PLEASE bring back the monthly vlogs! I have so many lovely memories of curling up under a fuzzy blanket and watching them years ago. 💖 Also, beyond proud of you for advocating for yourself and discovering more about how your brain works! It’s so evident that receiving the diagnosis is helping you show yourself more compassion and understand your behaviors and thought processes more.
Hey Mel! Just thought I’d share this.. I have ASD and the reason neurodivergent people communicate on the same “wavelength” is because we literally do. There’s a theory called The Double Empathy theory and it explains that neurodivergent people empathise differently to neurotypical individuals therefore communication comes much more naturally.
Honestly - I tried the no meds thing for 7 years after my ADHD diagnosis, and my life is much better on meds than off. Actually just being able to get my anxiety under control has been life changing. I can actually regulate, and I’m no longer completely destabilised by small things, and I’m so much more able to go with the flow.
I got so lit up when you mentioned getting a masters, and the way you see the timeline of life. YES. Get it!!! It's wonderful to see you thriving, Melanie.
Welcome to the late-diagnosed-ADHD-lady club! So any of my YT follows have been diagnosed; we really do flock together. It always blows my mind the similarities in all our experiences. I went through cycles of masking and burnout all through my teens and twenties and went through so many of the things you mentioned. Getting diagnosed in my 30s was SUCH a relief. The most helpful bit of advice I've gotten is to work with my ADHD, not against it. To try and forget the 'right' or 'normal' way to structure my life, organise my house, plan my day, and so on, and instead to learn and implement what works for my particular brain. For example, objects in my house live where I tend to put them. 'Tidying them away' means tidying them into the abyss of things that will be lost and forgotten forever. So, I put nice baskets or organisers or boxes in the places I tend naturally to use or dump stuff so that my flat doesn't look a complete tip but things are where I need them to be. Got a cute old dish next to my bed for hand cream, dental floss, lip balm, tweezers, and nail scissors and that is where they LIVE because I tend to do that stuff in bed. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror is SO BORING and I will NEVER floss if I try and force myself to do it in there. So yea, don't tell my dentist but I floss in bed, which isn't ideal but it is so much better than never flossing. No shame! Our brains are weird and wonderful, and it's so fun to meet other ND people and get to tune into those wavelengths together.
I finally made an appointment for a diagnosis. After yet another episode of intense shame and feelings of inadequacy. I am scared that I might be wrong, which is why I postponed this call for years, but either way I need to know. Also wonder if I might be autistic.
I just want to say that I've been watching you since I was 16, I'm just turned 24 now. I feel like you're my older sister sometimes, I love the advice you give always!! .. what you said about feeling behind in life in your 20s really hit hard Thank you !❤
I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 34. I've had systems in place for years (setting calendar events/alarms for EVERYTHING, using my smart watch to find my phone when I forget where I put it, etc) so no one in my life thought I had it. Even in school, I got good grades but I had to work SO hard for it. I was stressed/crying all the time because homework/reading took me SO long. So on the outside, it looked like I was a great student who did well, but it was really, really hard. So when I got my diagnosis, I wasn't upset or sad or angry, I was relieved and happy (and I honestly expected it so I wasn't surprised) because I now know there was a reason for it all.
Hahaha, it was a question about divorce (I just chose interesting key words that came up a lot in questions!) but there IS a fair bit of divorce chat…to do with my parents divorce, my feelings re: the possibility of being divorced, our 1 year long sleep divorce! Xxxx
@@anhgels No, it isn't. She clearly said "sleep divorce". I haven't heard her discuss it, but almost all adults know sleep divorce just means when couples stop sleeping in the same bed, usually due to sleep issues with kids. With the term clearly stated "sleep divorce", no one would, or should, immediately jump to a marital divorce. If they do, that is their own lack of knowledge.
@betsybabf748 the video thumbnail says "divorce". This is when people click. What she says later is another thing. And that's why it's clickbait :) If she wrote "sleep divorce" or "talking about my parents divorce" there would be fewer clicks for sure. It's not a crime, but it's a fact - let's not pretend the intention was different.
I found out I had ADHD at 30 and it helped so much with learning to give myself grace instead of shame. I did go through a bit of a grieving process at first, but now I’m so happy to know that my brain just works differently and now I can work better with my neurospicy self! It’s just a different method of existing, and that’s okay!
I think the age expectations for life milestones, especially for women, are based on two things. The physical ability to have children (mixed with the antiquated concept that we must experience everything we can before we have kids, because once we do, our children are our only purpose and activity) and a historically much shorter life expectancy (and faster aging process).
thank you so much for opening up about inattentive ADHD. My husband has ADHD, and we have a newborn. I have started to notice him getting worse, more forgetful, distracted, not taking care of himself. It's also fascinating how people can mask, and try to adapt with what they are going through. It must feel so comforting to finaly have your diagnosis!
I used to watch your videos when I was much younger and they always really helped me. This is so mad to watch you go on this journey. I also received an ADHD diagnosis this year and am attempting to manage it as best as possible. But thank you so much for speaking about this it’s so appreciated. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for managing all this for so long without knowing ❤
I can’t believe you learned to drive while driving children! Massive props!!! Years of driving cannot prepare you for blocking out a screaming baby or being peppered with questions by a preschooler who yells at you when you ignore their questions because you are navigating a lane change in heavy traffic. To manage all that WHILE LEARNING…. Words fail me!!!
My partner and I are going back and forth on wanting children. We both were 100%opposed at the beginning of our relationship, but now are at a point where if either of us do want children, we want them with each other. We haven't been 100% on either side for almost a year now. Hearing your takes now on parenthood are so helpful to quell a lot of my anxieties and worries around motherhood. I have always really identified with a lot of what you share online and as someone ~10 years younger than you, seeing your progress through life has been so comforting and guiding, it sometimes feels like you pluck a concern from my head and make a video on it. Signed, an AuDHD girly who loves your channel dearly.
35 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type myself. Just the diagnosis itself can bring so much peace of mind. I also started on medication and I realized immediately, like you mentioned, that the anxiety and depression I've lived with my whole life is not it's own thing, but rather a symptom of living with ADHD and masking all the time. The medication made me really tired when not on it, though, so I may need to experiment with other options, but just knowing what it's like to be normal for a few hours a day was mind blowing.
Thank you so much for taking about your experience with ADHD and diagnosis. I recognise so much of what you said, and the journey from internalised stigma to acceptance is huge and truly a lot to process. I would love more content on this if it's something you're interested in
I would love to see monthly vlogs again! Also I so relate to driving giving you freedom, I’ve been putting off getting lessons for years but I hate having to rely on public transport or family/friends getting me places. Congrats on your new driving freedom!
oh Melanie, this is such a sweet video. I got diagnosed this year at 22 even though I had suspitions since i was 19. You're not alone. Its hard and it doesnt change who you are, just something to re-learn and re-discover!
I absolutely LOVE vlogs! I find them so relaxing/nostalgic for old school RUclips - back when life was simple and RUclips videos weren’t overproduced😂. It’s just so lovely getting cosy with a cup of tea and pressing play on a vlog. I used to look forward to your monthly vlog😂 Anyone else loving that vlogmas is making a comeback this year?🙋♀️
Congratulations Melanie on your ADHD realisation & diagnosis! Welcome to the neurospicy club! I’m also late diagnosed and it’s still taken me years into living with the knowledge to learn to stop shaming myself when a strategy or system stops working. My Dr (also ADHD, love them) pointed out that is supposed to happen! Our brains need novelty, however the good news is you can swap out your systems and strategies like a seasonal wardrobe or tools in a tool kit. Basically, whatever has worked for you can work for you again, you’re letting it recharge and using something else more appropriate for this season. I’m mixing up my words now, hopefully I made some sense 😂 💚
When people get divorced they have to behave like adults and communicate if they have kids. It's that simple, you don't get to act like kids anymore when you're in that situation, get mediation if need be but figure it out. Otherwise you mess up your kids like a lot of us were when our parents didn't do that when they got divorced.
Congrats on your drivers license!!! I feel like I will be really late on mine for money reasons (I’m 23), and I’m so so scared of driving, so it’s wonderful to see someone who’s not 17/18 doing a driving test!❤️
I’m autistic and ADHD diagnosed at 26 after years of waiting - just know I’m so glad you spoke about this. Take your time, process, feel the feels, the grief and embrace you. You’re not any less, your brains just wired differently but incredible! 💗
ADHD tips that have helped me tremendously unmedicated: 1. Point of service set ups for tasks - basically if youre doing something somewhere make everything you need for that task within arms reach. So making a coffee, have your coffee supplies, spoons, cups, water, milk all within a step away. Utensils for cooking next to the stove. Etc basically limiting the amount of steps you have to take away from the task at hand to reduce the ability to get side quests mid task 😅 2. Organising my fridge where all the things I need to eat before they go bad are in the fridge or at eye level in the front where I see them easy. And the things I use every day that I will always reach for are in another place cause I know ill reach for them anyway. 3. Packing bags for my next trip out when I get home from current trip. So when I get home I refill the nappy bag with snacks and nappies and Wipes etc.and chuck all my gadgets on charge. So next time I have to leave the house I'm not either forgetting nappies and snacks or running around like a headless chook cause I forgot that I needed to do it 😂 4. Laundry bracelet 😂 when I put a load on to wash I put my laundry bracelet on and I hate things around my wrist so I'm constantly messing with it and it reminds me to get that laundry sorted so I can take it off 😂 5. Notion -I basically mapped my whole brain into notion and everything I need to know is in this database of my life on there including weekly resets that remind me of admin things I need to do on a weekly basis so I don't lose track and things get backed up until it is a mess (organising phone photos into albums, deleting files and screenshots etc I no longer need, washing my bloody bedsheets 😂) Basically had to recreate all new systems after having kids and only 14 months PP with #2 and slowly getting a grasp 😅
Thanks for making this video, Melanie. I am so glad that I recently found your channel. There's still a place on RUclips for vlogs, so don't be reluctant to share them if you want to tell us what you're doing with your life.
im tearing up watching you talk about your adhd. i feel i must be drawn to certain creators over the years with adhd and autism alike without realising because i am pretty sure i am AUDHD. i had a pre assesment already with indicators for both adhd and autism and will be doing my main assesment in january and im so nervous. i really appreciate your honesty and being vulnerable and unmasked talking about your assesment so close to me awaiting mine x im a mum of 3 and im 37 and i feel like i lived my life as an imposter and never reached my potential. like you it was motherhood that made me start questioning that im neurodivergent and im already grieving my life before now. it could have been so different if id known sooner. x my tip thats been helping me lately is my notes application on my phone. i use lists and images fir tasks as im a visual learner. for example i take a picture of the things i need to do on my list. eg fix window. i take a pic of the window in my notes app. it visually prompts me .
I'm autistic and awaiting my ADHD assessment. When I was a kid my mum took me for hearing tests because I never responded to her and got bullied at school for not hearing; the tests always came back fine and we were told it was just my (lack of) concentration. I find that so interesting now - I guess in the1990's/ early 2000s they still didn't think girls could have ADHD. It really is a head-trip to look back on your life in the context of neurodiversity. I was diagnosed as autistic a few years ago and I still find myself coming to terms with it. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
To the girl who feels she is behind: I didn’t get my first decent job until I was 27. I got married at 30. We bought our first house at 33. And I’m just now leveling up in my “career” at 34….these are different times, my friend. It’s not instant or quick for most of us. Most of us won’t be able to have everything in our 20s…take your time, try new things, figure out what you want. Grow slowly but surely at the pace that’s right for YOU. ❤
@ that’s exactly what I mean! There are so many people in their mid 20s who feel they should have it all by the time they hit 30. And that’s because (at least in the part of the US I’m from) most people of the older generations WERE able to check those boxes by 30…of course they also got married and had kids super young, and could afford such things on their salary.
I'm a long time follower and got diagnosed with adhd myself just last year. We absolutely flock together 😅 It's such a big thing to reckon with, so many years of shame to process, I wish you the best with it! Also its so nice to hear the life plan you've got for yourself and how you're feeling more yourself 💜
Hi! Thank you for taking the time to sit and flim this video, for being vulnerable and taking the time to edit and upload. ALWAYS enjoy listening to you, you feel very authentic. I had to comment when you mentioned what held you back from driving. I'm literally the same. I always give this reason to my family. The thought of being responsible for people's lives in the car, on the road, on the pavement. Hearing you say it, really resonated with me. Also we are also sharing one bedroom right now and wishing for more alone time haha. I'm going to set up a montessori room for my son and just montessori lifestyle in general and praying that will ease him in to being comfortable sleeping alone 🤞 sending you all the best wish and ease in setting up your children's room. May God make it smooth, stress-free and quick ❤
❤ Your ADHD discussion is so relatable. My mess is constant and I'm currently looking for an important document I can't believe I lost. Thank you for talking about it. I treat you in my mind as an internet big sister and I appreciate your vulnerability and your advice in life.
Congratulations on passing your driving test! I passed mine this year too at 34 and omg it's so freeing just being able to put the bairn in the car and go wherever and not worry if I've wrapped her up enough in the cold weather. My friends and I decided to go away for a night and I drove us 2 hours away! They were happy cos I drink the least out of all of us and was happy to just have a couple and let them crack on. It was so much fun! Enjoy the freedom!
Regarding the ADHD- I am going to look into a diagnosis myself once I stop breastfeeding. Just wanted to let you know you might feel a lot less scatterbrained once you wean. I felt loads better after I weaned my first. If I remember correctly, you got pregnant again before weaning right? So it’s been a lot on you and you may feel some relief once you finish ❤ Breastfeeding letdowns put me in SUCH a funk. So I thought I’d mention it 😊 YES TO VLOGS!
For the longest time i had a belief u r adhd or autistic, because i relate to you in a lot of ways personally. Ofc i never brought it up, it's rude to pry on other peoples mental health. This video clears a lot of things up!
I’d say the reason why you and autistic people get on so well is likely because you’re also autistic. You have AuDHD, I do too and have this pattern recognition for seeing it in others and I would bet a lot of money that that’s what’s going on for you too. I found out I had ADHD first and scoffed at the thought of being autistic too because I was “so social” but when I started to unmask my ADHD the autistic traits started to come up. Now knowing I have/am both my life has fully clicked into place and everything makes sense now and is a million times better because of knowing both things. All that shame you mentioned, I felt that extremely intensely then too before I knew and since it’s melted away nearly completely and I fully accept and love myself in a way I didn’t even know possible before actually experiencing. Life is a dream now. Wishing you all the best on your journey of self discovery and love. Go easy on yourself 💜 you are and were only ever doing your best at all times!
YEY! You're in the life stage now that I'm heading towards (getting married next year to my forever man), and you make me so excited about what is to come!!!
Love this!! I learned to drive at 24 which was a little late I thought at the time, then I left a 7 year relationship aged 30 and felt so behind, now I’m 32 just got engaged and buying a house! Life can change so quickly and yes we’re still so young.
I've been watching you for years, and I think a good 5 years or so ago I said a very similar question to "How do you not feel like you are running out of time/wasting time?" I'm 32 now and since then I feel like I've achieved nothing that I wanted to. I am currently on the (exceedingly long) ADHD waiting list and I have no idea how I'm going to feel if I do get a positive diagnosis - relieved for a reason, but devastated for wasted time. I'm aware I'm still young, and this year I've managed to finally finish (well a chapter away) the first draft of my first novel. I'm considered trying for a child next year. Creators like you are a source of inspiration (and, if I'm honest, envy, I freaking hate my office job but money, wanted to do RUclips but always put it off, who'd wanna hear anything from me, but also aware that is a me problem). Anyway... All that rambling to say, thank you for these videos, for being genuine. And YES to monthly vlogs!
Thank you so much for this and for being so open about ADHD. I was so against it and held horrible views about it due to what I’d read/been told but now I’m pretty sure I have it + Autism (keep never getting round to getting an assessment because of potential ADHD brain 🤦🏼♀️). Because of you being so open I was able to have a very honest discussion with my mum about it as she overheard you talking about it - she’s pretty sure she’s neurodivergent too. You, Rhiannon Ashlee and Caroline Winkler have all been talking about it recently in very similar ways and it’s helped me so much. I have a therapist who is neurodivergent and it’s been the first therapy that’s really helped me - been doing havening to help deal with traumatic life events. It was my obsession at one point but now it’s passed 😅 the thing that’s helping most is looking for ways to regulate my nervous system, still definitely a work in progress. Also just being so much kinder to myself and holding my younger self a bit tighter has helped me be so much less 0-100 with emotions. Still learning a lot so looking forward to learning more. Gabor Mate has a book called ‘scattered minds’ that my therapist has recommended to me. Also listened to a lot of younger people and Fern Brady talking about neurodivergence in their books has helped like Chloé Hayden and Emily Katy. Reading ‘Braiding Sweetgrass’ has helped me the most even though it’s nothing to do with neurodivergence, it’s more just very grounding which is what I needed most!
Melanie, it's like watching you talking about me! I relate to everything you've said. I was diagnosed with combined ADHD a year ago and I'm now in a much better place. I've had therapy (with a therapist who is experienced in neurodiversity) and also some workplace coaching to help me find some techniques that are designed for an ADHD brain (rather than masking and trying to do everything the neurotypical way!) I'm also in the process of trying medication - definitely some positives but it's trial and error due to some side effects, so we'll see how that goes. Thank you for being so open and honest - I've followed you for years and it's very comforting to know that we're not alone :)
Yes!! To vlogs and welcome to adhd life. Also diagnosed as a new parent when all of a sudden all the ways I set up my life were no longer possible. ❤ so much love as the processing and reconfiguring of yourself goes forward! We‘re a fun time, and ear defenders are your friend 😂
Big YEY for monthly vlogs for 2025. Sending you so much love, Mel! It was lovely to watch you chatting about various topics. We love a Q&A! 💙💚 Also very happy you finally have a diagnosis for ADHD. Knowledge truly is power!
YEY! Loved them when you did them last time. I just love listening to your voice, love the topics you talk about and I relate to you so much. So YEY YEY YEY!!
A second comment to add to your talk about divorced parents. My parents are divorced and like you I remember trying to focus on all the good things from it but it's important to not forget that bad things. It really does feel like you are caught in the middle trying to be the peacemaker as a child. It can be very difficult on your mental health. Even now that I'm an adult I still feel like I go through this sometimes, especially around the holidays.. Hope you're doing well this holiday season and I wish you as little drama as possible
A Q&A! So fun!! I so wish to be like you one day! With the freedom to go where you choose, but the prospect of finding another car and having to pay another (however many years) of a new car payment makes me dread it too. Watching you talk about it is exactly what all the good parts are for sure and make me feel like I need to motivate myself that direction asap! Screenwriting?! Amazing hope all of that gets rolling for you at the right pace and such! And maybe one of these days I’ll come into your comment section and say you inspired me to actually ask someone and get a consultation on if I have ADHD though currently I still stand by not needing it done. Might just be scared but also I wouldn’t know how to go about it and it seems like so much to try and think about when as far as I can tell I’m going okay. Anywhoooos this was a joy to watch. Sending you all some love 💚💚💚
MELANIE!!!! I haven’t even watched yet, but just by the title OMG. No wonder I’ve followed you for so long and always resonated with how you talk and stuff! I too am getting a late ADHD diagnosis 😂
I had the second stage of my assessment today with ADHD Now, after years of self doubt and struggles... so reassuring to hear you talk about your journey 💚
I'm in the process of getting a ADHD Inattentive diagnose at the age of 46. I'll be getting the results on Thursday. Hearing you talk about your ADHD is so recognisable.💚
May I ask about how we get diagnosed? Like do they run tests ? Or based on what we tell them ? I’m curious to know how it goes with the specialist before getting a diagnosis? I hope my question isn’t too personal ❤️
I dont think anyone gets married thinking they will get divorced. I certainly Hope it never happens to me. But, regardless of what happens, i wont regret these amazing 14 years (4 years married) we have had together. I wont regret that it gave me my daughter (and another child soon). I plan to work as hard as it takes to keep us together, for us but also because i couldn't bare splitting the time with my children, and appreciate the reminder to keep an eye on 'slippage'.
YEY! I always admire you for being so public about vulnerable topics. Take your time processing the late diagnosis, many people feel as you do. It is a strange mix of relief and grief as well as many other emotions. I am happy to hear that Thomas has been such a good source of support. Please remember that something is not a careless mistake if you actually care about something and try to do it as you should. If you beat yourself up over it it's not carelessness. But your brain not collaborating with what you want especially if you have a systhem to try to mitigate the issue. It is diffucult but try not to feel ashamed about those types of mistakes. I think additudemagazine is a good resource. I have found that having a physical calendar helps me stay more on top of things. Or you could have one online with reminders. When it comes to boring tasks body doubling might be a nice strategy. Also, with your passion and writing experience you would make a wonderful screenwriter. I'm happy you are exited about starting a masters. Being a mature student can be a good thing for creative studies especially for writing. Take care of yourself, sending you a hug.
Congrats on feeling like yourself again! My duaghter Finally started waking just once a night/consistently sleeping through recently (shes 2 years 4 months). And omg the difference. Except...now im pregnant again 😅 And Sooo happy and excited and grateful to be clear 😊 but also the trepidation, Especially for the sleep deprivation is Real. I would love some content around managing 2 little ones!
Hi Melanie, I’ve been a long-time subscriber and love your content! I was wondering if you could make a video on how you managed persistent adult acne and scarring. I’m also dealing with acne and IBS, and it would be so helpful to hear your thoughts on the connection between the two, as I’m going through a similar experience. By the way, the room looks amazing so far! Thanks for all you do mama ❤
It's a Yey from me 🎉😊 Welcome to the late diagnosed women club. It's so incredible knowing, it comes with so many feelings and emotions to process. Two years on and I'm still processing but I'm loving learning about my brain and learning to finally work with it. It's powerful. Sending you lots of love 💚 so much of what your saying I relate to. I had an awful time during 2020 where I had a panic attack on the M50 and my anxiety just spiraled. I couldn't drive for some time after that and found it hard to leave the house or even do simple things. My whole nervous system was shot and I was terrified my brain had broken. Even getting on my yoga mat sent me spiraling. Thankfully I got through it through learning more about my brain and nervous system. This and so much more led me to diagnosis. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably ❤
I just read The Economist article that scientists are considering to remove ADHD from list of disorders, and categorise is as a subset of character/personality. I find it interesting since ADHD is often medicated, but change is coming
Melanie, I am 37 and only starting now. Failed the first test because the instructor made me nervous but I have kids also, so it's essential to have it now. I'm taking a small break just to get my confidence back but next year I'll be going for a test again
My son would love the cinema themed room. His room is grey, black and red. I love these videos. Thankyou Im 36 and struggling to even got hold of a driving instructor at the moment. My son is 10 and he has adhd. His dad is going through the process and they both sound very similar to you.
I don’t know whether or not I have adhd. I was definitely diagnosed with autism when I was 14 😅 and that often goes hand in hand with adhd - you’ll often hear people talk about ‘auDHD’ diagnoses, which just means they’re diagnosed with both. I know adhd was definitely discussed at the time but I was not paying proper attention and I don’t know how much my parents actually cared, truth be told. A channel I’d really recommend checking out is ‘I’m autistic, now what?’. She’s an English woman with autism, adhd and dyspraxia diagnosis’s. Her videos are always very well researched and interesting 😊
I love vlogs! Congratulations on passing your driving test hopefully your car wont look like mine -a tip😂 will need to give a clean before the new year 😅
Don’t know if Mel will see this but maybe it will help someone else if not. As someone who also feels meds may not be the option I STRONGLY benefited from these supplements. L-tyrosine & L-theanine. It is a very soft form of focus. I am an adult learner going back to school and the days I know I’ll be doing statistics or another subject that isn’t one I adore I take L-tyrosine in the morning on an empty stomach before breakfast. It just helps me have motivation, it is not like adderall or any other stimulant. But oh my GOD it helps so much. I can do the dishes those days, I can do anything I can’t do on low dopamine days. ❤ it is a journey, you got this!
I’ve been watching your videos since I was about 16 or 17, I’m 25 now! It’s always felt like you’ve been my older sister and I’ve been watching you go through life giving me advice on bits and bobs. I got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD about a year ago - it makes so much sense that you have it too and must be part of why I gravitated to you and your videos! ❤️❤️❤️ I watch videos by Hayley Honeyman for tips on ADHD and I listen to ADHDAF podcast
Your talk about hair health in the beginning. I normally have very thick hair, so thick I shaved part of my head when I grew it long because it was so warm. Then I experienced a lot of hair falling.. It was a difficult time. I learned that apparently if you experience a lot of intense stress it can cause hair falling, and it is usually six months after that stress period. Also low iron can cause hair loss and I think I was going through that too because I got my blood checked and I was low on iron. So my advice to anyone would be check your physical and mental health. But also to learn how to manage your own hair; is it dry? Do you have hard water where you live? If so you should clarify your hair sometimes, etc. Every person is different and will have different hair needs. And good luck to all those on their hair journey's!
On the topic of sleep divorce from a fellow ADHD person: I actually sleep a lot worse with my partner next to me which can be horrendous as I don't function well sleep deprived. So we do not sleep in the same room most of the times. However, we put priority on evening/morning cuddles and we do make a point to sleep in the same bed at least once a week. This was actually a major factor for me to want to move in with my partner because I was so anxious that I'd be moody for the rest of my life. (we don't have kids) Regarding divorce: I was incredibly lucky that my parents divorced when we were a bit older (I was 17) and that they put massive emphasis on the fact that, yes their romantic relationship was ending but that did not mean that our family would be destroyed. And while things were far from perfect (had to sat my parents down once and tell them that I would communicate openly with either of them and if they wanted to be secretive and hide things from each other I would not be part of that) and I probably got some scars from that to this day (13 years later) we celebrate Birthdays and Christmas together and my parents have somehow managed to stay friends and keep us together as a family. I am aware that this is not always possible depending on how a marriage ends but it would be so great if more people were willing to take an honest look at their hurt and pride and see if it is really worth it traumatising their children over it.
Definitely feeling what you are saying about the sleep we still sleep with each child and sometimes i sleep with both boys and my husband sleeps alone. Its uard but it means we get better sleep and that means we are nicer to each other in the day. We find time for each other once the boys are asleep but often its down stairs on the sofa instead of in bed as kids are just always getting into our bed.
I officially envy you for getting a drivers license & gettting to drive a car. Since i was 18 back in 2009 ive always thoyght it would mark my adulthood sk i wanted to drive one but somehow everyone in my family disapproves cuz i needed to manage my anxiety before i started to drive, and im almost 27 now & i still havent had the chance to drive & i need my license ASAP.
You said you tend to get on with autistic people quite well. I've found that there's forms of autism where there's a lot of overlap between the two (there's even a term for it, AuDHD). For example, I was diagnosed with "atypical autism" as a kid but I can relate to the majority of the ADHD symptoms you listed for yourself: constant daydreaming, inattentiveness, exam procrastination, temporary and ever changing hyperfocuses interests, sleep issues due to the multiple threads thing etc. I think the main issue is that these get called disorders at all. The word "disorder" pretty much necessarily generates stigma because you're framing it as an aberration from the norm but really it's just our brains working a slightly different way to the majority of people. It's entirely a subjective choice by the medical community to call it a disorder. If we pushed back on that to get them to drop the "disorder" part, that would go along way to helping normalise these things. A great TED talk about these tendencies we have is Tim Urban's procrastination one, if you haven't already seen it. His concept of the "instant gratification monkey" and the "panic monster" perfectly describes my experience of uni.
What you've said is really interesting. I am doing a BSc. in psychology and I witness this in my daily life as well; there is a lot of overlap in symptoms for individuals with different mental health conditions/neurodivergence. I have personally been assessed for ADHD because I have many of the symptoms. Basically, I was told that I have just below threshold levels of inattentiveness and hyperactivity, and another mental health diagnosis I have offers explanations for some of the ADHD symptoms, like my rejection sensitivity and rapid mood shifts(Bipolar 1 disorder). I agree that the word disorder can be very stigmatizing, and I wish it wasn't. In my mind, it doesn't have to be. No one should ever feel ashamed for being different or needing extra help. Stigma often stands in the way of seeking help in the first place, and I agree that normalizing our differences is the way forward. The thing is, is that by using the word 'disorder', medical professionals can justify why money and resources should be allocated towards helping individuals who need extra help. By having a diagnosed disorder, one can access resources that others without the diagnosis don't have. The word disorder can offer people some relief(to each their own of course), in knowing that their brain works differently in a way that can make life more challenging. Labeling it can sometimes help people realize that it isn't all their fault, it is just how their brain is wired. It can get very frustrating sometimes, all the stigma that does exist, but I am hopeful that we are moving forwards, through curiosity and compassion for others around us.
Congratulations on the Diagnosis! It certainly can give a lot of closure! I got diagnosed at 21, not really late but not early 😂 Welcome to the club of adhd women 😁
I have both Autism and ADHD combined presentation and you talking about having ADHD was so relatable to me and makes me feel less alone and not feel so crazy! Also two ADHD youtubers I recommend & like are Dr. Sasha Hamdani and Olivia Lutfallah.
Not jumping on the bandwagon, but I genuinely think I have ADHD (the same type as you). I’ve lost two jobs in the past 6 months and was essentially told I was learning too slow, (although I have managed to keep jobs long term in the past). I’m 33, feeling a bit lost in life, but a lot of things you were saying about your own experiences with ADHD - I can relate to!🤔
omg I appreciate you sharing the ADHD so much because I've watched your channel for years and always felt I would relate to you but couldn't relate to the 'perfect' I perceived you as. I think I was drawn partly to the neurodiversity (I'm diagnosed) but it wasn't making sense to me as I always feel ashamed that I was no where near as on top of skin care, nutrition, research, exercise as you were. I appreciate knowing that atlas some of that was selectively shred, though real nonetheless! sending a big neurospicy hug from one incredibly cool girl to another
Monthly vlogs 2025…yey or nay!? If it’s yey I want to see YEY all OVER this comment section!
Omg yess pleaseeeee bring it backkkk girl!!! ❤❤❤
Yes you put out actually helpful content out there thank you!!❤
Absolutely, yessss! 💙
Very yey🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
A big yey!!!
PLEASE bring back the monthly vlogs! I have so many lovely memories of curling up under a fuzzy blanket and watching them years ago. 💖
Also, beyond proud of you for advocating for yourself and discovering more about how your brain works! It’s so evident that receiving the diagnosis is helping you show yourself more compassion and understand your behaviors and thought processes more.
I second all of this 👏🥹🥰
My mother just turned 78 today and she just found out she has ADHD. I feel its helped me to feel more compassion, understanding and patients for her.
Hey Mel! Just thought I’d share this.. I have ASD and the reason neurodivergent people communicate on the same “wavelength” is because we literally do. There’s a theory called The Double Empathy theory and it explains that neurodivergent people empathise differently to neurotypical individuals therefore communication comes much more naturally.
Honestly - I tried the no meds thing for 7 years after my ADHD diagnosis, and my life is much better on meds than off. Actually just being able to get my anxiety under control has been life changing. I can actually regulate, and I’m no longer completely destabilised by small things, and I’m so much more able to go with the flow.
I got so lit up when you mentioned getting a masters, and the way you see the timeline of life. YES. Get it!!! It's wonderful to see you thriving, Melanie.
Welcome to the late-diagnosed-ADHD-lady club! So any of my YT follows have been diagnosed; we really do flock together. It always blows my mind the similarities in all our experiences. I went through cycles of masking and burnout all through my teens and twenties and went through so many of the things you mentioned. Getting diagnosed in my 30s was SUCH a relief.
The most helpful bit of advice I've gotten is to work with my ADHD, not against it. To try and forget the 'right' or 'normal' way to structure my life, organise my house, plan my day, and so on, and instead to learn and implement what works for my particular brain. For example, objects in my house live where I tend to put them. 'Tidying them away' means tidying them into the abyss of things that will be lost and forgotten forever. So, I put nice baskets or organisers or boxes in the places I tend naturally to use or dump stuff so that my flat doesn't look a complete tip but things are where I need them to be. Got a cute old dish next to my bed for hand cream, dental floss, lip balm, tweezers, and nail scissors and that is where they LIVE because I tend to do that stuff in bed. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror is SO BORING and I will NEVER floss if I try and force myself to do it in there. So yea, don't tell my dentist but I floss in bed, which isn't ideal but it is so much better than never flossing.
No shame! Our brains are weird and wonderful, and it's so fun to meet other ND people and get to tune into those wavelengths together.
I finally made an appointment for a diagnosis. After yet another episode of intense shame and feelings of inadequacy. I am scared that I might be wrong, which is why I postponed this call for years, but either way I need to know. Also wonder if I might be autistic.
YEEEEY!! PLEASE!! I loooove your monthly vlogs!
however, remember that if it gets too hard to make them, don't worry (:
I just want to say that I've been watching you since I was 16, I'm just turned 24 now. I feel like you're my older sister sometimes, I love the advice you give always!! .. what you said about feeling behind in life in your 20s really hit hard Thank you !❤
I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 34. I've had systems in place for years (setting calendar events/alarms for EVERYTHING, using my smart watch to find my phone when I forget where I put it, etc) so no one in my life thought I had it. Even in school, I got good grades but I had to work SO hard for it. I was stressed/crying all the time because homework/reading took me SO long. So on the outside, it looked like I was a great student who did well, but it was really, really hard. So when I got my diagnosis, I wasn't upset or sad or angry, I was relieved and happy (and I honestly expected it so I wasn't surprised) because I now know there was a reason for it all.
Everyone being confused because of the ‘Divorce’ in the thumbnail 😂
Hahaha, it was a question about divorce (I just chose interesting key words that came up a lot in questions!) but there IS a fair bit of divorce chat…to do with my parents divorce, my feelings re: the possibility of being divorced, our 1 year long sleep divorce! Xxxx
Bait!
its called clickbait
@@anhgels No, it isn't. She clearly said "sleep divorce". I haven't heard her discuss it, but almost all adults know sleep divorce just means when couples stop sleeping in the same bed, usually due to sleep issues with kids. With the term clearly stated "sleep divorce", no one would, or should, immediately jump to a marital divorce. If they do, that is their own lack of knowledge.
@betsybabf748 the video thumbnail says "divorce". This is when people click. What she says later is another thing. And that's why it's clickbait :)
If she wrote "sleep divorce" or "talking about my parents divorce" there would be fewer clicks for sure.
It's not a crime, but it's a fact - let's not pretend the intention was different.
I found out I had ADHD at 30 and it helped so much with learning to give myself grace instead of shame. I did go through a bit of a grieving process at first, but now I’m so happy to know that my brain just works differently and now I can work better with my neurospicy self! It’s just a different method of existing, and that’s okay!
Monthly vlogs, YES! I'm already excited ❤
I think the age expectations for life milestones, especially for women, are based on two things. The physical ability to have children (mixed with the antiquated concept that we must experience everything we can before we have kids, because once we do, our children are our only purpose and activity) and a historically much shorter life expectancy (and faster aging process).
thank you so much for opening up about inattentive ADHD. My husband has ADHD, and we have a newborn. I have started to notice him getting worse, more forgetful, distracted, not taking care of himself. It's also fascinating how people can mask, and try to adapt with what they are going through. It must feel so comforting to finaly have your diagnosis!
I used to watch your videos when I was much younger and they always really helped me. This is so mad to watch you go on this journey. I also received an ADHD diagnosis this year and am attempting to manage it as best as possible. But thank you so much for speaking about this it’s so appreciated. Give yourself a massive pat on the back for managing all this for so long without knowing ❤
YASSSS MONTHLY VLOGS! They're so interesting to see activities over a whole month rather than repetitive weekly vlog videos most creators do 😭
I can’t believe you learned to drive while driving children! Massive props!!! Years of driving cannot prepare you for blocking out a screaming baby or being peppered with questions by a preschooler who yells at you when you ignore their questions because you are navigating a lane change in heavy traffic. To manage all that WHILE LEARNING…. Words fail me!!!
My partner and I are going back and forth on wanting children. We both were 100%opposed at the beginning of our relationship, but now are at a point where if either of us do want children, we want them with each other. We haven't been 100% on either side for almost a year now. Hearing your takes now on parenthood are so helpful to quell a lot of my anxieties and worries around motherhood. I have always really identified with a lot of what you share online and as someone ~10 years younger than you, seeing your progress through life has been so comforting and guiding, it sometimes feels like you pluck a concern from my head and make a video on it.
Signed, an AuDHD girly who loves your channel dearly.
The "feeling behind in life" hits hard. Somehow I have the same feeling with my peers.
35 years old and recently diagnosed with ADHD inattentive type myself. Just the diagnosis itself can bring so much peace of mind. I also started on medication and I realized immediately, like you mentioned, that the anxiety and depression I've lived with my whole life is not it's own thing, but rather a symptom of living with ADHD and masking all the time. The medication made me really tired when not on it, though, so I may need to experiment with other options, but just knowing what it's like to be normal for a few hours a day was mind blowing.
Thank you so much for taking about your experience with ADHD and diagnosis. I recognise so much of what you said, and the journey from internalised stigma to acceptance is huge and truly a lot to process. I would love more content on this if it's something you're interested in
So glad you're feeling more yourself after childbirth! It really shows, you are GLOWING!
I would love to see monthly vlogs again! Also I so relate to driving giving you freedom, I’ve been putting off getting lessons for years but I hate having to rely on public transport or family/friends getting me places. Congrats on your new driving freedom!
oh Melanie, this is such a sweet video. I got diagnosed this year at 22 even though I had suspitions since i was 19. You're not alone. Its hard and it doesnt change who you are, just something to re-learn and re-discover!
I absolutely LOVE vlogs! I find them so relaxing/nostalgic for old school RUclips - back when life was simple and RUclips videos weren’t overproduced😂. It’s just so lovely getting cosy with a cup of tea and pressing play on a vlog. I used to look forward to your monthly vlog😂 Anyone else loving that vlogmas is making a comeback this year?🙋♀️
Congratulations Melanie on your ADHD realisation & diagnosis! Welcome to the neurospicy club!
I’m also late diagnosed and it’s still taken me years into living with the knowledge to learn to stop shaming myself when a strategy or system stops working. My Dr (also ADHD, love them) pointed out that is supposed to happen! Our brains need novelty, however the good news is you can swap out your systems and strategies like a seasonal wardrobe or tools in a tool kit. Basically, whatever has worked for you can work for you again, you’re letting it recharge and using something else more appropriate for this season. I’m mixing up my words now, hopefully I made some sense 😂 💚
YEEEY FOR MONTHLY VLOGGSS! IT'S BEEN 6 YEARS!! WE MISSED THEM
i do hope you'll bring the monthly vlogs back. those were some of my absolute favorite videos of yours! :)
The most wonderful, honest video. Will be one I return to over and over Xx
When people get divorced they have to behave like adults and communicate if they have kids. It's that simple, you don't get to act like kids anymore when you're in that situation, get mediation if need be but figure it out. Otherwise you mess up your kids like a lot of us were when our parents didn't do that when they got divorced.
Congrats on your drivers license!!! I feel like I will be really late on mine for money reasons (I’m 23), and I’m so so scared of driving, so it’s wonderful to see someone who’s not 17/18 doing a driving test!❤️
I’m autistic and ADHD diagnosed at 26 after years of waiting - just know I’m so glad you spoke about this. Take your time, process, feel the feels, the grief and embrace you. You’re not any less, your brains just wired differently but incredible! 💗
Ive never been this early but toddler keeping me up til 11.30pm had to benefit me somehow 😂❤ love that for me
ADHD tips that have helped me tremendously unmedicated: 1. Point of service set ups for tasks - basically if youre doing something somewhere make everything you need for that task within arms reach. So making a coffee, have your coffee supplies, spoons, cups, water, milk all within a step away. Utensils for cooking next to the stove. Etc basically limiting the amount of steps you have to take away from the task at hand to reduce the ability to get side quests mid task 😅 2. Organising my fridge where all the things I need to eat before they go bad are in the fridge or at eye level in the front where I see them easy. And the things I use every day that I will always reach for are in another place cause I know ill reach for them anyway. 3. Packing bags for my next trip out when I get home from current trip. So when I get home I refill the nappy bag with snacks and nappies and Wipes etc.and chuck all my gadgets on charge. So next time I have to leave the house I'm not either forgetting nappies and snacks or running around like a headless chook cause I forgot that I needed to do it 😂 4. Laundry bracelet 😂 when I put a load on to wash I put my laundry bracelet on and I hate things around my wrist so I'm constantly messing with it and it reminds me to get that laundry sorted so I can take it off 😂 5. Notion -I basically mapped my whole brain into notion and everything I need to know is in this database of my life on there including weekly resets that remind me of admin things I need to do on a weekly basis so I don't lose track and things get backed up until it is a mess (organising phone photos into albums, deleting files and screenshots etc I no longer need, washing my bloody bedsheets 😂)
Basically had to recreate all new systems after having kids and only 14 months PP with #2 and slowly getting a grasp 😅
Also the account How to ADHD Herr on YT
Thanks for making this video, Melanie. I am so glad that I recently found your channel. There's still a place on RUclips for vlogs, so don't be reluctant to share them if you want to tell us what you're doing with your life.
im tearing up watching you talk about your adhd. i feel i must be drawn to certain creators over the years with adhd and autism alike without realising because i am pretty sure i am AUDHD. i had a pre assesment already with indicators for both adhd and autism and will be doing my main assesment in january and im so nervous.
i really appreciate your honesty and being vulnerable and unmasked talking about your assesment so close to me awaiting mine x im a mum of 3 and im 37 and i feel like i lived my life as an imposter and never reached my potential. like you it was motherhood that made me start questioning that im neurodivergent and im already grieving my life before now. it could have been so different if id known sooner. x
my tip thats been helping me lately is my notes application on my phone. i use lists and images fir tasks as im a visual learner. for example i take a picture of the things i need to do on my list. eg fix window. i take a pic of the window in my notes app. it visually prompts me .
I believe in you. You will do great in January! might be difficult but might also just bee a big relief!! Good luck!!
@marloesk9753 thank you so much x that means alot to me xx ❤️ 💕 💗
YEY! Another vote for monthly vlogs! I got my first license in my 50's a few years ago!
I'm autistic and awaiting my ADHD assessment. When I was a kid my mum took me for hearing tests because I never responded to her and got bullied at school for not hearing; the tests always came back fine and we were told it was just my (lack of) concentration. I find that so interesting now - I guess in the1990's/ early 2000s they still didn't think girls could have ADHD.
It really is a head-trip to look back on your life in the context of neurodiversity. I was diagnosed as autistic a few years ago and I still find myself coming to terms with it. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
To the girl who feels she is behind: I didn’t get my first decent job until I was 27. I got married at 30. We bought our first house at 33. And I’m just now leveling up in my “career” at 34….these are different times, my friend. It’s not instant or quick for most of us. Most of us won’t be able to have everything in our 20s…take your time, try new things, figure out what you want. Grow slowly but surely at the pace that’s right for YOU. ❤
That sounds like a pretty typical timeline to me ngl 😭
@@thehealingfaireefr hahaha
@ that’s exactly what I mean! There are so many people in their mid 20s who feel they should have it all by the time they hit 30. And that’s because (at least in the part of the US I’m from) most people of the older generations WERE able to check those boxes by 30…of course they also got married and had kids super young, and could afford such things on their salary.
I'm a long time follower and got diagnosed with adhd myself just last year. We absolutely flock together 😅 It's such a big thing to reckon with, so many years of shame to process, I wish you the best with it! Also its so nice to hear the life plan you've got for yourself and how you're feeling more yourself 💜
Also 100% here for monthly vlogs!
Yey to monthly blogs - was about to say how much I missed those monthly beauty favorites you used to do!
Hi! Thank you for taking the time to sit and flim this video, for being vulnerable and taking the time to edit and upload. ALWAYS enjoy listening to you, you feel very authentic. I had to comment when you mentioned what held you back from driving. I'm literally the same. I always give this reason to my family. The thought of being responsible for people's lives in the car, on the road, on the pavement. Hearing you say it, really resonated with me. Also we are also sharing one bedroom right now and wishing for more alone time haha. I'm going to set up a montessori room for my son and just montessori lifestyle in general and praying that will ease him in to being comfortable sleeping alone 🤞 sending you all the best wish and ease in setting up your children's room. May God make it smooth, stress-free and quick ❤
❤ Your ADHD discussion is so relatable. My mess is constant and I'm currently looking for an important document I can't believe I lost. Thank you for talking about it. I treat you in my mind as an internet big sister and I appreciate your vulnerability and your advice in life.
Congratulations on passing your driving test! I passed mine this year too at 34 and omg it's so freeing just being able to put the bairn in the car and go wherever and not worry if I've wrapped her up enough in the cold weather. My friends and I decided to go away for a night and I drove us 2 hours away! They were happy cos I drink the least out of all of us and was happy to just have a couple and let them crack on. It was so much fun! Enjoy the freedom!
Regarding the ADHD- I am going to look into a diagnosis myself once I stop breastfeeding. Just wanted to let you know you might feel a lot less scatterbrained once you wean. I felt loads better after I weaned my first. If I remember correctly, you got pregnant again before weaning right? So it’s been a lot on you and you may feel some relief once you finish ❤ Breastfeeding letdowns put me in SUCH a funk. So I thought I’d mention it 😊
YES TO VLOGS!
For the longest time i had a belief u r adhd or autistic, because i relate to you in a lot of ways personally. Ofc i never brought it up, it's rude to pry on other peoples mental health. This video clears a lot of things up!
I’d say the reason why you and autistic people get on so well is likely because you’re also autistic. You have AuDHD, I do too and have this pattern recognition for seeing it in others and I would bet a lot of money that that’s what’s going on for you too. I found out I had ADHD first and scoffed at the thought of being autistic too because I was “so social” but when I started to unmask my ADHD the autistic traits started to come up. Now knowing I have/am both my life has fully clicked into place and everything makes sense now and is a million times better because of knowing both things. All that shame you mentioned, I felt that extremely intensely then too before I knew and since it’s melted away nearly completely and I fully accept and love myself in a way I didn’t even know possible before actually experiencing. Life is a dream now. Wishing you all the best on your journey of self discovery and love. Go easy on yourself 💜 you are and were only ever doing your best at all times!
ALSO OMGG I WOULD LOVE ONE OF YOUR BOOKS AS A FILM!! I've read them all and enjoyed them so much!
Us old people love vlogs. Bring them back :)
YEY! You're in the life stage now that I'm heading towards (getting married next year to my forever man), and you make me so excited about what is to come!!!
Love this!! I learned to drive at 24 which was a little late I thought at the time, then I left a 7 year relationship aged 30 and felt so behind, now I’m 32 just got engaged and buying a house! Life can change so quickly and yes we’re still so young.
Bring back the vlogs!!!! Love them xx
I've been watching you for years, and I think a good 5 years or so ago I said a very similar question to "How do you not feel like you are running out of time/wasting time?" I'm 32 now and since then I feel like I've achieved nothing that I wanted to. I am currently on the (exceedingly long) ADHD waiting list and I have no idea how I'm going to feel if I do get a positive diagnosis - relieved for a reason, but devastated for wasted time. I'm aware I'm still young, and this year I've managed to finally finish (well a chapter away) the first draft of my first novel. I'm considered trying for a child next year. Creators like you are a source of inspiration (and, if I'm honest, envy, I freaking hate my office job but money, wanted to do RUclips but always put it off, who'd wanna hear anything from me, but also aware that is a me problem). Anyway... All that rambling to say, thank you for these videos, for being genuine. And YES to monthly vlogs!
Thank you so much for this and for being so open about ADHD. I was so against it and held horrible views about it due to what I’d read/been told but now I’m pretty sure I have it + Autism (keep never getting round to getting an assessment because of potential ADHD brain 🤦🏼♀️). Because of you being so open I was able to have a very honest discussion with my mum about it as she overheard you talking about it - she’s pretty sure she’s neurodivergent too. You, Rhiannon Ashlee and Caroline Winkler have all been talking about it recently in very similar ways and it’s helped me so much. I have a therapist who is neurodivergent and it’s been the first therapy that’s really helped me - been doing havening to help deal with traumatic life events. It was my obsession at one point but now it’s passed 😅 the thing that’s helping most is looking for ways to regulate my nervous system, still definitely a work in progress. Also just being so much kinder to myself and holding my younger self a bit tighter has helped me be so much less 0-100 with emotions. Still learning a lot so looking forward to learning more. Gabor Mate has a book called ‘scattered minds’ that my therapist has recommended to me. Also listened to a lot of younger people and Fern Brady talking about neurodivergence in their books has helped like Chloé Hayden and Emily Katy. Reading ‘Braiding Sweetgrass’ has helped me the most even though it’s nothing to do with neurodivergence, it’s more just very grounding which is what I needed most!
Melanie, it's like watching you talking about me! I relate to everything you've said. I was diagnosed with combined ADHD a year ago and I'm now in a much better place. I've had therapy (with a therapist who is experienced in neurodiversity) and also some workplace coaching to help me find some techniques that are designed for an ADHD brain (rather than masking and trying to do everything the neurotypical way!) I'm also in the process of trying medication - definitely some positives but it's trial and error due to some side effects, so we'll see how that goes.
Thank you for being so open and honest - I've followed you for years and it's very comforting to know that we're not alone :)
Yes!! To vlogs and welcome to adhd life. Also diagnosed as a new parent when all of a sudden all the ways I set up my life were no longer possible. ❤ so much love as the processing and reconfiguring of yourself goes forward! We‘re a fun time, and ear defenders are your friend 😂
Big YEY for monthly vlogs for 2025. Sending you so much love, Mel! It was lovely to watch you chatting about various topics. We love a Q&A! 💙💚
Also very happy you finally have a diagnosis for ADHD. Knowledge truly is power!
Yess!! It'll be amazing!
YEY! Loved them when you did them last time. I just love listening to your voice, love the topics you talk about and I relate to you so much.
So YEY YEY YEY!!
A second comment to add to your talk about divorced parents. My parents are divorced and like you I remember trying to focus on all the good things from it but it's important to not forget that bad things. It really does feel like you are caught in the middle trying to be the peacemaker as a child. It can be very difficult on your mental health. Even now that I'm an adult I still feel like I go through this sometimes, especially around the holidays.. Hope you're doing well this holiday season and I wish you as little drama as possible
No pressure, but I would be SO HERE for bringing back vlogs!!
A Q&A! So fun!! I so wish to be like you one day! With the freedom to go where you choose, but the prospect of finding another car and having to pay another (however many years) of a new car payment makes me dread it too. Watching you talk about it is exactly what all the good parts are for sure and make me feel like I need to motivate myself that direction asap! Screenwriting?! Amazing hope all of that gets rolling for you at the right pace and such! And maybe one of these days I’ll come into your comment section and say you inspired me to actually ask someone and get a consultation on if I have ADHD though currently I still stand by not needing it done. Might just be scared but also I wouldn’t know how to go about it and it seems like so much to try and think about when as far as I can tell I’m going okay. Anywhoooos this was a joy to watch. Sending you all some love 💚💚💚
I finally made the call for a diagnosis. After postponing for years. Finally ready for help and answers.
btw your video helps me feel better, I carry so much shame because of my forgetfulness. I leave the house in stages too.
MELANIE!!!! I haven’t even watched yet, but just by the title OMG. No wonder I’ve followed you for so long and always resonated with how you talk and stuff! I too am getting a late ADHD diagnosis 😂
ADHD Besties on Spotify is a fun podcast!
comparing crazy cat lady to crazy water bottle lady. that's me lol
YEY! 👏Month👏ly👏Vlogs👏 also my partner was late diagnosed, but similar to Thomas, I love him for who he is, and his ADHD
Monthly vlogs for definite! Always your most amazing and enjoyable content 💚
I had the second stage of my assessment today with ADHD Now, after years of self doubt and struggles... so reassuring to hear you talk about your journey 💚
for the ADHD I recommend transparent containers and pouches! They changed my life. I won't buy an opaque one ever again.
I'm in the process of getting a ADHD Inattentive diagnose at the age of 46. I'll be getting the results on Thursday. Hearing you talk about your ADHD is so recognisable.💚
May I ask about how we get diagnosed? Like do they run tests ? Or based on what we tell them ? I’m curious to know how it goes with the specialist before getting a diagnosis? I hope my question isn’t too personal ❤️
I dont think anyone gets married thinking they will get divorced. I certainly Hope it never happens to me. But, regardless of what happens, i wont regret these amazing 14 years (4 years married) we have had together. I wont regret that it gave me my daughter (and another child soon). I plan to work as hard as it takes to keep us together, for us but also because i couldn't bare splitting the time with my children, and appreciate the reminder to keep an eye on 'slippage'.
YEY! I always admire you for being so public about vulnerable topics.
Take your time processing the late diagnosis, many people feel as you do. It is a strange mix of relief and grief as well as many other emotions. I am happy to hear that Thomas has been such a good source of support. Please remember that something is not a careless mistake if you actually care about something and try to do it as you should. If you beat yourself up over it it's not carelessness. But your brain not collaborating with what you want especially if you have a systhem to try to mitigate the issue. It is diffucult but try not to feel ashamed about those types of mistakes.
I think additudemagazine is a good resource. I have found that having a physical calendar helps me stay more on top of things. Or you could have one online with reminders. When it comes to boring tasks body doubling might be a nice strategy.
Also, with your passion and writing experience you would make a wonderful screenwriter. I'm happy you are exited about starting a masters. Being a mature student can be a good thing for creative studies especially for writing.
Take care of yourself, sending you a hug.
Congrats on feeling like yourself again! My duaghter Finally started waking just once a night/consistently sleeping through recently (shes 2 years 4 months). And omg the difference. Except...now im pregnant again 😅 And Sooo happy and excited and grateful to be clear 😊 but also the trepidation, Especially for the sleep deprivation is Real. I would love some content around managing 2 little ones!
Loved the monthy vlogs! Big yey from me ❤
Hi Melanie,
I’ve been a long-time subscriber and love your content! I was wondering if you could make a video on how you managed persistent adult acne and scarring. I’m also dealing with acne and IBS, and it would be so helpful to hear your thoughts on the connection between the two, as I’m going through a similar experience.
By the way, the room looks amazing so far! Thanks for all you do mama ❤
It's a Yey from me 🎉😊 Welcome to the late diagnosed women club. It's so incredible knowing, it comes with so many feelings and emotions to process. Two years on and I'm still processing but I'm loving learning about my brain and learning to finally work with it. It's powerful. Sending you lots of love 💚 so much of what your saying I relate to. I had an awful time during 2020 where I had a panic attack on the M50 and my anxiety just spiraled. I couldn't drive for some time after that and found it hard to leave the house or even do simple things. My whole nervous system was shot and I was terrified my brain had broken. Even getting on my yoga mat sent me spiraling. Thankfully I got through it through learning more about my brain and nervous system. This and so much more led me to diagnosis. Thank you for sharing so vulnerably ❤
I just read The Economist article that scientists are considering to remove ADHD from list of disorders, and categorise is as a subset of character/personality. I find it interesting since ADHD is often medicated, but change is coming
Fellow ADHD peep here, doesnt surprise me that you have it, since I rarely relate to neurotypical people.
Melanie, I am 37 and only starting now. Failed the first test because the instructor made me nervous but I have kids also, so it's essential to have it now. I'm taking a small break just to get my confidence back but next year I'll be going for a test again
My son would love the cinema themed room. His room is grey, black and red. I love these videos. Thankyou
Im 36 and struggling to even got hold of a driving instructor at the moment.
My son is 10 and he has adhd. His dad is going through the process and they both sound very similar to you.
YEY Bring back the monthly vlogs!
I don’t know whether or not I have adhd. I was definitely diagnosed with autism when I was 14 😅 and that often goes hand in hand with adhd - you’ll often hear people talk about ‘auDHD’ diagnoses, which just means they’re diagnosed with both. I know adhd was definitely discussed at the time but I was not paying proper attention and I don’t know how much my parents actually cared, truth be told. A channel I’d really recommend checking out is ‘I’m autistic, now what?’. She’s an English woman with autism, adhd and dyspraxia diagnosis’s. Her videos are always very well researched and interesting 😊
I love vlogs! Congratulations on passing your driving test hopefully your car wont look like mine -a tip😂 will need to give a clean before the new year 😅
I would love for the monthly vlogs to come back! 🎉
Yes to monthly vlogs!
Btw, I watch watch you, not just listen to you while doing other stuff. 😅
Don’t know if Mel will see this but maybe it will help someone else if not. As someone who also feels meds may not be the option I STRONGLY benefited from these supplements. L-tyrosine & L-theanine. It is a very soft form of focus. I am an adult learner going back to school and the days I know I’ll be doing statistics or another subject that isn’t one I adore I take L-tyrosine in the morning on an empty stomach before breakfast. It just helps me have motivation, it is not like adderall or any other stimulant. But oh my GOD it helps so much. I can do the dishes those days, I can do anything I can’t do on low dopamine days. ❤ it is a journey, you got this!
I’ve been watching your videos since I was about 16 or 17, I’m 25 now! It’s always felt like you’ve been my older sister and I’ve been watching you go through life giving me advice on bits and bobs. I got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD about a year ago - it makes so much sense that you have it too and must be part of why I gravitated to you and your videos! ❤️❤️❤️ I watch videos by Hayley Honeyman for tips on ADHD and I listen to ADHDAF podcast
Your talk about hair health in the beginning. I normally have very thick hair, so thick I shaved part of my head when I grew it long because it was so warm. Then I experienced a lot of hair falling.. It was a difficult time. I learned that apparently if you experience a lot of intense stress it can cause hair falling, and it is usually six months after that stress period. Also low iron can cause hair loss and I think I was going through that too because I got my blood checked and I was low on iron.
So my advice to anyone would be check your physical and mental health. But also to learn how to manage your own hair; is it dry? Do you have hard water where you live? If so you should clarify your hair sometimes, etc. Every person is different and will have different hair needs.
And good luck to all those on their hair journey's!
I just got my driving licence 🎉
Omg I've never been this early. Hello from South Africa! From a fellow ADHD gal! Love your videos
On the topic of sleep divorce from a fellow ADHD person: I actually sleep a lot worse with my partner next to me which can be horrendous as I don't function well sleep deprived. So we do not sleep in the same room most of the times. However, we put priority on evening/morning cuddles and we do make a point to sleep in the same bed at least once a week. This was actually a major factor for me to want to move in with my partner because I was so anxious that I'd be moody for the rest of my life. (we don't have kids)
Regarding divorce: I was incredibly lucky that my parents divorced when we were a bit older (I was 17) and that they put massive emphasis on the fact that, yes their romantic relationship was ending but that did not mean that our family would be destroyed. And while things were far from perfect (had to sat my parents down once and tell them that I would communicate openly with either of them and if they wanted to be secretive and hide things from each other I would not be part of that) and I probably got some scars from that to this day (13 years later) we celebrate Birthdays and Christmas together and my parents have somehow managed to stay friends and keep us together as a family. I am aware that this is not always possible depending on how a marriage ends but it would be so great if more people were willing to take an honest look at their hurt and pride and see if it is really worth it traumatising their children over it.
Definitely feeling what you are saying about the sleep we still sleep with each child and sometimes i sleep with both boys and my husband sleeps alone. Its uard but it means we get better sleep and that means we are nicer to each other in the day. We find time for each other once the boys are asleep but often its down stairs on the sofa instead of in bed as kids are just always getting into our bed.
I officially envy you for getting a drivers license & gettting to drive a car. Since i was 18 back in 2009 ive always thoyght it would mark my adulthood sk i wanted to drive one but somehow everyone in my family disapproves cuz i needed to manage my anxiety before i started to drive, and im almost 27 now & i still havent had the chance to drive & i need my license ASAP.
You said you tend to get on with autistic people quite well. I've found that there's forms of autism where there's a lot of overlap between the two (there's even a term for it, AuDHD). For example, I was diagnosed with "atypical autism" as a kid but I can relate to the majority of the ADHD symptoms you listed for yourself: constant daydreaming, inattentiveness, exam procrastination, temporary and ever changing hyperfocuses interests, sleep issues due to the multiple threads thing etc.
I think the main issue is that these get called disorders at all. The word "disorder" pretty much necessarily generates stigma because you're framing it as an aberration from the norm but really it's just our brains working a slightly different way to the majority of people. It's entirely a subjective choice by the medical community to call it a disorder. If we pushed back on that to get them to drop the "disorder" part, that would go along way to helping normalise these things.
A great TED talk about these tendencies we have is Tim Urban's procrastination one, if you haven't already seen it. His concept of the "instant gratification monkey" and the "panic monster" perfectly describes my experience of uni.
What you've said is really interesting. I am doing a BSc. in psychology and I witness this in my daily life as well; there is a lot of overlap in symptoms for individuals with different mental health conditions/neurodivergence. I have personally been assessed for ADHD because I have many of the symptoms. Basically, I was told that I have just below threshold levels of inattentiveness and hyperactivity, and another mental health diagnosis I have offers explanations for some of the ADHD symptoms, like my rejection sensitivity and rapid mood shifts(Bipolar 1 disorder).
I agree that the word disorder can be very stigmatizing, and I wish it wasn't. In my mind, it doesn't have to be. No one should ever feel ashamed for being different or needing extra help. Stigma often stands in the way of seeking help in the first place, and I agree that normalizing our differences is the way forward. The thing is, is that by using the word 'disorder', medical professionals can justify why money and resources should be allocated towards helping individuals who need extra help. By having a diagnosed disorder, one can access resources that others without the diagnosis don't have. The word disorder can offer people some relief(to each their own of course), in knowing that their brain works differently in a way that can make life more challenging. Labeling it can sometimes help people realize that it isn't all their fault, it is just how their brain is wired.
It can get very frustrating sometimes, all the stigma that does exist, but I am hopeful that we are moving forwards, through curiosity and compassion for others around us.
Congratulations on the Diagnosis! It certainly can give a lot of closure!
I got diagnosed at 21, not really late but not early 😂
Welcome to the club of adhd women 😁
I have both Autism and ADHD combined presentation and you talking about having ADHD was so relatable to me and makes me feel less alone and not feel so crazy! Also two ADHD youtubers I recommend & like are Dr. Sasha Hamdani and Olivia Lutfallah.
When you get diagnosed with Adhd you hyperfocus adhd 😂❤ proud of you knew it for a while that you had it too ❤
Monthly vlogs please!!!!
Not jumping on the bandwagon, but I genuinely think I have ADHD (the same type as you).
I’ve lost two jobs in the past 6 months and was essentially told I was learning too slow, (although I have managed to keep jobs long term in the past).
I’m 33, feeling a bit lost in life, but a lot of things you were saying about your own experiences with ADHD - I can relate to!🤔
omg I appreciate you sharing the ADHD so much because I've watched your channel for years and always felt I would relate to you but couldn't relate to the 'perfect' I perceived you as. I think I was drawn partly to the neurodiversity (I'm diagnosed) but it wasn't making sense to me as I always feel ashamed that I was no where near as on top of skin care, nutrition, research, exercise as you were. I appreciate knowing that atlas some of that was selectively shred, though real nonetheless! sending a big neurospicy hug from one incredibly cool girl to another