The worst thing about being childfree around my friends with kids is the constant "reminders" that unless you have kids you cannot truly feel empathy or truly be nurturing. I think that is bs, and it always angers me.
Especially when there are sooo many examples of unnurturing and negletful parents to be found... Having kids does not make you a better person, but some insecure parents surely act as if!
Becoming a parent doesn't necessarily make EVERYONE more empathetic or loving either to ones own child or others around the world but for some (hopefully most) it definitely does! It definitely pales in comparison to any other experience that you can possibly have. There is a reason why so many people say the same thing because we all feel the same thing and recognize it's uniqueness. I have never been a kid person but now I have my own, it is absolutely a love I have never, ever experienced. I would NEVER kiss or take food from a dirty, boogery kid/adult but I have from my own kids. I am not ready to sacrifice my own life for anyone else except my own kids, there isn't even a thought process.
@@namira24242 Yep but you're only empathetic to your own child, not anyone else. So it doesn't make you a better person necessarily - you're feeling empathy for the being that you created, full stop. You won't run into a burning house to save anyone else's kid, only yours. People who don't have kids are capable of feeling a lot of empathy and care for others...
Can you please make these talks a series and discuss different topics and give advice? It felt so nice to listen to your different ideas and see your amazing friendship❤️
100% would be an awesome series! ~Also just doing interviews with friends, and if they’re also RUclipsrs then *promo?* but generally discussing how you make different relationships work when people are in different life stages~
I have a strong core friend group of 6 women. We are going on 30 plus years together. Other people are amazed that we have stayed friends that long. It baffles me when people say that because I would be so sad to not have them be a part of my life. We all understood that we each have our own changing lives, but we were all committed to staying in touch through the years. Now that we are older and for the most part those that had kids, are finished raising kids, we are getting together more often. And woo, let me tell you, when we get together now, we act like the fools we once were. I just feel revitalized after our girls weekends together.
@@ms.z461 it was a mixed bag, half had kids, half did not. During the years when life was hectic, we would only get together once a year as a whole group. We would just keep putting out dates until we found one that everyone could do. Everyone was pretty good about suggesting get togethers at different times during the year with the understanding that it was fine to say you couldn’t make it. Whoever could make it would go. Not going to lie, at the beginning there were feelings that were hurt, but we were all open about it and worked through them. Now, if anyone has a tiff with anyone else, basically everyone else in the group is like “you better work that out, we aren’t breaking up the group now after all these years.” 😀
I would give absolutely anything to have this, and really hope it happens for me some day. So happy for you. If you have any tips for making this a reality, or if you’re not quite there yet, please do share ❤
Like Leena, I'm childless by choice and I think she's lucky to grow up in your generation. I'm 52, and I got a lot of grief from others for my decision at a young age to never have kids. People said I'd grow out of it, or they treated me like there was something wrong with me, and some even told me to see a mental healthcare doctor about it. I was often told or made to feel like my life was inherently less worthwhile than others who wanted or had kids. If they needed something, I should drop everything and help them. If I needed something, well they had a family to take care of and that comes first, always. I never mattered. I know I got to a point where I said I didn't like kids, but really it was the whole attitude from others around having kids that bothered me, not the kids themselves. Lucy's friend may simply be tired of always giving but never receiving from her family and friends with kids. Childless women in my generation were often treated as if their only value was in how they could assist others who did have kids, and I imagine there are still some dealing with such attitudes in today's world. Watching the three of you, I don't feel that attitude exists with you at all. I think you would show up and help Leena if she ever asked for assistance, as she does for you. All but one of my friends these days are childless like me, which was hard to find but easy to maintain over the years. My closest friend of over 30 years does have a child, but she never treated me the way most did. We were always equals, and my needs were not trivial to her. I'd babysit for her when she asked, help her prepare for various events, showed up to her kid's parties and was a part of his life as well as hers, and she'd help me pack, or sort out a problem, or take me to a doctor's appointment, or whatnot else when I'd ask. She reciprocated. She's a one in a million friend, and I'm glad for Leena she has two good friends like Hannah and Lucy in her life. I'm glad your generation doesn't treat women as unimportant for never having kids.
I feel that. I am in my mid 30s and a lot of friends treaded me the way you discribed. I also single and sometimes poeple make me feel like I have the plague. That something is inherently wrong with me.
I LOVED this! (Had to watch in like three bursts coz motherhood) but omg I miss you all so hard. And yesss to using technology wisely! I love our random chaos calls with the kids lol
It's so nice that you all have maintained your friendship so well! I'm mid-30s and childfree by choice, and so many of my friends promptly vanished into mom friend groups once they had kids. They just sort of stopped coming to things I invited them to, and they didn't invite me to much anymore either. They sure did manage to make time to meet up with their other mom friends though. Needless to say, I have felt a little sidelined time and again when friends have had kids, to the point where a part of me is sad when a friend announces they're having their first kid, because I just assume that's the end of seeing much of them, at least for several years. I think there's often that assumption that childfree people won't want to spend time with you if you have to bring your kid, but I would so much rather see you AND your kid if the alternative is just not seeing you at all.
From my experience as a 38-year-old without children, the success ratio of keeping up with friends with children was 50/50 when they were babies but it's gotten so much harder when the children are 8+ as they have their own lives and hobbies and friendship groups which takes up so much more of their parent's time! But I think we'll re-friend again when the kids become teenagers and are more independent.
It makes me sad when people won't let non parents look after their kids. I'm 34wks pregnant now 😀 But it has taken us 6 years to get here (ivf) and looking after our little nieces and nephews has been such a wonderful thing for us, who thought we may never get to be parents ourselves ❤
Just fascinating how my color preference shifted, repeatedly throughout the video, between all four paint options in back. Best wishes to Hannah and co. in choosing just one. Also thanks for this video!
42:57 Thank you for saying this! Friend time is an absolute NEED for me, like food, and it’s been hard to make it happen every time as a single mom with a baby. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or weird being like “can someone please come over?” But I’ve needed to acknowledge that it’s that important to my mental health.
My best friend is having her first baby in January. I’m 100% child free by choice and I do have some genuine feelings of fear because of how close we are now. I already feel like I’m pulling away which makes me so sad and confused. This was so lovely.
I had a baby recently and this conversation was really relevant! I have one friend with a small child (always sick with colds from daycare), one childfree by choice (and maybe a bit uncomfortable with kids) and one childfree not by choice. All of these friendships have changed.
This was so great. My younger sister has 2 kids and as her older sister it was quite difficult for me to see her in a "higher" stage in life. I had never experienced having my younger siblings doing firsts. I had alot of feelings and so did she! We had our growing pains, but after having several deep conversations we are closer then ever and now I see her as a somewhat "older" sister or someone I can ask for advice from in terms of navigating life as a new mom. And on the flip side I too offer her an outlet that doesn't just have to be about kids. She is a mom, sister, friend, and wife. It's been a journey for us, but I love our adult relationship now.
I'm 39 this year and married. I have never wanted children, and it does surprise people when I tell them. Primarily (I think), because my career is working with children, and as a Christian, church family is very heteronormative in terms of family representation. But that desire to have my own children has never been there. Before I got married, it was a discussion with my partner (he knew he didn't want to have kids either, and is also a Christian), so it was easier in that there wasn't any relationship conflict. ❤ And I love that I have 6 nephews and nieces that I spend time with and build relationships with x
Looooooved this video! ❤ I'm in the "want a child very soon" camp, so it's very interesting to see how friendship dynamics are affected by such a huge decision.
This is so true about people not sharing the journey of trying and experiencing fertility problems, which of course is very private. But, like with most things that are not talked about often, it becomes the norm. I have an old friend from school who decided to share on her socials that they were trying and had been for a long time. She said the reason for sharing was the fact that most people share when they succeed, not the journey, but that the struggle is a very lonely thing and she wanted to share that. I was very moved by how brave and vulnerable that was because not everyone has a success story. Loved this chat over all!! :D
This was so interesting to watch! Please could you do a video on how to make things accessible for parents/ tips or things child-free people can do to make life a bit easier? I'm child free and will remain CF, I'm apart of the disabled community so have lots of ideas around accessibility for disability but not for parents! The wedding scenario was useful to hear! Would also like to hear any tips for connecting with your friend's children. Thank you!
I am 42 and over the last 15 years most of my friends (of all genders) who had children have vanished despite my best efforts to reach out and keep our friendships. I gave up in the end as I was the only one doing the upkeep. Some I hear from every now and then when they have time from work and family to remember friends without children/outside of their work. All work full time and none have much childcare, so they are so busy they can't breathe. I hope some will reach out again when their kids are independent and they have free time. Of the very few who haven't lost touch (2), they are better at reaching out for help and well, to be honest, sharing their children with others. They enjoy it. And I love that. I do not wish to be a mother (and no child would want me to be), but I have no issue getting to know their children as individuals and seeing them grow. But in the end, most of my friends are either single, younger or do not want/unable to have children. And they are the ones who have been friends for decades.
I enjoyed listening to all 52 mins- this is relatable for everyone. Also I have to say, Lucy is so mellow and such a good listener- I can see why she's got a packed social calendar :) After watching this, I want to get a coffee with her! My theory is whenever someone goes through a radical, all encompassing life change, a certain faction of friends- friends of circumstance or convenience- will drop out of contact. A lot of us are lucky that we don't have major, life diverting experiences until having kids, but I think any huge change has the potential to create rifts. I experienced it when I was hit by a car. I just couldn't relate to some people, and they couldn't relate to me. On the other hand, I got a lot closer to some friends who made the extra effort to check in. It was a great learning experience in how to be a good friend!
This was such a joy to listen to! I’m a new mom and have lots of friends who’ve also had babies recently but my closest friends haven’t yet, some by choice some not. Even when you do have friends who’ve had babies and they live in the same city, it’s still SO HARD to stay in touch and see eachother when you live under capitalism and the daily grind.
Yeah, I didn't see that coming either! Lol. I love cats, but am not a dog person (was attacked as a kid, so am scared of them). My parents didn't believe in having pets, so I grew up without any and it's fine. I always think if I ever get one, it'll be fish in an aquarium because I've heard watching fish swim is good for one's mental health. 🐟😊
I really enjoyed and picked up some pointers from this conversation, even though I don't have any friends who are parents. I recently just moved to a different country (and continent), so I'm always looking for different ways to stay in touch with friends. Also as an environmental scientist, I love the way y'all answered the climate + having kids. There are way too many people who fall down the slippery slope of eugenics without even realizing it.
Lovely! Regarding keeping an identity separate to motherhood: in my experience, the support I receive makes a huge difference to allowing me to get out of the "baby bubble". Daycare, sharing childcare and household duties with my partner and support from family and friends are essential to me looking after myself physically and mentally. This is how I'm able to work (which I find very fulfilling), and have (limited) time and energy for hobbies, social connection, intellectual stimulation.
This is so incredible. This is like the ,model of how people in different stages of life should be interacting; respectful of each others choices, supportive and non judgemental. The number of interactions I have where there is only judgement and grief from both sides of the coin, the wish to push their own agenda on to others is depressing.
So much RUclips is overcrowded with the same content and watching you on RUclips is so refreshing because you are real and very transparent and a lot of people on RUclips are afraid to show that side of themselves because of how the world is today which is very filtered and monitored/sensitive. Someone like you it's very much needed on RUclips and the internet in in general. The way your content is delivered is very easy to understand and catered to all ages which is what I like about you❤
It’s lovely to see and watch this on a day I’ve got plans with my (at the moment) only mom friend because I’ve been missing her toddler. I love spending time with her and I’m very excited she has a new born but her little toddler. I think it just helps I love these little people as my friends just in a different way. I’m as excited about their milestones as I am for my friends milestones. Sure it’s like who’s rolling over at 4 weeks vs like becoming a doctor but like why not share the joy 🥹
I love that you did this video! It's such a fun, great conversation. I think this topic is often the elephant in the room between parent/ non-parent friends. The Cut article and that blog went around the childless not by choice community as well. I think a missing piece still to be talked about is how much grief it can stir up to be around another's pregnancy and children, knowning that you'll never have that. I love my friends with kids, and their kids, but it can quite painful to be around them at times.
I found it difficult to manage when one of the friend-group did want kids but couldn't (trying for 3 years). It was hard to manage how to be happy and talk about your kid or even complain. But she was always so clear about what she could and could not handle us taking about. It is better to have those conversations then try to guess how she wanted us to handle the situation.
Great talk, ladies! I'm also childfree by choice and friends are starting to get children so it'll be interesting to see the dynamics. But I've also started to consciously look for other childfree friends :)
Banging Book Club wasn't THAT long ago was it? 😮 So wonderful to see you together again! Makes sense that it was that long ago, I have a 6 year old now!! I find maintaining relationships so difficult
I really loved this video, and I second the requests that this become a series with the three of you. As someone who does want kids (and wants to be just as supportive with my friends, regardless of their decisions around having/not having children), I found this whole conversation reassuring. Thank you!
Oh, I needed this talk! Two of my friends are having babys now, I'm undecided and some friends don't want kids. I think it's not talked about enough how you can nevigate friendships as your lifes are changing, especially long distance ones.
I've been following all of y'all for like.... 8 years or something, and it makes me so happy to see how y'all have grown and remained close. Also, the perspectives you shared about potential loneliness in old age is incredibly reassuring!! I am so on the fence about kids, and I'm in the same boat as the person who left the question in terms of fearing regret. Also, just as someone approaching 30 with friends at all ends of the Hannah - Leena SpectrumTM, this conversation was so helpful.
I’m definitely in the same camp as Lucy. Me and my husband to be don’t feel solid about whether or not we want children but looking ahead at the end of our lives we do feel like something would be missing if we didn’t. But there are also many reasons not to. Part of that is my partners disability. It’s a hard decision to make because we don’t want to make the wrong choice.
I love Hannah's honesty that she just feels like 'her + a child'. My partner and I are currently on the fence about having kids, and one of the things that does worry me is that I will have to lose my sense of self to become 'mother' and be seen to be a dedicated parent. I think I would be a good parent, but 'motherhood' as an ideal to aspire to doesn't appeal to me. It's not that I don't think being a mother isn't valuable - it just don't want to overwhelm the rest of what makes me who I am. Plus, it does bother me men don't seem to face the pressure of having to change their entire identity when they become parents.
when you talked about some us having been here for years and having a para-social need to know how y'all are doing i felt so called out 😭 it is true though, i have been watching all of your videos for over a decade and it's still so nice and reassuring to hear you have kind of similar conversations to those i have with friends in real life but with obviously slightly or sometimes wildly different views. it's just very interesting to see the mechanics of a friendship of people close to my own age and experiences and how you guys deal with the same stuff my friends and I do in a similar way. basically thank you, more please if and when you can!
Love the throwback collab! I don’t want children and don’t enjoy being around them so am very conscious of finding friends in the same position. It’s definitely a worry that my current friendships with people who do want children will suffer.
I have complicated feelings around this topic that have been dialled up to ELEVEN in the last month since my niece was born! I love children and I'm utterly besotted with my niece, but I'm also chronically single with a chronic health condition and a deep fear that I'm ultimately too selfish to give my time to raising another human! Not to mention I'm in my late thirties. So yes. Complicated!
That was the best video I have seen in a long time and I don't even know what else to say! Interesting, honest, and so so sweet to witness true friendship
I just have to say, as someone who’s been watching all three of you on RUclips for about a decade now, it’s awesome to see this video and see you have such strong friendships and relationships. Seeing people around my age navigating the same things I do with my friends, while staying true to themselves? Super special. Much love to all of you ❤
I loved the chaos. I don't think it was chaotic at all. It actually addressed some of the questions I'm trying to answer for myself right now. Thank you!
I am in my early 30s with no kids but want to try for them soon. I don't have a core group of friends, but rather close one-to-one friendships with a decent number of people spread out over thousands of miles, many with children. I find the most effective thing is to have a conversation about what the new parent wants you to do during their transition to parenthood, making it clear that you understand things will change, but you want the friendship to continue.
I never knew you were all friends!!! And I love all of your channels ❤ I'm 36 now and I think that friendships have definitely shifted for me and I'm still navigating how I feel about them. I have 2 toddlers, moved to a new area after being abroad for a few years and now finally fitting in and making true friends in my local area. I'm in between mourning the loss of super close friendships that have drifted the last couple of years and celebrating the absolute beautiful new friendships that are forming whilst really appreciating the old friendships that have lasted. My two oldest friends are completely in the "no children ever and absolutely happy with it" camp and they love to see me and never have any issue with me with children. Being a mother and going to baby groups has meant my "social" life is at a peak, i meet new mothers every week, have proper DMCs with ones I'll meet once and never see again, fleeting conversations with some I see every week. Its grown my confidence loads and I've very much become a social butterfly!
My best friend has a (nearly) 2 year old, and I've not seen her since his 1st birthday. Our friendship has been long distance for nearly 10 years, but now she has a baby it's so much more obvious when I don't see her for a year at a time. It's really strained our friendship as I often don't speak to her for a month or so at a time and it used to be normal, but now her baby is talking and walking and I'm missing out on such a huge part of her life! But she will always be my best friend.
Loved and really valued this video! Super helpful when I know I don’t want kids myself but my friends are having kids now too. Thank you, please just hang out more 😆
Loved this video! I had a falling out with my best friend of 17 years during my first (rough) trimester, and though they wouldn't say so, it certainly felt like it had to do with me getting pregnant and their perception of how that would change our friendship (something they vocalized worrying about plenty before I actually started trying to have a baby). What I took away from that experience and your lovely chat is how important it is to meet each other where you are and to not burden each other with expectations.
What a gem of a video! I loved this soo much, it was so interesting and insightful. I would have watched it even if I wouldn't have knon Leena and Lucy but it feels extra special since I have been watching every Leena video for a year and also tune in on Lucy's sporadically.
I mostly watch movies or news on RUclips now, but I'm an organizing lover like Hannah and she chose a different path from me (she had kids), so I end up watching her videos still from time to time. I used to love Lucy and Leena's channels too, but I just don't watch RUclips for that particular content any more. I couldn't resist seeing all 3 of them together again though! Loved this video 😊
so grateful for this conversation! and still early in the video but wanted to thank leena for bringing up the shifts in privacy as someone who broke down sobbing after being told about a friend's pregnancy because she didn't tell me as soon as she found out about it 😂
I loved this so much! I do fully relate with sentiment on not wanting another friend with kids from Leena (opposite from Hannah). I may want children in the next year or so, but I would prefer parent friends who are in the sameish stage. And like Lucy, I have connected with a lot of people who are older than me who chose to never have kids and it's so interesting! Growing up, most of the adults I knew were my parents of the kids I knew.
100% agree about the finsta but also don't forget the people who don't have social media! I have a couple of friends (mid 20s to early 30s!) who don't do social media at all (anymore for someof them) and I know I've sometimes in my head gone "oh yeah, people know this about my life, I've shared it on ig", not realizing that of course they haven't seen it. So now when I go to post on ig, I think about this kind of thing and it'll often result in me texting the people who don't have ig whom I still want to update and it has lead to a much stronger individual relationship with them imo!
I find it so interesting that you're talking about pregnancy announcements via social media that are lengthy paragraphs and maybe this is an age thing but some of my peers from school and youth groups etc have given birth (aged between 18-22) and all but one of them just announced on the birth of their baby straight up - no pregnancy announcements or updates at all!
This was so wonderful! I also really appreciate your comments on the climate question because that’s a particular pet peeve of mine (when people say you shouldn’t have kids because of climate change).
I always love seeing you guys together. I remember I used to listen to banging book club when I was a teenager in secondary school and now I’m 24. Watching you guys has always felt like a how to guid of how I could do my next chunk of life when it comes ❤❤❤ Ps: the clip from the hormone diaries of Lucy and Leena shouting instructions to you as try with all your might to remove your new menstrual cup has been an inside joke among my home town friend group for yeeeeaaarrrsss
Loved this video so much! Currently in the stage of starting to have serious conversations about when babies will happen, with both my partner and my friends, and this chat felt like such a cosy and reassuring way to explore how our lives are going to start changing in a couple of years ❤
I loved listening to this chat! I was the first of my friends to have kids and there have definitely been some shifts and growing pains but my friends have been so lovely and supportive. On the flip side, i had a few friends who had children soon after me and we have chosen to parent our children very differently and that has had a bigger impact on our friendship than with any of my other friends. Its such a complicated dynamic, youre literally adding a new person into the group!!
For me, Bereal is a way of keeping up with the small stuff in my friend's lives so that I can either ask them specific questions about it or skip it and get to the deep stuff
I found this so helpful as a younger mum. My pre motherhood friends don't have children. And it helps to affirm how they may feel. Also totally agree on the environment. I try and channel my environmental anxiety into making small manageable changes, and that is all I can do. As well no good time. My dad got diagnosed with and died of cancer in my pregnancy and newborn phase. Hard, unexpected and it wasn't an easy time to have a baby but you manage!
In a classic mum move, I watched this while washing dishes a day late. I loved this chat!!! You guys seem like really great and fun friends to have. The dynamic with my friends hasn't changed. I was the 1st to have a baby and now two of them have them, and two others are in the fertility journey, and two other others don't want kids. I do have less time with them, but we are all pretty busy anyways, so it didn't have much of an impact. I wish I could make more mom friends that are closer to me, but that's harder to achieve. Anyway, I feel like it changed more my relationship with my own family than with my friends, and I'm okay with that.
I loved this conversation since I am in a similar place with some of my friends. I don't have kids and don't want to have kids but I have friends that have kids and friends that probably will in the near future. I've lost some friendships to people becoming parents, they just seem to forget about you, but some I see both with and without their kids and it works great! Interesting and important conversation and I feel like I was hanging out with my friends watching this
It's so nice to hear your friends' positive perspective on your motherhood. To me it's kind of the opposite: I used to want children, but watching the people around me navigate parenthood is really off-putting to me. My sister has had a pretty good perspective on it: she doesn't want children perse and having a baby/young child will be really hard, but she does want a family on the long term and that's worth the hard baby-phase. I also feel that way, but I'm still pretty scared of how I might change, considering all the evidence I have in my friendgroup... Very interesting topic and very personally relevant to me.
So true about people not talking about the process as much. I spoke to a pregnant person the other day who was 1 month in and we discussed the whole "don't tell people until after 3 months" message, that just further stigmatises and silences death and loss. We agreed it's a rule that not everyone wants to follow, yet it seems imposed?
Yes! We are currently ttc and I will definitely be telling some people before 12 weeks if I'm to get pregnant. I would want these people to know that something went wrong and that I'm grieving if I were to have a miscarriage. The whole not telling ANY people makes no sense to me.
I actively tell people. I've lost 2 pregnancies, have 1 living child and am just at 3 months pregnant. It makes people uncomfortable because I also talk about my dead babies. I truly don't care, they existed and they have as much right to be talked about as my living child.
I'm really up for watching this, I lost all but one of my friends from life before motherhood. But actually, I now have an amazing group of mum/nan friends, and also a group who are mostly child-free and I absolutely adore them all. I hadn't realised how negative my previous friendships were, until they got annoyed I wanted to talk about my baby. Edit: interesting, I'm partway, and I absolutely changed massively when I became a mum. But I also found me in there, after a long time of trying to fit in.
right? it does really show you who is a fairweather friend and who actually gives a shit. people can be so judgey about having kids and it's actually really incosiderate, it's hard and we need support! isn't that what friends are for? 😅
Thank you for this! I think it was great seeing you drink out of (what I assume) your kids waterbottle. I am 29 now with two kids and pretty much no good friends since leaving high school. We all grew apart, values didn't aline and it just wasn't meant to be. I find it really hard finding new friends. I don't even know where to find people my age, and most of them don't have kids yet. Especially hard since I don't really have the time and energy yet to find new hobbies (that I have to leave my house for).
i love long voicenotes! I have a friend who lives really far away so we don't get to meet up in person much, and our schedules often don't align so even longer calls are a bit difficult to schedule, but we both do the voice notes and I love listening to them on my commute or a walk! And a lot of the time it's "smaller" stuff that I probably wouldn't even bring up in a catch up call or in person after weeks, just the sort of "guess what happened today" smaller story
Really loved listening to this conversation! I have a mix of friends with young children, friends who haven’t decided (where I am at now) and some who have decided not to have children. I have found what matters is the friendship itself not whether or not they have a child. Even if we don’t see or speak to each other every week if when we see each other it’s like no time has passed/ feels very relaxed and we make an effort to see each other (even if once a year) and stay in touch that is what makes the difference.
I love these videos so much! This was a delight to watch. I’ve just turned 26 and I’ve been watching you all on RUclips since I was a teenager. I genuinely think it has been so helpful to watch you all go through different stages ahead of me and see how you got through it. I felt this a lot when I left uni and had a difficult work period 23/24 I thought a lot about the videos you made a t that stage and I could see how you had all developed in your careers since. This video makes me feel less nervous about the next stage as well
Im a 31 year old with three kids and friendships are something that is really on my mind lately, because even Baby No. 3 changed things a lot. You guys are amazing and I imagine you as really fun friends, kids or no kids!
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The worst thing about being childfree around my friends with kids is the constant "reminders" that unless you have kids you cannot truly feel empathy or truly be nurturing. I think that is bs, and it always angers me.
Exactly!!! 'everything else is meaningless'... are you kidding me
Especially when there are sooo many examples of unnurturing and negletful parents to be found... Having kids does not make you a better person, but some insecure parents surely act as if!
Becoming a parent doesn't necessarily make EVERYONE more empathetic or loving either to ones own child or others around the world but for some (hopefully most) it definitely does! It definitely pales in comparison to any other experience that you can possibly have. There is a reason why so many people say the same thing because we all feel the same thing and recognize it's uniqueness. I have never been a kid person but now I have my own, it is absolutely a love I have never, ever experienced. I would NEVER kiss or take food from a dirty, boogery kid/adult but I have from my own kids. I am not ready to sacrifice my own life for anyone else except my own kids, there isn't even a thought process.
Oh I feel that... I really HATED this. By the way, I have a kid now and I still think it's bullshit.
@@namira24242 Yep but you're only empathetic to your own child, not anyone else. So it doesn't make you a better person necessarily - you're feeling empathy for the being that you created, full stop. You won't run into a burning house to save anyone else's kid, only yours.
People who don't have kids are capable of feeling a lot of empathy and care for others...
Can you please make these talks a series and discuss different topics and give advice? It felt so nice to listen to your different ideas and see your amazing friendship❤️
I'd love to see more videos with the three of them!
agreeeeed! x 1000
hard agreeee!!!
I love these talks. Please do more.
100% would be an awesome series!
~Also just doing interviews with friends, and if they’re also RUclipsrs then *promo?* but generally discussing how you make different relationships work when people are in different life stages~
I have a strong core friend group of 6 women. We are going on 30 plus years together. Other people are amazed that we have stayed friends that long. It baffles me when people say that because I would be so sad to not have them be a part of my life. We all understood that we each have our own changing lives, but we were all committed to staying in touch through the years. Now that we are older and for the most part those that had kids, are finished raising kids, we are getting together more often. And woo, let me tell you, when we get together now, we act like the fools we once were. I just feel revitalized after our girls weekends together.
Aww, did you all have children? If not, how did you keep the friendship going in the child rearing years when everyone had different priorities?
@@ms.z461 it was a mixed bag, half had kids, half did not. During the years when life was hectic, we would only get together once a year as a whole group. We would just keep putting out dates until we found one that everyone could do. Everyone was pretty good about suggesting get togethers at different times during the year with the understanding that it was fine to say you couldn’t make it. Whoever could make it would go.
Not going to lie, at the beginning there were feelings that were hurt, but we were all open about it and worked through them.
Now, if anyone has a tiff with anyone else, basically everyone else in the group is like “you better work that out, we aren’t breaking up the group now after all these years.” 😀
I want that!
I would give absolutely anything to have this, and really hope it happens for me some day. So happy for you.
If you have any tips for making this a reality, or if you’re not quite there yet, please do share ❤
@@KurtesolWafelosi I hope you find your group! ❤️
Like Leena, I'm childless by choice and I think she's lucky to grow up in your generation. I'm 52, and I got a lot of grief from others for my decision at a young age to never have kids. People said I'd grow out of it, or they treated me like there was something wrong with me, and some even told me to see a mental healthcare doctor about it. I was often told or made to feel like my life was inherently less worthwhile than others who wanted or had kids. If they needed something, I should drop everything and help them. If I needed something, well they had a family to take care of and that comes first, always. I never mattered.
I know I got to a point where I said I didn't like kids, but really it was the whole attitude from others around having kids that bothered me, not the kids themselves. Lucy's friend may simply be tired of always giving but never receiving from her family and friends with kids. Childless women in my generation were often treated as if their only value was in how they could assist others who did have kids, and I imagine there are still some dealing with such attitudes in today's world.
Watching the three of you, I don't feel that attitude exists with you at all. I think you would show up and help Leena if she ever asked for assistance, as she does for you. All but one of my friends these days are childless like me, which was hard to find but easy to maintain over the years. My closest friend of over 30 years does have a child, but she never treated me the way most did. We were always equals, and my needs were not trivial to her. I'd babysit for her when she asked, help her prepare for various events, showed up to her kid's parties and was a part of his life as well as hers, and she'd help me pack, or sort out a problem, or take me to a doctor's appointment, or whatnot else when I'd ask. She reciprocated. She's a one in a million friend, and I'm glad for Leena she has two good friends like Hannah and Lucy in her life. I'm glad your generation doesn't treat women as unimportant for never having kids.
I feel that. I am in my mid 30s and a lot of friends treaded me the way you discribed. I also single and sometimes poeple make me feel like I have the plague. That something is inherently wrong with me.
I'm so sorry you had this treatment.
I promise you though, it's not easy now either
@@terricox3559 Thank you. I am sorry to hear this is still a problem. Then Leena is truly fortunate to have such good friends in today's world, too.
@@xzonia1 very much so. And thank you x
I'm 33 and have a kid, so I don't know why your post made me emotional, but it did. I'm so happy you found such a very good friend.
I LOVED this! (Had to watch in like three bursts coz motherhood) but omg I miss you all so hard. And yesss to using technology wisely! I love our random chaos calls with the kids lol
Leena's analysis of why you have stayed friends is just so fantastic.
Agreed :)
It's so nice that you all have maintained your friendship so well! I'm mid-30s and childfree by choice, and so many of my friends promptly vanished into mom friend groups once they had kids. They just sort of stopped coming to things I invited them to, and they didn't invite me to much anymore either. They sure did manage to make time to meet up with their other mom friends though. Needless to say, I have felt a little sidelined time and again when friends have had kids, to the point where a part of me is sad when a friend announces they're having their first kid, because I just assume that's the end of seeing much of them, at least for several years. I think there's often that assumption that childfree people won't want to spend time with you if you have to bring your kid, but I would so much rather see you AND your kid if the alternative is just not seeing you at all.
From my experience as a 38-year-old without children, the success ratio of keeping up with friends with children was 50/50 when they were babies but it's gotten so much harder when the children are 8+ as they have their own lives and hobbies and friendship groups which takes up so much more of their parent's time! But I think we'll re-friend again when the kids become teenagers and are more independent.
It makes me sad when people won't let non parents look after their kids. I'm 34wks pregnant now 😀 But it has taken us 6 years to get here (ivf) and looking after our little nieces and nephews has been such a wonderful thing for us, who thought we may never get to be parents ourselves ❤
Haha, I'm the opposite - it makes me sad that people with kids assume that I, a childfree person, will happily babysit their kids!
Leena's energy is always my favorite. She's just great!
Just fascinating how my color preference shifted, repeatedly throughout the video, between all four paint options in back. Best wishes to Hannah and co. in choosing just one.
Also thanks for this video!
This video was honestly such a joy to watch. 🧡
42:57 Thank you for saying this! Friend time is an absolute NEED for me, like food, and it’s been hard to make it happen every time as a single mom with a baby. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or weird being like “can someone please come over?” But I’ve needed to acknowledge that it’s that important to my mental health.
My best friend is having her first baby in January. I’m 100% child free by choice and I do have some genuine feelings of fear because of how close we are now. I already feel like I’m pulling away which makes me so sad and confused. This was so lovely.
I had a baby recently and this conversation was really relevant! I have one friend with a small child (always sick with colds from daycare), one childfree by choice (and maybe a bit uncomfortable with kids) and one childfree not by choice. All of these friendships have changed.
This was so great. My younger sister has 2 kids and as her older sister it was quite difficult for me to see her in a "higher" stage in life. I had never experienced having my younger siblings doing firsts. I had alot of feelings and so did she! We had our growing pains, but after having several deep conversations we are closer then ever and now I see her as a somewhat "older" sister or someone I can ask for advice from in terms of navigating life as a new mom. And on the flip side I too offer her an outlet that doesn't just have to be about kids. She is a mom, sister, friend, and wife. It's been a journey for us, but I love our adult relationship now.
I'm 39 this year and married. I have never wanted children, and it does surprise people when I tell them. Primarily (I think), because my career is working with children, and as a Christian, church family is very heteronormative in terms of family representation. But that desire to have my own children has never been there. Before I got married, it was a discussion with my partner (he knew he didn't want to have kids either, and is also a Christian), so it was easier in that there wasn't any relationship conflict. ❤
And I love that I have 6 nephews and nieces that I spend time with and build relationships with x
Looooooved this video! ❤ I'm in the "want a child very soon" camp, so it's very interesting to see how friendship dynamics are affected by such a huge decision.
Good morning more hannah ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😂❤
The iconic trio is back!! LOVED this chat, so cosy and wholesome :)
This is so true about people not sharing the journey of trying and experiencing fertility problems, which of course is very private. But, like with most things that are not talked about often, it becomes the norm. I have an old friend from school who decided to share on her socials that they were trying and had been for a long time. She said the reason for sharing was the fact that most people share when they succeed, not the journey, but that the struggle is a very lonely thing and she wanted to share that. I was very moved by how brave and vulnerable that was because not everyone has a success story. Loved this chat over all!! :D
Excited to see the yellow living room makeover from the paint swatches!
Still haven’t decided which yet!!
@@morehannah I'm voting for the 3rd one along
This was so interesting to watch! Please could you do a video on how to make things accessible for parents/ tips or things child-free people can do to make life a bit easier? I'm child free and will remain CF, I'm apart of the disabled community so have lots of ideas around accessibility for disability but not for parents! The wedding scenario was useful to hear! Would also like to hear any tips for connecting with your friend's children. Thank you!
I am 42 and over the last 15 years most of my friends (of all genders) who had children have vanished despite my best efforts to reach out and keep our friendships. I gave up in the end as I was the only one doing the upkeep.
Some I hear from every now and then when they have time from work and family to remember friends without children/outside of their work. All work full time and none have much childcare, so they are so busy they can't breathe. I hope some will reach out again when their kids are independent and they have free time.
Of the very few who haven't lost touch (2), they are better at reaching out for help and well, to be honest, sharing their children with others. They enjoy it. And I love that. I do not wish to be a mother (and no child would want me to be), but I have no issue getting to know their children as individuals and seeing them grow.
But in the end, most of my friends are either single, younger or do not want/unable to have children. And they are the ones who have been friends for decades.
The way I read the thumbnail; ‘I have a kid!’ ‘I’m not sure(if I have a kid)!’ 😂
LOL
I enjoyed listening to all 52 mins- this is relatable for everyone. Also I have to say, Lucy is so mellow and such a good listener- I can see why she's got a packed social calendar :) After watching this, I want to get a coffee with her!
My theory is whenever someone goes through a radical, all encompassing life change, a certain faction of friends- friends of circumstance or convenience- will drop out of contact. A lot of us are lucky that we don't have major, life diverting experiences until having kids, but I think any huge change has the potential to create rifts. I experienced it when I was hit by a car. I just couldn't relate to some people, and they couldn't relate to me. On the other hand, I got a lot closer to some friends who made the extra effort to check in. It was a great learning experience in how to be a good friend!
so happy to see these 3 together again I love the dynamic, and its good to see there's no wrong way to live, makes me hopeful in my own choices
As a mum of a 15 month old this video took me 5 attempts to get through, but so worth it! Thanks for all the wisdom beautiful women ❤❤❤
This was such a joy to listen to! I’m a new mom and have lots of friends who’ve also had babies recently but my closest friends haven’t yet, some by choice some not. Even when you do have friends who’ve had babies and they live in the same city, it’s still SO HARD to stay in touch and see eachother when you live under capitalism and the daily grind.
Hanah HATES cats and dogs!? Biggest shock of the episode 😂
Yeah, I didn't see that coming either! Lol. I love cats, but am not a dog person (was attacked as a kid, so am scared of them). My parents didn't believe in having pets, so I grew up without any and it's fine. I always think if I ever get one, it'll be fish in an aquarium because I've heard watching fish swim is good for one's mental health. 🐟😊
I really enjoyed and picked up some pointers from this conversation, even though I don't have any friends who are parents. I recently just moved to a different country (and continent), so I'm always looking for different ways to stay in touch with friends. Also as an environmental scientist, I love the way y'all answered the climate + having kids. There are way too many people who fall down the slippery slope of eugenics without even realizing it.
No way this was 50 minutes !??! Felt like two seconds, thanks for the company whilst I baked cookies!
Lovely!
Regarding keeping an identity separate to motherhood: in my experience, the support I receive makes a huge difference to allowing me to get out of the "baby bubble".
Daycare, sharing childcare and household duties with my partner and support from family and friends are essential to me looking after myself physically and mentally. This is how I'm able to work (which I find very fulfilling), and have (limited) time and energy for hobbies, social connection, intellectual stimulation.
This is so incredible. This is like the ,model of how people in different stages of life should be interacting; respectful of each others choices, supportive and non judgemental. The number of interactions I have where there is only judgement and grief from both sides of the coin, the wish to push their own agenda on to others is depressing.
So much RUclips is overcrowded with the same content and watching you on RUclips is so refreshing because you are real and very transparent and a lot of people on RUclips are afraid to show that side of themselves because of how the world is today which is very filtered and monitored/sensitive. Someone like you it's very much needed on RUclips and the internet in in general. The way your content is delivered is very easy to understand and catered to all ages which is what I like about you❤
It’s lovely to see and watch this on a day I’ve got plans with my (at the moment) only mom friend because I’ve been missing her toddler. I love spending time with her and I’m very excited she has a new born but her little toddler. I think it just helps I love these little people as my friends just in a different way. I’m as excited about their milestones as I am for my friends milestones. Sure it’s like who’s rolling over at 4 weeks vs like becoming a doctor but like why not share the joy 🥹
I love that you did this video! It's such a fun, great conversation. I think this topic is often the elephant in the room between parent/ non-parent friends.
The Cut article and that blog went around the childless not by choice community as well.
I think a missing piece still to be talked about is how much grief it can stir up to be around another's pregnancy and children, knowning that you'll never have that.
I love my friends with kids, and their kids, but it can quite painful to be around them at times.
I found it difficult to manage when one of the friend-group did want kids but couldn't (trying for 3 years). It was hard to manage how to be happy and talk about your kid or even complain. But she was always so clear about what she could and could not handle us taking about. It is better to have those conversations then try to guess how she wanted us to handle the situation.
Great talk, ladies! I'm also childfree by choice and friends are starting to get children so it'll be interesting to see the dynamics. But I've also started to consciously look for other childfree friends :)
Same here. It is hard sometimes isn't it?
@@micivalantincic8227 yeah well, so far most of my friends still don't have children but that might change so we'll see..
Banging Book Club wasn't THAT long ago was it? 😮 So wonderful to see you together again!
Makes sense that it was that long ago, I have a 6 year old now!! I find maintaining relationships so difficult
I really loved this video, and I second the requests that this become a series with the three of you. As someone who does want kids (and wants to be just as supportive with my friends, regardless of their decisions around having/not having children), I found this whole conversation reassuring. Thank you!
Oh, I needed this talk! Two of my friends are having babys now, I'm undecided and some friends don't want kids. I think it's not talked about enough how you can nevigate friendships as your lifes are changing, especially long distance ones.
I've been following all of y'all for like.... 8 years or something, and it makes me so happy to see how y'all have grown and remained close. Also, the perspectives you shared about potential loneliness in old age is incredibly reassuring!! I am so on the fence about kids, and I'm in the same boat as the person who left the question in terms of fearing regret. Also, just as someone approaching 30 with friends at all ends of the Hannah - Leena SpectrumTM, this conversation was so helpful.
This reunion is everything!!!
I’m definitely in the same camp as Lucy. Me and my husband to be don’t feel solid about whether or not we want children but looking ahead at the end of our lives we do feel like something would be missing if we didn’t. But there are also many reasons not to. Part of that is my partners disability. It’s a hard decision to make because we don’t want to make the wrong choice.
I missed seeing you three together, this episode felt so warm and homely 🥰
I love Hannah's honesty that she just feels like 'her + a child'. My partner and I are currently on the fence about having kids, and one of the things that does worry me is that I will have to lose my sense of self to become 'mother' and be seen to be a dedicated parent. I think I would be a good parent, but 'motherhood' as an ideal to aspire to doesn't appeal to me. It's not that I don't think being a mother isn't valuable - it just don't want to overwhelm the rest of what makes me who I am. Plus, it does bother me men don't seem to face the pressure of having to change their entire identity when they become parents.
when you talked about some us having been here for years and having a para-social need to know how y'all are doing i felt so called out 😭 it is true though, i have been watching all of your videos for over a decade and it's still so nice and reassuring to hear you have kind of similar conversations to those i have with friends in real life but with obviously slightly or sometimes wildly different views. it's just very interesting to see the mechanics of a friendship of people close to my own age and experiences and how you guys deal with the same stuff my friends and I do in a similar way. basically thank you, more please if and when you can!
Looove old school collab !
Love the throwback collab! I don’t want children and don’t enjoy being around them so am very conscious of finding friends in the same position. It’s definitely a worry that my current friendships with people who do want children will suffer.
All I want to say is what a lovely chat 🥰
you three remind me of donna tanya and rosie from mamma mia its so weirdly comforting
I have complicated feelings around this topic that have been dialled up to ELEVEN in the last month since my niece was born! I love children and I'm utterly besotted with my niece, but I'm also chronically single with a chronic health condition and a deep fear that I'm ultimately too selfish to give my time to raising another human! Not to mention I'm in my late thirties. So yes. Complicated!
That was the best video I have seen in a long time and I don't even know what else to say! Interesting, honest, and so so sweet to witness true friendship
I just have to say, as someone who’s been watching all three of you on RUclips for about a decade now, it’s awesome to see this video and see you have such strong friendships and relationships. Seeing people around my age navigating the same things I do with my friends, while staying true to themselves? Super special. Much love to all of you ❤
If I could have 2828293 videos this dynamic on literally any subject ever I’d watch them all. Loved it ❤️
I loved the chaos. I don't think it was chaotic at all. It actually addressed some of the questions I'm trying to answer for myself right now. Thank you!
I am in my early 30s with no kids but want to try for them soon. I don't have a core group of friends, but rather close one-to-one friendships with a decent number of people spread out over thousands of miles, many with children.
I find the most effective thing is to have a conversation about what the new parent wants you to do during their transition to parenthood, making it clear that you understand things will change, but you want the friendship to continue.
I never knew you were all friends!!! And I love all of your channels ❤
I'm 36 now and I think that friendships have definitely shifted for me and I'm still navigating how I feel about them. I have 2 toddlers, moved to a new area after being abroad for a few years and now finally fitting in and making true friends in my local area.
I'm in between mourning the loss of super close friendships that have drifted the last couple of years and celebrating the absolute beautiful new friendships that are forming whilst really appreciating the old friendships that have lasted.
My two oldest friends are completely in the "no children ever and absolutely happy with it" camp and they love to see me and never have any issue with me with children.
Being a mother and going to baby groups has meant my "social" life is at a peak, i meet new mothers every week, have proper DMCs with ones I'll meet once and never see again, fleeting conversations with some I see every week. Its grown my confidence loads and I've very much become a social butterfly!
My best friend has a (nearly) 2 year old, and I've not seen her since his 1st birthday. Our friendship has been long distance for nearly 10 years, but now she has a baby it's so much more obvious when I don't see her for a year at a time. It's really strained our friendship as I often don't speak to her for a month or so at a time and it used to be normal, but now her baby is talking and walking and I'm missing out on such a huge part of her life!
But she will always be my best friend.
Loved and really valued this video! Super helpful when I know I don’t want kids myself but my friends are having kids now too. Thank you, please just hang out more 😆
This video felt like a hug ❤
Definitely :)
Loved this video! I had a falling out with my best friend of 17 years during my first (rough) trimester, and though they wouldn't say so, it certainly felt like it had to do with me getting pregnant and their perception of how that would change our friendship (something they vocalized worrying about plenty before I actually started trying to have a baby). What I took away from that experience and your lovely chat is how important it is to meet each other where you are and to not burden each other with expectations.
What a gem of a video! I loved this soo much, it was so interesting and insightful. I would have watched it even if I wouldn't have knon Leena and Lucy but it feels extra special since I have been watching every Leena video for a year and also tune in on Lucy's sporadically.
I mostly watch movies or news on RUclips now, but I'm an organizing lover like Hannah and she chose a different path from me (she had kids), so I end up watching her videos still from time to time. I used to love Lucy and Leena's channels too, but I just don't watch RUclips for that particular content any more. I couldn't resist seeing all 3 of them together again though! Loved this video 😊
That was mightily refreshing - really enjoyed the three of you on my screen again
so grateful for this conversation! and still early in the video but wanted to thank leena for bringing up the shifts in privacy as someone who broke down sobbing after being told about a friend's pregnancy because she didn't tell me as soon as she found out about it 😂
near the end and leena i'm so glad that i'm not the only one looking forward to the retirement living kind of situation 😅
I loved this so much!
I do fully relate with sentiment on not wanting another friend with kids from Leena (opposite from Hannah). I may want children in the next year or so, but I would prefer parent friends who are in the sameish stage.
And like Lucy, I have connected with a lot of people who are older than me who chose to never have kids and it's so interesting! Growing up, most of the adults I knew were my parents of the kids I knew.
I absolutely loved this chat. Incredibly sweet how encouraging you are of each other.
100% agree about the finsta but also don't forget the people who don't have social media! I have a couple of friends (mid 20s to early 30s!) who don't do social media at all (anymore for someof them) and I know I've sometimes in my head gone "oh yeah, people know this about my life, I've shared it on ig", not realizing that of course they haven't seen it. So now when I go to post on ig, I think about this kind of thing and it'll often result in me texting the people who don't have ig whom I still want to update and it has lead to a much stronger individual relationship with them imo!
I find it so interesting that you're talking about pregnancy announcements via social media that are lengthy paragraphs and maybe this is an age thing but some of my peers from school and youth groups etc have given birth (aged between 18-22) and all but one of them just announced on the birth of their baby straight up - no pregnancy announcements or updates at all!
This was so wonderful! I also really appreciate your comments on the climate question because that’s a particular pet peeve of mine (when people say you shouldn’t have kids because of climate change).
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who has yet to feel like 'im a mom'. I hope it's also because I'm just the same person just with a kid!!!
I always love seeing you guys together. I remember I used to listen to banging book club when I was a teenager in secondary school and now I’m 24. Watching you guys has always felt like a how to guid of how I could do my next chunk of life when it comes ❤❤❤
Ps: the clip from the hormone diaries of Lucy and Leena shouting instructions to you as try with all your might to remove your new menstrual cup has been an inside joke among my home town friend group for yeeeeaaarrrsss
Loved this video so much! Currently in the stage of starting to have serious conversations about when babies will happen, with both my partner and my friends, and this chat felt like such a cosy and reassuring way to explore how our lives are going to start changing in a couple of years ❤
I loved listening to this chat! I was the first of my friends to have kids and there have definitely been some shifts and growing pains but my friends have been so lovely and supportive. On the flip side, i had a few friends who had children soon after me and we have chosen to parent our children very differently and that has had a bigger impact on our friendship than with any of my other friends. Its such a complicated dynamic, youre literally adding a new person into the group!!
That is such an interesting addition!
Love the idea of having an agenda for friends meetups!
For me, Bereal is a way of keeping up with the small stuff in my friend's lives so that I can either ask them specific questions about it or skip it and get to the deep stuff
I found this so helpful as a younger mum. My pre motherhood friends don't have children. And it helps to affirm how they may feel.
Also totally agree on the environment. I try and channel my environmental anxiety into making small manageable changes, and that is all I can do.
As well no good time. My dad got diagnosed with and died of cancer in my pregnancy and newborn phase. Hard, unexpected and it wasn't an easy time to have a baby but you manage!
In a classic mum move, I watched this while washing dishes a day late. I loved this chat!!! You guys seem like really great and fun friends to have.
The dynamic with my friends hasn't changed. I was the 1st to have a baby and now two of them have them, and two others are in the fertility journey, and two other others don't want kids. I do have less time with them, but we are all pretty busy anyways, so it didn't have much of an impact. I wish I could make more mom friends that are closer to me, but that's harder to achieve. Anyway, I feel like it changed more my relationship with my own family than with my friends, and I'm okay with that.
One of my favorite RUclips videos in a long time. I wish I could hear you guys chat all the time!
I vote yellow shade number 3 (from left to right). Oh and what a breath of fresh air of a video!!
I loved this conversation since I am in a similar place with some of my friends. I don't have kids and don't want to have kids but I have friends that have kids and friends that probably will in the near future. I've lost some friendships to people becoming parents, they just seem to forget about you, but some I see both with and without their kids and it works great! Interesting and important conversation and I feel like I was hanging out with my friends watching this
Thanks for sharing this chat!!
It's so nice to hear your friends' positive perspective on your motherhood. To me it's kind of the opposite: I used to want children, but watching the people around me navigate parenthood is really off-putting to me. My sister has had a pretty good perspective on it: she doesn't want children perse and having a baby/young child will be really hard, but she does want a family on the long term and that's worth the hard baby-phase. I also feel that way, but I'm still pretty scared of how I might change, considering all the evidence I have in my friendgroup... Very interesting topic and very personally relevant to me.
You guyss!!!!!!! I love this 😂 "MOTHERHOOD IS AN MLM" 🤣
Thank you SO much for this video! I'm 28 and none of my friends have babies yet, but the first one is coming. It's very helpful to be prepared.
Loved this conversation, thank you
44:22 - 46:16 is so validating. Thank you for saying how so many of us feel!
So true about people not talking about the process as much. I spoke to a pregnant person the other day who was 1 month in and we discussed the whole "don't tell people until after 3 months" message, that just further stigmatises and silences death and loss. We agreed it's a rule that not everyone wants to follow, yet it seems imposed?
Yes! We are currently ttc and I will definitely be telling some people before 12 weeks if I'm to get pregnant. I would want these people to know that something went wrong and that I'm grieving if I were to have a miscarriage. The whole not telling ANY people makes no sense to me.
I actively tell people. I've lost 2 pregnancies, have 1 living child and am just at 3 months pregnant. It makes people uncomfortable because I also talk about my dead babies. I truly don't care, they existed and they have as much right to be talked about as my living child.
Thank you for this! As a fence sitter on the topic, I loved listening to your discussion ❤
This was SO lovely. I'd love to see more of these conversations in the future!
I love your frendship dynamic!
Also, are you painting your living room yellow!? 😍
Enjoyed watching this to process my own feelings. So thank you for making!
I'm really up for watching this, I lost all but one of my friends from life before motherhood. But actually, I now have an amazing group of mum/nan friends, and also a group who are mostly child-free and I absolutely adore them all. I hadn't realised how negative my previous friendships were, until they got annoyed I wanted to talk about my baby.
Edit: interesting, I'm partway, and I absolutely changed massively when I became a mum. But I also found me in there, after a long time of trying to fit in.
right? it does really show you who is a fairweather friend and who actually gives a shit. people can be so judgey about having kids and it's actually really incosiderate, it's hard and we need support! isn't that what friends are for? 😅
Looking at the yellow paint in the background I hope a video is coming soon about this decoration project ^^
Thank you for this! I think it was great seeing you drink out of (what I assume) your kids waterbottle.
I am 29 now with two kids and pretty much no good friends since leaving high school. We all grew apart, values didn't aline and it just wasn't meant to be. I find it really hard finding new friends. I don't even know where to find people my age, and most of them don't have kids yet. Especially hard since I don't really have the time and energy yet to find new hobbies (that I have to leave my house for).
i love long voicenotes! I have a friend who lives really far away so we don't get to meet up in person much, and our schedules often don't align so even longer calls are a bit difficult to schedule, but we both do the voice notes and I love listening to them on my commute or a walk! And a lot of the time it's "smaller" stuff that I probably wouldn't even bring up in a catch up call or in person after weeks, just the sort of "guess what happened today" smaller story
Really loved listening to this conversation! I have a mix of friends with young children, friends who haven’t decided (where I am at now) and some who have decided not to have children. I have found what matters is the friendship itself not whether or not they have a child. Even if we don’t see or speak to each other every week if when we see each other it’s like no time has passed/ feels very relaxed and we make an effort to see each other (even if once a year) and stay in touch that is what makes the difference.
I love these videos so much! This was a delight to watch. I’ve just turned 26 and I’ve been watching you all on RUclips since I was a teenager. I genuinely think it has been so helpful to watch you all go through different stages ahead of me and see how you got through it. I felt this a lot when I left uni and had a difficult work period 23/24 I thought a lot about the videos you made a t that stage and I could see how you had all developed in your careers since. This video makes me feel less nervous about the next stage as well
This is so fucking heartwarming and it would be even if I wasn’t a huge fan of all of your three channels
Im a 31 year old with three kids and friendships are something that is really on my mind lately, because even Baby No. 3 changed things a lot. You guys are amazing and I imagine you as really fun friends, kids or no kids!