. Taylor was lucky to get help before it was too late but what if the next person isn’t so fortunate? It’s disturbing to see people on TikTok dancing to his music while completely ignoring who he really is.
That's exactly how I was on opiates!!! I loved it because it gave me energy!!! Next sentence, a false sense of energy!!! On February 25th I will have 12 years clean!!!🥰 I just thought I would mention that cuz that's where I am in your video right now...I totally understand the energy side of opiates!!!
I have 2.6 years clean from frnt and heroin too. I feel your embarrassment about how I was when I was using… ahh. Big ick. I went to rehab 7 times. It finally stuck after getting a DUI and sitting in jail for 3 months. I’m so grateful it’s over now. I’m turning 29 tomorrow and never looking back. Addiction is so traumatic in and of itself.
Im proud of you, i used to watch you as a child and later i myself fell into harsh coke addiction. It was horrible and i was coping by making it worse, im so freaking proud of you for getting out of that entire situation, my love.
You might not feel like it, but girl, you are a POWERHOUSE. To sucumb to this addiction would have been the easier route. Instead you've chosen to fight. To live. You're honestly amazing and deserve all the good things xo
You are incredibly strong. The fact that you’re able to revisit your videos and openly share your journey with millions-regardless of their opinions, which truly hold no weight-speaks volumes about your courage. I truly commend you for your bravery and your willingness to be vulnerable. You are amazing. I honestly don’t understand how anyone, especially your own friends, wouldn’t have kind things to say about you. You come across as such a genuine, kind-hearted soul. Congratulations on your recovery-that’s no small feat. I’m wishing you all the best in life, and I wholeheartedly believe that you’ll find the person who truly sees your worth and loves you for exactly who you are. Keep going. I admire how you take accountability, but don’t forget to give yourself grace too. Love yourself just as deeply. You deserve it. Wishing you nothing but goodness ahead. 🤍
I was a kid when I saw your video about being addicted to H. I was so sad because you were my favourite back in the day. When I saw the video about you relapsing I was even more disappointed, which led me down a whole rabbit hole about myself which we won't talk about. Let's just say I got parasocial way too easy as a kid. Now I couldn't be more proud. I'm 18 so life has changed a lot, but I still find myself coming back here. Keep going, and know that the road isn't always straight, but something always remains true. This too shall pass.
it takes an incredibly strong person to make such a confronting and educational video. i hope you know this will help loads of people and i hope you heal and know that we are always here and love you
Taylor I’ve been watching your channel for many years now, I’m not sure exactly how many. But I know I’ve witnessed most of your journey. It’s been a wild one for sure, and I’m so proud of you for making it through it all and coming so far. I know we don’t know each other, but just from one human being to another: you’re doing great and I’m so so proud of you. I remember seeing all those hate comments over the years, they made me so angry. People love analyzing other people’s lives and making awful assumptions and shitty remarks. You were doing all you could this whole time: your absolute best. That’s all anyone can do. I bet all those commenters who left those nasty comments have been served their karmic justice in some way or another. You came out on top despite it all Here’s to many more years of you being sober and happy 🎉🎉
I was 13 when I first started watching your videos in 2018. You got me through the worst of my childhood abuse and then you disappeared. I was heartbroken. But now that you’re back when I’m almost 21 years old, you’ve come back at a very formative time in my life and it’s almost as though I’m in a recovery of my own. I appreciate the rawness of your videos and you still remain my biggest comfort RUclipsrs.
I’m doing my periodic check in and I’m so glad you’re doing well Taylor. I’ve been watching you since you started your channel and I’ve learned so much from you. As a fellow animal lover, I truly believe your channel is one of the stepping stones that led me to going to school to be a vet tech. You hold a place in my heart because you remind me so much of my sister. You both are such sweet women that were manipulated and led astray by awful men. I unfortunately lost my sister to heroin addiction in 2016 but I’d like to think that if she were still here today her spirit would be similar to yours. I miss my sister everyday. I’m so glad you’re doing well now Taylor
The most insane thing to me is that I was thinking of you literally just two days ago. Just two days ago, I was randomly thinking of you (haven't watched much since you came out about your addiction the first time) and I randomly was like "hm I wonder how she is right now" and I was at work at the time so I just went about my day and forgot. And then lo and behold, here you are with a random update. So happy to see that you're good after all these years, dude. So grateful you're still with us and that you can still fulfill the mission of loving and caring for animals, and more importantly loving and caring for YOU. Really glad to see your smile after not checking up on you for a while. Really proud of every step you took, forward and back, to be where you are now. Especially without the steps back, you wouldn't be where you are now showing us all just how possible it really is. Great job, girl. 💪🏻
Omggg with Will!!? We still speak he’s great 💕 thank you so so much for sticking around for all this time! that’s insane! what a wild ride it’s been 😭❤️
this video was so comforting and so well said. i just wanted to say i know it may feel like you "threw away some years", or like you are no longer you, the thousands of "what ifs" are so difficult to cope with. but with or without these struggles you wouldn't of been the same person, everyone changes ! it's so easy to miss your old self, even miserable you feel safe with the sadness. im so sorry you had to go through this. i completely understand the feeling of overwhelming fear since being a kid, and wanting an escape. this does NOT make you disgusting or unworthy. you're doing amazing, thank you so much for the video. it really helped me tonight 🩵🐠🐡🌊🐙🐬🦈🦀🩵
I used to love your videos where you'd show all your animals, or feed all your animals. Those are why I subscribed. You loved them so much, and it's great to see you getting back to yourself, and reigniting the passions you had that made you who you were.
I’m coming across your channel for the first time and I’m feeling compelled to tell you that I feel that we’re doing it exactly how we’re supposed to be doing it. It took me 15 years of trying to celebrate 3 years on February 23rd. While I would definitely do things differently if I could, life isn’t designed like that. Sobriety is a journey where everyone’s faded map is different. Appreciate you putting this out there.
I'm don't know if you'll ever see this, and I know I'm just some stranger from the inter web but, I REALLY wish I could give you a great big hug. I am sooo very proud of how far you have come and I hope and pray that YOU are proud of how far you have come. I've been watching you for a long time - as many of us have - and am rooting for you!! So many of us are rooting for you. You are worth so much more then you may ever know/understand but I'm glad that you are starting to heal and are finding your worth where it counts. May you continue to heal and grow. Wishing you alllll the best!! 🩷
Taylor, I’ve been following you through since you had your hedgehogs, and inspired me to get one (RIP Gatsby). Your channel and your pets brought me comfort and joy through the hardest times of my childhood. Watching you since the beginning, and making a complete 360 back to a stronger version of yourself is inspirational, and I’m super proud of you girl 💕
I respect how brutally honest and open you are about your journey. It’s been extremely helpful for me to even be honest with myself through my journey with addiction and not let shame cloud my self-awareness. I think this is so important for young people to hear and see the raw truth with not only addiction but DV. I started watching you at around age 14 and it fills me with joy to see that you’re still here 9 years later
Honey, YOU didn't throw away your identity and time! HE took it from you. I suffered a lot between 2013-2020 and while it bothers me that I lost those years, I'm glad it has already happened and that, hopefully, the worst part is over. We both have a lot of time left to live a happier and healthier life. You didn't deserve all that happened to you but you've certainly managed to turn it around, which is very inspirational to me. I'm sure this video can help someone get out faster.
You've come so fkn far its insane - thank you for actually starting to see the worth we all saw and continue to see in you! Been lowkey your parasocial sister this whole time and always knew you'd come through this. This is just the beginning of the life you "could've made for yourself" - it starts now and nothing prior was a waste because now you have so many more building blocks and life lessons to become the best version of yourself you can possibly be. This is fkn inspiring and we all love you x
i think were the same age. i followed you and "that guy" separately for years. seeing you together was a strange crossover that worried me from the start. ive followed your story for years since then and im so happy to see your growth over the years. im happy youve been so open over the years, i think it has helped people.
A long-time silent watcher but had to comment to say thank you for your honesty and openness which has helped so many people. Never doubt your worth because you absolutely deserve all the love and life you have yet to live ❤
I am so incredibly proud of you. Addiction doesn’t discriminate & you are one of the FEW that put in the HARD work to stay in recovery. You should be proud of that every day. I’ve been along for the ride from the very beginning and your story never ceases to amaze me. Keep being awesome girl🩷
love you, taylor ♡ thanks for being so transparent, always proud edit: really pisses me tf off that even the people who you thought were your friends turned //: been there and that sht is as bad as a breakup your talk about feeling inadequate and needing to change really hit home too.. so so glad you're in a better place these days. never stop trying
I am in recovery too! I was all messed us on H and uppers and Benzo you name it I did it, I never thought I could get it right, I’m about to celebrate 11 years. I 100% understand the feeling of wasting so much time….I’m 40 and I am just starting my career, not just a job, a career! I see all these young people and I sometimes feel envious. I’m more of a loaner now than I ever was. But I’m ok with that. I have my daughter, 2 dogs, and my hubby. He and I got sober together. I can relate to the not showering and the total self neglect. I had abscesses. My hands would swell up like baseball mits. It was a CRAZY time. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
I’ve been following you since the beginning & honestly through it all. I was strangely enough struggling with a very serious addiction around the same time as you & have always felt a soul bond to you. 5 years sober here & sending you so so much love Taylor. You deserve all the good that life has to offer❤️❤️❤️Excited for what’s to come xoxoxoxoxo
i remember when a lot of these videos were posted thinking “ wow she’s really grown a lot” but seeing you now, i’m just so happy to see how much progress you’ve really made. and that’s you’re still alive with us:) and all the grief you feel from wasted time from “that guy” is so valid. one day i hope you find peace and learn to forgive yourself. i know you don’t know who i am, but I’m really proud of you. when i see your videos it feels like talking with my childhood best friend. ❤❤
Thank you for putting all the work into making this chronicalling video. I'm so sorry, I starting to feel my throat get heavy by 18 minutes in, and knew I had to pause and come back another time. It's heartbreaking listening to your story being told and interspersed with real footage- I can't imagine how the rollercoaster you felt being the one who went through it and making and editing this video. I'll come back to watch a bit later. I'm so happy to see the strength and resilience you've gained back ❤
You are lucky you're alive and I'm so glad you are still here with us to share your story. Thank you so much, you are so beautiful inside and out! A lot of us women have been there with/for that one loser guy, so don't worry you're not alone.
oh my god, this just makes me extremely thankful of my first live in partner because he has been SUCH a good man! like you, i was so ready to throw (almost) everything for him, in a way, despite me knowing that we don't really have a future. i'm so thankful i had to go (i had to move to a different country) and that era of my life is mostly many things i learned and reflect back on.i have to stop at 14:09 because i have no mental space to continue, but i'm proud of you, even though i didn't really know who you are prior to this.
You are more so ever glowing now, taylor! I've been watching your videos ever since and was 'there' during those times, i saw your journey and how you battled it. You are so brave, we love you! 💕
I really relate to the end of the video when you’re mourning how differently your life could’ve been if you had more self worth, didn’t meet that guy, etc due to my own past traumas that completely changed the course of my life, decisions, personality, ability to maintain relationships and so much more. I just wanna say that it’s inspiring to hear you acknowledge those “what ifs” but come out of it looking towards the future. I’ve watched you since the beginning and am rooting for you Taylor!!
My sister and I used to watch your videos when I was growing up. I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this. Congratulations on 3 years sober. You're loved ❤
I've been following your journey for years and I also went thru the hardest time of my life from like 2016-2022 and I have always sent so much love your way. Thank you for helping me not feel alone. You're the only youtuber I still watch regularly because of how authentic you are, and I've always been rooting for you so much. Thank you for being honest with us and yourself, even at your weakest point you found the strength to keep going and so much of us see that and are so inspired by it. Life didn't just burn us, we walked away still holding the flame, and learned to use it to light the path ahead. Love you sm!!
I couldn’t help but cry with you towards the end of this video. To hear someone so beautiful and real talk about how they completely lacked self worth is both relatable and devastating. I hope you find it in you to forgive yourself for everything, and know that you never deserved any of what happened to you. I hope you don’t carry any guilt, and that you remain so proud of yourself. I think I can speak for everyone here when I say you don’t owe us anything. I KNOW you’ll find your spark and love for things again- even if it isn’t RUclips. I hope you don’t feel like you must continue youtube for our sake, and that you continue because you choose to. You’re an incredible human, and we’re all so relieved to see you doing SO much better 💗
I honestly can't count on all my fingers and toes how many times I cried to your first video about the situation. It was so genuine, open, and honest and truly moved so many people The video about the relationship I can talk more personally about. During the time you posted it I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who wasn't.. very great.. It really made me feel so much less crazy at the time and helped me so much to remember the bad parts and to not get back with him even when he reached out. We are all so proud and impressed by your courage and strength. I've been a viewer since around late 2016 I believe and have almost religiously watched your content since. You opening up about what you've been through only brought me in more as I could relate to several parts of it. Thank you, Taylor, for not staying silent and for grieving and healing loudly, even when it's hard. Here's to future healing; and to you, for getting out and speaking up when so many others can't. 💕
the fact that he moved in with you within 11 days just proves how insanely predatory he was out the gate. i’m so sorry.
The fact that she let him move in within 11 days just proves how mental she is. 🤣
@levansegnaro4637 so people deserve abuse because they're easy targets? psycho
@levansegnaro4637 how pathetic she is
@levansegnaro4637Are you okay? whats wrong?
@levansegnaro4637shes open about being mentally unstable. thats not really a thing to be making jokes about
Isn't it insane that 5 years ago you put on a pink tank top and turned on your camera, terrified and shameful of telling the story of where you'd been and how it all fell apart? Now today you put on the same shirt and came to the same audience with a whole new level of confidence and light in your eyes 💞 so happy to see you on the other side babe ✨
omg this gave me chills
@xMissQueenxoI know she said it wasn't on purpose but some coincidences are just too perfect 🩷
Literally! I had been watching her since the very early days when I was just a literal child. I’m a whole adult now and I’m so happy to see that she’s doing well. She brought me joy in some really difficult times. Little did I know she was suffering just as much as I was. We both made it out of a rough situation. I’m so glad we can look back and say wow look how far we’ve come.
@trinityanderson6693 she inspired me to get my first reptile and inspired you to make it through a tough situation ✨ I just hope at the end of the day she is able to see that it was all worth it to make a difference for herself and others
I'll be celebrating 8 years in December! Keep doing the next right thing girl😊
This is my favorite Taylor era. Sober, accountable, aware of her strength, and putting her vulnerable and real self online. We appreciate you and your story and are so happy to see your upcoming after a downfall. This is just the beginning of a new season of life for you. As a fan who followed you through this entire timeline, I personally think you have never looked so beautiful. You look like such a huge weight has lifted. You look like Taylor again.
It's so obvious that she has grown by leaps and bounds.
She does, doesn't she! I feel like I mourned for you her when she was 'lost' and it brightens my day to be getting her back! 💜
@Ratfinkz It totally made my day as well! She is so intelligent and well-spoken,
Such a beautiful comment
I am pretty sure shes always been accountable while being sober ❤ congrats sis and i love you taylor I just got 7 years clean!!!!
When I was 13 years old I badgered my parents into getting me a crested gecko. I cared for him with information that I got, in part, from your videos. You might feel like this is your legacy, but there are so many people who have pets that they love and can care for because of you. I'm 21 now, and I never stopped watching your channel. I'm so proud of you. Also, I still have the crestie! His name is Cookie, he's happy and healthy, and I never would have gotten him if it weren't for you. Thank you so much.
WOW, THAT's pretty awesome. I hope Taylor realizes that even though she was living in the her dark ages of her life, there was still positive things happening through her to many others.
i have a crestie because of her too ❤️🥰
@loganjohnson8068 me three!
Crested geckos are like the best pet lizard ever. So easy to take care of and they are so gentle and nice to handle.
That is a fabulous comment, I enjoyed reading that- very, very much.
i’m sure people in their early 20s will disagree with this, but it’s certainly been my experience. The person you were at 20 was not a fully formed person yet. You were still discovering who you were and what you liked and what you wanted. Your ex absolutely changed the trajectory of your life. But he did not steal who you were from you. Because you weren’t finished becoming who you are. You have the same potential now that you did back then. You lost some time, and went through things no one should have to go through. But you came out the other side. and that 20 year-old who was frightened of everything would probably be so impressed by how much you have survived. You are so strong. Your life isn’t ruined and it isn’t over. You have so much time and so much space to become someone that you are proud of. I can only imagine how crushing the shame must feel. But that shame doesn’t serve you. I hope it becomes easier and easier to let go of.
This is so true and beautifuil. and as a late 30s gal, ill also point out that I was 100% NOT the same person I was even at 25, 26 and 27. I am much more comfortable who I am now, and my biggest self discovery happened for me in my early to mid 30s. and I am still learning and changing, for the better. Its never to late. Keep going.
I'm now 47 and still evolving all the time! When I look back to my 20s, I was a totally different person! I like myself as a person so much more now. I used to have major anger and jealousy issues. I still am the jealous type 😂 but much better than my 20s!!!
Your brain isn’t fully developed until 25,26 so they really can’t disagree.
@LydiaPideathat is actually normal for everyone, generally speaking, where as you get older you become more comfortable in your own skin. That’s where the older, the wiser comes from.
@MaeMae-shagrinfrom what I understand, that study has been misquoted. Apparently the study stopped tracking progress when subjects reach 25, but that doesn't necessarily mean development had stopped.
you survived . that is what matters . now only the present and the future count ❤️
@nyancatnyangirlwarning everyone don’t click this it’s just a shitty hate video about taylor
@nyancatnyangirl I'm sorry but that's such old drama directly related to the fact she was using, and the fact you're bringing it up now to shit on her when she's talking about an addiction that nearly killed her is genuinely disgusting.
@nyancatnyangirl you mean the video that has multiple lies and things taken extremely out of context? oh yeah what a great video. get out of here
Dozens of her pets didn’t
@carmenbabytime and place dude. Animals die every day. It’s not her fault.
I got my cat when I was 24, 30lbs underweight, in the worst of my eating disorder, and she saved my life. She forced me to take care of SOMETHING, and left this world 16 years later one month before I got married to the love of my life. Animals are actual earth angels
They help keep you becaming self absorbed, whether its in a negative or positive manner.
May she Rest In eternal Peace and may the rest of your life be wonderful
when nothing else does taking care of my pets gets me out of bed
Yes they are earth angels. She left to go home over the rainbow bridge once she knew you had someone else to step in and be in your life to love you and be there for you. ❤ I hope you’re living your best life hun. Blessed be. ❤
Girl, that video u dropped about ur addiction after being away for time was so shocking an raw an real. So proud of u ❤
I was relatively newly clean from heroin. I started watching your channel, with all your pets . I watched you become an addict and I knew. I lived it so I knew the signs and I saw it. You played the video in this video. It was the tour of your house. It broke my heart☹️ I mourned you. I thought you were gonna die from it like so many people do. I buried my whole friend group. Literally, it’s just me left. I’m 10 years clean. Congrats on your sobriety 🙏 feels good don’t it🙏 happy you beat that monster Taylor Nicole Dean
I worked in exotic rescue, and I just want to let you know that if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have been able to properly care for the 8 rescue axolotls we were handed at my work from an unethical exotics breeder/seller. We'd never had them, didn't know how to look after them, we weren't prepared and had zero knowledge. I BINGED your videos on their care in a day so I could get somewhere with them, and I'm happy to announce that 4 are still alive today, albeit getting quite old. 3 passed from old age over the years, only 1 was too ill to help and passed a few days later. You helped save 7 little lives, and you continued to assist me when we were given specific animals we didn't know a lot about.
You've left the world better than you found it, and you've powered through a rough road that was laid before you. You are 100% a blessing to us as a community so please continue to look after yourself so you can adore yourself as much as we adore you ❤
You were a kid and he was a grown ass man that took advantage of someone who was just becoming an adult. I am so sorry you went through all of this. I am happy that you've come so far though. You are the most important person in your life, and I am proud of you. No matter what kind of content you decide to make I will always be rooting for you.
20 year old isn't a kid. Young adult yes, young adults are aware of their actions but the keyword is YOUNG, young inexperienced people usually make mistakes and hopefully learn from them, glad she did... but let's just stop no holding people accountable, its okay to make errors.
@benji-2die4 Your brain isn't even fully developed. Treating a 20-year-old the same as some who is 28 is NOT the same. She was taken advantage of and ended up in a dangerous cycle. Nobody said anything about it not being okay to make mistakes or taking accountability so stop with that nonsense.
Frontal lobe isn't completely developed in females until about 25 years old. She was arguably, a kid. @benji-2die4
@benji-2die4 Nobody said anything about not holding people accountable. I don't know where you came up with that.
@angelofsiryu "you were a kid" you said it not me. Kids cannot be held accountable majoritie of the time they don't know what they are doing, a young adult is more than aware of their own actions. Stop infantilizing young adults
Elder emo here. I had been following “that guy” since 2008, angrily watching him abuse all his partners before you. Didn’t know who you were until then. It was so sad watching you lose yourself in him, even so that my husband told me to stop following you because of how triggering your situation was for me. So seeing you sober now and finding yourself again is such a relief. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of all his past partners. You all deserved so much better. Thank you for sharing your story, no matter how difficult it is, just know you are helping somebody out there. Best of luck to you going forward! Keep posting content!
Why can’t anyone just say his name if he’s such an awful, abusive person?? I just don’t understand why abusers are kept secret when they should have their name splattered everywhere.
@spaceyjacey_it’s an easy google but at this point in her life, I could imagine not wanting to give him anymore attention
@spaceyjacey_ she posted a video where she mentions his name and also linked that video in the info box
@spaceyjacey_ Johnny Craig
@spaceyjacey_ JONNY CRAIG
Wow, I only found you a week ago after seeing Tofu (hes a cutey) in the bath short. I’m a 55 year old British lady who has never tried any drugs because they have never appealed but if also being honest, I’ve been lucky enough to have never been around them. Can i say though from the bottom of my heart, YOU young lady are BEAUTIFUL on the inside and out. I’ve just watched this entire video of you being so totally raw and honest about the last 6-7 years of your life and has made me just want to put myself through the screen and give you a massive hug and tell you you are beautiful, loved and are needed, especially by your pet babies. It has taken a lot of strength for you to do this update and it shows right at the end when hearing you think back to the night before. This video is so POWERFUL I can see helping so many users to identify themselves with the old you and think, i can get clean also as well as help others that are in early or even years of being clean. The STRENGTH you have shown throughout this video is a true testament to the person you have become and i hope you are proud of her like everyone is of you. ❤❤
Girl…. I spent 17 years addicted to H… countless detoxes, infections, surgeries, arrests, jails, homelessness… and I honestly believe it all had to happen exactly the way it did. I “wasted” my entire 20s & 30s… finally chose myself at 40 & that was nearly 6 yrs ago. Today I don’t believe in wasted time. It all made me who I am today. & I’m grateful for it all. Just keep going girl… keep choosing urself every dam day. Keep choosing to heal. I wouldn’t want to go back to the girl I was before it all.:. She was the broken girl who tried dope in the first place. Today I’m a completely different person who has an inner peace that’s priceless & I wouldn’t risk it for anything. What worked for me was changing my mindset, retraining my brain to think & react in different ways. Changing my mindset completely changed my life. So keep going. Don’t give up on urself. Cuz I promise promise promise .:: if u do the work, one day you’ll look back at all of it with immense gratitude. ❤ sending love ur way oxoxox
Do you have any techniques that you use with changing your mindset?
Congratulations on 6 years! 🎉
@greenmenaceyessss i talk a lot about it on my channel & actually made a whole journal workbook created from these things. Short version tho lol I started by writing my goals o & intentions every single day no matter what (which trains the brain to think about the future instead of dwelling on the past & current reality if it’s not where u wanna be) , I also started practicing gratitude where I’d write it down either a list or journal entry type thing (the repetition of it all trains the brain to think more positively) , I started to challenge my limiting beliefs, where they came from & reframing them… I also started meditating although I didn’t do it every day it took a
While for me to enjoy it lol …. It’s all in the repetition. There’s no secret sauce really… it’s the consistency & repetition that retrains the brain cuz it all takes practice. Hope this helps ❤❤
@thehopechase not sure I may ask you on here, but what’s your opinion on people who are “functional addicts” (if that’s ever possible)? Is it a culture or mentality or even the type of substance that affects how a person act to cope with stressors.
I believe there’s for example a Vice video on functional H users.
Anyways congrats on sobriety..
Hey your comment's cool, loved reading that!
youtube most likely put this on my homepage because I'm deep in the middle of a an alcoholism relapse and needed the hopeful message. thank you so much for putting this out there. it was needed.
i believe in you!!
@RóisínnicGráinnedo reach out for help! It’s hard but it will be good!
You’ve got this! No shame in getting help!
you got this. even if it’s not right now, one day soon you got this.
glad you were able to type this. I'm just coming out of one and I was so nonfunctional it was just stupid
Honey the strength it takes to turn things back around is unmatched. Please know that. This story you share, not just a cautionary tale but also a self love story, recovery story. You are such a beautiful human.
This is how I feel about her too. Beautiful to the very core.
Ahh what a nice thing to say, thank you so much :’) ❤️
@taylorndeanwatching you with cheese, that is why I started keeping fish! People take many paths through this crazy life we are living. I'm just so happy you found your way back.
I watched you before, during, and now after. As a recovering addict myself, I am so fucking proud of you. 9 years and counting. Love you always
Congratulations on 9 years clean!!!
@karleeTthank you so much ❤
@unicorn420puke you’re welcome love!
@unicorn420puke you’re so welcome and I think about you often and say a prayer for you❤️
@karleeT ❤❤
The irony is you're stronger than he could ever be. Sometimes fear is a gift that keeps you grounded in reality
8:30 LADIES & QUEENS this kind of whirlwind relationship is a HUGE RED FLAG! IDC how you feel about a person, true love is PATIENT
I am 3.5 years sober from fentanyl. I’m glad we both made it thru to the other side. Congrats, girly! ❤
The old saying “never meet your idols” fits perfectly for this situation.
It gets better. Post acute withdrawal is rough. The craving hasn't gone away but it damn sure gets alot less frequent and easier to ignore. Ive been clean almost a decade now.
Congratulations on your sobriety!
congrats!!
That's amazing, congratulations!
Awesome.
🎉 so proud of you on your sobriety!! 🎉
SO proud of you and your journey! I used to be called the "weird plant and pet kid" growing up, and found solace in watching your videos. You are like a friend that truly understood me. Take care always
You're not alone. My ex boyfriend of 6 years not only ruined my life and physically abused me from ages 18-24, but he made me hate people, judge harshly, and hate myself. I met my husband around the time I broke up with my ex and its been 9 years we've been together. I used to use also, I hated my life, hated myself, used people for an escape and tried everything to make it work with a loser who didnt deserve any of my time. Im sober from drugs now, I love my life, own a home, have a job I love, have my pets I adore, started a garden, and have my husband by my side. Things happen, relapse is a part of recovery. Ive been watching you basically since you started your channel. You're doing so good and[you don't know me but]I'M PROUD OF YOU. Getting sober is a process. My best friend was on h for over half of his life, he now is married to my other best friend, he's 5 years sober and they have 2 beautiful children. You got this. Stay the course and enjoy the sunshine, baby. Getting sober is so hard, staying sober is harder. I'm 8 years clean of drugs myself.
I’m only 13 minutes in but I’m just so disgusted that yes, you were LEGALLY an adult, but barely. The fact that he’s a famous musician who you grew up listening to and he immediately exploited that, moved into YOUR first house 12 hours after YOU moved in…. It’s just so disgusting. Obviously at that point you were still star struck that he’d be giving you the time of day (as most people would be), and he clearly was looking for someone young and impressionable. Honestly it makes me sick.
I’m so glad you finally got out of this and were able to get your life back. Congratulations on 3 years sober and I wish you and your animals all the best!!
Update: Okay I’ve finished and I just want to say, that guy’s primary issue is not addiction… It’s that he abuses people and is a narcissist, and he will always choose himself and destroy everything around him. I’m so sorry he found you when you were still discovering yourself. The fact that you were able to go through all of that and make it out the other side is what counts. You are enough just as you are ❤
True, it was the power dynamic, which is a very scary thing!
Damn the "my life could've been completely different" thing hit me so hard. I too feel to have wasted years to depression and rotting in bed. I remember going everyday to university and feeling so... slow and dumb to the point I just stopped going. I had to start everything all over 4 years ago and it really feels like time travelling (and also, that days are just so randomly long...? My sleep schedule was bonkers and still I feel, after 4 years, that days are too long iykyk).
Finding something to love saved me: going back to uni and studying something I deeply loved, the structure of lessons and assignments and exams, new friends and then the rest of my life restarted. I truly feel I've time travelled and I wish I could be back just a minute to tell my past self how much things will be changing and how far I would be going.
I can't do that and I resolved to tell other people that are in some way like me: you'll be going far, you'll be happy, keep going!
Damn, I needed to hear this I’m so glad u shared ❤
didn’t know how badly i needed to hear this until i started sobbing at 9am on a saturday. thank you kind stranger for your inspiring words ❤️
This is so real - I don't think the cognitive aspect of depression is touched on enough - that perpetual slow funk / sense that you're thinking/moving through sludge, and the absence of the energy needed to claw your way out of it / imagine any other quality of being. It's so beautiful but bittersweet to come out the other end of it. I'm glad that you're doing better now.
@florenceclementine6
@tiaramarie7286 you're so welcome
my dad did heroin and fent. he was erratic and it was traumatizing. both you and him recovered. he passed from other things in 2021, so im proud you have come this far
Thank you :’) I’m sorry he passed ❤️ but I’m so glad he recovered and got to be himself again before his life came to an end. I’m so glad you got to see him doing better before he left this world.❤️
@taylorndean yeah, i remember when i told him you were recovering years ago, he looked at me happily and said that all his track marks were finally gone. it was great to see. he was a cool guy. and you're a cool gal! you got this 💝
Welcome back, Taylor! And I don't mean back to youtube, I mean back to yourself, to your animals and back to your audience. We love you!!
I started my pet tube channel in 2018 during the Taylor a drama. At that time I was 6 years sober. I am now 13 years sober. My channel started to grow but due to moving & a divorce I stopped filming. I kept thinking I would start again but it just hasn’t happened. So proud of your recovery & the fact that you kept trying. Not giving up is the hardest part.
subbed just in case you decide to make a comeback
We can recover. We do recover. Never alone, never again.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know firsthand how hard that road can be. I also went from being completely naive about drugs to pills, then h, then meth in such a short time. It happens faster than people think.
Some people may never fully understand unless they’ve lived it themselves - and that’s okay. What matters is that we survived it.
I am so proud of you and the strength it took to fight your way back. Three years sober is incredible. Keep standing tall and straightening your crown, Queen.
Keep showing up for yourself. You matter. You are loved. And you deserve to love yourself, too. ❤️
Everyone deserves a second chance, and a third chance, and as many more chances as we need to build a good life for ourselves... I send you and everyone else who reads this positive healing energy ❤
Unless you’re the POS she’s talking about. He deserves to be under the jail.
@bekahkashtanshould be obvious that I'm referring to the struggles of addiction, and we should all focus on healing ourselves, NOT hating others... Give power back to yourself
you look visibly healthier - mentally & physically. im genuinely happy for you
54:07 I relate so hard to feeling like you’ve lost yourself in a relationship from all these tiny little shifts over the course of a few years and one day you wake up to it all and think “how tf did I let this happen?” And then have to go through the whole process of figuring out who you are, grieving the lost time and loss of self, trying to fight the self-shame and regret. Sending you so much love!
I remember watching you when I was 10-11 and adoring your fish- slowly fizzling out as your content shifted. I’m graduated now, working officially with fish as a job, with my own tanks at home- And so extremely happy to see you still standing and strong enough to look at your past. Continue your healing journey ❤
This video was on my feed today, and I'm a little over half way in right now. I just want to love on you a little and express how proud I am of you. My son, Christian, died ten years ago this October 7th from an overdose of benzos and opiates. He was 21. He had been improving but backslid and I think he didn't account for his tolerance slipping while he was doing better. Losing him made me feel kinda like everyone's mom who is struggling with dependency and addiction, and it brings me so much comfort to see other people get out of the dark.
If you're reading this and you're struggling, please just know you are loved, you matter, and you are worthy of a safe and healthy life. I know it's not easy, but it is worth it to work toward sobriety. I'm not much of a pray kind of person, but I pray for you every day. I may not know your name, but I know your heart and I know your value. We need you. Please get help, and if you've tried and failed, try again. Few people get it right the first time. Love you. ❤
@anewfoolfortheworldholding your hand while you step into a new beginning ❤ You deserve this. Every one of us has done things we are ashamed of, but it never means we can't do better, and it never means we aren't worthy and deserving. One day at a time, one moment at a time some days. I believe in you. ❤️
@anewfoolfortheworldcongratulations on day 1! even if it's not your first day 1, it takes so much strength to even get there. you have the drive to get better, you can do it even if it doesn't feel that way sometimes ❤
Hey Taylor! I don't usually comment on videos, but I had to do it this time. You mentioned that your not sure youll ever be "yourself" again, BUT, i have to say, this is the 1st time in years I saw you being and looking like the girl that started doing videos about animals! I don't want to be misinterpreted, but for me, just the fact that your in front of the camera, with little make up, just being real, its an awesome sign that your finding yourself again!
So, for what it's worth, you're DOING GREAT!
True ❤ she looks good
👆🏻👆🏻👆🏻
I thought the same!!!
Exactly, the energy and light is back. We missed her so much! 🎉❤
Yes!
I remember Watchin ur one about admiting to the addiction while I was deep into my raging addiction. Im now 3.5 yrs clean am an addiction counselor/ case manager now in the happiest relationship of my life. Love seeing this ❤
19:05 that pissed me off. I’m so sorry they did that to you. 😢
Girl I’ve been here throughout the whole time
I remember being shocked because I was so young I had no idea you were on drugs
So happy you’re safe and sober and healthy girl !
idk if anyone will see this, im graduating highschool soon. ive never done hard drugs, or drank. but when you started talking about that small insecurity that can grow into a constant loop of a mess, hit me hard. multiple times ive done harmful things to seem tough. It seems small until you see someone who genuinely gets affected by that. i appreciate the courage you have to both put yourself out there again and again, but also having the willpower to.
This vid hit me like a tonne of bricks, so thank you for opening up, I know how huge of a thing that can be.
Please remember that yeah, you may not be the old you, but the current you is awesome and happy and I'd call that a big fucking win. Nothing good comes from travelling down the path of what ifs.
You are a legend and have bought joy to so many people, never forget that. And for what it's worth, this random Internet stranger is so damn proud of you.
Here's to the next chapter.
Big love. ❤
Hey before I even watch this I saw the notification and went oh no, please don't hurt yourself with this. I hope it gives you some insight and healing but I don't want you to walk away feeling any sort of way about it, I know I've experienced a lot of shame about my past and it took a lot of work for me to understand that everyone walks a different path, some dark and some scary but you aren't the same person, and the compassion that you can find now for that person is only the result of where you came from. You're strong, you've always been strong, you're smart and funny, and wonderfully entertaining and have been a source of light your entire life for those around you, and no not just to youtube, but you can tell by the mere seconds of the people you've included in your life in these videos that the connections you have with people (and animals) are deep. UGH SORRY FOR THE PARAGRAPH. From one stranger to another, you have given my life value just by taking the time to talk about this, and I thank you fort hat.
Taylor I found your videos in 2019 when I was 26 yrs old and deep in my own H addiction. I watched your addiction video and started toying with the idea of getting sober myself. I’ve been a silent fan and follower since. I’m 31 now, with 2 little boys and I’m clean and sober. It is crazy I wasted my entire 20s, the prime of my life in deep addiction and a constant state of withdrawal and using. Just know I’m a forever supporter of yours now. And I’m proud of how far you’ve come. 3 years is no joke!! Congratulations
You are an inspiration to me. I've been struggling with addiction for 21 years, I'm 33, have 6 months in recovery this time, and hope to stay.
You are amazing and I am incredibly proud of you! 🙏🏼💕
Thank you so much for being so open. I was in a similar position and NOBODY thinks they will become an addict until you suddenly are one. You are amazing for overcoming him and your struggles and you should be so proud of yourself
I hate that stereotype about addicts. It’s just not true for everyone. I went into my addiction with open eyes and knew I had a problem pretty much immediately and definitely way before anyone else did. Not every addict is in denial.
@Froggele same :/
I have to be honest, I got to the point where I accepted that at some point there will be a video from one of your family members telling us you had passed from an OD. So to see where you are now, I can't overstate how proud I am of you. You have been to hell and back in such a short amount of time and each time you kept coming back. You never fully gave up, despite how low you felt about yourself. I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
I have 15 years of sobriety under my belt and I still don't take it for granted. All that can go away in the blink of an eye if I let my guard down for too long. With that said, life is INFINITELY better on this side of the fence!
Girl, I have been watching your videos since the 'Don't buy a Dory' vid. I am incredibly happy to see how far you have come in your life. Thank you for sharing. ❣
I’ve been a silent subscriber for many many years… your resilience and strength is inspirational. Although I’m just a stranger, if you haven’t heard enough, we are extremely proud of you❤❤
you missed a censor at 23:02 don’t want you to get demonetised or a warning for it ❤️❤️
She also missed one at 44:53 if you see we don’t want you to get in trouble for it. 💙💙💙💙
Replying to this so she sees!
She said "garbage"?
35:44 Today is the 1 year of my ex breaking up with me. We lasted 4 months apart and then we got into a horrible, toxic on and off thing. This convinced me to finally block his number and **never** reach out to him again. My situation is not the same at all but it gave me strength to do that. Forever proud of you Taylor ❤❤
Love this for you, takes strength. Take it from me live gets better without and you will feel calm and less stressed, give it time. Plus more times you go back giving it the opportunity to get worse, don’t lose your live over going back. My ex went more abusive every time I went back til he came to my house broke my moms car window after giving me a black eye. Stay strong❤
I’m going to send this to all the people who have been talking about forgiving Johnny because he’s “doing better”
Why did you feel the need to bring this topic here?
People bring up J*** in Taylor’s videos because individuals like him need to be held accountable for the damage they’ve caused. Too many people have “forgiven” him when it’s not their place to do so especially when they weren’t the ones harmed. Taylor is a victim. J**** continues to lie about his sobriety, and that kind of deception is dangerous; it ruins lives. Taylor was lucky to get help before it was too late but what if the next person isn’t so fortunate? It’s disturbing to see people on TikTok dancing to his music while completely ignoring who he really is.
@Sarchuthat is a WILD reach to make watching Taylor’s recovery videos. But everything is about miss Turd ig
There’s no way limonaad is a real person. Nothing they type makes sense lol
@Katrawrinawhatever you say, pookie ❤
That's exactly how I was on opiates!!! I loved it because it gave me energy!!! Next sentence, a false sense of energy!!! On February 25th I will have 12 years clean!!!🥰 I just thought I would mention that cuz that's where I am in your video right now...I totally understand the energy side of opiates!!!
I have 2.6 years clean from frnt and heroin too. I feel your embarrassment about how I was when I was using… ahh. Big ick. I went to rehab 7 times. It finally stuck after getting a DUI and sitting in jail for 3 months. I’m so grateful it’s over now. I’m turning 29 tomorrow and never looking back. Addiction is so traumatic in and of itself.
Your first video on addiction helped me get sober. I now have five years. Thank you ❤
Im proud of you, i used to watch you as a child and later i myself fell into harsh coke addiction. It was horrible and i was coping by making it worse, im so freaking proud of you for getting out of that entire situation, my love.
You might not feel like it, but girl, you are a POWERHOUSE. To sucumb to this addiction would have been the easier route.
Instead you've chosen to fight. To live. You're honestly amazing and deserve all the good things xo
You are incredibly strong. The fact that you’re able to revisit your videos and openly share your journey with millions-regardless of their opinions, which truly hold no weight-speaks volumes about your courage. I truly commend you for your bravery and your willingness to be vulnerable. You are amazing.
I honestly don’t understand how anyone, especially your own friends, wouldn’t have kind things to say about you. You come across as such a genuine, kind-hearted soul. Congratulations on your recovery-that’s no small feat. I’m wishing you all the best in life, and I wholeheartedly believe that you’ll find the person who truly sees your worth and loves you for exactly who you are.
Keep going. I admire how you take accountability, but don’t forget to give yourself grace too. Love yourself just as deeply. You deserve it. Wishing you nothing but goodness ahead. 🤍
I was a kid when I saw your video about being addicted to H. I was so sad because you were my favourite back in the day. When I saw the video about you relapsing I was even more disappointed, which led me down a whole rabbit hole about myself which we won't talk about. Let's just say I got parasocial way too easy as a kid. Now I couldn't be more proud. I'm 18 so life has changed a lot, but I still find myself coming back here. Keep going, and know that the road isn't always straight, but something always remains true. This too shall pass.
it takes an incredibly strong person to make such a confronting and educational video. i hope you know this will help loads of people and i hope you heal and know that we are always here and love you
Taylor I’ve been watching your channel for many years now, I’m not sure exactly how many. But I know I’ve witnessed most of your journey. It’s been a wild one for sure, and I’m so proud of you for making it through it all and coming so far. I know we don’t know each other, but just from one human being to another: you’re doing great and I’m so so proud of you.
I remember seeing all those hate comments over the years, they made me so angry. People love analyzing other people’s lives and making awful assumptions and shitty remarks. You were doing all you could this whole time: your absolute best. That’s all anyone can do. I bet all those commenters who left those nasty comments have been served their karmic justice in some way or another. You came out on top despite it all
Here’s to many more years of you being sober and happy 🎉🎉
I was 13 when I first started watching your videos in 2018. You got me through the worst of my childhood abuse and then you disappeared. I was heartbroken. But now that you’re back when I’m almost 21 years old, you’ve come back at a very formative time in my life and it’s almost as though I’m in a recovery of my own. I appreciate the rawness of your videos and you still remain my biggest comfort RUclipsrs.
5 years sober here, everyday is better than the last. Looking back life used to feel so stagnant.
I’m doing my periodic check in and I’m so glad you’re doing well Taylor. I’ve been watching you since you started your channel and I’ve learned so much from you. As a fellow animal lover, I truly believe your channel is one of the stepping stones that led me to going to school to be a vet tech. You hold a place in my heart because you remind me so much of my sister. You both are such sweet women that were manipulated and led astray by awful men. I unfortunately lost my sister to heroin addiction in 2016 but I’d like to think that if she were still here today her spirit would be similar to yours. I miss my sister everyday. I’m so glad you’re doing well now Taylor
The most insane thing to me is that I was thinking of you literally just two days ago. Just two days ago, I was randomly thinking of you (haven't watched much since you came out about your addiction the first time) and I randomly was like "hm I wonder how she is right now" and I was at work at the time so I just went about my day and forgot. And then lo and behold, here you are with a random update. So happy to see that you're good after all these years, dude. So grateful you're still with us and that you can still fulfill the mission of loving and caring for animals, and more importantly loving and caring for YOU. Really glad to see your smile after not checking up on you for a while. Really proud of every step you took, forward and back, to be where you are now. Especially without the steps back, you wouldn't be where you are now showing us all just how possible it really is. Great job, girl. 💪🏻
I’ve literally been around since your Twitter account and long distance relationship. Rooting for you this whole time. ❤
Omggg with Will!!? We still speak he’s great 💕 thank you so so much for sticking around for all this time! that’s insane! what a wild ride it’s been
😭❤️
@taylorndean yes!!! With will. I remember the Disney trip video. 💓
@cecilia91964OMG i remember that video too. unlocked a hidden memory
@taylorndean❤❤❤
Omg yesss!! Throwback I started following u then too :’)
this video was so comforting and so well said. i just wanted to say i know it may feel like you "threw away some years", or like you are no longer you, the thousands of "what ifs" are so difficult to cope with. but with or without these struggles you wouldn't of been the same person, everyone changes ! it's so easy to miss your old self, even miserable you feel safe with the sadness. im so sorry you had to go through this. i completely understand the feeling of overwhelming fear since being a kid, and wanting an escape. this does NOT make you disgusting or unworthy. you're doing amazing, thank you so much for the video. it really helped me tonight 🩵🐠🐡🌊🐙🐬🦈🦀🩵
I used to love your videos where you'd show all your animals, or feed all your animals. Those are why I subscribed. You loved them so much, and it's great to see you getting back to yourself, and reigniting the passions you had that made you who you were.
I’m coming across your channel for the first time and I’m feeling compelled to tell you that I feel that we’re doing it exactly how we’re supposed to be doing it.
It took me 15 years of trying to celebrate 3 years on February 23rd. While I would definitely do things differently if I could, life isn’t designed like that. Sobriety is a journey where everyone’s faded map is different. Appreciate you putting this out there.
3 YEARS LETS GOOOOO🎉🎉
I've been watching you're videos online for years Taylor, I'm so proud of how far you've come, always ❤
Happy 3 years of sobriety!!! So proud of you 🎉
I am SO GLAD you are alive, Taylor. So many have lost their battle. You are a survivor. You are incredible!
I'm don't know if you'll ever see this, and I know I'm just some stranger from the inter web but, I REALLY wish I could give you a great big hug. I am sooo very proud of how far you have come and I hope and pray that YOU are proud of how far you have come. I've been watching you for a long time - as many of us have - and am rooting for you!! So many of us are rooting for you. You are worth so much more then you may ever know/understand but I'm glad that you are starting to heal and are finding your worth where it counts. May you continue to heal and grow. Wishing you alllll the best!! 🩷
Taylor, I’ve been following you through since you had your hedgehogs, and inspired me to get one (RIP Gatsby). Your channel and your pets brought me comfort and joy through the hardest times of my childhood. Watching you since the beginning, and making a complete 360 back to a stronger version of yourself is inspirational, and I’m super proud of you girl 💕
I respect how brutally honest and open you are about your journey. It’s been extremely helpful for me to even be honest with myself through my journey with addiction and not let shame cloud my self-awareness. I think this is so important for young people to hear and see the raw truth with not only addiction but DV. I started watching you at around age 14 and it fills me with joy to see that you’re still here 9 years later
i get very happy whenever i get a channel notification from you
Honey, YOU didn't throw away your identity and time! HE took it from you. I suffered a lot between 2013-2020 and while it bothers me that I lost those years, I'm glad it has already happened and that, hopefully, the worst part is over. We both have a lot of time left to live a happier and healthier life. You didn't deserve all that happened to you but you've certainly managed to turn it around, which is very inspirational to me. I'm sure this video can help someone get out faster.
I love how your video opens with confidence. No apologies, solid delivery, and a clear mind.
You've come so fkn far its insane - thank you for actually starting to see the worth we all saw and continue to see in you! Been lowkey your parasocial sister this whole time and always knew you'd come through this. This is just the beginning of the life you "could've made for yourself" - it starts now and nothing prior was a waste because now you have so many more building blocks and life lessons to become the best version of yourself you can possibly be. This is fkn inspiring and we all love you x
i think were the same age. i followed you and "that guy" separately for years. seeing you together was a strange crossover that worried me from the start. ive followed your story for years since then and im so happy to see your growth over the years. im happy youve been so open over the years, i think it has helped people.
A long-time silent watcher but had to comment to say thank you for your honesty and openness which has helped so many people. Never doubt your worth because you absolutely deserve all the love and life you have yet to live ❤
been here watching since before that guy. glad you're still here.
Fellow addict here. I’ve been there, I get it, I see you. And I’m so proud of you ❤
I am so incredibly proud of you. Addiction doesn’t discriminate & you are one of the FEW that put in the HARD work to stay in recovery. You should be proud of that every day. I’ve been along for the ride from the very beginning and your story never ceases to amaze me. Keep being awesome girl🩷
love you, taylor ♡
thanks for being so transparent, always proud
edit: really pisses me tf off that even the people who you thought were your friends turned //: been there and that sht is as bad as a breakup
your talk about feeling inadequate and needing to change really hit home too..
so so glad you're in a better place these days. never stop trying
I am in recovery too! I was all messed us on H and uppers and Benzo you name it I did it, I never thought I could get it right, I’m about to celebrate 11 years. I 100% understand the feeling of wasting so much time….I’m 40 and I am just starting my career, not just a job, a career! I see all these young people and I sometimes feel envious. I’m more of a loaner now than I ever was. But I’m ok with that. I have my daughter, 2 dogs, and my hubby. He and I got sober together. I can relate to the not showering and the total self neglect. I had abscesses. My hands would swell up like baseball mits. It was a CRAZY time. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!
I’ve been following you since the beginning & honestly through it all. I was strangely enough struggling with a very serious addiction around the same time as you & have always felt a soul bond to you. 5 years sober here & sending you so so much love Taylor. You deserve all the good that life has to offer❤️❤️❤️Excited for what’s to come xoxoxoxoxo
i remember when a lot of these videos were posted thinking “ wow she’s really grown a lot” but seeing you now, i’m just so happy to see how much progress you’ve really made. and that’s you’re still alive with us:) and all the grief you feel from wasted time from “that guy” is so valid. one day i hope you find peace and learn to forgive yourself. i know you don’t know who i am, but I’m really proud of you. when i see your videos it feels like talking with my childhood best friend. ❤❤
You are beautiful, amazing, so very strong, and you've come so far. We are all so proud of you.
Thank you for putting all the work into making this chronicalling video.
I'm so sorry, I starting to feel my throat get heavy by 18 minutes in, and knew I had to pause and come back another time. It's heartbreaking listening to your story being told and interspersed with real footage- I can't imagine how the rollercoaster you felt being the one who went through it and making and editing this video.
I'll come back to watch a bit later. I'm so happy to see the strength and resilience you've gained back ❤
You are lucky you're alive and I'm so glad you are still here with us to share your story. Thank you so much, you are so beautiful inside and out! A lot of us women have been there with/for that one loser guy, so don't worry you're not alone.
oh my god, this just makes me extremely thankful of my first live in partner because he has been SUCH a good man! like you, i was so ready to throw (almost) everything for him, in a way, despite me knowing that we don't really have a future. i'm so thankful i had to go (i had to move to a different country) and that era of my life is mostly many things i learned and reflect back on.i have to stop at 14:09 because i have no mental space to continue, but i'm proud of you, even though i didn't really know who you are prior to this.
You are more so ever glowing now, taylor! I've been watching your videos ever since and was 'there' during those times, i saw your journey and how you battled it. You are so brave, we love you! 💕
I really relate to the end of the video when you’re mourning how differently your life could’ve been if you had more self worth, didn’t meet that guy, etc due to my own past traumas that completely changed the course of my life, decisions, personality, ability to maintain relationships and so much more. I just wanna say that it’s inspiring to hear you acknowledge those “what ifs” but come out of it looking towards the future. I’ve watched you since the beginning and am rooting for you Taylor!!
My sister and I used to watch your videos when I was growing up. I'm so sorry to hear you've been through this. Congratulations on 3 years sober. You're loved ❤
I've been following your journey for years and I also went thru the hardest time of my life from like 2016-2022 and I have always sent so much love your way. Thank you for helping me not feel alone. You're the only youtuber I still watch regularly because of how authentic you are, and I've always been rooting for you so much. Thank you for being honest with us and yourself, even at your weakest point you found the strength to keep going and so much of us see that and are so inspired by it. Life didn't just burn us, we walked away still holding the flame, and learned to use it to light the path ahead. Love you sm!!
i really appreciate how you talk about addiction and shame. it’s all about a sense of control. i feel non-addicts don’t understand that aspect
I couldn’t help but cry with you towards the end of this video. To hear someone so beautiful and real talk about how they completely lacked self worth is both relatable and devastating. I hope you find it in you to forgive yourself for everything, and know that you never deserved any of what happened to you. I hope you don’t carry any guilt, and that you remain so proud of yourself.
I think I can speak for everyone here when I say you don’t owe us anything. I KNOW you’ll find your spark and love for things again- even if it isn’t RUclips. I hope you don’t feel like you must continue youtube for our sake, and that you continue because you choose to.
You’re an incredible human, and we’re all so relieved to see you doing SO much better 💗
I honestly can't count on all my fingers and toes how many times I cried to your first video about the situation.
It was so genuine, open, and honest and truly moved so many people
The video about the relationship I can talk more personally about. During the time you posted it I had just gotten out of a relationship with a guy who wasn't.. very great..
It really made me feel so much less crazy at the time and helped me so much to remember the bad parts and to not get back with him even when he reached out.
We are all so proud and impressed by your courage and strength.
I've been a viewer since around late 2016 I believe and have almost religiously watched your content since.
You opening up about what you've been through only brought me in more as I could relate to several parts of it.
Thank you, Taylor, for not staying silent and for grieving and healing loudly, even when it's hard.
Here's to future healing; and to you, for getting out and speaking up when so many others can't. 💕
here’s to healing loudly!!! ❤
To healing loudly ❤
As someone who has watched your videos for a long time, I’m so happy to see you in a good place.